posted on 29-May-2002 12:47:01 AM by JBehrsGurl
AU Story

Title: All That Glitter

Author: JBehrsGurl (ME!!!) –Email: swtlatinakisses⊕

Rating: R ~ NC-17

Category: UC/ Mostly CC

Summary: Liz and the gang are all famous in their own ways. But each has problems of their own that bring them together.

LOWDOWN: Liz is a famous model, along with Max, Isabel, and Michael. Michael’s a model/artist. Max and Isabel are called the ‘The Evans’ and are modeled together as one most of the time. (Don’t worry there is NO incest going on here!) Maria is a rising star in the music business and Alex has his own bands called Utopia and is VERY famous for his music. Tess is Liz’s representative and Kyle is a famous football player. Only Liz, Maria, Alex, Kyle and Tess know of each other from High School. Max, Isabel, and Michael know of each other because they grew up together. Each has a problem that will help link them all together as one.

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the story… The characters are all prop of WB/UPN, which ever I don’t care! Blah, Blah, Blah… But Jason Behr and Brendan Fehr are my love slaves!!! LoL I wish! Sergio’s mine though! Along with a couple other characters to come. –Imagine Sergio like Javier from Felicity!–

Author’s Note: I’m just playing with this idea for now I don’t know if you’ll even like it! So the destiny of this story rests souly in the hands of you the readers!


new banner!


P.g. 1 ~ Ch. 1 & 2
P.g. 3 ~ Ch. 3
P.g. 4 ~ Ch. 4
P.g. 5 ~ Ch. 5
P.g. 6 ~ Ch. 6
P.g. 8 ~ Ch. 7
P.g. 10 ~ Ch. 8
P.g. 12 ~ Ch. 9
P.g. 16 ~ Ch. 10
P.g. 18 ~ Ch. 11
P.g. 21 ~ Ch. 12
P.g. 24 ~ Ch. 13
P.g. 25 ~ Ch. 14
P.g. 28 ~ Ch. 15
P.g. 31 ~ Ch. 16
P.g. 33 ~ Ch. 17
P.g. 36 ~ Ch. 18
P.g. 38 ~ Ch. 19
P.g. 42 ~ Ch. 20
P.g. 46 ~ Ch. 21
P.g. 53 ~ Ch. 22
P.g. 57 ~ Ch. 23
P.g. 61 ~ Ch. 24
P.g. 65 ~ Ch. 25


I posted this for you *DreamingOfMax84*! Hehe

Chapter 1

Model Behavior


“Liz, Liz, Liz. You are SO hot in that! Okay girl now WORK IT!” The photographer snapped shots in Liz Parkers face, “Okay now loose the blouse and go lay on the bed over there.” He popped the lens off his camera and proceeded to change lenses and film, his thick European accent snapping orders at her.

Liz sighed and tossed her blue silk top across the room, “How do you want me to lay?” She asked standing topless in the room. Alanis Morissette’s “Hand’s Clean” Blasting overhead.

The photographer rushed around the room as if Liz wasn’t there.

“I SAID.” Liz cleared her throat loudly, “How do you want me to LAY?” she shouted annoyed.

“Oh Liz baby it doesn’t matter just entangle yourself in the sheets or something… and you know what? Loose the pants too. I don’t like the whole topless woman sunbathing thing.” He laughed as if he had said something funny.

Liz was not laughing.

“Fine.” She cursed him under her breath for wasting precious camera time. She removed her low rinse jeans and stalked over to the bed in just her hot pink thong.

“I likie Lizzie! I LOVE that color on you with that color skin! Did someone take a visit to the tanning salon for a fake and bake? Huh? Huh?” He nudged her with his elbow.

Liz rolled her eyes and groaned. She sat on the end of the four-post bed and began to wrestle in the sheets. Her hair was all over the place and she started to laugh. It was the same thing every time Sergio took her pictures. FUN. But lately fun was just a three-letter word to Liz. Yet she rolled around laughing and continuously tossing her hair out her face while Sergio snapped a photo here and there.

After 15 minutes of this tumbling around in the bed, Sergio went into the back and returned with a pillow and a large fan. His eyes light up at Liz and his grin grew. ‘F-U-N!’ He spelled out with his lips. He then plugged in the fan and turned it to about medium wind.

“Oh this is the fun part baby.” He winked at Liz.

Liz sat on the middle of the bed in wonder. What the hell was this crazy ass nut case going to do now? Then she saw it. A single feather fell from the pillow in his hands. Yup. He was insane alright, Liz thought.

The wind blowing her hair around in the air Liz covered her front with the cotton white sheets. She smiled and grinned for the camera. Then Sergio’s grin widened –if it was possible to do so anymore than it was- He threw the pillow to the fan, holding on the ends of the case.

Feathers blew all over the room covering Liz in its fuzz. She laughed some more remembering her earlier years of innocence. Her childhood was cut short but she managed to recollect from time to time a pillow fight with her sister Anjelica. The feathers touched and tickled her delicate skin, Liz was in bliss. Not a care in the world when she was modeling. It was all about her, all about whatever state of mind she was in for the camera to catch.

“Okay my little duckling time’s up. I’ve got the Evan’s next. Get clothed, cleaned whatever it is that you supermodels do after a photo session is finished.” He waved her away.

Liz giggled happily running over to kiss Sergio on his cheek, “Thanks for brightening my dull day Serg.” She smiled and ran to get her clothes.

Sergio shook his head and smiled inward. Liz was so perky, how could such a girl be so sad? She had nothing to depress her yet Sergio felt her pain whenever he looked at her through his lens. He shook his own thoughts away and smiled at Liz again.

Liz winked and put her long dark brown hair up in a simple ponytail. “Hey Serg?” She asked.

“Hmmm?” He said changing films.

“Who are these ‘Evans’ you speak of?” Liz wrinkled her small nose.

“What did I tell you about making those kinds of faces Lizzie P?” Sergio scolded her, flicking her nose.

Liz rolled her eyes dramatic, “I can get-“

“Premature wrinkles!” Sergio finished. Liz groaned, “Anyways, the Evans are a new bunch. It’s a gorgeously yummy male and his blonde bootylicious sister.” Sergio explained.

“They’re siblings and they model together?” Liz raised an interested eyebrow.

“Relax LP, Max is straight as they come –believe me I’ve tried, and Isabel is on the market as of now because of some sex scandal her rep slash boyfriend Jesse Ramirez, laid on her.” Sergio clicked his tongue in shame; “Poor thing was a MESS last Thursday! I had to do an emergency facial!” He put a hand to his chest to emphasize the torture.

“And this Max… He doesn’t have an incest thing going for his SISTER?” Liz’s other eyebrow rose, replacing the last.

Sergio laughed, “Oh LP you crack me up! Incest is SO three years ago!” He pushed Liz away playfully, “Okay so we still on for next Saturday?” He checked his notebook.

Liz nodded, “Yup, can’t wait!” Liz grinned, her flashy white teeth shining.

“Oh that face, I could slather it in whipped cream, add a cherry and eat you!” He pinched her cheek smiling.

“Oh!” They both shouted realizing they were wrinkling her baby smooth skin.

“Sorry babycakes, hold on a minute I’ll get you some cream.” He ran to the back.

Liz laughed at herself, her skin wasn’t even important. So why did they both make such a big deal of it? Liz could care less if she lost all her glamour looks tomorrow or the day after that! She was sick and tired of everyone walking on pins and needles trying to satisfy her every need and desire. Her desires were unsatifyable anyhow…

“Hey Serg?” Liz shouted out to him.

“Yea LP?” He shouted back from somewhere in the studio.

“What do you think if I lost a few pounds?” Liz played with the fibers of the curtains lining the windows. “Just a few.” She shrugged looking at the fabric in between her fingers.

Sergio came stomping out from the back room, “What did that fat cow of a bitch say this time?” He angered. “I swear that rep of yours, what’s her name? Uh… Tess! She’s nothing but trouble! You should have stuck with your friend Maria.”

“Maria’s recording an album, remember? We threw her that fat ass party? She’s in NYC till next month.” Liz turned to face Sergio. “I’m 5’7 and 125. Too fat?” Her eyes moistened.

Sergio hugged Liz tight in his arms, “Please don’t listen to Tess, I don’t want to lose one of my best models to a so cliché eating disorder alright?”

Liz nodded in his arms sadly, “Wow Serg. Of all the years we’ve known each other I’ve never known you to be the father type.” She giggled wiping away tears.

“It happens once a great full moon. Now go! Before I get all choked up!” He smacked her butt.

“I’m out! I’m out!” Liz laughed walking towards the exit.

“OH!” She shouted running into someone.

Liz’s body was caught just before she hit the floor and she was brought upright into her rescuers strong arms. “Wow.” Liz sighed, “That was a close o-“ She stopped. In front of her was the most gorgeous, sexiest, beautifulest, yummy man she had ever seen in her entire life and career of modeling. “Dear god I died.” She thought, because before her was an angel.

“You seem very much alive to me.” The stranger chuckled deep.

Liz’s cheeks immediately blushed, “Did I say that out loud?”

The stranger nodded.

Liz hit herself in her forehead, “I am such a dweeb!” She looked up at him, “Now I’m an even bigger dweeb for calling myself a dweeb! I’m out of here before I make an even bigger fool of myself!” Liz pushed out of his grasp reluctant, “Thanks.” She smiled.

“The pleasure was all mine.” He winked.

“Is that a fact?” Liz teased, her hands resting on his chest.

Max grinned, “It’s more than a fact. It’s a-“

“LP! LP!” Sergio came running, “Oh thank goodness you’re still here! I wanted to tell you that next week you’ll be modeling with the Evans. Tess just text messaged me the info, is the girl too good to use up her minutes on me?” He huffed.

Liz made a disgusted face, “I don’t wanna pose with the incest twins Serg! What do you take me for huh? Gosh!” Liz looked at the tall dark and handsome in front of her, “He’s a little on the crazy side ya know?” She nodded towards Sergio secretively.

The stranger smiled, “I don’t know, he seems fine to me.” he shrugged, “But then again, me being one of the ‘Incest Evans Twins’ you speak so highly of. What would I know huh?” He shrugged again sarcastic.

Liz’s mouth shaped an O. How much farther could she shove her own foot in her mouth???

“I, uh… yea. I’m gone.” Liz left without another word.


Max's POV

“Cute isn’t she?” Max raised an intrigued eyebrow at her vast exit. “Fucking hott may I add.”

Sergio, hands on hips replied, “You stay away from LP Mr. Max Evans I’m warning yous! She is pure! Not many models have her finesse! I don’t want some hunk like you taking that away from her! She has enough problems as it is with that crazy Rep of hers.” Sergio sighed loud.

“Relax Sergio, relax.” Max settled him down. “I just wanna hit that once. Geez did you see the ass on that chick.” Max slapped his hands together and bit his bottom lip. “I bet she’s a firecracker in the sack!”

Sergio was not amused, “Hmmph.” He snorted, “Where’s that golden sister of yours?”

Max shrugged, “How would I know? I’m not her keeper.” Max made a face and walked over to the window.

Down below was Liz getting into a Black ‘97 Trans-Am.

“Shit.” Max whistled, “The girls got taste.” He replied to no one.

Liz looked up from her spot down below for a second and locked eyes with Max. She was shocked and Max waved down to her.

“Hey there sexy mamasita.” Max muttered under his breath waving.

“Max!” Sergio screamed behind him.

“Coming, shit!” Max yelled back, leaving the window. She’d be back… and when she was, he’d be there.


Liz’s POV

Dear god was he watching me? Liz thought to herself. She had never felt so weirded out until now. Was it normal to want to sexually attack your supposed stalker?

“Liz!” A scream was head in her palm.

Oh shit! Liz had totally forgot about Tess on the phone.

“H-hello?” Liz stuttered.

“Where the FUCK were you? I was talking to myself for like 4 minutes! Elizabeth!? Are you listening to me?!” Tess screamed angry.

Liz looked back up once more to see emptiness. Max was gone. Damn that boy looked good.


“Yes! What is it Tess?” Liz was back on track and slammed her car door shut.


Liz’s POV


It read. One hundred and five point three pounds…

Liz sighed deep and stepped down from the scale. Grabbing a white cotton robe she covered her body and shut the bathroom light off. Maybe Tess was right, maybe Liz just needed to loose a FEW pounds to stay on track and then she would just stay at whatever level Tess said was fine. Tess had booked Bobby Strom, Britney Spears’ fitness and food guru, for the next 6 months. A six-month workout will bring Liz fabulous abs and an even better ass.

Yea right.

Who did Tess Harding think she was kidding?

Ugh! She WAS a cow! Tess was right. Liz’s mission was clear, loosing weight would become imminent to her from now on. She was LP, Liz Parker. She had an image to keep up with.

Liz closed her eyes and breathed deeply. She strolled over to her bedroom and plopped her body face first in her mounds of pillows. Yea, this was the best part of the day. This was-

“LLLLLLiiiiiiiiiiiiiizzzzzzziiiiiieeee!” A throaty voice invaded her ears.

“Hhhhhmmmmmmph,” Liz groaned.

“Oh c’mon baby, you know Mikie G needs some sweet lovin!” Michael Guerin whispered huskily in her ear.

“Michael!” Liz pushed him away, using her butt to fling him off.

“Oh from the back now baby YEA!” Michael yelled aroused.

“Michael knock it off! What did I tel-“

Liz was interrupted by Michael’s lips being pressed against hers followed by his tongue.

Liz shrieked and pushed him off her body. She stood defiantly and re-tied her robe closed. Michael swayed in his spot a foot away. Liz blinked at him, “You didn’t.” She shook her head at the chuckling Michael, “You promised me Michael you promised ME!” Liz screamed. Crunching her tiny fists into his muscular chest, she gave up knowing that her hits were nowhere near affecting him.

His eyes were bloodshot read. His balance was WAY off, and his breath smelled like pure alcohol. He had promised her he would stop drinking! He promised!!! Liz didn’t know what to do. Why was it so hard to quit?

“I d-did –did not have a-a-a SIP of liquor Lizzie!” He stalked over to her and fell. Causing them both to fall on her soft neatly made bed. Michael landed on top of Liz and passed out. ARGH! Liz was so pissed! She was trapped under him now! He was way too big to move! Liz squiggled and twisted her way from under his muscles and got up. Fixing her hair she went to her closet. She dressed and was about to head out to Sergio’s when-

“Liz!” Michael bellowed from the back of her condo.

Liz cursed the man whoever discovered alcoholic beverages. “WHAT!? I’m leaving!”

“Why? I thought you loved me Liz!” He shouted coughing.

“I did Michael… I did.” Liz said to herself as she made her way back to her room. Where Michael lay spread out across her bed, his breath coming in small gasps and his face covered in tears. “What is it Michael.” Liz whispered sadly.

Michael sat upright and turned to Liz, “I love you Liz, I tried to stop! God knows I’ve tried! But I can’t! I can’t so I was thinking that uh… may- maybe we could get back together and I can just have a couple drinks a night –just ‘til I get a buzz and then that’s it!” Michael swung his arms around wildly.

Liz grimaced, “Michael.” She said sitting down on the bed next to him.

Michael used his puppy dog eyes on her.

“That’s not gonna work this time.” Liz closed her eyes annoyed. His eyes still remained on her, “Michael!” Liz smacked him. “I’m serious here! Gosh! Now listen. I know we’ve had some… some uh… intimate times, but it’s time we-“

“Liz no! I’ll die without you! I’ll kill myself!” Michael shouted grabbing Liz’s arms tight.

Liz frowned in pain, “Michael you’re hurting me!” She shouted.

This was why she broke it off with him. This was why Michael Guerin and Liz Parker did NOT mix well. After Maria’s departure Liz was vulnerable and alone. Michael was just so… friendly and sweet! That was before she realized who he really was. A drunk. A drunk and a slightly abusive boyfriend. They had been together for almost 6 months when Liz finally decided to call it quits, but Michael didn’t take no for an answer.

“You will not kill yourself Michael and we both know it.” Liz rolled her eyes.

Michael smiled humbly, “Yea I know but I can’t live without you Liz. We belong together, we’re good together.” He pressed his forehead to hers, “I love you LP.” He whispered sadly.

Liz’s voice wavered, “Michael we can’t keep doing this.” Liz shook her head, her eyes stinging with tears.

Michael kissed her lips soft, turning each kiss more violent and passionate. His fingers running through her hair, his hands roaming her sweet and sensual body. His mind racing with past images of them together. She still loved him, more than anything. But it was a friendship love, not REAL love… Right? Michael Guerin would always hold a special part of her heart, but other than that. It was time for her to more on.

“Michael NO!” Liz cried pushing his heavy body away, “You’re DRUNK! You promised me you’d quit and you’re DRUNK!” Liz got up and walked to her front door.

“Elizabeth!” Michael bellowed.

“It’s time to grow up Michael.” Liz said shutting the door, shutting him out of her life.


“LP, baby! What happen?” Sergio opened his door wide and let a sobbing Liz in.

“M-Michael came home drunk again.” Liz cried.

“Oh baby, c’mere tell Sergio all about it.” He hugged her close and rocked a bit, “C’mon to the couch. Sergio will make it all better.” He cooed.

Liz continued to cry on Sergio’s shoulder and Sergio continued to sooth her pain as best he could. Finally, when Liz’s tears subsided and the tension was lost Liz asked Sergio a question.

“Serg?” Liz sniffed.


“That Evans boy…”

Sergio shook his head, “Nnnnope, nope! That boy is NO good for you LP. Uh, uh no way?”

“Please?” Liz whined.

“LP! I’ve never seen you like this before! So defiant!” Sergio played with her hair.

Liz shrugged, “Alright. Okay.”

“I know that Look Liz, don’t think I don’t know that look.” Sergio said worried.

“What look?” Liz smiled devilishly.

“That one.” Sergio answered. He knew LP; he knew that when Liz Parker wanted something… She got it.

How was that?

[ edited 53time(s), last at 25-Dec-2002 5:22:54 AM ]
posted on 29-May-2002 12:49:10 AM by JBehrsGurl
And here is part 2!REVIEW!!!!! REVIEW!!!!

CH. 2

Getting Your Fix



One hundred and twenty six pounds. This meant that Liz had GAINED, not LOST, but GAINED 0.7 ounces since yesterday’s weighing!

Bobby Strom shook his head reluctant, “Liz, you have got to work with me here now. Do you want a body like Brit or do you want what you got because let me tell you your bone structure already weighs enough without you piling on the pounds.” He stood tall and dominant over her small and fragile physique.

Liz blinked twice before what he said actually registered within her brain, “It’s been tough. I’ve never had to work out and watch what I eat. I’ve always been skinny. I have a low metabolism.” She shrugged.

“A low metabolism is an excuse to eat which leads to fat. Tess tells me that you don’t exercise.” Bobby grimaced, “What kind of model are you anyways? How can you NOT exercise?”


“No. Don’t speak. You’re lucky I’m here to save you. Britney’s on a tour break and we workout everyday from 3p.m. to 6p.m. Do you think you can manage to join us on three of those dates a week?” He scowled at Liz Parker.

“I’ll try.” Liz muttered angry.

“Good. I must go. Here’s the address to the dance class I signed you up for. It’s a jazz/ballet and hip-hop course called Center Stage and at the end the class does this stupid show for an audience but you will not attend it, nor will you tell anyone that you are in this class. It is strictly top secret.”

“Why?” Liz dared to ask.

“Why? WHY? Because you are Liz Parker, LP, and you’re supposed to protect an image. My god girl have you been hiding under a rock or something?” He spat checking his watch, “I must go, I got to meet Brit.” He left Liz’s apartment without so much as a goodbye.

Liz made faces at his back as he left. Then she dialed Tess and gave her a piece of her mind.



Sergio was cool. But why was he hatin’ on Max so hard? Was it because he didn’t swing that way? Nah, Sergio would never be like that. Max guessed that he was just a bad boy, and Liz was pure goodness… Max bet that Liz was pure goodness in the sack. A small smile crept up on his full and sensual lips. He couldn’t wait to have her screaming his name, to have her thighs buckle and thrust up into him.

“What’s the grin for? This is a mug shot Max, as in serious face? No smiles, no emotions. –Oh god why do I bother? And where is that sister of yours?” Sergio whined.

“Here!” Isabel came running from the bathroom, sniffing from her nose several times.

Max rolled his eyes. He and his sister exchanged knowing looks. Isabel grinned giddily and took Max's hand. “Dear brother.” She said. Then Max made his way to the bathroom she had just come from.

“UH! Where do you think you are going Mr. Evans? I need both you and Isabel.” Sergio scolded.

“Gotta drain the lizard Serg.” Max smirked grabbing his groin.

Sergio rolled his eyes and started to take shots of a hyper Isabel and soon Max Evans.

Max made his way to the bathroom slowly; he shut the door to the bathroom and locked it tight.

He looked into his hand and stared at the tiny vial.

The source of all his emotional damages, the one thing that could make the world all so much better to live in. Max raised the vial and twisted the small turn top, turning it until the white dust began to pour out. He licked his hand where the power lay, then he took a small rectangular mirror from his pocket, he dumped a little of the angel dust onto it and lined the power into two thin lines. Max took one last look in the mirror in front of him, at himself sober.

“Fuckin loser.” He said before snorting the first line…



Tess could be such a bitch! Liz thought. All Tess thought about was Liz’s image. Liz needed to get away from her, Liz sighed as she gunned her engine down Hollywood blvd. Alex was having a show that night and Liz dared not miss it.

Her hair blew behind her in her red Mazda RX-7; he never dared drive the same car within the same week. Her lifestyle was anything but not elegant. Liz wore a black spaghetti-strap BEBE dress, ruffles at the ends and a low neckline. She looked beautiful, simply sweet. Liz always managed to make simple look glamorous. Her hair was long layered and curled at the bottoms of her slick straight volumed hair; she sparkled with glitter –her trademark, LP the glitter queen. Not a single picture was taken without glitter.

Her black strappy high heels made driving difficult for her, when she shifted gears her heels caused her to stall because they wouldn’t press the clutch hard enough. So she began to drive barefoot. Liz knew Sergio would have a fit if he knew she wasn’t wearing anything to cover her feet. He had this whole PURE thing about Liz. Liz knew she was far from pure. Michael proved that part, and as if on cue her cell rang.

“Talk to meh.” Liz muttered turning a corner fast, her tires skidding.

“I need to talk to you.” Michael’s voice answered.

Liz grimaced, “What do you want?”

“My car keys.” He spat, “How could you take my fucking keys Liz? I woke up with a massive hang over and wanted to get home but HEY! I have no keys!” Michael’s sarcastic tone was evident.

“Relax, you’ll get your keys when you fulfill your promise to me.” Liz said.

“What promise?”

“That’s you’ll quit drinking, Mike, you’re gonna go overboard one day and –shit! I almost hit that car!” Liz yelled excited, “I never could talk and drive.”

“My car?” Michael brought her back to the subject.

“Here’s the low down, you can stay with me in the condo –since you end up staying there every night anyway may I add– but it’s strictly platonic. No midnight booty calls and no bringing hoes into my home.” Liz replied.

“What makes you think I’ll except the terms? I have a home you know.” Michael barked.

“Fine.” Liz said.

“Okay, and that stuff I said last night… You know… That I uh… Lo-love y- you?” Michael stuttered.

“It’s cool Michael, we’ll always be friends.” Liz smiled.

“Best friends.” He corrected.

“Best friends.” Liz assured him.

“So BEST FRIEND when do I get my car back?”

“The keys are in my top underwear drawer, –and you KNOW where that is.” Liz rolled her eyes.

Michael chuckled, “Oh yea. So anyways I’ll be settled in by morning, what time you coming home? –Wow that was odd.” He laughed again.

“Alex is in town doing a private show for some charity event and I’m going to attend. I’ll be pouring myself into bed around dawn so, don’t wait up.”

“Alright. You hear anything about Maria coming back?” Michael asked out of the blue.

Maria? Liz thought. Since when did Michael ask about Maria? Unless… No, no he couldn’t be interested. Could he? Liz was ecstatic that two of her best friends could maybe hit it off. She didn’t have jealousy issues at ALL; she cared too much for Michael in a FRIENDLY way.

“Uh I think she mentioned coming home next month. Sergio and I want to have a welcome home party.” Liz explained, “Well I just gave my car to the valet so I’ll see you in the morning kay?”

“Yea, okay. Bye LP.” Michael said.

“Bye MG.” Liz smirked hanging up the phone.

Liz walked into the room and all eyes were on her, this was the usual drill, she signed a couple autographs and she took a few pictures for the paparazzi and a few with fans then she was seated in her box seats. Alone. She loved to fall into oblivion when Alex sang and played his guitar, his band was awesome and Liz would loose herself in their music every time.

The opening band for Utopia was Blink 182 and Papa Roach featuring special guests P.O.D. and N.E.R.D. It was a charity event after all. Alex had told Liz that afterwards they would all be parting around town.

Alex looked hot in some baggy jeans and black Nautica shirt over a white t- shirt. Liz would laugh when he would wink at her and millions of girls would scream thinking it was to them. The show was awesome so far and when Alex’s band came on stage the crowd just went pure WILD. Chanting they’re names and holding up signs.

Alex started his show with Aerosmith’s “Jaded” and “Janie’s Got A Gun” then he slowed things down and moved into one of his own songs, a new one he said he had just wrote:

“You've got such a pretty smile

It's a shame the things you hide behind it

Let 'em go

Give it up for a while

Let 'em free and we will both go find it

I know there's nowhere you can hide it

I know the feeling of alone

I know that you do not feel invited

But, come back, come back in from the cold

Step away then from the edge

Your best friend is life is not your MIRROR

Back away, come away

Back away, come away

Back away, come away

Back away, come away

Back away, come away

Back away, come away

I am here and I will be forever

I know there's nowhere you can hide it

I know the feeling of alone

Trust me and don't keep that on the inside

Soon you'll be locked out on your own

You're not alone

You're not alone

And don't say you've never been told

I'll be with you 'til we grow old

'Til I'm in the ground and I'm cold

I'm not sitting up here on some throne

I'll be with you till we're both gone

Like a dog you can always come home

Dig up a bone

Look around …”

When Alex finished his song he looked straight into Liz’s eyes and she KNEW, that the song was written and dedicated for her. A single tear fell down Liz’s cheek –no sobs, just a tear. If Alex only knew… She WAS alone.



“Yea?” Max answered is cell phone loudly.

“Maxwell, I need a favor.” Michael’s authority written voice bellowed.

“What is it this time? You need another ride home cuz you drunk off your as again?” Max asked.

“No, but I’ll be calling you for that later on no doubt. I need help moving my shit somewheres.”

“You’re moving?” Max was suddenly interested.

“Yea, I’m moving in with my friend Liz.”

“Liz?” Max was REALLY interested now.

“Yea, we used to date but we’re friends now, she’s a really good person.” Michael paused.

“So… That means she’s single?” Max pined.

“Stay away from her Max, she’s a good girl.”

“Good alright I bet, so let me know Michael, how is she?”

“That’s private.”

Max rolled his eyes, “Whatever I gotta go, I’m shooting pictures for Armani again.”

Michael chuckled, “Where’s Iz?”

“Doing a line in the bathroom, I swear that bitch is bigger addict than me. She’s supposed to be my companion in the shoot but she keeps snorting every chance she gets. Jesse really screwed her over man.” Max sighed.

“Yea well that’s being taken care of, don’t worry about it, so anyways did Sergio say anything about my GUESS? Shoot with Monica last Saturday?” Michael asked.

“Yea, he said you paint better than you model and Monica said that you kiss better than you paint.” Max laughed.

“Whatever, call me when the shoot is done with.” Michael hung up.

Max left to retrieve Isabel from the bathroom. Knocking three times on the door.

“Someone’s in here.” Isabel screamed, her loud sniffs being heard.

“Let me in, you’re hella sniffing my shit Iz.” Max answered.

She opened the door and her face was read and puffy, “I’m not sniffing.” She sniffed, tears fell and her eyes watered more.

Max cursed himself for being such a jerk, “C’mere.” He took his sister in his arms and comforted her as best he could.

“You want a hit before we go back out there?” Isabel said holding the vial in his face. Max nodded taking his mirror out. They had been at the photo shoot for 5 straight hours and the coke was all that kept them going. Max handed his sister his mirror after he was finished, she sniffed and they walked out to the cameras… Smiles on their dazed faces.



Liz sat silent in her car waiting for Alex to finish signing autographs. She has signed a few herself before she made her getaway to the car. Liz sat patient for Alex for about 26 minutes now, and she was ready to get home. It was at the time 5:30 in t he morning thanks to all the late night parties Alex just HAD to attend. It wasn’t as if Liz wasn’t used to partying all night it was just that her trainer was coming over REALLY early in the morning.

That damn Bobby Strom was a real asshole too; Liz wasn’t looking forward to his visit. If her calculations were correct than he would be at her house in about 56 minutes and that meant Liz was not going to have any sleep. This she could deal with too, she had spent many sleepless nights in her life. So she was okay, for now.

“Sorry ‘bout that but there was this one chick with HUGE ti-“

“I don’t need to know.” Liz cut him off starting the roaring engine.

“Oh, okay. Well –Do you mind?” He looked at Liz, lighting a cigarette.

“Actually I DO mind, but whatever, you’re not gonna listen me anyways.” Liz shrugged.

“Good.” He took a giant puff of his cigarette and blew it out the open window. His plain white t-shirt and baggy faded jeans made him look regular. His high social status hadn’t at least changed that.

“What is it?” Liz said after a while of silence.

“Nothing.” Alex puffed again.

“You break up with Nicole again?” Liz chuckled, shifting gears.

He laughed, “That’s ancient history, I’ve moved on. I just wish she would too.” He rolled his eyes, flicking his ashes out the window. “So we’re going to your house?” He asked.

Liz nodded affirmative, “But I have a roommate now, so you have to use the other guest room.” Liz explained.

“Who?” Alex turned to her.

“Michael Guerin?” Liz side glanced Alex.

“The model slash ARTIST” Alex teased.


“So did you bone ‘em yet?” Alex nudged Liz.

“NO! It’s strictly platonic! Geez Alex give me credit.” Liz shifted gears angrily.

Alex chuckled, “But you have I bet.” He flicked more ashes out the window.

Liz only smiled.

“I knew it!” Alex playfully pushed her.

Liz shrugged. They drove the rest of the ay chatting about nothing important, Liz told Alex about what Tess was putting her through and about Michael asking about Maria. Alex told Liz that he and Nicole broke up when she caught him fucking the brains out of some girl he had met at some music awards party. Liz chewed him out for his disloyalty and then they talked about Alex’s new song.

“I wrote it for you LP.” Alex touched her cheek.

Liz stared at the road in silence.

Alex continued, “Ever since we were little I always knew that you didn’t feel loved enough. Well I love you Liz, Maria loves you and Kyle loves you. Tess is just being a bitch right now so don’t worry about her, she’s always been prissy, but she cares about you too you know. Remember when she climbed that oak tree to get your cat Mittens out of it?” Alex laughed in remembrance.

Liz laughed out loud, “Yea and she came tumbling down hitting her head on a thick branch and Kyle and you had to carry her to my grandma’s house to get help. With me and ‘Ria screaming behind you.” Liz laughed again, “I miss those days.”

“I’m on tour break right now, so I was thinking…” Alex lit another cigarette.

“You wanna move in.” Liz finished his sentence pulling into the parking garage.

“Your pad has three stories and you have like what, 15 bedrooms? C’mon Liz, share the wealth!” Alex smacked her arm.

Liz rolled her eyes, “I must be crazy.” When Maria came home she would have a fit. Two males would be sharing the same atmosphere as she.

“You’re LP.” Alex hugged Liz and they went inside her home.

Their home.


LP’s workout schedule Mon–Fri Once a day:

Latino warm-up #1

1-4 hop to R-L-R-L

5-8 step-drag to R x2 leaving hips “behind”, arms go up for each step, and down for each drag

1-4 hop to L-R-L-R

5-8 step-drag to L x2 leaving hips “behind”, arms go up for each step, and down for each drag

1-2 Rock-step fwd w/ R, R arm at side, L up

3-4 Arms go down as R steps back, L steps next to R, R steps fwd

5-6 Rock-step fwd w/ L, L arm at side, R up

7-8 Arms go down as R steps back, R steps next to L, L steps fwd

1-2 Chachacha fwd w/ R

3-4 Rock-step w/ L

5-6 Chachacha bw w/ L

7-8 Rock-step w/ R

1-2 Chachacha to R w/ R

3-4 Step-turn little bit less than 270 degrees w/ L (ending to 7-8 o’clock direction)

5-6 Cat-steps fwd L-R

7-8 Chachahca fwd w/ L

1-2 Step-turn w/ R

3-4 2 hipkicks fwd w/ R

5-6 Step-touch fwd w/ R

7-8 Step-touch fwd w/ L

1-2 Step-touch back w/ R

3-4 Step-touch back w/ L

5-6 45 degree turn to R and mambostep fwd w/R

7-8 Mambostep fwd w/ L

1-2 45 degree turn to R and mambostep fwd w/R

3-4 Mambostep fwd w/ L

5-6 45 degree turn to R and mambostep fwd w/R

7-8 Mambostep fwd w/ L

1-2 45 degree turn to R and mambostep fwd w/R

3-4 Mambostep fwd w/ L

5-6 Chachacha fwd w/ R

7-8 Rock-step fwd w/ L

1-2 Chachacha back w/ L

3-4 Rock-step back w/ R

5-6 Jump legs apart and arms at sides. Jump legs together and clap

7-8 Swing hips to R-L

“What the hell is this?” Liz snapped at her trainer. She was standing in her gym room with tight hot pink aerobic clothes. Her hair in a bun, and of course… Glitter on her face.

“This is your new workout Monday through Friday once a day. If you refuse then I quit.” He ordered.

“Fine.” She snatched the paper from his hands.

“We’re done for today. I’ll teach you the steps tomorrow right now I have to-“

“Go meet Britney. Neeeh.” Liz scowled.

She didn’t even wait for him to leave when she started stripping her workout clothes off down the hall towards her shower. She was down to almost nothing when she reached for the knob on her bathroom door –and it suddenly turned and opened on its own revealing Max Evans.

Liz gasp in surprise.

“Why is it that every time we meet you run into me?” He teased, looking her up and down.

“What are you doing in my house?” She barked, standing in front of him in her bright sports bra and underwear.

“You do know you are half naked in my presence?” He answered her not looking at her face.

Liz side-stepped around him rolling her eyes, “Men.” She grumbled undressing further.

“I’m helping my cousin Michael move in, little did I knew he had such hottie for a roommate.” Max leaned against the door and watched her.

“That’s great.” Liz said, she was completely naked now and turning the faucet to steaming hot she entered her shower.

“You need any help just let me know.” Max yelled to her.



Damn that girl was bold. Max thought to himself, he had just finished snorting a line when he walked out the bathroom to a half naked woman. He thought he was feeling good before but he was feeling even better now! He wanted to fuck her right up against that shower wall she was in right now. But he took deep breaths and went to help Michael.

“I want her.” He blurted right when he met back up with Michael.

“Isabel wants her vial back.” Michael said ignoring him.

“Huh?” Max said confused.

“Is-a-bel. Wants. Vial. Do. You. Com-pre-hend?” He said slow.

Max grimaced angry, he hated how Michael treated him like a child. As if he was perfect whenever he was sober. But see him after a couple of drinks and he was blurting unintelligible syllables left and right.

“Brother! There you are!” Isabel came into the room holding her hand out.

Max put the tiny vial in her hand and she skipped away.

“I want Liz. And you’re gonna help me.” Max sternly put it.

Michael looked at Max as if he were crazy, “Are you crazy?” He said.


“No.” Max answered.

“Liz would never get with you.” Michael shook his head moving boxes around.

“She just stood naked in front of me while she got ready for her shower.” Max pointed out.

Michael gave him that look again, “She models for millions of people naked almost everyday. You think one person’s gonna make a difference?” Michael’s eyebrow rose.

“Good point.” Max bit his fingernail, “Whatever I want that, and I want you to help me out.” Max crossed his arms.

“How?” Michael sat on the couch taking a break.

Max thought for a while before answering, “I don’t know.”

“Quite a Casanova we’ve got here.” Michael lifted his eyebrows up and down.

Max was frustrated, he hadn’t had a good lat in a while and he knew that Liz would satisfy his thirst. Only no one seemed to agree with him. The powder started taking effect and Max closed his eyes, enjoying the sensation.

“Feeling good brother?” Isabel came into the room and sat next to Michael.

Max just nodded, eyes still shut.

“Hello.” Alex said entering the room.

Isabel freaked, “Oh my god. OH MY GOD! You’re Alex Whitman!” She shrieked.

“Yea?” He looked at her funny.

Isabel just stared at him with her mouth wide open.

“ALEX!” Liz yelled from the back room.

“If you’ll excuse me.” Alex went to her aide.

“Smooth Iz. Really smooth.” Michael nodded to Isabel, patting her head.

Isabel slumped into the couch.

Max was sitting by the window staring out in a daze.



“What is it?” Alex said walking into Liz’s room.

“Is this a stretch mark?” Liz said panicked, turning towards him, topless and pointing at her side.

“Where? I don’t see anything LP.” Alex searched her stomach and sides.

“It’s there. I can see. It’s there.” Liz chanted searching her room for cream. “Do you think my legs are getting cellulite?” Liz said pulling a baby blue tank top on and black Capri pants.

“Liz.” Alex said annoyed, “You are beautiful, every part. No you do not have cellulite. Okay?” He assured her.

Liz was skeptic. Was he telling the truth or was he just being polite?

“We still on for brunch?” Alex asked walking out her room.

“Be out in a sec.” She smiled meek.

He shut the door behind him exiting the room. Liz stood still until the door clicked shut then she ran into her bathroom and opened her cabinet. Diet pills, diet pills… Where are they? She thought. When she found them she swallowed 3 without water and left to have brunch with Alex.


“I’ll have the club sandwich and Liz will have…” Alex looked up from his menu to Liz.

“Oh. Uh…” Think quick Liz! She thought. “The same.” She smiled.

When they were served Liz ate as little as possible without looking suspicious. Alex talked and ate and cracked jokes. The brunch was going great. Liz started to panic when she noticed she had eaten everything on her plate.

“Hungry were we?” Alex winked teasingly.

“UH. Will you excuse me? I’ve got to use the ladies room.” Liz faked. When out of Alex’s sight she ran the rest of the way to he nearest stall where she then emptied the contents of the meal from her stomach into the toilet.

She popped 4 diet pills in her mouth and swallowed.


A/N: Maria and Kyle are coming soon!


posted on 29-May-2002 11:11:32 PM by JBehrsGurl
I'll be back so soon with more I swear! I'm working on it!


The next chapter is called Welcome To My World and it's from all POV's and it's about why they are the way they are after high school when they split.

Sneak Peak

Max Evans. God that boy is fine. But I have bigger problems to deal with.

Like maintaining my sanity.

I’m Liz Parker, and welcome to my world…

It's a Bitch.


We would finally be all reunited within a matter of seconds. But will it be the same?

I’m Alex Whitman, and welcome to my world…

It's a never ending party.


Now here I am, standing in front of Liz and my front door. My fist ready to knock and ask to be let in. Do I deserve a second chance? Does anyone?

I’m Maria Deluca, and welcome to my world…

It's sad.


My wonderful storybook beginning, with the white picket fence and wonderful family. With such a sad ending, I don’t want it to end like this. But what can you do?

I’m Kyle Valenti, and welcome to my world…

It blows.


I DID become something I became head bitch at Harding Productions and I’m also Liz’s representative. Now’s my chance to make her feel the way she made me feel my whole life. NOTHING.

I’m Tess Harding, and welcome to MY world…

It’s fucked up.

posted on 4-Jun-2002 7:51:51 PM by JBehrsGurl
I'm going to post tonight so get ready you guys! I'd post now but the computer is acting weird and it wont go through so... sorry to make you have to wait!

posted on 9-Jun-2002 2:49:38 AM by JBehrsGurl
*big* SORRY I FORGOT TO POST!!!!! *big*

A/N: I made up all this pooness so don’t flame me if you don’t like it, or if you don’t like the team Kyle plays for it’s just that my mom will kill me if I use any other team… Anyways, I hope you like!!!

Ch. 3

Welcome To My World…


I’m not glamorous as they say, I’m not flawless. I hurt, I cry, I curse, I even occasionally break the law. –Okay maybe not, but I could! I hate being branded the good girl. I want to change my image so bad that I feel like I’ll explode. I know what I’ve been doing lately is the cliché model binging but you try and have people breathing down your back while you stand over a scale.

Do you know what its like to have people all your life tell you that your face belonged on magazines and that you’d go far? Then as soon as you’re about to blow up people start to tell you that everything you’ve worked so hard for, is not enough? Now I have an IMAGE to uphold. I have to keep my figure, and build it up. Suddenly my silk soft body and skin is no longer “in”. Now I have to workout and gain muscle, I have to get tighter abs and a tighter ass.

I’m not Jennifer Lopez or Britney Spears –as if you didn’t already know.

I’m the Glitter girl. I always wear glitter on my face or arms, legs, wherever. As long as I have the glitter, I’m good. I’m not sure exactly when my glitter phase started I think I was just experimenting with it and then it just stuck. Sergio fell in love with the concept of the glitter girl; he also started the whole LP thing.

Liz Parker = LP.

I hated it at first but then it sorta just grew on me.

I’ve always been close to my friends. We all shared the same schools until we graduated. Maria, because we lived next door to each other, Alex and Kyle came in a package, they were cousins. My grandma Claudia used to baby- sit them everyday from early in the morning until late at night. So they kinda just became like my brothers. Tess… Well Tess came along one day by chance. Me and Maria were playing outside while Alex and Kyle played in the tree house –which they forbid us “girls” to come in. Anyways while me and Maria played with our Barbie’s and making them ready for their big DATES when I spotted someone from the corner of my eye.

“Maria,” I whispered. “Do you see someone over across the street staring at us?”

Maria dropped her Barbie in panic, “What do you mean? Like a kidnapper?” She shrieked, always the dramatic one.

“No you poo head! Calm down before you make my grandma come out here!” I scolded her, “I’m gonna go see who it is.” I got up ready to g explore.

“Lizzie NO!” Maria screamed, “Alex! Kyle!” She shouted. “–And I’m NOT a poo head!” She turned back to me scowling.

“What?” Kyle shouted from up high in the tree house.

“Lizzie’s gonna go chase a kidnapper!” Maria cried.

“A kidnapper? Huh? Whaaa?” Alex jumped down, plastic gun in hand. “You need help?” He said acting tough.

I rolled my eyes angry that Maria was being Maria, “No. I just want to see who was watching us over there across the street.” I pointed.

“Liz how many times has grandma Claudia yelled at you for leaving the yard?” Kyle said climbing down the tree ladder.

“I don’t care, I just wanna see!” I hated how they always were treating me like a kid. I may have been a kid but I didn’t need to be treated like one. I crossed the street –looking both ways may I add, and that’s when I saw her.

She was so pretty! I thought, her blonde golden curls tied into high ponytails on either side of her head. One a bit higher than the other. Her eyes were the bluest I’ve ever seen! She had a pale blue sundress on and blue tap shoes to match. I could tell she had been crying, and I held out a friendly hand.

“Hi, I’m Liz Parker, who are you? Why are you crying and how come you’ve been staring at us when all you had to do was come on over?” I said shaking her hand and smiling.

From that day on she was one of us, she later on became my foster sister because her dad used to hit her really bad, to the point of broken bones and horrid bruises. We hated that bastard. Maybe that’s why Tess is such a bitch now…


“Hey Liz you okay in there?” I heard Alex’s concerned voice, breaking my thoughts.

“Uh… Yeeea! I’m fine! I’ll be right out!” I shouted wiping my mouth with a washcloth and flushing the toilet. It had been a week since the first time I binged, that time in the restaurant. Since then I can’t seem to make myself stop.

“Good cuz we’ve got company.” Alex said.

“What?” I panicked. I knew who it was.

Max Evans. God that boy is fine. But I have bigger problems to deal with.

Like maintaining my sanity.

I’m Liz Parker, and welcome to my world…

It’s a Bitch.


Alex POV

I know Liz is hiding something I’m just not sure what it is; she’s always tried to distance herself from others, ever since we were kids. I know I’ve changed; I’m more sociable than I used too but that’s what happens when your debut record goes triple platinum.

People think the life of a rock star is so glamorous and never a dull moment. But let me tell you its only half of what’s its cracked up to be. Endless touring dates, singing when your sick, singing and playing and acting like nothings wrong while you know that you have the stomach flu and every time the band takes a break off stage your puking your guts out.

Oh yea it’s GREAT!

It’s great that I have girls throwing themselves at me, ruining my private life. Never leaving me alone. I hate how wherever I go I have to inform my security. I have to disguise myself if I want to go out in public. I can understand my fans to a point. Then after that I just can’t stand the fact that I’m so popular and I just want to fade away…

I’m losing my friends, I haven’t spoken to Maria, Kyle or Tess in months, I only just recently met up with Liz because I was in town and the record label is FINALLY going to give us a tour break. So I’m staying here with Liz for a while. The only thing is that I don’t feel like I’m even here. Liz isn’t even being real with me, I KNOW she’s going through something and it’s KILLING me that she wont talk about it. Have I really lost my friends to that extent?

I lost Nicole because she caught me cheating on her. I don’t really regret losing her because I know that she deserved much better than the likes of me. I was never around to be there for her, I was always either doing a show or showing face at some event. The night I lost Nicole was the night I had gotten really fucked up thinking that drinking would burn my problems away.

Let me tell you… It didn’t. So I haven’t drank like that since then. I barely even drink a cup of alcohol now. I really loved that girl Nicole. Her creamy soft skin, her red copper hair, her beautiful jade green eyes. Her perfect body, and endless legs. I loved her. And I lost her. I lost my heart as well.

My smoking has become somewhat of am addiction lately. For some reason it’s like some sort of refuge from myself. When I smoke it regenerates me a bit, enough to get through the day. Just a bit of nicotine and I’m good. But then again after I’m threw and the smoke has left my lungs, I’m still me. I still have all these problems that are banging down on my door.

My life’s falling apart and I’m not even sure if I want to pick up the pieces…


“So who’s here?” Liz came up behind me breaking my thoughts.

“You’ll see.” I grinned wicked.

We would finally be all reunited within a matter of seconds. But will it be the same?

I’m Alex Whitman, and welcome to my world…

It’s a never-ending party.


Maria’s POV

Sniffing major doses of cedar oil I think I’m ready to be face to face with the whole gang again. It’s been a while since we last were all in the same room. It’s been two years. I haven’t spoken to none of them except for Liz. And that was only because we lived together but then I got lucky with a record deal and left to New York. How big a mistake that was.

Producers telling me that I’ll go far if I just give it time and oh yea… Give my body to them, it’ll be great I can see how far we’ll soar Maria your voice is so genuine and sweet. You’re so beautiful, you’re so sexy.

Thus adding to my depression, I never felt like enough anyhow and here are these men saying that I’m fine just he way I am. I believed them, I gave myself to them and you know what happen? NOTHING. My record hasn’t even hit stands yet and I doubt it ever will. I just want to die, I just want to fade away, I don’t want to come back a failure. Liz and Alex and Kyle and even freaking Tess are successful, and what am I?

A loser. A loser and a slut who had slept with every fucking guy who made me think he really truly believed in me. How naive was I? Whatever I can deal with this. What my dear friends don’t know can’t hurt them, they don’t know that I tried to commit suicide three times since the last time they’ve seen me. They don’t know that I slit my wrists only to be rushed to the hospital because I got caught. They don’t know that I swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills only to end up getting my stomach pumped and brought back to the world I was trying to leave. They don’t know that two weeks ago I stood staring at the wreckage of the twin towers of 9-11 wishing that I were inside the day is collapsed.

Dear god what’s wrong with me? I stood atop the golden gate bridge the other day after my plane arrived and I took a rent-a-car to bridge planning to jump. And do you know what stopped me? Do you? Do you even care? I hadn’t jumped because I remembered that this is where my mother jumped. This is where my mother killed herself this is where my mother abandoned me. So I climbed down, and cried. I cried for what seemed like forever until I got sick of passerby’s asking me what’s wrong.

Now here I am, standing in front of Liz and my front door. My fist ready to knock and ask to be let in. Do I deserve a second chance? Does anyone?

I’m Maria Deluca, and welcome to my world…

It’s depressing.


Kyle’s POV

Life’s good.

My children love me.

My wife loves me.

Jobs the best. My Team is number one.

I love me.

I love my life.

–Okay you want the truth?

Life sucks right now. My children hate me, and their not even 2 yet. Twin boys, I was so proud. Liz and Alex were there during the birth. Maria and Tess came shortly after. Nicoli and Alex, Nicoli after my dad –though his name is Jim I used his middle name. And Alex after my cousin for life, my blood, Alex Whitman. But yea, my kids hate me. They scream and through shit at me all the time, they wont come within two feet of me. And my wife? Sidney. She’s fucked every football player in the NFL. I had managed to keep her for two wonderful years. Liz and the rest always hated her but put up a good front.

I should have listened to them.

I lost everything. I lost my wife, I lost my kids, and I lost my life. All I’ve got going is football. I’ve maintained my starting position for the San Francisco 49ers for fours years now and am the star quarterback. Our team is the number one and we just won our 5th super bowl. That part of my life was good until I broke my arm. Tore three ligaments near my shoulder and the doctors don’t even know if it’s repairable. I’m in a sling and it’s been like that ever since my last Hail Mary across the field, winning the game.

Do you have any idea what it feels like to hit rock bottom?

My boys, my children. God it hurts just to look at their picture. The one that I find myself constantly staring at. The one with them sitting on each side of lap and my wife, Sidney, sitting next to me with a giant fake grin. One hand on my right shoulder, the other resting on my right though just next to Nicoli’s leg. This was my happy family –that was my happy life.

Until all the shit hit the fan and I caught my wife screwing our teams corner back on our bed one day after practice. I swear that bitch had no conscience. She didn’t even care that our kids were sleeping in the next room while their mommy fucked around with another man. I caught them as I walked in thinking I was about to take a hot shower.

When Pike, our corner back –what the fuck kind of name is that anyways? Anyways when “Pike” saw me he immediately jumped up off Sidney and began stuttering. It was all in slow motion what happen next, my fist colliding with his jaw, him hitting the floor with a thud. The sound of my waking children’s cries. The sound of my wife’s pleas to stop. But I couldn’t stop; I couldn’t stop hitting the son of a bitch for some reason. My fists were pounding into his face and I didn’t give a damn what the consequences were afterwards. I didn’t even see all the blood running down his face, all the blood on my hands. I just kept hitting him, I shook his body violently and yelled and screamed unmentionable things. Then I got up and turned to my wife, to Sidney, to my love. And I cried, yes I fucking cried like a pussy.

She just stood there naked crying from fright and utter embarrassment. I had screamed at her to at least have the decency to put some clothes on. She thankfully granted me that. I went into the next room to see my kids, the kids who loved me and always would love me, the kids who would never STOP loving me. But I didn’t know or realize what a mess I must have looked because the look of shock on their faces put me a state of foreboding. They screamed and cried and I’ve never seen so many tears…

I ran out the house and ever since that day my children wont come anywhere near me. They hate me. I hate me. I hate her. I hate my wife just as much as I love her. I’d still die for her. I’d die for my children in a heartbeat. I just have to somehow get my life back together. I thought I’d always have football. Now it’s just a game, a pointless game that left me with a broken arm that could possibly be the end of my whole career. It’s not like I need the money, I’m set for life.

But what does it matter if I don’t HAVE a life?

I’m making my way to Liz and Maria’s house, I don’t know why. I haven’t seen them in a year and half. I haven’t even seen my cousin Alex, I miss Tess, I miss her most of all. I miss them, every single one; maybe that’s why I’m driving all the way to LA from a place I thought I’d never leave. My wonderful storybook beginning, with the white picket fence and wonderful family. With such a sad ending, I don’t want it to end like this. But what can you do?

I’m Kyle Valenti, and welcome to my world…

It blows.


Tess’ POV

Doesn’t she understand how important it is to maintain an image in this business? Doesn’t she realize that it all could end tomorrow and she could just end up being another pretty face?

They think they know me so well. Oh poor Tess Harding, she’s the one who had a bad childhood, with the fucked up dad who used to beat the shit out of her. But that’s not why I am the way I am. They made me this way. All of them, Alex with his cocky stamina and Liz with her perfectness and Maria with her voice of gold… Kyle was the only one who truly understood me. He was the only one I gave myself to, he was the only one I let know the REAL me.

I can remember Kyle’s subtle touch, his soft sweet lips kissing mine. His gentle hands caressing my body. We connected on such a high level that night I felt I having an out of body experience, as if I was watching this young girl of 18 loose her innocence in the most happy moment. It was the single most beautiful moment of my whole life.

I can see his sensual deep blue eyes now… He was my reason for living, my whole life I have loved Kyle Valenti, but he never gave me a chance. So I stood back and watched him in his endless small relationships. His endless quests of girls. But I waited; I never gave myself to anyone. I saved myself for him. I loved him; he told me he loved me too. We made love for the first time ever. With each other. The night of graduation when we all knew we were going our own separate ways.

Alex was going to Harvard to be a lawyer.

Liz was going to be a model in LA; she was already offered a contract.

Maria followed Liz to LA, just as she had always done. Trail Liz.

Kyle has gotten a full scholarship to become a pro football player at Michigan State.

And me…

I was the only one left behind in Roswell New Mexico. No one thought I’d ever leave; they all just packed it up and left to live their OWN lives. “Keep in touch!” They said. Big smiles and fake enthusiasm. Bastards.

I knew I was never REALLY one of THEM. But I enjoyed being just a part of something.

Kyle promised he’d come back for me, he kissed my cheek goodbye and he boarded that plane out of my life. I didn’t understand it, if he really loved me all that damn much than why did he marry Sidney and have kids with her? Why did he just drop me like I was nothing? Why did he never come back for me?

I take it back.

THEY didn’t make me this way. KYLE made me this way. A bitter heart broken bitch.

I DID become something I became head bitch at Harding Productions and I’m also Liz’s representative. Now’s my chance to make her feel the way she made me feel my whole life. NOTHING.

I’m Tess Harding, and welcome to MY world…

It’s fucked up.


Max's POV

I want her so bad the coke doesn’t even satisfy my craving. I have to have Liz Parker. I’ve never felt like this before, and frankly it’s scaring the shit out of me. I’m in my Orange Toyota Supra made to exactly mimic the one used in the fast and furious movie since I couldn’t buy the original one because some prick beat me to it. Anyways I’m on my way to pick up Michael from some bar, he’s trashed… Again –what’s new?

The only reason I don’t mind so much is because now he lives with Liz Parker. The beautiful girl who ran into my life just weeks ago. Literally RAN into my life. Best damn feeling in the world may I add.

I left Isabel fast asleep at my apartment/condo. Not house/condo like Liz’s. My poor sister’s a wreck. That Jesse Ramirez really fucked her up and now she’s either crying or high. Look, I know we have a drug dependency problem but what can I say? Our lives were never fucked up like some people. We had a GREAT childhood, got everything we wanted. I’m not sure how I got caught up in the drugs but I do know it’s my fault Iz got into all this.

Actually I do vaguely remember how this shit all got started. You see I guess there’s something I better tell you before your head starts spinning from all the new information you’re gonna receive. My and Isabel and Michael…

We have twins.

My twin is my brother Zan. Isabel’s is Lonnie, and Michael’s is Rath. But we don’t claim them because they’re even more fucked up then we are. We haven’t spoken to them in three years and we don’t go to family events if we know they’re gonna be there. We can’t even stand to be in the same room as them. They’re just so weird! Take my brother Zan for instance.

He’s got this dreadlock / spike thing going on, a grotesque goatee and he has these tattoo’s all over the place. Oh and Michael’s twin, has a MULLET! HAHA! I remember the day his bro walked into the room with his new ‘do and we all fell to the floor laughing; our hysterics only grew when my brother and sister walked out into the living room. My parents nearly shit bricks! Oh god that was a FUNNY day! Lonnie had cut her hair so short we all thought she was a dude at first. But then she flashed us her evil eye and we quieted. I think Isabel nearly fainted from shock, as if she were seeing herself.

I hear they all own their own record company. VampricRose records or something like that, they produce big bands like this one I just heard of recently… What is it? U… Utopia? Yea that’s it. Proly some fag lead singer and a back up band. Anyways my brother Zan used to kick it with this one crew called The Dusters. I should have got a clue from their name.

One night at a party I was right about to get it on with this hot chick named Ava when she pushed me off her to do a line. I asked her what hell she was doing sniffing that white shit. And she asked me if I wanted to try some. I should have JUST SAID NO! But no, I tilted my head towards her; she brought the mirror over to my nose and I sniffed…

Shit I swear it was the most fucking organic experience of my whole life. And I was stuck on the shit after that day, but I never got the same trip as the first time. I didn’t even know I was screwing Ava until I realized she was riding me like I was a freakin stallion and she was moaning and screaming my name. Way to blow up MY ego babe. I never saw her after that day. I sure wish I had cuz I think it was the best sex I ever had.

Or at least until I get my hands on that damn Liz Parker.

I don’t care how you wanna classify me; I don’t care if you think I’m no good for Liz Parker. I just don’t care, all I know is that I live my life one day at a time and I never think of my actions repercussions. I should. But I don’t. Liz is the only one I can see myself being with for a long time. I don’t know how to explain it. It’s like when she ran into me I felt her soul and we clashed like BAM! Stars and all that shit.


All that Glitter…

Yea, she’ll be MY glitter girl soon. I won’t stop until she’s mine, she don’t know it yet, but she loves me. And I love her.

I’m Max Evans, and welcome to my world…

It’s a trip.


Isabel’s POV


Do you know what it’s like to have your heart ripped open? Do you? I mean seriously? Okay lets just say you do. Now multiply that by a million and you have a fraction of what I’m feeling right now. Jesse… God I miss the way he used to hold me in his strong arms, the way he would walk, his voice when he would talk, his scent, his skin, him.

It hurts now just to think of him. The bastard. Why? Why did he do this to me? To US? Was it really SO hard to maintain a monogamous relationship? And to cheat on me with Gisele Bundchen? The supermodel? Honestly was I really that hideous? So what if they were only caught kissing at a club. I CARE! I was on my way to become the next big thing and now I don’t even care! I don’t even think I can breathe without him! Oh god… Air… Air… My brother and Michael think I’m insane, they think that getting Jesse Ramirez fired based on some “hidden information” is going to do ME any good.

Don’t they understand that Jesse was my life? Now what? What am I without him? WHO am I without him? The only thing helping me out right now is this lovely little vial in my hand. It’s so magical, it’s wonderful. Its as if I’m not me anymore when I’m high. As if I’m floating out of my body and I’m free…

You think you know my type huh?

You think I’m the beautiful blonde with the voluptuous body and killer modeling career. You think I’m the poor little rich girl who got her heart broken by a man. You think I’m just being prissy and weak. Well guess what?

You’re probably right.

Yup, I, Isabel Amanda Evans am saying that I sincerely do not know why I am the way that I am. Nothing in my life has gone wrong other than the fact that my heart stopped beating the day Jesse fucked me over. Max and Michael think they know the whole story, they think they know EVERYTHING. Well there are just some things that a girl does not tell. Do they know that I had to get an abortion and that pain of knowing that I was killing a human life had mentally fucked me up? Do they know that Jesse is only 75% of the reason I’m now hooked on crack?


They don’t know. They don’t know that I was planning on having Jesse Ramirez’s child. They did NOT know that I had to abort the child because Jesse held my throat tight between his lean long fingers shouting obscene words in my face. Telling that I was a slut and that there was no way the child could have been his.

God how many times did I hide the marks? The bruises the lashes, the pain in my eyes? From my BROTHERS? I feel like the reason I’m like this is because I was meant to be like this. I was meant to be pushed around by guys and I was meant to be treated the way I was treated. When I was offered a contract with my brother for a modeling agency I was ecstatic! I was so happy! I was positively gosh dang delirious!

Jesse wasn’t too happy about that, it had gotten to the point where I couldn’t hide the bruises anymore and people started to ask questions. It was around this time that I had gotten pregnant with Jesse’s child and I decided to lay off the drugs and drinking and partying. I was never really into dust until I saw Lonnie, my twin sister, I’m sure you know all about them by now if you know my fat-mouthed brother Max. Anyways until I saw my sister Lonnie snort a line, she looked so stupid but she was my sister ya know? She offered me some and I liked it. But I never tried it again until I got into modeling and I saw my brother doing a line in the bathroom. So busted was he!

I told him I wouldn’t tell no one if he gave me a hit, and I haven’t stopped since then and its only gotten worse. Jesse hasn’t called my cell in a week and I’m starting to panic. What if this time it’s really it? I know I’m better without him but I LOVE him. I can’t just make my heart stop loving him. I don’t care what he’s done to me, I don’ care that because of him I’ve been snorting so much dust that my nose has recently started to bleed…

Wow. I really am pathetic. Oh well, no matter. I’m sure it will pass, yea like when hell freezes over but what can you do huh? Max just left, he thinks I fell asleep. When actually I was just tired of listening to his voice, he thinks he’s some sort of freakin shrink when he’s high. I can’t stand it. I’m glad he left. I’m going to go to that chick Liz’s house and see her cute friend Alex; man is he loaded with dough –not that, that matters. Whatever, at least when I see Alex, I don’t think about Jesse.

I’m Isabel Evans, and welcome to my world…

It’s mess up.


[A/N: The “…tick…tick…tick…” is just the ticks of a clock to make you see the time passing while you wait. Get it?]

Michael’s POV

Yea I know I had the perfect girl, yea I know I fucked it all up. So what? Liz can do way better without me and plus, we have a strong friendship before anything else. I’m so glad for that. Without her I’d probably still be too drunk off my ass to even paint or pose in front of a damn camera. –Oh but don’t get me wrong. I’m drunk off my ass right now. I’m waiting for Max to come pick me up right now. Where am I anyways? How the hell did I even get here? Liz still has my car.

“Hey Guerin!” Some brunette flashes me her chest as she and her friend pass by on the road ahead of me. Now I must admit I like this part of my life, the constant women throwing themselves at me. Not that I take any of their offers but boy are they temping.

Then it hits me.

DUH! That girl that just flashed me is the one who took me here, she said she… No, no that was Liz. She took me to the mall with her and I wandered off over here. Hehe… Yea that’s right. Man I could use a drink right now. –Oh! Nevermind! I feel the last one coming up –excuse me for a moment…




And okay I’m back! And I just saw the salmon dinner I just had with Liz earlier! Ewww, it sure don’t look as appetizing as it did before. Aw well, what can you do? So anyways, yea I have a drinking problem. First step is admitting you have a problem. –Well, I have a problem. And you know what? I. DON’T. CARE. -Say it with me people at the AA meetings- I.DON’T.CARE. Surprisingly I can’t wait to get home and call my sponsor Greg and tell him that. He thinks that if I’m really serious about my artwork and my modeling career than I really need to kick the booze.

What a shmuck, all my best artwork comes out when I’m drunk. I know exactly why I started drinking. It was at a family celebration and me, Rath, Max, Zan, Isabel, Lonnie and some girl Ava –Lonnie’s friend, were kicking back in my room when Zan brings out this bottle.

Jose Quervo aKa Tequila.

He dared us all to take a shot and we did. But I took another shot, then another shot… Then another. I tripped them all out by out drinking them. I felt like the shit that night. It was the best feeling, almost better than sex –notice I said ALMOST. So anyways yea, after that night I was hooked. Rath and me used to drink all them fools all out under the table! Me and Rath were so tight we used to even play the same girls at school.

That is we were tight until he started acting weird and he, Zan, and Lonnie turned punk. What the hell was that anyways? How could he desert me like that? Punk. Yea, so when I get home I’m proly gonna barf some more then hit the sack, Liz says Maria’s coming home soon, man that chick is fine. I’ve always had my heart set on her –that was until I met Liz. But now that we’re just platonic “friends” by hearts been racing with thoughts of Maria.

I want her, I need her, I must have her. I thought Max was crazy for wanting to get with Liz, but I know I’ve gotta be positively fucking insane to think that Maria Deluca would ever give ME a chance. She’s so beautiful and perfect and classy and beautiful and oh! I think my salmon’s coming up again…


False alarm people. False alarm, just had to burp there. Okay now where was I? Oh yes, my life. Okay well I’ve always gotten what I wanted I just love to drink and I don’t care what you think. Ha! I’ve got flows to my toes! Aww don’t listen to me, I’m drunk. What the hell do I know?

Max is pulling up, I bet he’s high. YUP, pupils dilated, the distant look on his face… Yea he’s gone. How does he expect Liz to like him if he’s not even all there? Speaking of all there, I sure hope I keep all my barf there in my stomach ‘til I get home cuz Max will beat the living shit outta me if I puke in his car again.

Hey, is that Glitter on his dashboard?

“You ready to go? No puking in my car Guerin.” Max slams the car door shut.


“Yea I’m good. Let’s roll.” I nod.

Next time I need to puke –remind me to aim for his face.

I’m Michael Guerin, and welcome to my world…

It’s a DUI waiting to happen.


Do you like it????

posted on 9-Jun-2002 7:13:43 PM by JBehrsGurl
Again I apoligize for the delay!!! I have a new part in the making and I'm debating on whether I should make Maria a pill popper or not... Hmmm........ lol its something for me to think about!

-thanks for reading! REVIEW!!!
posted on 13-Jun-2002 4:37:48 AM by JBehrsGurl
A/N: Sorry it took so long!!!!

Ch. 4

Guess What?


I learned today not to ever, and I repeat… EVER. Eat spicy foods and expect it to just come right back up softly. I learned this the hard way. I nearly burned my throat this afternoon when me and Alex got home from Chili’s. Yea so anyways I guess I have company, but I think that it’s just Max and Michael. Who else could it possibly be?

So I brushed out my hair and brushed the acid/bile from my mouth with scope and Listerine. I felt semi-good, as good as a girl with an eating disorder can feel. Is it sad that I KNOW I have problems? Whatever.

I cautiously take a step out the bathroom, my “comfort” room, it has been the place I’ve spent most of my days lately. Okay, I’m ready to walk into the living room now.

“Liz!” Maria screams running over to wrap me in her comforting arms.

THIS. I was NOT expecting.

“Hey gurl.” Kyle’s sensual smile spread across his killer full lips. He too embraced me in a hug.

THIS. I REALLY was not expecting.

“So the gang’s altogether again!” Alex cheered. I’m guessing he had already had his little reunion with the crew.

“Well, all except for Tess.” I shrugged, why was I not really that happy to see my childhood friends?

“Where the family cuz?” Alex playfully punched Kyle in his ribs, “What’s with the sling?”

Kyle winced and looked down to his arm, “I got hurt, it’s nothing major I’ll be back in the game in no time.” He shook his head. The look in his eyes told a different story though.

“And the wife and kids?” Alex asked happy.

“Sid has the kids, she’s uh… Vi-visiting her mother in Florida.” Kyle answered to his shoes.

“Is everything okay babe?” I whispered comforting him in a hug of my own.

“Yea.” He nodded, “So Maria! How ‘bout that album?” Kyle’s brows rose.

“It’s not going to come out.” She said soft.

I can’t prove it, but I think the look on all our faces dropped the second she answered.

Maria burst out laughing.

“What is so funny about that Maria? That’s terrible!” I shouted.

“I was KIDDING!” She giggled, “It’s being dubbed and then it’ll be ready to be duplicated.” She grinned widely. A bit frightening actually. I swear if you would have seen the look on her face you would swear she was possessed by some unknown force that was making her act like Maria but failing completely.

What was wrong with everyone?

We all stood silently awkward in the middle of the living room. Me and Kyle still in each other’s arms, and Maria still grinning wicked as Alex leaned against the door frame leading to the TV room.

“So… What brings you my way?” I tried to break the ice.

More silence, but then we were saved by the bell.

The DOORbell that is…

“I got it!” I zipped out of Kyle’s arms and was at the door turning the knob.

“Move.” Michael pushed passed me in a hurry holding a hand over his mouth.

“Wha?” Kyle was confused and pointing.

“Roommate.” I explained.

I looked to the other person who was at the door, “Hey.” He said low. His eyes glazed over and his expression blank.

“Hey.” I answered looking at him wary.

“HEY!” A quirky feminine voice said behind Max.

Max spun around surprised.


“I just stopped by to ask you a little something Liz. Just girl talk nothing TOO important, but if you got company I can always come ba-“ She said this all in one breath I kid you not.

“Just what do you think you are doing? You are supposed to be resting at my house on the couch. Isabel your sick.” Max spat interrupting her rudely.

Her face fell and she retreated a bit back out the door.

“C’mon, we can talk in my room.” I said looking straight into Max Evans eyes defiantly and taking Isabel’s hand.

“Thanks.” Isabel whimpered.

“Al, can you show Maria and Kyle to their rooms?” I asked Alex.

“Sure! Right this way monsieur and mademoiselle.” Alex played bellboy.

I took Isabel to my room, scowling at Max the whole way.


Maria’s POV

Wow that was a close one, I nearly felt my skin tingle in embarrassment when I saw the looks on all their faces. Can’t you see? I HAD too lie. I had to tell them not to worry, that my album was coming soon. I feel terrible, not for lying to them, I’ve done that a lot in the past, but just because of the fact that I failed.

Alex is being very perky right now; it’s kinda weird because I used to be the bright shinning light in all of the gloom. But now I just didn’t care, Kyle is hiding something. That’s only obvious. It hurts to know how many secrets we’re all keeping from each other. It’s scary in fact.

Who was that cute guy that ran past Liz at the front door. Man, so anyways Alex showed me to my NEW room since I’m guessing that hott guy who ran in so quickly is now taking vacancy in MY room.

Kyle looked deathly pale when he entered his room, I still can see his fake smile now. Something is definitely up with him and I intend to fix it. No matter what the cost, Kyle is the only one of us with a REAL life. He has the wife, the kids, the fairytale story and all. Man, he even has the damn white picket fence!

Yea, so anyways my new room is okay, I guess. I have less space to- you know what? I’m not going to stay in here! HE’S going to move and I’m getting my room back. He can come stay up in here! My last room had bigger windows.

So guess what I did?

I went to my old room and I sat on MY bed. Next thing I know, I’m asleep and being rudely awaked.


Michael’s POV

Have you ever just sat there staring at the toilet? I mean seriously, have you ever wondered just exactly how the toilet worked? –Or how exactly this evenings dinner can come right up and out my body as if it were natural? Alcohol I know is one of the prime reasons this would occur but that doesn’t explain the toilet. Who came up with the name TOILET anyways?

Here’s a bowl that flushes your bodily wastes people, lets call it a toilet!

No way could it have been that easy to come up with a name. Whatever, not that it concerns me all that much about the damn bathroom bowl! Yea so maybe I should cut back on the drinks for a bit. Like maybe instead of drinking ‘til I’m totally trashed I just drink ‘til I got a good buzz. But that’s just it, when I do that –I can’t get a buzz, so I keep drinking until I feel I’m getting a buzz and by the time I think I’m buzzed –I’m Trashed!

What’s the use anyway? Who cares if I come home drunk and puke my brains out? Right? Yea I didn’t think so either.

So anyways…

You’ll never guess what happened after I got done barfing my brains out.

You will NEVER guess!

So are you guessing?

Well stop because you’ll never get it anyways. Okay so I go into my room to sleep off the rest of my alcohol and right when I turn over in my bed guess who’s lying next to me?

C’mon. Guess.

Maria Deluca! God is she hott. That pixie, I swear all she needs is a little Mikie G and she’ll be set for life. But I guess that the alcohol wasn’t completely out of my system because the next thing I know, I’m pushing her off the bed and there’s this LOUD thud.



I don’t really know this girl, we’ve met and chatted occasionally but we weren’t close enough to go to each other’s houses and ask for advice. So as I look her over all I see is a complete mess –her hair is up in the messiest bun I’ve ever seen, her makeup was smeared all over her face from what I’m guessing was the result of an endless night of crying and her clothes were sloppily put together, her button’s all in the wrong holes and her blouse and pants were wrinkled. Her eyes were rimmed red as if she was about to cry again, so I put a delicate hand on hers when we sat on my bed. As if she were glass and the slightest touch would break her, I gently rubbed her skin with my thumb, just as my grandma Claudia would rub the top of my hands with her thumbs. It was the most comforting thing in the world to me, so I hoped I was bringing her comfort as well.

Soon enough she would be ready to speak, but until then I waited for her silently. Sitting crossed legged on my bed waiting for her to speak. She kept dabbing her eyes with the tissue’s I’d given her. I could hear Max pacing in front of my door; I could see his shadow walking back and forth, back and forth from the bottom of the door.

What was he so impatient about?


Max's POV

She’s going to tell her, she’s going to tell her. I know it, I know it…


Maria’s POV

“What is WRONG with you!?” I shouted at the big goon who threw me off the bed.

He looked at me open mouthed, and wide eyed. I could see that even HE couldn’t believe what just happened. The jerk. Now I know that I’m not a babe, and I know that I’m not a princess but I AM a human being and I DO have the right to NOT be thrown from a bed. ANY bed, MY FREAKIN BED!!!!!

“I-I-I’m so s-s-orry… uh, I uh…” Michael babbled.

I couldn’t answer him; I couldn’t BELIEVE that he had done that! He SO was not the hott guy anymore. He was rude and annoying and he REAKED of alcohol!

“Dude, you totally stink.” –Did I just say that?

“Uh… Excuse me?” Michael scratched his head confused, “I need a drink.” He walked out the room.

“I actually think you have had enough!” I screamed after him.

He stormed back into the room, “You don’t know anything about me. I KNOW when I’ve had enough! And I’m FINE! You hear me? FINE! F-I-N-E. FINE!” He growled.

“Get out of here!” I screamed back angry.

“ME?” He shouted, “This is MY room!” He screamed. Boy was he ever so sexy when he was mad. –I mean BOY WHAT A JERK!

“Wrong BUCK–O this is MY room. You stole it!” Oh, really mature ‘Ria.

He was silent for 5 seconds then he did the inevitable, “Fine.”

And he left the room.


Isabel’s POV

I’m starting to regret I ever came here. I can’t say what I want to say when my fatheaded brother is pacing right in front of the door.

“I have to go.” I say getting up.

“What for? You said you wanted to talk. Talk.” Liz said pulling me back down.

“I can’t.” I said eyeing the door.

“Oh.” She nods. “I see. I’ll be right back.”

And she left the room.


Liz’s POV

“You have to leave.” I said to Max once I was outside the room.

“Excuse me?” He asked, his eyes wide and his expression annoyed.

I was staring at him, in his eyes. They were beautiful, they were enchanting, they were–

“You don’t know anything about me. I KNOW when I’ve had enough! And I’m FINE! You hear me? FINE! F-I-N-E. FINE!” I heard Michael shouting.

“What the-“ Me and Max both say.

“This is MY room!” I hear Michael scream again.

“Max.” I say worried.

“Wrong BUCK–O this is MY room. You stole it!” Maria screamed.


I totally forgot that Michael took over her room. Man was she going to be pissed. At ME. Maria never took to people invading her personal space. I dreaded what was to happen next.

“I’ll be right back.” Max says to me.

“Are you sure?” I asked, worried about the situation.

“Yea, what is it?” He asked me running a gentle finger down my cheek.

“N-nothing. Go, I’ll be fine.” I replied wondering why my knees were so weak in his presence.

“I’ll fix this.” Max reassures me.

So now’s my chance to go back in my room and talk to Isabel right?

“I’m back and Max is gone, something between Michael and my friend Maria.” I shrugged shutting the door behind me to my room.

She nodded, “Are you sure it’s okay to talk?” Her eyes darted everywhere.

“Of course, Iz, never feel as if you can’t come and talk to me okay? I’ll always be here,” I took her hand initiating that we had a bonding friendship from now on, “Okay?”

She nodded again, “Okay. I trust you.”


Isabel’s POV

My hands must be shaking like crazy, I can feel them trembling. I haven’t had my fix yet. Also all this pressure is on me right now. I really want to open up to someone or I feel like I’ll crack. I’m not quite sure if I want to tell her about the coke. We’re not in that stage yet; this is like our first actual conversation that was more than fashion and Sergio. I see the worry in her eyes; she’s worried about me. God how good it feels to have someone genuinely care about MY well being. Instead of the family name or making my brothers look stupid.

“Where to start?” I blurt out as her eyes are staring at me.

“Start wherever you feel comfortable.” Liz says softly.

She has this essence that just pulls you towards her, you know? Its like she’s a mother who just wants all the best intentions for you. I’m beginning to understand why my brother likes her so much.

Where to start? Exactly when did my problems start and my sane life end? Jesse. I’ll start at Jesse.

“You know that I was with Jesse Ramirez right?” I tried my hardest to keep my voice from shaking like my hands. I had to pull from Liz’s touch for fear that she would see how much my hands trembled, I really needed my fix. I contemplated using her bathroom for a quick second.

She nodded, “Yea, Serg. Says he’s a real jerk.”

I laughed slightly, “He was more than that, he… Was my air, Liz have you ever been so consumed by love that it hurts to be apart from it? From the person who’s supplying it?”

“I guess I can see where you’re coming from.” Liz answered.

“Well it was like that when Jesse was with me, we had this unexplainable relationship. I would have done anything for him, anything. But then one day…” I paused, wiping at the fresh tears falling, “One day he hit me. And after that he would yell and scream at me whenever he would have a bad day. Whenever something went wrong, it was always somehow MY fault, and he would –he would HIT me.” My voice was shaking, my body trembling, god it was so horrible to be like this in front of someone.


Jesse walking in, “Why the fuck are you just sitting your fat ass at the table? Why aren’t you dressed and ready to go to dinner?”

“I have a shoot at 5 Jess, I told you last week.” I whimper.

He walked up into my face, “And I told YOU that we were going to have dinner at Shay Pier’s with the Donaldson’s!” He smacked me on the side of the head, “See what you make me do Iz? You think I LIKE hitting you? Why the hell do you always have to cry? Shut UP! Stop it!” He pulled me up from my seat and shook me.

“Isabel, why the fuck are you so sluttish?”

“Isabel stop CRYING!”

“Isabel you’re getting fat.”

“Isabel why the hell do you put up with that fagot of a brother you have?”

“Isabel, shut up and get over here.”

“Do you know how fucking angry you make me!”

“STOP CRYING! I’ll give you something to REALLY cry about!”

“See what you make me DO?”

“Look at you now, you’re a fucking mess, get out of my sight.”

All these things I would hear on a regular bases, every blow was like the next…


I told her of the whole relationship me and Jesse shared, starting from the first slap to last choke. I told her of the baby, I told her of the lies, I told her of the deceit, I told her about finding out that Jesse was going around behind my back. I told her everything except my deepest secret, no one would know of it except Max and Michael…

Liz had tears of her own, “Oh Iz.”

She embraced me, she held me while my violent waves of sobs surpassed my body. I had FINALLY told someone, it felt as if weights were being lifted, I felt good again, not completely cured though. I still loved Jesse, I still wanted him back, but I knew it would never happen, not ever. It was wrong, it wasn’t healthy, it wasn’t SAFE.

“Isabel where are you staying now?” Liz says stroking my hair, and gently rocking me.

“Max.” I whisper.

“Does Max make you feel comfortable? I have a full house here but I still have three extra rooms.” She laughed, I felt her chest jiggle. It was as if I was in the arms of my mother and she was telling me everything was going to be all right.

“Max is my brother, he takes care of me, I take care of him. I’m sorry for coming here like this,” I wiped at my face, “I’m such a mess.”

“I’m here Iz, I’ll always be here, you just come on in whenever you need to talk alright?” Liz squeezed me in her arms and we stood up.

“Thanks.” I sniffed my tears, “I can’t believe I actually told someone.”

She smiled, “I’m glad you did, you can do so much better Isabel, you’re such a beautiful person.” She hugged me again, “Ready to walk out there in the hectic living room?” She laughed.

I nodded, “Yea.” Yea, I was ready, I was ready to finally start to enjoy my life. Little by Little. I would heal.



My god I can’t believe the shit that Jesse put Isabel through, I didn’t tell her but I swore then and there that I would get back at him for her.

“Liz!” Maria screamed when we walking the living room.

I winced, here it comes.

“What the HELL were you thinking when you gave this asshole MY room?” She shrieked.

I grimaced and looked at Max, “I’m sorry?”

Maria snorted, “As if that fixes everything Elizabeth.”

Oh yea, she was pissed, she used my full name.

What was to do? To say? I mean here I was Liz Parker, about to be abolished by Hurricane Deluca. There was nothing I could do or say that would make her any less angry with me, so I just stood silent.

“I can’t believe you would do this to me? Let this JACKASS take MY room?” She said hands on hips.

“Hey Maria, why don’t you lay off huh?” Alex came to my rescue.

“You can have the room, I didn’t think you’d be such a baby about it. Shit, I’ll have my crap out by morning.” Michael scowled motioning for Max to go help him move his stuff out.

“It’s not that you have my room. It’s just that I can’t believe Liz would dump me like that.” Maria said out of nowhere, stopping Michael in his tracks.

I really don’t understand this chick; one minute she’s screaming her head off at me, and the next… She’s playing a sympathy card. On Michael??? Not uh, this was TOO weird, what was her deal? And where the hell was Kyle? I see Alex sitting on the couch facing the window, Isabel’s next to him on the other side of the couch silent, I see Max at the hall entrance waiting for Michael, I see Michael a few feet away from Max staring at Maria, Maria’s two feet in front of me in the middle of the living room…

“Where’s Kyle?” I ask.

Alex turns around, “Hey, where IS he?”

“Kyle!” I yell.


“Bro!” Alex shouts next.


It’s not that big of a deal, I mean so what if he doesn’t answer right? I mean he could be on the shitter or something. So if it’s not that big of a deal. Then why does my gut tell me that something’s not right? Why is it that I want to rush up into his room and check to see if he’s still breathing, why is it that my body’s starting to tremble and Alex is slowly making his way to the stairway? Why is Maria suddenly quiet and looking scared herself?

Well Guess what?

All of our reactions weren’t for nothing…

“KYLE!” We screamed running up the stairs.


A/N: Oh poo what’s up with Kyle?? lol you won’t know till next time kiddies! MUA AH AH! lol j/k but you do have to wait!!!

posted on 18-Jun-2002 4:38:00 AM by JBehrsGurl

Ch. 5
Help Me


“Second floor please.” I whispered softly to the orderly who I now shared the elevator with.

She kindly nodded, glancing every now and then from the corner of her eyes at me. I knew she recognized me, but I was so shocked from everything that had happened in the past couple hours that I wasn’t going to satisfy her curiosity. Instead I stood silent in my dark tan trench coat and tall black knee high boots and ignored her as best I could.

I smiled as I exited the elevator; I turned to my left and was lost. There were two main hallways, but which one would lead me to where I needed to be? I took a chance and choose the longest one, the one on my left again; it was so long it reminded me of a scary thriller movie when the victim was running down an endless hallway. The floors where a thin sky blue carpet and on the white walls was a painting of wild sceneries every 2 feet apart. Then finally, I made my way to the main nurses desk.

“Kyle Valenti?” I asked.

“Liz!” I heard Maria’s voice shriek, I turned to see her running towards me. I tensed, every muscle in my body tightened. “Oh, Liz I can’t believe this shit.” She shook her head and grimaced sadly.

I took her hands in mine, “Is he okay?”

“I don’t know, he’s still sedated.” Maria sighed, “Alex is really upset Liz.”

“Take me there.” I answered pulling her forward.

She took me, but where we ended up was somewhere I desperately wanted to evacuate. Kyle was sprawled out in a hospital bed, looking as if he were peacefully asleep. I knew better, he had suffered from a minor heart attack; I knew something was wrong, I knew he was hiding something major. And look what has become of him now? He was temporarily in a coma, he would not wake up. The doctors don’t know what caused such stress, he seemed like he had everything. The wife, the kids, the career, the house, the money…

She fucked him over, Sidney. I knew that bitch would ruin him one way or another. It was only a matter of time. Holding in so much stress, it’s a wonder Kyle hadn’t suffered from a MAJOR heart attack. Obviously he was holding in so much to cause this, it hurt to know that someone I’d trust my life with would keep such vast secrets from me. How could you know something that was so terrible and keep it from your friends? Your BEST friends no less.

Then it hit me. I was the one who was keeping major secrets too. How could I keep such a horrible secret? How could I know something so big and yet keep it from my friends? My BEST friends. My family. Alex sat at Kyle’s side, his head resting in his hands. He seemed tired; he sat silent and didn’t even lift his head when I entered. Where was Tess?

I glanced at Kyle’s limp figure, his hair brushing against his upper lids, one arm resting at his side the other still in a sling up on his chest. His breathing regular, deep, smooth and rhythmic. I could have cried right there. Kyle was going through something so big, and I wasn’t there for him. I was too busy indulging myself in my world of ME. How selfish I must be.

Don’t cry, don’t you DARE cry Liz Parker.

Too late.

“Oh Lizzie it’s okay.” Maria’s comforting arms entrapped me in a hug.

I didn’t deserve this; this was Kyle’s time. So why was I receiving the calming hugs and kisses? And the thing that most bothered me… Was the fact that I was only half crying for Kyle, and mostly crying for me, my stomach was so hungry, I wanted to eat so badly. But I knew what would happen if I did.


I think it was the first time that I began to realize just how messed up my life really was becoming. I didn’t even think or comprehend what I was doing was wrong. I just kept up my schedule. Maintained my modeling and my workouts and occasionally puked my brains out. I mean what was so WRONG with that? I only began to see how horrible I was becoming when Alex caught me mid-binge.

He had FINALLY torn himself from Kyle’s side to return home for sleep. I guess he was passing by when:

“Liz? What are you doing in here- LIZ!” Alex screamed running all the way to my side, dropping to the floor next to me. “Liz? What is it? Why are you crying?”

I was crying. I started bawling my eyes out; I couldn’t believe I was caught. I didn’t even get to finish my binge; I could feel the bile burning deep within my stomach waiting to come up. I felt the acid sizzling in my throat; I felt my body getting ready to retch. But Alex had a strong hold on me, he was hugging me and rocking me and he had no idea that all I wanted was for him to let go so I could release.

“Alex.” I managed to spurt without vomiting all over my best friend. I was struggling to get out of his grip on me. Why was he holding me so tight?

“Oh Liz, I knew something was wrong. I knew it. I was going crazy because you wouldn’t tell me.” He was saying sympathetically.

“Alex let go!” I screamed pushing violently away from him.

“Liz?” He was worried.

I fell over the top of the toilet seat; I shoved my head in and opened my mouth to free everything I had eaten that morning. Maybe it was the stress, maybe it was the fact that Kyle was in the hospital and wasn’t speaking to no one. Not even Tess. For whatever reason, I cried every time my body tensed and emptied the contents of my stomach. Alex was rubbing my back; this just made me sadder.

Now he knew. Now he knew my secret. No one was supposed to fond out, NO ONE. I was Liz Parker, model extraordinaire, I was flawless, I was LP! I was beautiful god dammit! Why was this happening? Why did I religiously eat and then 15 minutes later report to the toilet for puking duty. I was relentlessly killing myself slowly, and now I understood how bad my condition actually was.

When I finally finished and even the tears were through, I leaned against Alex’s shoulder and sighed, “Are you gonna tell anyone?” I asked silent.

He thought it out a while before answering, all the while running his fingers through my hair, “I have to Liz, you’re sick. You need help.”

I shook my head, “It’s okay Alex, I swear, I’ll be good I swear! I won’t do it anymore okay? Just don’t tell anyone! PLEASE ALEX! Don’t tell anyone! I’ll stop today watch!” I pleaded with him, grabbing his collar with my fists as I begged him.

He stared at me sadly; I could see in his eyes that he thought I was sick and depressing. Do you know what it’s like to have your best friend in the whole world look at you with no hope? Have you ever felt your hope for a better life burn out as if a gust of wind had blew out the only light you had left? That’s what I was feeling when I looked into Alex Whitman’s eyes. I saw no hope, I saw no help, and I saw nothing but pity. Pity that I did not want.

So I got angry, “You know, I don’t say anything about your fucked up life, so why are you judging me huh? Do I say anything about your smoking problem? NO. Do I say anything about your lack of commitment? NO. I stay behind you Alex 100 fucking percent and now that you see that I may have a problem you are quick to play daddy on me.” I stood up and walked out the bathroom door, towel in hand.

“MAY have a problem?! Liz you DO have a problem! You think it’s healthy to barf up everything you eat?” He screamed following me out the room.

“I watch my weight!” I barked.

“You’re slowly killing yourself!” He grabbed my arms and spun me to face him.

“I am not!” I lied.

“You are too and EXCUSE me for caring!” He shouted angry.

“Well stop!”


“Get out of my house!”

“NO, you are not going to shut me out now.”

“Watch me!” I screamed grabbing my car keys and exiting the house.

Where I was going? I had no clue. It wasn’t until I was at Max Evans front door that reality had finally hit me. What the hell was I doing here? How the hell did I GET here? I’d only been here once to help Michael, how did I know how to get here now? I turned around and descended down the stairs that would lead me away.


I cringed, so busted. It was Max's curious voice from behind me. I turned slowly and was face to face with Max. He smiled, he was liking this. Why? I had no clue but his eyes sparkled and I was pulled in. I allowed him to lead me into his apartment. It was pretty nice, everything was black leather –but in a tasteful matter. He was wearing a button up black dressy shirt. You know, the ones with the long sleeves with the cuffs, the shirts that a guy would wear underneath a tux. His had matching black slacks and was bare foot. He looked positively sexy.

I looked down to what I wore, a tight fitting baby pink tank and cotton baby pink pajama pants. My baby pink flip-flops and baby pink toes. Hey, it was baby pink day! My hair was up in a ponytail; it swished when I walked through the door.

“Where’s Iz?” I asked.

His grin widened, “Out with Michael for the day.”

“Why are you smiling like that?” I said in wonderment.

He shrugged, “No reason.”

“What reason.”

“NO reason.”

“There’s a reason.” I pinned.

“Are you always this questionable?” His circled me as he spoke.

“Are you always this seductive?” I answered, making his loop around me end.

He faced me, “Why are you here Liz Parker?” He asked.

“I honestly don’t know.” I explained.

He looked at me sympathetic, why was everyone looking at me like that lately? I don’t know what made me do it, maybe it was lack of better judgment, maybe it was because I hadn’t been in the alone presence of an attractive man in a long while. But for whatever reason, I threw myself in Max Evans arms and wept.

He didn’t ask questions, he didn’t speak a word. All he did was hold me, his arms held me tight as my tears soaked his shoulders. We stood silent in the middle of his living room for quite some time before either of us spoke.

“Here.” Max handed me a tissue.

I wiped my face embarrassed, “I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t.” He swiped his fingers across my cheek, “Don’t be sorry for anything. I’m only sorry for whatever is making your heart hurt so much.”

“Max.” I whimpered when his lips crept closer and closer to mine.

Was this right?

“Shhh.” He shushed, and touched my lips with is own gently.

He pulled away slow, looked into my eyes as if to ask for permission to do it again. This boy needed o permission of the sort to do whatever he wanted to me. He seemed to read it in my eyes and he took the plunge again, kissing my deeper this time. I knew he wanted to kiss me whole, but could I allow it? His tongue grazed my lips asking for consent to enter, I could have moaned in delight. In fact I think I did. His tongue touched mine and that was it, I was his. I knew then that there was no way I was ever going to let another man in my life. It was so weird ya know? How could a single kiss turn my world topsy-turvy? His kisses were passionate, his hands were gentleman, and my own hands wondered his back and ran trails through his hair. Our kisses elevated more fervently every second. I knew what was going to happen next.

“Max.” I whispered as best I could before his mouth would cover mine again.

“Hmmm?” Was his answer before he strated to kiss me again. Now his hands grew braver, his left still on the small of my back pressing me up against him, but now his right hand slowly made its way up and over my breast.

“Max.” I said more forceful.

He stopped everything, looked at me like he had done something wrong. My body screamed for his touch and kisses again. I laughed.

“I don’t want to stand here anymore.” I giggled nuzzling his nose with mine.

“Where so you want to go then?” He asked through ragged breaths.

I shrugged, “Your bedroom maybe?” I batted my lashes.

His eyes widened, “Are you sure?” He sounded like a high school boy.

“You don’t want me?” I teased him by beginning to unbutton his shirt.

“God yes I want you.” He groaned.

I suppressed a gasp when I had undone all his buttons. His body was perfect, perfect abs, perfect chest, perfect EVERYTHING I swear it. No lie, no exaggerations. How bad did I want to lick chocolate off this mans naked body. You couldn’t even imagine –well maybe you could.

“Very nice Mr. Evans.” I said to his body before looking into his eyes. My hands sliding up and down his chest.

I guess I was teasing his just a bit much because I kid you not but this man grabbed me by the butt and lifted me up against his body as he carried me away to his bedroom. Me squealing the whole way of course. He was aggressive; he threw my ass down on the bed and attacked me with his mouth. How passionate could kisses get? I wrapped my legs around his wait. Both still clothed. We needed release. He started by shedding removing his shirt. I followed by taking his hands and placing then at the bottom of my tank top. He pulled it up and over my head so fast I could have laughed –but this was NO laughing matter. Max stared at me, I wondered why for about a second before realizing I hadn’t worn a bra today. Lucky him, but the moistness between my legs was calling for his entrance, I hadn’t had sex in 4 months! Do you KNOW what this was doing to me??????

“Max.” I moaned rubbing my bottom half against his.

Good god he was SO ready, his erection was bulging against my hot spot and it was all I could do not to scream. Max wasted no time removing his pants and boxers –yes dearies he is a boxers man. I gasp out loud; this man was blessed with not only the body but also the most perfect penis I had EVER seen. He then ripped my pajama pants off and slid his fingers between the sides of my thong, his hands on my hips. I moaned and grabbed his head pressing his mouth to mine. Kissing was like a drug, his mouth was addictive. Max surprised me most by thrusting into me suddenly. I wasn’t prepared, but god was it okay.

“Oh!” I screamed, his swollen bottom half was huge, my walls tightened against him. My legs firmly took hold of his sides; his mouth was now on my neck. My moans now called his name. Each push sent me screaming for more, each thrust of his body against mine sent tremors throughout my body. I held on tightly to him never wanting to let go, his arms rested at my side his muscles tensing and flexing each time he pushed into me. My hands pressed his back pressing him closer to my body, I was in pure ecstasy. He grabbed hold of my bottom and turned over, me on top. Wow, he was gonna let me drive for a while. I pressed my hands in his chest and rocked against him in ways that made his mouth open wide but no sound to escape. His head rested against his pillow, eyes clenched closed, his hands squeezing my thighs.

I guess he was almost ready to cum because he flipped me back over to the bottom and started slamming into me harder and harder, I had no complaints. I don’t really think I should go into such intimate detail any longer because well it was some pretty hot fucking going on. I’ll tell you later…


I woke up and next to me was a sleeping Max Evans. It wasn’t a dream, I smacked my forehead. SHIT. What the hell was I going to do now? I couldn’t let him in, well I had let him IN but you know what I mean! What the hell would I do if he found out my secret? I’d be embarrassed beyond belief. So it was settled, I kissed Max's lips once more and I lifted his arm from around my waist. I desperately wanted to stay in his arms; I desperately knew that he could make me undeniably happy. But the REAL question of the matter was…

Could I make HIM happy? Did I deserve happiness? Did I deserve him? My eyes welled up with tears and I changed into my clothes quickly before they would fall. I couldn’t do this; he deserved someone without problems, someone who would be honest with him. I left him alone and naked, I left Max freakin Evans naked. How stupid was I?

I tip toed out of his room. I quietly left his apartment, and at the same time. I left my heart.

God help me…

“Must be your skin that I'm sinking in
Must be for real cos now I can feel
And I didn't mind
It's not my kind
Not my time to wonder why
Everything's gone white
And everything's grey
Now you're here now you're away
I don't want this
Remember that
I'll never forget where you're at
Don't let the days go by
I'm never alone
I'm alone all the time
Are you at one
Or do you lie
We live in a wheel
Where everyone steals
But when we rise it's like strawberry fields
I treated you bad
You bruise my face
Couldn't love you more
You got a beautiful taste
Don't let the days go by
Could have been easier on you
I couldn't change though I wanted to
Could have been easier by three
Our old friend fear and you and me
Glycerine (repeat)
Don't let the days go by
I needed you more
When we wanted us less
I could not kiss just regress
It might just be
Clear simple and plain
That's just fine
That's just one of my names
Don't let the days go by
Could've been easier on you
Bush - Glycerine

A/N: Sorry so short!

[ edited 1 time(s), last at 18-Jun-2002 4:39:56 AM ]
posted on 18-Jun-2002 5:19:17 PM by JBehrsGurl
chill momma its all good lol! hope you guys are reading!!!
posted on 20-Jun-2002 1:17:16 AM by JBehrsGurl
Thanks: viLya, Phi, iwantuboy, Meagzie, Cinder, FreeFall, Juliette, ItsLikeChemical, and Becca1974 for the wonderful reviews! Keep them coming! It makes my ego soar and my updates come quicker! lol Enjoy!!!

Ch. 6
Cry Your Name… Fool

Maria POV

Okay yea so here’s the thing, I’m attracted to Michael. He’s obviously attracted to me too. I have come to this conclusion because last night when I was sitting in the TV room watching a blank screen (thinking about how Kyle still isn’t up, Alex is acting strange, Alex and Liz are NOT speaking, and Liz came home yesterday acting really-really weird!) So anyway yea, I was staring intently at a blank screen and then Michael is sitting next to me. He says that he’s sorry about Kyle and that even though he doesn’t really know that guy he truly is sorry. Sorry is a word I’m adapting to.

Sorry to do ya and leave Maria.

Sorry about your record Maria.

Sorry I took your room Maria.

Sorry I LET him take your room Maria.

But then he said something that made my opinion change; he asked me if I wanted my room back. I said yes, of course –it was MY room after all. He smirked and we started moving his crap out and my crap in. Liz was nowhere in sight, Alex was nowhere either; it was weird knowing that Michael and I were alone. I guess he must have sensed it too. But ultimately we ended up in my bed. My goodness! This boy knew exactly what he was doing, he knew when where and how. I’m hot just thinking about it.

So this is where I am now, I’m in the shower thinking about last nights rendezvous deed. All I hope is that Michael understands that what we have is an attraction, a sexual attraction. Nothing can come of this.





Okay yes.

I know it was wrong. I know I totally pulled a guy hit-and-quit-it move, but I really can’t bring anyone else into this crazy thing of mine called a life. It’s just not right. I slept with him yes. It was something that we did spur of the moment and I don’t regret it either. All I regret is leaving, but I had to so there is no way to change that. I came home silent and went straight to my room. I ignored Maria, I definitely ignored Alex. I took absolutely NO calls and I only went to visit Kyle when I was sure that Alex was NOT present.

Kyle was still unconscious. He still lay silently asleep. I wept on his bed, cuddling myself in his limp arms, I held him tight. Kyle was like my brother, Alex was too but he would never understand me the way Kyle could. When we were kids Kyle and me were always on the same team, we always won because we knew exactly what the other was going to do –we played as one. I cried for Kyle, I cried for his children, I cried for his heart. I prayed I would cry his tears away.

“Oh Kyle,” I wept, “What’s wrong with us?”

“It could be maybe that you’re leaning on my oxygen wire.” Kyle’s raspy voice coughed.

“KYLE!” I screamed hugging him tight.

“Air.” He wheezed.

I laughed, for the first time in a while. I called for the nurses and the doctors and every gosh dang
Medical practician I could get. They all came rushing in and shuffling me out; I called Maria and Tess, and asked Maria to get Alex. 15 minutes later we stood in the waiting room.

“Liz, what did Kyle do when he woke up? Is he okay? Did he act or look in any way unusual to you?” Tess bombarded me with questions.

“No, he acted like his regular assinied self.” I grinned.

“Here babe.” Maria handed me a Vanilla Coca-Cola.

“Liz, I hate to say this but you have an appointment to be at in an hour. We should leave now.” Tess grimaced; I could tell she sincerely did NOT want to leave.

“Where are we going?” I asked.

“You have your dress fitting for Tiffany. You’re going to where one of her dresses at the MTV Music Awards remember? Also Vera Wang wants to know if you still plan on wearing one of her outfits when you present an award?” Tess checked her watch and brought out her cell.

“Let’s go.” I hugged Maria and walked out. Ignoring Alex’s stares.

We got into a cab and went to Tiffany’s. Where I was drowsed in lace, frills, and silk. It really was rather nice. I settled on a magenta colored tight fitting strapless style with diamond rhinestones flowing across the front like shooting stars. I had matching strap sandals and purse. I was ready for phase two. I had to look for an outfit to wear when presenting. I wanted something sexy like Christina Augilera did, but Tess says that Sexy isn’t the way to go when presenting. So I suggested casual. But Tess didn’t like that idea either. I said retro, and she said maybe. I want retro, I’m deciding on that now.

“I don’t know…” Tess scrunched her face up.

“I got it!” I said causing her to jump.

“What?” She looked skeptic.

“Latina, I’ll go with the frill skirt with the high side split and-“

“No, Alicia Keys is doing that.” Tess grimaced.

“Fine then I want retro.” I sat on the couch pouting.

We were in Sergio’s apartment waiting for his return from the store. We were let in by his assistant –and main squeeze, Dirk. Tess shrugged and sat down beside me. She sighed.

“What?” I asked.

“It’s nothing.” She looked at her hands.


“I have the most perfect idea for your hair, we lighten it to a light brown and then add golden streaks, it will look fantastic Elizabeth!” Tess toyed with my hair. It actually was a good idea, but I knew she was changing the subject. But before I could say anything she was on the phone booking me a hair appointment.

“LP!” Sergio shouted rushing me into a hug, “Oh you are skin and bones chica! Have you been dieting?” He scolded.

“She is watching her weight yes.” Tess nodded coming into the conversation, hanging up her cell phone; “Bobby Strom has her on a strict exercise and nutrition diet. Nothing dangerous or life threatening.” Tess smiled, “Sergio, how have you been? Robbing the cradle a bit huh?” She glanced over at Dirk, “Exceptional taste though Serg, but you already know that, or else I wouldn’t let you touch my Liz here.” She winked.

Sergio scowled, “What is this I see? Tess Harding actually in my presence? Wow oh wow I cannot believe it. Where are my ice skates because Hell must have FROZEN over!” Sergio shouted dramatic, I laughed my ass off.

“Funny.” Tess smirked, “Liz wants retro for her look this Saturday, see if you whip her up something tasteful. That is if you can get it up… Sergio. You’re past you’re prime and there are just SO many fresh new designers out there, where would you be if you didn’t have LP?” Tess raised an eyebrow as if challenging him to a comeback.

Yet Sergio held his tongue. Half because I was holding him back as firmly as I could.


Kyle’s POV


The sign read, everyone running around on pins and needles trying to get me everything I need. Liz was the only one being real with me; she took me to my room, without help. I appreciated that so much, it was as if everyone thought I lost all motor skills when I had my heart attack. Actually I don’t even remember having one, all I know was that I was checking my messages and then I woke up in the hospital. I can’t even remember what my messages were. I was going to check them again as soon as I was alone.

Liz looked sad, not because she was sad for me though, I saw that she held in something big, I didn’t press the issue. Instead she told me about what she was going to wear to the MTV thing. She asked me if I wanted to go with her. Hell yes I did! Maria was going with Alex and his band, Liz rolled her eyes when I told her though, I’m thinking her and Alex are going through something but I’m too occupied to care much right now. I asked her about that guy Michael and his friends. She explained it all to me as best she could before she fell asleep in my arms. Funny how she could always do that, ever since I could remember she would fall asleep telling stories. I smiled brushing her hair from her face before I too fell asleep.

“I want my sons Sidney.”

“You mean MY son’s? MY twin boys.” A blurry male voice broke Kyle’s conversation with his wife.

“You’re sons? What the hell is going on here? These are MY kids dammit!” Kyle screamed.

Baby cries were heard loud, so loud Kyle had to cover his ears. His vision blurred and he was swirling through blackness.

(Sidney’s voice over)

“I want a divorce Kyle, we had some great times but… God I don’t know where we went wrong, it’s not your fault we didn’t work okay? Listen to me Kyle. It’s NOT your fault. I’m taking full custody of the boys; you’re not fit to raise them after what happened I decided. The judge will take my side Kyle, just… I don’t know just seek help and then maybe after a while we can discuss visits. But until then stay away from us okay? It’s nothing personal it’s just that the boys are terrified of you. I hate to say it but I am too. It was MY fault but now I’m frightened to be in your presence and the kids are too. Just stay away for a while okay? The divorce papers will arrive at Liz’s house –I know that’s where you will end up. Just sign them and send them to the courthouse –NOT here at my mother’s. We will be staying at my mothers Kyle –you already knew that but the thing is that… Kyle. Baby, you can’t come here okay? My mother and father put out a restraining order on you and you can’t come within 100 feet’s distance of us. The kids, and me. (Crying) Kyle I love you, don’t think that I don’t. I-it’s just that we grew apart; you were always gone with your friends, the reporters, the games. I just couldn’t take it anymore okay? I’m going to hang up now… I love you.”


(Dial tone)

“NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!” Kyle screams.

“Kyle! Kyle!” Liz is shaking me awake.

I’m screaming and there are tears falling down my cheeks. I’m freaking out man! Shit, my chest hurts…

“Kyle?” Liz puts her hands on my cheeks. “Kyle you have to calm down babe okay? Calm down.”

“What’s going on?!” Maria shrieks running in.

“Go get me a cool wet towel okay?” Liz orders.


“NOW Maria!” She barks and Maria scampers out. Liz’s eyes draw back to mine, “Kyle, you have to calm down okay?”

But I can’t, my breathing is ragged, my muscles are tensed and my fists are digging into the sheets. My heart, shit my heart is beating so fast! It hurts!

“Kyle listen to me!” Liz is trying so hard to calm me, but she can’t! NO ONE CAN! “Kyle it was just a nightmare okay? JUST a nightmare! It was NOT real!”

But it WAS real! It was! It was what caused me to go to the hospital! I remembered everything now! Sidney’s message – SHIT! My heart felt like it was going to explode!

“KYLE!” Liz shook me slightly, “Look at me okay?” Liz pressed her hands firmly against my cheeks, “You are in your room at my condo. I am right here, you were dreaming.” She coos.

I’m shaking, “N-no. It really happen, she’s d-divorcing me. S-she’s s-he’s taking my k-kids!” I screamed getting all riled up again.

Liz now understood exactly, she and I have this connection. We don’t even usually have to speak, but lately we haven’t been skintight. As you can see –we haven’t even spoken in months. But she still knew me, and I still knew her. All my emotions came to a halt. My heart stopped burning a hole in my chest and my skin stopped sweating. She took her hands off my face and took the towel from Maria. She wiped my tears, she wiped my sweat, and then…

She let me cry on her shoulder.


Max's POV

It’s been a couple days since my last visit with anyone other than my sister and Michael. This feels good. I’m totally cool. Never been better. I just got out the shower and my body’s soaking wet. Dry, dress, shave, and blow-dry my hair. My regular humdrum schedule.


Did you think that just because Liz split out after I fucked her I’d be a bit mental? Hell, no. I’m more than okay, I’m GOOD. I got what I wanted, I know she liked it, she’ll be back. Oh yea, she’ll most DEFINATELY be back. Because:

Once you go Max…

You never go back.

Can you see my grin?


Isabel’s POV

I was doing good.

I really was.

I was doing all my own laundry, I was washing my dishes, and I even fed my pet goldfish Lucky. I was finally becoming independent and sure of myself –for once. For once I didn’t need a man in my life to help support me. For once I didn’t feel the need to go crawling back to Jesse. I was shaping into my own person, someone who could deal with life’s unfairness. My only problem was my dust addiction. I just couldn’t quite shake that just yet. But I’m trying; it’s just hard when my brother’s sniffing in my face all the time.

I think Jesse has a radar. I think he KNOWS when I’m about to move on and be alright with out him. He KNOWS when I’m doing well so he tries to pull me back down. I’m so good without him to bring me down all the time. It feels like I can breathe. When I was with Jesse it was as if I was being held under water with only one small breath to keep me. Asthma almost, its so hard to breath around him, he’s so powerful and intimidating.

Talking to Liz was somehow therapeutic. She really is a great listener, too bad she doesn’t listen to her heart. She and my brother don’t know that I know about their little “rumble in the sack”. I’m not going to tell them either. That’s totally between them. I had gotten home early that day and GROSS I saw clothes on the floor leading to my bro’s room, that’s when I heard the moans and high tailed my ass right on outta there –ASAP! After that day I started to stay at my own apartment.

Max hasn’t said a word about it. He usually tells me about everything –even crap I really wish he wouldn’t. Did you know he measures his own penis every month? He’s done it since he was 13. Every month he would SWEAR he grew half an inch. And he would dance around the house for a couple minutes before me, Zan and Lonnie would start to poke fun at him and he would finally shut the hell up and sit down. Yea, so Max hasn’t shared Liz with me yet so I’m guessing it hasn’t worked out completely the way he planned. But I can see it in their eyes, they want each other. But someone’s holding back. It’s only a matter of time before one of them cracks.

I still haven’t quite spoken to Alex yet since the day I made a complete first impression FOOL of myself. Let’s see if I can refresh your memory a little bit… Remember this:

“Hello.” Alex said entering the room.

Isabel freaked, “Oh my god. OH MY GOD! You’re Alex Whitman!” She shrieked.

“Yea?” He looked at her funny.

Isabel just stared at him with her mouth wide open.

“ALEX!” Liz yelled from the back room.

“If you’ll excuse me.” Alex went to her aide.

“Smooth Iz. Really smooth.” Michael nodded to Isabel, patting her head.

Isabel slumped into the couch.

Yea, so can you see my point? I plan on breaking the ice soon though, like maybe today. I’m not sure how, I’ve been put off because of what happen to Kyle and all. He’s a really okay guy you know. I only spoke with him once and it was when he was lying sprawled out on Liz’s TV room couch while I waited patiently for Michael. Michael was getting ready for our annual “BRUNCH” like everyday. Yea, so anyways I had a small, sweet conversation with the highly popular Kyle Valenti.

“Hey.” He had said as I sat down reluctantly beside him on the wide couch.

“Hey I smiled back.

“Isabel right?” He raised a curious eyebrow.

I nodded, “Yes.”

“Liz has nice things to say about you.” He grinned pleased.

I did too, “So, how are things with you Kyle? Feeling better?” I asked patting his leg. It was as if we were old friends –Oddly.

“Yea, I’m doing better, everyone keeps asking and babying me though.” He shrugged.

“Bet you like it.” I teased.

“Actually I don’t, I hate it.” He chuckled, “But that Maria gives one hell of a massage so I keep quiet and keep faking back pains.” He laughed again settling back into his cushions.

“I see,” I giggled, “Where is everyone anyway?” I stretched out.

“Alex is out with Maria for brunch and to shop, Liz is out with Tess in a quest to find the perfect and the best RETRO outfit for Liz to wear at the MTV thing –which she is taking me to.” He grinned, “And Michael is as you already know, getting ready.” He stretched out long.

“Am I in your way?” I asked moving slightly.

“No. And even if you were I don’t mind.” He said.

“Well aren’t you sweet Mr. Valenti.” I teased.

“I have my moments.” He smiled, his watch began to beep, “Meds time!” He jumped up off the couch and went into the kitchen.

Michael came out then and we readied to leave for brunch, I asked Kyle to join, he politely declined stating that Liz had forbid him to leave the premises, we promised to bring him something back and I left with Michael.

As I entered my apartment later that day feeling as if it were the first day of the rest of my life. There he stood, I should have just stayed out longer, I should have never turned the key in the lock and opened the door. Then maybe things would still be the way they were. I would still be just ME. But no. There he was.

Jesse stood in my kitchen, his arms stretched out beckoning my embrace. In his right hand he held red roses and in his left, chocolates.

I guess I really am a fool…

“See, my days are cold without you
But I'm hurtin' while I'm with you
And though my heart can't take no more
I keep on running back to you

See, my days are cold without you
But I'm hurtin' while I'm with you
And though my heart can't take no more
I keep on running back to you

Baby, I don't know why you treat me so bad
You says you love me, no one above me
And I was all you had
And though my heart is eatin' for you
I can't stop cryin'
I don't know how I allow you to treat me this way
And still I stay

See, my days are cold without you
But I'm hurtin' while I'm with you
And though my heart can't take no more
I keep on running back to you

See, my days are cold without you
But I'm hurtin' while I'm with you
And though my heart can't take no more
I keep on running back to you

Baby, I don't know why you wanna do me wrong
See, when I'm home, I'm all alone
And you are always gone
Boy, you know I really love you
I can't deny
I can't see how you can bring me to so many tears
After all these years

See, my days are cold without you
But I'm hurtin' while I'm with you
And though my heart can't take no more
I keep on running back to you

See, my days are cold without you
But I'm hurtin' while I'm with you
And though my heart can't take no more
I keep on running back to you

Oh, I just need you, I just need you
So sad, so sad, what love will make you do
All the things that we accept
Be the things that we regret
So all of my ladies
Feel me, come on sing with me

See when I get the strength to leave you
Always tell me that you need me
And I'm weak cuz I believe you
And I'm mad because I love you
So I stop and think that maybe
You could learn appreciate me
Then it all remains the same that
You ain't never gonna change, never gonna change
Never gonna change

See, my days are cold without you
But I'm hurtin' while I'm with you
And though my heart can't take no more
I keep on running back to you

See, my days are cold without you
But I'm hurtin' while I'm with you
And though my heart can't take no more
I keep on running back to you

Baby, why you hurt me
Leave me and desert me
Boy, I gave you all my heart
And all you did was tear it up
Lookin' out my window
Knowing that I should go
Even when I pack my bags
There's something always holds me back...”
Ashanti – Foolish

A/N: Hope you liked this!

[ edited 2 time(s), last at 20-Jun-2002 1:23:01 AM ]
posted on 20-Jun-2002 1:26:18 AM by JBehrsGurl
How do I change the subject line to let you guys know when I've updated? If anyone can B-mail that to me I would greatly appriciate it! Tahnx ahead of time!

posted on 23-Jun-2002 1:57:34 AM by JBehrsGurl

Yes! You have totally REDEEMED yourself!!!

I will try my hardest to hurry up with the next chapter!!! I swear! Okay now that I have said that... I g2g write! lol
posted on 26-Jun-2002 2:57:04 PM by JBehrsGurl

I'm so happy that you guys are bumping me! -And Yes people tonight you will not only recieve an update... But you will get a FANART too! I made a cover for the story, hope you like! I'll post tonight!
posted on 27-Jun-2002 12:57:25 AM by JBehrsGurl
A/N: Sorry this took so long but I wanted to make a FanArt b4 I posted the story, so actually I rushed this chapter and I haven’t looked it over so hopefully it’s okay… (*crosses fingers*)

Ch. 7
Honestly Okay

Maria’s POV

I can’t believe Alex and Liz are still not talking. Alex even went as far as to move out into a hotel. I tried to convince him not to but his stubbornness is just as bad as mine was so I gave up.

Liz doesn’t seem to care one bit. She stays in her room or she talks to Kyle. Michael hasn’t been around either –thank god. I don’t want to have to deal with the weirdness between us just yet. Liz told me that he’s doing a cameo in some movie in Boston. So he’ll be gone for a couple days. Max hasn’t been around either. Weird, I’m used to watching him gawk at Liz. Isabel is a no show either. Where is everyone? I’m supposed to take Kyle to a doctor’s appointment any minute now; I’m standing next to the front door checking my watch for the fifth time.

Kyle and Liz have grown closer these past couple days, I’m starting to feel like I did as a kid. ALONE. Liz always had such strong connections with people, why couldn’t I? She was tight with Kyle; they had an inexplicable bond between them. She was close with Alex, he always just seemed to be drawn to her and she to him, they always discussed each other’s problems. They were so open and yet closed off to everyone else. Even ME. She was the one to bring Tess into our lives, though Tess was always distant, of all of us she was closest to Kyle and Liz. Max was drawn to Liz; Isabel was drawn to Liz. God even Michael couldn’t resist her. It was as if everything just gets pulled towards her, like gravity. She has this glittering essence that pulls you in. I was one of the many that she shared this essence with. Sergio too, the first time he saw her he said she was special and she would succeed in anything and everything she did. Even when they had my going away party she was the center of the party’s attention. She didn’t mean too, I didn’t and don’t blame her, when you got it you got it. Ya know?

I was her shadow, always the one, one step behind the lovely Liz Parker. I never cared before, I liked being back there, observing, never having to have to deal with things myself. Until the day we graduated High School and we had to live on our own, I grew and I wanted to be my own person. I wanted to be Maria Deluca not Liz Parkers friend. I wanted people to know me because of who I WAS not who I KNEW –that someone being Liz.

Liz had her own inner demons to deal with, and I had mine. She kept her feeling locked inside, as did I. She had more close friends than me; she had more connections than me. She tried her hardest to please everyone.

And I wondered…

When she spent time with one person –was the other always this jealous?


Tess’s POV

So tell me what you think.

C’mon. I’m waiting.

I know what you’re thinking.

I’m the bitch who puts Liz through hell. Can’t you see? I’m just trying to set her career to its all time high before I back out. I know I come off as this cold-hearted vixen set to destroy Liz Parker. But in reality I just want the best for her, yes I DO set high standards and yes I AM more harsh than I should be, but I can’t help but feel the opportunity in front of me.

Everything that she had done to me when we were kids, the bossing around, the invisibleness I felt when I was next to her. This was my chance to give her a taste of what I felt being with her all those years, just to be left behind.

I haven’t had time to speak with Kyle just yet. I will make time though; I see this as a sign that we’re meant to be together. I’ll no longer have to cry myself to sleep and I’ll never again have to cut. To cause myself pain just to feel. I’m an emotionless wreck. And I hated it. But I was okay, for now I was honestly okay.

They all just didn’t act as if I were alive, as if Kyle’s fatal condition wasn’t killing me inside too. I may have come back from the dead to them, they may have been successful when I appeared from Roswell where they thought they left me for good, but who will get the last laugh in the end?

I have just a feeling I’ll be the one left crying…


Max’s POV

Okay, it’s been a week and she still hasn’t called, written, or visited me.

What a priss.

Was she too GOOD for me? Was she just SO busy with HER life to give me a call? I know I told you that I didn’t care but now I do. To pass the time I sniff, Isabel hasn’t been around either come to think of it. My life is boring. I thought that if I got Liz that everything would just fall into place and I would finally realize my purpose here on earth. Funny, I know it sounds weird but I thought she could give me all the answers I craved so badly. That day was incredible. It really was, so why didn’t she feel the same way about me? What had I done wrong?

I wish Michael were back from Boston already. I really need to talk to that asshole. I just hope he isn’t shit-faced when he returns. That would definitely NOT be in my best interests. I need to talk to someone; my powder is wearing off fast. I need to get another fix. And soon. I know Isabel won’t have any either. She always hogs her stash.

I have to call Sean. I knew that I had too, it had been a while since my last call but I had slowed my habit down a few notches, because I was too busy trying to get Liz’s attention. But now I needed a hit more than anything else that could be provided to me right now. I picked up my cordless that was off to my side and I dialed the numbers I had memorized.

“Max!” He answers on the first ring, must be caller ID, “Been a while Maxy boy what you need?”

“Same as always.” I muttered in the mouthpiece of the phone, I lay on my back in my bed staring up at the ceiling. The wind blew my curtains inside, and I felt the breeze touch my cheeks.

“We’ve got some new stuff if you’d like to try.” Sean said, sounding like a cheap salesman.

“Like what?” I grunt.

“I got some chronic laced with Opium. Best freakin’ trip you’ll ever have.” Sean snickered.

I rubbed my eyes with the heel of my palm, “Alright that and the usual.”

“I’ll meet you.” Sean said.

“Where?” I barked.

“Coming down off the shit huh? I’ll make this interaction quick, meet me in the Starbucks off Elkhorn.” Sean laughed, “In a half hour.”

“Yea, alright.” I hung up.


Isabel’s POV

He’s so handsome when he sleeps. I think this as I run my fingers through his hair; his head is resting on my bare chest and his body’s cuddled against mine. We lay naked in-between my white cotton sheets. We had made love three times and each time was better than the last. I came every time. He seems to be so delicate, so innocent, so unable to cause me such unexplainable pain. His breath is even and warm against my chest. I find my fingers still unable to stop their course through his silken soft curls. I study the curves of his face, his dominant chin, his strong features –his nose wide set and aligned with his eyes, his thick eyebrows, his lashes long, his eyes are closed but I know how beautiful his brown sensual eyes are.

His body was amazingly perfect; his back was as well muscled as his front side. His arms were powerful, and wrapped around my middle. How good it felt to be in his arms again, yet how horrible it was to actually KNOW that I was there.

It wouldn’t be long before these beautifully muscled arms hit me, before those delicate hands slapped across my face, or choked my neck. I close my eyes tight trying to close the memories out but they just get stronger. I can feel my tears falling down my cheeks, I swallow the lump in my throat, I can’t wake him up. God it would be so horrible if I did that.

I was doing so good, I was growing and maturing all on my own. Why had I let him back in? I felt like the stupid women I used to yell at in the TV on shows like Montel Williams, Maury Povitch, Jerry Springer and Ricky Lake. Never in a million years would you have convinced me that I would be one of them. I wanted to cry, I wanted to scream and yell. I was so angry with myself. It was impossible to get out of something I had gotten myself so deep into. I was stuck; I was going to be with Jesse again.

And I was going to HATE it.



“I just want to feel safe in my own skin;
I just want to be happy again
I just want to feel deep in my own world

But I'm so lonely I don't even want to be with myself anymore

On a different day,
If I was safe in my own skin,
Then I wouldn't be lost and so frightened
But this is today and I'm lost in my own skin

And I'm so lonely I don't even want to be with myself anymore

I just want to feel safe in my own skin
I just want to be happy again…”

(Dido: Honestly Okay)

I’ve been playing this song over and over again full blast for the past two hours. I’m in my room if you didn’t know –well actually I’m in the BATHROOM in my room but it’s all the same. I hadn’t even eaten anything today and I had to purge. Quite frankly I haven’t eaten anything since… since… Whatever, it doesn’t matter. All that matters is me getting thin. Right?

I keep thinking that if I listen to this song long enough…

It’ll come true. All I want is to be safe again, to be loved, to be ME. But who the hell am I? Who the hell WAS I? All I know is she MUST have been better than she is now. Because she… is now ME. I make no sense; yes I do actually realize that, Kyle is at a doctor’s appointment with Maria.

Oh yea, and Alex moved out. He tried to make it seem like HE made the choice to leave. But in reality, I kicked his ass out. He’s been bugging me and bugging me saying that I’m not healthy and I’m gonna die if I don’t stop. Worse –he said he was going to tell Maria and Kyle. I told him that if he did that than I would spill all his shit out into the press. I know everything that Alex Charles Whitman has done, smoked, licked, broke, stole, said, fucked, hit, slapped, drank, and just about anything and everything he’s ever done in his whole life. So I’m not afraid that he’ll tell anyone about my little “disorder.” I’m FINE can’t you see?

I know that Max is probably wondering what happen between us. I’ve avoided all his calls, and I haven’t made an attempt to reply to a single one yet. The only actions that occur in my life are the ones Tess forces me to. Like later today –I have a hair appointment. This Saturday is the MTV awards thing. I don’t even want to go anymore. I don’t care what I wear, Though Tess seems to think that whatever it is that I wear will determine just how long I’ll last in the spotlight. My “Retro” look is all being made by some independent designer trying to make it big. Tess said she’s worthy. I have no idea what the hell I’ll be wearing but at least I know I have my dress. Remember I settled on the magenta colored tight fitting strapless style with diamond rhinestones flowing across the front like shooting stars dress? I had also purchased matching strap sandals and purse to go along all by Zandra Rhodes.

That selection set Tess on cloud 9, I guess Zandra is some BIG celebrity designer and is highly popular. Like I care, but since Tess does, I guess I had to, too.

I’m so tired, so tired of everything. I hate this, you think I LIKE puking out everything I eat? You think I LIKE lying to everyone and pushing Alex away. My stomach has nothing left to flush out, so why are my muscles tightening and my mouth gagging again? I HATE this! Sometimes I think I deserve this, I don’t know why I think that its just that sometimes when I’m sitting here on the floor next to the toilet, quiet and peaceful. I go back to when things were semi-normal.

I had left normal, and there was no going back, no matter how hard I tried. But I’ll get through this. Because…

I’m HONESTLY okay.


Alex’s POV

I can do this, I can do this, I can do this.

A few more times and I think I’ll be ready to do this. My hands are sweating, and my palms are burning, I can barely grasp onto the cordless phone. I press the numbers carefully dialing. I had to do this. It was the right thing to do, no matter how much shit I’ll get into when I do this. I HAD to do this.

The dial tone was now ringing; there was no turning back now. I HAD to go through with what I was doing, there was no way to stop and change what was happening. There was no perfect world where you can turn back time and start a new.

“Hello, this is Maria’s assistant. How may I help you?”

“Maria?” I said into the phone, it was her voice. Why was she doing that?

“Oh, sorry. I thought you were someone else.” She giggled.

“Maria?” I repeated.

“Y-ea?” She broke up slightly, “I’m driving right now, here talk to Kyle.”

“Hello?” My cousin answered, “Alex?”

“Yea listen, we all need to talk, you me, Maria and Tess.” I coughed.

“What about Liz?” Kyle said.

“She’s the topic of conversation.” I paused, “Do not under an circumstances tell Liz about you guys meeting me. Just make up an excuse. I’m not even sure if we should bring Tess into this but she’s the key source to Liz’s life.”

“How’s that?” Kyle asked confused.

“She’s the reason Liz is in the mess she’s in. Listen, I don’t want to talk about this now, just come to the hotel around 8 tonight alright? Don’t tell anyone but Maria and Tess, got it?” I had to take the safest precautions.

“Sure Al, I’ll tell them. Is Liz in trouble?” Kyle asked concerned, always the hero.

“Let’s just say she’s honestly NOT okay.”

I hung up.

Betrayal was a bitch when you knew that you were doing it to your best friend. Especially one who had threaten to lay all your shit bare out on the table. She wouldn’t, she couldn’t…

But she would.


Max's POV

I can’t stop my foot from tapping the linoleum floor; I’m sitting in the back of Starbucks with my laptop. Trying to blend in, I’m not a regular. But I can’t stop fidgeting, I don’t think ordering a double mocha latte was a very good idea.

Where the hell was Sean?

I looked out the window next to me.


I pretended to be working on an assignment when the waitress came to give me my order. I smiled kindly and shut my laptop.

“You’re Max Evans right?” The short strawberry curled haired girl said to me.

“Actually I am.” I grinned; it was always nice to speak with a fan.

“Weren’t you just in here this morning?” She laughed.

My forehead wrinkled –this would have caused Sergio to go into hysterics. “I haven’t been here since last Thursday.” I honestly replied.

The girl squinted here eyes and looked me over –hey chickie I’m a taken man. Don’t go tempting me now.

“Actually you had a goatee this morning too, and several piercing… Boy Max do you clean up. Quite the disguise you had going on this morning.” She giggled again, “Anyways, here’s your latte. Enjoy.” She winked, strutting away.

Yes, okay, alright, I checked out her backside.

Now why did she ask if I was here earlier? A goatee? Piercing’s? Was that girl out of her damn mind? I wasn’t Zan, who’d she think she was talking to? ZAN? I’m laughing right now… Oh that’s funny, that’s good stuff… That’s–

“Still sniffing that shit huh brother?” A familiar raspy voice muttered in my ear.

I spun around, dropping my latte to the floor by accident.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” I spat.

“I should be asking YOU that. You’re in MY territory Maxwell.” Zan smirked, crossing his arms.

I looked around, the waitress from earlier was having a field day over this. She couldn’t stop staring and whispering things to her co-worker/friend.

“I told you I never wanted to see you again.” I snapped.

“Then get out.” He casually answered and sat across from where I was sitting.

“Since when do we take TERRITORIES?” I snuffed.

He grunted, “Since the day-“

“Shut up Zan. We NEVER talk about that day. EVER.” I snarled. “That was the day I lost a brother.” And a sister… AND a second brother…

We stared each other down, not one of us looking away. I saw that he had yet another piercing. His chin. A silver stud poked through, I grimaced, god he disgusted me. His black cargo pants were rugged and faded. He had a matching black muscle shirt. So Plain. I was wearing Armani black slacks and a white cuffed dress shirt –and me wearing this was CASUAL. How could I actually be related to this reject?

“You done insultin’ me in ya mind yet?” Zan smirked.

I scowled, “No.” Dumbass limp dick. I added inside.

“Have you seen or talked to mom.” Zan grinned.

“Get out.” I tried to say casual but it came out in a growl.

Sean came running in the café at that moment, “MAX! Sorry man, I had some business to take care of first. C’mon let me buy you a latte, oh shit,” He looked down, “A waitress, can we get a mop ova hea or sumthin?!” Sean shouted, he did a double take at me and my brother. “Who’s… Uh…” He pointed from me to Zan and back. “You’re Max, who’s he?” Sean scratched his head confused.

“No one.” I thundered taking the small “GUESS?” shopping bag from Sean and shoving an envelope in his hands, I then exited out of the café.

“Max wait! I-I gotta tell you something!! MAX!” I heard Sean yelling behind me, “A Max it’s important!” I never slowed my pace in fact I started to run. I ran all the way to my car where I sped out on to the street and high tailed my ass home.

Fuck Zan, Fuck Liz, and FUCK everyone…

A/N: Hope you like this chap. Sorry so short!


posted on 27-Jun-2002 1:15:41 AM by JBehrsGurl
I just wanted to add that I submited a NEW story called Beyond Untouchable, I had it over at and I only posted the pro first but it has a FanArt! Hope you guys read and Review!!!

k bye!

[ edited 1 time(s), last at 27-Jun-2002 1:30:56 AM ]
posted on 27-Jun-2002 2:40:30 PM by JBehrsGurl
Just bumping to let you guys know I updated last night!
posted on 28-Jun-2002 11:15:20 AM by JBehrsGurl
Okay so here's the thing, I have the new chapter ready and willing to be posted but I fear that I have lost you guys some how! :( not that many people are reviewing anymore and it makes me feel like you don't want me to continue... Do you?
posted on 30-Jun-2002 2:35:00 AM by JBehrsGurl
dreamer4-life – Thank you so much for being such a loyal reader!

WhosYrDaddy – Thanks for finding my fic and liking it! lol

Liz Park – I LOVE Bush and Gavin is so fiery HOT! Gwen is one lucky chic! Glycerine is my all time favorite Bush song next to Mouth!

Elemenopy – Don’t worry! I won’t discontinue this now! I’m so happy that you are all reviewing now! Yeay!

Juliette – I have more for you now! Ü

goddessdiva – Sorry my fic made you sad! :( But it will get better I promise! *happy*

Lonnie Incarnate – Glad to have ya aboard the Roswell FanFic train! lol Thanks for reviewing!

TrueLoveConquersAll – Thanks! I try to mix up the regular types of fics out there, I like how I write differently than most people would expect and I thank you for pointing that out. Yepperz the Dupes are back! lol

Latahart – Where have you been gurl??? Have you gotten any of my b-mails? I miss talking to ya! Thanks for the input!

TD DreamerBehr – Thanks for bumping! *happy*

ms dreamergal – M/L will be coming soon, but not without trouble!

b4echstarrynite – WOW! Thanks for the review and thank you for referring me to your sis and cuz! I thanks you greatly!!!! I bow down thanking you lol

A/N: THANKS to everyone who is reviewing! You’re all the best!

Ch. 8
The Fall


You know where I’m at, I think that maybe this time something’s wrong though. I always could control my purges, and binges and pretty much anything that had to do with my body. I always knew how much I was going to eat and then how much I was going to purge. I had this whole system that was working out pretty well for me. I eat breakfast –this is the ONLY meal that I don’t purge. I eat lunch, for lunch I’ll have whatever I want and however MUCH I want. I do this because nothing I eat between the hours of 10:00 am and 6 pm will stay in my stomach. I purge whatever I consume between those hours. And anything afterwards is light, as in diet food. Non-fat dinners weight watchers, healthy choice… Whatever is healthy. I do that to balance out my body’s nutrients so that I don’t get weak, I work out regularly –I so fired that Bobby Strom dude. He was a total pain in my ass. My muscles should be okay though, I guess; I do work out with weights and stuff.

Yea, so anyways yesterday and today I can’t seem to keep ANYTHING down. I think maybe I have the flu. Everything is so out of whack with my body, I can’t eat, I can’t sleep, I haven’t had my period in a while... I’m not shocked about that because I heard that your period stops as you lose weight frequently. And losing weight is what I do frequently; I lose at least 5 to 8 pounds a week. I’m happy to say that I’m a size 2. Tess is happy, so I’m happy.

Now on to bigger problems…


I haven’t seen him in a while but I know that he’s pissed. I haven’t answered any of his million attempts to contact me. He even went as far as to wait outside my bedroom door. I never exited. I sat by the door and listened to him plead with me but it did no use. I felt nothing, I was nothing and he deserved more than nothing. He deserved everything he deserved anything he wanted, with the exception of me because I’m no good for him.

Everyone’s out right now. Tess says that she has a meeting; Kyle said that Maria had to take him to a late night therapy session for his heart. Whatever that means, and Alex… Who cares? Michael called today to see how I was doing; I said everything’s fine –because it WAS. He asked if he could talk to Maria –I thought that was strange, but Maria waved her arms all around in the air saying no, so I told Michael that she was in the shower and to call back later. I asked Maria for an explanation and she told me that she’d tell me when I tell her what happen between me and Max. Fat chance on that. I just shrugged and walked into my room.

I don’t care what happens anymore. Whatever happens happens. I’m so sleepy but I’m scared to go to sleep, I’m scared that I might have to make a mid-night run for the toilet and not make it in time. I don’t want to mess my carpet or my bed. I also don’t want to have to explain why there might be a mess to begin with. So I think I’ll just… (Yawn) …lay… here…

Zzzzzzzzz Zzzzzzzzzz Zzzzzzzzz


Alex’s POV

I haven’t performed with my band in 5 weeks and already I’m going crazy, we’re supposed to be on a long awaited tour break but I’m starting to wish that we never got one. I missed everyone but at least then I didn’t know just how fucked up we all were. I was in my own world where everything was fine and glamorous. In my world my friends were all happy too, they were normal and stress free. Now I look at them sitting along the couch in my hotel room and see the deep lines of pressure and anxiety. It breaks my heart.

“So what’s up with Liz?” Kyle is the first to speak.

Tess turns to him defensive, “What do you mean What’s up with Liz? Liz is just fine.” Tess snaps offended.

“Tess I don’t want to hear your shit right now okay? The main concern here is Liz.” Kyle scowls.

“My shit? My shit?! What exactly is my shit Kyle Valenti? You think I have too much to say well it’s a lot better saying the things I say instead of the things that I want to say !!!” Tess screams.

“Will you all just calm down! God! We are here about LIZ not YOU !” Maria shouts angry.

“Alright! Alright! Lets all shut up and get with the program.” I butt in.

Everyone stops shouting and glares at me. How do I start this? Do I go right out and say it or do I gradually just stick it in there? Oh hey! How are you guys this fine evening? Oh yea Liz has an eating disorder, so have you seen that new action movie playing at the Cineplex? I don’t think that’s the best approach.

“Liz is sick.” I say instead.

All eyes are on me now.

“What do you mean by sick ?” Maria asks panicked.

“Like physically or mentally?” Kyle says after Maria.

“Both.” I snort disgusted, how sad was this conversation? We were talking about Liz Parker, the glitter girl who used to make us get into better moods.

“I have noticed a change in her behavior.” Kyle rubs his chin.

“She doesn’t come out of the room anymore unless Tess drags her out.” Maria added.

“Listen to yourselves! Liz is fine alright?! Why am I here? I know not one of you want me here anyways.” Tess rolled her eyes and grabbed for her purse.

I had to do something or this discussion was over, “Tess, we need you here okay? You’re one of us rather you like it or not and we love you.”

Tess stopped dead in her tracks; she turned and looked at all of us, “Is that true?” She replied looking from face to face.

“Yes.” I whisper.

Maria nods, next is Kyle, “Look Tess… I know we need to talk…” Kyle looked away for a moment before turning back to Tess, “But right now is not the time to talk about that alright?” Kyle says, “Liz is in trouble, don’t you care?

“Of course I care! “ Tess screamed, her voice wavering.

I knew she was going to break any second. I felt sorry and annoyed at Tess all in the same moment. Liz needed help, and we were all trying to calm Tess down.

“You all think I’m just a cold-hearted bitch huh?” Tess cried.

“Tess will you just quit the sob story?! Nobody said you were a bitch or that you didn’t care-“

“Kyle did!” Tess pointed.

Maria rolled her eyes, “Like I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted, was that we know you care and now lets all just quit the crap and get down to business. Liz is sick. Okay, now Alex, “ She turned to me, her eyes glistening, “What’s wrong with Liz?”

I closed my eyes and took a breather, I licked my lips nervously. I swallowed the golf ball in my throat. Okay, I could do this.

“Liz is bulimic.” I blurted.

There. I said it.

The reaction was mouth open silent stares…


Kyle’s POV

I’m not sure how I’m supposed to act around Liz. Alex didn’t give us any rules or tell us how to approach this. All that was decided two nights ago was to not leave Liz alone and to make sure you monitor how many times a day she uses the bathroom.

Maria said that Liz hasn’t even left her bed. It’s been two days and Liz still hasn’t left her room, not even to eat. We made her favorite Cheesy Lasagna for dinner last night and she took one look at it and ran for the bathroom. She says that she thinks she has the flu. I doubt it’s that, I must admit Liz doesn’t look too well, she looks worn out and tired and skinny as hell.

Tonight we’re all supposed to go to that award ceremony thing. The MTV Movie Awards, whatever. I’m nervous. I’m more than nervous, I’m on edge. She’s sitting here beside me in our seats and she looks like she’d about to doze off. In fact I think she is asleep because she just leaned her head on my shoulder and her breathing is even and rythmatic.

“Liz.” I slight shake her.

“Huh? Am I supposed to present now?” She stands.

“No, Liz c’mere.” I pull her back down.

“Oh.” She smiled meek and puts her head back on my shoulder.

What I can’t under stand is that there is a LOUD rock band playing on stage right now and Liz can somehow sleep through this? Alex and his band played their latest hit “Dogma” and Liz slept through that too.

“Liz, you have to come with me babe, we got to go dress you for presenting the award.” Tess comes and whispers in her ear. In Tess’s hand is her cell phone and in her other is a clipboard. What the hell does she need a clipboard for?

“Liz, be careful alright?” I say kissing her hand.

She smirks at me, “What’s the big deal? I do this all the time.” She touched my cheek and walks away with Tess.

I want to be there with her when she presents, cuz I have a feeling she’s going to need me. You know how we have this connection? Well it’s pulling at me really strong right now. Liz is already back stage. I look around and thank god it’s intermission because I need to get to Liz, and fast.


Liz’s POV

I’m so tired… I’m so tired!

Where is Tess taking me? Oh yea, to get dressed.

“Liz honey you alright?” Tess says. Only I hear it muffled and deep monster sounding.

Something like a: ”Lizzz Hhhhoonnneeeyy yyyooooooou allllllllllrriigggghhhhttt?”

Surround sound even! My tummies tingling too, uh oh!

“Liz, hurry you’re on in 7 minutes!” Courtney the head director shouts at my closed door.

Tess looks at me worried, why is she looking at me like that?

“Liz are you sure you can do this?” She says.

“Yesss.” I slur.

She looks at me concerned one last time and she shuts the door behind her so I can change. I throw my dress across the small dressing room and pull the J-Lo style dark blue jean pant suit on quickly, the faster I change, the fast I can get the hell out of here! The zipper is on the front and Tess says to zip it up to just the middle of my cleavage. Ha!

“Liz you dressed?” Tess comes in –well if I wasn’t you’d sure get a show! I felt like shouting.

“Okay, here let me zip this.” She zips it to just below my cleavage.

“Don’t –give away the farm!” I shriek, she zips it higher.

“Where is the belt?” She spots it and rings the gold chain around my waist, she fluffs my hair, “I told you you’d look hot with the streaks in your hair!” She winks. “Turn around so I can spray glitter in your hair.”

I turn around, she sprays. I stick my feet into the small tiny weenie tan toe baring heels Tess has provided me with.

“Liz you’re on in 2!” Courtney sticks her head in and says, her headset bouncing.

“Ready?” Tess looks in my eyes.

I nod.

“Get Vin!” Tess shouts.


“Vin?” I say aloud.

“Vin Diesel, the guy you’re presenting with tonight.” Tess says as if I should know this.

I shake my head, “I thought I was presenting with Bradford.”

“Not anymore, I changed it. Didn’t take much persuasion, besides, Vin is hot and fresh and will be good for your image. VIN!” She screams out the door.

I’m pissed, this is not good considering the fact that I’m really good friends with Jesse. We were in acting classes together a couple years ago and kept in touch! He went to movies and I went to modeling! Man I’m feeling a bit light headed, maybe I should have ate something this morning or this afternoon or this evening before we came here.

“Yes Ms. Harding I can hear your wonderful screaming voice from across the whole stage!” Vin comes in and grimaces at her.

“This is my Liz.” Tess points at me.

I get the look over and the very satisfied smiled, “Well looky here, may I say you look very beautiful Ms, Parker.” Vin takes my hand, “Shall we go do this?”

He’s polite, so I smile and go with him.

I know EXACTLY why Tess is smiling like that. She thinks that we’ll hit it off and we’ll live happily paparazzi ever after. She is such a snob; she only lets me associate with big shots in public.

We enter the stage and screams are spread all around, I smile and wave. I can’t see anything past my nose. Is that bad? I let Vin lead the way.

“Looking good LP.” Vin starts our dialogue, giving the male-exaggerated-look over.

I’m guessing the dialogue wasn’t changed but I’ll switch names for convince –lucky me I have my lines down cuz I can’t see the monitor, “Same to you hot stuff.” I grin, and suddenly my vision is back and I feel normal, that’s odd.

“You’re cute.” He says.

“You’re easy on the eye’s yourself.” I recite my lines perfect.

“So tell me, what does it take for a guy like me, and a girl like you to get together?” He says leaning in close.

“I don’t know, maybe a little romance perhaps? I like to be swept up off my feet.” I wink.

He picks me up in the air and twirls me, I squeal a little because this was NOT in the script.

“How is that for being swept off your lovely feet?” He smiles.

I grin and realize that I’m supposed to announce the nominees.

“You’re good but are you as good as these young gentlemen… Here are the nominee’s for best male romance scene.” I say still in Vin’s arms.

And may I say how lovely they are!

The lights go out and the giant screen shows the movie shots, Vin sets me down.

“Sorry about that, Tess said to improvise by twirling you.” He smiled.

“Oh, it’s okay, I was a little surprised is all.” I shrug. A little TOO surprised.

“Not to uh, start an awkward moment but did you REALLY say you wouldn’t present the award if I didn’t switch places with Jesse?” He asks.


“Wh- uh what?” I choke.

He tries to calm me, “Relax, relax it’s okay.” He pats my back, “Tess just told me that you really wanted me to present with you and I was just curious as to why.”

“Look Vin, you ARE very handsome and good looking but I never said any of that, in fact I didn’t even know that we were presenting together until just now.” I gave him the honest to god truth of an answer.

“Oh.” He says confused.

The lights flash back to us and we turn to the audience.

“So you still think I’m not romantic enough?” Vin says putting both arms on either side of me, blocking me in, in front of the podium.

“We’ll talk about that… later.” I wink, “And the winner is…”

The drum roll is rolling and I’m opening the letter… Vin’s above me staring at the envelope –or at least I hope the envelope, because he sure has a clear view of my breasts.

“Shane West, A Walk To Remember!” We yell.

I’m waiting for Shane to walk up to the stage, but my world is blurring before my eyes again. And now it’s starting to spin…

We all hug, Shane whispers something in my ear that I can’t hear and then he steps up to the microphone to accept his award.

“I’d like to thank-“ Shane begins his thank you speak.

Then my world goes black.


Max's POV

“Psycho, groupie, cocaine, crazy
Psycho, groupie, cocaine, crazy
Psycho, groupie, cocaine, crazy…”

Oh yea… This was some good shit. I feel like I’m fuckin’ floating man… What a trip. Yea that Sean, he a good man! Yes sir eeee bob! That opium laced chronic was some shit! Oh-weee that was some good shit! Now all I have left is this tiny little bottle… In this little bottle is the good stuff, the stuff that I like to sniff up my nose here. Yes this nose is the thing I smell with when I want to smell things… Whoa! My hand is like tripping out now! It’s psychedelic! Now to sniff this perrrty white dust! I had to turn the TV on to that MTV thing that Liz is on tonight, I saw her walking in, she looked hot. They’re playing this band called A System Of A Down; this song is off the hook loud. It’s making my brain bounce.

”…Psycho groupie coke
Makes you high makes you hide
makes you really want to go, STOP
Psycho, groupie, cocaine, crazy
Psycho groupie coke
Makes you high makes you hide
makes you really want to think and stop
stop your eyes from flowing…”

Shit! I spilled powder everywhere! I trued not to! Damn hands won’t stay still! Stay still! Hey you wanna know something? Shhhhhh! It’s a secret! Don’t go telling anyone! Okay???? I’m serious man! You can’t tell noooo one!!! Okay are you ready?

Shhhh, come closer…. Closer… Closer!!!

Ah shit you took too long. Now I forgot! Haha! Man what is this red shit? Aw man! My nose is bleeding! Hey! The walls are bleeding too! WTF?! Okay I have to remain calm… the walls are spinning, I can control this… The room is spinning; okay I’ll just close my eyes…

”Psycho, groupie, cocaine, crazy
Psycho, groupie, cocaine, crazy…”

Would you call me crazy if I said that I’m in love with Liz Parker? Okay like listen to this… Whenever I see or think about her my heart beats a million miles a minute! No joke man, no joke! Okay for instance right now my heart is going BOOM-BOOM-BOOM-BOOM! can you hear it? It’s going really fast! I think maybe I should go to Liz’s house and try to bang her… Oh wait she’s on the TV, hey Liz! Get out a there!

”…Psycho groupie coke
Makes you high makes you hide
makes you really want to go, STOP
Psycho, groupie, cocaine, crazy
Psycho groupie coke…”

Okay maybe later because I can’t feel my legs. The room won’t stop spinning… I don’t think it’s gonna stop either, not anytime soon anyway. I need to balance this shit out… Where my coke? Oh, yea. I dropped it. That was a mistake…

”Makes you high makes you hide
makes you really want to think and stop
stop your eyes from flowing out
so you want the world to stop
stop in and watch your body fully drop…”

Okay, I’m leaning against the wall right now because I need to go barf my brains out but I’m currently trying not to puke on the carpet. Man what the fuck did Sean give me? This isn’t right. Something’s wrong, something’s–

Why hello Mr. Floor! Nice to meet you! I fell flat on my face, my bodies not moving now. Man it’s hot in here; it feels like I’m sweating out my soul. The only good thing is that I don’t feel any pain from my fall. Hey, sis you hear that? Who’s there? Hello?

”from the time you were a
psycho, groupie, cocaine, crazy
so you want to see the show
you really don't have to be a ho…”

I ain’t no fuckin’ hoe! Who you callin’ a hoe? Hello? You still there motherfuc-


Liz? Was that Liz’s voice? Liz? Where are you Liz? Did you come out of the TV now? No babe, sorry I’m kinda feeling sick here, I can’t lay you right now…

”…from the time you were a
psycho, groupie, cocaine, crazy
psycho, groupie, cocaine, crazy
Psycho groupie coke…”

Can you see it? Can you see the colors? Can you feel the tingling sensations in my skin? I feel like I’m outside looking in, like I’m not really here but there. With Liz. They just called her name, look there she is…

”…Makes you high makes you hide
makes you really want to go STOP
psycho, groupie, cocaine, crazy
psycho groupie coke…”

Shit! I got to hide or she’ll see me like this! I know what a mess I must look like. I’m hiding behind the door; she’ll never see me here. I’m watching her walk out with that big guy. Who the hell is he? Wh-what is he flirting with her? I KNOW she is not smiling and flirting back. What about us? What about what we have? What DO we have? She hasn’t spoken to me in days going on weeks. Bitch…

”…do you really want to think and stop
stop your eyes from flowing out
so you want the world to stop…”


He’s twirling her; he’s making me dizzy! The world won’t fucking stop spinning! She’s yelling, she doesn’t want him to do that to her! Liz! Can you hear me? STOP SPINING!!! Make it stop, just make it all stop! My eyes burn; the acid in my stomach is going to burn a hole in me. I still have to puke but I can’t move from my spot behind the door. She’ll see me…

”…rushing to watch your spirit fully drop
from the time you were a
psycho, groupie, cocaine crazy…”

I don’t care if she see’s me; I need to get this shit out of my system. I have to go make myself puke. Or else I might just die right here, my soul feels like it’s dripping out my body and the walls are melting and the floor is moving like waves in the ocean. The world won’t stop spinning, won’t stop… won’t stop…

”…so you want to see the show
you really don't have to be a ho
from the time you were a
psycho, groupie, cocaine, crazy…”

Then the world goes black…

A/N: REVIEW!!!!!!

[ edited 1 time(s), last at 30-Jun-2002 2:49:44 AM ]
posted on 4-Jul-2002 3:03:13 AM by JBehrsGurl
Buck up fanfic fans of mine cuz this chapter is gonna BLOW ya socks off!!!

Thanks for all teh feedback, leave me more I love it!!!!

Ch. 9
Hitting Rock Bottom

Michael’s POV

I’m back.

Boy what a memorable trip that was. The whole time I couldn’t get Maria out of my head, I must have bought her 15 gifts. Each one reminded me of her. I haven’t spoken to her since my last night at home because I had to leave extra early the next day to make my flight. Maria was sleeping soundly in her bed; she was so cute while she slept, her cheery red lips reminding me of rubies. So right now I’m on my way to Max’s house. He doesn’t know I’m home yet and I want to surprise him, I’m a little buzzed from the couple drinks I had before I left the plane but I’m okay to drive… I think.

No one was home to greet me when I walked in the house. It felt kind of odd; usually someone’s there. Which reminds me, I have to call Isabel when I get to Max’s house.

I’m here. I’m double-parked but who gives a shit right? Set the alarm…

Beep, Beep.

Aw, good. I’m set.

Okay now is Max up stairs or down stairs? I can’t remember because right now the booze is kicking in big time. Oh yea, down stairs to the right room 2002. Yea, that’s right. I know it; see I can still function correctly while I’m drunk! No wait! –I’m not drunk, I’m just… chillin…


Max isn’t answering his door. Why isn’t he home? I know that boring SOB has nothing better to do than stay home and be bored.

“MAX! Come open the damn door!” I bang on the front door but there’s still no answer. Max? Hello? Anyone home? Why is there no answer? Oh yea cuz I didn’t say it out loud! Oh what a kidder am I? “Max! Open up!”

Still not home.


That’s strange. Guess I better head home then…


Isabel’s POV

Something’s wrong.

I know something isn’t right. I can feel it deep within me. Oh god. Max. It has to be. Right? He’s my brother. We have telepathic vices in us. I can feel Lonnie and Zan too. Why do I feel Lonnie and Zan?

I have to get to Max, NOW.

I jumped in my car and was at Max's in ten minutes, I saw Max's car parked in his spot. So he’s home. He’s fine. He’s okay, he’s fine. If that were true then why do I feel dizzy? And why is some ass hole double-parked? It looks just like Michael’s car but he’s not due back here for another couple days so I know it’s not him.

“MAX!” I scream pounding on his door.

I can hear his television on, he’s home. I know he’s home. I can FEEL that he’s home. So then why isn’t he opening the door for me? His sister? I pound on the door a couple more times, no answer. Fine, I don’t need him to open the door anyways. I have a key. I scramble in my purse to get the key; my hands are shaking, my bodies quivering. I’m scared, I don’t know why I’m scared and it scares me even more.

“Max open this door!” I scream once more before shoving open the front door. “Max!” I yell when I’m inside.

He’s not in the living room, he’s not in the kitchen, he’s not in the bathroom. The sound of the television is coming from his room; he’s got to be in there. I walk to his room. He’s not there either, where is that boy? Is he-

“Oh my god Max!” I scream throwing myself to the floor, “Max? Max! Can you hear me? Oh god what did you do?” I cry. Oh, god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god! What do I do? What do I do? What do I DO !!!! Oh god I don’t think he’s breathing, “Max! Wake up Max!” I slap him across the face, “Max wake up!” I scream louder taking him in my arms.

“Hey, I thought no one was here, I went to take a leak in the lobby and –whoa.” Michael stopped short in front of me. He looked down at Max lying motionless in my arms, “Isabel…” He whispered.

I looked up at Michael, tears in my eyes, “Call an ambulance.” I muttered. Michael still stood staring at Max, “Call an ambulance!” I screamed, Michael ran to fetch the phone.

“Max,” I said rocking him in my arms, “Max wake up please.” I cried burring my face in him; I glanced up at his TV just in time to see Liz Parker being carried off stage.


Maria’s POV

This just can’t be happening. It can’t, we were all so scared to go right out and confront Liz about her problem, but maybe in the end it would have just been better. It could have saved her tremendous embarrassment. The last thing I can remember of what happen was Alex pulling me out of my seat and us running back stage. Liz just collapse Alex had shouted, his firm grip on my hand squeezing me harder. It was so horrible, I screamed out loud when I saw Liz being carried off stage. The audience was in an uproar; all I could hear was a loud rumbling sound. Everyone was crowded around Liz when me and Alex finally made our way back stage. Alex caught up with Kyle who had run back stage just before it happen.

And Tess…

Tess stood in the corner of the room, her shoulders trembling, her breath ragged. She knew just what had happen, and she knew that she never helped prevent it. She was tearing up inside I could see. And I felt absolutely no sympathy towards her.

Liz was still unconscious when we finally got to her, the guy, Vin, who had caught Liz just before she fell; still had her in his arms. He looked like a knight in shining armor. Or maybe that was because he was directly under the spotlight of the room. I don’t know but for whatever reason, I wished I were in Liz’s place at that moment. That guy looked like he was an animal in the sack. OH MY GOD! What is WRONG with me? My best friend could be like, dead and all I can think about is sex? Dear god maybe I have a problem or something. Gee ya think?

“Liz? Liz? Baby? Wake up now sweetie, c’mon Lizzie, c’mon.” Alex is fanning Liz’s face with the winner envelope.

I’m trembling, I’m so scared and I feel so insignificant, what is there that I could possibly do to help my best friend? The girl who just days ago I was jealous of. How sick was this predicament? Tess is hovering in the corner, Kyle is staring off into space, Alex is tapping Liz’s face in an attempt to wake her up. Half the world just saw Liz pass out on stage live and on national television. How horrible was this? How horrible could it GET? Where did we all go wrong?


Alex’s POV

“Can you wake up baby? C’mon Lizzie, I know you can hear me, c’mon girl, c’mon.” I glance around seeing people’s curious faces; why are they staring and not helping? “ Will somebody call a fucking ambulance?! ” I scream.

Yea, now they’re all shuffling around. Now everyone acted as if they knew what they were doing, in the entire history of music television did not ONE of these damn airheads know what to do when this kind of situation occurred? Kyle has taken Liz from my arms to his. He’s combing soothing fingers through her hair and rocking her gently, I know how hard it is to see someone hit rock bottom, I just wish I hadn’t witnessed everyone I’ve ever been close to since childhood fall. Maria’s chewing her fingernails nervously watching and observing, Kyle is still rocking Liz back and forth and Tess… Tess, where’s Tess? I turn around and see her in the corner of the room, she’s standing by herself, her eyes are darting everywhere but on Liz. She looks like a mental patient waiting for her meds. This sis not what I’ve grown up to expect. This is wrong, WRONG. My cards were not supposed to be drawn out like this. My cards were dealt differently, they were in my hands and I had a royal flush. Ever since coming back my hand has gotten more and more useless. It went from high to low, I had a royal flush and then it was a full house, now I’m trying my hardest to hang on to my two pair and pray for a wild card.

My life was supposed to be normal, I’ve worked so hard to achieve normalcy. I can’t just sit back and watch it all come tumbling down. My cards were put up in a large house; I was the center of it. It my fantasy of normal. Average, Standard, Typical, Classic, Common, Familiar, Regular, Ordinary, Usual, Natural… Normal, that’s all I ever wanted, was to live normally. People search their whole lives for normal and never have the opportunity to indulge themselves in self-discovery. You read it in every book, people wanting normalcy, in the end they realize that normal is not real. That normal is just an image of the imagination, it’s not possible. They were wrong because I had normal, and I lost it.

“The paramedics are here.” Courtney says in my ear, I look to Kyle and he lifts Liz’s frail body up in his arms and carries her to the back door.

Outside in the auditorium the show must go on, but it had to do with out me. I was supposed to receive two awards that night, I was told before hand. But it didn’t matter, I had an excellent band that would fill in my spot and thank everyone I would wish to be thanked. I stole one last look of the stage before I left out back with Maria and Kyle.

“Wait, where’s Tess?” Maria turned around, “Tess!” She yelled.

Tess quickly emerged from the crowd and followed.

“I’m sorry but only one can ride inside, the rest will have to follow in a separate vehicle.” The paramedic instructed us.

We all stood staring at each other, who would go? Who would trail behind? We took two limo’s one for Liz, Tess and Kyle and one for me and Maria. I looked at Kyle, my decision made; he had to go, because if Liz woke up and saw me she’d probably rip my head off. She still hated me right now.

“Kyle you go, she needs you.” I replied pushing him forward.

Maria shook her head, “I-I-I…” She shut her mouth suddenly and walked off towards her limo, “C’mon Tess.” She called, Tess responded like a puppy.

“I’ll meet you in-“

“No,” Kyle pulled me back, “No,” He repeated, “I can’t go, it’s too much déjà vu for me. Besides, she needs YOU.” He smiled pushing me inside with Liz and trotting away to Maria and Tess. I felt two things when I watched the driver shut the double back doors locking me in the back with a stranger watching Liz’s vital signs and Liz herself. One: I was petrified about what was happening, and two: I was petrified of what would happen if Liz regained consciousness before we made it to the hospital, would she let me back in? Or would she shove me even further out…


Isabel’s POV

“In here,” Michael ushered paramedics inside the hallway of Max's apartment, “He was like that when she found him.” Michael said to one man, while the other checked Max's vital signs.

I began to tremble as they gently pulled my brother from my arms on to a stretcher. Michael came up behind me and took me into his arms, I let go then. I cried, and sobbed and soaked his sweater with my tears.

“Is he gonna be okay?” Michael whispered to the attendant.

The guy gave us a doubtful look, “I give no guarantee’s.” He sadly shook his head.

“Oh GOD! No!” I screamed falling to my brother’s side, “You can’t leave me you bastard! You hear me!” I pounded my fists onto his chest, “Get up! Get up Max! Get up!” I cried, Michael pulled me away, “Max! MAX!” I screamed over and over. This couldn’t be it, it couldn’t we had just obtained a chance at normalcy. I stared blankly at the figure below me; Max remained motionless and not breathing. I wanted to scream at destiny. It fucked us over twice now. First by making us different then by making us normal to wish we were different. It may make no since to you, but think about it. Why do you think we hate Zan, Lonnie and Rath so much?

Because we chose normal and they didn’t.

We chose to be human, and they… didn’t.

What a fucked up world this was.

“Time.” The man who had Max's hand in his said.

“Ten fifty seven p.m.” The man standing over them replied looking at his watch.

“Wha-what? Time what?” I got hysterical.

“I’m sorry, Ms.-“

“Evans.” Michael muttered looking at Max.

“Ms. Evans, I’m sorry but…” He trailed on.

“NO! NOOOOO!!!! Check him again! Check him again god damn it! Do your fucking job and make him better!” I screamed in the guys face. His partner looked ready to take me down, but the guy in front of me shook his head.

“Listen honey, I know it’s hard to lose a loved one but…”

“Lose? LOSE? I didn’t LOSE anything! YOU did you fucking asshole! You let my brother die! You fuc-“

“Isabel!” Michael pulled me back, “Isabel get a hold of yourself! Knock it off dammit!” His voice faltered, “I need you to calm down okay? I can’t… I can’t take this shit… God.” He pushed me away and walked out the front door running nervous fingers through his hair. He needed me to be the strong one because he was falling a part.

The paramedics pulled a white sheet over him. GOD it was too much! I threw up. I threw up on his carpet, my brothers carpet, and Michael came running to my aide, “It’s okay baby… It’s okay.” He rubbed my back while I retched.

I grabbed my cell from my pocket and thrust it into Michael’s hands. He fumbled it in his hands before gaining a good grip, he looked at me puzzled.

“You know what to do.” I said breathing as best I could.

He sighed deeply before making the call, “Yea, I need to speak to Zan… Tell ‘em it’s an emergency.” He said looking at me.

[ edited 1 time(s), last at 4-Jul-2002 3:05:17 AM ]
posted on 5-Jul-2002 2:50:12 PM by JBehrsGurl
LOL I am laughing my butt off here cuz you guys are so great!!! WOW I mean you guys are so great! Okay so heres the deal...

I'm taking a poll and I really want more interaction between us so... I have two polls for you guys ready?

1.) Do you want Isabel to end up w/ Alex or Kyle?
2.) DO you want Liz to be pregnant or not yet? (This one I have a totally good idea on but I still want your input)

Okay thats about it for now! Thanks for reading and loving my fic! You guys are the best!

posted on 8-Jul-2002 11:05:03 AM by JBehrsGurl
Ahhh yes another authors note... But this time it's just to tell you that I will have the new chapter ready to go by tonight and it will be up and running in no time flat! Okay? I have an idea, it might upset people at first but in the end you will allllll love me again okay? :( pwease? *happy* okay...

I'll be back...

posted on 8-Jul-2002 5:16:37 PM by JBehrsGurl
OMB! The responses were remarkable! Yeay! You guys are so great! Okay so here is the new chapter, I finished it earlier than I thought, so here it is. Please leave me feed back and yes... This Chap's a killer! lol -uh wrong choice of wrods hmmm....

A/N: When I say “brothers” I mean Zan, Max, Rath, Michael are all like brothers because they had such a tight bond growing up. So Isabel and Lonnie consider them just their brothers instead of Rath and Michael just being their cousins. Okay? Okay…

Ch. 10
Wake Up

Michael’s POV

I can’t believe this is all fucking happening, but it was, and it bad enough to make me sober again. As if all the alcohol just evaporated into thin air or something. Max can’t be dead, he can’t. It can’t happen that quickly. It can’t what the hell caused it anyways? Isabel, oh god she throwing up.

“Isabel!” I shout running to her, “It’s okay baby… It’s okay.” I say rubbing her back. She crying, she’s sobbing so hard it breaks my heart. How could this happen? We just obtained normalcy for god’s sake. This can’t happen! It’s not right it’s-

Isabel shoving her cell phone in my hands momentarily interrupts me. I fumble with it for a second and look at her puzzled.

“You know what to do.” She breathes.

I call Zan.

I call Zan because while we chose normal he stayed abnormal. He was the only one who could help us now, and the main question was…

Would he?


Zan’s POV

“They say it’s an emergency Mr. Evans.” My secretary babbles, “Line 3.” She closes the door.

I sigh and rub my eyes before picking up the phone, but before I even put the receiver to my ear my body tingles and my insides go crazy, “What happen to Max?” I say in a panic.

I can hear Isabel crying in the back, my sister, my blood, and Lonnie’s twin. Her other half.

“Listen Zan we need two things right now.” Michael says.

“What are they?” I’m immediately ready for anything.

“We need you to get your ass down here at Max's house and we need you to find Ava.” He blurts, I’m ready to be out the door in a second.

Wait a minute, “Ava?” I say confused, we haven’t talked to that chick in how long now?

“We need her expertise in uh… mind manipulation, and Zan. Hurry. They’re going to want to take his body soon.” Michael says, the pain in his voice is evident; I cringed at the words spoken. My brother, my flesh and blood. The one who disowned me because I chose to stay different. The family I grew up with and grown to love; had abandoned me, Lonnie and Rath because we chose to stay as we were meant to be.

I grabbed my long black trench coat and walked out the door, “Call Lonnie and call Rath and tell them to meet me at my brother’s house, you got that Theresa?” I shouted walking to the elevator and jabbing the button.

“Brother? What brother Mr. Evans?” She said confused.

I smirked, see what I mean? “Just do it sweet cheeks.” I said, making her blush. The elevator opens and I step inside. Now how the hell am I supposed to get a hold of Ava?

Geezus I was just talking to him hours ago, it wasn’t a pleasant conversation but it was in fact dialogue. Something we had not exchanged in a while. Since our 19th birthday to be exact. The day when everything that was semi-normal went to shit. I didn’t really think I would be rejected by my own kind just because I chose to stay the way I was made.

My insides were going crazy again; I had to hurry before it was too late.

Max. My brother… Was dying.

Not dead yet. I said to myself.



Where am I? It’s bright in here, smelly too. I squint my eyes to adjust to my surroundings. I’m in a bed; I know this because well –I’m in a bed. What the hell is this? I’ve got some horrid gown on that isn’t tied in the back! Eww! Oh my god. I’m in a hospital…

“Liz?” I hear Maria’s voice.

I turn, and see not only Maria, but Tess, Alex and Kyle.

“Wh-what happen?” I ask, but my voice comes out muffled.

“Liz? Oh Liz,” Maria wraps me in a hug, “Liz you scared us so much!”

“Yea Liz, you practically knocked yourself out cold! You were inches from the floor before that guy Vin turned and caught you.” Kyle says concerned. “Man it’s so weird seeing you from the other side of the bed, last time we were here I was in your place…” Kyle says softly.

I take his hand and squeeze it, “It’s okay.”

“No Liz, it’s not.” Alex comes out of his corner and speaks.

“We know.” Maria says, she’s sitting on the edge of the bed.

“You… You what?” My eyes fill up with tears and I look at Alex, he stares at me a bit before he walks out the door.

“Al,” Kyle goes out after him.

“That bastard.” I whisper.

“He did what he should have Liz, you could’ve died you know.” Maria cries. Great. She’s crying.

I look at Tess who is standing at the window. “Well what do YOU think? Aren’t you going to say it’s bad for my IMAGE?” I reply sarcastically to Tess.

She turns around so slow it’s almost as if someone has pressed the slow motion button on her, “You think all I care about is that don’t you? You know what Liz? I thought that if I made you feel like nothing that maybe you would start to realize just how horrible you made me feel as a child. I thought that by pushing you and bossing you around you would start remember how you treated me. But I was wrong. I pushed you TOO hard and now look what happen…” She looks back out the window.

I’m in total shock. I never knew I made her feel that way, “Tess.” I begin.

“Save it.” She snaps, “I don’t need your comments, from any of you.” She glares daggers at us.

Alex and Kyle walk in right when she says this.

“What’s going on?” Kyle says.

“Nothing. I’m leaving.” Tess leaves the room.

“No wait Tess.” Kyle grabs her before she escapes.

What. “ She snaps angrily looking into his eyes.

“You can’t go, Liz needs you.” He says.

Is it just me or is there total tension between those two?

“Liz doesn’t even want me in the same room as her. And neither do any of you.” She says spiteful. “Now get out of my way.”

“No.” Kyle says not moving.

“Excuse me?” She says puzzled.

“I’m not going to let you leave, simple as that.” Kyle crosses his arms over his broad chest.

“MOVE!” She screams literally attacking him. “You bastard! You fucked me and you left! You left me Kyle Valenti! You promised you’d come back! You promised!!! “ She’s screaming. “I can’t believe I waited for you! I waited! You bastard I gave myself to you and you used me! Now what Kyle? NOW what? Sidney fucked around behind your back and took your precious boys… What now Kyle? What now?” She said sending Kyle into a rage.

“How did you know that? HOW DID YOU KNOW THAT!” He shouts grabbing her shoulders.

Maria and I are frozen in place, whoa. What a wake up call!

“How did you know that!” Kyle is still shouting in her face, shaking her violently.

“Kyle! Stop!” Alex tries to pull him away.

“Tell me you bitch HOW do you know!” Kyle cries.

Oh my god. He’s crying. Maria squeezes my hand frantic.

“Kyle.” I say, but he ignores me.

Tess screams from Kyle’s harsh grip, “You’re hurting me!” She screams.

“Kyle let go of her!” Alex is trying his hardest to pry Kyle’s fingers open. “Kyle!” He tries again.

“Let GO!” Tess screams and Kyle goes flying across the room.

“OH!” We all scream watching the site before us. How the hell did that happen? Kyle’s getting up now, and he looks dumbfounded.

“All I ever did was love you Kyle Valenti. All I ever wanted was to be normal.” Tess whimpers.

“Normal? Normal? “ Kyle says, “What the hell just happen? What are you?” Kyle says looking at Tess as if she were an alien, “Who are you?” He says.


I’m in confusion here, I’m totally lost.

“Despite everything I never meant to intentionally hurt any of you. When you found me I thought that maybe I was given a chance at normalcy. When you all neglected me I thought that I was in a test, a test to achieve a normal life. But now… Now none of you care about me. You know my secret, something that I’ve kept for so long. Too bad none of you will ever remember any of it.” She says sadly. She closes her eyes tightly.

She closes her eyes and my brain is tingling, everyone looks funny. Tess is… Tess is an… Alien?

“What just happen?” Maria says confused.

“We had a fight, and you all agreed that I should leave.” Tess says.

Alex and Kyle nod, confused but they look bought. Is everyone in a state of amnesia? Am I the only one who knows what really just happen? “Tess.” I say. She looks at me.

“Liz?” She tilts her head.

“I love you.” I whisper. Her eyes well up and she walks out the door.

“Okay. What happen?” Maria says again.

“I think Tess just walked out of our lives… For Good.” I answer, now the tears falling are because I’m admitting to myself that I really fucked up. If I had never been blinded by all my glitter, my own selfish self, then maybe Tess could have actually had a normal life, a life where she had friends who cared about her… And not just themselves.


Isabel’s POV

What’s taking Zan so long? It can’t be this long to get here. Where was he when he received the call? I was the only one who knew where he worked, the only one who asked my mother how “they” were doing. The only one that semi-gave a damn about them. Max and Michael were too blinded by their pride to see past all the crap and admit they were wrong. I had to think quickly before they carried my brother out.

“Can I have a moment alone with my brother please?” I whimper.

They looked skeptic.

Michael ushers them out and I sit down next to my brother. I pull the sheet down. God he’s so pale. A drug overdose. I shook my head, tears falling. I don’t even know if this was intentional or not. Did he purposely sniff enough coke to go blind or smoke whatever was in that pipe?


He’s the reason of all of this. I take my cell out and dial the number I know by heart.

“Two Evans in one day! Wow, what’ll it be beautiful?” Sean charmingly says on the other line, I gag.

“Hmmm, let’s see. What will it be? Oh I don’t know how about what ever you gave Max?” I say seductive.

“Oh no, you can’t handle that shit right there sexy. Sorry but I can’t do that for you.” He laughs, “How ‘bout we stick with the usual huh?” He says casual.

Half of me wants to make the exchange because I’m low on coke and I could really use a fix right now to calm my nerves, but I can’t. Max is dead for gods sake! “No. I want what Max had.” I say.

“I can’t do it baby.” He says.

I could scream, “What is it exactly that you gave him?” I say.

“Opium laced chronic was what I told him, but it actually had acid and heroine in it. That boy’s gotta be trippin out.” He laughed.

“Oh yea,” I say rubbing my dead brothers cheek, “Oh yea he just about nearly died from the trip.” I say.

“I wanted to warn him about taking too much at once but he seems to be okay about it.” Sean says.

“Sean.” I say sweet.


“Max's dead. I just called to say thank you for killing my brother.” I reply hanging up.

“God Max why did you do it?” I cry.

“Isabel I can’t hold them back much longer.” Michael says at the door.

“Just a couple more minutes, I know Zan will be here any minute okay?” I snapped.

Everything’s going to be fine. Zan will get here, he’ll put his hand on Max's chest and there’ll be a really bright glow. We’ll all turn away because it’ll be too bright for us, Zan will be at a loss of breath from all the power and… and…

“Oh, god.” I cry, “What if it doesn’t work… God Max what will I do without you?” I cry leaning on my brother, he was the one who pulled me through. Him just being there would help me, he never even had to say a word, he just knew and I knew. That things would always be okay. What would I do if he never stands next to me again?

My phone rings and I answer, “Zan?” I pray its him.

“Where the fuck are you Isabel? I TOLD you that we were going to that McNally dinner tonight, or does all that damn blonde hair effect your memory too?” Jesse snaps.

I forgot about our dinner, I totally forgot. “Uh…” I mumble, I don’t know what to do.

“Where are you?” He replies soft.

“Max's house.” I whimper.

“You’ve got 15 minutes to get your pretty little ass over here before I drag your ass out that place and embarrass you publicly. You got that Isabel?” He barks.

I don’t know why, but I’m terrified of him still. I had barely began to tear myself from his grasp when I ruined everything by letting him back in. Now what was I to do? I had to either run home and get ready, or stay and think about what Jess will do when I do get home. It wasn’t fair; it wasn’t a fair world we live in.

“Isabel!” Jesse screams making me jump.

“Jesse…” I swallow, dear god have mercy on me in the future.

“What is it Isabel, what is it now? “ He says sarcastic.

“Go to hell.” I hang up.

I can be strong, Michael needs me strong, MAX needs me strong. But how can one be strong if they let pricks like that bring them down? I wasn’t scared, for the first time in my life I realized I had nothing to fear from Jesse Ramirez. How can I be scared when I have four big brothers to protect me?


Zan’s POV

I’m here; I’m sitting in my car in front of Max's house. Lonnie and Rath say that they’re not to far behind, I can see Michael trying his best to keep the paramedics out of the house. Its time to give them a permanent distraction. I look around, I could give them a flat tire but then they could call another truck and well, that’s just out of the question. I see an innocent female pedestrian walking by, she’s cute, she looks about 23…

“Hey cutie mind if I have a word wit yous for a sec?” I say getting out of my car.

She stops walking and smiles; no one can resist the Evans charm.

“You are just so pretty that I hads to stops yous gurl.” I grin. She blushes and giggles.

I have to do this quickly, I put my hand gently on her chest, “Baby, this ain’t gonna hurt much okay, I swear you’re gonna be okay…” I whisper in her ear startling her a bit, my hand heats up and her heart starts beating faster. Faster… faster… faster…. It stops and she collapses in my arms, but before I call for help I change my appearance so that they don’t ask questions as to why I look like Max so much. I change my hair from black dreads to a light brown short spiked look, my face changes just a bit, not by much. I leave my clothes alone.

“Hey! HEY! Somebody! I think this girl just had a heart attack!” I yell out to the guys by the ambulance. They see me holding her and run over to me.

“What happen, is she breathing?” They say taking her away from me.

“I don’t know I was tryin’ ta get ‘er number and then bam! She falls in my arms.” I say acting worried, “Ey, is she gonna be okay?” I run my fingers through my hair.

“We have to take her down town to the hospital.” One of the meds say.

I nod my head, “Okay.” I nod again acting stupid.

Michael walks over and the guy who’s not holding the girl turns to him, “We’ll be back for your friend okay? We need to get this girl-“

“Hey, its okay.” Michael says understanding.

They leave quickly.

“Clever.” Michael says as we walk to my brother’s apartment.

I shrug, “She’ll be alright. She was cute though you see the ass on ‘er?” I say trying to break the tension between us.

Michael stops and looks at me, “Hey Zan… Uh…” He rubs at his brow, “About everything…”

“Hey, don’t say it okay. Spare me the apologies, you were never good at them.” I say making him laugh; I laugh too.

“ZAN!” Isabel cries when I walk in the room, she runs and throws her arms around me, “Oh god.” She’s trembling and sobbing on my shoulder. I know why too.

“Ey, he ain’t gonna touch yous alright?” I say confident, she nods and wipes tears away, I look down to Max. God he’s so pale. Can I still do this?


Liz’s POV

I can’t believe it, there are many things that are to be believed and not believed but this… Maria’s crying and Kyle’s holding her in his arms. Alex is staring out the window in a complete daze. I think he feels responsible for everything; me, Tess, and… The reason everyone is so messed up. I don’t know how much more I can take today; I was thinking this when the doctor comes in with a weird look on his face. I tensed up and Maria grabbed my hand, Kyle taking the other.

“Ms. Parker I’m afraid I have some bad news for you.” He sighs; doctors always do that when they’re trying to make you think they feel sorry for you.

In any case, I gulped down the rock in my throat and spoke, “Wh-what is it?”

“Ms. Parker this is rather hard to just blurt out but… You lost the baby. I’m sorry Ms. Parker but someone of your health and care; I mean you were bound to lose it one way or another. Ms. Parker are you hearing any of this?” He paused to snap his fingers in front of my nose.

But I’m frozen inside myself; I’m unable to respond with movement or even vocally. I can see the doctor with the gray hair and beard continue to speak, but I can’t hear anything. I can’t hear ANYTHING. If ever there was a time to feel like shit… now was the time. Maria’s panicking, she just ran out of the room dramatically as always, with Kyle about to run after her to be stopped by Alex who runs out leaving Kyle to stare at me while the doctor continues to speak to me. This is the vessel I am in, me, me in this body. But I can’t control any part of me, so what am I then? Where am I?

“Ms. Parker?” The doctor shouts.

Is he still here? I think to myself.

“Ms. Parker I have enrolled you in a 28 Days program. How do you feel about this?” He says.

And again I cannot respond. I still cannot move, my eyes still stare vacantly at the doctor who steals a worried look towards Kyle who shrugs. Kyle then snaps his fingers in my face too. They both take a step back and whisper back and forth to each other inaudible things to my ears so I began to think. If I was pregnant… Wouldn’t I know? Wouldn’t I… Oh god. Max. It had to of been when me and Max… I have to speak with him. He has to know. I pushed him away and slowly killed myself. But I’m the only one still alive. I fear Max isn’t alright. I’m scared and I don’t know why. Is there maybe something wrong with Max? If only I could move! DAMMIT! I hate this! Why am I sitting here like a frozen TV dinner!?

“Okay Ms. Parker, I have spoken to your good friend Kyle, here and we agree that for your own safety you will be admitted and you will fulfill your time in the program starting next week when you are released from this hospital. Okay? Can you hear me Ms. Parker?” He flashes a light in both my eyes, but I don’t blink. I can’t. Even if I tried.

I killed someone, an innocent person that I never got to meet. Someone who never got to meet me, or Max. But then I began to think of reality. This child was lucky to not be brought into my hectic life. A life of chaos, drugs, sex, lies, and everything else that people try to hide away in their little attempts of denial. I’m lucky enough to see it as it is. I may have a firm grasp of reality, but my grasp on sanity was slipping away as quickly as I can feel the life leave me. As if I can feel Max leaving my body, it’s funny. I had no clue that I was going to be a mother, and now that I know… I find out that life took away what I was given; a chance. But I didn’t deserve this chance… How can I take care of someone when I can’t even take care of myself?

“Is she alright?” Kyle says.

The doctor nods his fat head, “Yes, she’s fine, she’s just… In shock.”

“I think we all are.” Kyle rubs his closed eyes.

And I just sit here. Still unable to move, still wishing I were dead.


Zan’s POV

“Alright get me a cold towel and-“ I’m cut off by Lonnie and Rath’s entrance into my brother’s house. The look on their faces could run your blood cold.

Isabel runs in just then and gives me a cold towel. I have no time to give explanations or to hear Lonnie and Rath chew me out for what I am about to do. I tell Lonnie to locate Ava and I take a deep breath. I waste no more time before placing a shaking hand to my brother’s chest. We’re connected within a matter of seconds…

(Inside Max's Head)

“Max!” Zan screams trying to shield his eyes from the blinding light.

Max stand at the edge of a large mountain. He’s wearing exactly the same thing he wore the last time he and Zan spoke kind words to each other. Max had no shoes, he was bare foot, he wore his high school football letterman’s jacket and faded GAP jeans. A black shirt underneath his jacket. Zan saw that he too wore what he wore the day everything went to hell. Zan wore his favorite army fatigues with a black tank top. He too was bare foot her could see. Max stared down at the massive fall he would take if he moved one step closer to the edge.

“Max.” Zan repeated walking over to his brother.

Max turned his head but didn’t attempt to move.

“Zan.” He smiled. “Remember when we used to come here?” He said looking back out at the scenery.

Zan nodded his head. He and the rest would always come here, to the place where their pods were hidden. It was the only place that they ever felt truly at home. It was a piece of who they were. Max turned his body towards Zan’s now.

“What are you doing here?” He asked curious.

“Saving your life.” Zan responded taking a step towards Max.

Max's face fell, “I’m dead?”

“No. Not yet.” Zan answered.

“I-I don’t understand Zan, I was just looking out here thinking… You know how we have a choice now. Ever since Brody or Larek should I say.” Max shook his head, “Ever since that bastard came into our lives man… Everything’s just so messed up now. I mean we have a choice now. We can be normal or we can… Stay like we are.” Max looked down.

Zan was confused, what the hell? Why was Max talking like he was 19 again? Like Larek had just-

Zan stopped thinking; he then realized that he and Max were re-living the day they last spoke to each other as brothers. Emotion then snuck up on Zan and he was forced to shove it away. Time was an issue.

“Listen brother.” Zan now stood next to Max looking down as well.

“Yea?” Max looked up.

“Yous know I love ya right?” Zan said.

“Yea. What’s up with you Zan?” Max laughed nervous.

“Max you have to take my hand okay?” Zan said.

“Huh?” Max scrunched his eyebrows together. “I don’t understand Zan. What’s going on? Really.

Zan took a deep breath before answering, “Max you overdosed on whatever drugs you took. You’re dead right now okay? I hate to just go out and say it but it’s true. Aight?” Zan says.

Max takes a step back, “You’re crazy. I don’t do drugs Zan.” Max says nervous.

Zan rolled his eyes, “Don’t lie to me, even at 19 I knew you were a coke feign aight Max? Isabel tolds me everything. No more lies, you’re not 19 anymore. You’re 24 and if you don’t take my damn hand right now you won’t live to realize how much you hate me right now okay?” Zan shouted angry thrusting his hand out for Max to take.

Max looked out into the horizon, “And if I don’t take your hand right now?”

“Isabel won’t allow that to happen, she’s wreck and she needs you Max. Jesse’s threatening her again.” Zan replied annoyed.

“Jesse? Who the hell is Jesse ? Are you okay? I think maybe you’re the one on crack.” Max started to walk off but tripped on a rock falling over.

“MAX! NOOOOO!!!!!” Zan screamed jumping over the edge to catch him and connect. “Grab my hand Max! For gods sake set your pride aside for once!”

Max looked at Zan frightened, he reluctantly pushed his hand out. Zan took hold and the connection began.


Max reaching his hand out so that Zan can lift him up out of his pod.


Childhood, High School, the threat of being exposed.


“I choose to be normal…” Max looked away from Larek at Isabel who nodded her decision as well as Michael. Max turned to his brother.

“I choose to stay the way I am.” Zan replied confident, as he, Lonnie and Rath nodded their decision the same.

Max turned away angry.


“Why should I care?” Max spat out, “You were a fucking weirdo anyways.” He scowled.

“Max, what’s the diff man? We still blood man.” Zan rolled his eyes watching Max pack his stuff. “Where you gonna go huh?”

“Me, Iz and Michael are moving to LA. Isabel and I were offered a modeling contract. Michael’s got an audition for the same in a week. We’ve already got a place down there so…”


“So this is it? You’re just gonna leave and shut us out?” Zan snapped as Max turned the key to start his car’s ignition. The engine roaring to life.

Max ignoring Zan as he, Isabel and Michael pull out of the driveway and out their lives. Leaving behind his brothers ans sisters whom he had grew up with.


Life over in LA, doing more lines with Isabel and trying to maintain a living. Becoming successful…


Liz hit herself in her forehead, “I am such a dweeb!” She looked up at him (Max), “Now I’m an even bigger dweeb for calling myself a dweeb! I’m out of here before I make an even bigger fool of myself!” Liz pushed out of his grasp reluctant, “Thanks.” She smiled.

“The pleasure was all mine.” He winked.


He licked his hand where the powder lay, then he took a small rectangular mirror from his pocket, he dumped a little of the angel dust onto it and lined the power into two thin lines. Max took one last look in the mirror in front of him, at himself sober.

“Fuckin loser.” He said before snorting the first line…


One night at a party Max was right about to get it on with this hot chick named Ava when she pushed him off her to do a line. He asked her what hell she was doing sniffing that white shit. And she asked him if he wanted to try some. He should have JUST SAID NO! But no, he tilted his head towards her; she brought the mirror over to his nose and he sniffed…


He didn’t ask questions, he didn’t speak a word. All he did was hold her, his arms held her tight as her tears soaked his shoulders. They stood silent in the middle of his living room for quite some time before either of them spoke.

“Here.” Max handed her a tissue.

She wiped her face embarrassed, “I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t.” He swiped his fingers across her cheek, “Don’t be sorry for anything. I’m only sorry for whatever is making your heart hurt so much.”


Max taking Liz by the butt and lifting her up against his body as he carried her away to his bedroom. Liz squealing the whole way of course. He was aggressive; he threw her ass down on the bed and attacked her with his mouth


She tiptoed out of his room. She quietly left his apartment, and at the same time. She left her heart, breaking Max's.


“Same as always.” Max muttered in the mouthpiece of the phone, he lay on his back on his bed staring up at the ceiling. The wind blew his curtains inside, and he felt the breeze touch his cheeks.

“We’ve got some new stuff if you’d like to try.” Sean said, sounding like a cheap salesman.

“Like what?” He grunted.


“Shut up Zan. We NEVER talk about that day. EVER.” Max snarled. “That was the day I lost a brother.”


Max’s watching her (Liz) walk out with that big guy. Who the hell is he? Wh-what is he flirting with her? He KNOWS she is not smiling and flirting back. What about Them? What about what they had? What DID they have? She hadn’t spoken to him in days going on weeks. Bitch…


He doesn’t care if she see’s him; he needed to get the shit out of his system. He have to go make himself puke. Or else he might just die right there, his soul feels like it’s dripping out his body and the walls are melting and the floor is moving like waves in the ocean. The world won’t stop spinning, won’t stop… won’t stop…


Then the world goes black…


I open my eyes and I’m lying beside my brother. I look up breathless to see four sets of eyes staring at me wide eyed. I turned to Max, he still lay motionless…


Liz’s POV

MMMMMMAAAAAAXXXXXX! ” I screamed, I hadn’t been able to move for going on 47 minutes now; I had sat still unable to move but suddenly. I burst out screaming uncontrollably. It took Maria, Kyle and Alex to help restrain me to the bed…

“…Speak to me in a language I can hear
Humour me before I have to go
Deep in thought I forgive everyone
As the cluttered streets greet me once again
I know I can't be late, supper's waiting on the table
Tomorrow's just an excuse away
So I pull my collar up and face the cold, on my own
The earth laughs beneath my heavy feet
At the blasphemy in my old jangly walk
Steeple guide me to my heart and home
The sun is out and up and down again
I know I'll make it, love can last forever
Graceful swans of never topple to the earth
And you can make it last, forever you
You can make it last, forever you
And for a moment I lose myself
Wrapped up in the pleasures of the world
I've journeyed here and there and back again
But in the same old haunts I still find my friends
Mysteries not ready to reveal
Sympathies I'm ready to return
I'll make the effort, love can last forever
Graceful swans of never topple to the earth
Tomorrow's just an excuse
And you can make it last, forever you
You can make it last, forever you…”

(Smashing Pumpkins “thirty-three”)

A/N: Hey people! Don’t flame me about Liz because I have plans for this okay? And yes… I’m still leaving you in suspense!!!!

posted on 8-Jul-2002 6:09:50 PM by JBehrsGurl
Argh! I don't know whats up with my computer but it wont let me view the first page so that I can update the subject!!! GRRRRR!!!! What to do, what to do?????
posted on 8-Jul-2002 10:12:46 PM by JBehrsGurl
Okay I did it! Yeay!
posted on 12-Jul-2002 1:10:32 AM by JBehrsGurl
A/N: Hope you guys like this ch. I dont really think that this ch, is all that great but the next one is gonna be a doozy! lol and I'll have fanarts comming up as magazine articles on the gang! yeay! REVIEW!!

Ch. 11
I’m With You

Liz’s POV

He’s lost. I can feel his essence now, flowing through me like air. He’s so confused; I’m in so much pain… It’s like my insides are being ripped out, is this punishment for killing my child? I didn’t even know I had one!

“LIZ!!!!” Kyle screams as my hands lash out.

They don’t understand, how could they? I didn’t even understand what was happening. All I knew was that my body tensed and my muscles tightened in firm knots that twisted even tighter by the second. Through all this I felt Max reaching out to me, I couldn’t see him, I could only feel him. I tried to reach out to him, to help him. But each time I tried I was pulled back by either Kyle, Alex or Maria. They panicked each time I screamed Max's name. They seemed to think that maybe this was some kind of aftermath of finding out about losing the child I didn’t even know. All I needed was Max's touch, then I would know everything was going to be alright.

“Elizabeth!” Maria shook me.

“What’s going on here?!” The doctor rushed in worried.

“She’s freaking out! We don’t know what happen she just started screaming!” Maria cried out.

“No please!” I screamed to them.

The doctor reached into his pocket, but before he even brought it out I knew what it was. A syringe. A needle, a shot , something that was going to make me calm down, something that would ultimately knock me out unconscious. I couldn’t let that happen, Max needed me, I needed him, he was scared and alone and I lay here…


I felt the pinch of the needle piercing my skin; I looked at Alex who closed his eyes sadly and shook his head remorseful. This was all his fault, I thought to myself. If he had just kept his big mouth shut- Oh…. Oh my… I feel so tired, my muscles aren’t tightening anymore, that’s a good sign. Right? Goodness, maybe I should… Lay… Down…

Then world goes black…



Michael’s POV

I couldn’t grasp the idea of Max never waking up again. I tried, but I couldn’t do it. I hated myself then, I hated myself for choosing normal, healing wasn’t my power but at least if I were still alien I could have something to add. Something to do, maybe cool more towels for Zan…

Max looks so pale, Rath looks so different, he’s grown his hair out even longer, Lonnie wears even darker eyeliner. Why was everyone’s faces so different from what I remember? Isabel’s eyes are rimmed red; Zan’s brow is dripping with sweat as he was pulled into Max's oblivion. The only thing we could do was watch.

I was momentarily brought back in time…

“Michael how long Zan been like dis?” Rath fumbled his words together, making me confused. I was in shock, I stared at Zan’s limp body in horror.

“Michael!” Max had slapped me across the face.

I couldn’t move, I stood still frozen.

“Michael please!” Isabel cried out.

It was Isabel’s cries that brought me back to reality. “Uh-uh… He tried to connect with Ava an-and he just fell.” I paused reliving the scene inside my head.

Zan and Ava were talking, talking about Antar. I was spying, because I heard that Max had, had a thing for Ava and I felt obligated to see if Zan was going to move in on Max's girl. So I stood behind the door and I listened. I heard them talk of great things they remembered, and I heard Ava whisper, ”I can show you…” So she and Zan connected.

“Michael! What. Happen?” Lonnie took control of the situation.

I touched her cheek, and the flashes came…

She gasp and cursed under her breath, “Max.” She turned to him, “You gotta heal ‘em, you can do it. Jus connect and let Zan do tha rest kay?” She narrowed her eyes.

Max nodded vigorously.

“I don’t see why Zan’s riskin’ his life foe dat druggie.” Rath snorted disgusted.

Lonnie shrugged, “Whateva da reason he’s got a good haw-art, what can we do uh?”

“Hey!” I shouted shocked, “Max saved Zan’s life before… It’s payback.” I said angry. I couldn’t believe my ears; they were talking about Max as if he were a stranger. I scowled at them disgusted with their behavior; this was so typical coming from them. What low lives…

“Wha? Yous act like we don’t care or sumtin’ we do. It’s jus dat you guys shut us out for what we chose. You chose to be normal. So wha? Did we dumps you cuz of dat?” Lonnie snapped looking at me with stern eyes.

I really could use a drink. I really, really could use a fuckin drink. I don’t need this shit, not from anyone…

Lonnie and Rath still stared daggers at me in anger, I was angry too, quite frankly annoyed and irritated. What did they want from me?

I rolled my eyes, “Why don’t you go and try to get a hold of Ava.” I sneered.

“We can’t.” Rath added into the mix.

“Why not?” I spat.

“We can’t cuz she dead.” Rath blurts out -sending a loud ringing through my ears.

What the hell were we going to do now? We needed her to help give Zan strength and for her mind manipulations. So again, I repeat. What the hell were we going to do now?


Isabel’s POV

God. I had no clue what was going on inside the minds of my brothers. Lonnie and Rath argued back and forth on whether they should interfere or leave it as it was. Lonnie couldn’t get a hold of Ava because….

Ava was dead.

Supposed O.D. But Lonnie had suspicions that she dared not share with the rest of us. Not that any of us cared, all we wanted was Max and Zan waking up fine. I feared it was too late to save Max. He had been left in the state he was in for too long. Looking down at my brother Max I decided then, that I would never let angel dust touch my nose again…

Is it okay to be this terrified? To be scared for Max and Zan and then being scared about going home? Or what would happen within the next fifteen minutes when I knew Jesse would storm through that door?

Zan had comforted me the second he walked in, he didn’t flinch. He said that I would never have to fear Jesse again. If only he knew what Jesse could do, he might think different.

Ava was dead. It repeated in my mind again. I looked at the television that still was on and re-playing earlier events… Liz Parker…

Zan’s stirring, he’s up, he’s okay!

And Max! Max… Max is still isn’t moving. Why is he still unable to get up? I looked to Zan who was gasping and wheezing.

“Zan?” I whimper.

He looks back to Max, and shakes his head.

“Wh-what does that mean?” I cry.

“I don’t know what went wrong, he should be up…” Zan closed his eyes and rubbed his face, “It’s up to him now, I don’t understand.” He whispered looking away.

I crossed the gap between my brother and me. And I hugged him tight.

“I love you Zan.” I say softly. Getting up and walking to the kitchen.

He tried his best, but it obviously wasn’t enough.

I had to tell Liz.


Liz’s POV

My cell rings, my brain tells me to answer, I pick up my hand –which is numb from the meds.

“Hello?” I croak.

“Liz?” Isabel’s remorseful voice cries on the other end.

“I-Isa-Isabel?” I mumble, my lips becoming numb as well.

“Liz, Max is dead… Oh God… I said it.” She cries.

If not for the shot of sedatives I might have went numb at that moment anyway. But I was already numb, so what was going to happen?

I dropped my cell, and passed out. Having just woken up to find blackness again.

(Liz’s Dream)

”I'm standing on a bridge
I'm waitin in the dark…”

It was so cold, it was so dark. But here was where I was, on a dark abandoned bridge at night, alone.

”…I thought that you'd be here by now
There’s nothing but the rain…”

It’s raining hard and the drops of water are soaking my clothes, my pajama’s. I’m wearing pink cotton pajamas, and I’m alone. I’m so scared to be alone…

”…No footsteps on the ground
I'm listening but there’s no sound…”

I was expecting someone, I’m not sure who but they were coming soon. I know that it will be okay…

”…Isn't anyone tryin to find me?
Won't someone please take me home…”

It’s so cold, the rain still absorbing the last of the dry cloth left on my body. I’m slowing freezing to death, I can feel its finger creep up on me, the cold hard fingers of Death…

”…It's a damn cold night
trying to figure out this life…”

It’s cold, it’s cold and I’m alone…

”…Wont you take me by the hand
take me somewhere new
I don’t know who you are
but I'm, I'm with you…”

Just as I begin to believe that alone I’ll be forever, he comes. Max. He’s so handsome and glowing with warmth. I don’t know him inside; I don’t know what he’s been through. I don’t know the battles he’s fought to survive; I don’t know why he’s fighting for a second chance at life…

”…I’m looking for a place
searching for a face
is there anybody here I know…”

But just as quickly as he came… he was gone. I was left alone yet again. Only this time my stomach aches. I see flashes of a happy child running through wild flowers, it’s a girl… And she’s giggling. I feel warm ears falling down my cheeks…

”…cause nothings going right
and everything’s a mess
and no one likes to be alone…”

What have I done? I killed this little girl… Oh God, Max is gone. I’m all alone…

”…Isn't anyone tryin to find me?
Won't someone please take me home
it's a damn cold night
trying to figure out this life…”

I can’t understand why it hurts so much to live, to wake up each day as I do regularly. Each day it gets harder and harder to wake up…

”…Wont you take me by the hand
take me somewhere new
I don’t know who you are
but I'm, I'm with you…”

Max? Max is that you? Please don’t go…

”…oh why is everything so confusing
maybe I'm just out of my mind
yea yea yea…”

I am out of my mind, I’m psychotic, that’s why I’m heavily sedated and dreaming about someone who’s dead. He can’t be dead, he can’t… He’s just… Stuck…

”…It's a damn cold night
Trying to figure out this life
Wont you take me by the hand
take me somewhere new
I dont know who you are
but I'm, I'm with you…”


He didn’t ask questions, he didn’t speak a word. All he did was hold me, his arms held me tight as my tears soaked his shoulders. We stood silent in the middle of his living room for quite some time before either of us spoke.

“Here.” Max handed me a tissue.

I wiped my face embarrassed, “I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t.” He swiped his fingers across my cheek, “Don’t be sorry for anything. I’m only sorry for whatever is making your heart hurt so much.”


”…Take me by the hand
take me somewhere new
I dont know who you are
but I'm, I'm with you
I'm with you…”

I love him; I know this now, if only I could tell him. I’m weeping out openly, crouched in a ball at the edge of the bridge. Alone, crying, cold, and in the dark. The child’s giggles echoing in my ears…

”…Take me by the hand
take me somewhere new
I dont know who you are
but I'm, I'm with you…”

“You’re not real.” I whisper when Max kisses my cheek and sits beside me, his warmth embracing my cold body like a blanket.

“I’m as real as you are.” He smiles.

“I’m I dead too?” I cry looking at him.

He shakes his head. “No Liz, you’re not dead. I’m not dead. We’re just dead inside.” He pauses touching his hand to my heart, “We have to embrace this before we wake up...”

”…I'm with you
I'm with you...”

"I'm With You" by: Arvil Lavigne

It’s then that I know in order to wake up; knowing that Max will too; is to admit that I want to wake up. That I want another chance at life. That I’ll do anything in my power to fix my old life, and make it glitter again.

That I love Max.

I’m ready to wake up now.

A/N: How was that?
ps: I just LOVE Arvil Lavigne! Don't you???

posted on 15-Jul-2002 2:31:52 AM by JBehrsGurl
Hey guys!

Sorry I've been totally MIA lately! It's because it was the weekend and me and my friends decided to be so crazy! lol you guys might even get a piece of it in an upcomming chapter! lol Bcuz what happen this weekened is wayyy too funny not to share with you guys!

OH! Shoot! I can't keep anything from you guys!!! lol Okay this is what happen...

Me and my friends, we live in Sac, Cali so there is like, NOTHING to do here. So we all decided (me, Janelle, Marci and Adina) to go to a mini-golf place called Scandia. Well it was so boring! But we first took pictures in the photo booths, well we wanted pics of all of us. So we would have one person sit in teh booth, put her money in and sit there while each of us would jump in and take a pic w/ her! lol So each flash we would run out and switch spots! It was hilarious! Our pictures came out SO funny!

Okay, next... We played Mini-Golf. It wasn't all that great cuz the place was all weird and twisty! But I managed a 2 try goal! Me and Janelle tried SO hard to hit our balls in the water or out into the freeway but I swear this place was like crazy-ball proof! So we just threw our balls in the water and acted all silly.

Okay, so after that we were wanting to do something else so I said we could go look for some street races in Roseville, well we got side tracked and ended up cruising down Sunrise Blvd. It was so fun at first cuz there was some FINE guys going by and honking so we acted silly and stuff. One guy even had a video camera and was acting silly too! That made us crazier! After a while it all died down and we were going to go home... BUT! Guess what happen??? Grrr! Damn popo's came and pulled us over! FOR NO REASON! "Did you know you can't have anything hanging from your rearview mirror?" Uh... Wha? We were like HUH? & my friend Marci starts balling saying "They shoot people for no reason!" and it made us laugh but thenm the guy was all liscense and reg. blah, blah, blah! He ended up giving us a warning and sent us home but he called Janelle's mom (she was driving) and told her! We didn't get in trouble but you could tell the guy was just a dick.

Popo's are poo heads!

That was friday, Saturday it was crazy too! (me, Janelle, Marci and Carmen -Adina wasn't home) We decided to keep by our territory so we crusie downtown, mainly J street and old sac. WEll we pulled up to some hooptey nerds and we toyed with them by flirting. They were like where you going? We're going to HardRock. And Marci says to tell them maybe we'll meet them there. (Total lie) So I said that and he was like "No you won't" so I said "Why not?" And they we're like "Maybe means no" so I wa all "Fine then, you don't want me to come? Your LOSS!" And we zoom off laughing! lol And this one cute guy in another car goes "I'll go! I'll go!" lol it was hilariously funny!

Anyways we crusie for a while and then I see a FINE ass guy! He even bit his lip and looked at me!!!! Do you know what it's like to see a guy do that? DO YOU? Ahhh! I totally flirted with him and yada yada yada, I mean like I pulled a Samantha from Sex In The City on him, I was totally seductive! lol My friends totally made fun of me! lol Okay so I gave him my # can't wait for him to call! I hate how guys take forver to call! So I'm a waitin'! lol Okay well that was fun, my dad got an '87 burgandy Camero and me and Marci (my bff) went with my dad to Wal-Mart and felt cool cuz we were stylin in da car! lol I got Paulina Rubio's old Spanish CD w/ her greatest hit's, I LOVE it!

Ohhhh so now what you all want to hear...

I'm updating tomorrow night!!!! I just have to look over the story a little while longer... hehe okay well I'm going to go now cuz I have rambled on for QUITE awhile now! lol Okay so until tomorrow!

~ *Elena* ~


[ edited 2 time(s), last at 15-Jul-2002 11:26:26 AM ]
posted on 15-Jul-2002 11:25:34 AM by JBehrsGurl
OMB! I forgot a part! After I chatted up that guy, we were leaving and saw a Navi-Limo and two guys were like hey! One of them was all "Pull over PLEASE!" I was all "Please tho?" We all laughed and they wanted us to ride in it w/ them but we couldn't cuz We had to pick up Janelle's Bro. We didn't like the peeps in the Limo anyways cuz they were kinda stuck up, and plus an ex-crush of mine (who turned out to be a major jerk) was in there. I was like "Hell nah!" lol
posted on 16-Jul-2002 5:31:50 PM by JBehrsGurl
A/N: You guys are so great! Keep the feedback coming! I feel so bad that I said I was going to post last night and then I didn't. It was bcuz my mom was being a meanie! Grrr! But here is teh next chapter! Thanks everyone for understanding that sometimes a writer needs a good old fashioned break! lol You guys are so great!

Ch. 12

Liz’s POV

Opening my eyes I have to squint a bit. The light from the open window is bright and fiery. Maria’s standing by my food tray arranging flowers, Alex’s asleep on the chair next to my bed, and Kyle … Where’s Kyle? How long had it been since I passed out? It’s the next morning, I had sleepy through the night, I didn’t know what I was going to do because I think that maybe my brain is malfunctioning. Last night I had a dream that Max was dead and he came to me in my dreams and told me to love again.

Then reality hit me.


“I’m not going to let you leave, simple as that.” Kyle crosses his arms over his broad chest.

“MOVE!” She screams literally attacking him. “You bastard! You fucked me and you left! You left me Kyle Valenti! You promised you’d come back! You promised!!! “ She’s screaming. “I can’t believe I waited for you! I waited! You bastard I gave myself to you and you used me! Now what Kyle? NOW what? Sidney fucked around behind your back and took your precious boys… What now Kyle? What now?” She said sending Kyle into a rage.

“How did you know that? HOW DID YOU KNOW THAT!” He shouts grabbing her shoulders.


“Ms. Parker I’m afraid I have some bad news for you.” He sighs; doctors always do that when they’re trying to make you think they feel sorry for you.

In any case, I gulped down the rock in my throat and spoke, “Wh-what is it?”

“Ms. Parker this is rather hard to just blurt out but… You lost the baby. I’m sorry Ms. Parker but someone of your health and care; I mean you were bound to lose it one way or another. Ms. Parker are you hearing any of this?” He paused to snap his fingers in front of my nose.


MMMMMMAAAAAAXXXXXX! ” I screamed, I hadn’t been able to move for going on 47 minutes now; I had sat still unable to move but suddenly. I burst out screaming uncontrollably. It took Maria, Kyle and Alex to help restrain me to the bed…


I felt the pinch of the needle piercing my skin; I looked at Alex who closed his eyes sadly. This was all his fault, I thought to myself. If he had just kept his big mouth shut- Oh…. Oh my… I feel so tired, my muscles aren’t tightening anymore, that’s a good sign. Right? Goodness, maybe I should… Lay… Down…

Then world goes black…


“Liz, Max is dead… Oh God… I said it.” She cries.

If not for the shot of sedatives I might have went numb at that moment anyway. But I was already numb, so what was going to happen?

I dropped my cell, and passed out. Having just woken up to find blackness again.


“You’re not real.” I whisper when Max kisses my cheek and sits beside me, his warmth embracing my cold body like a blanket.

“I’m as real as you are.” He smiles.

“I’m I dead too?” I cry looking at him.

He shakes his head. “No Liz, you’re not dead. I’m not dead. We’re just dead inside.” He pauses touching his hand to my heart, “We have to embrace this before we wake up...”


Hey, it was a long night alright?


Kyle’s POV

I don’t know why I’m here. I can’t even believe I am here. But I am, I’m about to knock on Tess’ office door. I don’t know why. I really feel like if I don’t do this tonight. I’ll never see her again.


Max's POV


Am I up? Am I awake yet? I feel weird, like I’ve been conked on the head and wow, my head is pounding! Shit! What the hell?! I sit up and rub my head. I’m under a white sheet. WHY am I under a white sheet? I pull the sheet up and over my head, man was that weird. Uh… Okay, why the hell am I on the hall floor now?


Tell me that is not Isabel, Michael, Rath, Lonnie and… Zan. Sitting all around my kitchen table.

I get up, it takes me a while but I manage to get my ass up and make my way to the entrance of the kitchen. They’re all drinking coffee. Michael probably no doubt has his spiked with liquor. I chuckle. Isabel looks over.

Her eyes go wide, “OH MY GOD Max!” She screams running over and throwing her arms around me. “Oh my god. Is this real?” He cries hugging me tighter.

Uh… Okay, what’s the deal here?

“Iz, I can’t breath.” Her hold only tightens, “What are they doing here?” I scowl at my twin.

Isabel pulls away surprised, “Zan saved your life Max. If it weren’t for him you’d be dead. We thought you were dead.” He wipes her tears with a tissue. I can tell she’s been a wreck since… Since I have no clue, all I remember is dropping my mocha at Starbucks.

I look at her funny and Michael comes up, “She’s right Max.” He pats my back, “Welcome back. Don’t ever do that to me again.” He takes me in his arms, Michael Guerin. Mr. I’m-to-good-to-show-affection hugs me and smirks as if he knew what I was thinking. Isabel pushes him away to hug me again.

Zan picks up his coat and walks towards the front door, Lonnie and Rath following behind, “Wait, Zan where are you going?” Isabel pulls away from me and goes to Zan.

“I’ve made all the calls to cover up any questions that might be asked about ‘em. (he points at me) That’s all I came here to do, fix his mess as always. Now it’s clean. I’m out.” Zan opened the front door.

This sent me into a rage, “I didn’t need your help asshole.” I snapped.

Zan raised a pierced eyebrow, “Really? Cuz you sure were dead a few hours ago and look at yous now. Fixed, because of me asshole .” Zan snuffed. He turned to Isabel, “Ey, don worry about that prick Jesse aight? I’ma take care of dat you got it?” He said.

Isabel nodded shy and sadly. She reached over and hugged Zan. What the hell? Why was it that she was seeking comfort in that faget? I’m her freaking brother. I’m supposed to kick Jesse’s ass. I’m supposed to tell her not to worry.

“Let’s get outta here. Who’s up for IHOP?” Zan shouted over his shoulder.

“Hell yea I could use some pancakes with strawberries and whipped cream with loads of Tabasco.” Rath chuckled following Zan out the door.

Lonnie turned back around to face me before she exited, “Why are you still like this Max? We still loves you. But it’s gotta become mutual sometime.” She shook her head, “You’re just lucky Zan has the healing powa instead of me or Rath. We woulda let ya ass burn in hell.” She grinned wide, “Welcome back!” She slammed the door behind her.

Angered I walked over and shouted out the once again open door, “Eh fuck all of you! I don’t need you! ANY of you! Freaks!” I yelled and slammed the door.

Isabel and Michael stared at me disappointed and shaking their heads, “How could you Max?”

I sneered, “What? Just because you and Zan are reunited don’t mean I have to kiss his damn ass.” I scowled grabbing my car keys.

“Max she didn’t mean-“

I cut Michael’s sentence off with a raised hand, “I can’t believe you guys actually called them.”

“You were fucking dead Max! You O.D.’d do you even remember anything? You died Max! Zan brought you back!” Isabel screamed emotional. As if reliving my death.

“Max think alright? Why else would I call him?” Michael said.

I looked at him, I looked Isabel.

“Traitors.” I spat walking to the front door.

“Where are you going?” Isabel cried.

“To Liz’s. What? Do I need Zan’s permission or something?” I grimaced angry. Why was Zan back in my life? I thought I left this all behind. Left it ALL in the past, somewhere I was NEVER going to revisit.

“Max. Liz is in the hospital.” Michael said matter-of-fact.

“Wh-what?” I sputtered.

Isabel looked at Michael surprised, “I just spoke with her.” She replied confused.

“You told her!?” Michael shouted, “What the hell are we going to do now? Dammit Isabel think before you do stupid shit!” Michael scolded.

“Leave her alone.” I said, authority in my voice, Michael immediately apologized. This was how it was supposed to be. Me making orders, not Zan.

“How do you know this?” I said to Michael.

“Maria called me.” He said.

“Take me to her.” I said giving Michael my keys.


Tess’ POV

If I had a choice to live or die I’d choose to die. I can’t take this anymore. The only reason I’m even still here is because my company would be shit without me. I can’t leave this retched world knowing that the person after me would screw everything I’ve worked so hard for up. So here I stay, sitting in my large plush chair. Sometimes I sit here looking out my windows and I think What if I just roll my chair out the window? I’m so messed up. I know, but the sad part is I’m barely starting to realize that everything’s that’s been going on is all my fault. Seriously, the only reason I’m so miserable is because of me. The only reason Liz is bulimic is because I pushed her too far. If it weren’t for my existence maybe my sister would still be alive. If it weren’t for me maybe Liz would be on speaking terms with her sister Anjelica. (Long story) Like you wanna know anyways. I know what you think of me. You hate me. You all hate me.

Join the club.

I hate me too. Sometimes I just wonder what life would have been like if I had never let Liz see me that afternoon so many years ago. I had been crying, my foster dad had just finished slapping me around the house because Ava lied saying that I stole her fucking Barbie. I hated Barbie’s; sure I played with them whenever Liz and Maria did, or whenever Anjelica decided to show her dear presence. But that was just so that I would fit in. Liz or any of the rest of the people I grew up don’t know I had a sister. I never told them. Why would I want to remember her? She was a full time bitch. She cried whenever she couldn’t have her way, she blamed everything on me and Ed believed everything out her mouth. He never thought twice that dear Ava would actually be the one making all the messes or getting into all the trouble with the neighbors. She knew how to handler her powers in ways that both amazed and scared me. Where I was frightened of my existence she loved it. She felt as if she were a goddess and told me that every night. She threatened to turn me in if I said anything, so I took the blame when she did stupid things, I was young and naive and I was scared of her. She was so talented with her powers. We went to different school because we both agreed that we needed separate lives.

No one knew we were identical twins. Then one day she started hanging out with this one group of twins. The Evans and the Guerins. I never asked questions because that was her life, I wanted no part of it. Sure she occasionally invited me to party’s but I had my own life. I had to keep up with Liz, Maria, Kyle and Alex. As they indulged themselves in endless social occasions that I always felt out of place in. Ava began to beg me to attend the same functions as her. I still denied her. This was all after I ended up staying with Liz. I had used my powers to make them all believe that I was adopted by Grandma Claudia and my stepfather Ed that I had ran away. Whenever I passed him by he would look the other way, my powers were beginning to become more easy to control. Ava started losing me after this, and she knew it. Now Ed was hitting her, now Ed was blaming everything on her. It was a release but also a curse.

Ava ran away.

And I never saw her again. Correction, oh I’m sorry. Silly me. I even convinced myself that she runaway, dying in a overdose. I knew the shit she sniffed up her nose, so I used it to my advantage. It all hit the roof the day she dared storm into my room at Liz’s ranting about how I left her with Ed and he was starting to treat her like he treated… me. Was I supposed to feel sorry for her or something? Besides it was around this time that she went from homecoming queen to punk-rock Ava. Her face was pierced everywhere, and her hair! Oh my gosh it was pink and oh the colors she tried to mix just did NOT go. So needless to say that I had to use every inch of my mind power to blank out the whole scene. Liz was a bit skeptic still even with the mind control but she never said a word. Anjelica however was unaffected… completely. I had to use ultimate mind manipulation to steer her thoughts, in doing that I was weak and in bed for two days straight. I slept the whole time, that was one of the reason’s Anjelica had to go. But maybe before I leave this world, maybe just for Liz… I could bring them together again.


I know the mind control did not affect her in the hospital room. For some reason Liz’s mind is void. I’ve tried to walk the walls of her so many times I’ve lost count. Each time I was unable to see Liz. I honestly can say that girl is a mystery. Yet she never questions me, she never tells anyone and she never used it against me. I may not have been able to view what was inside Liz Parker. But I knew she had heart. I just wish I wasn’t one of the reasons it broke. She was the sister I never had. She was bossy, she was annoying, and she was sometimes mean. But it was because of all these things that I was so strong headed when cracking into the big biz.

Thank you Liz. Sincerely, thank you.

I was crying, my heart’s ice began to melt.

I kept seeing Ava’s face in my head. Her smiling face, but then I saw the look she gave me just before I blasted her with a power ball. Shock, horror, betrayal… I know how horrible I must sound talking about the murder of my own sister. But then again you didn’t live with her for 15 years before finally being adopted by Grandma Claudia. I was a wreck the day she died, even more than Liz possibly. I don’t expect you to understand me, I ask that you do. All I ask of you is to keep an open mind. I’m fucked up, I am mentally ill. I know this, and I embrace it, I don’t shun it I don’t pretend that I’m fine, that I’m okay. I know I need help, I know that I should check myself into the nearest hospital. But pride can stand in the way of a lot of things. Especially to me.

“Tess?” I spin around to see Kyle by my door.

“Whatareyoudoinghere?” I say in one word.

Kyle looks at me weirdly and smirks, “Come again?” He laughs.

I sigh, I know he feels bad for what he did to me. I know that part of my insanity is because of him, but mostly its because of Ava. She’s dead and she still haunts me. She’s not even here but she still bothers me, she’s gone. End of story… So why does she still pester me all the time?

“Why are you here?” I sigh, “Shouldn’t you be with Liz?”

He looks out to my window’s whistling, “Quite a view you have here.”

I could just slap him. I saw the photographs, I bet he won’t even say anything about it. Sidney’s out of his life, he’s a free man. He can date or do whomever he wants. The only thing I cant comprehend exactly is that if he could be with anyone…

Why can’t he choose me?

“Tess?” He comes closer.

Please go… Please. I silently pray, he can’t be here, I come here to talk to her. She tells me all the things that are wrong with me, she tells me everything that I should do and everything that I shouldn’t. She’s going to be here any minute too.

“Ali, I saw the pictures Kyle. So why are you still acting like I have a chance?” I scuff.

“Oh.” His eyes quickly move away from my face, he can’t even look me in the eye and tell me the truth.

“Yea, oh is exactly what I thought you’d say Kyle.” I scowl.

He’s been seeing Ali Larter for two weeks now and he still had the nerve to whisper forever in my ear. I can’t believe this guy. When he first got to LA I was the first person he called. We met up just before he went to Liz’s house, you can guess what went on in that small hotel room…

“I can explain.” He started.

“Don’t, you don’t need to. We aren’t married or anything. I understand. I’m perfectly fine being the sex toy you treat me as, Hey wanna fuck me now? “ I replied sarcastic.

“Tess it’s not like that.” He tried to reach out to me, I slapped him away.

“I wanna believe you so badly Kyle.” I cry, my eyes welling up with tears.

Oh PLEASE don’t start the water works on me.

“Go away.” I cry louder.

“Tess. Please-“ Kyle starts towards me again.

Does he REALLY think that’s gonna get him anywhere? C’mon Tess the guys a total loser.

“Shut up!” I scream at her.

“Tess, what did I say?” Kyle asks worried, “I’m so sorry.”

He’s fucking hilarious Tess baby! Oh he’s a real winner there! Wayyy to go sister! She laughs.

“GO AWAY!” I scream as loud as I can. I don’t need her criticism right now! I can’t handle all this right now! I grab the sides of my head and pull at my hair. “Please… please just go away Ava.” I whisper.

“Tess? Did you say something?” Kyle squints his eyes at me curiously.

Yea, she said to FUCK off.

“STOP IT!” I say to her.

Touchy aren’t we today Tess! She giggles, C’mon lets go party, take me to a club.

“I don’t want to.” I mutter.

“You don’t want to what?” Kyle asks. Its then that I realize he has his arms around me. His lips coming closer.

“What about Ali.” I say.

“I don’t care about her.” He says.

I don’t care about her , oh gosh Tess come ON! The guy is fuckin’ 5 beer’s short of a sixer!

“Shut up Ava please! “ I beg her silently.

I say: “Who do you care about then?”

“You.” He slides a finger down my cheek.

“Good.” I smile.

PUH-LEASE tell me you are not buying this!

I ignore her this time…


Maria’s POV

Liz is up now. She’s acting normal –whatever that is.

She’s quiet but she’s okay. She’s not talking to any of us, and when she does it’s to tell us that she’s okay and she wants us to go home. Kyle’s a mess, he’s still worried about his boys; I don’t even know where he is right now. Alex keeps pacing back and forth in the room. Tess is still gone. I can’t believe it; she’s always been there. Maybe she hardly ever showed her presence but she always made an appearance. But now… Now she was gone. She walked out our lives yesterday. I never understood that girl, and frankly I never wanted or tried to. Liz was the heart, I just kept my silence in her shadow. I was happy there, now what?

I’m surprised I’m still mentally stable. Considering everything that’s gone on in the past 24 hours. Liz. My best friend, Liz Parker was pregnant. And she didn’t even know. My mind flashes back to a couple of weeks ago when she walked in acting weird and never speaking a word after that day. I knew it. I knew it. I knew she had gone to Max's and did the deed. It was the only explanation because our dear Liz here was NOT the Virgin Mary.

“MY LP!” Sergio runs in with his main squeeze Dirk trailing behind with a shitload of flowers, ribbons, presents and balloons.

I had to smile, Sergio was so the perfect friend for Liz. He was disturbed but put together, when he had problems he knew how to deal with them. I bet if he were trying to make a record he’d exactly who, what, where, and how to get people in high places to help him out. He would believe all their lies, he would give in when they promised him success in exchange for a “favor.”

Bastards. All of them down at that company.

Sergio is stroking Liz’s hair and making her laugh. Something that I haven’t been able to do for a while. She’s so fragile now. I’m scared that just a touch could break her. Sergio seems so concerned and so caring; he seriously cares about her well being. Why can’t I be as supportive? I’m supposed to be her best friend ya know? Why is it so hard for me to just be there for her? I promised myself a long time ago that if I couldn’t keep myself sane that I would keep Liz from fucking up. And now look at her. Look at her!

Dammit! Why can’t I EVER…

You know what?

Forget it.


Alex’s POV

Is it inevitable that I admitted myself into the 28 days program? I think so. If Liz has to go through with this than I believe we all should. I tried to convince Maria but she won’t hear of it. She knows just as well as I do that we need this, we ALL do. Happy as I am I still don’t know just where me and Liz stand on our friendship level just yet. She talks to me and she laughs with me, she smiles and hugs me. But I can still feel a little of her holding something back.

What a shock it was to find out that Liz was pregnant. And then how sad it was to find out that she lost her baby. She’s not saying anything but I know she’s having a hard time. We’ve only been here three days and it feels like weeks. I’ve been sneaking Liz Burger King and McDonalds but god knows if she even keeps any of it down. She conveniently has to take a quote unquote “Shower” right after eating. I’m taking my approach more slowly, I have to gain her trust back first, the only reason the doctors aren’t making a big deal about her problem is because she reluctantly agreed to join the 28 days program.

It’s a place where you go to “heal.” But I want to go for three reasons.

1.) Because I need to keep an eye on Liz.
2.) Because I think that I may need help as well.
3.) Because I’m hoping that if I show courage by entering in, than Kyle and Maria will come too.

You see…

We all need help.


Max's POV

I’m staring at Michael.

He staring at me.

It’s like we’re sharing something right now.

We’re both terrified.

I don’t know why but I feel like my life is going to change within the next couple minutes. Michael feels the same way no doubt. Only I feel like my insecurities are going to bring me down, if I’m not already at my limit. You know when people are like ”I’ve had it up to here with YOU!” ??? Well I’m completely at my limit. I’m way over my own head. I was dead but now I live, I was lost but now I’m found. Uh… Yea. I think my little trip to the light has somehow also screwed with my sanity. Not that I had much to go on before.

Michael’s still staring at me, I’m still staring at him. Isabel’s still fidgeting nervously in the back seat. It’s now or never. I have to get out and face Liz Parker, someone who unknowingly had a HUGE part of my coming back to earth. Funny how I always wanted to be part of the normal people and now that I am I still can’t maintain normalcy. Life is just full of damn lemons. I am the lemon. Liz is my sugar.


Whatever buddy…

“So what now?” Isabel says from the back seat.

I turn and look at her; I set my sights to the building in front of me. It’s really big; just think about all the sick people in there, all the people who go in and never come out. All the people who have cried in there, all the people who have damned the place to hell. I don’t want to go in. Can’t they just bring Liz out?

“I can’t go in.” I say.

Michael rubs his eyes, “C’mon, lets get this over with.” He opens the car door.

Isabel gets out after him and looks to me sadly. She knows something I don’t. I hate this shit, why do I feel like they are trying to protect me from something before I even know what it is? I stare at my hands; they’re sweating like crazy. They’re also trembling because I desperately crave a fix.

“Me too.” Isabel whispers.

“You too what?” I ask getting out.

She takes my hand and I feel her sweaty palm, her shaking fingers and her clammy skin. She’s dying for it too. Funny I should say dying… I did just that! Remind me to pay a thankful visit to my dear drug dealer Sean. Will ya? Thanks. You’re such a pal. Poor Isabel, Jesse hasn’t called at least. Shit, how long have I been gone? I didn’t even know they were back together. I squeeze Isabel’s hand and we start walking towards the hospital’s entrance.

Michael’s nervous; his hands keep playing with something in the pockets. Isabel notices his uneasiness too; she takes his hand with her free one. Her right hand is in my left and her left hand is in Michael’s right. Does this make sense to you? Good. Now we’re one freakin’ happy family. The nurses at the front desk tell us that Liz can’t have any visitor’s. I tell her who we are, she smiles and repeats the same thing she said before.


This is just great. What now? I really need to see that girl, just to feel her skin, her touch…

“Lady please, you don’t understand how much she means to me. I’m going to marry her you know. I’m her fiancée.” I lie. Isabel takes Michael by the arm and buries her face in his chest. I know she wants to laugh at me. I can’t blame her; I was just yelling to her the other day just how much I hated the snobbish/selfish Liz Parker.

The nurse’s face softens, “I’m sorry for your loss,” She looks around to see if anyone is around and whispers, “Third floor room 220. My condolences Mr. Evans.” She sincerely looks sad too.

Why is she acting like someone died?

I nod and say thank you before walking to the elevators. If I was nervous before I’m freakin’ panicking now…

A/N: How was that?

[ edited 1 time(s), last at 16-Jul-2002 5:34:06 PM ]
posted on 19-Jul-2002 1:00:47 PM by JBehrsGurl
Okay so heres the thing I was having serious writers block on this story and slightly still am... But I promise you that the next chapter will be either today to tomorrow okay?

Also: Do you guys think this story is too much angyst? Cuz over at someone kinda made me doubt my story... I know I have to take criticism and all but sheesh! Okay... Se ya'll laterz!

~Elena (JBehrsGurl)
posted on 22-Jul-2002 12:55:01 AM by JBehrsGurl
Too everyone: Thanks, man. You guys have seriously helped to bring up my confidence! I LOVE You all!!!! (hugs and kisses being thrown out to you all!!!)

Salonica Max and Liz forever! I agree!!!
Roswelladdict You are my ultimate fan! I love you!!! *happy*
b4echstarrynite You are great! Roswellian Outlaws is due for an update sooner than you think!
Lillie thanks for the bump! And thanks for the confidence!
miss dreamergal Thanks for the bump! And thanks for liking my fic just the way it is!
Dream Seeker Thanks for always bumping my fics! And thanks for believing in me and loving my story!
Wenhaver Don’t worry! The 28 program is coming soon!
Loralee0607 Thank You! Thank You! Thank You! Thank You! Thank You! Thank You! lol But seriously! Thank You!
goddessdiva Thanks! You’re good people!
Cinder Thanks, I really do like the way I write and knowing that all you guys do to just adds to the many reasons I write. I’m glad you have noticed that I took a very difficult concept and wrote about it…
Angel Of Fate Thanks! You’re Great too!

Ch. 13
Entering Oblivion

Tess’ POV

Where did we last leave off?

I’m guessing you think I’m crazy. Maybe I am. But it’s Ava who’s crazy. She’s dead and she acts like she’s not. She still walks around and talks to me like I’m going to reply. Sometimes I do –buts its only to tell her to shut up.

“Tess.” Kyle’s looking in my eyes.

He and I both know what’s going to happen next.

He takes my face in his hands and kisses my lips so soft. I kiss him back, I love him. I love him so much it hurts. I feel physical pain when I’m with him. Is that normal? I love Kyle, I love Liz. They are the only people I care about. I’m crying now because I’m remembering what I did to Kyle a couple days ago.


“MOVE!” I scream literally attacking him. “You bastard! You fucked me and you left! You left me Kyle Valenti! You promised you’d come back! You promised!!! “ I’m screaming. “I can’t believe I waited for you! I waited! You bastard I gave myself to you and you used me! Now what Kyle? NOW what? Sidney fucked around behind your back and took your precious boys… What now Kyle? What now?” I said sending Kyle into a rage.

“How did you know that? HOW DID YOU KNOW THAT!” He shouts grabbing my shoulders.

“How did you know that!” Kyle is still shouting in my face, shaking me violently.

“Kyle! Stop!” Alex tries to pull him away.

“Tell me you bitch HOW do you know!” Kyle cries.

Oh my god. He’s crying.

“Kyle.” Liz says, but he ignores her.

I scream from Kyle’s harsh grip, “You’re hurting me!” I screamed again.

“Kyle let go of her!” Alex is trying his hardest to pry Kyle’s fingers open. “Kyle!” He tries again.

“Let GO!” I screams and Kyle goes flying across the room.

“OH!” They all scream watching the site before us. Kyle’s getting up now, and he looks dumbfounded.

“All I ever did was love you Kyle Valenti. All I ever wanted was to be normal.” I had whimpered.

“Normal? Normal? “ Kyle says, “What the hell just happen? What are you?” Kyle says looking at me as if I’m alien, “Who are you?” He says.

If he only knew…

“Despite everything I never meant to intentionally hurt any of you. When you found me I thought that maybe I was given a chance at normalcy. When you all neglected me I thought that I was in a test, a test to achieve a normal life. But now… Now none of you care about me. You know my secret, something that I’ve kept for so long. Too bad none of you will ever remember any of it.” I cried and closed my eyes tightly, the warp warming up in my brain.

“What just happen?” Maria says confused.

“We had a fight, and you all agreed that I should leave.” I had said.

Alex and Kyle nod, confused but they look bought. Is everyone in a state of amnesia? Am I the only one who knows what really just happen? “Tess.” Liz says. I looked at her confused.

“Liz?” I had said curious to know how much the warp hadn’t affected her.

“I love you.” She whispered. My eyes well up and I walk out the door.


The only people who ever showed me how to love and I hurt them both. Maybe I don’t deserve this. Kyle’s kissing my body; we’re now both half naked on my fur rug. I turn the fireplace on with my powers but make Kyle think it’s by remote. I’ve always wanted a fireplace but my apartment doesn’t have one, so I had one put in my office, my office is my home. I spend more time here than anywhere else. I know he wants to love me, he thinks he loves me. But DOES he love me? Inside? Can anyone ever love me? I’m nothing, I’m empty, I’m insignificant. I’m evil… Right?

Kyle’s already removed all my clothes; the only barrier between us is his boxers and my underwear. The heat is becoming stronger. To strong not… to…

“Kyle…” I whisper against his lips. His hands are roaming my back, cupping my bottom possessively.

“What?” He says taking my mouth in his.

His free hand pressing my mouth closer to his, I can’t breathe, I can’t get oxygen. I’m freaking out inside but moaning on the out.

Uh… Tess darling? I’m still here.

I press my eyes shut and ignore my lungs and ignore Ava.

TESS! You can’t do this! It’s not right! She cries out.

So what? I still let my fingers rummage through Kyle’s locks, is hair is so silky soft against my breast. His lips kissing my stomach, traveling lower and lower. I can feel each breath he takes; I can lightly feel his heart thump in his chest. My hands are entangled in his hair, lost in oblivion again…

His tongue plays with my belly button ring, the small silver loop Liz gave me last year. I never take it off. My eyes are still closed tight, my ears ringing.

Fine Tess, but don’t come crying to me when you wake up and Kyle’s not there… Don’t tell me you need me when you dumped me like this. Ava hisses at me angry.

I know what I’m doing is wrong. Kyle’s still legally married, it never stopped us before but Ava’s words ring true in ears. The ringing is still echoing.

“Kyle stop.” I say harsher than I intended.

His head shot up and his hands stopped caressing my thighs. I wanted to cry out, I wanted to tell him not to stop. But that was just it. I told him to stop. Why had I done that again?

My breath ragged I say: “Kyle you’re still married.” I sit up straight, and cross my arms over my breasts embarrassed suddenly.

Kyle sits up too, he moves closer to me, he takes my face in his hands, “Tess, I love you… Don’t you love me?” He says, his lips centimeters from mine…

God this was so hard. How do you tell someone what you are doing is wrong when it feels so RIGHT? I couldn’t, I was weak. I was a lot of things but weak seemed fit. So I stood up and walked over to the window, the one that overlooked downtown LA. I remembered Roswell, I remembered my night of bliss with Kyle. And then I remembered PAIN.




“Kyle STOP!” I screamed when he kissed my neck, sliding two fingers in my panties.

I turned around and shoved him away. NO. This was wrong, this was wrong. It was not right. I had to clean my life. No, No, No…

“No… No… No…” I repeated to myself out loud so I would obey it. I walked to my desk and picked up my bra. I put it on with my back to Kyle.

“Tess what’s going on? You never acted like this before.” He walks up to me and touches my cheek lightly.

I shake my head, “I can’t keep doing this. You come to me, you sleep with me, you say you love me…” I pause, emotion getting the best of me, “And… And I-I j-just don’t know how much more I can take Kyle! You say all the things I want to hear but then the next day…” I was sobbing now, “The next day it’s as if I don’t exist.” I sit on the couch overlooking the city, I cover my face with my hands and weep. Alone. I wept alone. I don’t know where Kyle went.



I told him and he cried. I told him that I loved him, and he cried again. I’ve never made a man cry before. I told him to love me back, and he held me tightly whispering forever. Did I have forever? Was I worth it? Did I deserve it? Sergio stood in the corner of the room contemplating his words; I knew he thought this predicament was something he should help handle. That was the beauty of Serg. He always wanted to help. But he couldn’t help me. Not this time. I asked everyone if I could please have time alone with Max and everyone politely obliged to my request. I could cry looking down at the sobbing form in my arms, but I was strong –for the both of us I was strong. He told me he was sorry, that he loved me and that he would always take care of me. I laughed inside but cried on the out. We hardly knew each other, we never dated, we had one passionate night to which I left the following morning without so much as a farewell. Who knew what would have come of that inevitable night together? A child? But fate had different ideas and now I was left barren. I held on to Max in my arms as if I’d lose him forever if my grip lightened. He held onto my torso tightly as if I’d be lost forever if he let go. We held on to each other like this for hours. No one came in to interrupt us; we just lay there together holding on to something of true potential. No words passed our lips, no kisses were shared. It was as if we were sharing an emotional bond that was telepathic, everything he wanted to say I knew; everything I needed to say he knew.

It was during the fourth hour that our sob session was finally broken, Isabel walked in and asked if we needed anything. I looked to her and felt fresh tears form all over. I held my arms out and she came rushing in, I held her tightly as I had held Max. I let her sob on my shoulder and I sobbed on hers. I whispered that everything was going to be alright and that we would all get through this no matter what. She told me she was sorry she hadn’t been there for me and that she was sorry she caused me so much grief over Jesse. I laughed and playfully pinched her pale skin. She sat to my left and Max was to my right cuddled in the bed with me, his arms wrapped possessively around my body. I felt safe. Isabel held and stroked my hand while she and Max told me of his brush with death. Neither Max nor me discussed our mutual dream the night before.

Then it was time to discuss Jesse. Isabel’s body tensed, as did her grip on my hand. She was still ruled by this man, this unruly man of pain. He felt dominant over her and it gave him power, but now was the time to break his cycle. I asked Isabel what she planned on doing when she went back home. She said she was going to bring Max and Michael with her and pack it up. Guess where her new home is? If you guessed Max’s you are dead wrong. She’s going to be staying at the LP loft.

“Liz?” Alex poked his head in; I saw a slight glimmer in Isabel’s eyes when he entered.

“Alex have you met Isabel?” I said motioning to her with my hands.

Alex smiled and held out a hand, “Alex Whitman.”

“Isabel Evans.” She grinned shaking his hand. Their gesture lasted a bit longer than the usual handshake would and it was then that my plan was made. I was going to get Alex and Isabel together. They were perfect for each other.

“Guess who is going to be joining you in your crusade of healing?” Alex joked sitting at the end of my bed.

“Winnie the Pooh.” I said teasingly.

“Close,” He laughed, “Me.” He grinned.

“Really?” My eyes lit up happy.

He nodded, “Yep, I’m trying to get Maria and Kyle to go too but they’re stubborn as ever!”

“Hey Max that sounds like a good idea,” Isabel said standing up, “We need… To get over some addictions… This place would be perfect.” She grinned ear to ear.

Max looked skeptic but one look from me and he was ready to admit himself that day.

“Great! I’ll show you where to sigh up.” Alex took Isabel away and left Max and me to ourselves.

I couldn’t speak; we hadn’t really discussed what happen. I just kinda blurt it out before I started bawling. Max is so courageous. Funny, I never thought in my whole life I’d ever say that word. Courageous. Cor-age-ous. Say it with me people! Okay, okay. I’ll stop.

Maybe I’m just out of my mind, cuz you know sometimes I get so weird I even freak myself out; I laugh myself to sleep, its my lullaby. Where had I heard these words spoken before? Max seemed to be lost in thought; I kept running my fingers through his dark, silky hair as his head rest soothingly on my belly. He seemed to think of something and tried to lighten his weight on my body, I pulled him back down; I cradled his head and rubbed his face lovingly. I’ve never felt so complete. I knew then that it was all going to be okay…



Max's POV

It was like I was being punished for all the shit I ever did in this life that was wrong. I’m sorry okay? I fucking SO sorry for whatever crap I must have done to deserve this. For my wrong doings to travel so far down the lines that it has now affected Liz. She’s so fragile, I’m afraid I could break her. Maybe I should lighten my weight on her…

Nope. Never mind she just pulled me back down; I think she definitely doesn’t mind my weight. I just hope I’m not somehow squishing her slowly and she sinks down into the bed and get sucked in between the sheets and I have to dive in and save her as if she were drowning and–

I’m doing it again. I’m babbling. Okay maybe ‘m still a bit nervous. I really don’t think this 28 Days shit is for me, I don’t need help. I can deal with things by myself. The only reason I’m even going is because Liz wants me there. She’s so wonderful, she’s hurting emotionally and yet she still insists on fixing everyone else’s problems before she even considers herself, she would have been a great mother. But just because it didn’t happen this time doesn’t mean that the second time around it won’t happen…

She smiles at me funny, “What are you thinking about Evans?” She raises an eyebrow.

I have to laugh at this, it’s as if she can read my mind or something, “Nothing.” I grin cuddling my head in her chest, she caresses my face.

“Liar.” She laughs; I can feel her chest giggle with each small laughs.

“I know.” I chuckle, “I was just thinking about how sexy you look in this hospital gown.” I tease her by pulling up the dress, revealing her thighs. Oh boy. Maybe I SHOULDN’T have done that, I feel Mr. Happy getting… Well… HAPPY.

“Max Evans you are the only one I know who can be turned on by a hospital gown.” She flicks my nose. I look into her eyes seriously, she’s so beautiful, she has no makeup covering her flawless skin, her deep brown eyes are like pools of oblivion. I wanted to enter her bliss, her oblivion.

“You’re my Utopia Liz.” I say.

“Funny you should say that.” She laughs kissing my neck. I swear she is teasing me on purpose now.

“Why.” I say in her ear, kissing it and trailing small wet kisses down her neck.

“That’s the name of Alex’s band.” She pushes me away.

This doesn’t do anything but make me fussy, “C’mon Liz, you know you wanna know what’s it like to get it on in a hospital bed. We can change bedding positions and everything!” I say grabbing the bed remote and rising the head of the bed so that she is face to face with me. I straddle her, yes me –the guy is straddling her –the girl. She takes my face in her hands and kisses my lips soft. I’m thinking that maybe this is finally gonna go somewhere but she take the remote positions the bed back to the way it was before I screwed with it.

“Gotcha.” She winks and presses the nurse button.

I groan and lay back down beside her.


Maria’s POV


That is what Michael Guerin is to me. He is this big mystery that I desperately want to unfold. But I can’t. I’m in no position to do so. I know he wants to talk to me but every time he gets within vocal distance I get up and busy myself with something noticeably unimportant and he gets the hint. I must have put my hair up in a ponytail like 50 times so far. Each time I do I pull it back down and sigh and put it back up. It’s as if nothing’s going right. I can’t even put a freaking hair tie correctly in my hair!

I can’t help but look over at him every now and then. His brown leather jacket creaking with every move he makes, the buttons all undone revealing a plain white t-shirt that clung to his muscular frame. His faded denim jeans baggy on his legs, with his dark brown Lugs. He looked so sexy right then, I could have grabbed him by the collar and threw my self at him. But I was playing with fire, too hot to handle.

His hair was combed at least; usually he let it all hang out. He desperately needed a haircut. But every time I had asked he had refused, he was starting to look like a rocker. I smiled to myself at the thought. A lock of hair fell across his eyes in a sexy manner that caused a groan to escape my throat. He was so gorgeous, but my little moment of pleasure enticed him to look over –catching me in the act of staring. He now was trying to make his way over now, shit. I don’t have anything left to visibly distract him away with! Shit! Shit! Shit!

“Ria Liz wants you.” Alex says walking into the waiting room. I get up. Saved by Liz yet again!

“Maria wait.”

Okay, then again maybe not.

I turn around scowling.

“What’s with you?” He spat.

“Hurry up Liz needs me.” I snap.

Michael grimaces and thrusts a small velvet box in my hands, “Here.” He says and walks away angrily slamming the door shut behind him.

Those double doors weren’t supposed to be shut. I contemplate going over to open them again but think different, I don’t want to provoke him to come back. Things are better this way. Us going our separate ways, cuz together we’d just blow up. I’m not even sure I can’t stand myself right now, so how is someone else going to? Especially a drunk like him.

I smack my forehead as soon as the though is made, I feel like such a jerk. I put the box in my coat pocket and walk to Liz’s room.


Isabel’s POV

Alex is such a great person he really is. And it’s for this reason that I’m not going to go out for coffee with him. We stopped by Liz’s room to tell her that we signed up and Alex went to get Maria and coffee. I went to the nearest ladies room. I needed a fix or my body was going to self-destruct. I couldn’t wait until this program healed me. I couldn’t wait until the mid-night/ mid-anything cravings were gone for good. I couldn’t wait until the shaking of my body and clammy sweaty hands would stop harassing me for a fix. I couldn’t wait…

I slammed the stall door shut behind me and locked it. I had done a head check and now I had to bent over to see if anyone was in any of the stalls to left or to my right.


Good. I sat on the seat; thank god this particular hospital had lids. Most places just have the toilet and… Okay I think I’ll just stop and get my fix now. I shuffled through my purse practically dropping everything out in my drastic attempt to find my vial. My body felt like it was on fire, I wanted it so bad! I NEEDED it so bad! Where the HELL was it??? Oh god! Where was it? Michael? Rath? Lonnie? Zan? Did they take it from me? How could they do that? How? I scooped everything off the floor in two swipes and stalked out the bathroom. I marched into Liz room and snapped at Max.

“Can I talk to you?” I spat.

Max lifted his head from Liz’s body, “What is it?”

“Outside, alone, now.” I snapped.

“Alright.” He said getting up.

I stomped out the door and waited in the hall. The whole time my hands wouldn’t stop shaking and my throat was parched. I paced the hallway trying to think of the last place I seen my vial. I couldn’t think of anywhere it could be, I was getting emotional now, I started crying. I wanted so bad to be able to just kick the habit. Coke was my oblivion, it took all the bad shit away and made the world a better place…

I never thought that something so small, something so innocent sounding “angel dust” there’s nothing angelic about it. What the hell is taking Max so long? Where’s Michael? He was just here a moment ago, where’d he go so quickly and unexpectedly?

“What is it Iz? I want to be with Liz.” Max complained walking out into the hall.

“They took it, they took my vial and I think I’m…” I paused trying to swallow the golf ball in my throat. “I’m not feeling to well Max…” I started crying, “I’m not well at all…” I slid down the wall and swept openly in my hands. “God what’s wrong with me? Why is it so hard to stop? You’d think that everything’s that happen, you know…” I wiped at my face, “Everything’s that been going on… God I’m so not well…” I got up and started to run out the hall to the exit.

“Isabel wait!” I heard Max yell after me. It only made my pace quicken. But then I remembered how much faster Max always was than me. He caught up with no effort at all and grabbed my shoulders pulling me around to face him. “What the hell is going on Iz? Talk to me.” He said sadly. I felt so selfish right then.

“My hands…” I cried, “They won’t stop shaking...” I pulled then out of my pockets to show him.

He stared at them in disbelief, “Iz…” Was all he said pulling me into a hug.

Then my cell rang.

“I have to get that.” I croaked, what if it were Jesse?

Max let go, but kept an arm around my shoulders.

“H-hello?” I answered.

“Iz, Jesse’s taken care of kay? Don’t worry ‘bout it.” Zan’s confident voice filled my ears. I let out the breath I was holding and felt relief flow through me for a second before my body reminded me of what it desperately wanted.

“Z-Zan d-did you take my vial?” I stuttered. The instant I said Zan’s name Max let go of me altogether and walked away without so much as a look back. He didn’t even say goodbye or I’ll be right back.

He just… Let go…

“Yea, I took it Iz, you need to get that shit out your system before I end up havin’ to come and help you too.” He said matter-of-fact.

I could have screamed, “You can’t just DO that!” I did scream. “You can’t take it upon yourself to just decide what a person should do or not!” I knew he meant good intensions but my body screamed for a fix.

“Listen to ya self Iz. You’re a fuckin junkie.” He spat.

I gasp.

“Look, I’m sorry, I should’ve chose my words different but it true Iz, it’s all true.” He sighed deep.

I hung up. Maybe Max was right, maybe Zan hadn’t changed, maybe he still was the asshole we left behind.


Tess POV

I’ve been crying for about an hour now and finally my tears have run dry, I wondered how long it took before Kyle left. I mean did he wait until I was finished talking about how I felt before he left or did he leave the second my first tear fell? I lay on my couch staring out at the sky, I was still in my bra and underwear, I didn’t care. I didn’t acre about anything. The only things I did care about are gone.

Even Ava’s gone, she hasn’t spoken to me in a while now.


I jumped up surprised, it was Kyle.

“I thought you left.” I whispered incredibly.

He looked away, “I did…. But I came back.”

“Why.” I said.

“Because.” He said still looking anywhere but at me.

“So what now Kyle?” I snapped.

“Let me love you Tess… Please?” He begged finally looking at me. He walked over to me kneeling down to face me.

What was I to say? Where was Ava to bring me back? Where was she to tell me not to enter oblivion? She was always the one to tell me the honest to god truth, but where was she? I looked around to see if I’d see her sitting at my desk.


Ava? I said inside my mind. She always responded when I called for her. But she didn’t. I sat there in front of Kyle confused and alone, even with him right there confessing his love I felt alone. I didn’t know if he really meant it or if he just felt alone too and needed companionship.

I thought about this for a long time, I sat there half naked in front of him, staring in his eyes thinking about what I should do. I wanted to be with him so badly, I really did. But I hesitated because I feared that as soon as he realized how fucked up I really am he was going to leave me.

The windows in back of him stood out to me just then. They were windows, just like always but then I blinked and they were shapes. Squares, rectangles… Strips of shapes and colors. My colors were all the same. Black and white, black and white.

I needed color in my life, I’ve always wanted someone to help me enter the oblivion of colors and happiness. To forget my past and move on, would Kyle take me there? I took his face in my hands again, and I kissed him.

If I was going down.

He’s coming with me…

A/N: How was that?
posted on 22-Jul-2002 12:33:50 PM by JBehrsGurl
Hey guys! I just wanted to let you guys know that the next chapter might take a while also because my writers block is REALLY starting to get me! lol But don't worry I wont take too long, just two to three days tops kay? I swear I'm working on it! lol

posted on 24-Jul-2002 11:23:27 AM by JBehrsGurl
Hey guys! Wow its been a while huh? Man! Okay well I have the new chapter! WhooHoo! But I cant post it until I get home :( Cuz I'm at work right now! lol Okay well thanks you guys so much for all the great feedback! I swear you guys are the best people ever! Guess what? My writers block is gone!!!


I must tell you guys what I did! AHHH! I went totally crazy on ebay! I spent way too much money! But I got 3 autographs in the process! I got 1.) Signed pic of JB, 2.) Signed pic of JB and SA, 3.) Signed pic of Roswell cast (JB, SA, MD, BF, KH) and then 4.) a West Roswell High PE Shirt! Whew! I am a spending machine! I was out bid on the Roswell Bloopers tho, but you know what? I can't afford to bid again, well I CAN but I can't cuz then I'd be dipping into my bill money!

The things I do for Roswell!!!! lol

Luv ya all!

posted on 24-Jul-2002 3:47:51 PM by JBehrsGurl
A/N: Song is all Incubus's not mine. It's called "Warning" and I used it to help better understand what Maria's going through... Hope you guys like!

Please leave me feedback! My writers block is gone! Yeay!

Ch. 14

Maria’s POV

”Bat your eyes girl
Be otherworldly…”

You ever have a moment when everything just starts going in slow motion? And all your own motions start feeling like you’re in a dream and you’re body weighs more than you last remembered? Blinking can take up to five minutes to finish one single blink, don’t get me started on the double blinks from wind. Can you imagine what that would feel like? Can you possibly imagine what the hell that feels like? You ever been able to wave your hand in front of your face and see five instead of one? I was totally trippin. No, I mean like… Trip-in. I don’t know why either. I ate, I had my daily anti-depressant pill. I maintain a calm coolness all day, even through everything that has been brought to my immediate attention. So you see why is it that after I Sniffed my cedar oil the world started to turn upside down? I mean don’t get me wrong –it felt fucking unbelievably GREAT. But I still felt… Well… [I[Stoned. What the hell was up with that? I’m no dope head. He he, sounds funny when you say it like that. Ha… Ha… Ha…

“Maria are you okay babe?” Alex puts a palm to my forehead. “My god Maria you’re face is burning up!” He screeched.


Remember him? With Zack Morris, one of my first childhood crushes. Oh Zack Morris was so cute, he was so… So my match. Yea, that’s it, he was so my match. Liz would always say how much she adored him too, but we all knew she and Tess had the hots for A.C. Slater, I mean c’mon the boy had dimples and biceps! Add the curly hair and the suave attitude and WHOO you have met my first sexual fantasy at the age of twelve! I always believed that I was Lisa, the debonair trendsetter. Liz was of course without so much as a doubt… Jesse. The smart and beautiful one of the bunch, but then she totally could have been Kelly too. You see Liz just has it all. She always had. Tess was Violet. I say this because she was an outcast, and well, Violet was only brought in when she was with Screech. Alex was no doubt Screech and Tess no doubt always trailed either Liz or Kyle. So she was maybe someone else altogether… Why am I talking about Saved By The Bell? What the hell was I talking about before this crap?

Oh yea, my cedar oil really did a number on me, is it possible to OD on smelling salts? It says and I “Quote” NON-TOXIC! So what the heck? Maybe I should check the label again…

“Maria?!” Alex shouted I snapped my head back up from inside my purse.

“Yea?” I drop my bag.

“Maria?” Max looks at me oddly.

“What?” I say confused, “Well what is it?” I repeat annoyed.

He swallows and says: “That’s not your purse.” He loosens his shirt collar, “Th-that’s Isabel’s…”

”…Count your blessings
Seduce a stranger…”

What’s the big deal? So what? I have Isabel’s purse? That means she has mine, okay. No big deal. So why is Max acting strange? I really could use some more cedar oil. Hey… wait a minute. If Isabel has my purse, and I have hers… Than what was in the vial I smelled? I thought it was my cedar oil, but if it wasn’t, than what was it?

I guess I should look on the bright side right?

“Oh, well I’ll just bring it back to her.” I sniff and rub at my nose; it’s tingly and itchy.

“Maria, are you okay?” Max comes up to me concerned.

“I’m fine I just wish I had some cedar oil to sniff, I thought Isabel’s vial was my cedar oil! Imagine that! I didn’t know she used aroma therapy too!” I giggle and walk out the door.

One giggle can go a long way. Especially if you are in the state of mind that I’m in! I press the elevator button, which floor? Floor… ONE! Yea that’s it! WhooHoo! Score one for Deluca!

“Maria!” Max comes running towards me.

“Bye Max! I’ll be right back!!!” I wave good-bye laughing, gee that Parker sure picked a winner this time! Good ‘ol Max trying to walk me to my car! How sweet! Oh it’s okay Max! I’ll be fine! Oh maybe I should have said that out loud! Hehe!

The elevator dings.


It goes.

Whoa. That was surround sound there for a moment.

The doors roll open.

Why Hell-o tall dark and handsome!

No joke this guy had to be at least 6’ 3” or taller, my weakness is the strong athletic type. He fits the description. He has O.R. scrubs on. Doctor in training maybe? My mother always wanted me to marry a doctor! Well that was her dream while she was alive anyways. Her dream for me all the way until the voices in her head told her to go and jump off that bridge –But anyways!

Tall dark and handsome had dark curly hair; I could see a single lock that had escaped his cap. It fell over his right ear. I could have died; my body was aching for contact with a male. I looked at him; he pressed the same floor I was getting off on. He removed the cap from his head and scrubs from his feet, his hair fell down, not too long (not like Michael) –but long enough to send my hormones into convulsions. I smiled seductively, he winked at me.

I had him, I knew it.

“Same floor as me huh? You going home?” I said trailing a fingernail down his chest.

”…What's so wrong with
Being happy…”

23 minutes later I was naked and sweating in bed with this stranger named “Darren”. To him my name was Lisa. That was all the only valid conversation we shared before we high tailed it to his house and started getting heavy. He wasted no time ripping my clothes off; I wasted no time tearing his off with my teeth. We wrestled around in his bed of satin royal blue sheets, our legs and arms entwined.

“I’ve never done this before.” He said on my lips.

“What? Have sex?” I said shocked, he stopped and looked down at me.

“No,” He rolled his eyes, “This.”

“What’s this?” I snapped.

“I’ve never just had sex with someone I just met.” He shrugged, “It’s not safe.”

Did we really have to waste valuable foreplay time with words of doubt?

“Look, Darren, you are like, totally killing the mood here.” I replied pulling his face to mine, we started back up again.

”…Kudos to those who
See through sickness…”

It was while Darren and I began our moans when I realized just what the fuck I was really doing. I was having random sex with a stranger. I didn’t even know his last name! And I felt sick, I literally could have been sick right there, instead I choked it down and enjoyed the sensations my body was so delightedly being given. I ran my fingers through Darren’s gorgeous hair while his strong muscular body continuously thrust into me, I liked it. MY legs were tightly wrapped around him, bringing us closer. How close could we get?

“Lisa…Lisa…Lisa…” He groaned, he was getting closer…

My eyes flew open. Lisa?

Oh shit, I totally had forgotten the fake name!

“Darren…” I played along.

“Lisa…” His body was moving faster and faster.

“Oh baby…” I whispered and pulled his hair in between my fingers tightly.

WE were so close, so close… It was as if we were one for a second, if the world was gonna freeze, freeze it now. Just like this, just before we climaxed. Stop time now just so I could feel like this forever, I wouldn’t have to worry about anything ever again, I’d be forever endowed to this “Darren” fellow. We would he in bliss forever.

But the world didn’t stop; time wasn’t at a stand still. It kept right on ticking, my vaginal muscles loosened back up and he pulled out. Breathing raggedly, he kissed my lips and lay beside me. Burring his face in my chest I cradled his face. I ran my fingers through his hair, twanging my fingers in his curls. His breath was even and deep; each breath blew across my stomach. I loved it. Even if what I did was wrong, it felt so right at the time. It seemed to be the best sex ever, I definitely want whatever scent Isabel had in her purse.

”…When she woke in the morning
She knew that her life had passed her by…”

I sat straight up suddenly awaked from a horrible dream. I was in this guy’s house, I was in his bed, and Isabel had my purse…

“Oh shit.” I whispered.

“Hmmm…” The monster groaned beside me.

OH GOD! It wasn’t a dream! It was REAL! Shit! Oh this was really just some shit!

“You really did it this time Deluca.” I whispered to myself again.

I didn’t know what time it was, I didn’t know where I was, I didn’t even know who the hell this monster beside me was. Did we? –Yes. Yes we did, my core burned and ached from all the powerful thrusts of elevated passion that had gone on earlier. My brain banged hard against my forehead. I closed my eyes tight and willed the pain away. I had to get the hell out of here before this guy wakes up. I moved as quiet and as smoothly as I could, he must have had a really good mattress cuz when I jumped off the bed remained still. I didn’t even look back I threw on my clothes and got the hell out of that room. Where the hell was the front door?

Just then something hairy brushed against my leg.

“Oh god!” I screamed, sounding ridiculous. It was just a damn dog. A puppy, a golden lab puppy. “Hey boy! Oh you’re a good boy huh! Show ‘Ria how to get the hell outta here huh?” I rubbed his head and patted his butt. “Go, show me.” I pointed away at random direction.

But he didn’t need to show me. Cuz I heard the font door open and shut, “Darren? Honey?” A woman called.


I ran behind a wall and peaked my head out. Oh my god! It was a woman! Who the hell was she??? Oh god, I not only had sex with a stranger, I had sex with a married stranger! I watched her finger with her wedding band and smile.

“Honey where are you? I got off early so we could celebrate! Our 5th month anniversary!” She squealed jumped up and down excited. “Dare?” her high black heals clicked against the hardwood floor. It really was a nice place. I rubbed my palm over the wall beside me. Smooth eggshell white. She had taste. Uh oh! Here she comes! I dodged behind a nearby door.

”…And she called out a warning
Don't ever let life pass you by…”

My cell rang, or rather Isabel’s Cell rang. It was loud too. I shuffled through the purse to shut it up, “Shut up! Shut up!” I yelled at it silently.

“Darren!” The once calm classy woman screamed angry, “Where are you! Is that your phone? You PROMISED you wouldn’t have to work today!” She whined. Uhg! How annoying!

Ooooh! Oh my gosh! I was in their coat closet! They had such nice clothes! Things I could NEVER afford! Oh how nice was this black/dark gray Ambrosia-Jean faux fur coat? I couldn’t resist! I pulled it on over my ruffled and crinkled clothes. Perfect fit! I felt like I was playing dress up! I slipped my old clogs off and replaced them with some knee high black boots, Oh! How cute was this! I could have walked right the door with this stuff!

DARREN!!!!” She screamed causing me to jump in my place in the closet. How the hell was I going to get out of here?

“Lisa?” Darren groggily walked out of the bedroom in his boxers, rubbing his eyes.

“Excuse me?” The classy woman cried confused.

His eyes seemed to wake up then, “Melissa! I meant Mel-LISA.” You know I always give you nicknames baby.” He winked.

That shithead! I could have barged out right then, even in that woman’s clothes and beat the living shit out of this guy! He was unbelievable! And she bought it! They moved over to I’m guessing the kitchen because I heard him say: “What’s there to drink?” and the refrigerator opened. I heard a ‘pop’ sound (no doubt a Snapple) and then a burp. –Eww!

”…I suggest we
Learn to love ourselves before it's
Made illegal…”

I felt like such an ass. I crept out of the closet and quietly make my way to the front door. Then that damn dog came a yapping by, Yap! Yap! Yap! Yap! Yap! Yap! Yap! Yap! Yap! Argh! Shut up! I kicked it away and it yelped in pain. Oh sorry little pipsqueak but… You wouldn’t shut the hell up.

“Pooky Bear?” The woman called, “I thought I heard him cry out.” I heard her say, her heals tapped closer.

“Thanks a lot Pooky Bear!” I scolded him.

Than that damn cell rang again.

“Hello? Is somebody there?” The woman called out scared, “Darren!” She called. I didn’t care if she saw me then, I ran out that front door and into my car parked next door –now I know why he asked me to park there. I was starting to remember minor details of earlier’s scandalous events.

I ran as best I could in those damn boots –oh shit! I stole! I fucked her husband and stole one great outfit! Oh my god I was pathetic! I felt so ashamed as she cried out foul things at me as I revved up my White ’99 Honda Civic EX. Let’s just see what this baby can do! I burned rubber and peeled out of that street all in ten seconds flat. I opened the sunroof and let my hair fly free.

I was so bad!

And I LOVED it!


Isabel’s POV

I was enjoying a nice HOT bubble bath to calm my racked nerves, Jesse was gone, his stuff was gone, his bruises were gone. I didn’t even care about what Zan had said earlier. Jesse was gone. You know in movies when they play the Hallelujah music whenever someone gets rid of someone and they’re free?

Imagine that on high volume and you got me in a hot bubble bath with a green olive Martini.

That was me until Max called my cell –well Maria’s cell, and when I answered I knew exactly what he was going to say. I knew I it all at once. I had Maria’s purse and she had mine. What I DIDN’T expect –however. Was that Zan had in fact NOT taken my vial. I just had the wrong purse, I checked and saw the cedar oil Max told me about. Big deal right? So what? Why was he hell trippin’ over it?

“BECAUSE Isabel!” He replied sarcastic, “She thinks YOUR vial was HER cedar oil!” He screamed.

I choked on my Martini.

Oh shit.


Maria’s POV

”…When will we learn?
When will we change?…”

So I was bad, I was REALLY bad. But bad wasn’t necessarily considered so BAD at times.

Okay, okay. I did a BAD thing. What do you want me to do? Go back and let that woman kick my ass? Uh… No thank you! Are you completely out of your mind? Sheesh and you thought I was the crazy one!

When will I ever learn? When will I ever truly grow up? I felt juvenile and I felt the adrenaline rush I would have felt back when I was in high school. But now…

Back when I was in high school I was Liz’s shadow. No one noticed me, and I like it. I could do whatever the hell I wanted and never had to worry. I was Liz’s best friend. Liz was saint, so no one thought that St. Elizabeth Parker’s best friend was a whore. I slept with half the football team. I liked it. I liked when I’d see Pam Troy go crying to the girl’s locker room every other cheer practice because she found out that Matt Thompson had cheated on her with a “college girl” yet again. The power of a lie. I was good, I was the queen.

I would stand there in cheer gear and pretend to be sympathetic just like all the others on the squad. Why did I bother being a cheerleader?

“You HAVE to have some kind of student extra curricular activity to pit on your transcripts to college Maria!” Liz had bugged me.

And as a JOKE I tried out for the cheer squad. I made it first cut, I was automatic. They didn’t even ask me to finish the rest of the cuts and tryouts. They asked my size and gave me poms poms. This only added to my little “pink book”. Dillon Johnson was next. He was star captain of Roswell High’s Basketball team. But then we had to slow things down because it started affecting his games. He’s keep looking at me when he should have been looking at the guy in front of him and –oh! Tackled to the floor and ball jacked! Was this football? No. It wasn’t. Needless to say that our “fuck-partner” days were over. Then there was Chris, Steven, Anthony, Eric, Xavier, Mitchell, Trevor, Peter, Greg S., Greg. J. and well you’re starting to get the point…

”…Just in time to
See it all fall down
Those left standing...will make millions…”

But no one ever questioned my actions, they appeared innocent and invisible. As I was invisible. Liz Parker doesn’t hang out with girls like that so Maria couldn’t be what the rumors said. It just COULDN’T be true! Tess! Yea! It had to be Tess! Poor girl never had a chance. I never stuck up for her either, I didn’t give a shit. I was in the clear. How selfish was I? Liz stuck up for her though. One day when Pam, Alicia, Ashley and Shelby cornered Tess in the girls bathroom.

“You slut. I know what you’ve been doing. And I just want you to know that you’re social life –what pathetic one you HAVE.” She smirked, “Is over get it blondie?” Pam spat venom in her face.

Tess recoiled back further into her corner of the bathroom. Then me and Liz walked in. Tess looked like a trapped mouse in front of four giant cats on the prowl.

“What is going on here?” Liz spoke.

And it was like god sent the sky open and the heavens to shine, all girls spun around and cowered, “N-nothing Liz. We were just giving this piece of trash a piece of our minds.” Pam stood up tall.

Liz smirked, “Huh,” She playfully laughed, “Get the hell out of here, you leave her alone. She’s with me. Got it?” Liz sneered, “Or do I have to ruin YOUR social lives?” Liz stepped in between Tess and the others, I stood back by the door.

“Liz, we didn’t know Tess was with you-“ Pam began.

“Well she is.” Liz snapped, “Now get out.”

“Okay.” The four girls whispered all at once.

“No wait.” Liz said suddenly.

All eyes flew to Liz’s face.

“Apologize.” Liz smiled.

The girls looked confused.

“Is it too hard for you to understand? Apologize dammit!” Liz stomped her foot, no one had ever seen her so angry, they didn’t see the REAL Liz, like I did. “You took to long c’mon.” Liz snapped her fingers.

“Where?” Pam whimpered.

I couldn’t believe what power Liz held, I never realized it until that day our sophomore year.

Liz giggled, “To the quad. You’re all going to apologize publicly to Tess and then you are going to buy her lunch.”

All four girls gasp.

“You can’t be serious.” Shelby dared say.

Liz raised an eyebrow, “I couldn’t be more.” Liz opened the door and all girls followed. Tess smiling arm and arm with Liz. And I…

Stayed behind. Like always.

”…Writing books on the way it should have been
When she woke in the morning
She knew that her life had passed her by…

If I ever was to tell you about all the shit I did or went through I’d have a 56-Volume set of published hardbacks. But would anyone buy that shit? I screwed around and killed myself inside. The only time I even wanted to be an individual was when I found music. Music, and me we just clicked. I have thirty-three finished songs, all about hurt, pain, and deception. No happy songs, no love songs. Liz had convinced me that I’d make it big, so I tried, and it just proved even more to me what a loser I really was.

I couldn’t even succeed in something I was actually good at.

Remember this:

*Producers telling me that I’ll go far if I just give it time and oh yea… Give my body to them, it’ll be great I can see how far we’ll soar Maria your voice is so genuine and sweet. You’re so beautiful, you’re so sexy.

Thus adding to my depression, I never felt like enough anyhow and here are these men saying that I’m fine just he way I am. I believed them, I gave myself to them and you know what happen? NOTHING. My record hasn’t even hit stands yet and I doubt it ever will. I just want to die, I just want to fade away, I don’t want to come back a failure. Liz and Alex and Kyle and even freaking Tess are successful, and what am I?

A loser. A loser and a slut who had slept with every fucking guy who made me think he really truly believed in me. How naive was I? Whatever I can deal with this. What my dear friends don’t know can’t hurt them, they don’t know that I tried to commit suicide three times since the last time they’ve seen me. They don’t know that I slit my wrists only to be rushed to the hospital because I got caught. They don’t know that I swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills only to end up getting my stomach pumped and brought back to the world I was trying to leave….*

Yea, you remember that shit. It’s all real, its MY reality. Can you honestly tell me I’m okay?

”…And she called out a warning
Don't ever let life pass you by…”

I’m okay, I’m fine! They ask me if I’m okay. I say yes, they say okay and then it’s as if the question was never asked. I don’t blame anyone for the way I am; well if I had to blame someone it would be my mother. She never thought about anyone but herself. She rubbed off on me. I just hadn’t realized it until it was too late.

My life passed me by; I would never be able to make any of that up. What was done was done.

I just wish I could go back in time, back to when I was still innocent, when I could warn myself to act differently. A Warning would have really helped me a lot back in the days. But no one warned me, I was never taught that my behavior was so wrong, the most important people in my life, didn’t even know I had a problem. Did they care? I don’t know. And I don’t care.

”…Floating in this
Cosmic Jacuzzi…”

Maybe I was just floating, just living life day by day, never looking back to see what reactions came of my dealings. I just didn’t care. I still don’t care. Am I really supposed to care? I was just here, I’m no one significant like Liz, no one feels better after being with me.

I’ve been driving around for it seems like ages, I had turned that damn cell phone off because of the constant ringing, it was either that or throw it out the damn window, which I don’t think Isabel would have appreciated. I needed some caffeine in my system; I was dying for a Vanilla Iced Frappichinno from Star Bucks. I drove until I found one.

”…We are like frogs oblivious
To the water
Starting to boil…”

If we were put here on earth for a reason then what was my purpose? Liz’s was obvious. She was a saint, she was the mother we all never had. Max was her soul mate –obviously if he’s put up with her this long. And the rest just fall into place, Alex’s talent and humor, Kyle’s balancing charisma –gosh even Tess had a role, the bitch that always brought us back to the point, to reality.

What was I? Nothing. I didn’t even serve a purpose anymore; at least I used to be Liz’s faithful shadow. But now that stupid me, tried to pull myself out into the world. Leaving my comfort zone –Liz’s shadow, and look where that brought me? Nowhere, now I sleep with total strangers? What the hell was up with that?

They were all oblivious to what was really going on. They all had serious problems and they were all too stubborn to admit it. Liz wouldn’t have done anything if she hadn’t been humiliated in front of everyone like that. She would have kept right on doing what she was doing; she just was dumb like that. That girl had major control issues. I wondered how long it would take Max before he realized just how much crap he would have to put up with being with Liz.

”…No one flinches
We all flow face down…”

I ordered my regular Vanilla Iced Frappichinno. I couldn’t wait until it was traveling down my burning throat. Cooling my nerves and unraveling my insides. I vaguely had a flashback of Liz’s fall. I felt so responsible, if I had been a good friend I would have seen this coming and I would have helped prevent it.

Instead of falling face first into hell.

Even if it causes me pain, I don’t think that life could have changed for me. I’ve always been like this. Self-loathing and pathetic. I wondered how long I would have Isabel’s purse for before we exchanged. I wanted to be nosy and she just who Isabel Evans really was. But no. I didn’t. So what if she and Liz were becoming closer and closer by the moment and me being pushed out from my spot as Liz’s best friend. Isabel had nothing on me when it came to that position. She didn’t have the history or the knowledge that was needed when it came to Liz.

I held a confident position as Liz’s best friend. I wouldn’t have to worry about that. I was sure of this. Why would I doubt it? I didn’t!

I put my hands in my pockets –the pocket of my coat. I felt a velvet box. Where the hell did this come from?

I pulled it out and opened it.

And gasp.

It was a simple gold band with a small butterfly-shaped diamond. It fit perfectly on my index finger. I slid it on and felt guilt run through my veins.


All he wanted to do was give me this present. And the way I had acted chilled me to the core. I had been a total bitch. I really needed caffeine then, just so I could start to feel again. Boy I felt so horrible, my headache came back and I sighed rubbing my temples. How as I going to fix THIS? The way we had ended things in the waiting room was terrible. I wish I had my damn cedar oil, but it was in my purse which was not with me.

”…When she woke in the morning
She knew that her life had passed her by…”

“Oh hey Tess.” I said as I walked into a the line labeled “waiting” in Star Bucks.


“OH my god.” I giggled wildly. “What the hell happen to YOU?” I spat before I burst into laughter once again.

She rolled her eyes, “Shut up Deluca.” She scowled and took her double shot to a window seat.

I got my order and followed.

“That wasn’t an invite if you hadn’t noticed.” She spat, rolling her deep blue/green eyes.

“What’s with you?” I scrunched my nose up.

“Nothin’ jus leave me be.” She sipped her coffee.

Leave me be? No way, Tess Harding would never use bad grammar. Never.

“Okay. What’s with the new look and all?” I sat across from her.

“What new look? I’ve always been like dis. You gotta problem with it?” She snapped.

Whoa. At-ti-tude!

“Tess are you sure you’re alright?” I nervously sipped my drink, stirring the contents over and over in erythematic circles.

Her hair was a mess, it was cut really short, it had pink tints in it, her lip was pierced, I never in my life seen Tess like this. How had she pulled this off? I had just seen her the other day! Her eyes were darkly lined and her clothes…

She sighed deeply and sadly, “I’ll live Deluca, don’t bust a brain vessel tryina pretend ta be worried.” She took a giant gulp of her drink and closed her eyes.

“Okay.” I put my palms flat on the table, “Who are you and what have you done with Tess?” I forced a laugh, “I mean the hair I can deal with… Maybe even the lip. But Tess, what I can’t comprehend here, is the fact that you’re talking like you’ve lived in New York all your life.” I shook my head and stared at her.

Her clothes were ultimately UN-Tess-LIKE. She had brown cord-jeans on with a white Hanes under shirt for men. It clung to her chest and was shrunk to show her flat stomach. This was not the Tess I grew up with. Tess Harding would never (unless it was totally expensively hip) wear brown. It was a fashion NO-NO in her bible of “images” to obtain.

“You wanna know? You REALLY wanna know what’s up wit mes?” She leaned in close to my face, her anti-perspirant smell rising up my nose and wildly frightening me.

“Uhhh…” I backed up, “Ok.” I was never one to turn down gossip.

“I’m not Tess…” She grinned wicked.

”…And she called out a warning
Don't ever let life pass you by…”

A/N: How was that?

posted on 29-Jul-2002 2:01:32 AM by JBehrsGurl
OMB! That is so weird that you bumped me! CUz I'm working on the new part as we speak! lol I even made a fanart for the new chapter! Its so cool! yeay! I'll have it up and running tomorrow kay guys???


~Elena (JBehrsGurl)

posted on 29-Jul-2002 3:26:58 PM by JBehrsGurl
Hey guys! (does lil dance) How ya'll doing? I'm okay I guess, I just got back from a CRAZY weekend with my BFF and Prima! (Cousin) Oh goodyness! I can't wait until you guys read the next chapter!

posted on 30-Jul-2002 6:52:01 PM by JBehrsGurl
SO sorry guys! I know I'm dues for an update but I was writing a new story with Jessica_01 Called "Irrisistibally Sexy" and Its way long and way smuttier than anything I have EVER written! So plz check it out guys! Luv ya'll!

PS I'll have the next part to you guys tomorrow I PROMISE!!!! Its gonna be killer and have interactive fanart! Okay?

posted on 1-Aug-2002 1:55:25 AM by JBehrsGurl
The picture links in this story are no good, plz scroll down to my second post for instructions on how to view the photos... thanks!

Ch. 15
Pt. One


If I’m meant to be the strong one in this time of craziness, I might need a couple moments to catch my breath. Apparently, Maria has Isabel’s purse and Isabel has Maria’s. I don’t understand just what the big deal is but according to Max it is a VERY big deal. And he won’t tell me why either. He left about a half-hour ago looking for Isabel and Maria. He said that he just wanted to help, and that Isabel had a very personal item in her bag and she needed it. I didn’t think much of this. Alex and me sat awkwardly in my hospital room and watched a re-run of Friends. That Phoebe man, now she’s funny!

Why can’t life be that simple?

Why can’t the biggest conflict in our life be whether or not Ross and Rachel get back together? Or whether or not Joey will ever get a REAL big part in a movie and be appreciated more? Or what sale Rachel snagged at Bloomindales?

“Liz you want anything?” Alex says from his chair.

“NO, you can go home if you want.” I say.

He shakes his head, “I’m fine.”

“You reek.” I laughed.

He smirked, “I guess.” He smelled at his armpits.

“Eww! Alex!” I laughed harder.

He smiled at me. And just for a second, just for that moment and time…

We were Alex and Liz again.

Then… Just as quickly as it had came. It was gone. And I felt a sliver of bitterness, I realized I still was angry at Alex for what he did. It wasn’t his secret to tell.

“We’ve got problems.” Kyle waltzed in my room with a magazine in his hands and flopped it down in my lap. He sat on the edge of my bed and watched me as I looked at him curiously.

Alex came up and grabbed the magazine, “Oh. Shit.” His eyes widened.

“What? What is it?” I trued to grab for the magazine. “Give it to me, let me see!” I begged.

Alex shook his head, “I don’t think you do, I really don’t think you do.” His face paled.

“Kyle?” I looked at him, “Where’ve you been? Where’d you get that?” I pointed at Alex.

Kyle took a deep breath and began to answer my questions, “First of all, I was with Tess.” He paused to see our reaction, we had none, “We… spent the night together…” He looked at us oddly again.

“So?” Me and Alex both shrugged.

Kyle looked at us incredulously, “You don’t care?”

“Why would we care? You’re both our two best friends, it was bound to happen anyways. We had bets going, by the way Liz fork it over.” Alex held out a hand.

“Uh, NO. I said they would be together BEFORE Kyle got a divorce, you said AFTER. So… Fork it over Al.” I smiled triumphantly and held my hand out.

“What? I can’t believe you guys!” Kyle got angry.

“Oh shut up and give me the magazine.” I said and grabbed it from Alex’s hands.

“Liz don’t!” Kyle and Alex yelped.

But it was too late, I looked. -Click here to see cover-

“Liz’s Shocking Eating Disorder!”

“Liz’s Secret Dance Lessons… Was This A Warning Sign?”

I had tears in my eyes, now the whole world knew. Now the whole world knew that LP was weak damaged goods. When the tears fell I didn’t brush them away, I just let them fall I wanted to get up. I wanted to go home, to hide in my room where it was safe. Where there was no one but myself, where I could be fully alone. I didn’t even notice how upset Alex was too until I reluctantly looked back to the cover.

“What can I say? I love girl’s!“ a quote from Alex, But does this super stud take it a bit TOO far? Ex-Girlfriend, Nicole, speaks out!”

Who would have known that for 4.99 you could shatter the lives of two famous people? Who would have thought that a simple article could alter the way people saw you. The way people talked about you, the way people looked up to you. I didn’t want to be the center of people’s disappointment. Who had spilled anyway? And poor Alex, Nicole no doubt probably laid all his shit bare on the table. Everything from the way he fucked to the way he always has to listen to tropical Amazon sounds before he went to bed. Or maybe she told them about how he has to play P.O.D.’s “Alive” before every show. For whatever the reason (well maybe it was the fact that she caught Alex with another girl) Nicole had most likely screwed Alex for life. He screwed her, she screwed him. It was a never-ending game of revenge.

“Liz, it’s gonna be okay? Okay?” Kyle rubbed my back.

“How?” I croaked through tears. “How is it going to be okay? My whole freaking life I have had to be perfect. What the hell am I going to do now that people KNOW what I really am? Nothing.” I shook my head and buried my face ion my hands.

“Listen Liz, you’re not alone in this, you’re not the only one who wants to crawl into a hole and never come back out.” Alex rubbed the heels of his palms in his eyes and sighed, “This really sucks… You know, all your life you want to be popular, to be liked, to be famous… No one ever tells you about all the shit you have to go through when you finally achieve it.” Alex came over and held me tightly, “But just so you know. You’ve got us.” He said in my hair.

I held him back, I held him tightly to me. I grabbed hold of Kyle and pulled him into the mix. If they were really there for me…

Then they wouldn’t have planned against me the second they found out about my sickness. If they TRULY cared they would have just let me be. They would have never brought me here, they would have taken me home. Where I could hide.


Maria’s POV

I looked at her closely, she looked so much like Tess. How could she NOT be Tess?

“What do you mean you’re not Tess?” I asked setting my cup down between us.

She chuckled lightly before answering my question, “Yo cornball, why is it so hard ta believe? We’re twins, wha? She never tolds ya’ll about me?” She raised her eyebrows.

I shook my head confused.

She looked sad. She took another long gulp of her coffee and sighed, “I’m Ava. I’m Tess’s twin. She thinks I’m dead.”

I gasp.

This chick, Ava rolls her eyes, “Cornball, I swear.” She shakes her head in disapproval.

What’s with this Tess look a like chick anyways? She has total attitude and her clothes are so tacky!

“Stop thinkin’ so hawd you’ll pop a vessel.” She chuckles.

I blink in confusion. What the hell is going on here? I know you’re all probably thinking that okay, Tess has a twin she never told us about. Big deal right? WRONG! So very wrong! If she lied about this, about something as BIG and HUGE as this. Than what was to stop her from lying to us all her life, our whole friendship was based… one…

A lie…

Oh god.

Look who’s talking? Me. The queen of lies…

“Oh god.” I cried silently in my hands. Covering my face, I just couldn’t show my face.

“Whoa chill momma. I didn’t mean ta make yous cry like dat.” Tess –er, Ava said reaching across and touching my hand.

And just like that, with one simple gesture… I believed her. I believed she was not Tess.

Cuz you see, Tess would never comfort me.


Liz’s POV

“Take me home.” I whispered in Max's ear.

He looked at me strangely, “Huh? Liz, I can’t.” He tried to smile.

“Take me home, please Max get me out of here.” My lips trembled, “I can’t take it anymore. It’s been three days and I’m going crazy. The press is having a field day with this.” I tossed the magazine in his hands.

“Oh Liz.” He gasp looking at the cover. “Baby, I’m so sorry.” He kissed my lips soft.

I shook my head, “I want to get out of here Max. If you love me you’ll get me out of here.” I said taking his face in my hands.

He pulled away from me and sighed deep putting his face in his hands. Not looking at me, I feared he would walk out of the room. He stayed silent for the longest time, just contemplating his next move; he didn’t look at me once during the whole 15 minutes it took him to regain his composure. When he finally did look at me he shook his head, I had to look away this time. I really wished that he would take me-

“OH!” I yelped surprised when I was lifted up and out of the hospital bed. I smiled wide, “I love you so much.” I kissed his lips, “I love you so much.” I repeated again kissing him.

He grinned wide shaking his head, “I can’t believe I’m doing this.” He laughed and walked out the room.

I was so happy, it was the first time in a long while that I sincerely was happy. Not because I was leaving this dreadful place full of sick and dying people, not because now I could go home and hide, not even because maybe now I could skip the 28 day program.

But because Max loved me enough to get me out of here…


Our TOP Story:

Liz’s Shocking Eating Disorder!

By: Laura Walker

Liz Parker, commonly know to the world as the infamous “LP” is not so perfect after all. This three year in a row VH1 Model of The Year! actually had quite a big impact on the viewers this past weekend. During a MTV award ceremony Liz Parker along with the rising hot star, Vin Diesell –The Fast and The Furious, she apparently PASSED OUT! ”It was so horrible! But the show must go, our thoughts and prayers are with Liz.” Head MTV Director, Courtney, gave her sympathies. When asked if the incident was drug related the answers were definitely negative. But when asked if her weakened state was from lack of nutrients Liz’s representative, Tess Harding refused to answer stating that it were “Non of our business” and for us to get our “%&$#⊕! Cameras and microphones out of her face.” She then viciously pushed another reporter to the ground! Why so hostile Ms. Harding?! Vin Diesel also refused to speak with our staff but when asked a second time Ms. Harding let down her defensive walls a bit saying quote ”Yes, Liz was lacking food in take. Due to hard pressure and million day to day activities, she hadn’t the time to think of such necessities…” Tess then shut the door to her limo and drove off.

But lets back things up now shall we? Could this have all been prevented? Sources to Celebrity Gossip! say that Liz indeed was working out with Britney Spears and trainer Bobby Strom up to four times a week! If this weren’t enough Liz also took secretive dance lessons at Center Stage –“She was to practice with us and learn the routine. But it was made clear by Bobby that she was NOT to participate in the final production held at the end of the course.” Head Dance instructor to Center Stage, Linda Maureen, said to our reporter. Why was the lessons so secretive? –“It’s that damn Rep, Tess, a total Bitch if you ask me.” Liz’s photographer and close friend, Sergio said to us when asked about the situation. We here in the Celebrity Gossip editing room do strongly swear that in all interviews when asked about Tess Harding models tend to side track the question. What is it about this woman that frightens young attractive people?

Born Elizabeth Claudia Parker, Liz has always been at the top. Voted Most (insert any category here) … She was voted everything in West Roswell High School. It is not hard to imagine why this young and rising model was always top notch. She made her debut for Versache in the fall style show in 1999, since then she has been the hottest, most wanted and sought after female model. Modeling for many top designers and a favorite for Marciano. Photo 1 She has turned down not one, not two, not even three –but FOUR movie offers saying that she was passionate about modeling and had no time for anything else. Liz Parker has modeled in more shows than most her age, every designer she has ever worked with says “I LOVE LP! She’s so wonderful! Muah! Magnificent!” So is Liz Parker is so great, than why was she NOT great this past weekend for MTV?

The final report was out: Liz Parker was diagnosed with Bulimia Nervosa, which is a compulsive-eating syndrome characterized by controlled binges followed by self-induced vomiting, laxatives or diuretic abuse. Most experts believe that bulimia is as much a psychological disease as physical. Could Liz’s sudden eating disorder be caused from excessive pressure due to keeping up to model standards? We all know of MANY popular models that suffer from this illness. But why in one interview did Liz say, “I would never do that. I just don’t understand how you could DO that to yourself!” Photo 2 Quite hypocritical don’t you think Liz?

And finally we dare talk of LP’s latest –and HOTTEST! May we add! Fling, Max Evans ½ of the widely known Evans Twins. Though we haven’t been able to track down the hot new model we DO have the inside scoop! Supposedly Liz Parker was seen leaving rather secretly from Max Evan’s condo a few weeks ago in her PAJAMAS! It was said that the lovely Liz Parker and Max Evans have been engaging themselves in countless “secret” meetings and shared a passionate evening together that day also! Well LP you sure have outdone yourself this time! Last Celebrity Gossip heard through the grape vine was that Liz was dating the yummy model/artist Michael Guerin, who is ALSO Max Evans COUSIN! Keeping it all in the family aren’t we Lizzie? Hmmm?

Turn to page 52 to read Alex Whitman’s ex-girlfriend, Nicole, tell us about the REAL Alex!


A/N: So sorry guys I know this took so long (Sorry Dream seeker ! :( but I was busy with the new story and lol guess what? I started ANOTHER story! Lol but its not posted yet, wanna peak? I bet you do! Well let me just say that it’s based on the MTV show titled: Dismissed and Liz is the main character who has to choose between Max and Zan! Whew! I’m also thinking about writing a Dismissed on Max as the main character and he has to choose between Tess and Liz, but then again you know who’s gonna win! lol Okay!

[ edited 3 time(s), last at 1-Aug-2002 3:30:37 AM ]
posted on 1-Aug-2002 2:09:02 AM by JBehrsGurl
OKAY! I have fixed the problem! This is what you guys are gonn do okay? To view the pictures you must go here: and then when you enter and are in my site (BTW you are more than welcome to scroll down and click the Arvil logo to sign my guestbook! lol) Anyways when you are on my site plz scroll down on the mini scroll where it says "Welcome" and it will five you various links, you'll see FanArt! FanFiction! click the "FanArt" and then click the desired photos!

Whew! The trouble I must go through until I buy my domain this month! lol


~Elena (JBehrsGurl)

[ edited 3 time(s), last at 1-Aug-2002 2:25:33 AM ]
posted on 1-Aug-2002 11:09:09 AM by JBehrsGurl
Hey guys dont forget to view my pics kay? They're part of the storyline!

~Elena (JBehrsGurl)

posted on 3-Aug-2002 1:44:25 AM by JBehrsGurl
Whoa how cool was that? I'm writing my update as we speak and I saw that my story was bumped! cool! lol Thanks Dream Seeker!
posted on 3-Aug-2002 9:11:00 PM by JBehrsGurl

Okay so heres the deal, I wont be putting an update up until Monday bcuz I'm going to be gone this weekend at my cousins house...

Okay? I'll be back soon!

~Elena (JBehrsGurl)

Feel free to keep leaving mefeed back tho! lol So do you guys want fanart for Alex's article too? I have some.


Do you guys want Kyle to get an article written on him too? I was thinking about that, I was gonna post it later tho... Let me know what you guys think!

posted on 5-Aug-2002 2:39:40 PM by JBehrsGurl
Don't worry, the update is going to be tonight, but late tonight bcuz my mom never lets me on during the day! grrr! So pacific time 10 or 11pm I will post the next chapter with an update! The pics will be viewed the same way you had to view the others but this time I have a NEW layout in my site so you just click the fanart link kay? Cool!

posted on 6-Aug-2002 2:20:09 AM by JBehrsGurl
Thanks to all my great feedbackers! I LOVE you guys!!!!

Ch. 16
Alex’s POV

Reason #234,586,492,154 on why it sucks to be Alex Whitman…


Okay, maybe we should bump that baby up to number one. She totally dissed me in that damn magazine! I haven’t even read Liz’s article for fear that I might just go kill the editor of the magazine industry. She’s already gone through hell, so why did this have to happen?

She had finally convinced me to go home and shower –well actually she forced me to come home and shower, apparently I’m giving off this stench…

So as I run this scalding hot water on my naked body, the body that took me two years to perfect to my contracts standards; I can’t help but reminisce on the article written about Nicole’s opinion of me…


“What can I say? I love girls!”

But does this stud take it a bit TOO far? Ex-Girlfriend, Nicole, speaks out!”

As told to: Kristin Katiana

When I first saw Alex I was auditioning for one of his music videos [Chocked Up]… (giggles) I was so nervous, I didn’t understand how the whole auditioning thing went so I asked around and I bumped into this guy. He was nice we chatted a while and I finally was all, “What exactly am I supposed to do at one of these things?” Gosh looking back now I must have looked like a complete imbecile! (laughing) Anyways he told me not to worry because I got the part anyways. I was confused and didn’t believe him, I thought he was some groupie! So when I questioned his guess he told me that I had the part if I agreed to a night out with the lead singer of the band UTOPIA I gladly agreed and he smiled. Little did I know the sly “groupie” was the lead singer himself! From that day on I was his, I was Nicole –Alex Whitman’s girl. I was in a relationship where I finally felt as if we were one person, we just clicked you know? He was amazingly sweet, sensitive, loving… The list went on and on and it was pathetic! We were one of those couples where you’re just like “Get a room!” or “Awww so cute I could puke!”

So getting back to the topic at hand here, Alex wasn’t always so wonderful. Things took an unexpected change around the same time that UTOPIA’s debut album went triple platinum. Alex started to get horrible mood swings, one minute he’d be hugging me and holding me, whispering sweet nothings in my ear… The next minute he’d be yelling and screaming and ranting on about god knows what because I would get so scared that I would leave the room. But when we were on tour (I would travel with the band sometimes) and I couldn’t leave the room, I’d just… cry. But when I would cry it just seemed to anger him more and he would yell louder and louder until Kenny, UTOPIA’s base guitarist, would come and try to calm Alex down. Once Alex went as far as to accuse Kenny of trying to steal me away from him because Kenny and I were spending too much time together. NOTHING was going one, NOTHING. But trying to convince Alex was a hard task. Another incident was during a rehearsal in Hawaii, Alex was ranting again and fighting with Josh, UTOPIA’s drummer, this time and things went as far as being physical. I guess what had happen was difference in sounds and Alex just blew up by punching Josh in his jaw, needless to say I was terrified. I’d never seen Alex act violently, after that he had grabbed my hand and we left, we went back to the hotel room and he just laid on the bed staring at the ceiling for the longest time.

After that things went bad. Alex’s stress levels hit the roof and it was then that he started to seek stress relief in other ways. He smoked cigarettes, but not only tobacco sustained him, he also began to smoke pot. When he was on his trips or when he was “high” he would always want to have, wow can I say this? Sex. He demanded it. I never told him no, though I would be screaming it inside. I never said a word. (Stops to wipe tears) For all the girls out there who don’t say a word… I advise you to speak up…

Nicole was so chocked up that it took 30 minutes to calm her so that the interview could be finished. These are the exact words said to our reported when she returned…

Through it all I just say that Alex was perfect, he was cute, he was charming, he was talented. What girl could deny him? We were in love for gosh sakes, so just when I thought things couldn’t get any worse, it all stopped. I thought that we were going to go back to normal; we actually did go back to normal. He went back to the little notes, the flowers and candy, the whole nine yards. I was happy, WE were happy.

Disaster struck when one night I came to Toronto as a surprise to see Alex. And… He was in the bed with another woman. Simple as that. He was with someone else. I’m not sure what I had done to cause this but there he was. And there I was, staring like an idiot. Tears running down my face and make-up all over. After that and after he groveled at my feet for two weeks (even going as far as to cancel shows) I took him back. But the cheating never stopped and the mood swings came back. I’m okay now, I still love Alex. I miss what we had, but, It just can never be the same…


Alex’s POV

Did you know if you scrub your back with the body scrub and think about your problems you will end up with a bloody mess? –I don’t mean to sound Irish or English, oh bloody hell! But I mean like –BLOOD! Man, my back’s skin is gone. Practically skinned myself alive thinking about that damn article. I turn the shower off and watch the pink water go down into the drain.

It looks funny…


A/N: SERIOUS Instructions to view pictures and in what ORDER!!!

To get in: Go here: >>
>>Then: enter site, there is a NEW layout that I altered with my Photoshop so I can only take half credit on the authenticity of the layout. lol
>>When entered into site you will see the small window with scroll bar, you don’t need to scroll down just click the link marked FanArt at the top.
>>You’re in!

Order in which Pictures are to be seen in for effect of story:
>>Ignore Liz pics, those were last ch.
>>View picture marked: Nicole’s Cover Story first.
>>Then you after you have viewed that it kinda doesn’t really matter in which order you view the others… lol ENJOY!!!

posted on 6-Aug-2002 3:06:22 AM by JBehrsGurl
Yes in deed it is charlize theron in all the pics. She just looks diff, I got all the images from random charlize theron sites *happy* Thanks!
posted on 9-Aug-2002 1:54:56 PM by JBehrsGurl
Oh you guys are so great! I have the next chapter ready I just have to wait until I get home so I can post! lol

posted on 11-Aug-2002 3:35:57 AM by JBehrsGurl
Arhg! Sorry this took so long! MY internet was cut off and I had to wait to make a new accont! GRRR!

but here you go! don't worry I'm not gonna do a whole max thing again...

THANKS 4 REVIEWING! I LOVE you guys so much! Plz review again lol!

Ch. 17

I was so sure that I had looked over every aspect of my whole public life before I finally realized just how gullible the people of today really are. It was as if the media were the trainers at the top of the ladder with open gutted fish ready to be dropped down to the wide-mouthed dolphins at the bottom.

But in this case I was the gutted fish.

“You okay? You need anything? You cold? Hot? Tired?” Max bombarded me with questions.

“Yea actually I need you to shut up.” I said grumpy. Since when was Max this annoying? I don’t know what’s gotten into me; I’m so irritated with everything around me. Maybe it’s my body coming off the medication or something, “Sorry.” I mumbled in apology.

Max simply nodded, “Maybe it was a bad idea taking you here.” He looked around my room, messy without me to care for it in a couple days.

“NO!” I quickly protested, “Please, I can’t go back. It will all be okay. Okay?”

“Okay.” Max agreed reluctantly.

I still wasn’t convinced that he truly was okay with the situation we now had on our hands. Alex and the rest would soon realize that I was gone. They would come here; this is the FIRST place they would look.

“We have to get out here.” I stood up feeling weak.

“Huh?” Max’s face grimaced.

“They’re just all going to try and make me o back, to make me enter that stupid program! I’m fine dammit! FINE! F-I-N-E! FINE! Don’t they get it? Why can’t everything just go back to the way it was?” I shouted.

Max looked at me in sympathy.

“Is that all you got to say? You’re girlfriend is crying here in deeply emotional pain and all you can do is nod your fucking head?” I snapped.

“What the hell do you want me to do? I illegally took you from the hospital, which by the way if I get caught my career is over, and I’ve stayed with you day and night, I’ve gave you everything I can possibly give you right now Liz. What MORE do you want from me? I love you Liz, I love you more than you even imagine, so whatever it is that you want I will do anything and everything in power to give it to you but I’m not psychic I can’t help you unless you tell me baby.” He kneeled down next to me by the bed and took my hands in his.

“Okay,” I nodded, “Okay, I’ll stop feeling sorry for myself…” I said looking at him.

Max nodded, “Okay.”

“I’ll stop when you join 28 days with me.” I snapped jumping up running to the bathroom and slamming the door where I retched every ounce of food, medication and bodily fluids I could before Max tore the door down and cradled me in his arms.


Maria’s POV

“So what now? Man, I can’t believe you’re Tess’ twin. It’s weird. Wait until I tell Liz and Al, they’re like, gonna flip!” I laughed as I walked alongside Ava as we exited StarBucks to my car.

“Whoa slow your roll Thea ‘Ria, yous can’t tell no ones.” Ava stopped dead in the street.

“Wha? Why not?” I asked confused.

She shook her pink hair and faced me, “I have plans for Tess, I’d appreciate it if yous wouldn’t let anyone know that I was back.”

“Why?” I repeated my question.

“It’s a bit personal if ya fell meh. But I’d like for us to be friends, what yous doin’ tomorraw?” She said smiling.

“Uh, well I was supposed to meet with my record producer but I don’t think I’m gonna go cuz I know all he wants is a quickie. Man my life really sucks right now.” I ran shaky fingers through my tangled hair.

“Hey yous want some good advice? Tell ‘em that the blowjobs aren’t gonna continue until yous start climbing them charts. Now I dunno if that’s your specialty but just don’t give up the booty until you start getting some where’s, either that or move to a diff. Company.” Ava shrugged.

“You know you’re completely fucking right.” I laughed; I’ve never thought about my situations, I just always thought I was in a bad reoccurring dream.

She grinned, “I know I am. I’ll call yous later kay?” She said.

But before I could respond she was already halfway across the street. I kept thinking in my head how she was going to get my number, but it didn’t matter at the time. Nothing mattered but getting my life back together. And I was going to start with my career.


Isabel’s POV

It’s been six, count them, SIX hours since I’ve had my purse in my possession. I’m actually okay with it. I’ve already had my fix, thanks to a friend who I had called n tears. Shira was an acquaintance I’ve known through Sean, she was actually his girlfriend but I was too stubborn to go directly to Sean and ask for something that almost killed my brother. Shira understood me, she came to my house and gave me what I needed, I paid her and she left without another word. I’m lying on my bed starring at the swirling ceiling. My heart thumping against my chest a million miles a minute, my body sweating like a pig. I’ve soaked through my thin white tee, and my small silk shorts seem to be too hot to handle. I stripped them of and lay in my underwear and bra, so smooth, so silky smooth…

What was that?

I jumped up off my bed and stood staring at the hallways that lead to my kitchen. There. There it was again.

Did you hear it?

The tapping? The faint sound of something brushing the linoleum floor of my kitchen? I can hear it. I can hear the wind blow across my curtains; I can feel my heart beat faster. I can hear it too. BoOm, BoOm, BoOm… There. Can you hear that?

“Hello?” I called, I swayed in the hallway. Shit, I’ve never felt this way before. It’s never hit me this hard. The floor creaked, I jumped. “Who’s there?”


I crept slowly over to the kitchen, I peaked inside.


My house phone rang causing me to jump in surprise, I ran to answer, “Max?” I said.


“Hello?” I said into the receiver louder, more irritated.

“How’s the trip Izzy?” The raspy voice cackled.

“Huh?” My brain could hardly register what was going on, my vision was blurry as hell and I couldn’t even see two inches before my eyes. I groaned as the room went spinning overtime and I slumped down onto the sofa. “Wh-who is this?” I stuttered.

“Who do you think it is Bitch?” He snapped.

I gasp, “Sean?”

He snickered, “Shira pulled a good one on you baby. Don’t EVER try and be bold with me again. I didn’t shove that shit in your junkie for a brother’s face. So if that fucker died it’s his own fault, NOT mine. This is payback. Have a good trip baby, I might just stop by to see how you’re doing…”


Oh god.

Sean, was he really going to come over? What would he do once he got here? Would he rape me? Would he kill me? My body shook in fear, no. No he wouldn’t. I shook my head to convince myself, bad move. It just added to my horrible dizziness, swirling colors and shapes, ragged breathing and increased alertness. I was experiencing all this at once. I’ve never felt like this, I’ve never overdosed. Oh loyal divinity, will I end up like Max?


Smooth pale blue/gray skin, they’re gills flapped open in ripples. They swam all around me; I looked down to the floor to see them circling the sofa. My body shook, I was terrified of Sharks. I cried, tears fell, I screamed for help, no one came. I reached for the phone but a shark jumped up and snapped the phone away just inches from devouring my fingers. I fell back into the sofa in fright.

My pours leaked sweat, my body drenched. I panicked, I couldn’t move. I couldn’t breath, I wiped at my face trying to rub my eyes clear of fuzziness. Nothing seemed to help. My nose stung and I massaged it; my hands drew back wet with blood. I screamed, my lungs opened only to release air but not fetch it back in. I chocked, I sputtered, and I passed out.


Maria’s POV

“Isabel?” I knocked softly on her front door. “Is-a-bel!” I screamed pounding the door impatiently; I had a schedule to maintain you know.

Well, I could…

I herd a thump from inside and I flinched. I don’t know what it was inside me that made me do it, but I picked the lock and walked inside.

“Isabel?” My voice quivered nervously.

The hall was clear; I made my way to the living room. It was there that I saw her body layout half naked on the floor, her hair cascading over her shoulders and across her face. Even dead she looked beautiful.

Wait a minute.

Did I just say dead?

posted on 11-Aug-2002 6:10:12 PM by JBehrsGurl
lol u guys are great!
posted on 12-Aug-2002 3:25:25 AM by JBehrsGurl
Dream Seeker You are so sweet gurlie I hope that we can chat sometime! I have AOL (JBehrsGal) I put you on my buddy list (hope thats okay!)


[ edited 1 time(s), last at 12-Aug-2002 3:26:39 AM ]
posted on 14-Aug-2002 7:47:25 PM by JBehrsGurl
Hey guys! *waves* Just stopping in to say hey and to uh... *blushes* bump this up... hehehehehehehehehehehehe lol

Hope you guys check out my short one parter fic called Clear As Glass Plz check it out! It's angst but it's good I hope!

Feedback is always appreciated of course... lol Okay well talk to ya'll laterz!

Dream Seeker: *cant wait til we chat again!*
posted on 19-Aug-2002 3:24:43 AM by JBehrsGurl
HEY! Okay... so geez luis! I know I've been MIA for my update its just that I'm trying to find these lyrics...

Maybe you can help?

It's sung by a girl all I know is that in the chorus she says "I'm not an addict" I think that she says "I'm not an addict, baby, come and..." then I dunno lol Does anyone know? I DO know that Korn, K's choice or garbage does not sing this song bcuz I checked the search engines and they're all I get. *hehe*

I have the next chapter all read for you but I REALLY REALLY want those lyrics b4 I post!

So I hope someone can help me! *sad*

oh yea and Derrivik lol on the Jebus! LMAO!

Dream seeker as always you are my star! *angel*

posted on 20-Aug-2002 3:03:09 PM by JBehrsGurl
I am such a nerd you guys! lol It WAS K's Choice! I checked out the lyrics just to make sure and LOL It was it! Korn wasn't even on the thing I am a NERD! Ignore the dorkiness that is me!

Okay but on a SERIOUS NOTE:
Any of my stories will not be updated until Friday bcuz of personal family reasons (I.e. my big BRAT of a brother got the computer taken away from us until fri. [maybe]) so until I'm "allowed" back on the computer at home I can't update. which really sux cuz now I'm back to writing on paper and transfering it on-line :( lol I'm so lazy! lol I have a killer chapter comming up I can't wait until I post it! ur gonna trip out! lol Oh yea and I started College yesterday...

Dream Seeker You were right! College is cool! lol (I never actually asked for your name, I just now realized that, so I put your pen name...) But anyways I can't wait until I get the comp. back so I can IM you all the juicy details of my first day!

Everyone else I love you all but I can't update this week... *sad* I know it sux but atleast I have all the updates written in my notebook! lol

posted on 24-Aug-2002 4:00:36 AM by JBehrsGurl
Lyrics by K's Choice and thanks to JaneLane! Shout outs to you guys! I love you all but its late and I don't have time to thank you all at this moment but I WILL so maybe tomorrow or the next I will post a small a/n thanking each and everyone of you guys forbeing so patient with me in this time of my hectic life! *happy* ;)

Ch. 18
I’m Not An Addict
Maria’s POV

“Isabel? Isabel!” I shook her body violently.

Oh god. Okay. Keep calm, keep very still… Don’t… Move…

Wait a minute. Why can’t I move? This is stupid! I ran to her telephone and dialed the first number that popped in my head.


“Yea?” He barked into the phone.

He can be so sweet sometimes!

“Michael!” I screamed.

“Maria?” His voice sounded concerned.

There we go big boy. That’s what I wanna hear.

“Michael’s I’m at Isabel’s and I think she’s dead or something. Sh-she won’t get up from the floor, she like, half naked and stuff and she’s totally limp.” I cried into the receiver, I began to cry.

“Maria calm down. Call an ambulance.” He said calm. I felt like a child.

“An ambulance.” I repeated, “Okay. I will. What’s the number?”

“Maria this isn’t a joke!” Michael snapped.

“I KNOW IT ISN’T! You think I would ask you if I wasn’t serious!” I screamed.

“911.” He said.

“911? What is that like some kind of a code? I’m serious Michael what is the damn number!”

“For the love of GOD Maria! The number is 9-1-1!”


I guess he hung up. What was the number again?


Liz’s POV

I want him out. I want to be alone and I don’t think he understands that. I told him to please let me be alone for a minute or two while I clean up my mess. He said okay and went into my bedroom and sat on the bed facing the bathroom door staring at me as I wiped the floor. I know that he is doing his best to please me and take care of me at the same time but what he doesn’t realize is that I am not a child, that I do NOT need protection –or a babysitter. What I need is someone who understands me. Someone who will leave me alone!

“God Max can you be anymore watchful?” I snapped and winced. That was probably the 12th time I’ve done that since we arrived. “Sorry.” I muttered getting up from the floor and walking over to him.

He took me in with open arms, open forgiving arms.

I held him close to me, like a second skin; and I let myself cry again. I cried really hard. I mean I was gasping for air and sobbing like a first grader. Everything was all just too much for me to handle alone. My mood swings were due to my lack of nutrition. At least that’s what the doctor said to Maria when she apologized for my snappy behavior the other day.

“It’s common for recovering bulimia patients to be moody and snappy.” He had laughed it off nervously.

I had after all just called him an old wrinkly dick prune.

I didn’t mean to. Well okay, I DID but I didn’t mean to call him old. He was only in his early thirties. So I guess he wasn’t really all that wrinkly just yet. Right?

“If you could be anywhere in the world right now where would you want to be?” Max said squeezing me tighter in his arms.

I sighed in thought, “Hmmm…” This was something to ponder… “I’d want to be anywhere as long as I was with you.” I smiled snuggling in his chest.

“Yea. That’s what I wanted to hear.” He smirked in his regular cocky manner.

I pushed him playfully. “You jerk.” I laughed.

He was going to kiss me, I knew he was. I could feel the electricity in the air, crackling with energy. But we were interrupted.

His cell phone rang.


Maria’s POV

Maybe he’ll understand overtime why I am the way I am, maybe he’ll even apologize. But until then all I can do is wait. Wait until I get my act together, and let me tell you now… That could take a while. I’ve never been a fast learner or a quick thinker so when I say it’ll take a while, I mean it will take a whiiiiiiile.

“Mmmmph.” Isabel stirred.

Oh yea. Wasn’t I supposed to call the ambulance?

“Hmmmph, errrrrrgh.” Isabel groaned.

I turned to her moaning body from my place up on the couch, oh geez. Michael is going to be so pissed about me not calling the ambulance. I mean, he gets mad when I don’t return his phone calls or if I lock my door at home. Okay yea, so those are two completely different things but still.

“Oh my… Argh, mmmpgh.” Isabel grunts trying to sit up.

“Isabel?” I say sitting on the floor next to her.

Her eyes flutter open and are glazed over, man her face is a mess; the make-up she must have applied earlier was smeared all over her face, dry blood trailed down her nose. I grimaced and went into what I hoped was the bathroom to get her a wash cloth.

“Maria? Wh-what are you doing here?” Isabel mumbled rubbing her head.

It was kinda hard to understand her mumbled words but I managed, “I came to return your purse. You have mine, I have yours. Remember?” I tried my best to talk sense into her. In fact I REALLY wanted to ask her where my purse was so that I could get the hell outta here but…

She kept blinking and shaking her head, like she was trying to clear her mind and function properly. She was still half naked in her bra and underwear but she however had yet to realize this. I went to her room and grabbed some pajamas that were thrown across her bed.

“Here, Michael’s coming and I don’t think you wanna be looking like that when he gets here.” I said with a smirk tossing the clothes her way.

Isabel looked at me curiously tilting her as she accepted the clothes I gave her. Then she looked down at her self and gasp, “Oh my!” She said finally realizing she was practically bare.

“It’s cool, I won’t tell if you wont.” I joked.

But then I remembered that this wasn’t really a joking kind of matter. Uh, okay.

She dressed as fast as she could considering the fact that she must have felt like complete shit due to the fact that she was unconscious for however long she was and for whatever reason it was for.

“Isabel?” I asked softly from my place on the sofa.

She looked at me as if I had just appeared out of thin air, “Maria?” She choked, “Maria when did you get here?” She pondered.

Oh you poor thing. I thought to myself.

“Isabel I’ve been here for over an hour, Michael should be here any minute now.” I explained, “Isabel what happen?” I, at last asked my dying question.

She looked as if she might cry; she cleared her throat, “I uh… I…”

“You uh… You what Isabel?” I sat on the floor near her and asked.

“I’m not an addict.” Isabel blurts looking me in the eye.

Uh… Okay. I feel like saying.

“I’m not…” She plays with her cuticles for a while before speaking again, “Michael’s coming?” She says worried.

I nod.

“Shit.” She bursts out crying in her hands.

I want to hug her, or comfort her or something… But I can’t move. I’m stuck. I’m frozen. Whatever. I feel bad, but I kinda… I kinda don’t care. I have enough problems of my own to deal with. I have to take care of Liz, I have to get my shit together, and I have to fix things with Michael.

“It’s okay.” I say finally. I pull her close and she cries on my shoulder.

It’s Okay. I repeat over and over until Michael gets there.


Max's POV

She needed me as much as I needed her; our emotions were in the air. Her sweet scent of freshly spritzed berries body splash tickled my nose. I was just about to kiss Liz when this damn thing called a cell phone had to ring. Why hadn’t I just turned the damn thing off? I groaned and answered reluctantly.

“Yeh?” I answered more rudely than I intended.

“Max.” Came Michael’s urgent voice.

I was on my toes at once, “What happen.”

“Isabel. She OD’d or something. Maria found her passed out the floor of her apartment. I’m almost there. Get down here. NOW.” He barked hanging up.


I should have jumped up and run to my car but for some reason I didn’t. I was calm, I was collected. I think it was because Liz was here. If I were alone, I’d be freaking out, I’d probably be tripping over my shoes just trying to get to the door.

I turn to Liz, “That was Michael.” I say.

She nods.

“I have to go.”

She nods.

“Okay.” I stand up.

She nods.

“I’m going now.” I say at the door.

She nods.

“Don’t you wanna know where I’m going?” I ask incredulous.

She shakes her head.


I leave.

I’m almost down the stairs when I turn around and barge back into the apartment.

“You’re coming with me.” I say in a final tone.

She looks at me strange and says, “I am?” Except she says it more in an Oh I am, am I? kind of way.

“You are.” I nod this time. If she doesn’t come I know that I can’t deal with what’s happening with my sister. I need Liz. I need her to balance me out.

“Okay then.” She reaches out to me and I carry her down to the car with me. Brat.


Isabel’s POV

I’m not.

I know what you’re thinking.

And I know you know that I know what you’re thinking.

So don’t think it.


Just give me a minute okay?

I’m going to just… Take a deep breath, get up and-

“Isabel I don’t think you should be moving around. At least not until Michael gets here. He’ll kill me if anything happens to you.” Maria says pulling me back down on the floor.

If I were my usual self right now I would be pouting. But I’m not my usual self right now, I am Incoherent-Isabel. And Incoherent-Isabel wants to tell Maria to stick it where the sun don’t shine, but normal Isabel says to chill. So we’re just going to sit here quietly until Michael comes crashing down that door and raging like a lunatic.

Any minute now…

“So…” Maria says trying to make small talk.”

Please don’t Maria. I silently beg the gods above to make her shut up.

“How about them Kings huh?” She says.

I look at her as if she’s grown a third eye, “Basketball isn’t even in season anymore.” I say.

“Oh. I knew that.” She says fidgeting in her spot.

She SO did NOT know that.

“Yeh.” I say bobbing my head to an inaudible tune.

“Whatcha listen’ to?” Maria asks curious.

I roll my eyes, now let me clarify that I am not always a bitch. But the fact that I just woke up from a horrific overdose does not help my personality right now. I’d much rather take a bat to my head than listen to Maria talk. I know. Harsh but my head is pounding and I really could do without Maria trying to fill in the silence. I like silence; it’s a GOOD thing. God wouldn’t have invented silence if it were a bad thing…

Maria’s nervously chewing on her nails and I cringe when I hear her teeth nibble at the cuticles, I have to get my vial, I have to–




I will NOT subject myself to the same predicament I was in just a few short hours ago. Granted it was not one of the smartest things I’ve ever done, but I can’t stop. Let me just say though –that I am NOT an addict. I just simply like the feeling of floating through the clouds and levitating off the floor. And frankly I don’t care what you think about that. Okay?

If you could see me now you’d be laughing and calling me a hypocrite. You’d call me that right now because, I, Isabel Amanda Evans…

Have gone as low as to chew my fingernails too…


Liz’s POV

“Laaaa! La, la, la, laaa… Chill out whatcha yelling' for? Layback it's all been done before. And if, you could only, let it be, you will see! I like, you the way you are. When we're, drivin' in your car, and you're talking to me, one on one, but you've become!” I sang aloud in Max's car.

He turned to me then a rose an interested eyebrow, “Having fun?”

I nod, “Yes. Just singing what’s true.” I smirked. I’m feeling a bit hyper, I don’t know where we’re going but Max seems to be alright so it must not be somewhere bad. Maybe I’m hyper because Max bought me McDonalds and I’m eating an Oreo McFlurry… It’s surprising how tasty this thing is. Mmmm…

“Liz I hope you are enjoying your lunch/dinner thing there.” Max smirks me.

“Yes.” I smile. Oreo all over my mouth.

“You’re a messy eater. I hope you uh… Uh…” Max fidgets uncomfortably turning a corner.

“Keep it all down?” I finish.

His head snaps towards me and his eyes bug out, “Liz! I would never-”

“Please spare me.” I lean back into the seat, “You’re car sucks.” I say.

“Well aren’t we the cheerful one today?” He muses.

I nod. I keep doing that lately.

"It's now or never." He says pulling into a gated community.

“Where are we?” I finally ask.

He hesitates; his fingers are shaking as he presses the code into the keypad.

7 (shaky shake)

4 (shaky shake)

1 (shake, shake)

9 (shake)

Turn, eye contact. GULP.

“Max?” I say worried.

He stares at me cautious, “Liz there’s something you should know.”


Isabel’s POV

“Breath it in and breath it out
and pass it on it's almost out
We're so creative and so much more
We're high above, but on the floor…”

I did it.

But I’m not an addict. Don’t call me one. I just did ONE line, one FREAKING line okay? Is that so bad? Why are you trying to guilt trip me anyway? What’s up YOUR ass huh?! I got it from my purse, so I know it’s good. I can feel the tingle already.

“…It's not a habit, it's cool
I feel alive
If you don't have it your on
the other side…”

So I figured it goes like this: it’s US vs. THEM.

I’m US.

You’re THEM.

Any questions?

“…The deeper you stick it in your vein
The deeper the thoughts there's no more pain
I'm in heaven, I'm a god
I'm everywhere, I feel so hot…”

“Isabel!?” Maria’s banging at the bathroom door. Geez can I enjoy a freakin trip without someone barging in on me?

“Go away!” I bang back and start cracking up laughing.

“Isabel? You okay?” She asks.

I’m still laughing, “F-fine…” I laugh again.

“Isabel I think you should come out now.” She says. “Michael’s on his way.”

“Ohhhhh big bad Michael’s gonna come and scold me!” I laugh.

“Isabel are you SURE you’re alright in there?” Maria knocks, “Isabel please open the door.”

“I’m fine. We’re fine, are we fine guys?” I say to the little purple frogs at my feet.

“Uh… Who’s in there with you?” Maria asks worried.

NO I mean there is seriously purple frogs, they’re on the tile. I’ve been meaning to get rid of them.

“…It's not a habit, it's cool
I feel alive
If you don't have it your on
the other side
I'm not an addict (maybe that's a lie)…”

I have to get out of here, I can’t stand the suffocation. I can’t breath in here; I can’t breath out there. I’m crowded in here I’m crowded out there. I have to get out!

The window!

No, wait. I need my vial, where’d I put it?

“…It's over now, I'm cold, alone
I'm just a person on my own
Nothing means a thing to me
Oh, nothing means a thing to me…”

Where is it? I need it, I’m starting to feel the cool effects run dry. They always come so fast and leave so soon and leave me crying for more, more, more. God I need help. I don’t understand this! Where the HELL is it? I knew one line wouldn’t be enough!

“…It's not a habit, it's cool
I feel alive
If you don't have it your on
the other side
I'm not an addict (maybe that's a lie)…”

I’m not.

Don’t think it, don’t.

I’m serious. You think you know me? But you have NO idea.

I have to get out of here before my brain explodes and Maria breaks down the door. One leg out the window, two…

Wow, I forgot how high I actually was…

“…Free me, leave me
Watch me as I'm going down
Free me, see me
Look at me I'm falling
And I'm falling.........”


No. I’m FLYING. I am. I’m floating through the air.

I feel like a child again, up in the air after jumping off the roof with Max and Zan into our pool. I feel like I did the first time I jumped off.


“…It is not a habit, it is cool
I feel alive I feel.......
It is not a habit, it is cool
I feel alive…”

I feel so alive right now, exhilaratingly free.

But the ground is getting closer, and the fear’s creeping up on me. I can feel it, it’s black clouds blurring my vision. Blackness. It’s all so… Black now.

“…It's not a habit, it's cool
I feel alive
If you don't have it your on
the other side
I'm not an addict (maybe that's a lie)…”

But before I hit the concrete I think of one thing, well okay actually a whole lotta shit was flying through my mind so… But you know what stood out the most?


I remembered how excited he was that I had joined that program with him, he really did think that I honestly wanted too. In reality I only did it to be closer to him. I could have cared less what the hell I was joining, but to be closer to ALEX was all I needed, he was my cocaine. When I couldn’t get my fix…

I wanted to get HIM. How come it’s always so hard to get what we want?

“…I'm not an addict, I'm not an addict, I'm not an addict.”

I’m not.

I just, need some help is all.

Oh what do I know? I’m unconscious…

A/N: What do you think? Sorry I took so long I had barely enough time to finish and upload this, man I’m so sorry ahead of time for the typos and crap! lol oh and Joanna! We’ll talk soon! *happy*

[ edited 1 time(s), last at 24-Aug-2002 4:22:41 AM ]
posted on 24-Aug-2002 10:17:09 PM by JBehrsGurl
lol did you guys know I updated? *happy* Hehe

posted on 25-Aug-2002 3:58:25 PM by JBehrsGurl
Thanks you guys! *happy* OH and Choas Theory I totally forgot about Broken! LOL I'm on my way to write the next chapter now! lol It's already started I just have to finish it... *blushes* Thanks for the reminder...

Oh and for all of you who are wondering about the next chapters of Sex In The City Of Roswell or Roswellian Out Laws They're already started I just have to finish them up! lol Oh the pressure! lol j/k But I also have to do all my homework b4 my classes tomorrow! lol So BEHR with me here people! *happy*

posted on 27-Aug-2002 12:11:58 AM by JBehrsGurl
Oh Joanna of course I FORGIVE you!!!

THanks to everyone else for reading! The next chapter should be up shortly!
posted on 28-Aug-2002 1:06:54 AM by JBehrsGurl
Joanna where are you?
posted on 29-Aug-2002 1:21:59 PM by JBehrsGurl
hey guys! Just dropping in to promotr my *NEW* fic Say Anything...

It has farnart! But I cant post it until later... lol *wink*


PS. MTV Music Awards are on tonight! Go Avril!
posted on 3-Sep-2002 1:34:45 AM by JBehrsGurl
lol I'm actually putting the finishing touches on ATG! I'm posting the new part tonight! Yeay! lol

posted on 3-Sep-2002 4:37:02 AM by JBehrsGurl
Longest part I've ever written! lol So sorry that it took so long I've been so busy! Thsi ch. kinda sux cuz I rushed it at the end trying to hurry up so I could post b4 I went to bed. Its 1:31 over here and I'm dead tired! lol I have work in themorning too! Thanks to everyone who's left feedback! And a special thanks to Dream seeker you're still my star! lol

So with out anymore of my rambling I give you ch. 19!

Ch. 19
Enter At Your Own Risk…

Michael’s POV

How did I end up here?

I don’t even remember.

I’m trying to, but I can’t. Oh, I guess you want to know where I am? I’m in someone’s house. Me and my car. Yep, we’re right here in the living room. We’re having a tea party, care to join?


Man I thought I was able to get from the bar to Isabel’s in one piece, I was actually kinda sober. Okay I was trashed. But when I heard Maria’s frightened voice all I thought was that I needed to get to her soon.

I thought I was okay to drive.

I’m the biggest idiot I know.


Oh great. Here come the popo’s. I’m in such deep shit.


Isabel’s POV

I don’t think that waking up to find yourself bleeding on the floor is a good thing. I remember jumping, I remember Alex. But I don’t remember this. I don’t remember hitting the floor from four stories above. What the hell am I doing here?

Can I get up?

Where’s Max? Where’s Michael? Where’s Maria? She sure did a mighty fine job of watching me until Michael got here.

I bet your wondering how the hell I survived a fall like that huh?

Well let’s just back it up a sec, I fell.


But I landed on the soft thing that shields you from the rain. You know when you walk in the apartment entrance and there is that umbrella like thing above? A canopy.


Well I landed on that and I rolled down to the floor, still a long way down but not life threatening. Yes. I am lucky. Yes. I should take this as a sign from above that I need to quit. Yes. I should join that 28 days thing. Yes. I know I’m addict.

Fuck you.


Maria’s POV

I’m so fucking out of here. Fuck this shot, she wants to go ahead and fry what she has left of a brain than so be it. I’m not her mother, I’m not her friend, I’m nothing.

So you know what I did? I turned around, I walked to the living room, I picked up my purse and I left. Only I had to come back and get my REAL purse. I had grabbed Isabel’s again. I’m such a loser.

So I was trying to walk out again.

“Maria? Where’s Isabel?” Max says pushing past me.

Liz is here.

Liz looks as if she might faint. As if she might be sick. I worry; though I actually don’t give a shit I still have old habits of always babying her. Old habits die hard I guess.

“Liz?” I say. I wonder why she isn’t in the hospital but I don’t say anything about it.

She shakes her head and runs for the bathroom.

“Whatever.” I scowl and get the hell out.

“Where’s ISABEL?!” Max yells after me.

Did I stop and offer my help?



Alex’s POV

You know in a way we’re just all individuals bidding our time ‘til we die.


(Hold) Two… Three… Four… Five

Exhale. (Choke, cough, sputter!)

So it just all boils down to how we end up spending it. Whether it be smart, stupid, good, bad, productive or non-productive. We still roam this thing called earth. If Liz were here she’d tell me to quit.


(Hold) Two… Three… Four… Five

Exhale. (Cough, cough.)

If Maria were here she’d tell me that oils and incents are so much more exhilarating than chronic. But it’s still allllllllllllll natural! Kyle would probably leave the room in fear that the smell would seep through his pores and he wouldn’t be able to pass his drug tests for football. Tess would ask me to pass the blunt and take a fat hit. You hehehehehehehehehehahahahahahahaha, that was me laughing, I think this is all hilarious man!


(Hold) Two… Three… Four… Five


You ever just sit back and let the world go ‘round? You ever wonder if it might stop the day you die? You ever wonder just WHAT makes the world go ‘round? Why those damn selfish kids won’t give Rabbit any Trix?! Or why that dumbass Rabbit is getting punked by little kids in the first place? Why Lucky Charms are magically delicious, or where the hell that damn pot of gold is? Why Fred won’t share his Fruity Pebbles or why Barney won’t just go and buy his own? How come the sky’s blue and the grass is green?

Would people still listen to my music if they knew me? The REAL me? If they knew that I smoked pot before every concert and sometimes forget my own song lyrics so I just scream? Oh sure, they still cheer every time, but do they REALLY scream and shout for us? Do they REALLY listen to the music? Or am I just another CD on the shelf?

Puff, Puff, Puff…

Yep. You never truly think about what’s real until you’re high.

Oooooooooh, what’s that? That little vibrating sensation in my pocket? Ooooooh, there it is again. Oh wait! That’s my cell phone!

“Yeeeea?” I answered.





“Alex?” The voice waivers.

ISABEL! Oh wait! I’m not talking out loud, “Isabel? What’s wrong?” I ask.

“I ran away.” She cries.

Uh… (laughing)She sounds like a child, “Okay.” I say trying to stifle my girly giggles.

“So open your damn door asshole!” She screams banging on the door.

Oh shit!


Where is spray?!


Must hide stash!

“ALEX!” She bangs more.

“Coming! I’m not deeeeecent!” I lie.

“Oh.” She says softly. While I scamper around the room cleaning and spraying Lysol disinfectant, as if the air is intoxicated with germs and not an illegal substance.

“Okay.” I say cracking the door open, “You may enter. At your own risk.” I say letting her in.


Max's POV

Michael’s crash was the last straw. When he contacted me from jail I was 3 seconds from telling him to stay there for all eternity. He had really fucked up this time. Damn it!

Isabel was MIA. I knew she was okay though. It’s a sibling connection that we have. Something we find annoying.

I told Liz about our little problem.

I know that the coke is a problem, and I accept it.

But Michael. He still thinks his liver will stay intact at the rate he’s going…

I really want Liz to go to that 28 days shit. But I don’t wanna have to go with her. I can handle my problem, she can’t. The second we got to Isabel’s she was making a beeline for the bathroom. We let her go of course, no one wants to get barfed on.

As of Now, my sister is at Liz’s house with Alex. How the HELL she could have possibly got out of here without Maria knowing is beyond me. But yea, Alex called to inform us of her whereabouts.

I’m currently signing release forms for Michael. That fucker. He owes me BIG time. His bail was 20 grand. I can’t believe him; apparently neither can Liz because she’s screaming at him on the bench to my right. Every now and then you hear a *smack* and you know Liz is hitting him. That’s my girl!

“What the hell were you thinking???”


If you’re thinking Michael just got smacked.

You were wrong.

There’s a couple standing next to me and the male just got told.

I turn to look at Liz. Who has decided to give Michael the silent treatment. Just seeing her here with me makes me genuinely smile. She’s so beautiful, even with that irritated look on her face. Michael looks pretty messed up. Maria went home to check on Isabel.

“Thank you.” Michael grumbles when I hand him his bag of belongings that were confiscated when he was booked.

I nod.

It’s all I can do. I can’t be angry. Just disappointed.

Michael was there when I needed him. So I have to be here now for him when he needs me. I paid his bail. I checked in his totaled car for repairs. I think I have everything covered.

Liz takes my hand and we walk out the police station. These past few days have been hell. But then I look down to my left…

And I see an Angel.


Maria’s POV

I’m waiting.

I’m waiting for life to end and my pain to diminish.

No. Seriously, I’m waiting for Ava. I’m waiting for her to get me out of this hellhole. She called. Normally I would be thrilled to be in Liz’s home. In MY home.

But today just the smell drives me up the wall. Its not like it reeks or anything, I just don’t like the smell of Liz’s Ralph Lauren mixed with Michael’s Cool Water. I should be mad. I should feel something. Liz skipped out of her hospital deal. I should be scolding her or something. But I didn’t. I don’t feel anything.

I don’t care if Liz gets better.

I don’t care if Isabel gets better.

I don’t care if Michael’s okay from his accident.

I don’t care if Alex is killing his brain cells.

I don’t care that Max is still unstable and has issues that are about to hit the surface.

I don’t care that they might even bring Liz down with him.

I don’t care that I haven’t seen or heard from Tess and Kyle for a week.

Read my cherry RED lips.

I. Don’t. Care.

Are we all on the same page? Do we all understand?

I guess yesterday Michael crashed into a house or something.

*Shrug* Do I care?

So he’s mopping around in his room. Surprisingly unharmed. I could have sworn I seen him come in the house last night limping with cuts and bruises. When I brought this to his attention he said that I was delusional and I that needed to get out of his room. He can be so charming sometimes! I could giggle girlish giggles in thought of his presence! *giggle* *giggle* Okay, okay. I’ll quit bullshitting you.

Anyways, Ava called earlier this morning and said that we were having lunch this afternoon together. She also says she has a surprise for me. Uh. Okay.

Liz spent the night at Max's. Big deal.

Why is everyone reporting their whereabouts to me?

Alex has Isabel shacked up in hid room with him. God knows what they must be doing in there. Maybe Alex is lecturing Isabel on why she should smoke pot instead of snort coke. Whatever. Not that I care.


I hear Ava honk the horn downstairs from out the window. I know it’s her. Who else would it be? “Coming!” I yell out the window down to her.

I don’t even say goodbye to Al or Iz.

I just get the hell out.


Liz’s POV

Tomorrow. Maybe. I dunno.

Max is really pushing me to attend my program. I don’t want to go. I can’t be in there alone. I can’t. I don’t adapt well in new surroundings without familiar faces. Alex said he and Isabel were in. I just was informed that Michael must attend and pass or he will have to serve jail time. Do you think that he’s sorta off the hook because he’s famous up the butt crack? That’s’ what Max says. I must admit I agree.

Maria, Kyle and Tess said NO.

But they’ll come. Well at least Maria and Kyle will. I’ll make them come. I can do it you know. I have amazing magical powers of manipulation. It’s called persistence and crying.

One tear and they’ll be putty in my hands…


Max's POV

I can’t believe I’m doing this…

I can’t believe I’m actually packing my shit. My boxers, my pants, my shirts, my socks, my shoes, my laptop –hey I might want to write or something… Anyways, my elector shaver, my hair brush, my gel, my hairdryer, my cell phone, my cologne, my hot pink thong, my tooth brush, my-

Wait a minute.

Did I just say hot pink thong?

I dig through my suitcase. And yes in deed I DO in fact have a hot pink thong in my possession. I smile thinking of that night with Liz. That one passionate night. I can’t wait until we have one of those again.

“Hey you ready?” Liz comes up from behind and hugs my torso.

“Uh huh.” I say and turn to kiss her.

“What this?” She rips the hot pink fabric from my hands.

“MAX!” She screams clutching them to her chest.

This actually makes me a bit horny.

I shake the dirty thoughts clear and say, “Yes dear?”

“What is my underwear doing in your hands? Let alone anywhere NEAR your suit case?” She shrieks.

I love when she gets like this, her cute little cheeks turn pink and I can see the hot desire in her eyes. I know she’s thinking exactly what I am, because it’s hard not to remember that night. Especially since she’s holding the key to it.

“You’re so fucking hot right now.” I say.

Whoa where did that come from?!

“C’mere hot stuff.” She says jumping into my arms and attacking me with her mouth. We fall back on to my bed and I shove aside my suitcase sending everything flying out all over my bedroom floor.

I have no complaints. I just hope no one decides to pay me a visit…

“Oh MAX!” Liz screams when I rip her clothes off.

Oh yea.

I told you I would send her thighs buckling up and her lips screaming my name. I told you that the second I met her. And I have yet to ever break a promise…


Kyle’s POV

I left Tess sleeping soundly this morning and I went to the bathroom. I freshened up and I got ready to leave. I looked back at her resting form and felt my eyes sting with tears. I lied to her.

My heart burned with grief and regret.

I lied when I told her Ali was nothing. I lied.

I still have feeling for her. I still want to be with her. Sidney was a phase. Ali Larter was the real deal. She has been with me ever since the beginning. Tess, what can I say? I love her. I do. I can actually see us building a future together. But she’s holding back something major. Something that even I can’t penetrate. And it’s because of this that I can’t go on living with this lie between us.

I look back, she’s still sleeping. I pick up the phone and I make the call.


Tess’ POV

“Ali?” I hear him say.

My heart breaks.

It shatters into a million pieces.

I don’t bother picking them up.

Kyle shifts around in the bathroom, I can see him. I can see that this phone call is making him edgy, “Ali listen –I missed you too, but listen.”

I clench my eyes shut and tears escape. Can I listen? Can I actually bare to hear this?

“Yes baby the divorce papers came… Ali honey you gotta listen to me.” he says.

Oh god.

I retched. I retched into my garbage can, barley making it before I messed myself and my bed.

“Yes Ali I’m going to check into that program. I promise. I love you too, I know you care about me…” He says, causing my body to retch again.

“Baby will you just listen to me.” He says more forceful. “I know you haven’t seen me in a while, I’ve been busy… Doing what? Uh… I’ve been… I’ve been…”

You shit head. I think to myself.

“I’ve been with someone else.” He finally says.

I cry. I couldn’t believe it. He admitted it.

“This is what I’ve been meaning to tell you Ali. I’m with someone else, I know you’ve been there for me, I know you still would. But Tess… She needs me right now. And I need her. I’m so sorry baby. But I this has to end. I love you. I really do. But love Tess too. And we need each other… Good bye.”

I hear him hang up. I hide the garbage can under my bed and I lay back down. To him I was asleep and never awake yo hear his conversation. He didn’t even know that I heard his last words before he walked out to the kitchen to make breakfast.

“I love you Tess Harding… I love you.” He said.

I walked to the bathroom, and I made a call too.


Maria’s POV

“Go back up and pack ya things.” Ava says meeting me half way when I walked out to the car.

“Huh?” I was confused.

“C’mon were being spontaneous, live a ‘lil. Do it!” She shoos me back up stairs.

I packed light and I packed quick. I didn’t want anyone to come out and see me packing, they might think I was running away or something or worse, they might try and ask me why I was running away, thus trapping me into a long and boring lecture.

“Got it.” I say hoping into Ava’s wheels. “Bitchen’ wheels man.” I say smoothing my hands over the leather seats.

Ava simply nods her head, “Yea, well it’s a rental.” She shrugs peeling out of the parking lot.

“So where are we going?” I ask.

“You’ll see when we get there baby.” She winks and presses her old black boot to the gas petal.

Little did I know where this bitch was going to take me.


Michael’s POV

I don’t want to do this shit! I can’t believe I have to do this shit!!!!

“Michael, stop sulking and hurry up our cab will be here any minute.” I sable says pulling her hair up into a ponytail.

I scowl, “Sow hat’s up with you and Whitman?” I say.

Her eyes widen, “N-nothing.”

“Yea. Nothing.” I snort.

“You Michael you don’t always have to be such an ass.” She huffs and walks out of my room.

What a baby.

I haven’t been a really nice guy lately I know. I snapped at Maria this morning too. I feel horrible, I won’t even get to see her before I have to go. Maybe I can send her a letter?


That too childish. I’ll give her a call. Maybe when she come and visits Alex I can get a few words in.

“Mike! The cabs here lets go!” Alex yells out.

Michael say it right, hug it, embrace it, remember it. because if I ever hear you call me MIKE again I’m gonna shove my foot up your ass.” I growl.

“Ooooo Weeeee!” Alex whistles, “Looks like someone could use a drink, oh wait YOU CAN’T! Cuz you’re an alcoholic who crashed into a house going 15 miles per hour. Tell me Michael, were you aware that inch my inch your poor excuse for a car was crunching wood, or was your brain so consumed by liquor that the SLOWERA you drove the less coherent you actually were?” He says and walks out the door.

What an asshole.

Isabel just smirks and locks the door behind me, she passes me to the elevator and takes Alex’s hand in hers, they link fingers.

Just one more reason I envy Max Evans.

He doesn’t have to go through this bullshit program.


Max's POV

Man that was HOT.

Oh yea, whoa!

Liz and I keep giving each other side glances as we walk to our limo’s. We’re not allowed to ride in the same vehicles. Stupid press shit.

But before we part she runs to my ride and plants a wet one right on my lips. I grin and she walks back to her limo. She gets in and winks before rolling up her window.


Kyle’s POV

Tess said she didn’t mind me attending this program, in fact she said it was for the best, she said she’d be there for me when I got out. She’s been acting strange all day. It kinda makes me nervous actually.

I kiss her good bye before I walk into the 28 Day building. I can’t believe I’m doing this. I’m entering at my own risk here. The risk of my agent kicking my ass for admitting myself during preseason, for not telling him at all. For not answering or returning any of his calls for 3 weeks…

BFD. Man.

I walk in. I intend to stay here until my problems are solved. I’ve held too many lies; I need to clean out my closet. I need to admit that I have an anger problem. I have to admit that I don’t need steroids to through touch down passes. I need to admit that what happen that night I lost my boy’s trust was as much my fault as it was Sidney’s fault. That I was high that night with alcohol and steroids, that me and fellow teammate Nick took them regularly.

Tess drives off; I remember my phone call this morning.

I have to fix my life. I have to admit that I screwed up in my life, that I need time to heal. That I need to better myself.

That I was in love with two women, two women that love me too.

And that I just let the best one go…


Liz’s POV

“Tree’s, all I see are tree’s and… pine cones?” I scrunch up my nose disapprovingly as I step out of my limo.

“Well learn to love it bcuz it is your home for 28 days LP! And you better STAY there!” Sergio screams at me, so loud in fact that I have to pull the cell away from my ear.

“Serg. Listen I- hey!” I scream when my phone is brutally pulled away from my hands.

“No cell phones allowed in this program, you will get it back at the end of your stay. Follow me.” A large, short and stubby woman lugs my bags off into the building marked “28 days.” Everyone around is singing pick-me-up songs about survival and looking extremely dumb.

“Uh excuse me what are you doing?” I scream when the lady starts aimlessly going through my bag.

“Diet pills –out. Valium?” She looks up at me.

I shrug. I only use it when I can’t stand the pain in stomach.

“Out.” She throughs the out stuff into a separate box (my cell phone included), “Make-up bag?” She says holding up a mini black MAC bag.

“Yea.” I nod.

She smiles, “Out.” She throughs it into the out box.


“Electric shaver –out,” She says ignoring my protests, “Eyelash curler –out.”

“An eyelash curler?! Come ON woman!” I shout.

“Nail file –out, oh, some more diet pills I see, -out.” She throughs those into the garbage. “Okay. I think that’s about it.” She says looking at me and handing me back a messy bag.

“Gee thanks.” I scowl.

“Right this way to your room, you will be changing out of all that leather oh I almost forgot!” She says turning on her heels, “No sun glasses.” She grabs them off my face and throughs them in the box.

Damn this woman.


Maria’s POV


She tricked me. She admitted me into this shit hole and now I’m stuck. I feel like my mother, the day daddy tricked her. The day daddy said we were all going to the zoo. The day mommy got all dressed up happy to go to the zoo and we wore matching clothes. The day daddy said “We’ll be right back honey stay here with Liz at Grandma Claudia’s. Momma and I have to go do something then we’re going to the Zoo!” He shouted fake.

Bastard admitted my mother into an institution and left me with Liz and Grandma Claudia. He never came back for me. We never went to the Zoo. I never saw momma again.

‘The time is now’ I remember her saying. ‘Don’t give up, don’t ever stop trying’ Gee Mom did ya think of that one right before you jumped? Oh wait maybe she waited until the count of ten then BoOm! She flung herself free. Right off that bridge. This place sucks, it reminds me of my mom, what small memories I have of her. You suck mother! You really do!

“Maria what are you thinking right now?”

That Ava’s a bitch who should have been dead.

“Maria how do you feel about being here?”

I feel like you’re suffocating me.

“Maria why are you here?”

Because I was tricked.

“Maria do you even WANT to be here?”


“Maria I can’t help you unless you want to be helped.”

So. The fuck. What.

“Okay you are dismissed, maybe next time we can have a TWO way conversation instead of me listening to my own voice for 45 minutes.” She shoe’s me away.

Away I fly, I fly away like Mommy…


Alex’s POV

This blows. It really does, I can’t have any of the cool stuff I freaking brought JUST for this place, like my Playstation 2 or my X-Box or my Game Cube… Don’t even get me started on the fact that I can’t balance myself out this week (aKa hot box my room). Did you know they searched all threw my bags? Maria said that they even took her oils and lotions, like that’s harmful! You can’t even OD on that stuff, well. At least I don’t THINK you can, but then again with people today, you just don’t know.

Isabel says her roommate is really nice, she’s lying because her roommate is Maria and I know Maria’s being a bitch right now. Why the hell is she here anyways? How did she get in? Why? She said she’d rather die than come here. Kyle says that he misses Tess. She said she’ll come visit him why’ll he’s in here with us. I personally think that her ass needs this more than us but whatever. Maria just went off to her first councilor meeting with Topolsky (our guidance councilor), and Liz. Well I don’t know where Liz is.

Anywhoo Michael’s my roommate; can you hear the lack of joy in my voice?

“I hate it here!” Michael grumbles AGAIN in his pillow.

“You’ve been saying that ever since you got here.” I sigh form my place on the floor.

“Yea, and you’ve been lying there on your back staring up at the ceiling ever since I got here too.” Michael growls lifting his scruffy head up from his pillow.

“So?” I shrug.

“So you look like a retard.” He says.

“Oh shut up, I’m not the one who went into a house with my car.” I say watching the fan blades on the ceiling go ‘round.

“No one was even in the house.” Michael’s growls burring his head back in his pillow.

“It still doesn’t constitute what you did.” I say throwing a rubber bounce ball in the air and catching it.

“What are you doing?” Michael says lifting his head again.

“Nothing.” I say sitting up and throwing the ball against the wall.

“Stop it.” He barks.

“No.” I throw it again at the wall and catch it, I throw it again.

“Stop.” He mutters.

“Ummm…. No.” I throw it again.

“STOP IT!” He screams jumping up and grabbing the ball, he walks over to the window and throws it out. Then he falls face first back into his bed where he buries his face in his pillow.

“You’re no fun.” I say climbing up into my bed.

“This whole shit hole is NO FUN.” Michael states.

“That’s because you’re in it.” I say getting up and walking out the room.

Of all the psychotic people I could have bunked with… I got Michael Guerin.

A/N: how was that? PLZ Leave me feedback! I need it! It's like a drug! LOL j/k but plz do it! LOL hehehe *wink*


[ edited 1 time(s), last at 3-Sep-2002 4:56:00 AM ]
posted on 3-Sep-2002 7:00:41 PM by JBehrsGurl
Just welcoming aboard this fic to the IBMOFA society too. lol

posted on 5-Sep-2002 4:24:23 PM by JBehrsGurl
lol Joanna! *wink*
posted on 6-Sep-2002 1:41:13 PM by JBehrsGurl
Dear Loyal and Friendly Readers,

It has come to our attention that not many people are reading and or leaving feedback to this fic anymore... Do you wish JBehrsGurl to continue? We have been informed recently that a Ms. Joanna is very supoortive and we would like to give our great appreciations, also there are many other reviews here that are to be thanked... We here at the IBMOF Society would like to inform you the readers that Elena is now in our resort and is will not be back until further investiagations go underway, we regret to inform you that she has been spotted MANY times bumping her own fics, if you would like to know more and or have more evidence to our assumptions plz, do not hesitate to contact us...

The I Bump My Own Fics Anonymous Society...

posted on 7-Sep-2002 4:02:53 AM by JBehrsGurl
Gee guys I was only foolin! I was gonna continue its just that I was feeling the lack of love... But thanks you guys! *takes deep happy breath* I'm gonna go work on the next part! *skips off*


btw: Jessica! You signed up for RoswellFanaftics!!! Yeay! Can't wait 'til you start posting your fics!

Joanna: Luv ya! *wink* Dont worry about PMS boy! lol
posted on 9-Sep-2002 4:42:13 AM by JBehrsGurl
Thanks JO! I have class tomorrow so I'll proly be bored and write an update in my notebook and then I'll type it up and post for you guys! yeay! lol

Mean while plz check out my fic "Just Emotions" its really interesting! PLZ Read it! lol Cuz I REALLY enjoyed writing it and I just hope you guys do too! Its posted ch. 1-13 already plz check it out!!! Also plz read my sis's story "Shadows Of Antar" its really good too! She's new to the forum so lets all make her feel at home okay? *wink* I knew you guys were the best for a reason! hehe

Just Emotions

Shadows Of Antar by: StardustDreamer

btw: I take my drivers test tues at 9am. Man I am so nervous! I hope I get my L's cuz then I can drive my car! *crosses fingers and prays*


[ edited 2 time(s), last at 9-Sep-2002 4:44:41 AM ]
posted on 9-Sep-2002 3:31:37 PM by JBehrsGurl
This bump is okay bcuz I need you guys to read the note above...
posted on 11-Sep-2002 5:04:30 PM by JBehrsGurl
GOD BLESS everyone on this day, as any other day also but today, let us all be with one another happily...

Luv Always,
~Elena (JBehrsGurl)
posted on 13-Sep-2002 4:00:49 AM by JBehrsGurl
Sorry for the delay but this part is gonna knock your sicks off!!!

Ch. 20
Just Breathe
Maria’s POV

I feel like I did when I was a child.




Everything about this place reminds me of her…

Of my mother.

The bitch that killed herself. She didn’t mean to, she didn’t WANT to. But she did. She threw herself from that high spot atop the golden gate bridge. She didn’t look back; she just plummeted to her death in silence. Alone. She did it all alone. She left me… all alone. I can’t breathe; this place is choking me, suffocating me. Killing me.

Liz spends her time with Max.

Alex spends his time with Isabel.

Kyle spends his time on the frickin’ payphone with Tess who accepts his collect calls and doesn’t care that each minute she’s dishing out .95 cents.

Michael spends his time lifting weights out back and won’t speak to no one.

Ms. Topolsky keeps trying to open me up, I think she see’s me as a limp frog on her lab table waiting to be dissected. It won’t be so easy lady.

“Maria. Are we going to have cooperation on your part today?” Ms. Topolsky says clasping her hands together on her lap.


“Maria, you haven’t spoken a word to anyone since your arrival here at the program. Why?” She asks sweetly pushing her expensive Ralph Lauren glasses up her small pungent nose.

I blink.

“Oh Maria what I wouldn’t do to read your mind sometimes.” She sighs, “You are dismissed, maybe next time you’ll…” She stops short.

I blink again.

“Good day Ms. Deluca.” She smiles.

I get up, I walk over to the door and I exit.


Liz’s POV

My roommates actually the most sanest person I know. She doesn’t look like she has a problem in the world. I thought she was normal, I thought the reason she was in here was a mistake.

“So why ARE you in here Ms. Dupri?” I asked her as she help me unpack what I was actually allowed to have.

“Laurie please, Um…” She said putting folded clothes in the small dresser drawer.

“Laurie.” I said smiling.

She smiled back sweetly, “Oh, well… Yea Uh…”

“It’s okay. I’m not ready to share why I’m here either.” I assured her.

“Thanks, LP.” She winked.

I was quite surprised, I was SURE she wouldn’t have a clue who I was. Max has stopped by my room already, I’ve been here not even a day and it already feels like a year. Max says he feels the same way. I haven’t spoken to anyone else, I know that Alex and Isabel are here; they’re actually acting quite strange. It started after they returned from wherever it was that they went last night –Oh and Michael. Max said that he spoke to Isabel and she said that Maria was her roommate. I was shocked, of all people I wouldn’t suspect Maria of ever stepping foot in this place. I mean after what her mother went through and all…

“Well I have to meet with Ms. Topolsky really quick so I’ll help you unpack more later okay?” Laurie says walking towards the door.

“Oh don’t worry about it, if I need help I’ll drag Max over here.” I replied.

She smiled again, “He seems like a very nice guy, I hope you two stay together forever.” Her voice quivered and her left.


What was that all about?

But before I can have time to think Max's arms slink around my waist and I feel his lips on my neck. It feels so nice, so sweet, and so passionate. I must calm myself! Oh but this feels SO good! Did I mention how good this feels? I did? Okay well let me just say it again.

“Mmmm. You better stop that.” I my brain makes my mouth say, what I REALLY wanna say… Well, you can guess.

“Mmmm. I don’t think so Liz Parker.” Max breathes in my ear sending chills up and down my spine.

When did I get here? No. Not HERE. Not in this program. But here. In Max Evan’s arms. When did I earn this? HOW did I earn this? Max has been nothing but good to me. I have been ungrateful, bitchy, irritable, sarcastic, and nostalgic. He has been there for me through all this. Through everything. Even when he wasn’t there he was there. I know I must sound so idiotic but… But I just can’t fully explain what I feel. It’s actually quite scary.

“Mr. Evans, is that your hand on my ass?” I say raising an interested eyebrow.

“Would you be aroused if it were?” Max says in my ear huskily.

Yes, I would in fact very much… I clench my eyes shut; I could just take him right here. Right now.

“Am I interrupting something?” Isabel says from the doorway.

Max and I pull apart quickly.

“Isabel!” Max says a tad too loud.

She laughed, “I didn’t mean to bust you out or anything but Ms. Topolsky asked me to come and get you Liz.” Isabel said flipping her hair over her shoulder.

“In a minute.” Max said to Isabel and spun me around, “I must ravage you first.” Max says hungry.

I giggle and kiss his cheek, “Later my sweet.” I wink and walk out the door with Isabel…


“Why hello there Ms. Parker! I’m Kathleen Topolsky and I’ll be your counselor during your stay here at 28 days.” Ms. Topolsky greeted me with a smile and thrust her warm hand in mine.

“Uh… Okay.” I replied reluctantly sitting in the chair across from her in her desk.

Her office was cheery, yellow painted walls and baby blue flowing curtains. Her windows open ajar and the mid afternoon breeze soaring through the curtains sending its winds through my hair. I closed my eyes and let the breeze flow through me. I felt so peaceful just then.

“Too much wind Ms. Parker?” Topolsky said getting up to close off the free wind.

“NO!” I shouted. Causing her to pause and look at me strange. I cleared my throat, “I mean, uh, the breeze is fine. It’s actually quite comforting.” I smiled genuinely.

Ms. Topolsky’s charming stamina came back just then and she sat back down. I glanced around the walls to see framed diplomas, certificates, and pictures of past patients in triumph. Would that soon be me? Would I be the next face on that wall with a huge smile and a brave fist held high in success?

No. Never. I would NEVER be so cheesy. Just the thought of something like that is enough to make me gag. Ugh!

“Ms. Parker? Ms. Parker?” Ms. Topolsky snapped her fingers bringing me out of my daze.

“Uh-Uh y-yes?” I replied shaking my head clear of unwanted thoughts.

“Let’s start with why you’re here.” She smiled looking through a portfolio.

No doubt MY portfolio.

“Let’s.” I responded sarcastic.

Topolsky just looked up from behind her expensive glasses and then back down to her papers, “It says here that you have a eating disorder, is this sound accurate?” She looked up and set the portfolio down.

I ignored her question and scanned the room again. Lots of fuzzy stuffed animals lined the walls on shelves and tiny beanies were stacked up on them also, making the room look cluttered and messy. What once was a cheerful room; now made me sick and irritable.

I lay my head back on my soft plush chair and stared at the ceiling, “About as accurate as can be.” I answered to the happy clouds painted above me.

“Ms. Parker are you going to be difficult with me?” She asked calmly.

I couldn’t believe it actually. I mean, here I was being the biggest ass ever and there she was STILL in the calm zone.

“Difficult?” I lifted my head back up to look at her, “What EXACTLY you define as being difficult?” I rose a curious eyebrow and leaned back into my chair to spin around in circles.

I heard Ms. Topolsky sigh; I was weakening her calm exterior. Cool.

“Ms. Parker I suppose this session is at it’s end-“

“What? End? But we just started!” I shouted pretending to care. I spun around wildly in my chair in an attempt to maybe make my self high on dizziness. Is that possible by the way?

“Many have tried to break my Ms. Parker, all have failed.” Ms. Topolsky replied out of nowhere.

I snapped my head back up to see her face but was still spinning and fell out of the chair.

Ms. Topolsky simply smiled and walked over to the door, “Good day Ms. Parker, until next visit.”

I stumbled through the open door and turned back, “See ya!” I said chipper and gave her a thumbs up. Or at least gave a thumbs up to ONE of the 5 Ms. Topolsky’s I saw at that moment.

The second she shut her office door I collapsed onto the floor in laughter, I was dizzy, I was childish, and I wanted me some MAX!


Alex’s POV

Is it strange to say that I am actually enjoying myself here at this place? Cuz I do. I like it here. It’s peaceful, it’s nature-ful and I have a half-naked Isabel Evans sunbathing next to me by the pool. Who would have thought that so little could be SO MUCH!!! Oh the joys of being a male in a female dominated world… Wait, did I just say what I think I just said? No matter, Isabel’s looking at me and smiling. I feel like that smile could drive a sane man wild. I’ve been writing songs lately, the one I’ve been working on most is almost finished. “Welcome To My World.” It’s pretty cool. I’ll have to go dig up the lyrics when we get back to our rooms –which will NOT be any time soon I hope.

“What are you thinking about Mr. Whitman?” Isabel smiled up at me from her spot on the beach chair beside me.

“Oh nothing… Just thinking about how fun it would be to pull at those strings and watch the fabric fall to the floor leaving you bare.” I replied running fingers through her silky blonde hair.

She giggled, “Why Alex Whitman how dare you think impure thoughts about me and not make them a reality!” Isabel grinned sliding down her shades to reveal her eyes to me.

Her deep, LUSTFUL eyes.

Oh boy. Little Peetie is perkin’ up right about now! Shhhh! Shhhh! Down boy! Back you heavin!

Isabel’s eyes travel down, down, down… Yep, there it is. She saw. She smiled seductively and turns over onto her stomach.

“Ally would you be a doll and rub suntan lotion on my back?” She purred.


I rushed to the bottle and squirted that puppy all over my hands, I massaged the lotion onto her back and THAT’S when she started moaning.

“Oh… Oh Alex, that is so good, my-my have you got hands! OH! OH Yes! Lower Alex, Lower!”

My face was the color of cherries, yes my dear readers, I was blushing BIG time. But I went lower, and lower and whoa! One more inch and her badonkadonk was mine!


But then again, it would be okay because legally that but was mine…

“Mr. Whitman? What do you say we take this behind closed doors?” Isabel sits up and whispers.

“Why Mrs. Whitman, I thought you’d never ask…”

Oh yea, did I forget to mention that?

We uh…

We’re kinda…

Well you see we…

We’re married.

a/n: ahahahahha!!!! How was that???

btw: I also UPdated "Say Anything!" and "Sex In The City Of Roswell" so go read 'em!! lol *wink*

[ edited 1 time(s), last at 13-Sep-2002 4:04:24 AM ]
posted on 13-Sep-2002 10:40:33 AM by JBehrsGurl
lol I told ya it would knock your socks off!!!*bounce*
posted on 15-Sep-2002 11:06:12 PM by JBehrsGurl
I'm working on the next part!
posted on 17-Sep-2002 4:55:08 PM by JBehrsGurl
Okay so the update will be comming up but gosh it kills to say this...


I'm experiencing writers block! *sad* ahhhhhhhaaaaaaa!!!!!! *cries* Nooo!!!! *sobs*

I-I *tries to catch breath* I j-j-just don't know what to d-do!!! All this stuff come pouring out but then I end up deleting it! It's not good enough! Why is this happening??? Ugh! *slaps self across the face*Sorry for venting on you guys but I just had to get this out! I must face the fear and fight it! Okay, I think now that I have ultimately embarrassed myself I will try to go back and work on the update...

*sulks away...*

~Elena (with head hung low...) *sad*

Sheeeesh!!! How pathetic was that?????? (*lol*)
posted on 18-Sep-2002 1:14:18 AM by JBehrsGurl
Awww Jess! *cries* (hugs!)


To all you out there who support this story! Jo you too! You bump me no matter what! I luv you for that! *wink*

posted on 20-Sep-2002 2:24:02 PM by JBehrsGurl
*dodges large amounts of foods being thrown at her* Hey guys! Heh heh.. *blushes* Okay seriously I'll start the update tonight, I'm almost done with my "Say Anything" Update, and I'm going to post my "Hard Love" update later on tonight... as for "Sex In The City Of Roswell" that one will be posted in a coupla days cuz I havent even started that update yet. (lol) As for any other story... I'll start the update when I can kay? Oh yea! I have the update to "Roswellian Outlaws" I just have to type it up...

In the meantime PLEASE chk out my new short N funny story: All In The Writing Its funny I promise and you'll like it if you just give it a try!!! lol *yes I AM begging* lol tell your friends folks! lol *wink*

luv ya!

[ edited 1 time(s), last at 20-Sep-2002 2:27:01 PM ]
posted on 26-Sep-2002 3:55:10 PM by JBehrsGurl
Guess what chickies!!!! I have the NEW part!!! All I have to do is finish the last POV and I'm gonna post!!!! So be ready bcuz I'm posting it tonight!!!! *wink*

ps. Thanks you guys for the awesome bumps!
Joanna My star! 5

posted on 26-Sep-2002 10:22:23 PM by JBehrsGurl
a/n: Liz and Maria’s songs are by Alanis Morissette and Alex’s song was actually written by me, so if it sucks… You know why.

Ch. 21
Writing Songs…

I’m done being silly now. I’ve already had my way with Max and he’s asleep. He’s so cute; you really should see his face right before he c-

Uh… On second thought. Let’s not go there…

Shhhh. I’m writing…

Writing what? You say? Well that’s just none of your damn business okay? NO! Wait! Come back! Come back! I didn’t mean it okay? You back yet? You are? Good. Okay well I guess I’ll let you see what I have so far. I think it’s a poem. But I’m not sure yet, just read what I have so far okay? Okay…

Oh these little rejections how they add up quickly
One small sideways look and I feel so ungood
Somewhere along the way I think I gave you the power to make
Me feel the way I thought only my father could

Oh these little rejections how they seem so real to me
One forgotten birthday I'm all but cooked
How these little abandonment’s seem to sting so easily
I'm 13 again am I 13 for good?

I can feel so unsexy for someone so beautiful
So unloved for someone so fine
I can feel so boring for someone so interesting
So ignorant for someone of sound mind

So what do you think? I started writing it a long time ago but I just didn’t care to share it until now. I feel the lyrics, ya know? It’s exactly how I really feel. I’m not done writing it yet either, I have much more to add. But this is all I have for now. Silly if you think, I mean… What you must think of me right? You must think I’m a complete moron. It’s okay if you do, cuz uh… I think I am a moron too.

The last part. The:
I can feel so unsexy for someone so beautiful
So unloved for someone so fine
I can feel so boring for someone so interesting
So ignorant for someone of sound mind

That’s me. Dead on. NO. I’m not being conceited in any way shape or form. I know I am not ugly. I may FEEL ugly, but I know I’m not. I’m obviously not if people choose to take pictures of me and plaster them all around as a campaign for whatever their idem is. I can feel so insignificant; I know I’m not. I can feel stupid, I’m not.

The part where I say:

Oh these little rejections how they add up quickly
One small sideways look and I feel so ungood
Somewhere along the way I think I gave you the power to make
Me feel the way I thought only my father could

This is the life I live. You now know how a model of my status feels on a regular basis. Most models don’t give a shit what you think, they know they look good. But for the ones like me, the ones who struggle to maintain their high status, the ones who are told on a regular basis that they could all forgotten by next week…

We value every comment, every compliment, and every word out anyone’s mouth. Trust me, I know. I say the last part about my father because as much as you all think you know me…

You have NO idea.

I have a sister. Anjelica.

Bet you didn’t know that. Unless you remember at the very beginning of my sadist tale when I mentioned her. She’s long gone. She hates my guts for reasons I don’t even know. Maybe she’s jealous, maybe she blames me for things back in our childhood. Whatever the reason, she’s no longer a part of my life. She hasn’t been since high school.

My father. Jeff.

He hates me. Bet you didn’t know that either.

When I was 13 I stopped acting like a tomboy and started acting like a girl. Me and Maria would play dress up in Anjelica’s clothes until she came in the room and started yelling. I lived with Grandma Claudia all my life. My parents didn’t give a shit. I don’t really care so if you’re thinking I’m suffering some post dramatic stress syndrome you can call off your assumptions cuz… That ain’t the deal here.

Anyways as I grew older I started to get more… Nicer looking. Thus boys started paying more attention to me. Daddy did NOT like this. But who the HELL was he to have a say about my love life right? Grandma let me go out on dates, daddy didn’t like this either. He called me a slut and a whore. He said I was luck y I didn’t live with him or else I’d be locked up in my room until I was 30. Boys were evil, he’d say. More like SCREAM, but eh… Mom would just sit back and watch, no emotion would pass her face and she spoke with a monotone voice. “Hello Liz, Anjelica. How are my girls doing? Very well I hope. Maybe next time we can have a little chat and something to eat.” Then she’d walk away and go talk to grandma. Anjelica would get so excited about someday getting to have a day with mom. I knew that day would never come, but who was I to burst Anjelica’s bubble?

Realistically… All this shit killed me inside, only I didn’t know it until now. Years later, when I would write:

Oh these little rejections how they seem so real to me
One forgotten birthday I'm all but cooked
How these little abandonment’s seem to sting so easily
I'm 13 again am I 13 for good?

I never cared about not having parents. Really. I didn’t, I had grandma Claudia and she was all I needed. I had Kyle and Alex. I had Maria, I had Tess… I used to Anjelica but she was always in a whole other world of her own… I wonder if she ever stops and thinks about me… Whatever, not that I CARE.

So when they forgot my birthday, I held Teflon the whole day. Everyone smiled and cheered when I blew out those candles. They never knew what I had whished for. They never would…

They’d never knew I wished my parents were dead…


Maria’s POV

I haven’t spoken a word. Still I maintain my mute nature here at this shit hole. But that doesn’t mean I don’t write. I’m actually working on some songs. You wanna see one? I bet you do. Too bad, cuz I’m not in the sharing kind of mood. Pshhht.

You’ll rescue me right? In the exact same way they never did...
I'll be happy right? When your healing powers kick in
You’ll complete me right? Then my life can finally begin
I'll be worthy right? Only when you realize the gem I am?

But this won't work now the way it once did
And I won't keep it up even though I would love to
Once I know who I'm not then I'll know who I am
But I know I won't keep on playing the victim

These precious illusions in my head did not let me down when I was defenseless
And parting with them is like parting with invisible best friends

Oh my god! Hey! You can’t do that! You totally just peeked in my song book!

You have no idea how vulnerable I feel right now. These are my inner most deepest thoughts and you just robbed me dry.

This ring will me yet as will you knight in shining armor
This pill will help me yet as will these boys gone through like water

But this won't work as well as the way it once did
Cuz I want to decide between survival and bliss
And though I know who I'm not I still don't know who I am
But I know I won't keep on playing the victim

These precious illusions in my head did not let me down when I was a kid
And parting with them is like parting with a childhood best friend

I've spent so long firmly looking outside me
I've spent so much time living in survival mode…

HEY! You do that again and I SWEAR I will get ghetto up in here.

Ell now you’ve seen the whole song. That is the ONLY one you will see too. I have safely hidden my book now under my bed. DOH! *smacks self* I just told you where it was didn’t I?


Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit!

Thanks a lot guys. I bet you want me to explain what the song means now huh? Pssht. Fuck off.

I have enough to deal with right now than explain what I wrote. Okay? Gosh don’t LOOK at me like that alright! GOD! You REALLY wanna know what they mean? F-I-N-E!!!

You’ll rescue me right? In the exact same way they never did...
I'll be happy right? When your healing powers kick in
You’ll complete me right? Then my life can finally begin
I'll be worthy right? Only when you realize the gem I am?

I’m talking about all the shit head producers who said they’d help me out in life. I’m asking them these questions, and I’m believing every lie they tell me…

But this won't work now the way it once did
And I won't keep it up even though I would love to
Once I know who I'm not then I'll know who I am
But I know I won't keep on playing the victim

This is me now.

Well, not entirely. This is supposed to be me when I’m out this shit hole. As long as I’m in here I might as well make a goal for myself right? Fuck. Ava totally has me screwed up. I can’t stop thinking about my mom. I can’t. She’s everywhere. I can smell her, I can ever fucking FEEL her near by. Ugh! Let’s just move on shall we?

These precious illusions in my head did not let me down when I was defenseless
And parting with them is like parting with invisible best friends

This is me saying that I must let go of the lies people tell me. The glorious lies of stardom, the lies of love, trust, honor and all that shit that comes with relationships. I’m parting with the lies like I did when I let go of my invisible best friends. By this I mean Liz. I mean Alex. I mean Kyle. And I mean Tess. They are what I thought was my best friends. But now I know the truth, that all they care about is they’re selves. So I’m letting them go.

This ring will me yet as will you knight in shining armor
This pill will help me yet as will these boys gone through like water

The ring. DUH. Michael’s ring. The one he gave me that I still wear. The pill is a symbol. I’ve had my fair share of intimate partners. A number of producers and random guys I’ve felt the need to have to fuck. It’s just sex. It’s not LOVE. It’s never about that. EVER. I’ve gone threw boys like water. And my pill… My pill is the moment of belonging, the moment of feeling the lie that they whisper in my ear.

That they love me…


Alex’s POV

I’m sure you’re still wondering what the HELL is up with Iz and me huh?

Well take a number cuz I don’t even know how it happen. One minute I’m telling her to take a hit and the next I find myself saying, “I do” at some casino in Reno.

Funny story actually. Maybe I’ll tell you it sometime. What? You wanna know it now? Are you sure? I mean it’s not really that interesting….

Funny –haha but interesting eh…

Okay well you all know that she banged on my door the other day and I let her in at her own risk. Well after talking about her addiction to Coke, I told her that I had a lil addiction all my own. Weed. Pot. Cronic. The green stuff. Grass. Bomb. Fire. Dosha. Whatever the hell you wanna call it, yep it’s all the same and I’m in love with Mary Jane. So I introduced Isabel to MJ. You might know her –Marijuana. She’s just so good to me.

Isabel liked Mary Jane too.

Isabel liked her so much that she smoked my whole stash and somehow convinced me to board a plane with her to Reno where she said we could get married and smoke MJ all day long forever. Now come on. I may have been bombed but I DO know that MJ never has you that fucked up. But then again I wasn’t really myself anyways despite the MJ so I agreed and well.

We tied the knot.

Right now is quiet time. It’s the time spent between the moment Isabel falls asleep after we get threw uh… “Wrestling.” And the moment she wakes up. This is when I write.

Yes kiddies, Alex Whitman can write.

Well I have to. I’m a musician after all dammit. Wanna see what I have so far? No? Well too damn bad. Here’s what I have so far it’s called Welcome To My World…:

Welcome… (whisper)
To… (whisper)
My… (loud)
WORLD!!!!! (scream)

>Guitar solo<

When I was seventeen
And everyone was mean
I’d walk
Down the halls
And the jocks
They’d bust my chops

I screamed, and I’d shout
That was all
You thought I was about

I play
The guitar
Pick up girls
At the bar

My best friends
Are two girls
These two girls
They are my world


I lie!
And I smoke pot
And I cried
When 2Pac was shot
It’s okay
You can say


To my world
So back up
Before my band turns POP
It’s a stress
What a mess
That I have gotten into…

Well Hello
So what now?
Now you wanna be me?

No you don’t
It’s a joke
I’m an ass
Let me pass
You to the front line.

(end chorus)

No, no
No autographs
You can kiss my ass!

My ex-girlfriend
She dissed me
On the cover
Of a magazine

And well that’s about as far as I’ve gotten. What do you think? I personally like the part where I say the media can kiss my ass cuz uh… They can. Dude that article on Liz was way uncalled for. They put her whole life out there like that and didn’t spare NO mercy.

Uh oh. Isabel’s stirring. Looks like we may have to have an instant reply of this afternoon!


“Alex are you GROWLING at me?” She giggles.


“C’mere you.” She says pulling me on top of her.

Well who am I to deny her some good Alex luvin?

Uh. I’ll be rrrrrright back…



Max is still asleep. You know we’re actually NOT allowed to have intimate relationships here at the program? I just found that out as I was looking at the pamphlet. Rule number 7.

Under NO circumstances may you become intimately involved with any other patient.

Hmm… What if you were already involved with one of the other patients before you actually came here? Not that I care what they do to me because I’m with Max.

So I’ve been working on that poem –or whatever it is…

Oh these little protections how they fail to serve me
One forgotten phone call and I'm deflated
Oh these little defenses how they fail to comfort me
Your hand pulling away and I'm devastated

When will you stop leaving baby?
When will I stop deserting baby?
When will I start staying with myself?

Oh these little projections how they keep springing from me
I jump my ship as I take it personally
Oh these little rejections how they disappear quickly
The moment I decide not to abandon me

What do you think?

You know the part where I say:

When will you stop leaving baby?
When will I stop deserting baby?
When will I start staying with myself?

Guess why I wrote that?

Cuz I just left the room where Max was.

I’m still no good for him. I think maybe I’m going to apply that rule number 7. Looking back and I just realized that I AM really fucked up. My parents, my sister… No wonder they left my sorry ass. No wonder I’m alone.

Max doesn’t NEED this.

He can do so much more better. Just because I need him doesn’t mean he needs me. He probably thinks we’re good for each other.

But we’re not.

a/n: What do YOU think?

posted on 27-Sep-2002 12:37:58 PM by JBehrsGurl
OMB! You guys are great! *happy* Thanks!

posted on 28-Sep-2002 12:29:35 AM by JBehrsGurl

yes kiddies the IBMOFA is back!
posted on 15-Oct-2002 5:38:51 PM by JBehrsGurl
Seiously you guys no joke I have the next part ready I just have to get my ass down to type it up and that might take a lil while cuz things are so hectic right now and plus I get lazy when I DO have free time. LOL! But just so you know! It's gonna be good with a Ms. Topolsky POV!

U know I luv ya!
posted on 17-Oct-2002 2:42:54 PM by JBehrsGurl
Hey Joanna! I miss ya too! I'll proly IM you right after I post this:

I started typing up the new part and it should be ready to post by tonight or tomorrow night so hold tight chickies!!! *wink*

You know I luv ya!
posted on 22-Oct-2002 1:32:42 PM by JBehrsGurl
Geez! I'm so sorry you guys! I meant to post the new part last night but I konked out! Please forgive me! I'm updateing tonight FOR SURE and if I don't than you have my permisson to kick my ass!!!

Luv ya!
posted on 23-Oct-2002 3:51:30 AM by JBehrsGurl
Gosh I don’t know if many of you will even read this but… Here goes:

Joanna, my star… I love you gurl! Tu es mi amiga por vida! *wink*
Brittainy… You, my loyal bumper; are truly the best ever! *tongue*
ChaosTheroy: DUDE!! Where the hell have you been? Did you fall of the face of the earth for a while? *gasp* I hope all is well I miss you!
Jeremiah: You’re the bomb diggity you know that? *hug* hehe
Everyone else please don’t hate me for not thanking you personally cuz I don’t have the time as of now and I’m about to pass out! I promise to thank you all individually tomorrow okay???? So sorry for the long ass delay! Life is crazy!

As always feedback is greatly appreciated! *wink*

Ch. 22
Group Meeting
Isabel’s POV

You know…

I’ve really been putting in a huge effort to be friends with Maria but all I’ve gotten back from her is silence. At first all she did was bitch at me, but now she doesn’t say anything. She sleeps all day and keeps to her self. I may not be her best friend or her relative or anyone that may be remotely close to her but I DO know when someone is in desperate need of psychiatric help.

I’ve tried to tell Alex but he says that she’s fine. He says that she gets like this sometimes and that he and Liz just wait until it passes. I still think she needs help. Maybe more than ALL of us. I just hope its not to late.

Well, I’m off to my first group meeting.


Kyle POV

Sometimes I sit still and I just stare out into the world wondering what our purpose is. Is Tess really the one for me? Is anyone? Will I ever see my children again?

Will they still cry and flinch to my touch? Will my heart break seeing the terror in their eyes? I love them more than life itself. But I can’t go back to them like this, like the mess I am. No one knows that I used to abuse steroids. NO ONE. Not even Liz. I don’t think I’ve ever felt so alone.

I can’t even speak to Tess. I’ve been in here not four days and already I feel distant towards her. As if she’s trying to avoid me.

Ali. Can I express what I feel for her? I love her as I love Tess. Yet I choose Tess only because I complete her. I know she has hurt mixed feelings about the night we first made love. Yes. It was love. Not sex. Not passion. Not even lust. But Love. In the purest form. Maybe it was because of her divine and untainted love that sacred me away. I fled and look what I’ve become.


Sorry to dump on you but… I had to. Now I have to go to this damn group meeting.



“Hello! And welcome to your first 28 days meeting!” Ms. Topolsky said cheerfully into the microphone, as she stood confident behind her podium and we all sat at our tables and seats wondering if she was on crack.

“Oh goody!” Michael replied sarcastically.

“Michael! Shhh!” I scolded him. I took his arm in my hands and gave it a squeeze.

“Please. Stop. You might damage my circulation.” Michael cracked again.

“Wow. Someone’s grumpy!” I laughed. “Calm down and pay attention.” I whispered in his ear.

“As we progress here in the program, you will also contact someone who has been majorly effected by your problem.” Ms. Topolsky cleared her throat, “I ask you now to please fill out your forms…” She stepped down and passed pout her forms.

Name: Elizabeth Claudia Parker.

Blah, blah, blah…

What is this? The first day of fuckin school?

But the next question caught me off guard. Ms. Topolsky wasn’t joking after all.

Who has been most effected by your problem?


::Everyone’s papers/responses to the question::

Isabel: Lonnie Evans.

Michael: Liz Parker.

Kyle: Tess Harding.

Alex: Nicole Scott.

Maria: Me.

Max: Fuck off.

Liz: Everyone.


Maria’s POV

How stupid is this? Seriously now. Think about my predicament. My mom was a whack job who killed herself. My dad has been MIA since I was 5. my whole career is shit, my best friends are crazy and I’ve been tricked into this damn program to the only friend I THOUGHT might be just that. A friend.

Now you fucking want me to talk about this shit?

Look how long it has taken me to semi-release all of this crap, and now you want me to find someone close to me and TALK about it? Is she insane? Is she serious?

My problems started when my mother died.

What am I supposed to do? Go dig her decaying ass up out the ground and talk to her about my fucking “problems?”

NO. I’m sorry. This is asking way too much of me. I still have no intention on talking to anyone. I haven’t since I got here. I won’t until I leave. I kinda like being quiet –no words escape my lips. Alone I stand, alone I am. Pretty good huh? Nothing like the masterpiece song I wrote and that you read –without my consent may I add! It’s okay, I understand, I mean if I saw someone’s notebook lying open like that I’d probably try and sneak a peak in it too. But that doesn’t mean you can do it again okay?


Who am I going to bring? Topolsky was really on my ass about my answer. What? It’s the truth! Oh shit. I’ll probably just end up bringing. What’s that broads name again?

Oh yea. Ava.


Topolsky’s POV

“Hello! I can take those to Ms. Topolsky.” A perky curly haired blonde took the stack of folders from my assistant and trotted up towards me.

“Cathleen. Can I call you that? Or Ms. Topolsky?” She smiled her shiny bright white teeth.

“Cathleen is fine.” I answered her curiously.

“I’m Uh…” She paused.

“Yes?” She now had my FULL attention.

“I’m Te-Terri.” She fumbled with her words.

“Are you sure?” I arched a suspicious eyebrow.

She nodded vigorously, yet I was not convinced, “I’m sorry. I’m just really nervous.” She closed her eyes, my mind began to tingle…

I felt void. Robbed. Vulnerable.

“And then I began to tell him how much he meant to me but- Cathleen? Are you still with me here?” She snapped her fingers in front of my face.

“Oh.” I flinched, what had just happen? Had I zoned out? How was this possible?

Terri –so she called her blue-eyed self, handed me my folder of patient files. “Here, you might need this. Thank you Cathleen, this talk was most helpful.” She winked and walked out the door.

I adjusted my frames up my nose and looked at the files now in my hands:

Isabel: Lonnie Evans.
Relationship: Sister

Michael: Rath Guerin.
Relationship: Brother

Kyle: Cidney Chambers/Tess Harding.
Relationships: Ex-Wife and Current girlfriend

Alex: Nicole Scott.
Relationship: Ex girlfriend

Maria: Ava.
Relationship: Friend

Max: Zan Evans.
Relationship: Brother

Liz: Anjelica Parker.
Relationship: Sister


It’s so sad to see how many people suffer from self-inflicted psychological problems. I wonder why it is that celebrities are affected so much. Maybe it’s the pressure, the power, the constant camera footage –or maybe the fact that privacy does not exist. For whatever the reason is…

That’s why I’m here.

I take the broken pieces and I put them back together.

It’s a hard job, but someone’s gotta do it. I think that the main reason these “beautiful people” end up this way is because they don’t like what they are. They feel that they have an image to hold, and sometimes that image IS NOT what they are and not what they want. I feel strongly against what society has created as, “beautiful people.” Why set ourselves up in cliques? Why not combine and mingle as one? *sigh* will we ever heal?

The files that lay on my desk in front of me mean nothing. My notes are mere guessing. Honestly my diagnosis for these particular patients is disturbing.

Max Evans: From the beginning I knew he was forced here by a female. I can sense his weakness for the opposite sex. He appears to be confident and cocky with a quick wit and tough stamina. But deep down, he’s a scared little boy hiding behind the tree. What is it that he is so afraid of? Why does he hide the REAL Max from everyone? What is his past like? Isabel talks A LOT about his broken relationship with his twin brother Zan. I sense a violent reunion coming.

Liz Parker: The infamous LP. Beautiful yes –but stubborn as hell. When she first came into my office I swore she was on some type of narcotic. Turns out her only drug is herself. She sustains the cliché model binging act and the psychotic nervosa. I sense a little dose of social anxiety but I will wait it out a while longer before I stamp her in that category. I only know one thing about her chosen visitor; she is her sister. Who is Anjelica Parker, and what will she bring to the table? I know this too will be a dramatic reunion.

Michael Guerin: Starving artist. His chronic alcohol binging act is typical amongst artists in the show biz. Only Michael takes it to a higher –more dangerous level. Usually people won’t ADMIT they have a problem, its scary to even THINK it. But sooner or later you begin to realize that wow, you need help. Michael is far from this level. He sincerely believes he can control his habits. Sadly his results have been unsuccessful. If my calculations are correct than Michael Guerin will be in for some major liver damage if he doesn’t either quit NOW or see a doctor ASAP. I know his horrible obsession will slowly kill him in the end if he does not stop now. I’ve noticed that he speaks of Maria highly, he believes her silence is because she is avoiding him. I reassure him that she does not speak with anyone but he won’t have it.

Maria Deluca: What I wouldn’t give for one hour inside her brain with a camcorder. She intrigues me yet she also scares the shit out of me. The deep void within her is becoming more and more serious. I fear I might have to commit her into a mental asylum if she does not improve soon, her terms seem out of my reach. I want desperately to break down her walls and have her open up to me. But how can you make a brick wall talk?

Kyle Valenti: Though he seems troubled I feel he will completely recuperate. I believe positive results. No doubt in my mind about this.

Isabel Evans: I see how much she strives to achieve a clean slate; I see how hard she tries. But I also see how hard she struggles. Her recovery seems a bit sketchy as of now but I am trying, believe me I will try my hardest. Her chosen visitor is Lonnie, she has talked about her most of all conversations we’ve had in the short time she’s spent here. It seems to me that Isabel has already tried to patch up the relationship but Lonnie is still closed to her. Isabel hasn’t told me but I know of her past hostile relationship with Jesse Ramirez. My only fear here is that she has not let go. She believes she has, but she hasn’t. I also believe her to have a romantic relationship with another patient of mine. As to who it might be is very secretive. I value my patient’s privacy, besides… They always tell me anything in the end.

Alex Whitman: Cocky as hell. This guy has me on the edge f my seat every time he sets his butt in that chair across from my desk; he’s completely flamboyant. I see why girls from all over have tried to sneak a peak at the wonder lead singer of Utopia. I admit I am a fan, but to him I would never tell. It would only add to that big head of his…

I look over my newest patients and I can’t help but feel sad, grief, anger… and most of all… I feel intoxicated. Individually they frighten me. They have no sense of hope or have no intention of ever truly healing. They beat around the bush so hard its as if they never even KNEW the option of cutting right through was even available. They all share one thing in common though… They are all beautiful people, but as I’ve come to know.

All that glitter’s, all that shines. Is not as pretty close up.

I’ve never lost a patient yet, but I fear this year I just might…

a/n: How was that??? *bites lip in fear*

[ edited 2 time(s), last at 23-Oct-2002 3:55:01 AM ]
posted on 23-Oct-2002 11:50:09 PM by JBehrsGurl
Wow the responses were off the hook! You guys are so great its not even funny!!! I'm off to work on at least four updates that are long overdue!!! lol *wink*

"Sex In The City Of Roswell"
"Roswellian Outlaws"
"Just Emotions"
"Say Anything"

WHEW! I think I overloaded myself LOL!!! *tongue*

posted on 25-Oct-2002 11:52:54 AM by JBehrsGurl
lol I didn't think that last part would effect you so badly Danie! LOL *tongue*

Thanks for the wonderful feedback! its boosts my ego for a faster update! LOL! *wink*

posted on 29-Oct-2002 1:39:11 AM by JBehrsGurl
lol I think Jo is the only one still interested in this fic. LOL

posted on 3-Nov-2002 2:09:02 AM by JBehrsGurl
ChaosTheory originally wrote:

Update soon!!

Did you quit Broken? If you did I'm sad. I mean, Max did have a tongue ring in it.*big*

LMAO!! I'm sorry hon! I forgot about that fic! I'm working on it now tho...

posted on 8-Nov-2002 3:53:47 AM by JBehrsGurl
thanks yous will be out tomorrow cuz I'm about to pass out!!!

Ch. 23
Fresh Meat

Maria’s POV

It’s raining outside. It’s not supposed to RAIN! What is WRONG with the weather??? Okay. Okay. I’m calm. I’m cool. I’m more than okay. I’m FINE. I haven’t left my room in three days but I’m good. I haven’t eaten in 48 hours. But I’m good. No one has bothered to come and check on me. But I’m good. I’m more than good. I’m fine remember? Lately I’m beginning to wonder why it is that I’m even here. I think even Ms. Topolsky has given up on me. I haven’t seen anyone in three days. Isabel is the only exception and that’s only because she’s my roommate. She thinks that I don’t know that she and Alex are together. I even think that they’re engaged or something cuz sometimes I see Isabel fingering the big fat rock on her hand.

9:54 a.m.

And our saga begins. If I’m gonna be stuck in this shit hole I might as well have some fun right? Gosh –shoot me now.


Oh. Shit.

Pretend you are asleep, pretend you are asleep! Pretend you are fucking asleep! I got up and looked to the door. Sure enough, it was Michael. Umm… What happen to pretending you were asleep? I blinked in reply. He walked in further and sat down next to me on the bed. His sudden weight catching me off guard and causing me to lean in closer involuntarily.

“Maria I’ve been thinking. And I don’t know if you know but I care about you. I don’t know if you care about that but I do. I thought we started something but… But I guess I was wrong because you have completely shut me out. Why Maria? Why?” He turned to me curiously.

I blinked.

“You can speak up anytime now.” He snapped.

I of course said nothing.

“Did you even open the gift I gave you?” He asked.

I nod.

“Well?” He barked.

I flipped him off. Ironically I was wearing the ring on my middle finger. He was taken back and then he chuckled.

“Cute Maria. Real cute.” He laughed.

I shrugged.

“Maria.” He said too achingly. “Maria… I… I think I… I think I’m in love with you.” He blurt out.

Dear god. Almighty God.

Help me.

Michael fidgeted from his spot next to me, “Well, aren’t you gonna say anything? I just told you I love you for Christ’s sake.”

I looked him in the eyes and saw how genuinely he meant every word. And it frightened me. It terrified me to the core. You don’t find love in a rehab center. Nor do you tell someone you love them when you don’t even love yourself.

“Maria I love you.” He said again more firmly.

I opened my mouth to speak, my first word in it felt like forever, “Don’t.” I replied and stood to go. Don’t love me. I pleaded. Please. Don’t.

And I walked out the door.


Liz’s POV

I love him. I know I do. He knows I do. But since I love him so much I have to do what’s best for him. I have to stay away. I’m not the girl he should love; I’m not the girl he’s going to bring home to mother proudly. I’m the girl with bulimia. I’m the girl plastered all over magazine covers as the TOP STORY. I’m the girl who fainted in front of 3.5 billion viewers. I’m the girl who turned down Vin Diesel. I’m the girl who stole Max Evans heart.

And now…

I’m the girl who broke it.


Max’s POV

I hate when she does this. Our relationship is like a fucking play yard swing. We’re together –she pushes me away. I come back –she pushes me away. I come back –she pushes me away. She loves me, she loves me not. She loves me, she loves me not. The only solid thing in this relationship is how I feel about her. I LOVE her. I cherish her, and it’s not enough. She still pushes me away. What am I doing wrong? What should I do to make her see? When will it ever stop? When can we just progress and move on in our lives?

So right now I’m at her door. My hand poised mid air ready to knock. I can do this. I know I can, I’m ready. I’m gonna do it.

Any minute now…


Kyle’s POV

“Mr. Valenti. You have a visitor.” Ms. Topolsky knocked on my bedroom door.

I poked my head up from the book I was reading –or rather TRYING to read. Too many damn things kept me from concentrating on the words of Ann Rice.

“You’ve got 15 minutes.” She winked and left the room.

I looked up expecting Tess but was shocked to see Ali, “Hey hot stuff.” She shimmied over to the bed and sat on the edge. “I know you said it was over. But who says we can’t still be friends?” She smiled, her beautiful blue eyes sparkling and her glossy blonde hair more radiant than ever.

“Ali… Wha –how?”

“I have my ways Valenti. Here.” She gave me a small square tupperware.

“What is it?” I asked incredulous.

“Open it silly!” She laughed, her vibrant white teeth flashing. She was beautiful.

I opened the top and was hit with the most pleasurable –wonderful smell. Hot. Chocolate. Fudge. Brownies…

“I dunno why but I felt like making something for you since you were stuck in here for god knows what and for god knows how long.” She shrugged. It was what I cherished about her. She never pried into me the way most people did, she let me tell her when I was ready. She was just always there.

Where was Tess when I needed her? We haven’t even spoken since I was admitted. And here was Ali Larter. All classy and sweet in her white cotton pants and baby blue sweater. She was simply breathtaking.

“Why?” I shook my head, “Why are you here? Why did you do this?”

“Kyle. Can’t I just be a good friend?” She pleaded sadly, “I know you love… Someone else…” Her voice broke.


“No.” She wiped her tears away and took a deep breath, “I KNOW you are with someone else and I accept that. I just… I just figure that being your friend is better than being nothing at all.” She responded happily yet her voice shook and her eyes watered.

How desperately I wanted to kiss her tears away and beat myself up for causing her such pain. I never knew a man could love three women in one lifetime. I loved Tess in high school so much that I had runaway. I loved Sidney so much that I took advantage of the fact that she might not love me as much. I love Ali so much that I push her away because I am NO good for someone like her. She’s pure, she’s sweet, she the girl every mother wishes her son would bring home.

But Tess needs me.

“Ali. We’ll always be friends, hey. C’mere.” I held my arms out, I had to hold her –if not kiss her at least let me feel her in my arms.

“I’m sorry.” She cried. “I’m so sorry. I thought I could… I thought I could be your friend. I want to help you through whatever it is that you’re going through,” She buried her face in my chest, “But… I can’t. I can’t because I love you. Because you love someone else and it’s not fair for me to interfere. So…” She pushed away from me and wiped at her face once again, “So good bye Kyle Valenti… I love you.” She jumped up and ran out of the room…


Max’s POV

Any second now…


Michael’s POV


What the HELL was that supposed to mean? don’t. Don’t what? LOVE HER UNTIL HE DIES?! Don’t show any emotion? Don’t speak a word? Deny everything that I have finally come to realize? Ignore these strong vivacious feelings I have inside for her? Pretend I didn’t just get my heart ripped out of my chest?

F*ck this place. F*ck it all.

28 Days… What was that bullshit all about anyway? 28 Days of having your heart ripped open and torn apart by an uncaring cold hearted bitch? No. No, she’s not that. She’s… She’s… Oh who am I kidding? I obviously repulse her and I obviously am not up to her standards. I need Liz. I have to talk to Liz. She’ll know what to do. She always knows what to do…

I was pacing my bedroom back and forth but the change of scenery as I walked out into the hall was blinding. When the hell did the sun come out? And who the hell is standing in front of Liz’s door talking to themselves?


“Move out of the way I need to talk to Liz.” I shoved him aside and entered the room slamming the door shut behind me and locking it.

“Michael this is Laurie’s room too you know.” Liz said as she lay on her back staring at the ceiling.

“Maria’s a bitch.” I barked. I didn’t mean that. “I didn’t mean that.” I say.

Liz gets up on her elbows, “What?” She asks laughing.

She’s laughing, oh great its hilarious to her. So happy to be the butt of the damn joke. Shall I dance around naked in a hot pink thong now to add to the misery?

“What happen. Explain.” Liz finally stops giggling long enough to reply.

“Maria happened.” I growl and start to pace her room.

Liz scrunched up her small nose, “Would you mind… Stopping please. It’s bugging me with you lurking about like that. You’re like this big blob.”

I side glanced her and continued my pace, daring her with my body language and sending out death vibes, to challenge me. I was pissed. I was beyond pissed, I was hurt. “I told her I loved her.” I waited for a reaction.

Her eyes bugged out and jumped from the bed, “You WHAT?!” Liz screamed.

Well I at least thought I’d get an awwww sound! Or a, “Oh Michael how sweet!” Not a slap on the back of the head!

“You idiot!” She smacked me upside the head, “Don’t you know Maria at all? I mean c’mon!!! H-E double hockey sticks –O! HELLO?!” She went to hit me again but I dodged her just in time, “When Maria’s in one of her moods you stay away! You NEVER under any circumstances tell her how you feel when she’s like this. You stay away. You let her brood and you DO NOT tell her you love her. No matter how bad she may look, no matter how sad you think she is, no matter how much you think she needs to hear it-“

“But I meant it!” I yelled.

“So what!” Liz shouted back, I was starting to regret coming in here!

“Look, whatever. Be my best friend and tell me what’s up her ass and then fix it.” I shoved shaky hands threw my hair and sat on her bed. Then I just fell back onto her pillows and buried my face in her sheets.

I heard her sigh from above, “Michael. Listen. I dunno…” She paused and took a fist full of my shirt in her hands, “Will you LOOK at me when I’m talking to you!” She screamed.

“Looking!” I snapped my head up and sat straight.

“I dunno what went on between you two. I don’t even think I WANT to know. But right now. You just have to sit back and wait for her to come around. Now I must admit that Maria IS in fact taking a little longer than usual to snap out of it but s he will. Trust me. THEN, We will fix things okay?”

I nod, “Okay.”

“Okay.” She nod too, “Now get out of my room. Cuz I think I’m gonna be sick.” She ran to the bathroom wither hands clasped tightly over her mouth.

“Liz!” I ran after her.


Isabel’s POV

Everyone’s running the front desk to see who the new people to the center are. I sit cross legged with Alex on my right and Maria on my left. She quietly came and joined us a few minutes ago. Kyle came just seconds after her looking as if he just found out he was never going to have sex again. I smiled and gestured for him to pull up a seat.

His tired brown eyes looked as if they would shed a waterfall any second, I gave him a sympathetic look and asked if he was alright, to which he replied, “Just dandy. Life’s great!” In the most sarcastic manner I decided to just keep my mouth shut.

Maria’s eyes darted around the room in fear. She seemed to be looking out for something –or someone. I saw Michael enter the room earlier before Alex and I had decided to sit in the lobby, but I didn’t realize it was a BAD visit.

“I don’t know what the HELL is up Michael’s ass but he just stole Liz away from me.” Max came over seething and practically fell into his chair. “So what are we looking at?”

“Fresh meat.” Alex chimed in, I winked at him and laced my fingers with his. I didn’t care who saw or what Max would say. I just simply didn’t care what anyone thought at all, for the first time I was happy. And I was happy with Alex Charles Whitman.


Alex’s POV


That’s what Isabel was illuminating. She was glowing and shining and her eyes sparkled like-

Okay. Okay I’m sorry. But that’s love does to you. When you’re in love you fucking literally see a brighter sky and you even hear the birds chirp! No lie! *Chirp, chirp!* Did you hear that shit! You see what I mean? I’m not tryin to get all cornball here but its reality.

Her golden hair even stands out more. I see everything on her in a new way. Every little detail down to the small freckles that form on the top of her nose when she’s had too much sun I see as beautiful and enchanting. She’s laced her fingers with mine and starts to massage the back of my neck with her free hand.

In the corner of my eye I see Maria looking frantically around the room, in search of something –or someone. I’m starting to worry about that girl. She usually snaps out of her spells by now. But it’s been almost a week and still no word. Nothing at all. Not even a grunt.

“Maria. You see anything yet?” I ask her.

She turns to look at me and seems as if she might say something, her mouth even open a bit. But then as fast and quickly as it came. It went, and she spun back around giving me her backside. I took a deep breath and willed myself to get lost in Isabel’s touch.

“How was your little visit today Mr. Valenti? Went well I hope.” Ms. Topolsky came up suddenly and asked Kyle.


“Not so good but I’ll adjust.” Kyle shrugged and busied himself with an old People magazine on the table.

Uh oh. This was bad. Kyle doesn’t “adjust” he screams, he throws things and he attacks. He doesn’t adjust. What the hell was this shit? I would have to speak with him later in private.


Liz’s POV

“I’m fine g’dammit!” I screamed at Michael for the fifth time.

“You weren’t fine when you were spewin your guts out and crying like a baby a few minutes ago!” He shouted back, wiping at my face with a wet cloth, “I thought this was done Liz. I thought you were cured.”

“Fine? Done? Cured?” I practically spat the words out of my mouth like poison, “Look just… Just leave me alone.” I pushed myself up off the floor and walked into my room for clean clothes. “Why are you acting like Max?” I growled and discarded my clothes, throwing them in his face until all I had on was my underwear.

It was nothing he hadn’t seen before –or rather nothing the entire population of Time Square in New York hadn’t seen for two weeks straight during the CK campaign. I busied myself with cotton and lacey bras as I shuffled them around until I found what I was looking for.

“I am not acting like Max.” Michael piped up and handed me a clean plain white tee.

“Hmmph.” I chuckled, “You’re both alike, stubborn as hell until the end.” I said pulling the shirt over my head minus the uncomfortable bra, “Tell me Mr. Almighty Guerin. Just what does it feel like to say I love you and not hear it back?”

I was evil. I deserved to burn in hell, because the look that crossed Michael Guerin’s face after I unthinkably said the words –broke what was left of my chilling heart.

“I’m sorry.” I whispered, “You’re the only one I have left and I even push you away.” I cried, “What’s wrong with me?” I said looking at him and sitting on the edge of Laurie’s bed, I shoved my face in my hands and I cried.


Wahhh wahhh wahhh! Shut up dammit! Shut the f*ck up!

“It’s okay Liz. It’ll all be alright. I’m sorry if I put an extra burden on you…” He gently stroked my head and cradled me in his arms.

Here I was again. The damn center of attention. I always managed to riffle the sympathy. I didn’t want it dammit! Take it! Take it all! Take-

“Ow.” I cried out abrupt, “Oh… Ohh…” I stood up and clenched my stomach. “What the hell?” I asked no one. “Ouch, shhhit!” It hurt like hell! And I didn’t know what was hurting!

“Liz? You okay? You need a doctor?” Michael searched me as if I was bleeding.

I chuckled and then it was gone. “I’m fine. Stomach spasms. I forgot I get them after… y’know.” I lied, it was true. But never had they felt like this.

“Let’s go join the party.” I took his hand and lead him out of the room, I really needed to get the hell out of here.


They greeted us like we were special guests and it sickened me. I could have puked all over the bastards. Alex and his new little chipper attitude. Isabel and hers, Maria and her black hole aura. Max and his puppy dog eyes, and Kyle with his…

“Kyle? You okay sweetie?” If anyone held a soft spot within me, it was Kyle.

“Later.” He whispered, “I can’t talk about it right now. It hurts too much.”

“O-Okay.” I nod, “Whenever you’re ready.”

He took me in his arms and gave me a tight squeeze, “Look. Fresh meat.”

“Yummy!” Isabel said smacking her lips together.

Excuse me while I sarcastically roll my eyes…

“That’s Courtney Steven’s.” Laurie came up from behind Kyle and sat down next to us, I curled in tighter Kyle like he was my teddy and I was getting ready to hear a bed time story. “She’s been here four times for heroin.”

“Isn’t that the girl who plays Delilah on that daytime show… What’s it called?” Michael snapped his fingers trying to remember.

“Desert Springs.” Laurie finished, “Yea, she’s a regular here. Ever wonder why she’s always turning up missing? It’s cos she spends more time in here than the damn set.”

“How would you know?” Kyle teased, “Cuz Ms. Topolsky’s my aunt.” Laurie looked away and quickly changed the subject, “That’s Troy Williams he’s just an alcho-“ she stopped suddenly glancing at Michael apologetically, “uh… yea” She turned away embarrassed.

“What about him. I know him!” Isabel clapped her hands, “That’s Sean Damons!”

Laurie’s face paled, “I uh… I have to… go.” She jumped up and ran off towards her room. I wonder what’s eating her.

“Well, well, well. A frisk search! Why Ms. Topolsky I do believe you enjoy this MUCH more than me.” Sean winked as they emptied his pockets and went through his duffle bags.

I got up ready to go see if Laurie was okay, “I’m gonna check on Laurie.” I looked around the circle we had formed in the lobby.

“Shit.” Maria shouted and looked at the last victim to the 28 day society. “Holy and almighty SHIT!”

“GASP!” Alex said.

“SHE SPEAKS!” Kyle played along.

“Oh my god! Oh my god!” Maria shrieked and grabbed a tight hold of my wrist, “It’s Darren.” She said under her breath and tugged me with her towards the back rooms.

“Wha-wha?” I was a mass of confusion.

“Well hey now looky here! We got some FINE chickens in the coop now don’t we?” Sean strolled up to me and Maria, she frantically pulled me away from the lobby.

“Taken.” The troop spoke up.

Especially Max and Michael.

“Where’s that pretty lil number Laurie?” He smacked his hands together evilly.

“You stay away from her you perv!” I shouted as Maria dragged me down the hall. “What’s up with you?!” screamed when she shoved me in my room and slammed the door shut ignoring Laurie. “Darren. That the O.R. Dude I slept with when I was high on Iz’s shit! That’s the guy who was married!” She screamed.

“Oh… Shit.” I gasp.

Well at least she was talking agin…

A/n: I searched for Courtney’s last name but I didn’t look good enough cuz its late and well, I just made it up and switched Sean’s last name as well cuz I didn’t want him in relation to Maria.

posted on 8-Nov-2002 5:50:22 PM by JBehrsGurl
thanks you guys for the awesome feedback! I dunno what it is but the writers block for this fic is gone! I'm actually about to start the next chapter already! Can you belive it????

luv ya lots!

posted on 12-Nov-2002 2:41:33 AM by JBehrsGurl
Tho I'm freaking hella behind I DID promise to thank you individually...

Jess: You still have no idea how happy I am that you joined our Roswell community! lol
ChaosTheory: Super happy that you're back! Also even more happy that you're starting update your fics! *cough*
Joanna: I dont even need to say how much I appriciate you always giving my fics a BUMP when needed! *hugs to you!!!!*
searchingthestars: Happy you like all the A/I Scenes, don't worry more intimate ones to come!
roswellluver: Thanks for reading! I'm so happy that you're intersetd in my fic!
Sternbetrachter: Thanks for the FB! I hope I keep your interest!
RosRox90: Yea, *sly grin* You're on the right track *wink*
JaneLane: I'll post more very soon, I just gotta work out a couple more things.
LilyFrancesca: I LOVED your FB! You kept is so real! You immediately hated the cry babies taht they have become and you're tired of the Bullshit! I was hella laughing when you said: And Max, you are so not helping anyone. Michael is finally getting it and it does him good to get a kick in the chest from Maria. So boo-hoo, she didn't jump up and profess her love to you. Try and try again as the says goes. HAHAHAHA!!! I was literally laughing out loud because I dunno, I just did! LMAO
Melissa: I love how you're becoming the next quote queen! *tongue* I can't wait until you update!!! lol I'm still waiting for "Running With scissors"! hehe Take your time
Allie1031: I swear my heart stopped when I saw taht you posted in my thread. LOL Its just that your such a wonderful writer and to hear you say that you actually like MY stuff is well... Its really cool. lol *wink* I'll have your banner VERY soon!

Thanks you guys! BIG Hugs to you all! And even you lurkers out there! LOL I know who you are! *wink*


[ edited 1 time(s), last at 12-Nov-2002 2:42:14 AM ]
posted on 20-Nov-2002 2:41:25 AM by JBehrsGurl
Okay I'm working on the next part! It's gonna be a doozy! I'll have it out soon! Also I noticed that I used Sean twice! DOH! *smacks forehead* So Sean drug dealer is diff than Sean in the program! We'll use the Deluca Sean for the program and some random guy for the other, my bad! I sowey!

posted on 25-Nov-2002 4:38:46 AM by JBehrsGurl

I'm so sorry I'm taking forever on this update! I'm almost finished and HOPEFULLY it will be ready to post by tomorrow night. I really do think I'll be ready by then anyways. lol I was distracted tonight when I read Allie1031's a/n and saw that she auditioned for this group fic and I read it over and was hooked! The concept is fun! lol I love writing stuff like that and I never get a chance cuz I write too much boring stuff! lol Then my friend Danie said she was writing for it too and said for me to go ahead and do it too. It's just an audition anyways. But she's better than me so of course she's not nervous! lol Meagz and Jo boosted my confidence and I wrote 5 pages so far. *sigh* I have problems. LOL to Anywho! Expect the update soon and I really hope that you guys like it!

posted on 27-Nov-2002 12:41:51 AM by JBehrsGurl
You all are so great and patient! Heres a loooong part to ease your troubles... or make 'em worse... LOL! ha! j/k calm down! sheesh! *big*

*bounce*WAIT!*bounce* Read: the little childhood song between liz and maria is actually MY childhood song my granparents used to sing me to sleep to, so I dunno about spelling and such, I tried to ask my granpa but.... he old so... LOL Sorry gramps I love you! *what am I doing? he's not reading this!*

from wheer we last left off: Maria's trippin cuz the guy she slept with has arrived:

Ch. 24
Unexpected Guest
Liz’s POV

“Who?” I asked still dumbfounded.

Maria dramatically rolled her eyes, “Stop playing dumb!” She grumbled, “Darren! Remember when I told you I slept with that guy!” She started pacing back and forth, “What are you looking at?” She snapped at Laurie.

“Whoa.” I stepped up to Maria, “This is YOUR problem. Not hers. Apologize.” I crossed my arms.

“Sorry.” She growled, “I didn’t mean it.”

Laurie shrugged her shoulders and played with her shoes.

“You okay?” I asked worried. Ever since that ass Sean came she started acting strange. She nod her head, no words. Just a nod. I sighed, “What do you want me to do?” I said turning to Maria.

“I dunno!” She cried and flopped on my bed. “Sh-it! Why me?” She whined.

“At least you’re out of your funk.” I said sitting beside her, “You really hurt Michael by the way.”

“Ahhhhh! Who cares?!” She screamed, “We’re talking about MY problem! What are you talking about Michael for? Hello? Are you MY friend or his?” She snapped.

I grimaced, “I’m BOTH your friends. Why are YOU acting like this? You’re usually not so selfish.” I stood up and went to Laurie’s bed. Suddenly I’m really possessive of her. I feel like it’s my job to keep her safe, safe from what?

“I’m not selfish.” She scoffed.

I snorted, “Yea. Uh huh.”

Maria simply rolls her eyes, ever since she’s gotten out of the little phase she’s been a total bitch. What’s new? “What the hell am I going to do? Do I just ignore him? Does he even remember me? What hell is he doing here anyways?” Maria attacked me with questions I obviously had no answer to.

“Geeezus Maria how the hell should I know?” I snapped, I didn’t mean to but I just couldn’t be ridiculed right now, not with everything that’s been going on.

She stared at me long and hard before she answered, “What’s up YOUR ass miss high and mighty princess?” She snapped back.

I gasp, and Laurie’s body tensed beside me.

“Excuse me?” I said.

She clenched her eyes, “I’m having a crisis and all you’re doing is putting me down! I need you Liz! Why are you acting like a grade A bitch?” She jeered.

“Get out.” I whispered.

Maria rolled her eyes and flipped her dark golden locks over her shoulder, “Or what? What are you gonna do Liz? Sit on me? Kick me out with your bare hands?” She laughed, “Please.”

“GET OUT!” I screamed at the top of my lungs.

“Shut up and chill out.” She grumbled making her way to the door, “You’re not gonna cry are you? Awww! I’m sorry Lizzie… Do you want me to kiss your fat ass and grovel at your feet like always?” She clicked her tongue, “Grow up.”

“Leave me alone!”

“Why? Because what I’m saying upsets you? Because I’m saying things you don’t wanna hear? Ever try thinking about anyone but yourself for a change?!” Maria screamed jumping in my face, “Stop trying to hide behind people Liz, I see you do it all the time. First it was me, and then it was Alex and Kyle, then Tess. You even fucked with Michael brain, you used Isabel as your little pawn to get closer to Max and now you’re even using him!”

“Shut up!” I screamed, terrified of her.

“NO! I want you to hear EVERY word that comes out of my mouth! You’re a hideous person Liz, you’re so self centered that it makes me SICK! And you’re just mad cuz I see through you for a change! You’re just pissed off that you can no longer use me! Because I see you for you, the REAL you! An ugly, fat whore!”

“SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP!” I covered my ears.

“Maria stop it!” Laurie threw her arms around me.

“Hide Liz, hide behind Laurie now. It’s what you’re so good at.” She spat exiting the room.

Then she slammed the door shut.


Max's POV

I’m not really sure what’s going on. But all I know is that Liz won’t stop crying; we’ve been sitting here on my bed for a little over an hour. She just came to me in tears. A complete wreck. She can’t even get a word out without blubbering inaudible words or phrases. I think heard Maria’s name, I’ll have to ask her about this later when Liz has clamed down a bit.

Her red cheeks were streaked with tears and she sniffed several times in my shirt. Is it normal to say that I actually LIKE being her personal hanky? I mean as long as she’s here wanting to be with ME, and not running over to Michael, Alex or Kyle’s aide. She came to me. ME. Max Evans.



Max Evans.




Okay, I think you get the point.

The lights are off, and the room is dark except for the little or no light the setting sun gives us through the open window. She’s so small, so skinny. I feel as if she’ll waste away if I squeeze any tighter. I haven’t admitted it yet but I’m scared. I’m scared I’m going to loose her, I’m scared of what will become of me if I do. What would be the outcome of that? I already know that without her I’m nothing, I don’t even know who I am anymore. I know my name is Max Evans, I know that I have a sister and cousin. I know that I used to snort cocaine until I couldn’t see straight.

But I also know that the burning desire I once had for it, is gone. I just feel hollow, empty and alone. It doesn’t even really matter if I have Liz or not, I’ve just been trying to convince myself that I need her to feel, to take away the emptiness inside me. I’ve been using her like a drug, she makes me feel high for a limited amount of time, until she leave and then I crave her again.

It’s not fair to her, and she obviously doesn’t really even want me. She just wants someone to hold her and touch her and make her feel important. The only thing I can’t explain is how I feel. I know what I feel psychically, but mentally I’m a mess. I don’t need to be here, I need to be in an institute. My body wants her, needs her. My mind can’t stand her, the way she treats me like a dog.

She only wants me when she feels like it, and then she throws me away when he’s done. I’m sick of it, and I’m sick of the fact that I keep letting her treat me like this. I do love her, I KNOW I do. But that doesn’t mean shit if she doesn’t love me, she fucking doesn’t even love herself. How the hell do I expect her to love me? I thought that all one needed to get through any hard time was love. Boy was I wrong. You need so much more, I just don’t know what the fuck it is. And if she keeps pushing me away like she is…

I don’t know where I’ll go without her, she’s all I know. I haven’t even known her for that long yet I’m so dependant on her its pathetic. How can I say all this to you without you thinking I’m insane? She’s all I know because what I was, was a lie. I was a druggie who dizzyingly posed in front of a camera lens waiting for the flash.

“Liz, what happen?” I ask stroking her cheeks.

She sobs all over again and I curse myself for ever opening my mouth. I don’t know what to do, I don’t know how to help her get through this. It’s too hard. It’s too much. I swear if you had asked me what I was doing with Liz Parker a month ago I would have said I was loving her the way she should be loved, touching her the way she should be touched. I would have told you that she was the reason I breathed and the reason I went on from day to day. But what the fuck am I doing now? I don’t even understand her anymore. Dammit! I don’t even know what’s going on with her! It angers me so badly I could punch a hole in the wall.

I caress her back and slightly rock her back and forth, she cries. I sigh, she cries…

“I’ll go get Michael.” I whisper.

“Thank you.” She manages to say.


Michael’s POV

One… Two… Three… Four… Fi-

“Michael come quick.” Max burst through my door.

“Ever heard of knocking?” I snap.

“It’s Liz.”

“Coming.” I jump up, the pennies I was counting scatter all around.

Max takes me to his room where Liz is curled up in a ball under his sheets withering and sobbing like a baby. She looks horribly unkempt and Max seems terrified. I can tell he hasn’t a clue on what to do to help. Poor guy. I guess this is one the benefits of being the best friend. I know what to do.

“Warm cinnamon tea. A slice of lemon, two teaspoons of sugar. Don’t forget to mix it all in, and don’t let the sugar set to the bottom. Go. Now.”

Max nods his head vigorously and runs out the door, happy to leave the room.

“Liz.” I mumble waiting for her response. She lifts her head and crawls into my arms, so fragile and weak. It’s as if I’m holding a child. “What happen?” I lightly pat her cheek.

She trembles a bit before she actually speaks, and I start to feel the need to drink. Anxiousness takes over and all I really want is a shot of whisky maybe even a shot of vodka on the rocks. I can just imagine the familiar burning sensation run down my throat and settle in my stomach, I can feel the after effects of the poison. But it’s wrong, and I sigh. I wait for her answer.

“Maria.” She whimpers. “I don’t know what’s w-wrong with her.” She cries into my shoulder, I can’t believe this. I can’t believe that Maria would stoop so low, how could she attack Liz? I know she did somehow, verbally or mentally or even both.

“What did she say?” I tuck her hair behind her ear, “What did she say Liz? Tell me.” I try to get it out of her as gently as I can.

“I don’t even care what she said Michael, that’s not it.” She grimaced and pushed me away, “Stop babying me, stop acting like I’m a child!” She screamed.

“Then what is it?” I asked.

She shook her head wiping at her face, “Everything she said, every horrible word, every terrible threat,” She paused and looked up into my eyes, “Was true.”


Isabel POV

“What the fuck did you say to her.” Michael rushed through the door that hung open and charged at Maria.

“Hey, hey!” Alex jumped up from beside me and shoved Michael out of her face, “What the hell is going on here?” He yelled.

The fiery anger that burned in Michael’s eyes frightened me, the only time I had even seen him so angry was the day we lost our kin. The day they came back from visiting Naseado; still having their powers…

“Get out of the way Alex this has nothing to do with you.” Michael snapped.

“Like hell it doesn’t, what are you doing charging at her like this?” Alex stood defiant.

“She hurt Liz, now I’m going to hurt her.” Michael barked shoving him away.

“Michael!” I screamed when Alex was flung aside, I rushed to his aide. “Ally, Alex are you okay?”

“Son of a bitch!” Alex jumped up and charged, his fist swinging and connecting with Michael’s jaw.

“ALEX! MICHAEL! Stop it!” I cried out when they began to wrestle on the ground, “Max!” I ran out of the room looking everywhere, “Max!” I cried, “Max come quick please I need you!” I screamed for him when I saw his head poke out from the kitchen corridors.

Kyle’s footsteps came thumping from down the hall and he rammed past me to my room, Max took it as a signal and jammed past me to the room also. Everyone’s eyes who were around stared at me, and I turned on my heels and ran back to my room.

What had Maria done?

So as I just decided to ignore everyone’s eyes staring at me and go back to my room I didn’t think about what I would see. I just stomped in and slammed the door shut behind me. But I hadn’t yet prepared myself for what I was going to witness, why hadn’t I? Why didn’t I ever think ahead? I could have at least taken a deep breath!

Max was struggling to hold Michael back on one side of the room and Kyle was holding Alex back on the other. Alex struggled to get out of Kyle’s grip, I could have laughed had the scene not been so dramatic. I had to take control before the shit REALLY hit the fan.

“Alright, what the hell is going on? Tell me before Topolsky gets here cuz no doubt she’s been informed by half the 28-day population. You guys aren’t exactly being quiet.” I snapped crossing my arms.

Michael started screaming again and Max's arms tightened once more. Michael’s eyes never left Maria. She sat on her bed propped up in pillows, daintily flipping through a magazine –completely unaffected by her surroundings.

“Why don’t you ask the ice queen over there!?” Michael shouted and tried to lunge at her, “What the hell did you say to her Maria?!” She bellowed.

Max's strength was almost matched with Michael’s. I feared what would happen if Max couldn’t hold him back. I looked to Alex and Kyle and gave Alex the “clam your ass down” signal. He shrugged Kyle off him and came to me.

“Sorry baby.” He said apologetic, and I took his hand. He looked at Kyle who nodded and went straight to help Max hold Michael back.

“You do know that after all this blows over I’m going to ask questions about… this.” Max pointed back and forth between me and Alex.

“Ditto.” Michael side glanced me before he began to yell profanities again, “Maria what the HELL did you say? Just tell me! It’s one thing to be a cold heartless bitch to me but to Liz? Did you know that she’s bawling her eyes out right now in Max's room? Did you know that she’s really hurt by whatever it is that you said?!” He shouted.

Alex’s hand tightened around mine, “W-what are you talking about?” Alex asked prying. “What about Liz?”

“I knew she’s tell YOU.” Max snorted.

Michael twisted around, “What is that supposed to mean?” He spat in Max's face.

“It means next time you’re gonna yell in my face use mouth wash.” Max grimaced.

“Funny Max, you’re really fucking hilarious.” Michael nod and flung him to the wall behind him, then he swung around and shoved Kyle to the floor –needless to say that Alex and I sprung into action.

“Michael!” I shouted.

“What did you say???” He screamed in Maria face, gripping her shoulders with his hands and shaking her violently.

“Michael stop it! STOP!” I tried my hardest to pry his fingers off her, her face never changed. Her ruby red lips never cried out in pain, her eyes immediately darted straight into his eyes and stared him down.

He stopped shaking her and I sighed in relief, I looked behind me to see the dazzled looks upon the faces of Max, Alex, and Kyle. I looked back to Michael who continued to stare back into the pools of Maria Deluca’s eyes. His grip never softened, and yet she still didn’t cry out.

“Michael.” I murmured, “Michael let go. If Topolsky see’s your hands on her she’s gonna have your ass on a platter for lunch.”

He turned to me then, as if he didn’t even know I was ever there, “Change rooms.” He said releasing Maria, she slumped backwards onto her bed.

“What?” I asked worried, my eyes searched his face for something –anything that would answer the million questions floating around in my head.

“I don’t want you in the same room as her Isabel. She’s fucked up, and I don’t want you around that.” He never looked at her as he said his harsh words.

Maria simply stood up and walked past him to the door. She shoved him with her shoulder and he didn’t even budge.

“M-Michael you’re kidding.” I laughed.

His eyes bore into mine, “Do I look like I’m kidding?”

“What the HELL is going on here?” Ms. Topolsky’s urgent voice boomed against the walls of the room.



“Parker. Visitor.” Ms. Brida poked her head in my room.

I shrugged.

“Hey you.” His silky smooth voice filled my ears.

My eyes darted up to see his beautiful face, jus as I had always remembered it. His chin still had that slight stubble that I hated but all in all he was still breath taking. I felt my cheeks blush and my girlish giggles take over.

“Hey yourself.” I answered, wiping the remaining tears from my eyes.

“You been crying?” He asks, concern all over his face. He came an sat down beside me. “There’s just something about you Parker. I don’t know quite what it is but all I know is that I love it.” He smiled and kissed my temple, “You’re going to make one man sublimely happy. Just wish that someone could have been me.”

“Oh stop!” I playfully pushed him away.

Seriousness came over the situation all at once, “So… How are you? I mean… Well… You really scared the shit out of me that night Liz.”

I had to look away from him, I just couldn’t tell him the truth. The truth that will in turn make my whole fucking world crumble. I’d cry if I actually had any tears left. So I did what I always do when I get anxious.

“Liz!” I hear him call after me.

But I’m running, I’m running pretty fast. So fast in fact that I almost missed my turn to the women’s bathroom. I couldn’t just very well use my own since I had a guest in the room!

Inside. I’m safely inside my sanctuary.

Lifting up the entrance to what I know so well, sighing, letting it all go. My body so used to this I don’t even have to stick my finger down my throat. Release. It’s so freeing to just let go, to just let everything bad come out. Better out than in I always say.

Oh shit here come the water works.

If you haven’t guessed by now… I’m crying. Great shit, I always cry after I binge actually. I don’t know why I just do. I lift a clammy hand up to the handle and watch my life being flushed away, little by little I flush a part of myself.


What is he doing in here? Doesn’t he know this is the WOMEN’S bathroom????

“Liz, Liz let me in.” He asks gently at my stall door.

Not by the hair on my chinny chin-chin.

-Well actually I had that surgically removed but…

So I open it, he fucking already knows what the hell I just did anyways. The lock turns and he comes in, it’s a small stall but we both fit, me on the floor clutching the bowl of my sins, and him standing tall and gallant before me.

“C’mon baby. Let’s get you rested alright? I won’t tell anyone, lets just go lay down.” He picks my weeping body up with ease. Always the one to coma and rescue me, always the one who looked pass the mess and saw me for… Whatever it was he saw me as.

“Why hasn’t a girl swooped you up and away from me?” I smile.

He hands me a glass of water he retrieved from the bathroom, “Because I won’t let them.” He winks jokingly.

“Will you stay here with me? Stay here until I fall asleep?” I beg.

He sits beside me and I cuddle up to him like a little girl would to her big brother. I didn’t even know I was crying until I felt his hand caress my back and the pulsing beat of his heart. I didn’t even care what Max would think if he walked in, what Michael would think, Kyle, Alex, Isabel….

Cuz it wasn’t like that between me and him, what we have is pure and sweet. Just friends who understand each other. Love each other without the complications of intimacy.

“I love you Shane.” I whisper before sleep takes me.

“Love you LP. With all my heart I do…”

I didn’t hear that. I wish I had, but I was already asleep.


Kyle’s POV

Complications keep me from admitting that my life’s fucked up. The weird exercises Topolsky has me do is unnerving. I mean exactly how many times will I have to run on a treadmill and use that damn bicycle machine? Why won’t she allow me to lift weights and do push-ups, sit ups, man she won’t even allow me to do crunches. She says my upper body needs rest from all the high activities it was used to when I was on steroids. This is fucking ridiculous and I tell her this but…

This book is actually quite boring as hell but I’m trying to distract my mind from all the shit that flying around in there. Why Maria’s a stonewall, why Liz has her door locked and why Laurie won’t tell us why. Why Alex and Isabel refuse to tell us anything about the relationship they seemed to have formed. Why Michael went a-wol the other day on Maria. And just what the fuck went on between those 45 seconds they stared into each other’s eyes and what happen to make Michael so terrified that he refuses to let Isabel share the same room as her.

I know Maria. I’ve known her since I was 5, and nothing she’s done lately makes since to me. Everyone’s changed so much since we were all last together. I wonder how my boys are, and I wonder if they remember me. They’re almost four now. Sid sent me a letter the other day telling me that they play catch with her. She said she was sorry that it didn’t work out but for the sake of the kids we could try again. I replied back as quick as possible and told her to eat shit.

But for the sake of the kids, yes I would work things out wit her. But not in the way she wants, I will overlook her flaws and just except that she’s a lying sack of shit. Of course my words didn’t exactly say that. It sounded more like: I love my boys so much I’ll pretend we never met and that you’re their nanny. *grin*

Topolsky really let us have it earlier too, it was pathetic. We got grilled and Maria got a pat on the back for “breaking out of her shell.” What a crock of- I seem to leaning towards my potty mouth a lot don’t I? I’ll never truly understand women. NEVER. And I don’t even know if I want to. After countless protests we were all sentenced to extracurricular activities.

So back to the book in my lap-


Fuck the book! I toss it to the side and jump up to my feet, “What the hell are you doing here? If Max see’s you he’ll freak out!” I shout at him.

He scowls, “Some boyfriend he’s been.”

I shake my head, “I don’t know him all too well myself but I do know that he cares for her –hell, might even love her and that’s all that matters.” I cross my arms.

He nods, “Whatever let him see me, I have a few words to say to him anyhow.” His smug face makes me want to tackle him down as if he was trying to score a touchdown for the opposing team.

Me and Shane never really took a liking to one another; maybe it was because he posed a threat between me and Liz. She was like the little sister I was to protect and here came this high-off-his-own-ass self trying to take my place. Alex said I was being silly and Maria had said she would gladly take him off her hands. Only I saw what he really wanted from Liz. He wanted her for… her. He was completely worthy, and it scared the shit out of me for some reason. Yet by the look in his eyes I saw that, that was not the reason he was here.

“You want to help her.” I said.

He nod, his eyes set forward and determined, “Kyle I know you don’t like –or approve of me or whatever but… I love her and she loves me… just not in the way I wish she did. Whoever this Max guy is… Well that’s who she wants.” He straightened up as if he were trying to pull himself together. “And that’s who she’ll get. But I’d rather die a most horrible death than to see her waste away like she is. Can’t you SEE it Kyle? Aren’t you even paying attention? She’s so fucking undernourished that when I held her last night it was like I was holding a skeleton! It frightened the shit out of me! I-I-I didn’t know what to say or do… But then she asked me to stay with her until she fell asleep… Just to…”

“Hold her.” I finished.

“Yea…” He nod again, “And then all of the sudden it was all so clear to me. That all she needs to get through this is to feel worthy of love, to feel worthy to LIVE.”

I shook my head unbelieving, “She IS loved! She’s captured the hearts of all of us and we love her so much that it KILLS us too see her like this!” I shout.

“But you don’t SHOW her, you don’t TELL her.”

“We tell her… She just won’t listen.” I sigh.

“She’s asleep. I’m going home. But I’m coming back first thing in the morning and I’m not leaving until she wants me to.” His face hardens, “And if any of you have a probl-“

“Cool it.” I hold up a hand in defeat, “Just promise me one thing.” I say.


I sigh, rubbing my hands over my face then I look at him directly, “That you’ll help us to help her too.”


Maria’s POV

The walls were a pale blue. Like the sky on a smoggy day. Chips of paint had been peeled away to reveal eggshell white spots; you could almost picture the room as a hospital dorm. The ceiling hung low and dusty. You could tell the place hadn’t been well kept for some time. The only thing that kept the place semi-decent was the silk purple linens of Liz’s bed and the baby pink cotton sheets on Laurie’s.

On the nightstand beside Liz was a strip of photos of us as kids. Me and Liz squished in the middle with Alex and Kyle giggling in back of us. In one photo we’re all hugging Liz, all wrapped in one tight ball. In another we’re all cheesing like kids who had just received a double scoop of ice cream. In the one before the last we’re all pushing and fighting. And in the last one… The just at the bottom…

We’re all staring at Liz. And Liz… She’s staring straight ahead, blank. My eyes averted from that to the scene before me. A scene I wish I had the guts to interfere within. But I didn’t.

I stood watching. I couldn’t move. I was trapped inside my own little imaginary world. It was as if I was watching TV. There was nothing I could do. I had been practically cationic for three weeks but now that I’m functional I’m no use. I just stood there like an idiot watching her.

Liz. She was so pretty. Fuck pretty –she was BEAUTIFUL!

She stood in front of the full-length mirror, distress written all over her face. She had her hair all tied up loosely in a bun. A few stray strands hung down her back. A teal/aqua tight fitting tank and matching briefs. She was stunning. Did she know how much I wished I were her?

She starred at her reflection, turning every which way. But by the look on her face she was staring at a monster. Fear seemed to have crossed her face suddenly. She jerked forward in pain. She cried out. I stood still by the door. Unseen and unmoving. She clasps her hands over her mouth and scurried away to the bathroom where I heard her retch several times. I cringed each time. The tears that sprang were angry bitter tears of sorrow. I was her best friend. And I’m not here for her when she needs me the most.

Instead I cursed her, and shouted things that I KNEW would hurt her. I said things that were selfish and I even fucked up the last ounce of fuel that could have ignited that small flame between me and Michael. I couldn’t think of myself anymore. No. Not until I help her. Not until I somehow make her see that I’m genuinely sorry for being ice queen. I was the bitch, not her.

I don’t even know why she does it, why she purges her life away, why she cries after she… I was tempted to go in, to stop hanging onto the doorframe and just go to the bathroom door, to twist the knob and walk in, to kneel down on the floor beside her and hold her like I used to. To rock her gently back and forth and sing in her ear, to hum the childhood tune we both used to sing.

To comfort her the way I used to after her parents would come on their yearly visits. She would come in my room and I would just know that they had came. I would just know and I would open my arms and she would run into them and weep. I’d rock her bath and forth and run soothing fingers threw her hair and sing the song my great grandmother would sing to me.

Ru, ru, ru
No llodes me baby…
Por unas mansanas,
Que no le thee,
Por unas manasanas,
Que no le thee,
Se fue me baby,
La casa a mi…

I was caught up in the memories we once had that I didn’t feel my hand turn the knob. I heard her whimper and my mind went blank. Reality set back in and I quickly withdrew my hand. I walked backwards until I bumped into Laurie’s bed, staring at the bathroom door as if it were cursed. I was so close, so close to just giving up my pride and going back. But I had to find myself before I could help anyone else.

I silently went back to my room and wept.

a/n: How was that?

[ edited 1 time(s), last at 27-Nov-2002 1:14:52 AM ]
posted on 27-Nov-2002 11:22:59 PM by JBehrsGurl
oh whoooooa to the republic... I'm bumping mine own fic *sad*
posted on 28-Nov-2002 3:07:24 AM by JBehrsGurl
FANATICS needs your help guys! For the sake of everyone who joined and reads/lurkes/writes/whater... If we don't help out FANATICS will shut down! Please see what you can do by clicking my banner! Any penny counts! I don't care if all you can donate is a dollar! Plz help us! If not for me, if not for you... Do it to keep ROSWELL ALIVE!!!
posted on 29-Nov-2002 12:57:25 AM by JBehrsGurl
I believe I must have lost my readers! *sad*
posted on 19-Dec-2002 12:52:35 PM by JBehrsGurl
I heart you JO! You bump me everyday! You rOck! You get official dibs on anything you want that I can give! *big* As for the rest of yous.. lol j/k I love you all too, you guys are so great. You bump and you review and you read… Thanks so much! Jess, Trude… thanks! Oh and chinablueeyes Thanks for reading my fic! I hope I continue to grab your attention!

Ch. 25
Make Over


"You're a tree! Spread your arms up as if you were a tree! Up! Up! Your branches are reaching for the sun!" Ms. Topolsky reached her arms up high above her head, wiggling her fingers around.

I snorted in disgust. What the HELL was this? I side glanced Maria to see her standing motionless. Isabel gracefully lifted her arms up high and reached for the imaginary sun.

"You look like a swan on crack." Maria joked about Isabel.

"Excuse me!?" Isabel shrieked, "At least I'm trying miss I-don't-give-a-shit." She shot and moved over next to me.

Shrugging I continued to carelessly keep my arms up in the air. Laurie was in the back sitting on the windowsill staring out at something I couldn't see. I danced my way to the back and sat next to her. She was startled and flinched when I touched her shoulder; causing the figure her attention was on to scurry away.

"Something the matter girls?" Ms. Topolsky asked from behind me.

"Whoa! When did you get here?" I shouted spinning around to face her.

"What are we looking at?" She stuck her head out the window curious.

"Nothing!" Laurie jumped off the windowsill and walked to the door, "May I be excused?" She asked.

Topolsky nod, "Yes Laurie."

I watched them closely, Laurie with tears in her eyes and Topolsky with concern. Everyone else in the room shuffled around nervously.

"So are we done here?" Courtney broke the silence. "Cuz I have to call my manager in 15." She said as if it were life threatening.

"I guess the atmosphere is shattered anyhow." Topolsky sighed, "Don't forget group meeting at six."

I stifled my laughs. This was pathetic, what "atmosphere" was she referring to? I wondered how the guys were doing. Our "P.E." classes were same sex oriented. I grabbed my water bottle and stepped up towards the exit.

"Liz." Michael greeted me. Ignoring Maria as she hurried around the room to the exit.

"Michael," I nod in hello.

"So. Michael is it?" Courtney slithered in between us and trailed her nails up and down his chest. He looked at me in wonderment.

"Excuse me." Maria shoved past us all and bumped Courtney up against the wall in the process.

"C'mon." I took Michael by the arm.

"Later Michael." Courtney purred.

Isabel giggled walking past, "Later… Miiiiichael." She fluttered her lashes.

"Am I missing something?" He stopped to ask me. He was denser than Max!

"What do you want?" I walked beside him to the cafeteria.

"Max's is trippin out. He's cured. Zan made sure of that…" He scratched his brow, "The only reason he's here is for you. So why are you messing with his head?"

"I don't need this right now." I quickened my pace.

"Who's that guy that's been your new shadow?"

I rolled my eyes, "He's just a friend dad."

"Have you told Topolsky that you're purging again?" He pulled me back to face him.

I retched my arm back, "No. It's nobodies business."

"It's EVERYBODY'S business Elizabeth! The whole reason you're even in here is because of this!" He shook me.

"Stop it. You're hurting me." I growled.

"You're hurting yourself!" He snapped back in my face.

"Shut up and get out of my way." I replied through clenched teeth.

"I'll give you until tomorrow to tell her yourself… Then I'm telling her." He stormed off like a child.

I closed my eyes and sighed, all the appetite I had earlier was now gone. So I just went to my room, I smiled to myself as I opened the door. Laurie wasn't there. I was alone. I shut the door behind me and flopped on my bed for a nap.

Or at least I tried to until I felt my stomach rumble and I had to run to the nearest trash since I knew I wouldn't make it to the bathroom.

GOD I was hungry…


Maria POV


That's all that passed through my mind after reading that article. How hard would Liz take that? I think she would most likely commit murder suicide if this article fell into her hands. Who would write such a horrible thing? I mean don't get me wrong half of it is true but…


I better hide this before someone finds it and shows her.



I think I just puked out my intestines. That was not a normal binge, no way Jose. That hurt like a bitch and I still feel like shit. Maybe I'm coming down with something. Is it normal to want to eat pickles and ice cream? I fell on to my bed and groan.

"Hey Liz, someone stopped by and left this for you." Laurie came in and threw down a magazine in my lap.

"Who was it?" I asked flipping through the pages.

Laurie shrugged, "Some chick, I dunno. She had blonde curly hair and blue eyes. No… No wait, she had red hair… or… Black? I seriously can't remember. All I know is she said to make sure you turn to page 56." She sighed, "I feel like shit, I'm gonna go wrinkle in the spa." She stepped out, towel and bathing suit in hand.

I sighed and turn to page 56.


Hearsay Gossip Magazine
Written by an anonymous staff writer…

"She's got style! She's got flair! Who's that puking over there?!" Heather Jules joked to reporters at last weeks TONY awards. It seems as if Liz Parker, who was once the topic of great conversation is now the butt of everyone's joke. Bashed in gossip magazines and talked of as if she were deceased, Liz Parker has no friends in the media lately. When asked, manager Tess Harding replied, "It's personal business, but I'll have you know this… When she returns she's gonna waltz in like nothing happen and you will all be left breathless." She then winked and trotted off inside her corporation building. Although many sources say that the infamous Liz Parker is enrolled in the well-known 28 day program, it has been reported that another 7 days has been added to all applicant's due to the large number of new patients. Even if the infamous Ms. Kathleen Topolsky is the new head psychiatrist, only half of our anonymous sources have faith in a full recuperation for Liz Parker. Sources stating she was "Too far gone to be helped."

Exactly when was it that things took a strange turn for Liz Parker? She had several promising contracts with many important designers and the support of many adoring fans. Was this not enough to keep her stability strong?

And what is about Liz Parker that drives the male population wild? Stealing hearts even while she's away, everyone just has one thing to say…

There's something about Liz.

It's perfectly understandable to have one heartthrob but to have so many? Let's take a small look back through the last couple years of Liz's failed relationships and the men who still wallow in her wake.

February 14, 1999
~Shane West
Together for almost two happy years until Liz publicly dumped him in a fancy French restaurant on Valentines Day. "We have different personalities, we just don't mesh well is all." Liz said when asked of the break up.

"I love her. I always will, but she's right… We don't work well in that way. But She'll always be in my heart." Shane responded with.

In our opinion this was around the time Liz started to take a turn for the worst, after her hard break up (yet she seemed to have bounced back pretty quickly) she began to model more and even had a small part in a movie. However, all that glitters isn't as pretty close up.

February 20, 1999
~Jesse Bradford
The coupled shacked up in Brads beach house for 2 weeks after the filming of SwimF⊕n where Liz had a cameo as his girlfriend, Amy. "I'm just soooo happy where I am right now in my love life." Liz had go on and on about in an interview with Rosie O'Donell. But as fast as the fire was lit it soon was blown out 8 months later when she began to hang out more with fellow models in the Fall/Winter Gucci fashion show, where she then met the cunning and suave M.G. Today the two, Jesse and Liz, still maintain a wonderful

"She's great. You can't use words to describe her, I could try… But then we'd be here all day." Jesse has laughed.

*Gag* us

March 26, 2000
~Michael Guerin
This might have been one of the most odd relationships of Liz's past. The gorgeous artist/model was rude in every interview and always showed up late when on talk shows. The boy showed no sense of manners and was completely Liz's polar opposite. (*wink*) Yet he and Liz stayed together even threw his violent stage when he began to brutally attack paparazzi and was caught many times on film shoving Liz around in anger. "What is it of your business?" Liz snapped to reporters who asked about pictures of the two in vicious quarrels, "I seriously don't understand why you people don't get a life."

"F*ck off!" Was Michael Guerin's comment.

Recently the two had finally called it quits yet live under the same roof? Excuse us Liz but… Can you please make up your mind?

May 30, 2002
~Max Evans
Absolutely breathtaking and was on his way to becoming the next VH1 model of the year until… He met Liz Parker. Quickly after meeting Liz she was found several time leaving his condo at odd hours of the day and the two were never seen without each other. The night Liz collapse Max was there the very next day and wouldn't leave without her. It was rumored that he actually took her out of the hospital early, carrying her away to her house. "He's great isn't he?" She had giggled when first asked about him, "We're just friends."

Max had a different approach, "She's the beautiful girl I've ever seen, I don't even know her… but I love her." He had blushed.

We at Hearsay Gossip have one to say… How the HELL does she do it? She has this male sex god at her beck and call yet surprisingly we hear the relationship is already on the rocks. Reportedly it all started the night of her great fall. With our next bachelor…

June 26, 2002
~Vin Diesel
Apparently Liz refused to go on stage and present the MTV "Most Romantic Scene" award unless Vin was her escort. A little demanding are we Liz? The two had flaming hot chemistry on stage and were seen in an intimate conversation during the short showing of the nominee's. The second she collapse, she was in Vin's arms. Talk about using the 'ol damsel in distress move! "Liz and Vin are nearly friends." Tess Harding smiled wide when asked, "Of course, they do look cute together don't they?"

"Beautiful girl, sweet and everything you could ask for." Vin had to say, "I really hope she's alright, I hope to visit her when she returns."

Not to mention her two guy groupies she's been friends with since childhood.

Drool worthy Alex Whitman and his cousin Kyle Valenti. We hear Shane refuses to leave Liz's side at the resort until she fully recovers. All she needs is Vin and Brad then she'll have Hollywood's hottest males in her grasp. We have one thing to say to Liz, ever heard of sharing? Or better yet… Can this chick ever with hold a long term monogamous relationship?


Michael POV

So Liz has what? 20 something more hours to tell Topolsky before I do? What to do until then? These damn P.E. classes they have us doing is the most ridiculous thing I have ever endured. I really could use a drink. Just one shot of tequila at least! I'm not asking for much!

Max seems to be taking Liz's behavior well, personally… I think he just doesn't give a damn anymore. About ANYTHING for that matter. I have to keep a close eye on him to make sure he doesn't do anything stupid. Isabel and Alex are locked in MY room. It doesn't matter if I have to share it with Alex, it's still half mine and either way I'm locked out of it. Max and I have tried several times since we found out 2 days ago about their sudden decision to hook up. It won't last, he's too famous. She'll start to get insanely jealous and he'll dump her when she starts to get too clingy. I got 20 on that. Any takers?

Ohhh! Look who just came in? Pretty boy!

"You." I snapped when I saw him enter the center.

"And you." He mimicked.

"Funny, really. Okay let me ask you something here…" I ushered him over, "What are your intentions with Liz? Shane is it?"

He looked at me, "Why?"

"Because I'm fucking asking you now tell me or I'll drag you out back and beat the shit outta you." I don't care what they say. Violence is always the answer.

"I love her, as a friend. Not that it's any of YOUR business but I just really want her to get well. She's a wonderful person." She shrugged me off.

Well I wasn't expecting an answer like that.

"Besides, she's in love with your damn cousin Max." He scowled.

I grin.

"Are we finished here? I really want to go see Liz."

I stepped aside, "By all means friend."




So this is it huh? This is what I've become? Hideously ugly inside and out? Someone who can't withhold a stable relationship? I'm desperately sick of everything and everyone.

I can't believe what you did to me
Down on my knees and I need to break free
All these years, you violated me…(Violated me…)

Who the fuck wrote that anyhow? Anonymous staff writer? What the hell was that? Staff is anything but anonymous. I'm so sick of everyone walking on eggshells around me. Shane, Max, Michael, Alex, Kyle… As much as it bothers me, Maria was the only one who kept it real. And I fucked that up.

I don't know why I can't feel inside
Trying to hide, can't make it all right
It's overkill, now I'm ready to fight (ready to fight)

I always just take criticism in stride and turn my head, I always look the other way. But this article just went too far. I've been hiding in my room with Shane, talking about old times and exchanging small talk. But that doesn't stop the fact that the world still goes 'round. I can't stay in this room forever. I know I should be angry and furious, I even probably have the right to sue. So how come I don't feel anything? No, I'm wrong. I do feel something. I feel ANGRY as hell. What right does anybody have to judge me?

I don't need nobody trying to make me over (make me over)
I just wanna live simple and free

I don't need this, I don't have to take this hit either. I know everyone's waiting for me to just be… CURED. But that's not the way things work. Why can't they all just piss off and leave me alone, let me be? In stead they all stick around and see what they can do to help. I don't WANT their help! I want to be left alone. I want to go home.

I just wanna get away
Save it, all your bullshit, for another day!

Okay. So these are the cards life has dealt me, fine. I can do it. I'm fine, seriously. I opened the bathroom door and walked in. Then I remembered that I had to attend that damn group meeting. Fuck that. I have enough problems of my own than to sit and listen to everyone else's.

Feeling confined, like I'm being forced in
My vision's blurry and I'm lost in regrets
It's overload, and I'm out of control (out of control)

So this is it. This is me. The only one there will ever be. I look at my reflection and I don't even know who that girl staring back IS anymore. That's not Liz Parker. That's not the same girl who was the star on the runways. I was molded into what Hollywood wanted me to be. I was dyed, cut, and frosted. I was fake. Fuzzy. My eyesight was getting fuzzy… I couldn't see anything clear anymore.

So sick and tired of feeling so misused (feeling so misused)
Taking me down with all your mental abuse
I must say, gotta get you out of my head

I felt sick, like I was going to puke again. I looked away from the mirror and ram out into the room again. But when I came out I caught sight of myself in the full length mirror by the door. Hideous. I was severely hideous in every possible way. I lurched forward and gagged. No. I shook my head trying to shake the vision of me away. What I saw in the mirror made me sick to my stomach. Why couldn't I just see my reflection, why did I see my hideously gross body? Just look away Liz, just look away.

Everybody's always trying to look me over (look me over)
I just wanna live simple and free

Tess had told me to lose weight, and I did. Mission accomplished. Bobby Strom told me to get my fat ass in shape. And I did, check box two. Ready to roll. To go the meeting or not to go to the meeting? That is the question….

I just wanna get away
Save it, all your bullshit, for another day
I'm the only one who can rescue me from me

Maybe I should just leave. Fuck the contract and fuck society. I don't have to take this shit. It's all crap anyhow. What good is pretending you're a damn tree? Why are you reaching for the sun if you're a damn tree? Trees don't MOVE! Topolsky said she couldn't help me if I can't help myself. So I say if I can help myself then I don't NEED her ass.

Leaving the house another quarter to five
Slipped on my boots and I'm ready to ride
And I feel so high, I feel so alive

So I decided to get ready for the meeting. I will be attending with full confidence. I will walk in as if I own the place and I will answer every freaking question asked and I will comment on every freaking person's problems. I will put in my two great cents and I will be a good little bulimic patient. There's no dress code in these parts. Only problem is that they took all my good clothes out. Personal belongings my ass.

Let down my hair, feel the wind on my skin (wind on my skin)
Crossing the water where my new life begins
And I close my eyes and take it all in

The wind blew in from my open window and the curtains flowed free. I had an epiphany just then. I would stop retching everything I ate. I would get well and get the hell out of here, I will prove everyone wrong. I WILL succeed. I wanted to move free without the strings of my "image" bringing me down. I closed my eyes and breathed in deep.

I don't need nobody trying to make me over (make me over)
I just wanna live simple and free

Freedom at last. Right? Wrong. I still had a few skeletons in my closet to rid first.

"Liz?" I heard Shane knock on the locked door, "Liz open up."

But I stood away from the door, I stood far away. Because I knew it would be there if I took one step towards that door. I don't think I'm capable just now. I don't think I can handle what I would see. I need to feel free. I won't have that if I look.

I just wanna get away
Save it, all your bullshit, for another day
I'm the only one who can rescue me from me

"Liz? Liz are you okay?" He pounded on the door. "Liz!"

He shouldn't be here. I need to do this on my own. I need to stop hiding behind everyone else, they can't heal for me. I'm the only one who can cure me. I just need to take that giant leap. But I'm so scared.

I just wanna get away
Save it, all your bullshit, for another day
I'm the only one who can rescue me from me

"Coming." I shouted back when his thumping grew louder and heavier. God, was it just me or was the world spinning? I know I ate yesterday. I should be fine until tomorrow, I know how my body works, I know I can handle it. Just gotta keep it all down. Too bad I binged 5 times since yesterday. I stepped forward to the door…

And I saw it.

You wanna bring me down
You wanna bring me down

Hideous. It was so hideous. I'm so SICK OF LOOKING AT IT!!!! I had to make it go away, it's what makes me the way I am. I had to kill it. I slammed my fist into the mirror and ignored the pain that rushed up my arm in lightning bolts. I slammed my fist into the mirror again and again until image was no longer visible. The world spun around faster.

"Liz! Liz what's going on? Please! Liz just please open the door!" Shane yelled. He was trying to kick down the door.

I glanced around the room. This wasn't who I was. This wasn't who I am. I don't know who the hell I am. So why are these pictures up? Why are these posters all around? I ran over to by bed and ripped the wall poster of Marilyn Monroe off the wall. I didn't need a role model like that just now. I didn't need someone who changed her whole image for fame.

You wanna bring me down
You wanna bring me down

I kicked the wall and smeared the blood that ran down my arm all over. I hated this room. It was so… I don't know what anything is anymore.

Max doesn't care about me. Maria… Alex… Kyle… No one. Shane was only trying to help me so that he wouldn't have to be alone himself. He stays home and watches the hours tick away because he won't live life. He thinks he's not worthy of the life he has been given.

I looked over to the mirror again. And for the first time.

I saw what I had become.

And the world spun faster than ever just then. I felt the floor give way and I fell in slow motion…

You wanna bring me down
You wanna bring me down…

But before the lights went out, before everything when black. I thought of one thing…

Time to start over.

a/n: how was that?

Song is by Christina Aguilera (Make Over) from her "Stripped" CD

[ edited 1 time(s), last at 19-Dec-2002 12:58:37 PM ]
posted on 20-Dec-2002 11:16:56 AM by JBehrsGurl
Thanks guys! *wink*
posted on 25-Dec-2002 5:25:57 AM by JBehrsGurl
I was bored so I made a new banner for this fic



Happy Birthday Jesus!!!! Without you I wouldn't be here for all my adoring readers!!