Title: The Night I Let Her Fall
Author: KA; Kat
Email: Chesire_Kat⊕hotmail.com
Rating: R for subject matter
Disclaimer: I own nothing, except a car and a computer. The characters belong to… well, you know the drill.
Summary: Maria reflects on the suicide of her best friend.
AN: post-Departure; Maria POV

I love you, never forget how much I love you. We always said we would be the three musketeers forever. Forever ended when Jim told us Alex was dead. ‘Follow your heart wherever it takes you,’ that was Grandma Claudia’s last piece of advice to me. I tried so hard to follow that advice and in the end the only place it has taken me to is the point where I can no longer go on. Maybe you can find a way to follow your heart wherever it may lead you.

I don’t expect anyone to understand why I made this decision. In fact, I hope nobody does because for the first time in a long while I feel like I have finally decided something for myself, and by myself. Tonight I become the most selfish person I know and for that Maria, I truly am sorry. If you feel lonely and like there’s no one left for you in this world please whatever you do find a way to make it through the trying times. One of us has to live on, and Maria, of all of us you always were the bubbly one, you always had the most life in you. So, live on, for yourself above all.

Inside you’ll find letters to everyone please deliver them for me and make certain no one knows they ever existed. In the box beside my bed lies my journal. Take it Maria, it’s yours. Be safe.

I love you,

How are you supposed to feel after you watch your best friend commit suicide? I should have stopped her, I know I should have, but I couldn’t. Somehow I knew she wanted to die, so I let her. It was wrong, I knew it then and I know it now. But what was I supposed to do, the person I loved the most was begging me to let her die, I had to abide by her wishes, she would of done the same for me.

So, I did what I had to. I held her hand. I told her I loved her. And I cried like I never had before because if the strongest person I knew could take her own life then none of us are safe from suicide. The papers read ‘Bright Teen Takes Own Life-Leaves No Explanation’. There was an explanation, five explanations. I delivered the letters, each handwritten by Liz, one to every member of the group, except me.

I hold Liz’s death as my greatest secret. To this day they do not know I was there. My cover story was I found Liz. I had come through the window to see her and I found the letters with mine saying to hand them out and not let her parents know she wrote them. She gave me her journal. I never knew my best friend was such a beautiful author. I want to have it published someday, as a memoir, a love story.

There are days now when I wonder if anyone remembers Liz Parker. We’ve all moved on with our lives. But I have not forgotten her or Alex. I visit them once a week. To remember. Liz and Alex are buried side by side; I have already purchased the plot next to them. Had they not died I would have left Roswell. But even in death I could not leave my best friends.

Amy married Jim. I inherited her house and her shop. We work together. Max is still on the road searching for clues to find Tess and his son. Everyone has given up but him. Michael works for Microsoft, programming software, of all things. Isabel has become a mother and works out of her house while raising the children Jesse still works for Mr. Evans. Kyle is a Buddhist psychiatrist with his own oddly successful practice. After a whirlwind romance he married a beautiful fellow Buddhist, Katia, about six years ago.

I do not regret my decisions. I embrace them for what they are worth. I lead a simple life, but a life I love.