posted on 15-Dec-2001 5:30:33 PM
The One With The Crossover
Disclaimer: I don't own Roswell or Friends, so don't sue me.

A Roswell/Friends Crossover. Monica is Isabel, Chandler is Alex, Joey will be Kyle, Ross will be Max, Phoebe will be Maria and Rachel is Liz. Michael will be an outsider. Basically from my imagination and a few Friends-y touches. They live in NY and hang out at Central Perk, just because I don’t think they’d be hanging out at the CD with who they are now. You get me? Oh, it will in episode form with title names

******************

The One With The Introductions (100)

Isabel was busy at work making recipes. Mockolate recipes to be exact. She had been fired from her previous job because of some stupid inventory mistake she made. Well, stealing a few steaks that you intended, no were positively going to bring back was not an inventory mistake, but bad judgment on her part. So now she was making “Fun, easy to make” recipes for this horrible stuff. Mockolate was synthethic chocolate substitute. Why you needed that she didn’t know, but it paid well so she was sticking it out.

“Maria taste this.” Isabel said giving her a forkful of a mockolate cake she’d baked. Maria tasted it. Isabel waited for the inevitable reaction.

Maria’s face twisted into a horrible face. “Oh dear god, this must be what evil tastes like!” she said scraping her tongue. “What the hell is that?”

“Mockolate: Synthetic chocolate substitute. The Yummy..Nummy..Treat. My good, I’ve sunk low on the career ladder to be doing this.” Isabel sighed and plopped down on the couch.

“Aww, honey it’s not that bad. I’m sure some starving old man in.. I don’t know, Cucamonga will eat it if he’s desperate enough.” Maria said sympathizing with her friend.

“Not that Maria, I mean I miss being a well- respected chef in a 4-star restaurant. Maybe if I beg, Helen will let me back onto the Sashay team.” Isabel said burying her head in a pillow.

“Izzy? What’s wrong?” Liz walked in to see Isabel pitying herself with Maria on the couch.

“My life is meaningless. I hate my job… Who’s going to eat that, that…”

“Evil-flavored concoction!” Maria pointed to the mockolate.

“Okkkayy, Maria calm down it’s just cake. Ooh, cake!” Liz scooped a forkful and was about to devour it when Maria slapped it away.

“You don’t want to do that Liz. I’ve tasted evil and it’s not deliciously sweet, addictive, and fatty!” In other words she was saying it tasted nothing like chocolate.

“It can’t be that bad Maria.” Liz reasoned putting it in her mouth. She choked at contact not believing the horribleness. Maria stepped in quickly maneuvering the Heimlich.

“That tastes like…”

“Pure concentrated evil!!”

“For once you make complete and total sense… that stuff is horrible!” Liz was still coughing.

Max came in to friend Liz, his former girlfriend and infatuation choking. “Oh my god are you ok?” He asked hitting her back.

“Oww!” Liz said under his touch. Max smiled nervously “Sorry.” “It’s fine.” She said smiling through the pain, rubbing her back. “You should be over here consoling your sister.”
“What’s wrong Is?” he said sitting next to her. “I hate my job! My job is my life and now I hate my life…” she said whining.

“Come on, you must have some other interests Is..” Max said ruffling her hair. “Is sex an interest?” she asked, causing Max to scoot away from her. “That’s something I never want to hear out of my little sister again.” He shuddered.

“I told you! I have no life! All I do is cook and clean obsessively!!” She said in an uproar.

“Excuse me, but can I come in yet Max?” A wavy blonde with an Australian accent peeked in her head. “Who are you?” Liz asked feeling threatened.

“I’m Tess. Want to introduce me Max?” she asked handing the explanations over to him.

“Oh, this” he went over to her slipping her arms around her, “Is Tess Harding. We met when I went to Australia last year for the archaeological tour.”

“So you’ve been seeing her secretly for how long?” she asked getting upset. My Max! her brain screamed even though they weren’t official she had to admit feelings were stirring around right about now.

“6 months tomorrow” Tess said lacing her fingers with Max’s and leaning up to kiss him. “How sweet!” Liz said with a sugar sweet edge that hid the contempt and sarcastic.

“Cool! So did you bring a kangaroo back with you?” Maria asked ever oblivious to the situation. Isabel tapped her and shook her head.

“What? I’ve always wanted to box one. I so think I could beat one, Sylvester couldn’t do it but I’m sure I could…”

“Sorry I didn’t bring any ‘roos with me. But I’ll remember that for next time.”

“Ok. Don’t forget.” Maria said in all seriousness. “How long are you staying?” Isabel said butting in. “A few weeks.”

“How wonderful, but you know you’re going to have to leave because my friend here is suffering so…” Liz shooed her out. Tess went, shooting max a curious look. “Liz! What are you doing?” Max asked, “You can’t just throw her out!”

“Yes I can and I can throw you out too. Bye!” she pushed him out with his little Australian trollop. “Thank God! Can you believe him?” she said staring at Isabel for reassurance. Isabel didn’t give any. “You have to get over him honey. He’s moving on...”

“There must be something I can do to put that little shrimp back on the Barbie she came from.” Liz said begging for Isabel’s levelheaded guidance.

“What shrimp?” Maria asked looking around.

*********************

“So Max has a new girlfriend?” Alex asked sipping on his coffee. “Tess. He met her in Australia last year.” Isabel said. She was sitting on the corner of the groups’ favorite couch in Central Perk, their main hangout.

“She hot?” Kyle asked sipping his espresso with whipped cream. He came back with cream on his nose. He, however didn’t know this. “What? It’s a valid question!” he said wondering why everyone was staring at him.

“It’s not--” Alex sighed pointing to his nose. “Huh?” he touched his nose. “Oh. Well what’s the big problem?” Kyle asked.

“Liz is still hanging on to Max and trying to get me to foil his relationship.” Isabel said looking at Liz pointedly.

“Whatever.” Liz rolled her eyes.

Maria made an entrance covering her face with a small napkin. “ ‘Ria what are you doing?” Alex said emphasizing every word.

“This guy followed me from the grocery store. Do you see him?” she asked, paranoid. “I don’t know. A description would be good Maria seeing as I can’t read minds.” Alex said, ever the sarcasm master.

“Long brown hair, messy, full lips and a big bump between his eyebrows.” She said leaning down into her chair.

“Eww, like a pimple?” Alex asked.

“Would you shut up and look?”

“Geez, touchy. I think I see him.” Alex said. “Oh my god where?” she asked still leaned in her chair.

“Behind you…” Kyle said pointing. She jumped up in surprise and saw him. She got up and stood face to face with him. “Okay buddy, why are you following me?!” she asked poking his chest.

“Estella why do you keep avoiding me. I love you.” He said grabbing her hands. “Oh no. Another one under Estella’s clutches.” Estella was her “evil” twin who was always ruining something in Maria’s life. She even once released a porn movie with Maria’s name.

“What are you talking about?” he asked confused. “Estella is my twin. I’m Maria.” “Oh. Well, nice stalking you, guess I should find the real Estella.Bye.”

“No! she grabbed him, “You need help, Estella does this to everybody. She makes them fall in love with her and then drops them. I’m going to help you.”

“Ok.”

“Good.”

“But what am I going to do for the rest of the day. I was planning to watch her do her nails, then dry them and..”

“Oh God, this is worse than I thought… Come on, we need to start your Estella intervention right now.” Maria took his hand and lead them out. “Uh, bye people I don’t know, nice not meeting you!” was the last thing he said before Maria dragged him out.

“Weird. What is it about Estella, why does everyone want her?” Isabel wondered out loud. “Well when I was obsessed with her I think it’s because she treated me like crap.” Kyle said recalling.

“That would explain some of my past relationships.” Isabel said. “You can say that again.” Liz said agreeing.

“Say what again?” Tess asked. Liz jumped. “God!” she yelped. “You scared me to death.” “Sorry bout that ..umm what’s your name? I didn’t catch it previously.”

“It’s Elizabeth Parker. My friends call me Liz.”

“Ok, I’m sorry Liz.”

“Elizabeth.” Liz said correcting her, curtly.

“Have I done something Liz? Why don’t you like me? Have I offended you in some way?” Tess asked.

“No, she’s just rude. Don’t mind her.” Max said stepping in. Liz felt horrible for what was spilling out but she couldn’t stop the snotty remarks.

“Listen, maybe we could lunch tomorrow and talk. If that’s fine with you.” Tess added. “I think I’m busy with Isabel, going…where are we going Is?”

“No where Liz. You’re free tomorrow.” Isabel said reading a magazine from the rack. “Oh goody… I guess I am free.” Liz said forcing a smile. “Great, I’ll pick you up tomorrow around noon.”

“Great.” Just great. Why is she so nice?? This’d be much easier if she were an evil bitch. “See you then.”

“Ok. See you later. Me and Max are going out for dinner. See you all later.”

Kyle gave an glance of approval. “How does Max always meet the hot, available chicks?” he griped.

Liz sighed and sunk down into the couch. “Why me?”


posted on 18-Dec-2001 6:05:12 PM

Chapter 2

“Gee Isabel thanks for covering me back there.” Liz said sarcastically as she pulled out a light blue blouse from her closet.

“I’m sorry Liz, but maybe this is a good idea. To lay your cards out on the table with her.”

“Lay my cards out on the table. Why does everybody say that? Why would anybody lay cards out on a table?” she looked in the mirror holding the shirt to her body.

“Liz, the point is. You need to move on, because Max obviously is. You maybe need to start moving on too. Date! Other guys! Tess seems like a nice girl, you shouldn’t hold it against her just because she’s dating Max.” Isabel said trying to reason with her.

“I guess you’re right Is, but I still say I sabotage them..” she muttered the last part under her breath.

“Liz!”

“Ok, ok! Nice! I’ll be nice.”

“Good. I want a full report when you get back.” Isabel said tending back to her Mockolate soufflé.

******************


“Say it again Michael. I do not love Estella. Estella is not the center of the universe. There are other fish in the tank.”

“I thought the saying was ‘There are other fish in the sea.’” Michael said a little confused. “That’s makes a whole lot more sense.. What am I doing? Repeat it Michael!”

“I don’t love Estella. Estella is not the center of the universe. There are other fish in the sea.”

“Good” Maria smiled happily. “So what are you going to do tomorrow?”

“Umm not stalk Estella?”

“Yes!! And what else?”

“Wallow in my own self-pity!” he started to weep. “Estella!!”

“Oh, god I thought I had it that time!” Maria snapped her fingers. “Come on, it’s time for a field trip. I’m going to show you that Estella doesn’t love you” she grabbed him by the collar and dragged him out of her apartment.

************

“You’re taking me here?”

“Yes. Max recommended it. Said it was and quote “Umm, umm good.” Whatever that means. You don’t like it?” Tess asked.

“NO! It’s fine. I mean I love French food, it’s just so expensive you know?” I bet she’s going to wave her money in my face, because I can’t pay for this!

“Don’t worry I’ll take care of it.” Tess said, “My treat.” “Wow. Are you sure? No, I couldn’t do that--”

“Max is paying for it.”

“Ok!”
************

“So you’re in the fashion biz? Very cool, who do you work for?” Tess asked enthralled with Liz’s world.

“Ralph Lauren. The design department.” Liz replied feeling so damn good about her. “Wow so have any of your designs hit the racks yet?”

“Well, I haven’t gotten to design as of yet, my boss usually just has me fetching fabric swatches and observing the competition.” Liz squirmed a bit. She sounded like an errand girl.

“Oh..” Tess remarked “What about you? What do you do down under?” Liz asked, and then she heard herself. “What’s your occupation?” she covered quickly.

“I’m a concert violinist. That how I met Max actually, I was doing a show and he ---“

“Spare me. Please.” Liz butted in. “Too much info if you don’t mind.” Be nice, be nice, she reminded herself.

“Sorry.” Tess blushed a bit.

“It's alright. Ahhhh!” Some dolt spilled their wine on her. “I’m so sorry—Liz?” the man asked.

“Sean…” Just when things couldn’t get any worse my ex-fiancée shows up! “Hey…”

**********

“So,” he threw the ball back to Kyle, “You really think they’re going to max out my card?”

“Duh! The’re women. They love to take advantage of us any way they know how.” Kyle threw the ball back to Max.

“Tess is different. I don’t she would, but on the other hand Liz would, seeing as she hates me.” Max threw the ball back.

“She doesn’t hate you man. She’s just upset.” Kyle replied throwing it back to Max once again.

“Upset? Upset about what?” Max asked catching the ball.

“Te—That’s something I can’t divulge at this juncture.” Kyle covered his almost spilling the beans.
“Divulge? Juncture? Have you been listening to that vocabulary building tape again?”

“Maybe…”

“Tell me Kyle.” Max threw Kyle the ball once again.

“I can’t man! You’re just gonna have to talk to her yourself about this.” He caught the ball.

“You’re right. I will.” He received the ball Kyle threw at him.

Isabel walked in, seeing the 2 men throwing the ball back and forth. “What are you guys doing?” she asked.

“Playing catch.” Kyle said catching Max’s swerve.

“I can see that. Why?”

Max shrugged. “Whatever. Is Liz around?” Isabel asked.

“Nope. She’s still out with Tess right?” Kyle asked throwing the ball.

Max went to catch the ball. It went past him. “NO!” They’d been throwing that thing a good hour.

“Don’t sweat it. I got it.” Isabel said holding the ball up.

“Throw it here.” Kyle said. She obeyed. It came back around to her. She eventually got into the rhythm of it and was playing with them. “What am I doing? I have more important things to do than this!” Isabel started to walk away.

“Wait where you going?” Kyle asked.

“Away from here. This is insane! Throwing a ball around for 2 hours..” she mumbled leaving the apartment.

“What’s her problem?” Max asked.

Kyle shrugged and they continued to play catch.

**********


“You know Sean it was really nice seeing you. I never knew dentistry was so lucrative. But me and my friend Tess here, have to go.” Liz would regret calling her that later, she thought as she ushered them out.

“Oh, ok. I’ll look you up later on.” Sean said looking at her retreating figure.

“You do that” Liz said rolling her eyes. “Who was that wack job?” Tess asked.

“Sean Justice. He was my fiancée a long time ago… I’m so glad I didn’t marry him. He’s in town for a Dentist’s Convention. How lame.” Liz giggled.

“God. I know. I pity his wife.”

“My high-school best friend.” Liz added. “Courtney Grippling. I guess we should be heading back huh? My boss is gonna kill me ..”

“Ok. See you later.”

“Bye.” She went down into the subway. Sucker she thought gleefully. I’m so not going to work. This is my day off. Marc Jacobs here I come!”


TBC..if anyone wants