posted on 26-May-2002 12:36:29 PM by Maria
AUTHOR: Carolyn (aka Maria)
I don't own anyone of the show, nor the show itself. do not sue.
CATEGORY: Max/Liz
SYNOPSIS: Liz is writting in her diary. No specific time in the show, though you will recognize a few events. It's after graduation though, but Liz didn't get any flashes, and they are still in roswell... Sorta like after graduation but without the epi graduation...

*****
PART 1

July 15th
Journal entry 103

I'm Liz Parker and summer's halfway over. I don't know whether to look at it as half-empty glass, or a half-full glass. Either way, part of it is over, part of it is yet to come. What should I expect? I really don't know. Just like I really didn't know what to expect of the whole events that followed graduation. Would it be safe to write all down? I don't think so. Maybe someday I'll find courage to let it all out, to relieve myself from the eternal angst burning up inside me. Once again, Max has something to do with it. Not only Max, but Isabel, Kyle, Maria and Michael. We were all part of it, once again. One big happy family. Only, that family isn't so happy anymore. Is everyone okay? Yes, everyone is fine. Are Max and I still an "item"? Of course. Then why can't I just say what I'm really feeling; why can't it all just flow out, just as it did ever since September 23rd? I'll try; here goes nothing.

*****
PART 2

It all began just a couple of weeks after the UFO Convention, on June 28th. Max had proposed just before graduation, so the wedding was going to be held on June 31st. I was getting nervous, you know how it is before the "big day." Max was always the sweetheart I knew he was, he stood by me the whole way, always asking how I felt and all. That's just what I wanted; someone to be there for me when I needed him, either than Maria, of course. She was there for me also, but she gave Max and I some space, which led her to Michael along the way. They are so great together, I just can't believe they had broken up in the first place.

Ok, I have to focus. So, three days and counting, and I became this nervous freakshow. You know, ever since Max healed me, I had these "powers", sort of this green zip-zap funny business bolting from my hands; like when I sent Tess flying across the room, I liked that! Well, this time, instead of speeding out of my body, it seemed like all the energy just stayed inside and slowly turned me mad. I was going insane and I didn't even realize it was that serious. Why was this happening? I don't even know to this date. All I knew was that I couldn't control a thing, and it was becoming pretty scary.

TBC?

[ edited 1 time(s), last at 15-Jun-2002 5:49:13 PM ]
posted on 27-May-2002 7:58:40 PM by Maria
hehe yeah it will be longer... and yes, there will be more parts! soon! I promise! until then... carpe diem! lol
Carolyn
posted on 15-Jun-2002 5:47:47 PM by Maria
PART 3

So, on the 28th of June, we were all together (me, Max, Maria, Michael, Isabel, Jesse and Kyle) near the pod chambers. We were just talking about the wedding, nothing harmful; we were laughing, shouting out jokes, and predicting how exactly the turn of event was going to be. Maria then started talking about the whole "I do" part and it was then that I just started crying. For no reason, tears flowed out of me, against my will. I didn't know why, I didn't want this to happen but I had to control over it. I covered my face with my hands, hoping that no one had seen me, but just at that moment, Max took my wrist and asked me if I was allright. When he obviously saw that someting abnormal was going on with me, he said that he would be taking me home so that I could rest. I can still remember everyone looking at me, it seemed as though they were constantly judging me, wondering when I was going to breakdown and just give up. But then again, that could have been just me.

Anyways, when Max and I got home, he accompanied me to our room and laid down with me in bed. I couldn't stop crying, and I wanting to scream at him that I was fine, but I just couldn't control myself. But the tears stopped me from saying what I really wanted me to say. Instead, I blurted out: "Do you still think about Tess?"

At that, I was kicking myself for it. I couldn't believe I sait that. I didn't really, I swear, I didn't want to. I wasn't even thinking of her at the time, she was long gone in my mind. Something was controlling me, and it wasn't me.

*****

PART 4

"What? Tess? Tess who?" Max joked, trying to lighten up the conversation.

When he saw that I wasn't laughing and that started to cry again, he said: "Liz, why are you asking me this right before our wedding? You know I don't care for her. I never cared for her the way I ever cared for you. Is everything okay?"

I burried my face in the soft pillows, wishing I never said what I said, wishing he had never heard me, wishing I were dead. Yes, dead. This was the only time in my life where I didn't want to live anymore. I said the unbelievable, the inthinkable, and I didn't want to stay alive for my answer. Never would I have thought that things could possibly even get worse. But they did.

"You know, Tess Harding? Yeah, your sweetie. The girl you slept with, you lost your virginity to. You know? It wasn't me, Max, and I think you and I both know that. I can't believe you ever did that to me. You are one sick bastard."

There it was. The end. I threw myself off of the bed, leaving Max confused, alone and crying himself then also. How could I have done such a thing? What was wrong with me? I ran to the bathroom and searched thoroughly for a razor. Any razor. Anything sharp. Just something. After a few seconds, I stumbled across Max's electric razor that he uses to shave in the morning. My vision was all blurry but I managed to figure out how the damn thing worked. Yes, there was a button. One little device that could end my life eternally. I flickered the razor on and off, testing the sharpness of it. When I judged it efficient enough, I slowly directed it towards my wrists. At that moment, Max flung into the bathroom and sent the razor flying across the room. I crumpled down to the floor, and passed out.

*****

PART 5

"Liz dear, look at me. Please don't leave me like this."

The voice sounded oh so very far away. I recognized a few moments later. It was Max. My husband-to-be. I tried to tell him that something was wrong with me, that it wasn't really me, not to listen to me, and just to leave there, cold and lonely. He slid his hand upon my cheek and gently caressed it. At that, I opened my eyes a little and the connection was immediate. I tried so hard to tell him what I needed to in a very short amount of time.

"It's not me Max! Help me! Someone's controlling me! Please, I love you!" I yelled out.

"I'm here, and I'm not leaving you. I'm want to help. Is there anything more you can tell me?" Max pleaded.

"It's, it's... KIVAR!"

The connection ended. I got up and jumped on Max, placed my hand on his neck and let the energy flow through me. I heard him yelling out of pain but I still fept my hand well anchored. I got a hold of myself and let go of my grip.

"MAX! Oh god, Max. What have I done? Can you hear me?" I cried.

"G-get... M-mich-ael..." he replied.

Michael. I ran to the phone and speed dialed his home phone number.

"Hello?" Maria voice answered, through giggles.

"Maria?"

"Liz?... Ssshhh Michael stop!" she started laughing again.

"Maria! This is really important. I need you and Michael to come at my place, and QUICK! I think Kivar's here and he's in me or something and he just hurt Max! Quick get here!"

"Ok, ok, we're on our way." Maria replied, fear filling her voice.

We hung up, and all I could do was wait, and hope I'd stay myself for now.

*****

PART 6

I sat on the couch watching Max roll on the floor out of pain. I didn't dare aproach him, afraid of hurting him once again. It had been around 10 minutes since I hung up the phone and I was allright ever since. So I thought moving up to him would be of no harm at all. I got up and slowly made my way to the place where Max was still being tortured. Suddenly, I felt my hands starting to burn again, and turned around and went straight for the couch. If Kivar was really inside of me, he was only waiting until I got close to react. I let my hands cool down and when they did, I burried my face into them, wondering just what I became, if I would ever lead a normal life again.

It was then that I heard a slight knock on the door. Not daring to get up, I yelled : "COME IN!" I heard the door unlock and Maria came running towards while Michael knelt down beside Max. A few minutes later, Isabel and Jesse rushed in, obviously worried as hell.

The minute I saw Isabel, I told her to get away, but only seconds too late. I was forced to get out of my seat and I leaped onto her. My hands grasped her neck and I started leaning on her with all my weight. Kivar was trying to kill her. Then, I heard myself say:

"How does it feel to be dying again Vilandra?"

At that, Jesse ran towards me, but I sent him flying across the room, making him crash into the dining room table. I returned my gaze to Isabel.

"So that's your new hubby, huh? Pretty lame successor I might add. You remember me, don't you? You remember us surely."

Through her pain and the pressure, she managed to respond:

"I told you I won't let you come back without paying for it. You hurt my brother; you messed with the wrong person."

She reached for my wrist and made a connection. Isabel was telling ME she wouldn't hurt me, but made no promise for Kivar. A rush of energy flowed right through me and she told me to let it pass so that I wouldn't be hurt. That's what I did, and that's when I gained repossession of myself. I felt as if part of me was dying, yet I lived through it. Isabel had killed Kivar and had freed me.

She let go of my wrist and when I opened my eyes, she closed hers. Her hand fell to her side.

"Isabel! Isabel, are you allright?" I asked.

Jesse got up from where I threw him and came up to us. Isabel didn't answer. I removed myself from on top of her and checked her pulse. Nothing. Tears started streaming down my cheeks when I realized what had happened.

"MAX! Where's Max?" I cried.

"What have you done?" Jesse asked.

Maria stood far away, fearing the situation. I looked desperatly at her, and she understood. She ran to where Max and Michael were. When she came back, Max was already running to his sister. He pushed Jesse aside and ignored to constant knocking that began on the front door. Maria answered and fell into the arms of the person on the other side of it. Kyle. We all knew Kyle had grown feelings for Isabel during the past few years and seeing her would destroy him. But Maria obviously couldn't hold him back.

"What happened?" he cried before he got to Isabel.

When he saw her, his face grew dim. He opened his mouth and let his jaw drop.

"Kyle..." I said to him.

"Will everyone just shut up?" Michael yelled.

He looked at everyone of us, trying to create a peaceful evironment for Max's healing duties.

After a few minutes, Max looked up at us in despair. Just like it did for Alex, Max seemed incapable of healing the dead. He laid his head on Isabel's stomach and started crying.

"NO!" Jesse cried. "Try harder! It has to work! I'm not leaving Isabel!"

"There's nothing I can do." Max replied, defeated and hopeless.

He all stood in our apartment, with everything looking oh so sinister. All I could do was wonder... Was I to be trusted?