posted on 24-Apr-2002 8:39:10 PM by Apathygirl666
Title: Amy’s Song

Author: Apathygirl666

Rating: pg13-r

Category: M/Other(Amy), M/L, a/I, lexi/jason

Summary: Its twenty-one years later and Max’s daughter is gonna bring you up to speed, basically a few years after her mother’s death an old girlfriend of Max’s storms into her life and puts a new spin on everything
Disclaimer: I own nothing, if I did I would be cuddling with Max at this very second. Roswell belongs to Melinda Metz, Jason Katims, and Upn. Don’t sue I am in high school and have about $5 right now. lol, lyrics and title from switchfoot

Author’s note: I’ve been really unhappy with mah parents, they don’t understand or know me dso ihis is like mah own version of get it all out

Amy’s Song

Prologue Lexi POV

“I hate you,” I screamed, running up the stairs “I wish you weren’t my father! I wish mom was still here! At least she understood me! You don’t even care! You don’t even know me!”

“Lexi…” my dad trailed off “I understand where you’re coming from but Lexi…you have to-”

“Don’t ‘but Lexi me, dad. I…I hafta get out of here!” I screamed and I saw Liz, the home wrecker, tense up behind my dad.

I ran down the stairs again and pulled on my jean jacket and grabbed my keys and before my dad even had time to react I was pulling out of our driveway in MY black VW beetle, the one I had gotten for my birthday.

I drove down the empty road, one destination in mind. Mom used to take me there when I was little. It’s this big cliff, over looking the whole desert. I love it there. It’s my own special place. Dad used to come out here when I was little but he stopped when Mom died. He said it brought back too many old memories.

I’m so sorry I should tell you who I am and back track a little so you can understand what happened to get us to this horrible point in our story.

I’m Alexia Dreama Evans and I’m an alien princess. And today I feel more alone than ever. I wish my mother was still alive, she would make me feel better. I’d start from the beginning but I…I just can’t. I have this continuous song running through my head, it always makes me think of my mom, her name was Amy and I’ve always felt like that girl in the song was my mother.

Amy's gone
And time rolls on
How far? how fast? how long?

The last time we saw Amy
She was headed for the shore
Fighting off the volatile gray skies

She said now begins forever
And that no one knows their time
We bid farewell not knowing
That might be our last good-bye

Amy was a fighter
She cut like Casius Clay
She burned like a fire
Despite these rains

Where time was a question
She only knew one song:
She's singing, "how far, how fast, how

Salvation is a fire
In the midnight of the soul
It lights up like a can of gasoline

Yeah, she's a freedom fighter
She's a stand up kind of girl
She's out to start a fire
In a bar code plastic world

Amy was a fighter
She cut like Casius Clay
She burned like a fire
Despite these rains

Where time was a question
She only knew one song:
She's singing, "how far, how fast, how

When everything stops moving
And I stop to catch my breath
And ride my train of thought
All the way round

My thoughts return to Amy
And the fire she's begun
She came when we were freezing
And left us burning up

Amy was a fighter
She cut like Casius Clay
She burned like a fire
Despite these rains

Where time was a question
She only knew one song:
She's singing, "how far, how fast, how

Alright now that I’ve vented, let me start the story. It started about 21 years ago…

[ edited 18time(s), last at 21-Feb-2003 2:51:41 AM ]
posted on 24-Apr-2002 10:23:06 PM by Apathygirl666
self bumps can be so pathetic so this is not a bump but a slight
posted on 24-Apr-2002 11:11:13 PM by Apathygirl666
thanks for the fb

Kitcat26 - tanks, yeah writing helps me too! but the whole story isn't about my feeling, my mom is alive and non of the home wrecker stuff happened to me but I just feel like my parents dont understnad me ya noe? the song is by switchfoot and I always say who the songs belong to in mah disclaimer, also I mostly adremer too, the girl who Max married is just gonna be a big problem for them, it's more about his daughter than max/liz but in the end they will be together

nex tpt out soon-tommrorrow probably, maybe friday it's kinda messy coz the flying monkeys in my head wont stay still coz of the amount of blood in my caffine system lol!!

[ edited 2 time(s), last at 24-Apr-2002 11:16:22 PM ]
posted on 24-May-2002 11:17:48 PM by Apathygirl666
guys thanks for waiting for a new pt but one lil thing THIS FIC WILL BE DREAMER- im a total dreamer and thus this fic will be that too, the amy story is gonna really progress so that its pro liz eventually

Pt 1 Lexi POV

My mind went into jumbles as I thought of the day it all began…

* * *September 16, 1999* * *

Max walked into the Crashdown with Michael. He felt a little out of sorts. The hair on the back of his neck stood up, almost electrically charged. It was like a flame to his neck. He knew something was gonna happen, it was gonna be BIG. He looked over at Liz Parker and smiled. She looked so…so…beautiful.

His eyes were adverted to the two large men, one of which had pulled out a gun. He heard the shot and traced the bullet path with his eyes. It stopped and hit the one thing he didn’t want it to hit.

Liz. He saw the blood, her dying body and his heart stopped. He glanced at Michael and moved towards Liz. Michael tried to stop him, but he rushed towards her. The connection was instant.

//flash// Liz standing in a cupcake dress //flash//

//flash// 8 YEAR OLD Liz locking eyes with Max at the crash fair //flash//

///flash// a green alien stuffed animal on her bed //flash//

//flash// Max looking at her in the Crashdown //flash//

Max was in, he healed her wounds, molding the molecules together. She covered up for him, saying it was ketchup but by then Max was long gone, speeding with Michael towards his house.

* * * * * *
I readjusted myself on the large rock. From my perch see could see into the horizon. My mind briefly replayed the shooting and what had happened in the months after it, the battle with Pierce and the FBI. The thing, from my dad story that stood out was Tess, the imposter. Now, Tess was a nice person. She was married to Kyle and they’d had three kids. All raised in the name of Buddha, of course. Beside my aunt Isabel, Tess is the only other strong female in my life, after mom died. But Tess had been obsessed with destiny back then. Or so I had been told.

I stared at the dropping sun, and jumped off the rock. I walked to my car and hopped in. Minutes later, I pulled into my dance studio. I didn’t tell you everything before. I’m also different. I’m a singer in a band that tours all over the world. We became popular a while ago and in the past 2 years we’ve exploded. I didn’t mention my mom was I singer did I, well she was. She used to say every song she wrote was for me. I remember the first guitar she bought me. It was an acoustic, with streaks of color running up the edges, I still have it, but I don’t let anyone else play it.

When she died I inherited her studio. I use it for choreography and practicing for tours. I look like my mom that people used to mistake me for her when I was little. I have bright fiery red hair and hazy, green eyes. Everyone says I have her personality, fiery like my hair, and spunky. They say I shine with the same light she did. She was beautiful.

My dad thinks Liz is beautiful now. I don’t hate her, well not completely but I just don’t want my mom to become erased. I stretched and put a cd in. Ah it was a dance cd. I hated those but it does help if u feel upset so I danced. Everyone expected so much of me, as a princess, as a singer that they never seemed to see the real me. The real me emerged in my dancing, like it always does. Not Lexi the princess, the alien, the entertainer just the girl. I know I’m supposed to hate her but sometimes when I look at Liz I see something, no one else has. It’s like she has no façade over her true self and I almost like it. Almost.

At that moment Jason climbed through the window, my sweet beautiful Jason with his golden hair and his wicked smile. My dad doesn’t know much about him, he’s something that’s mine, and his parents don’t know about me either. If they did find out the media would be all over it. Jason’s an actor but that’s not the reason we’re together, it’s not for publicity it’s because I knew I loved him, from the moment I laid eyes on him. It was like he looked through my soul and in those few seconds we created a bond. It’s the one thing in my freaky world that makes sense. That moment was 4 years ago, I was thirteen and boy crazy, and I knew nothing about the world, about myself and my powers, about mom. I didn’t know how she’d died no one had told me and it had plagued me for years.

Mom died when I was 7, all I can remember was that there were these people and a bright light, then I was shield by something. The next thing I knew I was sitting in my father’s arms, him rocking me back and forth and whispering ‘It’s all gonna be ok…It’s all gonna work out’ and then sobbing. Dad moved away after what seemed like ages and I saw Tess. Her arms were wrapped around her slim figure and she locked eyes with me. She looked so old, so tired and then all I saw was the material of the bright blue shirt she was wearing as she hugged me.

Tess, since that day has been the only person, besides Jason that I can talk to. The only thing I don’t like is the fact she’s friends with Liz. They weren’t long ago, enemies in fact, but after dad married my mom, his former loves ganged together in support. Tess got over my dad and their good friends and Liz…she still seems to love him. Which means if he loves her, I’ll be forgotten, Nothing. I’ll probably do what I always do. I’ll run. I feel so stupid saying that but it just might be what I have to go. Maybe I’ll go to Vegas, take Jason, shape shift us to look a little older and then just become lost there. Yeah, I know Jason would love that. Just being out of the spotlight, being together, we do have enough cash to live for at least a year or two. Maybe I’ll run, but I know I can’t. Iz will dream walk me and it’ll all be over.

I pushed all thoughts from my head and laid in Jason’s arms on the throw pillows in the corner of the studio. And once again, in his arms I was complete. I don’t hate Liz, I’m just scared my mom will be erased, I’m scared that I’ll b erased too. I’m just seventeen, and no seems to even care that I’m miserable. And in Jason’s arms I cried, I let my tears be kissed away and I fell into a dreamless sleep. Little did I know that later that innocent late night nap would be used against me, big time.

kk new part when da muses move me
posted on 25-May-2002 1:07:52 AM by Apathygirl666
you guys my muses only inspire me when they're praised so please please give me some fb 1 piece maybe two or three is that so much to ask???
posted on 24-Jun-2002 8:12:06 PM by Apathygirl666
how do u make font a diff color?

[ edited 1 time(s), last at 24-Jun-2002 8:12:44 PM ]
posted on 26-Jun-2002 4:42:29 PM by Apathygirl666
to Sweet Lil Dreamer-yes it will be dreamer but I needed a an obstacle and liz is defineitly gonna be one

to miss_roswell- they're gonna be close in flashbacks and in the future but its gonna be very complicated and they used to be close but there are cicumstances that I will explain kk

[ edited 2 time(s), last at 26-Jun-2002 4:55:36 PM ]
posted on 26-Jun-2002 10:46:32 PM by Apathygirl666
clueless as I said in my bmail I will be updatin soon

and to Sweet Lil Dreamer-again- I have a list of like ten ideas and I cant write them all so bmail me and ill see if there are any id be willin to give up-im a lil greedy when it comes to writing ideas-I like to explore writing in every different style-thus the explaination on why this is so un dreamer-FOR NOW-
posted on 27-Jun-2002 12:16:44 AM by Apathygirl666
before I post my new fic ill reply

ok amy is alexia's dead mother and max's wife- max is a widow and everything else will be explained but im gonna say this-if you dont pay attetnion to lil detials youre not gonna understand this fic and I did say who amy was before the song in the prologue

and this fic will follow through with more of lexi's over views of the past as the fic changes from what happened on the show to what cause this storyline kk

[ edited 1 time(s), last at 27-Jun-2002 12:56:03 AM ]
posted on 28-Jun-2002 1:02:54 AM by Apathygirl666
hey guys im writin the next part but its hard cuz I keep contradictin myself so would anyone be willin to beta pllz if so bmail me the parts goin up tommorrow with or without help cuz I know you guys want it but itll be betta wit help

[ edited 1 time(s), last at 28-Jun-2002 1:16:59 AM ]
posted on 29-Jun-2002 2:04:01 AM by Apathygirl666
guys I sent the new part ot my beta
thanks to SweetLilDreamer im gonna post it tommorrow alright cuz I havent gotten it back yet
posted on 30-Jun-2002 12:43:51 AM by Apathygirl666
the part was supposed to go up at 12 but I got caught up in my movie so here it is, and thanks again to SweetLilDreamer, my betareader
Part 2 – (Song is Teenage FBI by Guided by Voices)
Jason POV

What’s that bright light? Oh god it’s the studio lights! Oh my god, we fell asleep. Then I turned my head and looked at Lexi’s sleeping form. Oh my god, she’s so beautiful, I can’t believe she picked me.

I guess I should explain right, well I’m Jason Roth, and I’m dating a superstar. I’m an actor but Lexi, she’s the star, when she walks into a room she lights it up. She makes me feel like I’m floating, completely weightless, she doesn’t know she makes almost every seventeen year old guy feel that way, probably because she doesn’t seem to think she’s actually a star. She knows she’s popular but she doesn’t know how beautiful she is. Sometimes she looks so beautiful it makes my heart hurt because I know she could leave me and if she did my world would end.

We met four years ago, neither of us were truly famous yet, but our faces were on the inside scene. She looked at me and I felt the cold, darkened shell I had let fall over me heat up and melt down. She saw something in me and I in her that just sparked. She was my first real kiss at fourteen, then my first date a few months later.

But the truth is I’m scared, scared that she’ll wake up one day and tell me she’s realized she’s out of my league. God, she’s so caring and trusting, it makes my heart flutter. I love her, I love her eyes, so beautiful and probing. I love her gentle smile and the way she looks when she sings, so focused on the audience. I LOVE LEXI EVANS!!!!!!!!

So much I want the whole world to know it, but it’s this damn spotlight, we can’t tell anyone, and we have to be careful or the media could find out and that would not be a good thing. The media would destroy us, I know it, because Lexi and I both hate this. We love our work, but we both hate this business. Being an artist in acting and singing, it’s powerful, emotional, personal, but this crazy business, it’s ruled by cruelty and cash.

I tucked her hair behind her ear, and settled back into the pillows, wrapping my arms around her. Soon, the lull of Lexi’s gentle even breathing brought me into sweet dreams, sweet dreams of Lexi, my love, my heart, my soul.

Jason heard a voice saying “Jason, wake up, wake up,” and a pillow hit his head “Wake up” a soft singsong voice floated into his ear, more gentle, knowing her sweet voice always woke him up the best, he groaned. Then she nibbled and blew into his ear, making him groan again.

“If you don’t stop we’re not going to get out of this room today”

“Is that such a bad thing?” she asked flirtatiously.

“Lex” he said firmly “Your dad probably already had a heart attack worrying about you, we got to get you home”

“I can’t go back yet, I just can’t not after what happened”

“What did happen?”

“I...I, I could take it, seeing them, I just I…” she said breaking into tears as he cradled her “God, you must think I’m so weak”

“I could never think that” he said noticing she couldn’t look at him with the tears on her face he added “C’mon look at me, you’re not weak, you’re strong and beautiful and spunky and I love you for it. You know that right, you know I love you, you know almost every teenage guy in the world drools over you. You know you couldn’t be more perfect than you are right now. You know you’re dad’s just a jerk for not being there for you” Then he got up and grabbed her hand “C’mon we still have a change of clothes in the lockers from the last time we took a midnight nap here, you get dressed first then we’ll go somewhere and we’ll talk”

“No, you go home, I’m going to stay here, I want to try to write a song or two”

And so I left letting her sit at the desk near her mothers old office.

Lexi POV

I’m so glad I stayed here, it’s been an hour since Jason left, it’s about 8 am now and I’m finally happy with my new song. I think it’s better than anything I’ve ever written because it’s more me than anything else. Now I guess I’ll put it to music.

Someone tell me why
I do the things
That I don't wanna do
When you're around me…I'm somebody else
Someone tell me why I act like a fool
When things don't go my way
When you're around me
I'm somebody else

There is good reason I guess
Having once gone to far
When you clean out the hive
Does it make you wanna cry
I'm still being followed by the Teenage FBI

Someone tell me why
Someone tell me why
Someone tell me why I do the things
That I don't wanna do
When you're around me
I'm somebody else
Someone tell me why
Someone tell me why

Someone tell me why I do the things
That I don't wanna do
When you're around me
I'm somebody else
Someone tell me why I act like a fool
When things don't go my way
When you're around me
I'm somebody else

There is good reason I guess
Having once gone to far
When you clean out the hive
Does it make you wanna cry
I'm still being followed by the Teenage FBI

Someone tell me why
Someone tell me why
Someone tell me why I do the things
That I don't wanna do
When you're around me
I'm somebody else
Someone tell me why
Someone tell me why

Sigh. This is the black hole that is now me, this is the black hole that my music is turning into.

what do u think

[ edited 1 time(s), last at 30-Jun-2002 12:45:50 AM ]
posted on 30-Jun-2002 2:18:06 AM by Apathygirl666
ok I said it on my other fics and ill say it here no fb no fic no me on this board got it? I worked hard to make this just right and it took me a while so if you dont tell me you like than u wont get anything to like
posted on 5-Jul-2002 3:11:40 AM by Apathygirl666
posted on 16-Jul-2002 9:44:43 PM by Apathygirl666
bump for future use I have pts 3nad 4 but im not postin till I get three more fbs! come on pllz I only have one! soo pllz
posted on 16-Jul-2002 10:12:43 PM by Apathygirl666
umm thanks sooo much NewYorker18 but im gonna wait a lil bit to send out the new pt and thats gonna be atrail pt if I dont get enough fb it mgiht get scrapped.
posted on 16-Jul-2002 10:17:06 PM by Apathygirl666
clueless you out there girl? yuo aren't dead like last night right?
posted on 16-Jul-2002 10:19:14 PM by Apathygirl666
fine fine im just gonna post pts 3-4
posted on 16-Jul-2002 10:20:26 PM by Apathygirl666
thanks to miss_roswell and NewYorker18-3 times!
note im just postin this its unbetaed but im good at grammar so...
Part 3
Lexi POV

I’m sitting here, in my one of the most amazing places in Roswell. It’s the observatory. The one place I come to when I feel like I should be somewhere else, somewhere up there. There is only two people in the world who know why I come here besides me, one’s dead, Mom and one’s Jason.

So it’s fairly simple for me to tell who’s standing over my shoulder as I stare up at the charts of stars on the walls. Jason, he never comes here except when I’m here, I think he thinks he’ll get called into the void or something like that, Jason doesn’t really like Space, I think it’s that it’s too unknown for him, he craves stability. That’s where we differ, I like stable things but in the end my sense of adventure wins out.

Just like…just like Mom. Adventure, that’s how she and Dad met. Mom told me the story so many times I think it’s firmly planted into my brain. It was their freshman year of college, dad had decided to go on a ‘break’ with the home wrecker, I mean Liz, because long distance relationships were hard and he had been dragged to a party by his roommate, Grant.

Mom, she was singing at that very party, and their eyes locked, and she smiled at him, and he smiled back. They didn’t meet again for several hours that night. Dad was looking up at the stars on top of the roof of the frat house it was at. Mom was doing the same thing, except she was sitting on the ledge of the roof, over 10 stories above the Boston Street, and she stood up and walked the short ledge over to Dad. He stared at her with wide eyes and when she slipped he rescued her, and they shared their first kiss.

Back then Dad didn’t know that Mom was his queen, but he soon found out, but that’s a story for another time.

Back to Jason, anyway he needs stability because he’s never had it, he jumped into show biz way before I did, and his life has always had that celebrity air to it. Me, I have no idea what ‘air’ my life has to it, I haven’t known for a while now, I can’t say it’s been happy, but then again I don’t know if it’s sad…

Jason is standing here next to me, and I see the small peek of something in his hand, its white and rectangular shape and inside I know what it is, it’s our letter of either rejection or acceptation to the senior year courses of one Eleanor Roosevelt School of Arts and Music, located in Ontario, Canada, why a Canadian school named it’s self after a US first lady is beyond me, but it’s the best school in the western hemisphere for the arts.

He sits down next to me and we open our letters together, and silently I smile and so does he.

“I got in,” I whisper “But I can’t go”

“That’s great so did I-What?” He exclaims.

“I can’t go” I repeat in that little mouse voice I’ve learned to adopt for times like these when I need it, gone is the spitfire and here comes the plain Jane.

“Lexi! You know you’re a real hypocrite!” He exclaims “You spend all your time talking about how you’re gonna get out of Roswell, do some more traveling, leave the emotional shit behind, and when you finally have the chance you don’t take it!” then quieting down he says in a lower voice “Sometimes even I don’t understand you.”

“No!” I reply harshly “You don’t and that’s the problem! Everyone’s walking around, looking at me like I’m some freak pining away over her long dead mother! But no one understands! Have you lost a mother?” I say the anger returning to my voice as I get up, stick my finger out towards his chest and poke him, sending him backwards a few centimeters. “Have you ever loved some one so much and then woke up one morning knowing you’d never be able to tell them that again? Have you?” I pause “No. So don’t ‘hypocrite’ me, I don’t need this! Not from you! God, you,” I say shaking my pointed finger at him, in rage. “You, I though you of all people understood, but I was wrong, god I was so fucking wrong! God! I was so stupid!” I say going into rant mode “I was so stupid to let you get close! I was so stupid to trust you!” I pause once more and then in a little voice I add “To love you.” And I rush out, leaving all traces of normalcy behind, clutching my letter of acceptance in my pale hands.

Leaving the only love I’ll ever let myself know behind. If you think I’m scared, maybe you’re right, if you think I’m angry, you’re definitely right.

Maybe, maybe I’m just meant to be screwed up, maybe I’m…meant to lose everyone I truly love. I get into my small beetle, and I drive back towards the desert. And soon, I’m curled up by the side of my car, listening to the deafening silence. Crying my eyes out, and biting my arm to stop from screaming out my misery until my voice is hoarse.

Maybe I’m…meant to kill the only ones I love…they always die because of me anyway.

Part 4
Lexi POV

Death is a very strange thing. It’s assumed as the end, but it’s not and as far as we can tell it might be. See I’m, not afraid of death, I could never figure out why. In my eyes it’s nothing, just an uncertainty. I’ve always wanted to know what goes through your head when you die, is it images, of people and places that touched your very soul, is it feelings you once felt more strongly than anything else in the world? Is it physical feeling you once knew? Is it strange and wonderful things you love? Is it an overwhelming pain that shoots straight through you?

I don’t know, and that’s the only thing about death that actually scares me. I don’t know. I woke up this morning, it seemed like a normal morning, except I woke up in the desert and I remembered that I’d fought with Jason.

Then I drove home. I ignored my father as he asked me where I was and what I had did.

I walked to my room, down in the basement, my lair as I used to call it. I tried to ignore the feeling of death that hung in the air. I dropped my shoes in my closet and walked back up stairs, the cell phone I had placed in my pocket, jingling a little with every step.

When I reached the kitchen to make breakfast I noticed my dad sitting there, and the ring of my cell phone sliced through the once silent air.

“Hello?” I asked into the phone this morning.

“Lexi?” said the ever familiar vice of Jason’s mother. “Lexi, there’s been an accident, Jason is…Jason is dead.”

I dropped the phone.

It shattered.

And so did my heart.

posted on 16-Jul-2002 10:32:18 PM by Apathygirl666
michalea yippe youre here! amy is not deluca eww amy d.and max!! ewww I think im gonna go wash out my eyes! lolz shes max's wife, well dead wife...just read michalea the truth will be revealed and it will be dreamer in the end
posted on 16-Jul-2002 10:40:28 PM by Apathygirl666
lol only 50 michaela?
posted on 16-Jul-2002 10:55:54 PM by Apathygirl666
michaela can u edit your fbs to tell me which pts u are takin about in each one cuz your confusin me gurl!oops never mind

[ edited 1 time(s), last at 16-Jul-2002 10:57:25 PM ]
posted on 16-Jul-2002 11:02:02 PM by Apathygirl666
posted on 16-Jul-2002 11:07:47 PM by Apathygirl666
michaela girl like with american beauty there is a reason for everything
posted on 16-Jul-2002 11:11:46 PM by Apathygirl666
im not killin off all the characters, just most,naw theres a reason for jasons death and there proabaly will not be too much more deaths the pain and aftermath is enough
posted on 16-Jul-2002 11:13:52 PM by Apathygirl666
michaela you want fluff go read let me know that you need me its fluffy dreamer goodness and then get tissues for time of your life everyone cries at dat one and they have reason to
posted on 16-Jul-2002 11:16:49 PM by Apathygirl666
umm max is undecided on now im not sure what he'll be

posted on 16-Jul-2002 11:17:42 PM by Apathygirl666
if u dont wanna cry go read let me know that you need me it has dreamer smoochies! wink!
posted on 16-Jul-2002 11:20:43 PM by Apathygirl666
umm michaela alex is alive here and youll see him soon! hehe
posted on 16-Jul-2002 11:22:44 PM by Apathygirl666
lmao lol michaela girl I think im gettin a banner for this cuz gabriel knight52 the fab designer/creator of the banner for american beauty just bmailed me askin what amy looked like hehe!

[ edited 2 time(s), last at 16-Jul-2002 11:24:41 PM ]
posted on 16-Jul-2002 11:34:56 PM by Apathygirl666
she had curly waist length flamin red hair just like lexi and the same hazy green eyes
posted on 19-Jul-2002 8:36:40 PM by Apathygirl666
This is a note I’m posting on all of my fics: I’m leaving for three weeks tomorrow sand I’ll be back with new fic on August 9th, with new parts of all of my fics, meanwhile leave me tons of bump and you’ll get more fic when I get back and in the meanwhile read my other dreamer stories:

Amy’s Song
American Beauty-Roswell Style
Let Me Know That You Need Me
Time Of Your Life
Pushing Me Away

posted on 20-Jul-2002 7:58:23 AM by Apathygirl666
aww michaela you're so sweet, im just checkin in on all fic before I leave, more bumps are good so I can find my fics when I come back and I have two notebooks and I printed out my stories -so expect updates pretty quick when I come back hopefully-that is if I have time to write at camp- kk byee all-off to check my other fics and then hit the road
posted on 10-Aug-2002 3:28:24 PM by Apathygirl666
postin this on each of my fics:

hey guys, im back from camp and its so bittersweet, im happy to be home but I really miss the friends I made at camp,on the last night, after the art displays (I won two awards) and the drama show and the fashion shows and the floor awards (hehe-I got the floor award for always having a smile :D) there was the candle light and it was so sad, and yesterday morning my best friend from camp flew back to chicago at 9 am and I cried for about an hour, it was so sad, and everyone leaving, I swear it the worst part of camp, I loved camp sooo much, and I had soo much fun, anyway im gonna try to post later but right now its kinda hard to see the computer screen with the tears and all, it's just not the same anymore, I miss it all so much, I really miss my camp, and my friends, anyway im off to talk to some camp friends and then…I’ll be back….I guess…

posted on 13-Aug-2002 11:56:52 PM by Apathygirl666
I was plannin on writing a new part and postin it now but im not feelin too well - ill try and write a lil now but im not sure ill get to post it yet
posted on 18-Aug-2002 12:09:27 PM by Apathygirl666
going on a vaca - be back in a week
posted on 25-Aug-2002 12:44:51 PM by Apathygirl666
hey all!! I'm back from my cruise to Bermuda, and it was a lot of fun, my bday was Aug.16th and my parents surprised me last night with a special desert thing on board!!! I made some new friends and did some cool stuff on the ship and in bermuda, but with about a week or so till school its time for me to get back to work, and fanfic, which is my release from the pressures of school

and now for the great news!! - this fic is getting the first update of all my fics - hopefully - tonight

and more good news if I finish this one soon I'll post my new one
posted on 25-Aug-2002 8:54:12 PM by Apathygirl666
hey all, im gonna take a shower and finish writing another new part so ill have two to be posted in a few hours or possibly tommorrow cuz I gotta try to go to bed earlier for school starting in sept :(
posted on 25-Aug-2002 11:12:14 PM by Apathygirl666
you guys I'm really really sorry for not postin but I rewrote this part four times and it's still not right, I'm a perfectionist and I can't post it, it's ...soo ill try to post tommorrow I need some bumps for inspiration it helps

[ edited 1 time(s), last at 26-Aug-2002 2:33:44 PM ]
posted on 30-Aug-2002 7:49:45 PM by Apathygirl666
bump for lata use
posted on 1-Sep-2002 10:55:45 PM by Apathygirl666
hey michalea, lol I knew u would be, and im gonna post right after I watch heartbreakers on sat dish kk I have tow parts but they lose the punch put together so ill post one lata and then the next...on....hmm...wednesday kk and michaela I have a lil favor in fanfic to ask ya so ill bmail u lata
posted on 10-Sep-2002 11:45:58 PM by Apathygirl666
thanks for the fb

m14 - 24 fbs you spoil me gurl

New Yorker18 - 7 fbs tanks soo much new yorker you rule!!!

Salonica - Jason is dead, but maybe not gone... thanks for your 2 fbs

here goes it and I will be posting more- not 9/11 cuz this fic is one of my more depressing ones but I will be updating Let Me know that you need me and time of your life both happiness!! please supposrt me and read them!!

WARNING this part has an R rating, for cursing, violence, sadness and self inflicted pain. If you are younger than the age of 13, or sensitive to cursing do not read this, you have been warned, so if any of the above two reasons to not to go on apply to you turn back!

Part 5 Lexi POV

Have you ever noticed how one side of a blade is always shinier than the other, the silver is somehow lighter, and the sparkle of it is beautiful, especially against the dark black of a wall. Toss.

The blade goes through the wall. The sound, it’s too loud, too strong, the sound, make it stop. Make it stop. THE KILLING. Make it stop. You did it, didn’t you, the voice in my head screams, you made them weak, you hurt them you murderess bitch, you killed them! Admit it, my mind screams and the sheer force of the attack is enough to make the walls spin.

YOU, You did it, you, it’d your fault, you bitch, your nothing, you murdering bitch, you hurt them, you killed them it’s your fucking fault! Everything you touch turns to shit, you lying, whoring bitch. I hear the voice, the voice, make it stop, it’s the voice, make her stop! “Stop” I whisper, then louder, stronger “Stop” then louder, firmer, defensive “Stop”, then screaming, painful “STOOOOOOPPP”.

I walk to the mirror, and point my trembling finger at the reddened reflection of my face, and low, my voice like venom I say “You, hurt them, it’s your fault, you have to pay, you must pay, it’s your fault, you have to pay, you must pay!” then louder “Are you listening? BITCH! Listen to me! Bitch! LISTEN, BITCH” My hand reaches up, and them I feel the harsh slap of a palm against my face, but I don’t think it’s me, is it?

“You have to pay for the hurt, you have to do something, YOU MORON! DO SOMETHING TO MAKE UP FOR THE HURT YOU’VE CAUSED” I scream, at least I think it’s me, it could be her, she’s in my head…she’s dead, yet I hear her scream in my ear, You Bitch, You Bitch…

My hand, it crawls out towards the dresser to grasp a lighter Jason got me for Christmas, flick, the fire appears, glowing, growing. Soon my other hand appears inside the flame and the smell of burning flesh sinks into the air, but I don’t feel anything, my hand is weightless, tingly. The hand moves form the flame and the lighter turns off, the tingly feeling is still there, like the feeling Jason used to cause in my stomach. Then the feeling turns dark, pain ripping through my body, make it stop, make it stop, make it stop, MAKE IT STOP!


My other hand crashes through the mirror, bits of glass and wood stuck inside my knuckles. And for a second I get the tingles, hmm…feels soo good, warm, right, then the deep dark panic and pain ripples through.

Stumble up the stairs, clenching both of my wounded hands, door is closed, can’t move the hand, door won’t open, pain, pain, pain, can’t move, arms like lead, door closed, door FUCKING closed. Pain. Pain. Pain. Make it stop. Bitch. Make it stop. All my Fault. My Fault. Pain. My Fault. Pain. Make it stop. All my fault. Pain. Bitch. Pain, can’t you feel it, BITCH, can’t you feel it, you caused it, BITCH, are you listening, Bitch, Listen to me.

“Can’t listen, Can’t feel” I gasp out, too much pain, it hurts, you hurt, “I hurt, I hurt them, they don’t realize it until the end, but I hurt them, I hurt them, I hurt them, I don’t want to hurt them, I hurt them”

I curl up on the top step of the stairs, on the step that was always creaky, and couldn’t hold too much weight, slam, goes my foot through the step, can’t move…Pain, so much, Pain, Please, No more pain.

Hallucinations, a woman on the bottom step, long red hair, familiar. Pain, oh god the pain, I hurt her. BLAME ME, I HURT YOU, I DIDN’T MEAN TO HURT YOU.

So sorry, please, don’t blame me, I love you.

Pounding, in my head on the walls, from the door, no more people, no more pounding, no more pain. CRACK! My fathers hammers goes, Crack, his hand follows, a fist emerging from the wood in the door, so beautiful. Then he’s next to me, staring down at my hands, and I sob as he heals the wounds in my hands and my leg. He doesn’t know me. I’m the emotional baggage. I’m just a burden. He doesn’t know me, no connection, doesn’t even know me. He backs away, from me staring intently on something on the wall, the blade still stuck the in the dark painted wall he walks towards it as I stare on, pulls it out, and using his powers he turns it into a flower, walks back to me and hands it to me, without words.

I stare at it and then it falls to the floor and stomp! It’s dead, stomp! Stomp, stomp! It’s dead some more. Just like me.
Dad moves to the door and the step, repairs them with his hand, and opens the door, I look away towards the hole in the wall where the knife was, wondering why Dad didn’t fix that too? Hmm…I examine the shape of the blade indentation, it’s unusual, the slant to the broken wall, curved yet straight and sleek and sharp. I slip my pinky finger in the hole and stare at it.

I pull it back out, and stared at it. Then I throw myself to the floor, my hands banging, it was too much too much, too much. “TOO MUCH” I scream out raging my hands down on the carpet, bang, thump. Then my body, tired and rage-less, lies down on the cool dank carpeted floor of my basement room, curls up in a ball and sobs out what’s left of my torrid and broken emotions.

WARNING this part has an R rating, for violence and pain. If you are younger than the age of 13, or sensitive to violence do not read this, you have been warned, so if any of the above two reasons to not to go on apply to you turn back!

Part 6 – song is my December by linkin park – lyrics are in italics

It’s not fair. Why not me? Why was it not my dull lifeless existence squashed by the car that killed my poor Jason. You wanna know where I am now? I’ll tell you, I’m at the accident scene, standing in a puddle of cold wet rain water, next to the car wreck. I can still feel his warm breath on my neck, the cool whispering of his words, in my ear, I’ll always love you Alexia, using my real name.

And then the daze begins, they call it denial, but I was standing on a beach and Jason’s arms were coming up to hold my waist. And I sighed into his arms, but when I awoke, in my bed and not in front of the wreck. I was not in the arms of my love, I was not happy and I was still feeling the pain of everything that had happened the in last 24 hours.

I lift my weary bones from my bed, slip on a black v-neck shirt and black cargo pants. I walk upstairs to where my dad is sitting at the table with the whole gang around them. The gang, Liz, Maria, Michael, Isabel, Alex, Tess, Kyle. I stood from the door way looking at them and then I walk in and see each one of them has tears on their faces. I can’t understand why. They never knew I loved Jason. He was mine. He was mine. They never knew I knew him.

I want to scream WHY? The voices in my head screaming it, it’s too much. I drop to the floor cradling my head in my hands. And letting it all out I scream “WHY? WHY?” then softer “Why are you all crying? He was mine. He was mine and…” my voice is getting stronger “and…I was his. You never knew him. He was mine. I loved him. I…can’t understand it. Why do you care? Why dad?” I say turning my gaze to him. “Why? Is it because you’ve made me feel like I was a burden? Like I was a fucking mistake since mom died?” I turn to Liz “Is it because you feel bad? Huh? Is it Liz?” I say with venom in my voice. “Is it because you care? Huh Liz? Well I don’t need you! I don’t need you dad! I don’t need anyone! I don’t need anyone! I don’t need this! This damn support group!” I back away “I...I don’t need this! I only need Jason! You could have saved him, Dad! If only” my voice softens “If only you loved me enough to care.” Then they crowd around me, Isabel, Maria, Tess, Kyle, Michael, Alex. I look at Isabel who’s squeezing my hand with tears in her eyes. I need her. She’s part of my family.

BLAST. She’s slumped against the wall. I don’t need anyone.

I look at Maria, who’s trying to stuff a vial up my nose. BLAST. No more vial.

I look at Kyle. He doesn’t know me. I turn away. He never will.

I look at Tess. She wraps her arms around me. And I say to her “You were always mom’s favorite.” Then I pull away from her.

I look at Michael. He’s nothing, just there to hang on to Maria. BLAST. The two of them are against the wall.

I look at Alex. He taught me to play the guitar. I slip my one of my two guitar pick necklaces off my neck and press it firmly in his hands. “Remember” I whisper to him.

I look at Dad, who’s holding on to Liz at the table. “You don’t even know me.”

I then run to my room and seal the door shut with my powers. I turn on the TV.

“This is MTV news, in a car crash early yesterday morning, actor Jason Roth was killed. His car hit another in the New Mexico desert. There is no further news about this at the moment but other New Mexico stars are already mourning the death of the star, including Alexia Evans who is rumored to have actually had a relationship with the star as she was seen with him days before his death.” I flip off the TV and slip on a pair of tennis shoes, and grab my CD player.

I walk upstairs, past the ‘gang’ and walk out of the door. I start running as the music starts.

This is my December.
This is my time of the year.
This is my December.
This is all so clear.

This is my December.
This is my snow colored home.
This is my December.
This is me alone.

I’m at the accident site now. It’s just not the same without him.

And I...
Just wish that I didn't feel.
Like there was something I missed.
And I...
Take back all the things I said.
To make you feel like that.
And I...
Just wish that I didn't feel.
Like there was something I missed.
And I...
Take back all the things that I said to you.

Looking back on the things we said to each other. If only, I hadn’t ran out, if only we had patched things up. If only it was me who got hit by the other car.

And I'd give it all away.
Just to have somewhere to go to.
Give it all away.
To have someone to come home to.

I wish I could be near him. My feet move me towards the desert, further into the dirt covered floor.

This is my December.
These are my snow colored trees.
This is me pretending.
This is all I need.

This is all I need. I don’t need my dad. I don’t need anyone.

And I...
Just wish that I didn't feel.
Like there was something I missed.
And I...
Take back all the things I said.
To make you feel like that.
And I...
Just wish that I didn't feel.
Like there was something I missed.
And I...
Take back all the things that I said to you.

I wish time would just rewind. I wish he was here.

And I'd give it all away.
Just to have somewhere to go to.
Give it all away
To have someone to come home to.

It’s never gonna be the same.

This is my December.
This is my time of the year.
This is my December.
This is all so clear.

And I'd give it all away...
Just to have somewhere to go to.
Give it all away....
To have someone to come home to.

And I'd give it all away...
Just to have somewhere to go to.
Give it all away....
To have someone to come home to.

I wanna come home to him. I keep walking. Further towards Mom’s place, hoping when I get there she can help to guide me back to Jason, back to the only person who truly holds my heart.

what do u think?

[ edited 1 time(s), last at 10-Sep-2002 11:48:55 PM ]
posted on 11-Sep-2002 7:10:50 PM by Apathygirl666
September 11th, I remember
posted on 12-Sep-2002 12:47:28 AM by Apathygirl666
posted on 12-Sep-2002 10:26:59 PM by Apathygirl666
come on... not one lil piece of fb, not even a simple bump, how long does it take to type bump? huh?
posted on 13-Sep-2002 7:38:54 PM by Apathygirl666
blah...yall are big meanie heads
posted on 14-Sep-2002 12:27:36 PM by Apathygirl666
really big meanie heads with acne!!- I think im g0nna cry...

[ edited 1 time(s), last at 14-Sep-2002 6:32:20 PM ]
posted on 14-Sep-2002 4:21:40 PM by Apathygirl666
I wish you all warts!!!! (hehe) fb pwease??

[ edited 1 time(s), last at 14-Sep-2002 6:32:55 PM ]
posted on 14-Sep-2002 7:17:00 PM by Apathygirl666
any body out there
posted on 14-Sep-2002 7:18:51 PM by Apathygirl666
any body out there????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
posted on 20-Feb-2003 10:20:23 PM by Apathygirl666
wow...I forgot about this place...someoen imed me form here...n....yea...

ummi got no bumps on any of my other fics really, so doubt ill continue any of them, maybe this, but ive been going thorugh a lot of stuff so im not sure about anything, I haven't really been up n up on the roswell scene lately...if anyone wants new parts on any of my fics, just private message or im me n ill see ....


P.s. IM missign a lot of the links to my fan fic n I cant find them, if anyone has them can u plz private message them to me, thanks

[ edited 1 time(s), last at 20-Feb-2003 10:22:55 PM ]
posted on 21-Feb-2003 2:52:05 AM by Apathygirl666
bumpin cuz I jus edited the title...