posted on 4-Feb-2003 10:22:45 PM
TITLE: How to Deal with Gerbils and Gigolos 101
AUTHOR: NewYorker18
DISCLAIMER: I own nothing, not the title or the idea.
*The title came from Sternbatrachter, LuvRug an the others (sorry if I didn't mention you!) on the Stargazer discussion board. The idea is sort of a challenge from them as well.
SUMMARY: Um, A/I and M/L forever!! Tess and Jesse hit some rough times.
COUPLING: CC, maybe a little UC between I and Jesse, but A/I in the end!

Chapter One

It was midway through Junior year in High School and everyone was on edge about school and the constant threat of the FBI. There were college applications to fill our, tests to take, and agents to lie to and run from. THe six were highly agitated with the 7th, Tess, who had no significant other, so she kept bugging Max, and talking about destiny. She was even starting to annoy Isabel, who became her very first friend in Roswell.

"Tess, will you leave my brother alone?"

"But we were meant to be together."

"And if what you say is true so are Michael and I, but we aren't together. We each found someone for us, now you do the same. Ask Kyle, I'm sure he can introduce you to some guys."

"Hmph." Tess said as she walked away.

"What was that all about?" Asked Maria as she walked by with a pot full of freshly brewed Java.

"Not much, I just told her to stay away from Max."

"You go girl!"


"Sorry Mr. Parker."

Maria rushed away as Isavel smiled to herself. Maria loved to gossip, that was just Maria.

At that moment, Jesse Ramirez walked into the cafe. It just seemed to Isabel that he was often there. He worked for her father in Clovis, but was often here in Roswell.

"Hello Isabel. How are you?"

"Hello Mr. Ramirez. Fine, you?"

"Please call me Jesse. I'm fine, thanks."

"Jesse," she said nodding. "What brings you here to Roswell?"

"Business as usual. I need to look at some records in the courthouse."

"Oh, I see. So what brings you in here."


"Its almost four oclock."

"You certainly ask alot of questions."

"Just curious."

"I didn't get to eat before."


"I'll see you around, I guess."

I'm sure you will Isabel thought. "Sure"

After he'd walked away, Maria came up.

"Who was that guy?"

"Just a guy who works for my father."

"Why's he here?"

"To get food."

"I think he's here for another reason."

"What would that be?" Isabel said, sounding bored.

"I think he likes you Isabel"

They both started giggling

"No, he's just here on business." Isabel said seriously, trying to convince herself.

"Oh, Isabel has another admirer."

"Stop Maria"

Ding Ding

"Hey Is, have you seen Michael?"

Isabel gave him the 'I'm not his keeper' look.

"He was supposed to meet me here, Oh well. I've got to get to work. Brody wants to set up a new display on the Roswell Crash, then another timeline on sightings." He said, shaking his head, "He's so misguided"

"Hey don't you wanna say hello to Liz?" Maria asked.


He headed to the back room.

"Hey beautiful." He said spying Liz.


"we on for tonight?"

"Can't sorry, Catalina is sick, I have to take her shift, Maria won't do it."

"Hey its ok, well make it up sometime. The test isn't until the end of the week." "Bye" he said, kissing her quickly. "Have a good day."

"You too" Liz was perplexed, she thought Max had just wanted to be friends, Not that this was bad."


Max walked out the front door. He was taken by surprise when he found Tess waiting outside for him.


"Hey Tess. Um, what are you..."

She leaned up and kissed him deeply.

Liz had just walked out of the back when she saw him kissing. She couldn't believe what she was seeing, and a minute ago she thought she actually had a chance.

"What was that for?" Max asked, a little upset.


"I've gotta go."

"See you later Maxie"



A/N:I know that in the show or another story, Liz sees Tess kissing Max. The outcome in my story will however not be the same. Hope you enjoyed. Please leave me feedback on what you'd like to see happen (not saying it will) in the story, and what you think of this story. If its aweful, I don't want to keep writing it.*angel*

[ edited 2 time(s), last at 19-Feb-2003 11:06:15 PM ]
posted on 5-Feb-2003 2:43:45 PM
You are too funny Sternbetrachter!!! You guys wanted awful things to happen to Tess and Jesse, so I gotta do something. As you could probably tell, Jesse likes Isabel, though he's much older than her. Maybe Isabel will like him too, or maybe not, we'll just see*wink*

posted on 5-Feb-2003 8:11:02 PM
No, I don't like my life Trude, I'd probably be better off dead. I said in the Summary though that A/I would end up in the end, I'm just not sure if I want isabel to be interested in Jesse or not.

We'll see*big*

One little info slip, Jesse doesn't turn out to be like the Jesse in the show!*angel*
posted on 7-Feb-2003 9:40:03 AM
Thanks Kieran!! We shall see about beating the gerbil about the head. Glad you enjoy it! Working on new part now*angel*
posted on 7-Feb-2003 2:58:15 PM
Hon, I know. I hate my life really, but oh well. I started a new part and it should be up by the beginning of the week. Sorry to keep you waiting!*angel*
posted on 9-Feb-2003 10:36:44 PM
Believe me, I already know what is going to happen to Jesse!! I've got the whole thing planned out! Glad to see you guys supported me while I was gone. I love bumps!!*angel*
posted on 11-Feb-2003 9:18:00 PM
ok, the next part is nearly complete. Though, I'm kinda sick at the moment, so I will type it up as soon as I can get better*angel*
posted on 12-Feb-2003 12:43:45 PM
Thanks, It must have been a 24 hour bug or something. I'm better now. Typing up the new part when I get back from class.*angel*
posted on 12-Feb-2003 4:19:50 PM
The long awaited....

[center]Part 2[/center]

Maria rushed to Lisz's side after seening a look of sheer horror and hurt on her face.

"What's tha matter chica?"

"Max just kissed Tess."

"Honey, Max doesn't like Tess. Isabel tried tget her to leave him alone today. Its her way of getting back at Isabel I guess."

"No, Maria, he kissed me today, rushed out, then kissed her, that that Gerbil!"

"Wow, Chica! That was a good one. 'Gerbil' I'll have to remember that."

"Maria! You don't understand."

"Hey, can I have some service here?" A voice called out.

"Yeah, wait until I'm finished Guerin!"

"I've been sitting here for ten minutes waiting for you Deluca!"

"You can wait a little longer then! Yes chica, I understand. Lemme go catch up to Mr. Impatient."


Can I take your order?"

"'Bout time!"



"What do you want to eat? Or do you just want me to bring you something."

"Fine, Will Smith Burger and fries."

"Anything to drink?"


"Thank you?"

"For what?"

"Didn't anybody ever teach you manners?"

"Why should they have?"

"I'll bring your order right out."

"You'd better."


**15 mins later

"Will Smith Burger, fries and a coke."

"About time."

He took a bite.

"Hey this is cold"

"Heat it up"

"Isn't that your job?"

"I'm not your slave, do it yourself."

"Kiss my ass."

"No thank you."



The next day in Biology, Max noticed Liz was upset when he came into class that day.

"Hey," he said casually, but he got no reply.

"What's the matter?"

"Nothing, just leave it."

"What's the matter, is it something I did?"

"Mr. Evans, would you like to share with the class?"

"No sir."

"Then I suggest you refrain from speaking out in class again."

*Ring Ring*

Liz packed up her things and rushed out the door. Max noticed she was in a hurry and ran after her. He got to the door and managed to run directly into Alex, who was worried about Liz.

"what did you do to her?"


"What did you do to Liz? SHe's obviously mad at somethiing, I am saauming its you. It usually is."

"Look, I'm gonna be late for class, get out of my way."

"No, I want to know what happened!"

"Don't make me hurt you Alex, get out of my way."

Alex stood his ground, not moving. Max pushed him out of the way and again made his way to find Liz. Before he had gotten too far, another obstacle crossed his path. (A/N:Gerbil Alert!)

"Hey Max."

"I'm busy." he siad, already annoyed.

"Hey, not to busy for me?"

"Yes, to busy for you, get out of my way."

"Max!" She said astounded.

"I don't have time for this." he said as he tried to push her away.

She tried to mindwarp him into changing his mind, but he felt it and shut himself off to her.

*Ring Ring*

"Now I'm late! Thanks alot Tess!" he said as he stalked off toward class, having failed his misson.

[center]**That Day at Lunch***[/center]

Michael sought out his friends at the lunch tables of Roswell High. When he had spotted Isabel, he headed her way. When he reached her, he sat across from her. Isabel herself was wrapped up in the latest fashion magazine.

"Hello Is."

"What?" she said annoyed at being interrupted.

"Pay attention, I've been sitting here for the last ten minutes."

"No you haven't, you just sat down 2 mins ago."


Max came with a tray and sat next to Isabel without saying a word.

"Max?" Isabel questioned, though she recieved no answer.

"M..." She started again, but before she could finish Michael looked at her quickly to warn her off.

"Liz is mad at me." Max said quickly.


"I don't know. She wouldn't talk to me today, then Alex came up and got mad at me too."

"I'll talk to Maria after school, I'm sure she knows." Isabel said.


"Hi everyone" came a squeaky voice to Max's right.

"how's your day been?" Tess said as she sat way to close to Max for comfort.

"Hye give him some room. He's got a girlfriend you know." Michael siad feeling the rage pulse though his veins. He also thought that Tess was getting annoying as everyone else did. They had been through the destiny crap and it didn't go over very well. Nobody wanted it and nobody cared. They just wanted to live thier lives the way they had been, just trying to stay away from Valenti, and not get caught.

"Please can we not talk about this?" Asked a highly annoyed Max.

[center]***On the other side of the Cafeteria***[/center]

"Maria! He kissed her! There's no excuse for that! I thought he loved me, even after the whole destiny thing. He was..."

She began crying.

"I didn't know it ran that deep" Alex said.

Both girld glared at him.

"What?" he said totally confused.


*Here's a riddle for you. If you tell me the correct answer, I'll give you... well I'll be happy at any rate!

What does Economics have to do with rubber bands?

hope you enjoyed that part. I have no idea where I'll go next, but I hope I'm not gone long! I'm glad you guys like this story, please tell me you do everyday!! Just kidding. As much as you can!*big*

posted on 13-Feb-2003 4:11:05 PM
Hey!! Strawberry Shortcake, you are on the right track with that riddle. I don't quite know the answer my self, but I think it has to do with "Elasticity" my professor was a little vague in explaining it though. Off to Economics to write another part in the story.

BTW- A New Day will be updated shortly for those who read that. And if you don't, go take a look!*angel*
posted on 16-Feb-2003 1:04:44 AM
ATTN: I will now be posting this fic and my others at Outer Haven as well as here (for now). I hate *sad*to think of me leaving here where I found so many friends and found those who's hearts were after my own. If it is easier for you to read the fic there so be it. Thanks for your patience!

posted on 18-Feb-2003 8:16:44 PM
Just an update. Um, I've started part three, and it should be up soon!

posted on 19-Feb-2003 11:05:25 PM
The long awaited part 3. Its a short part, but that is all I had time for, got midterms coming up, been a little preoccupied lately.

Part 3

Isabel walked into the Crashdown that day after school with plans to get Maria to talk. She walked in and sat in Maria's section. Maria eventually made her way over to Isabel.

"What can I get you?"



"Ok. I hve questions, you have answers. If youdon't answer, I'll zap you with my alien powers, now spill Deluca!"

"Ok, um, I don't know much, but ok."

"You know everything. Why is Liz mad at Max?"

"Um, well?"


"She sorta thinks Max kissed Tess."


"She says she saw them outside yesterday, and she freaked."

"Max would never..."

"Max would never what Isabel?" Liz said as she came in with a tray of food. "You told her Maria? How could you?"

"She didn't give me much choice, she threatened to use her alien powers on me if I didn't tell her." Maria squeaked.

"Liz, Max doesn't like Tess at all, Tess just gets too close to him, she won't leave and he doesn't know how to tell her to get lost."

"Well, that's his problem." Liz said hatefully.

"He loves you Liz, Nothing is ever going to change that, not even Tess." Isabel pleaded.

"That gerbil goes!" Liz said.

"Gerbil?" Isavel said. She couldn't contain herself and snorted.

The snort, of course, caused Maria to lose it, then as if on cue Liz joined in.

"You snorted!" Liz hollered through the laughter.

Alex strode throught the door and over to the sound of the laughter. He approached carefully, as he saw Isabel there. He was in love with her, but she was such an ice princess, and she was so cold toward him.

"Hey guys, what's so funny?"

"Isabel..." Maria started.

"told a joke." Liz finished quickly.

"Really?" Alex asked.

No!" Liz said and started laughing again, which started everyone, but Alex.

"I'll never understand you." Alex said as he shook his head.

"Aww, poor Alex, always in the dark." Isabel commented.

"You, you spoke, I think I've died and gone to heaven." he said.

"Don't get used to it." She said icily. "Thanks Maria, I gotta get back before king Max has a fit."

Maria started to giggle again, however Liz quickly clamped her hand over Maria's mouth before the dreaded laugh could escape.

"See ya around sometime." Isabel said to Alex as she strode by and patted him on the shoulder.

Isabel POV

He's been after me for as long as I can remember. Maybe I'll lead him on a little. See what he dreams about. Like I have to guess. Max will be glad to know what's bothering Liz. I'll have to tell him about the gerbil thing too, that was pretty funny. Tess! I thought she'd be ok, since she is one of us. You know? I tired, oh she gets on my nerves!

Alex POV

She talkes to me, then insults me, then talks to me again. What am I supposed to think? Is she playing 'hard to get'? Does she hate me? With Isabel Ice Princess its always hard to tell.
"We'll see. She'll fall in love with my manness sonner or later. I'm irresistale!"

Manness? Alex, who are you talking to?" Maria said knowing full well.

"Oh God! I just said that out loud! He said as his face got red as a tomato.

"Ha!" Maria said "You are stil in love with her! After everything? You are hopeless Alex!" Maria said as she headed back to the kitchen laughing to herself.


So? What did you think? Is it getting interesting yet? Lemme know, I live for feedback!*angel*
posted on 20-Feb-2003 9:45:01 AM
Don't you know it!!!!! I'll work on the new part and hopefully it will be up soon!*angel*
posted on 20-Feb-2003 2:28:24 PM
Still writing the part instead of studying for New Testament and Econ tests! GO Keri!*angel*
posted on 20-Feb-2003 3:36:32 PM
Part is finished, going to take Econ exam, then come back and type it!*angel*

[ edited 1 time(s), last at 20-Feb-2003 3:41:45 PM ]
posted on 20-Feb-2003 8:38:42 PM
Part 4~Enjoy!

Michael walked into the crashdown just after Isabel left. He walked up to Liz, trying to figure out how to say what he wanted to say.

"Hey Liz."

"Hi Michael."

"Um, Liz?" he asked, searching for words.

"Yes Michael?"

"Well, well, I need a job." He said finally with a sigh.

Liz couldn't help but chuckle. She knew Michael didn't like to ask for help. "Come with me." she said as she put her order pad in her pocket and led Michael to her father's office.

"Daddy?" she said in her sweetest voice. "A friend of mine is here to see ou He's come to see about that open position you have."

"I didn't even get that to the paper yet! Word of mouth sure travels fast!" Mr. Parker said as he looked up from his paperwork.

"Dad, this is Michael Guerin."

"The Michael that Maria is always complaining about?"

"One in the same" Liz replied.

"What?" Michael said.

"She complains about you all the time." Mr. Parker said with a little smile and a twinkle in his eye. "Michael" he said nodding his head and extending his hand.

"Sir" Michael said taking his hand in a firm handshake.

"Please, sir is too formal, Mr. Parker please. You are looking for a job?"

"Yes, I am Mr. Parker."

"Are you prompt?"

Michael looked at liz. She nudged him on, realizing that her father was trying to play matchmaker.

"Well, I've been late once or twice."

Knowing that his last answer was somewhat of a lie, Mr Parker continued. "When can you start? I really need the help."



"Now?" Michael asked.

"Just for a couple of hours."

"Sure I guess."

"Get on an apron and lets go!"

Michael looked at Liz questioningly. She mouthed "cook" as he followed Mr. Parker back to the kitchen. Now, Michael wasn't a bad cook, though e did have his own choice of foods. He caught on quickly enough as to the ingredients of the alien named menu items. And instead of just a couple of hours, Michael ended up working until close, without complaining. It was Maria's day off, so perhaps that was why he didn't complain.


After work, Liz called Maria.

"Guess who the new cook is?" She said excitedly.

"Who?" Maria asked.

"Michael Guerin!"

"What?" Maria screeched.

"Calm down! He's really talented!"

"I have to work with that that! Ugh! Why do you do this to me Liz?"

"You don't have to talk to him, just ignore him."

"I can't." Maria said softly.

"Oh, Maria! You like him!" Liz giggled.

"I do not like hi Liz! He gets on my nerves soo much!"

"You do Maria! You like him!"

"I do not...well maybe a little."

"I knew it!"

"Liz! Homework!" her mother shouted.

"Gotta go, mom's calling."

"ok, chica, see you tomorrow."



Isabel lay in her bed that night with a picture of Alex on her bedstand. She contemplated dreamwalking him. She'd made up her mind. She put her hand on his picture. Slowly she drifted into the plane between consiousness and dreams. She called to the rbs and found Alex's. She picked it up in her hand, expanded it an dclimbed in. She looked around for Alex, but she couldn't see him. She saw a wrecked car and a picture of him and some girl, only his head had been cut out of it. Everything else was black and white. Then she was taken to a funeral. Maria was singing and she could see herself crying. Max? She thought, only he was there, and so was Michael. She then saw herself standing at a grave. The headstone was marked "Alexander C> Whitman 1984-2001. Then she was justted to the Valenti house where Tess was yelling at him. SHe had mindwarped him and he ell on the floor. Kyle walked in as she screamed "Alex!" She was shoved out of the dream and she woke up screaming. Max heard her and ran in.

"Is, are you ok?"

"I dreamwalked Alex."


How's that for a cliffhanger! Next part is done and should be up after the board move! What'd you think?*angel*

[ edited 5 time(s), last at 20-Feb-2003 8:43:44 PM ]
posted on 20-Feb-2003 8:44:54 PM
Calm down!! Calm down, I told you everything would turn out ok, and it will. Breathe Bre Breathe!*angel*