Title: Crack. Fade. Break. Grow.
Author: Gretchen
Couples: Um... M/M... some mention of K/T
Description: PG-13/R
Disclaimer: Roswell is not mine.
About: Post departure, based on some script lines from S3 that were cut... read on I know that some of it sounds EXTREMELY un-Kyle like, but I kinda didn't think of him as the kind of person who would focus on the bad parts of this situation first... and well... that's why the last paragraph is the way it is ;)

Sometimes I wish I knew why I got dragged into this, what made me so invested in proving that Max is an asshole and shit like that. Why did I have to be so obsessed with Liz Parker that I now am so involved with aliens and other bullshit. What exactly was it about Liz that caused my downfall? Even now I wonder, I think I've forgotten, maybe it was her spirit, her beauty, her intelligence, maybe it was everything. But now as I look over at the girl called Liz Parker, I see empty sad eyes, a girl who could break at any moment... fragile. That's the Liz Parker I now know.

I've won, I've proven Max to be the idiot, the fool, the asshole, but instead of returning to me with open arms she sits in the corner with tears freely falling down her face, as she rocks herself back and forth, muttering things about Max and Tess, their child, their destiny, and how it all should have been here.

She's shattering.

Silently, I look for the one person who could heal her deep wounds, Alex, and then I remember that he's not there, he's dead now. Dead. Dead. Dead. Cold in the ground, all by Tess' doing, but I helped her, I did, I'm involved... she was my first, she deflowered me, she owns a part of me and I, her. I deflowered her too. She owns a part of Max too, but for once I had her first. Then I realize something, the last time we had sex was the night that she ran off with Max, and she insisted that I not use a condom, but I won't tell them yet, I can't tell them yet.

It may be my baby up in the sky.

I look at Max, crying in the corner directly across from Liz's. Shattered. Shattered. Shattered. He knows what it's like now, to know that you fucked up with the one person that could possibly love you, and he sees for the first time what it is like to see a woman cry over him. To see Liz cry over him. Break. Break. Break. I hope he hurts inside, but as I look at his confusion, his dissilusioned face, and observe his fingers tapping softly against his leg while he cries, I am sure of what I have to do, what I have to reveal.

It is my baby inside her woumb.

Isabel sits apart from everyone with a cold expression while she shakes, tears fall from her eyes. She has lost her love, her soul, her Alex. She knows now what it is to love and loose, what death does to a person, she knows too much now. Jaded. Jaded. Jaded. She is more vulnerable than we all give her credit for.

There is loss in this room today.

I look at Michael and Maria comforting eachother, crying and loving together despite all that has come crashing down today. I am happy for them, they deserve this chance, this affection, this bond, this warmth. Together. Together. Together. They have what we all want, what we all need, a partner, a future, a life.

There is love here today.

Then I get up from my chair and walk to the mirror, and peer in at my reflection, it reveals a sad face. What I see is my eyes, haunted by my discoveries, I see my first wrinkle. Crack. Fade. Break. Grow. I am no longer a boy, I am a man, a father. I have a son, a son that is inside Tess, and I will never see him, see his loving, cherubic face, never play baseball with him, I have lost him to evil... will he live once they find out who the father really is? Will he hate me? Will he know me? These are the thoughts running through my head as tears fall down my face.

I am broken.