|posted on 25-Jun-2002 3:26:51 PM by belit|
|"Life's weird...So are we..."|
Disclaimer: As you may have guessed, I own nothing.
Summary: Alternate Universe, Candy fic. But all your favourite Roswellians will be there eventually.
Rating: Lets say NC-17 to be safe.
Note: This is my first ever fanfic... Actually first ever piece of writing of any sorts, please be gentle with the reviews.
A petite blond woman walked around in the church, checking the preparations for the upcoming wedding in a strangely calm way. There were almost fifty people in the church and the garden, every one of them frantically rushing in and out, trying to put last touches for the long awaited ceremony.
It was a beautiful sight; there were yellow flowers all around the garden and the church. Everything else was white. The groom’s mother had a fetish for white. She had insisted her son to wear white too, to represent the purity of their union as she put it. Fortunately they had gotten her distracted with the flowers long enough to get him a normal tux.
The bride had been really worried about her mother-in-law at first, she’d always had her own way of doing everything, and she was out of control. But it wasn’t really a hard task for their wedding planner. Not just because she was professional. She, despite her age, was one of the best. But the way she handled Betty Cornwell had nothing to do with that. Betty reminded her of Amy, her hippie mother. She had perfected her ways to distract her a long time ago. Betty was nothing compared to Amy’s weird ways. “Hope they won’t ever meet…” she thought and shuddered, picturing them together. “Now THAT would be a catastrophe…”
The petite blond kept walking through the aisle towards the garden, occasionally stopping and arranging flowers on her way out.
It was a sunny summer day. Too hot for her taste but it wasn’t her wedding so she didn’t care. It was okay for her as long as it didn’t rain. It was her job and responsibility to make this day perfect for the couple and guests, not for herself. But she had to admit; she was enjoying every minute of it.
She never was a person to sit around all day in front of a computer or wait behind a counter. It just wasn’t her thing. Weddings were exciting and animated and well, they payed really good. She was just a high school graduate after all. People said she was a natural, but she always found it weird. “It figures…” she thought, “…I never was a normal kid with normal parents and a normal life, so of course I wasn’t expected to have a normal natural talent. It had to be weird as hell, like the rest of my life…”
She walked to the buffet to check the food. Everything looked suspiciously perfect. “Okay…” she thought looking around “…where is the problem this time?” There has to be at least one… There always is… Just when she started to think that that day might be an exception, she saw Tom walking towards her with a red face and looking like he had to pee and vomit at the same time. “Okay… Here we go…” she thought.
- - -
“Mars!!!” he squeaked.
“Tom, what is it babe?” she said in a manner like she’s talking to a five year old kid.
“I… uh… “ He looked he was about to burst into tears any minute.
“It’s okay. Tom, sweetie, look at me, breathe… Yeah, calm down, we’ll handle it, it’s gonna be alright… Okay? Now tell me, what is it?” she said calmly. You could see that she did this several times before.
“Okay. Okay. I’m okay.” Tom said, trying to convince himself.
“Okay. You better sit down for this Mars.”
“It’s okay, you can tell me, I did this before like a thousand times, you know that. And trust me, it’s never as bad as it looks.” She said with a voice full of self-confidence and a look that reminded Tom one of her I’m Teflon babe speeches…
“Okay. Here goes nothing.” he said under his breath. “ThegroomsmissingandBettygotinafightwithCarrieandthebestmansdrunk.”
Maria had worked with Tom long enough to understand his panicked talking like he spelled it out for her.
Tom looked at her and felt relieved to see The Super Maria look on her face.
“Let’s start with the ladies. What’s the situation?” asked Super Maria.
“Betty totally lost it. Last time I saw them, she was chewing Carrie’s veil. Both their make up and hair are messed up.”
“We have less than two hours. Who can be here that quick?”
“There is no way we can find someone. Paul’s gone to some beauty pageant in Texas; he must be in the airport by now. We don’t have any back up.”
Maria was lost in thoughts, searching her memory for something, anything.
“What about the guy with the cute butt?” she asked without looking up or stopping her pacing.
“The one you dated? Blond, blue eyes?”
“Cameron. And for the record, I didn’t date him. He’s not even gay.”
“Whatever. Call him. He wasn’t bad.”
Tom gave her a disbelieving look.
“Okay. He was bad, really bad. But we don’t have a choice right now.” she confessed.
“Tell him to get his cute butt down here in ten minutes. I’ll be looking for Danny. Where was he last seen?” she asked chewing her lip.
“Ask Carrie or that stupid best man of his. He was in the bathroom floor last time I checked. He will need some serious cleaning up.”
“Okay. Let’s do this.” she said with a determined tone.
They started to walk in opposite directions. Tom smiled at his friend’s attitude. She was a totally different person when she was working, totally professional. You wouldn’t believe she could possibly handle all the tension and responsibility of an organisation this big, if you only knew her from her personal life. She was bubbly and quick-tempered. She had nothing to do with The Professional Super Maria he saw at work. She almost looked schizophrenic to him…
- - -
“William wake up!”
Maria was about to lose her temper. She had been trying to wake the stupid best man for almost ten minutes now. She had to find Danny and get them in shape real quick or this wedding would turn out to be a total ridicule. And she really couldn’t afford that at that time in her career.
She started to kick him and kept shouting. “Wake up dammit!!!”
It wasn’t working. He didn’t even budge.
“William if you won’t wake up in ten seconds I will start chopping some really essential body parts of yours.”
“Aaaargh! WAKE UP!” “Okay. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.”
She stormed out of the bathroom and ran to the buffet. She took the bowl with the punch, it was heavy, but when Maria was furious there was no knowing what she would be capable of.
She stumbled towards the bathroom. Tom saw her from a distance and started running to her. He knew exactly what she was going to do and the fact that he couldn’t possibly stop her. But he needed to be there for damage control.
Seconds after she disappeared through the bathroom door, he heard a loud male voice shouting “S-hit! What is your problem lady!” Tom was relieved to hear his voice. “So she just dropped the punch not the bowl.” he thought.
When he reached the door, Maria was coming out. “He’s awake.” she said, stating the obvious.
“And alive, thank god!” he added.
“Well, he should thank his lucky stars that I needed him for the ceremony or he would have a missing limb or two.”
She was calm now. “Is Cameron coming?” she asked.
“Yeah, he’ll be here in fifteen.”
“Make it five and I’ll pay him double.”
“Okay.” he said, starting to dial the number on his cell.
“Find William a new tux, get him cleaned up and meet me in Carrie’s room.” she said and started walking away.
- - -
A very dishevelled Betty greeted Maria at the door of Carrie’s room.
“Maria, darling, we have to cancel the wedding. There’s too much negative energy around this place. And I started to think maybe this was a mistake, you know, I sense no love vibes coming from this girl. I knew she wasn’t good enough for my baby, but I thought they loved each other. But, oh no, I was wrong. Can you feel any good vibes around here?”
“Let me talk to them first, alright Betty? Then we’ll do whatever is necessary. You know I would never want them to make a mistake. Do you trust me?”
“Of course I trust you darling. You’re the only sane person around here. The others don’t even understand what I’m talking about.”
“Alright then, I need you to do me a favour. Will you please check on the food to make sure they didn’t put any meat. You know how those people are, no respect for vegetarians.”
“Oh, you can count on me darling.” She said with an enthusiastic look on her face, and started for the garden.
“Two down, two to go…” Maria sighed and turned the knob.
It was locked. “Of course…” she said “My day sure doesn’t suck enough yet…”
She knocked on the door. “Go away…” The voice was small and chocked with tears.
“Let the negotiations begin…” Maria thought.
“Carrie, honey it’s me Maria. Can I come in?”
“Are you alone?” Her voice was terrible. Maria felt like she was kicked in the stomach. Carrie was a cheerful girl, and she always seemed strong. But now she sounded defeated.
“I sent Betty away. I want to talk to you. Is that okay? Just you and me?”
There was a pause. Then she heard the clink of the lock. She barged in without giving Carrie another chance to think.
The room was stuffy. It was supposed to be friendly and practical, but considering the mood of the day, it looked depressing.
Carrie was sitting on the floor next to the door. She had her wedding dress on, but her hair was messed up. Her veil was nowhere to be seen and her make up was smudged all over her face. There were tear tracks on her cheeks, some new, some old and she looked like a five year old, scared kid who had lost her mother in a crowded street.
Maria was used to the brides having second thoughts on their wedding days, but this was a little bit more than having second thoughts. The girl looked miserable.
Maria sure didn’t have a psychology degree, but she did what she thought was necessary. Carrie needed assurance at that moment, and someone stable to tell her everything will be okay. She put on her professional Teflon face and sat down right in front of her. Carrie was past the sobbing phase, but she was still crying. Maria wiped her tears away and took her trembling hands in hers.
“Sweetheart, look at me… Now tell me what’s wrong.”
“It’s not gonna work…” she cried and with that started sobbing again.
“What’s not gonna work? Is it Danny?” asked Maria. “Calm down and tell me everything. Not just the wedding, screw the wedding, you don’t have to get married if you don’t feel like it. Okay? Now lets have some quality girl talk time.”
Carrie smiled at her attempts to calm her down. It was pathetic but it even worked a little. She was still crying but her eyes had lost that it’s-the-end-of-the-world look.
“He’s gonna leave me.” she said looking at her fingers like she was hoping they had some secret power to make everything right.
“Why would he leave you? He loves you.” pleaded Maria.
“He is so much more than me, you know? He has a big family and lots of friends and he is successful. He knows how to play golf and he had lots of girlfriends, and I mean LOTS! And I’m nothing.”
“Well it’s really nice, those things you said he has and does. But they don’t make a person worthy you know that right? He may have had a million girlfriends but he didn’t marry them. He wants to marry you. He wants to spend the rest of his life with you, not with his other girlfriends or family or golf clubs or something. He wants you.”
“But he will realize it some day.” Carrie whispered, like she was afraid that someone else would hear.
“That he made a mistake. That I wasn’t the one.”
“Why do you think so little of yourself? I’ve known you for a month now and let me tell you what I see when I look at you. You are a good person. You are kind to everyone around you. God knows how many times I wanted to strangle Betty but you are kind even to her. You are beautiful. Those pretty eyes and kind little hands. I would kill to have your hair. You are perfect. But the most important thing is you are perfect for him. I saw the way he looks at you, the way he holds your hand. He cares about you. He told me like a thousand times not to put daisies anywhere cause you’re allergic to them. And he made me promise not to tell you when Betty made a fuss about something. He said that it would upset you and he didn’t want you to remember your wedding day like that.”
Carrie was looking at her with hope shining in her eyes. “He remembered about the daisies?” she asked weakly.
“Of course he did. Oh, and the pistachio thing? He told me like a million times about them. He adores you. And I know this is right. You two are good for each other. I see lots of couples. And let me give you a little secret. He is one of the very few grooms that didn’t hit on me. Yeah, sad but true.”
“Thank you… I don’t know what to say. Thank you.” she managed to say and hugged Maria.
“Okay. Okay. Gotta breathe sometime you know.” she said and felt relieved when she heard her laugh.
“Now, let’s get you cleaned up and beautiful again. You wash your face and wait here. I’ll go find Tom.”
- - -
“Tom where the hell are you?” Maria shouted to her cell.
“I’m on my way back, I bailed Danny out.”
“What was he doing in prison? Wait, don’t answer that. I really don’t wanna know. Where’s Cameron?”
“He is with us.”
“Tom, don’t you have ANY brain cells working? What do you need him for?”
“Well he had a car. You know maybe if I had gotten that promotion you have been promising for like practically forever, I would have had my own car, and I wouldn’t need other people’s cars.”
“Tom I so don’t need this right now. I’ll show you promotion if you don’t get your ass back here in five minutes, do you understand me? Now put Danny on the phone.”
“Danny, I don’t know what the hell you were thinking when you did what you did to get in jail, but Carrie here is going through hell right now. I want you to get your butt here and say I do and give her the best honeymoon in the world history and make her happy or I will personally make sure you suffer a slow and painful death. You got that? Now come here and get married!”
- - -
“You may kiss the bride.”
Maria was watching the newly wedded couple kiss with tears in her eyes.
“I thought you said -and I quote- “weddings are full of meaningless s-hit, there’s nothing romantic about any of them.”” Tom said with a smirk on his face.
“Well Tom, I happen to find this couple pretty meaningful…”
“I think you’re turning into a sap… Maybe it’s time for you to get married.”
“Oh, pleeeease… We don’t even have a groom. How am I supposed to get married without a groom?” She said rolling her eyes.
“What happened to John?”
“What, just like that? It’s only been two weeks for God’s sake!”
“Well, he had pretty eyes and a pretty car. But that’s it, he had nothing else to give. He was boring. So I said goodbye.” Tom looked into her eyes while she was talking; she didn’t even have one bit of emotion in them while she was saying his name. “Mr Wrong again… Tom thought sadly for the billionth time since he had met Maria.
“You know there’s always Al…”
“Al from the bookstore; tall guy with all those delicious muscles. How the hell can you forget him? He has been after you for like ten months now.”
“Oh, Al… Well, I slept with him once.” she said calmly. Tom was nearly choking.
“Wha…… When…… How…… Why???”
“Well, like a month ago. But he doesn’t get it. It was a one-night stand, what’s there to not understand? But no, he is still following me around like a lost puppy. It’s pathetic.”
Tom was bewildered. “You, lady, are a man-eater.” he stated.
“You are exaggerating. A relationship needs work, and I really don’t have time for that. And to tell the truth I haven’t met any man who is worth the effort since… you know.” she ended abruptly.
“Yeah that’s all about him, isn’t it? Everything else you said was just bulls-hit and you know it. This thing with you and men is all about Colin. You know you should get past that. It’s been three damn years. You should just let it go.” Tom started harsh but he knew she was still in pain, so he softened his voice. She always had that faraway look when his name was mentioned.
“I don’t want to talk about it Tom, not now.” She said with an uncharacteristic soft voice. He hated to hear that voice.
“Okay. Dance with me?” he said in an attempt to cheer her up.
While they were dancing to a rather cheesy romantic song, Maria thought that they would look like the perfect couple to an observer. Tom was a tall man with jet-black hair and blue eyes. He was handsome and Maria had always told him that he would be in real trouble if he wasn’t gay. Maria put her head on his shoulder. It had been a day from hell. She was tired and aching all over. But her heart wasn’t really aching anymore. She just felt empty.
She sighed. Tom was rubbing her back with the intimacy of a best friend. He felt guilty for bringing it up.
“You know what? Let’s have a girls night with lots of alcohol and chocolate. What do you say? Maybe some sappy movie?” Tom asked with hope. He knew she needed some time away from work and men.
She smiled and said without looking up… “You know that you’re not a girl right?”
“Minor details… so tonight?”
“No, I need to sleep tonight, let’s do it tomorrow, okay?”
He mentally patted himself on the back for his victory and kissed her temple.
“Okay babe, tomorrow night, you’re all mine…”
- - -
After sending the happily married couple to their honeymoon with best wishes, Maria returned home, leaving Tom in charge. He knew she needed some time alone to relax, so he didn’t make a big deal of it. “One of the many perks of having a good friend at work…” Maria thought. This wasn’t the first or the last time Tom saved her from the nightmare of responsibilities.
She parked her red Beetle and got out of the car. Then she saw the old red jetta with familiar scratches.
She closed her eyes. “Oh God, not now, not today…… Please let it be a hallucination…” she begged. But when she opened her eyes, the car from hell was still there.
She let herself in her apartment with reluctance. It was quiet. Any other person would think there was noone inside. But she knew better. She would have known even if the car wasn’t there. Her apartment smelled… clean!
“Mom?” she called. There was a loud thud from the kitchen, so she headed there.
“Ria baby is that you?” Amy asked before Maria could reach the kitchen door.
“Of course it’s me mom, who were you expecting, Santa?” said Maria wearily.
“Oh, I don’t know, I was hoping I could meet one of your oh-so-secret boyfriends.” She said with a voice full of complaint, hugging her daughter.
“Please mom, not today, I’m too tired to argue…” Her voice was muffled, but she didn’t let go. It really was helping to hug her mom again. It was a simple gesture that she had taken for granted when she was younger.
When she made herself let her mother go, she managed to ask. “What are you doing here anyway? I thought you would be on your way back to Roswell by now. Didn’t you miss home yet?” she asked with a curious look laced with concern.
Amy had been touring all over the country for the last two months, from convention to convention. Losing her daughter to her father was something Amy couldn’t quite cope well with. After all the years of sacrifices she had made for her daughter, being a single mother and all, she couldn’t manage to enjoy her freedom when it was given back to her. She had tried everything for years and Maria knew this long road trip was an extension of her mother’s continual confusion.
“Are you kidding? I am dying to go back. But I thought since I came all the way to LA, I could talk to you face to face. There’s something I want to tell you and I didn’t think it would go well over the phone.”
Amy was talking slowly, choosing her words carefully. Maria was starting to freak; it wasn’t like her mom to talk like that. DeLuca women were known to babble and talk as fast as their mouths manage. “This should really be important…” she thought, taking in her mother’s concerned look, full of expectation.
“O-kaay. I’m guessing this is important?” Maria voiced her thought and waited for her mother to nod. Amy nodded. She looked a little scared to Maria. Fear was an emotion she wasn’t used to seeing in her mother’s eyes.
Maria made two cups of tea and directed her mother to the couch in her living room. Once they sat down comfortably, she snuggled to her mother and asked; “Now you can tell me.”
Amy closed her eyes and said the words she had thought two months about. “I’m getting married.”
- - -
Maria looked at her mother long and hard with disbelief. This was definitely something she wasn’t expecting. When she finally found her voice she managed to say “Explain.”
“Two months ago Jim asked me to marry him. I was confused, so I asked him to give me some time. I needed to be alone, so I took off. After two months of soul searching alone on the road, I decided to accept it.”
She wasn’t looking at Maria. It was a hard thing to talk to your daughter about your insecurities. She forced herself to look her in the eye. If she was gonna do this she had to be able to do it boldly, not like a coward.
“I should have accepted it the minute he asked me.” She said.
Amy has pictured this moment in her head many times, but Maria’s reaction was beyond her hopes. She had a huge grin on her face while she shouted and threw her arms around her mother.
“Oh my God! I’m so happy for you!”
“Really? You’re not mad?” Amy choked back her tears.
“Of course I’m not mad! Jim is a great guy and I know you’ll be happy with him. Oh my god. This is gonna be so great!”
Maria was back in her Super Maria mode. “I’ll arrange everything, you don’t have to worry about anything. Just sit back and give me the date. It’ll be perfect!”
- - -
Amy stayed the night and left early in the morning to go back to Roswell. It was going be a long and lonely ride, but she cheered herself up thinking about what was waiting for her there.
When the first shock disappeared, Maria found herself thinking about going back to Roswell. After all those years she found it difficult to return. She had no idea what she would find there.
When her father had come to take her to LA, she had been just a high school student. It was hard to leave back then, but she had felt like she had to. She had waited her whole life for her father after all. It had been her dream, her biggest fantasy. But in the end it had turned out that the perfect life with dad was really that, a fantasy.
Now she was feeling guilty for leaving. For not calling her mom or Liz or Alex. For being too scared to return when she could. For leaving them out of her life on purpose. For letting them think she didn’t care…
In one month she would be back. And she was scared out of her mind.
- - -
“What the hell is wrong with you? You haven’t said a word all day!”
Tom was getting really worried. Though he found it weird that she would still be this lost over Colin, he was blaming himself for talking about him and depressing her.
Maria considered not telling him for a moment, but she decided against it. He was the only person who knew the whole story of her life. And she reminded herself what not talking had done to her other relationships. She didn’t want to tell him. It seemed as though it wouldn’t be real til she voiced it out loud. But she also knew it was time to come clean with her past, she couldn’t hide in the shadows anymore. And after all Tom deserved the truth.
So she said the thing she dreaded saying or even thinking for the last seven years.
“I’m going back to Roswell.”
Tom was dumbfounded. He stared at her for a minute to register what she was saying. “She lost it…” he thought. “She finally lost it and she is hallucinating…”
“Wha…” he managed to blurt out.
Maria couldn’t help herself but laugh at his expression. His mouth was opening and closing but there was no sound coming out. He looked so much like her fish Goldie it wasn’t even funny. She would have loved to stay and make fun of him, but she had a full schedule so she made a mental note to tease him later and said, “I gotta run now. I’ll explain tonight. Meet me at my place at eight.”
She kissed her still mute friend’s cheek and ran out the door towards her car.
- - -
“Why?” Tom asked as soon as she opened the door at 7:30 PM. She knew he had been dying to ask that question for the last four and a half hours; he had even come early, Tom was never early.
“Mom’s getting married.” She said retreating in the house without looking back to see if he was following.
“That’s nice.” He said with a small voice. He sounded thoughtful, not an ordinary thing for him.
“Are you okay with it?” asked Tom, following a secret path of questions known to every best friend all around the world.
“With the marriage or the going back to Roswell thing?”
“Both I guess…”
“Well, to be honest I’m really happy about the marriage part. She was really lonely you know. After all the difficulties she went through, she deserves to be doing something just for herself and be happy. She is not that old. She has a whole lot of time ahead of her. I just want her to be content, you know?”
“As for the going back to Roswell part… Well, I am a little bit nervous…” said Maria looking down at her feet. When she finally raised her head to meet his eyes, she found him staring at her with amusement and disbelief…
“Now you know that this is the understatement of the century…”
“Okay. Okay.” She admitted, “I am about to have a damn nervous breakdown!”
“Yeah, that looks more like it.”
“Well thanks for the vote of confidence.” She said sarcastically.
“Mars you know you were going to have to do it sooner or later…” Tom started with a serious tone. “You can’t just bury your past like that. It is haunting you. You should get past it and move on.”
“Yeah I know. It is time. And this is, like, the perfect opportunity… I’ll do it; I’m not having second thoughts or anything. But I’m scared, cause I know that I’m guilty, and I’m scared that they’ll hate me…”
She was almost crying and she didn’t want to cry in front of Tom again, or anyone else for that matter. She was strong. She reminded herself that she had stood up to life all alone for all that time. She could do it. “It’s not a big deal… No big deal…” she kept chanting inside her head, trying to convince herself.
“I know you can do this Mars. You don’t have to worry. You’ll give her the perfect wedding, and everything will go just smooth. And I’ll come with you if you need me, okay? Don’t worry. And if they hate you, we’ll deal with it as it comes. You know it’s their loss after all.” Said Tom wearing his comforting best friend face and I’ve-seen-worse look.
Maria gave him a familiar smile accompanied with sad eyes shining with unshed tears.
“Mission accomplished…” Tom thought as he passed methodically from comforting phase to cheering up.
“Enough with the moping, lets have some fun. What do you have in mind, chocolate and wine with a chick flick, or tequila and nookie with a muscular guy?”
Tom knew he had succeeded, when he saw a mischievous smile creep up her face…
- - -
Unexpected and long forgotten memories started to assault Maria the minute she set foot in Roswell. Silence of the desert, smell of the earth, texture of the air brought her childhood back to surface. She could hear her own laughter mixed with Alex’s shouts and Liz’s screams of joy.
She had been a happy kid back then, she had nothing important to complain or shadow her happiness -maybe just an occasional dream of a father-, and she had grown to be a successful, independent woman. But the guilt she had taken upon her shoulders, somewhere in between those good times, was burdening her soul and keeping her from cherishing life.
She drove her rental car through the streets, which were strangely alien and familiar at the same time. She drove past Crashdown and although she knew for sure that Liz was now somewhere better with her college degree on something really complicated and serious, she expected to see her there, with that stupid alien face apron, waiting tables.
Everyone seemed suspiciously familiar. She knew there was no way that she could know all Roswell population, it was just her paranoia kicking in.
She arrived at her mother’s house -her old home- in no time. A little too fast for her liking. When she finally managed to calm herself down enough to get out of the car, she realized that there probably was noone home to help her get her things inside or open the door for that matter. Her mother would be working at this hour. She cursed under her breath and started to unload her baggage.
- - -
She took all her nine bags one by one and placed them near the door on top of each other. Then she scrambled her hair and shouted triumphantly when she found a hairpin.
She bent the pin and started to pick on the lock. When the door unlocked with a small clink, Maria reached for the top three bags with a proud smile on her face. But when the door opened just when she reached for the knob, she lost her balance and stumbled inside, throwing her multicoloured bags around.
She landed on something rather soft. “GOD DAMMIT!!!” she shouted. She threw her hair back to see around and her eyes met a pair of startled brown eyes. She froze with surprise and fear. Thoughts assaulted her brain. Who the hell was that? A thief? A rapist? Kyle?
She panicked and struggled to get up, thrusting her elbow in the stranger’s ribs in the process. He let out a muffled curse and held her wrists with one hand to keep her from moving.
She was getting really scared, so she did what she always did when she was afraid. She yelled at him.
“What the hell you think you’re doing? Let me go this instant or I’ll… I’ll… well I don’t know what I’ll do but it sure will hurt like hell.”
She was fidgeting on top of him, trying to kick him with no success. But he couldn’t manage to get his brain to think why she was attacking him. He was studying her face with an irresistible interest.
Her big, green eyes were fuming with anger, her cheeks were blushing, and her full red lips, shiny with lip-gloss, were catching his eyes, while she kept yelling at him about something he couldn’t comprehend.
She stopped moving and looked at him directly in the eye to scare him off with one of her patented you-are-in-trouble-buddy looks. But she realized that this time she might be the one in trouble. His eyes were absorbing her.
His brown eyes dropped their shield for a moment and looked at her with surprise, interest and… hunger? He managed to not look impressed though, after all, he always had SOME shields up, if not all. It didn’t require his brain’s assistance after all those years, it was reflex.
She tried to keep the angry façade but she was losing all rational thoughts. She was slipping. The last working part of her brain suddenly screamed that he was a thief who was trying to hurt her. It warned her “He is your enemy.”. “...who has mesmerising eyes.” she added to the thought.
The spell was broken though. She got her hand out of his now slightly loosened grip and raised it to slap him. But he was faster and caught her hand. Then without giving her a chance to react, he crashed his lips on hers. “I can’t believe a girl trying to slap me is turning me on…” was his last coherent thought before he lost himself in her.
[ edited 36time(s), last at 21-Sep-2002 8:28:37 AM ]
|posted on 26-Jun-2002 1:39:28 PM by belit|
THANK YOU...thank you.thank you.thank you....
That was my first review ever!!! And you probably are the first person to read my story, not even any of my friends read it!
So, thank you...thank you.thank you.thank you...
I'll finish the new part tomorrow. Keep reading...
|posted on 27-Jun-2002 3:44:23 PM by belit|
|Well here's the second part. It's shorter but I didn't want to wait, so here you go, hope you'll like it...|
Maria didn’t resist or struggle, and it only took her a minute to respond. The moment his lips touched hers, she closed her eyes involuntarily and let herself lose control.
If she could think at that moment she would have realized that it was the first time in three years that she had let herself loose. But perhaps it was a good thing she couldn’t think, cause she sure would have tried to hide in her mental castle with no windows if she did.
He, on the other hand, was feeling things he never would have believed could be felt. There was a tingling sensation covering his body, from head to toe.
He felt her lips part with a low sigh and her breath burnt his lips. Then the thing he least expected happened, her tongue darted out and licked his lips. It sure was a day to screw up expectancies.
Her hands left his grasp. He wasn’t about to object even if he knew for sure that she was about to put a dagger in his heart. He was beyond caring. Her left hand reached up his chest to his neck and nestled there pulling him closer while her right hand found its way into his hair.
She tasted like strawberry and her hair smelled like wild flowers. Her long, wavy blond hair draped over his face tickling him. He tentatively raised one of his hands to caress her hair. He was sure that she would slap him again for this - well she would TRY again at least -.
He felt that her hair was important to her, sacred somehow, and he knew she wouldn’t let everyone touch it. He didn’t know how but he could feel it. While one of his hands placed itself on the small of her back, between her top and jeans, touching the soft skin without hesitation, his other hand took ages to reach her hair.
He felt her body stiffen against his. But he kept his fingers in her hair. He knew he was doing the right thing, he had no idea where those feelings came from, but he trusted them. Something he didn’t do often.
She had stopped kissing him by now and placed her cheek against his, enjoying the sparks his hand created in her hair.
She didn’t want to open her eyes. She knew if she did, reality would take over, and she would lose his warmth she felt deep inside. The worst part wasn’t the loss of it, but knowing the fact that she was going to be the one to throw it away. So she kept her eyes closed, hoping that the feeling would last for eternity, for it was her first and only since what seemed like forever.
She slowly raised her face, rubbing her skin against his. Electric currents ran through them everywhere they touched. Both her palms were placed on his temples by now, her finger buried in his hair. She was caressing his eyebrows with her thumbs.
She subconsciously knew that she should end it now or she would never be able to. But she couldn’t contain her gratitude inside and she sure wasn’t going to thank him when they parted, that was a given. So she placed a kiss between his right eye and temple and prepared herself mentally to fall back to Earth and get up.
She opened her eyes to find his curious gaze on herself. He was obviously waiting for her to react. She didn’t disappoint him.
She summoned all her anger to surface. When she decided she could trust her knees not to give away, she jumped up and tried to yell at him but her voice came out a whisper.
“What the hell was that?”
“What do you think it was?” he replied sarcastically.
His face was closed off; she had no idea what he was thinking. He appeared nonchalant, but there was no way a human could keep cool after a kiss like that.
She so wanted to snap at him about what happened, but she was planning to keep playing her game, ever the scariest get-your-ass-out-of-this-situation-in-one-piece game.
She had to change the subject according to the rules; otherwise her ass was his, literally. She knew too well that she was undeniably guilty in the situation. So she said, “Who the hell are you?” carefully hiding her curiosity with mock fury.
Now that they were back in the harsh realm that we call reality, he had all his shields up in full power. He realized what she was doing and was glad that she did it. Last thing he needed was a girl following him around, trying to hold his hand.
But he didn’t understand why she would do that. That wasn’t what girls did, they asked for romance and commitment and crap like that. She wasn’t supposed to pretend it never happened, it was his job. He made a mental note about her being weird and played his part.
“I live here.”
“Oh no you don’t. This is my house…”
“Yeah of course. How stupid of me!” He said, his voice full of sarcasm. He pulled out a single key from his pocket and held it up.
“That’s why I have a key and you’re picking the lock.”
Her cheeks blushed from her fury. He was so… so… so annoying!!! Everything about him was annoying. The teasing tone of his voice, the sexy smirk on his face, his way too tight t-shirt stretched over his muscles… “That should be illegal…” she protested silently, “S-hit I’m getting sidetracked!”
She started gathering her bags to avoid looking at him. She looked like a little girl trying to carry her mother’s bags.
Michael would have said she looked adorable struggling with those weird colourful bags, if he had the word in his vocabulary. He bit his tongue trying not to laugh and keep his cool.
“I’m guessing you’re Maria.” His voice was a little more civil now.
“Amy was expecting you next week.”
“Well, obviously I’m early!” She said, annoyed at him for not helping her, and secretly glad that he didn’t, because she had no idea how he would effect her when he was that close. If she kissed him again, there was no talking her way out of it this time.
She pushed him out of her way and headed upstairs to her room. He stood there, waiting for her.
He had known her for a total ten minutes, and he had the most contradicting feelings about her he ever had about anyone. She did the most expected and unexpected things. He didn’t even know what that meant.
“Thoughts”… he corrected himself “…not feelings, only thoughts.”
She came back and threw him a deadly glare. “Change it back. It’s my room!”
“No, princess, it was your room, was being the key word here. It’s been mine for five years now.”
She felt sad. She knew she had no right to expect for her mother to keep her room as it was. She had left her, hadn’t she? It had been her choice; so she had to bear the consequences. But reason didn’t help her feel better. She never was much of a reason person anyway; it was Liz’s specialty.
He saw her defeated look, and knew that it wasn’t because of their little quarrel. He knew Amy and Maria had some issues. Though he never talked to her about it -he wasn’t big on talking-, he was sure Amy loved her daughter and cared for her more than anything.
The house itself was like a Maria shrine and he knew all her childhood stories by heart from his dinners with Amy. Her pictures were all over the house; walls, tables… everywhere…
She was sad, that was for sure… He didn’t know what their problems were, but even if he did, there was nothing he could do to help. He wasn’t exactly the comforting kind of person. He wouldn’t know how to act or what to do.
Max was the sensitive guy; he was just the creepy guy in the shadows. So he did the two things he did the best. He annoyed her and fled the scene.
“Well it’s been a pleasure meeting you princess, but I really have better things to do.” He said walking towards the still open door with that annoyingly sexy smirk on his face again.
“I didn’t catch your name?” she asked, obviously angry.
“That’s cause I didn’t tell you…” he didn’t even look back. He was pushing all her buttons without any extra effort. You could almost say, he was made to push her buttons.
“Well then, Mr. Top Secret, I’ll just call you Bobo, it’s just the same to me.” She muttered in a playful tone… “You look like him anyway…” she added under her breath.
That got his attention. He turned around and said in an exasperated voice “Oh that’s mature. What are you, five? And who the hell is Bobo?”
“It’s the stuffed alien mom made for me when I was four. I still have it somewhere. You have the exact same hair.” She was desperately trying to piss him off and was armed and ready for the worst comeback. But she definitely wasn’t expecting his next actions, or lack thereof.
He had a look on his face for a moment, like she had stepped on his toes. Then he turned and left saying coldly “The name’s Michael. Use it.”
To say that he was confused would definitely be an understatement. He was caught totally unprepared, and waas cursing himself for showing his discomfort like that.
“What if it was the FBI, what if it was someone that suspected you? If you can’t act normal in front of a stupid girl, how will you do it when it’s an agent talking to you?”
He sent the disturbing thoughts away, and headed to the gas station where he had a shift in half an hour.
- - -
Maria put her bags in the guestroom; she was coming to terms with the fact that her room wasn’t hers anymore. She had a big, beautiful apartment in LA for god’s sake; she didn’t need a stupid room in Roswell!
Once she was settled, she decided to go to her mother’s store to get some answers about that Michael guy. Why would anyone want to rent that guy a room? He was creepy. He was the obvious delinquent type. “But that’s Amy we’re talking about.” she reminded herself… She was a delinquent herself once after all.
First she did some investigating. It was for her mother’s safety, she reasoned, not at all about her own insatiable curiosity.
“Let’s see who this spiky Bobo guy is…”
She opened her -well HIS- room’s door silently. The room was suspiciously tidy. The bed wasn’t made but she never once made her bed, so who was she to talk. The walls weren’t painted pink anymore like she had left them but were plain white.
It looked simple, too simple… He didn’t have much furniture, just the basics. There were two Metallica posters on the wall and she saw some CDs that were also all Metallica.
She kept looking around, carefully placing everything she touched back in their places. She couldn’t find any pictures but there were books. Not too many, but she realized that the ones he had were really good.
She wasn’t a big reader but she knew who James Joyce was. He had a really old and worn copy of Ulysses on the nightstand. It looked like he had been reading it everyday for the last ten years. She also found some books on stars and constellations scattered around.
She rummaged through his drawers. Nothing important, just some ordinary junk; pencils, some condoms, and for some weird reason Tabasco sauce bottles… She was losing her enthusiasm when she opened the last drawer.
There were some sketchbooks put neatly on top of each other. Some of them were really old, some were new. She saw charcoal pencils in one little box and single sketches put together in a folder. She took them out with amazement, and held them carefully like they were some kind of archaeological discovery.
- - -
She spent the next hour going through his sketches. All of them were good and half of them were truly enchanting. There were sketches of parks, trees, kids playing, people talking, laughing, working, eating... doing their normal, everyday things.
She was impressed. He drew ordinary life and made it look interesting somehow. He sure had a different way of seeing things. She found it beautiful. He caught the looks or expressions, she never spent one moment to catch in another person. He was a true observer.
She noticed the sun going down and realized the time she spent studying his drawings. She panicked. It would have really sucked if he found her going through his stuff. She put the papers away and left the room with confused thoughts and a new found respect for the spiky haired, weird guy living in her old room.
- - -
Amy came home from work to find her daughter sleeping on the couch. She looked peaceful while she slept. Amy just stood there and watched her sleep…
She remembered the old days when they sat together on that same couch every night, talking. Tears streamed down her cheeks but she couldn’t wipe them. Her daughter was home. Finally. Her baby girl was home…
As she watched her, she saw a tattoo on her right wrist. She moved closer to see what it was. It was her initials. It made her cry more.
There was nothing sad about having your initials tattooed on your wrist. But she had no idea when she had gotten that tattoo. Or why she had decided to grow her hair out. Or how she had become a wedding planner. Or what she did the first thing in the morning…
She regretted the time she had lost so terribly, a huge knot formed in her stomach. She didn’t know the woman her daughter grew to be.
This was her second chance. No way in hell she was going to screw this one up. She would get to know her better and make her smile that genuine smile she only had for her mom. And most importantly she would make her belong again. She wanted Maria in her life and home, and she wasn’t giving up easily this time.
Did you like it? hate it? let me know!
[ edited 5 time(s), last at 14-Sep-2002 10:53:49 AM ]
|posted on 2-Jul-2002 11:36:15 AM by belit|
|Nobody's reading this here, but I'm posting anyway...|
Maria woke up to a silent, dark house and couldn’t remember where she was for a moment. Then the day’s events caught up with her. She was surprised to realize how easily she fell asleep. She had a bit of an insomnia problem and couldn’t fall asleep if she wasn’t truly exhausted.
She saw that it was nearly midnight. Stumbling towards kitchen, she realized she hadn’t eaten all day. Her worries on Amy’s whereabouts disappeared with the note on the fridge.
/ You were sleeping so peaceful, I couldn’t wake you up. I’ll be with Jim tonight, so don’t expect me. I’ll see you tomorrow…
Welcome back home… AMY /
“Well nothing’s changed around here…” she mumbled, going through the contents of the fridge. She decided on spaghetti and started to boil some water.
She was chopping all vegetables she found to make some sauce when her eyes caught the stars shining bright in the night sky through the kitchen window.
She had missed the stars. She couldn’t see stars this bright in LA, there were too much city lights. She had never realized how
important it was to her until that moment.
“Beautiful…” she sighed.
- - -
Michael came home late. He took a long walk before coming home; he had a ton to think. And as much as he didn’t want to admit, he needed to gather round his courage.
He decided at last that the impact of the kiss was just an illusion. He was just caught surprised. It wasn’t important or special. She wasn’t either. She was just another annoying stupid blond.
He opened the door quietly and slipped inside. He saw the light in the kitchen and walked towards it. He saw her then and all his resolves crumbled.
She was wearing old sweat pants, looking too big on her and a bright green tank top, really old again, but too tight on the contrary. Her tousled hair was threatening his sanity.
He watched her watch the stars and heard her mumble “Beautiful…” He had to agree, the sight in front of him was the definition of true beauty.
He knew at the back of his mind that he had to make his presence known, but he was paralysed, and couldn’t really process the thought. And to be honest he was enjoying that way too much.
But his clumsiness betrayed his intensions. The chair he held in order to not fall watching her, skidded under his grip, and ended up on the floor with a loud thud.
She shrieked and turned around, holding the knife in front of her. When she saw who the intruder was, she became more furious -if it was possible-.
“Do you always sneak up on people like that?” she shouted, annoyed.
“Do you always threaten robbers with tomatoes?” asked Michael nonchalantly, trying to annoy her even more.
She looked puzzled for a moment, then saw the slice of tomato sticking in front of her knife. She didn’t want to, but she couldn’t help herself as she cracked a smile. He was smirking at her. Again.
She had no idea how to act in front of him. She had those really confusing thoughts, running around and occasionally bumping into each other in her mind.
She wanted to be nice to him, cause now that she had seen more into his life, she knew that he was a special person. But she also wanted to be angry with him because every move he made was so damn annoying.
She wanted desperately to kiss him again, for she knew it would be earth shattering. But some part of her wanted to beat him up for kissing her, cause it had woken her up from her long sleep of not-feeling.
She had never felt all those contradicting emotions at once before. There was fury and fear above all the good ones though, for knowing it would never be the knight in shining armour sort of love and happiness with her spiky haired, room stealing, handsome prince. She had seen it happen before; crumbling of all hope. And the desperation left, filling the void. She would never risk it again.
She knew men by now. They acted just the way women wanted them to be like. But that was just it, an act. In reality they really were all same, wearing their masks and pretending until the day they got sick of you.
It was sad, but she was a grown up, so she had finally accepted it. There was no love the way they told you in fairytales. Real life wasn’t made of happy endings, but unhappy memories.
Maria dismissed her thoughts and came back to the real world that was kitchen. She found herself stirring the sauce absentmindedly. She didn’t know if he was still standing there and was too afraid to look.
Her anger took over once again for feeling like a shy high school girl over just a kiss, with just another guy. “You had sex with men you knew less than that Bobo guy, at least he was at your house, right? So don’t start all that Like A Virgin crap, we all know you are far from it! Remember that guy from the party at Nelson’s…” She let Tom’s ranting voice trail off in her head. She had gotten the message.
He was just a normal guy, nothing special. She had been too upset over her own misery, her subconscious had tried to make him some saviour or something. She liked the sound of that thought and the fact that she had figured it all out herself this time, without therapy. And she had done it before it got out of hand, which sure was a huge plus.
She turned around with her newfound courage and determination. He was standing there looking at her, as if he was expecting her to do something. She found her first impression of him ridiculous now. He really was just another guy. She dated lots of men similar to him. She was relaxed; there was nothing new there.
“So…” she began “…are you hungry?”
“Depends on what you’re makin’…”
Her eyes narrowed.
“Oh that’s polite. I made spaghetti and some sauce with those weird things you got in the fridge. And you know what; if you don’t like it, you can eat whatever the hell you want.”
She turned her back to him and started to fill her plate. He wasn’t smirking anymore. He walked towards her, got as close to her as humanly possible without touching; reached up, and grabbed a plate. He looked down for a moment and met her furious eyes.
“I like spaghetti.”
She fought herself not to look at his lips and waver her angry gaze…
“You better, cause that’s all you’ll get.”
She took her plate and pushed past him, walking towards the living room.
- - -
Maria sat on the couch, put her plate on her lap, and turned on the TV. After flipping through channels for a minute, she decided on MTV.
Michael didn’t hesitate while sitting next to her on the couch. They sat and ate in silence. But Maria couldn’t help herself when Michael put a third layer of Tabasco on his second plate of spaghetti.
“What’s with the Tabasco?”
“I like it.” His answer was short and simple, as always.
“If you keep eating that much of it, you’ll probably have ulcer by the end of the decade you know.”
“I appreciate the concern but it really is none of your business.”
“You know what, you can just drop dead; I don’t care. I’m just trying to have a civil conversation here.”
“It doesn’t seem possible anyway.”
She got up and left without giving him another look. She went to the backyard and lay down on the grass. She remembered doing the exact same thing whenever her mother and father fought when she was a little kid. Watching the stars always had some calming effect on her.
She remembered her father teaching her about the names of the stars and constellations. Showing her how to use the telescope, which later he had taken away with his other possessions when he had left. She could see herself playing with Liz and Alex in this backyard before they had started school. Too many memories, too many feelings…
Two hours later she was still there in the same place, same position, but with an empty bottle of red wine next to her. She was reliving everything that had happened since she had left Roswell. She didn’t realize her tears streaming down her cheeks. She was in too deep.
She felt something soft on her. Her eyes snapped open and caught the now-too-familiar brown ones. He was putting a blanket on her.
“I’m not asleep.” She said. Her eyes had a serious problem of focusing.
“I know, you’ll catch a cold.”
“Like you care.”
She wasn’t annoyed or angry or anything. It felt like a routine, normal way of communicating with him.
“So, why are you living alone, here with my mom?” She was too drunk to think about not pushing him.
“Do you have any better ideas?”
“Well, there’s always this having your own place thing, or living with your family, or all time favourite get the hell out of Roswell thing. Pick one.”
“Don’t have a family, that’s out. Don’t have enough money so your own place thing is out too. I got out of Roswell once but I had to come back. But believe me I’m working on a permanent escape. And for now; Amy is cool and the room is cheap.”
Her memory started to find some really old and forgotten pictures. A spiky haired little boy without any family; never talking to anyone except Max and Isabel Evans. And a young man, still with the spiky hair, walking through corridors of high school, never giving anyone a look, a smile, a chance… How had she forgotten? How couldn’t she just make the connection?
“Oh God, you’re Michael!” she said looking at him with big eyes.
“I thought we were over this; I’m Michael, you’re Maria…”
“No, I mean, I just never realized which Michael you are.”
“And which Michael am I?” He had no idea what she was talking about.
It was all coming back to her now. Like her memory had a door named Michael and she had just found the key…
“Michael Guerin” she stated, puzzling him.
He knew they had gone to school together, but he had never thought she would remember him. They never had once talked and he wasn’t the type of guy that girls payed attention.
He remembered Maria clearly though. She was loud and full of life. He remembered her curls and how much he liked watching them bounce when she ran around with Alex. And in high school, he remembered feeling disappointed when she cut them short.
She was never one of the beautiful types like Izzie but she was unique and he had always liked that. She had never followed the crowd about anything.
“You must have some really good memory.” He couldn’t find anything else to say.
“Of course I remember you. I should have known it the first time I saw you, but I guess I wasn’t really paying attention to your face…”
He knew she was talking with the courage alcohol gave her or she wouldn’t be this relaxed or open with him. He decided to take the opportunity to talk to her without having to care about what she would think. Because she obviously wasn’t capable of it right now.
“Why did you leave?” he asked. Her life was a mystery to him and it was making it impossible to figure her out. He needed to know more than Amy’s little stories.
She wasn’t even hesitating while answering. She wanted to talk and get things out of her chest.
“My father came back and asked me to go with him.”
Michael knew about her father. How he had left them, why he had left them. So he couldn’t understand why she would just forgive him and go with him, leaving Amy behind.
“So you just took off? How can you do that to Amy?” He was angry. He wasn’t about to admit it, but in five years he had grown to care about Amy.
She sighed while thinking about a way to make him understand.
“I… Have you ever had a childhood dream about changing your life into something better, like in a fairytale? My dream was my father. I knew he never was a good husband or a good person for that matter, but in my memories he was the perfect father. So I had always dreamt of him coming back; rich and powerful and…perfect. He would take us out of Roswell to some better place. But when he came back, it was only for me, not for us. And I made a selfish decision, it apparently was the wrong one…”
She wasn’t looking at him, she was watching the stars. It was as if she was confessing. She didn’t want to see the priest’s face; she just wanted to tell her story, and be forgiven.
Michael wanted to run and forget that the last ten minutes had ever happened. It felt like he was listening to his own story in a parallel universe. The dream of your family coming and taking you away to a better place than Roswell was way too familiar. He never would have thought he could relate to someone like Maria. She was nothing like him. She was so…different.
“So, why was it the wrong one? Wasn’t it somewhere better?” He needed to know what happened next.
“At first, yes, it was better in every possible way. Dad was rich and great, he did everything I wanted. But it didn’t last. He wasn’t changed. He was still afraid of responsibility, so he ran. He couldn’t handle. He left me… Again. And I couldn’t come back, I couldn’t even call and ask for help. I didn’t have any right. I lost everything. I had lost home the moment I made my decision, LA wasn’t home.”
He was angry with her. It wasn’t her fault that the story was this way, but he blamed her anyway. It didn’t have to be like this with him. His story could end happily ever after. It had to or he wouldn’t have anything to live for anymore.
She kept going, interrupting his thoughts.
“But I didn’t let myself give up. I graduated from high school with the help of my experience of waiting tables at The Crashdown. And then I built my own home. And I did it. Now I have a home, a car, and a good job in LA waiting for me. I have friends. But I know they’ll never replace what I had lost.”
“What did you lose?”
“Mom, Liz, Alex... They’ll never forgive me. I don’t have any right to ask for forgiveness. I deserve much worse anyway.”
She paused for a moment. “You don’t understand, do you?” She still wasn’t looking at him.
He sighed. “Maybe I do.”
She turned to look at him. “You do?”
He didn’t want to explain. She couldn’t possibly understand without knowing the whole truth and telling her was out of the question. So he changed the subject.
“They don’t hate you.”
“Amy, Liz, Alex.”
“How would you know that? You don’t even know Liz and Alex.”
“Well, Roswell isn’t exactly the way you left it. Things changed a lot in seven years.”
“You’re telling me that you’re friends with Liz and Alex?” she asked with disbelief.
“Kind of. Not by choice. Liz is Max’s fiancée. Alex is Isabel’s boyfriend for like five or six years now.”
“Oh. My. God.” She was speechless. Her hand covering her mouth, she looked at him, her eyes wide open.
She sat there for ten minutes, stupefied. “Are they here?” she asked when she found her voice again.
“Yeah, they must be here right now.”
“What…what are they doing? Tell me about them.” She was pleading him with her eyes.
“Well, I’m not exactly best friends with them, but I know that Liz is some kind of a biologist and she’s living with Max in Albuquerque. Isabel is a model, not a big one at that, but she makes good money and she always travels; so Alex never has a stable job. He always travels with her, writes songs and does some computer business; I don’t really know much about it. But they always come back here, Roswell is home base.”
“It’s like Twilight Zone.”
“Yeah I know.”
“Will you see them tomorrow?”
“I need to meet them sooner or later. Maybe you could tell them, you know, that I was in town and they could see me if they wanted to or something…”
He was watching her squirm, with amusement. “You, princess, are a coward.”
She threw him a deadly glare, but couldn’t lie. “Well maybe I am a little scared.” She admitted in a small voice.
“I’ll invite them over tomorrow night, how’s that?”
She wanted to scream too soon! but even with her drunken mind, she knew that putting off wouldn’t help. She managed to nod before her eyes closed.
She was nearly asleep when he heard her mutter “Don’t call me princess, Bobo…”
- - -
Next day went in a blur. She woke up at noon with a killer headache and drank black coffee till she felt sick but sober and awake. Then her mother came home early to spoil and fuss over her.
She didn’t remember much of the night before. The last thing she remembered was finishing the bottle and next thing she knew was that she woke up in her bed. She had no idea how or when she got there.
So when she heard a really loud gang of people enter the house, she was truly surprised. She went downstairs and heard an excited girl voice say, “Where is she? Where is she?”
“How should I know, I’m not her babysitter.” That was definitely Michael but she had no clue who the others were. She appeared on the last step and felt arms wrapping around her accompanied with a loud shriek.
“Oh my god! It’s really you, you’re back! I thought I’d never see you again!”
She managed to pull away from the tight hug, to look at her friend’s face. She hadn’t changed much, just grew up a little. She looked more mature and sad. “The sad look may have something to do with her crying.” Maria reasoned.
“Liz, don’t cry… Please…”
“But I’m so happy!” She was smiling now. “You remember Max, right?” She was pulling an uncomfortable looking Max.
“Yes, of course. Hi Max.”
She realized that she somehow knew they were engaged and Isabel and Alex were going out. This was crazy but she was sure, she knew it. She made a mental note about thinking thoroughly about that later and motioned towards Alex.
He hugged her, only saying “I missed you girl!” He really was changed. He had an air of confidence around him, which hadn't been there the last time she had seen him.
She greeted Isabel and they made their way to the kitchen; Liz never leaving her side.
[ edited 6 time(s), last at 14-Sep-2002 10:57:29 AM ]
|posted on 3-Jul-2002 5:58:33 AM by belit|
I'll keep writing, just let me know you're reading!
|posted on 4-Jul-2002 5:04:38 AM by belit|
Hours passed exchanging stories. The three friends shared the events of the last seven years they had spent apart. But there were major dents in all their stories. None of them went into the most important stuff; not knowing how to tell or in some cases not knowing whether it would be right to tell.
Max and Isabel just sat and watched them, occasionally adding a detail or two to the stories their other halves told.
Michael was looking bored, but in reality watching the interaction between the three friends intently. He watched the humans tell stories of them skipping the dangerous parts.
He had never trusted them. He had never called them friends. Maybe they weren’t enemies, but that didn’t make them his allies. He had never asked for them to find out and once they did, he had never wanted them to be a part of his small circle of family. But it had been inevitable.
He had never told his secret to anyone. He had never trusted anyone. He had never felt the need to trust anyone. He had only trusted his own kind, the only two he was aware of. And they had betrayed him. They had betrayed his secret, their pact and their friendship.
He had left them once. One night; when he got sick of Max and Isabel with their precious humans, and Hank with his precious booze. He had just ran away, without any direction in mind. If he felt alone inside, he might as well be alone on the outside too, he had reasoned.
He had come back after two years of living on the roads. He had never found what he was looking for, but he wouldn’t have come back if it weren’t for Isabel’s illness. She had come into his dream looking miserable and told him she needed him. So he had come back.
Nothing was changed in Roswell while he was gone. Max had been still counting how many times he had screwed up and Isabel had still been the Mother Goose, trying to look after him.
But that time around he hadn’t let them take control. Years on road had toughened him. Max and Izzie had been afraid of him. He had used it well to have his space and had never let them too close again.
He had always wanted their respect and it was exactly like him to screw that up too and scare them away instead. But it seemed like the only way and he had accepted it.
And for the last five years, he had been surviving, waiting for something, anything to happen. He didn’t want his human life like Max and Izzie. He’d been waiting to get out of this stupid planet, he’d been waiting for his life to come and find him. He had been waiting to be saved.
While sitting there all bored, listening to the stories he already knew, an idea occurred to him. Maria was Liz’s best friend; if she had chosen to stay seven years ago, she probably would have known about them too.
Would she have told someone? Would she have just accepted them? Liz would have told her, that was a given. She had even told Alex. Questions of what could have happened filled his mind but one question stopped all others all of a sudden.
Would they be together if she knew? Would they be like Alex and Izzie or Max and Liz? He couldn’t picture himself like that. He’d never had anyone that close. He didn’t believe that he was capable of letting people get intimate with him.
He decided that if anything had happened between them, he would have screwed it up by now anyway. And there was no point of having relationships or ties here, when his sole purpose was to go away.
His own thoughts and dreams were disturbing him lately. It felt like he was giving up subconsciously. He was failing again, and this time he was failing and disappointing himself. He was betraying his own life’s objective and everything he believed was right.
He got up and walked outside, hardly refraining himself from running till he reached the door. He ran when he got out of sight. He knew at the back of his mind that there was no running away from himself, but he didn’t let himself realize it just yet. He pretended to do so.
- - -
Nobody noticed Michael’s absence until it was nearly midnight and time to go. They left promising to meet and hang out again.
Maria made herself a cup of tea and sat in the backyard looking at the stars without even seeing them. She was deep in thought. She never heard Michael come and sit next to her.
Michael took a sip from her tea…
“How do you drink that s-hit? It’s disgusting.”
Anyone who knew Michael would have been really impressed by his attempt at making small talk. But Maria sure wasn’t one of those people. She didn’t even turn her head.
They sat in silence for a while, then Maria asked the question that bothered her.
“Why did they lie to me?”
Michael felt like he was punched in the stomach. He wasn’t expecting this. He never thought she’d notice.
“Why do you think they lied?”
She gave him an are-you-for-real? look.
“Come on, I know I didn’t see them for seven years but I’d known them since they were in diapers. I taught them how to lie for God’s sake!”
He didn’t know what to say. He had no proper explanation. So he directed her to Liz. It was their mess after all.
“Then you should ask that to them.”
She considered that for a moment and decided against it. She shook her head.
“No, I won’t ask if they don’t want to tell me. I’m not here to bother people.”
“You didn’t tell them the whole truth as well.” He stated.
She threw him a skeptical look. “How do you know?”
“You told me.” Seeing as she had no idea, he added… “…Last night.”
And suddenly realization hit her. She now understood where all that weird knowledge came from.
“So I talked to you last night…”
“Yes you did.” There was a pause. “Why did YOU lie?”
“I didn’t exactly lie… I just left some parts out.” He didn’t look satisfied so she continued. “I can’t just spill my life to people that don’t even trust me anymore. Not that I blame them or anything.”
“You blame yourself about this too?” Michael didn’t look like a concerned friend while asking this. He didn’t have it in him and they weren’t even friends. His voice contained no noticeable emotion.
Maria didn’t like the direction this conversation headed. “What exactly did I tell him last night?” she wondered.
She didn’t answer, in a way she couldn’t. What was she going to say? That she did blame herself? What good would that do? He already knew that by the looks of it anyway.
Twenty minutes passed in companionable silence. That was weird considering the pair in question, but they didn’t even notice since they both had too much to think.
Michael noticed her biting her nails. The rhythmic noise she kept making was driving him crazy. It sounded deafening in the silence of the night.
He grabbed her hand to stop her. She looked at him with questioning eyes.
“Stop doing that!”
“They are my nails, what’s it to you?”
“It’s disgusting, stop it!”
“The things you eat are disgusting, but you don’t see me yapping about it, do you?”
“I don’t yap.”
“Yes you do! And that’s my backyard, I can do whatever I want.”
“It’s not yours and you know it!”
“Well, it definitely isn’t yours!”
“Who cares whose backyard it is, just stop making that noise!”
“Who’s gonna make me?”
“You are so damn annoying, you know that?”
“Well then, that makes the two of us!”
They stared at each other for a while, daring the other to do something. When it started to take too much effort to not jump him, Maria turned her head and began biting her nails again, a lot more furiously this time.
She had felt sexual attraction to a lot of guys before, and she’d never really cared. She’d just acted on it. But she knew this time it would complicate things way too much.
They weren’t just in some club. Her mother was involved this time, her friends were involved. He wasn’t just some nameless guy, he was Michael Guerin.
The Michael Guerin that lived in her house. The Michael Guerin that she had a huge crush on in high school. The Michael Guerin that wouldn’t just disappear like the other guys in the morning. The Michael Guerin that she could easily fall for if she could just let herself.
So she kept away, following all the good reasons she had. She just couldn’t let herself ruin her life even more.
- - -
Days turned into weeks, weeks turned into…three quarters of a month to be exact. And Maria remembered why she had hated Roswell so much. Nothing ever happened in that town.
Maria spent her days planing the wedding, helping her mother at the store and sitting around, watching daytime TV. Amy was never home at nights; so she cooked, sat in the backyard, fought with Michael and slept, in the exact same order every damned night.
She met Liz a couple of times. Liz kept lying, so she never told her about her father or Colin or anything important for that matter.
Alex and Izzie were out of town; at least she didn’t have to pretend with them. She wasn’t angry or anything, it just hurt to know that your best friends didn’t want you anymore.
It was one week till the wedding. Everything was ready to go. It was planned to be a simple ceremony, wedding at the church, reception at the backyard. They didn’t want to make it a big deal, just between close friends and family.
- - -
Maria was trying to get some change in her boring life. Thinking all day; she couldn’t find anything to change, so she decided on cutting her old jeans.
She wanted them just under her knees. She was too lazy to take them off, so she took her mother’s scissors and started to cut the lower parts while still wearing the jeans.
It was impossible to get them straight. And she was having a hard time cutting the backsides. She sat on the floor, facing the wall and put her legs up.
It was difficult; she wasn’t a gymnast or anything. She knew she could hurt herself really badly, but she was stubborn as hell once she set her mind.
When Michael came in, he couldn’t process what he was seeing. Maria had her back to him. She was bracing her thighs with her arms and her head was between her knees.
“What are you doing?” he asked carefully and slowly.
She couldn’t answer -her mouth was busy pulling to rip a piece of denim- but held the scissors like he should have guessed.
He was near her by now. “Do you need help?” He looked concerned, not about her physical well being but the mental one.
“Nope.” She mumbled.
Her face was flushed; she was pulling the part in her mouth with all her might.
“You know, you could make a great guard dog.” Suggested Michael, standing behind her with his trademark smirk.
She mumbled something unintelligible and pulled harder. Suddenly her jeans tore and her head hit his knees knocking him down.
Her head was pounding; she couldn’t open her eyes or get up. Or maybe her eyes were open but she couldn’t see. She decided to check; if only she could manage to get her hand to obey orders again.
Michael felt a weight on his legs and looked down. He said “This is the second time you did that in a month!” as he sat up.
He looked at her face and saw her eyes looking at a spot in the ceiling. It was like she was dead, but he noticed her chest rise and fall with every breath.
Michael panicked. The cool guy Michael Guerin lost his composure for a moment. He gently but hurriedly pulled his legs from under her, while holding her head.
He watched her face for any difference but saw none. So he gathered her in his arms, carried her to his room and laid her on his bed.
He couldn’t think, didn’t know what to do. He brought some ice and put on her head where she had hit his knees and started to wipe her face with cold water.
He tried talking to her, hoping that she could hear.
“Maria, try to move your hand if you’re hearing me. Come on you can do it, just focus.”
“Maria, you have to try to wake up!”
She heard his voice; it wasn’t emotionless or teasing like it usually was. It was soft and concerned. She felt his caresses on her face. They set fire on the skin that cold water cooled only seconds ago.
He was treating her like a newborn baby, like she could easily break. She had never been touched like this. Men didn’t like caresses; they liked to go straight to the point. Even if they did, nobody ever caressed her cheeks that way. Her ass maybe, her breasts or her thighs; but never her face…
She heard his voice pleading “Maria, come on… Wake up.” She realized that this was the first time he called her with her name since they had met. She liked the way he said it; soft and hoarse… as if it was a prayer.
Michael touched her lips, feeling her lip gloss and stroked her hair back from her face, remembering her curls once again.
“What if she never wakes up?” he thought. “What if she dies now? What if this is it?” Panic grew in him, while his chest tightened around his heart.
Maria represented the things he fantasized, but could never have. She was the girl of his fantasies. She couldn’t die.
He had never daydreamed or fantasized about anything but spaceships until last month. Of course he’d had dreams about girls, he was a guy after all, even if an alien one at that. He’d just never had one constant girl in all his fantasies before Maria.
She was there kissing him, making love to him. She was there laughing with him, crying with him. She was there marrying him, having his children. She was there coming to his planet with him. The dreams changed all the time, but she was always there.
And now he was losing her, not in a dream, but for real. Tears, he had never let spill in front of anyone before, filled his eyes. He held them back, but one drop made its way down his cheek and fell on her lips.
She felt the drop of water course down her lips to her tongue. It tasted salty. She couldn’t understand where it came from. Why would the water be salty? Then it hit her; he was crying, over her.
She suspected that she might be dead or hallucinating. It didn’t make sense; Michael wouldn’t cry, it wasn’t like him to cry. She wanted to see for herself but she didn’t know how to wake up. She found her heartbeat and concentrated on it and slowly, step by step she forced herself to feel.
Michael was numb. He had no idea what he was doing. He couldn’t think or feel. He held her hand and studied her short nails. He remembered how they fought about her habit of biting them. And he thought he would never see her doing it again or watch her cook or hear her sing in the shower.
That thought woke him up from his daze. His voice was firm and commanding this time.
“Maria, you have to wake up now. Come on, you can do it! Just come back to my voice.”
He saw her hand twitch and her eyelids flutter. His voice was full of excitement and hope this time.
“Look at me Maria, try to focus.”
She raised her hand to his face. It was hard, since she saw three of them. He helped her hand to his cheek and held it there. Her eyes finally met his and she found what she was looking for.
There were no tears, but his eyelashes were wet. And his eyes weren’t the same ones she’d been seeing everyday for the last three weeks. He wasn’t the Michael Guerin she knew. This Michael had life in his eyes the other one lacked.
He brought her hand to his lips and kissed her palm, his eyes never leaving hers.
“Are you okay?” he asked just to be saying something. She nodded in response, not trusting her voice.
She brought his face closer; she couldn’t think about anything else right now. His eyes closed while their lips met.
The kiss was slow and gentle this time. His tongue met hers in her mouth and caressed it with a delicacy he never knew he had. Tears spilled down her cheeks as she put all her need and want in that, one kiss.
He licked her lips, tasting strawberry just like he remembered. Her mouth was hot and sweet; her kisses were content and tired, not aggressive like she usually was.
He realized that he made a connection with her involuntarily. This was the first time he had done something like that, he wasn’t good at these things. Well, to be perfectly honest, he sucked at them.
He blocked his mind to keep her out. He didn’t want her to freak out. Memories of her past hit him all of a sudden. He was seeing, feeling and even smelling things she once did.
He saw millions of memories all at once; he couldn’t even process them. He blocked them as much as he could and focused on her lips; soft, hot and welcoming.
He broke off the kiss softly and opened his eyes. He slowly kissed the tip of her nose and her forehead. Her eyes were still closed and she was still caressing his cheek.
A bright smile slowly spread over her face as she opened her eyes and found his.
“I’m okay now.” She said, content. “But sleepy…” she yawned. She was tired, her eyes were closing.
“No, no, no… You can’t sleep now. No, Maria, look at me. You may have a concussion, you have to stay awake.”
“Can’t… too sleepy…” she mumbled.
He didn’t know what to do. “If only Max was here… He could make a connection and see…” He couldn’t finish the thought as he realized what had just happened.
He could connect with her. And that might mean that he could heal her. He had access to both her body and mind. He at least had to try.
He placed his hands on her temples and watched her face, concentrating. He was in, in a second.
He felt her presence all around him. It felt warm, surrounding him like a cocoon that smelled like roses. He felt content for the first time in his life. She was filling all his voids, completing him.
He could lose himself in her rosy scent, but he didn’t let himself enjoy the feeling. He had a mission. He needed to check if she was alright. Well, he needed to learn how to do it first.
He focused on her body and felt her heart beat in time with his. He coursed through her veins and found her brain.
He knew nothing at all about biology but he didn’t need to. Her mind was telling him what he wanted to know. He knew she was okay, there was nothing she couldn’t handle herself. She was just exhausted.
He tried to focus and gather all his energy. He was surprised how sudden and powerful it came. He channeled it towards her in small amounts. He figured it might hurt her if he let go of it too much.
He retreated to his own body, feeling her getting stronger. He came back and opened his eyes to a spinning world which proceeded to dissolve into darkness.
[ edited 3 time(s), last at 14-Sep-2002 11:02:17 AM ]
|posted on 20-Jul-2002 11:51:59 AM by belit|
|Sorry about the delay. I was out of town... Thanks for all reviews, keep reading!|
Michael was running. He wasn’t aware of his surroundings. He didn’t have an evident direction. He just knew he had to run.
It was dark and the streets weren’t familiar. But it didn’t matter. He realized that he couldn’t control the things that were happening in any way. There was a plot and he was obeying unwillingly.
He wasn’t wearing much and it was cold. He noticed, this now shivering body wasn’t even his; he was someone else, if that was possible. And that someone else was now too tired and sick to run.
He felt himself stop and drop on his knees, clutching his stomach. He was in pain, but most of it were mental. He caught bits of guilt and desperation when he searched the foreign mind he now had.
Rain started pouring down, making soothing noises. He -or maybe the stranger, he couldn’t really distinguish- liked the pattering sound the drops made around him.
He closed his eyes and let himself lay back on the pavement. Water massaged his cold, unfeeling face. The puddle under him was soaking his clothes. Strong feelings of loneliness and defeat washed over him.
He heard a faint thumping sound mixed in the sounds of the rain. It was rhythmic. Almost hypnotizing. The tapping of the rain slowly vanished in the background, leaving him with the ascending rhythmic noise he not only heard but felt between his ears now.
It grew louder and louder until he couldn’t stand it and wanted to scream. But he couldn’t scream or move. He just lay there, staring at the street light right above him with his eyes wide open waiting for the deafening sound to stop or kill him…
Michael woke up with a start. His hair was plastered over his face, drenched in sweat. He turned to his side and saw blond hair scattered around between his old, worn, used-to-be-white sheets.
He reached and brushed some hair away from her face. She was deep in sleep, her lips slightly parted. He checked her pulse just to be sure. She was alive and well.
Her smell made him dizzy. It was a sort of flowery scent mixed with something unique, something Maria.
He wanted to hold her and forget the world. It felt like she could make everything better, make the bogeymen go away. It would be safe if he could reach inside her world and close his eyes, just let himself be absorbed by her warmth.
But this was just another fantasy he had gotten so used to having lately; he knew what he had to do. He closed his eyes to open them to the real world this time.
The really real world, the cruel one where bogeymen wore black suits. The world Maria wouldn’t even look at his face again, let alone kiss him, once she found out what he really was.
He sighed, reluctantly taking his hand away from her silky hair and opened his eyes. He put his shields up once more, his look hardened, his face became expressionless.
- - -
Maria woke up in her own bed to Amy’s frantic voice.
“No, no, no!!! I told you a thousand times, I don’t want a chocolate cake, if I wanted chocolate I would have ordered chocolate!”
Maria shut her eyes, trying to ignore the screaming mother she had downstairs.
“No, I did not order that! Are you out of your mind? Jim hates chocolate! Why would I order something my fiancée hates?”
It wasn’t working. She tried to cover her ears with her pillow. She was hoping a spaceship would crash on Amy sometime soon.
“Oh yeah? No, I am not stupid, you are stupid! You can’t even take a damn order right!”
A picture of her mother ranting to a group of green men with four eyes flashed in her mind and woke her sleepy mind up to possibilities.
“Do you know who my fiancée is? Jim Valenti. Yes, the sheriff himself. How would you feel about ruining his wedding?”
Maria had given up on sleep by that point and was wondering why someone would hate chocolate.
“Well, I don’t care how damn sorry you are! You will have my cake ready right on time or you’ll be hell of a lot more sorry!”
Maria felt like getting out of the bed and running all the way back to LA. She definitely wasn’t going to be able to go through with this!
Amy was mothering her like she was three again, her friends treated her like nothing was wrong and they were still best friends, all the while lying to her about every damn thing.
Michael was a total enigma. She wanted him like she never did anyone before but he had nothing to offer. He never showed any indication of wanting to offer anything anyway.
He had kissed her once. And she had some suspicions about kissing him a second time, but it most likely was another dream. She couldn’t remember anything, just a picture of his face close to hers, his eyes closed in anticipation.
It was wishful thinking, it had to be. That expression he had and the feeling it gave her… It was romance novel material. Not Michael Guerin, definitely not Michael Guerin.
And there was the wedding to top it all. Everything was good but she wanted it to be perfect, needed it to be perfect. That was the least she could do for Amy.
She was confused and lonely, away from her home, her fish and her best friend. She had noone to talk to, noone to understand, to comfort her, to tell her she could make it. Every new day fed her confusion and she ignored it all, acting as she was expected to act, on auto pilot in her Super Maria mode.
She got up from the bed, feeling sick. She ran towards the bathroom, one hand clutching her stomach, the other her mouth. She opened the door and bent over the toilet just in time to lose the remainders of her dinner.
She didn’t see the shaving alien standing right next to her in her frenzy. Michael wanted to hold her hair back, it was getting dirty. But it was against Maria Regulations, so he stood back.
He had a new set of rules to help him manage Maria; The Maria Regulations. It was simple really. The motto was to treat her like any other person. Except the girls he had fun of course.
To have fun with Maria and just throw her away was not an option. Not that he couldn’t have fun with her. She was his new epitome of sexy women. She was THE most erotic thing he had ever seen in his life. But the throwing away part was the problem.
DeLuca women were not easy to throw away. They weren’t easy period. They were fighters; real, fearless fighters that you wouldn’t want to mess with. He wouldn’t want to be their enemy.
And there was this one little doubt he had… Which he definitely wouldn’t admit to anyone, even himself. What if he wouldn’t be able to let her go when he once had her?
A voice chanted in his head “One taste and you’re a goner.” He didn’t know whose voice it was but he believed it nonetheless. He just hoped one kiss -well okay two kisses- wouldn’t count as a taste.
The Regulations were to keep him away from the confusion. Basics were something like that; Don’t treat her different, don’t touch her, don’t be nice to her, don’t help her, don’t listen to her sing, do not under any circumstances smell her…
He could do it. He had killed evil aliens, he’d once commanded Antarian armies -or so they said-, he’d survived Hank, he’d lived the loneliest life for twenty-two long, tough, boring years… He could definitely resist a stupid blond girl.
Michael cleared his throat to make his presence known. Maria tried to raise her head to the sound but another wave of nausea hit her, hard.
Michael overcame the urge to hold her in his arms and take her to bed and he said the first thing he could think of instead.
“I really didn’t need to see that!”
She looked at him with disgust. This was the Michael she knew, so that kiss definitely was a fantasy. The world made sense again.
Michael held his breath when he saw her face. He didn’t expect her to look that pale and sick. Her eyes were red and her lips were dry. She was trembling and it wasn’t even a bit cold.
He tore his gaze away from her face and continued shaving with trembling hands.
She thought about giving him a rude response, but she didn’t have the strength. Her eyes dropped, and she sat on the floor. “Not now Bobo.” She said in a small voice.
“Go back to bed.” His tone was serious this time.
Maria gave a small laugh. “Nice to know you care.” She said sarcastically.
“I don’t.” he explained, trying and actually succeeding to look nonchalant. He earned himself a well-deserved glare from the sick girl on the floor.
“I just don’t want you to puke all over the house, I live here too you know.”
She hated this thing, this feeling she had when she was near him. She felt cheated and lied because of his mood swings.
She had learned long ago not to give people trust before they earned it, but somehow with Michael her resolve crumbled from the very first moment and she found herself thinking like a high school girl with a crush again.
She stood up on her shaking legs and flushed the toilet. She had every intention to go back to her room and away from him but she realized it wasn’t an option with her dizziness and unbalanced legs.
She didn’t want to make a bigger fool of herself. So she sat on the toilet seat almost involuntarily, and tried to gather her strength.
Michael sighed. “Go back to bed!” His tone annoyed the hell out of her but she couldn’t respond. She just wanted to follow his advice -or command- and crawl back to bed but that was the problem, she didn’t trust her legs to walk, she could only crawl. Him watching her crawl was something her ego wouldn’t be able to handle.
He finished shaving and washed his face. He turned his head to her and she swore under her breath. How was she supposed to resist kissing him when he had that specially crafted face and luscious lips? She watched water streaming down his throat and his fingers combing his spikes.
Oh god! Now she was both sick and hot. She wasn’t that strong, this was too much. First a whole damn month without sex and now this! A f-ucking sex GOD was in her house, half-naked, only inches away from her, waiting to be ravaged and she couldn’t touch him. Look but don’t touch. God had no mercy!
Michael heard the door shut downstairs and realized that Amy was gone. He growled and took her in his arms, not too gently but not hard enough to hurt her. He mumbled something about stupid, stubborn, blond girls.
Maria couldn’t protest. She was just savoring the feeling. His strong arms holding her close to his chest, his heartbeat matching hers, too fast too loud. They avoided eye contact, both knowing that it would be too much.
She didn’t know where to put her hands. She knew where she wanted to put them but she didn’t give into temptation. She clutched his arm leaning her forehead to his bare chest, trying to think anything else but his skin.
He made his way to the guestroom and put her down on the bed. He pulled the covers over her, still avoiding her gaze. When she was settled he gave her an angry glare and said “Stay there!” briefly in a threatening voice.
He walked to his room and changed in a daze, missing her warmth in his arms. It felt right, she felt right. He, Michael Guerin, who had never even had a crush, felt like she belonged in his arms and should stay there forever.
“It is stupid and sappy…” he told himself. She was hot and he wanted her. That explanation saved him a lot of confusion. He went out relieved.
- - -
He detoured on his way to work and stopped by The Crashdown. Liz was there as usual. She looked startled when Michael entered.
He had stopped going to The Crashdown long ago. He’d never spent time with Izzie and Max and he’d always avoided Liz and Alex. He had been living in solitude mostly and kept being mean to everyone and anyone who dared talking to him.
“Liz.” he said walking towards her. Uh-oh! This couldn’t be good.
Liz faked a smile. “Uh, hi Michael.”
He was direct as usual. “Go to Maria’s.”
“Why? What happened?” Liz assumed something terrible should have happened since Michael came to her and all.
“She is a damn annoyingly stubborn DeLuca, that’s what happened!” he fumed.
“Just do me a favor and keep her in bed. Call Amy if she gets worse.” He gave her a key and left the restaurant, leaving a very confused Liz behind.
- - -
“Maria?” Liz climbed the stairs and walked towards the guestroom. She heard a loud thud followed by some cursing.
“Ria?” She opened the door and found Maria lying on the floor. She opened her eyes to look at her guest.
“Hey Liz, what are you doing here?” She was still on the floor. She had tried getting up before. It was pointless. Her legs failed to cooperate.
“Michael sent me.” Liz said still unsure about the situation. Was that normal? Michael, caring about a human enough to ask for Liz’s help?
“Oh.” Maria avoided her eyes. She looked embarrassed but not surprised. What was that all about?
Liz got out of her stupor and helped Maria back to bed. She sat near her and decided to take things slow, despite her curiosity.
“You just stay here. I’ll make you some chicken soup and call Max to tell him I’ll be with you today.”
“Liz you really don’t need to. I’ve got tons of things to do today.”
“Nope! Michael gave me direct orders and I don’t want to suffer his wrath. So you stay here and wait for your chicken soup.”
Maria gave in. “With rice?” she asked with hopeful eyes.
“Of course. Lots of rice and no lemon. Your favorite.”
- - -
Michael was working. That was true. He was working. Like he did every day. Nothing different about today. Just another day. Yep, he was just working.
He wasn’t thinking at all about what she was doing. She was okay. Liz was there. And she was just a little sick. Nothing major. Why should he care, right? He didn’t care. So he wasn’t thinking about her.
And he sure wasn’t daydreaming about her in his bed. Not thinking about her hair between his fingers; how soft it was, how good it smelled.
He wasn’t remembering her lips, her soft kisses. He wasn’t reliving it again and again. Cause it didn’t matter. He didn’t care. He didn’t.
There was no point in thinking about her little feet, tangled between his sheets. Her toenails, painted with a sweet pink nail polish. He hated pink. Yeah, and why would he care about her toes? Right. Who cares? He definitely didn’t.
She wasn’t perfect. He could have any other girl he wanted. More beautiful girls with bigger breasts. And he never really liked blondes. He preferred brunettes. He didn’t want her, not really.
But what the hell was she doing in his head? Every time he closed his eyes, her face was there. Either from last night or this morning. Her pale face and unfocused eyes haunted him.
His fear had brought him to phone many times but every time he’d put it down, listening to the more logical part of his mind. He couldn’t just let them think he cared. Cause he didn’t.
- - -
Maria was feeling much better after the soup. She had some things to do for the wedding but she gave herself some time off. Her body needed it. Hitting her head last night and her upset stomach today called for a much-needed rest.
They sat and talked in the kitchen, just like they used to when they were younger, replacing ice cream with soup. They talked about Max and Liz mainly and how they ended up together.
“You never believed me when I told you he had a crush on you!” Maria protested. “He was sitting in the same booth every day. It was so obvious.”
Liz laughed at that, remembering those days. “I guess you were right. And now we’re getting married.”
“Did you guys set a date yet?”
“Well we’re planning on doing it soon, before the baby comes.” Liz was looking at her, waiting for the unique Maria reaction. She wasn’t disappointed.
Maria shouted, standing up “Holy s-hit!” She wrapped her arms around Liz and held her tight. “You’re gonna be a mother! Oh, my god! That’s so unbelievable.”
She was jumping around chanting. “I’m gonna be an aunt! I’m gonna be an aunt!”
Michael chose this moment to walk in. He couldn’t wait for his shift to be over today, he really wasn’t feeling well. Yeah, right.
“You can’t be an aunt when you don’t have any siblings. And I thought I told you to stay in bed, not jump around like a lunatic.” He said in a surprisingly nice manner. He was relieved and feeling cheerful all of a sudden; she was okay.
Before Liz could say anything, Maria blurted it out. “I didn’t know you were my doctor and I don’t care about the genetics, Liz is the closest I have to a sister.”
Michael stood still, trying to understand what she meant. Then it hit him, hard. He turned his gaze to Liz. She was squirming.
Maria couldn’t understand why Liz looked so scared. It was only Michael.
“I’m pregnant.” Liz said to Michael, looking down at her feet.
Michael’s look scared even Maria. It was full of pure hatred. “Well, congrats.” he said in an ice-cold tone.
He took a beer out of the fridge and headed to the backyard.
- - -
Liz left in a hurry without telling Maria anything more than a simple goodbye. She was at the verge of tears, so Maria couldn’t insist on talking. But she was really pissed.
She almost ran to the backyard, determined to get some answers. “What the hell was that all about?” she yelled at the alien lying on the grass.
“What?” His voice was calm and teasing. “You were there, Liz is pregnant.”
“I know she is Michael, what I want to know is why you made her cry.”
“Well that’s the least I can do, right? She ruined my life, I should repay her somehow.”
Maria couldn’t make the connection. The answers she could think of were not the ones she wanted to hear.
“You’re in love with her, aren’t you?” she asked calmly.
Michael started to laugh and couldn’t stop. “Are you nuts? I’m in love with Liz? That’s the funniest thing I’ve ever heard.”
“Then there’s only one other thing I can think of. You’re in love with Max.”
Michael laughed harder this time, out of control. She would have thought that he had a beautiful laugh if she weren’t so irritated. She didn’t understand him and she hated being in the dark.
“Tell me then, how does Liz being pregnant ruins your life?”
He stopped laughing. “You can’t understand.” His eyes were closed; his voice was almost inaudible.
“God dammit Michael! Just tell me! I am sick of all those secrets! Why are you all so guarded? I am not your enemy!”
Tears streamed down Michael’s cheeks. He couldn’t stop them.
“Oh God!” Maria knew something was terribly wrong. She couldn’t figure it out till she saw the empty bottle in his hand. “You’re drunk aren’t you? Don’t expect me to believe you’re this wasted with just one bottle. How much did you drink before you came home?”
Michael was sobbing by now and Maria was blabbering, not knowing what to do. She put a trembling hand on his shoulder. His body was shaking with sobs.
So he wasn’t as tough as he appeared. He had a lot bottled up inside. He reminded her of herself. How many nights did she see that same look in the mirror? Too many damn nights.
She couldn’t stop her own tears from spilling down. She sat on his lap, straddling him and held him tight while making soothing noises.
“Sssh, it’s gonna be okay. You’ll see. It’s okay.” He held onto her waist with all his might as if he was afraid that she would disappear. His head was on her shoulder, his face buried in her neck.
He was shaking violently. The more his body shook, the more she cried. “What happened to him to make him break down like that?” she wondered.
He always had this attitude; like nothing could touch him, like he didn’t care about anything or anyone. But here he was trembling and sobbing like a kid in her arms. “He is a contradiction.” She reminded herself. “That’s what makes him Michael.”
“It’s okay. I’m here. It’s okay.”
“No.” he managed to say between sobs, shaking his head.
“You’re not here, I’m alone.” He replied with a whisper.
“No, no, no…” She tilted his head up to look at her. “I’m here. You’re not alone. I’m your friend. And I’ll always be there when you need me.”
“I don’t have any friends.” He said shaking his head again.
She knew she would never forget that moment, ever. His eyes, vulnerable and innocent as she’d never seen them before, touched her in some place she didn’t even know existed.
She always dated strong guys, trying to fill the void of a stronger figure in her life. But it had never worked. They never were able to mend her weaknesses.
But at that moment, rocking him in her arms, she thought maybe she got it all wrong. She might be weak but she could be strong for him, just like she knew he would be strong for her if she needed him to be. It was simple and felt natural. Almost an instinct.
“Well I’m sorry buddy but you have one now.”
He held her tighter. Buried his face in her neck again, smelling her scent. He was slightly calmed. But he didn’t let her go. It felt too good, almost unbelievable.
“I want this to be real.” He said, talking to himself. “I don’t wanna be alone again.”
Maria knew exactly what he meant. This wasn’t really real. Darkness of the night mixed with alcohol gave them that moment and there was the fear of losing it when sun shone through.
“You won’t.” she reassured him with determination. “I’ll be here.”
They sat there for a long time, their bodies entwined. She didn’t want to move but finally had to admit that it was getting cold.
“Michael, we have to get inside. It’s cold.” She wasn’t getting a response from him. He was nearly asleep.
“Let’s get you to bed.” He was heavy but she got him half-walking. They stumbled up the stairs to his room, bumping into walls occasionally. She lay him down on the bed and got him under the covers.
She sat on the bed and put her hand on his cheek. She smoothed his hair back and caressed his cheek. Her knuckles grazed over his lips… And it was too much. She had to go before something happened. She got up but he held her hand.
“No.” he said almost pleading. “Stay.” His look was too honest, too vulnerable. She couldn’t ignore it and do what’s logical. She just obeyed him.
She lay there, under the covers, feeling his warmth, his face right in front of hers. He reached and cupped her face with one hand. His eyes were half closed. She was paralyzed; she couldn’t move a muscle.
He brushed his lips gently over hers. She couldn’t help but wet his lips with her tongue, tasting him and his tears mixed with some beer there.
She didn’t deepen the kiss, she knew that this wasn’t what he needed, what they needed. Instead she placed a kiss between his right eye and temple, just like she had done a month ago.
He kissed her nose and brought her body closer to his. This had nothing to do with sex. He simply needed to know she was there. So she held him tight and molded their bodies together, sharing her warmth to help him break the ice in his mind, in his heart.
She placed her head near his neck, where she could smell him and fell asleep that way, not thinking about tomorrow or even the next minute for she was safe and content in that moment.
[ edited 2 time(s), last at 14-Sep-2002 11:05:54 AM ]
|posted on 22-Jul-2002 12:06:20 PM by belit|
|Spencer I just loved your review, you have no idea how much it helps!|
This is my first fiction, so I'm kinda lost on the planning thing. I'm going on instinct right now and I'm glad you think I haven't lost what I started. I'm reading what I wrote over and over till I get dizzy or words finally lose all their meanings but I still can't be sure. So your opinion means a lot!
I'm trying to stay true to the characters of M&M. I know it won't be like them to just fall in love and live happily ever after. They're not Max and Liz, they are not the "soulmate" material, for me they are more than that. I just want to emphasize what I love about them; their passion and rage and love without logic.
This is an AU world but I don't want to just change anything I want and make things happen. It would be too easy and I'd feel like I'm cheating. I just changed one thing, Maria's leaving. All the others are -or supposed to be- the chain of changes it caused. So Michael's feelings of betrayal, his leaving and his solitude are the things I think would have happened if he hadn't met Maria. It confuses the hell out of me to think like that but it's fun!
I know Michael seems to fall too quick for her and it looks out of character at first but I think being alone all that time -without even Max and Isabel- would have this effect on him, kinda weaken his walls... Of course that could be just me and my wishful thinking, I don't really know. Like you said, it just feels right...
I get kinda stuck sometimes, my vocabulary isn't really enough to write a story, I keep using same words and I hate it but I can't help it. I don't even have a good dictionary... Damn! I need to go shopping!
Whatever, wouldn't want to keep you... So enjoy...
This part is for Spencer, Krista and Aurora; my favourite -OK, OK, I admit it- my only readers...
Michael was blinded by a strong, white light, right above his head. His mind was fuzzy. He was in a hospital, he could smell it. The mixed smell of hygiene and death… He panicked.
When he finally could see, he saw a man hovering above his face. A stranger. A tall stranger with black hair. He was wearing a black suit. Black suit, the object of his fears.
But Michael wasn’t scared this time. The stranger’s crying blue eyes calmed him down. He wasn’t dangerous. His eyes were soft. He was holding his hand and talking to him, but Michael couldn’t hear.
All he could hear was a buzz. He felt desperation like he never did before. Like he was trapped. He wanted to die to make it stop. Something was wrong. Terribly wrong.
He felt empty. As if he had lost something but couldn’t remember what. He was also slightly pissed. All those feelings were assaulting him, but he wasn’t even sure they were his.
He was suffocating. The walls were closing in on him. He wanted to get up and get out. He tore the tubes from his arms and nose but couldn’t even sit up. He felt a deep pain in his stomach. The pain created echoes in his mind, causing another and another to hit him. Mental ones this time, not physical. But they hurt just the same, maybe even more.
He was angry now. Angry because of the pain? He had no idea.
He threw himself off the bed and felt blood rushing down his legs. He lay on the cold floor, blood slowly puddling under him. He felt like giving up everything at that moment, just wanted to lay there and bleed to death.
- - -
Michael stirred and woke up feeling moisture on his face. It was one of those dreams. They felt real. Too damn real.
He brushed his tears away. His hand touched something warm. He opened his eyes and saw a cloud of blond hair around his neck. The smell, her smell. It was like heaven, to wake up to that smell.
He couldn’t understand how that happened. Why was she in his bed? This was wrong. “Oh, god! Please don’t tell me I slept with her while I was drunk?” he thought. He knew he had screwed everything up again, in a really f-ucked up way this time. She would hate him once she woke up.
This was just his luck. Sleeping with the sexiest creature alive and not even remembering it. He knew it! He was definitely cursed.
He tightened his grip on her waist without even realizing. He looked down at her face. Her head was resting on his chest and she was holding a tight grip on his favorite black t-shirt.
Wait a second! He had his clothes on. They weren’t naked. He breathed a sigh of relief. So they didn’t have sex. Was that good? Of course it was. The disappointment he felt was just a sign of his stupidity.
He felt her stir near him. Her little feet rubbed against his and he knew this wasn’t good. He had to get out of that bed before she woke up to find him with a hard on.
He tried to disentangle himself but that made her stir more. She was about to wake up and he had no idea what to do. Maybe if he pretended to be asleep she would just wake up and go away. But he didn’t want that. He wanted to know what she was doing there, in his bed.
It was too late anyway. Her eyes were already open. She yawned and looked up. Gave him a small smile and said “Mornin’…”
He was surprised, confused and… delighted for some weird reason. “Good morning.” He said, not knowing what else to do.
There was no easy way of asking this so he went straight to the point. “Why are you here?”
She wasn’t angry this time. She was expecting this. He was really out of it the night before so she didn’t expect him to remember it. It was better this way anyway.
She knew he would feel self-conscious if he could remember what he’d done or said. There was just one thing she needed him to know from last night and she would definitely make it known, she just didn’t know how yet.
“Well buddy…” she was talking in a mock fury, propped on one of her elbows looking down at him.
“I carried your heavy drunk ass up here last night. The least you could be is grateful! And you know you really should lose some weight. I was so exhausted, I guess I fell asleep here.”
Okay, maybe it wasn’t the most plausible story but she couldn’t think of anything better. She couldn’t think of anything period. He was too close. His heady scent was clouding her head.
“I didn’t ask you to carry me here. You could just leave me there.”
“How do you know? You can’t even remember it.”
He thought about it for a moment. She was right.
“Well, it was the least you could do. I carried you to bed like four or five times in a month. You keep passing out everywhere.”
“So, we’re even.” He shook her hand.
“Yep, we’re even.”
He got up and walked towards the door. This was as good as it could get. Better to leave it at that. But she obviously didn’t agree. She ran and stood between him and the door, stopping him.
“Wait I need to tell you something.”
“What now?” He looked bored but he was just scared. “Please, don’t talk about feelings or something like that…” he begged silently.
“I just want you to listen and not say anything. I’m not telling this to get a response. I’m just telling it because you’re really dense and need everything spelled out for you. You don’t get a say in this, you just get to know it and what you do with it is totally your decision.”
She looked at him expectantly. All she got was a nod with a skeptical look.
“I know you have your secrets. I don’t know what they are and from now on, I don’t care. You may be a secret agent or a serial killer. I don’t know. I just trust you with it. You can tell me, but you don’t have to. But I don’t want you to hold yourself back because of them. I am your friend and I will keep being your friend no matter what. I may not know how you became that man of contradictions like Max and Izzie does, but I know the way you are now and somehow that seems enough. I know you don’t trust easily and I’m not asking for you to. Just know that I trust you and I’m your friend and since I’m the guest I get to shower first.” With that she smiled and ran to the bathroom.
It wasn’t the smooth speech she had planned in her head but it covered the essentials. She dropped her clothes on the floor, needing a long, cold shower after all that heat.
- - -
“Good morning Michael! I made pancakes for you, just the way you like them.” Amy was her usual cheerful self. But Michael was surprisingly not his usual brooding self that morning. He was quiet and thoughtful, but kind.
“Thanks Amy.” She kissed his cheek. That was their own little morning tradition. The first one to wake up prepared breakfast and Amy kissed his cheek just once every morning. Her smiling face made him forget about the nightmares of the night before and relax.
But not this morning. This morning her face reminded him of Maria’s. Which wasn’t surprising since everything did lately.
“Good morning mom!” Maria sat next to him on the table. She knew he was avoiding her eyes. It was okay. She trusted him to get through this alive and admit being friends sooner or later.
She picked up her fork and stole some of his food since hers wasn’t served yet. She spit it out immediately.
“Disgusting! Oh god, how can someone eat that!” She attacked the water bottle.
He was smirking at her now. “A little too hot for you princess?”
“Did he really mean it to sound that sexy or am I getting really desperate?” she wondered.
He was looking at her suggestively with a raised eyebrow. He loved teasing her. She was too easy and looked really hot all flushed and angry.
Maria licked her lips making him bite back a groan. He gulped. She was a strong opponent.
Amy interrupted, reminding them just in time where they were. “Here you go honey…” She put a plate in front of her.
“So Michael, I’ve been meaning to ask you, what will you wear to the wedding?” Amy knew he didn’t have a tux or anything formal to wear.
“Uh… this?” he said looking at his jeans and t-shirt.
“Oh, no you won’t.” Maria objected, shaking her head.
“Maria honey get him a tux, will you?”
Michael was whining. “Why do I need a tux? I can just wear a jacket or something…”
“Well, I was going to ask you this in a more appropriate moment but, whatever. I was wondering if you could walk me down the aisle?” Amy was looking at him with hopeful eyes.
Michael couldn’t say anything for a moment. “Are you sure? I mean isn’t there someone else?” He looked weird. He felt weird.
“I have some relatives but noone that close. You’re the closest I have to a son.” She was smiling that sweet smile they had, the special contagious DeLuca smile.
“Okay. If that’s what you want.” He managed to say. He wasn’t comfortable with the idea, but felt honored and couldn’t refuse her.
“Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!” Amy said throwing herself in his arms. DeLucas definitely had aggressive reactions to everything.
After Amy calmed down, they talked about guests and flowers and some other boring things, so Michael helped himself to another plate of pancakes and tuned them out.
He started paying attention to the conversation again when he saw Maria squirming and raising her voice.
“Ria baby, I know you aren’t gay, I found condoms at your place.”
What was she talking about? He had really missed something there.
“You rummaged through my drawers haven’t you?” Her eyes were narrowed. She was fuming. You could almost see the smoke coming out of her ears.
“I was just cleaning…”
“Mom, we talked about this…”
“I know, I know. I’m not meddling in your life. I just…” Her voice cracked. ”I just never met any of your boyfriends. I… You know I had always imagined meeting your first boyfriend, but I’d obviously missed that. And I couldn’t see you in your prom dress… I just want to meet someone, anyone from your life. If that’s okay?”
Maria looked at her mother’s tear filled eyes. She was her only child. Amy deserved better. She definitely did.
“Okay. I’ll call him today. He’ll be here for the wedding.”
Michael was staring at a spot on the floor without actually seeing anything while mother and daughter hugged mere inches away from him.
So she had a boyfriend back home. Well, what was he expecting? It was only natural for a girl that beautiful and smart and funny and sexy to have a boyfriend. Of course she was taken.
That was better. So he didn’t have to worry about being more than friends with her. He could be just her friend. Why not?
He had never tried being someone’s friend before but how hard could it be? He’d never met anyone like Maria before. He could make an exception for her. She was different, so this could be different.
She was easy to talk to. She seemed to understand his needs. She was fun to mess with. She was clever. She could cook. She had given him her trust unconditionally. She already was his friend.
He could make it and her having a boyfriend made it less confusing. Even better.
He had always been a bad liar.
- - -
“Michael just get out of there will you?”
“Easy for you to say! You’re not the one looking like a clown.”
“Oh, stop whining and let me see…”
Michael walked in her view, still fidgeting in his tux. He walked towards the mirror passing by a dumbfounded Maria. He took one look at the mirror and groaned.
“I’m not going into public like this!”
Maria got out of her stupor and hit his head; partly because of his whining and partly because he looked so damn good in that thing.
Maria thought he looked delicious in his jeans as well. And his boxers. Or his sweatpants. Hell, he would even look good wearing nothing. She thought about it for a moment and smiled mischievously, yeah, he definitely would look perfect wearing nothing.
“You wanna tell mom or should I?” she asked innocently taking out her cell phone.
A look of terror crossed his eyes. She congratulated herself and put the phone back in her bag. “That was low!” he said.
“Whatever it takes!” She walked closer to help him with his tie.
“This thing is stupid, I can’t do it.”
“Here, let me.”
They were too close again. Alarms started in her head. But this was a kind of game for her now. She loved the thrill.
She raised her head and looked at him. He was tall. His lips begged her to be kissed. She looked at them and licked her lips.
What was it with them that they always ended up like this? Every time they were near each other they found themselves kissing or refraining hardly from it.
He looked at her eyes and asked the question that got her out of her daze.
“So did you call him?”
“Your boyfriend. Amy will be disappointed if he won’t show up.”
“Oh… I… No. Not yet.”
Why was she lying to him now? That wasn’t good. She had told him he could trust her only hours ago. And she had meant it. But now she was lying to him. Great… Great… She was screwing that up too.
She suddenly thought that this could be a good opportunity to see if he cared. It was one thing to be with a guy who only wanted to get laid and another thing to be with Michael when all he wanted was to get laid. Nope, she couldn’t just risk her heart for another a-sshole.
But that was just a fantasy anyway. She admitted that maybe he wasn’t as bad as he looked, that he was a good guy. But that didn’t make him Mr.Right. He didn’t have a real job. He had serious attitude problems. He never had responsibilities, he was still just a kid.
She had to get that through her thick skull; he had no future. She needed future. She needed someone stable. Someone to lean on whenever she was weak, someone to build a family with. She wanted more this time. More than just sex. More than fun. Something… meaningful.
It was okay to be his friend though. So it was better for him to think she was taken. They could be just friends this way and it would be enough. It was all they could ever be.
She took out her cell phone to make a real call this time and dialed the familiar number.
“Hey babe, I need a favor.”
- - -
Maria convinced Michael to buy the tux, telling him that he might need it later, if he could find a girl stupid enough to marry him.
When Michael finally headed for work, still cursing under his breath, Maria took off to see Liz.
Surprise, surprise! Liz was at The Crashdown. She was sitting in a booth with Max. They looked so young and in love, Maria couldn’t help but envy.
When she got near them she had a really stupid idea in her head. “But I need to know…” she reasoned and went for it anyway. When had she ever done anything logical anyway?
“Hi Liz, Max.”
“Max I need to talk to you about something. Can I borrow him for a moment Liz?”
“Of course, go ahead!” Liz looked puzzled. What was that all about?
Max led her to the break room. She tried to shape a not-too-weird way to ask him things, but her time was limited. They were there in a second and Max was looking at her expectantly.
She gave him a shy smile. “Sorry about that. I just thought it would be better if we talked alone. Liz seemed a little too emotional yesterday.”
“Yeah, I know. It’s hard for her.”
She wanted to ask what exactly was hard for her, but had a feeling that he would lie… Again. She was sick of Roswell with all its lies.
“Look Max, I came here, a month ago with a heavy emotional baggage. But I found you all even more screwed up than I was.” Max had to agree. They really were screwed up.
“I know there are things you don’t tell me.” His head shot up at that. “I‘m sick of lies so I’ll be as honest as I can be. I don’t want to push you to tell me your secrets. I just want my friends to be okay. I need them to be okay.”
“Me too Maria. Believe me, me too…” He had a pained expression. His shoulders were slumped. He looked old and tired. It was as if he held the responsibility of the whole world on his shoulders.
“I’m guessing you can’t tell me what happened between all of you?”
“I’m sorry.” He looked like he meant it.
“No, it’s okay. I understand I guess. Then just tell me his story?”
He looked at her, puzzled. “Whose story?”
“Michael. I don’t want you to betray your friend or anything. He just… doesn’t talk. You know. You don’t have to tell me anything he wouldn’t want me to know. Okay?”
Max had major doubts about this but she was sincere, he knew that for sure.
“Well, let’s see. Gotta start from the beginning. He was an orphan. You probably know that.”
“He never got adopted like me and Izzie did. He had a foster father, Hank. He was always drunk and he enjoyed beating the s-hit out of him. He was only keeping him to get the money every month and we all knew that. He practically shouted that at him on more than one occasion when I was there.”
“We were his only friends; Izzie and I. Almost family. He never accepted other people in his life. Not even Liz and Alex. And since he came back to Roswell he excluded us as well. He says he likes his solitude.”
“Came back from where?”
“I honestly don’t know. One day he just took off. He left school and everything. He didn’t tell us he was leaving. He came two years later and never told us where he went or what he did all that time.”
“No family, no friends… What about girlfriends?”
“No, no relationships. He doesn’t like attachments. He has some intimacy issues. He doesn’t like being touched. He hates that love crap as he calls it. He says it’s bulls-hit that people pretend to care. His exact words.”
Maria was hoping to solve some of the mysteries of Michael but Max’s story didn’t reveal anything helpful. It just confused her more. She sighed.
“So you don’t know him neither huh?” She asked Max with a small smile.
Max shrugged. “He doesn’t like being known.”
They sat in silence for a moment. Then Max talked again.
“What’s going on between you and Michael?”
She was expecting the question. But she had no idea how to answer it. So she told him the truth.
“He lives at my house and annoys the hell out of me. So you can say we’re friends I guess.”
[ edited 2 time(s), last at 14-Sep-2002 11:12:12 AM ]
|posted on 23-Jul-2002 11:21:20 AM by belit|
|I am grinning like an idiot! Thank you all so much for the feedback!!! I really do feel loved! But I'm slightly panicked now, hope I won't screw up the rest...|
Spencer you'll soon find out about the dreams. And about Max, yeah, I think he is an idiot.
As you may have guessed this fiction is not exactly Max-friendly. But don't worry, I don't think he's a bad guy, he's just a little dense.
I'm glad you all liked Tom, I love him too. Unfortunately I never had a gay friend (well I live in Turkey!), so he's all my imagination...
The rest of the week went by in a blur. She was running around, making arrangements. Her nights were spent at home since there were nothing else to do.
They either watched TV or sat in the backyard with Michael. They fought all the time; their banter was her favorite way of having fun lately, but neither of them spent time apart in their own rooms.
She found out that he could cook Italian and tortured him every night until he agreed to cook. They never talked about anything serious; she wanted to offer him a relaxed friendship unlike the ones he already had.
There of course were a couple of -well, okay, a LOT of- times that they found themselves getting too close. But thankfully they never acted on those. Most of the time it was Michael that broke the spell; Maria was way too weak to say no.
Michael kept having the dreams every night. They were getting even weirder. He kept seeing the black haired guy and some others he’d never met. There was a sad looking old man and a blond guy mostly. The old man made him feel sad but the blond guy, he made him angry. The guy gave off evil vibes.
He had no idea what those dreams meant. They were too real. He knew they meant something. Were they flashes? Maybe. But flashes of what? Not his other life, those scenes he saw were definitely on Earth not Antar. They weren’t future either. Some of them felt old, looked old, like past memories.
He was confused but not excited like he would have been if this had happened a couple years ago. He knew he was changing; losing his enthusiasm and will to carry on searching.
And ever since he had met Maria, he’d promised himself not to think too much about anything. He figured that that might be his problem. He was thinking all the time instead of living. And he was starting to get scared that life would pass him by and he would die as a lonely alien.
He was learning to have a friend and spend time with someone to just sit around or wash the dishes. He was actually having fun. He found himself coming home early every night to listen to her yell at people on the phone. Or hassle her while she was trying to meditate.
They were practically like siblings; except the part they wanted to ravage each other’s bodies against a wall of course.
Things were going just peachy…
- - -
It was Saturday morning and wedding was in three hours. Maria was on the phone with Tom, giving him the address while Michael pretended not to listen.
“Okay, babe. I’ll meet you at the church. Love you. Bye.”
“At least they aren’t all lovey dovey like Max and Liz…” Michael reasoned. He really wouldn’t have handled that well.
He had always hated couples with all their romance and s-hit. That was partly why he’d never spent time with them anymore. They were always holding hands and saying that they had missed each other after every time they went to the bathroom. It was stupid and disgusting. Yuck!
“Michael get your things, let’s go.”
“I’m not dressed yet!”
“No! Don’t wear it now, you'll ruin it.”
“Stop treating me like a baby. I can keep clean for a couple hours.”
Maria threw him a ‘get-real’ look from the door. Michael gave up easily. He did that a lot when it came to her.
“Okay. Okay. I'm coming.”
- - -
Michael was with Jim and Kyle while Maria terrorized the hairdresser. Michael hated this. He had avoided getting people’s attention all his life and now he had to walk down the aisle with Amy, gathering all that unnecessary attention. He was sweating just by thinking about all those eyes turned to him. The things he did for DeLucas…
He wore the stupid tux and let Kyle help him with the tie. Kyle wasn’t exactly his friend but they had a mutual understanding in their relationship. They shared a secret that would tie them forever and that made them respect each other. A weird kind of respect between a jock and a loner which neither of them wanted in the first place.
The atmosphere of the room was bizarre to say the least. Jim wasn’t really excited or nervous. He had been waiting too long to marry Amy, so all he could feel was impatience. But Kyle kept trying to calm him down. He was talking non-stop. Jim started to think he was the nervous one.
Michael, on the other hand, sat there silently like he couldn’t care less. But inside, he was anxious and dying to get out of that church.
It was just too much. All those guests watching him, meeting Tom and seeing THEM together, knowing tomorrow they would head back to another city to live happily, while he stayed in Roswell to rot waiting for a spaceship which wouldn’t come… Aaaargh! It was too much and he was thinking again. He hated this! He hated this town! He hated his life!
He was just about to burst when he heard the knock. He started to get up. So it was time. But he couldn’t find the strength to move when he saw the head poking from the door. It was that man. Tall man from the dreams.
“Hi, Maria sent me to get you guys. It’s time.” Tom looked at the weirded out faces and realized that he didn’t introduce himself.
“Uh, sorry I’m Tom. Tom Lindley.” He shook their hands starting with the groom. Michael was the last, cause Tom was a little scared from his skeptical expression.
Michael’s brain was working over the possibilities. He was seeing Maria’s boyfriend in his dreams. That couldn’t be good. He shook Tom’s hand carefully, concentrating to get a flash. It was the only thing he could do with his powers and he couldn’t even control that. Yeah, he was a loser, he knew that. He couldn’t get a flash, but got just a feeling instead. Tom felt safe, he was harmless.
He sighed with relief. So Maria was safe.
- - -
Michael was walking down the aisle. He was nervous. And he was angry. Why the hell was he nervous? It wasn’t even his wedding for God’s sake!
The music was getting on his nerves. It was unsettling. He kept his eyes on the floor afraid to look around to find all those familiar strangers’ eyes. Amy squeezed his arm to calm him down. Wasn’t it supposed to be the other way around?
He raised his head in an attempt to save some of his remaining pride. He looked right ahead towards the waiting groom but his eyes found someone else instead.
Maria was standing there, looking magnificent in her dress. She was wearing a long, soft looking dress in a pinkish white color. Michael didn’t know what that color was called but it definitely was his new favorite.
Her dress had a deep slit showing the length of her right thigh. Michael found himself imagining sliding his hand through that slit and feeling the velvety skin of her creamy, white thigh. “Stop it… Stop it… Look somewhere else…”
She was wearing heels. Michael mentally snickered. He knew how much she hated wearing heels and that she wore them anyway because she thought they made her legs look better. Michael thought her legs were incredible without any help from the heels but of course he would never tell her that.
He felt blessed just by watching her. Her curls were all around her bare shoulders.
She was shining.
He raised his eyes a little more. Her lips… red and pouty… tasting like strawberries… “Oh no! Don’t even go there!” Her nose… He loved kissing her nose. He never kissed anyone’s nose before. But she always did that to him, didn’t she? Everything was a first with her. And her eyes… Her big, green eyes… He looked at them and found them looking directly at him… Uh-oh!
Time stood still. He couldn’t take his eyes away. It seemed too long. He absentmindedly thought they should have reached there long ago, but nope, they were still walking and that disgusting music kept playing.
“So you’re in love with her?” Amy’s casual voice broke his gaze. He couldn’t process what she’d said for a moment.
“Ria, who else?”
“No, of course not, why would you think that?”
“Oh come on Michael! Even I can see that, don’t tell me you didn’t realize!”
Michael’s voice was low and ice cold now, stripped of all its earlier surprise. “No Amy, you’re wrong. I don’t even believe in love.” His voice gained a sarcastic tone when he spat out the word love. Like he found the word itself ridiculous.
“Well Michael, I had never believed in aliens, but when I found them, I didn’t say ‘No, there are no aliens.’. It was hard, but I accepted it. Just… open your eyes.”
- - -
“Mars, sweetie, will you care to explain to me why we’re doing this?”
Maria feigned innocence. “What, dancing?” Tom rolled his eyes and sighed.
“Why am I your boyfriend now?”
“Cause mom finally lost it. She wanted to meet my boyfriend and she was so damn emotional about me hiding my life. I just had to shut her up! Sorry I got you involved. But it would be too weird with someone else, you know?”
“We don’t have to have sex right?” Maria hit his head playfully.
“No idiot! We’ll just dance…” She checked her watch. “…for like another hour. Then they will go off to their honeymoon and we’re free.”
Michael was watching them dance from a distance. He was hiding. The backyard wasn’t big, so it was hard, but he was a pro at lurking.
He saw Tom’s hand touch her bare back and felt a twinge in his stomach. He wanted so badly to get drunk and forget ever knowing her. The thought made him sick. He was turning into Hank. That was his future, drinking his ass off till the day he died.
Maria. He wished he had never met her. Even her shadow turned his life inside out and upside down. Even the thought of her made him vulnerable and unfocused. “Like you have a focus…” And he was fighting himself now. Great!
What was that guy’s problem, he wondered. “He must be gay or something…” Michael reasoned. There was no way he could hold Maria that close and not kiss her. How could anyone resist that girl? Her every damn move turned him on.
There definitely was something wrong with him. He couldn’t control himself near her from the first minute they met. He had thought that it was just his urges playing dirty tricks on him, but he had tested himself with other girls and it had failed miserably.
It was her. It was always about her. Her voice alone excited him more than any other girl sitting naked on his lap. He was feeling depressed… and he was suffocating. He wondered how he would feel when she left, and felt sick to his stomach.
He wasn’t going to survive this.
Max chose that very exact moment to approach him. Great timing… as always.
- - -
“So who is he?”
“Who is who?”
“The guy you keep looking for.”
Maria threw him an exasperated you-know-me-too-well look. Tom, who had categorized and catalogued all her looks, knew that this meant she wanted to tell him but didn’t know how. She needed to be encouraged.
“Come on Mars, tell me, you’ll feel better.”
“Michael.” She whispered her eyes closed.
This was the worst. Looks, he could handle, but closed eyes meant problem.
“Have I met him?”
“Tall guy, spiky hair.” Her eyes were still closed.
“Oh yes, I met him. Hard to miss, he looked like he wanted to kill me.”
Her eyes snapped open at his comment. She couldn’t help but grin. “He did?”
“Yes, so what’s going on between you two?”
Her voice dropped again. “Nothing, we’re friends.”
“And you slept with him?” he guessed.
She sighed. “He’s not the right person.”
This was getting interesting. Tom smiled kindly at the newly wedded couple passing them by. “When did that ever stop you?”
“I’m scared Tom. I kissed him. And it felt good. Too good.” She was dancing close to him now. He knew it was because she could easily avoid his eyes this way. She was a chicken. A damn, big, fat chicken.
“So you think you won't be able to let him go, which in your own little mind somehow seems necessary?”
“Yeah.” She was grateful that he understood. Finally. Someone to talk to.
“Bulls-hit!” Or maybe not.
“You fell in love with him didn't you?” His tone was accusing. She panicked.
“No. Maybe. I don’t know.” She said hurriedly.
“Why the hell would you want to let him go if you're in love with him?”
“You can't understand. You don’t know him.”
“What, he’s a criminal or something?”
“No. I mean he is, but that’s not the problem.” Tom looked bemused.
“You make no sense at all.”
“He is a heartbreaker Tom. I can smell it on him. He can just easily break me and throw me away. He doesn’t even have a future. At least all other Mr.Wrongs I'd been with were rich and looked right. He is a Mr.Wrong who doesn’t even have the decency to look right. And he has secrets. He won't tell me. I know I told him he didn’t have to but you’d think he would trust me… but noo… not him! And he… he… he has intimacy issues. He never had any relationships… And…”
Tom was about to stop her babbling but someone else interrupted before he could.
“Hi, can I borrow her for a moment?” Max. What was he doing dancing with her? The thought entered both Maria’s and Michael’s minds at once.
“Hey, you did a great job. The wedding was beautiful.”
“Thank you Max. Hope I can help you with yours too.”
A sad look crossed his face. “Yeah. I hope so.”
“What… Max… What is it? Something wrong with Liz?”
“No, no, no… Liz is great. I just talked to Michael and he KINDLY refused to be my best man.”
“Ouch! I’m sorry. I know he's not the nicest person but he means well Max. I don’t know what exactly happened between you, but I know he is just hurt.”
What was she doing? She was defending his best friend to him. Shame crept over his heart and squeezed it. When had she become Michael’s ally and him, the enemy? How the hell had that happened? How had he let it happen? He feared at that moment he had lost Michael completely.
“I know Maria, I sometimes forget it, but I know. I'm so glad he has you now.”
Max left a blushing Maria behind and made his way to his future wife.
“So sis, can I have this dance?”
Maria rolled her eyes but smiled.
“Oh Kyle, please. I'm a little old to have a new brother and a one I had a crush on in elementary is way too bizarre.”
“Even for you?” he asked laughing.
“Yeah, even for me.”
They danced and talked. Kyle was always capable of making her laugh. He had been dating Liz when she’d moved away, and had been a total jerk at the time but he looked a lot more mature now. She would never admit that to anyone but he almost looked wise.
Alex was on the stage -well, they didn’t exactly have a stage, just a small area where they squeezed in the band-. He was trying to get people’s attention.
“Hi, everyone… We have a special request from our lovely bride. Can anyone see Maria around?”
Maria was hiding behind Kyle. She should have known that Amy would do something like that! Stupid, stupid!
“Kyle, can you bring her over?”
Great, now Kyle was teaming up with them. He was pushing her towards Alex.
“Kyle, please, no! I can't!”
Damn, this place was small! They were almost there. Everything was working against her. It was a universal conspiracy.
She gave up and stepped up the stage with a very dangerous looking smile. Alex gulped, maybe that wasn’t such a bright idea after all. She kissed his cheek, hit his head and sent him away.
Maria talked to the band and took the microphone. She gave a nervous smile to her mother, her eyes found the surprised eyes of Tom and she closed her eyes, too scared to find those deep brown ones.
- - -
He was about to bolt when he heard her name. He sat in the shadows and watched her. When she started singing, time stopped. It tended to do that a lot lately.
He had heard her voice before. Not exactly like this of course, mostly in the shower or when she was cleaning which was a rare occasion. He always enjoyed listening to her in the morning. It was his second favorite way to wake up.
He didn’t know what she was singing, he couldn’t hear the words. It was just the sound of her voice. Her tender voice surrounded him, and he felt the familiar warmth in his stomach. She was bewitching him. That was it. There was no other logical explanation.
He watched her sway her hips to the music. He memorized her every move and filed them in his head for future, for when she went away. He tried, but couldn’t remember how life was before she had arrived. That was just like her; to replace all his past memories without bothering to have his consent. She just had to poke her nose into everything.
Memories… That reminded him of the dreams. Hospitals, an apartment, strange streets, rain, Tom… Didn’t make sense. Bunny slippers, a birthday party, a club… An idea hit him suddenly. Maria. Her memories. They were coming from her. His head was like a photo album of her life. He had seen it all… from her eyes.
Stupid! Stupid! How come he hadn’t thought of that before? It was so obvious! That was her fault again of course. He couldn’t think anything but her lately. His head was so full of her, he even forgot to eat sometimes.
Wheels started turning in his head. What had happened to her? All that blood and hurt. He could remember seeing her in the shower with a razor in her hand. A shiver ran down his spine. She was about to slit her wrists. She hadn't done it. Thank god! She had just dropped it and cried herself to sleep under the cold water.
He was pacing now frantically. What was wrong with her? The things he had gotten from her were mostly bad memories. He saw no specific events but the feelings were clear. Sadness, hurt, desperation, defeat… This was wrong, very wrong.
- - -
“So you’re hiding here…”
Maria. His heart skipped a beat. Too close. Too beautiful. Too fragile.
“Yeah.” His expression was grim, his jaw was clenching.
“Wanna dance?” She wasn’t thinking, she couldn’t think clearly. All she knew was that he was there now, near her and soon it would be too late.
“I don’t dance.”
“Yeah, yeah, sure.” She grabbed his hands and placed them over her hips. He gulped. There was no way he was taking them away. Her hands found their way around his neck. She started moving slowly.
“I’ll crunch your toes.”
“It’s okay. I don’t care.” The words were simple but the meaning was too deep. Their voices said it all. This had nothing to do with dancing or toes...
“So… The house is all yours tomorrow. Will you throw a thank-god-Maria-left party?”
“I’ll start looking for a new place actually.”
“Yeah, don’t wanna be third wheel in a newly wedded couple’s house. Too weird.”
“I guess. Why are you staying in Roswell? There's nothing keeping you here…”
“Yeah, what isn't?”
“Yeah…” He was looking away, over her shoulder, anywhere but her eyes.
Maria gathered all her courage, it was now or never. “You can come to LA, you know. I have an extra room and I can rent it to you if you cook.” “Say yes, say you’ll come, don’t make me leave you…” her heart begged through her eyes.
When he met her eyes she saw that cruel look she always hated. “What would Tom think?” Sarcasm dripped from his voice. Tom could be as good as he wished, hell, he could be a f-ucking angel for all he cared, that didn’t make Michael comfortable with the idea of him touching Maria.
“Oh, that! Since mom is gone, it is safe to tell you now.” Anything to keep him in her sight… She looked in his eyes with determination. She knew she was risking more than she had ever let herself, but couldn’t care at that moment. “He’s not my boyfriend.”
“What? You two broke up?” She could laugh at his expression if her heart wasn’t pounding in her chest.
“No, he’s my best friend, mom wasn’t gonna shut up till I brought someone, so he came.”
“Anyway, he’s gay, so he wouldn’t give me a second glance.”
“I knew it!” It slipped before he could think. He couldn’t stop the smile creeping up his lips.
Maria laughed that wholehearted laugh he knew too well. “He's that obvious, huh?”
“No, I'm just a good observer.” He said smugly.
“So, you’ll come?” She cursed herself for being that obvious. She just couldn’t keep the hope out of her voice. It wasn’t right, laying her heart out like that.
She wanted him to come with her, to be near her. Not that she would have a relationship with him. He was impossible. THEY were impossible. But she just couldn’t leave him there. All alone… And now that he was moving, he wouldn’t even have Amy. She reminded herself that he did survive the last twenty-two years without her help but it didn’t calm her worries.
“I don’t know.” He sighed. Things were getting way too confusing for him. He was just a simple alien and his life was turning into The Young and The Restless. He needed serious help.
“Okay.” She gave up. “You think about it.”
He was torturing her, making her wait, holding her close but not really touching her, smiling one minute and closing up the next. Yeah, that sounded just like Michael! She hated him. She needed to calm down. She needed something sweet…
“I need chocolate! Let's find some chocolate…”
[ edited 2 time(s), last at 14-Sep-2002 11:16:28 AM ]
|posted on 23-Jul-2002 11:24:28 AM by belit|
|Sorry, I double posted! Apparently my computer hates me and I have no idea how to erase this!|
[ edited 1 time(s), last at 23-Jul-2002 11:32:07 AM ]
|posted on 24-Jul-2002 7:14:22 PM by belit|
|Ashley and Spencer; thanks for the lovely feedback!|
Didi; sorry, I'm not Nagihan, my name's PINAR. Let me know what you think about the story!
Here's the new part. Enjoy!
Maria was going through the cabinets while Michael stood there, staring at a spot on the floor without seeing but thinking. He had two choices. He could stay in Roswell and stick to his plan; go on searching while he watched Max raise a family. Or he could go to LA, start a new life and pretend he was human. Either way it sucked.
“So Michael, care to tell me why you bit Max’s head off out there?” She was nibbling on a chocolate bar and watching his thoughtful stance over it.
He shrugged. “Felt like it.” He should have guessed that Max The Little Snitch had a purpose when he’d danced with Maria. He’d ran to mommy to complain. And that guy was supposed to be a king. Huh! King my ass!
Maria was dead serious. She was going to leave and he was going to be alone again. He needed to be taken care of, it wasn’t right to leave him like that. Her maternal feelings towards him scared the hell out of her. She wasn’t strong or motherly… So why the hell did he make her feel like that?
“Why are they so afraid of you Michael?”
He was back to his shut down self. He talked slowly, in a nonchalant and teasing manner. “Cause I’m dangerous and scary.”
She both loved and hated his attitude. It was sexy and fulfilled that secret James Dean fantasy of hers. But that wasn’t the point now. She didn’t need Rebel Without A Cause at that moment. She needed him to be just Michael. Her Michael.
She smiled and stepped closer. “You're not scary.”
He moved closer to her and stood menacingly. His voice was low. “I am scary. You're just too stupid to see that.” The point was to shut her up. Or get her too angry to make her lose her focus. But it backfired. She wasn’t intimidated or angry. She was a fast learner and getting really good at managing him. He hated being managed.
Her eyes were daring him to do something. She was proving her point. She wasn’t scared one bit. “We both know I'm not stupid. And believe me, you're not scary.” Her lips curved up a little and made him lose all sense of logic.
He was losing control again. Why was she doing that? And more importantly HOW was she doing it? He was drawn to her against his will. He tried to remember his rules but none came to his wandering mind. He was in a land far, far away from reality, where nothing existed but them. No boyfriends, no dreams, no aliens…
A loud shriek coming from upstairs made them jump apart. That was it, he was going to have a heart attack in one of those pre-kiss moments they had. There was a divine force trying to keep them apart it seemed. In his mind he cursed everything supernatural, himself included, in a very colorful way.
Maria’s hand flew to her chest involuntarily, trying to keep her heart from bursting out. She couldn’t even begin to think who could make a sound like that. It sounded like a wild animal. She ran to the stairs without giving it a second thought. She was acting on impulse, as usual.
It was dark, so she walked around trusting her memory. She bumped her toe and started jumping around. “F-uck! F-uck! F-uck!” So her memory sucked. What else was new?
She felt two large hands pulling her from behind. She tried to scream but a hand covered her mouth. She was kicking and biting but apparently her opponent didn’t give a damn. Where the hell was Michael?
She was being dragged towards Amy’s bedroom. Once there, she realized they weren't alone. She could only sense the others in the dark. She tried to turn towards her capturer, which was a totally futile attempt. He wasn’t letting her go anytime soon.
“Stop moving.” It was a male voice, coming from behind her. Nothing she couldn’t guess from the hands; he sounded like a big, scary guy.
He turned her abruptly. “Anyone else in the house little girl?” The voice and the hands weren’t fooling. He was tall and big and looked definitely vicious. Maria started talking hurriedly when he released her mouth, but there wasn’t even a hint of fear in her voice.
“No, noone else.” She had watched enough action movies to know how to handle a situation like this. Michael was no Bruce Willis but he had to do. “Just take what you want and leave.” She was panicking inside but there was no way she was letting him know that. Her voice was confident and her eyes held no fear.
“Believe me, I will.” He threw her to the floor and commanded “Stay there.” He turned on the lights and she saw who the others were. Max and Liz. She had thought they’d left with everyone else. How long have they been there she wondered. She forced herself to remember when she’d last seen them but couldn’t. She had been so wrapped up in finding Michael, she hadn’t even realized… No! Not now. There would be a lot of time to feel the guilt later.
They were lying on the floor. Max was covering Liz but they both looked so… dead. She didn’t want to assume the worst but she couldn’t help it. She saw the man walking towards them. What was he doing? All anger and hate she felt inside surfaced all of a sudden. She jumped on his back, without thinking twice of course.
He threw her on the floor easily, with one swift movement. He looked amused. “Look little girl, you’re pretty and I liked your dress but you have no use for me. I would love to play with you later, but now, if you get in the way I’ll kill you. Understood?” She nodded and prayed to god, who she didn’t even believe, for Michael to come soon.
He gave her a cheeky grin which made her stomach queasy. “Good girl…” he murmured sliding his hand through the slit of her dress and touched her thigh. She shuddered at his touch but didn’t protest. If this kept them alive, she didn’t really have a choice.
While his hand moved up to grab her ass, her eyes searched his belt for weapons but couldn’t find any. She had nothing around to use against him either. Except Michael. He was her secret weapon. She hoped that he had called the cops.
The big guy started towards Max and Liz again. She protested in a sultry voice, well as sultry as she could manage in that situation. “I thought we were gonna play?” She pouted.
“Later.” He was a determined guy. That look and pout worked perfectly on every other guy she’d tried. Men were usually too easy.
He kneeled down next to the couple. She was looking around frantically for something, anything to hit his head with. A hairbrush, some slippers… No baseball bats or pans around. So she watched helplessly as he broke the couple apart and placed his hand over Liz’s stomach. He closed his eyes in concentration and his hand started to glow.
Maria forced herself out of her daze and promised that there would definitely be a logical explanation for this, once this whole event was over. They had to survive it first, explanations would come later.
She studied the scene taking place before her eyes. It wasn’t the hand that was glowing but Liz’s stomach… wait, no, her womb. The baby. She panicked even more, he was hurting the baby. She had to do something but she just couldn’t figure what. She stood up, not knowing what to do and saw his head turn slowly, facing her. His eyes were still closed, there was no way he could see her, but she figured he did when he mouthed her one word. “Stay!”
She wasn’t about to say no to a guy twice her size with a glowing hand.
What happened next caught her definitely unprepared. She heard a loud buzz and was blinded by a bright white light. It was coming from the window. Little pieces of shattered glass rained inside the room. She was lying on the floor in an instant and heard a loud thud of something big hitting the wall. She instinctively covered her head and closed her eyes and wished with all her heart for it to be a nightmare.
Then everything went quiet. The room was dead silent but somehow that was even more scary. She couldn’t find the courage to open her eyes. That’s how Michael found her.
She felt a hand touch her face. She jumped and pushed it away, chanting absentmindedly. “No, no, no, no…” Then she heard a familiar voice and calmed down.
“Ssshh… It’s me. Michael. You okay?” She threw herself in his arms. She was shaking and was scared out of her mind. She was holding on to his neck and there was no way she would let him go. She felt his hands on her head, moving down to her shoulders, and then to her waist… He was checking if she was hurt, she realized. She made herself pull back and control her trembling body. She looked at his face with what she hoped was determination. She nodded, fidgeting. “I’m okay, I'm not hurt.”
He didn’t look convinced. He touched her face and looked over her body again. He was worried, hell he was beyond worry but he didn’t have time, he had to trust her words.
“I need you to help me here.” She nodded. “Don’t ask for explanations right now and please don’t freak. Can you do that for me?” She nodded again. “I can do that. Yes, of course.” She was trying to convince herself, but it didn’t seem possible. She was NEEDING explanations desperately and she already was freaked. Just one thought kept her focused. “You gave him your trust unconditionally and now it’s time to prove it.”
- - -
Michael placed Max and Liz in bed and called Isabel. He tried to connect with them himself but couldn’t. He knew Isabel would do it. She was good at that stuff.
Maria checked their pulses. They were alive. She wanted to look at the big guy and see if he was alive but Michael stopped her. He shook his head. “No, he’s dead.”
He couldn’t dare meet her eyes. He was ashamed. He had never meant for her to find out, to see who he really was. A killer. Not even a human one. He was a killer alien.
She saw his guilt, his shame in his eyes, in the way they avoided her. He was trying to contain his discomfort but his clenching jaw and fists gave it away. She held him lightly and kissed his cheek. “Thank you.” She whispered in his ear.
She returned to bed and sat near Liz, not wanting to make him more uncomfortable.
- - -
Isabel entered the room five minutes later followed by Alex. They both were panting. Isabel came to a halt when she saw Maria and turned a questioning gaze towards Michael.
“Why's she here?”
“Why's HE here?” Michael tried to make his point known without causing a big fuss and motioned towards Alex.
“It’s Alex.” She stated the obvious, keeping her guarded posture.
“And that’s Maria. Now stop bitching and help them.” Michael sneered. Isabel didn’t look pleased. She threw Maria a bitchy look which Maria returned. What the hell was that girl’s problem?
Isabel placed her hands over Max’s chest and closed her eyes, making the connection. Maria was getting scared again, finding the scene disturbingly familiar. She felt a hand on her shoulder. It was Alex, he was watching her with worry. But worry for what, she wondered. Was he thinking like his icy bitch for a girlfriend? She shrugged his hand away. She slowly stepped back, found Michael’s hand and clasped it in hers, her eyes still glued on Isabel.
- - -
After Max and Liz were healed and started to wake up, Isabel asked if they should get rid of the body. Maria was numb and couldn’t even get surprised or scared anymore. She just focused on staying on her feet and the feel of Michael’s hand. She was hearing them but couldn’t really process what they were saying.
“Not yet, let Max check him first. We have to know who he is.” Michael was cold and commanding. Everything was just… too much. Max and Liz had almost died. MARIA had almost died. That son of a bitch had touched her! It made his blood boil. What if he hadn’t been there? What if he had been too late? What if…?
- - -
First thing Max did when he woke up was to check Liz and the baby. When he was convinced that they were okay, he finally turned his attention towards the others. And he noticed her.
He looked at Michael and with an exasperated sigh rolled his eyes. “Is this your doing?” His behavior irritated Maria. He was like one of those stupid parents telling off their children. She had always hated people like that. So when she felt Michael’s body stiffen next to her, she lost all logic. Anger took over.
She started yelling. “Now I am going downstairs, so keep all your bitchy and mean looks to yourselves. And feel free to do those secret things you do. I really don’t care! I just need a drink, a really strong one! So excuse me.” She walked out the door, hardly controlling herself. She knew she would either hit someone or start crying if she stayed.
“What the hell is her problem?” Isabel’s attitude pushed Michael’s anger over the edge.
“What the hell is her problem? She just nearly got killed by an alien. That ugly son of a bitch almost raped her and she didn’t even flinch to keep him away from Max and Liz. And she still didn’t get an explanation to what she saw, let alone a thanks. So, I don’t know, what the hell you think her problem is?”
“Michael calm down. We didn’t mean…”
“I don’t give a s-hit about what you meant Maxwell! Just cut the crap and tell me what's going on! Who was that guy and what did he want?”
- - -
Maria went downstairs, to the kitchen, turning all lights on as she passed. She still jumped at every little noise, every shadow harbored a monster. She opened the top cabinet on the right corner and grabbed a bottle of red wine. She unscrewed the cork and poured herself a glass. She sipped, letting the taste linger in her mouth and smiled approvingly. Then drank the rest in one large gulp.
So that was the secret. Those voodoo things they did. What were they? Psychics? Witches? She couldn’t think of anything plausible. They were normal people. She had known them her whole life, except the big guy of course. A chilly feeling covered her insides at the thought of him. She wondered why they hadn’t even mentioned cops. The guy had attacked them, it wasn’t Michael’s fault.
Come to think of it, she had no idea how the hell he’d killed him? Killed him… Oh god, he’d killed him.
The concept was scary; killing something, murder… But the idea of Michael killing that big guy made her proud. It was sick. But that was what she felt, she wasn’t going to lie to herself to feel better. Michael had protected them and she would have done the same thing if she could. She dropped the glass in the sink and walked outside with her bottle.
She lay there, watching the stars, marveling at their enormity. So many of them, so bright. So close and far away. They’d always made her feel little and unimportant. She forced herself to think about them and not the things that had happened upstairs.
It sounded stupid but stars always guided her through life. They reminded her how little her life and her problems were compared to the rest of the universe. They fascinated her and made her appreciate life with all its beauty.
That was what life was; living the beauty and enjoying it.
- - -
It was Isabel who finally showed up downstairs. When she found Maria curled up with a half empty bottle in the backyard, she knew she should have sent Max down. She was never good at talking to people. It was different with Alex or Liz. But Maria was a stranger. Not that she didn’t like her. Maria was nice, a little odd but nice.
She sat near Maria not knowing exactly what to say, what to do. “Sorry about earlier. We didn’t mean to sound like that.” Isabel wasn’t begging for forgiveness, just doing what she thought was right.
Maria snorted at her contradicting voice and words. “Yeah, right.” That girl’s ice façade was getting on her nerves. It was too obvious and too damn annoying.
“Whatever. Just wanted to call you upstairs, you know, if you wanna get your answers.” Isabel walked away with that, feeling incapable. She was clumsy and awkward with people out of her small group of friends that truly knew her. Why couldn’t she just be Isabel Evans The Human without being such a bitch?
Maria grabbed her bottle and headed upstairs, just wanting to get it over with. She couldn’t find the strength to care anymore. She was too worn, too tired.
- - -
Maria entered the room, holding the bottle to her chest and noticed all eyes turning towards her. They were the weird ones but they were looking at her as if she was a new specimen. Hellooo?! Just a normal, healthy girl here, not glowing or anything!
She stood and looked over them defiantly. Max and Liz were sitting on the bed in each other’s arms, Isabel stood near the window, Alex was sitting on the floor just near Isabel’s feet. Maria snickered. What was he, her dog? And Michael… Her eyes found him standing in all his brooding demeanor, leaning on the wall, arms crossed and gaze firmly on the floor.
She took one big sip from her wine and crossed her arms, hardly containing her anger. “So?”
Max took the lead and cleared his throat. “Uh, Maria, I guess it would be too confusing for you to handle all of us at once. Maybe we should just leave and one of us could explain… You know Liz could stay with you and…”
“No!” She knew what she wanted, she needed, and wasn’t going to settle for anything less. “You can all go. Michael will explain it to me.” She wasn’t asking but telling. She didn’t even look at Michael for confirmation.
Max looked dumbfounded at her confidence. Michael was a bad, bad choice. Max wasn’t even sure he was still capable of forming long sentences. He’d never had a casual conversation with him since like forever. He tried to protest but Maria wasn’t having any of it. “No, Maria maybe…”
“Max go!” She sounded serious. Max looked at Michael whose gaze was still on the floor. His face held no emotion.
Max got up, helping Liz up with him. He walked out the door, being followed closely by the others.
- - -
Maria sighed and sat down on the bed when she heard the front door closing. “Thank god!” It escaped her lips without really thinking about it. She closed her eyes and drank one large gulp, spilling some on her pretty bride’s maid dress.
Michael was watching her intently. Why was she doing this? He had hoped he wouldn’t even be in the same room when Liz talked to her. And now she was forcing him to look at her face and watch her reaction while HE told her. What was he going to say? He wasn’t good with words. He was going to screw up for sure. She was going to freak! “Don’t think, don’t think, just act, don’t think…”
Maria felt the bottle being pulled and held on to it tighter. He was trying to take it away from her. No way in hell! It was her bottle, he had to get his own. “No! Mine!”
“You’re drunk again, aren't you?” He pulled the bottle out of her grasp, splashing the remaining wine all over the carpet.
She sighed and met his eyes. “No, unfortunately I'm painfully sober.” She started to take the hairpins out of her golden curls from lack of a better thing to do.
“I'm a terrible choice for that speech, you know.” He was equally uneasy. He ran a hand through his unruly brown hair.
“You're MY terrible choice. And I don’t need a speech, just say it already.” The room was silent and still. She was sitting on the foot of the bed and he sat right across from her on the floor, leaning his back to the wall.
There was no easy way of saying it and no possible way of getting out of it. So he just let it go…
“I'm not human.”
[ edited 2 time(s), last at 14-Sep-2002 11:22:01 AM ]
|posted on 25-Jul-2002 9:48:07 AM by belit|
|Hey Melissa and Nola, I know this place is kinda scary for candies but I like the colours It's really exciting to find new people reading with every new part! And I can't thank enough to Doc and Spencer for recommendations!|
Spencer, a little patience with the bad guy... It will be revealed but I don't want this story to be about podsters chasing bad guys, this is about Michael and Maria, so it will have to wait a little.
This part is NC-17 and was the hardest to write for me. I'm expecting some serious feedback on that!!
Direct approach… She’d always appreciated that. But the subject he was approaching kinda didn’t make sense. Not human? Then what was he, a cat? He was a bastard most of the time but except that he was as human as it could get. Oh, well, minus that blasting the big guy incident of course.
She noticed him watching her reaction carefully and somewhat scared, so she tried to control her expression and not show him any emotions yet. Even if he was a delusional lunatic, he had feelings, and it was evident that this talk was hard on him.
“Then what are you?” She spoke with nonchalance while suppressing the urge to laugh.
She wasn’t running out screaming or calling the cops. Maybe he really could handle this. “We actually. Isabel, Max and I. We are from another planet.”
So she was falling in love with a madman. Damn! She’d known that he had issues but that was unexpected. Patience. She needed patience. “Michael…” She leaned forward. “…you have to tell me the truth. I don’t want this. I want YOUR story.”
Michael stood up silently and let out a bitter laugh. He knew it. He just knew it. He ran a hand through his hair. “I'm sorry princess, but that IS the truth. The only one I’ve got. The one I have to live through everyday.”
His voice was sarcastic and bitter. She didn’t know how she had gathered that information but she knew what that tone meant. He was hurting. Michael and hurt had always found each other in odd times and places.
She got up and walked over to him. Lunatic or not, it was Michael and she wasn’t going to hurt him. She pulled him towards the bed. He looked at her questioningly.
“Under the blanket, it’s cold.” She commanded in her don’t-argue-with-me voice, while getting in herself.
He followed her lead and lay down under the covers. He knew he had lost all control over the situation. The only way to get back control was to hurt her. Not physically but with words… But he thought it would be pushing it way too much for one day.
She placed her head on the pillow and it felt like heaven. They were lying on the edges, away from each other and staring at the ceiling. Finally Maria turned to him and sighed. “Okay, if you don’t start soon, I’ll doze off.”
Start what? She wasn’t making any sense, as usual. First she hadn’t believed him and now she was putting him to bed? What was she thinking? For all she knew, he was either insane or an alien. He turned himself to face her. “What?”
“The story. Start.”
“I just told you. Why do you wanna hear it anyway? You don’t even believe me.”
“Don’t be such a baby. Start from the beginning. Like birth. Yeah, that’s good, start with your birth and we’ll see where this goes.”
“I wasn’t born actually, I was hatched…”
- - -
Two hours later, they were both silent. Maria was trying to process all the things he had told her. And Michael… Well, he wasn’t any less confused either. This wasn’t the way it was supposed to go. She’d kept asking questions and the story he told had eventually turned into his life story.
He’d kept the ugly parts to himself but still the things he had to remember drained him. He couldn’t remember ever talking that long in his life. Maybe with Max when they were kids, about home.
He’d tried to keep things in chronological order to not confuse her even more. So the last thing he’d told her was what had happened with Liz and Max that night. He could see her fear when he’d told her about the guy being an alien and having the powers, abilities they did.
It was too close. She had been too close to death.
“It’s like being a Czechoslovakian.”
“You know, being an Antarian isn't that different from being a Czechoslovakian. Just like another country far away, right? Some place we’d never seen.”
“Czechs are human Maria.”
“It’s not that important.”
She was trying to pretend now? He wasn’t human, trying to pretend he was, was just plain wrong. It was what Max and Iz had been doing all their lives. He wasn’t going to do that.
“Accept it or not, I'm not the guy you thought I was. I am an alien and a f-ucking killer.”
She sat up, irritated. He was still lying there, not looking at her. “I know exactly who you are. You’re Michael. All the things you went through all your life…” She touched the lines around his eyes with her fingertips. “All the things you did, the things you saw, the things you dreamed about, made you YOU. And I know you. I never considered you as Michael The Human, so now it’s not important if you say you're half human half Antarian. I don’t care.”
Michael wasn’t going to let himself dream, hope. He got out of the bed, stood away from her. “You should care. You saw what I can do. What I did to that guy. I kill. It’s not pretty.”
“No Michael you got it all wrong. You didn’t just kill someone. You protected. That’s what you do.” She was near him again. How was he supposed to think when she was in his smelling range? “That’s who you are. You’re a soldier. You protect your people.”
“Then I screwed up. Tess died. Nasedo died. You almost died. What kind of a protector does that make me?”
She hugged him tightly. He stiffened in her arms. “You can't save everyone. You can't be perfect.” She whispered in his ear.
“I should be. Max is.”
She laughed at that. Was he really that dense? “No, he's not. He's just a selfish brat. You had trusted him with your lives and he’d screwed up. He’d traded your safety with Liz’s life without your consent. That doesn’t make him a saint Michael, but a bad leader.”
She looked in his eyes with all her honesty. This was something he’d never had in his life before; support, trust, faith… It was all there, shining in her eyes. He couldn’t ignore the urge anymore. He leaned in and lightly brushed his lips against hers.
She wanted this. She wanted it so badly, her heart ached for it. For his touch. When his lips finally touched hers, its lightness maddened her. She wanted more of him. All of him… She pushed herself up against his lips, amazed at their softness and heat. That was how he was to her. He appeared rough but felt soft and tasted sweet.
One of his hands tangled in her hair to hold her close, while the other slowly stroked her bare back, up and down, leaving tingles with every touch. He felt her hands reach around his neck, her fingers playing with his hair. Shivers ran down his spine and made him feel alive.
She parted her lips slightly and tasted him. Sweet… with a touch of spice. It matched his scent. She caressed his cheek. It definitely matched his personality. Michael. Her very own, living, breathing, brooding alien.
She knew at that moment she was head over heels in love with him. There was nothing to keep her from it. For the first time, everything about him finally made sense. His lack of enthusiasm for future, his solitude, his attitude… She understood them now. She understood him.
He couldn’t control or suppress his feelings. Emotions overwhelmed him. All he could focus was her smell, her touch. He felt the connection all of a sudden. She was everywhere, all around him. Her smell sharpened and surrounded him, taking him away from the real world. Her emotions hit him hard and fast. Love, trust, passion, desire… He tried to block the pictures coming from her but couldn’t.
He saw himself; sleeping, eating, smirking at her… His breath caught in his throat. He saw every little detail of his movements as she had watched and examined them. He felt the sensation he’d given her when they had first kissed. Her joy when he’d cooked for her. Her satisfaction when he’d smiled. Her worry when he’d cried in her arms. Her fear of falling in love with him. Her desire for his touch…
Maria was enjoying the sparks his hand kept creating in her hair when she felt it. His essence engulfed her. She was drowning in a sea which smelled like him, tasted like him, felt like him... She felt desire and need but they weren't hers. They were coming from him. His feelings towards her… She kissed him harder, trying to fulfil his need.
His tongue found hers in her mouth and they mated there, caressing each other. His tongue danced in her sweet, hot mouth, searching and loving every corner of it. It scraped her teeth and was tasting the roof of her mouth when images hit her.
She couldn’t understand what they were at first. Memories and pictures. She felt them like they were hers, but knew they weren't. She was a scared child in a big, stinking man’s shadow all of a sudden. Then she was a young boy full of hurt but with dreams. Then she saw what happened to those dreams. She felt the betrayal of the only ones she trusted. The rest was loneliness and anger. She saw what life was for the owner of those eyes she borrowed, it was just about waiting and surviving. Sadness covered her body and made her shiver.
She broke the kiss and leaned her hot forehead against his. She was panting. “Was that…” “Yeah.” He answered her, knowing what she meant without hearing the words. A single tear found its way down her cheek.
“I'm sorry. I didn’t mean to…” He said, not knowing what she’d seen or felt through the connection which was totally out of his control. She shook her head and placed a soft kiss on his lips. “It was beautiful. You're beautiful.” She traced his jawline with her thumb with such care and delicacy, he almost believed her.
Her hair was tousled and her lips were red and swollen. She looked in his eyes and he saw the fire of her raging passion shining in the deep green. He thought she’d never looked more beautiful. And she was complimenting HIM? All thoughts were lost when her lips met his in a crushing, passionate kiss and her body melted into him.
He was burning with the need, want and passion he was feeling. Not only his anymore but theirs. He stroked up her bare, white leg and brought it up to wrap around his hip. He gently but quickly held her up and turned them around so she could lean against the wall. She brought her other leg up to wrap around his centre and crossed her feet behind him, pressing their groins together. Michael groaned and softly bit her neck when she rubbed against his erection.
Her hands started to unbutton his shirt while his mouth moved along her neck, setting her skin on fire. She inserted her hand inside his half buttoned shirt and moved it down his broad, smooth chest and found his nipple. She squeezed it gently between her fingers, getting lost in the sensation of his hand stroking her thigh.
He put his head down on her shoulder and nuzzled her neck, smelling her hair. His hand moved up her thigh and grasped her ass, eliciting a long, wild moan from her.
His heart was beating so fast but he couldn’t even feel it. He saw or felt nothing but her. He had no doubts, no insecurities once he had felt her want and need of him. Her feelings were more powerful than he could have ever imagined. She wanted him. She needed him. She loved him.
He gently pulled down one of the straps of her dress, holding his breath. She held back, watching him with heavy lidded eyes, panting. Her strap dropped revealing a creamy breast. He gasped at her beauty. He pulled the other strap absentmindedly, leaving her upper body naked. He looked in her eyes as if asking for permission but there was no point. They were one now. There was no knowing where one ended and the other began. They were sharing one mind, one soul.
His mouth closed over one of her rosy nipples and Maria gasped with pleasure. She felt her knees get weak and her heart pound even more fiercely in her chest. He played with her erect nipple softly with his tongue. Maria’s hands, buried deep in his hair, pulled him tighter, not letting him leave. He was more than happy to comply.
Maria haven't realized how close to the edge she’d been till he started playing with her through her thong. She was dripping wet. Her ragged breathing reminded him that they needed to move to bed. He carefully but reluctantly put her down on her feet and let her dress slide down. She stepped out of it; her hands busy with his remaining shirt buttons. She took his shirt off and biting her bottom lip in anticipation started to unbuckle his belt.
His hands kept roaming her body. He couldn’t keep his hands away from her. He gently cupped one of her breasts and started kneading it almost in a daze. Her skin felt like silk under his fingers. He couldn’t resist the urge and started suckling on her. She gasped. “Oh God!” She pushed his trousers down and held on to his shoulder. She just couldn’t hold herself up anymore.
Seeing this, Michael held her up, crushing her to his chest and brought her to bed. He layed her down gently on the covers and started playing with the waist of her thong. It was a plain white thong, simple, but Michael thought it looked beyond erotic, drenched with her juices. He pulled it down and threw it on the floor with an almost animalistic growl.
Maria was lying there like a puddle of her old self. She was watching him. The swell of his muscles as he moved, the way sweat trickled down his torso, his growls and groans… He was perfect. He was everything she’d ever wanted to have and feel, but never were able to put into words or even acknowledge. Her hands reached up for him. “Come here…” she whispered and pulled his mouth down to a desperate, searing kiss. She wanted to have him, hold him, consume him so he could never leave her and take away this feeling of contentment.
His hand found its way down to her moist lower lips and parted them without hesitation. He started to play with her clit, rubbing and pinching it. Her breathing became laboured and he could feel her racing heart through her chest. He kissed his way down her body to her breasts. He’d never had that fascination for breasts before. But her milky white breasts with little pink nipples drove him crazy. He took one nipple in his hot mouth again. She arched her back instinctively to give him more of her. He toyed with the hardened nipple and enjoyed the little sounds she made.
She was whimpering his name over and over. She made him feel wanted, desired as he’d never felt before in his life. He felt important and almost invincible. It wasn’t that he’d never had girls chanting his name in bed before; he’d had… indeed lots of times, lots of girls. But Maria wanting him was different. She wasn’t just a girl; her opinion mattered. He didn’t know exactly when, but she had managed to gain his respect somehow.
He suddenly slipped two fingers inside her. She gasped; arching her back pushed her hips up to take them deeper. He found a rhythm matching her hips and kept thrusting them in and out of her. She was writhing and whimpering under him lost in the feeling he was creating. Her mews and the heady scent of her arousal were driving him mad.
He left her nipple and moved his mouth down to meet his hand, trailing kisses on the way. He nuzzled her golden curls and pushed his tongue between her moist lips. Her body contracted as an electrical current ran through it. She reached for his hand resting on her stomach and held it tight in an almost bruising grasp.
He quickened his thrusts and started to suck her swollen clit. She was close, he could sense it. He bit her clit lightly and felt her inner walls twitching around his fingers. She screamed his name while her body started shaking and spasming on the bed. He watched her face as she came, the way her body spasmed and relaxed, the content smile playing on her lips… She was so… perfect.
He kissed her lazily, enjoying her peaceful stance and smoothed her wavy, golden hair away from her sweaty forehead. Opening her eyes she grinned at him mischievously. “I want you so damn much.” She muttered to him and pushed him on his back. She crushed her lips on his, straddling him. The playful kiss turned quickly into a one full of desire and longing.
She reached her hand inside his boxers and wrapped her slim fingers around his c-ock. Michael’s body jerked and he groaned in her mouth as her touch made him tingle all over. At the back of his mind he thought he wasn’t going to survive this, it was just one touch, and he could already feel all the nerves in his body. She was killing him…
Maria had always been aggressive in bed. She liked being in control, feeling the power… Tom had a theory that she lacked the feeling of passion and strength she needed in her relationships except for the times she let loose, like when having sex. He knew her well; well enough to know that the real Maria was the one he saw at work, full of fire and life. When she was with her boyfriend -any one of them- she was like a kitten, agreeing and nodding, never once raising her voice. He knew she was scared that they wouldn’t want her otherwise. She let them believe she was someone else. And she always broke it off herself, before it got deep enough to hurt her. Except for just once… The time when she had let herself believe she really was that always nodding kitten and could have a future like that… Not the happiest one maybe but it appeared to be the safest… Apparently it wasn’t.
Michael had never known her kitten façade, so he wasn’t surprised at her actions. This was the Maria he’d met, he’d fought, he’d kissed… This was the only girl he would let control him. She was the only one he’d ever felt this …thing for. He couldn’t exactly put this thing down to words. Lust? Passion? Love? They were all meshed into one feeling… All he knew was it was more… More than anything he’d ever lived, felt or heard… She was more… More than anyone had ever been or could be… He knew she was the one and only. The one and only what? Confusing, confusing… He stopped thinking about it and let himself be swept off by the feeling. She was the one and only Maria…
His boxers were far-gone and Maria was sprawled all over him. This was the way he wanted to stay forever. Her skin on his. Her mouth never leaving his. Her eyes both fierce and tender, making him feel like he was all that ever mattered. She was teasing him, letting his straining erection touch her but not making a move to let it enter. It was torture. But she looked like she was enjoying herself. Her hand was stroking his length while her juices were spilling all over it. He couldn’t take it anymore. He grabbed her waist tightly and flipped them over.
She chuckled softly at his reaction. She just loved to push him over the edge; edge of anger or edge of frustration, it didn’t really matter. He entered her in one, swift stroke, as if he did it a thousand times before. And they both were still suddenly. Maria, clutching him like she was about to fall from a cliff and Michael, lying on her with his head buried in her neck. They couldn’t dare move. Michael knew he should move, he probably was crushing her but god knows he wanted to stay like that for as long as he could. He felt complete and satiated. He knew this feeling. Not that he’d felt it before. He had just dreamt about it. That was how home was supposed to feel; safe, peaceful and cosy.
He felt her hands in his hair and on his back. She was stroking him soothingly. He trailed kisses all the way to her mouth, and when he reached her mouth, he gave her the most uncharacteristically soft and gentle kiss of his life. He pulled back after the long kiss and searched her eyes for some meaning or reason to what was happening between them. Maria was smiling at him with awe. He knew he’d never seen and could never possibly see anything more beautiful than the girl beneath him at that moment. The thought of telling her that entered his mind but he couldn’t. He lacked the courage.
He kissed her nose, trying to tell what he verbally couldn’t. She giggled like a little girl and blushed under his gaze. It was stupid to blush at a time like that but his gaze was… intense.
He started moving with long and slow strokes. Her eyes were still open, watching his face. He wanted to close his eyes and forget where he was, who he was with… That was what he’d always done, it was easier. But he couldn’t. He was imprisoned in her green eyes. So instead he mapped them in his head. He memorised the exact shade, the little yellow and browns in them. Their shape, the way her lashes curled, little lines around them. Then he saw them change, a fire started playing in them and it ignited something in him which burned all the way from his heart to his groin.
He felt her hands grab his ass and urge him to go deeper, faster. Her little noises became more urgent, her breathing more laboured. He lost all sense of control. He held her wrists in one hand above her head and started pounding in and out of her. He heard her screams and moans mixed with his own groans but they were far away. All he could feel was the raw energy being gathered in his lower abdomen, threatening to burst out.
Maria felt another surge of scorching liquid travel down her body and thought she was about to die from the painful pleasure. There was no way she could take it any longer. Her heart was going to explode. Then she felt his hot mouth cover her nipple and bite it. Her screams echoed in the room while her body arched up from the bed and started convulsing. All she could see were red flames coming out of her body and engulfing everything around with an intolerable heat coursing through her. Tremors shook her small figure and a black cloud covered her mind.
[ edited 3 time(s), last at 14-Sep-2002 11:25:55 AM ]
|posted on 28-Jul-2002 4:46:28 PM by belit|
|Sorry, I kept you guys waiting but I was trying to read Doc's fics, so it took some time |
Dilek, Maria's past and the big evil guy thing will be revealed soon or at least I hope it will. There's a good chance I might screw up the whole story, it's really a bad idea to write it as it comes, you know? I really need to do some planning!
This is really my first attempt at writing, not only fan fiction but any kind. But I did a hell of a lot reading before, so I'm just writing the things I would have liked to read. I don't know if this makes any sense
Whatever, here's the new part, please don't hate me after reading this
Michael was in a bed. A familiar bed with plain white sheets. He recognized it as his bed but it felt different somehow. HE felt different, like he didn’t belong there. He raised his head up a little to see the person lying next to him. It was a total shock to see himself sleeping peacefully.
So it was one of those dreams; Maria Dreams as he liked to call them. He wanted to look down and see Maria to be sure, but he couldn’t. Nothing was his choice, he was caught in a piece of memory. So he gave up and tried to see what she’d seen and feel what she’d felt. He took a journey in her mind.
She was lying close to him, her body plastered to his, his hand securely around her waist holding her close. She let herself enjoy his scent; sweet yet masculine. It made her feel both the excitement of novelty and the comfort of familiarity. More contradictions! That was great, like she didn’t have enough! Her thoughts and instincts told her very different stories about him and she was very confused and pissed.
She placed her head a little higher on his pillow to come face to face with him. She could feel his breath, it smelled like beer. She traced his eyebrows with one hand, they were perfect. Perfect shape and perfect color for his face. His face was utterly beautiful. She had never known a man could be this beautiful.
She grazed her fingertips over his lips softly, afraid that he would wake up. She loved his lips. It was really hard for her to not kiss him when they were in the same room. She always watched his lips while he talked and occasionally forgot to listen what he was saying.
She sighed. It wasn’t fair. After all the things she had experienced with men, it was totally ridiculous that she would fall for a guy like Michael. She should have known better! Well, actually she did know better! Then why was she not able to just turn her back to him? She knew it wouldn’t work. She was sure it would end badly. She had tried to tell herself that he could never give her the safe life and cozy little family she wanted to have someday. So why was she even afraid to have her fun with him? Why the hell did her heart believe he was the one?
If only she had met him in high school. She was positive that they would have had the time of their lives. And then they could just go on to their separate ways and she wouldn’t be dwelling in this misery now.
She took his big hand in her small one. She might be confused over how she felt about him but she definitely was in love with his hands. She took her time studying it. Touching, softly caressing his rough skin. An image of his hand washing the dishes came into her mind. She smiled. She loved watching him do things. Like when he wiped the table after dinner or when he showed her how to clean Tabasco stains from the carpet…
She snuggled close to him and surrendered to sleep still feeling his hand in hers. And in that hazy place between the real world and the dream world, something found her. Some dream, fantasy, vision, coming from somewhere too close to her heart.
Maria was lying in a hammock in a garden that smelled like roses. The sky above her was clear and there were a few birds singing around her. She felt peace as she lay there and watched the top branches of the trees reaching high up sway silently in the light breeze. Then she heard a noise and turned towards it.
There was a small house with cute little windows. She got up and felt the warm grass under her feet. She walked towards the door, her hair tickling her bare arms. The door was open, she stepped inside without hesitation. There was a kitchen and a living room, not too luxurious but not too shabby either. Furniture were simple. The house wasn’t too tidy or too sterile, there were some clothes thrown around and some pieces of a puzzle sitting on the coffee table.
She saw a flight of stairs and started climbing. Stairs were old and some of them creaked as she stepped on them. But the sound wasn’t disturbing really, it was strangely familiar and relaxing. When she reached upstairs she found a half open door to her right. She went near, careful to not make any noise, while she had no idea why.
She pushed the door and it opened silently and easily. Sun shone through the open window to enlighten a small, pink room. There was a man, his back turned to her, looking out the window. His arms were folded in the front and his head was slightly tipped down. She recognized the hair immediately and went near him with a smile. He sensed her presence and turned around slowly. Before she saw what he was holding so gently in his arms, she noticed his expression.
He was calm and the lines of scowl in his face were gone. In his arms was a bundle wrapped in a pink blanket. He raised his eyes to meet hers and gave her a small smile that somehow meant something secret which he would only share with her. She reached for him in a daze, almost like she was drawn to him. Her small hand slowly caressed his cheek as he watched her with that knowing smile.
He gave her the baby. She was scared to hold something so fragile but it was irresistible. She held the baby in her arms and felt him wrap his arms around her waist. Now she knew exactly what his smile had meant. It was the feeling. The feeling the little bundle in her arms and the man touching her made her feel. It was peace. She smiled that knowing smile of having solved the greatest mystery ever.
Maria looked out the window. She saw the garden with the flowers, another house not far away, more trees and the clear sky… Then she raised her head a little more and looked farther. There it was. The castle. The black castle which she knew was huge and scary and cold. It was far away and looked so small she almost believed she imagined it. But a part of her knew it was there. It would always be there. But it didn’t scare her anymore. It was now just a reminder not a threat. A reminder of a chapter in her life she finally felt was over.
Maria sighed and placed her head on his chest unconsciously and let herself drift off to a peaceful slumber.
Michael opened his eyes and found himself on top of a slightly shaking Maria. He was still inside her. He felt rage take over his body. Not really with a specific reason. Just pure rage and hatred engulfed his heart. He slid off her and jumped out of the bed. He only had one thought in his head. He had to get out of there. He hurriedly found his boxers and put them on. He then made the biggest mistake of his life and looked at her.
She was still sprawled on the bed, unable to move because of the tremors still shaking her. The golden waves he buried his face just moments ago were spread over her shoulders, curling around her soft breasts. His eyes found hers in a moment of weakness and the look in them almost made him change his mind, be a more courageous man for her.
Her big, green eyes held a look full of hurt and fear. Then he remembered her vision, the look in her eyes there. The look of peace and trust. He almost laughed at himself for hoping. He could put only hurt and fear in her eyes, in her heart, not peace and trust. He wasn’t capable of anything better.
He quickly walked towards the door, afraid what his powers would cause if he stayed any longer. And he said the words that would plague her dreams…
“This was a mistake.”
- - -
Michael sat right in front of the door, not really able to walk or even breathe for that matter. He half expected her to burst out of the room and yell at him. He hoped, but she never came. He waited for the rustling of sheets as she moved to get up, but that didn’t come either. After fifteen minutes he heard what he expected the least.
Her voice was a whisper choked with what he suspected were silent tears. Then he ran… Out the door, out of her house, out of her life; unable to stop to get some clothes, unable to care about the exploding street lights… He ran. As he always did.
- - -
Tom checked out of the motel and walked towards his rental car. The car was green. He hated green. He could see why Maria would want to get out of that place. Roswell was just a tourist trap, nothing more. A small town surrounded by nothing but desert for miles. He couldn’t wait to go back to LA.
Tom drove towards Maria’s house, occasionally checking the directions she had given him and planned the day in his head. Their flight was in six hours. They could have lunch with Maria’s friends in that café Maria talked so much about, they would have plenty of time to drive to the airport and maybe buy some souvenirs on the way.
He parked in front of the house and got out of the car. The door was open, he stepped inside telling himself that there was nothing to panic. The house was silent, so he walked upstairs.
He found her in the big bedroom. The room was a mess, clothes thrown everywhere. It didn’t go unnoticed that there was a tux thrown in that heap of clothes. He shook his head and smiled. So she’d slept with the guy. He was surprised she had waited that long.
But there was something wrong with the picture. Maria was lying in the middle of the bed, wrapped in sheets and still. Her knees were drawn to her chest and her eyes were closed but she wasn’t asleep. She almost looked like a scared kid waiting for the monster to get out of the closet.
He sat on the bed and reached for her face. She opened her eyes; big, scared and swollen, and looked at him with so much pain he felt his own tears threatening to spill. His voice dropped to a whisper.
“What happened Mars? Are you okay babe?” He caressed her cheek softly. Tears started spilling down her face again. She tried to talk but nothing came out.
He didn’t insist. It was better to get her distracted and on her feet, then he would learn what had happened. “Sssh. It’s okay. Let’s get you out of this bed.”
Tom helped her up her feet and in the bathroom. He prepared her a warm bath and went to her room to pack her stuff. Whatever her problem was she needed to get out. Out of this house or maybe even out of Roswell.
- - -
The day was so not going the way Tom had planned. It had taken him two hours to pack Maria’s clothes and get her out of the tub. Once she was out of the water she seemed to gather herself together. She wasn’t crying anymore at least.
She was running around the house looking for anything forgotten. She looked pissed but Tom was glad that she was back among the living.
The house was a mess because of the reception they’d had in the backyard. Cleaning was due the next day since noone was supposed to be home for two weeks. But it was impossible to find Maria’s earrings or hairpins or other small unnecessary stuff she had spread around.
Maria rushed upstairs and walked into Michael’s room. She looked around the room almost frantically till she found what she was looking for. It was his favorite and oldest Metallica t-shirt.
She took it from where it lay on the floor and walked hurriedly towards the door and stopped abruptly when the smell hit her. Michael. Tears threatened to spill. A big knot formed in her throat. She couldn’t help but bury her face in it and inhale deeply like it could bring him back in her arms.
No! She was stronger than that. She threw the t-shirt where she’d found it and held her head up defiantly.
Just as she was going out the door she couldn’t resist and turned back. She snatched the t-shirt again. Then she remembered the look in his eyes as he had said that last words to her. How? How the hell did he have the guts to do that to her?
By the time Tom came up to find her she’d grabbed and dropped the t-shirt ten or twelve times. And when Tom came in he found her kicking the black lump and mumbling to herself.
He decided that it would be probably best to leave right then or she would burn the house down. He pulled her out of the room but not before she grabbed the worn t-shirt and clutched it to her chest.
- - -
Maria was in silence till they reached her house. It was one long boring journey with Tom trying to start conversation and Maria staring out the window.
When they reached her home Maria sighed with relief. Home. Safe. She saw her Beetle parked in the front and smiled to herself. Her little but colorful life was still here. So she hadn’t really died the night before although she could swear she’d felt her heart stop.
Tom was reluctant to let her go home alone but she looked like she needed some time to put herself back together. So he left promising to come back for breakfast.
- - -
“Oh, hi… Ria, it’s me Kyle.”
“Hey Kyle. Sorry I couldn’t say goodbye before I left. I was kinda in a hurry.”
“No, it’s okay. Actually I was calling to say that I’m coming there.”
“What? Here? You mean LA? Why?”
“Well, I need to get away from Roswell. I’m kinda sick of this place you know. I had spent my whole life here and it sucks. And now that dad’s married… I thought I could try LA for a while.”
“Oh god! Really? This is so great! You know you can stay with me, I have an extra room and all.”
“Hey, thanks! At least I can torture you till I find my own place.”
“So when are you coming?”
“Some time this week. I have some things to settle here, then I’ll be there as soon as I can.”
“Alright, see you then! Call me before you come so I can come and get you from the airport okay?”
“Okay. Thanks a lot Ria. You’re such a cool chick! I don’t know why we never dated.”
“Yeah, you have no idea what you missed! Okay, get your ass here quick, I’ll be waiting.”
“See you sis!”
- - -
Maria was sitting in her balcony wearing a black Metallica t-shirt and clutching a spiky haired alien doll. She looked at the stars but couldn’t see the bright ones she could see in Roswell. Her heart sank. Like she had left a piece of herself back there.
For a minute she let herself think what he could be doing at that moment. Was he watching the stars, was he thinking about her? She let out a bitter chuckle. Of course not. He was the one that had left. She had been the weak one, he was strong enough to walk away.
It didn’t really matter anymore. She had been confused over where they were going with this… thing between them but he’d put that thought to an end. So now it didn’t matter how good it felt to have his fingers in her hair or how his smile made her knees weak. It was over before it could become something. And now it didn’t matter. She wasn’t sure if anything would ever matter again.
[ edited 3 time(s), last at 14-Sep-2002 11:36:44 AM ]
|posted on 7-Aug-2002 4:44:41 AM by belit|
Sorry I couldn't post sooner but my computer finally died last week and I had to wait for Toshiba people to bring it back. It was a long and lonely week and I hated every minute of it.
Now back to the story...
Tell me what you think!!!
“Now, close your eyes and imagine it.” Maria said in a soothing and relaxing tone.
“You can almost smell it. Taste it... Hmm... Can you tell me what it is now?”
Kyle was sitting on the carpet, his legs crossed and his eyes shut in concentration. He took a deep breath, exhaled slowly and announced his decision. “Chinese!”
Maria hopped off the couch and dashed for the phone. “All right, let’s eat Chinese!” The doorbell rang just as she dialled the numbers. “Kyle, you get it, it must be Tom.”
Kyle opened the door to reveal Tom in a business suit, clearly coming from work while Maria ordered enough food to feed an army. She had learned in the last couple of weeks that Kyle could eat like a small herd of rhinos and if you didn’t put enough food on his plate, yours would never be safe.
“So, Kylie babe, how’s it going?” Tom looked him up and down in a not so cheerful way. Kyle was wearing pyjama bottoms and a t-shirt, both of which he suspected hadn’t seen water or soap in a long time. His hair was a mess and you could see that he’d definitely missed shaving for the last week.
Kyle’s face contorted in irritation. “Stop calling me that! People will start thinking I’m your boyfriend or something! I haven’t had a date in ages, I don’t need this to top it all...”
Tom stayed nonchalant. “Which people Kyle? You don’t even leave the house, how do you suppose you can get a date when you never go out?”
“We do go out you know...” Kyle searched his memory for the last time they had gone out. “Last week we went out to buy the stinking thing that fish eats...”
“No, you didn’t. Mars called me and I bought it for her.”
“Oh, s-hit, really? You know it must be those incense things she burns around the house, they make my head fuzzy...” Kyle looked really confused. “Are you sure it was you?”
“Yeah, of course I’m sure.” Tom checked if Maria was still on the phone and lowered his tone. “Actually I need to talk to you about this. In private...” he motioned Maria with his eyebrows. “...when she’s not around.”
“About Mars not working, just moping around all day with you and about what happened in Roswell... I don’t know, I’m just worried about her.”
“What do you mean what happened in Roswell?” Kyle’s eyebrows were raised and his face resembled the one of a wild cat in a moment of danger.
“Enough with the bulls-hit Kyle! She doesn’t talk about it but obviously something happened. She is not herself! That woman is not the Maria I know!” Tom closed his eyes and tried to stay calm. He continued in an even tone with gritted teeth.
“Look, I just... I need your help. I know you care about her and I obviously do. So lets just not let her break apart okay? I’ve seen this happen before and it took her ages to pull herself back together last time. She can’t afford another one.”
He stopped abruptly and smiled a hollow smile when he noticed Maria coming their way. “We’ll talk later.” He muttered under his breath to Kyle and walked towards his pain-in-the-ass best friend.
- - -
Later in the evening Kyle and Tom were sitting in Maria’s living room surrounded by a million take out boxes, quietly waiting to hear the sound of the shower. Kyle was the first to talk when he heard Maria’s soft singing muffled by water.
“So what was it you wanted to talk about Tommy boy?”
Tom was concentrated too much to notice Kyle’s attempt to irritate him. He started pacing while he tried to gather his thoughts and find the quickest way to explain himself to Kyle.
“So…” he began finally stopping and looking at him. “Do you know what happened with Michael?”
Kyle tried not to look too curious and managed to shape his face in a half clueless expression. “Guerin? Something happened with Guerin?”
Tom looked suspicious because of the detective state he was in, but was convinced nonetheless. “Well, that bastard hurt her, but I don’t know how. She implied that she would decapitate me if I brought up the subject ever again so I think it was pretty bad.”
Kyle’s eyes flared in anger. “What do you mean hurt her? What the hell did he do to her?” Tom gestured for him to keep his voice down, but Kyle wasn’t having any of it. Tom had to thank god that Michael wasn’t around. It would be impossible to hold back a man with Kyle’s size and fury.
“Kyle, I know you want to kill him…” Kyle cut him in mid-sentence. “You have no idea. NO F-UCKING IDEA!!!” He was pacing furiously in the room now. His fists were clenching and Tom expected him to punch a wall any minute.
“Look Kyle, you can't do anything about him right now and even if you could, it wouldn’t do any good for Mars. Okay? Now calm down. We have to help her, get her out of this depression. Are you with me on this? Can I trust you to help me?”
Kyle shut his eyes, counted to ten and said “Okay. I’ll help you. What do we do?”
“Well, I figured we could start with getting her out of the house.” Tom suggested and Kyle’s eyes lit up.
“It’s easy…” Kyle said, excited that he had found the solution so easily. “That’s a guy problem, right?” Tom nodded tentatively. “Three easy steps. We’ll get her out, get her drunk, get her laid! She’ll forget all her troubles. It’s gonna be great!”
Kyle got up and ran inside to get dressed without even letting Tom comment on anything. Tom could hear him talking to Maria about it and then trying to pursuade her to come with them and then yelling at her to get dressed.
“This is such a bad idea…” Tom muttered to himself and went inside to help Kyle get Maria’s ass in a dress.
- - -
Once they convinced Maria to go out with them, she started to get in the mood. A little too much for Tom’s taste, but he tried to stay positive.
Just that she wore the smallest, sexiest dress she owned didn’t mean that she was going to do something wrong, did it? Or that she put on the black eye shadow and blood red lipstick didn’t really mean anything. And she didn’t wear bra anymore anyway… It was nothing. They were going to have a blast and go home, and everything would be all right. Or so he wished…
After she drank half a bottle of tequila, even Kyle looked worried. Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea after all. That always worked on guys, but maybe it was different with women. He wasn’t so sure about that whole getting drunk/getting laid procedure anymore.
“Maybe we should go home. I don’t feel well.” He said throwing a worried glance at Tom.
Maria wasn’t smiling. Or even talking. Tom knew that this couldn’t possibly mean anything good. This wasn’t her normal reaction to alcohol. She had a determined look on her face that scared Tom. Determined to do what he wondered.
- - -
Maria was dancing. She wasn’t really hearing the music. She was just aware of a rhythm. Thump! Thump! Like a heart beat. She closed her eyes and let her body sway to the rhythm and pink lights caress her in the darkness.
She felt hands on her hips. Big, strong hands. She didn’t protest or open her eyes. She continued dancing. She felt the hot body of the owner of those hands close behind her. He came closer and she didn’t let herself think. She just kept on rocking.
She plastered her back to the body behind her and pushed her hips to the mystery guy’s groin. She felt his erection rubbing against her ass and heard his groan. Her body jerked a little to the unfamiliar sound. A part of her kept chanting “It’s not him.”, but she tuned it out.
She felt a hand moving up her skirt and making its way up to her uncovered core. She hadn't worn panties, it was easier this way. She didn’t flinch at his touch but it didn’t excite her either. Her every move was on memory. She wasn’t thinking. This was something she had to do. This time it had nothing to do with pleasure. She had to do it. She had to break free.
She turned around to face the stranger. His green eyes and salty scent made her stomach quiver but she didn’t let herself pull away. “You’ll be free.” She promised herself. “Everything will be okay again.”
She let her hand travel down his body to stroke his erection. She closed her eyes and bit her bottom lip seductively. She could hear his panting. She didn’t even need to try hard or be original. Men were easy, it was textbook.
She tried to feel the power she held, she tried to enjoy it, but all she found was a sense of unfamiliarity and wrongness inside her. She tried to concentrate to get back what she once had but she couldn’t. It was gone. Another part of her life she had left behind involuntarily.
Her reaction to her own lack of control and power was simple and to be expected. She felt hate and rage towards herself. SHE was responsible for what had happened, not him. It was her that had fell for him when he wasn’t even trying. He’d never given her false impressions. Had never bought her flowers or given her empty promises. And what had she done? Throw herself at his arms and get all wrecked when he treated her like a whore. She was feeling pathetic.
She wanted power again to stand up on her own. She needed to make herself believe that she wasn’t a miserable little nothing. She needed to be herself again, in control, to go on, survive.
She pulled the stranger’s head down to her level and whispered in his ear. “Let’s find somewhere private.”
- - -
Maria pulled him to the empty ladies room. She pushed him against a wall and started to unbuckle his belt. The guy, being a guy, didn’t protest. He just held back and let her have her way.
She avoided his eyes, she was scared that she would see the deep brown ones and she was scared that she wouldn’t. She reached inside his boxers and held him in her hands, making him gasp. She unconsciously expected the smooth skin she wanted to touch and felt sad when she found something else instead.
It felt different; different texture, different warmth… She expected the tingles but they never came. She didn’t know how this was possible but it felt like she’d never ever had sex with anyone but Michael. She couldn’t recall any past experiences, all she knew about sex was what he had given her and now she was craving for it.
She reached in her bag and retrieved a condom. She wasn’t ready to give in to him, to a shadow, a fantasy that would never be. He helped her put on the condom and turned them around so she could lean against the wall.
He pushed her skirt up and guided her legs around him. Then he entered her in one forceful stroke.
It hurt. It hurt like hell. And not in a good way. She wasn’t the least bit aroused and she felt every inch of him rubbing against her walls, making his way inside.
His smell hit her senses and made her sick. He was pushing her against the wall hard and moving inside her. She suddenly felt claustrophobic. She didn’t want to open her eyes to see a stranger. She wanted it to be over.
He was groaning and grabbing her ass while she tried to calm herself down and think of something else. A picture of soft, brown, spiky hair flashed across her mind and she had to open her eyes to make it go away.
She felt one of his hands move up to her face and hold her hair. That did it for her. Tears started to trickle down her cheeks and a huge, hot knot formed inside her stomach. She started to whisper… “No, no, no…”
The guy didn’t even realize the change in her. He kept pounding harder and harder. She pulled her hands free and slapped his hand away from her hair. That finally got his attention.
She became hysterical and started shouting between sobs. “No, no, no…” She pushed him away and he dropped her on the floor. He looked at her with confusion for a moment. She was sitting on the floor, her knees drawn to her chest and her body shaking with sobs. He pulled himself together and walked away from her. But she heard his muttered words before he left.
- - -
Tom and Kyle found her half an hour later sitting near a toilet bowl, wracking with sobs. Kyle gathered her in his arms and carried her to the car. He couldn’t help thinking it was all his fault. His stupid idea. He wanted so badly to hurt something, someone… He wanted to hurt the hell out of Guerin to be exact.
That son of a bitch had hurt Maria and tried to use Kyle. He had trusted him. He had respected him. And Michael had used him. If only he could get a hold of him! Who the f-uck did he think he was, that alien bastard! He would pay… Oh man, he definitely would pay…
Tom ran a bath for Maria and helped her in the tub. She wasn’t crying anymore. She just sat there, staring at the wall with empty eyes and rocked softly. Tom ran a sponge up and down her back soothingly unable to say anything to comfort her.
How could he possibly comfort her when he had no f-ucking idea what her problem was? He knew this wasn’t a normal men oriented thing. Maybe Maria finally had cracked, maybe all the things she had gone through had finally started to pay up. He hoped not.
“I found it Tom.” Her voice was just a notch above a whisper and her face held pain. Whatever she’d found, she definitely wasn’t glad she did.
Tom made sure to sound as he felt. Over-gentle and protective. “What did you find babe?”
She looked him in the eye and Tom thanked god that her eyes were focused. So she wasn’t in shock this time. It was weird but she almost looked excited as she talked.
“I found the thing, you know, the real thing?”
Tom tentatively voiced the name she had forbid him to mention, half expecting her to blow up. “Michael?”
A small smile found its way to her pouty lips to his surprise. “Yeah…” she whispered. “Michael.”
There was something in the way she said his name, that made Tom’s insides warm and fuzzy. Like a mother talking about her child. You wouldn’t believe that this guy had hurt her. Her eyes lit up while she whispered his name. It slipped through her lips cherished as if it was a prayer.
“You’re sure?” He didn’t know what else to ask to keep her talking without sounding wrong or cruel.
“Yeah…” She turned her eyes ahead of her and stared at the wall, like she was looking through a secret window visible only to her.
“It was… like… magic. And it wasn’t just sex… I was so far gone before we had sex… If what we had was sex that is.”
Tom didn’t want to interrogate her, but was determined to understand what she was feeling and thinking, and her current state was his best shot. “You mean you made love?”
“I don’t know. I thought making love was what I had with Colin, you know? All gentle and caring… This was different… I don’t think there's a word for it. It was… both gentle and wild… and everything I could ever ask for. And now everything else feels empty.”
Tom gently caressed her hair and encouraged her to go on. She did, her eyes getting damper with every word.
“For the first time in my life I didn’t feel alone. I felt complete. But of course there was a catch.” She gave a bitter, soft chuckle. “I used to be afraid of being alone… but now… I'm scared to be without him. I know… Noone else would do. I need him.” She looked at Tom with desperate tears trailing down her cheeks.
“I don’t think I can survive without him.”
- - -
“It’s all my fault.”
Tom wasn’t surprised to find Kyle still drinking after two hours he had spent with Maria. He sat next to him and patted his shoulder.
“Come on… She’s better now. She did it herself, on purpose. She needed to test herself, to prove herself. At least now she knows…”
Kyle looked at the black haired, tall stranger in a new perspective. “You really know her, don’t you?”
Tom offered him a small smile and took a sip from his beer. “Yeah, after all those years I mastered being her best friend I think.”
“So tell me then, what is her problem and how can we help her?” What Kyle really wanted to say was “How can I help her? What can I do to make it right again?” He felt guilt settle in his stomach and it wasn’t going anywhere anytime soon.
“We can't solve her problem I'm afraid. She is in love with him. Head over heels… Desperately.”
“Guerin?” Kyle couldn’t even think about disguising his surprise. Guerin and love? Holy s-hit!
“Yeah. And I was positive that it was mutual. But I guess it wasn’t. Or there were other complications. When it comes to love, you never know…”
“What do we do now?” Kyle asked as he planned three thousand different and very creative possibilities to torture and kill a certain Antarian.
“We tried your way and it obviously failed and now I suggest we try my way.”
[ edited 3 time(s), last at 14-Sep-2002 11:39:20 AM ]
|posted on 8-Aug-2002 4:05:57 PM by belit|
|This part will answer your questions about Maria's past. Enjoy!!!|
“Yeah, poker night…”
Kyle couldn’t help but laugh at Tom’s plan. “That’s definitely dumber than my brilliant get her laid idea.”
“No, you don’t get it. A poker night has everything she needs.” Tom had a dead serious expression and that made Kyle laugh harder.
“Oh yeah? And what does she need?” he asked sarcastically.
Tom started listing with his fingers. “Well for one she needs to know she’s not alone, right? And she needs to have fun and realize that life’s not over even if she thinks it is. She needs to forget men and that relationship crap for a little while. It’s perfect!”
Kyle was considering Tom’s reasons seriously now. He did have a point. “Okay. I get your reasons but how are you planning on doing all those in a poker night?”
Tom’s lips curved up in a mischievous smile. “I have just the gang!”
- - -
Maria stayed in her bed next day, unable to get up and face the world in the revelations she’d had the night before. She felt like a different person. She didn’t feel like the scarred but careless young girl with fairytale dreams.
She was now a woman who knew that she had finally found what she’d been searching for all her life. It was weird to stop searching. She felt panic rise from her stomach. What now? That was it? She’d found him to just lose him like that? Silent tears trickled down her cheeks. What was she supposed to do now?
She wiped her tears away fiercely. She wasn’t giving up, that was for sure. But no matter how much she wanted him she couldn’t possibly bring herself to beg him, it wasn’t in her. She had to survive. She had to wait and deal with the pain.
And maybe, just maybe, one day she would feel the same way about another man. Someone she can have, someone she can hold and maybe someone human… She smiled and sighed, clutching Bobo to her chest she closed her eyes and drifted off to a land where dreams of what could have happened haunted her.
- - -
The gang arrived at eight sharp, just like Tom promised. Kyle had cleaned himself up a little bit, figuring he needed to be a good example for his sister.
He wasn’t sure when he had started thinking about her as his sister, but now that he did, he knew he had to decide where his loyalties lay. He was surprised how easy it was to make that decision.
The five people that entered the apartment with Tom were the loudest group Kyle had ever had contact with.
First an extremely tall and thin girl entered holding hands with an equally tall and handsome guy. They were called Nancy and Drew as Kyle found out later. And it was always Nancy and Drew, never just Nancy or just Drew. They were both models -what a surprise- and they worked together, they lived together, they were practically inseparable.
Kyle never liked models or celebrities, they had this I’m too cool for you attitude which made him uncomfortable near them. Nancy and Drew appeared just like that, the cliche model type. But Kyle sighed with relief when he saw how they reacted to Maria. Nancy had this huge smile on her face and were giggling just like a teenage girl. And Drew, well he looked shorter somehow.
Then Kyle saw a red headed girl with curly hair. She was short and had freckles which made her look like a five year old kid. But when she took off her coat, Kyle decided she definitely wasn’t a five year old girl.
She was tiny as he’d expected, but with that little piece of clothing that barely covered her upper thighs and cleavage she looked sexy as hell, there was nothing innocent there. He noticed that the dress was a light blue that complimented her eyes. “Wow!” he thought. Maria definitely had some different friends.
The next one to enter was the loudest of the group. Sam was a bright, animated, blond girl. She reminded him of Maria. Not the way she was now of course, the normal Maria, the undepressed version. Sam threw her arms around Maria and squealed in delight.
“Where have you been doll, we missed you so much!!!! And you lost weight? Didn’t they feed you there? You look so much smaller. But whatever, at least you can wear whatever the hell you want now. You know I put on weight after that horrible, terrible Nick…”
Kyle tuned her out. Yep! Definitely like Maria…
Kyle heard a deep voice coming from outside and looked in wonder. A guy with the largest shoulders he had ever seen came in and hugged Maria. Kyle was almost sure he would break her. The guy was… big!
He later learned that his name was Paul and he owned a gym. Paul had known Maria since her high school years and Kyle was relieved to see that they had an almost sibling kind of relationship. Paul wasn’t that bright, but he was protective like a big brother. It was a relief for Kyle to know that she was safe when he wasn’t around.
Kyle watched the affection and joy pouring out of the people in the room and decided that Tom was right. Maybe poker night wasn’t the worst idea after all.
- - -
As hours passed Maria realized what that was all about. So Tom was trying to cheer her up. She smiled looking at him arguing with Paul over some stupid TV show. She knew he was worried and wished that she could make him understand. She could always try but… there was no way anyone could understand this.
She was glad that Kyle blended in so well with her friends. He was family now. And family was something Maria valued. He was so cute, flirting with Lucy. Maria wanted to hold him tight and squeeze him in her arms but she doubted he would tolerate that.
Maria looked around her and thought she could be happy without Michael as long as she had them with her. Her little trip to Roswell had made her appreciate what she already had here in LA. Before that there was always the suspicion that Liz and Alex were the best friends she could ever have and that she had screwed it up. Now she knew.
Liz and Alex were good friends, good people, but they didn’t know her anymore, just like she didn’t know them. It would take time to get to know each other again. And she wasn’t sure that they would like what they would find. But her friends in LA, they knew who Maria DeLuca really was. They knew her ups and downs, they had been with her through better and worse and they loved her. That was real friendship and she felt graced for having it.
Maria felt the dark, cold place she carried above her heart diminish. God knew she had carried that long enough. Long enough to forget what being without it meant. She wanted to cry again, happy tears this time, but she didn’t want to get Tom all panicked and worked up.
For the first time in her life Maria DeLuca let herself realize that she really truly wasn’t alone…
- - -
After a night full of laughter and joy, it was finally time to leave. Tom was proud of himself since Maria had been laughing all night with them and was actually having fun. He knew that it would work!
Tom’s smile turned upside down when he saw Maria’s face after everyone had left. She was back to the sad Maria, back to the night before. He was shocked. It was all an act all night then. She’d never felt better, just pretended.
He sat next to her on the sofa and put his arm around her shoulders and gave Kyle a desperate look. Kyle shrugged and shook his head.
“Mars…” he started in a voice Maria recognized as his understanding friend voice. She held her hand and shushed him.
“No, Tom I know what you’re doing and I know you're scared for me but don’t, please.” She looked him in the eye, begging him to understand. She offered him a sad smile. “I will be okay… one day I will… But for now, let me grieve my loss, okay?”
Kyle saw the pain in her eyes as she said that and cursed Michael Guerin one more time. He was dead meat once he got his hands on him.
Tom watched her face worriedly. He hugged her tight and asked her what he needed to know. “You won't leave me again, right?” He pulled back and looked right into her eyes trying to see the truth buried down. “You won't go there again and leave me, right?”
Kyle didn’t know what the hell he was talking about but he could hear the dread in his voice. It was scary to see the two most confident people he’d ever met in his life so vulnerable. It was like seeing Isabel biting her perfect nails… Christ! What a horrible thought was that!
“No…” she whispered reassuring him with a small smile which didn’t reach her eyes. “I won't leave you. This is not like the other times, okay? I'm not suicidal or anything. I’ll be fine. I know I'm not alone now. I have Kyle and mom and you and the gang… I’ll be fine… I just… I just need time to heal. Is that okay?”
Tom kissed the top of her head and sighed with relief and weariness. “Of course it’s okay. But we’re here if you need us, don’t you forget that!”
She smiled at him and yawned. “Now, I'm off to bed!” She gave him a peck on the lips and walked to Kyle and hugged him.
“She really liked you, you know…” She said playfully. Kyle’s instant reaction made her grin.
“Really?…… I mean, who?” He tried to act cool but couldn’t stop his grin.
Maria hit his head. “Lucy, dumbass.” She kissed his cheek and walked out towards her room. “Thanks for everything guys… I love you both. Good night!”
Kyle couldn’t wait one more minute to ask after he’d heard her door close. “What was that all about?”
“That cryptic talking? Don’t leave again crap? Why would she leave?”
“It’s nothing, really.” Tom really wasn’t in mood to have this conversation. It had been a too long night already. But one look at Kyle’s face convinced him that he wasn’t getting out of this that easily.
Kyle’s face had lost its innocent young boy look and was serious and demanding all of a sudden. “Look I respect her privacy, you know that. But Tom, I'm here for a reason. I'm here to help and protect my sister. And if there is something I need to know to do so, I think you should tell me.”
Tom studied the face of the young man in front of him. He was young and innocent, not jaded like himself or Maria. But there was something about him that made Tom want to trust him. Trust him with Maria and trust him as a friend. Kyle might be inexperienced in life but he was an honest and capable man. And there was something raw and instinctual in the way he called Maria his sister. Tom made the decision with his heart as always and decided to trust him.
“Mars had some bad times, Kyle. And I mean really bad. She had to learn to survive on her own too early. She learned to live alone and unprotected. But she somehow made it through. She looks small but she is tough. And I am really proud of what she had accomplished. But… all the things she went through didn’t just pass her by, they had left scars… Some deep, some shallow… Some healed, some still bleeding… She still carries them around, and most of them are too close to surface with just one little scratch they get infected again…”
Tom was deep in his thoughts and looking out the window to the street lights without actually seeing anything. Kyle didn’t want to interrupt him in that stance but he needed more solid things than that if he was supposed to understand.
“Tom?” Tom turned towards him and Kyle could swear that he had unshed tears in his eyes.
“Tom, I don’t understand a word you’re saying. Can you stop with the metaphors and tell me what happened to her?” Kyle was trying hard to not sound harsh. It wasn’t a good time to piss Tom off. He relaxed when he saw Tom smile.
“You jock types are all the same…” He mumbled and continued in a way he hoped Kyle’s jock brain would process.
“Well, Kyle, let me tell you exactly what happened then.” Kyle nodded enthusiastically and grabbed another beer.
“Her father, as you know, had left Maria and Amy when she was just a kid. I’d never met the guy but what I gathered from what Mars had told me is that he is an idiotic headcase.”
Kyle was listening carefully. He didn’t expect Tom to tell him her life story, but now that he’d started, Kyle decided that it wouldn’t hurt. He was going to listen and learn both sides, and then he would decide how to help Maria and kill Guerin.
“He was Maria’s childhood dream. She had waited for him to come and make everything better. And one day out of nowhere he’d come. And he had made her choose between a life with him and her current life in Roswell. She chose him. And I always believed it was the right choice, but she didn’t think so.”
“You see, Amy is a great woman but she wasn’t the perfect mother. She was too young and they weren't financially stable. That’s why I believe she made the right choice back then. Anyone would want to have the better life with the long lost father, right? She had to try it.”
“Well, whatever, she’d left Roswell and came here to live with him. He was rich, you see, so everything she had dreamt of became reality. And when he’d left again, after just like six months or so, it all came crashing down on her. But she was too strong to give up on something so soon. She regretted leaving terribly and blamed herself for everything. She couldn’t talk to Amy or her friends in Roswell because of her shame. That was when it all started. She started to build her life and did a great job at that, but the ground she was building on was kinda shaky.”
Tom stopped for a moment and went to the kitchen to search the contents of the fridge. He came back with a coke and sat on the couch.
Kyle, who listened silently till now, asked the thing that bothered him. “Why did he leave again?” He couldn’t understand how a father would do that to his own daughter, not once but twice.
“Well, Mars says I analyze people too much and he was just a jerk but I think he got scared.”
“Of Maria?” That was ridiculous. Maria was a girl who made it impossible for you to not love her. How could her own father be immune?
“He wasn’t the responsible father type. I don’t believe he didn’t love her. It’s just that he didn’t know what to do with a fifteen year old girl. He couldn’t manage. And Maria isn't an easy person. She demands attention. And she wanted him to be perfect. So he split.”
“Where? He left her alone in that damn city and went where exactly?”
“Europe. He went to Europe on vacation and never came back. She didn’t realize at first but after two months of waiting and no phone calls, she couldn’t deny it. He had left the apartment they had been living to her use, he had owned it, so she didn’t have to pay rent. And there was quite a lot of money left in the house so she wasn’t really starving. But she didn’t want to live there with all those reminders. Reminders of her failure as she put it. She found a job in a café as a waitress and moved out. Somewhere he wouldn’t be able to find her again. She even changed her school by paying a guy pretend to be her father. She made herself vanish for everyone she knew and finally she was all alone.”
Kyle couldn’t even think what he would have done on his own at that age. She really was something. He wouldn’t have lasted a day. Thinking of his little sister all alone and unprotected made him shiver. How the hell had she survived all that s-hit he wondered and by the way Tom spoke, he suspected it was just the beginning.
“That’s when I met her. I used to have my breakfast at that café. I remember thinking that she was the most alive thing I’d seen in this damn city. She was animated and colorful, seeing her every morning became my addiction. And in time we became best friends.”
“She always hated the way I criticized her boyfriends. She always chose big guys with grown-up attitudes. I knew she was trying to replace her father and it was failing miserably. But she couldn’t see that. She said they were her type. And then she found her obsession. Colin. He was the ultimate father type. And she loved it. He made her believe they were in love. I knew she didn’t love him, but did she listen? Of course not!”
“She made herself become a mouse with Colin. He was a demanding guy and he wanted her to be the way he wished. He was the authority in her life. She never objected to him. And one day they decided to move in together.”
Tom was reliving everything, his face was a mask of horror. “I tried to make her understand but she was determined. I couldn’t just fight her and risk my friendship with her. But she was only eighteen! I found her this job as a party organizer. She was just a rookie back then, but I knew she would be good. And she risked everything for that f-ucking idiot.”
“I watched her colors bleach every passing day. I knew a day would come and she wouldn’t know who the real Maria was. He was consuming her like a vampire. But she wanted a family so much it blinded her to what was happening.”
Kyle reached across the coffee table and took one of the cigarettes Sam had left there. He hadn’t smoked since graduation but he wasn’t about to care right now. This story definitely wasn’t going anywhere good.
“Then one day, nearly a year later, Maria didn’t come to work. She doesn’t do that without calling, never. I called her but there was no answer. So I panicked and went to her house.”
“She didn’t answer the door but I had a spare key. I had to go back home to find it and it took me like a couple hours or so. Later I thought I should have just barged in from the window or something, but I had never let myself think it would be something serious. So, I went in and the place was a mess. Everything breakable were broken. My first instinct was to call the cops but I searched the house first for her. And I found her alone in the bedroom.”
Tom sighed, closing his eyes he tried to picture what she looked like at that moment. It was a picture he preferred to forget. “She was sitting on the floor crying silently. The right side of her face was bruised and she was clutching her stomach. And I knew it. I just knew that she was pregnant.”
“Apparently, the jerk didn’t want the baby. He had accused her of lying to him about taking pills. He had told her that he would never marry her, that she would never be good enough for him. He had said their relationship wasn’t serious. It was a shock for her because she thought he would be happy to have a baby with her, she had always thought they would eventually get married. It was as serious as it could get for her.”
“Well, after that, I wanted to kill him and I would have if I could find him. But he vanished. His lawyer called to say he wanted a blood test and even if it was his baby he was refusing to pay for anything. I told them to go f-uck themselves. I knew she wanted the baby and we could just make it work. My priority was to bring Maria back. She was… I don’t know how to describe it. It was bad.”
“I told her that it would be great, that we would take care of the baby. We could be a family. But all she saw was failure. Every person she’d loved had left her and she had left the ones that had loved her. She was going to be a single mother at the age of nineteen. She was falling apart. I knew only the baby would make her survive this, so I started planing and keeping her busy. I didn’t let her think about anything but her baby… which turned out to be a mistake.”
“A couple weeks later she had a miscarriage. Doctors said it was the stress. But Maria later told me that the look on Colin’s face as she had told him that she was pregnant had killed the baby. It was what she dreaded seeing all her life. She said she saw her father in his eyes and felt a part of her die there at that moment. I think she kinda believed that the baby committed suicide. I know, who would believe that, right? Well, she did…”
Kyle couldn’t say anything. Tom was crying but Kyle wasn’t sure if he was aware of it. He wondered once more how a little girl like Maria had survived all this. How had she found the strength to go on?
Tom’s voice was a whisper now. “She wanted a girl. She was going to name her Apple. How weird is that?” Kyle laughed with him. Only Maria would name her daughter Apple. She was one weird chick.
Tom sighed and lit a cigarette himself. He mentally noted to not let Sam leave any cigarettes around next time. Maria hated the smell. He reluctantly started talking again, he had a story to finish.
“She stayed in hospital for a week and started to see a shrink. It didn’t help much. She didn’t leave her bed for three months. She was usually asleep or just staring at the ceiling. She attempted suicide a couple of times. At least I caught her a couple of times, I don’t know how much she really thought about it. She didn’t talk much and I didn’t want to push her. But I was scared out of my mind that I was losing her.”
“One day I forced her out of the bed. She was kicking and screaming but I didn’t let go. I put her in my car in her pajamas and we went to a friend of mine. He makes tattoos. I gave her that tattoo on her wrist. I wanted her to remember who she was in the future. She didn’t protest. She just sat there and cried. When it was over we talked about everything. And she told me where she had been all that time.”
“She had called the place The Castle. It was just a symbol her mind had created. I think it represented her loneliness and isolation. She’d said she found herself there whenever she closed her eyes. A huge black castle without any doors or windows. She was alone. It was cold and dark. She’d spent most of her three months there, trapped. And she’d said she could feel it when she was awake. It was always near, waiting for her to fall asleep. I started sleeping at her place after that day. I think I spent like half a year sleeping in her bed. She used to hold me tight in her sleep like she was cold and I was her blanket.” He stopped for a moment to take a sip from his drink.
“And one day, after six months, I realized she wasn’t holding me anymore as she slept. So I moved out.”
Kyle sighed and rubbed his forehead absentmindedly. He wasn’t expecting this. She was too young for all of this. He knew he was panicking inside. Everything seemed extra scary in the light Tom shed on them. His part in Maria’s life seemed bigger and more important now. He had to be careful. She was way too fragile and valuable to treat careless.
Tom looked at Kyle with hope, at last maybe someone would understand and care about her the way he did. Maybe Kyle could help him help her. Maybe Kyle could become what he couldn’t… Her savior…
“So, now you know why I panic so much over her distress and depression. It was really a big deal for her to go back to Roswell. She was worried that they would hate her and refuse her. I don’t think that happened. But I have no idea what did happen. She doesn’t want to talk about it and once again I'm not pushing her.”
Kyle wanted to help out a little to help Tom put pieces together. “I can tell you partially what happened. Amy never blamed her. I don’t know if they talked about it or not, but I know that Amy thinks it’s all her fault that they are so distant. My guess is she spoiled her to death.”
“Liz and Alex wouldn’t blame her either cause it wasn’t entirely her fault that they had fallen apart. Liz and Alex had some hard time themselves and they didn’t even have time for their families let alone a friend living in another city. But I don’t believe that she can easily find the friendship she had left years ago with them. They had changed… a lot. It’s a lot harder and more complicated for them now.”
Tom didn’t want to ask for specifics. It was really late in the evening and Liz and Alex didn’t exactly mean anything to him. Just two faces he had seen in Roswell. What mattered was Maria and as Kyle had put it, it was neither good nor bad for her.
“So this is all about Michael then, huh?”
Kyle nodded, trying hard to not give away his fury.
“And you don’t know what that was all about?” Tom was investigating anymore, he trusted Kyle now, he was just checking.
“Nope. But I will find out.” After a moment’s silence Kyle added. “So, are we giving up on the project let’s-get-Maria-out-of-depression?”
Tom smiled at him wickedly. “Kylie babe, don’t be silly, of course not!”
- - -
After Tom had left Kyle checked Maria’s door and trashed his suitcase to find the cell number he had scribbled on a receipt. He found it and walked over to the weird furry purple phone Maria seemed to adore.
It was time to make a much delayed and dreaded phone call to Isabel Evans.
[ edited 2 time(s), last at 14-Sep-2002 11:41:35 AM ]
|posted on 10-Aug-2002 5:37:59 PM by belit|
|Okay, you wanted to know where Michael is and what the hell Kyle is doing there, so there you go...|
And I have to ask for a favor, can you guys tell me how the story is going in not in a part by part way but generally and be cruel, I can take it
Spence, try not to kill Kyle after reading this, I really like him.
(And the castle is mentioned a couple times before in the story, I can't exactly remember. One in Michael's dream and another in the begining I guess. )
Maria was a deep sleeper. She never ever woke up for anything. Even when she had nightmares or visited unkind places such as her big, bad castle, she had always slept through the night. But that night she just woke up. Yeah, just like that. Not a noise or a light to disturb her, but she woke up. As if Fate had decided that she didn’t have enough for one day…
Her eyes snapped open in the darkness of her room. For a moment she looked around, expecting it to be another dream. She suspected being in the castle again for a minute, but it was warm. Castle was never warm.
Her eyes caught the alien shaped clock on the wall, she yawned. What the hell was she doing awake at this hour? Her bed was comfy and warm… Hmmm… Sleepy. She was sleepy. But something bothered her inside, like something wasn’t right.
It was the air. It felt different. Wrong. She told herself that she was getting worked up over nothing, but had to get up when he heard Kyle’s voice coming from the living room.
“I know what time it is. This is important.”
She could hear the irritation in his voice and definitely the alcohol. She hoped he wasn’t getting drunk and stalking Lucy.
She opened her door slowly, careful not to make a noise, and tiptoed over to the living room. The lights were still on and Kyle was on the phone with his back to her.
“Isabel just wake up and listen to me for a second, okay?”
Maria flinched at the name. Isabel? Isabel Evans? What the hell was going on?
“No, Guerin gave me this number.”
Michael? Maria’s heart started to pound in her chest. She felt her knees get weak suddenly. Temperature was definitely intolerable in the room. She cursed herself for being the idiot that she was. His name was echoing in her head. A warmth spread over her stomach. The feeling matched the one she felt every time she saw his t-shirt she borrowed, but times three billion.
“I want you to tell that bastard to come and see me as soon as possible or I will find him and it won't be pretty.”
Maria watched Kyle pause and listen for a moment. His anger was evident from his posture, all guarded and tense.
“I don’t care. He told me to call you if anything happened. And guess what? Something did! Now do your voodoo trick and find him!”
Maria felt her body go numb. There was a burning knot in her throat. She could taste the poison starting to flow into her blood. Betrayal… Her mind went numb.
Kyle chuckled softly. “Don’t be angry with me Isabel. It’s all that a-sshole’s fault. Now be a good girl and invade his dreams, okay? Yeah. Okay. Good night!”
Kyle slowly put the phone down and turned around to face a very pissed Maria. He jumped at the unexpected sight and cursed under his breath when the realization hit him. S-hit! That was bad! Real bad!
Maria glared at him with barely contained anger. She wanted her voice to come out in an even tone but shouted instead. Oh well, he’d deserved it. “How long have this been going on?”
Kyle avoided her eyes and was studying the living room carpet. He got carried away for a moment and found himself approving the choice in colors. It really matched the character of the room. Then he mentally shook himself. Not a good time to play interior decorator. He was definitely spending too much time with Tom. That guy was contagious.
His gaze found Maria’s and he realized that she was expecting an answer. What the hell was the question? “Uh… Nice carpet.” He said absentmindedly.
“WHAT?!?” Maria could feel her face burning. Betrayal was something she couldn’t cope well with. And betrayal from someone she called family was her nightmares coming true. All she could see was her father’s lying face as he had told her that he was going to Europe on vacation.
She closed her eyes, she was feeling dizzy. She felt her knees get weak suddenly and two strong arms caught her before she collapsed. Kyle placed her on the couch and smoothed her hair.
“It’s okay. I’m sorry. I’ll explain everything. But… please… shout at me all you want, but don’t do this to yourself! Come on sis! Hit me if you’ll feel better.”
Maria opened her eyes and looked at his worried expression. Her face softened at the sight. This was Kyle! Her goofy, macho almost-brother. This was the same guy that ate fish food to make her laugh. He wouldn’t hurt her. No. She refused to believe it!
She punched his chin with all her might and sat back on the couch.
“Ow! S-hit! That hurt!!! God dammit Ria!”
She smiled and made herself comfortable on the couch. “I feel better already…”
Kyle sat near her rubbing his chin, but kept his distance. Can't be too careful, right?
Maria sighed and spat out the questions which she wasn’t sure that she wanted answered. She gazed directly in his eyes, trapping him and refusing to be lied.
“Now, Kyle, explain to me why you lied to me for a damn month and what the hell that phone call meant? And don’t you dare lie to me or I’ll beat the s-hit out of you.”
Kyle rolled his eyes in order to not look scared, but he was sure she would do what she promised. “I didn’t exactly lie to you. I just didn’t tell you everything…”
“And why is that?” Her voice was sarcastic and her look said she wasn’t buying any of his crap.
“You didn’t want to talk about them, so I didn’t know how to tell you. I don’t know, it never came up.”
“Oh, what you mean is, you were too chicken to talk about it! Cause it would have caused other questions. Am I right, Kyle? Other questions such as WHY THE HELL ARE YOU HERE?”
Kyle winced at her shouting voice and the well-hidden pain beneath it. He had never wanted to hurt her. He cursed himself. Stupid! Stupid!
“Look Ria calm down! Michael asked me to come, okay? He said that I needed to take care of you, so I came.”
He watched her face as emotions passed through. Anger, happiness, excitement, anger, confusion, anger… Finally a tired expression covered her features. And she sank deeper into the pillows on the couch. She looked small suddenly. Too fragile.
“Why?” Her voice was small and almost inaudible. “Why did he send you here?”
“I don’t know. That’s why I'm trying to reach him. I’ll kick his worthless ass when I find him!” Kyle was pacing the room furiously, anger taking him over again.
Maria felt her defenses rise at the word. Worthless. Michael hated that word. Hank used that a lot. “Don’t call him that!” She was angry at him. She sometimes almost hated him. But that didn’t change the fact that she would protect him at all costs.
Kyle threw her an exasperated look. “What is the deal with you guys? I am thrown into this thing and I have no idea what is going on! I have been waiting for a month. But do I get an explanation? Of course not! God! I hate all aliens!”
Maria watched him grumble and decided to interfere since he showed no sign of stopping anytime soon.
“Look, Kyle… You tell me your part of the story, then I’ll tell you what I know. Maybe we can piece them together or something, okay?”
Kyle mumbled something which Maria took as a positive answer. He sat on the carpet, leaning against the wall and took a deep breath.
“He’s not really my friend, you know, Guerin…” He raised his eyes to meet hers, just to find her eager to listen to him talk about the man who had f-ucked up her psych. Women. He could never understand them.
“But I kinda grew to respect him, I don’t really know why. He came to me the day after the wedding and told me that you had found out about them. He said they were leaving town for some time and someone needed to make sure you were okay.”
Maria looked unsatisfied. “And you didn’t ask him why?”
“Well, Maria, Guerin isn't the most talkative of people. He talks briefly and usually doesn’t let you ask anything.” Kyle sighed. He was angry at himself that he hadn’t asked him more questions. He could be really stupid at times.
“I asked him where they were going though.” Maria’s eyebrows raised in anticipation. “They didn’t have an evident direction. He said they would be on the road till they got rid of the ones that were after them. I asked who and why. He didn’t really answer me. He mumbled something about the baby and Liz and other aliens. I didn’t really want to know. You know, I got into a lot of trouble because of my curiosity about aliens. I nearly died once. It’s not pretty to get mixed up with them.”
Maria wanted to ask him twenty million questions. Finally, someone to talk to about this oh-so-secret alien crap! But she couldn’t voice any of them before Kyle continued talking.
“I assumed you needed protection, you know, from other aliens. God! I prepared for a battle. I even bought some guns from a friend of dad’s here. But apparently there’s noone attacking you. So I have no f-ucking clue why I'm here.” Kyle combed his hair with his hand. Bad habit. It always gave away his fear.
“You have a gun? In my house?” Maria shrieked. She hated guns. But then a picture of the big, bad, alien guy flashed through her mind and she thought better of it. She calmed down and tried to make sense of what she had found out.
“And you just came with one word from Michael? Not even asking for an explanation?”
Kyle’s head shot up in surprise at her words. “Of course I came! What did you think I would do? Leave you alone in that alien s-hit? Look, Ria, this is dangerous stuff. It had been a long time since they were last attacked, but they are like trouble magnets. And Michael looked pretty serious. He even offered to pay me for it! Bastard.”
He expected Maria to flare up again at the bastard comment but she looked like she agreed that. Women!
“He told me to not tell you that he had sent me. And when I came, you seemed like you didn’t want to hear anything about them, so I didn’t know how to tell you.”
He searched her eyes to see if she still had that betrayed look. She looked softer and hopeful. “I'm sorry Ria. I really didn’t mean to betray your trust. I just really suck at that women and emotions thing. I didn’t want to hurt you.”
Maria smiled and getting up from the couch, hugged him tight. She put her head on his shoulder, feeling relieved. “It’s okay Kyle, it’s okay…” Then she prepared herself to tell him her side of the story.
- - -
Max watched him from a distance. He was sitting on a rock, on the side of the small road they had been following, staring at his hands.
He was quiet. He had always been quiet but this was somehow different. He wasn’t as hostile as he used to be. He didn’t make his usual snide remarks, he didn’t blame him over Liz’s pregnancy and their current situation. Max found it pretty funny to worry over his good behavior but did nonetheless. It was unusual. Unsettling.
He suspected it being connected to Maria somehow but couldn’t complete the connection. He had asked him about her, but Michael had shut him up with his firm voice and threatening eyes.
It was when they had first decided to leave Roswell. The day after the wedding. Max had asked him if they could trust her. He hadn’t wanted to worry about that to top all their problems. Michael’s answer had been short and final. They were going to leave her alone and she wouldn’t talk. Then he’d said Maria had left town already and that had worried Max even more. But looking at Michael, he couldn’t dare ask again. Was she really trustworthy?
Liz knew Maria best. At least she had known her once. And Liz had said Maria would do anything for her friends. She was talkative but loyal. But Liz had been scared that they hadn't been really in friendly terms before she’d left.
So Max kept quiet. Not sure of what else to do except trust Michael about it. But hadn’t his weird behavior started with that same girl? That night, he’d seen Michael protect a girl -a human girl- against them. His supposed friends. It was confusing to say the least. He would think that there was something between them if he hadn’t known better.
But he knew better. He knew Michael didn’t like people. He didn’t like people, especially humans, invading his privacy. He didn’t like them touch him. He didn’t like to get emotional or attached. But wasn’t trust an emotion? It was. And it was a strong one at that.
Max held on to his prejudices about Michael, but he did have his doubts.
- - -
Michael wasn’t sure how long they had been traveling. Time was a hard thing to keep track of. Days were passing without him realizing. He was living in a sort of dream state. Suddenly all his life was one long day that didn’t end.
He was driving mostly. It kept him busy. Busy was good. It kept his mind from wandering. It kept him sane.
There wasn’t a specific direction they were heading. He figured as long as they kept moving they would be safe. Max just nodded his head in agreement to that. He really sucked at making decisions. So they just kept going. Only stopping for food and an occasional shower. Pretty girl Liz didn’t really care about her stinking status when her life was in danger.
Michael was sleeping longer than usual lately. He’d told Max that driving tired his eyes, but he knew it wasn’t that. It was the dreams. He was still dreaming her memories. Something was different though. The ones he’d seen before that night were her memories before they met. Her past. He suspected he’d gotten those when he’d first connected her. But now he kept seeing himself and their time together in Roswell.
It had hurt at first. But in time he’d learned to live the dreams. When he didn’t let himself know that it was a dream, it almost felt real. And he felt good. So he slept more and got to know her better every passing night.
He was addicted. It was addictive to lose himself in her. To see himself through her eyes. To pretend he was that man she saw when she looked at him. To dream what being that man would be like. He was addicted and there was no cure. No way out. He was trapped in her… deeper every day. And he was glad.
He studied his hands for the first time in his life. That had been last night’s dream. His hands. It was the time when Amy made him repair her small radio which she used in her store. Apparently Maria had sat there pretending to read a newspaper and watched his hands. Every move. Every curve. Every line. For hours. And she had loved them. Why? He had no idea.
She was weird. Unpredictable. That was why he never got bored around her. But there was this other part as well. Getting to know her and her routines fascinated him as well. He enjoyed listening to her sing in the shower every morning. And watching her brush her hair every night before she slept. And smelling her scent in the rooms long after she’d left. And seeing her smile the first thing when she woke up every day. Yeah, the routines weren't bad as well.
So, that was how it worked. He had never understood that spending your life with someone thing. It seemed impossible and stupid. Noone seemed to do it anymore anyway. But now, he could see himself growing old with her. He was sure it would be more interesting and better with every passing day. If only he had been that man. If only he could have been more. If only…
- - -
Max chose to approach his life-long friend at that very moment, making Michael wonder what was it with Max and bad timing. He was uneasy. Michael usually just shooed him away with some rude comment. However Max had no choice but to try and try again. He wasn’t about to give up or get more creative.
“Hey.” Michael grunted something like a greeting and kept staring at his hands.
Max shifted his weight from foot to foot and thought of something -anything- to say. And blurted out the first sentence he came to form. “What's wrong?” Not too bad, he mentally patted himself in the back.
Of course. What was he thinking? Michael would never answer a question that vague. He needed to get specific. So he took a risk.
“Is it about Maria?”
Uh-huh! Now he was caught. His head shot up at her name. There was something about Maria. Michael’s eyes became alive and curious and scaringly protective and wild.
“What about Maria?”
His tone was ice-cold and he looked like he would bite Max’s head off if he said something wrong. But what was wrong to say? Something bad about Maria? Or anything about Maria?
Max took another big risk and bluffed with nothing in his hands. He hoped it wasn’t a death wish. He tried to keep an even voice while talking and sat on his slightly trembling hands.
“I know there is something between you two. I can guess its nature. Or you can tell me?”
Michael was guarded more than normal. Max could see his muscles clenching. But he could also see the weariness in his features. He was tired, even if it was only mentally.
Michael sighed, unable to fight back full force. “What do you wanna know Maxwell and why exactly do you want to know it?”
Max could get up and dance around with happiness. Michael was talking, even if it was annoyedly. He was responding without barking at him to butt out. He gathered all his strength for the conversation of the century.
“I am your friend and family, even if you choose to ignore me. I may have made mistakes but I still worry. And I still care. So I want to know what's happening in your life. If it’s okay with you?”
Michael didn’t want to talk. He was tired. Too tired to argue and too tired to have the heartfelt conversation he knew Max wanted to have since like forever.
“Max I’m really not in the mood…”
Max cut him off mid-sentence. “Michael, you’re never in the mood. I just want to know what she means to you.”
Now Michael was officially pissed. Max was pushing it. “You really wanna know Maxwell? You really think you can handle the truth? She means everything to me. She makes me want to buy a stupid house with a hammock in the backyard and marry her and have as many kids as we can! Is that satisfying for you?”
Max was about to have a heart attack because of his fear. A shouting Michael was scary. Not just in a normal shouting people kind of scary but more in a Freddy Krueger kind of scary. But when the first shock wore off he couldn’t stop his grin.
“Yeah really.” Michael said sarcastically. Not feeling least bit embarrassed though he had thought he would. Wow. He wondered when exactly had he stopped to care about what Max was thinking.
“Then I guess you should get started.” Max suggested, cutting off Michael’s thoughts.
Max shrugged. “Buy a house.”
Michael knew Max would -of course- miss the point there. Buy a house, real clever. Like he couldn’t think of that. “Not gonna happen.” He retorted.
“Why?” Max was really curious and he was hoping he could get some reasons before Michael closed up again.
“Are you really that dense Maxwell?” Michael looked at him like he really expected him to admit he was.
“What? Is it because of the never coming spaceship? You can't give up your dreams?”
Michael decided he really was dense. “I can give up my dreams. I can sacrifice anything I want. That won't make me a better man. I don’t have any right to corrupt something that bright and beautiful. You think it would be fair to drag her into all this? What is she gonna do when she gets pregnant? Take a f-ucking world tour?”
Max watched his brother in wonder. Had they really known Michael Guerin? Suddenly he wanted to know him more than ever. “I think you should let her decide that. Liz decided for herself. She knew what she was getting herself into. And she never said she regretted it.”
Michael offered Max a bitter smile. “I am not you Max.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
For Michael it had meant everything. But he offered Max the plain version of the explanation considering his dense status. “You’re the better man. The better alien. You really can't understand this.”
Max hated this the most. Michael’s despising attitude towards himself. “Make me understand Michael!”
“She is the light. And I am nothingness. Can you understand that? The darkness inside me can't be illuminated. If I stay close enough, long enough, I know the darkness will engulf her too. I can't let that happen. I won't let it happen.” Michael spat out the words, hating Max for making him voice them.
Max stood up from his place on the rock and gazed into Michael’s eyes. His voice was firm because he believed in what he was saying.
“You’re wrong Michael.”
Michael would have laughed at his words any other, time but in his eyes he saw what he never did before; a wise man, a leader, a king… And he almost believed him.
[ edited 2 time(s), last at 14-Sep-2002 11:43:49 AM ]
|posted on 13-Aug-2002 7:08:19 PM by belit|
|I'm back with a short part. Hope you'll like it.|
Isabel walked on the unnaturally bright green grass towards the playground. She could hear children’s voices. Carefree laughter and joy of childhood. Freedom and carelessness. Things she was never allowed to have.
It was surprising that she could enter Michael’s dream that easily this time. She had been trying for a couple of days now and she had found herself blocked every time she’d tried. Michael was never easy, he usually was closed off to invaders but this time felt different.
It wasn’t the normal mental wall Michael had. She couldn’t reach him this time because there was nothing to reach. She would know if he was awake, that wasn’t an option. So that left one thing. Michael was dreamwalking.
Isabel knew it wasn’t possible. Michael couldn’t even heat a cup of tea without breaking it, thinking of him dreamwalk was just insane. But she was out of ideas.
She reached the playground and looked around for Michael. She passed a couple of mothers playing with their children and saw him. She held her breath. He was there, sitting under a tree watching the children play. But the thing that made Isabel stop on her tracks wasn’t that.
She stopped because what she saw was something she hadn't seen since their childhood and even back then it was a rare occasion. It was something she never thought she would ever see again. Something unfamiliar and strange. Michael Guerin was smiling.
She stopped and watched him watch the children. Then she followed his gaze and found the little kid he was watching so intently.
It was a little girl with long, blond hair. She was running around with other children and laughing. She had a rich laughter, full of life. Her hair was bouncing around as she moved making her look more animated, more alive. She looked around as Isabel watched her and spotted Michael. She waved her little hand to him and turned back to play with her friends again.
Isabel watched the interaction in awe. It was beautiful and weird and unexpected to see Michael like that. She shook her head to clear it. This was just a dream. It was… unusual, that was true, but it was just a dream nevertheless.
She reached the tree that Michael was sitting under and sat near him. He didn’t even acknowledge her presence. He just kept watching the little girl with shining eyes and a small smile playing on his lips.
“Who is that girl?”
Isabel felt everything freeze after she heard her voice. It was her voice, just her normal everyday voice. But somehow it was inappropriate. Time stood still. It was too quiet all of a sudden. There was no laughter or wind or birds, just total silence.
Then Isabel felt the shifting in the air. It was changing. She turned her head to look at the now too silent children only to find them gone.
They were in the desert when the shifting ended. Nothing but rocks and sand as far as the eye could see. It was cold and empty. She was afraid to talk again. She feared to cause another change in his dream although she knew for sure that she couldn’t possible change someone else’s dream.
Michael’s voice took her away from her thoughts. “Isabel.”
She looked at his face. That was Michael Guerin alright! No smile, just the worry and scowling lines… His relaxed calm stance was gone, instead he looked tired and guarded.
“I…Uh…” She couldn’t gather her thoughts to form a sentence or remember where she was and why she had come there for a moment.
“What are you doing here?”
“Kyle called.” She finally blurted out. She wanted it to be over quickly so she could get out of there. She could feel clearly that she wasn’t wanted.
She watched with wonder as his expression changed into a one of panic and worry. “Why? What happened?”
“He didn’t say anything. He was pissed. He wants you to contact him or go to him or something. I don’t know what it’s about.”
He looked suspicious. “He didn’t say anything else?”
“Well, he said that it wouldn’t be pretty when he finds you. And I think he called you an a-sshole.” Isabel was waiting for a classic Michael fury but was disappointed.
Michael just sat there looking at his boots and thinking.
- - -
“Hey Mars, look what I bought you!” Tom chimed the moment he entered the apartment.
Maria didn’t even move from her place on the couch. Tom approached her with caution. When he came near enough he heard the sob escaping her lips.
“WHAT HAPPENED??” he shouted panicking. “Mars, what’s wrong.”
Kyle entered the room with a huge chocolate bar in his hand and a scowl in his face. “She’s been watching those damn movies again.” He whined.
Tom released the breath he’s been holding. “Oh, okay then.”
Kyle took a bite from the chocolate and made an approving sound before checking its cover for the name.
Maria snatched it from his hands. “Hey!” Her eyes were fierce and threatening. “Mine!”
Kyle held his hands up in surrender as she took a huge bite. “Hmm.” He looked at Tom with questioning eyes. He was getting worried. Maria had been crying all day and eating like a cow. He was starting to think that it could be alien related.
Tom shrugged. “Mood swings. THAT time of the month.”
“Oh.” Kyle wasn’t sure if he was relieved or terrified. This happened every month? God! He needed to move. Fast!
Tom gave Maria the bag he was carrying. “That’s for you little lady.” Maria looked at him, raising an eyebrow.
“What is it this time?” She took out the bottle inside and sighed. “Peach?”
“Yeah, it’s supposed to be relaxing.” Tom looked proud, Kyle was just plain amused.
“Tom this is the fifth one this week. What are you up to?”
Tom feigned innocence, opening his eyes big and fluttering his eyelashes. “I just want you to have long, warm, relaxing baths. And it will be good for your cramps, you know it.”
Maria didn’t buy it, but her fetish of scents was kicking in at the rich smell of peach. “Oh, okay. I’ll just go try this one.” She smiled. “I’ll smell like peaches.” Her face crumpled in confusion. “Is that a good thing?”
“Yes, of course it is.” Tom wiggled his eyebrows to Kyle. Kyle looked confused for a moment then rushed to help him out. “Yeah, sure, peaches are great!”
Maria, not aware of the clumsy attempts of the guys, made her way absentmindedly to the bathroom.
Tom met Kyle’s eyes and sighed. “That was close.”
“Yeah, we need to find another way to do this. Maybe we could give her sleeping pills or something.” Tom threw him a don’t-be-dumb look. Kyle gave up easily. “Okay, so we don’t give her pills.”
They sat on the couch facing each other and started their daily discussion on how to get Maria back. It had been a week since their last attempt, the poker night, and they had been gathering information and planning since then.
“So any bright ideas?”
Kyle was sick of this. They weren't going anywhere with those sessions. They’d talked and analyzed every possibility; parties, therapy, vacation, skiing, forcing her back to work again… Tom had eliminated them one by one. He had a million reasons. She would get drunk, get pissed and kill the therapist, get lost, break her neck or terrorize the soon to be married couples… the list just went on like that.
“I’ve been thinking…” Tom began. Kyle rolled his eyes. Oh boy…
“…It’s not about forgetting and moving on for her. She doesn’t want to forget. She just wants to…” Tom couldn’t find the word.
Kyle saw there was something different this time. Tom was onto something. “To what?”
“To deal I guess.” Tom shrugged.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Kyle was expecting something miraculous. What was that supposed to mean now? To deal?
“You know, it’s like an open wound. She doesn’t want to just cover it and forget the pain. That’s not what she needs. She needs to look into it and let it heal. Take the time. You know?”
Kyle nodded tentatively. Actually he had no idea what he was talking about. All that metaphors again. He hated that s-hit!
Tom got all excited all of a sudden. He knew he’d solved it. They were finally progressing! He started pacing. “That’s what we did wrong! We tried to cover it. With alcohol or guys or friends! But that’s not how it works. We need to help her find a way to heal!”
Kyle felt like he had to say something under Tom’s expectant gaze. “Ooo-kay… How would she heal?”
Tom sat on the couch near Kyle and took his telling-a-story stance. “You knew Maria from school, right? You know how she looked back then?"
Kyle nodded, not sure where this was heading. Tom continued. “When I first met her, she had short hair. She had cut it really short.” Kyle felt the expectant gaze again.
“When you knew her, in school, she had short hair, right?”
“Yes. And your point?”
Kyle noticed that Tom had a proud -almost smug- smirk on his face, which was so unlike him. “Her father used to love her hair. Long and curly. That was how it used to be when she was little. When they spent time alone together, Mars and that bastard I mean, he used to play with her hair. And she loved it. It was their special thing. She felt like she was important for him. Well, whatever! That’s not the point now.”
“After her father left… Well actually after she realized that he was gone for sure, around like when she was eleven I guess, she cut it. As a revenge or something. She kinda wanted to make him mad.”
“Did she tell you all this?” Kyle was terrified at Tom’s insight. Tom was just plain scary. He knew too much. How? Kyle had no idea. He didn’t even know that it was possible to know so much about someone else. Hell, he didn’t even know that much about himself.
“No, of course not. I figured out the most. She doesn’t like talking about these things.”
Kyle agreed Maria for the first time about Tom. He definitely analyzed too much. “Okay, then what does this have to do with us now?”
“Wait, I’m getting there. So, she started to grow back her hair when her father returned. Don’t look like that. She wasn’t aware of it or anything. At least she wasn’t till I told her. Anyway, after the bastard left, she cut it again. Really short this time, she really was pissed.”
Kyle interrupted. “But you know, women tend to do that a lot. I mean they always cut their hair when they face depression. It might not mean anything.”
“Yeah, it might not, but believe me, it does. I know it does.”
“I still don’t see the connection.”
“Stop interrupting and I’ll hopefully explain before she gets out of the tub! Where was I? Oh, yes, the healing part. After I realized what she was doing, I explained to her that she was subconsciously burying her problems. She cut her hair because it reminded her of her pain every time she looked in a mirror. When she saw a short haired version of herself she didn’t have to deal with her hatred for her father.”
“First she refused to listen to me, but then next thing I knew she was growing it back. And slowly, watching her hair grow every day, she let go of the hatred. It didn’t make her forgive her father, it just helped her deal with her loss. She stopped running. I can't believe I couldn’t think of this before, but Kyle this time we forced her to run and she refused.”
Tom sighed. “She is growing up. She figured this one out herself. I'm afraid she won’t need me anymore.”
Kyle laughed at his words and expression. “You sound like her mother.“
Tom was still serious. “Well, I was, you know. I was practically her everything after Colin. It’s hard enough to see you guys back in her life and now she’s growing up! She’s gonna leave me eventually but this is too soon.”
Kyle rolled his eyes. Was it full moon or something? It wasn’t just Maria’s period, there was something in the air.
“But, I’m getting sidetracked. I didn’t want to believe her wound was this deep. But apparently it is. And she already knows what to do. We just need to find, how?”
This much talk and Kyle was still wondering what Tom was talking about. “How what?”
Oh man, stupid jock! “How to heal. There must be something to help her. Like growing her hair did.”
“And you have no idea what that is?”
“Uh… No. Not yet.”
“Oh, great! All this bulls-hit and you have no idea what to do!”
“Well, let’s hear it from you. What did you find, jock-brain?”
“I found a f-ucking box full of lyrics and notes!”
Tom stopped and thought for a moment. “Where did you exactly find this box?” This smelled of trouble.
Kyle looked down, up, around… anywhere but his eyes. He mumbled something incoherent.
“I said I found it under her bed, okay?” Tom’s hand flew to his chest involuntarily and he held his breath in horror.
“You know she’ll kill you, right?”
“It’s for her own good.” Kyle reasoned, more to himself than to Tom. “She’ll thank me later.”
“Don’t count on it pal.”
They tiptoed to the bathroom and headed for her bedroom after they listened to her splash around for a bit. Kyle took out the box and handed him some papers.
Tom was amazed. All this time he’d known her, she had never mentioned her singing and music. He read some of her lyrics. They were good. Heartfelt. Intense. And unfortunately dark.
“I had no idea she could sing.” Kyle felt in advantage for the first time since this quest had begun. So Tom wasn’t perfect. Thank God!
“She sang all the time in school. She has real talent. She always wanted to be a singer. I don’t know why she let it go.” It was his turn to look smug now. “She plays guitar.”
Kyle walked to her closet and opened its door to reveal a guitar. He heard Tom’s intake of breath and snickered. He was having fun.
The guitar was old and dusty. Obviously got out of an attic or some kind of storage. Kyle closed the door and sat next to the box again. They looked through the lyrics, Tom’s brain working hard and fast, considering possibilities.
“Listen to this…
I bleed as I try not to wait
I fear it might already be too late
And my heart aches as my will breaks
Darkness creeps up on me
Man, this can’t be good.”
Tom had to disagree. He knew Maria. She was an expressive person. She talked about her problems. When she couldn’t talk, she needed another way to get them out. That was it. Songs were her way of healing.
Kyle was still reading while Tom celebrated his new perspective.
“Hope is sweet
But it’s poisoning
Feel my need
Come to me…
This is so NOT good.” Kyle was shaking his head, like he was willing them to go away. He didn’t want it to be this real, solid thing. Reading those lyrics were like holding her bleeding to death in his arms. Those made her pain real. And he hated seeing it.
“Are you sure these are new? I mean she could have kept them here forever. They don’t really mean anything.”
Kyle shook his head. Spaceboy? They were new alright. “You have to trust me this time Tom. These are about Guerin.”
- - -
Meanwhile, somewhere far away from them, Michael Guerin suddenly woke up from his troubled sleep with a feeling of uneasiness and a searing pain in his stomach.
[ edited 3 time(s), last at 14-Sep-2002 11:45:36 AM ]
|posted on 15-Aug-2002 1:38:43 PM by belit|
Max woke up to Michael’s frantic tapping on the car window. He sat up and opened the door.
“What is it Michael?”
He was whispering. He didn’t want to wake Liz up. She was having enough problems already. He had known that it would be hard. An Antarian-Human pregnancy? Who knew how it would be? What it would cause? A normal pregnancy was hard enough for a woman and Liz’s was multiplied by a million.
They had no clue about how the pregnancy was going. At home, they had planned everything. They’d had their own lab to examine the progress day by day. But now it was all miles back in Albuquerque and they knew nothing except that it was growing fast. Really fast.
The baby was growing in almost a triple rate. Liz was huge and she was only three months along. Max never voiced his worries near her but he feared that she would go into labor any time now. He was prepared to do it himself but being on the road, in a car with hardly any medical equipment present… He had healing abilities but if anything should go wrong he could lose Liz or the baby or both.
“I need the car. I need to find a phone.”
Michael’s face was contorted in pain. Max panicked. Michael was sick? He was never sick!
“What’s wrong? Let me heal you. What happened? Are you hurt?”
Michael shook his head. He wasn’t hurt. There was nothing wrong with him. The pain had been there all night but now it was getting out of hand. And if what he suspected was right, he didn’t have any more time ignoring it.
“Nothing is wrong, I need to make a phone call.”
“Michael you’re in pain!” Max protested as his brother started the car.
“Not mine Maxwell… It’s not mine.”
- - -
Michael was getting fidgety after an hour of driving. Where the hell was the civilization? They had passed three gas stations but none of them had any working phones. How the hell could those people live like that?
“Why don’t we have a cell Maxwell?” Michael was sitting in the passenger seat, his knees drawn to his chest, his forehead resting on the cool glass.
“Cause they are traceable?” Max offered. He had given up long ago asking him what the hell they were doing. Now he was just trying to calm him down.
“And how do we know those stupid aliens can trace phones? They are not the FBI you know.”
“Well Michael, it was you bright idea to leave the phones in the first place.”
“When did you start listening to my suggestions Maxwell? You never listen. And now, when I suggest something stupid, you don’t even question it…”
Max had every intention of killing him if he uttered one more word, but Michael was saved by the bright lights of a diner on the roadside.
“Okay, go on and make your call, I’m waiting.” But Michael was already out the door and running.
- - -
Kyle jumped from the couch where he fell asleep watching TV. He tried to reach for the stupid purple phone without getting up but he ended up on the floor instead. F-uck! Who the hell was that in the middle of the night?
He finally got himself off the floor and grabbed the receiver. “Yeah?”
A frantic voice greeted him. “Kyle is that you?”
“Yeah. Who the hell…… Guerin?”
“Where’s Maria?” Kyle was officially confused now. It felt like the opening scene of a horror movie. They just lacked the soundtrack.
“Go, check her!”
His orders were pissing Kyle off. “What the f-uck is your problem?”
“Kyle, go check her! She’s not okay!”
Kyle wanted to ask him how the hell did he know but something in his voice stopped him. Something he had never heard in Michael Guerin’s voice before. Something too much like desperation.
Michael sighed with relief. At least he could reach her. He didn’t want to think what he would do if he couldn’t find her. He probably would run all the way to LA. Running was good, it was a good way to contain his worries and to keep unwanted thoughts away.
He leaned his forehead to the cold wall and shut his eyes. Beads of sweat trickled down his temples and neck, making him shiver. He silently prayed and held his breath, both dreading and anticipating Kyle’s return.
- - -
Kyle didn’t have time for pleasantries. Guerin’s voice and cryptic talking was good enough reason for him to barge in her room without knocking. The guy was a jackass but a super natural one at that, so when he was worried Kyle tended to listen.
He had no idea what he was expecting to find there. He hit the lights with caution and found her on the bed lying curled, her knees drawn to her chest.
He was near her in a second. “Maria? You okay? What’s wrong?”
Tears were spilling down her cheeks. She was awake. She opened her eyes and met his gaze. She saw his worry and tried to smile in a reassuring way.
“I’m okay. It’s just cramps.” Her smile faded when another wave of griping pain hit her.
Kyle helped her sit up and smoothed her hair away from her face. He then remembered the alien on the phone. He hesitated for a moment. What was he supposed to do now? Tom would have known. But unfortunately he wasn’t there, so he had to make that choice. He cussed under his breath and reached for the phone on Maria’s bedside.
He gave her an encouraging smile and handed her the phone. “I think you should take that call.” Then he turned away and left her alone.
- - -
Maria sat there holding the phone, puzzled at Kyle’s weird behavior. She tentatively brought the phone to her ear and said “Hello?”
On the other end of the line Michael’s breath caught in his throat. His whole body turned ice-cold all of a sudden and was engulfed in flames just as quickly. His knees felt weak and he found himself crouching on the pavement. The name that had invaded his thoughts but always left unvoiced left his lips in a whisper. “Maria?”
Maria’s body stiffened at the familiar, deep, husky voice. Her heart was running and her blood was pounding in her ears. All coherent thoughts left her brain. She could only utter one word. Michael. Michael. Michael. “Michael?”
Michael’s brain leaped suddenly and came back to life, reminding him why he was calling her at this hour. “Maria, what’s wrong?”
Was that weird or what? The guy was calling after all that time and all he could ask was that? Well, what wasn’t wrong? “What do you mean what’s wrong?” She meant to sound angry but ended up sounding only tired.
“I know something is wrong. You’re in pain. Why?” He didn’t want to admit that he was feeling it. He wasn’t supposed to talk to her in the first place. This conversation had a very good potential of getting out of hand.
“Oh. It’s okay. Nothing important.” She was so dumbfounded that she couldn’t even manage to wonder how he would know that.
His voice rose in fury. “What do you mean not important? Tell. Me. What's. Wrong. Now!”
“It’s just cramps.” She said in a small voice. She felt a little self conscious talking about this with him. This wasn’t exactly the way she fantasized their reunion.
Michael sighed with relief and his body sank, involuntarily losing its edgy posture. “Just cramps?” he asked in a soft, hopeful tone.
Silence took over for a moment. Neither of them knew what to say or do. Then Michael’s brain caught another disturbing thought.
“Is it always this bad?”
“God, no! I kinda fell asleep in the tub the other day, so I guess I caught cold or something…” Her soft voice trailed off. Were they really, seriously talking about this? Maybe she was still dreaming? Yeah, that would explain it.
“Oh, okay.” Oh, okay? That was good. Real smooth. What now? What was he supposed to say now? He banged his head to the wall a couple of times but couldn’t do anything more than to listen her faint breathing through the phone.
Maria wrecked her brain to find something to say when silence took over again. She wanted to ask where he was and tell him to come home, come to her but she knew it would only scare him more. So instead she asked “How’s Liz?”
Michael stopped banging his head and looked at the sleeping figure in the backseat. “Liz is……big.” He chuckled softly.
“Big? She’s only three months along, she can't be showing much.” Maria defended her friend.
“This is not exactly a normal pregnancy, so believe me, she is big. Max says the baby’s almost equal to a nine months along one.”
Maria shrieked. “So she’ll give birth any time? And you’re still on the road? Are you out of your mind?”
“The guys just won't stop coming! What else can we do?” Michael was feeling the familiar tingles of irritation he always felt when they were fighting. God, he’d missed that!
“Is Max there? Michael put him on the phone!” Oh, great… Now she was using the motherly voice!
“No, I'm not putting him on the phone! That’s not why I called! We don’t have time for this!” It hit Michael the moment he said it but there was no taking it back now. That’s not why I called. What if she asked why really he was calling? How the f-uck would he explain that?
He changed his mind and interrupted her before she could say anything. “Wait, I’ll get Max.” Yeah, let Max deal with her. It wasn’t a good time for answering serious questions like why are you calling?. That required thinking and after hearing her voice, thinking wasn’t exactly one of his brain’s functions that actually worked.
- - -
Maria waited, sitting on her bed her legs crossed. She regretted the moment she asked for Max. Talking to Max meant not hearing Michael’s voice and that sucked.
Hearing her name from his lips after months felt like finding water in the middle of the desert. She couldn’t even remember why she was supposed to be angry. Oh yeah, cause he’d f-ucked her and left her, that was it. But at that moment, she refused to process that's meaning.
The thought of Liz alone with two guys on the road nine months pregnant… It was just too much. She couldn’t let that happen. She knew how it felt to be pregnant and alone. Granted, Liz wasn’t alone, Max was with her but with all those hormones working overtime Maria knew Max wouldn’t be enough.
She could remember wanting her mother and her best friend with her. There was this constant fear that her baby wouldn’t be alright, she wouldn’t do things right… And Liz’s was half alien to top it all. God, how Liz had survived till then was beyond her but she had to rescue her soon, before she went into labor.
“Maria. Hi.” Max sounded unsure. Of course, God knew how Michael got him there. Probably didn’t make any explanations and just threw him the phone. It was so like him.
“Hi. Max, can you please explain to me why my friend is still in a car 24/7 when she is about to give birth to her baby?”
This part of Maria DeLuca was new to Max. The protective and bitchy part. ”Uh… Maria what are you talking about?”
“Max, listen to me. I know you love her so I'm hoping you would understand this. Pregnant women tend to be fragile; both emotionally and physically. I know you’re trying to protect her but turning her into a nervous wreck wouldn’t help that.”
Maria was touching a sore spot. Max knew Liz wasn’t good. She was crying in her sleep, eating only for baby’s sake and never talking. But he had to keep her safe, so he couldn’t take her to her mother, to Roswell. It was the basic rule; if your enemies knew where you were, you just didn’t stay there.
“I know. I know. But I have to keep them safe. I can't lose her or the baby. Maria, I don’t know what else to do.”
Max’s tired voice was laced with pain. Maria knew this pain too well. Fear of losing a baby. And she knew how it felt to actually lose one too. They didn’t need to feel that. They were a lovely couple, they deserved to be a lovely family.
“Look, trust me, she needs to settle down and relax right now. The stress is not good for the baby.” Her voice thickened with unshed tears. “Max I once lost a baby because of stress and I wouldn’t want her to go through that.”
Max was speechless. What would you say to something like that? “I'm sorry.”
“No, I’m not telling this to you to make you feel sorry. I want you to not make the same mistakes. If you want your family safe and sane, stop running.” After months of absence Super Maria was back. “Where are you right now Max?”
Max looked around. Really where were they? “I have no clue…”
“Okay, now I want you to find out where you are and either go back to Roswell or come here to LA.”
Max cut her off mid-sentence. “No, Maria, I’m not gonna risk anyone else’s lives. No. We can't come there or go back.”
“Max, you’re missing the point here. I make the decision. Liz is practically like my sister and I want her here. And if you can't make it here, you have to take her to Roswell, to her mother and friends.”
“No! No buts! Kyle can help you with the bad guys and I can take care of her. And you know what, call Isabel and Alex. They can help too. The more the merrier.”
“Maria, you don’t understand. We can't just…”
“Max, don’t make me come there! Just shut up and think about it. Call me in the morning. And Max?”
“Tell that big log I missed him.”
- - -
“Brought you some breakfast.” Max had bought pancakes for them from the diner. He figured he would need some kind of a peace offering before telling him their new route.
Michael just took the package Max handed him and didn’t say anything. His head was full of Maria. Her voice. The dreams lacked that. They were silent. And now after all this time, hearing her say his name… it was intoxicating. She was intoxicating.
He could close his eyes and replay everything she had said. And picture her saying them. The way her lips move to form his name and the glint in her eyes… God, she had to be illegal.
“We’re going to LA.”
That got Michael out of his Maria induced thoughts and elicited the expected effect. “What?”
“Maria says Liz needs rest and she’s right. This isn't going anywhere.”
“Have you lost your mind? No! No way we’re getting her involved in this s-hit again.”
Max looked at his brother with soft eyes. He could understand his protectiveness but there was no other way.
“Michael, I just checked the map. Why are we headed for LA if you want to keep her out so much?”
Michael couldn’t answer that. No. He didn’t have any answers when it came to the things she made him do. He had noticed that he somehow instinctively started heading for LA two weeks ago. But he just couldn’t turn back. He wasn’t planning on seeing her. Maybe he could just watch her from afar. He didn’t know.
All he knew was that he was drawn to her against his will. And that this could be deadly, for both of them.
- - -
Kyle brought a glass of water and some painkillers for Maria after she hung up.
“So they are coming?”
She took the pills thankfully and smiled at him. “Have you been spying on me Valenti?”
“Not on you but on that jerk. You want me to kill him?”
She laughed at his innocent look. He was just too cute for words. “No, no. I think I want him alive.”
Kyle got serious suddenly. “You sure you can handle that Ria? I mean I can understand if you want Liz here, but Michael? You sure it will be okay?”
Maria offered him a smile which she hoped looked reassuring. “It will be okay Kyle. I can handle it. I have to. And if I can't… Well, you can always kill him, right?”
- - -
Tom watched Maria’s frantic cleaning for a good ten minutes before giving up and finding Kyle.
“Kyle, what the hell is she doing?”
“Uh… Cleaning like a lunatic?” Kyle suggested.
“Kylie, babe, she NEVER cleans. And I mean never. That thing inside is not Maria! It’s like invasion of the body snatchers or something…”
“She talked to Michael last night.” Said Kyle calmly, as if offering an explanation.
“Oh.” Tom relaxed. So that was why… Hmm. “What did they talk about?”
“They are coming here. To stay.”
“Holy s-hit! You think that’s a good idea?”
“Nope. She already started to act all demented, I really don’t want to find out how she would react to his actual self.”
Maria came in with a dustrag in her hand and started to dust the perfectly clean door. “Hey Tom!” Her face beamed with a smile.
“We need to go shopping today! We need beds, lots of beds. And baby stuff for Liz. And of course food, healthy food for the pregnant lady. And we can stop by the book store and grab some books on delivering babies. Then we should buy some more of these cleaning thingies… The pink ones. They smell great… Ooooh. I gotta make a list or I’ll definitely forget some of them.”
She ran out of the room to make a list and left two shocked guys gaping at her retreating back.
“Okay, now that was scary! Are you sure she’s not one of those pod people?”
- - -
Two very tired and pissed guys followed Maria around in the mall, their arms full of packages and bags.
“Are we still on for tonight?”
“Well, yeah, she looks weirdly out of her depression but Lucy will expect us there.” Tom snickered at the grin that started spreading on Kyle’s face when he mentioned Lucy. Then he saw Maria cooing at some baby shoes.
“Kyle, I think this might be demonic possession. We may need a priest.”
[ edited 2 time(s), last at 14-Sep-2002 12:10:37 PM ]
|posted on 16-Aug-2002 4:56:20 PM by belit|
|Where is everyone??? This place is getting lonelier every time I post another part!|
This part is short but it seemed appropriate to stop it there...
So go on, read it and tell me what you think...
“What do you think of the green ones?” Maria held a bright green satin bra to her chest, holding matching panties in her other hand.
Tom looked thoughtful for a moment. “Don’t you think laces are a little bit too much?”
Maria turned to Kyle who was sitting in the corner, pretending he didn’t know them. Kyle rolled his eyes. “I think I’ll puke.”
Maria gave him her best pout. “That bad, huh?”
Kyle got up and walked away shaking his head. “I’ll never come shopping with you guys again!”
It was disturbing to say the least. All those women around him buying panties and lingerie, talking about their breast sizes. He wasn’t used to that kind of thing. After all, he didn’t have any sisters and he could hardly remember his mother. And girlfriends? He’d never had a steady one to discuss underwear… He wondered what color Lucy preferred? Hmm…
Maria was walking around in the store, picking an occasional bra with bright colors. She had come to buy a nightgown for Liz, but got all caught up in underwears. She didn’t need them, she had a huge collection, but shopping for them was fun and always gave her self-confidence.
“I thought you wouldn’t sleep with him again?”
The red headed woman looking at the blue bra looked intrigued by his question. But Maria wasn’t. She knew how his mind worked.
“Okay, then why are we buying you sexy underwear?”
Maria shrugged and continued browsing through pink thongs. “Just to feel good babe, nothing more.” Then she pulled a thong with a bright glittery star in the middle.
“What do you think?”
- - -
Kyle was struggling with bags while trying to keep up with Tom.
“I think she’s better now. Look at her! One phone call from the a-sshole and a shopping trip and suddenly she’s all better! I’ll never understand women…”
“She bought pink lingerie and a matching dress with high heeled shoes.” Tom stated like it explained everything.
Kyle looked at him behind the packages. “So?”
Tom sighed. He just had to spell everything out for that stupid jock! “She wears bright colors when she feels inadequate. She would wear either black or white if she feels self-confident. So she’s not really mended, she’s just excited.”
Kyle felt the urge to form a crucifix with his fingers but unfortunately his hands were full. “Tom, stay out of MY brain okay? If I ever catch you analyzing my s-hit, you’re a dead man. Now help me with those bags.”
“No, you know you’re the brother and I am the gay best friend. That means I help her pick them and you’ll be a perfect gentleman and carry them.”
In truth Tom didn’t mind carrying them but watching Kyle with stupid colorful bags all around him was just too much fun. It was like getting revenge from all the jocks who made fun of him back in high school.
Kyle dropped two of the bags again for the fifth time and stopped to retrieve them. But his hands were all full so he ended up trying to pick them up with his feet.
A pretty brunette girl stopped to help him. Kyle smiled at her with all his innocence and gave her a I'm-a-poor-little-puppy look. Then he started telling the girl how his pregnant sister couldn’t carry them and he was doing her a favor.
Tom laughed and elicited a look from Kyle which meant talk and you’re dead. Men! He shook his head and quickened his pace to catch up with Maria.
- - -
Maria, Tom and Kyle entered Lucy’s small bar which was only a couple blocks down from Maria’s apartment. It had been so long since Maria had last seen the place. It was quiet, not too crowded and was illuminated only with the few candles placed around.
They made their way to the back where their usual table waited for them. It was a dark shadowy corner, they chose it to not be disturbed by other people around. And in some cases not to disturb them.
“So why did she call the place Leithyia?” Kyle asked, taking a sip from his beer.
“It’s her daughter’s name.”
Maria’s answer made Kyle choke on his beer. He felt panic rising from his stomach like a tidal wave. Why the hell hadn’t anyone told him that? She was married? And had a daughter? Oh god…
Tom patted his back and decided to end Kyle’s suffering before Maria tortured him to death just for fun. “Kyle, she’s not married.”
Maria watched in amusement as Kyle’s complexion turned back to normal from its bluish state. He coughed a little to get himself back together.
Maria was clutching her side from laughing so hard. “Oh my God Kyle, you should have seen your face…”
“Yeah, yuck it up! I’m the one that was about to have a heart attack!” He blushed a little which looked completely adorable if you asked Maria. “So she’s divorced?” he asked trying and failing to look not too eager.
“Nope. She never was married.”
“Why do you think? The bastard knocked her up and left her. He gave her money which she used for this place and signed some papers to give up all his claim on the kid. It was a shock at first but now everything is peachy. Lei doesn’t need an a-sshole to pretend to be a father. Look at my father. I wish my mother had done what Luce did in the first place.”
Kyle wondered what really was wrong with those guys… Amy, Maria and now Lucy? They were the most loving women he knew. How could someone leave them like that? A picture of a very pregnant Lucy flashed in his mind. What was so sexy about pregnant women? Or was it just about a pregnant Lucy? Oh God… He had to stop thinking like that.
“So what kind of a name is Leithyia?”
“Great isn't it? I helped her pick it!” Maria said all excited. Kyle thought he should have guessed that. The girl almost named her daughter Apple for God’s sake! Maria continued ignoring his snort. “It’s the name of a Greek goddess. I think it’s beautiful.”
The conversation was interrupted by Lucy’s presence nearing their table. She kissed them all and smiled and blushed a little at Kyle which Maria took as a good sign. She knew it, they were going to be good for each other.
“Tom, why don’t you take Maria to the stage now?” Lucy said with an evil grin and grabbed Kyle’s hand. She couldn’t just leave the guy there, in the middle of the storm. “And Kyle will help me with her guitar…”
“Yeah, yeah, sure…” Kyle was eager to follow her. This couldn’t be pretty.
“Tom, what the hell???” Maria was fidgeting in her seat, puzzled at the turn of events.
“You’re singing tonight. For us. You never told us you could, so that’s your punishment.”
Tom was calm. He had handled Maria’s wrath lots of times, this couldn’t be worse than the time he had accidentally cut one of her boyfriends’ pony tail. After all those years of friendship, he wasn’t scared of her anymore. Well, not THAT scared at least…
But Maria wasn’t angry. She didn’t have time to think that she should be angry. Tom was pushing her towards the stage. All she could do was protest.
“Tom, I can't. Come on. All those people around? I really can't. And what will I sing? I can't remember anything. Too bad. I can't sing then, right?”
Tom handed her some papers. “I chose you some songs.” Three guys came up behind her. Oh God! Since when did Luce had a band? She closed her eyes and focused on breathing. In. Out. In. Out.
Someone handed her her guitar. How the hell had they brought it there? Then she saw Lucy making her way to the microphone.
“Hi everyone. We have a special treat for you tonight. This beautiful, young lady here is Maria DeLuca and she’ll be singing for us.”
Everyone started applauding since Maria was sitting in the middle of the stage with a guitar in her hand, looking stunning in her new pink dress.
“And if you’ll be nice to her I'm sure she’ll keep singing for us every once in a while.” Maria pinched Lucy’s arm and saw her winking at Kyle. To Maria’s amusement he blushed again.
Maria took a look at the papers in her hand while Lucy made her way down the stage. I Will Love Again, I Will Survive… Her eyes found Tom sitting in the corner and she shook her head, smiling. He really was trying, wasn’t he?
Tom saw her talk to the band guys and sit back at her place, preparing her guitar. She adjusted the microphone closer to her. And then started playing…
Her eyes were closed and she shut her mind down to every distraction. All she could see was his face in front of her. She could smell his scent. Music felt like the connection they shared. That moment when everything was him. That was why she had always loved music so much. It took her away from reality and brought her to places she had no other way to go.
Then she started singing. Her voice was soft but full of emotion, alive. The lyrics fell from her lips like they were a part of her. A living and bleeding part. Tom could almost physically feel her hurt.
“And I'd give up forever to touch you
'Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't want to go home right now”
Kyle gave Tom an unbelieving look. “Is this the best you could find? Are you a sadist or something?”
Tom never took his eyes away from the girl in the stage, singing her heart out, too afraid to open her eyes. “No, she changed the list.”
He sighed. “Maybe that’s better. We should let her sing what's in her heart…”
“And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything feels like the movies
Yeah you bleed just to know you're alive”
Lucy approached them in awe. “Oh my God, when you said she could sing, I thought… you know… that she could sing. But this… I wasn’t expecting this. This is… beautiful. She is so beautiful…”
“And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am”
A lone tear made its way down Maria’s cheek but she didn’t wipe it away. She wasn’t really aware of it. Aware of where she was or aware of the crowd cheering and shouting her name with the end of the song.
She just sat there, her eyes still closed and chose another song that has been playing in her mind. And started singing…
- - -
Maria opened her eyes to a dreamy picture of Kyle and Lucy dancing. She looked around and saw Tom coming towards her. He kneeled in front of her and wiped the tears she had shed while singing. He watched her eyes search the place in wonder, like she’d just woken up from a coma. She looked so innocent at that moment, like a new born baby.
When her questioning eyes finally found his he couldn’t resist anymore. He kissed her forehead and hugged her tight.
“How long…?” she managed to ask and noticed how dry her throat was.
Tom chuckled. “Three hours straight. You’ve got one hell of a repertoire, you know that? And those two has been dancing for the last hour. I was about to go insane. They keep whispering and blushing like high school kids.”
Maria smiled and watched them dance to a non-existent music. “They are a cute couple.” She said, still not moving from her place in Tom’s arms.
“Yeah, I guess they are. We’re losing our little Luce to the stupid jock.” Maria hit him playfully.
“That stupid jock happens to be my brother.”
Tom cupped her face and stared at her eyes for a moment. It wasn’t the little angry girl looking back at him anymore. There was some maturity there he’d never seen before. Finally at the age of twenty-two, she was a grown woman.
“I am so proud of you.”
“What? The singing?”
“No…” He shook his head and smiled a genuine proud parent smile he had specially reserved for Maria. “You grew up.” He sighed and continued in a mocking tone. “And all it took was a spiky haired, gloomy guy from Roswell, New Mexico.”
“He’s not gloomy…” Maria protested, making Tom chuckle and kiss her cheek.
“No, of course not!”
[ edited 2 time(s), last at 14-Sep-2002 12:15:50 PM ]
|posted on 17-Aug-2002 8:53:34 PM by belit|
|Okay then, a new part for those who are not on vacation...|
Maria sat on her bed and watched Lei play with her doll. She was a cutie with her red curls and freckles. She was fourteen months old which was the perfect age of sweetness and charm for a baby.
Maria had never been too good with kids till the day she found out that she was going to have one herself… Fate had robbed her off from her baby but the feeling had stayed. Now she couldn’t help but love every little kid she had set eyes on.
She had been singing at the bar every night for the last week but that night was an exception. Lucy and Kyle had a date. And it was her duty as a friend and a sister to babysit Lei. Not that she was complaining…
She was a little worried about Liz. She had no way to contact them and they were supposed to arrive a couple of days ago. Isabel and Alex were coming the next day, so she had decided to wait till they came and not alarm everyone with her worries.
“Lei, baby, give that to me…”
The little girl was trying to eat one of Maria’s lipsticks. She must have left it on the bed. She tried to take it from her hands but ended up helping her get the cap off.
“Oh, God, baby let it go. That’s really expensive and Luce wouldn’t like it if your poop looks pink!”
They were struggling but Lei seemed to like the struggle and the little girl did have her mother’s strength. God!
“Baby give it to Maria…”
Lei’s eyes opened big and she squeaked. “Mars!”
“Oh God! You just said my name! That’s so sweet. Now give me back my lipstick!”
The doorbell rang just as they were about to fall off the bed. Maria raised her head to the sound victoriously. “Huh! Mommy’s here. Now we’ll see who gets the lipstick!”
She took the little girl in her arms and made her way to the door, still ranting about how she would win eventually.
- - -
Michael felt his heart beat faster with every step he took in the direction of her apartment. Breathing was something he had to focus on in order to do right. He felt like he was about to collapse, his knees weren't obeying him anymore.
Max threw him anxious glances over his shoulder. He probably was scared that he would run away. Michael snorted at that. If only he knew…
True, one part of him did want to run away but the other part, the undeniably strong one, wanted to pass Max and Liz, run towards her door, hold her tight in his arms and never let her leave. It was that same part which could feel her presence behind that door clearly now.
Liz was practically jumping up and down with anticipation before him. Michael would have found it funny that a woman her size could look so much like a little girl in a toy store if his brain worked properly.
Liz rang the bell as soon as they reached the door. Michael was shifting his weight from foot to foot. He felt an overwhelming urge to run away but his body had a mind of its own. He heard -or maybe imagined- her walking towards the door and she was talking. No she was arguing.
He could hear her faint voice ranting. “Why are you being such a nasty girl tonight, huh? No, no, no… Look, baby that thing cost me a fortune! No, stop… Don’t… God! You just know how cute you are and you're using it against me, aren't you? Look what you did to your face………”
She flung opened the door still talking to the baby in her arms. “Now, you’ll see, mommy’s here!” Her voice died when she saw who were behind the door.
“Oh my God! Liz?”
She hugged Liz as tight as she could with Liz’s huge belly and Lei between them. She looked her friend up and down, taking in her appearance.
“God, Liz, you look great!”
Okay, to be honest, she didn’t look that great. But it was apparent that she needed to hear it. She looked tired. And big. Really big. Liz was a petite girl and that huge belly was just too contrary to her figure.
She was pale and had circles under her eyes. She looked like she was about to cry. Maria thought she would too if she was in the same situation.
Lei’s squeak made them pull apart from each other. “Liz!” She shouted, still fondling the lipstick. Maria laughed. “Oh, now you can talk, huh?”
Liz looked at the little girl with tears shining in her eyes. Those stupid hormones! Maria had a feeling that she would see Liz crying often til she gave birth. She put the baby in Liz’s arms and ushered Max and Michael inside without once glancing at Michael’s side.
“Max.” She hugged the uncomfortable man as friendly as she could manage. She was lost over what to think of him. All she knew was that she had to at least tolerate him for Liz’s sake even if he turned out to be a prick.
“Thanks for bringing her.” She whispered, looking in his eyes and hoping that he would know how much this meant for her. But she could see there, this meant even more for him. And she visibly relaxed. That was good, they were in the same wavelength. She really didn’t have any more strength to fight.
“Thanks for inviting us.” He muttered blushing. This blushing thing had to be something about Roswell. She had never seen any blushing guys at that age in LA.
She let go of Max and her eyes caught the deep brown ones she longed so much to see. Then she thought she’d never seen him blush, so it couldn’t be a Roswell thing. He was always c-ocky or angry, always on guard, never letting any emotion show on his face. But she couldn’t really blame him for it, now that she knew his reasons.
He didn’t look angry or c-ocky at that particular moment though. He wasn’t sure if his face muscles would comply if he tried to move them. So he let them be.
He stood there, in front of her, not moving or speaking, barely managing to breathe. Maria tore her gaze away from his eyes to look at him thoroughly. He looked older. He had an unruly beard that made him look tougher and somehow sexier. But then she saw something that made her blood boil.
“What did you do to your hair?” she yelled at him, making him feel like he was in grade school again.
His hair was longer. He didn’t have any reason to care enough to cut it. It was encircling his face in gentle curls. He had thought that she probably would hate the beard but the hair thing caught him off guard.
“What?” he snapped, happy to face her anger than the awkwardness he expected.
She was fuming. How could he just change his hair like that? She loved his stupid spikes. Just like Bobo’s… “You will go to the bathroom right now mister and fix yourself!”
She grabbed his bag and pushed him towards the bathroom. She went in before him, put the bag down, grabbed new towels for him, took out Kyle’s shaving stuff, careful to always keep her eyes away and her hands busy.
When she was finished, she turned to leave but he was towering over her, blocking her way. She raised a threatening finger “I want that stupid hair fixed when you leave the bathroom.”
He gazed in her eyes and smirked. She really was serious. “You know you’re nuts, right?” he asked, relieved to find her just like she used to be. Just like he loved her to be.
She threw her arms in the air. “Huh! Look who’s talking!” she said and left him alone in the bathroom.
He sighed and leaned against the door. He wondered when exactly his life had gotten so damn complicated. So infuriating. So confusing. Oh yeah, that would be the day she’d crashed in his life… literally…
- - -
Maria gave her room to Max and Liz against all protests. It had the only big bed in the house and after months on the road, she figured they would need privacy.
It was the day after they had arrived that Maria finally found some time to talk to Liz in private. Max had just left to meet Iz and Alex at the airport, Kyle was shopping -alone this time- and Michael was watching TV. They were finally alone.
“So, Liz, what is with all the running?” she asked, while folding the clothes she just washed.
Liz was pouting in her place in Maria’s bed. She wasn’t allowed to move or help her with anything. “I think Max or Michael could explain this better. I don’t really understand it myself.”
Seeing Maria’s raised eyebrow, she continued. “It’s the baby. They say he’s sending out some kind of vibes. I don’t know. I can't feel it. But obviously the other aliens do. They have been tracking the baby and…” Tears were running down her cheeks but Maria suspected this was more than hormones.
“I’m scared. I don’t know what to do. What if it never stops? Those things want something from my baby… And they just keep coming. I’m so scared…”
Maria hugged her friend tight but she knew nothing would ever make her feel better in that situation. She promised herself that she would keep her safe no matter what and decided to keep her distracted for now.
“Did I show you the books I bought?”
- - -
On their second night, the small apartment was packed. She had placed Isabel and Alex in the guest room and Kyle, Maria and Michael were sleeping in the living room.
She had strategically arranged it that she could see Michael as she lay. They haven't been really talking since the hair incident. She smiled as she watched his new spikes. He had changed it back. She felt really grateful for that. She wasn’t sure if she could handle it if he hadn’t.
She knew she needed to be angry. She should have been fuming for what he had done and making him pay. But she was in a pathetic state that she couldn’t even feel anger. All she could do was stop herself from running to his arms. And that was just because she knew for sure that she wouldn’t be able to handle another rejection from him.
The surprising thing was he wasn’t angry either. Not that he had any right to be, but she had expected him to be. He was sarcastic as hell and guarded and closed off as always, but he wasn’t rude to her, or to anyone else for that matter. She didn’t know for sure how to take this.
She took one last look at his sleeping face and closed her eyes. She didn’t want to think. She didn’t want to decide. He was near. And he was safe. That was all it matter at that moment. That was all she cared.
- - -
It had been four days without any attacks… Michael was on edge. The attacks were more frequent even when they had kept moving. This was unusual and suspicious and he hated it.
He was in the guest room, checking Kyle’s weapons. They were impressive. The guy was really ready for a battle. Michael had no doubt that he was sleeping with a gun under his pillow. He had always appreciated a little paranoia.
“You got silencers for those?”
“You gotta be kidding me! Of course I do. What do you think I am? An amateur?”
Michael raised his hands in surrender and chuckled softly. “Just checking!”
“You got good stuff here.” Michael said after a minute’s silence.
“Yeah, and I won't hesitate to use them on you if you ever hurt her again.” Kyle’s voice didn’t waver and his gaze never left his face.
Michael’s eyes met Kyle’s insistent gaze and he didn’t doubt him for one moment. Hell, he wanted to kill himself that night when he’d sat outside Amy’s door and listened to her sobbing, why shouldn’t Kyle feel the same? And Michael actually felt better that she had someone to protect her when he failed. He had been right to trust Kyle with her.
“You do that.” He said and turned his eyes back to the guns.
There was something about Guerin. Kyle was positive that he wanted to kill him, but something in his look right then and his voice on the phone that night made him uncertain. He sighed and rubbed his face. It was all Tom’s fault. He was going to kick his ass the next time he saw him.
“Why the hell did you send me here?” he asked, hating himself for even caring.
“To protect her.” Michael said firmly without raising his eyes.
“From what? There wasn’t anybody after her.”
Michael looked at him with a grim expression and didn’t say anything. But Kyle understood. He wasn’t an insightful guy like Tom, but even he could see the pain in Michael’s eyes. His eyes were so much older than he really was when he didn’t pretend not to care.
Michael didn’t answer but Kyle wasn’t expecting him to anyway. Michael wasn’t the verbal kind of guy but sometimes his actions gave away more than any words could.
Kyle shook his head and left the room, not knowing what else he could do. They were both just so damn impossible.
- - -
Maria was used to catching Max alone on the balcony at night by now. He was sad and worried. His family was on the line and waiting was killing him. Maria knew he wasn’t sleeping unless he passed out. He was always watching over them.
“Wanna tell me about that vibes thing?”
Max looked at his new almost-friend. There was something about that girl that made him want to talk about all his troubles. She was compassionate, that had to be it. She had a surprisingly maternal side.
“It… It’s driving me insane.” He chuckled bitterly. “I hear it all the time… Izzy and Michael too. He… the baby… he’s like trying to make his presence known. I don’t know how far he sends those signals. He might be sending them across the universe… I don’t know.”
“And these other aliens are coming for him?”
“Yeah…” He took a deep breath. “They know he is my son. They can tell. And, I'm not sure but it’s like they are trying to absorb his powers or energy or something…” he shook his head.
Maria nodded, remembering the big guy with the glowing hand.
“I don’t know how far they come from. Are they from Earth or coming from somewhere else for him… I don’t know why he’s sending those vibes. I don’t know if it’s a normal Antarian thing… I don’t know anything… And it scares the s-hit out of me…”
Maria held his hand and squeezed it to let him know he’s not alone. But there was no way she could help him. And it hurt to know that.
When he spoke again, Maria could see the tears in his eyes. “It’s like he’s crying. Like he needs something. He might be scared or hurting… But I can't help him. I can hear him but…”
His voice trailed off and he started sobbing in his hands. He was finally breaking apart. Maria held him to her chest and let him cry himself to sleep, unable to help him any other way.
[ edited 2 time(s), last at 14-Sep-2002 12:20:06 PM ]
|posted on 19-Aug-2002 4:42:57 PM by belit|
New part will be up tomorrow.
I just wanted to recommend a new M&M fic. I'm loving it, read it if you haven't yet.
It's called Unicorn Tears . Trust me it's good!
And Bobby, I think you'll like the new part. They are talking -or shall we say bickering?!- at last!!!
[ edited 1 time(s), last at 19-Aug-2002 4:49:09 PM ]
|posted on 20-Aug-2002 9:17:10 AM by belit|
|Okay, this story is officially out of control! I never intended it to be this long but now I can't stop. I think I created a monster! Oh god! What have I done? It's alive!|
And I have to admit I'm not happy with the last two parts, so I took my time writing this one. Hope you'll like it...
Oh, and by the way, hi Nes!! Your name is familiar... Do you write or something? I must have seen your name somewhere...
Maria was in the kitchen when she heard the thump.
She couldn’t sleep as usual. It was becoming a habit. Every night she lay on the couch and watched Michael till her brain finally forgot it was night time and she was supposed to sleep.
So every night, after everyone slept or pretended to be asleep as in Max’s case, she got up and made herself some herbal tea. It felt good to have some peaceful time to herself. Since the gang had arrived she really missed having that.
That night wasn’t an exception. She’d gotten up, gone to the kitchen without turning on the lights and prepared her tea. She’d sat on a chair near the window and watched the not so bright stars, all the while trying not to think about HIM.
Then she’d heard it. The thump. Like something -or someone- had fallen. Her body stiffened with the built up paranoia rising in her. Her heart quickened and suddenly her breathing sounded too loud. She looked around the dark kitchen in panic and knew that if she didn’t get herself together soon, she would lose all her logical thinking capacity.
Think! Think! Think! She tiptoed over to the hooks on the wall and grabbed the first thing that resembled a weapon. A ladle. A picture of the huge alien guy from Roswell flashed in her mind… Ridiculous… She put the ladle back and grabbed a frying pan. The biggest one she owned. She cursed herself for not listening to Kyle when he wanted to buy a bigger one. First thing tomorrow… She was going shopping.
She neared the open door, holding the pan threateningly in the air. She heard footsteps. Big and heavy. Was it something about their genetics that all bad aliens were big? Or was it just fate having fun with her again?
She followed the sound of the footsteps. The living room. She walked in silence, knowing all the right places to step in the dark. The guy must have entered from the balcony. For a moment she wondered if they could fly, but filed away the thought in order to ask Max later.
There were two doors in the living room except the balcony door. She was standing at the one near the kitchen and the guy was standing at the one that lead to the bedrooms. And in between them lay Kyle and Michael in a peaceful slumber.
She didn’t think twice before acting which wasn’t really an unusual thing for her. The guy was going towards the bedrooms, the bedrooms meant Liz and Alex and Isabel and the baby… She could only think one thing, she had to stop him.
She carefully and silently skipped around the makeshift beds on the floor, and praying that he wouldn’t turn back and see her before she could reach him, she came closer. She reached the other door holding her breath with fear and hit him in the head with the pan using all her might.
Uh-oh! She heard the loud bang and expected the thumping sound of a body hitting the floor. She waited holding her breath but it never came. A moment later she decided she probably should open her eyes. Things weren't going as planned.
She opened her eyes and saw two vengeful eyes staring back. She saw his hands reaching for her and reacted on reflex. While hitting him with the pan again with one hand, her other hand reached for the too heavy vase near the door which was a present from one of her colleagues. She smashed the red vase on the guys head. She had never really liked it anyway.
A pang on her leg made her lose her balance for a moment. She must have hit it somewhere. She willed her leg to stay strong till the danger ceased. But she doubted it would listen. All her body parts were as stubborn as she was.
Just as she felt the guy falling -nearly on top of her- she felt an arm circling her waist. She started to struggle to get out of the grip but felt herself being held up and thrown on the mattress on the floor. Then a lightning flashed in the room and the intense white light blinded her.
- - -
“WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING?”
She was a little shaken up from the events but her brain processed well enough to know that Michael was angry.
He was holding her shoulders and shaking her. She was too disoriented to react at first but of course as always, the infuriating spiky guy found a way to get her out of her stupor.
She shrugged his hands away and stood her ground. He was always like this! Unappreciative bastard! “What? I was doing great before you pulled me away!”
“You can't just go after an alien, armed only with a f-ucking frying pan!” Michael yelled, pointing the pan she was still clutching in her hand.
She dropped the pan, her knuckles were aching from gripping it so hard. “What was I supposed to do? Let him get to Liz? I don’t think so buddy!”
“Oh what about waking me up? Or Kyle? Anybody! But nooo!!! You always have to do the stupidest thing.”
They were standing nose to nose, both fuming with anger in the middle of the living room, unaware of the dead body lying next to their feet or everyone watching them from the door, afraid to interrupt.
“You won't never ever again try to do something like that or swear to God, I will tie you up!”
Her eyes narrowed in anger. “You wouldn’t dare!”
“I will not let you go all caveman on me in my own home!” she stomped her feet on the dead body.
Neither of them were backing down. Max thought they were about to kill each other and noone would dare try to stop them. But there was something else in those looks between the two. Something Max wasn’t able to see or understand. Something passionate and almost primal.
Maria knew this was the closest she got to Michael since their night together. Not just physically… Seeing him angry at her again felt like coming home. In a sick and twisted way that was how their…… thing worked. Having him in her house felt great, watching him every day was heaven, but him acting civil to her… Now that was hell. He was treating her like she was just someone.
She wanted to laugh suddenly. It was an incredible relief knowing that she was still capable of pissing him off. So she wasn’t just someone. Take that Guerin! She wanted so badly to kiss him fiercely and forget everything, get lost in him, but held herself back. She had to be strong. She couldn’t just let herself lose that last shred of dignity. She needed it to keep herself from falling apart.
Michael watched her eyes as the fire of fury burned deep in the green. Some people thought she was cute when she was angry. But no… There was nothing cute about that. She turned into the wildest, sexiest creature he’d ever seen when she was angry. He had to clench his fists to keep himself from reaching for her. His fingers itched to touch her skin, her hair… He longed for her taste… But he kept his hands to himself. He couldn’t. He didn’t have the courage to make things more complicated and let them get out of hand when he knew it was bound to come crashing down eventually.
“Will you two cut it out!” Isabel shouted, interrupting them. “God, there’s a f-ucking dead alien on the floor!”
- - -
“Okay everyone, I'm off to bed… Good night!”
Everyone sighed with relief. Isabel had been terrorizing them for the last two hours with her after attack precautions. Her bitchy and bossy attitude wasn’t something they wanted to put up with at that particular time. It was way too late and lack of sleep was becoming an issue.
After everyone had left for their beds Maria made her way to the couch with difficulty and threw herself on it. She could feel all the bones in her body screaming. As she was snuggling with her pillow she heard his irritating voice.
“You’re not sleeping there princess!”
She would have been so much more annoyed if she wasn’t dead tired and he hadn't called her princess for the first time since forever. She tried to give her voice a quality resembling annoyance when she spoke.
“Oh yeah? Why is that exactly?”
He was standing on his mattress which was on the floor adjacent to Kyle’s. His posture was enough to tell her he wasn’t backing down from what he was about to command.
“Cause you’re a damn menace, that’s why! Kyle will take the couch and you’ll sleep where I can see you.”
“No-…” He interrupted her, shaking his head.
“Either you do it or I’ll tie you up every night. It’s your choice.” His arms crossed over his chest, he watched her without wavering his gaze.
She was too tired to deal with him. She got up from the couch and let herself fall down on the mattress. She reached and grabbed her pillow from the couch without getting up and closed her eyes.
Sleep was taking over her body and she wasn’t about to resist. She could always get back at him in the morning. That stubborn, arrogant prick!
- - -
Michael Guerin enjoyed waking up for the first time in months. He opened his eyes partially and caught a glimpse of blond hair. Closing them again, he inhaled deeply storing the heavenly scent deep inside for future use. Then it hit him. What the hell…
His eyes snapped open. She was in his arms… Oh God! She. Was. In. His. Arms. How had that happened? He looked down at her face buried in his chest and feared what might happen if she woke up. He had to get up before her. He had to or she would skin him alive.
He decided that he would… Later… When he wasn’t feeling completely intoxicated.
It had been so long since they were this close. Too long… He wanted desperately to move his hand and touch her face; her cheeks, her perfect lips… He wanted to nuzzle her neck and taste her sweat… But he couldn’t. He just held still, afraid that a little movement would wake her up and he wouldn’t be able to hold her anymore.
He checked his watch. It was early, too early to wake up. So he had some time to hold her in his arms, watch her sleep and feel her body against his without getting interrupted or having to pretend. He placed his face on the pillow where he could see her face most and prepared himself to savor this one little taste of heaven.
- - -
He felt the moment Maria woke up. She stirred and suddenly stiffened in his arms. He was so caught up in watching her he had forgotten to check his watch. Now he had no choice but suffer her wrath. He decided to pretend he was still asleep. It seemed like the easiest way.
Closing his eyes, he hoped that she wasn’t able to hear his frantic heartbeats. He felt her slightly move in his arms and that made him tighten his grip around her waist instinctively. She tilted her face up. To check if he was sleeping he presumed.
She sighed and he felt her hot breath tickling his neck. Then something he would never expect happened, she reached her hand to trace the contours of his lips and jaw. Her touch sent shivers down his spine. In his frantic condition, he could only try to control his breathing to not start panting.
His first instinct was to part his lips to kiss her fingertips, but he stopped himself. “Max would have been proud…” he thought, since Michael’s lack of control was his favorite subject to lecture.
He wished he could be proud about it himself. But he knew better… He knew where this control came from. It came from fear. Fear of losing it completely. Fear of getting hurt. Fear of being a screw up once again. There was nothing to be proud of there.
Maria’s hand dropped away from his face and the lack of its warmth almost made him shiver. He felt her palm pressing on his chest above his t-shirt. Now he was sure she could hear his heart. Hell, he was almost sure that it could be heard from Wisconsin.
Her body started shaking ever so slightly in his arms. Then drops of water wetted his chest. She was crying? Why? God, not again! How the hell did he manage to do that every time he touched her?
He felt useless and worthless the next ten minutes while her face was buried in his neck and her tears spilled down to his skin, burning their way down. He couldn’t breathe, his heart was bleeding and contracting in his chest. He just lay there for what seemed like centuries and felt the pain cover his body. At that moment he would happily die if it meant an end for her tears but he knew it wouldn’t help. There was nothing he could do.
- - -
Maria walked around aimlessly in the apartment, doing nothing in particular, just trying to keep herself busy. After waking up in his arms and not being able to savor the feeling she couldn’t help but feel numb.
Was that how it was going to be for all her life? Pretend to not care when in truth every time she thought of him, tears started to flow. “No, of course not.” She corrected herself. “After Liz’s pregnancy you won't even get to see him or feel his arms around you even as just an accident.”
That was good though, right? That meant she didn’t have to pretend. Oh yeah… Sure… It was good…
- - -
“I saw you this morning, with him.” Kyle startled her, entering the room quietly behind her back.
“You did?” she asked, her voice small and tired, lacking the strength to pretend. She never had to pretend with Kyle anyway. Maybe he didn’t fully understand but he respected her thoughts and feelings.
“Yeah.” He breathed out. “You shouldn’t be doing this to yourself.”
“I’m not doing anything to myself Kyle. He is doing it to me.” She didn’t want to discuss it. God knew she had discussed it with herself often enough, saying them out loud made it hurt more.
“Why didn’t you let him see you? Why leave like that? There are some things that are still unresolved between you two and only way out is to solve them. Tom had said you weren't running away this time but I think he was wrong……… You are, aren't you Ria?”
She didn’t need this right now! Tears threatened to spill again and she felt like a pathetic wreck. She just hated being weak! Kyle had already seen too much weakness for her liking. So she tried the defiant look of the icy bitch Isabel who she had come to envy in that department in the last few days.
“I'm not running! This has nothing to do with running! You have no idea what you’re talking about! I am just trying to survive Kyle… I… I can't just throw myself at his arms just to face another rejection!”
Kyle crossed his arms and raised his eyebrow. So she wanted to play the strong girl, huh? She could, she always did and she really was good at it. He didn’t mean to be mean but sometimes you just had to be, in order to get through her façade.
“You are scared. I can understand that. But there is more to what Michael thinks than what meets the eye. Trust me Ria, he doesn’t want to reject you.” He wanted to add his observations on how the guy was in love with her but the fear of causing her more pain stopped him. He wasn’t exactly an expert, what if he was wrong? How would he forgive himself?
He desperately needed to call Tom and he would have in a heartbeat but the thought of explaining how a three months along pregnant Liz could look that big wasn’t exactly appealing. That damn alien s-hit was everywhere…
- - -
“Kyle, hand me the concealer, will you?”
Maria was sitting on the bed which was originally hers but occupied by the pregnant lady lately. She had her cut off shorts on and her right foot was propped against a chair. She was examining a bruise on her calf.
The silence made her look back to the door and the sight of a slowly approaching Michael Guerin took her breath away. How the hell had he managed to do that to her? She was gaping at him when she was supposed to hate him.
Her breathing became labored when he entered her smelling range. She fought hard to not close her eyes and just savor the feeling. She knew her palms were sweating and she was getting lost in him without even touching him.
Say something! Say something!
“I thought you were Kyle.”
Oh great. Genius. He could have never figured that out himself.
He wasn’t smirking though. He had that look he got whenever they were about to lose themselves and start kissing. Oh my…
“What do you need a concealer for?” His voice was deep and husky. Not exactly a small talk kind of voice.
He neared the chair and touched her foot. She froze. She couldn’t move, protest, try and take it out of his grasp. He sat on the chair and kept her foot in his hands. His rough hands and gentle touch… She could almost see the need and want building up in her. An overwhelming heat crawled up from her foot where he had touched her and covered her body.
She couldn’t answer. She feared she would squeak or something stupid like that if she tried. She touched the bruise on her leg, showing him her answer instead.
His brow furrowed. He slowly slid one hand to touch it. She had to bite her lip to not moan. His touch… It had been too long. She’d missed it. She’d missed him. God, why was he torturing her like that!
“Last night…” he mumbled.
His surprised eyes met hers. “You hit it last night.”
“Yeah…” she said, not sure where the conversation was headed.
Then some pieces she already had of a puzzle she wasn’t sure existed found their places. How she’d figured that out, she had no idea. Maybe the look in his eyes, maybe her instincts or maybe the pain and feelings she sometimes had and couldn’t be sure if they really belonged to her…
“You felt it…” she stated softly, afraid of his reaction.
He didn’t say anything. He kept caressing the bruise with his thumb. She knew she was right from the way he avoided her gaze.
“Like you felt my cramps?”
No answer, again.
Michael wasn’t sure how to get out of this situation he got himself into. Or if he really wanted to get out of it for that matter. Her skin, under his fingers, felt so good and right. He wanted so badly to close his eyes and let himself get carried away. But things were complicated. Too complicated.
The night before, he had woken up with a stinging pain on his leg and when he had seen the scene taking place before his eyes, he had forgotten all about it. It was her pain. Her wound. And now she knew. He had somehow f-ucked up again and connected them in a way he didn’t know how to reverse. All he wanted was to set her free but he kept on making things more and more confusing.
He caressed her little foot, too small in his hands. Her toenails were pink again, the way he liked them, colorful and delicate, just like her. He wanted to kiss her so much, it physically pained him.
Then he felt her hand, touching his cheek and tilting his face up to look at her. He did, slowly, surprised and scared, and met her eyes. To his surprise there was a small smile playing on her lips.
“I feel you too.” She whispered and watched as his eyes grew bigger. “Not just pain, I feel it when you're upset or sad. I feel it when you're angry. It just hits me like a wave.”
She felt his hands stiffen and his look glaze. He started to apologize but she cut him. Not this time. Now she felt like she had some say in this thing between them. It wasn’t just his decision to make. She wasn’t just a girl in his bed.
“No. I don’t want you to be sorry. I had thought it was just my depression playing tricks on me but now that I know… I like feeling you.”
She carefully grasped one of his hands in hers. She could see his confusion and indecision in his eyes. With all her heart she wished and hoped he would let this happen between them and of course then they would live happily ever after, but she was sure that it would never be this easy. It never was.
He leaned down and brushed his lips on the bruise. His soft lips touched her skin and she closed her eyes. A soft tingling sensation covered her leg and she couldn’t stop the moan that escaped her lips when his hand stroked up and down her calf.
And just as it started, it was over. She felt him get up and place her foot on the floor. She opened her eyes and knew what was about to happen the moment she saw the determination in his eyes.
He kissed the top of her head but avoided her eyes. “I’ll talk to Maxwell and try to find a way to reverse it.” He left her with tears in her eyes.
She looked down and started crying harder. The bruise on her leg was gone.
[ edited 2 time(s), last at 14-Sep-2002 12:25:32 PM ]
|posted on 21-Aug-2002 6:45:50 PM by belit|
|Hey, new readers!!!|
Jane, believe me, I have been shouting and screaming at them in my head to get on with it already but they never listen. I know they'll end up together, you know they will but they're just too damn stubborn! But don't worry, I have a plan. Just wait and see...
Hoarse, you know they're just being... well M&M... Michael tries not to hurt her but ends up hurting her more. Maria loves him too much to give up and date someone else but can't have him either...blah blah blah...But don't worry, they always find each other in the end, don't they? Well, my story is kinda cliche, so you can count on a happy ending.
Reena, I never thought about it before but you're right about Tom. Actually I usually take all little details from movies. Like the wedding planner part. What do I know about wedding planners? It's just what I learned from JLo. Cinema is my passion so it's not a surprise that I write about it without even realizing.
You know, I've always wanted to be a director but now I'm studying economics. Combination of a cruel fate and a cruel father I guess...
I'm writing the next part, you'll have to wait till tomorrow I guess. I'm not sure, it's confusing with all the time difference...
Leave me feedback! Don't make me beg.
|posted on 22-Aug-2002 2:25:36 PM by belit|
| PART 19|
“What is pain?” Maria asked abruptly while keeping herself busy with the pillows and avoiding her childhood friend’s gaze. The question didn’t sound as she meant it to sound but that was the best she could do in her confused state of mind.
“I mean… You know… You're a scientist, right? I need you to explain to me why we feel pain.”
“Yeah… And not so complicated please, the short version…”
“Well, pain is the way your body warns you against danger.”
“Yeah… It informs you that you're sick, so you can protect yourself from further damage.”
“What’s this all about?” Even Liz, sitting all day in a bed doing nothing but watching TV, could see the change in Maria’s behavior. But she had no idea what might have caused it.
“Nothing, just curious.” She didn’t want to share it with Liz. It was special, private, sacred, but then it occurred to her that Liz could be the only person who could help and explain… Oh well… Desperate times…
“Actually Liz, I need to tell you something………”
For the next hour Maria watched Liz’s face changing from color to color as she told her the whole story avoiding the whole emotional aspect of it. She wasn’t going to make herself look pathetic and weak in her eyes as well.
“I… I don’t want to sound mean but… Michael isn't exactly a suitable guy to have a relationship with. I mean, it’s obvious you care about him but…”
How the hell had she gotten that out of her story? “What do you mean not suitable?”
“I mean… He’s dangerous… And I’ve never seen him being nice to anyone… He’s always so rude. And his powers are out of control. That connection… It’s not normal. I don’t think it’s healthy…”
“You never had a connection like that? With Max?”
“No. God no. Max would never let his powers get out of control like that.”
Maria was chanting in her head. “She’s pregnant. She’s pregnant. You shouldn’t upset her.” But the girl was starting to get on her nerves.
“Look Maria, I just don’t want you to get hurt, okay? And Michael, he’s not just some harmless James Dean type of guy. I don’t exactly know him but he might hurt you…”
Maria couldn’t keep it in any longer. Michael would hurt her?? That was ridiculous, how could anyone think that?
“You know what Liz, you're right. You don’t know him. You have no idea who Michael Guerin is. So please don’t assume you do, okay?”
- - -
This was a nightmare. Michael felt trapped. He knew he was panicking but he had no way of stopping it. He desperately needed to go out and walk or maybe run, just get out of this circus to think for a moment and clear his head. But he couldn’t. There could be attacks. He had to be there. True, there had never been an attack in the daylight before, but he couldn’t risk it. He knew if there was a danger, that stubborn annoying blabbermouth would find it.
He wanted so badly to kill himself and end this shame and pain for the millionth time in his short life. He never was important or successful or normal, but this time was different. He had always f-ucked up his own life which was already a disaster from the start but never before he had risked someone else. Not Isabel or Max or their humans. He had never even hurt Hank. But now…
Now he was hurting the most dazzling creature he had ever contacted. She was nothing like anyone he’d ever met before. She had given him so much without even trying. She had somehow become the most important thing for him in a matter of months. It wasn’t like him to care, to be interested in a human. This had nothing to do with him. She had done it all by herself and she had no clue.
And look how he repaid her. He had given her his f-ucked up feelings. He was feeling anger and hate half the time, he was never peaceful. His feelings would eat her alive, he knew it. He was a disease and he would eventually kill everything he’d touched.
And there was the pain. God. He was always in battles with other aliens or FBI agents. A picture of himself on an operating table flashed in his mind. They could torture him. He could get injured or even die. And she would feel them all.
He knew he should have guessed. All his life, he had loved one thing and he was hurting it just because he wasn’t good enough.
He wasn’t good enough. Thinking of that had never hurt that much before.
He approached Max who was sitting in the balcony. He dreaded this conversation and would have never had it in the first place if it wasn’t for Maria. He had to do this for her. He had to ask for help from Max for the first time since he left Roswell in high school.
Max opened his eyes to his brother’s voice and appeared surprised to see him actually volunteer for a conversation. It was a rare occasion.
“Michael.” He had tried, he did, but the surprise was still evident in his voice.
“I need your help.”
Now Max was fully awake. He had never heard Michael say those words since they were kids. Michael never needed help. Never needed anything. And he was proud of it.
“Of course. About what?”
Michael looked in his eyes and expected to see exasperation there. It was what he had always hated to see. Max’s eyes always said “What now?” while he talked to Michael. But not this time. Max was ready. That was what he had waited all those years. He was cautious. Michael was opening up to him after all that time, he wasn’t about to scare him away.
Michael sat on the floor and sighed. He hated this part. “I… somehow made a connection with… someone and I have to stop it.”
“What kind of a connection. Like flashes?”
“No. A permanent connection. We feel each other all the time.”
Max’s eyes grew in shock. “Are you sure? I’d never seen something like that……… How long?”
“What do you feel through this connection? Do you see things or just feelings?”
“Mostly feelings… and pain.”
“Yeah, that’s why I gotta stop it.”
“Okay. Can I ask who it is?”
He hated telling him but he was going to find out sooner or later anyway. “Maria.”
Max sighed. Of course Maria, who else? “Do you know how you formed it?”
“I’m not sure. I can guess when, but I have no idea how. That’s why I have no idea how to stop it.”
It was now dawning on Max why he had suddenly rushed to find a phone that night. “I don’t have experience on this. But if it’s like other connections… I guess you have to connect with her and find the… I don’t know what to call it. You’ll know when you see it. There must be a part of you inside her head. You’ll find that and take it back I guess. And vice versa.”
“How? I’m not sure if I can get in someone else’s head. I mean, you know, I’ve never dreamwalked and I can't usually connect with people. And let's say I did, how will I find it or take it back? How will she do it?”
“It’s easier once you connect. It will seem natural. And if you can't connect, maybe I can help. Or Isabel. Someone can connect both of you and guide you maybe.”
Michael was hating this. People wandering in his head… But it was needed. He couldn’t risk her once more. Now Max… He knew what he was doing. That could just work.
- - -
“Max will take care of Liz. Alex and Kyle will be cleaning…”
Protests and grunts came from Alex and Kyle to Isabel’s work plan for the day. She just ignored them and continued.
“…I will be shopping for clothes for Liz since she can't go herself…”
This time Maria was the one to protest. “Why are you doing the fun part? That’s not fair…”
Isabel gave her an unbelieving look. “Oh come on. Who’s the damn model here?”
She paused a moment waiting for another complaint then kept going. “Yes, I thought so. And lastly Michael and Maria will be shopping for groceries.” She handed them the list and ignored the death glares coming her way.
“You’ve got to be kidding me!”
“Nope. Get going people! We don’t have all day.”
- - -
“No, take this one. There's a toy in it.”
It had been only ten minutes since they’d started shopping but they had managed to fight over every item they bought.
“Okay, let's buy the one with the toy but then I’ll get to choose the next. What's next?”
“Milk.” Maria smirked at him.
“That’s not fair!” Michael whined. Actually he didn’t really care about the shopping list. He just liked having her talking to him. And the only way they could talk was to fight. So he fought. Over anything, everything. It was fun.
He watched her as she skipped along the milk aisle, trying to choose one. He had no idea what she expected from milk. Milk was milk. What was there to choose?
She finally stopped and reached for the ones on the top shelf. She wasn’t short but shelves were too high for her. She stood on her tiptoes as he watched her with a smirk. Her t-shirt rose up, revealing her ivory skin and flat stomach. He could remember exactly what it felt like to touch that skin, to kiss it. Heat was suddenly unbearable in the place. He cleared his throat and wiped his sweaty palms to his jeans.
Maria felt him come closer and reach for the milks without touching her. But she could feel his heat burning her back and her imagination started running wild. He could take her, right there in the milk aisle and she wouldn’t hesitate or give a damn about who’d be watching.
She stepped aside to give him room and decided to head for ice creams next. She definitely needed something cold.
Michael put them in the cart and in mutual understanding they headed towards the freezers.
- - -
Michael had been playing the conversation in his head for the last hour. He was trying to find a way to tell her what was going to happen without letting her ask too many questions. But it didn’t seem possible. He knew she would ask things. Millions of things. Things he didn’t want to answer.
He blurted it out in the meat aisle while she was buying enough chicken to feed an army. “Max will break the connection.”
Her head snapped to look at him in horror. “What?”
“Max will break the connection.” He repeated for her.
“I heard you and the answer is no.” She said in irritation and turned her gaze back to the chicken.
She just had to do that, hadn't she? She was just so… so… irritatingly beautiful. Oh God, what was he going to do now? “I didn’t ask you. I'm telling you. Max will do it.”
She was looking at the chicken like it was the most interesting thing in the world. She was afraid that he would see the unshed tears in her eyes if she’d meet his gaze. “No. I don’t want Max in my head.” She said softly.
“Look, I don’t want him in my head either. But it’s either him or Isabel. And Max is the stronger one. So we don’t exactly have any choice.”
She wanted to tell him that she didn’t want to make a choice. That she wanted the connection. But it wasn’t the best idea. She didn’t have any right to protest if he didn’t want her in his head. But was she ready to give that up so easily?
“No. You do it or just let it stay.”
“You don’t understand.” He was closer to her now, whispering to avoid being overheard. “I don’t know if I can do it. I don’t even know how I did it in the first place. It can be dangerous.”
Maria tore her gaze away from the chicken and looked him in the eye long and hard. What was he trying to do? Why was he always so full of contradictions? She had a direct line from his head to hers but still she couldn’t read him.
“Then let it stay.” She whispered.
“I can't.” he uttered with difficulty. Words fought him to not be voiced.
“Why? It’s not like it effects physically, it’s just the pain, right? And I'm not masochistic or anything…” Oh, that was great. Now she was begging him. Pathetic.
“If someone learns who I am… what I am… they would torture me. They did it to Max once and they won't hesitate to do it again. And even if I don’t get caught I might die any minute. And you will have to feel that. I can't let that happen. I won't.”
She fought the tears but they came anyway. The thought of him being tortured or dying was too much for her to handle. Her heart contracted and suddenly all air left her lungs. She wanted to yell at him. How could he think that she would want to live if something like that happened to him? She knew she would be glad to feel every last second of his presence even if it meant endless anguish for her.
Fury burned deep within her. How dare he?! He had no idea who she was, had he? Well, she could teach him who Maria DeLuca was. She looked in his eyes with all the determination she could gather. It was hard to look pissed and serious with tears coursing down your cheeks but she managed it anyway.
“I’m not letting him in my mind. If you want to break the connection so damn much, you’ll have to do it yourself.”
She stomped away from him, not able to look at him for a moment longer without bursting into tears, and left him stupefied with the chickens.
- - -
“Will you hurry up!?!”
Michael was struggling with the shopping bags while Maria walked towards her car without carrying a thing. He would have made her carry some, but after giving her all the trouble with everything, it only seemed fair. How could he know that those things weighed a ton?
But walking from her behind did have its privileges. She looked delicious in some simple jeans and t-shirt. He loved to watch her walk. She had this gracious way of walking… It wasn’t like Isabel’s, not that typical feminine walk but something different…
That was Maria alright! Something different.
They reached the car and Michael started putting the bags on the ground. God, they could feed half of Africa with those things! Maria opened the trunk and he started putting them in. It was a hard job considering the size of the car. He carefully put half of the bags in the trunk and turned towards the back seat. The rest had to go there.
That’s when he saw the little boy.
The little boy was wandering around, looking curiously inside every car. He was three or four years old. He looked like he was about to cry any minute.
Maria saw him too. He was cute. Curly blond hair and big blue eyes. He had a little upturned nose and freckles, not like Lei’s, his were lighter. The boy was wearing a white t-shirt with Bugs Bunny on it and navy blue shorts.
He came closer, looked inside their car and passed them still looking around. Maria watched him in awe. If she had had a little boy, he would have been this big by now. She didn’t want to think about it, she had forbade herself to think or talk about it lots of times in the past, but she couldn’t help but wonder. What would it be like? To be a mother? To have someone’s unconditional love and trust?
The boy stood in the middle and looked around, his face slowly crumpling. Then he started crying. He was wailing like a trapped animal. Tears streamed down his cheeks and his little hands went to his eyes, rubbing the tears away. His sobs echoed in the place and that got Maria moving.
She strode towards the boy and kneeled in front of him. Michael watched in interest from where he stood and tried not to see what he replayed in his mind for millions of times; Maria with a baby in her arms, looking at him and smiling.
“Hey little guy. What’s your name?”
She was playing with his hair softly to calm him down. For a minute she thought he would run away but then he raised his eyes to see the person in front of him. His eyes were big and innocent and he resembled a lost puppy.
“S-s-st-stan…” he croaked with great difficulty. He was hiccuping now which made it hard for him to form sentences.
She held out her hand to him. “I'm Maria, but you can call me Mars.” She smiled at him in an attempt to comfort him. “And this spiky haired guy over there is Michael. He’s my friend. You wanna go meet him?”
He smiled softly and watched her as she got up from the ground. He nodded his head and held out his arms to tell her he wanted to be carried. She smiled at him and gathered his small figure in her arms. They walked back to the car.
Michael smirked at the picture. Maria walking towards him with a little boy in her arms. You could almost think that she was the mother. They had the exact same hair color. But the eyes were giving it away. Neither of them had blue eyes.
He frowned at the thought. She never was going to have his baby anyway. She was going to have someone else’s baby. Another man was going to sleep in her bed, touch her, kiss her, make love to her… Good thing they approached him before his imagination went further and he started killing every blue eyed man in sight.
“Michael, meet Stan.” Maria beamed at him. The little boy held out his little hand and shook Michael’s finger.
“Hi.” He said shyly.
“Hi.” Michael couldn’t help but smile at the boy. He was sweet. Michael had never been good with kids. They scared him. They were too small, too delicate. And it wasn’t a secret that he wasn’t exactly a gentle guy.
“So, Michael, wanna give our little friend a chocolate? They were in a bag with cornflakes.”
Michael grunted in response and delved into the backseat, looking for chocolates. He found them easily enough, Maria had lost herself when she’d seen them and bought as much as she could before Michael had to pull her away from them.
Ten minutes later, Stan was sitting on the hood of Maria’s car and eating his third chocolate bar while telling them cheerfully about his girlfriend next door.
He pulled softly Maria’s curls with his chocolate smeared little hand. “Kelly has hair like yours! And she taught me how to braid them. Do you know? I can teach you. And mom always lets her…” His voice trailed off and he suddenly looked uncomfortable.
His eyes started to wander around and became teary. Just as Maria was about to ask what was wrong, he started crying again.
She threw a panicked glance at Michael. He just shrugged. She softly wiped his tears away with her palms and made soothing noises. He clung to her neck and let himself be carried around. His head was on her shoulder and he was sobbing uncontrollably.
“Stan, what is it baby? Why are you crying?”
“My mom…… I want my mommy……” He kept on sobbing and hiccuping loudly as Maria stroked his back.
“Okay. Don’t worry we’ll find your mommy. Don’t cry, I’ll find her. Sssh…”
But the little boy couldn’t stop crying in her arms. And she couldn’t do anything but walk around with him and try to soothe him with her words and touch.
Just as she thought she was going to pass out from exhaustion he suddenly stopped crying. He started wiggling in her arms and looked at her with a huge grin in his face.
“Mars, mommy’s here.”
She checked the way he was pointing and saw a young woman running towards them. She put Stan on his feet and watched him run to his mother. They embraced and the woman kissed the top of his head while looking at her with thankful eyes. She smiled to her and slightly nodded her head.
Then, as Michael watched her in surprise, she turned around, hit her forehead with her palm and shouted. “Holy S-hit!”
She ran towards the car, threw him the keys and got in quickly.
“I can't believe we’re so stupid! God, hurry Spaceboy! We gotta get back!”
Wait; Spaceboy? What was she talking about?
[ edited 3 time(s), last at 14-Sep-2002 12:31:19 PM ]
|posted on 24-Aug-2002 1:09:37 PM by belit|
|Bobby, Hoarse and MZ RUTHIEY... Thank you guys for the feedback!|
No, Maria's not worried about the milk or a job meeting. She's not over-reacting -that's a first!-.
Here's the new part... You'll see...
Michael grabbed her arm as she stumbled over the stairs. She had been running all the way from the parking lot and had been too impatient to wait for the elevator.
She’d been babbling for the last fifteen minutes as they drove back home -not home, he corrected himself, Maria’s apartment… Yeah, that was better- but Michael still had no idea why they were in a hurry. It was impossible to make out what she was really trying to say.
And of course there was this little fact that he was too busy watching her lips move, to really hear the actual words.
Maria rummaged through her bag frantically but couldn’t find the key. She almost dropped the bag, not able to hold it with her shaking hands. She finally gave up and turned the bag upside down, spilling its contents on her feet. Her eyes caught a glint of her keys and she dove for them.
Michael caught up with her and found her on the floor surrounded by some… things… scattered around. He looked at them in wonder. She carried all those things with her? There were some stuff that reminded him of a movie he’d once seen, about a psychotic dentist. He shivered at the memory.
She had found the damn keys but now she couldn’t fit it in the keyhole. She was on her knees and her hands were shaking. She tried the other key and then tried it upside down…
Michael was really getting worried over her weird behavior but even that couldn’t stop the smirk creeping up his lips at the sight of Maria fumbling with the keys. He gently reached his hand over hers and stilled it. Maria raised her head to look at him in confusion. He calmly put his hand on the lock and pushed the door open as he heard the click.
She gave him a small, child-like smile and ran inside. He shook his head smiling and skipped over her bag to enter the apartment.
When he entered the bedroom, Maria was still babbling and this time Max was the one looking confused. Isabel approached him with her usual motherly attitude.
“Do you know what she’s talking about?”
He shrugged. “Nope.”
“Wait, where are the bags?” She looked around Michael with a scowl.
“In the car.” Michael offered, cowering as he expected her to blow up.
“Michael Guerin, when I send you shopping, I actually expect you to bring them to me, not leave them out there. Everyone has responsibilities, Kyle and Alex have been working their asses off. You can't just…”
Maria cut her ranting. “Will you guys listen???”
“Oh yeah, what the hell is so damn important?”
Maria glared at Isabel. She sure was a princess but that was HER damn home! She noted to get back at her for that bitchiness and focused on what was important.
“I figured it out.” She said triumphantly, facing Max. “I finally figured it out and we are so damn stupid.”
“You figured what out?”
“The baby. Why he’s crying.”
“Wha… Why? How?”
Max crossed his arms and watched her with skeptical eyes. This wasn’t anything to joke around for him.
Maria couldn’t believe that he was giving her the exact look he had been giving Michael whenever he had tried to say something important, but she didn’t dwell on it. She tried to concentrate on Liz, not Max. Max was weird, one minute he was Prince Charming, the next he could be The King of A-ssholes.
“You said he’s making his presence known, right?” She paused a moment and waited for Max to nod.
“Why would he do that? Cause he’s trying to reach someone.”
Michael watched her eyes as she talked. She was enchanting like that, all excited and animated. He desperately wanted to grab a pencil and catch that look of her. His fingers itched to draw. But he did the next best thing. He memorized it, so he could put it on paper later. And maybe he could even paint her. He wasn’t really that good at painting. But he could learn for her. He had to. Her eyes deserved more than black and white could offer.
“Reach who? Evil aliens? Why would he wanna do that?” Isabel asked sarcastically.
Maria thought she would have blown them up if she had any powers. God, they were so irritating. She had been nothing but friendly with them. She’d given them her home and all she ever did was help. And they were still treating her like the enemy.
She glared at Max and Isabel, and walked to the bed with a scowl where Liz was watching them with innocent and torn eyes. Maria sat on the bed, ignoring everyone and held Liz’s hand.
“Your baby is looking for you Liz. He’s not like us. He has a different level of communication. He’s trying to reach you but he can't, cause you’re different. You're human. You can't hear him. So he keeps crying. You have to tell him you're here. Okay?” She softly kissed Liz’s cheek and without giving anyone a second glance left the room.
- - -
Isabel found her sitting on the balcony, eating chocolate. Once again she cursed her lack of communication skills. But this time she had to make it right, there was no going back.
She sat near her as she did months ago in Roswell. She had no idea where to start, how to start…
“I’m not that cold bitch normally, you know?”
Maria chuckled softly but didn’t look at her. “You could have fooled me…”
“It’s just scary.” Isabel said ignoring her sarcasm.
That got Maria’s attention. “What is?”
“New people.” Isabel turned her head and Maria saw the first time why Alex chose to be with that woman.
“My family is everything I have. Max, Michael, Alex and Liz and of course the baby now… They are all I have in the world. It’s scary that new people can mean new danger. I can't afford to trust easily.”
Maria didn’t talk and just waited for her to finish. She looked like she needed it.
“You did so much for us. You deserve to be trusted. I know that. Michael trusts you and he never trusts anyone. Ever. It’s just that I'm too used to not trusting, it’s kinda hard to break the walls now.” She took a deep breath. This wasn’t as hard as she thought it would be.
Isabel looked deep and hard in Maria’s eyes to make her understand she really meant every word she said. “I trust you. And I'm sorry for all the things that happened between us. But if you're willing to give me the chance and the time, I want to be your friend.”
Maria smiled and watched Isabel as her smile turned into a relieved one from a tense half smile. “Okay. I’d like that.” She said and felt like a five year old kid meeting her first friend. It had to be something like that for Isabel, after all she’d never had real friends except Alex and Liz.
“Liz made you do that, didn’t she?” Maria asked playfully.
Isabel smirked. “Oh no, I volunteered to get out of there before Michael blew me up with his death glare.”
Maria froze not sure how to react to that. Isabel saw her lack of reaction and decided to ask, since they were almost friends now. “So what's the deal between you guys?”
“Nothing.” Maria sighed. “There’s nothing going on between us.”
“Really? I could have sworn there was something. I never saw him like that before. I can't exactly understand his actions, he never lets me understand him but I know he’s not his usual self around you.”
“It’s just complicated.” Maria said, not able to explain but also not wanting to lie to her either.
“Believe me, I know. When you’re an alien, everything is.”
- - -
Maria watched as Max placed his hand on Liz’s swollen belly and closed his eyes.
His hand started glowing. It wasn’t scary like the one she’d seen in Roswell. It was a soft white glow. It appeared to be absorbed by Liz’s skin.
They stayed that way for a few minutes, not moving a muscle as the others watched in awe. Then Liz started to smile.
Her eyes opened and tears spilled down her cheeks. Max’s hand stopped glowing. He opened his eyes and met Liz’s without removing his hand.
No words were needed as Max lay down next to her, hugging her close to his body and closed his eyes with relief.
Everyone tiptoed out of the room and closed the door silently behind them.
“I am never babysitting that kid.” Isabel said as they walked to the living room. “I’ve had enough of his crying to last me a lifetime.”
- - -
Everything was back to the way it was supposed to be the day after that. Liz was happy and calm, Max was finally sleeping and Antarians were all relaxed with the loss of constant crying echoing in their heads.
Maria wasn’t as pissed off as she had been the day before. Talking to Isabel had been a great relief for her. For the first time since she had met them she felt accepted.
Maria sat on the bed, next to Liz. “How are you feeling?”
“Great. Thanks to you.”
“You need to thank Max, not me. He connected you…”
“No. I need to thank you. And I need to apologize. Don’t interrupt, please, I need to do this.” Liz cleared her throat.
“I’m sorry for the way my family treated you. I'm sorry that I wasn’t able to defend you. I'm sorry about the way I talked about Michael. You were right. I had no right to assume. And I'm so sorry that I haven't been a good friend to you. I was too wrapped up in my own life, I forgot about you. I'm sorry.”
“No, no Liz, it was my fault. I never called, I pushed you away. I had problems and I didn’t want you to see that I failed. I am the one that should apologize.”
Liz chuckled. “Look at us, we sound so stupid.”
“Just like old times…” Maria joined her laughter.
“But you should know this one thing. It wasn’t your fault. You had problems and I wasn’t there. If I had been a good friend I would have known something was wrong.”
Maria’s eyes filled with tears. She was so used to blaming herself, now it was hard to accept she wasn’t the only one guilty. “So you don’t hate me?”
Liz hugged her friend. “Why would I hate you? You had always been the best of friends. And you saved my baby.”
“Thank you Liz. Thank you.”
- - -
Michael snickered as he watched Max approach Maria with caution. Maria was sitting on the couch, painting her toenails to the bright pink he began to adore. Max was uncomfortable. Good… He’d deserved it.
He sat next her, careful to not knock over the bottle on the couch. “Uh… Hi, Maria.”
She raised an eyebrow and offered a tentative hi.
“I came to apologize.”
“You mean Liz sent you to apologize.”
Michael was enjoying the show. Max was squirming. It was always a great pleasure to watch The King squirm.
“Yes, kind of. But I wanted to apologize too.”
“Uh… Yes… I'm sorry. I was…”
“A jackass?” she offered and Michael had to bite his lip to not laugh at Max’s blush.
“I guess you could say that. I'm not like that normally…”
Michael rolled his eyes with disbelief.
“I don’t care Max. I'm not the one marrying you. You just make sure Liz is safe and happy then I won't give a s-hit about how jackass you can be. Okay?” She said with a predator look.
“Okay.” Max managed to croak out before he split.
Michael’s smirk froze when he heard her talk to him. “Enjoying the show, Spaceboy?”
S-hit. He was caught.
“Spaceboy? What did I do to be promoted from Bobo to Spaceboy?” He covered his uneasiness by verbally attacking her.
It was working. She really was uncomfortable, so she changed subject without raising her eyes from her toes. “Isabel apologized too. She said she wanted to be friends.”
“Really? That’s a first.”
“I guess.” She smirked. “Your family likes me. Unfortunately you’ll be seeing me a lot in the future.”
He wasn’t sure what to say to that. It can't possibly be enough? I hate it that you’ll be coming for them and not me? A million different replies flashed through his mind but the one he voiced wasn’t a pretty one.
“You should stay away.” Her head jolted up and she caught his deep brown eyes.
“Why the hell is that?” She hissed through gritted teeth.
“It’s not safe. You don’t need to be in that mess.” He stated.
“You may not be able to understand this Michael but there are some things in my life that are worth taking any risk for.” Her eyes were boring holes through his. He winced when she spat his name out like a curse.
“Nothing can be important enough to risk your life for.” He knew the statement in general wasn’t true, but he wanted her to believe it. He couldn’t have her get killed because of them. She was too precious to lose. And too stubborn to understand.
“You are supposed to be a soldier, you should know better.”
“I'm not a soldier. I don’t know s-hit about being a soldier. I am just Michael, Rath is dead and gone.”
It sounded like a stranger talking. He couldn’t believe that he was saying this, or more importantly believing it. He was letting go of the only bond he had with his home. His f-ucking home planet… It was now a fading dream along with Rath. He was now realizing that he finally fully became Michael.
Yeah, he was now plain Michael Guerin. And surprisingly, it felt right.
“I don’t think you can understand what I'm talking about.” Maria said softly, hurt evident in her voice. “But trust me on this Michael, you’re not really living if you don’t have anything that’s worth dying for.”
“I have something that’s worth dying for.” Michael whispered trapped in her eyes.
Maria stopped breathing. She couldn’t dare hope. But the way he looked at her…
Michael wanted to tell her. Tell her and get it out of his chest. Tell her and hold her in his arms. And he was about to… He was about to say “it’s you…” when Isabel rushed into the room.
“Maria, it’s Liz, her water just broke…”
[ edited 2 time(s), last at 14-Sep-2002 12:40:47 PM ]
|posted on 29-Aug-2002 8:19:43 PM by belit|
|Hey guys, part 21 is here! Finally!|
Hoarse; really sorry about your football game and making you weepy! I wish I could say that this part was better, but unfortunately I can't...
Cheshire Cat; I'm enjoying your feedbacks! I'm sorry about the lack of our favorite best friend Tom in the story but I wrote the last two paragraphs of this part especially for you.
You're right, he was visiting her every day, but now Maria has to keep him at arms length because of the aliens. They are still talking though -you know he would never leave her totally alone-.
Is Maria recovered? I have to say no to that. But I'm sure you would agree, when something bigger happens in your life, you forget your old troubles. Maria is feeling that right now. It will all come back in full force once they leave her be again. But also, she had resolved some serious problems on the way. Her guilt over leaving everyone has dissapeared. And she's not the man-eater she used to be, cause she had found what she was looking for. She may not have what she needs but at least now she knows.
About Maria letting Isabel go easily... Well, she did deserve a spanking but Maria can see something in Isabel that is familiar to her. They share the same tough girl appearence. That's why Maria tolerates her. In a way, they understand each other.
About pregnancy... No, Maria's not pregnant. Everyone thought she was, I know. But I don't want to push Michael and Maria to be together, I want them to choose each other. And of course Maria was on pill. She was sexually over-active you know, before all those things happened.
I'm afraid Michael isn't crying any time soon. He's a tough guy... or alien... whatever...
And lastly the link thing... I changed my display settings to see maximum posts on each page and put the link up like that. I think it shows 50 posts a page but default is 20 or something.
Enjoy the new part! And everybody lurking out there, I want feedback!!!
Everyone took their positions as planned in less than ten minutes. Max, obviously, was delivering the baby. Maria was holding Liz’s hand while Isabel was running around playing nurse and occasionally shouting at the guys.
Liz was calm at first. She had her family with her and everything was going as planned. But when her contractions became frequent, she started screaming.
She was screaming at Max at first. To take the pain away. Then she started cursing the day she’d f-ucked an alien. After that she lost all logic. Maria supposed it wasn’t an easy job to form meaningful sentences while you're in labor.
Liz screamed unintelligible things for like two hours and Maria wasn’t able to feel her fingers for the last hour or so. That was when Kyle fainted. One minute he was talking to Alex about how he hated this, the next he was a heap on the floor.
Liz started screaming Kyle’s name and tried to get up. Maria couldn’t believe how powerful a woman in labor could be. Thankfully, Michael appeared right next to her and helped her hold Liz down on the bed.
Isabel slapped Kyle while Alex was trying to wake him up with a wet cloth. After they convinced Liz that Kyle was alive, Liz turned back to her ritual of screaming obscenities and squeezing Maria’s hand.
Another hour passed without any babies in sight and everyone started to get bored. Alex and Michael were sitting on the floor eating popcorn while watching the interaction between the dream couple with interest.
Maria was now sure they would have to cut her hand after the baby was born, and she was trying to figure out how the hell was she going to paint her nails with only one hand. It was physically impossible. Maybe with her mouth… Hmm…
Isabel had lost all her enthusiasm and was filing her fingernails out of pure boredom when she could do them perfect in a second with her powers.
Some time -suspiciously resembling a century- passed and Maria found herself almost drifting off. Liz was exhausted, covered in sweat. She was mumbling something about how she had changed her mind about the baby.
Maria looked around and her eyes caught Michael. He was watching her. Or maybe he was sleeping his eyes open and fixed on her. She couldn’t be sure.
Then she looked to her left and saw Isabel asleep on the floor, her head resting on Alex’s knees. He was caressing her hair. Such a lovely picture. It was so… not Icy Bitch. So that was who Isabel was… Maria sure was glad to meet her.
Kyle was standing next to Max and chatting with him, while Max stood between Liz’s knees. They were talking about cars. Wait? Cars? That was odd. It was kinda disturbing.
The room was strangely silent when finally Max asked Liz to push harder with excitement. Liz pushed and squeezed the life out of Maria’s hand but in the next half hour, it was over.
The ending of the event was much quieter than the beginning. It was so quiet, it didn’t even wake Isabel. Maria watched from afar as Max placed the baby in Liz’s arms. They looked so beautiful together, so in harmony.
It hit Maria suddenly then. Of course they were, they were a family. A complete family. A happy family. Something she, unfortunately, was denied, not just once but many times.
“He is so quiet.” Maria didn’t mean to say it out loud but the thought escaped her lips in a whisper.
She felt Michael’s breath near her ear as he talked to her. She hadn’t been aware of how close they’d been.
“Of course he is. Look at his parents. What were you expecting, it’s Max and Liz’s kid.”
She was happy to hear the humor in his voice. She liked it when he made jokes, even if they were all sarcastic.
“He would have been wailing and screaming our ears off if he was our baby.”
Michael’s body stiffened the minute he realized that he said it out loud. He felt Maria’s body still next to him but he couldn’t move his eyes from his hands.
Maria checked her brain once more to be sure that it was working properly and not playing tricks on her. Their baby? He’d said their baby… Oh God… He’d said their baby. She wasn’t sure what to do, what to say. She was paralyzed.
She gathered all her strength and used it to turn her head slightly to her right to see his face. His face was emotionless, closed off. But she could see that he wasn’t happy with what he’d said from the way he kept staring at his hands.
She took a deep breath, realizing she’d stopped breathing altogether and claimed his left hand. He jerked slightly but didn’t refuse her touch. She was the one that flinched at the contact.
Her hand was sour from all the squeezing Liz had done. He saw that or maybe felt it, he wasn’t sure and softly massaged her hand. He was creating miracles. Maria wasn’t sure if he was using his extra features or not, but it felt good. He felt good.
He stopped massaging the moment Maria felt all pain leave her. Again, she had no idea if he’d felt it. He raised her palm to his lips and kissed it softly. Then to her surprise he got up and left the room without even turning to look at her.
- - -
Maria felt pure rage start to burn inside her, turning all hurt into fury. She was literally burning. Her cheeks were red and she was fuming.
She left the room and found him in the balcony looking at the sky. She shut the door behind her. They didn’t need to hear that.
Michael faced her with dread. She was going to make it more difficult, he knew it. It was taking his every last shred of strength to walk away, but she just had to ruin it by following him.
Hurt. He could see it in her eyes. Carefully hidden behind rage. But it was there nevertheless. It was there because of him. Again.
“I am sick of this.” Maria said calmly. Calm was the last thing he’d expected her to be.
“Sick of what?” he replied coolly, like he couldn’t care less.
“Sick of you. So I’ll clear things between us a little bit.” She was still calm but her voice was raised a little with the anger she couldn’t seem to contain.
He shrugged. She laughed bitterly at that. Did he really not care? Had she been dreaming all those thing?
“You think I'm a whore.” Michael winced at her words. Did she really believe that?
“You have been using me as one, both emotionally and physically.” His brow furrowed. He seemed like he wanted to say something, but Maria held her hand up to silence him.
“I'm talking. I'm sick of waiting for you to talk. So you will listen.” He nodded, feeling numb and not really knowing how to say what he should.
“I thought I saw something different in you. Something I could relate to. Something I thought I wanted. But it doesn’t work like that. There are two sides to this and you obviously can't see anything there. So, just to make things less awkward and more clear between us, I just wanted to let you know…”
A bitter and mocking smirk covered her beautiful features. “You are not the first Michael. I have been f-ucked before. I have been f-ucked many times before you. And I will be, after you. You don’t have to feel bad about it or anything. We used each other, that’s it.”
She stood defiantly as she waited for him to respond. He thought for a moment. What was he going to say? It meant more to me? It meant everything? Of course not. He had wanted this. To cut loose. And now she was doing it for him. Okay then.
“Alright.” He said as he felt his heart contract. He couldn’t say anything else. He knew his voice would crack if he’d tried.
Maria stood there emotionless for a moment expecting more. That was it? Alright? She wasn’t expecting him to declare his undying love for her but he could at least say she wasn’t a whore, out of pity if nothing else. So she’d been right. He did think of her as one.
“Okay.” She whispered and turned around to leave. She couldn’t just start crying in front of him again. She wasn’t weak. Okay, maybe she was. But even if she was, there was no way she would let him see that.
She grabbed her jacket and stormed out of the door, leaving a perplexed Kyle behind. The last thing she heard before leaving the building was Kyle’s bellowing voice.
“What the hell did you do to her?”
- - -
Kyle had been waiting outside the balcony door, just in case. When Maria stormed out he’d tried to say something but her fiery eyes made him stop in his tracks. He knew that he would get burned if he tried to touch her.
He stepped through the door to face the other part of this mess. Maybe he wasn’t Tom, he couldn’t say the right things to calm her down or make things right again, but he could always kill Guerin. Wasn’t that what a big brother was for anyway?
He found Michael standing frozen with a weird facial expression. He couldn’t figure out what it meant. Michael’s expressions were pretty limited; bored, pissed off and scowling… This one was different though. He looked like he’d just bit his tongue and was trying to not cry out.
“What the hell did you do to her?” Kyle bellowed.
Michael didn’t even flinch. He just slowly raised his eyes to see the unwanted guest who was invading his session of self-hatred and pain.
“Leave me alone.” He said calmly, focusing all his strength on not crying, shouting or showing any other extreme emotion.
Kyle stepped closer and crossed his arms. “No, I will not leave you alone! Not until you explain to me why the f-uck you keep hurting her!”
Michael felt his legs become numb. He had to sit or he was going to collapse. He sat on the floor and leaned his back against the wall.
Kyle watched him intently. He wasn’t getting out of this without giving him a proper answer. He watched as he sat. His movements were too slow, much slower than usual. He saw Michael comb his hair with his fingers. That was when Kyle decided to sit down and talk instead of shouting and fighting as he had planned in the first place. He thought the situation could be a little bit different than his original assumption.
Michael Guerin’s hands were shaking.
Kyle pulled a chair and closed the door. He sat facing Michael who was avoiding eye contact. He waited for a moment to give them time to gather their thoughts. He secretly hoped that maybe Michael would explain without him insisting. But of course not. Michael stayed quiet.
Kyle tried to find a way to say what he wanted to say without causing an argument between them, but he wasn’t really good with words. So he tried being honest.
Michael held his head up to face the inevitable. Kyle was going to punch him. He knew it. He knew he’d deserved it. And he was hoping that pain could maybe distract him.
“I don’t really like you. But I respect you.”
Michael didn’t know what to feel or think. He found himself feeling something between disappointment and shock. Why wasn’t Kyle punching him?
“You're not the person I would choose for my sister…”
What was he talking about? Why would Kyle respect him? Who was his sister? And why the hell wasn’t Kyle punching him? Michael’s brain was about to short circuit.
“…But since she chose you, all I can do is help her out. So, what are your intentions with her?”
Kyle looked at him expectantly. Michael blinked a couple of times to make sure that he wasn’t hallucinating and when he was sure it was real, he said “What?”.
Kyle rolled his eyes. “What are your intentions with Maria? What the f-uck are you trying to pull?”
Michael’s face visibly tensed. “Nothing. I'm trying to keep her away from me… us… I mean this whole alien s-hit.”
“And why the hell is that exactly?”
Michael wasn’t expecting this question from Kyle, since he had never doubted that the jock would want her out as well.
“I know it’s dangerous. But we both know, whatever you do, she will never stay away from Liz or Alex. She is one stubborn chick. What I am asking you is why you keep her away from yourself?”
Michael couldn’t answer. What was this? Now he was having heartfelt conversations with the super jock? This was bullshit. He had his own damn brain, he’d never needed someone else’s to help him decide.
“None of your damn business.”
Hallelujah! So Guerin was still alive! Kyle smirked. “You see, it is kinda my business since it involves my family.” He paused but Michael didn’t say anything. So he continued.
“I would have killed you if I believed for one second that you would want to hurt her. Or maybe I would have killed you anyway if I thought she could live with it afterwards. But there is this weird thing… I know she won't move on. She won't give up on you. And I somehow think… I know it sounds crazy, but you two would be good for each other… Not that I care about you…”
“What are you talking about Kyle?” Michael couldn’t believe it. The guy was actually saying that he should be with her… And all he could think in return was… Why?!
“I know… I know… I sound like I'm possessed or something. But I spent months living with her. I talked to her about some things I’d never even talked with my dad or best friends. Hell, I fell in love with one of her quirky friends. But that’s not the point. The point is, I know her now, I understand her. And I know what she needs…”
Kyle made his point known with his eyes. He wasn’t going to get all mushy with Guerin. He might have spent a lot of time with Tom but he still was a jock.
“Don’t make it harder than it already is. It’s not gonna happen. It’s not right. She doesn’t know…”
“No, Michael. YOU don’t know! You think it’s just some coincidence that she fell for you and not Max?”
Michael laughed bitterly. “She should have, you know. It would have been so much better for her.”
“Oh really? And why is that?” Kyle asked sarcastically.
“Do you really need to ask?” Michael looked at Kyle like he should have known this as he knew day from night. “He’s better than me. He is the better alien. He is the better human. He is the damn king for God’s sake! He is safe and normal.” Michael wasn’t raising his voice. He sounded just jaded. These were not thoughts anymore for him but facts. He knew this one thing by heart. Max Evans was better.
“You can't understand this right now maybe Michael, but Maria isn't the little innocent girl she appears to be. There’s so much more fire and strength in her than all of us combined. She would chew and spit out a guy like Max. Or me or Alex for that matter… And she had done it before, lots of times. That’s why Tom calls her a man eater." He saw the sad lines forming around Michael’s face at the mention of other men. He cursed himself for caring but felt the need to help him out.
“It’s not just by chance that she chose you over them all Michael. And believe it or not, it’s not because of your charms. She’d found the one that fit her. I'm not trying to sound like some chick flick. I don’t believe in that soul-mate crap Liz keeps talking about. But I know this is right because I just found the one that fits me, the one person that’s everything I need. I never thought it was possible but believe me it is…”
“I don’t really know what’s happening between you two. She never told me anything specific and I never asked. I know what I need to know though. I know that this is not just a crush or infatuation. And I know it’s not a sex thing. I know that she’d stopped seeing other men the moment she met you. I know she took all her guards down just to take whatever she can get from you, even if it’s just some occasional banter…”
Michael was shocked at the honesty he saw in Kyle’s eyes as he talked. The guy really believed those things. But he was wrong. This was the one thing he had been sure for practically all his life. How could he be good enough for someone like Maria? He had nothing to give her except danger…
“I can't Kyle…”
Kyle chuckled at the irony of the situation. “You know, you are that badass alien who is supposed to be despised and scared of, but all members of her family gave you thumbs up before you even asked. Amy adores you, dad had been thinking of you as his own son since he had found out, and me… Well, though it’s surprising as hell, I give you my permission. So… All you gotta do is let yourself…”
Kyle sighed and got up from his chair, there was nothing else he could do. He patted Michael softly on the shoulder and ignored his dumbfounded look. He was about to leave but stopped abruptly.
“But don’t think I would hesitate one moment before I break your nose if you make her cry again…”
He left the balcony to get some sleep and let the confused alien think things through.
- - -
Maria walked the streets without really seeing them. Her mind was fixed on one thing and one thing only; a future without Michael. She sat on a bench under a tree where she could see children playing in the park and started to fantasize about her future.
Since the baby was born now, her guests would be leaving soon. Michael, would be leaving. Then what? She was supposed to accept that it was over and move on. She could go back to work, it would take her mind off of things. But she didn’t want to let herself get lost in her job again, like she had done after Colin. She wasn’t going to make the same mistakes, she wasn’t going to hide. She was going to face life and the pain it brought and try to live through it.
She thought about marriage and children… It didn’t look likely that she would get married. She knew she wouldn’t be able to look at other men without comparing them to a certain spiky haired a-sshole. None of them stood a chance. But maybe she could find a good man to have a family with. It might not be passionate or immortal love, but it could be enough. She could be happy. Maybe…
Why had this happened? How? She couldn’t understand. She’d never seen it coming. A man like Michael would claim her heart? Hell, he wasn’t even a man! He’d made her hope things that were against every dream she’d had, ever… He’d made her crave things she’d never imagined. He’d made her feel content with the idea of him being her whole life. And the annoying thing was he hadn't even tried…
“Maria? Maria DeLuca?”
Maria jumped at the unexpected voice coming from behind her. She turned her head and narrowed her eyes to avoid the sun. Then she saw the owner of the soft voice and her jaw dropped.
“Carrie? Carrie North?”
The girl smiled brightly. “It’s Carrie Cornwell now, you know…” she said teasingly and wrapped her arms around Maria.
“Oh my…” Maria was shocked. Carrie had changed.
Maria had loved the girl from the first moment she’d laid eyes on her. She was cheerful, kind and lovable. Almost like a kitten. But now… Now she looked enchanting, charming, bewitching… Maria tried to figure out what was the cause of this sudden change but couldn’t put her finger on it.
Carrie was wearing a simple white shirt with faded jeans. Her hair was loose around her shoulders and she didn’t appear to be wearing any make up. What was so different about her?
“I heard you’re not working right now? I hope nothing’s wrong…” Carrie sat on the bench next to her and watched her face carefully, with worry evident in her eyes.
“No, no… Everything’s fine. I’m just taking some time off.”
Maria had some serious acting skills, but Carrie could see through them easily. She didn’t look tiny bit relaxed for someone who’d been on vacation for months. Instead she looked worn, tired. Sad lines had formed in her face which weren't there the last time she’d seen the girl. It was disturbing to see someone like Maria DeLuca like that. Like something inside her had died.
“Betty had asked for you, for her birthday party last month. You definitely chose a great time to take a vacation.” Carrie joked, trying to lighten up the girl.
“Oh God! I don’t think I could handle her once more.” Maria laughed, remembering the times she considered seriously leaving country because of Carrie’s out of control mother-in-law.
“You look happy.” Maria added a moment later. “Hell, you look radiant!”
Carrie smiled sheepishly. “Thanks to you.” She said shyly.
“What? What do I have to do with anything?”
Carrie looked at her with big grateful eyes. “You stopped me from doing the biggest mistake of my life. I don’t know what I would have done without him.”
“Oh.” Maria lowered her eyes to her hands. “Danny. So you guys are happy?”
“Couldn’t be happier. He’s my everything.”
Maria’s eyes filled with tears. She wasn’t jealous or anything, but it hurt to know that she could never have what Carrie had.
“What? What’s wrong?”
Maria chuckled softly and dried her tears with the back of her hands. “Nothing. Nothing, it’s okay. I'm just a little emotional today.”
Carrie hugged her again, not really knowing what her problem was, but guessing nonetheless. “I'm sorry.” She whispered. She could feel pain pouring out of the small girl in her arms. “You want me to take you home? My car’s right here.”
Maria nodded and they made their way to the car.
- - -
Carrie stopped the car in front of Maria’s building ten minutes later. The ride was quiet and she was worried. She wanted to say something, do something to make her feel better but they had never been real friends, so she had no idea what to do.
Maria muttered a thanks to her and got out of the car slowly. Carrie saw her look up to a window and try to get herself back together. Her body took a defensive and determined stance, and she started to walk towards the door.
Carrie opened her car’s door and did what she thought was right. “Maria?”
She turned back to look at the car with questioning eyes.
“Don’t let it get away.”
Carrie got in her car again and drove away, leaving a frozen Maria behind.
- - -
Carrie drove away watching the girl from her rear view mirror. She had seen the confused and torn look in her eyes. She decided that it was time to repay the favor.
She dialed her husband’s office number and learned the number for the place she needed to call. The phone rang twice before it was picked up by a young girl.
“Hi. This is Carrie Cornwell. May I speak with Tom Lindley please?”
[ edited 3 time(s), last at 14-Sep-2002 12:58:33 PM ]
|posted on 6-Sep-2002 6:16:23 AM by belit|
|Hi guys, I'm back!|
Jane, thanks for the fb!
Michael- get a back bone!
I'll make sure he will, don't worry!
Hoarse, I know Kyle did deserve some action, but this fic turned out to be a one religiously focused on M&M so we won't be seeing him get any. Maybe in the next one...
CheshireCat, you wanted Tom so there you go. But sorry, nothing really important happens with him. He would help if he knew the truth but since he doesn't, he'll just have to be there in case they need him.
quote: Thanks for the name to the kid! It's so appropriate...
Little Mr. Perfect Junior. *gags* Just what teh world needs; another perfectionist who thinks he's Da Man.
This board is impossible isn't it? I don't think I'll post the next story here. It's all dreamers and so many of them!!!
Nola, here's your Candy lovin'... Not much action though, sorry about that! You'll have to wait till the next part...
Spencer, hey, welcome back, where have you been?
And now, here's your new part!!!
“Kyle… I’m leaving!” Maria shouted towards the living room. A moment later Kyle came running to the door just as she expected.
“What? Where are you going?”
Maria rolled her eyes. “I’m meeting Tom at your girlfriend’s bar. I’ll be okay, I’m a big girl.”
“Okay.” Said Kyle reluctantly and let her hug him.
“I’ll see you later.”
“Yeah.” Kyle waved her goodbye, already forming a plan in his head to see her much sooner.
- - -
“So Tom, what is so important that you can't talk near Kyle?” Maria took a sip from her drink and welcomed the alcohol burning down her throat.
“Can't a guy want to spend some quality time with his best friend?” he pouted mockingly. “I missed you babe. We can't even talk over the phone for ten minutes without getting interrupted anymore.”
“Yeah, but it will be over soon. They’re leaving tomorrow morning.”
Tom’s eyebrows rose questioningly at the obvious disappointment in her voice. He went over the alternatives to approach the subject in his head and chose a direct one to avoid her attempts of escape.
“So Carrie was right.” He said nonchalantly, avoiding eye contact.
She literally jumped. “Who?”
“Carrie. The blond half of your oh-so-meaningful couple.”
Maria hit his arm not so playfully.
“Hey.” Tom shouted, a slight smile on his lips.
“Carrie called you? For what?”
“She was worried about you. And I can see why.” He was bating her, trying to make her talk while keeping the conversation from getting too intense.
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“That, my friend, is supposed to mean that you can’t hide it as well as you thought.”
Maria pouted. “I’m not hiding anything.”
Tom stopped playing her I-don’t-know-what-you're-talking-about game, because he knew it would get out of hand and he would be left in the dark once again.
“Why doesn’t it work Mars? I know you want to make it work and I know he likes you, so… why?”
Maria started to play with the hem of her shirt. There was no way she could avoid Tom’s questions once he’d gotten that look. “It’s complicated.”
“I know. You keep saying that. But what makes it so complicated?”
Maria held her head up defiantly. She was sick of looking down at her feet all the time. That wasn’t her. She hadn't been herself for months. It was time to change things a little bit now. It was time for her to get her life back, even if Michael didn’t want to be a part of it.
“You know what? It’s not complicated. I want him. He doesn’t want me. End of story.”
“But he does want you.” Tom was trying to piece together a puzzle in his head with the limited information he’d gotten out of her.
“Nope. He doesn’t.” Maria sighed. “Believe me I wouldn’t be sitting here with you right now if he did want me.”
Tom pouted mocking. “Aww, that breaks my heart.”
- - -
Kyle entered the bar just as Maria started singing. He watched her from the door for a moment before heading for Tom who was sitting in their usual table.
She looked like an angel. A sad one. Her eyes were shut and she was singing as though the song was a part of her. Singing was like breathing for her, that easy and also that vital.
“Hey Kylie…” Tom greeted Kyle, smiling at his brotherly gestures.
“Stop calling me that!”
Tom’s grin grew bigger at Kyle’s discomfort. “I thought you weren't invited.”
“I thought we were a team.”
“Nothing major Kyle, I was just trying to make her talk but she avoids it like the plague.”
“Of course, what else?”
Kyle rolled his eyes and ordered himself a drink.
“I just don’t get it. Why would he push her away like that? He’s so obviously in love with her.”
“He thinks he’s not good enough.” Kyle explained, knowing this could cause some questions he can't possibly answer.
Kyle tried to answer him leaving the alien parts out. “He is not your average, normal guy…” Okay, he knew that wasn’t really an explanation but he thought he’d give it a try.
“Oh, believe me I gathered that…”
Tom watched Kyle intently, waiting for him to finish his explanation as Kyle studied his drink like it was a magical potion or something.
“What?” Kyle feigned innocence but his attempt were futile and he knew it.
He took a deep breath and silently prayed to God that Tom wouldn’t use his persuasion methods on him. “I can't really explain it but I can tell you he’s wrong.”
“Let me get this straight. He thinks he’s not good enough while you think he is good enough. But you can't explain me why he thinks he isn't and you think he is.”
“Yeah, something like that.”
Tom paused for a moment. “So he is good enough?”
Kyle chuckled. It was a nice change to see Tom confused for once. “I'm not saying he’s good or bad. I just think he’s good for Ria.”
“Okay then. I’ll trust you with that.”
Kyle couldn’t help but feel flattered. Tom valued his opinion. Wow…
“So what do you think we should do?”
Kyle rolled his eyes. “Stay away maybe? We can't force them to it Tom.”
“I know that but we can help. The singing thing worked perfectly, didn’t it?”
Kyle had to agree with that. It was the best thing that had happened to the poor girl in months.
“I think we should lock them in a closet.” Tom suggested remembering his high school years. That had been fun.
Kyle smirked thinking about Michael’s locksmith-ish powers. “Won't work. Either he would crush the door or she would kill him before we can let them out.”
“Hmm. I guess she would kill us once she gets out anyway. Think Kyle! Think! They’re leaving tomorrow. We have to do something!”
Kyle smirked. “I have my own little plan.”
Tom opened his eyes in anticipation and pouted when Kyle shook his head no.
“I thought we were partners.” He whined.
“Yeah me too.” Kyle retorted.
“Come on Kyle…” He was practically begging.
“Okay, okay.” He motioned him to come closer and whispered as if she could hear them all the way from the stage. He knew she wouldn’t hear in her coma-like state even they shouted it in her ear but what was the fun in secret plans if they weren't whispered?
“Before I came here, I asked Michael to come here later tonight.”
“And he agreed?”
“He was so bored with Max always talking about Little Mr. Perfect Junior, he jumped on the idea. I told him we would have a guys’ night.”
Tom looked confused. “Who’s Little Mr. Perfect Junior?”
“Max’s son.” He said not able to form a lie that quick.
“Liz gave birth?”
“Yeah.” Kyle said hoping that he looked actually convincing. “She was five months along when you saw her.”
“So she gave birth early?”
Okay, time to change the subject. “So what do we do when he gets here?”
Tom shrugged. “We’ll improvise.”
- - -
Michael walked all the way to the bar. He wasn’t in a hurry, and he welcomed the silence of the streets at night. The kid was crying and everyone was packing and running around at home. “Not home…” he chided himself. “Not home, Maria’s place…”
Maria. It was weird to have her away from him. He was so used to the constant vibes he kept getting from her, he felt empty when they lost the proximity of sharing a house.
How the hell was he going to survive without her?
He found the place easily enough with Kyle’s directions and entered the candle lit room.
He stopped abruptly at the door.
He felt her, before hearing her voice. All of a sudden she wasn’t a tingle at the back of his mind but a rainbow invading his thoughts. He knew it wasn’t scientifically possible but he could smell her in the room. Love wasn’t exact science anyway.
Love. Was that what it was called? Was that what all those stupid songs were all about? Hadd all those people talked about this all this time? No. This was something else. People loved more than once in their lives. But with this thing between them he couldn’t even acknowledge other people, let alone think about them.
He knew whatever he would do to stay away, he would never stop thinking about her just for one second. She had become the meaning of life, his reason to survive. She was the beauty and as she had once said, that was what life was all about. Living the beauty. It was too sad that he would just dream about the beauty instead of living it, but it was better than never knowing it.
Michael took a deep breath to stay on his feet and saw Maria’s eyes snap open.
- - -
Kyle was drinking his beer and watching Maria sing when he saw her open her eyes with an excited look. Her eyes focused on something immediately and stayed glued there. He slowly followed her gaze but he knew what he would find anyway.
Michael was there.
He nudged Tom and they watched in awe as the two people got lost in each other’s eyes in the middle of a crowded bar.
“Holy s-hit!” Tom muttered. A tear slid down his face as he watched his friend look at the man she loved with desperation. Her need was obvious. She was caught vulnerable and he could read everything she had suppressed before. Pain… So much pain…
“That is more tragic than Romeo and Juliet.” Tom stated wiping his tears.
“I have to do something. I can’t just watch them throw this away. I can't…”
“Tom, calm down. He’s coming here.”
Michael walked towards the table Kyle said he would be sitting. He was focused on walking straight. It wouldn’t be nice for his ego to stumble over something with his wobbly legs in front of Kyle, Tom and Maria. Maria… Why the hell was she there anyway?
Michael acknowledged Tom and turned his furious gaze on a squirming Kyle. “Kyle.”
“Michael, hi.” Kyle said in a way too cheerful voice. His smile looked so artificial and uncharacteristic, Michael would have laughed his ass off if he wasn’t feeling like his lungs were being squashed.
Michael sat down next to Kyle thinking maybe he should have just turned back and ran away. Running away had always worked… at least for a little while.
But of course he couldn’t possibly run away from something that was both in his mind and body. That girl had invaded him. She had possessed him. And now it was too late. He was too far gone.
“So…” He didn’t want to give his thoughts and discomfort away by punching Kyle. Lucky bastard! At second thought he considered it again, thinking that he couldn’t possibly give away anything Kyle didn’t already suspect, as he had gathered from their talk the other day. But he decided against it once more. Not in front of Tom… Kyle was a lucky, lucky bastard!
“I thought this was gonna be a guys’ night?” he asked between gritted teeth.
“Yeah, it was…” Kyle said lamely. “But…” His mind went blank. Think! Think!
“Maria showed up to sing. She does that a lot.” Tom came to his rescue.
“I didn’t know she sang… I mean here…” Michael said, ignoring Kyle’s relieved sigh.
“Oh she does. But not always… Whenever she wants, whatever she wants… Luce owns the place, so nobody cares about what she’s doing.” Tom explained, trying to look innocent while watching this mysterious guy intently.
He was interesting. But he knew there had to be something more than interesting to make Maria fall so hard for him. And he knew he would find that out. Eventually.
- - -
Maria’s heart fluttered and danced, her cheeks started to burn. She was on the edge of a panic attack. Her anxiety was mixed with a sudden but powerful wave of sadness and grief which made her want to cry till she had no tears left, without once allowing herself to think why.
All she knew was what she was feeling, and she didn’t give a damn about why’s or how’s anymore, they had never helped her anyway.
She couldn’t cry. She wasn’t going to cry in front of them; the three most important men in her life. Not now, not ever. So she sang the tears instead and let them bleed out of her freely. Her pain flooded out of her, securely disguised in her songs.
She didn’t let her eyes open again and forced herself to forget his presence. The half of her mind which still belonged to her complied willingly, as the other half told her Michael was overwhelmed by some feeling she couldn’t quite name.
Hours passed and she could feel herself getting stronger with every passing minute. She was almost ready to open her eyes again, face reality, face Michael, face her disastrous life.
She was getting sidetracked again with all those bad thoughts. She had good things in her life still. She had Tom, Kyle, Luce… She had her friends in Roswell and in LA. She had a good job… She might have left for months, but she knew they would take her back willingly. She had her mother and now a step father. She had Goldie. She had… She had her life, what else could she ask for?
Michael? No! There was no point in asking for him when she couldn’t get him.
She opened her eyes in anger as the song ended. She put her guitar down on the stage and walked towards the table with firm steps, forcing herself to not back out of her plan. It was time to take matters at her hands.
- - -
“Man… She looks pissed!”
Kyle was the first one to see Maria coming towards them.
“Someone’s in trouble…” Tom said enjoying himself. They both turned their heads to Michael who looked rather uncomfortable in his chair.
“What? Why me?”
Tom shook his head, laughing and patted Michael’s shoulder. “It was nice to know you Michael…”
Michael was panicking. “What?”
Just then Maria reached the table. She looked directly at Michael ignoring the others. “Michael?”
He had always loved the way she had said his name. She always said it so tenderly, in a way it had never been said before. But this time… Her voice sent shivers down his spine.
He looked at her tentatively. “Yeah?”
She grabbed his hand, ignored the things a small touch of his skin reminded her and pulled him up from his chair. Then addressed Tom without letting his hand go.
“You guys go ahead without us, we’ve got things to do.” She said in a don’t-you-dare-ask-what kind of voice.
Tom raised his hands up in surrender. “Whatever you say.” And they watched them leave towards the bar, Maria gripping Michael’s hand like he would run away if she didn’t.
“She’ll kill him, right?” Kyle said sadly.
“Yep! And I was starting to like him.”
- - -
“Where are we going?” Michael asked after they got out of Kyle and Tom’s earshot.
“Backroom.” Maria didn’t stop or look at him.
They reached the bar. Maria turned around and faced him. “You had a thing to do before leaving remember? Get whatever the f-uck you want from my head and you can leave all relieved and Maria-free tomorrow.”
Oh that… He had managed to make himself ignore the fact that they hadn't done anything about the connection yet. Honestly, he knew it was dangerous and could harm her, but he liked having something special with her. Something just for them.
Maria was the only thing in his life that he had tried to approach unselfishly and now it looked like he was failing at that. But he wanted to be selfish dammit! He wanted to keep her, hold her and never let her go!
Maria found Andie, Lucy’s sister behind the bar and took a key from her. The girl threw Michael a mischievous smirk. Oh yeah, if only she knew what they were going to do in there.
They walked to the back and stopped in front of a wooden door. Maria opened the door and lead them inside to a large bedroom. The room was simple and… white. Too white. It resembled a hospital room.
Maria sat on the bed crosslegged and closed her eyes for a moment to find the strength to go on with this. She was playing with her hair to avoid looking at him.
“So? What now?” she asked.
Michael sat on the bed reluctantly. It was inevitable he knew that, but he couldn’t help but stall. What now? Well all he could think of right now was how good she would look naked on white sheets. But somehow he doubted she would appreciate that thought at that moment.
“We… connect I guess.”
“I don’t know…”
“How did we do it the last time?” His sheepish look reminded her how. “Oh…”
She looked at the bed, then at Michael… Oh, s-hit…
[ edited 3 time(s), last at 14-Sep-2002 1:10:04 PM ]
|posted on 14-Sep-2002 9:56:03 AM by belit|
|Hi, sorry about making you guys wait. I'm moving and my new place doesn't have a phone line yet :(|
I edited the whole story. I'd made some mistakes. *blush*. Nothing major though, you don't need to read the whole thing again. I'll edit all parts I had sent here soon.
He shouldn't be allowed to touch her again, until he knows. I mean REALLY knows what the hell he's done to her, and what her life's been like. He has a clue about his part in her pain, but he's still missing vital information.
Spencer; I wasn't going to put flashes, but since you want him to know... I wrote the first part of the part 24 for you and CheshireCat, - and everyone else who wanted Michael to know exactly what Maria had been through-, hope you'll like it. I have no idea when I can post it though.
Hoarse; thanks for the fb. I'm glad you're okay with my obsession. Really, I put all those characters in the story but I can't write a damn scene without M&M. Where's Sam, Paul, Nancy??? I have no idea!!!
TeenAgeAlien; hi, welcome!
quote: I never do!
Don't worry about being too discriptive.
quote: Wait til Part 24. He'll be seeing it all. I'll let him suffer a little, he deserved it.
...still feel so sorry for Maria and I want Michael to really know what he did to her when he just left her and apologize to her before he's allowed anything else.
NolaDarling; to you too.
Sherry; I'll post the new part on CID today. Thanks for stopping by here.
Maria shook her head in disbelief. “Oh, no buster. Not again. Never again.” Hearing her own words out loud made her feel more confident. She constantly had to remind herself that she was in control. It was too easy to believe she wasn’t otherwise.
Her words stung. He knew she didn’t even want to touch him anymore, but hearing her say it so easily, hurt him. He went into defensive mode. He raised his hands in surrender. “I didn’t say anything.”
She closed her eyes for a moment. “Focus!” she chided herself. “Just do this thing and it’s all over and you’ll have your life back.”
“Okay. So, how do we start then?” Looking in his eyes made it a thousand times more difficult, but she couldn’t help it. They were sitting on a bed facing each other, and she knew she probably wouldn’t have a chance to do it again any time soon. No matter what her mind screamed, her body seemed to listen her heart.
Michael looked in her eyes and saw her fear in the deep green of them. She was afraid? Of him? Hell, why not? He had deserved it, hadn't he? “I think I need to touch you…” he said tentatively and saw her flinch. He put down the hand he was raising to touch her cheek. No. She wasn’t ready for this.
She saw him pull away his hand and gathered her courage. She reached for his hand and felt a tightness in her chest. He looked so happy for a moment when she’d touched him. She never could make herself be angry at him when he was so child-like and innocent.
Michael squeezed her hand slightly to reassure her that everything was okay and tried to get his mind away from her skin. Her soft, silky skin under his calloused fingers…
“Now focus on me. Think about me and it should happen I guess.”
Maria nodded, and closed her eyes. She saw Michael, on top of her, his body glistening with sweat and his eyes shining with awe as he gazed down at her. She panicked. The feeling was too powerful. Her breathing was ragged and she was scared of what she would do, if she would be able to carry on as planned if she would keep seeing that moment in her head.
The scene she saw when she opened her eyes was worse though. To her surprise, Michael’s eyes were open. He was looking at her, studying her in concentration and awe. It was just like the look she had tried to escape a moment ago, but somehow more intense. There was longing in this look and it made her feel like punching him.
“Why the hell are you doing this?” she asked pleadingly, almost crying.
“What?” he asked, his voice hoarse.
“Look at me like that? Like you… you…” she stuttered, not able to finish her thought. “Whatever, just forget it! Let’s just get this over with!”
She clutched his hand tighter. Closing her eyes, she focused on Michael. Michael’s hair, Michael’s touch, Michael’s scent, Michael’s taste, Michael’s voice…
He didn’t close his eyes. He wanted to watch her, not miss a minute of their time together. He was focusing on keeping his walls up while watching her though. His plan was simple. He couldn’t let her get into his mind. He was just going to get inside hers, take whatever he had left there and let the connection stay one-way.
This way, he was sparing her the pain while guaranteeing himself a lifetime feeling of Maria. He would never have to be alone again.
- - -
Michael cursed mentally. Nothing ever went according to his plans. He could feel her… Maria was in.
It was terrible, awful, scary to think of what she might see. Could she get hurt there? Could she get stuck or something? There was nothing he could do about it though. Their bond was strong enough to let her do what Max or Isabel could never have done.
He had thrown Isabel out of his head countless times when she had tried to dreamwalk him, but with Maria it was different, as always. There was no alert of a stowaway in his mind. It was as though she belonged there. His defenses had given her full access to do as she wished.
So he focused on his part of the plan. Get in her head and take what he had left. It took just a thought and he was in.
- - -
Maria found herself in a dark room and realized immediately where she was. She was in his head, it wasn’t hard to guess. She could smell him there, feel his presence around her.
It was dark. Darkness had always reminded her of the castle. It was something she had always found scary and cold. But Michael’s darkness felt safe. It was warm and somewhat friendly. She knew there were no monsters hiding in those shadows, only a strong feeling of loneliness. It made her sad to know. He was lonely.
She boldly stepped further. She couldn’t help the trust she felt about everything that was Michael. She could trust him with herself, only except when it came to emotions. He would die before hurting her physically, but emotionally he had wrecked her… many times.
She heard a faint cry coming from behind her. She turned and followed the voice. She knew what she would find. It was Michael. She had prepared herself for this. For finding his memories, his childhood, his dreams. It could be devastating but she was ready. At least she had thought she was.
Her surroundings started to change as she walked closer to him. His voice was soft and low, almost like he was trying to keep quiet. She began to see different shades of black around her. She realized there were shapes but she couldn’t make them out.
The texture of the ground changed and she noticed that she was walking through woods. Dead leaves were crackling under her bare feet and the shapes she’d seen beneath the shades of black turned out to be branches. The trees looked like they were burnt and the branches were in odd angles. They appeared as though they were reaching out for something. It was… disturbing.
She found the source of the sound but it didn’t make any sense. Where was Michael? The cries were coming from the trunk of a tree. She kneeled in front of it and the stinging of her knees caused her to noticed her clothes.
She was wearing a long black dress that was flying around as though there was wind, but she knew she would have noticed if there was. The air was calm around her, but it had a liquid quality to it. It made her move slowly, like she was swimming. But it also made the air richer. She felt like breathing honey. She savored it. She was breathing Michael.
She tentatively touched the tree with her fingertips and something resembling jam or glue soiled them. The cry stopped the moment she’d touched it, but started again as she flinched from the touch and pulled her hand away.
She whispered. “Michael?” and touched the tree again. The sound stopped and a disturbing silence took its place.
“Michael? Are you in there?”
She wanted to place her ear on it to hear better, but the sticky fluid stopped her from doing it. So she placed her palm instead and closed her eyes, trying to feel him.
Yes. He was there. He was in the tree. What the hell was he doing in a tree?
- - -
Michael opened his eyes in a room with large windows. He could see the backyard and the trees from where he was standing. He stepped further inside and found himself in a kitchen.
The place was familiar. He knew he hadn't ever seen the house before but it had Maria’s signature on it. It had the same feeling of the house he’d dreamt, the one with the hammock. It felt warm and homey. And smelled like Maria.
He walked around, trying to find a clue to what to do next. But the place looked so comfortable, felt so safe, all he wanted to do was to stay there. He reminded himself where he was and why he was there. That got him moving.
He went upstairs and found his first clue there. There was a locked door. He tried to open it with his powers but they didn’t work. So he knocked.
“Yes?” It was Maria’s voice. Was that right? It felt right, but wasn’t he supposed to find himself there?
There was a pause, than the answer came with recognition.
“Yes, it’s me. Can I come in?” He didn’t know what he was going to do if he could go in, but was going on instinct.
Good question, he had no idea.
“I don’t know. I need to be there I think.” Honesty looked like his best shot.
“You’ll hurt me.”
His heart clenched at her words. Would he hurt her?
“I don’t want to hurt you.” He whispered. “I need something. You have something that’s mine, I need it back.”
“No.” That was unexpected. So she knew she had it. Was that her subconscious he was talking to? Did she know subconsciously how they had caused this?
“Do you know what it is?”
“Can you tell me?”
She paused again as he waited impatiently. “You gave it to me. You can't take it back.”
“What did I give you?”
“No, go away.”
Great… What was he supposed to do now?
- - -
“Should we leave them here? Are you sure about this?” Kyle asked as he watched the backdoor they had disappear through.
“It’s been two hours. They are not coming out. And she said leave, so I think we should let them be.” Tom reasoned, concealing his uneasiness with fake confidence.
“What do you think they’re doing in there?”
“As much as I don’t want to think about it, I'm hoping that they're having sex.” Tom said honestly.
Kyle gave him an unbelieving look.
“What?” Tom asked. “The only other plausible explanation is that they had killed each other. Would you prefer that?”
Kyle looked thoughtful, like he was considering it. Tom threw his arm over his shoulders and guided him out of the bar.
“Sorry about your plan. What were you going to do?”
“I was going to give jealousy a shot.” Kyle said longingly.
Tom patted his back. “Oh, that’s a classic. It’s a shame we couldn’t try it, could be so much fun. Maybe we can try it later?”
- - -
Maria couldn’t stand still when emotions hit her in full force. The fear, longing, loneliness, desperation, self-loathe coming from Michael left her kneeling in front of the tree, struggling to breathe. Her palm had never left its place though.
She put herself back together, and ignoring the hot tears trickling down her cheeks or the ache in her heart, she started to pull away pieces of the tree.
The sticky liquid on it made it slippery and no matter how much she dug her nails into it, she couldn’t break any off. She started sobbing and hitting it with her small fists.
“Michael? MICHAEL? Michael, please help me…”
- - -
Michael placed his palm on the door and concentrated on getting some emotion or flash. He had known that it could be hard to reverse the connection, but he honestly had never expected to deal with Maria’s stubbornness. Even her subconscious was stubborn.
Nothing. He couldn’t get anything from the room. He wondered if it worked both ways. Could he send his emotions through? Maybe if he could show her his intentions, she would let him in.
He placed his palm again and concentrated on Maria. Pictures of his favorite Maria moments flashed through his mind. He felt the warmth she made her feel. And lastly his thoughts of being insufficient for her came unwillingly. That was when he felt the door move under his fingers, in time with the sadness creeping up his heart.
The door didn’t open as he hoped it would. Instead it started shaking. He took a step back and opened his eyes. The thing he saw caused his heart to triple its rate.
The door had started bleeding.
- - -
Maria’s hands were aching and bleeding from hitting the rough surface of the tree, but there was still no progress. She placed both her palms and her forehead on the sticky surface with exhaustion, not being able to find strength to care about anything but Michael.
Her tears dropped on the soil just beneath the tree and her voice thick with tears managed to croak out only one name. “Michael…”
She knew he was in there. She knew he was hurting. Nothing made sense but she didn’t care. She needed to see him, help him, stop his hurt. She closed her eyes and tried to focus on sending him her love. Reminding him that there was someone that cared about him out there.
The minute she felt her heart burst with the love she held for her spiky haired alien, she felt the surface under her hands move. A thin ray of light shone through the dark tree and she saw two fingers reaching out.
- - -
Michael was panicking. He couldn’t help it. Blood. So much blood. And it was everywhere.
She wasn’t responding. He paced back and forth, telling himself it wasn’t real. But it wasn’t helping. It felt real, and Maria was inside a room that was bleeding.
He looked at the door, wishing he could do something to stop it. Then he threw reason out the door. “F-uck!” he muttered and threw himself to the door with all his might.
The door broke easily and he found himself inside the same white room their bodies rested in the real world. His eyes found Maria immediately.
She was lying on the bed, her eyes tightly closed and she was clutching her chest.
- - -
“Michael?” she said not able to believe her eyes. She touched his fingers and just knew it was him.
“I’ll get you out of there. Hold on.”
She pulled the edges of the hole with her new found strength. It was much more easier this time. As the hole got bigger, her heart lightened.
She worked on it for what seemed like hours. She was talking non-stop with her struggled breathing. Talking was good for fear. She wasn’t sure if it was for him or herself though.
She pushed a big piece in the middle with her shoulder and felt it break off a little too late. She stumbled inside the newly opened hole into a blinding light and two familiar arms.
She opened her eyes, and her heart made a little dance in her chest when she found the deep chocolate brown eyes looking back at her.
Her voice and words suddenly and surprisingly left her. She held onto his neck tightly and sobbed to his shirt. Her relief was overwhelming. Seeing him again, being in the light and not alone, feeling his heartbeat next to hers… It was too good to be real.
She remembered then. It wasn’t real. Right.
She pulled back slightly. It looked real though. His lips for example, looked real enough to kiss.
She leaned in and brushed her lips against his. The tingles were there. It had to be real. Seeing no resistance from him she deepened the kiss with the need that had been building up in her for months. She felt the pictures and memories coming before she could see them. She fought it, wanting to savor his lips instead of the flashes, but they were too much, too powerful, too fast.
- - -
Michael kneeled next to the bed and called her name. All the reaction he could get was her soft whimper. He touched her cheek and leaned closer to her. She was awake but scared. Scared from what? Him? Why was she scared from him?
“Maria? Open your eyes. Please…”
She shook her head. “No.”
That wasn’t the reaction he had hoped, but it was better than nothing. “Why not?”
“You’ll take it away. You’ll leave me. I can’t… I can't do it… I tried… I can't…”
He touched her tears and softly caressed her face. She was always so soft and so warm. “You can't what?”
She tentatively opened her eyes. Her voice was hardly audible. “I can't live without you.”
His eyes started to burn. She wasn’t supposed to do this. She was supposed to be strong. She was supposed to hate him. He wasn’t prepared for this.
He shook his head. “No. You can do it. You don’t need me.”
“I don’t?” she asked through her tears like a little kid.
“No.” he said, his heart breaking.
“Okay.” She said with a small voice. She placed her hand above her heart and a soft glow beamed between her fingers. She closed her hand into a fist and placed it in Michael’s bigger one.
Meeting his eyes she reluctantly opened it to reveal a small sphere of bluish white light. She held his hand holding the sphere in between their hands and leaned in to kiss him.
“I don’t want you to go.”
|posted on 17-Sep-2002 8:00:57 AM by belit|
It's so exciting, the story's about to end. Finally!!! One more chapter and it's over. Hope you'll like the ending! I'm hoping to finish it this week.
Prue and TeenAgeAlien, thanks for leaving fb. Hope you'll like this part. It's mostly flashes, I think I just wrote the longest flash scene of Roswell Fanfic History.
Spencer and CheshireCat, I wrote you a whole lot of flashes. Tell me what you think about them, I'm not so sure myself!
Spencer I can send you the edited version as a word document or you can get it from my site. Yes, I have a site now!!!
I have been trying to move and prepare the site and write the story all at the same time, I think I need a long vacation!
There's a link to the site in my signature. Visit the site if you have time and tell me how to improve it!
His heart is beating like crazy. A girl that smells like flowers and feels like silk is lying on top of him. His lips are tingling. Curiosity. Who is she? Is this a dream?
He’s watching her cook, trying to convince himself that it must be his imagination, no girl can possibly look that enchanting.
Reaching for a plate, he’s almost sure she can hear his heart beat. She is so close. That smell. It’s driving him crazy. He’s thinking it must be alien related, his reaction to that smell. It’s not normal.
He’s watching her talk with Alex, and thinking. Would she have been his, if she’d never left? What would she had done if she’d found out what he was? Would she had done everything Liz had done for Max? Would they have had something close? Intimate?
He’s watching her face for some reaction, but she isn’t moving. His fears keep chanting in his head. “She’s going to die. She’s going to die.” He’s refusing to believe it as he’s trying to fight the tears. She can’t die. She’s too young to die. Too beautiful. Smells too good. He needs her too much. She can’t die.
He wakes up in her arms. Excitement. Joy. Fear. He has to put her to her own bed. He can’t let her know. It’s too much. He’s too scared.
He sees her sick. Her face is pale, she looks small. He wants to take care of her. He can’t understand why. He never took care of anyone. This thing he’s feeling is not right.
Liz is pregnant. Everything is crashing down on him. He wants to run. But where? You can’t run to another planet. He wants to die. He knows everything had been leading up to this moment for years, since the shooting, but this makes it real. He’s lonely, he’s bitter, he’s going to die this way.
She’s telling him she is his friend. Why? Why would anyone want to be his friend when he doesn’t even want to be himself?
She has a boyfriend. Jealousy. Anger. Denial. It’s not up to him as he had always presumed it for them to be together. She has something better out there waiting for her than Roswell New Mexico and Michael Guerin the loser alien.
He watches them danced, confused over his dreams and jealous that the guy is holding her so close. Then he figures out about the dreams. Her memories. He refuses to believe it. She had hurt so much.
She’s dancing with him. He has to focus to keep his mind working and away from where she’d placed his hands. Then she asks him to come to LA with her, says she’s not going out with the guy. He wants to forget everything and kiss her. Forget Max, forget Antar, forget Roswell… Just leave…
Fear. Raw fear. The guy is touching her. Anger takes over. He controls himself though. Can’t make a mistake. It’s Maria.
Relief as he’d never felt before. She’s alright. He can’t believe it. He’s checking her again and again to make sure. His fear of failing had never been this strong. He can’t afford to fail when it’s about her.
She’s waiting and he can’t get himself to talk. He’s terrified. He keeps seeing her face contorted in disgust and fear in his mind. Why did she want him to tell her? He’s not sure if he can handle rejection. He had never told it to anyone before. So he blurts it out.
“I’m not human.”
He’s lost to everything around him. His senses are in overload. He’s kissing her and she’s kissing him back. Why? He has no idea. She knows and still she’s kissing him with so much passion he wants to pinch himself to see if he’s dreaming. He’s not sure if he can stop it this time. He’s not sure if he wants to stop it.
He’s inside her. Not just a part of him, it feels like she had engulfed all of him. It feels safe. He wants to stay there, at that moment for eternity. But it also gives him this painful, torturous pleasure. His whole body is shaking as he hears her whimper his name in a daze. He wants to sob like a baby, cry like he’s never let himself before.
He sees her dream. The backyard, the house, the baby. Himself. He’s there. But that’s not him. It can't be him. He can't look that soft. He can't hold a baby that delicately. He can't smile like he knows everything there's to know. He's not capable of being that man. He can't do it. He's going to fail her. She wants too much, needs too much, deserves too much.
“This was a mistake.”
He hears her soft sob and quiet plea. He runs. He runs till he can't move anymore. He wants to run till he dies, till the pain goes away. But he doesn’t die and the pain stays.
They are on the road. How long has it been? What day is it? It doesn’t really matter. All he knows is he’s driving now and when it’s night he’ll be with her.
He checks the map. He’s headed towards LA. He knows he didn’t do it on purpose. He hadn't checked the map in weeks. He can't help but hope to see her there. Just for a moment. From afar. So he could have another mental picture of her to keep.
Her pain. She is in pain. She can be dying. He doesn’t even have a phone. Desperation. What happened to her? He will kill, if anyone touched her.
She’s yelling at him for his hair. He wants to smile but he knows it wouldn’t look appropriate. He can't believe that she’s there. She’s alive. And talking to him again. He doesn’t even want to grab and kiss her, hearing her voice is more than enough.
She did it again. She’s putting herself in danger. Why the hell is she so annoying? He would kill himself and find her in afterlife to yell at her if she gets herself killed.
He has to stay away. She deserves better. He can't watch her throw away her life to be with him only to realize he can't give her what she needs. He has to be a wall. Never let anything get through. He has to lock that selfish side of him away that wants to be with her. She doesn’t know. He can't use her.
He walks in to hear her singing. He’s not strong enough anymore. Tomorrow. He will leave tomorrow, or his resolves will crumble.
Maria opened her eyes and blinked a couple of times to clear her mind. She was panting from all the emotions. Her whole body was shaking. She tried to sit up but noticed the arms holding her.
She found the eyes she adored looking at her with concern. “I'm okay.” She said softly. But she wasn’t okay. She was nowhere near okay. She was miserable, she was angry. But she was also determined. She would kick his ass for hurting himself so much once she’s back in reality.
She watched him carefully, he wasn’t letting her go. “So you're the selfish part that got locked away, huh?” she asked, a small smile playing on her lips. His face held a pained expression for a moment. He held her tightly to his chest and kissed the top of her head.
“I can't let you go. But you deserve better. And you'll have something better.”
She pushed him away to look at his face. “Oh no! you're not doing this to me again! God knows your real-life-self does it enough, I don’t need it from you too!”
She cupped his face and brought him closer. Her voice was softer when she spoke. “Listen to me, I’ll go now and straighten things up. But I want you to promise me that you won’t let me go. And please don’t punish yourself for wanting this. Please Michael! I need you. Please.”
She was begging. She was desperate. He looked at her with sad and teary eyes. He looked long and hard, without responding but studying her face. Then he smiled. A small but genuine Michael Guerin smile.
“I love you.”
Her heart literally jumped at his words. Her stomach quivered, her eyes filled with tears. She had heard them before, from various different people, but it had never meant that much. It had never meant the world, universe, life itself.
So she kissed him. Giving him herself, which was all she had to give, and all he could ever ask for.
She smiled against his lips and caressed the sides of his face lazily. “Now I’ll go and kick your ass.” She said happily. “Don’t ever think about trapping yourself in a tree again and don’t let that annoying stupid part of you take charge! Okay?”
Giving him one more small kiss, she reluctantly got up. ”Now, how the hell am I supposed to get out of here?”
- - -
He’s smirking at her. How dare he? She wants to punch him for the pleasure he had given her with one simple kiss.
Too bad he doesn’t live in LA. She would have jumped his bones at first sight…
She’s looking through his sketches. Surprise. Awe. So he’s not just the delinquent he appears to be.
He’s so annoying! And sexy… God, that shirt and his arms… How the hell can his arms look so sexy? And those hands… Don’t even go there. This will be a long month!
Liz. She’s with Max Evans. And Alex with Isabel Evans. So that makes him Michael Guerin. Michael Guerin, the cool guy from high school. Michael Guerin, who she’d had a huge crush on but would never admit. He still is cool. And she still has that crush… Oh God…
They are lying. Her heart broke with every word. She isn’t wanted here obviously. She is finally getting what she had deserved.
She’s sick. She can't even gather enough strength to walk. And he’s there to make it all worse. He’s standing there, looming over her all god-like, mocking her like he doesn’t give a damn. It hurts. She wants him to give a damn.
Liz is pregnant. Why is he angry? Why is Liz scared? Only one thing comes to her mind. He loves Liz. She doesn’t want to believe it but something freaky is going on…
He’s crying in her arms. She wants to take the pain away. It hurts to see him hurt. He says he’s lonely. Why? He shouldn’t be. He’s this exquisite person, how can he be so miserable?
“Stay.” She doesn’t want to say no to him. She wants to stay. She wants to feel him against her, get lost in his arms and listen to his heart beat. She wants to be the one to give him what he needs. Cause he is special. He makes her feel.
She is lying to him. She doesn’t want to lie to him but it’s hard to resist. How would he react? Would he be mad that she has a boyfriend? Would he be jealous?
Max says he doesn’t have anyone. “He doesn’t like being known.” But she knows he wants to be known, he needs it. He needs a friend. And she would try to give it to him no matter what.
She hates it. She hates that she needs to leave. She hates that he’s so confusing. She hates that she can't just take care of him. No matter how hard she tries to convince herself that he’s old enough to take care of himself, her heart never believes it. So she swallows her pride. “You can come to LA…”
“You’re not scary.” She wants to scream to him to kiss her but doubts that it would be helpful. She craves for his lips, his touch… The shriek coming from upstairs makes her jump. What was that?
The guy touches her and she feels sick. She holds herself together though. She has to. For Liz and Max. And Michael would come. She knows it. She trusts him. He wouldn’t let anything happen to her.
He’s not human. And he thinks she would hate him for it. Why? If anything it makes her love him more. She knows it now, she loves him. There’s no way to deny it anymore. She is in love with him. And she wants him. She wants him so bad, it hurts.
He’s kissing her. His lips so soft and hot, just like she remembered, and his touch, still so gentle, like she would brake. He looks at her with want, desire and awe… She knows from that moment on she will live for that look.
He is inside her. She feels him all over her skin. There’s no denying that she would never be able to live without that feeling from now on. This is her new addiction. Not sex, not orgasm, but feeling Michael.
He’s gone before her clouded brain could process what he had said. Her world shatters. No. She must have done something wrong. Why doesn’t he want her anymore? How can she breathe now without him? She closes her eyes and wishes to die with all her heart.
She’s home, watching the not so bright stars. It doesn’t feel like home though. It’s too lonely, too quiet. Everything looks strange. She clutches the alien doll to her chest. The t-shirt smells like him. Tears roll down her cheeks. It smells like home.
Her guitar sounds far away. She scribbles down the words almost in a daze. She doesn’t even read them twice. She needs to get them all out before they burst out of her.
She needs to get her life back, feel the power. The guy’s breath makes her want to pull away but she doesn’t let herself. She needs this. As he penetrates her all she can feel is pain. It hurts. Not just physically. Her mind hurts. Her heart hurts. She wants to scream.
She watches her friends. Warmth. Nancy and Drew. She’ll never have that. Envy. Sadness.
Michael’s voice… After all this time… She feels blessed and curses herself for it. Liz. She’s pregnant. And lonely. Anger. Pain. She remembers her own pregnancy. Liz shouldn’t go through that.
They are coming. She has to keep herself busy to stop trembling. Michael’s coming. Will he hate her? Will he be mean to her? She tries not to think but it’s all she can do.
She’s singing. It makes her feel complete again. When she closes her eyes she can almost touch him. She sings for hours but it feels like seconds. She opens her eyes and he’s gone. Pain. Disappointment.
Michael’s here. Her heart is going to burst out of her chest. He looks older and sexy as hell. But the hair… What happened to his spikes? How dare he change it?
Max is crying in her arms. She doesn’t want to like him. He was mean to Michael. But he looks so pathetic. And he’s on the verge of losing a baby. She knows that pain.
She wakes up in his arms. Safe. Secure. Michael. He’s so close she can smell him. She touches his face. Will she ever get over him? Ever love someone that much again? She wants to believe it but refuses to lie to herself. She knows it. He will be the one and only.
He’s going to reverse it. He doesn’t want to feel her. She wants to fight her way through it to keep what she wants, needs, craves, but it doesn’t mean anything if he can't even stand to feel her. How did this happen she wonders. How did she fall so deep?
Liz says he is no good. She knows she’s her friend and only trying to help, but she won't just sit there while she insults him. He belongs to her no matter what he thinks. His body knows that. It tells her when its hurt so she can help him. And she will. No matter what.
“You have no idea who Michael Guerin is. So please don’t assume you do, okay?”
Liz forgives her. She says it wasn’t her fault. Relief. She feels lighter. Years of guilt is gone in minutes. It’s not weighing her down anymore. She feels like she can fly…
Our baby. He said our baby. She is paralysed. She just wants to collapse in his arms. Is there still a chance?
She can't breathe. It’s over. He thinks she’s a whore. He thinks she should go f-uck someone else. The world might as well end right that minute. She can't see herself living another day.
She’s walking towards their table with determined steps. She’s not a coward. She is the kind of person that would die standing, with her honour. Well, that’s not exactly death, but close enough…
Michael opened his eyes but for a moment all he could see was darkness. He couldn’t breathe. He didn’t want to breathe. All that pain… It was almost physical.
He felt her hand on his cheek. She was watching him with loving eyes. How could she still love him? How could she still care? But she did. He knew that now.
She pulled his hand away from the sphere. He couldn’t protest. He felt himself being pulled away to the real world. She smiled at him through her tears.
“Trust me Michael.”
He opened his eyes in the backroom of the bar once again.
|posted on 21-Sep-2002 8:20:24 AM by belit|
I'm here with the last part. Life's Weird is officially finished.
But first some thank you and goodbye notes.
ZooBoo; thank you so much. It means a lot to me that you like my story since I adore yours!
Melissa; you made me all weepy! I almost cried after reading your fb, which is quite unbelievable since I haven't even cried in my own graduation. You have no idea what it means for me to hear my own name in the same sentence with Doc's. I started writing this story right after reading TKJ and became obsessed with Doc's fics. What else can I do but write more now? You guys make me feel so damn good!
Char; you're raths bitch over at CID right? I like that name better Liz's baby's name? hmm... Honestly I have no idea, and I really don't care I feel so flattered every time you guys say the word "favorite", it can't possibly be good for my health!
CheshireCat; thank you for all the fb and encouragement. How can I not write more now? Let me know what you think about the ending.
Spencer; I owe you a lot you know. With all the recommendations and fbs... And now it's over... Okay, I won't cry again... I'm expecting one last feedback though!
Hoarse; I wasn't so sure about the flashes, glad you liked them. I couldn't stop once I started writing them, it was fun You want groveling? hmm... I'm not sure that Michael is groveling. Well, not much at least. But he is so cute in this part, I think you'll forgive him without the groveling.
Nola; this part has a whole lot of candy lovin' for you! ENJOY!
Well, that seems to be it... Thank you everyone that sent me e-mails, or just lurked out there reading... I was trying to prove myself something when I started writing. For the first time in my life I wanted to finish and accomplish something, not because I have to but just because I want to. So, thank you for helping me do it!
They just sat there and stared at each other, not able to move a muscle. They were naked in front of each other now for the first time, not physically but emotionally. They knew exactly what each other had thought in certain defining points in their relationship. Or their “thing” as Maria liked to call it.
That was why Michael was caught off guard when Maria punched him.
“Maria… What the…?” He was rubbing his chin with one hand while his other hand was busy holding her wrists.
She stilled for a moment and searched his eyes with fire in her heart. He appeared clueless. That enraged her once again. Her hands slipped out of his grip and she started pounding on his chest, his face, his arms… anywhere she could reach.
“MARIA WHAT THE HELL?”
“How dare you? You… you… you… bastard! How can you do this? You’re so stupid! Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! How can you be so stupid! My God… You idiot!”
“Maria… Maria… CALM DOWN FOR A DAMN SECOND!”
She stopped and found herself straddling his lap, her face only inches from his. She got lost in his eyes for a moment, not able to move or say anything. He looked like he was trying to say something, but couldn’t quite find the words.
“I… I’m sorry.” He stuttered his gaze firmly fixed on her, almost like he was hypnotized.
“You’re sorry? For what?” Her breath was tickling him seductively. He tried to ignore it, but it was… distracting to say the least.
“For… I don’t know. Everything?” Where was he supposed to start? There were so many things she had gone through because of him… He shuddered just at the thought of it. He gulped. This was going to be a long apology.
He needed to say a thousand things, but could manage only one sentence. “I’m sorry I hurt you.” It summed things up pretty well though.
To his surprise she smiled. “No, no… It’s okay.” She was shaking her head.
“No, it’s not okay.” He protested. “Nothing’s okay. I hurt you. It’s all my fault. I f-ucked up your life, just like I always do…”
“Stop it!” she said forcefully. Her face softened slowly, she watched his surprised eyes and cupped his face. He was so innocent, almost like an angel. How come she hadn't seen that the first time she’d met him?
“You’re so stupid…” she muttered, and leaned in to kiss him. His grip tightened around her waist. Their lips met, and he felt his insides turn to jello. He let his doubts go with the taste of strawberries and the rich smell of wild flowers.
The kiss they shared was passionate but yet gentle. Maria was kissing him slowly, caressing his face delicately. She had waited too long for this, she wasn’t about to hurry things up as she had done the last time. She was thinking that she could kiss him for days, for years, for eternity like this.
She pushed him on the bed on his back softly and continued kissing him while lying on top of him. He started to protest between kisses.
“Maria… You shouldn’t… We… shouldn’t…”
She shook her head at his attempts to form a sentence and continued kissing him slowly while unbuttoning his shirt.
“Why Michael?” He looked stupefied, like he couldn’t understand what she was talking about.
“Why was it a mistake?” she asked calmly, proceeding to unbutton her own shirt after his.
His mind was blurred. How was he supposed to form a sentence when she was stripping inches away from him? “I… can't…”
“It wasn’t a mistake.” She said, kissing his neck and squirming torturously on top of him. He groaned. “We can't…”
“Can't what?” she whispered licking his earlobe. “Can't be together? Can't have sex? Can't love?”
He stilled at the word love. “Love?” he croaked out, cursing his voice silently for showing his insecurities. Though he knew deep down that she knew them already…
She took his hand and placed it on her bra clad breast over her heart. “Yes Michael. Love.”
She slowly moved her hands to unclasp the front clasp of her bra. She let it fall and started to unbuckle his belt. Michael was in a daze, still feeling her heartbeat under his palm.
“Love? How can you be sure?”
She pulled his trousers down and he couldn’t protest or help. “You know how.” She said when their eyes met.
“Tell me.” He pleaded needing to hear the words.
She shrugged. “It’s there when I look at you, when I touch you, when I kiss you. I can feel it when I think of you…” she let her hands slowly explore his chest. “I am in love with you. For the first time in my life… And I know it’s the last.” She leaned forward and placed feather light kisses around his nipples.
“I don’t care what you name it. You belong to me. And I'm yours.”
She looked at his face again and thought how child-like he looked. In wonder of everything around him. In wonder of her… She placed a kiss over his eyebrow. “You are mine. And if you ever hurt yourself again, I’ll kick your ass.” She stated, combing his hair back.
She felt the power. It was back. She was in charge of her life once again. It felt right. It felt normal with Michael. She knew everything was going to be fine now.
He looked lost. She knew he wasn’t a man of words, and she didn’t really need the words anymore. She had what she needed right under her. So she kissed him, with much more passion this time to clear his mind of unwanted thoughts.
One of her hands sneaked down to caress him through his boxers, and she felt his hands grab her breasts in an instant. His touch softened a moment later, and began kneading the soft flesh, making her pant and lose control.
One of his hands unbuttoned her jeans hurriedly and he moved to switch positions to get them off. “Uh-uh-uh…” she protested, pushing him back. “I don’t think so… This time you’ll have to get through me before you run away.”
He threw her small figure on the bed easily and loomed over her. “I’m not going anywhere…” he whispered to her ear and continued peeling off her jeans.
Biting her lip she reached to take off his boxers. She was feeling too much at once. His skin was brushing against hers and creating a sensation so sweet and torturous, she wanted to scream. She was rubbing herself against his thigh which was nestled between her legs. He was so much bigger and stronger, but also so gentle and careful with her. She was seeing everything from a different angle now, and she could see clearly how scared he was. He was terrified of hurting her.
They were both naked a moment later, and were calmer, lying there in the silence, expecting the storm.
He traced a finger between her lower lips and made her squirm under him. He was lying half on top of her, his erection pressing her upper thigh. He was worshipping her, watching her, tasting her, slowly, taking his time. He inhaled her deeply, and pressed his forehead to her neck not able to handle his emotions.
She placed a delicate hand at the back of his neck, and turned his head to see his face. There were tears in his eyes.
“What happened baby? What’s wrong?”
His heart clenched at her soft voice and caring look. She’d called him baby. He’d never been anyone’s baby… A tear coursed down his cheek. He fought with the sobs building up in his throat.
Turning his head slightly, he kissed her palm. Looking in her eyes, he had to ask. “You’re mine?”
“Forever.” She whispered kissing away his tears.
With a satisfied sigh he lowered his head to her breasts and took one nipple in his mouth, making her gasp with pleasure and arch off the bed in anticipation. His name left her lips in a whimper, and he felt it. Love… So it really was love…
He teased her with his finger, enjoying her melodic voice. She was a kitten when she was under him, always rubbing against him and purring. And she was small. So small and delicate…
“You’re mine.” He said kissing her navel in a daze.
“Yes…” she breathed grabbing his hair and trying to control her hips.
He chuckled softly, and explained at her quizzical look. “Now that I have you, I honestly don’t know what to do…”
“Well…” she said with a mischievous smile. “…why don’t we… uh… I don’t know… maybe try having sex?”
“No.” he said firmly shaking his head, not quite aware that he was causing her a heart attack. “Considering that we’re in love, we will be making love now.”
Her heart made a happy dance instead of the expected heart attack. “So we’re in love?” she asked playfully, trying but not exactly succeeding to hide her grin.
“Well, I don’t know about you…” he said in a mocking serious tone and took her small hand in his larger one. He kissed her palm softly and placed it over his heart. “…but I know I am.”
How could she have thought she didn’t need the words? All her playful mood was gone in a second. Her heart which had been running because of his touches was now beating in a painfully fast rate. Tears built up in her eyes and her chin started to quiver. She closed her eyes to handle her emotions but it was useless.
A single tear slid down her cheek and coursed down towards her ear. She felt his soft lips trail up its track. He pulled himself up on his elbows and softly kissed her lips.
“Open your eyes…” he whispered, his face just a breath away from hers.
She shook her head. That was the happiest moment of her life, but she was finding it hard to not break down. This wasn’t how she was supposed to react. She was supposed to throw herself in his arms and kiss him senseless. But hearing the actual words was too much since she had waited for too long, fantasized too much about them.
He kissed her nose. “I love you.” He whispered nuzzling her face, softly rubbing their faces together, mating their skin, unconsciously mimicking what she had done when they had first kissed.
She opened her eyes and her eyelashes touched his face. He pulled back slightly to look into her eyes, and found them teary but smiling.
“You do?” she asked, still not able to stop her chin from quivering. She looked for the answer in the depths of his brown eyes, and it didn’t take much searching.
“I have been in love with you since that first kiss. You’re my light. My reason. My everything. You make me want to live… want to actually be a better guy…” his voice croaked, and closing his eyes he leaned his forehead to hers.
She stroked his hair, she had been given so much happiness at once, she actually didn’t know what to do with it.
“But you know who I am, I don’t think I can be much more than that. I wish I could… for you… but I can't…”
“You know what baby?” she said softly, knowing exactly how his mind worked, knowing how his thoughts hurt him. “You’re everything I’ve ever wanted and more.” Michael’s eyes opened in surprise. “You’re my hero. You saved me. You made me feel again. You let me be myself. You gave me a taste of heaven…” she seductively licked his lips and continued with a smile. “…And now everything will be perfect cause you're giving yourself to me. Now I’ll be complete. I’ll be content…” with a mischievous squirm she added. “…And I’ll probably be a little naughty.”
Michael smiled at her, meeting her movements. “Oh, of that I’m sure.”
“I can't help myself when it comes to you. You're so damn sexy.” She lost her train of thought when he let out a growl and started sucking her neck. He trailed down, his kisses causing her to lay beneath him motionless which was a miracle all by itself, and reached her nipple.
A mutual sigh was heard. Michael was suckling her while she urged him on with her caresses. They knew what to expect from that action since they had actually lived it once and dreamt about it ever since. It was ecstasy.
Maria was burning. His every touch was sending her into a trembling frenzy, causing her trouble with her breathing. Never once in her life had she thought she could want anything that much. Everything except the throbbing need between her thighs and the man above her had disappeared.
“Michael, please…” she managed to beg between pants. Hearing the desperation in her voice, he raised his eyes to meet hers. He nodded, knowing exactly what she was feeling. He was craving for it too.
She opened her legs and wrapped them around his hips. He placed himself at her entrance, his breathing ragged with anticipation. Maria’s urging hands on his ass stilled all of a sudden.
“Yes.” He hissed looking at her.
“I'm not on the pill. I didn’t really need it you know…” she said and felt the relief that last statement had caused in him.
He was looking at her lovingly, his gaze clouded with raw passion, and she could see happiness there. Michael Guerin was lying on top of her, he was hers and he was happy. She made her decision, it was fairly easy. Placing her hand around his erection, she urged him on.
His head shot up at her request. He searched her eyes with panic. Was she…? “Are you…?” he began with a hoarse whisper but couldn’t finish. The day had turned so many emotional turns, he now wasn’t sure what he should be thinking. Then with one look into her eyes he thought “should” could go to hell.
“Do you really want to?” he asked in a tone so vulnerable he couldn’t be sure it was his own.
Scanning all thoughts in her head regarding the subject she chose a simple answer. She sighed. “Yes.”
After making sure her eyes held no doubt, he entered her in one long stroke, their whimpers blending into one, their eyes never leaving each other.
Michael felt safe for the first time in months. He was home.
They moved together in tandem, each feeling like an extension of the other. Their hearts beat as one, and the loud thump was felt almost like an earthquake in time with their thrusts. They were torturously slow, letting their anticipation grow with the knowledge of what’s to come, feeling every nerve being touched by the other.
They couldn’t let their eyes part, just like the first time. Maria couldn’t stop a small smile when she looked deep in his eyes and remembered Liz’s words. Were they seeing into each other’s souls? Were they soulmates? No. The thought seemed too little and unimportant compared to what she was feeling.
She didn’t believe in soulmates. She didn’t feel the need to see his soul, know everything there was to know about him. She had fell in love with him at a time when she knew nothing about him, and now she knew more than she would ever need. And she was positive, even if she disagreed something he had done which she was sure she would, she would still love him. Like… always. Like… maybe for as long as she existed…
When their movements gained speed, she let go of the last shred of outer world she had hung onto, trusting him to be right by her side.
World stopped spinning and they stilled except for the cries of each other’s names escaping their lips. Then it took off in light speed and they collapsed in each other’s arms as the only other real and stable thing.
Maria rode the waves of pleasure this time in contentment, completing the feeling with his scent, his sweat and his weight on top of her. She caressed his trembling body soothingly til he stopped shaking, and kissed the top of his head when she heard his sigh.
They laid there for what seemed like hours, but the position felt too comfortable to move. Finally Michael stirred a little and tried to move, thinking that he was crushing her. She stopped him by placing her hands on his back, he gave in easily and let his head drop to its place on her chest.
He could hear her heart beat right under him. It was the most relaxing sound he had ever heard. He thought he now was an official sap, loving even her heartbeat. Not that he would let anyone know that. After a second and surprising thought, he found that he would indeed let everyone know it. She was hers and he would make sure that everyone knew that. Who gave a damn about what they thought?
He nuzzled the soft skin under her breast. “I want to stay here.” He said, realizing after he heard his voice that he had said it out loud.
Maria looked down at him and smiled. “It is an awfully decorated room at the back of a bar Michael.”
He nuzzled her breast again and softly kissed it. “No, I mean here.”
“Oh.” She said, clearly surprised that he was so open for once. “You can stay there…” she said happily. “…for as long as you want to baby.”
“Okay then…” he said yawning and making himself comfortable on top of her. She held him tightly as they slowly drifted off to sleep.
- - -
“Maria… You still in there?”
The loud tapping and some sound suspiciously resembling a kick woke Maria up from her peaceful slumber. She checked the man in her arms to make sure it hadn't all been a dream. No, he was still there, his head between her breasts, his lips brushing her skin. She smiled at the disapproving grunt he let out as she stirred under him. Letting her hands still him back to sleep she wondered at the happiness she had found in someone so unexpected.
“Yes I’m here, but not quite decent right now…” she answered Lucy, trying to keep her voice down.
“Are you coming out anytime soon?” Lucy asked in a amused voice.
“Not by choice…” Maria mumbled to herself.
“Well I’m locking up the place. It’s almost 5 am. I’m leaving a key on the bar for you… I’ll be seeing you later I guess.” She said and pausing for a moment for a non-existent respond from Maria, she quietly left.
- - -
Michael woke up to Maria’s cell’s annoying sound. She picked it up from the floor without opening her eyes and found the buttons by memory.
“Yeah?” she said groggily.
Michael listened to her one sided conversation, cussing wildly in his mind for the intrusion.
“None of your damn business.” Maria said calmly.
“Yes Tom, I did.”
“No, I definitely don’t want to hear it.”
“No… No… I said NO!”
“I am happy babe, deliriously, but if you call me again in 6 hours, I definitely would kick your ass… Yes… Yes… Bye! YES!”
She growled in frustration as she threw the phone to the other end of the bed.
“Tom?” Michael asked her as he crawled up towards her lips. She kissed him gratefully, purring as her body responded to him in an instant.
“He said that he knew we had sex, and he wanted to bug me and congratulate you.” Maria said, and protested. “Why is he on your side? He’s supposed to be my best friend.”
“But it’s so much fun to bug you…” he said seriously, while tracing her jawline with kisses.
She was about to protest but lost all coherent thoughts when he woke her sleepy body with patented Michael touches. She was squirming under him when her phone rang again. Her body jerked at the sudden sound but Michael held her down.
“No… Let it ring…” he said and continued kissing her breasts. She wasn’t strong enough to protest. It rang once… twice… She could feel the disturbing sound in her brain.
Stilling him with one hand she reached for it. “What?” She was too grumpy for pleasantries.
“Yes, I am.”
“No… No… Kyle! I'm okay. Yes… Yes… What? Why? Okay, hold on.”
She passed the phone to Michael. “He wants to talk to you.”
Michael looked at her questioningly, and she just shrugged.
“Yeah?” he said in a voice which he hoped was confident.
“I know.” Maria watched as his face hardened and his voice became serious.
“You know I do.”
Michael’s face crumpled in confusion a moment later.
“Uh… Thanks.” He said and put the phone on the bed once again.
“So?” Maria asked, her curiosity obvious in her eyes.
“He congratulated me.” Michael said looking shocked.
She threw her hands up in an exasperated gesture. “Huh! They’re all on your side!”
- - -
Maria was curled up in Michael’s arms, her body spent and her mind unable to think anything except her very own alien. She placed her face at the crook of his neck and nuzzled his skin. She couldn’t get close enough.
Michael heard her whisper against his neck. “Love you so much.”
He pulled her body a little higher, and placed her head on the pillow so close that their noses were touching. He kissed her nose and made her giggle. It was surprising and unbelievable that he would find something like this enjoyable. Feeling her naked body against his, having her breath tickle his face, touching her, kissing her, making her happy…
“I'm hungry…” she whined and sat up.
She found her bra on the floor and started getting dressed. Suddenly dread covered his being. Everything was good there, in the awful white room, they had their own world. But outside… things could change. He wasn’t sure how he would handle real world. It was easy when it was just the two of them, he didn’t want to include other people.
She saw the confusion on his face and climbed back on top of him. “Come on, Spaceboy, we need to eat.” Closing his eyes he kissed her and wished with all his heart that they didn’t have to. She pulled him up and gave him his cloths.
The way he got dressed reminded her of a kid getting ready for school. He was stalling. She pushed his hands away and continued buttoning up his shirt herself.
“You don’t wanna go?” she asked softly.
Surprised that she noticed, he couldn’t say anything. He didn’t really want her to know, it was stupid to feel like that. It was childish… Immature…
She smoothed the wrinkles on his shirt and wrapped her arms around his waist. Her head slightly tilted up, her deep green eyes boring into his. “I'm scared too.” She whispered to him.
He buried his fingers in her tousled hair, but couldn’t say anything. What else could he say? She already seemed to know everything.
“But I know it will be okay.” She reassured him.
“How?” he asked, wanting to be let in on the secret.
Never letting his eyes look away, she slowly pulled him to the door. “Cause I know you’ll be with me.” She said caressing his cheek. “And I know, when I touch you, everything will feel right again.”
She pulled his hand and placed it around her waist under her shirt. She felt him stiffen and pull her closer to his body as they stepped outside, but with one small kiss on his shirt clad chest and he was relaxed again.
“Let's go eat.” He said with a new found confidence in his voice.
She smiled as they walked out, towards their new life. They were excited, they were scared as hell, but also for the first time in their lives they were content.