|posted on 4-May-2002 1:44:47 AM by Audio Poet|
|Title: Another Hazy Night|
Author: KA aka Kat
Rating: PG, PG-13
Disclaimer: I do not own Roswell.
Summary: After the aliens leave Liz turns to alcohol to escape her problems.
Author’s Note: I wrote the prologue during season two then decided I would write more. So this is show canon through Viva Las Vegas. The prologue is in Maria’s POV, the rest will be in Liz’s. Feedback will be necessary in order for me to continue, I’m really uncertain about this fic. Finally, see Esther I can write CC still.
It was only 8:00 PM and she was already drunk. I watched her from across the room. They left five years ago, I don’t think she’s been sober for an entire day since then. I never dreamed my best friend would drown her sorrow with liquor.
She’s not an unpleasant drunk. She just kind of cries quietly and babbles incoherently. I help her into her room every night and make sure she’s okay every morning. She doesn’t leave the house often. She dropped out of college the day after they left. I guess you could say she dropped out of life then too. She moved in with me not too long after that. Her parents said they wouldn’t allow her to ruin her life living under their roof. So, being the only one with a permanent place to live I was the one she ran to.
I suppose I should catch you up. I’m Maria Guerin, my husband, his sisters Tess and Isabel, and his brother Max left to fight the war on their home planet five years ago. Max and Liz were finally happily back together. He was going to propose to her but before he could they had to go back to their planet. So, with no guarantee on if they would ever be back he decided against. I have the ring; he gave to me to hold onto until he finds a way back.
We survived high school together, then it was off to college. Michael and I married that summer and both opted to take a year off. Liz and Max stayed here both going to UNM. Alex and Tess went to UCLA together, they never confessed of any romantic feelings but we all had suspicion. Isabel and Kyle both went to the police academy. My mom married Jim Valenti during our senior year; she gave me the house for my eighteenth birthday as Michael and I were already engaged.
So things were going well, really well. We were all home for summer break, Liz, Max, Alex, and Tess were about to be seniors while Michael and I would be juniors. They received the message and left a week later. We each responded differently. Kyle took each day in stride, he lost his partner but took it all well. He still believes one day Isabel will be back. Alex went back to college in the fall and finished his computer engineering degree. He’s still in California but visits us often. I’m teaching at Roswell Elementary. But Liz, she’s a mess.
Things started out slowly, a drink nightly. One drink soon turned into a few. Before I knew it she was getting drunk, nightly. I was very surprised when she took the semester off, I thought if anything would keep her going it would be school. But she gave up, never went back.
I’m trying to get her to get some help. I’m not sure how much longer I can do this. I know one day I’m just going to lose it. I’m sick of watching her ruin her life. She needs help. My best friend is suffering from alcoholism, depression, and god only knows what else while I just let her destroy her life. I can’t watch it anymore. But tonight I’m not ready. I’ll let her have one last hazy night.
[ edited 7 time(s), last at 21-Jun-2002 11:35:35 PM ]
|posted on 13-May-2002 2:17:21 AM by Audio Poet|
|I come bearing a tiny update. I don't like this too much but I've done as much tweeking as I can.|
“You need help Lizzie.”
“God Maria would you back off I’m fine.”
“When was the last time you left the house.”
“I don’t know. Last week.”
“Liz you haven’t left the house in six months.”
“I have too.”
“When you’re at work.”
“God Liz. Can’t you see what you’re doing?”
“I’m fine Maria.”
“No. You. Are. Not.”
“It’s not your business anyway Maria.”
“Yes sweetie it is. You live in my house. And more importantly you’re my best friend.”
“If I were really your best friend then you wouldn’t be badgering me.”
“I’m trying to show you I care Liz.”
“Well, try some other way.”
“There is no other way anymore.”
“Get off my back.”
“No. I’m sitting her another day and watching this. I’m done. I’ve had enough. If you want to ruin your life do it on someone else’s time. You’re either getting help or your moving out.”
“God Maria, drama queen.”
“Shut up Liz. I’m trying to do this the nice way.”
“Oh that’s what this is. I thought it was an ultimatum.”
“It is an ultimatum Liz. You’ve worn out your welcome.”
“Some best friend you are.”
Liz then stumbled into another room. Two hours later when she had finally drunk her self to unconsciousness Maria packed a suitcase then led her toward her Durango. The drive to the substance abuse center in Albuquerque was made in complete silence.
Maria left Liz in the car and walked up to the front ask. “I need to admit someone.”
“Do you know the medical history to fill out the paper work?” the desk clerk asked.
“Okay, if you’ll just accompany someone to your car we’ll admit the patient and you can fill out the proper paperwork. Do you have a specified length of treatment you want to consider?”
“As long as it takes, I have the money.” With that Maria began to fill out paperwork and pray that her best friend would somehow return.
|posted on 1-Jun-2002 10:49:39 PM by Audio Poet|
|Hey. Sorry for neglecting this for so long. I was having a little trouble writing the next part (bad muse,come back here) but it's almost ready. So, I'm thinking, tomorrow afternoon/early evening. Hehe. Thanks for the awesome feedback, I really didn't know if anyone would be interested.|
|posted on 2-Jun-2002 8:05:16 PM by Audio Poet|
It’s been five years since I have written, not much has happened. The last entry was written just after Max left. Heartache and sorrow consumed me. I quit living. I want to live again but I don’t how too. Maria checked me into substance abuse center in Albuquerque two years ago. Tonight for the first time ever I admitted, I have a problem with alcohol. I finally started to cooperate tonight.
“Miss Parker I’m going to be blunt here you have a couple problems and we can not help you until you admit your problems and want help, so if you don’t want to be helped then you’ll waste away in here instead of at home. I am under strict orders from Mrs. Guerin not to send you home until you’re better.” Dr. Williams told her.
I started crying. “I’m an alcoholic.” It was whispered. I couldn’t believe I had said that out loud. There were many times when I thought it but saying it out loud made it so real, so final, so true.
“Miss Parker, admitting your problem is the first step. Someone will be here in the morning and your treatment will start tomorrow. Have a nice evening.” With that he left me to myself. I sighed knowing that this was just the beginning.
I’m scared. For five years I have only gone through the motions of life. Yesterday I admitted I have a problem and today I start formal treatment. Maria quit visiting me a long time ago. Right now I want to see her, I want to apologize but most of all I want my best friend again.
“Good morning Miss Parker, how are you?” Dr. Williams asked.
“I’m alright” I replied, my voice was a little shaky.
“Good. I’m going to ask some question and together we are going to figure out what treatment would be best for you.”
“Miss Parker, do remember when you started drinking regularly?”
“About five years ago.”
“Do you know why?”
“It made me numb, I was sick of feeling the pain.”
“When did you start feeling the pain?”
“When Max left me.”
He sat there for a minute writing stuff on my chart, “Miss Parker, I think your alcoholism is an escape of your depression. I’m going to start your treatment this afternoon. Do you need anything before then?”
I looked at him, “Could you call Maria Guerin and let her know I would like to talk to her?”
He smiled at me, “I’ll do that right away.”
A few hours later I heard the knock on the door. “Come in,” I called.
“Lizzie,” Maria squealed with delight hugging me.
“Hi.” I said softly, “I am so sorry.” Then I looked at her, she looked beautiful her hair was just past her shoulders but the thing that took me by surprise was she was just beginning to show. “Are you pregnant?”
“Yes,” she smiled. “The most amazing thing happened, Michael came back about a year and a half ago.”
“Wow. Congratulations,” I told her. I wanted to ask about Max but I couldn’t, I want to get better and I have to get over him if I am ever going to get better. She stayed with me until I had to go to my first session. We talked about everything and apologized about a million times. Maria has once again proven she was always be there for me, no matter how much I hurt her.
I did it. I’m getting treatment and the doctors say I can go home again, as soon as I prove to them and myself I can take care of myself again. I started individual therapy yesterday after Maria left. I’m supposed to start group therapy in a few days. I’ve been diagnosed with severe depression.
I was so happy Maria stopped by yesterday. I needed to see her. I’m also happy Michael came back for her and I’m sure their child will be happy and well loved. Just as Maria was leaving she told me what I wanted to know. Her exact words were “He came Lizzie, but he left when he found out where you were. He felt responsible.”
|posted on 9-Jun-2002 4:09:42 AM by Audio Poet|
|I’m placing this AN in all my fics. So, I didn’t know I was going out of town until I packed a few minutes ago. I’m doing the whole spontaneous trip thing. I’ll be back in a few days and since I’m taking my laptop I hope to have an update for at least two of my fics when I get back.|
|posted on 11-Jun-2002 2:20:34 PM by Audio Poet|
|Important Author’s Note:|
Okay so while I was gone this took a drastic change. I realize I may lose some readers but this is no longer a Liz and Max story. I’m almost done with the next part and know where I'm going with this fic. So, I'll be back in a little bit with a new part, hope you enjoy. Who knows, maybe I'll write a sequel but in this fic I think Liz needs to concentrate on herself.
|posted on 11-Jun-2002 7:16:57 PM by Audio Poet|
|Sometimes I don’t remember why I started drinking. I just know I did. It’s the times that I remember that are worse because when I want to remember I know why I started drinking. When I think about it I can remember taking the first shot. I can remember the bitter taste of the whiskey and the unbelief that ran through my mind. And I remember being appalled that I had just taken a drink. I remember being shocked when I asked the bartender for another shot. I remember being amazed as the cab brought me home. And most of all I can remember the fear in Maria’s eyes as she realized where I had been all night. I guess she really did see the first night as a warning of what was to come.|
Therapy is a word I never thought I would associate myself with. I’m Elizabeth Parker; I’m supposed to be teaching Molecular Biology. I was supposed to graduate from high school and go to Harvard. I was supposed to become world renowned for some scientific discovery my team made. But dreams change. I let my dreams change; they didn’t change on their own. I had to choose between Max and Harvard. At the time Max was the only decision. Now somewhere in the back of my mind I can’t help but think I made the wrong choice.
My therapist says I’m making good progress. It’s been almost a month since I started treatment. Needless to say I was over the addiction but the addiction almost seems minor compared to my other problems. I am not proud of what I have become, and I shouldn’t be. But I am able to admit my problems now. I am able to see where things went wrong and why I need help.
At first I hated group therapy. The whole concept just bugged me. There are eight people in my group and we are all recovering alcoholics. I finally understand group therapy. Group therapy provides the chance to speak to other adults who know what I’m going through. Who are where I am. Group therapy shows me I am not alone. I am not the only sufferer.
We’ve talked about going home. I will probably be discharged within the next month. Which has made me wonder where is home now? Maria and Michael have already said I can move in with them. It’s a wonderful offer but I’m not sure if I can take it. I’m 27 and I have never lived on my own. I think it’s time to take that step. I think it’s time to spread my wings and fly on my own so to speak.
I have the money to go anywhere I want to. I have the money to start over and become an improved version of me. And despite what Maria thinks I will pay her back for the years I have spent in this place. The money. We all were given a hefty sum of money from Max’s people “for our troubles” as they put it. They saw how established their beloved royal four were and decided that they would give us money to live off of since they were taking our loved ones away. Like that would make the difference, ha.
Maria stops by twice a week. We spend an hour together when she comes and for one hour I forget where I am and I cherish having my best friend. I wouldn’t blame her if she never spoke to me again after what I put her through. Yet it’s all forgiven. Michael comes with her sometimes and even Kyle has stopped by. I don’t think my friends can even begin to understand how much I appreciate their support. My parents are writing. They sold the CrashDown and moved to Florida about a year ago. And of course Alex has been in contact.
Therapy, therapy is allowing me to take the pieces of my life and put them back together. Slowly I am becoming whole again.
|posted on 15-Jun-2002 7:21:30 AM by Audio Poet|
|To clear up some confusion:|
I'm actually turning this into a non 'ship story. The next part is almost ready. I might write a sequel and 'ships will be discussed then. But as it stands now: Michael/Maria are the only official couple although Tess/Alex and Kyle/Isabel have been hinted at . Also, as of right now Max has fallen off the face of this earth. Happy reading!
|posted on 21-Jun-2002 11:34:47 PM by Audio Poet|
|AN: I realize this may be disappointing but this is it. Sequel, maybe?|
Am I over Max Evans? It’s my last day of therapy. I have been formally discharged and I am now attending my final therapy session before Maria and Michael pick me up. My therapist has just asked for the last time if I am over Max Evans.
Will I ever be over Max Evans? I’m not sure. Can you ever recover from what I’ve been through with him? Our love was like no other. It was magic, it was drama, but it was real. And it is over. I wasn’t there when they got home and Max left. That’s not what I need right now. I need someone who’s there, through the good and the bad. I need someone who’s willing to stay put when I have trouble.
I can’t say whether I’ll ever see Max again or not. Honestly I don’t know. But if I do I will be ready.
I am being discharged but that doesn’t mean I’m cured. I’m safe right now. I can’t get alcohol where I am and I have to face my problems in here. It’s a big world out there and anything can happen to me. But I know this.
Home. Most people have a place they consider their home to go to when they leave. I’m in a unique situation. I have agreed to go back to Maria and Michael’s but only for a little while. Maria is due in about three weeks. I’m going to stay until after the baby is born. Where am I going after that? I’ll know when I get there. But I do have plans to see Alex and Tess. I do have plans to visit my parents in Florida. I also have plans to see the world, to see this country. And most importantly somewhere along this trip I am going to finish my degree.
So, I’m beginning this journey called life once again. Renewed, an improved version of myself. I have lived through a self-inflicted hell and hurt a lot of people along the way but forgiveness is something our group is pretty good at. I have survived and I’ll be damned if I don’t continue to survive in the real world. Would I change anything? No. We become who we are because of what we endure.
My name is Liz Parker and I am an alcoholic, but I’m going to be alright.