|posted on 22-May-2002 3:33:28 AM by ISLANDGIRL5|
|Title:I'm Liz Parker, and 5 Days Ago, I Died.|
Author: ISLANDGIRL5, aka Christian.
Disclaimer: I do not own these characters. The belong to the man himself, JK, Melinda Metz, UPN. I don't even own the chapter titles. And the sections in italics? I don't own those either. Those sections are the ones that came straight from the show.
Category: follows the story line, starting at the beginning.
Summary: This is my interpretation of Liz's journal. This is the show through the pages of her journal. Starting with the beginning. I am going to try and fill in the missing pieces that her voiceovers didn't acknowledge, and I'll also do the episodes where she had no voicovers. The Chapter titles will be the episode titles, and italicized portions will be straight from the episodes.
Note: I know what you're thinking- she started another fic?!?! but hey, I wanted to start this before someone elsed did. Beside,s I'm about to wrap up Don't Die My Love, and Where the Road Leads doesn't have too many more chapters. So, please, don't shoot me for starting another one!!
Let me know what you guys think. If you want to continue reading, I will continue writing. I think this could have some great potential.
September 23rd. Journal entry one. I'm Liz Parker and five days ago I died. After that, things got really weird....
It was convention time. When all of Roswell gears up for the annual Alien-themed convention marking the anniversary of the Crash of ‘47. Maria's mom goes into ovedrive with her little alien themed souvenirs, and my dad? Let's just say he takes an a whole new persona, anticipating the crowds that will be beating down the door the Crashdown. Starving to talk to the locals, practically bursting to get some inside information on the famous Roswell aliens. That's why the restaraunt was so packed.
It was just like any other busy day. With the exception of the unusually high number of tourists, it was the same. The same nasty grease all over the floors. The same cook barking out orders. The same Maria chattering aimlessly about Max Evans sitting in the same booth as always, staring at me with the same look on his face. Your average normal day at the Crashdown Cafe.
So, an argument breaks out sometimes. Someoene doesn't want to pay for a burger that came could. Or they got the wrong order. Or they had to wait too long. But that's usually what it turns out to be. An argument. But today, and this normal of normal days, this wasn't an normal argument. They had a gun. And noone knew it until it went off.
Next thing I knew, I was laying face up on the floor, intense pain eminating from my abdomen. The shot had hit me. All I wanted to do was close my eyes and let it consume me. But thensomeone was pleading with me to open my eyes. I did, and it was Max. I knew he was going to watch me die. But funny thing is, I didn't. Max put his hands on me, and I felt a warmth coming from somewhere inside me. When I opened my eyes, the pain was gone. And so was Max.
After that, I remember being questioned. By Maria, by my Dad, by Valenti and that weird lookind indian deputy. I remember Maria doing overtime with her cedar oil, and giving descriptions of the men who had shot me. I remember Valenti and my dad asking me questions. And I remember Max. The look on his face when he pleaded with me not to tell anyone. The fear in his voice when he took the ketchup bottle, broke it, and asked me to tell them I tripped and spilled the bottle on myself.
The thoughts were reeling in my head. Max Evans had done something to me. Something that had saved my life. There was a bullet in my abdomen, stealing the breath from my lungs, and somehow, Max made it disappear. I was dumbfounded, as a million explanations rushed through my mind. Magic. He was some skilled magician, and he had just used some kind of illusion to make me thing I was shot so I would think he healed me. Or a dream. I thought it had been a dream, and any minute, I would wake up. But I never did.
I went home, and tried to calm my mind, but I couldn't. The silver handprint glowing on my stomach told me this was not a dream. And Max Evans had done something to me. I just had to figure out what.
I had the perfect opportunity at school. We were doing a bio lab. You know, that one you do, like every year in science where you scrape your cheek cells? Well, I didn't exactly follow the rules. I used a sample from Max's pencil that had been in his mouth and compared it the a sample from my own cheek. I knew what I was going to find. They looked nothing alike. What exactly did that mean? The questions were piling up in my head. I had to find the one person that could answer them.
My firs thought was to think he was crazy. I mean, I have lived in Roswell all my life. To suddenly find out that there really are aliens here? The idea seemed absolutely ludacriss to me. I was shocked beyond words, and didn't know whether to run from him or run to him. Strangely, I wanted to do both. Again, for the second time in two days, Max pleaded with me not to tell anyone. Not to tell that he wasn't from earth. Not to tell that he had laid his hands on me and saved my life. Not to tell that aliens really did exist. And it was the most mind-wracking decision of my life.
But then he shows up at the café after everyone is gone. He had said that he saw me. Images of me. From before we even met. I couldn't seem to comprehend the fact that Max had seen my mind. But even more so, I couldn't comprhend the fact that next, he offered to let me see his mind. He put his hands on my face, and looked into my eyes with an intense gaze. And this is going to sound bizarre. It was the most intimate contact I had ever had with anyone in my life.
I could feel everything he was feeling. I could feel his loneliness. For the first time I was really seeing Max Evans, I saw me as he saw me, and the amazing thing was, in his eyes, I was beautiful
Next thing I know, Max was first and foremost in my thoughts. I couldn't get him out of my head.
Max Evans has put a force on me. It's like my whole life changed in an instant. It's just so ironic that when something like this finally happened to me, it was with an alien.
Suddenly, I was doing things I had never thought I would do. Like lying. To Alex. One of my two best friends in the whole world. And to Maria. The other part to mine and Alex's three stooges. And to Valenti. The sheriff, and father of the guy I'm dating. All because Max had asked me too. His hold over me is terrifying. Yet amazing and breathtaking at the same time. I couldn't help but wonder what would happen next.
But what he said later on that day almost made it worthwhile. He had told me how he and Michael and Isabel were all three aliens. And how they had to be so careful. The had never told anyone, because they thought their lives depended on it. I asked him why he had risked this all getting out just to heal me. And you know what he said? It was you. That's it. Three little words. He said them witch such conviction, it hit me hard. He had done it because it was me. Not because someone had gotten shot and was gonna die. But because I had gotten shot and was gonna die. Max had risked his life to save mine.
Maria was on to me. She knew I was keeping a secret. She knew something had happened at the Crashdown. She threatened to tell Valenti. So I did the only thing I could. I told her the truth. I did the exact thing Max had asked me not to do. But I did it to save him. I could only hope at the time he wouldn't hate me for it.
But telling Maria turned out the be the biggest relief of my life. I had someone to confide in. I should have known she would not have betrayed my trust. My rock was back. The strength and sanity that was my best friend was at my side once more. Part of me wanted to tell Alex. The three of us had never had any secrets. For goodness sakes, we had even told Alex when we started our periods. But then that hold that Max Evans had over me kicked in. I didn't tell Alex anything. Because Max had asked me not to.
Valenti started to ask me questions. I wasn't sure how to answer them, but I knew one thing. He was onto Max. And I had to help him. He had saved my life, and this was the least I could to to repay him. So Maria and I helped him, Max, and Michael carry out a plan that I hoped would get Valenti off their case. I could tell Michael and Isabel didn't trust me. I wondered why Max did. What was it about me that had made him trust me? I knew I had to help them, or Michael and Isabel would never trust me. Or Maria for that matter. So we did what we had to do. I think it satisfied Valenti for now. At least he will lay back. Now, we just have to be careful.
Standing there, after we carried out our plan, my emotions were doing somersaults in my heart. Being so close to Max was intoxicating. I wanted more of him. But he told me I couldn't have it. That we were too different. That our worlds wouldn't mix, and we shouldn't either. I felt my heart break, and I wondered what was wrong with me? What was it that was causing me to feel so much emotion towards him? It was kicking in again. That hold that Max had over me.
So I just told him Thank you. For saving my life. As I sit here, writing, I wonder if that was a stupid thing to say. Thank you. Should I have said more? Was that just a petty remark in light of what it was he had done for me? Now that I think about it, it sounded kind of lame. But isn't that what Joe Black said to the girl he fell in love with at end of Meet Joe Black? He said. Thank you for loving me. So, why did his Thank You seem so much more poignant than mine? I was thanking Max for saving me, not loving me. I couldn't think of anything better to sat at the time, and I still can't. Maybe I said the right thing after all.
Funny, how Max Evans had become the biggest and most interesting part of my life in the last five days. How with one simple act he had become the one person that consumed my every thought. My every word. And we aren't even the same species. Life sure did have a funny way of throwing you things when you least expect them.
It's September 24th, I'm Liz Parker and five days ago I died. But then the really amazing thing happened. I came to life.
Allrighty, guys. Let the FB Roll!!
[ edited 6 time(s), last at 20-Jun-2002 12:40:14 AM ]
|posted on 22-May-2002 6:11:27 AM by ISLANDGIRL5|
|Oh yeah, and I forgot. This will be a Liz POV fic. So any parts that don't have Liz in them my or may not be mentioned. This will get better as the events get more interesting.|
|posted on 23-May-2002 1:40:15 AM by ISLANDGIRL5|
|okay, guys. I posted this note on all my other fics.|
Allrighty, guys. Here's the deal. I am so sick right now, and I was going to type up new parts to Chasing Arizona and Where the Road Leads, and Destiny Always Comes with a Price. But I just don't feel good at all. And on top of that, I am stuck at work. I have a bottle of Dayquil attached to my hip, but I don't think it's working.
I hate to keep you guys waiting, but I just can't promise anything. I am going to try my hardest to get something out, but I'm not promising. Even as I write this, I keep having to turn away to sneeze or cough. I feel a visit to the doctor coming on very soon.
I hope you guys don't hate me for taking so long. I love you guys for waiting, really I do!! Thanks for being patient and understanding.
Pray for me
PS. If nothing comes out today, then Saturday is the day. And I can promise that!
Buuuuuuuttt, I already had this written, so why not post it now. Here ya go....Part 2.
THE MORNING AFTER
September 27. I'm Liz Parker and I will never look at the stars in the sky the same way again. I'll never look at anything the same way again. What did Max Evans mean when he said, "I'll see you in school?" Was it "I won't be able to breathe until we meet again" or was it just something someone says to, like, fill space? And what is he thinking right now? Is he also obsessed, tortured, going through one sleepless night to the next, wondering what's going to happen between us?
I've been wracking my brain, trying to rationalize this situation as best as it can be. Max seems fine with it. I mean, to him, "I'll see you at school meanst just that." But for me, I can't help but wonder if there is some mysterious hidden meaning to anything he does or says. I mean, after all, doesn't mysterious sum up the being that is Max Evans in just one word? Suddenly, I can't help but wonder if everything about him is has a hidden meaning. Like when I saw him in a long sleeved shirt. I wondered if he was trying to hide some weird alien mark, like that glowing silver handprint he left on my abdomen. Or when he left class to go to the bathroom. I couldn't help but wonder if that was really where he was going.
How did he do that? How did Max Evans change my whole world in an instant? How did he flip my life so far around that I don't even remember the Liz Parker I was ten days ago? The Liz Parker that laughed at the thought of real aliens. The Liz Parker that would have never lied to Alex or Maria. The Liz Parker that thought Max Evans was just another boy. I find myself trying to figure out whether or not I miss that Liz Parker. The Liz Parker that thought everything in her life was....normal.
Maria and I have found ourselves slipping into corners, heads togther, a lot more often than normal. And more than once, we've already gotten caught talking about our other-worldly umm...friends. So, she decided we should call them Czechoslavakians. Leave it to Maria to name them after a country that hasn't been a country for ten years. And leave it to Alex to catch on and ask about it. Lamely, Maria and I fumbled an explanation out of the air. But I don't think he buys it. There goes that Max Evans hold on me again. Now he's got me convincing Maria to lie for him.
I decided to push all thoughts of Max Evans out of my head to concentrate on school. If only for one day. Then I had geometry. With Max.. Even geometry class is a whole new concept for me now. I tried to concentrate on Math. You know, triangles, angles, numbers. But then Max caught my eye.
The thing about Czechoslovakians that you sorta have to factor in, is they have these incredibly soulful eyes
We had a substitute. There was a lady named Mrs. Topolsky in for Mr. Singer today. Normal, right? Wrong. Nothing in Roswell is as it seems. At least not anymore. You know what she asked? She asked if we believe in aliens. I almost choked on my breath. My heart rate hit the roof, and I was sure everyone in class could see my pulse throbbing at my temples. But then I caught Max's eyes. And I was lost. With just a glance, he managed to calm my heart and slow my pulse. Do Czechs have powers in their eyes or something? I mean, with those eyes, Max Evans could take over the world.
Anyway, she asks questions about Michael. Automatically, I'm suspicious. I mean, of all the classrooms in all the schools in all of New Mexico, she walks into mine. I talk to Max, but he shrugs it off. Next thing I know, she's taking attendance. I tried to recall the last time one of my subs actually took attendance. Not one time pops into my mind. I try to brush my fears off as overreacting. Being involved in this whole Czech thing has made me way to observant. I actually manage to have an okay time. Until lunch.
At lunch, I'm discussing things with Maria. And she wants to tell Alex. Everything. I feel the guilt smack me in my chest. We can't tell Alex. Maria and I have to keep this secret from the one person in our lives who knows everything about us. Why? Because Max asked me too. I'm really starting to hate that sentence.
Then there's Kyle. We saw each other over the summer, but right now, I just can't deal with him. But I can't not deal with him. So I just brush him off for the time being. I mean, what am I gonna say? ‘I'm sorry Kyle, but I can't see you anymore. Max Evans is an alien, and ever since he healed me when I got shot, I can't get his face out of my mind.' Yep. That one would go over like a lead balloon.
So, back to this Michael thing. Max didn't think Topolsky asking questions about him was a big deal. But I did. So, what did I do? I went to Michael. He seems a bit more untrusting then Max. Maybe he can sense what I sense in Topolsky. That she's not who she seems to be.
Back to geometry again. This time, Topolsky is standing in front of class talking about triangles. She tells us that the sum of the angles in a triangle is 360. If that doesn't set off warning bells in Max's head, I don't know what will. The sum of angles in a triangle is 180. After that, Max saw Topolsky in her office talking with Valenti and some guy. Then he gets suspicious.
So, he enlists me to help him with a stake out on Topolsky from the eraser room. Normal, right? Wrong again. Maria goes ballistic. Swears that the eraser room takes your innocence. That the eraser room is not just for cleaning erasers. That the eraser room is not what it seems. Know what I think? This is Roswell. Nothing is as it seems.
We get to the eraser room, and I can't help but be jittery. But then I start asking Max all these questions. Things Maria and I had to know. For a moment, it was like we were just two kids, having a conversation. As Max opened up to me, I saw a bit of what makes him ....him. Bit by bit, he's chipping away at that wall of mystery that's built around him. And bit by bit, I find myself wanting to tear it down completely. So there we are, talking about Max. And I told him that I wished I could be invisible. And for the umpteenth time in the last few days, Max Evans took my breath away in his words. He told me that sometimes, he wished he didn't have to be so invisible.
Then there's Alex. Again. He can tell that Maria and I are acting weird. And that doesn't surprise me. Of course he could tell. I wonder how long we will be able to keep this secret from him. So, he confronts us. Says he wants answers. Wants to know what is going on with us. And guess what I did. I lied to him. Again.
Then, Max and I go over to Michael's house. Topolsky is going over there to question him, so we tell Michael to stay away, and we go over to see what she wants.
That's when Kyle shows up. And almost ruins everything. Funny thing is, he doesn't blow Max's cover. He blows mine. Topolsky saw me waiting in the Jeep. I knew she would approach me. And I was right. She came to me at school, and told me she needed to speak to Michael. That he is in danger of being expelled. She says that she is the new Guidance counselor, and that she wants to help him. Deep down inside, I couldn't help but wonder if that was the real reason she went to see him. My suspiscions are rising again.
And for that, part of me wants to hate Max Evans. For taking the normalcy out of my life. But then, shouldn't I throw my arms around his neck, and profess my undying gratitude? He did, after all save my life. And now, I find myself noticing the little things I never noticed before...before I died. Like how refreshing the water is that comes from the water fountain outside the gymnasium. Or how soft the cotton is that my bedspread is made of. Or how safe I feel when I'm curled up in a chair on my balcony. If it wasn't for Max taking the normalcy out of my life, I wouldn't even have a life. But I do. It's just a little different now. A little more....secretive.
Ever since I found out about Max and Michael and Isabel, I've been thinking a lot about secrets.That for everyone who has a secret, there's someone else who needs to know what that secret is.How sometimes secrets keep people from feeling like they belong.And sometimes secrets make you feel like you do belong.And now even I, Liz Parker, the smallest of small town girls with the simplest of lives-- even I have something to hide.
[ edited 1 time(s), last at 23-May-2002 2:22:13 AM ]
|posted on 27-May-2002 3:10:00 AM by ISLANDGIRL5|
|Roswellluver, Rapunzel, KitKat, and BLS40-Thanks for the FB. Even if it's only four people, it makes writing worth while!|
Allrighty. This part is for MONSTERS, and LEAVING NORMAL. Two episodes in one part.
They were too short to post alone, so here goes....
I'm sitting in class, and Ms. Topolsky's talking about the future. What it holds. How you find it. She says that in ancient times, man looked to the heavens for the answer. And that struck me as funny. Not a good, makes you want to laugh funny. But a bad, makes you want to cry funny. Because ever since Max made himself a part of my life, I too have been looking upwards for my future. I can't help but wonder how someone up there could be so cruel as to send Max here to live life alone. I mean, he says we can't do anything, because we're too different. He's going to be alone for the rest of his life. How cruel can life get?
Listening to Topolsky I suddenly realized that it wasn't my future I was worried about at all. My future was filled with all kinds of promise, if I could just get through my present.
Maria rear ended Sheriff Valenti today. And I bet it was a sight to see. She probably OD'ed on the cedar oil afterwards. And I would laugh about it. If it had been funny. And it would have been if it hadn't been so dangerous. Because Isabel Evans was in the car with her. What if something had happened? What if the Sheriff had found Isabel out? She, Michael, and Max would have been in trouble. But Maria says it was just a fender bender. She swears that Isabel was playing with her head. She's actually scared of Isabel. Now that's something to laugh about! Before we found out that Isabel was....Czechoslovakian, Maria would have laughed in her face. Probably made some snide comment about her less than friendly presence and insulted her Christian Dior wardrobe. But now, she's scared to death Isabel's gonna use some weird alien power on her. I really have to let Maria watch ET. And maybe Starman. So she knows that not all aliens are bad.
I saw a poster on the wall at school today. It had some funny looking alien creature on it, making fun of something. So I ripped it off. I wonder if its humiliating for Max, Michael and Isabel to see stuff like that. Things making fun of what they really are. Its things like that poster that fuel Maria's overactive imagination.
Topolsky's on this kick about finding out about all the students. She's been asking questions. Like what our dream jobs would be. Where we actually see ourselves in ten years. Then she wants to do this relationship thing. Why do guidance counselors do that? Why do they ask you these questions that are extremely important, yet make them sound so lame and simple? I mean, our futures, where our lives are going, that's important stuff. So, why do they feel that we need to share it with them?
Then, after we all had our little one on one's with Topolsky, Max was acting weird. I can't explain it. He was just....I don't know. Different. He was talking to me, then he says something about a tree. How did he go from me to a tree? So I ask him if he could talk to Isabel. Ask her to stop freaking Maria out. When Maria is freaked out, everyone's treading on thin ice. And that can't be good for any of us.
So, I had another meeting with Topolsky. She was asking me all kinds of questions. About how I picked Science as a career. How I knew it was right. So I told her that the world is mysterious, and holds so many unanswered questions and that science is they way to figure everything out. Because science has answers. Facts. And I used to believe that. But, now I'm not so sure. Because I don't think science has answers to the questions I've asked myself in the past few days. Like how is it possible that Max has claimed my every thought? How is it possible that someone who's lived just down the street from you forever is suddenly the one important thing in your life? How is it possible that Max Evans would stir up a loyalty inside me that I never even knew I had? How is it possible that fate would be so cruel as to allow me feel things for someone I know I can never have? Those are the kinds of things Science will never be able to answer. I don't think anything will ever be able to answer them.
So, now Maria's having these weird dreams. She says she saw Max and Isabel in her dreams, and that they were...green. She says they looked exactly like ...aliens. She swears that Isabel visited her in her dreams. Sometimes, I have to wonder about Maria's sanity.
Now Max is having doubts about Maria. I convinced him that she could handle it. That I could handle her. I told him she was calm That she's trustworthy. That she's the Fort Knox of friends. She's like a fortress. When she puts up her walls, noone can break in. I trust Maria. I'd trust her with my life. And now, I'm trusting her with Max's.
Then Max was talking about the tree again. Said someone told him not to get stuck behind them. And still, I don't understand what he's talking about. He gets more and more mysterious every time I see him.
Maria had a meeting with Valenti today. About her little accident. And do you know what she did? Exactly what I knew she would do. She went in there told him about the accident, and kept our secret. That's why she's my best friend. Because you can always count on her when the going gets tough. And I hope I have her there for the rest of my life. You know, to count on.
The future was always so clear to me. A straight path towards my goal. I just never counted on there being any intersections. I guess that's what makes life more interesting. Keeping yourself open, letting new people in, changing your mind.
It's October 19th. I'm Liz Parker and this is what I've been thinking. Can life ever go back to normal?
Now there's an orthodontist convention in town. I mean, why do tooth people want to meet here? And the Crashdown is busier than ever. And Jose, well, he's Jose. He's moody. The crowds just make him even more so. I guess that's one thing that will always seem normal.
Part of me wants safety, wants to go back to how things were, to a life that I could predict, where I know how life is going to be. And the other part of me wants to go somewhere else, into the unknown.
Max came in today. Not that that's unusual or anything. But I made a complete fool of myself. He orders and alien blast. And guess what I did? I ordered one too! I mean, what was I thinking? It's one thing to have thoughts about Max. But it's one thing to tell him I'm having them. Now, Maria's catching me in the halls when I am standing around waiting for Max, but also...checking athletic schedules. Yeah, that's what I was doing. Checking athletic schedules.
Well, Grandma Claudia came to visit today. Remember how I said that Maria was the Fort Knox of friends? Well, Grandma Claudia, she's like the Disney Land of grandmas. She's the grandma to end all. She's just great. Like the one person in my life that I can say with certainty loves me with no conditions.
So, I'm talking to her, and we're talking about guys. She asks about the man in my life. So I tell her about Kyle. How he's just...there. And in a way, I tell her about Max. But how do I really tell her about Max? How do I tell her that this...boy...has claimed part of me? How do I tell her that he's invading my thoughts, my life, my heart? How do I tell her that's he become a huge part of my life, without really being a part of my life? How do I tell her this without betraying his confidence?
I have this great night planned out. And I'm on my way home, with Kyle, when I see the ambulance. Grandma was rushed to the hospital. She had a stroke. So, my family, and Kyle and I are all at the hospital. And guess what I do. I call Max. And I'm not even sure why. That's how far into my life he's gotten. Something major happens, and he's the first one I call. Not Maria. Not Alex. Max. I told him not to come. But he did. And things were weird to say the least. Between Max and Kyle. Between me and Kyle. Between me and Max. I mean, we agreed to chill out. Not be...involved. So, why do we keep doing just that? Now Max is acting even stranger. If that's even possible. It's like he's pulling away. Avoiding me. He just seems different.
I went to Max. I apologized for calling him. And for making things awkward. But I told him I couldn't help it. I was listening to my heart. And my heart told me to call him. And then, I asked him what I couldn't stop thinking about. I asked him if he could help my grandmother. But he can't. Because what's happening to her is natural. And that's the one thing he can't heal or stop. Nature.
Kyle and I broke up. I mean, his friends beat Max up. Over what? Me! The me that he can't even have a relationship with . The me that he risked his life, and Isabel's and Michael's to save. I can't believe that Kyle would have friends like that. I can't believe that I would date someone who had friends like that. It's repulsive. I mean, Max, of all people. The last person in the world who would hurt anyone. And with all the powers he's got, he just let them beat him up.
Max did come to the hospital. He said he couldn't help her, but that he could help me. He helped me say goodbye.
I told her how much she meant to me. How she had always managed to make me feel special. How I didn't know what I would do without her. She said. I would be fine. She said that she sees herself in me. And that the excitement I have in life is a memory she'll take with her and treasure forever. But she made me make a promise to her. She made me promise her that I would always follow my heart. Wherever it takes me.
The tough thing about following your heart is what people forget to mention, that sometimes your heart takes you to places you shouldn't be, places that are as scary as they are exciting and as dangerous as they are alluring, and sometimes your heart takes you to places that can never lead to a happy ending.
And that's not even the difficult part. The difficult part is when you follow your heart, you leave normal, you go into the unknown.
And once you do, you can never go back.
|posted on 30-May-2002 11:51:34 PM by ISLANDGIRL5|
It's funny how the world changes sometimes, how the streets you walked your entire life seem darker, colder. How the silence isn't so quiet anymore. How eyes you've barely even noticed now look at nothing but you. How the walk home every night is no longer routine, but a victory. And then you begin to wonder...maybe it's not the world that's changed. Maybe it's just you.
And then, suddenly...you begin to wonder all over again.
Isn't the world a different place now? Now that I know some of the things I know, it makes the world different. I used to think that the world was a great place. A safe, happy world where there was nothing that couldn't be made better. I mean, I could see Anne Frank's ‘in spite of everything, I think people are really good at heart' and raise her one. I used to think that everybody had someone to love. And that in turn loved them back. Because, after all, if the world was full of love, then how bad could it possibly get?
But that was the old Liz Parker. The naive little girl who lived in a safe little bubble that was burst wide open the day max Evans changed her life by saving it. The Liz Parker I am now is lot smarter than that. Because she knows exactly what it is this world has to offer. And to some people, it's not a whole lot.
What exactly does the world have to offer someone who's ...different? Someone who doesn't look the same, talk the same, dress the same, or maybe even someone who's made a little differently than you. What can the world offer them? A life of fear. A life spent hiding and running from people who consider themselves normal. People who want to destroy thm because being different threatens them somehow. People who are afraid of them because they are unique.
When Max told me his secret, he made himself a part of my life. He made me realize things I had been staring straight at all my life, but never really saw. He made me feel things that I had hidden deep inside me forever, but never really felt. In a way, he brought out a whole new Liz Parker. I didn't know what to do. Or how to react. So I did the only thing I could think of doing. I wrote everything down.
Sure, I could have told Maria, But it's not the same. Sometimes, when I am talking to her, or telling her about my feelings, sometimes I have a problem talking. I have a problem putting my thoughts into words. And sometimes an even harder time saying them out loud. Even when I do, sometimes, they don't make sense. But when I'm writing, it's different. When I write, my words have a way of flowing like the ink from this pen. Smoothly. Sensibly. Freely. I never thought that my thoughts and feelings put down on paper could ever be dangerous. But they are. Extremely dangerous. If the wrong people ever got a hold of this, it would mean the end of a life for Max, Isabel, and Michael. And I'm not sure that I could live with that on my shoulders.
So, imaging my panic when I realized that my journal was gone. The very journal that I hold in my hands at this exact moment. There are things in here that are secrets. And they should be kept that way. Things that could force people I ....care about into the very same lifestyle I wrote about. All because they're different.
I almost caved today. Mrs. Topolsky found me in a classroom by myself. I was in need of some serious alone time, in light of having my journal taken. I needed to think. But did I get to? A very short NO. So, anyways, she finds me there, and for one fleeting moment, one second that was gone before I knew it, I wanted to tell her. But I didn't. This image of Max flashed through my head, and I didn't tell her. That was the moment I realized I had to protect Max. Or maybe that was the moment I realized, that more than anything, I wanted to protect Max.
I had to tell him. I had to tell Max that m journal was gone. And with it, everything he had...done to me. Everything he had told me, and shown me. Starting with that day in the Crashdown. And I almost couldn't do it. Not because I thought he'd be mad or anything. But because I knew he'd be scared. I wasn't sure I could handle having to tell Max that because of me, his secret could be exposed. That because of me, his life was possibly in danger.
I tried looking everywhere for it. And couldn't find it anywhere. Then mom comes into my room, and says something about Alex. I just about went off the deep end and the thoughts in my head were flying by a mile a minute. I suspected her! Just because she had made some off the wall comment, I suspected mom. Mom who has never once invaded my privacy all my life.
But then Max shows up. And what does he think? He thinks Kyle took it. Kyle! Sure, the guys upset because we broke up. And yeah, he's more than a little jealous that Max and I are...close. But I'm not so sure he'd ever steal over it. But Max was adamant. Positive that Kyle took it. I disagreed. Then just to make sure, I went to see Kyle. He had come to my room and left me a CD, and I just wanted to make sure that was all he did. Left a CD. But Kyle started talking about the truth. And about secrets, and keeping them from people. And then I wasn't so sure. I thought that maybe he would steal after all. Next thing I know, Max and I are searching, illegally, might I add, Kyle's room. And, much to my relief, we came up empty handed.
Then something happened. And if it hadn't been for the events of the past month, I'd say it was really strange. But with everything that's happened to me lately, I'm not so sure why I was suprised. But when Michael Guerin showed up with my journal, I was exactly that, to say the least. He said he had to know what I'd written. He said he never meant for things to get out of hand, but that he was glad I was a friend. He asked me not to tell Max. And this time, for a change, it wasn't Max that took away my breath with his words. It was Michael. He thanked me. And told me that by reading my journal, I had given him one more reason to envy Max Evans.
Max was relieved. I told him I was sorry. For writing. And he told me not to be. But I told him he inspired things in me that I had to put into words. Things I wanted to make sure I never forgot. But the funny thing is- the things that Max Evans has done to me, the way he's made me feel, are things I know without a doubt that I will remember for the rest of my life.
October 28th. I've missed a few days. But in my absence I've been thinking about some things, about life before Max Evans saved me, of how I used to pray for something to happen, something to just break the routine, you know, of school and work...something that would make a small town feel bigger, that would make a small town girl feel bigger, too. And ever since I got my wish and Max Evans patched a bullet hole 2 inches below my ribs, I realized one thing...that the bigger your world gets, the bigger your problems get, too.
All righty. Sorry this part is so short. But the next two parts, have to be posted together, since the eppy's were TBC. Hope you like!
|posted on 31-May-2002 3:19:11 AM by ISLANDGIRL5|
I know, I'm terrible...
|posted on 20-Jun-2002 12:39:05 AM by ISLANDGIRL5|
|This part is for Roswellluver, KitKat, and Rapunzel.|
Thanks for reading, guys!
This is two eppys in one. HOpe you like.
I've been thinking a lot about life lately. About how lucky I am to have all the answers to all the questions that anyone ever asks about themselves. I know exactly when and where I was born.. I know what I am, and who I am. I can even trace my family tree back 7 generations. But Max and Isabel Evans can't. Neither can Michael Guerin. They can't even trace their family tree back one generation. As matter of fact, their family trees are more like twigs. Because the only names on them are their own. I can't imagine what it feels like to know nothing about your past. Who you are. Where you came from. I can't help but think of how strange it must be to know nothing about your life before you were six years old. And the scary thing is....What if someone found out before they did? The thought is frightening.
I know. Its an odd thing to think about. It's just that Mr. Sommers has us doing this project. He wants us to be historians for a day. He wants us to find out all about our partners and write an oral history report to read in class tomorrow. Interesting right? WRONG! He seems to have paired us with our....how can I put this nicely?....oh yeah. .worst enemies. That's it. It's like he did this survey of everyone and put us with someone we are 100 percent uncompatible with. Like who? You ask? Well, he put me with Isabel Evans. Maria with Michael and oh yeah. Possibly the worst partnership ever in the history of West Roswell High. He put Max with Kyle. As if that wasn't scary enough in itself, how dangerous is it? I mean, Kyle hates Max. And I know Max isn't exactly crazy about Kyle either. Things could get really ugly. I hope they don't need a referee. Because I'd sort of like to stay as far away from the two of them together as possible.
So, we're sitting at the Crashdown. Me and Isabel are working, as are Kyle and Max. At least it looks like they're working. Then I get this really strange phone call from Maria. She kept talking to Michael, and not to me. She wouldn't even answer my questions. I kept hearing her say something about being on 285 South. Then the line just went dead. I didn't freak out. I told Max and Isabel, and they were going to go find them.
So, I convinced them to let me go with them. So, I called Mom to tell her I was spending the night with Maria. Isabel started to chastise me about being the perfect little girl lying to her mother. And I was really proud of myself. I shut her up when I told her that at least my mom knew what species I was.
I had an insight into the real Isabel Evans tonight. I know part of the reason for her hostility towards me. Her unfriendliness. It's because she's scared. No, wait she's terrified. She's terrified that I will take her brother away from her. But that's where I found the one thing that makes me and Isabel the same. The one thing we have that's common grond. Because I'm scared too. No, wait I'm terrified. Terrified that she'll take him away from me.
I tried to tell them that maybe we should call our parents. Maybe we should tell them. I thought that maybe there was someway they could help us. They didn't agree. Deep down, I'm not sure I did either. It's just that I'd do anything if it meant keeping Maria safe.
So, we are on our way, and we hit a dead end. Literallly. There's a roadblock in the road, and it's blocking the exact path we need to take to get to Michael and Maria. Can this night get any worse?
Isabel got out of the Jeep tonight to go and sweet talk some information about the roadblock from the officers. So, Max and I are left. Alone. And it go so thick in there, I almost lost my breath. I asked Max if he thought it was still a good idea for us not to...develop any feelings for each other. I didn't tell him that I'd already developed those feelings for him. And that they get stronger and stronger and even harder for me to supress with each passing day. He never answered me. He started to lean in closer, and his hand was headed towards my face. All time seemed to stop as I could feel his lips on mine. I could feel his hands in my hair as he pulled me closer. But it never happened. He reached behind me and patched a hole in the roof of the jeep. He said to keep me warm. And I can't help but wonder if him not answering me was a good sign or bad. Cause right now, it could be either.
Then we see Maria's car parked outside of some sleazy looking motel. And to think I was worried that he had kidnapped her. So anyway, we go into their room and find them in a very compromising position, to say the least. But then we realize that everything is not as it seems.
As if things couldn't get any worse, Kyle shows up. What was the guy doing? Following me? Or worse yet, following Max? After a tense little...um showdown, I had to tell Kyle to leave, that I wasn't his girlfriend anymore, and that what I was doing didn't involve him. At least he left without anymore questions.
I made them tell us what we were doing. What we were chasing. Maria and I had to know. I mean, we were involved in this conspiracy now. Whether we liked it or not. All the secrets needed to be in the open. Apparently, Michael has been on this kick about finding about who he is and where he comes from. He's going to Marathon, Texas, where he believes thers a clue there for him. He's had these visAnd lately, his only goal has been to find it.
So, we get to Marathon, and this builidng is like the same exact thing that Michael saw in his vision. We go in, and the place is ransacked. Somebody had been there, looking for something. Then Michael has this key, and he gets a vision of a hidden room. So, we are in the hidden room and suddenly, someone else is there. We all hold our breath, waiting to see what happens. And whoever it was there gets attacked. Now things are getting dangersous.
All logic is gone. Here were my plans last night - finish my shift, dinner with the parents, half hour of talking to Maria on the phone, then dive into this issue I've been having with geometry, and hopefully finish in time to watch this A&E biography on Madame Curie. Instead, I took off in an open-air vehicle that probably shouldn't be allowed on the road to begin with, broke into a house, essentially stole things from it, and engaged in general bonding with aliens. Welcome to my world.
I used to love my world. It used to be mine. It used to be safe. It used to be normal. Now it's anything but. There's no such thing as an ordinary day. No such thing as an ordinary life. And there is definitely no such thing as ordinary in Roswell. I've had to find that out the hard way.
This thing with Maria and Michael is getting weird too. She's developing a...thing for him. I know she is. She keeps talking about him and it's really funny. She's talking about his hair, the way he talks, even the way he drives. She'd never admit it, but I think Maria Deluca has a crush.
I'm getting kind of worried about Kyle. Not about Kyle himself. About the problem that Kyle poses. I'm worried that he's gonna expose Max. He can't really expose him, because he doesn't know anything. I'm just worried that Kyle is out to get Max.
So, when were were in Texas, Isabel found this necklace with a weird symbol on it. She took it because she recognized the symbol. Now we find out that the native American Deputy said he's seen that symbol at the reservation. And I decide I'm going to go. Because part of this situation is because of me. Well, I didn't really ask to be shot, I didn't ask Max to heal me, and I definitely didn't ask to be part of an alien conspiracy. . But I was, he did, and I am. So, I have to help. I convinced Max to let me take the pendant, and I went.
I was looking through some jewelry and stuff, and this weird Indian guy came up to me and demanded to see the necklace. Then he wanted to know where we got it, where it came from, how many people know about it. He wants answers.
The next night, this Indian guy named Eddie comes to the Crashdown and wants me to meet Riverdog, the old Indian guy, at the reservation. Alone. Of course I go. But, of course, I don't go alone. Max went with me. So, we go, and Eddie meets us. He's a bit unsure because I brought Max, then he tells us there gonna be a test and only then can we meet Riverdog and talk to him. So, he leads us through the forest, and then just leaves us. I found a cave, and I started to go in, then someone grabbed me. And I almost panicked, because it was dark and I couldn't see anything. Then Max makes some light in the cave, and all of a sudden, Riverdog lets me go and he says Max has passed the test.
Riverdog told us all kinds of stuff. He told us who the man with the necklace was, where he got it, and about someone he knew once. A friend. Someone like Max. Another alien. And he showed us some drawings. On the cave. That his alien friend had left for others like him. Riverdog said that so far, we are the only ones that have seen the wall.
We started to leave, and Riverdog pulled me aside. He knew I wasn't one of them. And he told me something. Something that made me think really hard. He told me to make sure that Max deserves my trust.
I've thought about trust. And how far people will go for someone they know. And trust. Truth is, Max trusts me. I know that. Because he never would have saved my life that day in the Crashdown. And he never would have told me the truth. About who he is. About who he isn't. I'm Liz Parker, and I've realized something. Max deserves more than my trust. He put his life and the life of Isabel and Michael on the line because he trusted me. Max Evans deserves my unwavering loyalty. And I am going to do everything in my power to make sure he gets it.