|posted on 29-Sep-2001 9:23:30 AM by talena|
Title:Unless the Lonely Star Should Fall
Disclaimers: Nope, don't own anything, otherwise this story of mine would be a script for an episode. Roswell belongs to Jason Katims and Melinda Mitz.
Summary/Spoilers: After the events of EOTW, Liz discovers the darker side of life, a side that could very well be the end of her.
Author’s Notes: This is my first Roswell series, and the first of many more series to come. God only knows how many ideas that are swimming around in my head. So please help with the constructive criticism. I also love using songs to help the mood in my stories, so you'll see a lot of songs used in my chapters.
Dedication/Distribution: If you want to post it, just ask, ok? Oh and this is for Tabasco Liz and Gaudicia (Silver Sky) my absolute two favorite people!
Prologue: On My Own
Liz Parker sat shell-shocked. What had she just done? How could she just hurt him that bad? Because it was the right thing to do. If this had continued, he would have been more hurt in the long run. A small voice answered from the back of her mind, but Liz didn’t pay any attention to it. She was still staring at the spot where she had last seen Max. Oh God! That expression on his face! And the look in his eyes! She had felt her own heart shattering in sync with his. But Liz knew that she would never forget his face tonight. No she would never be able to forget the anger, hurt, and betrayal that was written all over his face. That look. It was like his life had just ended and it was hurting her every time she closed her eyes.
Liz barely registered Kyle’s voice as he placed a comforting hand on her shoulder, whispering that it would be okay, only causing her mind to cry out. No! It’s not okay! It will never be okay again!
Liz barely registered Kyle’s departure until she heard the soft thud of her closing door, and she stood to walk into the bathroom. Once there she began to mechanically dress, not even able to look at herself in the mirror for the guilt was far too great.
Liz walked out to the balcony and was about to climb out the window, but she caught sight of something from the corner of her eye. Looking over, her eyes widened when she caught sight of the Gomez tickets. Gingerly picking them up, Liz suddenly had a flash and she saw herself and Kyle in bed as a wave of immense pain washed over. She stumbled and fell into Future Max’s arms. He helped her into one of her lawn chairs and sat in the other one in front of her. There was a moment of silence before Max spoke up.
“I've fought a thousand battles...but watching you do that was the hardest thing I've ever had to do.”
“The look on his face...on your face.” Liz stammered, trying to control her spinning emotions.
“Maybe it's for the best. For you, too.” Max replied, trying to sound nonchalant.
“What are you talking about?” Liz asked surprised.
“I saw you with Kyle. He's turning out to be a...a great guy. Maybe it would be better for you to be with a human.” Max answered just as calmly as before.
Liz stared at him disbelievingly and stood up quickly. “Don't you realize what you are to me...and you're always gonna be? You're the love of my life. Everyone else is gonna be second best. There'll never be another YOU!”
Each word came out stronger and more full emotion then the last until Liz just collapsed, exhausted.
“So Max and...Tess are going to be together now.” Liz stated sullenly as she stared at her hands, refusing to meet her love’s future form.
“I don't know. I don't know anything now. This is a different world.”
Another moment of silence hung over them until Liz’s voice came out softly. “I'm gonna be alone.”
“Maybe. Maybe not. From now on, the future is to be determined. It's what've always said to you, Liz. We create our own destiny.”
“Could you dance with me?”
“I wanna have my wedding dance.”
Liz looked up at Max, her eyes pleading him and he nodded, unable to refuse her. He waved his hands, and the soft melody of ‘I Shall Believe’ starts filling the still night air. They danced quietly, the weight of the world settled on the star-crossed lovers’ shoulders. Max twirled Liz and she began to spin. Liz stopped spinning and looked back to see that Max had disappeared. As if he hadn’t been there at all. Liz collapsed, and wept. She wept for herself, for Max, and for a future that was lost. Liz looked up to see a star shooting across the night sky, and one thought crossed her mind. I’m all alone now.
A Week Later…
Liz turned around the corner and stopped dead in her tracks when she found Max Evans with his arms around a girl with sandy brown hair, looking deeply into her green eyes. She watched as he whispered something into her ear, causing her to giggle and smack him playfully. Max just smirked and lowered his head, and just as their lips touched Liz looked away, a single tear rolling down her cheek.
And now I'm all alone again
Nowhere to turn, no one to go to
Without a home, without a friend,
Without a face to say hello to.
And now the night is near
Now I can make believe he's here.
**On My Own Les Miserable**
[ edited 3 time(s), last at 20-Jun-2002 7:22:08 PM ]
|posted on 29-Sep-2001 9:35:06 AM by talena|
Chapter 1: Lately
I'm Liz Parker and two months ago I stopped the end of the world...but how could I have known it would also mean the end of my world?
Liz tossed and turned in her restless, nightmare-filled slumber, whimpering as she tried to escape the pain that was slowly taking over her being, but to no avail. She was stuck; caught in the middle of the web of lies that she had created and was now answering for. So she was now trapped, forced to watch the day her life had come to an end. It was not until she saw the face that haunted her every time she closed her eyes, was she released from her dream a soft cry of anguish escaping her lips. Liz shot up straight in bed and looked at her clock; it was only five in the morning, and Liz knew that she wouldn't be able to fall asleep once more
Sighing, Liz got up and wearily dragged herself into her bathroom and began to get ready for the day. Liz averted her gaze from the mirror, still unable to face the guilt of what she had done. After she finished, Liz dressed herself, quickly throwing on the first things she came across. Crossing her room, Liz started to organize what she needed for the day. Glancing back at her clock, she saw that it was now close to six o'clock. Grabbing a pen and paper, she wrote a hasty note to her parents before she exited through her window and climbed down her balcony. She walked around aimlessly and soon found herself in the park.
It's been two months and still cannot bring myself to write in my journal again. The pain is still too raw, and the wound still so new. Instead I have opted to recording my thoughts on tape.
Liz looked up to the wide blue skies from beneath the shade of the tree she was currently resting under. She closed her eyes as a autumn breeze swept across her face, caressing her skin soothingly as the sun's rays blazed down on this particularly warm day. However, neither the heat nor the wind registered in her mind as she opened her eyes to see a bird fly above her. The remnants of her dying heart were filled with a terrible longing that almost enough to bring her to tears. Almost. Since that night, she hadn't allowed herself to cry a single tear. Because if she did… she was afraid that she would never be able to stop. Trying to remain strong for the not only the others, but herself for the first week after her 'betrayal'. However she knew that she wasn't fooling anybody and soon the act dropped along with whatever was left of her sanity.
I’m so tired…so very tired… with every passing day I seem to be losing more and more of whatever strength I have left, and the world seems to be darkening, and the light fading.
Now she was nothing more than a shell, a body that continued to live even while dead. She moved through life now like a machine, every day the repeat of the last. She lived each day as if it was her last, and it might as very well be just that. She allowed herself to fade away as the agony came increasingly harder to bear. Fading away to the welcoming embrace of the comforting shadows; only able to watch as life continued around her. Only able to watch as people found happiness in their lives. People who lived without a care in the world, and she envied them. She envied their seemingly endless happiness, their never-ending hope, but most of all she envied the fact that they were allowed to love…to love without consequences.
And no one noticed. The silent figure, sitting alone in the shadows, watching with a trained eye. Watching them, feeling nothing but bittersweet emotions as thoughts of what might have been. What should have been, but never will be. She had a choice, her world or theirs…and she had chosen theirs. She had given them a second chance without ever trying to fight back, and so she watched. And she longed for their carefree lives as the weight of many worlds bore down on her more and more with each passing day.
When did her life become so complicated she wondered as she stared down at her hands, the breeze caressing her face, as if to comfort her with its soft touch. When did her life become not worth living? Was it because her love, her only soulmate had moved on with another girl, throwing the relationship into her face whenever he could, just to spite her?Perhaps it was when Future Max had come back to her only to reveal to her what she knew all along...their love...they were not to be. No, it was even before that...the day she left him to his destiny and walked away from him...the day her heart had been shattered as she watched him kissing a girl he had been having fantasies of. When he had taken a step back to regain his 'balance'. And long before that when he had professed his love in a drunken haze, only to forget everything he had said the next day. No. It had all started that day he had saved her life, giving her another chance to live and letting her into his world and into his heart. And she had awoke that day, as if her life before him was nothing but a dream, and he had awakened a side of her that no one else could. The other part of her heart...the other half of her soul. And she loved unconditionally.
Even when he had taken a step back, she had her arms open to him when he came running back. Even while he fantasized about the new girl at school, she still loved him, had faith in him. When she found him kissing that same new girl in the rain. And it had hurt...she had hurt. Then when she finally found that dream with him again, it was torn away from her once more by the same girl...the very same one...and so she walked away. She walked away from the only happiness she ever had, leaving her heart and soul with her only love. He had made it hard for her, that he did. She was wavering, and he had practically won her over with those words. I'm coming for you.
But Fate, in its cruel way had taken away that dream too. Happiness her heart could not contain when she found that he had chosen her- her and not destiny. Mind-numbing pain to have that future taken away from the one she called her soulmate caused once again by that very same girl who since her arrival, sent Liz's heart and life into a spiraling abyss of heartache, pain, and confusion. And his words, those words.... I need you to help me fall out of love with you.
And it worked. The thought was bitter even in her own mind as Liz sat reflecting. And he had. He proved that much already in the past two months. She had left him, and he had left her...but did he embrace his destiny as she had wanted him to do? No. Another bitter thought as the pain flashed across her face. She glanced once more at the now sunny skies, and she wondered briefly as she watched a bird fly by...she wondered if she would be that free again? Could she break free from the chains that Destiny had shackled her with? Would she ever be able to fly freely like the birds in the sky? To be free to explore the world, to be at peace and feel the gentleness of the cool morning air? I've done my part. He's not in love with me anymore...now what I want to know is...what do I have to do to make myself fall out of love with him?
Have you ever felt so overwhelmed with everything? Like you're drowning and you can't come up for air? That's just about how I feel right now. I'm drowning and there's no one there to save me...no one there to care. I'm drowning and I can't seem to catch my breath...and maybe, just maybe I don't want to anymore.
Lately (I've been watching you) been thinkin 'bout you baby
(And everything you do)
Just sittin away watching the days go by
Have you ever felt a breeze hit hard,
Like the wind was blowing it apart
As you're spinning like a merry-go-round,
Indications of a storm touching down
Wish that I can wear the rain and storm,
But I guess it was heart break from the norm
Was a day I will always remember,
The saddest day in sweet November...
Lately (I've been watching you) been thinkin 'bout you baby
(And everything you do)
Just sittin away watching the days go by
[ edited 2 time(s), last at 20-Jun-2002 6:53:21 PM ]
|posted on 2-Dec-2001 12:05:32 AM by talena|
Chapter 2: The One I Gave My Heart To
She stood quietly, the shadows hiding her small stature as she watched with a trained eye, the activities about her. Through the corner of her eye, she watched as her friends arrived one by one. She turned to her left to see Alex Whitman getting out books for his morning class and on her right stood Michael, who appeared to be standing aloof, waiting for the first bell to ring, but in all actuality, he was eagerly waiting the arrival of a certain blonde, cedar oil-sniffing, hyperactive spitfire.
A small smile tugged at her lips as she gave him a knowing look when he looked up at her. His eyes narrowed slightly before he looked away, but she still caught the blush beginning to spread across his handsome features, and she bit her cheek to keep from giggling. He was just too adorable. Turning back she was surprised to see that Isabel Evans had arrived and now was standing shyly before Alex. She said something causing him to duck his face to hide his blush, and again she bit her cheek. They were all just too sweet!
Glancing back at Michael, she saw that Maria had arrived and the two were now engaged in a lively argument. She shook her head, amused with their interesting way of flirting. From the corner of her eye she saw Alex and Isabel walking over to the bickering couple with Max following. A frown marred her features. The picture was almost perfect, but there was something wrong. Someone was missing…and after a few moments it came to her. And her eyes scanned the hallway, finally catching movement in another shadowed area, and her eyes locked with another’s and their gaze held. She unconsciously took a step forward, but was pulled away from the gaze by an arm wrapping around her waist. A smile began to appear slowly over her face and she leaned back against the muscular body. “Morning Buddha boy.”
Kyle inhaled her soft scent and placed a kiss on her head, “Morning Tess. Why are you standing here in the corner?”
His question broke her away from her reverie, and she looked quickly to the shadows only to find those eyes gone. But Tess could still see them clearly, those deep pools of brown liquid penetrating her being. They held a sense of suffering and longing in those depths.
“Tess?” Once again she was pulled away from her thoughts by the one person she knew really cared for her.
“Oh…sorry, I just spaced out there.” She offered weakly and he chuckled softly at her small joke.
“That’s alright…I asked if you wanted to go to the Crash after school.”
Tess gave him a nod in agreement, but her mind wandered elsewhere. The past four months had been a dream come true to her…and she owed it all to two people. Kyle Valenti and her one-time rival, Liz Parker. A frown appeared once more as she thought of how this all began. It started four months ago when she was still in her small world of delusion and fantasies of a love she had thought Max Evans could give her. Liz Parker had gone to her and had given her a chance to make those dreams come true. She had thought it strange back then, and still thought it so when Liz had given her pointers on snagging Max for herself. When that hadn’t worked, and Max had still gone back to Liz, Tess resented her. After his rejection, the fog that had settled over her heart and mind began to clear, and all thoughts of loving Max in that sort of way vanished. But those longings didn’t disappear, instead, to her surprise; she found them directed at someone else. That someone being one Kyle Valenti or Buddha Boy which she had so affectionately dubbed him.
And that night, her hearts and dreams had been shattered again when she heard of what had happened between Kyle and Liz. And resentment towards the latter grew even more as she comforted Max. For the next few days she had avoided Kyle no matter how many times he tried to talk to her. Her confusion and hurt clouding her decisions during that time, and her bitterness towards Liz boiled. Those few days after that night, she expected to see Kyle and Liz to rekindle that old flame of theirs, and the victorious look in Liz’s eyes. She saw neither thing, Kyle treated Liz as he would a younger sister, and Liz walked the halls like a ghost with silent eyes. Closing her eyes she remembered her spiraling emotions through that time period, and she was about to end it all…but Kyle had cornered her and had made her seen past what was there and into her own heart.
The frowned disappeared as a dreamy grin crossed her face, remembering that kiss that had ended her hatred, and at the same time started it all. And from that moment on, she had found herself become more and more humane, and all esentment had left her, replaced with content appiness. She never asked Kyle about what had occurred between Liz and him, but she had begun to believe it not at all true.
“Tess? Babe, the bell just rang.” Tess nodded and followed him absentmindedly, passing by those silent eyes that stared after hem.
…everything is falling into place. Maria and Michael are officially together, and Isabel has finally admitted to having feelings for Alex. They’re so happy together, so carefree. It’s new and refreshing to see them as normal couples without a care in the world…and that’s the reason I haven’t told anyone about FM or about what might have been. I simply can’t see a reason to shatter that joy with my sob story. I was watching her this morning.Watching her as she watched them. It looks like Tess has finally found her home and true destiny with Kyle. Who would have thought? When our eyes connected, I expected to feel hatred towards her…after all she was the reason I’m all alone now, but I couldn’t bring myself to dislike her. If anything, it was really all our fault she never belonged, she nor Kyle, and it’s nice to see that they were able to find that special bond with each other. And for that, I’ll just watch them, watch the future that I had, in a way, created for them…and so far I think it’s a better one.
Hearing some soft moans, Liz stopped writing, having finally decided to buy a new journal to record her thoughts. It was only practical since she had found her mother looking through those tapes she had used to do so before. Glancing around the seemingly secluded area, she pinpointed the sounds to be coming from one Jessica Moore. Jessica Moore as in Max Evan’s girlfriend, Jessica. They were locked in a heated make out session, his hands running over her body. Liz felt her heart sink, and she berated herself for letting this happen. Exactly one week after catching her with Kyle, Max had started dating Jessica, and Liz could only watch as they drifted closer and closer together, a piece of herself being torn away from her with ever passing day.
It’s almost as if he had forgotten about that special connection between us. He’s using every chance he has to throw his relationship with Jessica in my face, using every waking moment to torture me…
Liz threw her stuff in her backpack before she stood up and hurried back towards the school. Max watched her through the corner of his eyes and smirked, satisfied that she had seen them. He turned his attention back to Jessica as he caressed her skin beneath her shirt.
Kyle and Tess caught sight of a blur of brown as a figure pushed pass them, and they looked to see Liz Parker rip open the door and enter the school. Kyle and Tess exchanged worried glances and Tess looked back to the spot Liz had been. She looked back at Kyle, and glanced over his shoulder and gasped. Kyle turned around, and his eyes narrowed when he saw Max Evans. Controlling the urge to run over there and pound him repeatedly. He turned to Tess who was now looking at the doors Liz had ran through moments before, she turned back and he saw the look in her eyes. He nodded in agreement and Tess ran after Liz.
Kyle looked back at Max to see that they had stopped groping each other and had started to eat their lunches. Kyle’s eyes narrowed once again in anger and hatred when he realized what had just happened. Max had purposely shoved his relationship in Liz’s face just to spite her. He had been doing so for the last three months since that night. Kyle had seen the sneers, heard the hurtful comments, and all the rumors Max had spread about Liz just to hurt her the way she had hurt him. Walking back towards the school, he threw his untouched lunch into the trashcan nearby, suddenly not feeling hungry anymore.
Liz pushed her way blindly through the hallways, running into the nearest restroom. She burst through the doors and automatically ran to one of the stalls as the hold she had over her stomach disappeared and she vomited. Tears pooled in her eyes, the first real tears since that night, and they spilled over, running down her pale cheeks. She continued to vomit, not noticing the hand that brushed back her hair, holding it away from her body.
Why is he doing this? Why? That seems to be the only question I that’s been running through my mind these days. Why did future Max had to come back? Why did I have to give the only man, I ever…will ever love up? Why did I have to break both of our hearts? Why…why do I have to be all alone? But the one thing I wonder most is…why did he have to save my life that day? Why did Fate give me a second chance...only to take everything away from me...the only reason I can think of is perhaps I'm finally paying the price of living on borrowed time. I feel like I'm being led by chains through life...as if I were some sort of slave, and again I wonder why save me at all...when all that was meant for me was unbearable silence?
The tears had ceased to flow, as did the overwhelming sickness, but she suddenly felt cold. So very cold, and shivers ran down her body. She jerked in surprise when she felt a hand on her shoulder and looked up to see concerned eyes staring right back down at her. And she offered a meek whisper.
HowCould The One I Gave My Heart To, Break My Heart So Bad?
How Could The One Who Made Me Happy,
Make Me Feel So Sad?
Wont Somebody Tell Me?
So I Can Understand....
**The One I Gave My Heart To Aaliyah **
[ edited 2 time(s), last at 20-Jun-2002 6:59:48 PM ]
|posted on 2-Dec-2001 12:21:48 AM by talena|
Chapter 3: Love Takes Time
Kyle opened the door, and gestured to Tess to enter, bowing as she did. Tess giggled softly and looked around the semi-crowded diner, her eyes pinpointing Liz almost immediately, as if a second nature. Liz was standing at the counter, her eyes staring into nothingness, as Maria stood next to her, babbling on, oblivious to Liz’s obvious inattentiveness. Ever since their encounter in the bathroom a week ago, Tess had been watching Liz whenever she was in within her view. And now as she studied Liz again, her mind wandered back to that day a week ago.
:: Flashback ::
Liz’s voice was barely above a whisper, causing Tess to have to strain to hear it. Liz tried to stand up, but her knees gave out and Liz began to fall again. Tess caught Liz’s arm and leaned Liz’s weight against her.
“Thanks.” Liz tried to pull away, but Tess kept a firm grip on her arm. “What are you doing here?”
Tess offered a small smile, genuine concern evident on her face, “You ran past Kyle and I…are you alright? Should we go to the nurse?”
Liz shook her head adamantly and lied quickly. “No no. I’m fine really. It was probably something I ate. I’m going to be alright…”
The last words were whispered as a pained expression passed over Liz’s eyes and disappeared so quickly, Tess wasn’t sure if it had been there. Tess shook her head disbelievingly as she looked Liz over. She couldn’t have been fine. Her once glorious hair hung limply around her shoulders, and there were bags under her eyes, showing obvious fatigue. Her skin was so frighteningly pale, and she looked as if she would fall over at the slightest touch. She wasn’t all right at all. Tess was surprised at these almost sisterly affections she had begun to feel towards Liz, but shook herself from those thoughts as she walked over to Liz.
“Here.” Tess waved her hand over Liz’s face, wiping away all signs of her sickness, and Liz gave her a tiny smile.
“Thank you Tess.”
Liz walked over to the door, and before exiting she turned again, “For everything.”
:: End Flashback ::
“Welcome to the Crashdown. I’m Liz, what can I get you?” Liz’s voice was soft, almost void of emotions except the underlining weariness and grief. Kyle threw her a brilliant smile and pulled Liz down into the seat next to them.
“How about that beautiful smile of yours Lizzie?
Liz rolled her eyes, and tried to get back up again, but Kyle’s arm remained strong around her waist. Liz gave him a weak-forced smile, and Kyle raised his eyebrow.
“C’mon Parker, I know you can do better than that.”
Kyle brought his fingers up to Liz’s mouth and pulled it out into a wide smile. Liz swatted his hand away, and laughed softly, none of it reaching her eyes, sounding hollow even to her own ears. Kyle’s grin widened, and this time Tess rolled her eyes and smacked him. She looked over to Liz and smiled brightly, “We’ll have the usual.”
Liz nodded, gave Kyle another small smile and walked off, leaving the couple staring after her. Kyle turned back to Tess.
“I’m really worried about her.” Tess nodded in agreement, and Kyle continued.
“She’s losing too much weight, and I know she hasn’t been eating. It doesn’t look like she’s been getting any sleep lately.”
“I know, I’m worried too. That day when I found her in the restroom, she looked so sick, as if she was about to collapse at any minute. I was so scared that she was going to faint on me. I’ve been watching her for a while too…she seems so sad these days…and there’s an air of…”
“Suffering and pain around her.” Kyle finished and Tess nodded once more. “I’ve noticed it too. She hasn’t been the same since that night…” Kyle paused a little and coughed as Tess looked away momentarily, a flash of pain crossing her features. “…it’s like she has the fate of the world resting on her shoulders.”
Tess opened her mouth to speak, but closed it again as Liz came up with their orders. Liz placed them on the table and smiled hesitantly at Tess, who in turn answered with one of her own. “Thanks Liz.”
Liz nodded and walked off. The rest of their meal was eaten in companionable silence. Towards the end of their meal, they heard the shattering of glass and looked up to see that Liz had dropped a tray of glasses. She just stood there for a few moments staring at the remnants of the pieces before slowly backing away as her eyes drifted back towards the door. She suddenly turned around and rushed into the backroom. Tess and Kyle glanced at each other and towards the door to see Max Evans and Jessica Moore standing in the door of the Crashdown.
I’m so tired, physically, emotionally, and mentally tired. I can never go to sleep lately. Every time I close my eyes, I can see his face…after five months and Max moving on, I still can see his face, and it hurts me more than it does him. And whenever I do fall asleep, those precious moments I sometimes receive, I am haunted by nightmares that I can’t remember…but when I wake up I can feel all those emotions connected with it…and I mostly feel the guilt and agony.
Liz listened to Maria ramble on incessantly about her relationship with Michael, her mind focused however on something else. Her gaze swept over the Crashdown and landed on the front doors, watching as Kyle and Tess entered. They seemed so carefree, and she longed for that freedom once more. To be able to love without the world coming to end, and that part of her mind…that small selfish part wished for her to run into Max’s arms and explain the whole situation. To make him understand that she did it all for him…for him and the world. Surely they would be able to be together now that Tess seemed to have found her match…surely they would. But that calm, rational part of her heart, though it hurt her, kept her back from doing so, for whatever reasons. And even if she did…things would never be the same again.
When Future Max had disappeared, Liz knew that she would be alone from then on. Yet, never did she think that she would feel so hollow. The emptiness was spreading through her body more and more each day. And as she watched her friends interact that hollow emptiness in her heart grew, and she felt so incomplete, as if a part of her were missing. That lost piece which was so unreachable to her. And the past months had been the worse of her life, and she often found herself wondering why she had given Max up. She berated herself for not finding a better solution, for not going to Max in the first place. And it was her own fault, she had been rash and these were the consequences.
Through it all she kept a smile plastered on her face, the ones that were superficial…the ones she used to see on Tess’s face. Tess. Liz had been surprised that day when Tess had followed her into the restroom. She seemed sincerely concerned for her, and though Tess didn’t know that she knew, Liz had seen Tess watching her. It was surprisingly comforting. At least now she knew that there was someone out there who cared for her, who watched over her. The most surprising thing was the fact that the person also happened to be her former enemy. Former. Tess and Kyle looked so happy together, and Liz was truly glad to see that they had found each other. They brought out the best in each other, just as she and Max once had. Liz looked away, masking the anguish that began to mar her face. When she looked back towards the front of the café, she saw Max walking in with Jessica.
Suddenly her vision blurred and when cleared, Liz found herself looking at two carefree and deliriously happy newlyweds. She gasped and somewhere in her subconscious she heard the shattering of glass and a sting on her right arm. She turned her gaze to the glass and arm. The glass had cut her arm, and she watched the blood, hypnotized until she looked up again towards the image that had made her loose her grip on the tray in the first place, and saw that it had changed. In its place was the man that had destroyed it all…the only man she would ever love. From his long gray-black hair to his rumpled leather clothing to his weary eyes, beseeching her to help save the world…to help destroy their love. It was just too much. Liz shook her head as the air left the room and she found herself drowning again, and once more her cries were left unheard as she ran into the backroom.
She felt herself falling again, and this time she wasn’t sure if she could pull herself back up. She could feel her world, her foundation that she had been trying so hard to rebuild, crumble at the sight of the one who had been her joy and tormentor in the game of love she had foolishly played. The walls she had carefully erected around her heart were disappearing before her very eyes. She closed her eyes in a weak effort to regain what was left of her control and sanity, but it wasn’t enough as the world around her faded into the oh so welcoming darkness.
Kyle was up and out of his seat, running towards the backroom with Tess following. Maria stood near the mess of broken glass looking utterly confused. Tess stopped and instructed Maria to clean it up. Before disappearing into the back with Kyle, she turned around and saw the stricken look on Max’s face but it disappeared and again she wondered if she was imagining things. She came into the backroom just in time to see Liz falling, and Kyle reacted immediately. Liz landed with a soft thud in his arms, and he lifted her effortlessly bringing her over to the couch. Laying her down, he brushed away strands of hair that fell into her face.
“Is she alright?” Tess asked anxiously from behind him. She knelt down next to him and pushed him away softly. “Here let me see. Go get a glass of water and wet rag.”
Kyle nodded and rushed out the door to retrieve the items, not noticing the pair of eyes that followed his movements.
Max Evans watched as Kyle rushed from the backroom with a panic stricken face. On impulse, he almost jumped up and rushed to the backroom to see if Liz was alright. But he stopped, reminding himself that he wasn’t a part of her life anymore, and she wasn’t his. And bitterness rushed through him as he thought of the person he had once considered his soulmate. He pushed those thoughts aside and began to rub Jessica’s leg softly, that lost part of his heart wishing it were someone else.
Kyle returned to see Tess healing the cut on Liz’s arm with one hand, and using the other to check her over. “How is she?”
“She’s still out cold. I can’t see anything wrong with her.” Tess answered as she took the wet rag from him and placed it over Liz’s burning head, smoothing back her hair. “All we can do now is wait until she wakes up.”
Kyle sat down and pulled Tess into his lap and held her as they waited in agonizing silence for Liz to awaken. After fifteen minutes Liz began to thrash wildly, calling out in her sleep.
“Please! No more! Don’t make me hurt him anymore! I can’t…please…just leave me alone…please…”
Tess grabbed Liz’s arms as they flailed about in the air, and almost flinched at how cold they were. Finally Liz’s eyes snapped open, and she let out a painful wail as tears cascaded down her cheeks. She kept gasping for air as she clutched the material right above her heart, feeling the thumping pain there.
“Liz? Liz, hun are you alright?” Tess asked as she tried to calm the girl’s breathing down. Liz just stared at her for a few moments and the tears began to cease, and Tess could literally see Liz closing up again, becoming the shell she had been for the last few months.
“W..what happened?” Her voice was shaky as she stared about her.
“You passed out…Liz what is going on?” When Liz didn’t answer, Kyle continued. “Why did you make Max think we slept together?”
He heard a gasp of surprise coming from Tess, and Liz had whipped her head around to look at him sharply. “You can’t tell him…”
Kyle looked at her confused. “Liz…”
“Promise you won’t tell him…Promise me!”
This time Tess intervened. “Liz what are you-”
Now Liz was standing up, towering over Kyle, “Promise me…please…if you don’t…it would all be for nothing…please just promise me.”
Kyle looked into Liz’s eyes, which held more emotions in them than he had seen in the past few months. Confusion, anger, pain, frustration, desperation. He grabbed her shoulders to calm her down, and looked into her eyes. “Look, I promise…but will you tell me why?”
Relief and understanding. Liz nodded her head and looked to Tess who also nodded in agreement intrigued to why Liz would go to such great measures to break Max’s heart and her own.
...It just feels like...all this pain, all these lies, all this hatred, it's all for nothing. Why is something that is supposed to be right, feel so wrong?
Love takes time
To heal when you're hurting so much
Couldn't see that I was blind
To let you go I can't escape the pain inside
Love takes time
I don't wanna be here alone
Losing my mind
From this hollow in my heart
Suddenly I'm so incomplete
Lord I'm needing you now
Tell me how to stop the rain
Tears are falling down endlessly
**Love Takes, Time Mariah Carey**
[ edited 2 time(s), last at 20-Jun-2002 7:09:35 PM ]
|posted on 20-Jun-2002 7:20:39 PM by talena|
Chapter 4: Crash and Burn
A year ago if someone would have told me that I would be pouring my heart and soul out to Tess Harding, I probably would have laughed in their face. Not that I didn’t like Tess or anything… we just weren’t close. We always had this thing between us, whether if it were our vying for Max’s attention or love, or just this whole destiny in general. We didn’t get off on the right foot, and we just weren’t close. There’s no other way to describe our previous relationship.
“Liz?” Kyle questioned softly, concern etching his features and pouring through his voice. It had been fifteen minutes since Liz had agreed to tell them what happened, and for the past fifteen minutes, she had been staring blankly ahead, not really seeing anything. Tess and Kyle watched as the cloudy look in Liz’s eyes began to disappear as she began to focus her gaze on them.
“Huh?” She was obviously still dazed, “Oh. Yeah. Sorry.”
Liz looked at Kyle and Tess before moving her eyes back to the clock that hung above them. “This may sound farfetched, and you don’t have to believe me, but I’m telling you the truth.”
And with that said, Tess and Kyle shared a glance before looking back at Liz who seemed to slip back into her memories as the past washed over her, her voice sounded distant even to her own ears.
“I guess I should start from the beginning. After we learned Max’s destiny, I was devastated, but I knew I had to leave him. I had to break his heart and mine so that he could become the great leader he was, the leader I know he can be. But when I got back from Florida, nothing had changed, and Max was more intent on winning me back than ever.”
You can hide, you can run, you can do whatever. But know one thing Liz Parker; I’m coming for you.
“I tried to stay away from him, believe me I tried, but he wouldn’t leave me alone. He seemed to have more faith in our love than I did. Every time I pushed him away, he would come back stronger than before. He was so devastatingly charming, handsome, and so convincing. His belief in our love was so strong, and he had me beginning to believe. My resolve was slipping, because all in all, I just wanted to be with him. I wanted to feel his arms around me and not have to think about this whole other planet that’s counting on him, just the feel of security I always found in his arms. He was winning, and I was letting him. Until that one night.” Liz paused momentarily, and her breath hitched in her throat as her eyes glazed over, and the burning sensation in her eyes grew stronger.
“Maria had decided that it was time for Alex and I to liven up a bit. Alex had just received another friendship speech from Isabel, and I was totally confused with the whole Max situation and to appease Maria, we went to see this stupid psychic of hers. And when it was my turn, she told me the most wondrous thing. In her own way she told me that Max had chosen love over destiny. He had chosen me and we would be happy.”
Yeah, he has this whole other destiny...one that doesn't include me.
No. He chooses love.
He chooses you.
“When I got back home, I was so happy, practically walking on thin air.” In Liz’s mind, the all too familiar scenes began to resurface for what seemed like the thousandth time.
I, Liz Parker, take Max Evans to be...
No, no, I don't...I don't know who you are, but you...you're not Max.
No! No! There is no such thing as time travel, ok...because it is against every rule of physics, of reality, of everything.
No, you're not Max, ok? You...you're like a shapeshifter. You are like some other kind of alien, with, like, the ability to look like Max with that beard and those...and those grey hairs.
If I were a shapeshifter, there's no way I could tell the future. In approximately 10 seconds, I will show up outside your window and begin singing to you...accompanied by a mariachi band.
A mariachi band. Max wouldn't do anything that cheesy.
As I threw the flowers up to you, I remembered you preferred white roses.
Why are you here?
I can't tell you too much, Liz...only what you need to know...but 14 years from now, we are taken over by our enemies.
Liz, what's about to happen over the next few days is critical to the history of this planet. Things between us are about to change...grow deeper. We become inseparable, and nothing comes between us ever again, until...
The...the end of the world?
The closer that you and I grew, the worse it got with Tess, and eventually she left Roswell.
Because of me?
Because of me, and how I treated her. And it turned out Tess was critical to our survival. The four of us - Michael, Isabel, Tess, and I...we made a complete unit. We all had different gifts, and with one of us missing, we weren't as strong, and everything fell apart.
I need you to help me fall out of love with you.
I need to talk to Tess.
Yeah, I'm not doing this for you. I'm doing this for Max. His future's you.
So, um...did we get married?
We eloped. We were 19.
That's what I said, but you said that Romeo and Juliet were even younger than us, so we drove to Vegas. Got married at the Elvis chapel. Congratulations, kids.
Oh, we had a great wedding. You called Maria, Michael, Isabel, and Alex, and had them meet us halfway. We spent the whole night singing and dancing in some dive outside Phoenix, and at the end of the night, "I Shall Believe" came on the radio.
I love that song.
I know. Everyone else was exhausted, but not us. Oh, we danced...just the two of us. And ever since then, it's been our song.
If this works...I'm not gonna have that day.
I felt that...and I know you did, too, and I know you think that...that I need to let you go...for the sake of Michael, and Isabel, and my race...so you went to Tess. But she can't be you. Tess can never be you.
No. The night of Gomez I came to your room. That's the night that things between us were cemented.
Cemented. So when you say cemented, you...
We made love.
…. My life is only in danger if I am with you. I...I want to be in love with boys...normal boys. I...I want to see my 21st birthday. I...I want to have a wedding day. I...I...I want to have children...and I want my children to be safe. You know, Max, if...if you truly love me, you'll let me go. I may love you, but I...I don't want to die for you.
He's the only reason that I'm alive right now. You...you've...you gotta come up with another plan. Please go to someone else. I...I just...I can't do this anymore.
Just 25 minutes before I came here, I held Michael in my arms...dead. Isabel died 2 weeks before that. Now you have to do this. You have to find a way. All of our lives depend on it.
How? What can I do that's gonna make you turn away from me?
I don't know.
I need your help.
Yeah. Um, Kyle, look...I just wanna make sure that I...I...I made it actually clear that we're not gonna...
Consummate. I understand.
Don't you realize what you are to me...and you're always gonna be? You're the love of my life. Everyone else is gonna be second best. There'll never be another you.
I wanna have my wedding dance.
~Please say honestly you won't give up on me and…~
“I shall believe.” Liz whispered softly, so soft that neither Kyle nor Tess could hear her. Tears blinded her vision and for the first time, Liz allowed herself the comfort of these tears as she wept for everything she had lost, what was once hers in another lifetime, but would never be hers in this lifetime. She wept for the empty loneliness that had and would forever remain her companion throughout whatever was left of her life. She wept for the love she had lost, and she continued to cry, never ceasing, not even to see Tess and Kyle’s reactions.
Tess and Kyle were at a loss, Liz had been right; the story was farfetched, even for them. But then again, why would she put herself through the obvious torture she was going through now? Finally snapping out of their confused and doubtful state of mind, Liz’s sobs reached their ears. Tess reached out a comforting hand, and as she did so, she was caught off guard by the onslaught of flashes. She felt and saw scenes so agonizingly emotional-painful and felt that heart wrenching misery pour through her body as she saw and felt it all, from fear of seeing the future to the last single tear shed as the future faded.
Gasping, Tess pulled back, tears feeling her eyes as she looked on in awe at Liz who was staring back at her, tears having ceased, only to replaced by an unending sorrow. So many emotions were crashing through her body at the moment, awe, sorrow, shock, but above all guilt. It had been her fault…the one in the other lifetime, who had caused all this pain, all these lies. Because of her own selfishness, she had caused the end of the world. All because of her misguided love. Bending down, Tess pulled Liz into her arms and the two girls rocked back in forth as Kyle watched on in confusion, “I’m so sorry Liz. I’m sorry.”
Tess repeated this mantra over and over as she held the other girl, trying to relieve her pain, if not take it all away. Finally Liz shook her head as she reprimanded Tess,
“It’s not your fault Tess. It never was. It was my fault for not being able to let go. I never meant for you to find out, none of you, but it hurt so much…I felt like I was ready to explode. If anything, this is my entire fault. So please stop apologizing.”
Tess shook her head in disbelief, her respect for the tinier girl growing even more as she took the entire blame for this whole mess, when in all reality, she was the victim of stupid mistakes that they had all made. She whispered into Liz’s hair, “Don’t apologize, you have nothing to be sorry for.”
Looking over her head, Tess and Kyle locked gazes, and Kyle knew in an instant that Liz’s tale had been true, and it pained him to know that Liz had gone through this all alone. He had been too selfish to notice that she had been slipping away from them, and it had nearly been too late to help her.
Kyle spoke up then, “But it’s over now right? Tess knows.”
Tess nodded in agreement, “Yeah, I’m happy here and now this gives me another reason to why I shouldn’t leave. You can go tell Max the truth now. You don’t have to hurt anymore.”
Liz shot up, and pushed away from Tess before she stood up and started to pace. “NO!”
Kyle and Tess were taken back by her loud refusal, and Liz noticed this before continuing, “I won’t tell him, and you can’t tell him either. You promised remember? Just because Tess won’t leave, doesn’t mean I can be with him. So much has changed! I just can’t do again! I can’t risk the entire world just because of a chance that I may be able to be with Max!”
Through her rant, she had become more and more frenzy as she rung her hands in the air.
“I love him, I really do. But I’m not going to risk the world again because of my selfishness…because in the end, none of it would have mattered. I CAN’T and you won’t tell him. Swear to me!”
Liz looked over at them, her eyes glittering with craze causing Tess to gasp. Liz grabbed Tess’s hands, “Please. You can’t tell him. We got off on the wrong foot, and it’s not your fault. I understand where you were coming from, and I’m glad you’re happy now. This future is the one I want, the one that’s better…so please, I beg you don’t tell him.”
Tears were trailing down Tess’s cheeks as she agreed. “I swear.”
With that Liz slumped over into Tess’s arms, and Kyle cried out, “What’s wrong with her?”
“Nothing,” Tess replied as she brushed stray strands of hairs away from Liz’s face, “I just put her to sleep…her body has been in overdrive by her emotions and all that has happened, she needs her sleep.”
When you feel all alone,
And the world has turned its back on you,
Give me a moment please, to tame your wild wild heart,
I know you feel like the walls are closing in on you,
It’s hard to find relief,
And people can be so cold.
When darkness is upon your door and
you feel like you can’t take anymore…
With Kyle’s help, Tess managed to carry Liz up the stairs, undress her and clothe her in pajamas before tucking Liz into bed.
Slowly Tess exited the bedroom, and closed the door softly behind her, taking one quick look at Liz.
Let me be the one you call, if you jump I’ll break your fall,
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night.
If you need to fall apart, I can mend a broken heart,
If you need to crash then crash and burn you’re not alone.
“Do you think we should really keep this a secret?” Kyle asked while they drove home.
“No,” Tess was staring at the dark sky, “But it’s not our secret to tell. If she doesn’t want Max to know, then there’s nothing we can do about it.”
“…I can’t just stand by and do nothing. This is killing her slowly, you gotta see that.”
“I know, and I do.”
When you feel all alone,
And a loyal friend is hard to find,
You’re caught in a one way street
With the monsters in your head.
When hopes and dreams are far away
And you feel like you can’t face the day…
“But I think I can understand why she won’t tell him. Liz is loyal to Max, the old Max, and would never do anything to break that trust or loyalty. She promised Future Max, her husband, that she wouldn’t be with Max, not if it was the cause of my leaving.”
“But you’re not going anywhere…are you?”
“No, I promised you didn’t I?”
“I think she’s afraid.”
“Their love caused the end of the world in that other lifetime, and even though it’s different now, she won’t risk it again. She doesn’t want to be able to love Max, but have to give him up again to save the world.”
“…you know, I think you’re right.”
Let me be the one you call, if you jump I’ll break your fall
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night,
If you need to fall apart, I can mend a broken heart,
If you need to crash then crash and burn
you’re not alone
“So what can we do? We can’t just watch her waste away.”
“I don’t plan on doing that.” Tess answered as visions crossed her mind again. I’ll take over her. She doesn’t deserve to feel this pain, I’ll watch over her.
When you feel all alone,
And the world has turned its back on you,
Give me a moment please,
To tame your wild wild heart…
The moonlight touched the small figure as she lay in a dreamless slumber as the words carried by the wind flew about her, with promises made long ago, now broken. I’ll be there for you always, my love.
Let me be the one you call, if you jump I’ll break your fall
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night,
…Never in my wildest dreams would I have ever thought it would end this way. The only people I have left is my ex-boyfriend and my once enemy. But I don’t think I’ve ever been more grateful for anything.
If you need to fall apart, I can mend a broken heart,
If you need to crash then crash and burn you’re not alone....
**Crash and Burn, Savage Garden**
[ edited 1 time(s), last at 20-Jun-2002 7:21:16 PM ]