|posted on 30-Sep-2001 3:04:19 PM by RosDeidre|
I posted this on the old board, right before the big crash (and during the weekend of the LA party.) I never posted it again, and I've been told by some of my readers that they never saw it, so am reposting it on the main board first. This is a big departure for me, so I look forward to your comments!! :-)
And for those asking about GRAVITY and CRAZY, I posted on the request thread that they're coming along. Actually, CRAZY should be up tonight or tomorrow night. I've been slowed down since not only am I pregnant, but pregnant with triplets! (all natural, no fertility by the way, which makes it a wildly unexpected turn!!)
Lately, I feel these changes happening inside of me…strange urges, impulses really. They say he changed me when he touched me, that slowly molecule by molecule what’s inside me is becoming more alien, vital and organic.
I’m not sure how I feel about that. I know I love Max deeply, that when his hands move over my body, caress me, he takes me to another world, and he lures me deep inside of himself. He’s been inside of me, too, prying with his mind, his spirit, plundering things he was never meant to. And things that he was.
Yet I let him do it freely, I opened every channel, and his hands traveled over my stomach, repairing, healing--giving me life where it was ebbing away.
And now they say I’m changed. That I’m evolving every day, growing into something different and that something alien is birthing inside of me.
So I have to get used to what’s happening, this mystical force that’s taking over, cell by cell.
Even my family studies me, as if they don’t know quite what to think. Like now, as I deliver a galaxy sub to table ten, my dad just keeps eyeing me, too much concern darkening his features. I’ve told him I’m okay, that I can carry my shifts, but the serious expression never fades from his eyes.
As if I’m fragile now, breakable…because once I lay on the floor of the Crashdown, my life force fading quickly away. Yet he doesn’t understand that, just knows I’m his baby girl and that I’m changing, growing up now. That I’m a mature young woman, in every possible way, even in this way that surprised him the most.
And with each day, I feel the alien thing just pushing out all that’s human and ordinary inside me, slowly winning a battle that we fight over my independence.
I know that I’ll never be alone again. That it will never just be Max and Liz—that there will always be this other alien essence that’s swelling within my core.
Lately, I move around the Crashdown as if in a daze, seeing the familiar faces, the people I’ve grown up with all my life. They smile faintly, knowingly and then as I walk away I hear the muted whispers.
“The Parkers always were strange.”
“Smart girl like that should’ve known better…they raised her better than that.”
“Can’t believe they let her get mixed up with someone like him.”
These are just some of the murmurings spoken behind cupped hands, as if they think I really can’t hear. But what they don’t understand is the change inside of me, and that my alien side has finely developed hearing, and the more the presence grows within my center, the more keenly I hear their rumors.
And I care less what they think with each passing day, as my body swells, full and expectant—especially when Max stares at me, beaming like a silly little boy. In the past few weeks, he’s literally begun to glow-- he’s that radiant.
Every day, Max stakes out a table at the Crashdown, often early in the morning--long before the summer heat blasts through the front door every time the bell rings, signaling a new customer’s arrival. He finds a booth and just watches me move around the restaurant, grinning one of his half-smiles, but his eyes say so much more.
He can’t stop watching me, can’t not come each day anymore than he can avoid breathing. Despite everything with our parents and all the arguments, he can’t stay away—has to watch every minute aspect of the change he’s wrought within my body.
If only my parents understood.
Instead, my father eyes him warily, like the alien he is, refusing to so much as speak to him. The only reason he hasn’t thrown Max out of the café is because I begged him not to, plead with him to understand what Max means to me--that I love him, would die for him and can effortlessly forgive what he did inside of me.
I explain that there’s nothing at all to forgive.
That I love the gift he gave me, it’s precious and fragile and they can’t take it away from me. And one day, Max and I will treasure it together—and my parents won’t be able to stop me. They can stand in the way of our relationship, but they can’t deny what we are to one another—can’t avoid what’s growing inside me, no matter how much they just want me to be normal. I never could be, and never can be again.
An alien prince grows within my belly.
Or a princess.
We won’t know which one until I deliver, because I refused a sonogram. And my parents think it’s only Max Evans’ child—a simple human, created from one night of love in the back seat of a jeep-- a foolish, youthful mistake and if they only keep me away from Max, then our relationship will fade away. After all, I’m only seventeen.
They don’t know that the fate of a planet hangs in the balance. Maybe more than one planet for that matter—in fact, they’d never believe just how much they don’t know.
This town would freeze over even though it’s a comfortable 110 degrees right now—if they knew that an alien baby grows within Liz Parker’s womb. Would they kill me in order to study it? Probably. Maybe not…I don’t know.
I’m sitting in an empty booth, swollen ankles propped on the seat across from me. I’m so much more tired now that I’m nearing the end. Yesterday, I lay down on the sofa in the break area and slept so soundly, one foot dangling off the edge of the sofa, that I woke myself snoring. Maria was kneeling beside the couch, smiling in that comforting way of hers. “Lizzie,” she’d whispered. “Break’s over…sure you feel like working?”
I’d nodded, edging one foot onto the floor, then another because I had to work. I wouldn’t allow my parents to hold anything over my head about this baby—refused to have them suggest I wasn’t paying for “my mistake.”
Even though this tiny life was the furthest thing from a mistake, anymore than loving Max Evans had ever been.
I take a long sip of ice water, anything to cool my internal body temperature as I sit in booth number five, and my hand slips low on my belly protectively, as I feel our baby stir.
I can watch my stomach nearly roll from one side to the other, as the little one moves. Sometimes, when my father’s upstairs, I’ll sit with Max and he’ll place his warm palm on my tight belly and just feel his child, so restless and eager to arrive on earth. Max’s eyes always widen in wonder, and sometimes tears pool in them, making me want to soothe everything that haunts him.
I want him to know that we’ll work something out, that he’ll see his child—that my parents will forgive him…us. I can read the quiet apprehension in his amber depths every time he enters, searching the restaurant for my father before taking a seat.
For now, I play my parents’ game, but not for much longer. I’ll be eighteen soon and we’ll marry. Until then, Max and I don’t see one another, except each day in the Crashdown. And when my parents aren’t around, I settle beside Max and squeeze his hand, wanting him to know that I have no regrets, never could… so there’s nothing for me to forgive.
Then at night, I sit on the rooftop, just leaning back in the lounge chair, staring quietly at the velvet sky. That’s the time of day when the baby squirms the most—the calmer I am, the more he wants to move.
He…why do I always think Max’s child is a boy?
Because he needs an heir? Not yet, not really…but perhaps there’s an unseen force at play that we can’t understand. Maybe there’s a very definite purpose for this child, a reason he was created so early.
It’s difficult to imagine for a small town girl like me, as I stare up at the inky night sky, but maybe I have a place in this epic canvas, too. I will forever be the mother of the heir to the Antarian throne.
Liz Parker, seventeen year old human with an alien life force burgeoning inside of her…Antarian Queen.
Perhaps one day Max will lead his queen and heir home. But until then, I can only stare into the sky above my balcony, as millions of lights dance and shimmer, and wonder which one is my baby’s home.
Which one this tiny child, growing within me, will rule one day? I wonder, as I stare at the sparkling canvas spread across this New Mexico sky.
And I can only imagine where my destiny, now so intricately woven with Max’s, will ultimately lead me…to which glinting diamond-light shining in the nighttime sky.
SECOND NOTE: I got the idea for this story the day I started realizing I was probably pregnant! Little did I know I was pregnant with THREE babies! LOL!
Edited by - RosDeidre on 10/01/2001 15:25:56