posted on 13-Oct-2001 4:47:03 PM by Fixius
TITLE: HOLLOW
RATING: R
DISCLAIMER: Not mine. Just living vicariously through them.
SUMMARY: M/L, Liz's POV. AU. A sarcastic Liz meets her match in Max Evans. Oh and Tess is NOT an alien. Max, Michael and Isabel are.
FEEDBACK: please please please.
DISTRIBUTION: Sure, just ask.

Parts 1- 14 are here:
viewthread?forum=dreamer-fanfiction&id=225547



**15**

In situations like these you always imagine the greatest poetry spurting forth. Maybe even a sonnet. But not here, rest assured not here. But then again what do you really expect from the inside of a janitor's closet?

So the only thing that I need to do now is well...breathe...but other than that I have to figure out what the hell to say.

"So...." Okay think of a topic he's interested in. What is he interested in? "How bout that Laker's game?" Uh...yeah. That works.

"What?" Oh great. Now all I've accomplished is making Max utterly confused.

"What?" Holy crap. Now I'm confused.

"It's not even basketball season, Liz." Wait...there are seasons? How was I not informed? I hate it when my half ass plans are flawed. Those are usually the best ones too.

"What season is it?" I thought there were only four. You know winter, fall, spring, summer. Yeah, those.

"Uh...football."

"Oh. So...how bout them Packers."

"Liz, this is stupid."

"You're right, I never liked the Packers either."

"What? No, this...you know this..." Right...so about those Lakers...

"This?"

"Right."

"Right....So what exactly is 'this' again?"

"Us." Why hello there crushed spirit. "Well not us, but this whole running around thing. When are we ever gonna talk about this Liz?"

Ummm, the next time we find a handy bathroom just lying around?

"We talk." See, when you get denial, the bastard just won't go away.

"I like you Liz. Very much."

"See. Talk talk talk."

"I have, for a really long time."

"Wow, look at you go. You're talkin all over the place."

"In fact, it's even more than that."

Notice the lack of inner monolouge.

"I love you, Liz. I need you to know that. I need to know if there's a chance."

Can't think. Can't think. Can't think. Can't think. Can't think.

"What?"

"I love you." Max moves closer to me, and cups my cheek tenderly. I really think I should be saying something right about now.

".............................." What? If I can't think how the hell am I gonna say something?

He rests his forehead against mine, waiting anxiously for any reply. Unfortunatley I find myself unable to give one. I have no clue what to say, all I know right now is that I must be grinning like a freakin idiot.

He doesn't make a move and I start shaking with anticipation. You know what? Screw it. I'll just act like the horny school girl that I am.

"Wait. Liz. You need to know something first. About me..."

"Yeah?" Whatever it is make it fast and kiss me. I'm in serious withdrawl here. HA!! Stupid denial is gone!!

"I...I'm not exactly well...normal." Well obviously, no normal person looks like that.

"What do you mean?" Did I ever mention how glad I am that I don't say some things out loud?

"I...I'm not from around here."

"You weren't born in Roswell?"

"Well yeah, technically I was."

Huh?

"I..I...huh?"

"Well, for lack of a better word, I'm a..well you see, I have these..."

Carnal urges?

"powers."

"Right. So you're saying that you..."

"That I'm an alien."

"Right." It just figures I have the jones for the crackpot.

"I'm not insane. Look." He turns his palm upwards and a lucid blue light erupts from his fingertips.

OH. MY. GOD.

Denial? Where'd you go boy? You know I love you!!!

"So wow, look at the time. I better go find Michael before...well I don't know just before....bye."

I reach for the door handle but Mr. I'm an alien beats me to it. Oh my god!! He is a spacehero. Fantastic.

"Liz. I told you because I trust you. Because I love you. Please."

"Ummm, Max. You know I like you too. Very much. And yeah some might say love could have a say in all this too, but you make shiney blue things come out of your hand. That requires some alone time."

"I understand, I do. It's just that..."

"I won't say anything."

Gotta go. Gotta go. Gotta go. This isn't happening. Nope, not happening. OH! Denial there you are. I missed you.

"Liz?"

"Yeah?"

"Before...before I said, what I said. Would you have...given us a shot?"

"Yeah."

"And now...you, you won't, right? I mean, I'm this monster, right?"

"No. I mean about the monster thing. And about...about...the other thing...all I can say is....well...."

TBC

God, I'm evil.
*angel*

[ edited 16time(s), last at 4-Feb-2003 8:58:58 PM ]
posted on 11-Nov-2001 11:02:30 PM by Fixius
FINALLY!!! I solemnly promise if people out there still read this (and leave fb) I will post more often!!!!!

**15b**

"So what happened in there with Max?" Maria glides towards my slyly, a mischevious gleam in her eye.

"He banged me like a salvation army drum."

"Really?"

"No." One could only wish life could be that easy. But first, you know, I would have to be that easy too.

"That's too bad, so...what REALLY happened?" Maria raises an eyebrow suggestively, softly humming 'bow chicka bow wow' under her breath.

And I will forever wonder why my junior year of high school became a sad excuse for cheap porn.

"Nothing happened." Now I'm edgy. It's weird how when you discover you're in love with in an alien and you get all snappy. Oh wait, that's just me.

"Then why is he leaving with Tess?" WHAT???!!!!???

"WHAT?" I turn my head in a flurry, twisting my neck so it makes that hot stingy sensation when you turn your head to fast. Turns out Tess is standing in a corner with the football team, no Max in sight.

I glare at Maria and rub my neck painfully. "That was mean."

"So what happened, because the boy looks like he's bout to cry." By the tone of her voice I know she's not joking, and for the first time in my life I really really wished she was messing with my head.

"I...I have to go." It seems that bailing is the only solution I have these days. I'm half way out the door when I realize I can't drive. My driver's Ed book still resting peacefully under the atrocity that is my bed.

Kyle.

I run back into the gym, eager for even the smallest distraction. I find Kyle sitting dejectedly at the table I was occupying so shortly ago. When I was so blissfully ignorant.

"Kyle, do you wanna get out of here?...With me, you know...like just go, I know it sounds weird but hey I'm wacky and I need to go. You wanna go? You don't have to go..."

"Liz.."

"I mean it's fine if you don't wanna go cuz you got the dancing here, and you know the punch and the lovely assortment of fruit..."

"Liz."

"Yeah?"

"Let's go."

"It was the fruit wasn't it? I thought it tasted a little freaky." Kyle laughs and takes my elbow and leads me out to his red mustang.

"Wow. You're car is really shiney." Did I ever mention I turn into a complete babbling idiot when I'm nervous? Oh you figured that out did ya?

"You know, I get that a lot." Kyle is not running away. Kyle is staying and Kyle is normal. Kyle is not Max. Kyle is a distraction. Distract boy distract!!!

****

Kyle taps the steering wheel rythmically as we drive down the darkened streets of Roswell. I've always loved riding in a car, a quiet peaceful time to reflect and well pretty much vegetate. You know those damn annoying kids who always say "are we there yet?" Nope, not me. I was the kid who said, "Damn it, we're already here?"

"So...remember that time you feel asleep in chemistry?" Psssh, ugh...no. Uh, yeah, of course not, what the hell are you talking about?

"Umm, yeah?" Yeah so, I'm not the best in sticky situations.

"That was pretty funny." Kyle is weird.

Cool.

"Hey, did you know we went out for like a day in fifth grade?"

"We did not." I never went out with Kyle Valenti...did I? Damn my bad memory.

"Yeah, apparently we did, I found this letter from you."

"Oh gawd, what did it say?"

"Well apparently I tried to kiss you, being the charmer that I am." Oh baby, nothing gets my riled up quite like a prepubescent boy. "But we weren't "dating" or whatever it is that fifth graders do, so you wrote me a letter that said you have to buy the cow before you get the milk." Please god, don't tell me I was that much of a loser.

"I did not write that."

"I'm afraid you did."

"I do not make cow analogies thank you very much."

Kyle smirks and shoves me playfully, "Really? Then why are you so defensive?"

"Oh, well I...because...because of the utter ridiculousness of it."

"Right. I believe you Parker."

Kyle stops in front of the Crashdown and scurries around the car to get my door. We smile, and hug. The day I became friends with Kyle Valenti, I always thought that would be the day I died....

.......


.......

.......

Nope. Still breathing. And maybe life isn't so scary anymore.
posted on 12-Nov-2001 2:40:36 PM by Fixius
How's this for a quick update? *wink* Feedback is still whole-heartedly appreciated and a new Complexity will be out shortly and with it....THE TOWEL SCENE!!!! Enjoy.

**16**

Now that Kyle is gone I find myself distractionless. Never good. Now I have time to actually think about what happened in that closet. Really really not good. Blue light thingies are NOT supposed to shoot out of people's hands, that's a fact. What the hell good is science, my little world is all out of wack. Hello little axis man, let us tilt you until your looking up your own ass. But as freaked out as I am, I can still remember the look in his eyes when he told me. He seemed desperate for my approval. But, he just dropped this on me. Damn it, I feel like a line from that damn Natalie Imbruglia song.

Hell yeah I'm torn.

Did you ever notice that when your sad, 99.9% of the time it has to do with someone of the opposite sex? Or just male species in general. You find yourself watching sappy movies, preferably in black and white, eating ho ho's and cheetos, a somewhat frightening combination if you had the time to actually think about it. But no, stupid boys and their stupidness gotta make you eat nasty food till you get fat and old and do you get happy? No.

But of course this is just an example. That's not what I'm doing.

Currently I'm watching Casablanca.

Ho ho's and ICE CREAM in tow.

Yeah, we were out of cheetos.

I'm crying like an idiot and the crazy thing is I'm barely even paying attention to the movie.

I hate to be out of control like this, so uncertain of my next plan. There's always gotta be a plan. I even plan out my conversations in advance. True, the other party involved seldom replies as I had hoped, but at least I gotta something to go off ya know? Right now I'm clueless, it can't be solved by a lab or my friends or anything. It's all on me and I don't know what to do.

The worst part is I have no one to talk to. I can't tell anyone that Max is an alien, my logical brain knows that's a no no. There's only one person I can talk to. And that's Max.

BBBRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNGGGG

You know he's probably not home. Busy with being an alien and all. I should probably just hang up.

"Hello?" Damn.

"Uh hey Isabel *hiccup* is Max there?" Don't you love when you try to talk after you've just cried? Isn't nice how your so goddamn articulate like that?

"Well...I um...I don't think he...I'll go see." That doesn't sound good. I never even realized he might not want to talk to me. How could I be so selfish, he's the one who just told the biggest secret in the world. Or universe.

"He ummm, he just left but he'll be back soon and I'll be sure to tell him you called okay Liz?" She sounds sympathetic and angry at once.

"Oh well, in that case I'll just come over and wait for him. OKay?"

"Oh Liz, see..."

"Okay, see you in five." click.

***************************

"So."

"So." So far so good. Isabel taps her foot awkwardly and motions towards the couch for me to sit down.

"So...Max told you." Oh great, I am really off of my game. I never thought that Isabel might know his secret too.

"Told me?"

"Liz, I know. Max told you we're aliens." Wait...we? Holy shit, how long have I been on the bench?

"Umm, yah. He did. And I just want you to know that I won't tell anyone. I promise." I've never seen Isabel scared before, she's always been so calm and collected and sure of herself.

"Thank you."

"Hey Isabel, I got the ice cream and the movies, do you wanna...Liz." Max's eyes meet mine in shock and he drops the bags from his hands.

Apparently guys suffer from old movies and junk food angst as well.

"Hey, Max." This is my big chance. Whatever I do now will ultimately change my life forever. God, way to make myself not nervous. Way to go Liz.

He nods lightly and ushers me into his room. As soon as we enter he thinks better of his decision.

"Oh um, if you don't, if you don't feel comfortable alone in here with me then we can..."

"No, no this is fine." I have so much control over him right now it's heedy and frightening at the same time. "I just umm, I just wanted to apologize. I'm so sorry Max. I should have been more understanding. I know...I know you don't want to hurt me or anything."

Max's eyes soften in relief but there is still tension between us. "It's okay, Liz. I understand. And you're right..I don't, I would never hurt you. And I...I understand that you want to be with Kyle now." His eyes lower to the ground dejected.

"What? No, I just, I needed to get out of there and Kyle, Kyle is just a friend Max. Only a friend." He nods his head but he still seems less than convinced. "Max, this, this will have to get some getting used to, but I'm not afraid of you or us. I mean I'm so crazy it's fitting I would be in love with an alien." Oops. "Well, what I mean is..."

Max's lips curve into a smile and he leans his forehead against mine.

"You really...after everything...?" I nod and meet his penetrating gaze.

"But you need to tell me everthing Max. If this is gonna work you're gonna have to tell me everything." He nods solemnly but doesn't step away.

"May I kiss you?" I feel like I'm in some Disney Channel love story, kinda like Casper. But I don't mind.

"Yes."
posted on 31-Dec-2001 12:10:57 AM by Fixius
First of all let me apologize. I know it's been forever but I've been going through some scary stuff lately and it doesn't help I still have to pass high school. *wink* I'm also sorry this part is so short but I'm working on Complexity so I hope it comes out well. Feedback is appreciated and does make me a more speedy author. Thanks for remembering me.

**17**

What's my future? I know I've asked before and at the risk of sounding redundant I'll ask it again. What's my future? Who really knows, who can really tell?

It sure as hell ain't Miss Cleo.

I always thought I had it all figured out. Reach for that dream and be adored by millions. But I never imagined being loved by one.

So what's love? Tell me, because I'd really like to know. What's your version of love? Because I don't think I know, I don't think I really know anything anymore.

Max and I are together so what does that mean? That it's all warm and fuzzy inside now? No.

Hollow...remember?

Never changing...not yet.

Max says he loves me and I thought I knew, I really did. But I don't.

"Penny for your thoughts...?" He asks while shifting on the bed beside me, curiosity hinting his features. My nose crinkles in mock confusion.

"Puppies?" His eyebrow raises in amused disbelief.

And fear.

Of course she isn't thinking about puppies. What girl would think about purrpies after she's just lost her virginity.

Wait. You say. You want to know how that happened. You want to know how little Lizzie Parker managed to loose her innocence.

We'll get back to that.

But right now I'm in the arms of the man who says he loves me and I'm still so unsure. Alex says I'm just scared. Scared of opening myself up to someone.

He's good at pointing out the obvious that way.

Maria, she says that she's sure he's in love with me. She can tell. In the way he moves, the way he watches and touches me. And she tells me she knows I love him too.

So why don't I?

He does you know. This is all my version of a well thought out and matured self defense mechanism. But in the end we're in love. Simple as that.

But I don't know that yet.

So now Max holds my hand and strokes my hair and I smile because I should be happy. I'm loved.

So why am I still so hollow?

Always dark and alone, even when the light is so bright I can barely see.

So tell me, please. What's my future? Because the present is still a blur.

TBC?
posted on 31-Dec-2001 12:11:49 AM by Fixius
double post

[ edited 1 time(s), last at 31-Dec-2001 12:15:31 AM ]
posted on 27-Feb-2002 9:08:42 PM by Fixius
What the hell? I actually wrote something?? To be totally honest I've lost faith in Roswell lately, hence the lack of parts. But it's comin back so hopefully I'll get better.
Love ya!!!
Fixius*bounce*

**18**

I, Liz Parker, am now carrying a distinct feeling of female pride. Selfish? Why yes. Max is putty. Big, goopy putty in my lil bitty hand. Of course I don't know if I should be pleased by this or slightly disturbed. Either way it's great for the ego boostage.

I'm a horrible person. I know it.

But really, nothing else could have been expected. I'm almost seventeen and until a couple of weeks ago even a french kiss was foreign and now I'm the total vixen.

But of course this is where the big mushy feelings are supposed to come in. Right? And that's exactly why I'm sitting at my computer iming total wackos at three o'clock in the morning. Sound familiar at all?

This one guy, he's convinced we really live on Mars. Yeah, and that we're the aliens, it's all an allusion.

Ironic, ain't it?

I click cancel. Clearly this isn't distracting enough.

blip

ThEwHiTs32 wishes to send you an instant message. Do you accept.

Alex. Alex is good.

ThEwHiTs32: hey love.

Adore17: Do you think I'm closed off? Cold?

ThEwHiTs32: I'm good thanks...you?

Adore17: I'm serious. Am I emotionless?

Obviously Alex isn't much of a distraction either.

ThEwHiTs32: I think you're problem is that you just care too much, Liz. Just let it happen.

Let it happen? What a load of...

ThEwHiTs32: Liz...I really need to talk to you. Not now though. Not now. Can you meet me tomorrow?

Cryptic much?

Adore17: Um..yeah of course.

And now you're gone. Okay. I really should be worrying about that.

What does he mean I care "too much." Can no one ever be helpful?

*************************
"Hey um Liz...we uh..we really didn't have a chance to talk. You know about uhh..." He's really cute when he stutters but I choose to save him anyway.

"Yeah, I know." That was kinda the plan. "Do you need to say something about it?" I'm so fucking nonchalant right now I want to slap myself.

His eyes lower barely, tiny proof that he's nervous. I both revel in his shyness and feel disguted with myself because of it. I'm a horrible person. I'm horrible because I'm still not sure. Of him. Of myself. Maybe I'm just overanalyzing every minute detail, taking everything at face value and adding so much crap that I can barely recognize before I can even process it's real significance. Maybe I do care too much.

Or maybe I'm just a cold blooded bitch.

My bets on the latter.

"Well I..." He looks down again and his shoe taps in frustrated innocence. "It's just that you seemed so uncomfortable..after, and I just wanted to know..did I...did I do something wrong. I know I'm not very experienced with that or girls and...was it me?" He's looking at me now, right at me. Through me. And I wish I could just die at his feet, he thinks it's him. When it's me, I'm the one who's not worthy or experienced. He's the human one. He's the one with a heart and a soul. He's the one that's living, breathing, loving. Maybe I am the alien.

Ironic, ain't it?

"Max, I..." I want to tell him that I'm afraid. That it was never him, that somewhere deep down I know, I really do. But I can't, I'm being pulled away.

I'm literally being pulled away.

"Alex, what is your head trip?" Alex holds my arm forcefully leading me to the...eraser room?

Max follows stubbornly, confused and worried that Alex is taking me away. To the eraser room. Of all places.

Alex pushes me into the small room, turning back to Max before he fully enters himself.

"You're not wanted here, Max." I look at him helplessly, my insides collapsing at the thought of what he might be thinking of me. Max shakes his head in determination, taking a step toward me. Alex stops him with an outward palm and looks at him with a mixture of disgust and fear. I never thought I'd see that look on Alex's face. Never. He closes the door and locks it behind him. I know Max could just open it with his alien powers anyway, and I actually hope that he does. But he doesn't.

"We need to talk Liz."

"Yeah we do. We need to talk about you being a total ass."

"Okay good. But how bout we start off with the fact that Max Evans is an alien and see where we go from there."

Excuse me?

TBC
posted on 22-Mar-2002 2:00:28 PM by Fixius
**18b**

Alex knows?? There's no way Alex could know. How the hell would Alex know. Quick think of something witty and piquant.

"Huh?" Perfect.

"A. L. I. E. N. Liz. Little green men that come from outerspace. They even made a movie about it. Perhaps you've heard of it. It's called 'E.T.'

Okay, so maybe Alex is better at this whole witty thing than I am.

"Max Evans? An alien? That's so funny. You've completely lost it you realize this, yes?" I knew this day would come, I knew denial would surely someday be used for good.

"So let me get this straight. You didn't go into a closet with him on tolo. You didn't see him make blue light from his hands. And oh yeah, he didn't tell you he was an alien. Is that what you're saying?"

"Uh...yeah kinda."

"Good, because I was worried there for a minute." Alex crosses his arms and leans against the door in earnest. Apparently my clever lies haven't solved the problem after all.

"Look Alex, I don't know what to tell you. I don't even know how you found out. But Alex, he's a good guy. You must know that or you wouldn't have waited this long to confront me."

His stance slouches slightly, his body language giving away that I was right.

"I didn't know what to do, Liz. I thought it was all some bizarre joke." He's rubbing his temples. He always does this when he's frustrated. "So what are you saying? That he's a good alien and we should just turn our shoulders and go about our merry way? Tra la la."

"No. I'm telling you to run around squawking like a chicken. I'm telling you to dance until you drop, I'm telling you to beat your pillow until only a broken cover is left. I'm telling you to do whatever it takes for you to get over this. I'm telling you that it's okay."

He looks up and his eyes are wide, as if he's realizing something. "What could happen to him Liz, I mean if any one else knew?"

"I don't know Alex. Maybe…I dunno…" My eyes shut painfully. "Maybe he could die."

His head lowers slightly but his eyes are transfixed on mine. "So what did you do?"

"Huh?"

"To get over it. What did you do?"

"I talked about super hero capes to complete strangers for five hours."

"Oh. Cool."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

The whole dilemma seems to be over but I just sit here and think about it. I think about Alex knowing and wonder just the hell how he found out. I think about how I felt when I had first found out and how I had reacted. I think about Max and how he told me. I wonder what made him tell me. And I realize this really isn't about me. It's all about Max Evens and I wonder how the hell my life started revolving around Max friggin Evans. I think about what he might be doing right now. How he's feeling. I think about him lying on his bed and just thinking, like I am. I think I should stop thinking so goddamn much.

It's so hard though. Not thinking about it. I mean who wouldn't question the universe when you know little green men do exist.

Then I think: Wow, I wonder if he's really green.

Then I remember I've seen him naked.

Then a whole new kind of thought invades my mind.

Oh my God. I've seen him NAKED. Like in the sense that there were no clothes. Oh my God. He's seen ME naked. No wonder the guy is so screwed up. That could ruin anyone's mentality.

You may have already realized this but hey, give me a break I've been slightly distracted. I had sex. With a boy. Said boy is an alien. Said girl is having mental breakdown only slightly disillusioned by denial.

So here's the thing. I'm not really freaked out about the whole alien thing. I'm more freaked over the lack of virginity ordeal. But at the top of my run and hide list is the whole "love" factor. This is when I start to worry that I'll have to start thinking again.

So love…it's a chemical imbalance. Am I imbalanced? Why, yes. Okay, stand back everyone…I think I have an idea. Have you ever seen that "Friends" episode where Phoebe asks questions really fast and you have to answer the first thing that pops into your head to really figure out how you feel? Does this make any sense? Oh well. I'm trying it anyway.

Would you be sad if he died? Yes.

Would you like to repeat the nookie? Oh yeah.

Are you freaked cuz he's an alien? No.

Are you freaked cuz he loves you? Yes.

Are you sure he's sincere? Yes.

Do you love him? Sure.

SURE?!?!??! Even my subconscious is an idiot.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
RING RING

You know the deal.

RING RING

You pick up the phone. You dial.

RING RING

It rings.

"Hello?"

Someone answers.

"Hey. Is Max there?"

You greet. You ask for someone.

"One moment please."

You wait.

"Hello."

That person answers.

"Hey. This is Liz."

Greeting is repeated.

Now all we need is a conversation started here.

TBC?

posted on 20-May-2002 1:16:00 AM by Fixius
Sorry about the lack of love lately guys. I'm seriously blocked on Complexity but I have some good ideas coming. Please send me emails telling me to get off my bum and write if it takes me too long again. LUV YA!!!!

**18c**

So, I wonder if a mental breakdown goes well with my complexion. Strange question? Thought you might notice. See, this is me having a mental breakdown....figured I might as well look for some, if at least minuscule, sign of a benefit. So about five minutes ago I thought talking to Max right now would be the hardest thing I would have to do, you know at least today anyway. Funny thing is I was so off on that assumption it's ridiculous.

"Oh...um hey Liz." He sounds uncomfortable. HE. I thought that was my job.

"Yeah, hey." Oh my god. I'm such a freaking loser. I just said 'hey'. 'Hey' has been established. Let's just get on with it. "We need to talk, can we talk." Oh yeah, even better. Swoon.

"Oh yeah sure, but actually...I kind of have company right now and..." And that's when I hear it. The sound that forever will make my spine shiver, my blood boil and my head spin. Five minutes ago talking to Max was the problem. Now, it seems the reason why he can't is the problem.

That's the moment. I hear IT. HER.

"Max? Are you ready?"

Tess.

"Yeah, hold on. Sorry, Liz. I'll call you, ok?" And then he hangs up. Yeah, Max don't wait for a reply or anything I wouldn't want to cut into your "ugly hoe reach out program."

You could say I'm bitter.

Not that I can blame the guy, I did play the big bad bitch just hours ago. And really, how can I compete with Tess Harding? Her and her blondness and her cleavage. (a trait I seriously and sadly lack)

But what REALLY boils my egg is that I actually had something IMPORTANT to say. Do you realize how rare that is? It's scientifically impossible to calculate. And really, being the geek I am, should know.

Well, hope is not lost. I will seek comfort elsewhere. He did it. I'll do it. So naaaaaaaaaaaaa.

Yes, I am 12.
******************************

"So what's your deal?"

I turn to him, eyebrow raised. "Deal? Like cards?" The smartass. My favorite role.

Kyle takes a sip out of our mutual Blood of Martian Smoothie and smiles sardonically. He leans over the booth secretly and surveys the cafe suspiciously.

"I was actually refering to youir mental stability. Because, between you and me...it wasn't so great to begin with." He leans back, obviously satisfied with himself. His statement was completely accurate, apparently. But he really doesn't need to know that.

"Well, you'll pleased to know that the men in white are coming soon to take me off your hands."

His smile slowly fades and his posture turns sober. "Seriously, Liz. What's going on? I know we've just become friends but you gotta know I care for you. You just seem...off."

"Off? Yeah, that's just what every girl loves to hear."

"Liz..."

"It's just that..." I mix the smoothie concauction nervously with the red straw. "it's no big deal." my ass....

"Max?" What? Huh?

"What about Max?"

"Oh. It's just that I saw him with Tess on my way over and..." He must have seen me flinch at her name because he immediately began to apologize profusely.

"No, no. Don't worry about it."

"Maybe we should worry about it."

"What? Why?"

"No reason. You know....they're just....here."

Let me repeat: WHAT?????

I turn around to see what in the hell he's talking about and sure enough...there they are. Max and Tess in all her bitchy glory.

Time for my acting skills to set in.

Max comes to our table and Tess obediently follows.

I plaster on a big smile and welcome them.

Max's eyes shift uncomfortably. Why yes, I AM sitting with another guy. Take that mister.

"Um, hey. I was just uhh...helping Tess with her history project. Mr. Callahan set it up."

"Yeah, Max is just the biggest help."

"Oh, I'm sure he is. Max is just a doll isn't he? And so popular with the ladies." My eyes burn into his at that statement but I look away quickly. "Well, I better be going. I have rehearsal till nine. Kyle?"

I leave praying Kyle is following. I'm still trying to figure out how Max and I became lovers to verbal sparring partners in a matter of days.

Oh well, drama time.
*****************************
The great thing about drama is that you get to be someone else. It's like becoming a whole new person while the world watches.

It was also great hearing the collective gasp when the school found out that science geek Liz Parker joined theatre. Oh my, what will they think of next?

I lay down on the stage waiting for the rest of the cast to finish changing and begin my silent warm up.

New York is unique. New York is unique. Red leather Yellow leather.

That is, until I felt someone hovering over me. Sure enough someone was.

"Uh...hey."

He just stares back at me silently.

Right...

This is where it turns creepy.

He bends slightly and begins to straddle my waist...never loosing eye contact.

"Uh...Michael? Whatcha doin?" Very insulting I know. Okay...

"Hi, welcome to Liz's personal bubble. Please keep arms and legs inside the cart at all times and enjoy your invasion."

He turns his head to the side and says, "I can see up your nose."

This guy is a conversational genius I tell you.

"Always good to know."

"There are boogers." It's amazing how nonchalantley he says this.

"Good. I say more power to them. I believe they feel at home there."

"I'll email you."

Then he leaves. And I am more confused than ever.

TBC?



posted on 2-Aug-2002 2:28:50 AM by Fixius
**Sorry this took soooooo long but without school I'm less angsty and therefore have less inspiration. Anywho I was gonna write more complexity but my computer is like dead at the moment and has all of my complexity files on it so....that sucks...so I hope you like this new part anyway..lt took forever so I hope that means it's good!!! love ya**


**19**Is it just me or has the world gone mad? I highly doubt it could only be me because nothing can be this weird and not be noticed. Maybe I should go back a little in time to catch you up. First I discover the enigma that is Max, then his little sidekick "wonder hair" Michael follows me around like a deranged puppy. To top it all off Max and I (to put it elequently) do "the nasty", Michael follows me around asking about my infamous bugger problem all the while I'm freaking out and Tess is having a hay day. You could say my world has gone a little loopy lately.

Anyway

I'm now sitting in English desperately avoiding the eyes I can feel burning into my back. I know I have to talk to Max soon but I really don't want to let loose that kind of angst at school. The handcuff fiasco is still all too fresh in my mind. Kyle and I work silently on our Shakespeare project desperate to finish what procrastination had left us with, only one day left until its due date. I hear Tess in the background chatting gaily and I subconciously grind my teeth.

"You okay?" Kyle glances up at me worriedly.

"Swell." I look back down at our colorful display happy to have a useful distraction. When did life get so complicated? Oh yeah, when aliens landed.
********************************

"So you wanted to talk?" Max asks. His eyes stay on the ground, his posture slumped one hand on his back pack strap the other in his pocket all the while shifting his feet awkwardly. When did he begin hating me so much? How could I ever hurt him so much that he can't even bear to look at me?

"Yeah." Here we are standing in the middle of the parking lot. Here we are not looking at each other. This is not exactly the place I had imagined our little heart to heart but most of the kids have already gone home, school being over for at least 15 minutes and at least we can run if we have to. I ponder why exactly he chose this place for this situation. Did he realize this place would be so easily escapable? Had he planned on running?

"Liz?"

"Yeah, sorry...about, about that night."

That night. Well I guess it's about time I told you about that night. You know the night I'm talking about. The one where little Miss Parker became a woman. Or at least a sexually active girl.

So it all started out as a quasi-normal night. You know, other than the fact a boy was coming over. It had been under the rouse that we would discuss his english tutoring, the mystery that was Michael and Maria and the whole wacky romance that ensued and not to mention our own little relationship and all the alieness in between. He of course played it off as more of a "making sure she's okay with the alien thing" to get Michael and Isabel off his back while I chose the "hey, I'm his english tutor" thing to get Alex, Maria and my parents off my back. Luckily, or so I had thought, they were out grocery shopping at the time.

When Max arrived shy and adorable I showed him up to my room (the one I had spent the last hour desperately trying to clean) so we could start our "talk."

Being the good hostess I am asked, "Do you want something to eat or drink or...nibble or something?" I saw Max's head raise at 'nibble' but he merely smiled and politely shook his head no.

So there we were, Max sitting on my bed silent and awkward and me leaning against my desk silent and awkward.

I say, "So...Michael and Maria.."

He says "Yeah, I know..."

He smiles and nods. I smile and nod.

"Yup." I heard a shifting on the bed and my eyes look up from the marvel that is my shoe lace and Max is standing and looking right at me. Have you ever just stared at something, a painting, a flower, the neighbor's pomeranion and just felt a connection? It was like I was staring at a reflection of myself and I was...not beautiful but still less repulsive than I thought I was. It must of been quite the connection because after that not only our EYES were connected, if ya know what I mean. It gets kinda of blury after that, me being in the throes of passion after all.

But I guess you didn't need to know that.

I bet you wanted to know that though....

Pervert.

Anyway, back to the present.

"..about, about that night, I know I seemed kind of well, cold and distant after that but...it wasn't you. Please don't think it was you. The truth is, I was scared and I didn't know what to do and I didn't want to get hurt. But it looks like I hurt both of us and I'm sorry, Max. Please believe that I'm sorry for that. So I guess I understand why you hate me and I guess I would hate me too. And you know Tess is really nice...when on high doses of narcotics...but still...I hope..." Breathe. " I hope she does a better job at making you happy than I did." I look up. There I did it. I poured out my soul so why look down. I've laid out my cards and there's nothing to be ashamed of anymore. I'm ready for rejection, I have plenty of experience with it.

"So that's it?" The thing is Max is looking up now too. Looking into his eyes made my convictions a lot less easier to handle.

"Well...I..."

"So you just want to give up? Is that what you're saying? You figure Tess is there now to take me off your hands?"

"No Max, that's not what I meant...I..."

"Well you're wrong. There's nothing going on with Tess and there aren't enough narcotics in South America to make her the least bit pleasant. And I'm not giving up Liz, not by a long shot. The truth is you make me so nervous, it took me all the courage I could muster to kiss you that day in the bathroom, and you took away all my will power that night in your room. Just one look from you Liz is all it takes for me to sink to my knees, I love you that much. But I've learned, being weak isn't what you need so just know this. I will fight for you..for us. And Kyle? I know you don't love Kyle. I know that..."

"Max. Kyle? The only reason I happened to befriend Kyle is because I was pining over you. " Max looks up at me astonished. "That night left me so confused, I didn't know how you felt about me and I didn't know how I felt about myself. But that day after..when you tried to talk to me I knew you loved me and that left me even more confused because I didn't know what I felt, because I had never felt it before. But now I know that it was love. That it is love. I love you too Max, and the only thing you need to fight for is for tickets to that Coldplay concert because I really want to go." I smile and he smiles back at me. We kiss and rub our noses together like eskimos because, you know, we could be eskimos...if we really wanted.. I feel like I could do anything I wanted.

[ edited 1 time(s), last at 2-Aug-2002 3:39:20 AM ]
posted on 2-Aug-2002 3:28:04 AM by Fixius
Just as a P.S. I love feedback much more intensley than I should so with that said my new email adresses are on my profile so don't be shy ya hear. And I would like to thank Evelynn (LiLEvEe) for giving the most awesome fb ever! You rock girl, we should talk sometime.

I also wanna thank Frenchkiss70 for being so AMAZINGLY insistent and sticking by me when I wouldn't write for months. I should really stop doing that. I will thank everybody in more detail tomorrow when I'm less sleepy! *wink*

Anyway thank you everybody who was crazy enough to read this fic and Please PLEASE keep the feedback coming it elates my spirit and gets me writing faster. Yes, that is a bribe.

Love ya all,
fixius


[ edited 1 time(s), last at 2-Aug-2002 3:47:53 AM ]
posted on 15-Aug-2002 4:51:07 PM by Fixius
**20**

So about three days ago, I thought I had the most bizarre, strange and all around shitiest life in the world. Well, at least the Western Hemisphere. At least. Anyway that was three days ago. Today however, I’m rethinking the whole situation and it really isn’t as bad as I had made it out to be. I discovered two minutes ago. Two minutes ago I realized that 1) I live above a restaurant so the idea of hunger or starvation is wiped out. 2) My parents are still together after all these years, as surprising as that notion is and 3) I’m not an alien and nor do I have to deal with all that alien shit. That was two minutes ago. Then about two minutes after that two minutes ago I realized that I’ve been stuck in this claustrophobic little town all of my life and if that was enough I also get to be donned in alien themed grease and garb everyday of my belittling existence. But that’s not it. Oh no. My parents are still together, yeah that’s great it really is. Too bad I don’t even know my parents. And too bad they haven’t the slightest bit of interest in me. As long as baby girl Liz has the GPA up there’s nothing else they need to know. Oh, except for my lifelong celibacy. Oops, a little late for that. Not that they would have even noticed. And last but certainly not least, I DO know aliens. I see them everyday. I converse and learn with them everyday. To make my life just that last stretch of weird I had to go on and fall and fall for one. And he had to fall for me so now there’s no getting around that. And too bad Liz, you DO have to put up with all that alien shit. So four minutes ago I realized my life wasn’t so bad. But two minutes later I figured out that was just a bunch of bullshit.

“Liz, are you going to do the damn problem or not.” I look up at my companion with a blatant sneer. Hold your goddamn horses bitch. You could say I’m tense.

“Yeah hold on.” She smiles sweetly and I would really like to smack it right off her pretty lil face.

“You know….. I could just ask Max for help. He IS my tutor after all.”

“I’m doing the stupid problem Tess. Why don’t you be a good little lab partner and shut your big ugly trap.” She glares but gives no reply. “Thanks so much.”

All right, now all I have to do is stay out of my head for about five more minutes and then I can go back upstairs and go to sleep. Okay so…..sulfur + carbon dioxide =

“Liz…Liz…LIZ???!!”

“What? What the fuck do you want?”

“I want you to be done with the problem already. Some of us have lives.” Yeah some of us do, but that doesn’t explain why she’s complaining.

As revenge I simply scribble down some random answer and hand her the paper. It’s not my assignment so why the hell should I care? I don’t even know why I decided to meet her in the first place.

Oh yeah….because her grade is accounted for my grade as well.
Oh yeah. Because I didn’t want her plastic Matel boobs all over Max.

Oh yeah. I remember now.

“Night Tess.” I smile and leave abruptly, not waiting for her to check the answer so she can confront me about whether it’s right or not. I just want sleep. Is that so much to ask?

“Liz can I see you for a minute?” Guess so.

“Yeah dad?” I can’t to see what kind of mind blowing conversation this will turn out to be.

“Have you been thinking over colleges. Because the clock is a-tickin her kiddo. And you really need to decide on what your major will be. Don’t you want the security of knowing what you want to do with your life? If you don’t decide this stuff now you’re gonna be stuck in some dead end job with a life you hate because you’re stuck flipping burgers everyday. Is that really the pathetic existence you want?”

Tito, our cook, who DOES flip burgers everyday flips my dad off behind him and mouths the words ‘fuck you’ very dramatically indeed. I can’t help but let one small giggle out.

“This isn’t funny Liz.” I can see his frustration building and I just shake my head solemnly.

“Maybe we should discuss this in more detail, sit down.” He points at a stool and I look down at it’s shiny red seat with trepidation.

“You know what dad, that sounds great.” Like hell it does. “But umm…how bout I look up some stuff on the internet first so I can uhhh…be more acquanted with the subject.” Uh…yeah. That sounds plausible.

“Fine. But don’t think you’re out of this.” Urg. Fine. Just leave me alone old man. It’s nappy nap time.

I go through the back doors thankfully and take the stairs two at a time to my apartment. Almost to my room. Almost to my bed. Almost…..

“Liz honey, I’ve got something for you.” Ah, god damnit. What the hell is with my parents? Do they know to only speak to me when it would annoy me the most??

I walk into the living-room much to my chagrin. The last time my mom “got me something” she bought me bunny pajamas with footies. This was two weeks ago. Footies people. Come on now.

“Yeah?”

“It’s in the bag over there.” She points vaguely by the chair in the corner but my mother seems too engrossed in her romance novel to bother to look at me. I walk slowly to the bag horrified at what I might find. I’m about to venture in when she begins speaking to me again.

“You know those rock Zen gardens you were telling me about, Liz?” Oh my god. She did not. She did not buy me the coolest thing she could ever have bought me.

“Well I saw them at the store and I immediately thought of you.” If it turns out that my mom is cool enough to buy me what I think she may have bought me, on her own accord mind you, then my world has tilted off its access much more than I thought it had. “Anyway, I knew that they were pretty much useless and just a running fad and…fad. Do you kids still use that term? Is it still hip?” She doesn’t wait for a reply however. “Anyway, I decided that I’d buy you something more useful instead. I know you’ll see the benefits.” I sigh inwardly, nope my life is the same ole crappy as it was three minutes ago.

Okay here it goes.

I open it up and there is a bright pink floral dress one might see on a six year old flower girl at a wedding.

“Isn’t it precious. You’ll look so becoming in it on your next school social.” First of all, hell no. Secondly, what the hell is a social and why would I be caught dead there?

“uh…Mom?” But she’s not even looking at me. She has yet to lift her eyes from the pages of her seemingly engrossing novel and I take the bag and head back to my room. This time I don’t bother to hurry and walk slowly up the stairs and down the hall into my room and shut the door soundly behind me. Leaning against the wall a single tear falls from my eye and I wipe it away with disdain. It’s one thing to think it and something completely different to encounter it firsthand. My parents don’t know me at all, and they haven’t even bothered to notice it.

***********************************
The next day I felt completely unrefreshed and completely ready to crawl back under the covers and hide. My only comfort is…wait I don’t have one. Oops.

“Hey Liz.” Where the hell did he come from? Was he like waiting for me or something?

“Uh….hey there Max.” And he’s just all smiles like he just got a free lollipop from the dentist. He reaches into his jacket pocket and hands me and envelope proudly. Perhaps he accomplished to face his fear of putting his hands in small, dark confined places. Hell, I’d be proud too.

“What’s this?” But he’s still smiling that goofy smile of his and I open it carefully.

“Ummm…these are tickets to the coldplay concert.” But…huh?

“Yeah I know.” Well duh you know Max, you’re the one who pulled them out of your handy dandy pocket there.

“What are these for?” Why is he giving me tickets? I thought we weren’t on speaking terms. And for another thing, how does he know I like coldplay?

“Well you said you wanted to go and I thought we could….” What? Huh?

“Ummm… when did I say that, Max?” His eyebrows raise but that damn smile is still there.

“Yesterday…” He says it slowly like I’m some retarded kid just getting off the short bus. I guess he’s thinks I’m messing with him. But I just think he’s dillusional.

“I never said that Max. To think of it, I don’t even remember talking to you yesterday.”

And his eyebrows raise more and his smile falters.

“You’re joking right?”

I say, “No.”

He says, “You have to be.”

And I think, Huh? And that’s about all I’m thinking. Huh? Huh? Huh? Just what the hell is goin on here?

I shake my head no very slowly so that maybe he might understand this time.

His smile is almost completely gone now. I wonder what made it go away.

“How can you not remember? I wasn’t dreaming it, I know I wasn’t.” He’s more talking to himself than me. But he turns to me and looks me right smack in the eye and he’s so close I can hear his every breath and I close my eyes and soak it all in and then he’s talking again and he sounds desperate. “Come on, you have to remember. The eskimos, Liz. Remember? We’re gonna be eskimos.”

“umm…Why eskimos?”

“Well…they have many shining qualities. You know, they never get too hot and you know the eskimo patties those are good. And umm….the parkas…And OH eskimo kisses Liz, remember the kisses?”

“Uh yeah, eskimos are great.” But he’s still got that desperation in his eyes and I wish I could take it away I really could but I don’t know what the hell he’s talking about.

“I…” The bell rings and I look towards my class sadly. “I have to go.”

**************************
So I stand in front of my english class with Kyle droning on about the Twelfth Night and all it’s juicy love affairs and witty comments about life but I’m not really paying attention. That half of my brain is just on cruise. It’s driving around doing 50 and everything else it’s expected to do while the rest of me is sitting at the steering wheel wondering which way to turn.

So I’ve got it down to four possible things that may have happened.

1. I’ve hit my head and have amnesia
2. Max has gone insane
3. Some is playing a freaky ass prank on me OR
4. Either I’ve gone in insane and the world is just going along with it or I’ve just gone insane and all of this is in my head.

I’m betting on four.

I finish my presentation and the class claps lamely as Kyle and I take our seats. I can feel Max’s eyes on me the entire time but I choose to ignore it just now. Oddly this seems all too familiar. After class is over I pick up my things and head to my Chemistry class. Max walks with me the entire way but neither of us speaks. We’re both to busy trying to figure out what the other is thinking and too scared to ask.

As soon as we reach the classroom I nearly sprint to my seat just to get away from the tension. At least for another 55 minutes anyway.

And I'm not giving up Liz, not by a long shot. The truth is you make me so nervous, it took me all the courage I could muster to kiss you that day in the bathroom, and you took away all my will power that night in your room. Just one look from you Liz is all it takes for me to sink to my knees, I love you that much. But I've learned, being weak isn't what you need so just know this. I will fight for you..for us.

“Liz? Liz are you okay?” Huh? Wait, what the hell was that?

“Oh um, yeah I’m fine.” The teacher looks at me expectantly.

“Your assignment Liz. Do you have your assignment?” Oh shit. Okay.

“Yes, hold on let me find it.” At least I think I did it. I did it yesterday…didn’t I? Why does yesterday seem like such a blur? Now where the fuck did I put that stupid assignment? The whole class just watches me as I riffle through my belongings desperately. I can feel Max’s worry for me radiating from the back of the room. Miss perfect Liz Parker NEVER doesn’t do her homework and ALWAYS knows where it is. I find it finally and it to the teacher thankfully.

Wait a minute. Wait just a goddamn minute. I could feel Max’s worry. How the hell did I do that?
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~~

“Hey Maria.” Maria looks up from her sandwich and her eyes bug out slightly. This happens everyday, you’d think she’d be used to it. I can’t help but smile at the normalcy of it all.

“Soooo….” She smiles wickedly at me as soon as I take my seat across from her. “How’s it fell to be Mrs. Max Evans?” Her smirk becomes even wider if that’s possible and I just feel my comforting bit of normalcy slip through my fingers.

“Excuse me?”

“Oh you don’t have to play innocent with me. I’m happy for you. Max is like so totally hot. Tess is gonna hate you though…”

“Hate me for what?”

And she looks at me like I’m crazy and says, “For going out with Max….” and she starts talking to me like I’m that same retarded kid again.

“I’m not going out with Max.”

Maria shakes her head yes and says, “Yes you are.”

And I shake my head no in retaliation and say, “No, I’m not.”

She’s looking at me like I’m crazy again and says dumbfounded, “You told me what happened yesterday and Max told me too. So what you broke up with him after like two minutes. We’re talking about Max here, what the hell is wrong with you? I thought you got over the whole dumping guys after only two minutes…we’ve talked about this Liz…”

Oh shit. Not one of her rants again. I swear she can be worse than my father. But maybe just a little more insane.

“MARIA!!! I never broke up with Max,” she sighs in relief “But that’s only because I was NEVER going out with him.”

“Man, you slept with him and now you won’t even go out with him. Man, you’re such a whore.” She smiles crookedly at me and I know what she’s doing. She’s trying to joke because that’s what she does when she’s worried and I know she’s worried about me. And I’m starting to be worried about me too.

“Maria?”

“Yeah?”

I look down, suddenly quiet. “Did this…what you’re saying…did it really happen?”

“Yeah.”

“Then what’s wrong with me?”


if you wanna know what the hell is goin on FEEDBACK people FEEDBACK!!!!*bounce*
posted on 24-Aug-2002 2:30:47 AM by Fixius
update coming soon! promise promise

[ edited 1 time(s), last at 24-Aug-2002 2:31:40 AM ]
posted on 24-Aug-2002 2:36:55 AM by Fixius
A lot of people have been asking for links to the beginning of HOLLOW and to the companion piece COMPLEXITY so here are the links in case anyone is interested.


HOLLOW
viewthread?forum=dreamer-fanfiction&id=225547


COMPLEXITY
viewthread?forum=dreamer-fanfiction&id=225559&sr1=complexity#post230130

[ edited 2 time(s), last at 24-Aug-2002 2:40:58 AM ]
posted on 26-Aug-2002 8:41:33 PM by Fixius
This chapter is like a bitch of a cliffhanger so part 21b should be out either tomorrow or maybe even later tonight.

**21**

Poor Liz. One day she was just another boring little girl and look at her now. Delusional psychopath. Don’t you hate it when that happens? Yeah well completely losing your memory for no reason in a small town like Roswell is never a good idea. Because pretty soon everyone in a five mile radius knows and every patron that happens to enter the Crashdown just has to ask. "Are you okay, Liz? How are you feeling? Remember me?" I wonder how Max managed to pull off his whole ‘alien conspiracy’ thing for so long. You would think he’d be diced, sliced and sent to the shipping yard by now. I cringe as soon as I think it. I may not remember the whole dating thing but I do know I care about him. I mean, at least I think I did. Uh, do.

You’d think my parents would be more concerned. To tell the truth I was kinda hoping they’d lock me up in my room and forbid me to go to school until this little dilemma was all cleared up. But no, because here I am walking through the halls of West Roswell High. The center of every stare, hushed whisper, and eyebrow raised in pitying interest. Of course I could just be completely paranoid. That’s a sign for schizophrenia, right? I thought so.

I look down in shame, trying to avoid all the inquisitive eyes fixed directly on me. This causes much confusion when a pair of strong arms encircle my in a tight hug.

Max?

"Oh my god. I’m so sorry, Liz."

Oh, Alex.

"For what? Did you steal my memory? I knew it!!" I smile up at him and he loosens his grip just enough to look into my eyes sadly.

"I know I haven’t been there for you lately but you were so wrapped up in the Max thing…" His eyes widen in panic, worried that bringing up the lost subject may sadden me and changes the subject quickly "What I mean is I’ve been so wrapped up with Isabel and there’s just so much you don’t know." His eyes widen even more. "OMG, what I mean is…see I mean you don’t know about me. But not because you don’t remember because I didn’t tell you and…I’m gonna shut up now." He looks down shamed. Apparently his intentions had to cheer me up but he didn’t think he was doing so well. I thought it was adorable.

"Isabel?" I’ve never really seen Alex with a girl. Do I know an Isabel? Oh my god, what if I do? Shit. I guess my confusion could be seen in my expression because Alex quickly explains.

"Yeah, we’ve gone out a couple of times. Well actually we’ve been hanging out a lot lately. That’s why I haven’t been around. And I’m really sorry I didn’t tell you, it’s just that I know she comes off as an ice queen but I just wanted to get to know her…for YOU to get to know her before I really discussed it you know…"

"Alex?"

"Yeah."

"Do I know who that is?"

"What? Who? Isabel?"

"Who’s Isabel?"

"Oh."

Fuck.

And the whole time I have the weirdest feeling like someone is smiling at me.
*******************************

I try to rush through school as quickly as possible. And then I remember, ‘shit, you can’t rush through school cuz it’s on a schedule.’ Damn. I make it all the way through third period and attempt to make time expand and make lunch longer than its usual 35 minutes. Just being in those small rooms with all those inquisitive eyes (one pair in particular) made me feel so claustrophobic I felt sick to my stomach. The bell rings signaling lunch’s end and my stomach flops nervously. And all of a sudden I feel an overwhelming sense of panic. I can’t go back there. I just can’t. My stride quickens fully intending to go to the nurse and get a pass. Everyone knows I’m the town nut job, they’ll let me go.

"Yo, Liz." Yo? Yo? What the hell is this?

Oh it’s Michael. Figures

"Yeah."

"What do you know about me?" Um…huh?

"Well besides your a big slimy alien….not much." I smile at him but he just looks down in thought. I look around and see no one so he can’t be pissed that someone might overhear.

"Michael, I was just kidding…you know I didn’t mean…"

"No, Lix. It’s fine. That’s all I needed to know." And he walks off and I begin to think that maybe, just maybe I’m not the schizophrenic of the bunch after all.

The nurse gives me a pass to go home with a sad, sympathetic smile. Yeah, like what I really need is the sympathy of some middle aged wash up that’s stuck sticking thermometers in the throats of whiny adolescents for the rest of her life. Just call me empathy girl, I know.

When I get home, actually when I’m done walking home, being the adamant pedestrian that I am, I find no one is home. Which is fine by me because the last thing I need is to be questioned up my ass for the next fifteen minutes. You could say I’m frustrated.

I flop on my bed less than gracefully and stare at my white ceiling in contemplation. I stare so hard that the white becomes blinding and stings my eyes. But I only stare harder, welcoming the sting that represents that I am alive. That I am still here…living breathing. The wall becomes fuzzy and my sight blurry and I shut my eyes tightly to ward off the dizziness that suddenly overwhelmed me.

BBBBBRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNG

My eyes open in surprise and look to the clock. It’s nearly 2:30. Damn, I didn’t know the ceiling was that interesting. Hmm.

"Hello?" If whoever this is asks if I’m okay I’m going to scream. I don’t care if they DO lock me up.

"Hey…it’s umm…Max." My mind suddenly goes blank.

"Who?"

"Max." Ummm…blank…blank…blanky blank…nope not helping here.

"I think maybe you have the wrong number…" The voice goes quiet but I can still here his soft breathing murmuring through the receiver. It’s oddly intoxicating….

"Liz?"

"Uh huh." Wow, gettin a little TOO dreamy for Mr. Max who knows who here. Wait…how does he know my name?

"You don’t know who I am?" He sounds worried. Uh oh.

"Should I?" I don’t know…should I?

"I…I’m……well…yes because….I’ll be right there."

"What? No, I mean I don’t even know you and…" click. Um…when did I get a stalker and why was I not informed? I wonder if he’s cute….No. Bad Liz…strange men on telephones are, by rule, never cute.

I run downstairs to find Maria for reinforcement.

"Maria, Maria!"

Maria turns, which is quite impressive considering she’s holding two full trays.

"What, what?"

"I neeeeed to talk to you."

"Well I neeeeed to serve this food. It’s called waitressing, Liz, look into it." I sit on a stool and tap my foot impatiently waiting for her return. La la la la ….doo doo doo…come on now….this is important….I would ask Alex but he’s just…wait….what was I thinking about? I can’t remember…

"Alright, what is it." She wipes her hands on her apron and raises her eyebrow at me in agitated curiosity.

"Ummm…" Think, Liz, think.

"Well?"

"Oh! Um, do you know who Max Evans is?" Both her eyebrows raise this time and her eyes begin to slightly mist. Did I say something wrong? She shakes her head slightly, as to will the tears away.

"Why?"

"Well he called me….and…"

"And….what?"

"He said he was gonna come over here. He got all quiet when I said I didn’t know who he was. Am I supposed to know who he is? He isn’t like some freaky stalker guy is he? Oh and by any chance is he cute?"

"I uh…"

"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU MEAN IT MIGHT BE A GOOD THING?" Huh? Maria and I turn our heads to see what all the commotion is about and I see some spiky haired kid being yelled at by this really hot, really frustrated brunette guy.

The spiky guy sighs deeply and runs a shaky hand through his hair. "I’m just saying that maybe this way there will be less consequences to deal with. I mean maybe this is like a sign from the higher ups."

"Or maybe it’s just a huge mistake. How can it go from being the best day of my life back to shit?" Somehow the duo has made their way over to us and when the brunette looks over to me he smiles and his eyes soften.

"Hey, Liz." Omg, is this Max? Yeah freaking right. Like I would be that lucky. Besides he’s probably just some jock lookin for a smoothie.

"Uh…hey." I wonder if this Max guy is actually gonna show up. I mean who just calls up a complete stranger and tells them their coming over? Weirdo…

I guess he can tell my discomfort because his lip trembles and his eyes water…just like Maria’s had. He must have really wanted that smoothie. Or maybe he just got his heart broken. Some blonde bitch probably stomped all over his pretty lil chest. I feel kinda bad, I don’t know why considering I hardly know him but he looks so sad. Suddenly I wanna kick her ass.

But I probably won’t.

I’ll probably just say something like "It’s okay…you’re hot."

"What?" Holy fuck. He’s gotta a small smile now and that’s no good. That’s no good at all .

I actually said that out loud. I’m such a fuckwit.

"Uh…what I meant to is..that I … you know what forget it. Hi, I’m Liz Parker and I’m an idiot." I extend my hand and he shakes it, small smile still in place.

"Max Evans, grade A dumbass." I smile back and then it falters and then it’s gone. Max? As in guy on the phone Max? And it feels like I’m remembering something…something that maybe I’m not supposed to be remembering and suddenly the room gets fuzzy and everything’s gone so wrong and I can’t….can’t….

"LIZ!!!!"


TBC
posted on 28-Aug-2002 12:43:29 AM by Fixius
Okay, I'm not really sure if I really like this part, or if it well...makes sense. But let me know what you think. It still leaves a lot of questions unanswered but...here ya go anyway....

**21b**

You wanna know the difference between me and the rest of the world? Congruency. I am completely devoid of it. But why should that bother me? I mean I should be used to it, right? But then again I’ve just explained that I’m incongruent so what the hell does logic have to do with anything? My whole just seems to be a quick succession of busy nothings that in no way correlate with each other. But what the hell do I know? I’m just some apathetic ball of fluff staring at her ceiling.

Truth be told I have no idea how I got here. What I’m doing here and what exactly happened to get me here. All I know is that I woke up in my bed with a group of worried onlookers huddled around my feet. They’ve all left now, each at different intervals for different reasons. My parents actually had to shoo Alex and Maria out of my room. Apparently I’m in dire need of some rest. But then again maybe I really shouldn’t be in charge of my own decisions, I’d probably just fuck it up anyway.

You could say I have some issues.

So I lay here and I look at my ceiling until my vision blurs and my eyes mist. The whiteness seems to spiral in intoxicating waves of something beyond color. Beyond the reality that I’ve grown accustomed to. They say I passed out, but I really don’t remember anything like that. They say that I’ve been forgetting a lot of things lately but I don’t feel like I’ve forgotten anything.

There’s a soft knock at my door and I lift my head towards it reluctantly. The ceiling watching was just starting to get good.

"Yeah?" A head pops in and smiles at me sweetly.

It all seems familiar.

"Max?" His smile broadens and I feel a warped sense of pride that I put it there.

Maybe I DO need some rest.

"How are ya feeling?" I, however, am distracted by the flowers in his hand. No one’s ever given me flowers before. Unless you count my mom but let’s not go there.

"Are…are those for me?" I suddenly become very aware at how scantily clad I am. I quickly, and highly undiscreetly cover myself with the bedsheet. A braless me is not a happy me. And definitely not a sexy me. Not that I want to be sexy or anything. Not for him anyway.. I mean….

uh…

shut up.

"No, I got them for this really cute waitress."

"Oh." My eyes shift down to my lap. Or well…to the blanket.

"No, Liz I was joking. Of course they’re for you."

Pssssssh. I knew that. I SO knew that.

"Thanx."

He puts the flowers down on my dresser and looks at me in scrutiny. My eyes shift around the room awkwardly. He steps closer as if to examine me in greater detail.

"What’s my last name?" Um…what? Catch me off guard why don’t you.

"Oh…umm." I think he told me his name. Hold on…Max blah blah blah, grade A dumbass. Come on, I know this…"Uh…."

"I’ll be right back."

"Oh-okay." OoooooKaaaay. I am seriously creeped out. I jump out of the bed and scramble to free myself from the devil sheets. Looking through my dresser drawers in panic I grab my bra {the pretty lacy one….for no reason) and strap it on as quickly as humanly possible…only that doesn’t seem to be quick enough.

"OH MY GOD." What. OH MY GOD.

"AHHHHHHHHH."

"I’m turning around now. I’m sorry….oh my god." Yeah you know what would have been nice? If I had been you know at least WEARING the bra when he came in. So guess what I was wearing when he came in? I’ll give you one guess…what do people usually wear under their bras. Yeah.

"What are you doing here, Max?"

"I….I said I’d be back."

I crawl back under the now angelic sheets and watch Max turn back around, one eye barely open to make sure I’m actually, you know dressed this time.

"At least you had the towel last time." He smiles and I frown.

"Towel?" Ummm….hi, sanity? Where’d you go off to?

"Damn it, I’ll be right back." He heads to the door but turns around before he leaves. "Maybe you should…just stay right there while I’m gone." Ha ha ha.

Bastard.

Stop laughing. It’s NOT funny.

You know what, I hate you all.

I go back to the infamous ceiling watch. Hey, when you’re half naked and waiting for some strange hot guy, who just say you naked, to come back you don’t exactly have the oompf you need to go across the room and get the remote.

"Hey, Liz."

"Back so soon you perver…" I look up and see "Kyle?" What the fuck is Kyle Valenti doing here?

"Wow. You know I haven’t been called a perver in oh say…seventeen years." Oh look at that, he’s got flowers to. A half naked Liz is a popular Liz. You know that really makes sense when you think about it.

And you wanna know what else is bugging me about this fucked situation I find myself in? It seems no one likes to KNOCK anymore.

Case in point:

"Hey…Kyle what are you doing here." It’s Maria…oh hey Maria with food. Come on…give me the food Maria..you know you wanna give up the food.

"I just wanted to see if Liz was…"

"It’s not a good idea for you to be here right now."

Come on. The food man. For the love of all things holy just bring over the food.

"Hey she’s my friend too, you know."

Oh my god. If I’m not even getting the food I really have no patience to put up with this shit.

"Yeah well….she’s been my friend longer."

Arg.

"Kyle? Why the hell are you here?" Oh my god not another one. Max looks at me and then Kyle in confusion.

"Hey, what’s Kyle doing here." Alex, no Alex. Walk away from the dark side..Away.

"Yo." In steps spiky kid. And out goes last shred of dignity.

"HELLO?" Everyone’s eyes look at me in shock. "I’ll be in the bathroom if you need me."

I wrap the sheets around me, classic toga style, grab a random outfit and head to the bathroom making sure I glare at each one individually.

Kyle scratches his head.

Max glares at Kyle.

Maria laughs at Max.

Alex looks around confused.

Spiky kid glares right back.

Grrr, spiky kid, grrrr.
*******************************

I wake up very uncomfortably. This may have something to do with me being on the cold linoleum floor of my bathroom.

Weird.

I look into the mirror and gawk at my attire. Wrinkled boxers, old tank top adorned with a lacy bra half on and half twisted.

O-kay.

I see an outfit on the toilet, shrug in acceptance, and put it on.

I’m beyond trying to figure anything out at this point.

I open the bathroom door and am greeted by four pairs of eyes. There’s another pair that has remained on the floor however. Isabel sits on my bed and chews her nails nervously as she looks at the floor.

Hmmm.

"Uh…can I help you guys?"

Maria grabs me and pulls me into a tight hug.

Right.

"You were in there for like a half hour."

Really?

"Oh. Well I guess I fell asleep?" Yes…that IS a question.

Max smiles nervously and I feel my eyes light up as soon as I see him.

"Hey." I say it softly. Because it seems like one of those quiet moments.

Max’s looks around in bafflement.

"H-hey Liz." I saunter up to him. Let me rephrase that. I attempt to saunter up to him. It’s probably more of a demented "G" walk. What is a saunter anyhow? Well anyway back to the point…I walk up to the guy okay, and I kiss him softly and look down shyly.

He smiles and hugs me tightly, which is apparently very popular at the moment and looks towards Michael with a smile. Michael only shrugs back in equaled confusion.

"So…let’s try this again. What’s my last name?"

"Evans…." His smile broadens and he kisses me thoroughly.

"Wow..um..your middle name is Phillip…do I get extra points for that?"

I hear Alex clear his throat.

Oops.

Audience.

By the way, what are they doing here again. I’m just about to ask when Michael asks

"So I guess you’re back to knowing we’re ‘big slimy aliens’ huh?" He puts his hands in his pockets and offers me a small smile. I would have been really touched if I wasn’t completely shocked.

Maria begins to sputter uncontrollably and then screams "WHAT????"

"Uh, well Maria what he meant was….uh…Hey what are you guys doing here anyway?" I smile sheepishly. Maria glares. Then she smiles in relief. Then she glares again.

And it seems like a whole hell of a lot of questions need to be answered.

TBC



posted on 20-Sep-2002 11:15:09 PM by Fixius
Hey guys, I was planning on updating COMPLEXITY to attempt to get it caught up to HOLLOW but I realized I really have no idea where these stories are going and if I should just discontinue them. I have been mauling over the idea of starting a new fic that I think would be fun to write but I don't know if anyone would be interested. So anyway, I'll hopefully be getting some inspiration one way or another soon. Thanx for reading and I will have another author's note out soon to address everyone personally for their amazing feedback.

Much Love,
Fixius
posted on 29-Sep-2002 3:21:54 PM by Fixius
Hey there all, if you haven't heard from me in awhile it isn't because I'm dead (at least I don't thinks so) it's because the internet is the devil!!! It hates me I swear. Anyway, I will continue with Hollow and Complexity but I'm also gonna start a new story so it could be awhile before I get a new part out for Hollow or Complex. Anyway the new story is called "No Sleep Till Brooklyn" and I'll probably have the prologue out sometime today. I'll post a link soon. So watch for that cuz I think I have some pretty good ideas. Love ya!

Fixius
posted on 7-Oct-2002 5:32:03 PM by Fixius
The gracious Assilem_1 reminded me that I forgot to post a link to my new story, thanx for reminding me babe! Oh, and a new part of NSTB will be out this week.

Link to No Sleep Till Brooklyn
viewthread?page=2&forum=dreamer-fanfiction&id=259213 *happy*

[ edited 1 time(s), last at 7-Oct-2002 5:32:44 PM ]
posted on 17-Nov-2002 6:40:15 PM by Fixius
AHHHH! I''m SO sorry you guys, I''m just such the bad little author. I swear my teachers have been extra ganging up on me though. I just gone done with midterms and I think this week will be a little bit better. I''m really sorry I haven''t updated like I said I would but I will by the end of this week I SWEAR and if by some freak accident I don''t please throw large objects at me until I do.

So next week. And Eve, babe, a promise is a promise and I''m keeping it damn it!!!

Fixius
posted on 4-Feb-2003 8:58:18 PM by Fixius
Hey. (lowers eyes in shame) I've been kinda dead to the board since uhhh...like October. Oops. I'm really sorry, especially to you Eve, I'm a bad, bad, girl. But I'm really really gonna try to have a part out by my mid winter break which is the week after next. And by "part out" I mean a part out for all my stories. But if that isn't possible I'm gonna post in this order.

HOLLOW
COMPLEXITY
No Sleep Till Brooklyn.

Again I'm really sorry you guys and I hope you're still interested and you don't hate me too much!*big**big**big**big**big**big**bounce**bounce**bounce*