posted on 13-Aug-2002 8:14:25 PM
This is the first fic I've posted and also the first one I've written from first person POV. Anyway let me know what you think. I'll be posting this as I ahve time to write it, if anyone's interested, lol.

Title: Hard But Not Impossible
Rating: PG-13 (to be safe)
Category: Pre 3rd season
Summary: I persoanlly hated the end of season two, in general. Mostly because Tess was my favorite character on the show. So, I decided to rewrite from the end of season two and to change season 3.
Disclaimer: I own none of Roswell, obviously. Or else I wouldn't have to write would've happened this way.


Pain. It permeates every part of me: my bones, my muscles, my spirit. My eyes close as I try to block it out. I'm home now. And home should not have been a dream to which I aspired. Home is a barren place filled with violence to levels I could've never imagined. My tricks are just that, mere party tricks in comparison to what people here can do. To what the skins can do. This planet is over run with them. Khivar is raising an army, training them to be more and more powerful. He took my son and is holding me captive, telling the people that he's building an army to protect them, not destroy them and that I am the leader of the planet. When I'm just a figure head.

I'm glad the others decided not to come. This is more than I could've bared to put them through. Although the other possibility is that with all of us here, we may have at least been able to escape. Maybe even find a way home again. It's now that I realize what home is: it's not a place, it's the connections to people that you have. This isn't home, Earth is. I regret doing what I did, especially killing Alex, but I was doing what I was told I had to. Now I want to do what I know I have to. Somehow rescue my son, go home, save our people, warn the otehrs of the strong attack coming. There's no particular order to put thsoe in because they're all equally important. I just hope I can figure out a way to do it before it's too late, or before I get caught....


Sitting in my room is still one of the hardest things I do. It still feels like ehr room, like she left ehr imprint and it just won't go away, not matter how guy-like I make things. No matter the posters or magazines, or blues and dark colors. Why can't I get rid of her?

It's not like I want to spend a lot of quality time thinking back on her, but I'm always sucked into it. And I still have mixed feelings. Angry, confused, betrayed, to name the more prominent ones. She was like my sister and I loved her, maybe even as more. But now it's hard to look at ehr in that same light. She used me to help cover up Alex's death. How could she? And how could she even kill Alex? Or use him for that matter?

As glad as I am that she's gone and I don't have to see her anymore, I wish she ahd stayed long enough to answer my one last question. It was the one thing he couldn't shake no matter how much he told himself it shouldn't matter. Why? That's all he wanted to know, even if it made him hate her more: why?


"Why can't you just let it go?" I demanded for the millionth time this summer. I know he doesn't mean to, but all this trying to find his son, was almost like trying to find Tess, and it hurt. Not to mention that the granolith was the only one way ticket out and back home. It'd be damn near impossible to find another way.

Max looked up at me, his eyes pained and I immediately regretted my words. "Max, I'm sorry," I told him quickly with a sigh,"I know finding your son is important to you. And I want him here too. I do... But finding him means seeing Tess again..." I ahted to admit that I was still ejalous of her. Even after she proved herself to really be a home wrecker, on more levels than one. "And it seems like your saying Alex's death was okay. Like you don't mind that she tricked all of us." A half bullshit excuse, but I had to say something.

Max stopped in his tracks, focusing more fully on me for the first time that day. I couldn't help but give him a small smile from the attention. "I don't think that Alex's death is okay, Liz," Max said more solidly than I'd heard him say anything in a while,"And I don't think it's okay how she used us all. But I don't think my son should ahve to stay on a far away planet with her. I want him to be here. I want him to be safe." I could tell from the tone in which he said those words that he didn't trust Tess with their baby. That he was afraid she'd hurt him, or let him get hurt.

"What do you think home is like?" I asked him softly, biting my bottom lip. I wanted to know what he thought he was going to. If it'd be something that'd tempt him to stay away. If he thought it would be nice.

"This is my home," Max answered shortly. Not too many words beyond that. He knew that's all I really needed to hear. When he saw the determined look on my face he continued. "Well from what little I remember. It's not too abd. Lots of lakes. Castles. Almost like a fairy tale." My eyes dropped to the floor. Who could turn down a fairy tale? Then I felt his finger under my chin, lifting my head up, so he could look in my eyes,"I would never stay without you." I knew he meant it as he kissed me lightly.

After the kiss I opened my eyes to look at the papers spread across the table. "Okay, so what do we have here?" I asked him softly. I loved him and therefore I'd do almost anything for him, especially this.

Max sighed,"Not a whole lot." He ahd the map of the solar system out and he was trying to find any link to anything weird he could. Maybe find a ship. But it seemed impossible. He looked so defeated.

I wrapped an arm around his shoulders and said comfortingly,"We'll figure something out."


I glared at my brother, the look not lost on Liz, Michael, or Maria. I couldn't believe they were asking me to do this. I couldn't believe it was Michael's idea. Michael of all people should understand that I don't want to seek her out. She hurt me the most. She killed Alex just as I was starting to realize what I had and now I was supposed to go make nice. "Uh-uh," I said, shaking my head,"No way."

To my surprise Maria nodded in agreement with me. "It's okay girlfriend," she said softly,"I knew it'd be unfair to ask you." She gave a look to the guys, but not to Liz. Maybe Liz wasn't too hot on the idea either.

"You're right it is," I answered coldly. My brother's calousness to anything I could be feeling, cutting like a knife. I caught Michael's signature eye roll. I didn't want to deal with this right now. It was too soon for everyone to be turning on me. "I can't believe this," I said bitingly, I focused on Michael,"I can't believe you're asking me to do this." I noticed Micahel flinch, but not abck down. On Max's side as always. Everyone on Max's side. I'm seen as the insensitive one who won't help.

"It's the only way," I barely hear Max say. He's talking softly now, as if he has to pacify me.

I sigh and fight back the tears that the mere memory of Alex brings me, especially his death and Tess. "Then find another way," I said in a strained tone, turning my back on them and wlaking to my room, slamming the door.

"Isabel," I hear Max call after me and will his voice to dissappear, to go away. I calm myself down in time for the knock on the door I know I'm going to recieve. And it's right on schedule. Only the person on the other side wasn't who I expected. It was Michael, not Max. "What do you want?" I asked trying to sound resigned to my no answer.

"I was thinking we could talk," Michael answered as he walked into my room, receiving a sigh in resposne as I sat on my bed and he joined me. He wrapped his arm around my shoulders. A little nervously, as he always is when he ahs to talk remotely intimately. "I know it's hard for you," he started, receiving a roll of my eyes,"but this means a lot to your brother. And don't you want your nephew here?"

I looked over at him. "I know it means a lot to Max," I answered softly,"But why now? Can't it wait? His son wil still be his son later..." I trailed off, knowing he ahd broken me with the nephew comment. "Well yeah, but can't it wait...?" I was almost pleading. The wounds were too fresh for this to truly work.

"It could," Michael answered,"But who knows what's already happened, or what could between now and then..." He let the thoguht jsut sit with me. I squirmed uncomfortably and he gave me that squeeze he ahs for sealing the deal.

"FIne," I siad,"but if it gets too weird, I'm leaving."

Michael nodded in repsonse,"Fair enough."

After Michael left, I found my yearbook and the picture of Tess harding. I palced my hand over it as I let myself drift away, wondering if it'd even work at the great distance it would have to cover. I brushed the thought away, focusing on Tess and hoping it would. Suddenly she saw herself in a black void, with a small shimmer of light...coming from...the Earth? She ahd to be inside her dream. And this had to mena something. In the darknes she could hear lots of commosion, almost like marching. "Tess?" I called out, wondering if she was there.

"Isabel?" Tess questioned and suddenly things snapped back into normal reality. We were at Kyle's house. "I thought you'd feel more comfortable here," Tess commented easily.

I raised a brow at her. Why did she care about my comfort? "How's the baby?" I asked her. I noticed Tess's face fall and wondered what the Hell ahd happened as my anger rose.

"Khivar took him and locked me up," Tess answered, and I could tell she wasn't lying. "I never getto see him. I'm afraid they're doing something horrible. Or training him to take Khivar's place...maybe even to fight in the army. You have to help him." Was she pleading with me?

I narrowed my eyes,"What army?"

Tess opened her mouth to answer and then her eyes widened as she was yanked from sleep. I could only imagine what by. I shot up in bed terrified. I knew I'd have to try again.

[ edited 3 time(s), last at 13-Oct-2002 9:31:41 PM ]
posted on 23-Aug-2002 3:53:51 PM
Okay, so here's the next part. *happy* I know took me long enough, lol. So, here's to hoping you enjoy it...

Hard But Not Impossible Part 2
Just as reminder, so no one tries to sue me, I still don't own anything.

I was jerked roughly out of sleep by strong hands. My eyes flew open, to take in my agressors, they were all Khivar's soldiers. They were dragging me somewhere, probably up to see Khivar, so I could see the monster he was turning mine and Max's child into. The comforted smile that ahd rested so perfectly on my lips moments before quickly disintegrated. I knew it might ahve been too late. They might've caught it already.

I closed my eyes to avoid their soul searching stares. They couldn't know Isabel had met with me. They couldn't know I'd warmed her, even if only in small measure. They couldn't find a way to stop any help that Max and the others might be able to find.

I focused my energy as I did what I knew I had to. Even though forgetting about Isabel would bring me no solace at all, it would protect me and my son. I used my powers on myself and mind-warped myself to forget my encounter with Isabel, to forget it had happened. At elast they way, they couldn't get their hands on the memory or the knowledge.

My eyes flashed open as they threw me onto the stone floor. The guards that had gotten me whispered something to Khivar. And I couldn't help it, I didn't know why, but I was smiling.

"What makes you so happy?" Khivar demanded with a sneer.

At that moment I wished I knew. I wished I could tell him. I really did, but my mind was empty. I couldn't think of a single good reason to be happy. And that made me laugh softly with a smirk. Almost as if I was trying to have a match of wills with someone ten times stronger than me. Only for some reason, I had a feeling I'd win this one.

Then pain ripped through my skull and I screamed out. He ahd very painfully entered my mind and was searching through everything, every memory and I was powerless to stop him.

I rushed down stairs to the others. They were waiting just as I'd expected they would be. "She's okay," I started. Even the last fact I'd expected myself to say, but she seemed upset and guilty. "But she says the baby's in trouble. Something about an army that Khivar's building. She doesn't know what he's doing with your son." I delivered the line as gently as I was able to to Max, but as soon as I did, I wished someone else ahd said it. It still sounded harsh. A little heartless.

I noticed Max's shoulders slump, so I sat down at the kitchen table next to him. "We'll figure something out," I promised him,"I'll dreamwalk her again." I noticed some shocked faces and honesty I couldn't say I wasn't shocked myself, but this was my nephew we're talking about and I wasn't about to leave him in some pit to die.
posted on 24-Aug-2002 9:38:41 PM
Thanks everyone who's reading, and leaving feedback. *happy* Well here's some more for you folks, hope you like it...

Khivar finally realeased the vice grip he had on my mind and I collapsed to my knees from the sudden absence of pain.

"What was going on before you got there?" I vaguely heard Khivar demand of the soldiers. There was a mumbling of terrified "I don't knows" among other things.

"Stand up," Khivar snarled at me. He apparently thought I was weak. That I should be stronger. That I should be able to take it. And he was apparently angry that I ahd gotten so smart all of a sudden on him. He knew I couldn't answer his questions, so I wondered what the point of this was. What it was originally anyway.

I slowly struggled to lift myself to my feet, my head hung low, body scrunched over as I stood before the monster that wa now in charge of my life.

I breifly wonder if this was how Alex felt when I mind warped him all those times, especially the last. And guilt immediately washes over me at the thought. I still don't know now how I could've done it, but I did. And I used Kyle to help cover it up. I was a horrible person. And I deserved exactly what I was getting here, bt I still wanted out.

I raised my head to stare Khivar in the eye. I noticed him make a small gesture and my son came out from another room. The Antar was aging him faster than expected. In mere months he was already one. And already trained to hate me.

My son eyes me with disdain as I stand before him and what he no doubt now thinks is his father. If I could only get inside his mind I could fix this. I could unbrainwash him. At elast so he'd trust Max if they found a way to get here. But at the mere age of one, with Khivar's help and encouragment he could already block me out. I watch him to see what will happen. I know tlaking to him is useless, but I can't help but smile. He's so perfect and he looks so much like Zan. And what can I say, I'm a mother, in love with my son.

We hold eachother's gaze for a long time and I think maybe he's not so far gone, but then the coldness comes back and he looks away as he moves over to me. He tugs on my sleeve, so I kneel down to his small level, hoping agisnt hope that maybe he's changed. Maybe he wants a hug. Maybe he's not still the evil he was a few weeks ago. My hope's shattered as he holds my head on both sides, looking into my eyes, sends vibrations of pain through my whole body. I try to close my eyes, to end the contact, but his eyes are hypnotizing and they've sucked me in. when his hands slip from the sides of my head I fell to the ground, unconscious. I distantly heard Khivar congratulating him as I slipped all the way under.

"We're planning to go down for the first time in two days," Khivar told the guards. It was time to take a trip to Earth. To confront the other aliens. And if they were anywhere near as pathetic annihilate them. "Make preperations," he told them,"And take ehr back down." He waved his ahnd dismissively. He'd crushed her spirit and that was his only point for this whole event.

The guards gruffily grabbed me and pulled me back to my cell locking me inside. I pretnded to be unconscious a little while longer and as soon as it was safe smiled as I opened her eyes. Now I had some knowledge, if only I knew how she could use it.

Okay, so there's the next part, despite writer's block. let em know what you think...leave feedback please *happy*
posted on 26-Aug-2002 9:24:15 PM
Thanks Pheebs and Lilah! Okay well I'm gonna write a little bit of part, since I'm not sure exactly how much time I have left.

I sat nervously in the living room. Isabel was upstairs trying to contact tess again. I wodnered if it would work. And if it did what would they find out? Any good news? Bad news? Any news at all? Knowing would be better than not knowing, even if I ultimately knew nothing. Patience was truly a virtue. One which was wearing thin for me. I sighed and my head snapped up as I heard footsteps coming down the stairs.

Relief flooded me almost immediately as I saw Isabel standing before me. "What happened? Did you find out anything?"

I noticed her pause longer than I would've like, but I tried to wait patiently. In an anxious over eager way. Then she began speaking and her words chilled my blood. Left me cold.

"Tess says Khivar's brainwashed him. That Khivar's raising your baby. Raising him to rule in his wake." She continued even as she saw my face fall and no doubt heard my heart stop beating. "But she says Khivar's sending a first wave of the army hear in two days. An army to destroy us and Antar's hopes. She says we should run, hide."

I nodded, but studied my sister. She definately looked like she ahd an diea. And I had to know what it was. I didn't care if she told me it was for all f us to jump off a cliff, it might offer relief. "But you think..."

"But I think maybe we could steal the ship, get a ride home, save your son," she informed me to my shocked surprise. That was supposed to be Michael's rash idea, not my sister's. Atthe moment though it was the ebst idea we ahd. And I couldn't let this oppurtunity slip through my fingers. I nodded,"Call the others. All of them." She coudln't leave the humans out. We need their help to pull it off mroe than likely. We needed them to be able to get out of here. "We need to make a plan."

She nodded as she moved into the kitchen, leaving me to think as she began making the phonecalls.

Okay, so lemme know what you think. *happy*
posted on 8-Sep-2002 12:54:39 PM
Okay, here's the next part. Sorry it's been a while and that it's short, but with school back it may be this way for a while.


They all sat in the Evans's living room. I gave a look around, taking in the faces of all of my friends. I took a deep breath and glanced around the room. "Okay, Isabel dreamwalked Tess again," I began receiving a few raised eyebrow from them. "And Tess told us that Khivar was sending an army. That we needed to get out."

Michael nodded,"Okay, so where do we go?"

"That's the thing," I said slowly,"Isabel has a different idea..."

"What's that?" Liz asked me apprehensively. She knew it was going to be a crazy idea.

"She thinks we should take the ship and go get my son," I answered, waiting for someone to respond. A shocked silence settled over the room.

I waited a little nervously now, since no one was saying anything.

"No, uh-uh," Maria was the first to speak,"It's suicide. If you go and confront an army of aliens sent to kill you face to face do you really think they'll just let you get on their ship and ride off into the sunset to retreive your son." She shook her head.

I nodded. She ahd the same fears I did, but I couldn't do nothing. And I knew Isabel was in. I looked to Kyle, Michael, and Liz.

"I can't believe you're seriously considering this," Kyle said, taking up Maria's side. "It's dangerous. We should all just run." That idea sounded les appealing, but it meant alive. He recieved a small glare from Isabel and sighed,"But if we're all doing this, then so am I."

Liz sighed,"I know important this is to you Max, but do you think we even ahve a chance here? At all?" Her eyes searched mine.

I looked at her and nodded. "I know it's dangerous, but I think there's a chance that we could pull it off."

"How big of a chance?" Liz asked him.

"What difference does it make?" came Michael snappy reply. His bestfriend and practically brother's baby was there. They couldn't not do this.

I knew Michael was in and I held up a hand to hold back his anger. "It's a small one, but I think we have a better chance with more people..."

Liz nodded, not saying anything, this being her silent admission into the plan.

Maria's mouth hung open, especially when she glanced at Michael. "I am so going to give you Hell if I die," she finally siad, knowing it didn't make a lot of sense, but knowing she couldn't be the only one not doing this.

I smiled slightly at her response as Michael wrappe an arm around her, knowing she'd help as best she could. And we all knew we wouldn't let her, Liz, or Kyle die. And hopefully none of the rest of us, but nothing was gauranteed.

"Okay, so what's the plan?" Maria finally questioned, breaking the silence.
posted on 29-Sep-2002 10:11:08 PM
I have a plan, to kill the Royal Four, or the three still on Earth. To kill them and with it kill the Antarians sense of hope. Their hope if need be can always be renewed with the son of the king they don't know exists yet. But what they wouldn't know si that the boy isn't like their King, Zan, the boy is like me. Completely and totlly like me: cruel, and proud to be. My army's set to move out soon. To go down to Earth and exterminate the aliens that don't stand a chance. Not without all four fo them, not with weakened powers, or at least powers that weren't as strong as they could be and that were definitely dwarfed next to those of his soldiers. Of those of the people on Antar. Tess was the strongest of them, the most alien, having been raised by Nasedo. And she was completely broken within a matter of months. Lately though asstrange as it seemed she appeared to be getting back more attitude, more spunk. She even seemed to be stronger....more vicous. Like she ahd hope. Like she ahd something to look forward to. And no matter how many times I scan ehr mind, I can't find anything. This time is no exception. I let her body dropped helplessly to the ground as I motioned for the gaurds to take her away. All I could wonder was: is there a counter attack? And if so how?
posted on 13-Oct-2002 9:42:06 PM
Okay, here's another short part while I attmept to write the big battle scene, lol. It may be a while between this post and the next one.


Okay, honestly, I'm freaking out right now. A few days ago life was normal, or as normal as it gets around here in Roswell and today I'm talking battle strategy with the others. Battle with other bigger, stronger aliens, so we can get Max's baby back. If it didn't mean so damn much to everyone I wouldn't be putting enough energy to not even realize I'm scared stiff. But honestly, when I do really think about it. It is something that ahs to be done. And we do stand a chance. Not a huge one, but enough of one. And I hate to admit it, but this would be so much damn easier with Tess, or ehr power anyway. We need the mind warp. we need invisibility. We need more of an element of surprise than we have. Occasionally I let myself think about what it would be like if we didn't make it. Would it destroy Max? Would it destroy his relationship with Liz? Or anybody else? Or everyone? Woudl it mean that some of us were dead? And if we did get Max's baby would all of us be able to hold him and see his simling face. There is no gaurantee that success means we all make it, although God knows I hope we do. And then I think that it's just to much to think about. Too much to drive msyself crazy with and then I focus again on the mission at hand.