AN: I don’t own Roswell, but I do claim the title. It’s mine. *happy* It was the title of another story of mine that I just have never bother to finish and it just fit this so I switched it. I want to thank Clear for actually prodding me to write this one and being a sounding board and oh yeah posting it for me cause I am a coward.
Poster's Note: Well, guys, this is definitely not my story and I own absolutely nothing. I am posting this for a friend of mine who is what I like to call my "cowardly polarist", but this is a Stargazer story, amazingly! I hope you guys enjoy it and leave her feedback, maybe we can get her past this coward-issue.

The Girl in the Mirror Forevermore – Isabel’s Story

“Let’s start at the very beginning / A very good place to start…”

The opening to the song DoRaMe echoed in my head as I watched the Sound of Music again. It went so well so well with what I had been thinking all day, that I just gave in to the urge to write it all down. I know that this is a stupid thing to do because I do have brothers, but I did it anyway. I have finally gotten to the point that it all has to come out and I don’t really have anyone to talk to. As I start to write, I begin with the start of today which started out quite like any other day for me, but which soon lead to the start of it all.

Today started out, well, not too great. We were running late for school as usual, because they, Max and Kyle, just wouldn’t hurry up. They were late to awake and then took so long in the bathroom that we didn’t get a ride to school. (We get a ride if we are all ready on time; otherwise we have to take the bus which stops several blocks from our house.) They made us so late that we had to run to get there in time. When I got to school and my first period class, which was history, we were given the assignment to draw a family tree for at least five generations back and to provide one interesting detail that had happened during the time period each lived (different facts no less!) and one interesting thing that someone from each did. While my mind was still reeling, trying to figure out how I was going to do this assignment, I realized that today was essay day in my next period English class. This meant that I was going to have to write a 500-word essay on whatever topic was assigned. As my luck would have it, today’s assignment ended up being on our first birthday memory. I didn’t know what to write – nobody knew what day we were born, my brother Max and I. They know they day we were found, and when we were adopted, but not when we were born. They eventually settled for our adoption date as our birthday. I finally started to write about that for my essay, but once triggered other memories came as well. I remember the day I awoke in a silver room. It was padded on every wall and ceiling and floor – for my protection I guess. I opened the door and went out into another room, which had four other doors leading from it. I was kind of puzzled and as I stood there looking around, another door opened and this guy came out of a green padded room. Soon a third door opened and my brother Max emerged. We waited and tried the other doors; one was locked and couldn’t be opened and the other opened into brightness and like a wall of heat. We quickly looked at each other – we didn’t know what it was or if it was dangerous, but there was nothing here – maybe out there…? So after we exchanged a look, the first boy, who I later learned was Michael, kind of shrugged his shoulders and stepped through the door. I then followed him, with the second boy, my brother Max, behind me.

‘What a sight we must have been’ I mused. ‘Three small children wandering naked through the desert.’

We didn’t speak – we didn’t know how. We kept stumbling too. (I know now that it was from the heat and not moving for any idea how long and lack of food.)

Once when I fell and the second boy helped me up, something happened. It was like I knew him. However, there was nothing when the other boy helped me up though.

The Evanes found us as we were wandering around. We saw them coming from a ways away. The other boy went to hide. I just grabbed onto the one I felt I knew and held his hand as we watched them come. They stopped and making a lot of noise I couldn’t understand (or Max either, I guess, ‘cause neither of us spoke for a while), took us home with them. They had a son, Kyle, who was about our size as well. It was all so strange and foreign to me, that I was very scared. They gave us food and separated us by putting us into different dark rooms. I sat in the dark alone and afraid for the longest time that night. After a long period of this they opened the door to check on me. They seemed…something…to still see me sitting there and without anything on. What they had put on me I had stacked neatly on the floor. They put the clothes I remember they had called them back on me and put me into bed. She brushed my head softly until I couldn’t keep my eyes open anymore. “Sleep” she whispered. With my mind stilled, I then saw the most interesting things. It seemed at first as if I was replaying the day’s events, except I saw myself in the images quite often. And then I noticed that the second boy – the one whose hand I had held wasn’t in any of them. Then it switched and I saw it again, but as if from another someone’s eyes. I saw the two of us standing there, holding hands and knew whose view it would have been, if this were what he had seen. This one’s view then showed the heat and fear and alone, the wanting to go back to the padded room, only his was green.

I awoke with his fear and loneliness echoing in my head, feeling it too.

“Class hand in your essays on your way out.” I jumped and looked down. While I had been lost in my memories, I should have been writing my essay, but hadn’t. I gulped, scrawled “Writer’s block” and turned my paper in with only that, the title and my name on it as I hurried out the door.

For the rest of today, I thought about the past, my past, and reviewed my memories.

(‘Which is probably why I am so full in my head that I am having to write it all down,’ I mused and got up to put in the second tape.)

On second thought I turned off the tape and went to my room. I stood in front of my mirror feeling kind of dejected and lonely, staring at what I saw. In the mirror I saw this tall, graceful girl with long wavy blonde hair and hazel eyes. I didn’t see her as that pretty, but I did see the rest too. I saw a girl who was lonely and who had no friends. I saw a great gymnast and one who was fairly popular, a good student, but one who always seemed to be on the outside looking in. She liked to read and was on the school paper. A sophomore. Alone. And DIFFERENT.

I stopped that train of thought there, yet still stared at the girl in the mirror. “I don’t want to always be on the outside looking in. I don’t want to be the girl in the mirror for always, forevermore.” And then and there I made myself a promise. “I will have a life. I will have a friend.”

That night before I went to bed, I wrote about only two more things in my journal, both involving how I was different.

“I remember flying. I remember falling.” I love to climb trees. I love to climb anything. I also used to love to climb up high and then jump off. I wanted to fly again. Instead I learned about gravity. I climb high; I jump off; I crash to the ground. The good thing about this, I guess is that I have the ability to heal myself. Mom freaked the one time she saw me try to fly. She came running out as I lay on the ground healing myself. It wasn’t too bad – I was learning how to land by then. When I rolled over and jumped up, she just stared at me wordlessly. Then she started yelling. From then on I did my learning to fly only with the guys or with no one around at all. I am still trying to learn how.

But healing myself wasn’t my only power; I can also dreamwalk and talk that way as well, but back in the beginning…

After that first night, I dream-walked every night. At first, it was just passive on my part. I only viewed five people’s thoughts. I knew the day the other boy got found. It was there in my dreams. My clue to whose dreams I was viewing was by who wasn’t in it. My first attempt at communication came one night when I had just viewed the tall people we lived with and found out that we were thought to be disturbed because we weren’t talking yet and we had been there for six months by then. Their thoughts said we looked to be old enough. In my dream I had myself stand outside the boy’s door and I knocked. Max got up and opened the door and then sat back at the head of his bed (the bottom bunk). I sat at the foot.

‘What is your name?’ I asked softly.

‘Max,’ he replied.

‘Isabel,’ I said. ‘Do you know how we are doing this or why I feel connected to you?’ I asked.

‘I believe we might be brother and sister, as for the other…’ he shrugged.

‘Have you ever done this before?’

‘Talking? No.’

‘Have you viewed my dreams as I have yours?’

‘Yeah,’ he nodded.

‘Have you viewed, ah, theirs?’ I asked as I pointed down the hall.

‘Yeah,’ he said again.

‘I don’t think they like it that we haven’t spoken yet.’ He nodded again. ‘Do you think we are here to stay? Should we talk? I think I have learned how from their dreams.’

He was quiet for a long moment and then sighed and said, ‘Yes. I think so too.’

Abruptly I was shaken to consciousness and the dream was gone. I yelped because the change was too great, from Max to seeing her bending over me. Max skidded into the room, looking at me to see what was wrong. ‘Just scared me.’ I managed to get out. At which she yelled and crushed me against her. The man came running into the room then, nearly knocking Max over. ‘She spoke!’ she yelled.

Sighing I closed my journal and turned out my light, feeling very tired and alone. I soon fell into a rather deep sleep. Maybe because I was feeling so lonely, that night I dreamwalked the guys – my brothers Kyle and Max and their friends Michael and Alex. They were all there in the room next door and in my mind. Then Max kicked me out, and because I had nowhere else to go, I woke up and spent a sleepless night tossing and turning in my bed until I finally just gave up and started writing again. I spent a good deal of time thinking too. Max crept into my room after a while of this. I had filled several pages by then. For a long moment he just looked at me and then he spoke.

“Is. I am sorry.” he whispered as he came to sit on the foot of my bed. “I am sorry that you got hurt when I kicked you out, but I don’t think any of us wanted our thoughts known. We were talking about important things. I am sorry that you feel so alone. I heard your thoughts as I tried to dreamwalk you, but even though I was asleep you weren’t.”

“I just wish that I had someone I could talk to, too – the way you guys do.” I whispered, hugging my knees and staring at my quilt.

“I know, Izzy. I know,” he said as he gave me a hug. He just held me for a while, neither of us saying a word. Then he slipped out as dawn lit the sky. I was melancholy as we trooped down for breakfast, but we were early for once so we did get a ride to school today.


[ edited 1 time(s), last at 13-Mar-2002 11:26:08 AM ]