|posted on 22-May-2002 2:36:57 PM by DMartinez|
Disclaimer: Characters belong to Metz, Katims and UPN. No infringement intended.
Summary: A letter to the parents.
Why I Left
Dear Mom and Dad,
I know you're worried and I should have let you know where I was going but… I didn't know where I was going. I'm here now and here is Roswell, New Mexico. I followed my heart here and it feels like home. I have a connection to this place.
Why didn't you tell me I was adopted? I love you but I know I'm not yours, not biologically. I know I have a father somewhere… just like I know that I don't have a mother. Nothing makes sense anymore but there are things I know to be true. Are there any records to help me find him?
I walk around and nothing calls out to me but I know this is home. There was this one house but it felt empty. It wasn't. There was an old couple that lived there but… I don't know what I'm trying to say. I saw the house and felt a connection to the place, like a memory but how could I remember anything? I've been with you two longer than I can remember. I walked up to the house and I sat on the swing on the porch. It felt familiar, like déjà vu but something was missing. I left before the couple even knew I was there. I should have knocked and asked but I couldn't.
Know that I love you but I had to leave. I have dreams of my father. He looks a lot like me… but I guess that's just a subconscious representation of his role in my life. In my dreams he's holding me and smiling, just watching me. Then his hand lifts and touches my forehead. That moment is the most clear, when his hand touches me. I feel whole and loved. One thing I can't shake is the look in his eyes the whole time. I see love, regret, sadness… but mostly love.
I've walked this town all over and I haven't even found a spark of anything. I know that when I find him, I'll feel it in my soul. That when he's finally in front of me, I'll know it's him. I don't know how I'll feel when I do find him but I'll know that this man is my father. I wish I could say I would hate him or that I would love him but all I know is that I will know him.
I will always love you guys but this is something I have to do. Something in me says that it is time to learn about who I am. All I ask of you is not to come looking for me. I'll keep in touch and I'll try to stay safe. Please don't worry about me.
Love, your son forever,