posted on 29-Jun-2002 12:20:43 PM by Bordersinsanity
Part 01 Page 1
Part 02 Page 1
Part 03 Page 3
Part 04 Page 4
Part 05 Page 5
Part 06 Page 5
Part 07 Page 6
Part 08 Page 7
Part 09 Page 8
Part 10 Page 9
Part 11 Page 10
Part 12 Page 11
Part 13 Page 12
Part 14 Page 12 continued on Page 13
Part 15 Page 14
Part 16 Page 14
Part 17 Page 16
Part 18 Page 17
Part 19 Page 18
Part 20A Page 19
Part 20B Page 20
Part 21 Page 21
Part 22 Page 22
Part 23 Page 23
Part 24 Page 24
Part 25 Page 25
Part 26 Page 26
Part 27 Page 27



LTB



I liked to thank a few before starting... A big, BIG thanks goes to Christina (Ferhbaby) and Tracey (heartless3369) for helping me with the prologue problem. The solution... get rid of it. I'm glad that they could help and since they gave me that advice this part is dedicated to them. Hope you guys enjoy. Oh, this isn't anything like Too Bad in case you're wondering. *wink*

Title: Long To Be – LIZ
Author: Borders InSaNiTy
E-mail: BordersInSaNiTy⊕yahoo.com
Rating: R (language)
Category: AU – Alternating POV’s – Dreamer based as always. Is there anything other than that?
Disclaimer: I own NOTHING that pertains to Roswell. Just wish I did…
Summary: Liz finds herself in unfamiliar territory with no memory on how she got there. It’s not the first time she’s ended up in new surroundings and it probably won’t be the last. There’s so much more that I want to say here but I won’t because it will ruin everything so you know the drill… Hang in there and all will be revealed soon. Hopefully.
Author’s Note: Okay… I know this sounds lame but I have to tell you how I came up with this idea. I was sitting at home watching MTV2 and saw the video Faithless by Injected. Many of you have probably seen it, it’s in the top twenty and was at number three (week 4/13)… so anyway… The one scene that popped out at me is where the guy is dancing with a girl and another girl in the white shirt and hat walks past and grabs the guy’s attention. That one scene is what made me write this fic. I know… you’re saying I have to be crazy to do it. What am I going to do once I’ve written the scene my way…? Good question and I didn’t really know until I wrote the Prologue… I have the next few parts already written so just keep in mind to give it a chance… thanks in advance for hanging in there. I know that you will since there was so many that hung in there with Too Bad… Love you all! I only hope you will like it. Let me know if I should continue. Ok enough rambling and on with the story…

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~


could you be lost
are you so free,
do you long to be
when the sun goes down, do you feel that feel when no ones near you
you know it's such a mystery how you washed up over me
I couldn't breathe, and I couldn't speak, lest I drown

but it's my kind
I'll never be cruel and I'll always play the fool
to be as loveless, as shameless as you.
but I'm so blind
I'll do it again I feel your eyes sink in
so faithless as you've been.

yes I'm so lost
I am not free but I long to be
when life goes down, do you feel as though you're gonna drown
you're going down
you're gonna drown
you're going down

but it's my kind
I'll never be cruel and I'll always play the fool
to be as loveless, as shameless as you.
but I'm so blind
I'll do it again I feel your eyes sink in
so faithless as you've been.

yes I'm so lost
I am not free
yes I'm so lost
but I long to be
but I long to be
but I long to be


Faithless by Injected

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*


PART 1

I wake up knowing that it has happened again. I had given up the idea of freaking out a long time ago. As usual I lay here trying to see what is the last thing I remember doing. I lay here trying to remember what day this should be. All this helps keep me sane, because if I didn’t try and look at it logically I would definitely be in some loony bin by now.

I immediately reach for my journal when my memory comes back after being in the depths of sleep. I was a little surprised that it wasn’t there. The key word being ‘little’. I used to get freaked out when things weren’t where they were supposed to be but when it has been happening to you for as long as you can remember you learn to deal. I sit up in my bed and swing my feet to the floor. I try to take in my surroundings only to find that it’s too dark in my room to see anything worth a shit. I get off the bed and make my way to the door thinking that the light switch is there.

Sweeping my hand over the wall the light switch is flipped on and I squint as the bright light shines in my eyes. Some things are hard to forget. The light is always by the door no matter what room you are in. Word to the wise, if ever you wake up in a strange room go to the door and turn on the light. It will help you save your toes in the long run.

I was a little surprised to find that during my little episode that I had moved to a new apartment. Well, apartment is saying a little too much. This was a studio room of some sorts. To the right was my desk. At least I had the brains to bring my own stuff this time. There was a time that I had nothing, nothing at all. Talk about freaking out. You should have seen me then. I walk over to the desk to see if there might be a clue of where I was. Seeing none I continue to make my way around the room.

I’m facing a door that is closed. I reach out with my hand to open it up and notice that it’s shaking. What? Just because I’ve lived with this condition for my entire life didn’t mean that when it happens that I’m not a little scared to see what’s behind door number two.

Taking a deep breath and holding it to the count of ten I let it out. Turning my head to the right and letting my spine adjust itself and then doing the same motion to the left I’m now ready to face my fear. My hand is firmly resting on the knob. Come on Parker. What could be so bad? It’s either the bathroom or a closet and taking in the size of the room my guess is that it is a closet.

Closing my eyes I turn the knob slowly and pull it open. The door creaks as it makes its way open. I hate creaky doors. I make a mental note to find some WD-40. I open my eyes and look inside. Yep, I was right it is a closet. I’m looking at a closet filled with clothes. Rifling through them I see some that I recognize and I see a few that I don’t. Okay. I can handle this. Evidently while I was having my ‘little’ episode I went on a shopping spree. I can live with that. I hope that they don’t disappear sometime during another one of my episodes.

I shut the closet door and walk over to the dresser, which is on wall number two next to the closet door. If you are wondering what I mean by wall number two, it’s simple. The wall with the door on it is always wall number one working around the room counter clockwise the adjacent wall is always wall number two. The wall opposite the door is wall number three and the last and final wall is… yep… you guessed it. Wall number four.

Okay, let’s recap. Wall number one: Door and desk. Wall number two: Closet and dresser. Wall number three: Window and nightstand, which is a little bit too far away from the bed and the reason why I couldn’t find my journal earlier. Wall number four: Twin size bed. Standing in the middle of the room I immediately go to the nightstand and move it closer to the side of the bed. I open up the drawer to see if my journal is inside and I’m relieved to see it there. At least some things don’t change.

You may be asking what the importance of the journal is to me. Let me tell you. If you had moments in your life where you lost track of time, you would keep a journal just so you wouldn’t lose what little bit you did remember. Everything in there is my life. Well, my life as much as I can remember of it.

Once the nightstand is where it is supposed to be I decide it’s time for me to venture out into my new world. I walk to wall number one and open up the door. At least it doesn’t creak. I look left and then right. I understand now why my room is so small. I am in the loony bin. I couldn’t help but give a little chuckle. I’ve checked myself into a mental institute. Can you believe it? I sure in hell can’t.

The hall is lined with doors that have numbers on them. I look at my door and realize that not only does my door have the number 123 on it but there is a dry erase board on it as well. And look… there’s a message on it for me.

Liz… I tried to wake you but was unable to. When you get up get dressed and come out to you know where. I’ll be waiting for you there. M~

Well, okay. Clue number one. When I’m in my little episode I still go by the name of Liz. Clue number two. I evidently have a friend whose name starts with M~. Okay, okay. So that’s not much of a clue but when you’re me you take anything you can get. Clue number three. M~ expects me to know where the hell they are. Great. Can my life get any more confusing? Of course!

I turn to look down the hall again. It is now swarming full of teens, my age, both male and female. I now believe that I’m not in the loony bin and take another breath of deep relief. It’s always a comforting feeling to know that I’m not that crazy yet.

I begin to walk down the hall. “Hey Liz.” A boy says to me, and before you even ask, I have no clue who the hell he is.

“Hey, Billy.” I reply. Hey wait. I pause to try and remember. How in the hell do I know his name? I turn to look at his departing figure. He doesn’t even take a second glance my way. I guess I do know his name. I smile to myself thankful for small miracles.

I turn back around and I see a workstation facing the door that leads outside. I lower my head and act like I know what I’m doing. I’ve learned from experience that if you act like nothing is wrong and that you belong where you are that you usually don’t get hassled too much. I’m halfway to the double glass doors of freedom when someone calls my name from behind.

Frozen with fear of what is about to happen I slowly turn around. “Liz! You’re up. Thank god. I thought I was going to have to go out there by myself.” I’m looking at a blonde about 5’4”, 105 pounds with green eyes. She’s pretty and a little too brightly fashioned for my taste but I have a feeling this is her norm. She doesn’t even wait for my reply before she has her arm wrapped around me and is hauling me back to my room.

“I was worried that you wouldn’t get my message. Is that what you are wearing?” I look down at my attire. I’m wearing a pair of men’s joe boxer flannel pajama bottoms and a USC sweatshirt. Why didn’t I even think of looking at my clothes for any clues? I’m lost to the blonde’s conversation. My mind is racing. This can’t be possible. No fucking way can this be happening to me.

“Liz, are you okay?” She asks as we are now standing in front of door 123. The door that has a dry-erase board on it and has a message for me from M~.

“Um… Yeah, yeah, I’m fine Maria.” Ah ha! Her name is Maria. I knew it. Well, no I didn’t know it but I do. Never mind. I’m talking in circles. She’s M~. She opens the door and pulls me in. She walks over to the closet and flings it open.

“Tonight is going to be a blast. You haven’t told anyone about it have you?” I shake my head no. I can safely say that ‘I’ haven’t told anyone about tonight because even I don’t know anything about tonight. “Cool. This is going to be so much fucking fun.” She’s flipping through my wardrobe. “Nope, Nope… Here. Put these on.”

She throws me a pair of hip hugger, Levi jeans. They are faded and flared at the bottom. I start to do as she says. “Liz… you haven’t taken a shower yet, it’s too late now. Never mind.” She throws me a white thermal top with a little pink rose bud on the neckline. It’s new to me. I don’t remember it. But it’s definitely cute and it’s definitely me. “Ooh!” I hear her exclaim. “This is so going to work.” She takes a hat off the back of the closet door. It’s one of those tightly form fitting hats that are in fashion right now sort of a cross between a stocking cap and a dress hat. It’s loosely woven and sort of stretches when I tug at it. It’s white like the shirt and it too has pink rose buds only they are lining the edge. It’s actually pretty cute. She throws me a pair of thick socks and a pair of doc martens. They have thick soles and a buckle that covers the laces.

I’m dressed and Maria looks pleased. “How do you do it?” She asks.

“Do what?” I have no idea what she is talking about.

“You just woke up and you don’t have a stitch of make-up on and you look beautiful.” I know I’m blushing.

“There is no way that I look beautiful. I think you’re delusional.” I tell her as I go to my dresser and pull out the top right hand drawer and find my make-up. I look at myself in the mirror and begin by applying my blush. I move to my eyes and add pink metallic shadow on the lid. I line my eyes with a burgundy liner and I finish off my eyes with brown mascara. Digging around in the bag I grab my pink lip liner. I fill it in with pink frost lipstick and seal it with my strawberry lip-gloss that automatically goes in my right front pocket. Granted I’ve never been one to wear much make-up but after one of my episodes I looked at myself and realized that I was wearing just a little bit and ever since then I’ve been trying to duplicate what I remember from back then.

I throw the bag back in the drawer and shut it. “I guess I’m ready.” I don’t sound too confident and Maria notices.

“Look I know you’ve only been here a couple of weeks and you don’t know anyone yet but that is all going to change. We’re seniors and in our last semester. Now is the time to relax and party before we have to head off into the big bad world. Everyone that is anyone is going to be there. I can guarantee that you’re going to love the music and I even know a member of the band. He lets me sing with them every once in awhile. Don’t worry, Liz. It’s going to be fun. Besides I think it’s time that you meet the rest of the gang.” I begin to protest. “I know, I know. You’re not comfortable about meeting new people but they’re great people. You like me now, don’t you?” I shake my head hesitantly. I don’t really know her. Well at least this me don’t know her that well.

“Okay, then it’s settled. Tonight’s the night you meet Max, Michael, Isabel, Tess, Kyle and Alex.” She grabs me by the shoulders and pushes me to the door. “Let’s get going.”

I follow her because I still have no idea what is going on or where we are going. She walks around to a red jetta and climbs in and I instinctively go to the passenger side as if I’ve done it my entire life. The car starts and sputters and Maria backs out. She sings to the tune on the radio, I join in. I have to admit I really like her I haven’t had this much fun in a long time. I think we’ll be able to become really great friends. The ride to where ever we are going is a long tedious drive and I find myself looking out the window at the landscape before it is even over.

I can’t believe I’m here. I’ve lost at least two weeks of my life and not only that I’ve moved over three thousand miles during that time. You see; I’m Liz Parker from Newington, Connecticut. The last thing I remember is being home for the holidays. We had one of the best Christmas dinners ever and I had brought my boyfriend Sean Wimer home with me from college to meet my folks. God, Sean. What had happened? What do my parent’s think about me moving here?

I’m brought out from my daze when Maria parks the car in line behind a ton of others. “Well we’re here. Are you ready to have the time of your life?” I open the door ignoring her question and take a look around. I can hear a band playing already. A group of people is making their way to it and Maria and I seem to get separated. I follow the herd as if I’m one of them. My mind was still reeling from my new environment. Why was I here? I had no idea what the hell I was doing in California. I was just at the University of Connecticut, Stamford Campus and now I’m here in California.

I was too wrapped up into my thoughts and realized that I was no longer walking behind the herd of people. I walked over to the table that held the drinks. I grab a beer and take in my surrounding. Who would have guessed that we are on the back nine of a golf course at some country club? Not me. The band playing consists of all boys. I seem to be dressed appropriately because the bass player is wearing almost the same exact thing as me except in shades of blue. Right down to the hat.

I take a swig of the beer and start to listen to the music. There is a ton of people here. I would hate to be the one that let the information leak. The way that Maria made it sound was that this was a private party that no one was supposed to know about. Yeah, right. No one knows, and I’m the president of the United States.

I gaze over the crowd and my eyes come to rest on a dark hair man. He’s so amazingly handsome that I stare for what seems to be an eternity. “Liz! I thought I lost you! Are you okay?” Maria, she’s funny. She’s actually out of breath and is leaning over to try and catch it.

“I’m fine. I wasn’t worried. I seem to always get where I need to be. Don’t worry about me. What’s up with you? Why are you breathing so hard?” It was true. No matter what I woke up to I always seemed to get myself out of it. I can’t really say that I was lucky. If I were lucky I wouldn’t be suffering with missing pieces of time.

“Okay. Our gang is over here.” She takes my hand and I follow behind her. She had deftly maneuvered around my question about her being out of breath. She was smooth. Real smooth.

“So, which one of your friends is in the band?” I ask. “They are really good.”

“I told you they were good. Alex plays bass.” We just happened to be walking in front of the makeshift stage when she starts waving profusely. The man that is dressed like me waves back and winks at her. I watch Maria’s reaction. Is he her boyfriend? She hadn’t said that he was tonight. I see her thumbing back in my direction and Alex’s eyes make contact with me. He slides down to his knees and starts strumming the most amazing riff that I have ever heard. He was good. Hell he was fucking amazing.

“He approves of you.” She screams in my ear. “He’s only ever done that riff for Isabel.”

“Who’s Isabel?” I was hoping that I wasn’t looking stupid for asking. I had no idea who anyone was until I had a face staring at me. And according to Maria I had yet to meet them yet.

“Isabel is Alex’s girlfriend.” She said smiling. “Just a word to the wise. Ignore her until she gets to know you. Throw everything she says out the window. And whatever you do… Don’t talk back to her.”

“Great. Am I going to be in trouble with her because of what Alex just did?” I had to ask. That was the last thing I wanted to do was make a girlfriend jealous. I didn’t know him and I didn’t force him to do what he just did. The people are making a path for us. Maria is pushing and shoving and I’m thinking to myself that it’s only a matter of time before we get in a fight.

“No, don’t worry about it.” Maria stops in front of me all of a sudden. I walk right into the back of her.

“What’s wrong?” I ask. I look to see who she is looking at and I see a blonde giving me the evil glare back at me. “I take it that’s Isabel?”

“Yeah.” She turns around and grabs me by the shoulders. “It’s just her. I think we’ll wait until the break. I would hate for you two to get off on the wrong foot. And besides I need some reinforcements, someone that will take your side. I can’t hold Isabel off by myself. I’m no god.” Maria is shaking me with every word that comes out of her mouth.

“Maria… Maria. If you don’t quit shaking me I won’t have any beer left.” I’m holding my beer as far away as I possibly can, so I don’t get any on me.

“Oh, sorry. It’s just that I know how she is about newcomers. She doesn’t like them…” She realized the error of her words and began to back pedal really fast. “But she’s going to LOVE you. I just know it.” Yeah, right. Like I’m going to believe her. I take another gulp of my beer. If I’m going to meet Isabel, bitch from hell, then I’m going to be feeling pretty good.

I push pass Maria and walk right up to the blonde. She’s about 5’8 and looks like she could be a model. “Hi, I’m Liz. Liz Parker. Maria’s told me so many nice things about you I just couldn’t wait to come and introduce myself to you.” I give her my sweet as molasses kiss my ass smile and hold out my hand for her to take it. She hesitates for a few seconds and then takes it.

“I’m Isabel… Isabel Evans and the guy on stage is my boyfriend.” She sends me one of her go to hell smiles and I nod my head as we shake hands.

“He’s good and Maria’s already told me that he was your boyfriend. Don’t worry about me. I have a steady boyfriend at home.” Well at least I hope I still do.

“Oh, that’s too bad.” A guy’s voice enters into the conversation just behind me. I turn to my right and am eye to eye with yet another blonde. Doesn’t this group have anyone with brown hair? And then I remember Alex. I wasn’t going to be alone. Alex had brown hair and blue eyes. Well from where I was they looked like blue. Anyway. I’m looking at blonde number three and his blue eyes are sparkling and I realize why. He’s drunker than a skunk.

“Is this who you were telling me about Maria?” He looks me over as if I was a piece of meat.

“Kyle. I like you to meet, Liz. Liz Parker this is Kyle Valenti and forgive him he usually doesn’t act this way.” I looked at Maria and then back at Kyle.

I hold my hand out to him and he takes it and instead of shaking it he leans over and kisses it. He looks up at me and then he tugs me to the middle of the pack of people dancing. “Come on. Let’s dance.” I hear him say. I look over my shoulder to Maria who has her hands on her hips and then I take a chance to look at Isabel. She’s waving to me with one evil look in her eyes.

“Kyle, slow down; you’re going to make me spill my beer.” Yes, I still had the same cup of beer and to be honest it was getting flat and all yucky tasting. He turns around and takes the cup from me and throws it to the ground.

“There, now you don’t have to worry about the beer anymore. Come on Liz dance with me.” He takes both my hands and we start dancing. “So, where’s your boyfriend?”

“Umm. Back home.” What else was I supposed to say? I had no idea where he was. I don’t even know why I’m here or how I got here.

“Well then I would have to say that you don’t have a boyfriend. Back home doesn’t constitute as having a boyfriend. I can guarantee it that he’s not thinking about you on a Friday night.” He continues to dance. I do have to admit that he is pretty attractive. A little overbearing for my taste but hey, he had a point. What Sean doesn’t know won’t kill him.

“So. Tell me about you. Where’s back home for you and who did you leave behind?” It’s only fair to ask. If Maria wanted me to become part of the group then I had to know a little about them and it was safe to say I hadn’t met any of them during my little ‘episode’.

“Roswell, New Mexico is back home and no I didn’t leave anyone back there.” He smiled at me. Was that it? He can’t just leave it at that.

“So, did you meet Isabel, Alex and Maria in Roswell or did you meet them here?” I was swaying to the beat of the music that was playing.

“I’ve known Maria and Alex for like forever. We didn’t become friends with Isabel, Michael, Max and Tess until our sophomore year in high school. We’re inseparable now.” He stopped talking. No more information. Nothing. I let it drop because I wouldn’t like some stranger asking me all these questions. There has to be something here that caused me to come here.

There were so many questions that were running through my mind, I didn’t realize the music had ended. “I’m going to go get a beer do you want another one?” Kyle is looking at me as if he could tell I was in some serious pondering.

“Sure. I’ll go with you.” I follow behind as we dart in and out of the people that were swarming in front of the stage. "Wouldn’t it be easier if we just move the group over here that way we wouldn’t have to cut through all these people? This is my second trip through the masses.” I tell him. All it takes is a few swigs of beer in me and I’m miss originality.

“You know, Parker I’m glad that you’re here. They just don’t seem to understand the importance of being close to the beer table. Maybe with the two of us we could get them to change.” He looks back over his shoulder at me and smiles. He turns back around and runs into the dark haired guy that I had spotted earlier when Maria had interrupted me. “Hey man. We are all over there. We’ll be there in a minute. We’re just getting another beer. You guys want anything?” They both shake their head no.

So Kyle knew him and… I see a small petite blonde attached to his arm. Figures, he likes blondes. Doesn’t anyone know the benefits of a true brunette? I don’t think so. I watch the interchange between the two guys and I look at Kyle’s friend and get lost. His amber eyes flicker in the moonlight. A girl could get lost in there if she wasn’t careful. Kyle takes my hand and pulls me behind him. I smile as we pass the other couple and I don’t look back. Do you know how hard it was for me not to turn back and look at his ass? It practically killed me but I had a feeling that like Isabel the blonde on his arm was as possessive as she was. I didn’t need that. Two out of three girls not liking me was not for me. They would only be the death of me.

We get our beer and I follow Kyle back to where the group was. Their numbers had grown in such a short time. Now there was six of them standing there all eyes were on me as Maria was flapping her gums to everyone. Out of them all there was only three sets of eyes that didn’t look like they wanted to kill me for entering their little group. I’ll give you three guesses on who they are and the first two don’t count. Nope. Nope… Okay. I’ll just tell you. The three that don’t look like they hate me already is Maria, Alex and the guy that Kyle and I bumped into on our way to the beer table. Imagine that. There are now three guys and three girls. Alex and Isabel are standing by each other and then there is Maria and let’s just call him Spike until I get the name and then there is the dark head bombshell with his blonde bimbo.

“So, Kyle. Where’s your girlfriend? Everyone seems to be taken but you. What gives?” I ask before we get up there. I thought it was kind of weird that out of the entire group that Kyle was the only one without a girlfriend. It was probably the motivation behind Maria wanting me to become part of their little group.

“I’m a mover and a shaker and I haven’t found the right girl just yet.” He emphasized the word yet as he moved his eyebrows up and down at me and then gave me another smile. Okay. The score was four to three. I can live with that. I think. I’m not too sure if I like the idea of Kyle being on my side but I was willing to give him a chance.

“Hey. Okay. We are all here. Guys, this is Liz Parker. Liz this is the gang. Isabel, Alex, Max, Tess and this handsome man is my man Michael.” She was leaning her head on his shoulder and he didn’t look too comfortable about it either. So there I was. In a group of seven people that I had no idea who they were. All I had were their names and that they came from Roswell, New Mexico.

I’m asking could my life get any weirder? I think so. Let the inquisition begin.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~



TBC

Who's next? Stay tuned.
*tongue*

[ edited 57time(s), last at 10-Feb-2003 3:13:43 PM ]
posted on 29-Jun-2002 1:10:37 PM by Bordersinsanity
Pixie -- Yeah, basically. When Liz has her little episodes she doesn't have any memories of what happens. However, when she sees a face to someone that she has interacted with she can remember a name. Strange. I know but hang in there. All will be revealed.

Thanks for the feedback! Hope that helps. If not think of the movie Memento. This is the closest I can think of to coming to it.

*wink*
posted on 29-Jun-2002 1:38:41 PM by Bordersinsanity
AvengingAngelIQ -- Am I that transparent? Well, I guess it didn't take long to figure that one out. Pixie -- Hope AvengingAngelIQ's question helps you out...

Thanks for the feedback... If all goes well (with the feedback...cough, cough... hint hint) I'll post part 2 on Monday!
posted on 30-Jun-2002 10:21:44 PM by Bordersinsanity
the better twin -- Liz in her last year of college... Hang in there... All will be revealed. Look for Part 2 tomorrow morning.

Thanks for the feedback.
posted on 1-Jul-2002 8:53:55 AM by Bordersinsanity
ANSWERS:

TD DreamerBehr, Kylie G, Tabasco Liz, JaneLane – Thanks for all the great feedback. Hope you continue to like it. Part 2 follows.

Pixie – Well, Memento was a really weird movie to watch and you don’t really know what is happening until you see the end, which just happens to be the beginning. Long to be won’t be like that. The beginning is the beginning. Thanks for the feedback as well as your questions. I love to answer them if you haven’t noticed already. Hope you like Part 2 and hopefully more of your questions will be answered.

AvengingAngelIQ – Just in case you didn’t see my response to your question.
quote:
AvengingAngelIQ wrote
Liz is being possessed isn't she? Well I hope you post more soon because I'm very intrigued.


AvengingAngelIQ -- Am I that transparent? Well, I guess it didn't take long to figure that one out. She is in some way. That’s all I’m saying. Finding out what is happening to Liz is all part of the mystery of the story… and I would hate to ruin it for you. Hang in there and enjoy Part 2.


xmag – You’re very, very warm… You have the general gist of it on the couples but you’ll find more about them in Part 2. I would have to say that you have a very firm grasp of what the fic is going to be like and you’ll understand the characters a lot better when their POV comes into play. Hope you like Part 2. Let me know. Thanks again for the feedback.

Shama – Glad I have your attention and thanks for the bump! It’s always nice to know that someone is anxious to get another part. Love it. Keep it up!

BelevnDreamsToo – I’m not for sure when it will be revealed what exactly the episodes are but it will come. Be patient and thanks for the feedback. Hope you enjoy Part 2.

the better twin – Just in case you didn’t see the response to your question. Liz is in her last year of college. Your answer will definitely be revealed in Part 3. Hope you like Part 2.

roswellluver – Yes, someone is definitely in control when Liz has her episodes. Thanks for the feedback and I hope you like Part 2. More detail on her episodes will be given somewhere between Part 7 – Part 10… as far as I have mapped out.

not_of_this_earth – yes… you get more. Hope you like Part 2… and just so you know I have a really hard time with saying no when you down right beg for more. Thanks again for the feedback.


HERE'S PART 2 IN THE NEXT POST

[ edited 1 time(s), last at 1-Jul-2002 8:54:28 AM ]
posted on 1-Jul-2002 8:55:56 AM by Bordersinsanity
Title: Long To Be – MAX
Author: Borders InSaNiTy
E-mail: BordersInSaNiTy⊕yahoo.com
Rating: R (language)
Category: AU – Alternating POV’s – Dreamer based as always. Is there anything other than that?
Disclaimer: I own NOTHING that pertains to Roswell. Just wish I did…
Summary: Liz finds herself in unfamiliar territory with no memory on how she got there. It’s not the first time she’s ended up in new surroundings and it probably won’t be the last. She finally finds out how long she has been there and is instantly thrown into a party where she meets the rest of Maria’s gang. What do they think of the new girl?
Author’s Note: Okay… I know this sounds lame but I have to tell you how I came up with this idea. I was sitting at home watching MTV2 and saw the video Faithless by Injected. Many of you have probably seen it, it’s in the top twenty and was at number three (week 4/13)… so anyway… The one scene that popped out at me is where the guy is dancing with a girl and another girl in the white shirt and hat walks past and grabs the guy’s attention. That one scene is what made me write this fic. I know… you’re saying I have to be crazy to do it. What am I going to do once I’ve written the scene my way…? Good question and I didn’t really know until I wrote the Prologue… I have the next few parts already written so just keep in mind to give it a chance… thanks in advance for hanging in there. I know that you will since there was so many that hung in there with Too Bad… Love you all! I only hope you will like it. Let me know if I should continue. Ok enough rambling and on with the story…

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~


could you be lost
are you so free,
do you long to be
when the sun goes down, do you feel that feel when no ones near you
you know it's such a mystery how you washed up over me
I couldn't breathe, and I couldn't speak, lest I drown

but it's my kind
I'll never be cruel and I'll always play the fool
to be as loveless, as shameless as you.
but I'm so blind
I'll do it again I feel your eyes sink in
so faithless as you've been.

yes I'm so lost
I am not free but I long to be
when life goes down, do you feel as though you're gonna drown
you're going down
you're gonna drown
you're going down

but it's my kind
I'll never be cruel and I'll always play the fool
to be as loveless, as shameless as you.
but I'm so blind
I'll do it again I feel your eyes sink in
so faithless as you've been.

yes I'm so lost
I am not free
yes I'm so lost
but I long to be
but I long to be
but I long to be


Faithless by Injected

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~


PART 2

“Tell me again why I have to go?” I ask as I’m being swept out of our apartment.

“You have to go so I don’t get hit on. You know that I hate getting hit on.” She says that is her excuse but I actually know for a fact that she is trying to remain free property in hope of Kyle asking her out.

“Why don’t you just take Kyle with you? I’m sure he’s not going with anyone.” The two of them are just alike. Kyle dates all these girls that are so wrong for him just to keep him busy while he waits for her to make her move and she dates no one but insists on hanging around with me just so she doesn’t get bored. “It’s what you want anyway.” That last comment is the reason why I receive a slap to the arm. “Tess! If you continue to abuse me I am definitely not going.” I tell her. She knows that I’ll go but it never hurts to toss out a threat here and there.

“Max. It’s going to be fun. It’s the party of the year and everyone who is anyone is going to be there. Alex’s band got the gig so Isabel will be there. And if Alex is there you know Maria is going to be there and if Maria is there Michael will be there because there is no way that he will allow her to go to a party without him. You know. He likes to intimidate any wandering eyes. So… please, please, please. You have to go.” I listen to her as we walk down the stairs. I’ve known Tess for almost seven years and I know how to play her.

I turn around and stop in front of her. “Well since everyone who is anyone is going, then you don’t need me. There will be plenty of people there to keep the mean, mean boys away.” I try to walk pass her but she grabs my arm.

“Oh no you don’t. You’re taking me to the party and that’s that.” She drags me to my jeep. “Get in and drive.” She walks around to the passenger side of the jeep and hops in. The night air is cool and so she reaches into the back and grabs her jacket. I haven’t had the time to put the top back on. Besides the days are too nice to drive around with it on. California’s winters are nothing. I think they are even warmer than Roswell’s.

I turn the ignition to start the jeep. It’s trying to turn over and I see Tess cross her arms over her chest. “Why don’t you get a new vehicle, Max?”

“Shh… He’ll hear you.” I pat the dash to my precious jeep to make amends for her evil comment. ”Bob is a very sensitive piece of equipment.” I tell her. Women. Sometimes I wonder if they even have a clue what it takes to keep things running smoothly.

“It’s an antique. If you didn’t have a way of making things for it, it would be in some junkyard by now. They don’t even make parts for this year of vehicle anymore.” I know just the way to shut her up. Listen to this.

“If you can’t appreciate the finer things that I have acquired then I think you should just go to the party by yourself.” I turn the key in the off position and act like I’m getting out. I continue my carefully planned maneuver. “You’ll have plenty of people there to ward off unwanted gentlemen.” I’m pretty please with myself.

I’ve become wise in my old age. They don’t like the idea of me keeping myself cooped up in the apartment all the time. I’ve told them on several occasions that I enjoy my peace and quiet. They all know that I am waiting for my special someone to give me the want to go out and live but I haven’t found her yet and I’m beginning to wonder if I ever will.

Tess acts like she’s going to begin to protest but I give her my look that says not to even bother. After going through the hell in Roswell during high school I’m entitled to a little peace and quiet. They just don’t give up though. Every party, every school function I’m being dragged to it as if I’m just an accessory to the group. Don’t get me wrong, there are times that I enjoy myself and then there are times I just want to run and hide.

“Maria’s bringing her friend that she’s been talking about for the past two weeks. You know the one that’s from Connecticut.” That’s all I need is to be hooked up with someone that just moved here.

“Tess if I go you have to promise me that you won’t let the new girl think that I’m available. Okay. I don’t want a girlfriend right now.” You’re probably asking why I don’t want to be hooked up. Well it’s a long story and one that I really don’t want to get into right now. Let’s just put it this way. I’m different than every other person on this earth, well almost every other. There are three others that are like me. Now it just so happens that there are three others that now how different the three of us are and I don’t want that group getting any larger. I’m the leader and it’s my responsibility to look after those few of us. I’m not about to give myself any more responsibility. Nope not going to do. That’s why Tess and I have the perfect relationship.

She doesn’t want me and I don’t want her, yet we make it look like we are together so that we keep the outsider factor to a minimum. Perfect. You agree? I thought you would. I’m drawn out of my own thoughts to see her jumping up and down with this huge smile on her face. “Yippee!” She screams as she is vaulted through the air to give me a hug and a kiss on the cheek. “Thank you, thank you, thank you!” I guess you can see that my going really makes her happy.

“You have to promise not to say anything more derogatory against Bob… he’s special and needs all the tender loving care that we all can give him. If it weren’t for him we would have had to stuff all of us in Maria’s Jetta. Keep that in mind the next time you want me to get rid of him.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

So the party of the year is on some country club’s golf course. I don’t know who is responsible for setting this up and I’m not even sure I want to know. Tess is dancing in her seat. “You warming up for tonight?” I ask. I know she loves to dance. She had a hard childhood and now that she is out from under Nasedo’s thumb she loves to be normal. Just like the rest of us. Normal… if you were to look up the definition of normal in Webster’s you wouldn’t find us. WE are far from being normal.

“No. I’m not warming up. I just love this song. The beat is really awesome. I wonder if Alex’s band could play it tonight?”

“You could ask him.” Alex would do just about anything for any of us. I wouldn’t have picked a better friend to have if I had done it myself. We sort of acquired him and Kyle as a packaged deal when Michael and Maria began dating. Maria, the one that shattered our world only to make it a much better place, is the love of my best friend’s life. He won’t admit it to anyone but it’s true. Granted it’s been one hell of a ride but things have seemed to mellow for the time being. I’m continuously keeping my fingers crossed and if you really want to know I even cross my toes just for an extra safety precaution. Bad things just have a way of happening to us. It’s our normal.

The two of us travel in silence. The Highlands is about twenty minutes away from the apartment. Not only do the kids from the university like to go there for the awesome parties but the ones that have four by four vehicles go out back and drive the off road trails. Personally I say they are college students on their way to becoming a part of the ever growing economic future of our society and they need to grow up already but I’m one of the few that think that way. I’m sort of the group’s stick in the mud if you haven’t noticed yet.

“Why do we have to come so early?” I start to complain I’m only doing it to get on her nerves. Maybe she won’t think to beg me to go to the next function. “It’s not even dark outside yet and everyone that is anyone knows that the party doesn’t even start until it gets dark out.” I use her words against her.

She stops dancing long enough to turn in her seat so that she can look at me while she explains our current situation. Once she is situated she continues dancing and once she has found her groove she begins to tell me why. “I promised Maria that we would come in early to help Alex with his electrical problem. You know rig the broken generator so his band can play all night without having to worry whether or not its going to crap out.” I look at her to ask her why it had to be us and she’s still bopping to the tune on the radio. I have to admit that it is kind of catchy.

“Why couldn’t Michael and Isabel do that?” I had no idea why I was always the one being nominated for this type of thing but I was. It tends to get on my nerves but I let it slide. They only do it for my own good. Yeah, right and I need a hole in my head.

“I don’t know. Why don’t you call your sister? She might be able to enlighten you.” That was Tess’ way of telling me not to ask her any more questions. I could take a hint.

We pull up and park right behind another row of cars. I can’t believe that there are so many people here already. I climb out of the jeep and notice that Tess is taking off her jacket. Heaven forbid any thing cover up the outfit that she had picked out for tonight. Of course she’s wearing blue. Her favorite color is blue she says it makes her eyes stand out even more when she wears blue. I think it’s a load of crap personally. I tend to stick with the neutrals and the basics. Black. Can’t go wrong with black.

She takes my hand and pulls me off to the side. “I can’t take you anywhere dressed like that. If you and me are going to be pretending for the new girl then you have to be dressed like me.” She looks around and begins to drag me to the maintenance shed that is about fifteen feet away. “You are not wearing black. Not tonight.” She says on our way. I know what she is going to do but I follow anyway.

“If you didn’t like what I was wearing when we left why didn’t you just tell me before we got here. I would have changed.” She stops and looks at me. “What?”

“What would you have changed into? Another black shirt. I’ve seen your closet Max. There’s nothing in there but black.” We are safely inside the shed and she closes her eyes and sweeps her hand over my shirt. I look down at myself to see what kind of outfit I will be wearing tonight. It’s not too bad. It’s white long sleeve shirt with a blue stripe across the chest. She opens her eyes and smiles. “Perfect. Now come on. We’ve got work to do.”

I don’t even acknowledge that she did a good job. If I did then she would be doing it to me constantly and that’s just one thing that I don’t want to happen.

I follow Tess who is practically running to where the party is getting set up. For someone that doesn’t like going for fear that a guy might show her some attention she sure has a funny way of showing it. I follow her with my eyes to make sure I don’t lose her. It doesn’t take her long to find Alex. I look at him and he smiles back to me and waves. I wave back.

“Hey.” I say when I finally get close enough to talk to him.

“Hey, Max. I’m glad that you were able to grace us with your presence this fine evening.” He smiles even bigger because he wants me to know that he is only kidding me.

“Yeah, I didn’t really have a choice now did I. If I didn’t show up to meet Maria’s friend she would kill me.” It was the truth. We all did what Maria wanted us to do. I don’t mean to say it like it’s a bad thing it’s just become rule of thumb with her. She had a way of making all of our lives miserable when she was unhappy and if by the off chance that her tantrum didn’t work we were faced with Michael’s anguish because he had to live with her. We usually humored Maria more than anyone else in our small group.

“Well, the way she talks about her you would swear that this is her new best friend. I’m feeling a little abused myself.” I can understand. Alex and Maria grew up together. They had sleepovers at each other’s house until they hit junior high.

“I’m glad I’m not in your shoes, man.” I give him my sympathy look and stick my hands in my pocket because I really don’t know what to do. “So, what do you need done?”

“So what’s the deal with you and Tess tonight?” It was common knowledge to everyone but Kyle why we acted the way we did. “Umm… well unless there’s an act from a higher power that makes Kyle pop the question I will have to say that we will be acting like the normal college couple.”

“Yeah. Thought so. Have you ever thought about just telling Kyle what’s up?” He takes a nervous glance in Tess’ direction. She would definitely kill him if she knew that he was even thinking the thoughts that he was thinking. “You know that way you wouldn’t have to pretend all the time and you could be actively looking for your dream girl that you have been pining over since I’ve known you.” Don’t get me wrong the thought had crossed my mind a time or two but why throw away the life preserver until you know you are absolutely sure that you reached dry land. I don’t expect to reach dry land anytime soon. My dream girl probably isn’t even on this planet.

“And risk the wrath of Tess. Hell no. You forget we live together. As in share the same living space. I know when not to meddle and if my sister hasn’t taught you when to keep your nose clear then she’s falling behind in her girlfriend duties big time. And what about Maria? You should know that that is taboo from her. Only she has the power to meddle. If I were you, Alex I would wipe that thought from your mind and forget that we even had this conversation.” I look at him warningly. He nods in agreement and then starts to strum a little something on his guitar.

“I think I’m going to go do the generator thing now, that way if I feel the need I can leave. Don’t tell Tess that I’m thinking of leaving and you better not even think about telling Maria either or you are so on my shit list.” I smile at him to let him know that I’m joking and he chuckles back at me.

“Thanks Max. I’ll see ya later.” He turns back to his band and they begin tuning. I have to admit that I have a pretty good set of friends. It was only one person shy of being complete. I walk behind the stage and wave my hand over the broken generator and then pull back on the cord to start it. The years of practice with Bob has done wonders for my mechanical sense of mind. Whenever anything is broken they call me. Yep. I’m your average alien handyman.

With the task done that needed to be done I scan the crowd to see if any of the others have arrived. I don’t see anyone. Now would be the perfect time to try and ditch the party. No one would even notice where I went to and when Tess goes to find the jeep she’ll know that I had left. I begin to make my way to where I had parked when my shoulder is grabbed by a firm grip.

“You’re not thinking of leaving are you Maxwell.” Great, it’s Michael. And how many times have I told him not to call me Maxwell.

I turn around and give him my innocent smile. “No, no.” I shake my head for emphasis. “I wasn’t thinking about leaving. I was just on my way to see if anyone else had shown up yet.” He smiles back at me. He’s not buying it. Figures.

“Maria sent me here specifically to make sure that you don’t leave.” He smiles at me and nods his head to make sure that I understand the implications that we would suffer if I even thought about leaving.

“Fine. I can take a hint. What’s so special about this new girl anyway?” The way that Maria has everyone hounding me I’m beginning to wonder. Maybe I should stay just to see what was so special about the mystery woman.

“I haven’t got the foggiest clue. You know Maria. She said she got this vibe from the girl. She said something about her reminds her of you.” I’m sure my face is giving Michael the exact expression that he is expecting from me. He’s grinning from ear to ear. “What? You scared that you might actually meet your dream girl? It’s about time. You’re the last one of us that needs a significant other.”

“I don’t need a significant other I have Tess.”

“You don’t have Tess. Tess and Kyle are playing their game. They both know how the other feels about them. It’s only a matter of time that they hook up. Who knows they may have already done the deed. You never know man. Face it. You’re the last one. It’s time to live for the here and now, Maxwell. Quit hiding.”

Will this night never end? Yeah. Will I survive? Highly unlikely.

I hang my head down in defeat. “So that’s what this is all about. Maria wants to hook me up. I don’t want to be hooked up, besides Tess and I are doing the act thing tonight. I’m not interested. Tell your girlfriend thanks but no thanks.” As I begin to walk off Alex’s crew begins to play. The crowd swarms the stage area and they start to dance.

“They are getting better.” Michael says to me as he follows me.

“Yeah, they are. It’s amazing how far they have come since high school.” We stop and stare at him. The computer geek of our group has an alter ego as a rock star and it suits him just fine. Tess, who came running up to me from out of nowhere, latches onto me.

“Kyle’s here. You have to dance with me.” I look at Michael who has a disapproving smile on his face.

“If you wouldn’t encourage her you wouldn’t be in the position that you are in. You’ve made your own bed now lay in it, man.” He shakes his head and runs his hands through his hair.

“Tess, why must you do this to him? You like him. He likes you. Why must you torture each other and me as well?”

She stopped and turned around to look at me. “If you don’t want to dance, I’m cool with that. But I think Maria is looking for you.” She points over my shoulder and sure enough Maria was there. I grab hold of Tess’ hand and make our way to the center of the crowd. It’ll take her awhile to find us. Use the masses to hide our position.

“Why didn’t you say so to begin with? I thought you were doing the dancing thing for Kyle.” Sometimes I think she has a one-track mind. Kyle, Kyle, Kyle…

“Well, it was at the beginning and I didn’t see her until I turned around to talk to you.” I shrug my shoulders to tell her to forget about it.

The crowd really likes the song that Alex and the Whits are playing because we are being mixed in with the mosh group. People are jumping up and down all around us. Tess and I are getting pushed around quite a bit. We are unable to see the stage and I hear the rift that Isabel is always talking about. She must be up at the stage and he is playing it for her.

I have to smile they are such a cute couple. None of us thought that he would be the one to win my sister’s heart but some how he managed. The man has skill. I have to admit anyone that can break the ice princess’ ice castle is one hell of a man.

The music changes tempo and we slow down to accommodate the tempo. I look at Tess to make sure that she is doing okay and I see her staring off to her left. I follow her gaze and I see what has grabbed her attention. Or should I say who? Yep, Kyle and it looks like he’s found the next flavor of the night. I look at them make their way through the crowd. Kyle is leading and she is following. I would have to say that she doesn’t look like his average, know nothing, bimbo that he usually has on his arm to get Tess mad at him.

He hasn’t seen us yet and Tess realizes that so she starts to dance in the direction that he is walking. Her timing is impeccable. Kyle walks right into me. He had turned his head to say something to his girlfriend and when he turned back around we were right in his way. Imagine that. Who says you need alien powers to make things happen?

“Hey man. We are all over there.” Kyle points his finger back to where Isabel and Maria are standing. “We’ll be there in a minute. We’re just getting another beer. You guys want anything?” Kyle knows better than to ask if we want a beer. I guess he doesn’t remember Tess’ fiasco that one Valentine’s day in 2001. I shake my head and look back and notice that Tess was shaking her head as well.

She had a death grip on my arm. I think Kyle’s new girlfriend will give Tess a run for her money. I take another glance at her and our eyes lock. She has the most amazingly brown eyes that I have ever seen. I could get lost in them. They look like they go on and on and on. Her hat is covering most her hair but I see the ends of it peeking out from underneath. Dark, dark brown and it is probably silky smooth. She smiles at me but then she notices Tess and the smile fades. I smile back at her as they once again are in route to their destination of the beer table.

“Who was that?” Tess says as soon as they are out of earshot. I couldn’t help but turn around. I had to see all of her. I wasn’t able to get a good look because Kyle was standing in front of her blocking my view. I think he did it on purpose or maybe he was trying to keep the two girls away from each other. Who knows?

“I have no idea. I’ve never seen her before.” I get slapped on the arm. “Ouch. What the hell was that for?”

“That’s for staring at her ass.” My mouth pops open.

“I wasn’t staring…” I wasn’t really. I was admiring and if I told her that I would definitely get another slap. “That’s two. You do it one more time and I’m leaving you here by yourself.” I look one more time at the group and notice that everyone is there except Kyle and us. The music has stopped and Alex is standing next to Isabel. He’s talking about something and she looks pissed. I wonder what he did to make her so mad?

We walk up and all eyes are staring at us. “Oh, no you don’t.” Maria starts. “There is no way that the two of you are pretending. Not tonight. Max. I thought we were girlfriends. I’m looking out for your best interest and you do this to me? I’m hurt.” I look at her and she is faking the hurt teary eye thing. She immediately goes quiet when I notice that Kyle and his date have arrived. Great.

He knows better than to do this to us. You don’t bring in outsiders. You just don’t. It was bad enough that Maria was bringing a friend but for Kyle to do it as well was uncalled for. I notice everyone turn their attention from Maria to the new girl. Boy was she in for a treat.

Isabel is giving her the death glare. Michael is well, giving her the Michael glare which I have to say has scared off more than one girl in Kyle’s days. Alex is smiling. He likes her already. I don’t know what it is but she makes me smile. I don’t get a chance to look at Tess but I know by the way that she is holding onto me that she is probably giving the girl a go to hell look as well.

They are standing right in front of all of us. Maria starts to do her thing. “Hey. Okay. We are all here.” I looked at Maria all shocked and stuff. What does she mean we are all here? She’s got to be kidding. The girl on Kyle’s arm is the one that Maria wanted me to hook up with. I don’t believe it. Can this night get any weirder? “Guys, this is Liz Parker. Liz this is the gang. Isabel, Alex, Max, Tess and this handsome man is my man Michael.” Maria leaned her head on Michael’s chest as an attempt to simmer him down. But I would hate to be the one to tell her that it’s not working.

So, here we are; face to face, with Maria’s new friend, Liz Parker.

Let the games begin.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
TBC

I hope it wasn't too repetitive... If you think so let me know... Otherwise look for a new part on Wednesday... Thanks for all the great feedback.

[ edited 3 time(s), last at 1-Jul-2002 1:06:08 PM ]
posted on 2-Jul-2002 9:00:08 AM by Bordersinsanity
Lana Lane -- Thanks for the pics. The last one was very enticing. I almost went to the corner Krispy Kreme and got one of my own... LOL! Loved them and thanks so much for the links. Look for a new part tomorrow. I really need to get cracking before I run out of steam...

to everyone else -- Thanks for the unbelievable response to this fic. I was really worried that it just wouldn't float but you guys have proved me wrong.

woodwinds -- I've succeeded in stumping you this time but I'm sure before it's over you will have already guessed everything. After all it's only the first two parts and not much has happened. Thanks again for the feedback. TTYL.
posted on 3-Jul-2002 9:11:21 AM by Bordersinsanity
heartless3369 – I’m glad to make you happy. I’m leaving a new part now.

Lana Lane – You know, I don’t know if anyone’s told you this or not but you are such a sweetheart! Wasn’t Momento weird but very cool… I hope I don’t disappoint you and thanks for all the lovely fanart. So what’s next? That would be Michael… Warning, I don’t portray a Michael very well so if I had to guess how well this next part would go I would say it’s probably the worse one. Hope you like it anyway. I’m looking forward to somemore incentive from you!

mpls muse – Your wish is my command… Hope you like the next part.

the better twin – Yes, aliens are aliens and humans are humans… and Liz is…. Well, Liz is Liz. That’s all I’m going to say.

xmag – It’s not so much that they are afraid but more like their life is a lot better when she is satisfied. Unfortunately, most of the burden lies on Michael to keep that done and when Michael’s not happy then no one is happy. Make sense? Everything happened in the show in one way or another except Tess’ deception.
quote:
xmag wrote: And how were the humans involved ? Through Maria, yes, and Michael, but how exactly? Another shooting? Because I don't see Michael dating Maria like that.
You are correct. Maria just wore Michael’s brick wall down to nothing. He loves her she loves him and we all know how well Maria can keep a secret. Sure the podsters were upset with her blabbing but as you can clearly see it’s all good. Hope you like the next part.

Spicy trini1 – Welcome to my thread. I’m glad you like it. In fact I think this is the first time you’ve read any of my fics. If you need help locating some of the others let me know. I will be more than happy to help you out. Yes, what is happening to Liz is somewhat like what happened to Brody but there will be a twist.

Angela35 – You’re still around… WooHoo! I’m glad that the alternating POV’s is going over well… I was worried with the repetitiveness but I’ve always wanted to do one for a couple of reasons. 1). It’s just so damn hard to write a pretty long fic in a single POV because it’s so hard to get in all the details. A single POV misses a lot. 2). I always have to know what the other person is thinking and I thought this would be a good fic to do just that. A stranger has invaded their group and there’s something fishy about her. What does everyone think? I liked Tess at the beginning of Season II, I thought she could have been a real asset to the group if she were allowed to become friends with everyone. Hopefully, Kyle can keep her on the right track in this fic. Hopefully. Probably…

AvengingAngelIQ – I’m glad you’re hanging around for the ride. Hopefully it will be chauked full of twists and turns to make your ride more enjoyable. And please remember to keep all hands and feet well inside the car while it’s in motion. In case of an emergency please alert the driver and she will tend to your needs as soon as possible. Thanks a lot for leaving feedback.

BelevnDreamsToo – Yeah, they’re sort of like best friends in a way. Although not so close. They are convenience to one another since there really isn’t anyone else in the group that is available. And heaven forbid Tess do something to try and be happy. Must she always think that she has to be miserably left alone all the time? Not in this fic. Thanks for leaving feedback I hope you like the next part.

SciFiNut111 – Yeah, I would think he would have done that too but you have to remember that Max isn’t the out going type. Unless she lands in his lap he’s not going to be too aggressive. I’ll try and work on him a little. The reason to Liz’s blackouts will be revealed some time during the fic. I’m not for sure when though. Hang in there. You know, that’s a really good question and I think we’ll have to go talk to Liz on that one… Hmm… we’ll see.

roswellluver – Yes, and it’s always darkest before the dawn… Hang in there and thanks for the feedback.

Shama – You’re more than welcome but I think I’m going to beat you with the next one before you had a chance to bump me… :O) Thanks for the feedback.

Eccentric One – You’re another one of those… Do all your Roswell stuff at work (well as much as you can get away with) Jut like me! I’m glad you were able to find me again. Yeah, I’m trying to pace myself with the updates that way I can continue giving you guys an update every other day or so… I’m hoping that I won’t slow down and Lana Lane’s been supplying me with beautiful fanart to keep me inspired although the ones she left me yesterday made me want to go get some Krispy Kremes… It never hurts to dream and it definitely doesn’t hurt to beg. I’m one that hates to say no and if enough of you are requesting more at the same time then I’ll probably go ahead and post another part sooner than anticipated… So… the way to get what you want? Lots of begging… My ego swells and it makes me feel wanted…

That’s good. I can safely say that I’ve stumped two people with this fic. That was my plan all along to write a fic that can keep people guessing. Another reason for the alternating POV’s…. Makes the story longer and it moves a lot slower…

Is there any other kind of attraction between the two of them? It’s something that has always intrigued me. The way he immediately has always known that the one he wanted was Liz.

Every fic that I write will always have Tess the unwanted one… It’s always Liz… LIZ, LIZ.

Yeah, I liked the admiring line myself. I can imagine Max and Tess’ relationship on that level. The friends kind of thing and all.

Hate to say it but the games that you are referring to isn’t going to happen until Part 5 and Part 7… or somewhere there abouts. Max will find out that Kyle and Liz aren’t ‘together’ after Part 6. I think.

Thanks for the feedback and I hope you like the next part. Hope I answered all of your questions. Look for another part a little later today.

woodwinds – Yes, a new one by me. The pickings are getting slim for me. I just don’t have the most active imagination like some of you do… The ones that can put out twenty or more fics just amaze me. Thanks for the feedback and I hope I can continue to stump the unstumpable. HEHE! TTYL! If you have any other questions that you need answered to try and help you solve the mystery behind this fic let me know. However, I may not answer you. It all depends on the question.

TeddyBehrJKT – I’m glad you think it rocks after only two parts. I’m glad my name is so noticeable because you’re not the only one that says that. Thanks for the feedback and I hope it still rocks in further posts.

not_of_this_earth – Thanks and the new part will be later today… Hope you can make it back to check it out.

sweetivy420 – Welcome to my thread. Hope you continue to enjoy the fic. If you have questions along the way just state them and I’ll think about answering them.

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Look for the next part within the next few hours... I'm giving it the once more over and then I'll post it.

posted on 3-Jul-2002 11:05:29 AM by Bordersinsanity
Title: Long To Be – MICHAEL
Author: Borders InSaNiTy
E-mail: BordersInSaNiTy⊕yahoo.com
Rating: R (language)
Category: AU – Alternating POV’s – Dreamer based as always. Is there anything other than that?
Disclaimer: I own NOTHING that pertains to Roswell. Just wish I did…
Summary: Liz finds herself in unfamiliar territory with no memory on how she got there. It’s not the first time she’s ended up in new surroundings and it probably won’t be the last. She finally finds out how long she has been there and is instantly thrown into a party where she meets the rest of Maria’s gang. What do they think of the new girl?
Author’s Note: Okay… I know this sounds lame but I have to tell you how I came up with this idea. I was sitting at home watching MTV2 and saw the video Faithless by Injected. Many of you have probably seen it; it’s in the top twenty and was at number three (week 4/13)… so anyway… The one scene that popped out at me is where the guy is dancing with a girl and another girl in the white shirt and hat walks past and grabs the guy’s attention. That one scene is what made me write this fic. I know… you’re saying I have to be crazy to do it. What am I going to do once I’ve written the scene my way…? Good question and I didn’t really know until I wrote the Prologue… I have the next few parts already written so just keep in mind to give it a chance… thanks in advance for hanging in there. I know that you will since there was so many that hung in there with Too Bad… Love you all! I only hope you will like it. Let me know if I should continue. Ok enough rambling and on with the story…

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could you be lost
are you so free,
do you long to be
when the sun goes down, do you feel that feel when no ones near you
you know it's such a mystery how you washed up over me
I couldn't breathe, and I couldn't speak, lest I drown

but it's my kind
I'll never be cruel and I'll always play the fool
to be as loveless, as shameless as you.
but I'm so blind
I'll do it again I feel your eyes sink in
so faithless as you've been.

yes I'm so lost
I am not free but I long to be
when life goes down, do you feel as though you're gonna drown
you're going down
you're gonna drown
you're going down

but it's my kind
I'll never be cruel and I'll always play the fool
to be as loveless, as shameless as you.
but I'm so blind
I'll do it again I feel your eyes sink in
so faithless as you've been.

yes I'm so lost
I am not free
yes I'm so lost
but I long to be
but I long to be
but I long to be


Faithless by Injected

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PART 3

I had just walked in from seeing Kyle. I shook my head. I still couldn’t believe what he had planned for tonight. What would the group do? What he wanted to do would change the whole group dynamic. I didn’t even have a chance to set my keys down on the side table before I heard Maria’s voice.

“Michael I’m going to go back. Maybe she’s back from where ever she was.” She grabs her purse and keys off the table by the front door and pushes by me. What am I? Chopped liver? “Please go to the party early and make sure that Max doesn’t leave before I get there.” So now I’m Max’s babysitter. First I’m Kyle’s shoulder to lean on and now I’m Max’s babysitter.

“I don’t know why you think that this Liz girl is going to be your answer to getting Max to date. He’s not going to do it. I know it.” I’ve known Max since we were kids. I knew right away that first day at school that he was like me. Isabel too. I just knew it and I know that Max wasn’t going to switch from what he was. No matter how much Maria wanted this to work she wouldn’t get Max to date until he was ready to date.

“Michael, please.” She throws her head and does that puppy dog look and what can I do? There’s no way that I can win. She holds the key to my heart and there isn’t anything that I wouldn’t do for her. I love her and who knows maybe one day I’ll get enough nerve to marry her. Did I just think that? Oh god! Hurry… back this train up before it derails. I just did not think that. NO. I forgot that Maria was looking at me with that look of hers until I heard her say, “He’ll love her I know it. Now, come here and give me a kiss before I leave.” I’m whooped. I do as she says. See like I told Kyle the minute he finds the one that he’s looking for is the last day that you have a mind of your own. You do and say what she wants you to. You wear what she lays out and you’ll love her for it. Because when you find the one that you love and the one that you want to be with for the rest of your life there isn’t anything that you wouldn’t do for her.

But a man can try. I stare at her like she has another thing coming. Like I’m really going to go over there and kiss her. Those luscious red lips of hers, pressing against mine. My feet begin to move as if they had a mind of their own. Who knows maybe my lips are sending their own orders to my feet to move it or lose it. I’m so close I lick my lips to get them ready to receive this gift from this goddess standing in front of me. As I lean in I close my eyes in anticipation and I’m pushed aside. “Oh, shoot. I almost forgot.” I open up my eyes to see where she is going. Doesn’t she know that we were about to kiss? UGH!

She runs into the bedroom for what I have no idea but she disappears for just a few seconds and she comes out flinging her hands in the air. “What did you forget?” I ask as she comes my way.

“Cedar oil. It won’t be easy bringing in an outsider. I’m actually kind of surprised at how well you are dealing with it.” She does a little jump thing and kisses me on the cheek. “Gotta run. Love ya. See you later.” And she was gone. I’m standing here looking at the back of our apartment door and am wondering where the hell was my real kiss.

I guess I better get going to the party so I don’t miss Maxwell. I really hope things work out. There’s so much going on tonight. So many people have high expectations and if I know our group it’s all going to come tumbling down.

I don’t bother changing for the party. It’s not like I have to impress anyone. I have a woman. I have my friends. Who cares what others think of me? I don’t. I went through that stage in high school and look at me know. I’m at college living with my high school sweetheart and I didn’t have to do anything special. Well… it wasn’t me that did it. It was Maria. If it weren’t for her I wouldn’t be here. I wouldn’t be living with her and I sure in hell wouldn’t be in love with anyone. I would be doing what Max has been doing. I’d be holed up in my apartment not doing a damn thing to bring attention to myself.

I grab my keys and walk out the door. I believe Maria when she says that this Liz chick will be the one. I believe her because she’s been right about every last one of us. That girl has the gift of knowing how a relationship works. Well, everyone else’s relationship except ours. We have our moments and when we do watch out. I need to get away from this way of thinking if I want to be able to last the whole night babysitting Max. It would be just my luck that I drag Maria off by herself and I loose site of Max and he disappears. Not to mention that that would leave Liz open to Tess and Isabel’s wrath. I have to be strong. Maybe if I’m a good boy tonight Maria will reward me this weekend? It’s possible.

I park the bike next to Kyle’s mustang. I knew he would be here early. He had a lot to do before the end of the night. I just hope he doesn’t get cold feet. Good luck, man. More power to ya. Anyway, I begin to walk to the party. Taking in all the scenery as I go along. I know it’s too soon for Maria and Liz to be here. I can’t help but wonder what she’s like. The girl that Maria thinks will be the one for Max.

Speaking of Max there he is and I think he’s going to make a run for it. He’s looking around as if he were looking for someone. I wonder if he realizes that there is no way, he is going to be leaving early. No possible way. He doesn’t see me, which makes me smile. I just love doing this to him. Don’t get me wrong… I love the guy as if he were my very own brother. There isn’t anything that I wouldn’t do for him and I hope he realizes it when he’s forced to face the new girl.

I’m almost there and I can see what he’s thinking. He’s thinking that he’s almost there. Just a little bit further and he’s home free. Ut oh… Not so fast. I reach out with my hand and grab his shoulder. “You’re not thinking of leaving are you Maxwell.” I just have to smile, this is so going to be a great night. I get to watch him squirm. Not only did I stop him from leaving the party but I called him Maxwell. He hates it when I call him Maxwell. Did I say I’m going to love it? I will.

He starts to shake his head no as he says it. “No, no. I wasn’t thinking about leaving.” Yeah, right. Tell me another one. I can’t believe he’s trying to lie to me. Me, Michael Guerin, best friend for life. He should know better than that. “I was just on my way to see if anyone else had shown up yet.” I give him my signature smile that says, ‘yeah, right’. I have some ocean front property in Kansas if he thinks I’m going to buy this line of crap.

“Maria sent me here specifically to make sure that you don’t leave.” I continue to smile at him and shake my head so he gets the idea. He knows what I mean. If I suffer they all suffer. I may love her but Maria drives me crazy at times and I don’t appreciate feeling her wrath.

“Fine. I can take a hint. What’s so special about this new girl anyway?” Yeah, play it up, Maxwell. You’re just as interested as the rest of us. He’s trying to act cool but underneath it all he’s sweating like a pig. He knows she’s the best matchmaker there is. He knows he has no way of getting out of this.

“I haven’t got the foggiest clue. You know Maria. She said she got this vibe from the girl.” All she has told me about Liz is that she’s sweet and will be the perfect girl for Max. I asked her once how she was so sure that she was the one. She just said because she knew. Don’t ask me anymore. I plead the fifth. “She said something about her reminds her of you.” He looks at me with that look. I want to just shrug my shoulders and say how am I supposed to know what that means. If he can’t understand Maria’s psyche then what makes him think I can. I can’t help but grin at him. I decide to break the silence. “What? You scared that you might actually meet your dream girl? It’s about time. You’re the last one of us that needs a significant other.”

“I don’t need a significant other I have Tess.” Not for long. If he only knew what else was going to be happening tonight. The tides were changing there was no doubt about that. Max’s world was about to get turned upside down. And I was going to be there to enjoy it.

“You don’t have Tess. Tess and Kyle are playing their game. They both know how the other feels about them. It’s only a matter of time before they hook up. Who knows they may have already done the deed.” I like to keep him guessing. You know make him question every single thought that runs through his mind. This is our game. We’ve done it since as long as I can remember. “You never know man. Face it. You’re the last one. It’s time to live for the here and now, Maxwell. Quit hiding.” I have to chuckle. The look is classic. You know the one where you’re watching the lead actor in a movie and they are so scared that you can actually see his adam’s apple bob up and down. Well that was Max just now. He’s scared. Let him be. If it doesn’t work, we’ll all be there for him. No harm, no foul. But I doubt that is going to happen.

Maria has the vibe and she’s going to make this work if it’s the last thing she does.

He hangs his head down and slumps his shoulders some. “So that’s what this is all about. Maria wants to hook me up. I don’t want to be hooked up, besides Tess and I are doing the act thing tonight.” He’s whining. I hate it when he whines. I find it hard to believe that he was king in his previous life when he whines like that. “I’m not interested.” He says as he stiffens back up. “Tell your girlfriend thanks but no thanks.” No way I’m telling her that. You tell her that. He starts to walk off before I get the nerve to speak my mind, so I follow.

I hear Alex and his crew begin playing their first song. “They are getting better.”

“Yeah, they are. It’s amazing how far they have come since high school.” We stop and stare at him. The computer geek of our group has an alter ego as a rock star and it suits him just fine.

Just as I’m about to say something Tess comes running up from out of nowhere and latches onto Maxwell. She breathing kind of heavy and I wonder what she’s been doing. Probably spying on Kyle. Her world revolves around the poor guy. “Kyle’s here.” Knew it. “You have to dance with me.” I can’t believe that they are doing this, tonight of all nights. Don’t they know… well, no. I guess they don’t. I can feel my smirk fade and I can only imagine that I’m frowning at the two of them right now.

“If you wouldn’t encourage her you wouldn’t be in the position that you are in. You’ve made your own bed now lay in it, man.” I decided to tell him how I felt about it and if I didn’t leave soon, I would probably end up choking him. I shake my head and run my hand through my hair as I watch the two of them go off to dance.

I wonder if Maria and Liz are here yet? As if she has a homing beacon tattooed to my ass she suddenly appears. “Have you seen Liz?” She asks. She looks flustered and I wonder what is going through her mind.

“No. I don’t even know what the girl looks like.” She hadn’t given me any kind of detail about the mystery woman. I look around at everyone at the party and I can’t believe the number of people that are here.

“Michael! You’re not helping me here.” She starts to stomp her feet up and down and I almost laugh. Almost. I know better. Living with Maria for four years has taught me that much. I know when not to laugh. I don’t know how she expects me to help her.

“Maria. Calm down. We’ll find her.” She grabs my hand and she starts to pull me through the crowd. “Maria…”

“I can’t loose her, Michael. You should have seen her this evening when I went to pick her up. She was walking around dazed and confused in her pajamas at the dorm. She doesn’t know anyone and if I lose her I don’t know how she’s going to find her way home.” She’s pushing people left and right and I guess I’m not helping matters much by slowing her down.

“What’s she wearing?” I finally ask her and she stops dead in her tracks.

“What?” She’s looking at me like I’ve just sprouted two little green antennae on the top of my head.

“What is she wearing? I was thinking that if I knew what she was wearing we could split up and that way we could cover more ground. Is she still wearing her pajamas?” I wiggle my eyebrows up and down imagining a no face girl wearing a hot red teddy.

I get slapped. “No! She’s not wearing pajamas. She’s…” She stops in mid sentence and then starts running. “Gather the troops I think I found her.” And she’s gone.

Okay… so let’s recap. I’m Max’s babysitter, I’m Kyle’s go to guy and now I’m in frickin charge of gathering the troops. Let’s just get it over with and paint a big red ‘S’ on my chest and outline it in bright yellow. She must think I’m some sort of superman. I try to watch where she is going but lose her in the midst of all the people.

I can’t believe how many there are here. This was supposed to be for seniors only and I know for a fact that half of these kids aren’t seniors.

I slowly make my way over to where everyone is supposed to meet. While on my way I try to keep a look out for the others. I hear the riff that Alex plays for Isabel and have to smile. I have to admit that they are the group’s odd couple. But they’re happy so who am I to judge. After that Alex’s band really starts to rock and I get mixed into all the dancing. Some girl that I’ve never seen before starts to dance with me and who am I to turn a free dance down? So I dance the song out.

When the song ends I continue my way to where the group should be. I get there just as Kyle and some girl are leaving. I roll my eyes and shake my head. I thought he had plans for tonight. Well, I guess some things will never change. Our group dynamic will once again holds its figure. Kyle’s backed out of his plans at the first site of a new girl. Guess Max and Tess can continue their act. “Who’s with Kyle?” I ask as I finally get there.

“That was Liz.” Maria states with her arms firmly planted across her chest.

“That was Liz?” I ask.

“Yeah.” I look at Isabel she doesn’t look happy.

“What?” She practically yells at me. I hold my hands up to tell her to back down.

“What’s got you buggin?”

Maria doesn’t even give her a chance to answer before she gives the 411. “She’s mad because Alex likes Liz.” I look at Maria with my eyes wide open.

“Uh?” I look at Isabel she shake her head in agreement. “I don’t get it. I heard him play that riff for you. You have to be mistaken.”

“Well, I wouldn’t be so mad if he had played that riff for me but he didn’t…”

“He played it for Liz.” Ouch. Maria will never learn. If there was anyone on this planet that could rival Maria it would be Isabel and by the looks of things, Isabel was just two seconds shy of letting it rip.

“I’m sure it’s nothing.” I go to stand right between the two of them. I wanted to be able to stop the blows in case Isabel decided that she just couldn’t hold it in any longer. “It was nothing. Really. Alex only has eyes for you.”

“Oh, stuff it Michael.” She crosses her arms and I step a little closer to Maria. It’s quiet. Too quiet. The music has stopped, which is a good sign because Alex will be here soon. Neither one of them is talking and I don’t do so well under pressure and believe me this is pressure. On one side I have the love of my life. On the other side I have my betrothed from my previous life that is like a sister to me in this life. Decisions, decisions. Please, please, please. Someone save me.

Some of the tension begins to leave the minute I see Tess and Max walk this way. Yeah, Maxwell is going to get it now. The act that him and Tess is doing isn’t going to sit well especially when Maria is already upset. Alex just barely beats them here and puts a comforting arm around Isabel. She turns her cheek away from him and I hear them quietly discussing the error in his ways. My attention leaves the squabbling lovebirds and is focussed in on Max and Tess and my honey bun giving them her wrath. I try not to smile because I know that there is going to be some way that this will get turned into being my fault.

“Oh, no you don’t.” Maria starts. She’s pointing a finger at them. Go Maria! Give them hell! “There is no way that the two of you are pretending. Not tonight. Max. I thought we were girlfriends. I’m looking out for your best interest and you do this to me? I’m hurt.” I see her give him that ‘I’m going to cry unless you do what I say’ pout and I’m practically jumping for joy. I’m in the clear. I’m in the clear. HAHA! Woohoo!

Ut oh. She’s gone quiet. I look to where she is looking and notice Kyle and Liz coming our way. Heaven forbid we show the new girl what we are really like.

“Hey.” She claps her hands together. “Okay. We are all here. Guys, this is Liz Parker. Liz this is the gang.” She starts off by skipping me. I can’t believe she skipped me. Maybe she’s saving the best for last. I'm hoping because if she is then I’m not in that much trouble. She finishes off by saying, “and this handsome man is my man Michael.” My man Michael. How caveman-ish is that? My man? Get over it, take in the new girl, I tell myself.

Is Maria right about her? What do I think about her? Well besides that she’s with the wrong dude she seems all right. There’s just something about her. She seems a little freaked out or something. I can only imagine what must be going through her mind right now. We don’t do well with outsiders and it immediately becomes clear when I hear Tess say, “Come on Max. Let’s go dance.”

Jeez, Tess can you be any ruder? I have to say that I’m impressed with Max he actually tells her that she’s being rude. She doesn’t look too happy. I miss the question that Alex asked but figured it was, ‘Where are you from?’ Since she answered Connecticut.

“Do you have any brothers or sisters?” Was Alex the only one that could ask a simple question? I began to look around at the others. They were all content to basically stand back and wait for the answers to come. “What are you majoring in?” Yet another Alex question. She answers. I’m impressed. She’s smart. Going to be a molecular biologist.

“What the hell is that?” Doh! Way to go Tess. I don’t know how she’s managed to keep out of trouble. She’s got a mouth that just won’t quit but what surprises me is that Liz doesn’t even miss a beat she explains to Tess and keeps on going as if it didn’t phase her. Point. And what do we have here? Max shrugs Tess off his arm. Can you say someone is interested? I want to smile so badly. Maria was right. She is perfect for him and he’s interested too. Go girl. I’ll have to remember to show her how good she is when we get home.

I start to get into this search and find information gathering that everyone is doing and decide to ask my question. “What made you move to California?” She looks like she’s a deer caught in the high beams of an automobile. Maybe I spoke too soon. Maybe there is a reason she moved her and she don’t want any of us to know. Maybe she’s here to spy on us.

“I needed a change of scenery. You know. Get away from the parental units.” What? Who moves from one side of the country to the other just to get away from their parents? Well, I guess if she had parents like I did. Hank was far from being a parent. Kept me around just to get the monthly check.

Her answer must have pissed Tess of because she pulls really hard on Max’s arm. I see him look down at her and then he looks at Liz and says, “It was nice meeting you, maybe we can talk later.” She pulls him again and they are gone. We all just stare at the two receding figures. Maria slumps into my embrace and Liz finally turns around and looks at all of us.

We are all waiting on the next move. Which one of us will be the one to break the ice? “Is she always that bitchy?” Liz asks. We all start laughing because she has no idea how bitchy Tess can really be. “What?” She asks. “What did I say? Maria?” She looks to Maria for help. I look down at her and realize that she’s laughing so hard that she’s wiping the tears out of her eyes.

“Nothing, nothing, just an inside joke. But you’ll get the hang of it.” Maria stands up straight and puts her hands on her hips. I follow her gaze and she’s staring at Max and Tess who just so happen to be looking in our direction. Tess quickly turns her head and Maria settles down a little. Her job is done. She looks up at me and beams that smile that she only shows me. Those luscious red lips moist from her tongue running over them take me into la-la land.

While I was busy daydreaming about Maria’s red lips I missed where Liz had gone and before I knew it Tess was back and saying, “What the hell is that?”

“What?” Maria asks all innocently.

“Don’t give me that. Her! What’s up with her? She bumps into us and rubs her hand all over Max and she leaves. He’s following her. What’s her story?” Tess had her hands on her hips and Maria was matching her move by move.

“Well, if you would have stayed you would have caught everything.” Maria says. Yeah! I know, I know. Tess is one of us but ever since she heard that her and Max were royalty in our other life she seems to think that we should all bow down to her and kiss her ass. Well I hate to tell her but the only ass I will be kissing is my little snookums. Maria is still going strong. “What’s it to you anyway? It’s not like you and Max are married.”

“You didn’t miss much, Tess.” I finally say. If I don’t do something now someone’s going to be getting hurt and I would hate for Maria to go home with green hair. She hates the color green with a passion and believe me Tess knows this little fact and won’t be afraid to use it on her. “Maria is just jerking your chain. She didn’t tell us anything really. She’s from Connecticut. Only child. Doing her last semester in molecular biology major. That’s it.” Sums everything up real nice and quick.

At least that’s what I thought until Isabel had to finally speak up. “Something isn’t right.”

“What do you mean?” Tess asks. Isabel had been quiet through most of the questioning and I should have known that it was too good to be true. I should have known. Isabel trusted new people as much as the rest of us and when it came to them showing interest in Max. You better watch out. “She’s…” Spit it out already. What is she? Friendly, nice, cute. Well cute if I were Max. But I had to admit that there was something about her that sent up my little hairs on the back of my neck.

“Thank you!” Tess blurts out while throwing her hands up in the air. I think that’s a little over dramatic but as I scan the rest of the group its hard to say what the rest are thinking. The jury is still out on Miss Parker I guess. “There’s something about her I just can’t put my finger on. She’s not Max’s type. She’s too plain, too normal.” Tess could probably go on forever on all of Liz’s imperfections. That’s what she was good at, finding people’s flaws and using them against them.

“Oh, for god’s sake, you two! She’s perfect.” Maria blurts out as she turns to Isabel to continue her rant. “Do you enjoy him sitting at home doing nothing? Have you ever thought about what it must be like for him to be alone? For once in your life you guys need to quit thinking about yourselves and think about him. He’s done everything for you guys and I’ve never heard you say thanks to him. He didn’t ask to be the leader. He never once asked what about me.”

She then turns her wrath on Tess. “And you,” she points her finger at her and I have to stifle a laugh because it’s just too funny seeing Maria take on an alien. How many humans would have the nerve to do that? Not very many. That’s for sure. “You don’t help matters either. If you would just ask Kyle out, Max would be free to get a girlfriend of his own.” Amen. Sing it loud sister. Give her the old one-two punch. “But no! You have to keep on pretending. We all know you want Kyle.” She turns to Kyle. “We all know you want Tess so enough of the games and just get it over with!” She throws her hands up in the air and grabs me by the arm and drags me away from our precious little family.

“Um, Maria… Where are we going?”

“Home. You’ve been sending me all these ‘I want to have sex’ vibes all night.” Cool. I’ll have to keep that in mind the next time.

“Um, Maria…” She looks up at me so I continue. “Can you explain to me what that look actually looks like so I can use it in the future.” She slaps my arm and then jumps up into my arms. “One more and I promise I won’t say anything else the rest of the night.”

“What, Michael?” She pulls away from me and looks me in the eyes.

“How’s Liz going to get home?” I knew I was a fool to ask that but Maria brought her.

“Max will find her and they will live happily ever after.” She leans in to kiss me the way she knows I like.

I had a hard time concentrating on what she had said so all I said was, “Oh, okay. If you say so.” I didn’t feel like arguing for I had other things on my mind

“I know so.”

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Keep the feedback coming. I'm just overwhelmed at how well you guys are receiving this fic.

Thanks for the incentive Lana Lane. I'm absolutely loving it. I have a busy 4th planned so look for a new part on Sunday, maybe sooner if I can sneak some time in here or there. Love ya guys. Enjoy and be safe.

[ edited 1 time(s), last at 3-Jul-2002 1:57:01 PM ]
posted on 3-Jul-2002 7:44:27 PM by Bordersinsanity
AJK001 – Thanks for the feedback! It’s nice to see a familiar face. And I have to say that you’ve mellowed out on the rants I used to get… Not that I’m missing them or anything. I’m just glad that you’re here.

TeddyBehrJKT – You weren’t joking when you said that you would be camped out waiting for me to post. LOL. I’m surprised this was your first Michael POV. Granted they’re not that popular but I’ve seen one or two. I thought Superman was a good choice for him because that is Brendan’s favorite super hero… I think maybe its Spiderman… Now I can’t remember. LOL anyway. I’m glad you liked it. I was worried because Michael’s like the toughest character for me besides, Isabel and Alex…

Well, I appreciate you begging for more but there is one more POV before we get to another one of Liz’s… so be patient and look for it on Sunday.

marteloise – Welcome to the world of Borders InSaNiTy… I hope you like visit in my small world where things go the way I want them to with a little help from the peanut gallery every once in awhile. Thanks for the feedback and I hope you can stay awhile.

Shama – Thanks for the feedback… Look for a new part on Sunday… Unless you guys turn rabid on me and insist on more real soon then I’ll just have to see what I can do.

Angela35 – I’m exstatic that I’m on your very short list. I understand how it is to be busy and not wanting to waste time reading something that you just can’t trust to be finished. I’m glad that I’ve tempted you to stay just a tad bit longer. Maybe I should remap the outline (ha-everyone knows I don’t outline) and see if I can’t add a few more parts to this fic. Just to keep you around. What do you think?

I’m glad you liked the Michael POV… Yes, he’s whipped but Maria loves him that way. I think it’s the only way he should be. Yes, I love Maria for pointing it out to everyone how they’ve been acting. It’s just not fair for him to take all the responsibility while everyone else is just living it up. Hopefully, him and Liz will hook up soon…

BelevnDreamsToo – I’m glad I made you smile. My work here is done. Buh-bye! See you next year…

LOL! Just joking… I’m in a great mood from all this fabulous feedback. I just can’t believe it. Look for more on Sunday unless the bumping clan is in overdrive then I just might post earlier. See you then. Thanks again.

Xmag – It doesn’t matter how slow you are in getting the hang of things. All that matters now is that you’re up to speed with the rest of us. Yes, I’m planning on doing a POV for everyone… I have visualized it and have moved it around to see how the story would continue best. Fortunately you only have one more POV going over the same scene… and then we will start to move forward in time.

Yes, Maria is awesome when she is motivated and a lonely Max is great motivation to get the others in line. Hopefully Tess and Kyle will get the message loud and clear and I’m surprised that no ones put two and two together yet and figured out where I’m going in the next part. LOL… guess I’ll just have to wait until Sunday to let the other shoe drop so to speak.

No matter how put together Isabel looks we all know that there is this little scared girl that is self-conscious of everything that she does and she thinks that nothing good can happen to her. Same with Tess. But I’m hoping to change all of that soon.

Alex and Isabel are really hard for me to write but I do have a POV planned out for the two of them… Hang in there. They are more towards the end.

Spicy trini1 – I b-mailed you the links to my fics. Holler at me if you have any problems and I can e-mail them to you directly.

Don’t worry, I have it on good authority that Max will find Liz. And you will find out what Tess’ problem is in Part 6.

I’m glad that you are here for the long haul… it’s going to be one crazy ride. All meds will be distributed at the door to your left. Please form one line and remember stay away from the blue ones… They’re a doozy!

Thanks for the feedback.

Lana Lane – I see how you are… You said you were camping out and it’s been almost 8 hours since I’ve posted and still no feedback or incentive from you. The rest of the group is going to come after you if you don’t keep me filled with good looking incentive… LOL! Just kidding. I saw that you and Jen were working on a Smallville/Roswell Crossover. I had every intention on reading it. I downloaded to my computer at work but I didn’t get to it… Sorry, but I will I promise. I’ll leave you two some good feedback… maybe offer a bump or two to keep you on the front page. How’s that sound? Good.

TTYL


Thanks for all the great feedback. Any questions let me know. I’ll do my best to get back to you in someway or another!

posted on 4-Jul-2002 12:28:19 AM by Bordersinsanity
Lana Lane -- You were never in the dog house and of course you are forgiven. Just keep the daily incentive coming. I'm going to need it. I've been working on a part for 3 days now and am so close to getting it done in time to post.

I'm just glad that you didn't forget about me over here in my own little chaotic world.

I'll talk to ya later since you'll be hanging around here all night. Have fun and read lots of fic while I'm in bed snoozing...

toodles.
posted on 4-Jul-2002 12:28:21 AM by Bordersinsanity
carolina_moon -- eventually there will be some M/L action... Look for the first to happen in Part 5 and then some more in Part 7 (Maybe)

Thanks for leaving feedback... Look for an update on Sunday unless Lana Lane can get me to post sooner.

[ edited 1 time(s), last at 4-Jul-2002 12:30:55 AM ]
posted on 5-Jul-2002 4:46:23 PM by Bordersinsanity
Lana Lane -- Thanks for the incentive... too bad you're going to be gone. I was going to be posting tomorrow morning... Hope you have a great time while you're away. Will miss you but will be looking at my beautiful incentives while you're away.

Be careful and have fun

Jennifer
posted on 6-Jul-2002 12:02:08 PM by Bordersinsanity
heartless3369 – Thanks for the feedback. I’m glad you liked the Michael POV… I was a little worried about that one.

roswellluver – Yeah, Maria just has her way with him… I always believed that underneath all his rough exterior Michael is a big teddy bear underneath. Thanks for the feedback.

not_of_this_earth – I’m glad you thought the Michael POV was different. It wasn’t the easiest thing for me to write and I’m dreading Isabel in a much later part so I hope you hang around for more.

SciFiNut111 – I know… I know. Hang on just a little bit longer for some more M/L interaction. It’s on its way. Thanks for the feedback and thanks for looking over Part 4 for me.

Pathos – Welcome to my world. The world of insanity and chaos. I’m glad you found us over here. Oh and you might as well forget about leaving. All doors are one way only… you can come in but you can’t leave… Well unless you’re like Lana Lane and get swept off on a mini-vacation and even then you have to come straight back. I’ll think about letting you go only if you can leave behind some really, really good incentives. (Gorgeous Fanart)… HINT.

Thanks again for the feedback.

woodwinds – I see you’re stuck here at the board waiting for another update. Well, here it is… Hope you like. Thanks for the bump!


PART 4 IS IN THE NEXT POST! ENJOY
posted on 6-Jul-2002 12:04:26 PM by Bordersinsanity
Title: Long To Be – KYLE
Author: Borders InSaNiTy
E-mail: BordersInSaNiTy⊕yahoo.com
Rating: R (language)
Category: AU – Alternating POV’s – Dreamer based as always. Is there anything other than that?
Disclaimer: I own NOTHING that pertains to Roswell. Just wish I did…
Summary: Liz finds herself in unfamiliar territory with no memory on how she got there. It’s not the first time she’s ended up in new surroundings and it probably won’t be the last. She finally finds out how long she has been there and is instantly thrown into a party where she meets the rest of Maria’s gang. What do they think of the new girl?
Author’s Note: Okay… I know this sounds lame but I have to tell you how I came up with this idea. I was sitting at home watching MTV2 and saw the video Faithless by Injected. Many of you have probably seen it, it’s in the top twenty and was at number three (week 4/13)… so anyway… The one scene that popped out at me is where the guy is dancing with a girl and another girl in the white shirt and hat walks past and grabs the guy’s attention. That one scene is what made me write this fic. I know… you’re saying I have to be crazy to do it. What am I going to do once I’ve written the scene my way…? Good question and I didn’t really know until I wrote the Prologue… I have the next few parts already written so just keep in mind to give it a chance… thanks in advance for hanging in there. I know that you will since there was so many that hung in there with Too Bad… Love you all! I only hope you will like it. Let me know if I should continue. Ok enough rambling and on with the story…

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

could you be lost
are you so free,
do you long to be
when the sun goes down, do you feel that feel when no ones near you
you know it's such a mystery how you washed up over me
I couldn't breathe, and I couldn't speak, lest I drown

but it's my kind
I'll never be cruel and I'll always play the fool
to be as loveless, as shameless as you.
but I'm so blind
I'll do it again I feel your eyes sink in
so faithless as you've been.

yes I'm so lost
I am not free but I long to be
when life goes down, do you feel as though you're gonna drown
you're going down
you're gonna drown
you're going down

but it's my kind
I'll never be cruel and I'll always play the fool
to be as loveless, as shameless as you.
but I'm so blind
I'll do it again I feel your eyes sink in
so faithless as you've been.

yes I'm so lost
I am not free
yes I'm so lost
but I long to be
but I long to be
but I long to be


Faithless by Injected

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

PART 4

“I can’t believe you’re going to do it, man.” I turn and look at Michael. He’s shaking his head in disbelief. “Is that” he pointed at what I was holding in my hand, “the reason you got your own place?” I shake my head up and down. I’m sure the reason he’s smiling at me is because I have the goofiest grin on my face. I can’t help it. The more I try to act normal the wider the grin gets.

“Do you think she’ll like it?” I hold the small black velvet box out for him to inspect the ring one more time.

“What do you think?” He looks up at me as if he’s expecting me to answer him. I don’t know that’s why I was asking him. “Don’t worry. She’ll love it.” He slaps me on the back of my shoulder and says, “I still can’t believe you’re going to do it. You’ve got major balls man. Major.” I normally wouldn’t go to Michael but he’s the only one that would know what I am going through. He knows the ins and outs of the one person that I want to be with, the one person that I can’t seem to have notice me. It’s complicated. My life’s complicated. So what else is new? I’ve died and been brought back to life by an alien. I can handle this. I can do it.

“Yeah, I know. I can’t believe it either, but this is it. Tonight I’m going to ask Tess to marry me.” Yeah, I know. I’ve tried to get as far away from the alien abyss as I could and it never fails I always get sucked back in. No matter how many times I’ve tried to get that girl out of my system I just can’t. Nothing works. So I’m jumping in head first with my eyes shut and hoping for the best.

We’ve been playing this game for the past four years. You know the game where we act like we don’t like each other. We do everything in our power to make the other one jealous. If it weren’t for Michael, Alex, Maria, and Isabel I would have never noticed it. I was blind as a bat. I had no idea that her and Max weren’t an item. Hell they lived together. They were married in their previous life for god’s sake. Every time we went out as a group they stayed closed to each other. How was I supposed to know that she liked me? I don’t have a clue in understanding women and therefore I don’t even try to. So yeah, someone had to tell me what was up and the minute I found out I knew it was now or never. Live or die.

“Hang on for a second.” I leave Michael in the room and run to my closet. “What do you think I should wear?” I yell. I’m standing in front of my closet looking at the same old stuff.

“Hell, I don’t know.” He yells back to me.

I grab something and run back out to the front room. “What about this?” I hold out the selection in front of me; the pants are down low and the shirt is up high.

Michael shakes his head and stands up. “I’m out of here, dude. You’re on your own. I just have one thing to say and then I’m gone. Be thankful that you can still pick out what you want to wear, because once you and Tess hook up she’s going to be telling you what to wear and what not to wear.”

“No, you can’t leave. I need your help. Michael. Dude.” I’m good at begging I’ve been doing it most my life. That’s how I got through high school. Well that and the fact that I was captain of almost every varsity sport there was. “You have to help me. I’m drowning. Look.” I hold out my hands palms down and I look at them. They are shaking like you wouldn’t believe. I look back up at him and he grins at me and opens up my front door and walks out.

“Michael! Michael… you can’t leave me here. I need some help.” Great. He left. I can’t believe I’m doing this. Breathe Kyle. Breathe. I shut the door after I see him get on his bike and drive away. He was the only one that I could count on. The only one that would give me sound advice, well, as sound as it comes when you’re dealing with aliens. I wonder if I should call Alex? Maybe Isabel can help me… “Crap.” I slouch into the lumpy couch. “This is just great. I wonder if Maria would get mad at me for not coming tonight?” I close my eyes and take in a deep breath. Maybe Buddha can help me. Yeah, that sounds like a plan.

I go back into the spare bedroom and sit down on the black mat and face the chubby little guy. “Yeah, it’s me. And yes, I’m asking for your help. Oh great one, please give me the strength to conquer my greatest fear.” I bow my head and close my eyes and focus. The key to meditating is that you need to focus. I sit there and breathe and meditate. I vision the night and the way that I want it to happen. I see Tess accepting the ring and bounding into my waiting arms.

With the help of Buddha I realize that it won’t be so bad. I’ll just grab Tess the first minute I see her and take her out to the 14th hole. It’s a water shot and has a bridge going out to the hole. I can lay a blanket out. Yeah… yeah… I start to get excited about all the possibilities of doing it tonight.

One: It was a Friday. We could celebrate all weekend. Ideas of being locked up in my… I mean our apartment, just the two of us. Can’t go wrong with tonight. Two: The Highlands Golf Course is an original idea and I’m not for sure but I think this would be the first time that anyone has proposed marriage out there. The moonlight shining down from up above and bouncing off the water at the 14th hole. Romantic. Three: All our friends would be there and it would be just perfect. Everyone will envy her and that will be the finishing touch.

Now all I have to do is figure out what to wear. I stand up and bow to the great Buddha and head back to my closet and search. I remember all the times she commented on what I was wearing and it finally dawns on me. It doesn’t really matter what I wear if she loves me then it really won’t matter but still I want to make a good memory for her.

I pull out my dark wranglers and my dark blue button-up shirt. I know how much she likes the color blue. I get dress and take another look in the mirror before I head to the party. I wanted to get there early so I could set everything up. Tonight just had to be perfect. If I didn’t do it tonight I don’t know when I’m going to get another chance to do it.

I shut and lock the door behind me. I got into my car. I put the CD that I had Alex mix for me in. Every song on it was one of Tess’ favorites. The drive out to the club does nothing for my nerves. I don’t know how any man gets up the nerve to ask a woman to marry him. My hands are sweating so badly that I’m finding it hard to hang onto the steering wheel. I wipe one off on my thigh and then wipe off the other one.

“Breathe. You’ll feel better when you get there.” I keep saying that to myself over and over. I hope that it will calm me down but as I park the car I realize that it’s not going to work. I’m still nervous. Was I doing the wrong thing? Did I really want to give up the freedom of dressing myself? No not really but there was just something about Tess that made that little detail seem like nothing.

I dreamt about it last night. Taking Tess over the threshold of our apartment after our honeymoon in the Bahamas. I know… I know… how am I going to afford a trip to the Bahamas? Well it’s a dream so deal with it. I do. Anyway. She was laughing and I was laughing and we couldn’t keep our hands off each other. I could go on but I don’t want to jinx it. And besides I probably should stop because if I continue on this train of thought I won’t make it to the party. All I know is having her as mine is worth me not being able to pick out my own clothes. She just makes me… me. I guess.

I park Betsy a little out of the way so she won’t get all dented up when the rest of the party goers arrive. She was a birthday slash graduation gift from my dad. Betsy is a fire engine red Ford Mustang with black leather interior and all the trimmings. She purrs like a kitten and that’s what I love about her, that and the fact that she’s a definite chick magnet. I wonder if Tess will still like all the attention when we are together. I wonder if the girls will look at me differently once the word is out that Tess and I are engaged.

I wonder if I’m moving too fast. I wonder if she’s going to want to date for a while or what. I’ve thought of everything. If she says that we should date for a while then I can say okay. We’ll just have a long engagement. I really want this to work. What if she says no? I go to the trunk and grab the bag of things that I will need for tonight. Inside the bag is a blanket… some flowers… some non-alcoholic champagne (sparkling cider). Well… they can’t handle alcohol and I want to be able to celebrate. What else was I supposed to do?

I stop walking and think about it for a brief moment. Will she really say no? I can’t think about it anymore so I do the first thing that anyone would do. I head for the beer table. Maybe after a few beers I’ll have enough courage to do it. Yeah… let me have a few beers. I grab the first one and knock it back. Before I can think about it again I grab another and start to work on it.

Feeling the effects of the beer, I start to smile. Everything is going to work out. On to setting up everything. The trip to the 14th hole takes me a good ten minutes to get there. I wave at some of the early gatherers and continue on my way. I try not to think about what I’m going to do. I hurry up and set everything up and leave a note saying that if I find anyone using this spot I’m going to kill them. I have some pull with the football team; there wasn’t anyone that was going to mess with my setup.

Satisfied with my work I get up and head back to the rest of the party. I hang around the beer table drinking as many as I could in hopes of killing all of this pent up anxiety before I see Tess. I’m scanning the crowd and I see Max and Tess standing there. I turn around and nearly bump into a girl that’s grabbing a beer. I’ve never seen her before. She takes a big swig of beer and then turns around and scans the crowd as I do. I was going to go introduce myself when she starts to walk away.

Alex and the band are playing already and I look to see him. He amazes me. Won Isabel’s heart in a matter of years and he still has it. But comparing Isabel and Tess is like comparing football and golf. Two different things entirely. Maybe I should just go up to Tess and do it now. Maybe I should stay here and get another beer. The latter of the two ideas won out and I down another beer. I look for Tess again and didn’t see her. I heard Alex’s special riff and knew that Isabel was here. Well I guess I could go meet up with the others. I’ll ask Tess to marry me when it gets darker. Yeah. That’s what I’ll do.

I cross the crowd and make it over to the group when I notice the new girl. She’s talking to Isabel and Isabel is just glaring. Oh god the girl at the beer table is Maria’s friend, Liz. I better save her before Isabel shoots some kind of alien voodoo at her. I don’t know what she did to piss Isabel off so soon but it doesn’t really matter.

“He’s good and Maria’s already told me that he was your boyfriend. Don’t worry about me. I have a steady boyfriend at home.” That’s my opening. I’ll grab her really quickly and give Isabel a chance to recover from whatever has her in her mood.

“Oh, that’s too bad.” I say just behind her. She turns around and looks at me and I can almost see her roll her eyes. I wonder what she’s thinking. I figured she would introduce herself but she doesn’t and I don’t want to presume that this is Liz so I ask Maria, “Is this who you were telling me about Maria?” I look her over up and down. She’s got possibilities and I think she would be the perfect match for Max. See that’s how I found out that Tess and Max weren’t an item. If they were why would Maria be setting up with the new girl.

Maria starts the introductions. “Kyle. I’d like you to meet, Liz. Liz Parker this is Kyle Valenti and forgive him he usually doesn’t act this way.” She looks at Maria and then back at me. She holds her hand out for me to shake it and at the moment I take her hand in mine I realize that this is the woman that has turned my life around. She’s the reason I now know that I can truly have Tess as mine. I mere handshake wouldn’t do so I lean over and kiss the back of her hand.

I look up at her and then tug on her for a few reasons. One Isabel is still giving her the death look and two; I have to thank her properly for coming into my life. I pull her and call back to her saying, “Come on. Let’s dance.” We move deeper into the middle of the crowd with all intents and purpose of dancing with her. I’m moving really quickly because I don’t want Tess to see me with her. I’m hoping that the masses will hide us and it will give Isabel some time to cool off.

“Kyle, slow down; you’re going to make me spill my beer.” I turn around and take the cup from her and throw it to the ground. She needed a new one anyway and we were halfway to the beer table.

“There, now you don’t have to worry about the beer anymore. Come on Liz dance with me.” I take both her hands and we start dancing. “So, where’s your boyfriend?” I ask her. She had told Isabel not to worry about her because she had a boyfriend. Surely Maria would have checked that out before she even thought about hooking her up with Max. But we never really know when it comes to Maria and the things she does.

“Umm. Back home.” I really don’t believe that she has a boyfriend and I want to ask her more but I see how unsure she is about herself and decide against.

“Well then I would have to say that you don’t have a boyfriend. Back home doesn’t constitute as having a boyfriend. I can guarantee it that he’s not thinking about you on a Friday night.” I continue to dance in hopes of her feeling a little more comfortable with the idea of being new.

“So. Tell me about you.” She asks me as we continue to dance. “Where’s back home for you and who did you leave behind?” Great… I hated being the one to answer the questions because if I were to slip it would really be the death of us all. Literally.

“Roswell, New Mexico is back home and no I didn’t leave anyone back there.” I smile at her and hoped that she didn’t notice that I didn’t give her too much information. It wasn’t about me it was about her.

“So, did you meet Isabel, Alex and Maria in Roswell or did you meet them here?” Great, she didn’t take the hint that I didn’t like to answer questions. She’s swaying to the beat of the music that the band was playing and finally thought of what to tell her.

“I’ve known Maria and Alex for like forever. We didn’t become friends with Isabel, Michael, Max and Tess until our sophomore year in high school. We’re inseparable now.” Phew, that wasn’t so bad.

Maybe if we quit dancing she won’t ask any more questions. I look down at her and ask, “I’m going to go get a beer do you want another one,” just as the music ended. She had spaced out for a moment but the minute I asked she came back from where ever she was.

“Sure. I’ll go with you.” I’m afraid to look back to see if she was following me or not. I was beginning to think that she wasn’t until I heard her say, "Wouldn’t it be easier if we just move the group over here that way we wouldn’t have to cut through all these people? This is my second trip through the masses.” She’s kind of funny. I have to admit that.

“You know, Parker I’m glad that you’re here.” In more way than one but I don’t tell her that. “They just don’t seem to understand the importance of being close to the beer table.” Probably because they can’t hold their alcohol but I’m going to tell her that either. “Maybe with the two of us we could get them to change.” I look back over my shoulder at her and smile. She smiles back so I turn back around and run right smack dab into the middle of no other… Max and Tess. Great. Just great. I was hoping to avoid her.

“Hey man. We are all over there. We’ll be there in a minute. We’re just getting another beer. You guys want anything?” They both shake their head no. I saw the small flinch at my question but then they realized that I was with someone. Tess realized and she latched onto Max as if he were her life preserver. Damn. She pushes him on. I guess I blew it. I pull Liz on so we can reach the beer table.

We get our beer and I head back to where the group was. We don’t talk much maybe she realizes something happened when we met Max and Tess. I should have introduced her to them. What kind of fool am I? The crowd clears and I see that the group is all there. Everyone paired together. Maria was reaming Max and Tess out for something. I can only assume that it’s because they are acting like the perfect couple.

They all stop and stare. I would have to say that the odds are in Liz’s favor. The usual suspects are giving us their glare but I wouldn’t expect anything less.

“So, Kyle. Where’s your girlfriend? Everyone seems to be taken but you. What gives?” I turn to look at her and she’s smiling at me. Nervously I might say. I can only imagine what she’s thinking. I would be thinking the exact same thing if I were in her shoes. She probably assumes that she’s here to be my date.

I want to give her some idea that I’m taken already so I blurt out, “I’m a mover and a shaker and I haven’t found the right girl just yet.” Yet being the key word. Well, maybe it wasn’t that key. I’ve found my girl but she hasn’t so much as found me. We come up to the group and Maria starts her spiel.

“Hey. Okay. We are all here. Guys, this is Liz Parker. Liz this is the gang. Isabel, Alex, Max, Tess and this handsome man; is my man Michael.”

I’m a little hurt when I hear Tess say, “Come on Max. Let’s go dance.” I understand where it is all coming from but that doesn’t mean that it makes me feel any better about her wanting to leave with Max.

I look to Max and have to smile. He’s rooted to his spot. He’s not going to budge. “Tess, you’re being rude.” He says to her. I had to agree that she was kind of being rude. She had a way of doing that every now and again. She crosses her arm and I can see her foot begin to tap. She’s not a happy camper.

Alex asks the first question. “Where are you from?”

“Connecticut.” She pushes a piece of hair behind her ear. It must be a nervous thing. She had to adjust her hat so it was back in place but she looked ready to handle the next question. She answered the questions like we all did. Very vaguely.

“Do you have any brothers or sisters? He asked in the calming voice that I know is one of the reasons Isabel adores him. He just has this whole innocent thing going on and if anyone can make a person feel comfortable while giving away the family secrets it would be Alex. She shakes her head no. She’s an only child. Aren’t we all? Well, except the Evans’ siblings. “What are you majoring in?” Yet another Alex question. Stand back boys and girls, Alex is playing twenty questions.

“I want to be a molecular biologist.” Molecular what? I never did well with the sciences, throw me a piece of pigskin and I will run fifty yards for a touchdown. Put me behind the microscope and I was as lost as the next jock.

“What the hell is that?” Ouch. I wanted to go over to Tess and put a comforting hand on her arm. When she made the comment Max shrugged her off his arm. I could see her going back into her shell just a little. It reminded me of her very first day at West Roswell High.

I was a little surprised when Michael asked, “What made you move to California?” It turned quiet. Really quiet. I look at Liz and she looks scared. I throw my hips into her and she looks up and smiles at me. Again with the hair behind the ear and she finally answers.

“I needed a change of scenery. You know. Get away from the parental units.” Okay, red flags are going up now. She doesn’t look like the type of girl that has had problems with her parents. She looks like the type of girl that has them wrapped around her little finger. I can hear the alien warning signal going off in the back of my mind.

Tess is the first one to react. I don’t know if it has something to do with the fact that Liz wanted to get so far away from a family that probably really loves her or if she’s scared that Liz Parker is here to spy on us? I don’t know but she pulls really hard on Max’s arm and he can’t ignore her any longer. “It was nice meeting you, maybe we can talk later.” She pulls him again and they are gone. It wasn’t the most graceful exit and we all just stare at the two receding figures. I wish it were me that she was pulling. I should’ve grabbed her the first chance I had and proposed right then and there. I’ve had a lot of ‘should haves’ in my life, a person would think that I would have learnt my lesson by now.

“Is she always that bitchy?” Liz asks and I practically give myself whiplash from turning my head too quickly. Everyone starts laughing. I go along with the group not wanting Liz to pick up on anything that I could give away. Yes, Tess was pretty much always that bitchy but I loved her and it took me a long time to get underneath to the real her. The others didn’t know her that well. Well, except for maybe Max but then I want to believe that she keeps the real her from him too. “What?” Liz asks. “What did I say? Maria?” She looks to Maria for help.

I hear Maria say, “Nothing, nothing, just an inside joke. But you’ll get the hang of it.” I look back to where Max and Tess are dancing. It should be me out there right now with her. It should be me being the one that is holding her and letting her duck her head into my shoulder.

“So Liz… Why did you wait so long to transfer? Usually it’s not a good thing to transfer the last semester of your senior year.” Alex asked an interesting question and from the look on Liz’s face she didn’t want to answer that one. She’s not so smart after all now is she? Come on Liz inquiring minds want to know. I realize the change in my thinking quickly and try really hard to push it back because I know it’s just because Tess is pissed off at her. So I should be too. Right? Nope.

“Will you excuse me? I have to find the restroom. I’ll be right back.” She turned and left. We all look at each other and basically shrugged. I look at Isabel and she’s watching Liz like a hawk.

While I was trying to read Isabel’s expression Tess came back and asked, “What the hell is that?”

“What?” Maria asks all innocently.

“Don’t give me that. Her! What’s up with her?” I just love the color of her cheeks when she gets mad. “She bumps into us and rubs her hand all over Max and she leaves. He’s following her. What’s her story?” Tess had her hands on her hips and Maria was matching her move by move.

“Well, if you would have stayed you would have caught everything.” Maria says. I move closer to Tess. I want to show Tess that she’s not alone. I’m on her side and with Maria is on a roll she’ll need each and every last one of us. I don’t think I can recall a time that she was this upset. “What’s it to you anyway? It’s not like you and Max are married.” I looked at Maria. Shock was clearly written on my face. I had to hurry and bury it before anyone caught it.

“You didn’t miss much, Tess.” Michael finally says. He pauses for a brief moment, probably checking to make sure that Maria wasn’t going to swing at him and then continues. “Maria is just jerking your chain. She didn’t tell us anything really. She’s from Connecticut. Only child. Doing her last semester in molecular biology major. That’s it.” Sums everything up real nice and quick. I wonder if any one else is suspicious like me?

“Something isn’t right.” Isabel finally says. I’m not really surprised about her saying something just a little shocked that she took that long

“What do you mean?” Tess asks. I stood back and take it all in. I wanted to know what she thought. It would be interesting. “She’s…” She was having a hard time deciding exactly what was wrong with Liz. I was too but I’m not the one that opened up my mouth.

“Thank you!” Tess blurts out while throwing her hands up in the air. I guess that was enough for her to think that the two of them were on the same wavelength. “There’s something about her I just can’t put my finger on. She’s not Max’s type. She’s too plain, too normal.” I took a small step away from her when she started off listing everything that was Max’s type or I guess I should say what wasn’t. It was perfectly clear that she thought Max’s type was somewhat like her.

“Oh, for god’s sake, you two! She’s perfect.” Maria blurts out as she turns to Isabel to continue her rant. “Do you enjoy him sitting at home doing nothing?” Him being Max. The dude stayed home more than any of us. Even Alex had more of a social life than Max did. “Have you ever thought about what it must be like for him to be alone? For once in your life you guys need to quit thinking about yourselves and think about him. He’s done everything for you guys and I’ve never heard you say thanks to him. He didn’t ask to be the leader. He never once asked what about me.” Maria was on her soapbox. There was something between Max and her that none of us could ever figure out, some kind of buddy thing. Maria’s heart went out to Max and she was going to make sure that he was just as happy as the rest of us.

She then turns her wrath on Tess. It didn’t really surprise me that much. I had a feeling it was coming sooner or later. “And you,” she jabs a finger in Tess’ direction. Maria’s the only one of us that has ever had the nerve to stand up to the hybrids. I definitely wouldn’t be pulling this much for some new chick. I say let her run. Leave out in the cold. Don’t mess with our group. We’re fine just the way we are. But not Maria. She speaks her mind when there is something worth speaking. “You don’t help matters either. If you would just ask Kyle out, Max would be free to get a girlfriend of his own.” Excuse me. I look at Tess and almost drop dead right where I’m standing. She’s looking back at me. “But no! You have to keep on pretending. We all know you want Kyle.” She turns to me. I take a step back. The glare from her is practically piercing me. I can’t take it. I know I’m going to crack. I feel like telling her off but I know better. I didn’t say a single word about Liz. I may have thought it but at least I didn’t say anything. I kissed her hand… I took her dancing… we made a beer run. “We all know you want Tess so enough of the games and just get it over with!” I feel the heat rising in my cheeks. I’m so embarrassed and all the beer that I drank before has now completely worn off. I’m relieved when she grabs Michael and they leave.

One by one the group leaves and I’m standing there with Tess and we are all alone. She looks at me and I can’t help but smile at her. Now is my chance. The moment I’ve been waiting for. No time like the present to act on my feelings. “So, you like me.” I do that thing with my eyebrows that makes her laugh and I can see the sparkle in her eyes and the blush color in her cheeks. I can’t believe it’s out in the open.

“I do not like you.” She says. I can see that she’s teasing me. She’s embarrassed. She doesn’t need to be. I take a step closer to her.

“Do you want to go get busy?” I ask with a little bit of huskiness in my voice. I guess that’s what women call it when a man’s voice gets all breathy and low.

She looks like she is actually thinking about it. Oh god… I didn’t mean it like that. I was just joking and then she begins to speak. “What about Liz? You guys looked kind of cozy earlier.” Ahhh she’s jealous. That makes my heart do all these weird kind of flip flops. Maybe it’s my stomach.

“Liz… Liz who?” I do my best to make her realize that Liz means nothing to me. I hold out my hand to her and hope that she takes it. I urge her forward just a little bit more and plead with my eyes as well. “Come on Tess. Maria’s right. We’ve wasted too much time playing around. Let Max take care of Liz.” She’s not going to take my hand so I grab at her arm and pulls her to me. She’s close enough to kiss but that’s for later. I whisper to her hoping that it will get the needed effect. “Besides there is something that I want you to see.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

TBC

Who's next? Take a guess. Well, you'll just have to wait. Look for another part on Wednesday... Maybe sooner if my incentive is there... You know who you are. Love all the great feedback as always and please keep it coming...

Thanks again!

[ edited 1 time(s), last at 6-Jul-2002 1:50:25 PM ]
posted on 9-Jul-2002 10:45:33 AM by Bordersinsanity
SciFiNut111 – Glad you liked Kyle… Just one more recap before we move along to later into the night. You’ll be able to finally see what Tess’ answer is in Part 5. Hope you like… TTYL. Thanks for the shameless bump… Yes, we’ll pretend that it’s Wednesday… Just for you!

AvengingAngelIQ – Well, once you realize the method behind the maddness you’ll understand the reason for Kyle proposing to Tess. Where’s an evil laugh when I need one? UGH! Oh well you get the idea…{insert evil laugh here}

You’re absolutely right on who’s next… Part 5 – TESS

woodwinds – Oh, to be young again and to be home for the summer from college. How I miss the days…

Nope, not Max. Not yet. Look for him in Part 7… Alex and Isabel afterwards. I’m putting them off because they are so hard to write for me. If I had my choice I wouldn’t use them but then if I don’t use them the story would be missing some serious action. So… I’ve moved them to the back of the line up.

He doesn’t really know the meaning behind his words. “Let Max help Liz.” But maybe I had some reason for him saying them… Who knows? Only you can find little things like that.

The gang does knows something is up. Who knows it could be that it’s been too quiet for too long or that Liz is just sending out this weird kind of vibe so to speak. Just like our little group, Liz doesn’t like change. It brings attention to the fact that she’s not all there.

Look for Part 5 – TESS this afternoon… If I’m lucky to get it up by then. If not, it’ll be tomorrow morning.

Thanks for the great feedback as always.

miss dreamergal – Thanks for the feedback… and welcome to my world… Hope you continue to enjoy the ride.

Pathos – I really started to love Kyle more and more in the dreaded Season 3… just wished that he had a significant other. I totally understand where you’re coming from and I think the secrets that everyone is keeping is compounding the situation a little bit.

You won’t have to wait too much longer before we start to move away from this party scene. I think I’ve walked just about every angle possible. One more part and then we’ll start to move on. I promise.

Thanks for the great feedback and I hope you can hang in there just a little bit longer. Look for the next part later today or first thing in the morning.

BelevnDreamsToo – Thanks for the feedback and I can only hope that I can continue to meet your expectations. Unfortunately Alex and Isabel are way down the list on POV parts. I love them as a couple but they are way down on my favorite list…

Dreamer first and foremost, then I would have to say… Kyle is my next favorite. And then Maria and I guess with her you have to have Michael. And of course theres (cough, cough… gag…) Tess which I don’t know why I added her to this fic but I’m taking care of her right away so I don’t have to deal with her anymore… Phew… you’ll see in this next part.

Thanks for the feedback again and I hope you hang around to see what’s going to happen next.

Eccentric One – yes, Tess is next. And I hope it will be the only part that she will be in. Well for the most part. Hmmm… Well, you will get to see a brief part of what happens when they are out on the dance floor but you’ll only really know what is going on when we get to another Max POV. Hmm… Lets see I think you’ll find out sometime next week… Early next week. That sounds about right.

The feedback is just wonderful from everyone and if I had the entire fic written I would post a part everyday but I don’t so I have to slowly disperse them.

So if there is ever a time that you just have to know. Bmail me and I’ll see if I want the plot to be leaked or not. There’s only a few people that actually know what is going on and if you want to know. I would consider letting you into that small group.

I would love to answer your questions. They are all really good but I don’t want to ruin it for anyone else… so… you know what to do.

I do the exact same thing at work too… great minds think alike. HEHE…

Look for Part 5 – TESS later today or first thing in the morning.

Thanks again for the feedback. Hope you’re having a great day at work. I’m working on Part 7 right now…

the better twin – Hehe! You’re too funny… You’ll never, and I mean never read one of my fics where Max and Tess are together… UGH! God no! Absolutely not! Not in my vocabulary… All will be revealed in later Parts… Unfortunately the part that I think everyone is waiting for is roughly mapped out being Part 11… so, yeah… we’re not even halfway there yet.

Hang in there and I look forward to your feedback on Part 5.

roswellluver – Yes, the whole point of bringing in Kyle… He’s definitely not a bad choice to have as a distraction. Thanks for the feed back and I hope you enjoy part 5.

Lisa1783 – look at what a little bmail can do… Hello! Welcome to my world… HEHE! I’m glad you stopped by and I hope you stay. Thanks for the feedback and I’ll chat with you later.

Dreamy – So many new faces this time around. I’m glad you are loving it. I was a little worried about the repetitiveness but it seems to be working out really well… Yes, Kyle’s actions are somewhat mistaken by the others. He just doesn’t seem to think like the others. What can I say… he’s Kyle. Gotta love him…

Thanks for the feedback and I look forward to hearing from you on part 5.

Angela35 – Well, not yet… LOL! No. I wouldn’t do that to him. I love him almost as I love Max and Liz… Yes, I loved the Kyle asking Michael for help on clothes. I just couldn’t help myself on that one. I wanted to show that the group really was more like a family than just this mix of friends that are together because their lives depend on it.

Hate to disappoint you on the POV but Isabel’s not next. And it really amazes me that everyone wants to read her so bad. I wonder why? Is it because she’s so hard to read? Or is it just her front that she puts forth? Who knows? I only hope that by the time I get to her I know what’s she’s thinking… UGH! Yes, she’s not mapped out just yet. She’s always been one of my background cast members… and I’m dreading her.

Thanks for you feedback and look for more later today or first thing in the morning.

Spicy trini1 – Thanks… Yes, I’m only hoping that the tramp won’t break his heart… He deserves to be happy and if he thinks he can find it with her more power to him.

You’ll see what really happens in part 6 only one more part until then. Woohoo!

What’s Liz’s problem I don’t think she really knows but you’ll find out some in part 6… Hang in there. It’s about to get bumpy.

So you like To Forget any luck on The Stand yet? Can’t wait to see what you think… Anyway. The new part will be out later today or first thing in the morning…





I’ve seem to have lost my incentive to a mini vacation… She’s gone but everyone else has been just fabulous and I just might post it for you guys… How’s that sound?


Thanks for all the wonderful feedback… Part 5 – TESS will be posted this afternoon just for YOU!




posted on 9-Jul-2002 2:36:19 PM by Bordersinsanity
I'm not too happy with this part but I just had to do it... When in doubt get rid of your problem child right off the bat... HEHE! You'll understand once you've read it. Thanks for all the great feedback. You all are so awesome!

On with the story.


Title: Long To Be – TESS
Author: Borders InSaNiTy
E-mail: BordersInSaNiTy⊕yahoo.com
Rating: R (language)
Category: AU – Alternating POV’s – Dreamer based as always. Is there anything other than that?
Disclaimer: I own NOTHING that pertains to Roswell. Just wish I did…
Summary: Liz finds herself in unfamiliar territory with no memory on how she got there. It’s not the first time she’s ended up in new surroundings and it probably won’t be the last. She finally finds out how long she has been there and is instantly thrown into a party where she meets the rest of Maria’s gang. What do they think of the new girl?
Author’s Note: Okay… I know this sounds lame but I have to tell you how I came up with this idea. I was sitting at home watching MTV2 and saw the video Faithless by Injected. Many of you have probably seen it, it’s in the top twenty and was at number three (week 4/13)… so anyway… The one scene that popped out at me is where the guy is dancing with a girl and another girl in the white shirt and hat walks past and grabs the guy’s attention. That one scene is what made me write this fic. I know… you’re saying I have to be crazy to do it. What am I going to do once I’ve written the scene my way…? Good question and I didn’t really know until I wrote the Prologue… I have the next few parts already written so just keep in mind to give it a chance… thanks in advance for hanging in there. I know that you will since there was so many that hung in there with Too Bad… Love you all! I only hope you will like it. Let me know if I should continue. Okay enough rambling and on with the story…

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*


could you be lost
are you so free,
do you long to be
when the sun goes down, do you feel that feel when no ones near you
you know it's such a mystery how you washed up over me
I couldn't breathe, and I couldn't speak, lest I drown

but it's my kind
I'll never be cruel and I'll always play the fool
to be as loveless, as shameless as you.
but I'm so blind
I'll do it again I feel your eyes sink in
so faithless as you've been.

yes I'm so lost
I am not free but I long to be
when life goes down, do you feel as though you're gonna drown
you're going down
you're gonna drown
you're going down

but it's my kind
I'll never be cruel and I'll always play the fool
to be as loveless, as shameless as you.
but I'm so blind
I'll do it again I feel your eyes sink in
so faithless as you've been.

yes I'm so lost
I am not free
yes I'm so lost
but I long to be
but I long to be
but I long to be


Faithless by Injected

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*


PART 5

We were all standing in our little group when her and Kyle walked up. Kyle… what was I going to do? He was smiling like I haven’t seen him smile in such a long time and it was all because of her. I like it when he wears his wranglers and that dark blue shirt just makes me weak in the knees. Anyway… I looked around the group and see that there weren’t too many people that didn’t feel the same way about her as I do. We didn’t like outsiders and she was definitely an outsider.

Maria and Alex liked her almost instantly. Go figure. They didn’t have anything to worry about not like us. Outsiders were a threat to us not to them. I looked at Max and he was smiling too. I couldn’t believe it. I latch onto him even tighter for two reasons. Reason number one: He didn’t want to seem like he was available. I can do the jealous girlfriend act till I’m blue in the face. Reason number two: I wanted Kyle to be jealous.

I know, I know. If Kyle hasn’t acted jealous yet why do I think he’s going to act jealous now. Never mind. That’s a whole other ordeal.

The questions begin. You know the standard ones. Where are you from? Do you have any brothers or sisters? What are you majoring in? What made you move to California? You know the standard questions that always get asked when you are new in town. But the standard ones are never the important ones, there not the ones that are going to help us. It would look a little obvious if we went around asking everyone if they were part of the FBI or if they knew someone that was. It would look a little obvious if we asked if the Alien Hunter Special Division sent her to spy on us. When the first question hits the air I grabbed Max by the sleeve and pulled him out to where everyone was dancing. “Come on Max. Let’s go dance.”

He’s rooted to his spot. He’s not going to budge. “Tess, you’re being rude.” He says to me. Me… rude? I don’t do rude. Do I? No. I quit pulling on him and sulk. This is great. I have to stand here and watch everyone go ga-ga over some stranger. UGH!

Get this she’s from Connecticut. What’s in Connecticut? I have no idea. She’s majoring in Molecular Biology. “What the hell is that?” Oops I said that out loud. I hide behind Max.

She looks at me and proceeds to tell me that Molecular Biology is exactly what it says. “It’s the study of molecules.” Well, duh. Max shakes my hand off his arm. He’s impressed with the girl. Figures.

Michael asks his question. “What made you move to California?” Yeah, why’d you move? Inquiring minds want to know. She looks at everyone and we are all waiting for the answer. She looks like she’s a deer caught in the high beams of an automobile.

“I needed a change of scenery. You know. Get away from the parental units.” What? Who moves from one side of the country to the other just to get away from their parents? She doesn’t know how lucky she is to have parents. Just ask me or Michael. We never had any. I pull again on Max’s arm and he ignores me. So I pull a little harder and he reluctantly comes. I hear him say. “It was nice meeting you, maybe we can talk later.” I pull him one more time and he follows me.

We’re out in the middle of the crowd and I glare at him. “What?” He asks.

“Don’t give me what. It was nice meeting you, maybe we can talk later.” I mimic him. “What the fuck was that?”

“I was just being nice, Tess. There’s nothing wrong with being nice. What’s up with you?” He says to me. I had to admit. No matter who talked to Max he was always polite to them. Always the gentleman.

“Well, you do remember that you didn’t want to seem available and under no circumstances did you want to be hooked up with this girl. Right?” I don’t think that’s the case any longer. I’ve known him long enough to know when he’s not interested. Believe me I’ve seen it enough times I’ve even seen it when it’s been pointed directly at me. He’s interested. It’s only a matter of time before he crumbles.

“Yeah…” He turns back to the group and looks at them. I follow his gaze. They are all laughing. “I wonder what’s so funny?” He asks.

“Do you want to go back there?” I ask. I could tell that he was interested. It wasn’t really fair of me to drag him out here but until he told me differently then I was going to save him from his own worst enemy. Himself.

“No, no. I don’t want to even know. What I don’t know won’t hurt me. Let’s just dance.” He says. Yeah, sure, Max. Whatever you say.

We dance and now it’s me that can’t keep my eyes off of her. Kyle is so close to her it’s killing me. “Keep your hands off her.” I say as if Kyle can hear me.

“What?” Max asks.

“Nothing. Does she have to act all innocent and all? God. What does he seen in her?” I keep on spewing my thoughts about the group. I can’t believe this is happening. Sure we all know that Maria likes to play matchmaker but I can guarantee you that this wasn’t the match that she was hoping to make. Liz Parker was definitely meant for Max. Any of us could see it. Max was showing interest in a girl for the first time in his life here on Earth.

I wonder what Maria is thinking right now. Max is out here and Liz is there. I duck my head back into Max. Maria glared at me. Great. I’ve been made. She knows that I pulled Max out here just to get him away from the new girl.

“What are you doing?” He asks me.

“Maria, she’s spotted me staring. I think she knows what we’re doing out here.” I look up at him and he has this smile that just warms my being. Yeah, I know. He doesn’t want me like that. I have to agree that I don’t want him like that either. But the smile is just to die for. Ask any girl between the ages of sixteen and forty they will all say the same thing. ‘Max Evans is a hunk.’

Let me give you a little background. There are four of us. Yep, Michael, Isabel, Max and I. We aren’t from around here. We come from the planet Antar in a galaxy far, far away. We were sent here to escape from being captured. The kicker is that we have all lived before. Yep. We died in our previous life and so our families thought it would be a good idea to reincarnate us into humans. Well we aren’t full humans but are hybrids. On the outside we look like we are normal. Even on the inside everything is normal except our blood. We haven’t figured out why only our blood is different. Max is still working on that. But anyway… getting back to what I was talking about.

Max and I were married in our previous life. Isabel was betrothed to Michael. Max and Isabel were brother and sister and still are. They were both adopted into the same family so they were safe and able to grow up as siblings. Michael and I had it a little bit tougher. His foster father used to beat him but not anymore. He came up missing and Michael was emancipated at the age of seventeen. He’s got it made now. He doesn’t have anyone to answer to. Well, unless you count Deluca

I grew up with our protector, Nasedo. He despised the humans more than anyone I knew. He was killed our junior year. I was shuffled into Kyle’s house. I look back now and wish I had gotten my own place. That’s why Kyle and I don’t date. We’ve done the family thing. You know. I love ya like a sister type of thing. Yeah, if you wanted a sister you better keep on looking.

Anyway. Here we are. It’s been quiet for some time now. I look up at Max and he’s staring over at the group. “Oh, no…” He says.

“What?” I follow his gaze and begin to panic.

“She’s coming this way.” He’s getting all weird on me.

“So… act normal.” I tell him. I put my hands on his shoulders and we continue to sway to the music. He’s looking anywhere but where she is coming from.

We get bumped into. Yep you guessed it. Little Ms. Parker bumps into us. “Excuse me.” She says as she rubs a hand across Max’s back and down his arm. I stare at her and she doesn’t even notice. I look at Max and he doesn’t even see me. He’s too busy staring at her, goofy grin and all. I look back at Liz and she continues her way through the crowd. She pauses and looks back. She looks anything but happy. She looks almost scared. Like she’s running away from someone. She looks like we’ve looked like. I’ve seen that look a thousand times in my lifetime. I’ve seen it on my friend’s faces.

“I’ve gotta go, Tess.” He lets me go and follows after her.

I grab hold of his arm and say, “I thought you didn’t want to have anything to do with her.”

“So did I… but…” He stopped in mid sentence and looked around for her. Not being able to visibly see her he ran in the direction that he had last seen her.

“Max!” He didn’t bother turning around until he was at the top of the hill. He turned to scan the crowd and when he made eye contact with me a small shiver ran its course through my body. The worried expression that he wore on his face was eerie. Why this slip of a girl cause such a reaction in him I had no idea. He was looking to me for help but I couldn’t. I shrugged my shoulders and he turned back around and disappeared over the top of the hill. The minute he was out of site the shiver left my body and I realized that I had wrapped my arms around myself hoping to warm myself.

So here I am standing in the middle of the crowd while the band is playing a slow song and I’m alone. Great. Where’s a guy that wants to jump my bones when I need one. Well, I’m not standing here any longer. I might as well go get the evil eye of Deluca before her storm brews any longer.

“What the hell is that?” I ask when I get back to them.

“What?” Maria asks all innocently.

“Don’t give me that. Her! What’s up with her? She bumps into us and rubs her hand all over Max and she leaves. He’s following her. What’s her story?” Since we left before all the dirt was spilt, I didn’t get to catch the real scoop.

“Well, if you would have stayed you would have caught everything.” Maria says. “What’s it to you anyway? It’s not like you and Max are married.” I don’t know why we let her walk all over us. I could just get rid of her with a touch of a hand. Life would be better. Michael wouldn’t be as moody and we wouldn’t have to take orders from a human.

“You didn’t miss much, Tess.” Michael finally says. He knows that if he doesn’t intercept us that we will be throwing down pretty soon. Maria isn’t my favorite. In fact I don’t see what Michael sees in her in the first place. “Maria is just jerking your chain. She didn’t tell us anything really. She’s from Connecticut. Only child. Doing her last semester in molecular biology major. That’s it.” I rethink my earlier thought. He loves her and he would be even moodier if anything happened to her. But still…

“Something isn’t right.” Isabel says.

“What do you mean?” I ask her wanting to know if she had the same feeling about her as I did. Although I’m beginning to have second thoughts about Liz myself because of how Max reacted. That look he had when he was at the top of the hill flashed before my eyes again and I wondered if he didn’t knew something that the rest of us didn’t know. What was it about her? I just couldn’t put my finger on it but I knew there just had to be something.

Isabel trusted new people as much as I did and trusted them even less when they showed interest in her brother. “She’s…” It was somewhat of a phenomenon when Isabel didn’t have the right word. That never happens but I knew what she was getting at. We were on the same wavelength. We just didn’t know how to express it. I wonder if she was getting some kind of vibe from Max. Maybe that was the cause of her paranoia?

“Thank you!” I say with a little bit more enthusiasm than I meant to. “There’s something about her I just can’t put my finger on.” I was voicing my thoughts, which seemed to be happening quite a lot tonight. She’s affected us all and it’s really weird. “She’s not Max’s type. She’s too plain, too normal.” Yeah, that sounded good. But I knew it was too good to be true. Maria would definitely have something to say about it.

“Oh, for god’s sake, you two! She’s perfect.” Maria blurts out. I knew it. She can’t let us have the last word. I want to put her in her place but she’s too busy giving us the riot act. “Do you enjoy him sitting at home doing nothing? Have you ever thought about what it must be like for him to be alone? For once in your life you guys need to quit thinking about yourselves and think about him. He’s done everything for you guys and I’ve never heard you say thanks to him. He didn’t ask to be the leader. He never once asked what about me.” It’s a good thing that she has to breathe otherwise she probably could continue her rant for all of eternity. I switch my footing and cross my arms to show her that I just didn’t care what she was saying. She was human and had no say in the way we treated each other.

What Max did during his free time was his problem, not mine. Nobody told him what to do. Nobody.

She turns her wrath on me. “And you,” she points her finger at me and continues with more ferociousness than I have ever seen. I stand up taller; I didn’t want her to think that I was scared of her. I wasn’t actually scared of her I was scared of the influence she had on the others. I don’t really know how it happened or when, but when she says something they all take it to heart. She can be ferocious like me. Most the time we never agree on anything, we just walk away from each other with the matter not resolved. “You don’t help matters anyway. If you would just ask Kyle out Max would be free to get a girlfriend of his own. But no! You have to keep on pretending. We all know you want Kyle.” Great, I don’t even want to see the look on Kyle’s face.

She turns to Kyle. “We all know you want Tess so enough of the games and just get it over with!” She throws her hands up in the air and grabs Michael by the arm and drags him off into the throngs of the student body.

“Well our next number is up. Do you want to come with me?” Alex takes his cue to leave as well. He’s looking at Isabel I can only imagine what those two will be talking about. I’m screaming inside my head to Isabel. ‘Please don’t go!’ But she doesn’t hear me. Great. Remind me that Maria needs to be taught a lesson. I can’t believe she just said that. She’s blown my cover and I’m still not able to look at Kyle. I wonder what he’s thinking. I wonder if… wait. Did Maria say that Kyle wants me too? Oh my god! Should I look? I don’t want to look but I have to.

I hear Isabel say, “Sure.” I begin to protest but realize it would do no good. Isabel never did anything that I wanted her to do anyway. I watch as the last of my salvation leaves when Alex loops his arm around Isabel and the two disappear into the crowd.

I look at Kyle. “So, you like me?” He wiggles his eyebrows up and down as he asks me his question.

“I do not like you.” I protest to him. I can feel the heat rising in my cheeks. I’m so embarrassed. I’m so going to kill Maria the minute I can get her alone.

“Do you want to go get busy?” He asks. I don’t know how to take him. He’s just taking me as an easy mark or does he actually like me?

I think about what he just asked me. And wage my options. What the hell, go for it. I’m not getting any younger and I know that there isn’t going to be anyone else that I can relate to so I go with the flow. “What about Liz? You guys looked kind of cozy earlier.” Nothing wrong with making a guy squirm.

“Liz… Liz who?” He smiles at me. “Come on Tess. Maria’s right. We’ve wasted too much time playing around. Let Max take care of Liz.” He grabs hold of my arm and pulls me close to him. Will he kiss me? I hope he kisses me. Please kiss me. “Besides there is something that I want you to see.” Well, I guess the night is still young. The kiss can come later. Maybe there will be more.

“Okay.” I couldn’t believe he just came out and said that. Remind me to thank Maria when I see her next. Thank you! We walk off. I thought we would be going to his car but instead he’s pulling me further into the golf course. “Where are you taking me?” I ask as I stop and wait for him to answer.

“It’s a surprise.” He holds out his hand to me and there’s just something in his eyes that are pleading to me to take it. What if I don’t? Would I ruin the chance of us actually beginning to be a couple? I don’t want to take that chance so I take his hand and he smiles at me. His eyes are sparkling in the moonlight and I’m happy that I took his hand. I’m happy because this feels so right. I’m happy because this is the beginning for us.

As we make our way to lord knows where Kyle is taking me I begin to look around for signs of Max and don’t see him. Surely someone will tell him not to wait for me. Surely.

We walk in a comfortable silence. I would think that there would be some kind of awkwardness after Maria’s blatant statement but there isn’t. I lean into him without realizing it and he loops his arm around me. The warmth off his body warms me to the very core. I can’t believe I’m doing this, that we are doing this. I look up at him and he looks down at me. He’s smiling. I’ve never seen him act this way. “What?” I ask him and he blushes just a little bit more.

“Nothing. I’m just looking at you. Do you have a problem with that?” I pull away from him and we stop. I put my hands on my hips and give him a look. I figure he’d give me a hard time so I was ready myself.

“What if I do? What are you going to do with me?” I would have never guessed that this night would be like this. That Kyle and I would be here all by ourselves and it would be good. Well, I have dreamt of it but I never thought it would happen.

He doesn’t answer me. He just grabs me and pulls me to him. He grabs my face and we kiss. I lose my mind during the entire kiss and I have a hard time gathering myself when he pulls away. I feel my lips searching for more. And when I finally open my eyes to look at him I can’t hold back. I grab his face and kiss him like he did me. The tingling sensation that flows through my body feels wonderful. The force of my kiss must have caught him off balanced because we fall to the ground. His arms instantly wrap around my body and he rolls me over so he is now on top of me.

“Tess,” he kisses me on my neck. “I love you.” He continues to kiss me as he speaks. Between every sentence he kisses me. “I’ve been blind. And you haven’t helped matters either.” He’s now looking at me. Doesn’t he know that when two people make out that there usually isn’t much room for conversation?

He slowly gets up and I’m frozen. I can’t move. I’m wondering if he was able to read my mind and I’ve offended him now. He holds his hand out to me and I slowly reach up and take it. He hasn’t said anything to me and I’m wondering if I should break the ice. But I don’t. I’m such a chicken.

He pulls me and I follow him. We don’t speak and before I know it we’ve crossed a bridge and I see that there is a blanket laid out as well as radio. I look at him and he just smiles and says, “Just wait. Only a few more minutes and you’ll understand everything.”

I smile back and still don’t say anything. He’s busy rearranging everything and he gets back up and sits me down on top of the blanket. The radio starts playing and he lights a few candles that have been scattered haphazardly around the blanket. I start to say something but he stops me by holding up a single finger. “Not yet. Just give me one more second.”

He leads me to the blanket and sits me down. He kneels down before me and he looks me in the eye as he takes hold of my hand. “I’ve been blind for so long that it took Maria, Alex and Isabel to set me straight. I don’t know your reasons for doing what you and Max have been doing and I don’t really care. All that matters is that I know and just the thought of you liking me the way I like you sends my heart soaring.” I’m looking up into his eyes. He’s so sincere and his hand is shaking in mine. “I love you, Tess and this isn’t the way that I wanted tonight to go but I’m not going to wait for another night because with our luck all hell could break loose and we would never get to know.”

“Kyle…” He stops me from asking what this is all about. I’ve never seen him act this way and its kind of scaring the hell out of me.

“Shh… don’t interrupt. I may not get the nerve to do this. I know this is sudden and I know you deserve someone better than me.” What was he getting to? What was he going to do? He reached into his pocket and then looked me straight in the eye.

“I love you, Tess and I know I haven’t acted like I do but I really do. I love you and I’ve realized that for all the time I’ve spent trying to get out of the alien abyss, the reason that I couldn’t was because I would have to leave you. I don’t want to leave you. I want to spend the rest of my life getting to know the real you. Not the you that you show us. Not the you that Max knows. But you. I’ve thought about it and I know that it's a little weird to do it this way but after hours and hours of meditating with Buddha I’ve realized that the only way that I will ever be happy is if I do this. So…” he straightened and gave me a quick kiss on the lips before he continued. “Will you marry me?”

I shook my head slightly. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. “Excuse me?” Did he just ask me to marry him?

“You can say no if you want to. Just give me the chance for you to get to know me. For me to get to know the real you.” I could slap him. He was all ready for me to say no. But I wasn’t so sure I wanted to say no.

“What did you ask?” I wanted to hear it again. Just one more time. I’ve never been asked before and I think I like it.

“Will you marry me?” He tried to let loose of my hand but I gripped it harder. I didn’t want him to take away his touch. The tingling sensation was still flowing between us and my stomach was doing weird things. I weighed all the options of if I said no… and if I said yes. And to be brutally honest I so desperately wanted to say yes.

“We don’t have to get married right away. You know we can see how things go. I know this is kind of rash and unexpected but I’ve thought for the last three weeks when I first found out that you liked me and this was my solution. None of the others made me feel the things that you do when you just look at me. Please. Give us a try before you say no. Please, that’s all I ask. Give us a try, Tess.”

His eyes wrapped me up and took me to another world where things could be normal. What was he really asking me to do? He was wanting to know the real me. He already knew that I wasn’t human, he already knew that I came to Roswell with the sole purpose to find and get Max and he still wanted me. Me. Out of all the normal people in the world he wanted me. I could feel the smile creep across my face but he didn’t see it. He was looking down at my hand that he had slipped the ring onto. “Yes.” I whisper. He looked up at me and I could tell he thought that he had heard it and like me needed me to repeat my answer. “Yes!” I scream for him and for all the world to hear. I launch myself into him and yell, “Yes! Yes… I will marry you.” I kiss him and he envelops me into his embrace and it was the most amazing kiss that I have ever felt.

I felt like me for the first time. I was me. Not some tossed away queen that had been sent to earth to survive until the time to return to her home planet could be saved. I was no longer Ava queen of Antar. I was Tess Harding and Kyle Valenti loved me and wanted me to be with him until the end of time. We began to roll around and we were laughing and before we knew it we had rolled off the little island and were now up to our necks in water.

We laughed louder and louder between our kisses and our actions had caused a small group to come and investigate. When they saw us kissing in the water they started clapping and whooping. This was the greatest night of my life and it was only the beginning for me and Kyle.

He finally came to his senses and he climbed out of the water and grabbed for me. “Come on. If we start now we can be in Vegas by tomorrow afternoon.” I paused with my hand in mid air and looked at him. “I’m not giving you the chance to change your mind.” I grabbed hold of his hand and when I was on dry land I kissed him again.

“What about the others?”

“Forget about them. This is us. We’ll call them later when it’s all said and done. I want this for us. Not for them.” He pulled me behind him and five minutes later we were by his car. As we backed out I remembered that Max had parked beside him when we arrived in his jeep was now gone. I hoped he was all right. I would have to remember to call him later to let him know that I was okay.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*


posted on 9-Jul-2002 9:40:40 PM by Bordersinsanity
Just so everyone knows... That was the last POV for that scene... (I know. I hear y'lls 'Thank God') Hope that helps and you guys have surprised me about liking the Tess POV...

Who would have thought of that...

Dreamy I might be able to do something about them and the Vegas Wedding... I'll try and remember that when I decide to go back to them... I wasn't planning on going into real depth with them after all Max and Liz are the important ones. But I'll see what I can do to pursuade them not to go that far... Maybe it's too long of a drive? Who knows. You'll just have to wait and see.

Thanks for the feedback...
Look for another part sometime this weekend.
posted on 12-Jul-2002 8:36:54 AM by Bordersinsanity
woodwinds – You’re so funny… Let me say it one more time… “Let Max take care of Liz.” Is it still that good of line? Anyway… Thanks for the kind feedback. I think everyone is being too nice. But thank you, again.

I’ll try and post Part 6 sometime today… Hang in there and have a great weekend in case I don’t get to chat with you!

BelevnDreamsToo – Yes that was the beauty of the last two parts. Let’s hope he can find her. Hope you like the next part.

Pathos – I liked that passage too. It just seemed that that’s what it would be like. Tess tried hard when her and Max first met but she finally realized that he wasn’t interested and I thought it fitting that it stays with her. I totally agree with you on the subject of Tess but I think if she were given a chance to be her outside the influence of Nasedo she could have been someone acceptable to the group as a whole.

You might get a chuckle out of this but no matter how wacky your feedback is I totally understand it. I’ve been there many of times. We must be on the same wavelength. LOL… Thanks for the feedback. Look for more sometime today.

AvengingAngelIQ – I’m answering your question again for those that didn’t get a chance to read your bmail. LOL… I am doing a POV for everyone but Part 5 was the last one that was based on that first scene. We’ll start to move a little bit more throughout the night and into the next week with the next few posts. Thanks for the feedback and the bmail.

Dreamy – I have had more chuckles about people not believing that they are actually liking Tess. I can totally understand everyone. I feel the same way, that was probably my reason for my uncertainty with Part 5. I’m still working on the wedding details. You know how long it takes to plan a really good wedding, well; divide that by 50 and that’s what Kyle and Tess is going to get. I hadn’t planned on going into a lot of detail… They’re out of my hair and out of Max and Liz’s… We’ll probably hear what happens when they call.

Thanks for the feedback.

heartless3369 – yes we are getting a Liz POV real soon… Like today! However, we won’t find out what happens over the weekend for a few more parts. Sorry. Thanks for the feedback… TTYL…

roswellluver – Thanks for the feedback. I’m glad too. I couldn’t believe that Kyle just jumped right in there but all is good. They’ll be okay.

Spicy trini1 – Maybe… You’ll find out soon enough… thanks for the feedback. Enjoy your niece. Look for the new part today.

MariaG – I’m glad you hung in there through the whole thing. Liz’s parents are in Connecticut… yes, they are worried for their daughter and no they have no idea where she is. This could be a problem unless Liz can find the time to let them know where she is. Yes, she was dating Sean… but just like her parents he has no idea where she is so we’ll just have to see what will happen with that. Hang in there. I’m glad we’ve worked through our differences. The next part is later today.



Thanks for all those that have been reading this story and for leaving the fabulous feedback. Look for the next part today... before 12:00 (cst)...

Jennifer
posted on 12-Jul-2002 12:18:12 PM by Bordersinsanity
Title: Long To Be – LIZ
Author: Borders InSaNiTy
E-mail: BordersInSaNiTy⊕yahoo.com
Rating: R (language)
Category: AU – Alternating POV’s – Dreamer based as always. Is there anything other than that?
Disclaimer: I own NOTHING that pertains to Roswell. Just wish I did…
Summary: Liz finds herself in unfamiliar territory with no memory on how she got there. It’s not the first time she’s ended up in new surroundings and it probably won’t be the last. We’ve seen how some of the gang has reacted to Liz, let’s find out how and why Liz answered the way she did. Will Max find her? If he does how will she react to him? Hang in there and all will be revealed soon. Hopefully.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*


could you be lost
are you so free,
do you long to be
when the sun goes down, do you feel that feel when no ones near you
you know it's such a mystery how you washed up over me
I couldn't breathe, and I couldn't speak, lest I drown

but it's my kind
I'll never be cruel and I'll always play the fool
to be as loveless, as shameless as you.
but I'm so blind
I'll do it again I feel your eyes sink in
so faithless as you've been.

yes I'm so lost
I am not free but I long to be
when life goes down, do you feel as though you're gonna drown
you're going down
you're gonna drown
you're going down

but it's my kind
I'll never be cruel and I'll always play the fool
to be as loveless, as shameless as you.
but I'm so blind
I'll do it again I feel your eyes sink in
so faithless as you've been.

yes I'm so lost
I am not free
yes I'm so lost
but I long to be
but I long to be
but I long to be


Faithless by Injected

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*


PART 6

And the inquisition begins with Alex’s first question. “Where are you from?” He wouldn’t have been my choice of the one in the group that would be the first to ask a question. Maybe he knows something. I feel my paranoia begin to seep through.

The image of me standing against a bullet-dimpled wall with the seven of them lined up about twenty feet away floats to the front of my mind. They have their sites to their rifles, centered on my small body and their fingers are poised in front of the trigger. I hope that none of them are trigger-happy but I know my luck won’t hold out. My hands are tied and chained above my head and I have this deep-seated feeling that the first wrong answer I give them will end very badly for me. I have no idea why this comes to mind. Maybe it’s because I don’t know what I said to Maria during my episode. Maybe it’s because Tess looks like she won’t even let me answer the first question. Maybe it’s Michael’s evil glare. That alone is telling me I should just turn around and bolt. Maybe it’s Isabel and the frosty chill that is coming off her in waves? Wherever it’s coming from it’s probably a good assumption that I’m not too welcomed into this little group. I’d have to be blind not to see that.

All eyes are on me and I give them the answer that I know. I hope that it’s not incorrect. I hope that it doesn’t clash with another answer that would have been given by my alter ego. “Connecticut.” That’s where I was from. Connecticut. I push a piece of hair back behind my ear out of nervousness but forgot that I was wearing this stupid hat. I wanted to rip it off my head but knew that I would have the noticeable hat head and decided against it. I adjusted it as well as I could and readied myself for the next question.

“Do you have any brothers or sisters? Alex asks the next question as well. I’m actually glad that he’s the one asking them. His body language coupled with the tone of his voice is very relaxing. I shake my head no. I’m afraid that if I say something right now all the comfort that I’ve built up will escape and I will crumble to the ground and curl up into a tight little ball. I wish someone would offer a little information about themselves, instead of it all being about me. “What are you majoring in?” I think he’s on a roll. He must be the reigning champ of twenty questions. I wonder what they would say if I asked him?

I wonder why Maria’s just standing there, leaning against her boyfriend. If she was such a great friend shouldn’t she be coming to my rescue? Maybe not. What about Max? He was smiling at me earlier and I really would like to thank him for keeping Tess abated for the small amount of time that she has been quiet, but I’m afraid that if I show too much interest in him she’ll scratch my eyes out. Let’s see what was the question again… What was I majoring in? “I want to be a molecular biologist.” If I do one thing in this life I want to become a molecular biologist.

The sciences interest me. There’s so much to learn and everything has an answer unlike my life. I’m hoping that maybe there’s some kind of medical reason for what I’m experiencing and maybe… just maybe, I can cure myself. I know… the incredible hulk reincarnated into a 5’2” brunette. I hope not. But anything would be better than what I’m living now. Then again didn’t the guy that was the incredible hulk forget what he did when he was the incredible hulk? Oh, I don’t know. All I know is that I want to get out of here. I knew this was a bad idea. I knew it!

“What the hell is that?” Okay, maybe Max isn’t going to be my hero. I look over at him and see Tess hide behind him even more. I shift my gaze unwontedly toward her and give her my definition of what molecular biology is. I make it simple so that the little blonde bimbo can understand it. I know if I tell her that the definition of molecular biology as it is in Webster’s that there is no way that she would get what that was. So I kept it plan and simple.

“It’s the study of molecules.” And left it at that. I notice that Max shook Tess’ hold off his arm and my stomach began to do those little flutters when I get an image of him without a shirt on. Where did that come from? I wish I knew because I would like to see more of that.

But then again I can’t really expect him to control the words that are coming out of her mouth. I’m just a little bit taken aback by her sudden outburst but since her rude comment earlier I just shook it off. It seemed to be her way, her character. She didn’t trust easily and therefore she was going to make my life a living hell until she did. I don’t want to rock her boat more than what I have already. If I were really on the ball and not so nervous about everything I would have thrown in something really sarcastic like ‘Well, I know there isn’t much you can learn while you’re in your little bubble world but molecular biology is the… you get the picture. There’s no point in me getting upset over her not being smart. I wonder if she’s a cheerleader. Maybe that’s why she’s in college.

I quit glaring at her when Michael asked his question. “What made you move to California?” Oh how I wish he wouldn’t have asked that question. Umm… I don’t know is the first thing I want to tell him. I want to be honest with this group of people no matter how they look at me. I want to feel like I belong. Because as I look the group over I notice that it’s not your average group of friends. You have the rebel and the daily gossiper. You have the homecoming queen with the class nerd and then you have mister sexy yet intelligent with the blonde bimbo. This is the widest mixture of friends that I have ever seen. What I want to know is how does the captain of the football team fit in here. He said that him, Alex and Maria grew up together but surely with him being ‘johnny football game’ and the peer pressure of high school it would have put a damper on that said friendship but here they are. All of them tighter than… well, tighter than Tess’ painted on paints. So to speak. I push the same piece of hair behind my ear but this time I remember the damn hat that I’m wearing and do it without hitting it.

“I needed a change of scenery. You know. Get away from the parental units.” I shake my head up and down and curl my lower lip in and start chewing on it. If they really knew me they would know that I’m lying my ass off but I’m lucky that they don’t know me. I don’t think there’s anyone on this earth that really knows me… Maybe I’m an alien that looks like a human. You know like Species… that movie with that blonde model that can’t really act all that well. Yeah, that one. I can’t act worth a shit either… see the similarities?

I don’t know what I said to make Tess upset but she practically yanks Max’s arm off at the shoulder trying to get out of the discussion. If I had known what would have made her leave I would have done it a few minutes earlier. I look at Max and our eyes lock. They’re trying to tell me something. I just know it. I want to frame his face with my hands and stare deep down inside the depths of them. He’s hiding something, something that he wishes that he could tell me. Or maybe tell someone. “It was nice meeting you, maybe we can talk later.” His voice is like music to my soul. I get all warm and tingly all over. It’s taking everything I have not to just grab his hand and run off with him. Leave all this mess behind. I so want to get to know him. I feel like I know him already. I nod at him and I turn to watch the two of them merge into the masses hand in hand. My heart falls into the black hole that it normally resides.

Even in all the time that I had dated Sean he had never stirred up emotions by a single look in my direction that Max had just did. Nor had he ever made my mind conjure up outlandish fantasies either like Max just did. I’m now angry with Tess for taking Max away from me. I feel the cold emptiness seeping into the depths of my soul and there’s a part of me that is telling me to follow him. Not to let him get away that this was the one that I’ve been waiting for my entire life. But I don’t move and I say, “Is she always that bitchy?”

I didn’t really mean to state it so matter of fact like but I did and the laughter that I received from everyone was a big relief. The tension that was hovering in the air around all of us left when Max and Tess left. Maybe there was something more that I wasn’t in the know, going on in this group. “What?” I ask as I finish off laughing. “What did I say?” I look from face to face and everyone quits laughing. “Maria?” This is the second time that I look to her for some answers but the first time I speak her name.

“Nothing, nothing, just an inside joke. But you’ll get the hang of it.” I take a look at everyone in the group. If there ever is a next time. She’s optimistic and I’m sure that she knows this group better then anyone but I have a feeling the next time any of them see me they will turn around and run in the other direction. That’s what I would do if I were them.

They’re all eyeing me. I know the questions are going to start coming again. I don’t know how much more I can take of this. There’s something inside of me telling me to leave. There’s something pulling me away from the group. I look around to see if there is anywhere I can go to hide. I need an out and I need it now. I’m not good with all these people around me. I feel like the walls are closing in on me. I close my eyes briefly and try to calm myself.

“So Liz… Why did you wait so long to transfer?” My eyes pop open and I’m looking at Alex. He’s good. He threw out all these simple questions and had my guard down and then he hits me with the real kicker. I knew I should have left. “Usually it’s not a good thing to transfer the last semester of your senior year.” I avoid eye contact from everyone in the group. I knew I should have left.

I wanted to say that I had no idea why I came here. I wanted to tell them that I lose gaps of time and that I have no idea where I’ve been. The only clues that I have are the weird scribbles in my journal. I didn’t even get to look at my journal before Maria found me tonight. I just want to go home. I want to be normal.

The walls are getting closer and closer and I can’t take the pressure. Maybe I can apologize to Maria later. Maybe Monday after school I can get together with her and see how much damage I’ve done tonight. That is if they even want to talk to me ever again. I’m so confused. What am I going to do? I can call my parents and see if they can come pick me up. They’ve done it before; they can do it again. I’m going to be in so much shit for this.

I wonder who paid for my tuition? I shake my head. That’s a whole other mess. Everyone is still waiting for me to answer Alex’s question.

“Will you excuse me? I have to find the restroom. I’ll be right back.” I’m slowly backing up as I tell them that I need to go use the restroom. I almost expected Maria to say that she would come with me. After all women always use the restroom in groups. Heaven knew that Isabel wouldn’t offer. She would rather cut my head off then take me to the restroom. Before they even have a chance to say anything I slowly turn and start walking. I don’t look back and I’m just waiting for someone to call my name to tell me that the restrooms are in a completely different direction then the one I’m heading in. But they don’t, so I continue on the path that I’ve started on.

I hope they believed that I would be coming back. I wouldn’t be and I felt bad about that, but I just needed to think about what has happened. I needed to make a few calls and see if I could piece together this jigsaw puzzle that happens to be my life.

Everyone is dancing and I’m fighting my way to get through the masses of people. I’m fighting the tears that want to fall and I’m no longer paying attention to where I’m going. I just follow my gut and my gut says to go this way. It’s never failed me before, so I don’t expect it to fail me now. The pull that I was feeling is getting stronger and stronger the further away from the group I get. It’s probably just my gut letting me know that I’m almost out of the woods.

I raise my hands above my head to get past the majority of the drunken crowd. They aren’t helping me any and when I bump into the back of someone I feel this sensation that I’ve never felt before. A sense of completion a sense of finally finding what I’ve been looking for. But I haven’t been looking for anything and I don’t understand these feelings that is happening to me. I look up and am immediately looking into Max’s amber gaze. He’s looking over his shoulder and our eyes lock. Flashes from one of my dreams fly across my eyes. I’m looking out my window and the sky is dreary. I’m sad. I’ve lost someone that I loved very much and all the people that are below in the courtyard blame me. A hand rests on my shoulder and I look up into the eyes of my savior. He’s here and all will be right once we marry. His lips don’t move but I know that is what he is telling me. I know this is from one of my dreams because nothing is like it’s from this world.

The scene changes and I’m getting married and I’m the happiest person in the world. I have found my king and our world will now have peace because together we can be everything my father was. Everything… and then it ends. Max smiles at me and I don’t know what I’m doing. The flash has thrown me for a loop. Maybe it’s Max’s eyes that made me remember it? Maybe it’s the way that I’m feeling when I’m near him. I feel like everything will be okay as long as we are together. I don’t know what is happening to me. I find myself slowly slipping away. I struggle to smile back at him and the momentum of my body is pulling me in the same direction that I was originally heading. My hand automatically slides to his side and runs the length of his arm. “Excuse me,” comes out of my mouth like it was second nature.

I forget what I was doing the entire time I’m in contact with him. Every fiber of my body wants to stay but my mind is telling me to run. That he’s one of them; he’s one of them that wants to get the answers that I can’t answer. The minute my hand leaves his arm I’m hit with a wave of emptiness. I remember that I need to get away from everyone and continue struggling through the masses. The pull is getting weaker and weaker the further away I get from him. I turn around and look at him. He’s staring after me. I see the concern in his expression but I don’t know what I could do for him so I turn back around and take off.

I run up a hill that is lighted by the moonlight and I feel like I’m losing focus. Everything is beginning to look like I’m looking at it from somewhere else. I don’t know how to explain it. I feel like I’m losing myself. I close my eyes forcing myself to stay focus. I have to get away from all of these people. The pain in my head is starting to ease its way up front from out of nowhere. I make it down the other side of the hill and hide behind a large tree.

I look around and there’s no one close enough. I have this feeling that I won’t be able to get myself home before it happens. I’m getting ready to have another episode. It never comes this soon after just having one. Something’s wrong. I can feel it deep inside. I feel like there’s another part of me trying to emerge. She… Yes, she wants to be here now when I don’t want to be. I desperately want to be taken out of this situation and she’s calling to me and telling me that she can help me.

“Liz!” I hear someone call for me. I look up but everything is so dark. I can’t see anyone. “Liz!” I scrunch down and pull my knees up to my chest. I try and make myself as small as possible. He can’t find me but it would feel wonderful if he were to find me. I’m so confused. The minute I laid eyes on Max from across the people dancing I knew there was something about him that called to me. From that first moment I’ve been drawn to him. Why? What is it about Max that does this to me? There is so many unanswered questions and I can only dream that one day everything will make sense.

I want to call out and say that I’m over here. I’m over here. But I can’t function. I begin to rock back and forth. Back and forth. I close my eyes and begin to mumble. I’m losing the battle to stay conscious. I start crying and I hear rustling off to the side of where I am. I sit up straighter to try to focus but I can’t and the tears fall.

“Stay away!” I call out.

“Liz…” He’s so close and I feel her wanting to go to him but I push myself away. I start to back pedal. Maybe it’s my imagination that felt him so close. If she wants him then I can’t be any where near him. It’s my only hope of staying me. I feel her pushing harder. She’s trying to rise to the front and I can’t fight her. The pain is increasingly becoming more and more agonizing. I see black spots scattered throughout my vision.

“Please, Max. Don’t come any closer. I’m sorry. Just please.” I grab my head in agony. It’s never been like this. She’s always just been and gone without it really occurring to me. I realize now that I’ve just accepted her to be there when I couldn’t. I’m backing away on my feet and hands. “I’m sorry. I should have said something. I’m sorry.”

“What’s going on? Tell me, I can help you.” I hear his panic in his voice and I want to forget what will happen so I can go comfort him. He’s hurting too. “Liz.” He calls out once more. His voice is so calming. I close my eyes and just listen to the roll of his words.

“No one can help me. No one.” I spit out when I hear the rustling begin again. He’s trying to work his way to me. The little sanity that I have left is laughing at how pathetic I sound. I should be where I belong; I want to belong here with him. I’ve changed my mind I no longer want to hide from them… from him. I shake my head no. I’m not going. I’m me. She’s me. It’s just a whacked up way of living, I say to myself. Maybe I can push her back. Maybe we can work out some kind of deal. She can have every other moment in my life if she would just let me be with him… just let me stay with him.

“Who do I need to get?” I stick my hand up to keep him at bay. He can’t come any closer. He mustn’t come any closer. “What can I do?” He stops where he is and he’s looking at me. I swipe the tears off my face and stare at him. “Can your parents help? Give me their number and I’ll call them to come get you.” I shake my head that I don’t want them. She doesn’t want them. She wants me to just go to him. I almost feel like we’ve agreed on my little attempt of sanity. It’s like making a deal with the devil.

“I have to get away.” I whisper. He leans in closer because of my whispering. “I have to get away.” I can’t move any more and the darkness is calling to me. I’m having a hard time focusing on what is going on.

“Tell me where you want to go and I’ll take you there. Please, Liz. Just let me help you.” He was slowly making his way closer to me every time he spoke.

The peacefulness is calling to me. It will all be over when I wake up. I won’t remember any of this. “I want to remember.” I call out. I want to know what happens when she comes and is with him. I want to know what it is like to be loved by the man that is calling her forward.

“What do you want to remember?” He whispers to me. He’s kneeling next to me, wanting to help me. I can practically feel the heat from his breath on my ear.

“I want to remember everything. I want to remember you.” I’m standing now and am stepping backwards. I face him and repeat my words from earlier. “No one can help me remember. No one can help me.”

“Liz…” He stands and takes another step closer. “Please.” I take another step back. His was bigger and I know I should take another step back just to accommodate his larger one but I don’t. I can’t deny it any longer.

“Whatever happens, Max, just know that it’s not me.” I look him in his eyes and I see the confusion lying within. “Just remember for me because I won’t be able to. Please. I want to remember everything. I want to remember you. Please. Max, stay with me and tell me everything that happens. Promise me Max?”

I moan out the last words as I feel my legs give out as the searing pain rips across my eyes and I begin to fall to the ground. I never make it. He’s instantly there; his strong arms keeping me upright and I feel my hands grip his shirt as if it were the only thing capable of keeping me in this world. “I’m here, Liz. I’m here. I’m going to take you home and everything’s going to be okay. I’m here and I won’t let anything happen to you.” He whispers to me. I give him a small smile in appreciation. He’s trying so hard to be strong for me and I know that he won’t be able to keep his promise to me. No one has been able to keep them in the past. I’ll forgive him. I have to remember to forgive him for not being able to keep me from slipping into another episode.

I fight to keep my eyes open and fail. My world is a dark void. I’m the only being that exists here.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Let’s see, who’s going to come next? Hmmm. That’s a hard question… I guess you’ll just have to wait. There’s been a lot of hollering for an Isabel… and if you want Isabel then I guess I’ll just have to give you Isabel, but if there’s someone else you would rather have let me know. You know the drill. Let me know what you think. I’m starting to live for feedback and if I don’t live then there’s no new part. Although

posted on 12-Jul-2002 12:35:26 PM by Bordersinsanity
Lana Lane -- I'm glad you had a great time... I really need to have some incentive... things are starting to happen and I don't know if I can make it... UGH! I'll be curious to see what you think of the last two parts.


Thanks for letting me know that you are back.
posted on 17-Jul-2002 8:54:59 AM by Bordersinsanity
MariaG – I was joking about the Isabel part, although I have her done and she will be Part 8. Thanks for the feedback I hope Max is able to shed some light on everything.

Lisa1783 – Maybe… Maybe not… You’ll just have to hang in there… I don’t want to ruin anything.

Lana Lane – Yes, you know more about Liz but you don’t know enough. (insert evil laugh) You’ll find out some of your questions in the next part. I’m glad that you think I can write Max and Liz because that’s all I love to write about. I think you’re filling my head with all your kind comments but they are greatly appreciated. Love ya!

Well, the next time I get stuck I’ll holler at ya since you will be thinking about what is coming next. I’m not a very big Isabel fan either. Never have been and never will be… I’m even afraid to say I like Tess better than Isabel. Shhh… don’t tell anyone. ;)

If you haven’t noticed by now… a good cliffhanger will always guarantee that you guys will bug the crap out of me… (again insert evil laugh)

And as always THANKS FOR THE INCENTIVES. They are so BEAUTIFUL!

BelevnDreamsToo – Ummm… maybe…maybe not? All answers will be answered in the next few parts. Hang in there. Thanks for the feedback too.

roswellluver – Thanks for the feedback… I do too.

Pathos – I’m back… Hope I didn’t keep you hanging for too long. Wow… Tears? I can’t believe it… You’re too sweet. Well some of your answers will be answered in the next part and yes it is MAX! It’s a little long so make sure you get both posts… Hope you enjoy the next part just as much as you did the previous. (and yes, I think we are still on the same wavelength.)

carolina_moon – Sorry to leave you hanging… I hop this is what you wanted. Thanks for the feedback.

woodwinds – Oh, Kristina… it’s hard to know whether your mind is in the gutter or not. The way you disect my quotes…is just too funny…

Okay, everyone listen up… I giving away secrets to woodwinds… are you listening? Here it goes. If Liz really wanted to know what was happening to her during her little episodes she could. It’s all there and always has been. The more flashes she has while she’s “awake” the sooner she will realize this little fact.

I’m getting ready to post Part 7 and you’re already guessing my secret… I just can’t keep you guessing for the duration of the story can I? I’m that transparent. Maybe I should ask Transparent Clear if I can you use that sign in…

Just joking. I love to hear your thoughts on what you think is going on… It actually lets me know if I’m doing a good job or not… Love ya don’t every change!

And I’m sorry to say this but you’re dangerously close to what is actually happening… That’s all I’m saying and if you want to chat offline… you know how to get a hold of me.

Well, I’m really flattered that you thought about Long to Be for that long… You’re as bad as me… I go to bed thinking about some of the fics that I have read. Hope you like Max’s Part.


Thanks for your feedback!

On to Part 7 – Max… make sure to read both posts because Max’s part was really long.

AvengingAngelIQ – Thanks hope you like the next part.

SciFiNut111 – You always have the questions that I can’t answer… Keeping me on my toes! But here’s one that I can answer… Liz has been having episodes most her entire life. The episodes are part of who she is and she’s had to deal with them. Hopes that helps… More will be revealed in the next few parts… HINT, HINT… *wink* *wink*

Lana Lane – I sent the paramedics over to you… Are you back with us because I am… Love the pics. Love ya for the bumps too… Thanks!

Spicy trini1 – I’m glad the Liz part helped you a lot… Yes, in Liz’s dreams she is married to a king… Yes, her king looks like Max… She could have a split personality and in fact that’s what her parents think is happening to their daughter. I wasn’t thinking about doing a Parent POV but I just might have too… Unless I can answer all your questions without them… We’ll see.

I’m not saying anything else you’re just going to have to hang in there and find out with the rest of us… I know I’m evil… but bear with me.

Thanks for the feedback… as well as the feedback on THE STAND. I’m glad that you’re enjoying my previous work… So, what are you going to try and tackle next?

If I had to suggest one it would be In the Background… I really had fun writing that one… I might have to repost it here because I don’t think it’s on this board. You can find it on www.fanfictionarchive.net




THANKS TO EVERYONE THAT LEFT FEEDBACK... IT REALLY HELPS ME CRANK OUT THE PARTS... LOVE YA ALL!

Jennifer

posted on 17-Jul-2002 8:56:24 AM by Bordersinsanity
Title: Long To Be – MAX
Author: Borders InSaNiTy
E-mail: BordersInSaNiTy⊕yahoo.com
Rating: R (language)
Category: AU – Alternating POV’s – Dreamer based as always. Is there anything other than that?
Disclaimer: I own NOTHING that pertains to Roswell. Just wish I did…
Summary: Liz finds herself in unfamiliar territory with no memory on how she got there. It’s not the first time she’s ended up in new surroundings and it probably won’t be the last. She finally finds out how long she has been there and is instantly thrown into a party where she meets the rest of Maria’s gang. What do they think of the new girl?

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*


could you be lost
are you so free,
do you long to be
when the sun goes down, do you feel that feel when no ones near you
you know it's such a mystery how you washed up over me
I couldn't breathe, and I couldn't speak, lest I drown

but it's my kind
I'll never be cruel and I'll always play the fool
to be as loveless, as shameless as you.
but I'm so blind
I'll do it again I feel your eyes sink in
so faithless as you've been.

yes I'm so lost
I am not free but I long to be
when life goes down, do you feel as though you're gonna drown
you're going down
you're gonna drown
you're going down

but it's my kind
I'll never be cruel and I'll always play the fool
to be as loveless, as shameless as you.
but I'm so blind
I'll do it again I feel your eyes sink in
so faithless as you've been.

yes I'm so lost
I am not free
yes I'm so lost
but I long to be
but I long to be
but I long to be


Faithless by Injected

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*


PART 7

Right after the introduction I feel Tess pulling on my arm. I look at her and she says, “Come on Max. Let’s go dance.” I can only image what my expression could be. First I had forgotten that she was even hanging onto my arm and second I couldn’t believe she was being so rude. We were just about to find out about Liz. Didn’t she want to stay for that?

There’s no way that I’m leaving. I want to know everything there is to know about this beautiful woman that has finally graced us with her appearance. “Tess, you’re being rude.” She didn’t like that much and she showed it by ducking even further behind me. I hope she doesn’t blurt out anything else. She always has had a way with sticking her foot in her mouth.

I return my attention to Liz and give her a small smile and hope that she knows that not all of us are as rude as Tess and to be honest she wasn’t always like this. Maybe it was because Kyle had taken Liz for a beer run, something that he never asked her to do since she can’t tolerate alcohol. Who knows, Tess will be Tess.

Alex starts the games off with the first question. “Where are you from?” We all felt comfortable with him being the one to interrogate the newbie. No one bothered to ask any questions because Alex would ask them all. Our job was to observe. That’s what we do when an outsider tried to invade our space. We just observe. I don’t really know why we didn’t participate in the questioning. Maybe it was because we didn’t know what was a normal human question to ask. Our first question would be. Do you or any member of your family work for the FBI? No… see that’s why we don’t ask the questions. After all Alex had lived through it personally. Michael and I gave him the third degree until Maria and Isabel ganged up on us and told us we were out of line. He knew what was at stake if we trusted the wrong people. He knew what it was like to run for his life.

I looked at Liz and a part of me wanted to keep her out of this mess that is our life. I immediately had this instinct to protect her with every fiber of my being. I’ve never had this instinct before. The others can take care of themselves but Liz… Liz was special. I just knew it.

Part of me was glad that Tess and I were playing our little game to keep the outsider factor to a minimum. But then the other part of me wanted to take her by the hand and run away, to be with her and only her. To kiss every inch of her long curvy neck. I want to take that stupid hat off, although it was very cute atop her head, and run my hands through her shoulder length brown hair. I close my eyes briefly and imagine what it would be like to see it in the sun. Did it shimmer with shades of gold or bronze? Either would be fine. Maybe it shimmered a bright copper color and I bet it was as silky as could be. Not a tangle in it. My hands would be able to flow through it again and again and it would fall back into its original position.

I wonder what her skin would feel like. For a brief moment, I was less than a foot away from her, when we had bumped into Kyle and her in the middle of the crowd, I could smell the scent of strawberries and I still haven’t tossed the image away of feeding them to her. I open my eyes and watch her answer Alex’s question.

I wonder what’s going through her mind. Did she know that she was supposed to be my date for tonight? Me and my stupid ideas. I should have taken Maria’s warning when she told me a long time ago that the way Tess and I acted was going to bite me in the ass one day. I think my ass has finally been bitten.

My inner being is singing in Liz’s presence. I’ve never felt like this before. I was having a hard time trying to keep from staring at her. I want to grab her and go off. I want to take here away from whatever she is scared of and make everything better. How did I know she was scared? Where did that thought come from? Is she scared of us? She shouldn’t be. We’re scared of her. Isn’t it ironic? Us aliens… super powers and all. Her human… no powers at all and we are scared to death of her finding out our secret.

“Connecticut.” Her voice was like an angel singing to me. A sweet melodic sound that sends chills up and down my spine. I don’t know what is happening to me. My body is alive like it’s never been before. Maybe it’s the fact that I’ve never met anyone that moves me like this. Maybe it’s the fact that I haven’t even looked at another girl like this my entire life. All of these sensations are making me feel lightheaded. I’m afraid to be in her presence any longer. I don’t think I will be able to control myself. I shove my hands down in my front pockets for fear that they might take on a mind of their own and grab her. I really don’t want to make a fool out of myself. I really don’t.

As if she were reading my mind she pushes a piece of hair behind her ear and I notice that she knocked her hat off to the side of her head. She rolled her eyes and adjusted it. I had to bite the inside of my cheek to keep from laughing. She was just too adorable. She was… Perfect. After adjusting her hat she took a deep breath and then she let it out. The smell of strawberries was refreshed and I made sure to take another deep breath.

“Do you have any brothers or sisters? I can see where Alex is going with the questioning. Get some background information from her. I was a little disappointed when she just shook her head no instead of voicing her answer. I so wanted to hear it again. I liked the way it made me feel. I can see the tension begin to leave her body. She doesn’t have anything to hide. I can tell. Why would she have anything to hide? She was everything that all of us wanted to be. Well, except Alex, Maria and Kyle. They were normal too, well; they’d be a lot more normal if they didn’t hang out with us.

I’m surprised that none of us say anything to make her feel more welcomed. None of us had any siblings either. Well, except Isabel and I. That’s really weird. What a coincidence. I would have to admit that that was a pretty cool question. Once again none of us… others, would have asked that question. We just wouldn’t have thought about that. I find myself waiting for Alex’s next question so I can find out some other little tidbit about her. About Liz. She was no longer an unknown outsider to me. She was Liz. Liz Parker from Connecticut. Liz Parker only child from Connecticut. I wish I could say her name out loud. I wonder what it would sound like. Would she like to hear her name as I spoke it, like I longed to hear her say mine?

Ask another question Alex, I have to know more. Of course I don’t say this out loud, that would be so embarrassing. I really don’t want to make a fool out of myself. She would never even consider dating me if I said that out loud. I wish someone would create some kind of device to make sure that something stupid wouldn’t fly out of your mouth when you didn’t want it to… But then that would really look dorky. “What are you majoring in?” Good question. What does Liz want to be when she grows up?

I notice that she takes a glance around the group and it hesitates just a little bit longer on Maria. Why would she look to Maria for her answer? And before I know it she looks at me. I can feel the beginnings of a blush coming on and it’s so hard to swallow. I need a drink. Anyone… I look around to see if any of us have anything to drink and of course we don’t. I hope she doesn’t ask me a question because I wouldn’t be able to answer her if I wanted to.

“I want to be a molecular biologist.” I feel my coloring start to slip away. A molecular biologist. The thoughts of the White Room come back and I fight hard to calm my scared reaction. She would never do what they did to me. Not her. She would use her knowledge to help the sick, to make the world a better place, not to torture innocent people just because they were different than the rest of the population. She would never do anything like that.

“What the hell is that?” How could I forget about Tess? I can’t believe she said that. Maybe I should think about inventing one of those devices for her. Lord knows we could put it to some good use. I should just leave. Or better yet Tess should leave. I take a quick glance back to Liz to see if she was okay. I was surprised to see her push that same small piece of hair and tuck it back behind her left ear. It must be a nervous twitch kind of thing. All of us have it. I push my hands into my front jeans pocket when I’m nervous. Isabel starts to play with her hair when she gets nervous. Tess gets angry when she gets nervous. Alex strums his fingers on the countertop when he gets nervous. Michael just glares in hopes that no one will see that he’s nervous and Maria… Well, she sniffs cedar oil when she gets nervous. We all do something when we are nervous. No harm with tucking a piece of hair behind your left ear. No harm in sucking in your lower lip so you can chew on it in hopes of not saying something stupid.

“It’s the study of molecules.” I quit thinking about the nervous twitch thing when I hear her simple answer and realize that that was far from the definition of what a molecular biologist was. I shook Tess’ hold off my arm. I no longer wanted to be associated as being in a relationship with Tess. Here Tess was being so rude and Liz, with everyone’s eyes on her, was trying to be nice. She was trying to make others comfortable with her. I wondered if she knew what an angel she was. I wonder if she was hiding something by giving us vague answers. I wonder if she could tell that we are hiding something.

“What made you move to California?” My head shot up to Michael. He knew what the protocol was for our questioning. Alex did all the questioning. Didn’t he know that when he opened his mouth things came out a little bit more abrasive then they were supposed to be? Didn’t he know he was going to ruin my chance to know her? She’s going to run. I can see it now. She turns and runs right out of my life and all I’m left with is the faint memory of her voice and the obsession with fresh strawberries.

She pulls her lower lip into her mouth and she starts to chew on it. How cute is that? And I wait for her to do the hair thing and… Yes! She’s just too adorable. She looks at everyone once again and I shift my eyes as quickly as I can for fear that she’s going to see me staring at her. Why did she move to California? Did she have this pull that made her gravitate here? Or was there something else behind it?

She looks like she’s really wondering what to tell us. How hard can it be? Was there a reason you chose this particular school? Did it have anything to do with your major? Wow. I didn’t think I could come up with normal questions. I guess I’m not as paranoid as I thought I was.

She does one more glance around the group. She’s probably just checking to see how much detail she should give us. I want it all. I have to know it all. I want to know Liz Parker forwards and backwards, inside and out.

“I needed a change of scenery. You know. Get away from the parental units.” I can’t believe what she just said. How bad could her parents be? She looked like she had a great life. She looked normal. She didn’t look abused. I’ve seen what it’s like to be abused by a parent. Michael lived it. Tess never had a parental figure so I really don’t know where this is coming from. It just doesn’t seem right. She’s shaking her head up and down as if it will some how persuade us to believe the lie that she’s just told us. And I know it’s a lie because she just pulled her lower lip into her mouth and started chewing on it. She’s nervous about her last statement and she’s going out of her way to make us believe that it’s the truth.

I really should have expected Tess’ reaction from Liz’s answer but I wasn’t ready for it to happen just yet. She tugs on my arm and I ignore it. That was the first time. The second time she practically rips my arm out of its socket when she pulls on it to go back out where everyone is dancing. I had to go… after all we were acting as the couple this evening no matter how much I was regretting the decision to do that, I followed Tess but not before I could say good bye to Liz. “It was nice meeting you, maybe we can talk later.” Tess pulls me one more time and I slowly and reluctantly follow her out into the masses of dancing and drunk people.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Don't stop here go to the next post for the second part of Max's thoughts...






[ edited 1 time(s), last at 17-Jul-2002 8:58:30 AM ]
posted on 17-Jul-2002 8:57:41 AM by Bordersinsanity
Part 7 -- Max Continued...


When we finally get far enough from the group I finally find my voice. “What?” I had to know why she was glaring at me. I also wanted to know why she had to pull me away from Liz. I wasn’t ready to leave just yet.


“Don’t give me what. It was nice meeting you, maybe we can talk later.” She tries to mimic me. She doesn’t really do me justice. Her voice is too whiney for it to be anything like me. I’m man hear me roar… Yeah, right. I usually don’t say anything at all. “What the fuck was that?” Boy Liz had rubbed her the wrong way. It wasn’t like Tess to cuss. She usually just stomped off.

So I tell her what that was back there. “I was just being nice, Tess.” Liz was trying to be nice. We had her in the hot seat for crying out loud. Alex was throwing questions at her left and right. She did well under pressure. This was all running through my mind and I knew it would do no good to voice my opinions when Tess was this upset. Give her time. She would adjust. After all isn’t that what we do? Adjust. Learn to hide things better the next time. That sort of thing.

“There’s nothing wrong with being nice. What’s up with you?” If she wanted to attack me I would attack right back. I said nothing to Liz that I wouldn’t say to anyone else. I did my normal routine so I wouldn’t raise any unwanted eyes.

“Well, you do remember that you didn’t want to seem available and under no circumstances did you want to be hooked up with this girl. Right?” She’s apologizing for her actions. Tess was never one to apologize she would just make a few laps around the bush and all would be okay when she was done. She was right that’s what I wanted to do tonight. But I had no idea that I would be so attracted to Maria’s friend.

She was only doing what was expected of her. So I said, “Yeah…” I just had to look at her. The one I’ve been waiting for my entire life was so close it practically hurts. I see them all start to laugh and I wonder what her laugh sounds like. I wonder if her laugh sounds as beautiful as her voice. I’m sure it does. “I wonder what’s so funny?” I really wanted to go back and be apart of the conversation. I really wanted to go back to have a second chance to get close to her. To smell the smell that is uniquely her.

“Do you want to go back there?” I look back at Tess. At first I thought she was just rubbing it in. But then I noticed that she was concerned. She would kindly step aside if I asked her to. She would do the friend thing and let me go back and get her.

But I couldn’t do that to her. I couldn’t do that to Liz. It wasn’t fair for her to get mixed up into all this mess. I couldn’t bring her in without her knowing the real me. I just couldn’t do it and I told Tess so too. “No, no. I don’t want to even know. What I don’t know won’t hurt me. Let’s just dance.” As we begin to dance I can’t help but look back to where she is standing. They’ve quit laughing now and all eyes seem to be on Liz again.

Tess brings me back to reality when she says, “Keep your hands off her.” I was just about to say the exact same thing but she beat me too it. Kyle looked like he was getting a little too friendly for my taste. I wanted to be the one there and here I was stuck dancing to a song I didn’t even know.

“What?” I had to do it to her. Tease Tess that is. She was in just as bad shape as I was. She wanting someone, just as much as I was. We are so pathetic. Two of a kind. That’s what we are.

“Nothing.” She sounds miserable. We continue dancing and Tess continues her rambling. “Does she have to act all innocent and all? God. What does he seen in her?” She’s acting innocent because she is. But I didn’t say that. I can see what Kyle sees in her. It’s clear. There’s just something about her that calls to me. I feel it now. Granted it not as strong as it was when I was only a few feet away but the pull is still there. It’s like she’s one of us but not. There’s no power lying within her. There’s no alienness about her. But there is definitely something that draws me to her.

I now have my back to the group and Tess quickly ducks her head into my shoulders. I’m tempted to look back and see what’s going on but I don’t. “What are you doing?” Tess is really acting weird tonight. I’m looking down at her and I know I’m smiling. It’s such a rarity to see Tess act this way. She’s acting almost human.

“Maria, she’s spotted me staring. I think she knows what we’re doing out here.” Of course Maria knows what we are doing out here. It’s Maria and Maria always knows everything. I continue to look down at her and smile. Everything is going to be all right. We’ve got a good group of friends that will look out for our best interests. She smiles back at me and I’m finally facing the group again.

I just had to take another look at the group and that’s when I noticed that Liz was no longer with them. “Oh, no…”

“What?” Tess turns us so she can see what has me all in a tizzy.

“She’s coming this way.” My heart starts to race and my hands start to sweat. Is she coming to get me? Does she want to dance? I wonder if she’ll say anything to me when she passes?

“So… act normal.” Tess puts her hands on my shoulders and she tries with all her might to make me act normal. Hell I acted normal every day of my life and it didn’t always work the way that it was supposed to. Now the girl of my dreams is coming this way and I’m expected to act normal. This is not good. I don’t know what to do.

I can feel her getting closer and closer without even looking. I know that she’s about ten feet away and getting closer. The pit of my stomach is tightening and my knees feel like they are about to give out on me any second now. What am I going to do? What am I going to say? And then it happens. She bumps into us and time stands still.

I feel her arm on my back as if she were trying to steady herself. Our eyes meet and I’m instantly hit with these feelings and images. Flashes really. Really weird flashes. Strange looking people almost alien like. The sky is a sickly green color and the clothes that are being worn are like something I’ve never seen before. But yet they seem familiar. And then the important one flashes. I’m standing across from the most beautiful girl that I’ve ever seen and the language is something that I’ve never heard before but I understand what is happening. I’m getting married and the woman standing before me is the love of my life. I’m to be her king and she my queen.

I try to shake out of it. I try and concentrate on her hand. It’s slowly traveling the distance of my arm and I’m dreading the minute that the momentum takes her and everything that has me so giddy away. My heart is racing faster and faster. I feel my throat tightening in anticipation of the loss of her and I don’t think I can take it. I don’t want to live like that. I’m nothing without her.

“Excuse me.” Her voice says but her eyes say something different. She feels it too. I smile at her. I expect her to smile back but she doesn’t. I can’t help but look into her eyes. Those incredible dark eyes do strange things to me. Feelings that I didn’t know existed were starting to awaken deep inside me. And then she’s gone. Her hands drops off of my arm and it’s as if a door was slammed shut. I follow her with my eyes as she weaves in and out of the crowd. She looks back and that’s when it dawns on me. She was frightened. Someone had asked one too many questions.

“I’ve gotta go, Tess.” I break away from dancing with Tess and start to leave but Tess grabs hold of my arm.

“I thought you didn’t want to have anything to do with her.” She didn’t feel it. She didn’t see what I saw. Liz is the one. She’s the one that I’ve dreamt about for so long. What can I say to Tess? She’s just the one.

“So did I… but…” Tess had drawn my attention and I realized that Liz was quickly getting further and further away. I’m going to lose her and I can’t do that. I can’t. I won’t. As her head drops from my sight I just take off. I run up the hill where I last saw her.

“Max!” I heard Tess yell just as I had taken off. When I reached the top I could no longer see her. What was I going to do? Maybe Tess saw which way she had gone. I turn and look across the crowd. I find Tess and silently ask her if she knew where Liz had gone. She shrugged her shoulders. I couldn’t lose Liz. Something was wrong. She was scared. Why would she be scared and why were none of the others coming after her. Didn’t they know that something was wrong with her?

I turned around and went down the backside of the hill. She had to have gone this way. I felt this weird sensation that made the little hairs on the back of my neck stand on end. I’m running blindly into the wooded area of the golf course. Where could she be?

I stumble into the trees. “Liz!” I call out to her. Maybe she’ll answer and I’ll know where she is. “Liz!” I finally hear something off to my right and I squint to see if what made the noise was her or not. It’s my only clue and I have nothing else to go for so I head to where I heard the rustling and that’s when I see her. She sitting on the ground and has her knees pulled up to her chest, she’s so small. I’m only a few feet away when she starts to rock back and forth. She’s saying something but I can’t quite make it out. She’s crying now and I take a few more strides and I’m close enough to touch her.

I’m just about to reach for her when she looks up at me wide eyed. “Stay away!” She yells. I’m confused. Doesn’t she know that I won’t hurt her?

“Liz…” I reach for her and she starts to back pedal. Why is she scared of me? Does she know who I really am? What I really am?

“Please, Max.” She sounds so defeated. Everything inside me wants to grab her and comfort her but I’m afraid to take a step for fear she’ll just continue to run. At least this way she’s not going anywhere. “Don’t come any closer. I’m sorry. Just please.” She grabs her head and she winces in pain. What is happening to her? But she recovers quickly and she is beginning to talk again. “I’m sorry. I should have said something. I’m sorry.”

She didn’t have anything to be sorry about. I just wanted to get to know her. I just wanted to be in her company so I could feel all these wonderful sensations. “What’s going on?” There had to be an explanation for why she was acting this way. I wouldn’t get anywhere by making assumptions. “Tell me, I can help you.” She looks like she is going to tell me but she just sits there, so far away, staring into nothingness. “Liz.” She closes her eyes as if it would help make things disappear. But I know I’ll still be here when she opens her eyes. I’ll be here until she tells me she doesn’t need me or if she doesn’t want me.

“No one can help me. No one.” What is she talking about? I try to get closer because I can see that she is still so scared and there’s nothing I can do unless I find out more. She begins to shake her head no so I stop again. She doesn’t want me any closer.

“Who do I need to get?” I quickly forgot that I shouldn’t come any closer when I’m reminded when she sticks up her hand to keep me where I am. So I stay where I am. I crouch down so I’m not so intimidating to her. “What can I do?” She finally looks at me and she swipes what I can only assume are tears from her face. I can’t really see them because everything is so dark. I continue to talk to her. “Can your parents help? Give me their number and I’ll call them to come get you.” I’m willing to try anything. Anything that will calm her down.

“I have to get away.” She whispers softly and I can’t quite hear her so I lean in closer. “I have to get away.” Why does she have to get away? Who is she running from? Are they hurting her? So many questions and I’m not getting the answers quick enough.

“Tell me where you want to go and I’ll take you there. Please, Liz. Just let me help you.” I’ve gone to begging her. There’s nothing that I wouldn’t do and if she would just let me touch her I could find out what was going on. I could heal her if she needed to be healed.

“I want to remember.” She wasn’t making any sense to me. One minute she was talking about how no one can help her and then she needs to get away but from what I don’t know. And now she wants to remember. And still I have no idea what is really going through her mind. I want to help her so desperately. My body is aching because I’m keeping my distance. I’m closer to her now than I have been all night but still I’m not touching her. She’s made sure that I don’t touch her again.

Did she have a flash like I did? Is that what started all of this chaos. I’m getting lost in my own conversation and I try to get back on track. I’ll just have to wait for her answers. I’ll be here when she’s ready and I’ll make sure that she will be okay.

“What do you want to remember?” It comes out a little more breathy than and I could tell that she felt my breath because she shivered just a little.

“I want to remember everything.” She looks up at me as she stands up and then she looks down at me. “I want to remember you.” She starts to back away and before I can stand or say anything she begins to talk again. “No one can help me remember. No one can help me.”

“Liz…” I finally stand and take another step forward. Her words are like daggers. To see her standing before me and not have the ability to make it better for her is killing me. “Please.” I beg her to let me help her and she takes another step back. I mirrored hers, mine was a little longer stride than hers was, and I was now closer to her than when we first started out.

“Whatever happens, Max, just know that it’s not me.” What’s not her? I had no idea what she was talking about but her eyes were begging me to agree. I shook my head to signal that I understood but I was still confused. She wasn’t making any sense. “Just remember for me because I won’t be able to.” Another step back and I took another step forward. I was closer once again. “Please.” She melted my heart when she whispered her plea to me. “I want to remember everything.” Her voice was getting quieter and quieter with every sentence she spoke. “I want to remember you. Please. Max, stay with me and tell me everything that happens. Promise me Max?” My heart was no longer this dead weight that I kept in the center of my chest. It had come to life with her request for me to stay with her. She no longer wanted to keep me away. She was accepting me into her life. Asking me to help her. To stay with her.

I notice that she’s not looking too well. She looks like she is going to pass out so I quickly grab her and pull her to my body. Her hat falls off and I gently lower the two of us to the ground so I could get a better hold of her.

She grabs hold of my shirt and she rests her head onto my chest. She’s clinging to me as if I were her lifeline. The only thing that was keeping her grounded was the grip that she had on my shirt. “I’m here, Liz. I’m here. I’m going to take you home and everything’s going to be okay. I’m here and I won’t let anything happen to you.” I was just trying to make her feel better. Let her know that I wasn’t going to leave her and I must have did just that for she looked up at me and gave me a small smile. And then she’s out.

I pick her up and carry her to the jeep. I needed to take her home but I didn’t know where she lived and I didn’t want to leave her alone. I promised that I would stay with her. I promised that I would remember for her. She had to have known that this was going to happen.

I gently placed her in the front seat of the jeep and strapped her in with the seatbelt. I’m kicking myself for not putting the top and sides on early today. It’s going to be a cold ride home. I took off my jacket and wrapped it around her making sure that she would be warm. I hurry around to the driver’s side of the jeep and hop in. The minute I get in Liz leans over against me and I hold my arm out a little ways so she has something to lean against. She wraps her arms around mine but that is all. I breathe a little sigh of relief having her this close to me. I would really hate to have anything happen to her when she is in my care and falling out of the jeep is something I definitely don’t want happening.

Starting the jeep quickly and backing out as smoothly as I can we head for my apartment. It was the only place I could think of going. The only place that I could safely take care of her. Watch her… remember for her.

I drove in silence and the entire time what ifs kept on running around my head. What if she needed medical attention or worse yet medication? She wasn’t carrying a purse. Surely if she needed medication she would be carrying it with her. The first thing I had to do when we got home was to check and make sure that she didn’t have any medication on her.

We were home before I knew it and I quickly parked the jeep and ran around to pick her up. She was still sleeping. Whatever was wrong wasn’t too terribly bad or else there would be some kind of sign. I would think.

Taking her small form once again into my arms I carried her up the stairs. I didn’t bother with the keys. I just slipped my hand over the lock and the door opened. I went to lay her down on the couch when I noticed that she had once again dug her hands into my shirt. I didn’t want to bother her so I just sat down on the couch and pulled her into my lap.

She was resting so peacefully I didn’t want to disturb her. At first I just sat there and then it dawned on me that now was my chance to feel her hair. I had been wanting to do that all night but I hadn’t had the chance until now.

I slowly reached up to her hair and hesitate just before diving in. I felt like this was wrong. I shouldn’t touch her unless she knew. I felt like I was violating her personal space so I dropped my hands and sat there. Waiting for her to move to say something but she didn’t.

I finally laid my head back on the back of the sofa and closed my eyes. Liz Parker had a force on me and it felt nice having her in my arms.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Who's next? Let me hear you!


posted on 22-Jul-2002 11:22:56 AM by Bordersinsanity
SciFiNut111 – Hmmm… Sorry, but you’ll have to wait to see whether or not Liz will still want Max around. I know if I were Liz, there would be no way that man would get away from me… LOL!

I think Liz is in a place in her life where she just wants to be normal and she realizes that Max just might be able to help her.

Thanks for the feedback… TTYToday! Haha.

BelevnDreamsToo – LOL! I wish it were Liz but there are others that we have to hear from first. I promise there will be another Liz part… just not real soon. Sorry

Thanks for the feedback.

Ner – Thanks for the feedback. Liz’s problem will be sorted out but not for a few more days…

AJK001 – Thanks for the feedback. I’m excited about that part too… I should start writing it some time this week… so unfortunately it’s not going to be posted for a little while longer. Thanks again.

Lana Lane – Well, I hope that RL was good to you over the weekend. Thanks so much for the constant feedback and the WONDERFUL incentive.

Liz’s reaction will be in another 2-3 parts away… I’ll know more later on this week. I haven’t even written it but I know where I’m going which is a big plus… because I never plan. If it comes it comes… Anyway, I was going to do it one way and thank god the board was giving me fits yesterday because I wouldn’t be able to do it if I had posted the next part so… God must be on your side because you’re going to have a very, very special Liz awakening… when we get there.

Thanks again. Hope you like the next part… It’s going to get hairy at the end but don’t worry… I’ll make sure that everything works out in the end. LOL!

AvengingAngelIQ – LOL… Thanks for the feedback and I’m very curious to see what you think… I’m pretty sure that you know the way my mind works… you’ve read everything that I have ever written so I’m sure you won’t be too surprised when all is revealed.

Thanks again.

Eccentric One – Well, I hate to do this to you but I have to move on to a different POV… Sorry. Hang in there though… Max and Liz will return shortly and I promise to throw a little bit of somethin, somethin for you.

Oh, and you’re very, very warm…

Thanks for the feedback.

MariaG – Thanks for the feedback and all your questions are valid ones… I wish I could answer them but alas I can’t… not yet anyway. Hang in there, I promise you’ll find out what is happening soon… Just a few more parts until then.

Thanks again for the feedback.

roswellluver – Just for you… she will be. There’s no way that she will want to remove herself from Max’s strong arms. Hang in there and thanks for the feedback.

Spicy trini1 – That’s exactly what I was thinking when I wrote the part. Oh, how I wish I could be the one in his arms, smelling the oh so intoxicating scent that is so uniquely him. ::sigh:: I’m lost in my little fantasy… Thanks, now I’m not going to get anything written… No, I have to you guys deserve it for all the fabulous feedback that you are continuously giving me.

I wish I could tell you more but be patient… It will all be revealed.

OH, the website that you need for In the Background is www.fanficarchive.net There used to be a link on all the pages but when they did the upgrade it disappeared. Anyway. If you still can’t find it let me know and I can email it to you…

Thanks again for your constant feedback.

carolina_moon – I wish the next part was Liz too but I haven’t gotten that far so you’ll just have to take someone elses for now. Sorry… Hang in there…

Thanks for the feedback.

woodwinds – OKAY… here it goes… ::taking a big deep breath:: Hmm… I don’t know if that’s a good thing or not… I would really like to know what you thought Max was thinking… I’m curious because usually we’re pretty much on the same page.

I think you’re starting a trend. I love the way that you can pick little phrases that are unique to the characters that we all love. It’s just second nature to me. It comes pretty natural and I don’t even realize that I’m doing it until I read your feedback. LOL. I know… I’m a tard… anyway.

The connection between Max and Liz is always unexplainable… I think that’s what I love about it. How instant it is and how it just takes everyone’s breath away the minute it happens.

Well, they were different yet similar… As always I think what they see is always a little different but always the same. Am I making any sense? Probably not that’s why you were surprised that they saw different flashes. We may find out what he thinks about the flashes once he has a chance to think about them. Hang in there. I’m expecting the next Max/Liz parts to be twice the size of the normal because I’ll have a lot of ground to cover to get up to the present. You’ll understand once you read the next part. I’ll be waiting for your feedback from what you read today… I’m sure it will be great.

Thanks again for your WONDERFUL feedback. I love it.

quote:


“I want to remember you.” A double meaning? I don't think she even realized it when she said it, but it definitely could have two meanings.


Hmmm… How to answer this? Let’s see, could they both be right? I can’t honestly say. I haven’t seen the next Liz POV yet. LOL… Hang in there. I promise you’ll know exactly what she meant sometime soon.

Thanks for the feedback and the bump… Hope you enjoy Isabel… ::insert evil grin:: Hint, Hint…

Legna14 – Welcome to my world and thanks for the feedback. I’m glad you are enjoying this.

Lana Lane – Of course your incentives always help… Loved them. Keep them coming and sorry if I got you in trouble with the pics… Links are just fine with me. It keeps me in suspense when I have to wait for them to load.

Hope you like the next part. Thanks again for all the bumps.

Pathos – I’m glad I didn’t disappoint you. So sad, I have to agree but hopefully Liz can make everything all better once we figure out what’s going on with her.

I’m glad you enjoy the dialogue. I’m a dialogue person as well and love the POV way of telling a story.

Thanks for the wonderful feedback and I hope you enjoy the next part as well. It’s not my best but I don’t do Isabel very well.


PART 8 – ISABEL In the next post. Thanks again for all the feedback. I LOVE IT ALL!!!!

posted on 22-Jul-2002 11:24:24 AM by Bordersinsanity
Title: Long To Be – ISABEL
Author: Borders InSaNiTy
E-mail: BordersInSaNiTy⊕yahoo.com
Rating: R (language)
Category: AU – Alternating POV’s – Dreamer based as always is there anything other than that?
Disclaimer: I own NOTHING that pertains to Roswell. Just wish I did…
Summary: Liz finds herself in unfamiliar territory with no memory on how she got there. It’s not the first time she’s ended up in new surroundings and it probably won’t be the last. She finally finds out how long she has been there and is instantly thrown into a party where she meets the rest of Maria’s gang. What do they think of the new girl?

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*


could you be lost
are you so free,
do you long to be
when the sun goes down, do you feel that feel when no ones near you
you know it's such a mystery how you washed up over me
I couldn't breathe, and I couldn't speak, lest I drown

but it's my kind
I'll never be cruel and I'll always play the fool
to be as loveless, as shameless as you.
but I'm so blind
I'll do it again I feel your eyes sink in
so faithless as you've been.

yes I'm so lost
I am not free but I long to be
when life goes down, do you feel as though you're gonna drown
you're going down
you're gonna drown
you're going down

but it's my kind
I'll never be cruel and I'll always play the fool
to be as loveless, as shameless as you.
but I'm so blind
I'll do it again I feel your eyes sink in
so faithless as you've been.

yes I'm so lost
I am not free
yes I'm so lost
but I long to be
but I long to be
but I long to be


Faithless by Injected

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*


PART 8

I walk into my first class reluctantly. Economics 101. I hate it. The only highlight is that I share the class with Max. I look around and he’s not here. I wonder where he is. He still can’t be upset with me? Can he? I pull out my cell phone and dial his apartment. “Hi, you’ve reached Max and Tess.” God I hate that message. It’s one of those cutesy ones where Max is speaking and then Tess jumps in and says ‘Tess’ and then they continue together the rest of the message. Why don’t they just go with the anonymous number thing? I wait for the beep. “Max, it’s me. I was just wondering if you were coming to class or not. Call me. Let me know that you’re still breathing, okay? Talk to ya later. Bye.” I wasn’t about to bring up the subject of Liz. No point in pouring salt on an open wound. I knew when it was a lost cause.

I set the phone to vibrate so I can leave it on during class then snap it shut and slump deeper into my chair. The professor walks in and starts babbling and I don’t hear a single word he says. I stand up and walk out ten minutes into his lecture. I didn’t get a call from Max so he must not be home. I click open the phone and dial his cell phone number. “Come on pick up the phone.” I wait and start twirling my hair. “Oh, come on, Max. Pick up the damn phone.” Okay, I’ve lost it. I’m talking to myself. I look around to see if any of the students that are walking in the halls are Max.

It wasn’t like Max to not answer his phone. It's something that none of us do. We’ve been through the whole on the run thing and we know the others could get worried if we aren’t where we were supposed to be. Maybe he was just getting back at me for being so rude to Liz. He didn’t contact me all weekend and he didn’t come to Sunday’s dinner and I didn’t try and contact him either. He was upset with me and I can almost understand it. He’s probably even a little disappointed in me. I don’t know why he’s taking it so hard. It’s not like he was the one to introduce us to Liz. I thought it would be a good idea to let him settle down… you know basically forget about my actions from Friday night’s party.

I start to get this sinking suspicion that this has something to do with Liz. I can’t help what I feel and I felt something the minute I met her. It’s just that I don’t know what exactly it was. It wasn’t like she’s one of us. It’s not like I feel threatened by her. She’s definitely not our enemy. It’s just something. Maria was right, there was something about Liz Parker that made me feel like she was exactly who Max had been waiting for. Just something.

Alex seems to like her just like Maria. Damn, he even played my riff for her. But he also seems to think something isn’t quite right. She didn’t seem to have a problem answering Alex’s questions. She seemed truthful, but the answers didn’t ring entirely true. Alex will do some snooping and find out all there is to know about her.

I turned up my ringer again before I dial Maria’s number. She would have the scoop. Her and Max have this type of relationship. She calls him her girlfriend and all. It’s pretty cute. They get together every Sunday morning for breakfast and then they walk the streets looking for things. What they are looking for I have no idea but I’ve seen some of the things that Maria has purchased and I’m glad that I don’t go. I would rather be dead then caught with something like that in my possession. Maybe they’re looking for her, Max’s dreamgirl. Maybe they’re looking for exactly what they bring home. Who knows? I certainly don’t.

It’s ringing. On the second ring I hear… “Hello.” She’s whispering. Maria has music appreciation class right now. All they do all hour is sit around and listen to different types of music. Can you say easy? Definitely an easy class. Definitely.

“Maria. Thank god. Where’s Max?” Yes, I’m a little panicked. I have a death grip on my phone and am continuously searching the halls for Max.

“What do you mean, ‘where’s Max’? Isn’t he in class with you?” Uh oh. She doesn’t know. That’s not good. I was hoping that she would know where he was.

“No. He didn’t show up.” I begin to walk quickly out of the building. The phone held tightly to my ear as I start to scan the campus. I don’t see him anywhere. I start in the direction of his apartment. “I’m heading to his apartment now. Maybe he’s sleeping in.”

“Ha.” Maria snorts. “Max doesn’t know what sleeping in is.”

“I know. Work with me, Maria. I’m beginning to worry. I got the machine at the apartment and he’s not answering his cell phone. Did you see him at all this weekend?” I push the walk button on the street corner impatiently. The guys standing beside me looks at me weird. “Look buddy I know it doesn’t make it change any faster just… just humor me. I’m having a rough day.” The guy diverts his eyes to the open smog filled sky. I’ve got to get a grip.

“Isabel?” I hear her hesitation in her interrupting me and before I can answer she follows my name with, “Are you okay?” Maria was probably wondering what I was doing talking to some stranger. Well, I wasn’t actually talking I was almost yelling. I can feel the panic begin to rise. I’m not going to panic. I’m not going to panic.

“Yeah, I’m okay. What happened on Sunday? Did he seem okay? Was he still sulking?”

“Yeah, I went over there Sunday morning for our usual get together.” I sigh knowing that she will have the scoop on what happened when he went after Liz. Did he find her or not? She’ll know if anything happened between the two of them. Maria has a way of knowing everything. How she gets the information in the first place is beyond me.

“And…” I don’t know why she’s doing this to me. It’s like pulling teeth. She has to know how on edge I am right now. I feel like yelling at her too. Don’t mess with me, Maria! Don’t mess with me. But I don’t I just quickly ask, “Did he find her?”

“He found her.” What wasn’t she telling me? UGH!

“And! Maria, you’re killing me. What happened?” The walk light came on and I look at the guy that was waiting at the corner with me and smile at him. I quickly cross the street. I’m lucky, Max only lives four blocks from campus otherwise I wouldn’t be doing this. I would be going to get Alex out of his programming class and then we would go in the car. I hate driving in this town. The people that drive are raging lunatics.

“He doesn’t really know.” I finally hear Maria say.

“Maria!” How can Max not know what happened? And then it hit me. What if Liz was a skin and had kidnapped him? What if she was working for Khivar and Maria led her straight into our group.

“Look. Let me call Michael, he should be off work and just getting ready to hop into the bed.” She trying to calm me down and I know that’s what she’s trying to do but I don’t want to be calm right now. I want to know where the hell Max is. “Maybe he knows why Max isn’t in class.” She says quickly before I have the chance to speculate any further on what mishaps could have happened to Max over the weekend.

“Don’t you hang up on me, Maria! There’s a stranger among us and now Max is missing. And it’s a stranger that you brought in.”

“Don’t be so dramatic, Isabel.” She’s speaking to me as if I was a child. I’m not a child. That was Tess’ function in the group. “You’re not in one of your acting classes.” She continues and I know she’s not going to stop yet. “Max is a big boy and he can take care of himself. Check his apartment and I’ll round up the troops and meet you there. He’s going to be all right. You hear me? He’s okay. Alright?” I don’t have a chance to argue with her. She hangs up before I can even say good bye. I hope she’s right. I slap the phone shut and stuff it into my purse. I walk a few more blocks before I finally round the last corner. Maria’s last few words were in an attempt to calm me down and I could tell by her tone that she was beginning to panic too.

The jeep’s not parked in front of his and Tess’ apartment. I reach into my purse and grab my phone. I hit redial and wait. Maria should know that Max isn’t home, that way she can be as paranoid as I am. It wasn’t fair that I was the only one that was dealing with this. I didn’t want to be the only one. It rings and rings and now I get Maria’s voicemail. Great. She’s probably still on the phone with Michael. Or worse yet, Tess. That girl doesn’t know when to shut up. Why didn’t I stop her from calling everyone before we knew for sure where to start? It’s been a long time since any of us have had to think under pressure. I hope Max didn’t get caught up in something that he couldn’t handle.

“Maria, the jeep’s not here. I’m going in to see if he left Tess a message on the fridge.” I slap the phone shut and walk up the stairs to the door. Putting my key to their apartment into the keyhole I turn it and push the door open. “Max! Are you home?” I call out. The apartment had a weird feel to it. Nothing was out of place, which was par for the course. Max was a neat freak. He didn’t do a lot so he spent a lot of time at home and he cleaned.

You never know. His jeep may not be out front but that didn’t mean he wouldn’t be here. Bob is always breaking down at the most inopportune times. He loves the thing to death and I don’t have a clue why. Maybe it’s because it’s one of the few things that he can actually call his own. It gives him something to relate to. I don’t know. I never did well in psych class. I remember the one time it broke down on me. Radiator overheated and I was stuck on the side of the road. I was lucky that Maria just happened to drive by. I felt a smile begin to form at the memory. It was when Maria first found out about us. She was freaked and a little bit on edge.

I wouldn’t trade all our past experiences for anything. It was a long hard road but it was worth the trip.

I walk into the apartment and call out again. Still nothing. I walk down the hallway and knock on his closed door. “Max? Is everything okay?” No answer. I slowly open the door and peek in. I swing the door open wider. “Max?” His bed is made. It was always made. He was a neat freak like I said before.

My brother got up at five in the morning to go jogging before going to the gym, but he made his bed and did the breakfast dishes before leaving the apartment. I walk back out of the room and continue searching the apartment. I head into the kitchen and look at the fridge. Nothing, not a goddamn thing. He knows it pisses Tess off when he doesn’t leave her a note telling her where he’s going to be. I walk over to the machine. The light is blinking so I press the button to listen to the messages.

“Hi, this is…” Nope… some salesman trying to sell us something. I press the fast forward button to hear the next message.

“Hi, Max. This is your mother. I was calling to tell you that you left your sunglasses here. I know you’ll be looking for them and I just wanted to let you know that you should probably just go out and get a new pair. Uh… your dad accidentally stepped on them after he knocked them off the kitchen counter.” I hit fast forward again. Mom definitely wasn’t going to give me any information on where Max was. If push came to shove I would call mom and see if she had heard from him. Who knows? Max may have decided to make a quick trip home for the weekend.

“Hey, Tess. This is Steve. Maria said…” I almost broke out in hysterics. Steve Mason. Maria was one of a kind. You just have to love her. Steve Mason is this guy that doesn’t know what the meaning of shower once a day is. Giving Steve Mason Tess’ phone number was Maria’s way of pushing her towards Kyle. Her mind at times was hard to follow but I knew exactly what she was thinking when she tried to make that match. Tess was going to have to change their phone number now. That guy didn’t know what no meant. I hit fast forward to get to the next message.

“Max…” Click. That was all there was to that message. A girl’s voice calling for Max. I looked at the caller ID and it came up unknown. Who could have called him with an unknown number at… five in the morning this morning? The voice sounded familiar but I couldn’t really place it. Whoever it was he had to have been waiting for the call because he picked up almost immediately. Add another odd thing to a growing list. It’s not like Max to screen his calls. He’s one of those compulsive people that just has to pick up a ringing phone.

The next message begins. “Max, it’s me. I was just wondering…” Great it’s me. That was it. I walk out of the kitchen and scan the living room. I’m still clutching my phone so I dial Maria. It goes into voicemail. I leave her a brief message to call me. I don’t go into any details. There was no need for details. I didn’t really have too many to give anyway.

I sit down on the couch and look at the phone. I stare at it willing it to ring. Someone has to call me back.

Where could he be and who was the voice on the answering machine? I can’t take all of this waiting. I needed to think. I needed to try and figure out where he went. Maria said that they had met for their Saturday morning get together but she wouldn’t tell me anything else.

She had said that he had found Liz and when I asked how it went Maria said that he didn’t know. What didn’t he know? Maria wouldn’t have let him get away with an answer like ‘He didn’t know’? Not the Maria I know. She knew something and the minute I set eyes on her, she is going to pay for keeping me in the dark. I begin to relax and just about the minute I close my eyes, my phone rings and it scares the shit out of me. I almost fling it across the room but was able to hang on to it.

“Hello.” I answered the phone.

“Hey, it’s me.” Alex was whispering. “I’ve done some digging on Maria’s new friend and you’re not going to believe this.” Alex was in computer class right now. We had talked about him looking into Liz this morning. He was to start off with the transfer records and go from there.

“What? What did you find?” I couldn’t really kill him for stretching this out. He and Maria go back a long ways and for him to just blurt it out was against his ingrained nature. Years of hanging around with Maria will do that to a person. There was a lot of things that all of us had begun to pick up from each other over the past few years. Not all of them were as annoying as this habit was.

“She wasn’t lying about being from Connecticut. That was true. She was also majoring in molecular biology just as she said. Graduated valedictorian from high school. Overall, she’s a normal student. She was president of the Science Club. Active member in Who’s Who Among American High School Students for all four years. Member of the National Honor Society. Volunteered at the city hospital research department.” Isabel could hear Alex punching the keys to the keyboard. “I don’t see anything here that should set off any of our alarms.” I take a deep breath and let it out. She was normal. She wasn’t a skin. What a relief. “Hang on. They have something here that’s password protected.”

“What is it, Alex?” That can’t be good. Anything that is password protected can’t be good. What are they trying to hide? What little secret is Liz Parker hiding?

“This may take awhile. Can I call you back?” I wanted to say no, I’m not hanging up this phone until I have answers.

“Alex, Max wasn’t in class this morning and he’s not at home. I’m worried.”

“And you think Liz is the reason he’s missing, don’t you?”

“Yes. Please.“

“Isabel, maybe there’s a perfectly innocent explanation for why Max isn’t available.” Alex suggested as he tried to calm me down.

“Max always answers his phone. He wouldn’t ignore a call.”

“Well, maybe he’s… uh, not available. Um, maybe he got lucky.” Alex sounds embarrassed to suggest it.

“Oh, God Alex. We’re talking about my brother. Could we not go there.” I complain to him. Yeah, Max looked like he was really attracted to Liz. But hey, this was Max we were talking about. He wasn’t the first date type of guy. He would have to know a girl before he…. Eew, I can’t think about my brother that way.

“Okay, I’ll call as soon as I find out anything else.”

“Okay Alex, Hurry.” Now more than ever I wanted to be with Alex. I wanted to feel his arms wrap around me and I wanted to feel the warmth of his body next to me. I felt safe when I was with him. He grounded me. He kept me human more than I realized he ever did.

Funny what a person thinks about in the middle of a crisis. Everything that you take for granted suddenly is realized and you wish you were able to find peace within it but now that I’m four blocks away there’s not a single thing I can do but wait.

“I will. I promise to call you the minute I can get in. Okay. I promise. He’s going to be okay. Whatever is going through your mind about Liz Parker it’s not going to be that way. She’s not the enemy. She couldn’t be. Trust me. I’ll get to the bottom of this, I promise you. I love you. Call me if you hear from anyone else.” He was so sweet and he was mine. What did I do to deserve his love? I don’t know and I don’t care. I’m lucky. That’s all there is to it.

“I love you too. Hurry. I’ll be waiting.” I heard him hang up but I continued to hold the phone. I didn’t want to hang up. I wanted to have him here. I needed him. The phone went dead and I finally pulled it away from my ear.

I stood up and started to pace. Maybe I should try and dreamwalk him. Maybe he’s asleep somewhere. I knew it was impossible. If Max was kidnapped that would be the last thing he would be doing right now. I looked back down to the phone in my hand and wished that Maria would call me back.

I couldn’t wait any longer. I punch in the speed dial number for Maria’s cell and hoped that she would answer. It was ringing and ringing and I knew I was going to be thrown into voicemail. I was about to hang up when I heard the front door bang open. “Isabel! We have to go now!” Maria shouts as she storms into the room.

She stops the minute she sees me and the look on her face scares me to death. “What’s wrong? Is Max…”

“I’ll tell you when we get there. Have you heard from Tess or Kyle? They’re missing.” Why did she have to say that? I didn’t need that right now.

“I… I don’t know. I haven’t seen either one of them since Friday night’s party. Alex and I left right after you did. I don’t know… I don’t know.” Maria grabbed my hand. I know she was trying to keep me from falling apart but it wasn’t helping. “What aren’t you telling me? He’s my brother and I have the right to know. Don’t keep me in the dark. Please.”

She pulled me into a hug. I don’t know why but that’s when the walls came crumbling down. “Don’t worry. Everything is fine. In a while you’ll know everything that you have ever wanted to know. They made me promise not to say anything and just get you and Alex and meet them at the dorms.”

“Them? Who else is there?”

“Michael’s with Max. He’s been there all morning. It’s a long story and we don’t have much time. We have to get Alex.” She pulled on my hand and we left the apartment. I made sure to lock the door before shutting it.

“Max isn’t missing?” I dabbed at the tears that were running down my cheek.

“No, he’s fine. I told you. He and Michael are waiting for us.”

“Why didn’t he answer his phone? Didn’t he know that we would worry? Just wait until I get my hands on him. I’m going to kill him.” Maria ran around to the driver’s side of the little red Jetta and climbed in. I opened up the passenger side and slid in as well.

“I wouldn’t go that far. He’s had a rough morning. Yes, he should have answered his phone but he’s not all there. He’s had a lot on his mind.”

“What’s going on, Maria? You know you’re not very good at keeping things a secret so you might as well spill it already.”

“Let’s just say I was right about Liz. She’s perfect for Max. She’s in trouble and we have to help her. It’s going to take all of us to do it though.” Maria pulled out onto the street and then headed for school. “Is Alex still in the technology hall?” I nodded my head and Maria kept on talking. “Call him and tell him to meet us outside now. We don’t have much time.” There she goes again. What wasn’t she telling me? I could deal with anything but this suspense is going to kill me.

“Yeah, I’ll call him to let him know to meet us out front.” I was glad I that I now had a task of doing something useful. After an hour of doing nothing and coming up with nothing I was glad that it was going to end soon. At least I hoped that it was all going to end.

After I called Alex and told him to meet us out front I sat and looked out the window. Thoughts about everything that had happened in the last few days kept churning in my mind. I didn’t know what was so important about Liz that we had to jump through hoops to save her. What did she needed saving from? Why was she perfect for Max? I hope she doesn’t drag us down with her. That’s all we need after all this time of peace.

I notice a friend walking down the sidewalk; I have to remember to tell her that those boots definitely don’t go with that skirt.

I wonder if Alex had time to hack into the protected area of Liz’s transcript. What the heck would they want to hide in her transcript? Liz Parker looked like the proverbial All-American girl next door. All these thoughts were running through my head and it was really hard to keep them objective. All I want to do is forget that we ever met Liz. I was enjoying my life like it was, a great boyfriend that worships the ground I walk on, close to getting my degree, a fashion sense to die for… I don’t want to have to go through everything that we went through in high school. “Max left his sunglasses at mom’s when we were home for the holidays.”

“Umm… okay.” Maria looked at me weird. “Are you okay?”

“I listened to the messages to see if I could figure out where Max was and mom was on the phone telling Max that he should just go and buy himself a new pair of sunglasses. Dad stepped on them and broke them. I just thought that you would help me to remember to tell him. Those were his favorite pair.” I continued to look out the window. I knew Maria was probably thinking that I had gone over the edge. I was beginning to wonder if I had gone over the edge.

I needed to see Alex. I needed to have him hold me. Something major was going on and for some reason Michael and Max thought it best for me to be in the dark. I didn’t do well in the dark. The only time I did well in the dark was when Alex was there to hold me. And right now I needed to be held. “There he is.” I pointed to him and practically hopped out of the car before it came to a complete stop.

“Isabel?” I ran to him and hugged him and he instantly wrapped his arms around me and started to rock me. “What’s wrong?”

“I don’t know, Maria won’t tell me.” I sounded muffled because I had my head buried into his neck. “Michael’s with Max. I don’t know. I just need you to hold me. Hold me, Alex.” He did as I asked and I was truly grateful.

“Come on… we better go before Maria freaks out.” I didn’t pull away from him I just let him take me to the car. He opened up the back door and I climbed in. I had hold of his hand and he knew that he was to sit in the back with me. As he settled next to me in the back seat of the car he waved his hand imperiously and called out to Maria “Home, James.” and I was really glad that he was here.

We didn’t have to drive for too much longer. Maria pulled in to the dorm parking and we all piled out and followed. Alex had yet to ask any questions and it worried me. But then again it was normal for Alex and Maria not to speak. They had their own frequency and they just knew when to speak and when not to.

We enter the dorm and made a turn. Maria’s pace had quickened and I don’t know if she felt what I did but I felt power. Lots of it, so Alex and I quickened our pace too. The hall was pretty much empty which was probably a godsend, I’m not really sure. I won’t know until I know what is going on.

Maria stopped in front of room 123. I notice a dry erase board on the front and it has Max’s home number written on it with a message telling Liz to please call him. That must have been the quiet female voice that I heard on Max’s machine. Liz had called Max at five o’clock this morning and he has been here ever since.

I look at Maria and notice that her hand is hovering just over the knob. She looks at me and she looks scared for the first time. I don’t blame her. It’s hard telling what we are going to find on the other side of the door. “It’s okay, Maria. I’ll go in first. You guys stay behind me.” She nodded her head and did as I said. Protect the innocents above all else.

I turn the knob and slowly push the door open. I peek through the opening and see Michael with his arms crossed. “It’s about damn time you guys showed up. Where’s Tess and Kyle? We need them.” At the sound of his voice I gained my backbone and pushed the door the rest of the way as I charge into the room.

“I can’t find Tess and Kyle. They’re out of range. I go straight into voicemail. Where ever they are they’re not where they can be reached.” Maria says. She’s still behind me. I had stopped at the entrance to the small dorm room. I couldn’t believe what I was looking at. This can’t be.

“Max?” He looked up from the side of the bed. Tears in his eyes. “Max… What’s wrong?” I could feel his fear roll off him. I could feel the power he was using and I could feel it weakening.

“Shut the door.” Michael pulled us all inside. He was scared I could tell by how gruff he was being.

“What the…” Alex asked but never finished the minute he saw the situation. He stayed put and he didn’t move.

“Oh my god…” Maria said in a small whisper that was uncharacteristically of her. I didn’t even look at her. My eyes were locked on Max. He went back to concentrating on the small form on the bed and didn’t look at us when we entered the room.

I went down to my knees by my brother’s side. “How bad? How bad is she?”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

TBC

You know what to do... Don't let me down now! Keep the wonderful feedback a coming...

Thanks in advance!



[ edited 1 time(s), last at 22-Jul-2002 11:25:39 AM ]
posted on 23-Jul-2002 8:07:18 AM by Bordersinsanity
Lana Lane -- That last one is my favorite. Christina does such good work, doesn't she...

Anyway... Once I get all my real work done this morning. I promise I'll sit here at my desk until the next part is somewhat completed... Look for a new part no later than FRIDAY

Thanks again for the bump!

Hope all is well in RL
posted on 26-Jul-2002 12:17:52 PM by Bordersinsanity
heartless3369 – Well, I’m back but I’m sure everyone is going to kill me. It’s not really the part that you were wanting but you do find out some interesting information that could help add another piece to the puzzle.

Thanks for the feedback.

AJK001 – Well, I’m glad you liked the note but unfortunately Part 9 gave me a fit. It just didn’t want to happen so if all goes well this weekend look for the part that you are waiting for on Wednesday. Hope you don’t kill me for prolonging your anticipation.

AvengingAngelIQ -- ::cringes because you’re going to kill me.:: Although the next pov is from someone in that room but I don’t think it’s the one that you were wanting… The part that you’re waiting for will ::crosses fingers:: be ready on Wednesday. Talk to ya later…

Oh, I have something I want to send you… Let me know what you think.

mpls muse – I tried to hurry but just couldn’t get it done… between RL and Alex… Part 9 just wasn’t flowing… Maybe because Max and Liz kept hounding me to tell their story… Oh well, better late then never.

Hope you like.
Thanks for the feedback.

roswellluver – Well, I don’t like to be the only one who has one foot in an asylum so I thought you guys would like to keep me company. Over to the left you see the nice cushy couch nothing like the one in Part 9 believe me only the good stuff for my readers. And over by the window you’ll find Max and Liz snuggling in between their scenes. I wouldn’t bug them because the next two parts are theirs and they have a lot of work because I’m assuming that they have one hell of a story to be told that just won’t fit in one post.

Hope that helps… Thanks for the feedback!

SciFiNut111 – Now if I told you what they saw in the room you wouldn’t be bumping me now would you? Yes, Max is in the dorm as is Michael. How they got there is yet to be known. The only ones that know are Max and Liz and they’re not next so you’re just going to have to wait just a few more days. Sorry.

I know… What happened to letting everyone know where they were going… But then again did you expect anything less from her? I’m not sure how critical Kyle and Tess are because I’m not really sure what’s going on… LOL!!! I know kill me know. Hang in there I’m sure you’ll be the first to know what’s going to happen since you are one of the few sounding boards I have…

Thanks for the feedback and the bump!

carolina_moon – I just love a good cliffhanger… Keeps you guys interested in what’s going on and what’s happening and yes, you’re probably still going to want to kill me after Part 9. Sorry that’s just the way the story is going… be patient though and look back on Wednesday for another part. That is if… I can write it that fast. I’m assuming that it’s going to be a really, really long part. It has to cover… oops. I don’t want to let the cat out of the bag. See you soon and Thanks For The Feedback! (insert the infamous evil laugh here)

MariaG – I’m back but not as soon as I wanted to be… Hope you like the next part and I’m sure you’re still going to be frustrated but hang in there I promise answers will be revealed within the next two or three parts.

Thanks for the feedback.

Lana Lane – Well, there’s not too much I can answer just know this… in Part 9 you get some added information that will help you solve the puzzle but it’s still not enough to know what the heck is going on with Liz… UGH! I know I’m bad but hopefully you still love me enough to hang in there. Don’t leave me yet… Look for all answers to be answered in Part 10 and if not in 10 look for them in Part 11 or 12 LOL! I haven’t written them yet but they have been visualized… Just keep the fabulous incentives coming my way… The next parts should be easier to write because they are the ones that I’ve been waiting for now since April.

quote:
AvengingAngelIQ
You must really be bordering insanity if you think you'll post on Friday. That part better be out today. Just teasing can't wait for the next part.

Well now you know I’m insane because today is Friday and look at what I’ve got here… the next part. WooHoo!

Thanks for the bump!

woodwinds – Well, to be honest I’ve never been to sunny California… but I live in Houston and if living in the fourth largest town in the U.S. doesn’t give me the idea of what the driver’s are like in other states I don’t know what would. LOL…

I’m not for sure if Maria really knows what is going on or not but it sure sounds like she does… I’m thinking we’ll hear from her in part 14 or there abouts.

And guess what I’m not answering any of your questions… I love reading them and I have to chuckle a little at what kind of things you think up. Amazing… and you’re so very, very close.

And yes ----- SOMETHING HUGE IS HAPPENING TO LIZ!

Thanks for the wonderful and consistent feedback. Much appreciated.

Spicy trini1 – Well, if you thought I was good at dodging questions before you should read everyone else’s answers that I gave them… at least I’m not just picking on you. Although there are a few people out there that know what’s going on. Just one of the perks of being my beta… you get to see what’s happening a few days ahead of the rest of the world.

And yes, I regret to inform you that I will not be answering anymore questions today… Thanks for the feedback and I hope you like Part 9

Oh, how’s In the Background coming along? Just curious.

And now onto ALEX and Part 9

If anyone wants refreshments I think Liz is coming around to take your orders... Just remember don’t keep her too long because she really needs to start writing her part of the story… I’m way behind. Alex gave me more of a problem then what I thought he would…



posted on 26-Jul-2002 12:20:41 PM by Bordersinsanity
Title: Long To Be – ALEX
Author: Borders InSaNiTy
E-mail: BordersInSaNiTy⊕yahoo.com
Rating: R (language)
Category: AU – Alternating POV’s – Dreamer based as always is there anything other than that?
Disclaimer: I own NOTHING that pertains to Roswell. Just wish I did…
Summary: Liz finds herself in unfamiliar territory with no memory on how she got there. It’s not the first time she’s ended up in new surroundings and it probably won’t be the last. She finally finds out how long she has been there and is instantly thrown into a party where she meets the rest of Maria’s gang. What do they think of the new girl?

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*


could you be lost
are you so free,
do you long to be
when the sun goes down, do you feel that feel when no ones near you
you know it's such a mystery how you washed up over me
I couldn't breathe, and I couldn't speak, lest I drown

but it's my kind
I'll never be cruel and I'll always play the fool
to be as loveless, as shameless as you.
but I'm so blind
I'll do it again I feel your eyes sink in
so faithless as you've been.

yes I'm so lost
I am not free but I long to be
when life goes down, do you feel as though you're gonna drown
you're going down
you're gonna drown
you're going down

but it's my kind
I'll never be cruel and I'll always play the fool
to be as loveless, as shameless as you.
but I'm so blind
I'll do it again I feel your eyes sink in
so faithless as you've been.

yes I'm so lost
I am not free
yes I'm so lost
but I long to be
but I long to be
but I long to be


Faithless by Injected

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*


PART 9

Isabel was pacing and he was only ten minutes late. I hate it when she goes into a frenzy like this. “Just give him some time.” I said as I walked over to her and grabbed her arms so she would stop pacing. I was actually beginning to see the path that was being worn into the carpet. “Imagine what it must be like to be him, to finally find someone that interests you only to lose her at the end of the night. To not even get the chance to get to know her.” I must have said something wrong because she threw her arms up into the air and started pacing again.

“He hasn’t lost her, Alex. There’s always tomorrow. How long did it take you and I to get together?” She actually is acting a lot like Maria. If she only knew that I was thinking about even comparing her to Maria I would be so dead right now.

“Isabel you and I are totally different than Max and Liz.” Our relationship took years to cultivate. It was a long and hard road but was well worth the trip.

“It’s not like she’s going anywhere. She would have to be crazy to move to a different school when she’s so close to graduating.” She said as she chose to ignore me. It was like I wasn’t even in the room anymore.

“Need I remind you that she has already transferred once. What’s to keep her from transferring again?” I regret saying that last line because she immediately started chewing on her fingers. I hate it when she bites her nails. It’s just so unlike her. “Isabel you’re over reacting. Besides it’s not like he hasn’t missed one of your Sunday dinners before.”

“I know Alex,” ooh, she does know that I’m still in the room, “but he’s always called me when he knew he was going to miss it. He’s really upset with me. Really.” She’s probably right. Max is probably just giving Isabel the silent treatment. I haven’t seen him use this tactic often, but he knows it drives Isabel crazy. I chose to keep this information to myself. There’s no need in bringing up the obvious if she has decided to overlook it then I won’t mention it to her.

She throws me her little sad face my way and I can’t stand being this far away from her. She only uses that face when she needs comforting. I close the distance and pull her into me and hold her. A little comforting should do the trick. At least I hope it does.

The remainder of the night continued on like this… Her ranting, me comforting until I couldn’t take it any longer. “I’m going out to the sofa. I have Peterson first thing in the morning and you know that he likes to give pop quizzes on the first day of the week.” I rolled over and kissed her.

“I’m really sorry, Alex. I know I’m just over reacting but I just can’t help it. You know me… when things are going well, I’m always expecting it to turn bad. Go sleep on the sofa and I’ll see you in the morning.” She gave me one more kiss and then tossed her head back and covered her eyes with her arm. I was really hoping that she would leave me the bed since she’s the one that can’t sleep. I guess not. Sighing, loudly, I get up and grab my pillow as I head out to an uncomfortable night on the couch.

I throw the pillow on the couch and grab the afghan off the back. I lay down and toss the cover over me. As I turn on my side and pull the afghan up to cover my shoulders I feel a distinct chill on my feet. Damnit. Why is this thing so friggin short. I try to use it on a diagonal and that seems to work. I settle down on the couch but sleep doesn’t come.

I don’t know how she does this to me… I mean; I know Liz is going to check out all right. I have this feeling about her. Sure I know she ran off and never came back; that’s suspicious in and of its own. I watched for her the whole time I was up on stage and I never saw her return. Of course Max never returned either, so I just assumed that they were off getting to know each other. I could tell that they were instantly attracted to one another. The way Max just hung on every word that she said was enough to tell me that he was interested. I even saw him smile when she was struggling with her hat.

I hope they’re okay. I’m sure they are but nothing ever goes the way it is supposed to go with our group. We have this target painted on us that when the going gets good the bad comes a running. It’s not fair. They never did anything to hurt anyone. They don’t deserve to be treated like they are freaks. They’re normal just like the rest of us except that they have ‘gifts’. If you look at it that way it’s not so bad but when you look at their ‘gifts’ as being alien powers that sends up the red flags to anyone.

Isabel just has this way with me. I love her and I would do anything for her but sometimes she pushes me to the limit. We had a rocky beginning in high school. She was the Homecoming Queen and I was the nerdy, underdeveloped, class computer geek. I can understand why it took her so long to notice me. I haven’t changed that much. I’ve buffed up but I’m still no Adonis.

I’m not going to be very good on the computer this morning because I’ve got a stiff neck for sleeping on the sofa. I should have made Isabel sleep on the couch. She looked just as beautiful as ever this morning, as fresh as a daisy. I bet she wouldn’t look so fresh after a night on the couch. Ha… she always looks good. Even when we were running from the FBI she looked good.

She was quiet on the way to school. Maybe she was anticipating her Econ class with Max. I reached across the center console and grabbed her hand. She squeezed it as she looked up at me and gave me a smile but I knew it wasn’t a real one. She was hiding again. Neither one of us said a word until we went our separate ways. “Don’t forget to see if you can find anything on Liz.”

“I will, but believe me I’m not going to find anything.”

“You’re probably right but please,” she leaned in and kissed me on the cheek and then held my face so I had no choice but to look her in the eye, “just check for me. I love you. Have a great day and I’ll see you at the Union for lunch. Oh and Alex, call me as soon as you find anything on her.”

“I love you too. Good luck in Econ. Tell Max hi when you see him.” She was already ten feet away from me and moving fast by the time I finished. She just wasn’t really having a good day after all. That’s my girl. Keep the cool; calm exterior showing while the inside is slowly drawing the covers up over your head. I hope her and Max make up soon because this silence thing is killing her. I chuckle as I think, ‘the calm Ice Princess, made a nervous wreck by her brother’s silent treatment.’ If only the kids at West Roswell could see her now.

I walk to my class and am lucky… it’s been canceled. Scrawled on the blackboard is a note that says that the prof is sick so all classes have been canceled for the rest of the day. “Cool.” I had the whole lab to myself. “Perfect.” It would take me sometime to get in so I set my backpack on the ground next to the station at the very back of the room. This way I could see everyone and anyone that came in and I would be able to minimize any unauthorized screens that I may be in.

I sat down and rolled my neck to relieve some of the tension that had settled there over last night’s stay on the sofa. I then stretched my arms out in front of me and clasped my hands. I popped every single joint in both hands and then wiggled them to make sure that they were ready to do some hacking. I always enjoy a good challenge. Maybe that’s what I like about Isabel. She was definitely a challenge. No, Isabel is much more to me than a challenge. She’s my one and only.

About twenty minutes into my hacking I finally find what I’m looking for. “Bingo.” Elizabeth Anne Parker. “Okay Miss Parker. What are you not telling us?” I punch a few more keys and decide I better let Isabel know. She won’t care that I’m interrupting her in her Econ class for this. She did say that she wanted to know as soon as I found something out. So, like the good boyfriend that I am I do what she wants.

“Hello.” She has such a nice voice. It’s music to my ears. Well, most the time unless she’s bitching, which is quite a lot but that’s what make her, her.

“Hey, it’s me.” I say quietly. I don’t know why I’m whispering. It’s not like I’m in a room full of students. “I’ve done some digging on Maria’s new friend and you’re not going to believe this.” I know this is going to get her riled up. She just knows that Liz is hiding something and I’m going to enjoy proving her wrong. Knock her down a few notches. Make her realize that not everyone is after her and her family.

“What? What did you find?” Draw it out for effect. She hates this when Maria does it to her and I’ve found out that it comes in handy. She just can’t wait to hear what I’ve found out. I can hear it in her voice.

“She wasn’t lying about being from Connecticut. That was true. She was also majoring in molecular biology just as she said. Graduated valedictorian from high school. Overall, she’s a normal student.” I couldn’t believe what all Liz had done during high school. No wonder she could afford to transfer in the last semester of her major. She was a brain. To say that Liz was a normal student was a lie. The girl was extraordinary but I wouldn’t dare tell Isabel that. “She was president of the Science Club. Active member in who’s who among American high school students for all four years. Member of the National Honor Society. Volunteered at the city hospital research department.” It went on and on, page after page of extracurricular activities. I looked for anything out of the ordinary but couldn’t really find anything. “I don’t see anything here that should set off any of our alarms.” I can practically hear her sigh of relief. Maria was right when she raked her and Tess over the coals the other night. Isabel was too protective of her brother. Let the man live a life for Pete’s sake.

Just when I thought it was going to be smooth sailing I happen along a password protected area that I’ve never seen before. Whenever I was hacking I always talk to myself and before I knew it I had said, “Hang on. They have something here that’s password protected.”

“What is it, Alex?” Me and my big mouth. Now I have to tell her what I found. I can’t do this to her. It’s going to kill her. I search my memory for excuses that I could use to buy me some time. I needed to read the entire file before I told her what I was reading on the screen.

“This may take awhile. Can I call you back?” I could almost sense Isabel shaking her head ‘no’ on the other end of the line. She was nervous and desperate for any information that could tell her what was rubbing her wrong about Liz.

“Alex, Max wasn’t in class this morning and he’s not at home. I’m worried.” Just when I think I’m in the clear she had to go and throw that into the mix.

I know the way her mind works. I’ve seen it from every angle. Even the way she dreams. “And you think Liz is the reason he’s missing, don’t you?” Captain Obvious had to ask the question.

“Yes. Please. Hurry.” I can hear it in the tone of her voice; she’s nervous and wants to be held. It’s funny really, all those years in high school, watching her put on her act for the mere masses. Who would have guessed that she craved contact so much? That she was really a touchy-feely kind of person.

“I will. I promise to call you the minute I can get in. Okay. I promise. He’s going to be okay. Whatever is going through your mind about Liz Parker it’s not going to be that way. She’s not the enemy. She couldn’t be. Trust me. I’ll get to the bottom of this, I promise you. I love you. Call me if you hear from anyone else.” I pulled everything I had to get off the phone with her. It wasn’t a task that was easy but the fact that Max was missing made it a little bit easier.

“I love you too. Hurry. I’ll be waiting.” I don’t want to give her a chance to change her mind so I hung up.

I flex my fingers and try to remember who handled the transfer students. I think for a moment, ‘Ah, Mrs. Jensen. This shouldn’t take long.’ I type in ‘epark&83’. This is almost too easy. Jensen always uses the students name and year of birth. She throws in the “&” sign because of a security course she once took. I hit return and am surprised when I get the infamous “Access Denied”. ‘Damn! Getting tricky in your old age huh?’ I think. Then it hits me. Case sensitive. That’s easy, Epark&83. Triumphantly I hit the enter key and curse when I still get the “Access Denied” message. Think Alex, you only have one more chance before this IP is locked out for the rest of the day and an event log is created. Not good. Mrs. Jensen, you’ve become more security conscious. Now how would she remember the passwords to these files? Then it dawns on me. She needs something she can remember but different than in the past, but not too different. The capital must be moved around. How can she remember? Okay, epArk&83. The third letter, because her birth year ends in a 3?

I lean back in the chair. It seems reasonable. Doesn’t it? Then why don’t I just hit the damn enter key? Why am I second-guessing myself? Just as I reach out to hit the key my cell rings and when I jump my finger hits enter. “Damn-it!” I swear as I reach for the phone. I raise it to my ear and snap out “WHAT!” As my eyes nervously scan the screen in front of me. It takes me a second to realize that the “Access Denied” message didn’t instantly appear. That has to be good, right?

Just as the screen starts to fill up the person finally answers, “Alex, it’s me… Maria knows where Max is and he wants us all to meet him. I guess.” She pauses for a moment, as if she were confirming with someone what she was saying was true. “We’ll be there in a few minutes.”

“Okay. I’ll be waiting.” Great just when I had just gotten in. I started reading the highlights of what the report said. The reason for the password was clearly evident. I click on the link and am instantly thrown into the Newington Police Department. It looks like Liz was reported on several occasions as being a missing person.

I hurry and scan. On the first occasion she was found in New York at the age of thirteen. The report read that she had called her parents to pick her up and that everything was all right. The second time she was picked up in some town in Oklahoma that I have never heard of at the age of fourteen. Every year the same thing. Another town another year and at the end she was the one that called home to be picked up.

There was another link at the end of the page. I clicked on it and it took me to a psychological profile. I couldn’t believe what I was reading. Liz Parker was diagnosed, as to being a schizophrenic. The doctor tried several methods of treatment and none of them seemed to do any good.

“The patient seems to experience periods of lost time. She finds herself in different locations without any conscious explanation as to why she was there. Patient has reported of experiencing these lost moments throughout her childhood.” It went on and on detailing each and every episode. She was in therapy for almost four years before they decided that it just wasn’t helping.

Liz’s parents must have found out where she was when the school asked for her transcripts as part of the transfer process. The password protected file was her parents one way of trying to keep track of their daughter. I read a little further. “Hello, this can’t be good.” Their other way was that they had a tracking device placed in her stomach. “Great… Liz is being tracked and she leading the police right to us.”

I looked at my watched and realized that I had used up more time than what I had wanted to. Isabel was going to be outside waiting for me and if I’m not out there soon she’s going to go ballistic. With Max missing she doesn’t need to worry about me too… I hit print and shut everything down. I make sure to delete any and all traces of my ever being there. I have a feeling that I’m going to have to go back in soon to see what else Liz Parker has in her past.

I pick up all the paper and shove them into my pack. I sling it over my shoulder and walk quickly down the hall. I let out a sigh of relief when I walk through the double doors and don’t see Isabel anywhere. I just made it for I heard the tires of Maria’s Jetta squeal as it rounds the corner.

I see Isabel point at me and I smile. She doesn’t even let the car come to a complete stop before the passenger door is pushed open. “Isabel?” She runs to me and hugs me as if she the last time she had seen me was ages ago. “What’s wrong?” It just wasn’t like her to show this much affection in public. I knew there was something going on that I just didn’t know.

“Nothing.” She has nestled her head into my neck and her ‘nothing’ comes out muffled. She’s trying hard not to cry and I slowly rub her back and add a squeeze here and there. “Michael’s with Max. I don’t know. I just need you to hold me. Hold me, Alex.” I did what she asks and then look over her shoulder to see Maria standing up and looking over the roof of the car. She’s motioning me to grab Isabel and get in the car.

“Come on… we better go before Maria freaks out.” I knew there was no way that she was going to let me leave her so I just led her to the backseat of the car. She held on tight to my hand and I knew what she wanted. I was to sit in the backseat with her. Isabel was in a complete panic attack and I needed to diffuse her before she exploded so I said, “Home, James.” She smiled at me and I kissed the top of her head and I knew that she was starting to relax the minute she leaned into my open arms. The lack of sleep from the previous night was starting to peak through and all I could do was hope that whatever was happening to Max didn’t have anything to do with Liz. I really didn’t want to be the one to tell everyone that she was going to bring the police straight to us if we continued to let her stay in the group.

I was surprised when we stopped in front of one of the dorms but I wasn’t going to say anything. I opened up the rear door and followed Maria. Maria was quiet. Too quiet if you asked me and I knew better than to ask questions at a time like this. She was just as frantic as Isabel was; she just had a better grip on it since she didn’t have Michael to lean on.

The minute we entered through the double doors both of the girls’ paces quickened. I had to too because Isabel had yet to let go of me. We rounded a corner and Maria stops in front of room number 123. The second thing I notice is that Max has been here. I assume that this must be Liz’s room because he left her a note on the dry erase board. I knew he had it bad for her. It was just a short note saying that he had a great time on Saturday and wished he knew what had gone wrong on Sunday to make her leave. Please call him and he left his home number. He had to be desperate because if he wasn’t there was no way that he would have left his number like that for any girl to get it.

Max Evans has evaded almost every girl on campus and here he was, just days after meeting Liz Parker, leaving his number for the entire female population to have it. I noticed that we were still stopped and noticed that Maria was hesitating on whether or not to open the door or not. I was just about to offer to open it when Isabel stepped forward and said, “It’s okay, Maria. I’ll go in first. You guys stay behind me.” Maria nodded her head and stepped aside so Isabel could go first. I had learned the hard way a long time ago. I tried to be all macho and nearly got myself killed. After that I promised Isabel to let the other’s go first no matter what. They were better equipped to protect themselves than we were.

She slowly turns the knob and pushes the door open just enough for her to see what’s going on inside. I hear Michael’s gruff voice and relax. “It’s about damn time you guys showed up. Where’s Tess and Kyle? We need them.” He was in his ‘second in command’ mode and it felt good to be told what to do.

“I can’t find Tess and Kyle. They’re out of range. I go straight into voicemail. Where ever they are they’re not where they can be reached.” Maria told him as she pushed Isabel out of the way. I realize now that Isabel had just stopped in the doorway and if I wanted to get into the room as well I needed to push her further in.

“Max?” Her voice is cracking and it sounds as if she’s about to cry. I had to look over her shoulder and then that’s when I saw him. He was leaning against the bed and was holding Liz’s hand. She looked deathly pale and was having a hard time breathing. Max didn’t look too well either and if I had to venture he wasn’t going to say anything for fear that he would break down and cry. “Max… What’s wrong?”

“Shut the door.” Michael pushed us all inside and closed the door. I had lost my voice for a moment. The only reason was because the conversation that I had with Isabel last night kept running over and over inside my head.

“Imagine what it must be like to be him, to finally find someone that interests you only to lose her at the end of the night. To not even get the chance to get to know her.”

“He hasn’t lost her, Alex. There’s always tomorrow.”


The way Liz looked didn’t make me believe that she would be able to see tomorrow let alone tonight. “What the…” That was all I could get out. The room was silent and my voice must have brought Maria into the real world. She was just about to let it all loose when she saw Liz lying on the bed.

“Oh my god…” She said in a tone that I have never in my entire life heard her sound like. Maria was quiet. The severity of the situation didn’t go unnoticed by any of us. Whatever was happening to Liz was alien related. We’ve all seen it before and I think that’s the reason why Maria was so quiet. The last time we had seen these symptoms was when we almost lost Michael.

I continued staring at the bed. Max was holding onto Liz’s hand as if it were her only hope. Isabel immediately went to Max’s sided and asked, “How bad? How bad is she?”

He didn’t answer at first he just bowed his head and rested it where their hands joined and his body slowly began to wrack as he released his sobs.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*


TBC

YES THE LONG AWAITED PARTS ARE NEXT... MAX AND LIZ... I'LL KEEP YOU UPDATED IF ITS GOING TO BE LATER THAN WEDNESDAY... KEEP YOUR FINGERS CROSSED...

THANKS FOR ALL THE WONDERFUL FEEDBACK... YOU GUYS ARE WHAT KEEPS ME WRITING... THAT AND THE FACT THAT BOB JUST WON'T LET ME QUIT... LOL. PAYBACKS ARE HELL... JUST REMEMBER THAT.



posted on 28-Jul-2002 12:35:36 PM by Bordersinsanity
Thought I'd pass this along...

I'm pretty impressed with it but I know I'm nowhere near the talent of some of those that are out there but here it is...

::trumpets in the background::

page7

My banner... Let me know what you think

posted on 31-Jul-2002 9:21:24 AM by Bordersinsanity
I know, I know... today's Wednesday and unfortunately I've been a very bad girl. Um, I don't want to shove the blame anywhere but on me but my interests have been thwarted to a few new fics... Yes, there are some new ones in the works... but with past experience they won't be published until this one is finished. I don't think it would be very fair to you guys that are so desperately waiting for another POV...

I am working on Part 10 right now and am about two hours into Saturday morning just to give you an idea of how much I have written. I'll let you know more around the end of the day on when I think I'll have the part ready to post.

Thanks for your patience and constant feedback... you guys are the greatest.

[ edited 1 time(s), last at 31-Jul-2002 10:13:01 AM ]
posted on 31-Jul-2002 4:40:00 PM by Bordersinsanity
Okay... it's being proofed and edited. Look for the update first thing in the morning...
posted on 1-Aug-2002 2:19:47 PM by Bordersinsanity
Since I'm running behind schedule I'm not answering any feedback... If you want me too let me know and I'll do the best I can...

On with the next part!

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Title: Long To Be – MAX
Author: Borders InSaNiTy
E-mail: BordersInSaNiTy⊕yahoo.com
Rating: R (language)
Category: AU – Alternating POV’s – Dreamer based as always is there anything other than that?
Disclaimer: I own NOTHING that pertains to Roswell. Just wish I did…
Summary: He’s finally found the woman of his dreams. Will she be there when he wakes in the morning?

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*


PART 10

I fought to stay asleep, not wanting this dream to end. I felt something move beside me as the angel in my arms snuggled closer. It wasn’t a new dream but one that I’ve had for some time now. Granted it wasn’t like the others, no, in this one the faceless woman that usually shared my bed had a face and it was Liz’s. Even though the woman in my past dreams had no face I still knew her. More importantly my heart knew her. Liz was there this time and I knew she would always be there from here on out. The faceless woman would never appear in my dreams again. I feel her warmth as I realize how perfectly she fits against me.

I take a deep breath and I am instantly hit with the smell of fresh strawberries. Liz… once again popped into my head. That was something new in this dream also, before I had never been hit with all these sensations. I slowly open my eyes and see her watching me. We were lying on our sides in each other’s arms.

I open my eyes wider and I see that she is smiling at me. I can’t help but smile too. “Good morning.” I say with much effort. My heart was in my throat and my stomach was doing all sort of flip flopping motions. My heart never did that in my past dreams.

She smiles at me wider. “Are you real?” She asks, her voice barely above a whisper.

I nod my head and say, “I think I’m real.” I look at her and her eyes are searching mine. I don’t want to say anything until she does. I don’t want to move until she does. This dream is very vivid and I’m scared that if I close my eyes and slowly count to ten and then open them again she will be gone. I take a chance that this might be real and close my eyes and try to count to ten. When I open my eyes and look, she’s still there. “Are you real?” I ask her. The woman of my dreams was indeed still on my couch, in my arms and smiling up at me.

“I think I’m real.” She moves her hand and cups my face. She looks deep into my eyes. Usually I would want to look away. I’ve never been one to stare down a person. I’m not sure what she’s looking for but the touch of her hands on my face makes my pulse quicken. I’ve never felt anything like this before.

She kisses me. I instantly close my eyes and savor the warmth of her lips on mine. I tighten the hold I have on her and draw her body close to mine. I’m amazed at how easily we fit together and how well we mold together to fit comfortably on the narrow couch. I lose all conscious thought when she deepens the kiss and wraps her arms around my neck.

I open my mouth and take her tongue into it. This is the one I’ve been waiting my entire life for. This is the woman that I know will make me a happy man. I don’t know how I know but I do.

I break the kiss and frame her face with my hands. I look deep into her eyes; I’m asking her to trust me that we don’t have to rush things. I’m not going anywhere if she’s not. I am afraid that I would lose all appropriate thought, if we continue to kiss I wouldn’t be able to function and I definitely would not be able to stop from going further. “Liz…” She continued to kiss down the length of my neck. My hands against her face decided not to even bother with holding her back. Her lips felt warm and soft against the soft sensitive skin of my neck. “Liz. I think we better stop.” I breathe out with much effort.

“I don’t want to stop.” She’s still making her way up to my ear lobe. “I’ve waited for this moment when I would find you for a long,” kiss, “long time.” I force her to look me in the eyes. Did she know that there was someone out there for her like I thought there was for me? Did she think that that someone was me? I would think that she had a boyfriend.

There was so much to find out about her. She was so much of a mystery to me that I don’t know what to do about it. “Let’s get to know each other first and then we’ll see what happens.” I don’t know how I can look her in the eyes and say what I am saying. What I really wanted to do was rip off her clothes and get to know her body. I’d been Mr. Responsibility for way too long and its about time I let him hit the road. No! I can’t think like that. This wasn’t like me at all. I don’t know why I’m acting like this. I feel very possessive of the woman lying beside me. I just want to wrap her and me up and stay in bed with her for all eternity.

I slowly push my way up to a semi-sitting position. “I’ve got to shower and change and then we’ll head over to your place so you can shower and change. Then we are going to spend a day getting to know each other.” I saw a questioning look in her eyes before I continued. “No holding back, I want to know everything about you and I do mean everything about you.” I kissed her on the forehead and my hand lingers in her hair for far too long. I would say that I already have a fetish about her hair. I had a feeling I would from last night.

“Okay, as long as we are together.” She sat back on the couch and watched me walk to the bathroom.

I rounded the corner and just had to look back. What if everything that I was doing was a dream? She really wasn’t there right now. I had to see so I peak around the corner and she laughs. “I was just checking to see that you were really there.”

She gives me a cute smile and a wave, “I’m here and I’m not going anywhere.” She has such a beautiful smile. It could light up the whole place in the dark.

“Promise?” I wanted her to know that I really wanted her there while I got ready.

“I promise.” She waves her hand for me to go do what I need to do.

This was so weird. Last night I was cursing Maria for wanting to set me up with an outsider. Now, I want to promise her that I would name my first born after her, let her know that she’s the queen of matchmakers and bow down and kiss the ground she walks on for thinking of me.

I go into my room and start to throw clothes left and right. I don’t know what to wear. What should I wear when I’ll be spending the day with a girl that interests me, that I actually want to impress? I spread the blinds to the window and press my hand up against the glass to feel how cold it is outside. A sweater should do the trick. I go back to my closet and search my sweaters. They’re all black. I don’t feel like wearing black.

I grab my favorite one along with a pair of jeans and make my way to the bathroom. I wonder what her apartment looks like? I can see it now. The walls will be filled with pictures; I’m going to enjoy looking at all of them. Getting to know the real Liz Parker is going to be fun.

I can take her to the little deli that’s across from the museum. She might want to go see it. Who knows? What else could we do? I turn the water on and my thoughts immediately go to showering with her and running my hands over her naked body. I have to get my hormones under control. If I don’t, I don’t think I’ll be able to make it through out the entire day. I look down at myself. Gees, does he have no conscience? “We just met her.” I tell him. He doesn’t listen so I reach out and turn the hot water off. That will teach him to listen to the boss.

I scrub my hair, the whole time I’m wondering what she’s doing out there. Is she just sitting or is she looking around? I try to hurry because I don’t want her to wait any longer than she has already. Oh God, it hits me, the pictures of Tess and I together. I jump out of the shower and quickly dry off. I’m dressed and I’m looking in the mirror. I swipe my hand over the sweater and it turns to a deep burgundy color. No, that just won’t work. I swipe over it again and I about gag. There’s no way I’m wearing blue especially this shade of blue. That particular shade of blue reminds me of Tess and that’s the last person I want to be thinking about while I’m with Liz.

Boy, I wish Isabel were here. She would know exactly what color I should wear to impress the girl that is waiting in the other room for me. I swipe again and my black sweater has turned in to a red and blue tweed with a little bit of white mixed in. The collar is a roll style fake collar and the sleeves are rolled as well. They hang open just a little. It’s kind of cool looking if I do say so myself. Who says that girls are the only one with fashion sense? I pull on my socks and slip into my shoes.

My heart is pounding with anticipation. I feel like a little kid about to walk into the candy store but not quite the same. I know what I’ll be getting once I enter the other room. She’ll be there waiting for me. I take the final corner and enter the living room. She’s there and I release the breath that I am holding it doesn’t look like she wandered around.

She looks up at me when I enter the room and my heart beats even faster. “Wow! You look great.” She says as she stands up from the sofa and meets me halfway. She wraps her arm around my waist and I place mine around her shoulders. It’s like we were made for one another. We fit perfectly.

“I’m ready if you are.” I say as I lean over and kiss the top of her head while I pull her small frame to me.

“I’m ready.” She says as she takes my hand and pulls me to the front door. “I feel like I’ve been rolling around in dirt all night.” Did she not remember what had happened last night? Did she not know that that’s almost exactly what she was doing? The image of her kneeling on the ground rocking back and forth instantly flashed before my eyes. I shake my head to remove the image and continue on out the door.

Just as I was pulling the door shut I hear the phone ring. I pause and realize that it’s my mom… should I go in and answer it or should I just let the machine continue to take the message. Liz is halfway down the stairs when I decide to go ahead and let the machine take the full message. Mom could wait, besides I might have some good news for her later. She won’t be able to keep quiet once she finds out that I finally found the girl I had been dreaming of.

I smile when I remember the time my father came in and asked if I were batting for the other team. I had to laugh because he went immediately and said that that was okay as long as I was happy. He was more than relieved when I assured him that I wasn’t gay but merely waiting for the right one. “Son, how will you know that you haven’t missed the right one if you don’t go out and play the field.” I never really understood all the baseball references. Dad was never one to play sports and maybe he thought I would understand it more but all it did was leave me wondering if my dad wasn’t really all there at times.

“Hey, wait for me.” I yell down to her immediately after the little stroll down memory lane. She’s shining. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a woman glow like that before. I don’t even recall her glowing like that last night at the party but then again it was night; there wasn’t much sun out then.

“Hurry up you slow poke.” She calls back to me. I run down the stairs and catch up to her just as she’s standing by the jeep.

“Wait.” I say.

“What?” She asks.

“I just wanted to help you in.” I took her hand and help her up into the jeep. Her legs were so short and she was just too cute. “Do you think it’s going to be too cold for you? I could put the top on as well as the doors if you want me too?”

“No, you don’t have to. It’s going to be a great day and I don’t want to be cooped up inside. I love having the wind all around me.” I pulled the seatbelt out and buckled her up and then pulled on it to make sure that it was securely fastened. It was and when I looked up at her I couldn’t resist stealing a kiss.

She ran her fingers through my hair and I deepened the kiss a little bit more. It just felt perfect the way everything was just moving along with the two of us. I couldn’t help wondering if I was over reacting because nothing ever happened like this for me. Everything was a challenge for me. I had to work for everything that I had and then something’s just never worked out.

“We’re not going to get anywhere if we keep on doing that.” I scolded her. She pretended to pout and I had to chuckle.

I ran around to the driver’s side of the jeep and hopped in. I glanced over and saw she was pulling her hair into a ponytail using a scrunchy thing all girls seem to have. You have to wonder where they keep them because they always seem to have them. The ponytail makes her look about sixteen. She gets done fixing her hair and gives me a smile. I buckle in and I couldn’t believe what she did. She reached over and made sure that my buckle was fastened just like I had done to her.

“Am I buckled in okay?” I asked. I just couldn’t resist asking the question.

“I think so.” She said.

“Where to, my lady?” I was acting so silly. I reminded myself of Alex. This was exactly the way he acted around Isabel once she expressed her feeling for him.

“I’m staying at the dorms off of Taylor Street.” She told me. I couldn’t believe my ears.

“Taylor Street?” She shook her head. “I can’t believe it.”

“Why? What’s so funny?” She asked me when she saw me tilt my head back and laugh.

“Hang on. I’ll show you.” I started the jeep and put it into gear and drove around the block and onto Taylor Street. All this time she had been so close. Just a few blocks away from me and I didn’t even have a clue.

She starts to laugh and it’s the most beautiful sound I think I’ve ever heard. “I was so close all this time.” She says quietly and if I weren’t so tuned into her voice wanting to hear anything she said I probably would have missed it.

I reach over and grab her hand and she looks up at me. “We’ve found each other now that’s all that matters.” She smiles back at me but it doesn’t quite reach her eyes. There’s something bothering her I can tell. Sure I don’t know her that well but I know when there is something bothering her. It’s weird to feel this connected so soon after we first met. I wonder what it’s going to be like when we are together for awhile. Will we have a relationship where we finish each other’s sentences like some couples? Will we act like Michael and Maria and bicker with one another just so we can make up with mad passionate sex or will be like Alex and Isabel that has a comfortable distance but know when the other needs some support?

It’s hard to tell right now. All I know is that I hope that she gives me the chance to find out. “What’s wrong?” I finally ask her. I hate that something could take her glow away from her so quickly.

“Nothing.”

“Come on, you can tell me.” I try to pull the information out of her.

“It’s nothing really.” She pushes another small smile my way and I notice that the knuckles on her hands are turning white. I hated the fact that the jeep was a standard instead of an automatic right now. I wanted to keep her hands in mine. I wanted to share in her discomfort.

“Liz…” I take a sideways glance at her and she’s looking out the window with a far away expression on her face.

“Really, Max, it’s nothing.”

I had had enough of this I hurriedly pulled into the parking lot of the dorms and parked the jeep in the first available spot. I shut the engine off and unbuckle my seatbelt. “Liz, I may have just met you last night for the first time in my life but I know that there is something bothering you. Please, tell me. Nothing that you say will change the way I feel about you.”

She looks up at me and I see the first signs of tears beginning to fall. “It’s really silly. I’m just over reacting over nothing. Really.” I unbuckle her seatbelt and pull on her legs so that her body is facing mine. I take hold of her face and I pull her in for a kiss.

I wanted to wipe her misery away. I held on to her tightly and I poured everything that I was feeling into that kiss in hoping that she would somehow realize how much I already loved her. I knew it was foolish to think that I was already in love with her. We barely even knew anything about one another, so how could I already love her. It was beyond me, maybe even beyond much more.

I felt the wetness of her tears trail over and around my thumbs. She was crying even more and when I went to pull away she wrapped her arms around my neck and deepened the kiss.

~*~FLASH~*~

There’s a woman standing in a glowing doorway. She has long dark hair that flows over her shoulders and down to her waist. There’s a voice booming in the background. “One more year. If she hasn’t connected to her other half by the end of this year we will allow her to come back. Now do it before it is too late. She’s already been here far too long as it is. Khivar will not be happy to find out that we have gone against his wishes. Do it!”


I feel her pull away but I hold her in place with my hands. For some reason I was getting flashes of information through her. What else did she know? Where was the information coming from? Why was I feeling so much heartache because of the closing door that loomed in front of me? There are so many questions; I can’t let it go. I can’t let her go.

I feel how scared the person whose eyes I’m looking through feels. Hearing his name makes her skin crawl with equal amounts of hate and fear.

As I continue to stare into the chocolate depths of her eyes I’m hit with another vision,

~*~FLASH~*~

The two forms lock eyes and a silent conversation passes between them. “You are our only hope now, for your success in finding the one you love will lead us to the freedom we crave for.”

The other nodded her head in understanding and sent back her own non-verbal communication. “My failure means Khivar’s success. My misery brings him happiness and I’m sorry to say that the man should be really happy for my misery has gotten the better of me. I came back today to stay for good but I believe in you. I know you wouldn’t send me away for me to fail. I’m hoping that you know something that I do not know because I’m not sure how long I can continue my search with so little information about the one I seek. I’m finding it difficult to follow my heart. My mind is slowly winning the battle and I’m beginning to think that this world is just too large for me to find him.”

“I will not give up. I will find him and when I do we will set our people free from Khivar.” The woman that was standing in the doorway was smiling. The other one could feel how proud she was of her boldness and her assertiveness.

“I wish you well, my daughter. I long to hold you in my arms again. You no longer can come back here this way, for if you do I have no choice but to keep you here. Please understand that I do love you and wish I could tell you more but always know that it is destined to be. You will be the one that will destroy our world as we know it and kill the king that now rules the lands. Good luck, your majesty. May you find your king and free your people from the clutches of the evil Khivar.”


She violently pulls away from me and I see that she’s still crying. She jumps out of the jeep and starts running. “Liz!” I yell after her. “Liz… wait!”

I get out of the jeep and follow her. She’s running like I’ve never seen anyone run before. I see her push through the double doors and I follow her. She goes down the hall and rounds the corner. I slow down not wanting to attract any attention that Liz is running away from me and that I’m chasing her. I had to see what she knows. Somehow she knew about Antar and about Khivar and she’s been searching for me all this time.

Who was she and what was she doing here? Why did the other call her “your majesty”? I was king and Tess was my bride. The communication orb told us so a long time ago. Is she someone that came after us? Is she a member of my royal family? Oh, god! I was kissing a family member… I was having fantasies about having sex with a family member. I’m awful! I can’t believe it.

I see her push open a dorm room door and enter the room. She slams it shut and I’m face to face with a door that has a dry erase board and a message that looks like it’s from Maria. I quickly read the message and have to laugh at how cryptic it sounded. “Breakfast, deli, I want details” ~M That was our Maria.

I knock on the door. “Liz, please… let me in.” She doesn’t answer. I knock again. “Liz… please.”

“Go away!” She sobs out.

“I’m not going away until I can talk to you. I can explain. Please, let me explain.”

“No one can help me. I’m here all alone. I have no one.” She was talking foolishly.

“You’re being silly, Liz. I can help you if you will just let me in.” I tried the door and it wasn’t locked. “I’m coming in.” I had to warn her that I was entering.

When I opened the door the room was so dark. “Liz…” my ears piqued trying to pick up the slightest noise. “I’m sorry that you feel this way. Please, let me help you. I just found you, don’t let me lose you. Again.” Where did that come from, ‘again’. I don’t know why I added again. It just felt right. I couldn’t help but hope that I had known her before. Before on Antar. “Together we can fit the pieces together and come up with a solution… only… we’ll have to work together.”

“Go away, Zan.” How did she know that was my name? “And quit calling me Liz. I’m not Liz.” What was she talking about?

“Okay, I won’t call you Liz anymore. Let me just turn on the light.” I went to reach for it and immediately stopped. Liz was holding up a small globe of light in the palm of her hand. “Liz…” I was beyond words. She was one of us and I didn’t even know. “You’re one of us? You’re like us?”

“I am one of you but I’m not like you. If I were like you I wouldn’t be having a hard time with this.”

“What are you talking about? I don’t understand how you can be one of us but not like us.” I walk closer to her and she allows me to. I was thankful for the small gesture, unlike last night when she kept me at bay for so long.

“I’m not sure really. All I know is that when I’m here I’m looking for you. I have this unnatural craving to find you to connect with you. To be one with you.”

“And when you’re not here?” I had no idea what she was talking about. She was always here. An image swept over the entire room. It was of the scene that I had seen earlier when we had connected but instead of a woman in the doorway the door was closed and she was in constant darkness.

“I wanted to give up. I had looked for you for so long and I wasn’t any closer to finding you then before. They had shut the door on me. I could no longer return for if I did I would have to stay. It was fine with me. I mean if I was meant to be with you then I would have found you much sooner right?” She looked at me not expecting an answer before continuing, “I figured they were lying to me to keep me from returning. I figured it was Khivar’s way of making me suffer.” I had to sit down. She was giving me so much information that I couldn’t process it and still remain standing at the same time. I leaned up against the closet door.

She stopped and watched me. “What?”

“You look so different but yet your eyes are the same. When we woke this morning I was lost in your eyes. I can’t pretend anymore. You’re not the same as I remember you. I remember a you that you don’t and it’s wrong for me to think that things could be the way that they used to be.”

I reached out and took her hand, “I know I don’t know who you used to be but the minute I met you I knew I knew you. Please, don’t run away from me. Please, let’s figure this out together.”

“I’m not running. I have nowhere to go.” She waved at the room as if she felt trapped here. “I don’t fit in anywhere. Not here and certainly not there.” She dropped her head into her hands.

“You’re wrong. You belong here, I know you do.”

Her head came up and she shook it vehemently before looking at my eyes, “No I don’t. I saw you with her. You married her after I had gone.” I didn’t know what she was talking about. “You were forced to take another back then but you didn’t know about that here and yet you still live with her.”

“Who, Tess?” That’s who she had to be talking about. Tess and I were married in our previous life but she said after she was gone was when I took another. “I was married to you before?” All the information that I had gathered was swimming around and around within my head. I couldn’t make head or tails out of it. I was hoping Liz would be able to.

“You were married to Ava, my cousin, daughter of Khivar.” I’m sure my jaw dropped as the information registered.

“But you said after…” I was broken away from my making sense of anything that she was telling me when my stomach growled and hers matched it almost at the same time. I realize that I hadn’t eaten since some time yesterday and by the sounds of it Liz hadn’t either.

I looked up at her and then stood up. I held my hand out for her to take it and she did with little to no reluctance. “Go shower and change and I’ll take you to get something to eat. We can talk more about what you remember and what I remember and then once we have everything straightened out we’ll go tell the others.”

I could feel how she was holding herself back from touching me any further. Was this the way it was going to be from here on out? I didn’t like this uncomfortable silence that was edging its way between us. I had just found her and I was actually looking forward to being happy with her.

I clasped my hand against her cheek and she leaned into it and closed her eyes. “Don’t push me away just yet. Please. Not until we find the answers to everything that we are looking for.” I pulled her into me and she wrapped her arms around me and I did the same. We stood there for a few moments and then I stepped back. “Go… before something else changes your mind.”

She smiled up at me and it still didn’t quite reach her eyes like it did before. I let it slide and watched as she opened up the closet and picked out some clothes. She went to the dresser and retrieved some more and before she left the room she bent down and grabbed what looked like a beach bag. I’m assuming that’s her shower supplies that she will need. She stopped just before leaving the room all together. “You will be here when I return, right?”

“Yes, I’ll be here.” And before she could ask I added, “I’m not going anywhere, you’re stuck with me, I promise.” There was no way that she was going to get rid of me that soon. No possible way. She closed the door and I had to turn on the light.

My eyes took longer to adjust than they normally did. I stood by the door and looked around the room. It was just like the rooms that I had seen in the brochures almost four years ago. I walked and looked at the desk and computer. There were no pictures. I made my way around the entire room and realized that there was nothing here that made it Liz’s room. There was no personality to it at all. She had been here almost a month and had done little to no decorating.

I sat down on the bed and noticed the drawer to the nightstand was open and I saw a leather-bound book inside. I wonder what kind of books she likes to read so I reached in and took it out. There was no title on the cover or spine. It was completely empty of any markings. I took a chance and opened it up.

To my honey bear –

For when the day comes and you need to look back and know what happened on a certain day in your life. I hope you are able to fill each and every page with the most wonderful of thoughts and events that you can look back and smile upon.

All my love
Grandma Claudia
3/17/98


I knew I shouldn’t go any further into the book, this was Liz’s most private thoughts and I would just have to wait until she could share them with me, but there was something that struck me funny. Her grandma said that this was for when the day comes and she needs to look back and know what had happened. What did that mean? Did it have anything to do with what she was trying to tell me before? Did it have anything to do with what happened last night?

Knowing this is an incredible invasion of her privacy, I still can’t help myself, and I turned the page and began to read.

Today I turned sixteen and I got this fabulous book from grandma. She always knows what I need and I hope that it will help me remember what happens when I’m not me.

I had to stop reading. That very first sentence made me realize what was happening to Liz. I should have known what was going on last night but I wasn’t thinking that she would be involved in anything alien related. It was like Brody Davis, a strange fellow that bought the UFO Museum back home. Talked about being abducted by aliens all the time and we didn’t believe him until I met him at an alien summit meeting in New York City.

He had been taken over by one of the five planet’s ruler. It was like they just used his body and he did what they wanted him to do. God, to be Liz living like that, must be awful. I had mixed emotions about it all. Was the woman that possessed Liz the one I love or was it Liz herself? How could I nurture a love with someone that really isn’t here and what would happen when the one using Liz’s body ran out of energy and she had to leave? Would Liz like me being around or would I have to hold back my feelings?

Does she know what’s happening to her? I thought back to last night.

“Whatever happens, Max, just know that it’s not me. Just remember for me because I won’t be able to.”

She did know what was happening to her. She wanted me to remember for her because she wouldn’t be able to. I put the journal back. I didn’t want it to tempt me into another peek.

What was I going to do? I had a human who was being taken over by alien royalty. Not only was that going to be a problem for me but Liz basically told me that she had feelings for me. She wanted to remember me when she came back.

I slumped back down on the bed and thought about what to do. This was going to be such a hard decision for me to make. Was it Liz or this other that I had feelings for? And if she’s not Liz who is she?

I don’t know how long I sat there and thought about it, but when “Liz” came back she had to touch me before she was able to get my attention. “You ready to go get something to eat?” She asked.

I stood up and took hold of her hand. “Yeah, I’m ready.” She opened the door and I waited for her to go through. “Do you have everything that you need?” She shook her head and we walked out of the dorm and got into the jeep.

“So what do you like to eat?” I didn’t help her into the jeep. I was already on the other side when I asked the question.

“Um,” She started laughing.

“What so funny?” I had to look at her. She was blushing. I think she was embarrassed about whatever she was thinking about.

“No, you’re going to think this is weird.” She began and then continued. “I absolutely love pancakes with peanut butter and hot sauce.”

I started laughing. “You have to be kidding me? I love that too.”

“Really?” She seemed to relax some.

“Yeah, really.” I relaxed some too.

Things were going to go well for us. We just needed to find where to begin. Hopefully breakfast will go well and we can do some more getting to know one another better.

“Well, then. Who am I to argue with a beautiful lady?” She shook her head and shrugged her shoulders. “Off to the best IHOP I know and it’s close by too.” I had to add that in because my stomach rumbled and she was laughing at me.

Less than ten minutes is what it took me to get us to the pancake house. I looked at the clock and it was almost nine in the morning. I parked the jeep and met Liz on the other side and I helped her out this time. I realize that there’s no need to act any differently around her, not until I got to the bottom of what was causing her episodes.

I took her hand and led her to the door. I opened it and waited for her to walk through. When she passed me I placed my hand at the small of her back. I’ve seen my dad do that same exact gesture plenty of times and it just seemed right at the time.

We’re standing and waiting for the hostess to seat us when I hear a squeal from somewhere off to the right of me. I’ve heard that squeal before and this was not what I wanted to do this morning. Liz doesn’t even move, evidently she’s never heard one of Maria’s infamous squeals before. I slowly turn around because if I even attempt to ignore her, the scene will only become more obscene. I do a little wave and gently pull Liz close to me with my other hand. I lean down and whisper in her ear, “If you want to go somewhere else I’ll understand.”

She looked up at me with a confused look on her face and I pointed to where Maria was standing on her chair waving her arms widely in the air. Liz waved back. “You know Maria?” She asked.

“Yeah…” I had forgotten that this wasn’t the same person that I met last night. This wasn’t the Liz who was rocking back and forth on the ground clinging to me as if I was her one and only lifeline. “Maria and I are… well, she’s dating Michael. He was Rath when we lived on Antar.” It was really weird trying to explain to her who everyone was.

“Really…” She looked over to where Michael was. He continued eating as if Maria was sitting there eating a normal breakfast. “I’d love to sit with them. It’s been so long…” she stopped in mid sentence and then looked back up at me. “They don’t know about me do they?”

I shook my head no, “And they don’t have to know if you don’t want them too.”

“I’d like that. It’s kind of overwhelming to finally find you, let alone my cousin too.” I tried hard not to let my jaw hang open; she was Michael’s cousin? That was really weird. “Who else is… Is Maria Vilondra?”

“No… No… Maria is human. Vilondra is my sister, Isabel? She’s kind of tall and has long blonde hair…” She was still shaking her head that Isabel wasn’t ringing any bells for her. “That’s okay. You’ll meet her soon.”

“I have so many questions.”

“Let’s eat and then we’ll go somewhere to chat. I know the best place.”

“Okay.”

I placed my hand on her back and gestured to the hostess that we’ll be sitting with them over there. I’m not sure if this is such a good idea or not. Michael’s vote on Liz was still out for count and keeping this big of secret from him was only going to make things worse on her. I tried to look on the bright side but I didn’t really see one at the moment. Maria had jumped off the chair and came bouncing our way.

“Oh, goody, goody, goody.” This was going to go well. Maria hugged Liz and then she came and hugged me and while I was hugging her back she whispered in my ear, “How’s it feel to get laid?” I’m sure I turned bright red and that was enough of an answer for Maria to take it that we had done it last night. She pushed away from me and took one look at my face and squealed with delight. “I knew the two of you were going to hit it off famously. I just knew it.”

“If you only knew the half of it.” I said so Liz and I were the only ones that could hear. If she only knew the half of it.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*



Sorry it took so long… as you can see I’m still only about two hours into the day and we have two days worth of missing information so I’m sure I’m probably going to hear the word “MORE” quite a bit in all your fabulous feedback. Stay tuned… I’m not making any promises when the next part will be out since my muse has other things on her mind at times…

Hope you all enjoyed the rather lengthy part.

A BIG THANK YOU GOES TO SCIFINUT111 FOR THE EDITING... AND THE GREAT LAUGH...


[ edited 2 time(s), last at 1-Aug-2002 2:23:46 PM ]
posted on 2-Aug-2002 11:29:37 PM by Bordersinsanity
Pathos -- I'm so glad you're back. I thought I had driven you away...

I'm a little amazed that you liked my "Alex" POV... at first I didn't like it but then I let my partner in crime take a look at it. A lot of the mannerisms aren't mine though... if you really want to know they're SciFiNut111's he adds just the right twist to make it more believable. Alex was really hard for me. I'm not a joking kind of gal. I'm very serious and if you really want to know, can't tell a joke to save my life. I either tell the punch line too soon or forget it all together.

I was totally LMAO reading your great feedback welcome back and don't be such a stranger.

I'll work on the next part real soon! You just might have brought my muse back. She's been so wanting to work on a couple of other pieces that I have put on the back burner but having the great feedback just might make the next part come out a little bit earlier than expected...

We'll see. Thanks again and I will chat with you later.

Jennifer
posted on 4-Aug-2002 3:30:12 AM by Bordersinsanity
BelevnDreamsToo -- you're just to cute. Thanks for the bump and I'm hoping to have the next part out by Wednesday... Not promising anything but just hoping...

Thanks again...

[ edited 1 time(s), last at 4-Aug-2002 3:38:11 AM ]
posted on 7-Aug-2002 2:14:28 PM by Bordersinsanity


AJK001 – Thanks for the continuous feedback… I really appreciate your support.

Legna14 – Well I’m glad you caught back up. I’m sorry I’ve confused you. Hope this helps: When the story began it was the human side of Liz that we first meet… later on that night when Liz runs away from the group and she touches Max the “other” side of Liz starts to push forward. You’ll find out whether it is or not related to the Czechs in this part. Hope you like and if you have anymore questions let me know.

mpls muse – You’re closer than you think… I’m referring to the feedback that you left back to part 9… I know I’m running a little behind but better late than never.

Thanks for the feedback.

Lana Lane – I’ve been called evil many, many times before and I’ve grown to take it as a compliment. I’m happy that you are in the ‘happy confused’ state that you are in. See Legna14’s answers if that doesn’t help you then let me know. I would hate for you to get fed up with the fic and quit reading all together… it’s the least I can do for you since you’ve given me so many beautiful inspirations.

Thanks for the many, many bumps and the links. You’re a great gal!

AvengingAngelIQ – Sorry I didn’t get back to you sooner. I’m glad you liked the Alex POV… Hopefully the Max POV worked for you too. Thanks for the feedback.

Lisa1783 – Well, you’re all caught back up… Alex spilling the beans is a long, long way away yet. Hope that doesn’t upset you any but I’m not quite halfway through with Saturday and we still don’t know how Liz got the way she did on Monday morning. Hang in there…

Thanks for the feedback.

Roswellluver – Thanks for the feedback. You’re one of the easy one’s to take care of… all will work out in the end… it’s getting there that’s going to be the real test!

carolina_moon – It’s going to be really hard for Liz to know what’s going on but the best part is is that Max is right there and she will greatly appreciate it. Thanks for the feedback.
And if Max is giving free “naked” back rubs the line starts behind me…

MariaG – Thanks for the feedback… I hope you’re going to like the Maria POV! I don’t quite think I do her justice but I had to put her in there…

Woodwinds – You never cease to make me chuckle when I read your feedback. I have good news for you… Some of your answers are finally revealed in this part. Let me know what you think and I can’t wait to see the response you leave me.

Thanks for the great and wonderful feedback as always.

Spicy trini1 – I’m glad I still have you guessing… Hope you like the next part.

SciFiNut111 – If Maria cracks you up now just wait until you see what’s really going through her mind. I’ll work on the Max and Liz alone time… I promise… Thanks for the feedback and all the little things you do…

BelevnDreamsToo – Finally… I hope you’re not on the wrong track and I hope you let me know when we start to differ. I would really like to know what you were thinking… Can’t wait. Thanks for the feedback and for the bumps…

Pixie – Don’t worry about it. I’m just glad that you’re able to get caught back up. Welcome back and I hope you can stick around… Don’t worry I’ll make sure everything works out in the end… hang in there.

Thanks for the feedback.


THANKS FOR EVERYONE'S FEEDBACK... ON WITH PART 11 -- MARIA Look in the next post... too long to fit in with feedback responses...



posted on 7-Aug-2002 2:16:59 PM by Bordersinsanity
page7

Title: Long To Be – MARIA
Author: Borders InSaNiTy
E-mail: BordersInSaNiTy⊕yahoo.com
Rating: R (language)
Category: AU – Alternating POV’s – Dreamer based as always. Is there anything other than that?
Disclaimer: I own NOTHING that pertains to Roswell. Just wish I did…
Summary: It’s Saturday morning and no one knows what happened the night before when Max ran after Liz. What happens next? Read and find out.
Author’s Note: Maria was initially supposed to be part four so as you can see I totally had to redo her part. Thanks for hanging in there.

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PART 11

“Get up already, Michael. I’m starving.” I don’t know when I became such a morning person. It slowly happened when we all came here to go to school. Max was pulling himself into this small little world and I was afraid that no one would be able to reach him if he continued down the road he was on so I started getting up early on the weekends.

We would go eat breakfast and then walk the streets just to get out and see things. We didn’t necessarily talk about anything in particular but we just hung out. “Michael! Get up!” I jumped on the bed and practically shoved him off of it. “I’m hungry.”

“Why don’t you go get Max? He’s probably awake already.” He said to me as he rolled over and shoved his head underneath his pillow.

“Today is Saturday.” I say nonchalantly. “Besides, I’m hoping that he is somewhat already occupied.”

“Give it up Maria. There is no way that Maxwell took that girl home last night.” He rolled over and lifted the pillow off his head as he spoke. “We’re talking Max here. No way would he take a girl he just met to his apartment.”

“Michael, I’m hungry and if you get up now we can come back and have some more fun.” He grabbed me and I couldn’t help but let out a squeal from him catching me off guard.

“We can have fun now.” He whispered into my ear as he went for my neck. He knows what nibbling on my neck does to me.

“But I’m hungry now Michael and if you don’t feed me I won’t have enough energy to participate in the fun.” I was whining. He hates it when I whine which is all the more reason to do it. “Pretty please…” I was resorting to begging. He still had me wrapped up in his arms and he was still nibbling on my neck. “Michael, sweetie. Please. Take me to breakfast before there’s nothing left of me.”

I finally feel his arms loosen around me as his head slumps back on the pillow. “Fine.” He gave up any and all attempts of trying to seduce me into staying at home. “You realize that this was my last night off until next weekend. No more… Harry still hasn’t found a replacement for Matt so I’m covering the extra hours.” His eyes take on a teasing gleam, “You’re going to be on your own to…”

I smack him in the head before he can finish the thought, “You are so disgusting. I would never…. Ugh, you just sealed your fate, you’re taking me to breakfast now.”

“Aah, you know you like it when I talk…” I stop him with a kiss. “I know.” I started out saying “but I’m hungry and I don’t want you to have to cook for me so let’s go out.” I really wanted to run by Liz’s and see if she was home. It would look strange for me to show up on Max’s doorstep on Saturday when everyone knows that we go out on Sundays.

Michael worked nights so he could go to school during the day. He was night watchman for the campus security. We were lucky that he could get the job because who better than a security guard to know the comings and goings of students. It pays for his schooling and a little extra too. He likes it. He’s never been one to have a typical normal job. Well, if you don’t count the time he used to be a short order cook at my mom’s restaurant.

“Okay. Give me ten and I’ll be ready to go.” I leaned up and kissed him.

“Thanks sweetie, who knows, I might play hooky from one of my morning classes and make it up to you.” I wiggled my eyebrows up and down. It was a habit that I picked up from Alex a long, long time ago and I hated how I did it without even thinking about it.

“Whatever. I want you to remember this the next time I want to do something and you want to lay in bed.”

“You’re the best and I know you won’t let me forget this.” He gets up off of me and walks over to the bathroom. He has such a gorgeous body and I lay here and admire his nakedness before he disappears behind the closed bathroom door. I thought getting him out of bed was going to be the easy part but it turned out to be harder than I expected.

He knows me too well and I know he knows that I am planning on going over to Liz’s. I’ll just take him to the IHOP that’s right down the street from the dorms that way I can just swing by and say hi to Liz. I hope she’s not there. I so want her and Max to get together.

“Come on. Let’s go! You were in such a hurry to go eat breakfast I can’t imagine you lying there for too much longer.” I was thinking of the ways that I could get him to stop by the dorms without him realizing that that was my whole intentions in the first place. I was too wrapped up in my plan that I hadn’t even realized that he was out of the shower and was dressed already.

I climb out of bed and grab my purse and keys. He’s waiting by the door when I walk out of the bedroom. “Have I told you how much I looooovvvvvvve you today?” I said as I leaned up and kissed him quickly.

“No, but you can and just so you know… I’m not stopping by the dorms.” Damn.

I stomp my feet up and down because I wasn’t expecting him to come right out and call me on my ulterior motive of wanting to go out and eat breakfast. “Why not? I won’t be long. I just have to know if she’s there or not.”

“And what if she is there?” He asks.

“She can come eat breakfast with us.” I didn’t know what I would do if she were there.

“No.”

“Michael, I know you still don’t know what to think about her but I can assure you that she wasn’t her normal self last night. The Liz you saw last night isn’t the same one that I’ve been hanging out with for the past few weeks.” It was weird. The Liz last night wasn’t as sure about herself as she usually was.

“That’s what you said last night and I understand it Maria but only I can make up my own mind and no matter how much you plead her side of the story it just doesn’t jive. She’s holding something back.”

“Maybe, she just doesn’t do well with large groups of strange people.” He opens the door and holds it open for me to go through. “Remember how Alex and Kyle acted and they knew you guys. They acted weird for like the first few months.”

“Maria that was different. They knew we were different and that’s the reason they were acting different.” He looked at me and pinned me with his glare. “She doesn’t know about us does she? You should have told me about her sooner that way I could have been keeping an eye on her dorm. See if she had visitors at odd times.”

“NO! She doesn’t know about you guys. What, just because I blabbed to my two best buds you think I would tell a total stranger.” I stomp off leaving him to lock the door and follow me. I would never ever tell a stranger although I have a feeling that Max will tell Liz all in good time.

I flash back to when I first met Liz.

It’s hard to explain. Michael was working one night and I was sleeping all alone at home and I had this strange dream. There was Michael, Isabel, Max and Tess all standing in a circle and then in the middle there was this girl that I have never seen before in my entire life. She was lying on the ground and she was covered in webbing. It reminded me of the time when Michael was going through the balancing.

I cringe every time I think back on that period in time. We almost lost him and I really don’t like to think of losing him. Sure, he pisses me off most the time but that’s just the way we are. I didn’t have much of a home life and neither did he. Granted mine was much better than his was but it wasn’t typical. It wasn’t the same kind that Max and Isabel grew up with.

I get to the jetta and I let him know that I’m still fuming about him even thinking that I would have told a complete stranger our secret. I slam the passenger-side door and cross my arms in front of me. Make him suffer. I learned a long time ago that he hates it when I’m mad at him.

I don’t know what it was that made me have that dream but I got up and went out for a walk. It was early in the morning and maybe it was just me missing Michael but I went to the coffee shop around the corner. I ordered my hot chocolate… I’m not too fond of coffee, love the smell but hate the taste and besides its not good for the aura. I hung around Kyle too much for a brief point in my life, if you’re wondering where the aura thing came from.

Anyway, I get my hot chocolate and grab the club chair in the corner and look out the huge window that overlooked the street. California was different than New Mexico as far as being able to see the stars, both of them had their drawbacks but this was home and would continue to be home for a little while longer.

So there I was sitting in the chair drinking my hot chocolate when the bell above the door jingles. I look up wanting to see what kind of person is up at five in the morning. I’m almost expecting Max but I knew that he wouldn’t be on this side of town at this time of the day. I about fell out of the chair when I saw who had walked in, the girl from my dream.

Now I don’t believe in destiny, because the four aliens that I’ve grown to love had a predestined destiny and they have all chose to ignore it. Max said it best. “The future is to be determined. We make our own destiny.” So I was having a hard time believing that this was meant to be.

She takes a look around and she immediately notices me staring at her. I quickly look down to my hot chocolate that I have and hope that she doesn’t get weirded out. A few minutes later she’s standing beside the empty chair that is next to the one that I’m sitting in and she’s asking, “Is it okay if I sit here?”

I look up at her and nod my head up and down. I didn’t own the chair and if she wanted to sit beside me that was fine. “I couldn’t sleep.” She began before she even sat down. “I feel like I’ve been hit by a freight train.” She takes a drink of her vanilla cinnamon latte and sits down beside me. We sit like that for what seemed like forever.

I realized that time stood still because I was anticipating the worst. Here I was sitting in a deserted coffee shop, with my alien boyfriend clear across town, talking with a girl that was in my dream. “Hi, I’m Liz Parker.” She said as she held out her hand to introduce herself to me.

“Maria…” I shook her hand but didn’t offer her my last name. I was a little hesitant with giving out too much information.

“You look like you do this often.” She said before she took another sip of her hot coffee.

“Not too often. I just had this really weird dream tonight and I couldn’t go back to sleep. So if I’m not sleeping I might as well ingest caffeine.” I too took another sip.

“Oh,” I don’t know if she was going to continue or not. I mean it sounded like she was trying to strike up a conversation but then it quickly died. I took in her attire and noticed that she was wearing a huge coat. Not a coat that natives would wear during the winter months here in “sunny California”.

“You just move here?” I asked her.

“Yeah,” She offered as she continued to look out the window with a far away look on her face.

“Where did you come from?”

She startled out of her stare and looked at me. “Excuse me?”

“Where did you live before you moved here?” I rephrased.

“Oh, Connecticut. New Hampshire, Connecticut. How about you? Where are you from?”

“Roswell, New Mexico.” I tell her. What could it hurt? She seemed nice enough and I always thought I was a good judge of character so I answered a few of her questions.

It was my turn. “What made you move to California?”

“I don’t know. Something. It’s really hard to explain without me sounding crazy.” I nodded my head to show that I understood and that I wouldn’t be making fun of her. I knew how some things just sounded crazy and there was no possible way of making the truth sound not crazy. I knew aliens existed and I was in love with one so needless to say when someone says that what they’re about to say may sound crazy I knew that it wasn’t anything compared to my life.

“Do you believe in reincarnation?” She starts out saying. I gawk at her. Was she for real and that’s when I notice that she’s not even looking at me anymore. She’s looking out the large bay window that over looks the street. “Most people don’t and I wouldn’t even bring this up but I have a feeling that you won’t think I’m crazy.” She finally turns her head at me and I compose myself the best that I can.

“Anything’s possible.” I finally say realizing that she’s looking to me for an answer to her first question. “So you believe that you are reincarnated.” I sit up from the lounging position that I was previously sitting in.

“Yeah,” I smile at her and she smiles back. “I’ve been to dozens of psychiatrists and none of them can explain why I have memories of another life.”

“You remember your other life?” This was good. I wonder what time period she had lived in?

“I was a queen.” She looks down into her cup of coffee as if her answers were written in there somewhere. “My father was a great king, everyone loved him and he protected me from being harmed. I had guards that protected me and there was one that I loved so very much. He was on some type of military exchange between my father’s country and his, he was in training so one day he would be able to rule his country but we loved each other.”

“And…” She just stopped as if she was caught up in the memory. She really did believe that she had lived another life.

“I was killed on our wedding day just after we kissed and that’s all I know.” She looks up to me with tears in her eyes. “I’m here to find him, my other half. Do you believe in soul mates, Maria?” She dabbed at her eyes.

“I don’t know. I think you’re asking the wrong person, Liz. I believe in love but the kind of love that you’re talking about. The kind of love that surpasses time I’m not so sure I believe in.” I thought back to Max and Tess. They had been married in their previous life and even their love didn’t transcend time and space.

“You don’t think I’m crazy?” She asked with a worried look on her face.

“No, girl. You’re not crazy. In fact, I think I might be able to help you out.”

“How?”

“I know this guy.” She interrupts me.

“I don’t want to be set up Maria. There’s no one here that will ever be my soul mate.”

“Girl, anything’s possible.” I stood up and sat my cocoa cup on the table in front of me. “How about we go shopping. When I’m sad and depressed I go shopping. Just think of it as a way to get your mind off of him. You know, who ever he is.” I leaned over and grabbed her hand.

“Okay… but isn’t it kind of early to go shopping?” She had a point but I didn’t care. Maybe it was my connection with the alien abyss, by something about Liz’s story just seemed to draw me in. She needed a friend and I was bound and determined to be hers.


Michael stopped the car and I was shaken from my memory of meeting Liz that very first time. “If you’re going to go you better get going. I’m not waiting out here all day.” I looked to where we were and noticed that we were outside the dorms on Taylor Street. I turned back and smiled at Michael.

I leaned over and kissed him. “Thanks. I’ll just be a minute.” I hurry out of the car and curse for being fashion conscious. Clogs were not made for running.

I push through the glass doors and make my way to Liz’s dorm room. “Please, don’t be here.” I repeat over and over. I knock on the door and wait. Her not answering was a good sign. It meant that she wasn’t in and that maybe she didn’t come home. I knock again just to be sure but with Michael I know my time is very limited. I see the note that I had left on her door from yesterday. I quickly erase it and put a new one on.

Liz ~
Breakfast… deli… I want details.
~M

She knew how to get a hold of me and she knew what I wanted. I hadn’t known the girl for that long but the past three weeks I feel like I know her pretty well. She reminded me a lot of Max. I hope he found her last night and the more I thought about it the more I began to worry. What if Max didn’t find her? Where was she now? I was itching to dial Max’s number to find out but I knew I better not. He would be embarrassed as hell if he did bring her home. I can wait. I added a few more squiggles that were uniquely me, and left.

Michael was happy that Liz wasn’t following behind me. “Where to next?” He asked. He must have figured that since Liz wasn’t there that I would want to go to Max’s since we were so close.

“No, since you were nice and took me by here I’ll take you to breakfast now. I left her a message to call me as soon as she got home. With any luck I won’t hear from her until Monday morning.” I look at the smirk on Michael’s face and nudge him in the ribs, “Don’t give me that look, it could happen.” Michael just rolled his eyes in response so I lean over and give him another quick peck on the cheek, “Thanks for bringing me by.”

“Well, I would say that it was no problem but I won’t. Let’s just say that you owe me big time when we get home.” He started the Jetta and we were off to breakfast. Finally.

We pulled into the IHOP and got out. The crowd wasn’t too bad, yet. It was still early enough.

“I don’t know why you’re so hung up on her.” He stated as we sat down at the table.

“It’s kind of hard for me to put it into words. Let’s just say that it all happened because of a really weird dream I had one day.”

“What haven’t you told me?” He knows me too well.

“You’ve never asked how I met Liz. Why have you never asked me?”

“I figured you’d tell me when you were ready.” He looked the menu over. Why he was looking the menu over was beyond me. He knew what he was having; he was doing it to keep from looking at me.

“Michael…”

“What?” He finally looks up. “Okay. I saw the two of you in the coffee shop that morning. Matt came into work to turn in his notice and Harry sent me home early. I stop there every morning before going home. I saw the two of you talking and decided not to intrude. How many girlfriends do you have that you can be normal with? None. I wanted you to have something normal so I just kept my mouth shut.” He quickly ducked back behind the menu.

He was too sweet. “Michael, I’ve never complained. You don’t think I want normal do you? I love you and I mean all of you. You guys are my normal and I really don’t know what I would do if I didn’t have you all.” I reached for his hand and took it into mine.

“Well, now you know and how does meeting Liz have anything to do with a dream?” He looked over at me and waited for me to respond.

I quickly picked up my menu to get away from his piercing glare. “Maria…”

“Nothing. What are you having?” I asked hoping to change the subject.

“The usual. What are you not telling me?”

“Well, there’s something more behind me meeting Liz in the coffee shop that morning.”

“and…” I knew I wasn’t going to get out of this so I might as well just tell him.

The waitress coming to take our orders was a reprieve but the minute she was gone he was asking me again to tell him what I meant. “Fine…” I began. “You were at work and I was all alone.”

“Maria I know this part get on to the rest of it.” He scolded me.

“I’m getting there if you would just quit interrupting me.” I huffed and leaned back in my chair and crossed my arms over my chest. I looked anywhere and everywhere but at him.

“Maria, you know I’m not buying this… this mad thing that you’ve been doing all day and it’s not even nine o’clock.”

I ignore him and he starts messing with his silverware. The food finally arrives and he immediately starts to eat.

I push my eggs around a little, nibble a bit of my whole-wheat toast. I’m not really all that hungry anymore. I just happen to look up and I see no other but Max and Liz standing in line waiting to be the next to be seated. I couldn’t help but squeal. They looked so happy… so close.

“I knew it… I just knew it! Am I good or what?” I said a little too loudly at Michael. I start to wave my hands at Max, trying to get his attention.

I briefly saw Michael look at me and then go back as if I was acting normal. I knew what he was thinking. I’ve dated him for five years and I know what was going through that alien head of his. I chose to ignore him. There was no way that he was going to rain on my parade.

Everyone else in the restaurant noticed me so I know Max is purposefully ignoring me. "No way is he going to ignore me!" I snapped at Michael. I really wasn’t the world’s tallest woman so I would need some outside help to get them to see me so I jumped up on my chair and waved my arms frantically to get Max’s attention.

Max slowly turned around as if he wanted to be somewhere else. I can understand where he’s coming from. He waves and then ducks down to whisper something into Liz’s ear. I’m not sure what he is saying but I’m pretty sure that he’s embarrassed to even acknowledge me. She looks my way and waves at me. She has a smile on her face that brightens even wider when she sees me.

“That’s my girl.” I say out loud as I get down off my chair.

“If I were Max I would turn and bolt. I wouldn’t even turn around to see if you were chasing me.”

“Ha ha… very funny. They spent the night together, look at that glow. Just look at the two of them, they are a perfect match. Am I good or what?”

“Yeah, yeah, you said that already.” He shoveled more food into his mouth.

I couldn’t stand it any longer I had to go get them. “Oh, goody, goody, goody.” I had to hug my girlfriend first. Max could wait besides I wanted to make him squirm a little. He of so little faith in my match making, I’m still a little ticked at the way he and Tess acted last night but all was well. I made my way over to him and hugged him anyway. While he was bent over I couldn’t resist giving him a hard time. I knew Max well and I knew that he wasn’t one to act on the first date so I had to tease him. “How’s it feel to get laid?” I pull back from him and I have to squeal again because he’s actually turning red. Maybe I didn’t know him all that well after all. I grab hold of Liz’s hand and began to drag them to our table. “I knew the two of you were going to hit it off famously. I just knew it.”

I let them get settled in and Liz kept on giving Michael a strange look over the top of her menu. I kicked him from underneath the table to tell him that he was being rude to our guest.

“Damn it, Maria. Those clogs are going in the trash if you kick me again.”

“You’re being rude, Michael.”

“Hi, guys.” He finally said.

“Hey.” Max said quietly. He looked nervous to me. Maybe it was being in Liz’s company with the two of us watching their every move? Who knows? I’m just happy that another one of my matches works.

The waitress quickly comes to our table. I’m sure it has something to do with my behavior from earlier. It’s amazing what kind of service you get when the manager thinks you’re crazy and tells everyone to hurry us out because he doesn’t want another scene like the one I just displayed to happen again.

“She’ll have the short stack with a side of…” Max looked to Liz for some reason. “Scrambled?” She nodded her head yes. “Yes, add a side of scrambled eggs and I would like the same and could you bring me some Tabasco sauce too, please.” Max folded up the menu and then took Liz’s from her as she handed it to him.

I was smiling. He already knew what she liked to eat for breakfast. That is just too cute. “So, you’re ordering her food for her now?”

Max turned bright red again. “Maria.” I held up my hand to stop him from denying anything.

“No, no. That’s quite all right. I understand completely. It’s like being newly weds. No explanation needed.” My appetite suddenly reappeared and I started eating my western omelet.

Max and Liz’s breakfast came and I watched as the two of them prepared their food. Max had to send the waitress back for peanut butter and I was surprised that it was for Liz. That was Max’s favorite way of eating pancakes. They were more like each other than I realized. I about fell out of my chair when Liz took the Tabasco sauce and doused her eggs in it. I looked over to Michael and he sat there and watched as well. I’m sure he was thinking that she had to be crazy because no one ate Tabasco like that. No one not unless…

Both of our heads shot to Max. He looked up at us moments later. When Michael motioned ever so slightly towards Liz, Max shook his head a little. Liz continued to eat; she was still unaware of the silent communication that was occurring between the three of us.

“Excuse me, I’ll be right back.” Michael stood up and headed in the direction of the restrooms.

“Max…” I let the sentence hang and Max understood what I was wanting. “Could you…”

“Sure, I’ll go see what’s wrong.” Liz finally looked up from her food. “I’ll be right back.” He leaned over and kissed her. She smiled and when he was gone she looked at me.

“What’s wrong with Michael? It’s not me is it?” I couldn’t quite read her expression but she was actually concerned whether Michael liked her or not.

“No, no… I’m sure it’s nothing. I just really wanted to have some time to talk to you. You know. To see what you thought about everyone and to find out what happened last night.” She paled visibly and I wondered what I had said to make her so uncomfortable.

“It was just one of those things. I had to…” She paused and closed her eyes. She sat her fork down and took a drink of her orange juice. “Well, it’s complicated.” She finally looked back up to me and when her eyes met mine it looked like she was gauging what my reaction would be if she told me something.

“You can tell me anything. Believe me, there’s nothing that you could tell me that would make me any less your friend.” I reached over and grabbed her hand; “I wouldn’t have introduced you to all of them last night if I didn’t want you to become a part of our group. We’ve all been friends since like…forever but it always seemed like we were missing one person and I think that person is you. I haven’t seen Max smile like that in a really long time and the only thing I can think of for him smiling that big is because of you. I don’t know…”

Liz pulled her hand out of mine even as she leaned closer and quietly said, “That’s just it, Maria… I don’t know what happened last night. I wasn’t there.”

“What? I don’t understand.” Okay, call me lost. Hand me a road map to this conversation because I’ve taken a wrong turn somewhere.

“Some times I’m here… and some times I’m not. I have what most people call a split personality or at least the equivalent of one.”

I grabbed my drink and took a huge gulp. I couldn’t believe that I didn’t know. “You didn’t think about telling me first before I introduced you to my friends. You should have told me.” I ran my hand through my hair as I think for a moment, “Michael doesn’t trust you and if I would have known I could have eased some of his suspicions, I could have explained things to him.” I took another drink and finished off the last of it. I raised my glass and wasn’t surprised to see that the waitress was already on her way to the table. “Michael’s probably reaming Max out royally right about now.” I sunk my head into my hands. “Why me?”

“I’m sorry, Maria. You have to understand that not everyone looks at me the same way once they find out about my condition. When I first met you I had no idea that you would understand.” Liz tried to explain. “I thought I was the only one like me. When you look at it the way I do you’ll understand my reasoning behind wanting to keep it a secret.”

“So when you told me you were looking for your other half, were you referring to your split or were you referring to a soul mate kind of person.”

“When I told you about searching for that someone I meant I was looking for Max.” She must have seen the shocked expression on my face because she quickly continued, “I just didn’t know that that was his name. I knew him as…”

The guys have impeccable timing. Just when I was so close to getting the information that I so needed Max and Michael decided to come back. “Are you done?” Michael asked.

“Why what’s wrong?” It wasn’t like Michael to just leave, there had to be something wrong.

“Remember our conversation this morning?” Okay Michael you have to give me more information. We talked about a lot of things this morning. I shook my head anyways. “Well, now is one of those times. I need to go.” He held out his hand to me and I took it. No questions asked. Whatever Max told Michael, had freaked him out and I wanted to know what it was and the only way I was going to find out what it was was to go with him.

“This conversation isn’t over. I’ll talk to you later, okay, chica?” I leaned down and hugged her.

“Sure,” she said.

“Maxwell.” Michael turned and I followed him.

I didn’t want to say a thing until he did. It would only make matters worse. We were almost home and the silence still wasn’t broken. I couldn’t take the silence any more. “She’s one of you, isn’t she?”

He turned and looked at me. “Did she tell you that?”

“No, not in so many words. I should have known. That morning at the coffee shop, I should have put two and two together.”

“What did she say that day?” He made a sharp turn and I was pushed against the car door from the force of it.

“I don’t know…”

“Think!” He yelled at me. I was becoming more and more scared.

“Is she your enemy?”

“Damn it! What did she say, Maria?”

I was almost in tears. How could I have been so wrong about her? “She asked me if I believed in reincarnation. She said that she remembers her other life. She was a queen and was heavily guarded to keep her safe.”

“Who was she?”

“I don’t know. She was just about to tell me when the two of you came back from the restroom. What did Max tell you?”

“She’s like us but not the same as us.” That sounded like Max. Very cryptic probably because he wasn’t sure whether or not she could be trusted.

“What are we going to do now? Is she good or is she evil? Are we going to tell Alex and Isabel as well as Kyle and Tess?

“We don’t do anything. We don’t do anything until Max tells us what to do. As far as telling Alex, Isabel, Kyle and Tess we don’t tell them a thing. As far as they know we never saw them this weekend.”

“How am I supposed to do that? I can’t lie to them. Alex and Kyle will know that I know something.”

“You will tell them nothing.” He said through clinched teeth.

We pulled into our parking space and we both got out. I guess when Michael thought I was wanting normal I was actually getting deeper into the alien abyss. “Did Max say whether or not we’re still on for our usual Sunday morning ritual?”

“What do you think?” Well, I don’t really know. I sat down heavily onto our worn out couch. I looked at the clock that sat on top of our TV it was only ten o’clock in the morning.

“I don’t feel so well.” I got up and went to our bedroom. I crawled into bed and pulled the covers up over my head. I wished that I wasn’t so much of a busy body. I would have ten times less the hassle if I would learn to keep my nose out of other people’s business.

When will I learn?

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*


Hope you all enjoyed. Like I said there was a few questions answered and yet probably a lot more questions being asked... you know the drill ask and you won't hear it from me... LOL! I'll answer what I can without giving it away for the others and if you absolutely have to know bmail me.

thanks,
Jennifer

posted on 8-Aug-2002 10:57:32 AM by Bordersinsanity
AvengingAngelIQ & AJK001 -- You guys are just too cute. AJK001 I see your other side beginning to emerge. It's been a long time since I've seen you take such a firm stand on what you want... LOL! Don't take it the wrong way.

Unfortunately I will probably finish out Saturday and Sunday before we get back to the dorm room on Monday morning. By going through the events that happened over the weekend will help you guys understand what exactly is happening.

I'm sure you will enjoy the next part. IT's not written yet but I have a pretty good idea what's going to happen. So, with that in mind, be patient just a little bit longer.

Thanks for the constant feedback! You guys are great.
posted on 14-Aug-2002 8:18:50 AM by Bordersinsanity
Title: Long To Be – The Other Half
Author: Borders InSaNiTy
E-mail: BordersInSaNiTy⊕yahoo.com
Rating: R (language)
Category: AU – Alternating POV’s – Dreamer based as always is there anything other than that?
Disclaimer: I own NOTHING that pertains to Roswell. Just wish I did…
Summary: Liz meets the group on Friday night only to be bombarded with questions. She quickly leaves and is followed by Max who wants to help her. He takes her home and when they wake up the next morning Liz is no longer the same person that he thought. What happens on Saturday? Read and find out.

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PART 12

I felt the weight of an arm on me before I even opened my eyes. I felt the tingling sensation that was traveling throughout my body and reveled in it. My body… no… my soul was singing and I had to smile. I had done it; I had found my other half. Finally, after all this time of searching I found him.

How did I find him? I didn’t. She did. The other side of me had found him. It’s a little ironic to be searching for him all this time and to have her just happen upon him.

When I open my eyes I take in his beauty. The way his hair feathers over his brow. The firm set of his chin and the wonderful healthy glow of his skin. I ached to see his eyes. Would they be the same or would they too be different.

I see his eyes start to move behind his closed lids. He’s waking and I can’t help but wonder what his reaction will be to me. Will he know that it’s me or will he think I’m still her? I guess it doesn’t really matter which one he thinks we are, eventually we will balance out to be one. I hope. I’m restless with anticipation and I have to adjust my position beside him.

He opens his eyes and I have to smile. They’re his eyes. The ones I remember from so long ago, his dark amber eyes that let me see into his soul… our soul for we are forever bound to each other. “Good morning.” He says and the velvety tone of his voice makes the warmth that is growing in the pit of my stomach spread all over.

I can’t believe it’s him and before I know it I ask, “Are you real?” My voice is barely audible because I’m scared that he will disappear if I disrupt this universe.

He nods his head and says, “I think I’m real.” I look deep into his eyes. I’m looking for answers and I realize that he doesn’t know who I am. He thinks I’m her. He lets me look for which I am grateful. I never thought I would find him. “Are you real?” He asks.

“I think I’m real.” I say. I could be having a really good dream. Maybe the others chose to take pity on me and make this world for me. I can’t take it any longer I have to touch him so I cup his face within my hands. His eyes have me mesmerized. They always did. His eyes hold everything that is him. I see our past, our present and our future when I look in his eyes.

I kiss him and he closes his eyes. He draws my body closer and the heat from his body warms me to the core. I wrap my arms around his neck for I don’t want him to let go of me. I want to spend the rest of this life with him and I’m thankful that Mira forced me to return and keep looking every time I had wanted to give up.

He breaks the kiss and frames my face with his strong hands. He looks me in the eyes and I wonder what he’s doing. Does he recognize me? Did he receive a memory from me? “Liz…” I don’t want to hear what he has to say. I don’t want him to say anything so I continue to kiss him. Hoping that he won’t say that we need to wait. That he needs time to get to know me better.

I don’t understand what else there is to know. Our souls are one. We know each other inside. It doesn’t matter that the outside has changed. “Liz. I think we better stop.” I stop in mid-kiss. I can’t believe I just heard him say that.

“I don’t want to stop.” I say and then continue my way up to his ear. “I’ve waited for this moment when I would find you for a long,” kiss, “long,” nibble, “long time.” His hands pull me away from my path and he forces me to look him in the eyes. What was he thinking? Did I say something wrong? Does he not know who he is? There was so many questions that needed answering and I didn’t know where or how to begin them.

What was I going to do? How was I going to approach the subject of being reincarnated and being sent to another galaxy? To be face to face with the love of my life and to have him look at me as if I were a total stranger breaks my heart.

“Let’s get to know each other first and then we’ll see what happens.” He says, as he looks me straight in the eyes. He should be able to see me in my eyes. I know they are the same. At least they are the same as I remember them to be. They’ve always been two dark brown pools that don’t sparkle unless he’s in my life. He’s my everything and he doesn’t have a clue to who I am.

He pushes his way up to a sitting position and I instantly feel his warmth leave my body. “I’ve got to shower and change and then we’ll head over to your place so you can shower and change. Then we are going to spend a day getting to know each other.” Always the planner. Zan was always one to plan. It was his life. He was raised to lead, to anticipate and to win. It was how we met. He needed military training. My father agreed to accept him for training and as part of his duties he was a guard in the palace.

He must have seen something in the way I looked at him. Either that or our connection was already forming. “No holding back, I want to know everything about you and I do mean everything about you.” He kissed me on the forehead and I feel his hand gently sift through my hair. I had to smile for Zan always did like the feel of my hair on his body. He never wanted me to cut it and I’m a little sad that it’s so short now.

I nod my head and say, “Okay, as long as we are together.” I lean back on the couch and watch him leave me. The minute he rounded the corner I felt like I’m all alone, once again, and I pulled my arms around my body for comforting.

Before I pull my eyes off the corner I see him peek around the corner and I have to laugh. He was just so… cute. “I was just checking to see that you were really there.” Even if he didn’t know who I was he knew there was something magical between us. I realized now that he was just as scared as I was of losing each other again.

I have to smile and I wave him on. There’s nothing that he has to worry about. “I’m here and I’m not going anywhere.”

“Promise?” He asks. This is new for him and me. To be so unsure was something different. Must be the human side of us.

“I promise.” I say and I wave him on again. There was so much I needed to think about. There was so much that I needed to know about him… about us.

I sat there while I heard him rustling through his closet. I looked around his apartment and was surprised that it was so well kept. Pictures on the bookcases. I stood up and walked over to look at them. I was surprised when I saw the first one. It was of Maria and him at some flea market stand. They were holding up something and smiling. They looked happy. Maria knew him. I must have met him through Maria.

I had to sit down and think about this. Was Zan friends with Maria? Was he the one that she wanted to hook me up with? I sat down and thought for awhile and before I knew it I felt him getting closer to me.

I looked up the minute he entered the room and he took my breath away. “Wow! You look great.” I get up and meet him halfway. The pull from the connection is almost undeniable. I can’t help but want to be as close to him as I can get so I wrap my arm around his waist and he places his around my shoulder. No matter where or when we are we always fit perfectly together. “Are we off for the day?”

“I’m ready if you are.” He says as I feel him lean over and kiss the top of my head. He must feel it too because he pulls me closer to him.

“I’m ready.” I pull away and grab his hand because there is nothing more that I want then to take him to bed. To have the night that we never had. I want to get cleaned up and spend the rest of the day getting to know him. “I feel like I’ve been rolling around in dirt all night.” I don’t know what exactly happened last night but I had found a few pieces of grass on my shirt.

He lets go of my hand so he can shut the door. He stops as he hears the phone in his apartment ring. He started to open the door again but then pulls it closed. I don’t wait for him and continue down the stairs.

“Hey, wait for me.” He yells down to me.

I turn around and say, “Hurry up you slow poke.” He takes the stairs two at a time and I stop and I look at him. He’s smiling and it makes my heart start to beat faster.

I start to get into the jeep but he stops me. “Wait.” He says.

“What?” I ask. Maybe this wasn’t his vehicle. I don’t know what made me think it was?

“I just wanted to help you in.” He takes my hand and helps me up into the jeep. I settle into the seat and he’s looking at me. “Do you think it’s going to be too cold for you? I could put the top on as well as the doors if you want me too?” I can see the concern in his all-telling eyes.

“No, you don’t have to. It’s going to be a great day and I don’t want to be cooped up inside. I love having the wind all around me.” The sun was shining and I finally feel like I can start to live. My life is starting to come together and it’s all because of him. I couldn’t believe him. Instead of walking over to his side of the vehicle he pulled out the seatbelt and buckled me up. He pulled on it to make sure it was buckled tightly and then he looked at me. There was so much emotion swimming in his eyes I didn’t know what to do and before I knew it he kissed me.

I ran my fingers through his hair and he deepened the kiss a little bit more. Did he know that I was craving to have his lips on mine? Did he know that my body sang when he touched me? I was in heaven and I didn’t want to leave. I didn’t want the kiss to end and when he pulled away I rolled my lower lip in to remember the kiss.

“We’re not going to get anywhere if we keep on doing that.” He told me.

“Hey, it wasn’t my idea to leave the apartment.” I had to pout because I didn’t care if I ever left his arms again. I think I could live on his kisses for all eternity.

He smiled and shook his head as he ran around to the driver’s side of the jeep and he hopped in. With the top down my hair would fly all over the place so I reached into my front jeans pocket and grabbed the scrunchy that I had. I started to put my hair into a ponytail and I notice him watching me as I do it. I look over at him and smile. He quickly changes his focus and buckles his seatbelt. Being in the good mood that I am in I lean over and pull on the buckle making sure that it is buckled in correctly.

“Am I buckled in okay?” He asks when I sit back in my seat and place my hands in my lap.

“I think so.” I said, he might have thought that I was teasing him for doing to him as he done to me but I would really hate for something awful to happen to him after just finding him. I can’t push the thought out of my mind. After so long of a search to finally have him here with me is a little unbelievable.

“Where to, my lady?” I’m instantly thrown back to my past life.

~*~Flash~*~

I run out of the palace rear entrance and he’s waiting there in a transport cruiser. “Where to, my lady?” He asks.

“I don’t care. I just want to get out of here. Everyone’s looking at me as though I was the one that killed my father. Just take me away from here.” I was crying. My father was dead. Dead. The only man that could ever rule the five planets as fairly as they so deserved was dead and the people were accusing me.

He drove and the cabin of the vehicle was quiet. So quiet. I tried hard to stifle my tears but they just kept on coming. When the cruiser stopped he climbed out and opened up the rear door and waited for me to exit. I did so and when I took the first step down I nearly tripped and fell. If it weren’t for his quick reaction to the situation I would have landed flat on my face. “Thank you.” I said quietly.

He didn’t reply but he didn’t release hold of my hand either. He took me into a home I have never seen before. “Where are we?”

“Some place safe.” He told me as he pressed his hand against the pressure lock.

“It’s yours?” I asked.

“Yes, my family wanted me to have some place for me to be alone. Some place that was mine and not the king’s. Your father said it was okay.” He quickly added as if I was going to shoot him down.

“Well, of course he did. My father never wanted anyone to feel like they couldn’t be who they wanted to be.”

“I don’t think that’s why he let me have it.” He started as he walked into the kitchen and started working in there. I took a look around while he busied himself.

“Why do you think he let you have this place while all the other guards, while on duty, have to stay at the palace?”

“He knew this day would come. He said that the seer had seen his death and the people reacting just as they are. He was glad that I would have a place to take you if ever the need ever arose for you to flee your home.”

“What did my father tell you?” I walked into the kitchen just as he was pouring the tea into cups. I never understood my father’s reasoning behind me being under constant guarding. I always thought that it was because I was the only heir but hearing what Zan was telling me was something that I never heard before.

“When you were born your mother passed…” He handed me a cup and I graciously took it and then sat down at the large wooden table. He followed suit and took a sip of his drink before continuing. “The seer said that you would be the one to kill the ruler of Antar and destroy the world that we know. Our planet, our people would all suffer by your hands.”

“I would never do anything to hurt my people and I would never, ever kill my father. I know someone murdered him and believe me I will not rest until I find out who did this.”

He placed a quieting hand over mine and I looked down at the gesture. “I know,” he began. “Believe me I’ve been watching you for sometime now.” I looked up at him and he must have seen the confusion in my eyes. “My family sent me here to watch you. To make sure that you wouldn’t have the chance to do that.”

I stood up. “You’ve been deceiving me all this time. My father trusted you and you were sent here…” I began to back up. I wasn’t safe anywhere anymore. Everywhere I turned there was another person looking at me as if I was a traitor. “I didn’t kill my father…” I turned and ran out. “You’re not going to kill me too. I’m going to find the murderer and prove everyone wrong.” I spat out over my shoulder as I ran through the forest. Limbs were reaching out and clawing at me as I ran. Tears were running down my cheeks and the salt from my tears were stinging the open wounds. I kept running. I could hear him following me. I had to lose him. There was no way that I was going to let my father’s dreams end so easily. He would have to catch me first and then kill me.

His strong arms wrapped around me and we both went tumbling down the hill that led to the river. I began to kick and claw and swing with all my might. “I’m not here to kill you.” He said over and over. “I know now that you are not the person the seer saw when you were born. I’m here to protect you as per your father’s orders. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do to protect you. I would die right now if I knew that would keep you safe and out of harms way.”

It took awhile for his words to reach my ears and for me to realize what he was saying. I stopped struggling and I looked into his amber eyes. His sad amber eyes. “I would die for you, my lady.”


I snap out of the vision and notice him looking at me as he waited for directions, “I’m staying at the dorms off of Taylor Street.” I told him as I looked anywhere but at him. I knew if I looked at him he would see my sadness and I didn’t want to bring his spirits down with me.

“Taylor Street?” He asked and I nodded my head. “I can’t believe it.” He chuckled a little. The deep sound of his laugh lightened my mood quickly and I had to look at him.

“Why? What’s so funny?” I asked him.

“Hang on. I’ll show you.” He started the jeep and put it into gear. He turned twice and I quickly realized what was so funny. We were instantly on Taylor Street.

I start to laugh at the realization of what I almost did. “I was so close all this time.” If Mira hadn’t turned me away that last time I would have never found him and I would have lived the rest of eternity without him.

He must have felt my melancholy over the idea of never being able to find him and he reaches over and grabs my hand and rubs my knuckles across his lips before placing a soft kiss on its back. I look up at him. “We’ve found each other now that’s all that matters.” I smile back at him thankful that he’s so quick to make things right, just as always. Does he realize what he is to me and that’s the reason he is acting the way he is or is this something else. How do I bring this up to him? “What’s wrong?” Could he read my expression that easy? I looked into his eyes and I see his concern. I don’t like him looking like that. He shouldn’t have to worry about me.

“Nothing.” I say trying to assure him.

“Come on, you can tell me.” But it didn’t work.

“It’s nothing really.” I smile at him wanting him not to worry about it. I had some things to think about. The first thing was how to tell him that I’m not exactly from around here. That he wasn’t from around here. I begin to wring my hands as I try and think of a solution. I had to remember that no matter what I remembered he didn’t and I had to take things slow with him. I realized that we couldn’t just pick up where we left off. Things were different; he was different… I was definitely different.

“Liz…” He asks me to tell him without asking. I can’t look at him. I don’t know how I got into this mood. Maybe it was inevitable. I was destined to be unhappy. Khivar made sure of that. I’m sure he had a hand in making sure that Zan didn’t retain any of his memories. Why my uncle hates me so much is beyond me.

I remember that Zan had asked me to confide in him, to let him in. “Really, it’s nothing.”

He quickly pulled off into the parking lot of the dorms and shut the jeep down. “Liz, I may have just met you last night for the first time in my life but I know that there is something bothering you. Please, tell me. Nothing that you say will change the way I feel about you.”

I look up at him and I see that his eyes are filled with worry. “It’s really silly. I’m just over reacting. Really.” I can’t tell him. It would shatter his entire world, as he knows it. He unbuckles my seatbelt and pulls me so I am now facing him. He cups my face and he pulls me in for a kiss.

I feel him trying to show me what I mean to him and it makes me regret not being able to tell him the truth even more. It was so unfair to him and to me so I began to cry for everything that we had lost. Everything that he had been through.

I knew the minute that I started to cry that he would want to look at me. Look deep within my eyes and see my soul. Our soul that lay within me. He tried to pull away and my gut took over. I wrapped my arms around him and deepened the kiss. I knew it wouldn’t last. I knew that there was no way that I would be able to keep what I was feeling from him so I deepened the kiss in hopes of our connection bursting to life.

~*~FLASH~*~

I see him standing over my grave and weeping for our lost love. I feel his agony, his pain.

The image switches and I see him arguing with Khivar. “I will not marry another.” He yells. “No one will ever take her place in my heart.” He’s just about to leave the room when Khivar speaks up.

“Then you have no choice but to step down off the thrown. You don’t belong there.”

Zan turned around and took three huge steps and was eye to eye with Khivar. “I will stay on the throne and rule as her father did. That’s what she wanted. She didn’t want to destroy what he worked so hard for. The seer was wrong!” He turned and stormed out.


‘Oh God, he does retain some of his memories. They must be his because they are after my death.’ I can’t take anymore. He was forced to take another wife so that he could stay on the throne. I tried to pull away but Zan held me tight. He must be getting memories from me as well. I open my mouth to try and say something but all I managed to do was allow the kiss to deepen. My eyes fly open and I realize that his are open as well. The minute our eyes lock we are thrown back into our connection.

~*~FLASH~*~

He was standing in a cave. The Zan that lives here on earth is in a cave with four others. I notice Maria but that is all I know. They have the communicators and are watching as Shara speaks. “If you are seeing me now, it means that you are alive and well. I take this form because it will be familiar to you, and it will help you to understand what I am about to say. You have lived before. You perished in the conflict that enslaves our planet but your essence was duplicated, cloned, and mixed with human genetic materials so that you might be recreated into human beings.” Shara had a way with words; I had to admit. She didn’t even bring up what the conflict was; that I was the conflict.

She turns and focuses on Zan. “My son, you were the beloved leader of our people. I have sent with you your young bride.” Zan turned and looked at the short blonde. Who was she? I had no idea. Was she the one that he was forced to marry? Was she his young bride that Shara was talking about? I was his wife and yet I wasn’t with them. Why didn’t they send me back with them and who were the others that stood beside him?

She then focuses on the tall blonde that was standing beside him. “My daughter, the man you were betrothed to, and your brother's second-in-command.” I realize that the blonde standing next to Zan was his sister, Vilondra and evidently her betrothed. I still didn’t recognize him. I continued to watch as the images flashed before my eyes.

“Oh my god, Max. Our mother.” Vilondra whispered. She called him Max. His earth name was Max. Did I know that?
I was broken out of my thoughts the minute Shara began to talk again. “Our enemies have come to Earth. You will know them only by the evil within. You must learn enough to use your skills, your knowledge, and your leadership to combat the enemy so that you can come back and free us. I live for that moment that I may once again hold you both in my arms. Help us. I love you.” The image faded into nothingness and the five of them stood there in silence.

Vilondra was the first one to speak. “She's so beautiful.” She turned her body so that she could look at her brother. They had never seen their real mother before and I could understand how they felt. When I lived on Antar I had never known my mother. It wasn’t until I died that I could be reunited with her in the collective.

“I always knew there was something out there, but I had no idea how important it was.” The man that was Vilondra’s betrothed said quietly.

“Things will never be the same, but whatever happens, we have to stay together. It's the four of us now.” Zan said taking the responsibility that he had been born to.

“I knew this was meant to be.” The short blonde said as she snaked her arm around him and tried to gather him into her embrace. “What happens now?” Seeing her eyes through his I realize who she is. He was sent to Earth with my cousin, Ava. Daughter of Khivar. My enemy. Our enemy…


The flash ended and I needed to get out of there. I didn’t want to see him with her. The love of my life had taken another. And not just any other, Ava, my enemy. His mother had told him that they were to be together and even he said that it was just the four of them now. I pull away from him and I jump out of the jeep. I have to get out of here. I shouldn’t be kissing him. He no longer is mine. Mira tricked me into staying. She had to have known that he was sent with another. There’s no room for me.

“Liz!” I hear him yell after me. I keep on running. I have to get away from him. “Liz… wait!”

I run through the hall of the dorm and when I reach my room I quickly open the door and slam it shut. The room is dark. I had put a blanket over the window to keep the light out when I first moved in here. I’m surprised that it was still up. She usually takes it down when she’s in control since she likes the room bright and airy. I crawl to the farthest corner away from the door and I sit and wait. He won’t be too far behind and it will only be a few seconds before I’m forced to tell him everything. He has to know, he had to have seen memories from me.

I hear the knock on the door and I hear him quietly say, “Liz, please… let me in.” I don’t know what to say… a part of me wants to run to him and let him take everything that is alien away from my memory. I don’t want to be some alien queen and I don’t want to have the history that I have. “Liz… please.” I knew he wouldn’t leave so easy.

“Go away!” I yell. My alien side wins out. The hurt and betrayed side is the one that yells now.

“I’m not going away until I can talk to you. I can explain. Please, let me explain.”

“No one can help me. I’m here all alone. I have no one.” They knew what they were doing when they sent me here to Earth. They knew that I would find him and that I would find out that he never really loved me. He was only doing the job that his family had set out for him to do. To protect the king and make sure that I don’t murder him.

“You’re being silly, Liz. I can help you if you will just let me in.” I hear the doorknob wiggle. Did I lock it? I couldn’t remember. It didn’t really matter if I did. “I’m coming in.” He says as he opens the door and the light from the hallway fills half of my room.

“Liz…” It’s hard for me to be quiet. My tears are still running down my face and my nose is beginning to run. “I’m sorry that you feel this way. Please, let me help you. I just found you, don’t let me lose you. Again.” What did he see in my memories? Does he finally realize who I am or is he just guessing? If he knew who I was why was he still calling me Liz? “Together we can fit the pieces together and come up with a solution… only… we’ll have to work together.”

It sounded so easy when he put it that way. But I had to be strong. I was alone and would always be. I was damned from the beginning. “Go away, Zan, and quit calling me Liz. I’m not Liz.”

“Okay, I won’t call you Liz anymore. Let me just turn on the light.” I could tell by the sound of his voice that he didn’t want to believe what he saw. I could see him reaching for the light switch and I knew what I had to do. I had to show him what he was refusing to see. To believe. I held my hand up and made a small globe of light illuminate within my palm. “Liz…” His jaw dropped and his voice trailed off. I knew he didn’t want to believe what he saw. “You’re one of us? You’re like us?”

“I am one of you but I’m not like you. If I were like you I wouldn’t be having a hard time with this.” I was referring to his lack of memories. He had yet to tap into them. It’s true when they say ignorance is bliss. He was ignorant of everything that had happened to him and our people before he came here, and I wasn’t as lucky. Everyday I had to deal with my memories of having a love and then losing that love. I had to live everyday knowing that if I were to return to my home world that they might kill me again for my father’s death. Or I could stay here on Earth and know that it might be just another day that I would not be able to find my true love. There was no right answer and there still isn’t.

“What are you talking about? I don’t understand how you can be one of us but not like us.” He’s walking closer to me and I find myself welcoming his closeness.

“I’m not sure really. All I know is that when I’m here I’m looking for you. I have this unnatural craving to find you to connect with you. To be one with you.” I don’t know how I came here. I don’t know why I have my memories… and I don’t know why I was born human.

“And when you’re not here?” The only way I could answer him was to show him of what it was like when she was in control. I was in limbo, neither here nor there.

“I wanted to give up. I had looked for you for so long and I wasn’t any closer to finding you than before. They had shut the door on me. I could no longer return for if I did I would have to stay. It was fine with me. I mean, if I was meant to be with you then I would have found you much sooner right?” I just started rambling off what I had been thinking just before this morning. “I figured they were lying to me to keep me from returning. I figured it was Khivar’s way of making me suffer.” He sat down as if I had just taken his breath away from him.

I watched him steady himself up against the closet door. His face was white and I wondered what he had seen. “What?” He asked

“You look so different but yet your eyes are the same. When we woke this morning I was lost in your eyes. I can’t pretend anymore. You’re not the same as I remember you. I remember a you that you don’t and it’s wrong for me to think that things could be the way that they used to be.” He had another life and there was no place for me in it. I couldn’t stand to be this close to him and not see the love in his eyes that he used to share with me before.

He reached for my hand, “I know I don’t know who you used to be but the minute I met you I knew that I knew you. Please, don’t run away from me. Please, let’s figure this out together.” He was sincerely trying and his eyes broke my heart. He did love me. He just didn’t know me.

“I can’t run. I have nowhere to go.” I waved my hand around to show him that everything that was in this room was all I have. “I don’t fit in anywhere. Not here and certainly not there.” I couldn’t look into his eyes anymore so I drop my head into my hands.

“You’re wrong. You belong here, I know you do.” His voice was barely above a whisper. “You belong here with me.” He was begging me to believe in him. To trust him. It’s just the four of us now. I saw the short blonde with him again and my head shot up from my hands and I began denying everything that he was telling me.

I saw the confusion in his eyes so I told him. “No I don’t. I saw you with her. You married her after I had gone. You were forced to take another back then but you didn’t know about that here and yet you still live with her.”

“Who, Tess?” Tess? Was that her name? My skin crawled when I imagined him whispering her name. The room was too small and he was too close. I was just about to leave when he began again. “I was married to you before?” He didn’t know that we were married before. What did he see in our connection? His question wasn’t one of disappointment but of relief. Was he relieved that we had been married?

“You were married to Ava, my cousin, daughter of Khivar.” His eyes widened and his mouth opened and hung there.



continued in next post

[ edited 2 time(s), last at 14-Aug-2002 12:03:45 PM ]
posted on 14-Aug-2002 12:03:08 PM by Bordersinsanity
Part 12 continued



Finally his mind was able to process again and he began speaking. “But you said after…” I heard his stomach growl and mine answered it.

He looks at me and then stands up. He holds his hand out to me to take and I do it without even thinking about it. It was natural for me. Second nature, but that wasn’t what was right. He was no longer mine and I quickly pulled my hand away and took a step back to maintain a comfortable distance between us. “Go shower and change and I’ll take you to get something to eat. We can talk more about what you remember and what I remember and then once we have everything straightened out we’ll go tell the others.” It all seemed so logical coming out of his mouth. He had a way of making everything all right with just the touch of his hand and the sound of his voice.

He took a step forward to close the distance between us and he cupped his hand against my cheek. I couldn’t fight it any longer and I leaned into the familiar gesture and closed my eyes as I remembered that the best times in my life were when he had touched me like this.

“Don’t push me away just yet. Please. Not until we find the answers to everything that we are looking for.” He pulled me into him and I couldn’t resist wrapping my arms around him as he did the same. God, this just felt so right. This is what was right. I knew it and hopefully he would too.

~*~Flash~*~

He pulled me up from the ground and took me into his arms. “I would die for you. I may have been sent here to watch you but while I was watching you I fell in love with you. You are the most amazing woman that has ever lived. You’ve won my heart without even trying to. Your people will know that you didn’t kill your father and together we will prove that.”

He pulled me away so he could look me in the eyes. “You shouldn’t have to hide in your own land for your safety. I will protect you.” I look into his eyes and see his devotion to me. How could I have even thought that he was here to kill me? I was so blind. He cupped my cheek and I closed my eyes as I listened to the plan that he had come up with. “We’ll go back and tell your uncle that we will be married by months end. You can sit on the throne where you belong and the dream of bringing peace to your people will come true.”

“Only if you’re there with me.” I said. “Only with you.”


I was still wrapped in his embrace when the memory ended. He finally loosened his hold on me and said, “Go… before something else changes your mind.”

I smiled at him for I had an idea what he was thinking. I hurried to the closet and grabbed a change of clothes. I then went to the dresser and grabbed my bag of makeup and just before I walked out the door I turned around and asked, “You will be here when I return, right?”

“Yes, I’ll be here.” I remembered what came next and I was just about to ask if he promised but he beat me to it. “I’m not going anywhere, you’re stuck with me, I promise.” I closed the door and left him in the darkness of my room. The halls were empty. Most students didn’t stay around on the weekends and I was grateful for that because I didn’t want to have to share the bathroom with anyone right now.

I walk into the pink tiled room and released the breath that I was holding. I’ve been on one hell of a roller coaster ride this morning and I can’t wait until we can just sit down and talk. Get to know one another again. I quickly get undress and turn on the water. Sticking my hand in to test the water I realize that it’s just not hot enough. I crank the water further to the right and wait for it to get to the right temperature.

I wonder what he’s doing in my room? Probably nothing. He’s probably still reeling from the fact that we had been married in our previous life. I'm sure he’s going to ask me a lot of questions. I’m not sure how I’m going to be able to answer them all. I don’t know if I want to answer them.

I wet my hair and begin to lather the soap in it. I wasn’t too worried about what he would find even if he did want to snoop. There wasn’t much there. Over the years the two of us seemed to have come to an agreement on what was important to carry around. There was only one item that was important to both of us. Grandma Claudia’s journal. The one she gave us when we turned sixteen.

Maybe it wasn’t such a bad idea for him to find it. I mean it had everything that happened to both of us in there. He would get to know both of us just by reading it. My entries would be harder for him to read because when I wrote my thoughts down I tended to write in Antarian, a habit that was hard to break.

My shower was done. I was clean and had a new outlook on my life. Everything was going to be all right. There was no way that it could get any worse. I quickly changed into a cable-knit sweater and a pair of jeans and of course the doc martens that she had put on last night. I picked up my stuff and headed for my room. I opened my door to my room and there he sat, on my bed. He was staring off into nothingness and I decided to not make that big of deal of it. “You ready to go get something to eat?” I asked him from the foot of the bed.

He stood up and took hold of my outstretched hand. “Yeah, I’m ready.” I opened the door and passed through. “Do you have everything that you need?” I nodded my head and he closed the door and we walked back out to the parking lot hand in hand.

“So what do you like to eat?” He asked as he climbed into the driver’s side of the jeep.

“Um,” I can’t believe I’m so nervous about telling him what I liked to eat. Surely he had the same eating habits as I did? Maybe. I realized that I was being stupid and started laughing.

“What so funny?” He asked and smiled when he looked at me. His eyes were crystal clear and they looked like he was really happy. They reminded me of the way they were just before we got married.

I fought hard not to travel back to that time. That was a different life. This was now. He was different and I was different. But it wasn’t really. We both knew that there would be a time that we would have to go back. Mira told me so. We had to come back together in order to free them but then it dawned on me. Shara didn’t say anything about him finding me and about returning with me. I needed to go back and ask Mira, which was right? What did I have to do?

I shook my head and got back to the now… Now he wanted to know what I was laughing about. “No, you’re going to think this is weird. I absolutely love pancakes with peanut butter and hot sauce.” I didn’t want to see his face. Any normal person would gag at the combination but when he started to laugh I couldn’t help it. I just had to look at him.

“You have to be kidding me? I love that too.” It’s amazing how easy this is. I don’t have to worry about what I say or do. He understands; he truly knows what it’s like to be me.

“Really?” I ask just to make sure that I’m not imagining things.

“Yeah, really.” I could see his hands relax a little on the steering wheel. Today was going to be the best day of my life.

“Okay, then take me someplace we can get pancakes with peanut butter.”

“Well, then. Who am I to argue with a beautiful lady?” It was going to be hard to get used to him always complimenting me. It was way different than our last boyfriend. If that’s what you wanted to call him. “Off to the best IHOP I know,” I started laughing when I heard his stomach rumble, “and it’s close by too.” He joined in with me.

Less than ten minutes is what it took to get us to the pancake house. He parked the jeep and walked around to my side and helped me out. I kept hold of his hand and we walked inside. We didn’t have to wait long until a high-pitched squeal rang throughout the restaurant. Zan pulled me closer and then I felt his hot breath on my ear as he whispered, “If you want to go somewhere else I’ll understand.”

I didn’t know what he was talking about. I looked up at him and then watched where he pointed. There was Maria standing on her chair waving her arms all over the place. I waved back at her and smiled. “You know Maria?” I asked as I looked back up at him.

“Yeah… Maria and I are… well; she’s dating Michael. He was Rath when we lived on Antar.” So he did know their names that they had on Antar.

“Really…” I began as I took another look at the man sitting with Maria. He must be used to all of her antics. Maybe Maria is really Vilondra… They were betrothed in their previous life maybe they actually did love each other?

“I’d love to sit with them. It’s been so long…” I was going to say since we’ve talked but then I realized that we couldn’t really sit and talk since they didn’t know who I was. “They don’t know about me do they?”

He shook his head no and said, “And they don’t have to know if you don’t want them too.”

He was so good in understanding me. He always had been.

“I’d like that. It’s kind of overwhelming to finally find you, let alone my cousin too. Who else is… Is Maria, Vilondra?” I had to ask. It didn’t really feel right but I had to ask.

“No… No… Maria is human. Vilondra is my sister, Isabel? She’s kind of tall and has long blonde hair…” I shook my head saying that I hadn’t yet met her. I knew what she looked like but I didn’t know her. It was the same way on Antar. Vilondra was always so distant when Zan and I were together. “That’s okay. You’ll meet her soon.” I smiled. I hoped she had changed. That’s all we needed was someone causing a rift between us.

“I have so many questions.” I said as he led us over to Maria and Michael’s table.

“Let’s eat and then we’ll go somewhere to chat. I know the best place.” He sounded sure of himself and I found myself believing him.

“Okay.” Maria met us halfway in between and she practically bowled me over.

“Oh, goody, goody, goody.” She hugged me and quickly moved on to Max.

She whispered something in his ear that made him turned a really bright shade of red. Even the tips of his ears were red. She squealed again and then said, “I knew the two of you were going to hit it off famously. I just knew it.”

She bounced around to her side of the four-top table and sat down and Zan leaned over and whispered “If you only knew the half of it.”

We sat down and Rath barely acknowledged us. He was my cousin from my mother’s side of the family and we didn’t really get a chance to spend a lot of time together because of everything that was going on. I wasn’t surprised that Shara said that he was Zan’s second-in-command because he was born and raised to be a soldier. It was in his genes to defend and conquer. He had to have been really good if he had risen through the ranks to become a general as well as the king’s second-in-command at such a young age.

I couldn’t keep my eyes off him and I wished that he would say or do something instead of just sit there and eat. It wasn’t long before I heard, “Damn it, Maria. Those clogs are going in the trash if you kick me again.”

“You’re being rude, Michael.” Maria smiled sweetly at me as if I was not supposed to even pay any attention to the two of them bickering. Out of all the times we went out and she talked about him I never realized that he reminded me so much of the Rath I once vaguely knew.

“Hi, guys.” He finally said.

“Hey.” Zan said quietly. I had to look at him to make sure that everything was okay. I reached under the table and grabbed his hand. He smiled at me and I relaxed some. Not a whole lot, because he didn’t relax a whole lot.

Our waitress came rather quickly. I was surprised that a place this crowded had that fast of service. Maybe it had something to do with Maria’s display of enthusiasm earlier?

“She’ll have the short stack with a side of…” Zan looked at me. He was ordering for me. The little pitter-patter in my stomach was increasing. I had dreamed of this for so long. “Scrambled?” He asked and I nodded in agreement. “Yes, add a side of scrambled eggs and I would like the same and could you bring me some Tabasco sauce too, please.” He folded up the menu and then took mine. He made sure to caress the side of my hand and I couldn’t help but smile even wider at him.

“So, you’re ordering her food for her now?” We immediately quit staring at one another when Maria interrupted us.

There was that wonderful shade of bright red again. “Maria.” I looked over to Maria and she held her hand up to stop him from even continuing. They were close and I was glad to know that it was possible to be close to others and not have to worry what they would think of you. Not having to hide anything was going to be wonderful.

“No, no. That’s quite all right. I understand completely. It’s like being newly weds. No explanation needed.” Maria smiled and then started eating her breakfast. It looked like some kind of omelet and it looked pretty good from here.

Our breakfast came and we both immediately set out to dig in. “Um, excuse me. Could you bring a couple of cups of peanut butter for me?” He asked the waitress. She nodded her head and was back in a flash with the peanut butter. I wasn’t even thinking about anything when I poured hot sauce all over my eggs. This was going to taste absolutely wonderful. I usually had to hide what I ate around my parents for they knew when I ate hot sauce I wasn’t actually myself any longer. I took a bite and closed my eyes savoring the flavor of the meal.

“Excuse me, I’ll be right back.” Michael stood up and headed in the direction of the restrooms. I don’t know what had happened. I was so hungry that I practically forgot that there was anyone else at our table.

“Max…” Maria let it trail and I looked at her and then back to Zan. “Could you…”

He got up and placed his napkin next to his plate. “Sure, I’ll go see what’s wrong.” I looked up at him with what I’m sure was concern but he leaned over and kissed me. “I’ll be right back.” It helped some. I knew whatever was happening that it would be all right. Zan would take care of Michael and all would be right. Maybe it wasn’t such a good idea to keep my identity from them right now… the more I thought about it the more I wonder if we really did the right thing?

“What’s wrong with Michael? It’s not me is it?” I had to ask… and I needed to make sure that I called him by his Earth name and not by his Antarian name.

“No, no… I’m sure it’s nothing. I just really wanted to have some time to talk to you. You know. To see what you thought about everyone and to find out what happened last night.” I knew it was too good to be true. There was no way that I could continue to lie to her. She had been such a good friend when we first met that fateful morning.

“It was just one of those things. I had to…” I stopped in mid sentence not really knowing how to go about telling her. I closed my eyes and searched for any kind of clue I could find for what happened last night. Not finding one I opened my eyes and sat my fork down and took a huge drink of my orange juice. “Well, it’s complicated.” I finally had the nerve to look my friend of three weeks in the eyes. How would she take it? She already knew the hard part. There were aliens among them. It wouldn’t be so bad to add one more now would it?

“You can tell me anything. Believe me, there’s nothing that you could tell me that would make me any less your friend.” She reached across the table and grabbed my hand and squeezed it. “I wouldn’t have introduced you to all of them last night if I didn’t want you to become a part of our group. We’ve all been friends since like…forever but it always seemed like we were missing one person and I think that person is you. I haven’t seen Max smile like that in a really long time and the only reason I can think for him smiling that big is because of you. I don’t know…” I squeezed her hand back. I appreciated what she was doing.

I realized what she had said. She hadn’t seen Max smile like that in a real long time. Was he not happy with Ava? He did know they didn’t belong together. I hoped.

I leaned closer and quietly said, “That’s just it, Maria… I don’t know what happened last night. I wasn’t there.” Okay, so that wasn’t the right way to go about it.

“What? I don’t understand.” I knew she would be confused. Just chalk it up to having a rough morning. I’ve been on an emotional roller coaster and with Zan’s absence I’m a little unstable right now.

I took a deep breath and tried my best to straighten everything out. “Some times I’m here… and some times I’m not. I have what most people call a split personality or at least the equivalent of one.” That was the best way that I could think of to explain it.

I must have scared her because she leaned back in her chair and took a huge drink of whatever kind of juice was in her glass. She looked at me a moment before sitting up and leaning towards me, “You didn’t think about telling me first before I introduced you to my friends. You should have told me.” She wasn’t taking it as well as I thought she would have. She ran her hand through her hair. She looked everywhere around the restaurant as if she was searching for a hidden camera or something. Her eyes finally settled back on me, “Michael doesn’t trust you and if I would have known about your…..” She couldn’t seem to find the words to describe my problem so she finally just continued, “I could have eased some of his suspicions, I could have explained things to him.” What had happened last night to make Rath not trust me. I mean, sure, when I look across the room I had no idea that he was one of us but sitting at the same table I knew. I had that feeling of familiarity when I was in his company. She took another gulp of her drink and finished it off. She raised her glass in hopes of getting the waitress’s attention and I was once again surprised at the efficiency of the staff.

“Michael’s probably reaming Max out royally right about now.” She dropped her head into her hands and began to moan, “Why me? You try to help your friends. You want them to be happy.” She shook her head before continuing with her rambling, “I thought you would be great for Max. He always seems to be looking for someone and I thought…. Oh, god, Michael’s going to have my butt for this…..”

What could I say? There really wasn’t anything that would make this go any better so I cut off her rant. “I’m sorry, Maria. You have to understand that not everyone looks at me the same way once they find out about my condition. When I first met you I had no idea that you would understand. I thought I was the only one like me. When you look at it the way I do you’ll understand my reasoning behind wanting to keep it a secret.” My entire life had been one huge secret and now that I had a chance to open up to someone I held back.

“So when you told me you were looking for your other half, were you referring to your split or were you referring to a soul mate kind of person.” She had a valid point and it was a good question to ask. If this is the way she wanted to handle it then I can deal with it.

“When I told you about searching for that someone I meant I was looking for Max.” I almost stumbled on his name for it was the first time I had ever used it. “I just didn’t know that that was his name. I knew him as…”

Michael stormed to the table and gruffly said, “Are you done?” As he motioned to Maria’s half-eaten meal.

“Why what’s wrong?” She asked as she looked from Michael then to Max and then to me.

“Remember our conversation this morning?” He knew. I can’t believe he knew. Well, I can but I can’t believe that he doesn’t want to stick around and get to know me. I looked up to Zan and he gave a small quirk of his smile to let me know that everything was okay.

“Well, now is one of those times. I need to go.” He held out his hand to her and she quickly took it.

She leaned down and hugged me and as she did she whispered into my ear, “This conversation isn’t over. I’ll talk to you later, okay, chica?”

I was grateful that she wasn’t reacting the way that Michael was. “Sure,” I assured her.

“Maxwell.” That was all Michael said. The two of them left and Zan sat down beside me.

“Did I do anything wrong?” I asked.

“No, no you didn’t.” He took my hand and squeezed it. “Nothing’s changed. We’ll eat breakfast and then we’ll go some place where we can go and talk.”

I held onto his hand until he smiled at me. I locked eyes with him and I knew everything wasn’t okay. Maria had said it. Rath didn’t trust me and I had just driven a wedge between the king and his second-in-command. Is it too late to go back and start this day over? God how I wished that I was still on Zan’s couch and in his arms.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

AvengingAngelIQ – Well, I didn’t quite reach Monday… Hell I didn’t even get too far after Michael and Maria left… I was actually thinking about splitting this part up into two separate post (to be posted on different days) but I decided to get to a good stopping point and move on to someone else’s pov… So does this mean that you are still going to have the strawberries waiting for me next week? Don’t worry, it’s not going to be Tess/Kyle or even Isabel/Alex. It could be Michael but I don’t think so… so really all it leaves is Max/Liz.

And all I have to say about “These two halves have to merge to make one.” Nothing… Yeah, nothing. You said a long time ago that you didn’t want to know so I’m not going to tell you what I have planned. Muwahahaha. (Best thing I could come up with for an evil laugh.)

THANKS FOR THE FEEDBACK

AJK001 – Thanks for the feedback and I hope you enjoyed the part. I’m continuing to feed you guys more and more information… These next two days are really important on what is happening back in the dorm room on Monday morning so please (I’m down on my knees, begging) hang in there. And quit listening to AA… she’s getting me in trouble… LOL! Thanks again… I’ve really missed this side of your feedback.

roswellluver – Thanks for the feedback and yes they will. Eventually… hehe…

BelevnDreamsToo – You’re wonderful… My own personal advertiser you… Roping your friends into reading my fic. Thanks a lot. I really appreciate it. And every thread that has one of my banners too… Gees… I’m getting a big head. They aren’t as good as some of them out there. I think Destinee and schurry and Christina rule at that kind of thing. Just like the writing I’m just playing around and enjoying myself. I’m in no way a writer or an artist… just keep that in mind.

Yeah, my way… why don’t you go up and whisper that into AvengingAngelIQ & AJK001’s ears… make them believe that’s the best way… LOL! Just joking guys… really… I am and no it’s not because I don’t want to be pelted with strawberries either…

Yes, eventually you will get all the intriguing history of what happened on Antar and why they are all on Earth… Eventually being the key word.


The ‘oh talented one’ is grateful to have such a WONDERFUL feedbacker like you on my thread… Thanks again for all your words of encouragement…

SciFiNut111 – It wasn’t so much as Liz entering her dreams but of Maria seeing… oh wait… I better not say that on the thread… LOL there are people that don’t want to know some things and that would definitely be something.

When Liz showed up at the coffeehouse she didn’t know Maria from any dream or anything. Liz (at the time of meeting Maria) is on the verge of giving up and if she’s giving up what’s the use in keeping everything to herself. Sometimes the best way to get past a problem is to talk about it and she really doesn’t have anyone since she has just arrived in California. Liz didn’t think she would be staying long enough to build friendships… little did she know who Maria knows…

Wait and see grasshopper… wait and see…
Thanks for the bumps and the feedback… How’s part 29 coming? I’m still waiting… LOL!

Spicy trini1 – I’m glad you enjoy Maria. I originally had her planned somewhere around part four but I think it worked well where it ended. Hang in there… Part 13 will have more answers that you want or need. It will be the beginning of the facts that are yet to come… Thanks for hanging in there. I appreciate all your feedback.

Let’s see, you’re wanting to know what exactly happened in Max’s apartment on Friday night after the party right? If I’m right and that’s what you want then I guess I didn’t do a very good job of explaining myself. Nothing really happened. Max and Liz both fell asleep on the couch… sorry to disappoint you. Hope I answered your questions…

Hang on to Part 13 to find out what was said in the bathroom… It’s a toss up between another Max or Michael part. So far I’m leaning towards Max but you never know. I might just get a wild hair brain idea and totally go in a different direction, I hope not but you never know.

behrhugs – You gotta love the “J”. She’s great and turning out to be one of my best feedbackers… I’m glad she twisted your arm and made you come over and check it out. I’m even happier that you love it.

Unfortunately… not everyone is in the know on what exactly is going on. That’s the reason for all the different POV’s… Alex finds out about Liz’s background on Monday and has some critical information that the others should know. Eventually he’s going to pass that on. He just hasn’t had the opportunity to do it just yet.

And Michael knows that Kyle was planning on popping the question to Tess at the party… He isn’t aware that not everyone is privy to that information so therefore he hasn’t shared his knowledge with anyone else. So when Maria says that she couldn’t find Tess/Kyle I’m sure he’ll answer it. As the story continues you’ll understand how such a solid group of people fail to communicate what’s important. I hope you do anyway. If I do it right it’ll work out that way… Not everyone knows everything just keep that in mind.

Thanks for stopping by and I hope you continue to LOVE the fic.

TeddyBehrJKT – Don’t worry about it and yes, I have missed you… I noticed. Thanks for letting me know you’re out there and if there’s anything I can do to make it easier for you let me know… I wouldn’t mind sending it to you in an email if you needed.

I know exactly how you feel… I think when you first left me feedback I went and downloaded your fic and I still haven’t read it yet… I will I promise… Do you need a banner? I might be talked into doing one just to make it up to you… LOL! I’ve been known to hold them as ransom for a new part. Thanks for feedback and don’t worry about it if you just can’t make it. I’ll know that you’re out there somewhere… (over the rainbow) oops sorry… The Wizard of Oz crept in there somehow… LOL! When you’re raised in Kansas you get to see that film every year… and to top it off my four year old saw it one year and demanded that Santa bring it to her for Christmas. Needless to say it’s one of her favorites… and I’m finding that even though I’m no longer in Kansas I still have to watch the movie at least once a month.

Enough rambling. I’m off topic now. Just happy you decided to leave feedback. Thanks again.

Lana Lane – You know… I’m beginning to wonder if I can do anything wrong with you… You always have such great feedback. Never a bad comment. Thanks so much. I’m glad you’re back.

Yes, the next two days… (lord knows how many parts that is going to be… Two hours has turned into 33 + pages of fic…) are going to be nothing but DREAMER centered. Hope that helps and yes each POV will be centered on LIZ and her other half…

I think you’re the only one that’s worried about Tess and Kyle… you’re not wanting me to go to them and see their ceremony are you? I hope not. I hadn’t planned on it. I had originally intended for them never to be heard from again, until it was all over, but I have a feeling that they will be needed so eventually I’m going to have to bring them back… Eventually… sigh.

Its beginning to get harder and harder to keep the balance between pleasing and teasing believe me. But that’s my goal… To keep you guys begging for more… and more… and more.

I hope all is well and I’m glad you’re back with your incentives. And healthy too? I hope so.


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Hope you all enjoyed... I think Wednesday's work for me... Look for Part 13 next Wednesday... Thanks for all your great feedback in advance... *happy*


posted on 20-Aug-2002 12:34:10 PM by Bordersinsanity
UGH!!!!!

I'm not ready, I'm not ready... Jenna was sick all day yesterday and all I could concentrate on was another banner for another wonderful fic...

UGH!!! Max and Michael have just left the table... Let's hope they kick it into fast forward and I might be able to update tomorrow... I'll keep you guys updated.

Thanks guys for all the bumps.
posted on 21-Aug-2002 2:12:13 PM by Bordersinsanity
just an update... to let you guys know that the next part has been sent to the betas. Look for it tonight or first thing in the morning.

I'm off to look at questions so I can leave you guys some feedback.


posted on 23-Aug-2002 9:46:45 AM by Bordersinsanity
Well, thanks to all the great people out there, Bob you too, for all the bumps. No harm done. At least I hope. I'm sure AvengingAngelIQ and AJK001 are digging for their handy dandy strawberries... but that won't be too bad. I'm actually a little hungry this morning. Woke up late and all.

I'm not answering feedback because there wasn't much need for it... on with the story.... Enough rambling already!

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Title: Long To Be – Max
Author: Borders InSaNiTy
E-mail: BordersInSaNiTy⊕yahoo.com
Rating: R (language)
Category: AU – Alternating POV’s – Dreamer based as always is there anything other than that?
Disclaimer: I own NOTHING that pertains to Roswell. Just wish I did…
Summary: Max finds out that there is more to Liz than anyone realized. What will happen today and what will he find out while talking to the love of his life? Read and find out.

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PART 13

As we sat down at the table, I knew that Michael was more than a little miffed at me for still being with her. Knew it by the way that he didn’t even acknowledge us when we sat down. I know we’re not going to make it through breakfast I know he’s bound to figure some way of getting me alone to complain. All I can do is hope to hell that he won’t make a scene but if he does I don’t think that anyone will bother to look in our direction. Especially after the scene Maria pulled.

I noticed Maria looking over at us and then I saw her body move jerkily. It was like a chain reaction and it didn’t take Michael long to say, “Damn it, Maria. Those clogs are going in the trash if you kick me again.”

“You’re being rude, Michael.” Leave it to Maria to point the obvious out to everyone. I had to smile at her and once again I found myself silently thanking her for being her. If it weren’t for her I wouldn’t have found Liz and Liz wouldn’t have found me. I’m not really sure what would have happened if she would have given up on me? I’m eternally grateful knowing that Maria cared enough about me to want to make me happy.

“Hi, guys.” Michael finally acknowledged us as he leaned over the table and rubbed what I could only imagine was his shin.

I didn’t want to be the next to be kicked from underneath the table so I answered him back. “Hey.” I was amazed that Liz reached underneath the table and took hold of my hand. I looked at her and she was smiling at me. Her smile alone was enough to know that I would… no… we would survive breakfast. I smiled back at her and then quickly looked over at Michael. He was glaring at us and even though I relaxed a little it wasn’t going to be enough for me to act like myself. Michael was going to realize that something wasn’t right. I was going to be in big trouble once he got me by himself.

The waitress was almost instantly at our table and was ready to take our order before we knew it. I didn’t even think about what I was doing before I realized that I was ordering for Liz. “She’ll have the short stack with a side of…” I looked at her because we hadn’t exactly talked about eggs. I wasn’t sure if she wanted them or not. I asked, “Scrambled?” and waited for her answer. She nodded her head in agreement. The brief distraction from Michael’s death glare has the tension slowly easing its way out between my shoulders. Well, that and the fact that Liz was at my side. I couldn’t believe how easy it was to be with her. All this time I suffered date after date, who would have guessed that when I finally found the woman that was right for me it would be this easy? “Yes, add a side of scrambled eggs and I would like the same and could you bring me some Tabasco sauce too, please.” I was having the time of my life… I looked at Liz and she smiled up at me. She handed me her menu and I took it. I couldn’t resist touching her and when our hands met for that brief moment her eyes lit up and sparkled. She was glowing again and I couldn’t help but wonder if it was because of me or because of who she was. It didn’t really matter either way was fine as long as I got to see her shine like she was.

“So, you’re ordering her food for her now?” We broke our staring match and I turned and looked to Maria quickly.

“Maria.” I could feel the heat rising… I’m sure I’m a really red color by now, how embarrassing. She immediately held her hand up to keep me from uttering another word. What was I supposed to do? Nothing, that’s what. It was a natural reaction to order breakfast for Liz. We did talk about it on the way over.

“No, no. That’s quite all right. I understand completely. It’s like being newly weds. No explanation needed.” Maria was taking it easy on me. I had to remember to thank her the next time we went out. Tomorrow was our normal get together day. Maybe I could do it then… I wonder if Liz will be there in the morning? I feel my pants get tighter and decide to try not to think about that… but it was really hard. Excuse the pun but if Liz were still at my place in the morning she would have to stay the night. The big guy liked that idea and I couldn’t help it but I had to adjust him.

Maria busied herself and Liz and I just stared at them. Michael had gone back to eating his food and the unbearable silence was killing me. The more he stayed quiet the worse it was, the more trouble I would be in. The more he thought about how much he didn’t like the idea of her intruding on the group.

The waitress came, just a short time after we had ordered. I was afraid that the eggs would be runny. It couldn’t have been long enough to get the eggs cooked all the way through, could it? It smelled good. I was hungry and I knew Liz was. I got ready to dig in and realized that I had forgotten to get the peanut butter.

“Um, excuse me. Could you bring a couple of cups of peanut butter for me?” The waitress left and was back in less than a minute. She was really efficient. I was spreading the peanut butter over my pancake when Michael shoved away from the table.

“Excuse me, I’ll be right back.” I felt like screaming. I was so hungry and now wasn’t the time to be doing this. Why couldn’t he had done this before our food was here or better yet why couldn’t he just wait until like… never to do this. I look up at Michael and he gives me the evil eye. I look to Maria and she’s looking to Michael. Maybe I was over reacting? Maybe it didn’t have anything to do with Liz and me.

“Max…” Maria asks. Nope. It had everything to do with me. “Could you?” Crap. I slowly drag myself out of my chair and took one more look in the direction Michael had gone.

“Sure, I’ll go see what’s wrong.” I look over to Liz and her brows wrinkle a little bit in worry. I don’t want her to worry about it. I’ll take care of everything. She doesn’t have to worry about a thing. I lean over and kiss her. The kiss was more for me than for her but I hope that it relieved her of her worry because it gave me the strength to go tackle Michael’s attitude. “I’ll be right back.” I whisper to her. She tried to smile but the longer I was with her the more I knew that she was putting up a front for everyone in the restaurant, including me.

I left the two girls at the table. Liz was comfortable with Maria enough that I didn’t worry too much about her. She could handle her own. After all Maria was the only friend she had had for the past three weeks. I rounded the corner and saw him pacing the width of the hallway. “What the hell are you doing, Maxwell?”

“I’m here to eat breakfast.” I told him. I knew that wasn’t what he wanted to hear from me but until he flat out asked me I wasn’t volunteering any information. I had to hear it from him and talking in circles wasn’t going to accomplish anything.

“You know that’s not what I mean. What is she doing here?” He nodded his head toward the dining area and then took two steps to me so his face was directly in mine.

“She’s eating breakfast.” Michael and I did this every once in awhile. It was time for our annual pissing contest.

He shoved me against the wall and grabbed a hold of my shirt. “What did she do? Spend the night?”

“That’s none of your business.” I said as I shoved him away from me. “That’s none of your god damn business.” I said through clinched jaws.

“What? Did you forget about Tess so quickly?” I didn’t understand why he was being so hurtful to me.

“What’s this all about? You know that this has nothing to do with Tess.” I began pacing the width of the hall like he had been doing just moments earlier. “What’s got you so upset, Michael? Really? It isn’t the fact that I’m here eating breakfast with Liz and it’s not because of Tess. It was just last night that you told me I needed to quit encouraging her. So, tell me. What’s wrong?”

He began to speak but before he did he ran his hands through his hair. “There’s something about her.” He started out saying. I had to fight not to grin. If only he knew what she was about her. “I can’t really put my finger on it.” I took a slow step forward and placed a calming hand on his forearm. “She practically drowned her eggs with hot sauce. That’s not normal.” Now I see what has his panties in a bunch.

“I know. Believe me and when I find out what it is what it all is. I will tell you about it. But for now don’t ruin this for me. Can’t you be happy that I found someone? Someone who is actually for me, like Maria is for you. Don’t do this. Please.” He calmed down but I could still see his rage in his eyes. He wasn’t going to let it go that easily.

“Tomorrow, Maxwell. You have until tomorrow to tell me what it is. I’ll be watching you.” He stomped off and I followed not too far behind him.

“Are you done?” He spat out to Maria. I felt sorry for her. She didn’t deserve this kind of treatment. She looked up to him and her brow creased.

“Why what’s wrong?” She looked to me and then to Liz. They had been in an intense conversation when Michael so rudely interrupted them. Maria probably poked and prodded until she got it out of Liz. She had a way of doing that to a person. I wouldn’t blame Liz for telling her. It’s not like Maria wasn’t going to find out in the end.

“Remember our conversation this morning?” Michael said cryptically. I checked Liz to see if she was okay and she was looking at me. Her face was full of worry and I knew what was going through her mind and I couldn’t help smiling at her. She was so beautiful inside and out. She was worried what Michael was going to do and I couldn’t say anything until he left. We had the rest of the day ahead of us and I was going to put it to some good use.

“Well, now is one of those times. I need to go.” I didn’t even see Maria answer him. She had gotten up and she went over to Liz and encircled her in a tight embrace.

She whispered something in her ear that I couldn’t quit get but I heard Liz say, “Sure.”

Michael walked passed me and said, “Maxwell,” and he was gone. Maria hurried to catch up with him.

I sat down at my breakfast and looked to Liz and smiled. “Did I do anything wrong?” She asked. I took her hand and squeezed it.

“No, no you didn’t. Nothing’s changed. We’ll eat breakfast and then we’ll go some place where we can talk.” She held tightly to my hand until I smiled at her. I willed her to believe that everything was going to be okay. No matter what Michael thought I wasn’t about to let her go.

I let go of her hand and we got back to eating. Needless to say my food was almost room temperature. Eggs didn’t taste very good at room temperature. I ate around them and finished about ten minutes later. Even though the food wasn’t very hot it was probably the best breakfast that I had had in ages.

She finished just shortly after I did and the waitress came around and asked if there was anything else that she could get us. “No thank you.” I said and she quietly placed the bill for the entire table in front of me. I guess in Michael and Maria’s haste they forgot to pay for their breakfast. The waitress was eyeing me from across the room and I smiled at her so she wouldn’t worry. I would pay for their breakfast along with ours. I laid the appropriate change on the table and I stood up. Liz followed suit and I took her hand.

“Are you ready?” I asked. She smiled up at me and we walked out of the restaurant hand in hand.

“So… where are you going to take me now?” She hopped into the Jeep and waited for me to climb into the other side before she buckled her seatbelt up.

“It’s a surprise,” I said. “Do you trust me?”

Her face dropped the light air and got serious. “Of course I trust you. Don’t you know that I would go anywhere with you? Do anything that I could for you? You’re the reason I’m here and nothing will ever make me think otherwise.” I had a lump in my throat and was having a hard time swallowing.

“Liz… You don’t know me. How can you be so sure?” I hadn’t started the Jeep yet and I just stared at her.

“I know you as well as I know myself. Do you not trust me?” She asked. “Would you not go anywhere I go just to be with me? Would you not do anything in your power for me?” She didn’t wait for me to answer her. “Our souls are one and in time you will realize that.” She looked at me again and smiled. When I fumbled with the keys she laughed.

“You sound so sure of everything.” I finally said once we where out on the road.

“I’ve never been this sure of anything before. It’s hard to explain why I know the things I know.” She leaned her head back and closed her eyes. A small smile was playing across her lips and for once in my life I knew that everything she had said before was the truth. It felt right. It was right.

I maneuvered through the streets filled with busy cars. Every once in a while I looked over at her. She hadn’t moved since the last time I had looked. I didn’t know how to take it. Was she trying to show me that she trusted me or was it something else?

My fears were squashed instantly when she opened her eyes and looked at me and smiled. She reached out her hand and I took hold of it. She once again closed her eyes. A warm tingling sensation started traveling up my arm and throughout my body. It was the most magnificent feeling that I have ever felt. During the hour drive that it took me to get out of town and to our destination not one word was uttered between the two of us. The silence would have been awkward if it was anyone else but for the two of us it felt natural.

I pulled out onto the cliff and put the safety brake on and unbuckled my belt. She did the same. “This is amazing," she said once she looked out the front of the Jeep. She stepped out and went to the edge. She turned around and her face was beaming with the most beautiful smile that I had ever seen.

“You like it?” I asked. I knew her answer without her even saying anything. She ran and jumped into my arms. Her mouth found mine and her legs wrapped tightly around my waist. I felt her warmth touch my belly because my sweater rose as I held her. I wrapped my arms around her and held her while we kissed. I’m not sure what exactly causes these flashes that we share and I couldn’t deny them.

I stumbled back and leaned against the Jeep for help.

~*~FLASH~*~

“Andra Aliya, this is Zan. He’s to be your guard during these chaotic times.” She peered over her telescope and pushed a lock of hair behind her ear. She looked the man that was standing with her father up and down. Little butterflies fluttered within her stomach when she noticed that he was embarrassed with her perusal of his appearance. She nodded her head and went back to peering through the instrument. If she were to gaze upon him for too much longer she would definitely do something unlady like. The king turned to him and smiled and then he waved his hand for Zan to continue down the hall with him. The minute they were out of her room she stood back up and did a little shuffle as if she were walking on air. She danced around to the song in her head and ended up landing on her bed. She closed her eyes and fantasized about her future with such a man.

Her father had tightened the security around the palace and she wasn’t aware of the reason. She stood up and went to her window and looked down. Just as she leaned over to look upon the courtyard she saw him and he was looking up at her and their eyes locked. “It was nice to meet you, your highness.” He sent to her. His mind speak was even more exciting than anything she had ever encountered. She knew then who Zan was, for not all Antarians could mind speak.

“I look forward to seeing you again.” She sent back and from the distance that she was at she could have sworn that his face flushed again.


“Andra Aliya.” I said as I pulled away from her. “I remember. Your name was Andra Aliya. Strong, courageous and defender of the land.” Her eyes were wet from tears that had begun to pool in their corners. The minute I said her name out loud they were released. I rubbed my thumb gently across her cheek to stop them from trailing any further.

“What did you see?” She asked. Her mouth was puffy from the urgency in our kiss.

“I saw the beginning.” I said. “I saw your father introduce us.” I told her. Her legs were still wrapped around my waist and her arms were stabilizing her around my neck. “I’m beginning to remember.” I said with excitement in my voice.

Her eyes clouded some in disappointment and she shook her head. “The flashes that you saw were not yours.” She began. “They were mine.”

“How can you tell?” I thought about it and then realized. She was right. They weren’t my memories but hers. Everything that I had felt were her feelings as the events took place.

She didn’t say anything as she slowly unwrapped her legs from my waist and slid down. She searched my eyes and I saw her do the same act of pushing her hair behind her ear as I did in the flash. She began pacing in front of me. Back and forth she went. “Liz?” She looked up at me and I realized that even though I knew her Antarian name I still preferred to call her Liz. “I know I shouldn’t call you that but it’s hard for me to switch between the two.”

Her face softens at my explanation. “I realize that. Do you know how hard it’s been for me to call you Max? I think I’ve only called you that once all day. To me you’re always going to be Zan, I realize that now.”

“What did you see?” There was something there between us, that wasn’t there before. She shook her head sideways and walked to the edge of the cliff again. The sun was almost at high noon and she tilted her head up and closed her eyes again.

“I’ve never appreciated Earth as much as I do right now.” I started to make my way to her. I made sure to step lightly for I didn’t want to disturb her. “I saw how much you loved being here. Even though you knew you didn’t belong here you love it here. You have a family that loves you and you dread they day that someone comes for you to return.” She turned and looked at me. “I saw them… the ones that tortured you.” She looked away and stared out across the horizon. “Even when they tortured you and you were saved by the others you were glad to be here. I’ve never known peace like that. I would give anything not to know the past. I would give anything to be normal.” She gave a small smile and continued to walk.

“I didn’t want you to see that.” I told her. The images that she must have seen trailed across my mind’s eye. “Why is it all I see is your memories and you mine?” She stopped and turned and then continued back the other way.

“I’m not sure.” She began. “Have you ever tried retrieving your past memories?”

“Once.” I told her. It was with Tess and I didn’t feel too comfortable connecting with her in that way.

“Oh, and…” She asked as she stopped and pinned me with her gaze.

“I couldn’t do it. This is the first time that I have ever received anything like this.” It was my turn to pace. “We don’t know where we came from and we don’t know why we are here. I was hoping that maybe you would be able to help us with that.”

“I can and I will but you have to tell me something first.” It seemed easy enough and I didn’t see any harm in telling her what she wanted to know.

“Do you want to go back?” Okay, that wasn’t what I was expecting her to ask. I stopped and looked at her.

“You know of a way back?” Michael would be thrilled to have this information as well as Tess. The two of them have dreamt of nothing but returning home. How could I tell her home for me was where the ones I loved were? It wasn’t going to be easy.

“Zan… you didn’t answer my question. Would you go back?”

“I don’t know.” I shrugged my shoulder as I told her with no emotion behind it. “I don’t know. I’ve never thought about it. I’ve always thought that I was here for a reason. We are here for a reason, aren’t we?” My thoughts were going in so many different directions and I didn’t know where to begin. She was capable of answering all my questions. The answer to each and every single one of my questions and some that I have never thought of were standing in front of me.

“What do you want to know?” My eyes widened at the thought of the mystery of our lives finally being resolved.

“Um, why are we here?” I stammered out. I guess that’s a good first question. I wish I had an itemized list. With the thought of being able to know anything that I wanted was a little overwhelming.

“I don’t know.” Okay, that’s not what I was expecting; I thought she had all the answers. “What did you and Michael do when you left the table this morning?” She shot back at me as she looked around for a clear space to sit down. Once she had found one she sat and pulled her knees up to her chest. She then wrapped her arms around them. She was so small and I felt like I loomed over her.

“He senses something about you. Didn’t like the fact that you tortured your eggs by smothering them with hot sauce. Only he has the right to do that.” She crinkled her brow as she listened to me. She laid her head on her knees and tilted it just so slightly that she could look up to me. “He’s given me until tomorrow to find out everything that I can about you.”

“And if you don’t?”

“He’ll take matters into his own hands. Well, at least I assume he’ll come up with his own questions for you.” I really had no idea what Michael would do when he asked me his questions and I couldn’t answer them to his satisfaction. She chuckled and her face broke into a grin. It wasn’t the expression that I was expecting from her. “What?”

“Some things never change.” She explained. “Rath’s favorite thing was to take matters into his own hands. Well, at least that’s what I remember from our childhood.”

“Michael’s good. All he’s ever wanted was a family. He didn’t have it so well when he was growing up.” I sat down beside her, resting my arms around my own knees. “We were separated when we came out of our pods. Tess’ pod had been damaged and it didn’t release her at the same time as the rest of us. He had stayed with her for as long as he could but finally he couldn’t stay any longer, hunger drove him out of the cave. The sheriff’s department picked him up and he was placed in foster care.”

“And you. What happened to you?” This wasn’t what I had planned on discussing. I was hoping that we could talk about our home planet but I realized I was being selfish and that there was a lot of time left in the day to get to that."

“Isabel… she couldn’t wait to see where we were. She left and I followed. I was scared. I didn’t want her to get lost. I didn’t really want to leave the pods. We walked and walked and walked. We were in the desert and when nightfall came, we finally found a road. Everything was so dark and I was trying to get her to go back for Michael but she kept on pulling. Headlights had poked their way through the darkness and I pulled harder on her but she would have nothing to do with that.

“Your parents?” She asked. I shook my head yes.

“They found us and took us home. I don’t remember too much more, it was like my brain was taking everything in and was storing it for later use.” She nodded again. “How long are you going to be here?” I don’t know exactly where that question had come from but I needed to know.

She looked up at me puzzled and then probably realized what I was referring to. “I don’t know. It depends on a lot of things. Sometimes I’m here for only a short amount of time and then there are others that are for long stretches of time. I haven’t been able to figure out why the time varies the way it does.” She hesitated for a second before asking, “Why?”

“I just wanted to know.” I reached over and gently pushed her hair behind her ear so I could see her face better. “You know… I was just wondering if it will be like the last time.”

She shrugged her shoulders, not sure what answer to give me, “I’m not sure.” She looked over at me, “What was the last time like?”

“She knew you were coming.” I said. “It scared her because she knew she wouldn’t remember again.” Liz listened while rocking, back and forth as she sat on the ground. The position that she was in now reminded me of last night. Maybe that’s where the question came from.

“Yeah, she would be scared, I’ve run her all over the country.” She shook her head and gave a light laugh that was mostly air and then continued. “I realize that I’m not very good at giving the answers that you are seeking. I thought this would be a lot easier than it really is.”

“I know the feeling.” I slid closer to her and pulled her into my side. As my arm went around her she leaned her head against my shoulder. “What do you remember of your home? Tell me about you.” I asked her.

“You.” It was a one-word answer that could hold so many different meanings. “I remember you the most.” She looked up at me and continued. “I based my life on two times. Before you and after you.” She released her knees turned into a kneeling position beside me. She forced me to straighten out my legs before straddling them. She never broke eye contact as she moved into position. “I don’t know if this will work but I can try to share my memories with you.” She looked deeper into my eyes and I could see the trepidation that was there. She was worried that I wouldn’t want to share with her.

“Really?” She shook her head yes. “Will it hurt?” I sounded like such a pussy.

“No, it won’t hurt if you don’t fight it. If you fight it then it will be like me forcing my memories onto you. I don’t think it will hurt but it will give you a pretty good headache.” She was so close. I was having a hard time keeping myself from pulling her into me and kissing her senseless. Her breath was warm and the air around us was a little chillier than I thought it would be.

“What do I have to do?” There was no question in me wanting to do this or not. I was going to be the first of us to see life on Antar the way it was. She pierced me with her stare. I could see her concern in her eyes. “I’m sure.” I said without her asking.

“Okay, if you’re sure.” She cupped my head at my temples and stared into my eyes. “You need to blank your mind out. Think of nothing and just relax.”

“That’s easier said then done.” I wiggled my eyebrows as I told her and was rewarded with a blush. After all she was straddling my legs and I could feel her heat against my thigh.

“We can do it standing up.” She offered and the first thing I thought of was taking her into my arms and her wrapping her legs around me while I took her to the bedroom. UGH! I was hopeless. I didn’t think I had that dirty of a mind but then again I had never had the perfect girl.

I snapped back to reality, I’d have to save that dream for later, “No, this is fine. I’ll concentrate.”

“Okay. Look and relax and remember these are my memories. Not yours. Things that you see may not seem right but they are the way that I remember them.” I did as she said but her warning was a little more disturbing and it took me a little longer to get settled. I looked at the time and it was fifteen minutes past noon.

~*~FLASH~*~

“I can’t believe that you aren’t ready yet. The gala starts in less than an hour.” Lara scolded her.

“I don’t want to go. It has nothing to do with me.” She wanted to stay in her room and fantasize about Zan, the man that had captured her heart at first sight.

“Nonsense. Ava is turning of age and since your father is not here, you are to head the ceremonies.” She watched as her assistant fluttered around her room. She took out her pale pink dress that had ribbons of gold and white. She stood up and with the help from the other woman she was quickly dressed in her gown. The small crown of gold was placed on top of her head. “Now, was that so hard?” She was asked.

They walked out of her room and down the wide corridor. “How long will father be at the summit?” He had just returned and there was so much that she needed to talk to him about.

“I’m not sure, your highness.” They rounded the corner and the guards snapped to attention and saluted before moving out of the way so they could enter the great hall.

It was beautiful.

The scene blurred over the minute details and they didn’t get clear again until she was walking alone in the night sky.

“You shouldn’t be out here by yourself, your highness.” She whipped around and saw him hiding in the shadows.

“I’m sorry Zan, I just had to get out of there. I have this feeling that something terribly wrong is going to happen and I just don’t know what it is.” She looked at him and her heart rate increased along with the flip flopping action in her stomach.

“No need to apologize. You should have told me. Your father will have my head if anything happens to you on my first day of duty. You are the most important thing in his life.”

“I know.” She said quietly and then continued the walk in silence.

The scene sped up and he saw them sitting along the bank of the red lake watching the two suns rising against the morning horizon. “I must be getting you home. Your father should be home from the summit by now.” He stood up and held his hand out for her to take it. The instant their hands touched she felt a warm tingling sensation travel the length of her arm. She looked up at him and searched his eyes wondering if he felt the same thing.

They let go of one another’s hand and continued to her home. He waited outside her room as she stood in her doorway. She couldn’t take it any longer and she stood up on her tiptoes and kissed him. The force of her need crushed her lips against his. He wrapped his hands around her waist and gently pulled her down from the kiss. His forehead leaned against hers. “I’m sorry, Zan. I stepped over the line. That won’t happen again.”

He gently placed a finger on her mouth to keep her from saying anything further. “Don’t be sorry, never be sorry. I should be the one that’s sorry for my position as your protector forbids me to act upon my feelings.” His eyes were shiny from what she could only guess was his emotions.

“I will talk to my father.” She said firmly.

“I would not feel right if there were someone else that was in charge of your safety. Don’t ask your father to remove me from my station.” She stood tall and looked him in the eye.

“You would rather be my protector than my lover?” She asked.

“If I’m not your protector then I cannot stay.” Zan reached up and gently traced the side of her chin with his finger, “Those are the arrangements my family made for my service to your father. So, please, don’t speak to your father.”

“I don’t understand.” She said as she reached up and grabbed the hand that had been stroking her face. “My father can fix anything. Let me talk to him for us.”

“You’re rushing things, Andra.” Zan gently squeezed her hand trying to get her to understand.

“No I’m not!” Andra dropped Zan’s hand and stepped out of his reach. “I know what I feel for you and I feel it when we touch that you feel the same for me. If you will not stand up for us then I don’t want you for my protector. Your duty here is through. Return home.” She slammed the door on him and went to her bed sobbing.

Her heart had broken into a million pieces.

Her door was thrown open and four guards came in hours later. “Princess Andra Aliya you are under arrest by the order of Lord Khivar for the murder of your father.” They moved in and pulled her off her bed.

“What…”


The connection faded. “I can’t go on any longer.” She said to me. She looked so pale and I grabbed hold of her to steady her. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know where to begin and since that was our first time alone together I felt that you should see how it was.”

I looked down at my watch and realized the connection had been almost two hours long. The bright sky had turned over cast and it looked like we were in line for a winter drizzle. The air had dropped a few degrees and I actually shivered. “We better get going before we get caught in the storm that’s heading our way.” She went to get off of me and she wobbled. I grabbed her and steadied her. “Don’t move.” I warned. I held her steady as I worked my way up to a standing position and then bent down and picked her up.

“I’ve got you.” She was so light and her body was as limp as it was last night. She leaned onto my shoulder and closed her eyes. I tilted my head and kissed her forehead. She should have told me that it would weaken her like that. I walked us to the Jeep and settled her into her seat. I buckled the seatbelt and hurried around to the other side. I climbed in and started the Jeep and we were off.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

TBC

I KNOW I’M TWO DAYS LATE… BAD, BAD… I’ve been busy and am halfway through with the next part so hopefully I can still hold true with another Wednesday posting.

Hope you enjoyed and THANKS for all the GREAT feedback!


[ edited 3 time(s), last at 26-Aug-2002 12:58:44 PM ]
posted on 28-Aug-2002 11:12:27 AM by Bordersinsanity
RoswellLady – Welcome to the insanity! LOL!! At least you waited to get most of it all in one sitting unlike the others that have been here from day 1. Hope to see you again. Hope you get what you want out of the fic too.


Spicy trini1 – It does seem like Max gives more information then anyone else does, doesn’t he… I think it’s because he is getting so much from Andra and his only way of comprehending it all is by going over it in his mind. Hope you like the next part. The heat begins to rise…

I’m thinking it’s time to redeem Michael. He’s getting beat up for just being him. Can’t have that. Will need everyone on the same page if it is all to work out. Take care.


AJK001 – Damn! I was hoping to get some of those strawberries too. I promise to answer all your questions during some point in this fic. Hang in there. All will be revealed with time.

Thanks for your feedback.


woodwinds -- ::takes deep breath to begin my spiel:: yes, she now has a name. Just ask a few people on how many names she had before I posted part 13… LOL… way too many. Had to narrow it down.

The reason why she is searching for Max is in the next part. Makes you want to hurry up and read it now doesn’t it. But if you do that you’re going to miss all the other little bits of information that I’m about to give you… I’m evil. Many have called me that. LOL

You’re on the right track as usually about what’s happening in the dorm room. That’s all I’m saying.

Thanks for the feedback. Take care.


Lana Lane – Jenna is much better thanks for asking. However, her momma, Me, is sick now! UGH! And to top it off I’m going on vacation tomorrow afternoon. Not a good way to start vacation.

Writing the past life is so hard for me. I’m glad that you enjoy them the most. They take a lot of my time.

You know… you’re not the only one that wants to slap Michael. But you never know. You don’t know what was going through his mind when him and Max got into their fight. You saw only what he wanted you to see… There is a method to my madness.

As for the incentive. God, do you know how hard that was not to just post what I had done last Thursday? It was very hard and if I would have posted then you would have only gotten to the part where they left the IHOP!!! Not much of a part. Hope you’re glad I have a strong will.

Thanks for all the bumps and the lovely incentives.


roswellluver – A lot happened and yes there will be more to pass along… Hope you enjoy the next part. There’s a lot of information.


SciFiNut111 – It could… but ye of little faith in Michael… I have big plans for that boy… big, big plans.

All your answers are in the next part. Hope you like and thanks for all that you do for me! You’re the greatest.


BelevnDreamsToo – Well I hope you go back over this part. There’s some extra stuff in there that wasn’t in there yesterday…

I do like driving you guys crazy. It’s not fun being the only insane one on the thread… LOL. I’m glad you’re back from vacation but now I’m off on mine. I probably won’t get another part out by next Wednesday… maybe Friday maybe later… I hope not. There was a reason I bought my parents their computer… LOL.

Take care… hope you enjoy the next part.



THIS PART WILL BE POSTED IN TWO POSTINGS. ITS TOO LONG... ALSO SINCE, LANA NEEDS CHEERING UP THIS IS DEDICATED TO HER. HOPE THINGS GET BETTER....

NOW ON TO PART 14


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page7


Title: Long To Be – Andra Aliya
Author: Borders InSaNiTy
E-mail: BordersInSaNiTy⊕yahoo.com
Rating: R (sexual content)
Category: AU – Alternating POV’s – Dreamer based as always is there anything other than that?
Disclaimer: I own NOTHING that pertains to Roswell. Just wish I did…
Summary: Max finds out that there is more to Liz than anyone realized. What will happen today and what will he find out while talking to the love of his life? Read and find out.

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PART 14

We eat in silence. I had done something wrong and I didn’t know what it was. Zan wouldn’t tell me, I was sure of that. He finished and I hurried a little so we could move pass this debacle. The waitress came moments later. “Would you like anything else?” She asked.

“No thank you.” He said. She placed the bill on the table and walked away. Zan looked at it and then dug into his back pocket for his wallet. He laid a few bills on the table and then turned to me. “Are you ready?” He stood up and I followed. It reminded me of when Michael and Maria had left.

We walked hand in hand and I couldn’t help but smile at him. It was nice to be able to feel like the way things used to be. How long I have waited for this very moment. “So…” I asked with a hint of playfulness in my voice. “Where are you going to take me now?” I knew we wouldn’t be going back to his place, although that wouldn’t be such a bad idea. Forget about talking when we could get to explore each other’s bodies.

I quickly hopped into my seat of the Jeep and watched as Zan made his way around to his side. He climbed in and together we buckled our seatbelts. “It’s a surprise.” He said. “Do you trust me?” His eyes were pleading for me to say that I did. I realized that no matter how much I knew him, he didn’t have a clue as to who I was before or who we once were. There was never any we to him. The reality of the situation hit me once again.

“Of course I trust you. Don’t you know that I would go anywhere with you? Do anything that I could for you? You’re the reason I’m here and nothing will ever make me think otherwise.” I reached over and grabbed hold of his arm to make him realize how committed I would always be to him. He was my king, he was my husband, but most of all he was my soul.

“Liz… You don’t know me.” I guess I didn’t explain it well enough for him to understand. It was going to be a hard and long day. “How can you be so sure?” He was staring at me as he asked. His eyes were searching for some kind of reaction to his thoughts. I didn’t show him my disappointment I had plenty of experience in schooling my facial expressions not to show what I didn’t want to show. I hated doing it but he didn’t deserve to see my disappointment.

“I know you as well as I know myself.” I began. I wasn’t sure which direction I was going to take but I thought I might as well just go with the flow. “Do you not trust me?” I couldn’t wait for his answer for I know that anyone in their right mind, that wasn’t blind, and could lose everything if their secret was let out of the bag wouldn’t trust a woman after only knowing her for less than twelve hours. “Would you not go anywhere I go, just to be with me? Would you not do anything in your power for me? Our souls are one and in time you will realize that.” Looking at his face I realized that I had gone too far. Maybe I said too much? I smiled at him and when he fumbled with his keys I couldn’t help but laugh. He needed reassurance that it wasn’t the end of the world if he couldn’t answer any of those questions.

“You sound so sure of everything.” We were out on the road before he even dared to speak.

“I’ve never been this sure of anything before. It’s hard to explain why I know the things I know.” I leaned my head against the back of the seat and closed my eyes. Everything was going to be okay. I know that now. I couldn’t help but smile. All the possibilities of what we can do to one another flashed quickly across my mind. I just had to have some patience. That’s all. I could do that. I’ve waited two life times to find him and now that I had I wasn’t about to ruin it.

I felt the Jeep turned a corner and I never once opened my eyes. I trusted Zan with my life. After we worked out the misunderstanding of the real reason he was at the palace I knew that I would always trust him. My father trusted him with my life and so did I.

I was once again catapulted back to my past.

~*~Flash~*~

“I would die for you, my lady.” He was looming over me as I lay on the ground. My dress was wet from rolling around so close to the river. My chest was heaving with attempts at catching my breath. “I would die for you.” He repeated his oath to me.

He was on his knees, straddling my midsection. I couldn’t move. He had me pinned. I looked at him. I knew what he was saying was the truth. He was the only one that spoke for me. Even my own flesh and blood denied that I could be innocent. He leaned over, his face was merely right next to mine. His hand cupped my face and I closed my eyes. The warm tingling sensation warmed my very core and made my hormones soar.

“Why?” I calmly asked. He looked at me with wrinkled brow. “Why did you come for me? I shut the door on you and told you to go home. I was irrational.”

“Love has a way of making us do things that we would normally not do.” He said quietly. His face, still so close. ‘Love? Did he just say Love?’ Every word he spoke sent goosebumps up and down her spine.


I opened my eyes to make sure that I hadn’t allowed the memory to take over. I peeked through my lowered lids and saw him smiling at me. I smiled back and decided that I needed to feel him. My past memory of our first time made me want to touch him. I slid as close to him as the seat belt would allow and wrapped my arms around his as I laid my head on his shoulder. I made sure that he had no objections and then went back to my memory.

“Love? What does love make you do that you would not normally do?” She asked him with a slight twinkle in her eyes. She couldn’t believe that in just a short period of time he was professing his love for her.

“This…” he leaned closer and captured her lips. His other hand quickly grabbed the other side of her face and he slid his tongue across her lips asking her to let him in. She did and the kiss deepened. She grabbed hold of him and when she did he wrapped his hands around her and lifted her to him. Pulling back slightly he whispered into her lips, “I’ve loved you from the moment I first saw you.”

“In my room?” She was referring to when her father had first introduced him to her.

“No, sooner…” He told her. They got back to their feet and hand-in-hand they had begun to walk back to the house that she had fled just moments ago.

Turning in front of him and forcing him to stop she asked, “When did you first see me?” She had to know. Surely she would have saw him too… but then she remembered that he was sent here for another purpose. His family wanted him to watch her to make sure that she would not harm their king. Of course she wouldn’t have seen him. He was lurking in the shadows. Watching her when she least expected it.

Laughing he picked her up in his arms and continued back to the house, “I saw you in my dreams.” He kicked open the door and took them to his room. He laid her down on the bed and followed her. She kissed him with so much hunger she felt like she was no longer a woman but an animal in search of her prey.


I opened my eyes when I felt the smooth road turn into a bumpy dirt one. I sat up straighter and took a few deep breaths in hope of controlling my hormones. I used to love those memories but now that I was here I wasn’t so sure I wanted to live in the past.

The moment I took in our surroundings my breath that I had just taken was taken away. “This is amazing.” I hopped out of the Jeep as soon as it came to a stop and walked to the edge of the cliff. The horizon spanned for what seemed like an eternity. It was beautiful. Definitely the most beautiful spot that I had ever been. I turned around and looked at him. My face was beaming. I could feel my smile from ear to ear.

“You like it?” I don’t know if it was my raging hormones or what but I couldn’t stand it. I ran and jumped into his arms. No one had ever done anything like this for me before. I couldn’t get close enough to him. I wrapped my legs around his waist and kissed him. I wanted to share everything that I was with him and I wanted to let him know that there was no one else for me but him.

I should have known with my heightened sexual tension that I would induce another series of flashes.

~*~FLASH~*~

He was alive. He had made it through the worst few days of his life and he hoped to God that he would never have to experience anything like that ever again. He was out in the desert watching the sun rise the day after his escape. There were people in this world that were mean and cruel. Hateful to anything that they didn’t believe.

Images of his awful experience zoomed in front of her and just when she thought she wasn’t going to make it through there was a light at the end of the tunnel. She walked closer and closer to the light wanting to know what was so special about it. When she reached the end she realized what had kept him alive while those madmen held him captive.

Face after face flew by her eyes. He loved them all. He didn’t know who he really was but none of that mattered for the people that she was seeing were the ones that mattered most to him.


“Andra Aliya.” He said as he pulled us apart. My heart was aching. How could he have lived through all of that and still be such a gentle and kind person? Tears are pooling in the corners of my eyes. The sound of my name coming out of his mouth is adding more emotion to the ones that are already running rampant through my body. He’s smiling at me. “I remember. Your name was Andra Aliya. Strong, courageous and defender of the land.” My father had named me that just to spite the seer. Aliya was just another stab at him. Defender of the land? Ha, I was prophesized to destroy all of Antar. He brushed the tears that no longer could hold their form in the corners away with his thumb.

“What did you see?” I had to ask. I so hoped that he didn’t see anything as painful as I did. I curled my lip in to try to get it to stop tingling. His eyes sparkled like a four-year-old kid on Christmas morning that just got the one toy they had ever wanted Santa to bring them.

“I saw the beginning.” He began. “I saw your father introduce us.” He embraced me tighter into a tighter hug. “I’m beginning to remember.” And with that I knew why he was so happy. He thought he had begun to remember. How was I going to tell him that they weren’t his memories but mine?

I shook my head no. “The flashes that you saw were not yours. They were mine.”

“How can you tell?” I slowly unwrapped my legs from around his waist and slid down. He was a strong man. He would be able to take anything that I could tell him. I pushed a piece of hair behind my ear. It was tickling the side of my face and I really needed to concentrate.

I so didn’t want to tell him that his memories may never come back. That the one gift that my family possessed was the gift of sharing and connecting. I began to pace in front of him. “Liz?” My head shot up. I don’t know which I prefer to be called by him. My Antarian name or my Earth name. “I know I shouldn’t call you that but it’s hard for me to switch between the two.” He was sorry for calling me by the name that he knew me to be. I couldn’t wrong him for that.

“I realize that. Do you know how hard it’s been for me to call you Max? I think I’ve only called you that once all day. To me you’re always going to be Zan, I realize that now.” We welcomed what we both knew. I knew him as Zan and he had come to know me as Liz. It didn’t really matter, did it? I don’t know. Maybe. Maybe it was a sign of things to come. Him on Earth and me on Antar, after all it was I that was destined to take down the ruling king and right now that king was Khivar. I would give anything to destroy the man that I knew had killed my father.

“What did you see?” He asked. I didn’t want to tell him what I had seen in my visions from him. I knew what it would do to him just knowing that that was what came to me when we connected. I needed time to think of how I was going to put it to him so I shook my head and walked to the edge of the cliff again. I looked to the heavens and to home and called silently for help. I closed my eyes and looked for the person deep within me for help. I needed to have the right words. I didn’t want to hurt him.

When they finally came I started. “I’ve never appreciated Earth as much as I do right now.” He was coming closer to me, probably because my voice was a little louder than a whisper. “I saw how much you loved being here. Even though you knew you didn’t belong here you loved it here. You have a family that loves you and you dread the day that someone comes for you to return.” I turned to look at him and saw his confusion. I couldn’t keep it from him any longer it wasn’t fair. “I saw them… the ones that tortured you.” I quickly looked back out across the horizon. I don’t think I would have been able to continue if I continued to look up at him. “Even when they tortured you and you were saved by the others you were glad to be here. I’ve never known peace like that. I would give anything not to know the past. I would give anything to be normal.” I turned my back on him unsure of what else I could have done.

“I didn’t want you to see that.” He told me. I gave him an understanding smile and waited for him to ask what he wanted. That’s why we were here after all. We were out in the middle of nowhere to find out answers to the many questions that he had. “Why is it all I see is your memories and you mine?” His voice was pleading for me to give him a solid answer and I couldn’t. Just another way of disappointing him.

“I’m not sure. Have you ever tried retrieving your past memories?” I’m not sure if he has them or not but it’s possible that they are just suppressed so deeply that he hasn’t triggered them yet.

“Once.” I waited for him to elaborate on how the outcome had turned out but it never came.

“Oh, and…” so I decided to pry.

“I couldn’t do it. This is the first time that I have ever received anything like this.” He started to pace and I wondered what had made him uneasy. “We don’t know where we came from and we don’t know why we are here. I was hoping that maybe you would be able to help us with that.”

“I can and I will but you have to tell me something first.” At least I hoped that I would be able to help him. “Do you want to go back?” I knew that weighed heavily on his conscious. His mother’s message from the communicators telling them that they were expected to come back and free them was too much. They were only kids with no one to teach them yet they had the weight of their world and the lives of their people on their shoulders. The next time I see Shara I’m going to smack her.

“You know of a way back?” There was a mixture of emotions swirling around in his dark amber eyes, hope, joy as well as sadness.

“Zan… you didn’t answer my question. Would you go back?” I had to know where he stood. I needed to know for when the time was right and I had to return if he would be coming or if he was going to stay.

“I don’t know.” He grounded out as he shrugged his shoulders. “I don’t know. I’ve never thought about it. I’ve always thought that I was here for a reason. We are here for a reason, aren’t we?” I wanted to tell him that of course they were here for a reason. We all were but was his reason for being called back different than mine?

“What do you want to know?” I was onto something and I needed to think about a few things. I should be making a list that I could ask Mira about.

“Um, why are we here?” He did as I had asked.

“I don’t know.” They came after me. I had no idea why they were sent here. I thought about the communication that I had seen from an earlier flash and realized that they were sent as a group. They had a warrior, a visionary, a mind walker and a healer. They were a complete group. But why? I was hung up and I need more information. “What did you and Michael do when you left the table this morning?” I wanted to sit down; I was tired of pacing and standing. I looked for a clear spot and sat down. Expecting not to like what he was about to tell me I pulled my knees up to my chest for security.

“He senses something about you. Didn’t like the fact that you tortured your eggs by smothering them with hot sauce. Only he has the right to do that.” Great. I was too relaxed at breakfast. I rested my head on my arms and looked up to him. I was waiting for him to continue. “He’s given me until tomorrow to find out everything that I can about you.”

“And if you don’t?” I needed to know if I was in danger. If all I had to do is tell Michael the truth then I would but if I wasn’t in any danger from his paranoia then I would wait and see if I could get more information. Information that would help me do what was needed to be done.

“He’ll take matters into his own hands. Well, at least I assume he’ll come up with his own questions for you.” I could see the worry set of his eyes. He was scared of what Rath would do to me if Zan didn’t provide him with a reasonable amount of answers. It was sort of cute how he had gone into the protective mode of me. Some things will never change no matter how long or how far a soul has traveled. “What?” He asked. I guess he saw my amused expression on my face.

I felt like I should explain my amusement with the idea of Rath taking things into his own hands. “Some things never change. Rath’s favorite thing was to take matters into his own hands. Well, at least that’s what I remember from our childhood.” Rath’s idea of taking things into his own hands was to stomp around acting mad until he cooled off. He has no patience at all.

“Michael’s good. All he’s ever wanted was a family. He didn’t have it so well when he was growing up.” He sat down beside me and mirrored my position. “We were separated when we came out of our pods. Tess’ pod had been damaged and it didn’t release her at the same time as the rest of us. He had stayed with her for as long as he could but finally he couldn’t stay any longer, hunger drove him out of the cave. The sheriff’s department picked him up and he was placed in foster care.” I couldn’t believe that he was telling me what he was. This was a huge step for him for I knew that he has never trusted anyone to a point that he told the whole story.

He paused for a second and I couldn’t help but ask for more. “And you. What happened to you?” I straightened up and focused all my attention on him.

“Isabel… she couldn’t wait to see where we were. She left and I followed. I was scared. I didn’t want her to get lost. I didn’t really want to leave the pods. We walked and walked and walked. We were in the desert and when nightfall came, we finally found a road. Everything was so dark and I was trying to get her to go back for Michael but she kept on pulling. Headlights had poked their way through the darkness and I pulled harder on her but she would have nothing to do with that.”

“Your parents?” I was hanging on his every word looking at his profile as his eyes looked into the distance. Hearing about how he came to this world and what he had to go through to survive was amazing.

“They found us and took us home. I don’t remember too much more, it was like my brain was taking everything in and was storing it for later use.” He tore his eyes away from the canyon and glanced at me, “How long are you going to be here?” His question came out of nowhere that I didn’t really know what he was referring to.

I looked at him and it finally hit me what he wanted to know. I wish I knew some of his answers. I wanted to give him something that he so desperately deserved to know. It just wasn’t fair. After all this time, we had found one another and then all we really were to one another were total strangers. It just wasn’t fair. “I don’t know. It depends on a lot of things. Sometimes I’m here for only a short amount of time and then there are others that are for long stretches of time. I haven’t been able to figure out why the time varies the way it does.” I looked up at him and searched to see if the answer I had given him was adequate or not for him. I couldn’t tell. “Why?”

“I just wanted to know.” He pushed a piece of hair behind my ear and then continued. “You know… I was just wondering if it will be like the last time.” His voice was so quiet. He was so unsure of what the topic would do to me.

I shrugged not really knowing what he wanted to hear from me. “I’m not sure. What was the last time like?” I looked at him waiting for him to answer. I had never had the nerve to ask anyone what the other side was like. Never and now I had my chance.

“She knew you were coming.” He began. “It scared her because she knew she wouldn’t remember again.” I started to rock back and both. I had seen it before. When we were in therapy the doctor had kept us isolated until the change had happened. She always knew when I was coming. She sort of had a sense of it. I felt badly for her, for me, and for Zan. What was it going to be like for the three of us?

I realized that he was staring at me, he was waiting for an answer. “Yeah, she would be scared, I’ve run her all over the country.” I didn’t add that it was all for him. I shook my head and laughed at myself. It didn’t matter what I did or what she did we had found him in the end and that was what was important. Wasn’t it? “I realize that I’m not very good at giving the answers that you are seeking. I thought this would be a lot easier than it really is.” I tried to offer the only comfort that I was able to give to him.

“I know the feeling.” He put his arm around me and pulled me into his side and the instantaneous warmth filled my body. I leaned my head on his shoulder like I had done so many times in our first life. I closed my eyes and savored the feeling. A feeling of home. I was finally home, or was I? “What do you remember of your home? Tell me about you.”

The sound of his voice was soothing and before I knew it I was answering his question without even thinking about it. “You. I remember you the most.” I looked up at him expecting a trapped looked or even a cornered look but it wasn’t there. When you tell a man that the only thing you remember of your past life is him he’s bound to feel overwhelmed. But Zan wasn’t. Max wasn’t. “I based my life on two times. Before you and after you.” Then it hit me. My gift of sharing… I could show him my life. It would be so much easier than trying to tell him everything. I turned my body and was in a kneeling position beside him. He still had his knees pulled up and I placed my hand on them to show him I wanted him to straighten them out. He did without question and I moved to where I was straddling his legs. We moved in unison without breaking eye contact. “I don’t know if this will work but I can try to share my memories with you.” He didn’t even flinched I looked for it but he didn’t show any signs of being scared of who I was and what I could do. It would take a lot of getting used to.

“Really?” I nodded. “Will it hurt?” He asked. I didn’t smile and I didn’t laugh. Even though he thought that there might be some kind of possibility of me hurting him he didn’t shy away from me.

“No, it won’t hurt if you don’t fight it. If you fight it then it will be like me forcing my memories onto you. I don’t think it will hurt but it will give you a pretty good headache.” I kept on drifting closer and closer to him as if each of us were a different pole of a magnet. Did he have any idea how hard it was for me not to let my instinct overwhelm me? Did he know how hard it was for me to keep my distance? To be this close to the love of my life and for him not to act the same way was hard but I was here for a reason. At least I think I am.

“What do I have to do?” He asked and once again I searched his eyes to make sure he was sure. “I’m sure.” He answered to my look. A small tickle ran up from the pit of my stomach. Our connection? Or was he just that perceptive? Either way I liked it.

“Okay, if you’re sure.” I cupped his head and looked him in the eyes. “You need to blank your mind out. Think of nothing and just relax.”

“That’s easier said then done.” He wiggled his eyebrows and his eyes darkened with a look that I hadn’t seen in this lifetime. I felt my temperature rise as my body reacted to his joke and was fully aware how close we were.

“We can do it standing up.” I thought that might help keep both of us focused.

“No, this is fine. I’ll concentrate.” He assured me. I wasn’t so much worried about him but me. What if I couldn’t concentrate?

“Okay. Look and relax and remember these are my memories. Not yours. Things that you see may not seem right but they are the way that I remember them.” I thought I would continue with the scene from earlier. What I had done when he and my father had left my room. After all it was the beginning.

I looked into his eyes and let the connection take over. The images took off almost immediately but there was a problem. They weren’t traveling as fast as I thought they would. I tried not to panic and remembered what I had told him; just relax. I could always end the connection whenever I needed to. I might as well sit back and enjoy the beginning.

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CONTINUED IN NEXT POST





[ edited 1 time(s), last at 28-Aug-2002 11:13:19 AM ]
posted on 28-Aug-2002 11:17:52 AM by Bordersinsanity
PART 14 CONTINUED...




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“I can’t go on any longer.” I said as the connection faded way too soon. There was so much that I needed to get to. I didn’t want him to see us end on a bad note. I wanted him to be able to see it all. “I’m sorry.” I was light headed and began to wobble. He grabbed hold of me and steadied me. “I didn’t know where to begin and since that was our first time alone together I felt that you should see how it was.”

I could see the concern in his eyes for me as he looked at his watch and then back up at me. He gave me a reassuring smile and then looked up at the sky. I followed his gaze and realized that we were in for some bad weather. “We better get going before we get caught in the storm that’s heading our way.” I took that as my cue that he wanted me to get off of him so I did. The movement caused me to sway again and he told me, “Don’t move.” He said. He stood up and then leaned over and picked me up. The quick movement made me lean my head onto his shoulder so I wouldn’t loose consciousness. “I’ve got you.” I felt him lean over and kiss my forehead. His warm breath makes the loss of strength so very worth it.

He buckled me into my seat. I didn’t open my eyes or move from the position that he had placed me in. We were off in no time. Once we were on the highway and he no longer needed to keep his hand on the stick shift he grabbed hold of my hand. “Are you okay?” He asked.

I peered through half-opened eyes and smiled at him. “I’m fine. Thanks.”

“Is that normal for you to get weak?”

“No, I don’t think so. It’s the first time that I had ever tried to do that on Earth. Maybe it’s the human form that slowed the connection down, I just don’t know. My list of things to ask the next time I return to the other side is getting longer by the minute.” I tried to lighten the atmosphere but I don’t think it was helping. “I could tell you the rest of what happens if you want me too?”

“If you’re up to it I would really like to know what happened.” He took a chance and glanced my way. My head was leaning back against the back of the seat and I smiled at him.

“My father was dead. I was accused of his murder because I was unaccounted for during the gala.” I started.

“But, that’s crazy. You were with me the entire night.” He interrupted me and I had to squeeze his hand because I appreciated his comment.

“I know that and you know that but at the time they didn’t. You see…” Here it goes. “When I was born there was a seer present.”

“A seer?”

“Yes, he looks upon the soul of the new born child and predicts its destiny.”

“But that’s ridiculous. The future can’t be told.” I had to smile at him for he was so naïve.

“Yes, it can." I knew that I had to explain myself. “Let me finish the scene that I had begun I don’t want to jump ahead.” He nodded his head and I took a breath and continued. The memory was so fresh in my mind that I found myself reliving it.


~*~FLASH~*~

They dragged me out of my rooms and hauled me to the dungeon. “Princess Andra Aliya you have been charged with the murder of the king. How do you plead?” Rath’s voice filled the small cell with an echoing boom.

“I didn’t do it, Rath. I swear.”

“You left the gala early, Andra. Where did you go?” He asked. His voice not so domineering.

“I was with Zan. Find Zan. He’ll tell you that I speak the truth.”

“I wish it were that easy, cousin. I’ve looked for him and he’s nowhere to be found.”

“That can’t be. I just…” I realized that I had slammed the door on him and told him to go home. He had done what I had told him and now my life depended on him being found.

“You what?” Rath asked.

“He’s gone.” I said in a whisper. Tears finally broke loose and they rolled down my cheek. Rath opened the cell door and walked in. “I swear on my life, Rath I didn’t kill my father. He was all I had.”

“I know, Andra. I know. I’m just doing my job.” He took me into his embrace and tried to comfort me. “If it were up to me you wouldn’t be down here but your uncle says that the people are demanding your holding. He says that if he showed favoritism now that there would be an uprising and a war would soon break out. He’s doing everything he can to maintain peace. The prophecy has started.”


“I was down there for three weeks before you came back.” I saw him wince at the information that I had just told him.

“What took me so long?”

“You had no way of knowing. You thought my absence from communication was because I no longer wanted anything to do with you.”


~*~FLASH~*~

“Andra!” He ran down the stairs as quickly as he could. He stumbled on the last two and came crashing to the bars that imprisoned me.

“Zan!” I grabbed hold of his face and kissed him with all my might. “You’re alive. I was so worried. No one could find you and Rath’s looked everywhere for you.”

“I’m sorry my love. I should have known. I was so foolish to run away like that.” I laid a gentle finger on his lips to quiet him.

“All that matters is that you’re here now. You’re finally here.”

“Guards. I demand you unlock this door now!” He yelled with authority.

They did as he demanded and I launched myself into his arms. He carried me up the stairs and back to my rooms. I gently laid my head on his shoulder as he carried me. “Andra, you’ve lost so much weight. Have they not been feeding you?” I looked up into his worried gazed and then replaced my head back on his shoulder.

I was so relieved to be out of that hellhole and to find out that he was safe. My worse nightmare was that someone had killed him too. Everyone that held a special place in my heart had been ripped away all in one night. “They fed me, Zan but I didn’t eat much. I couldn’t. I was so worried that something terrible had happened to you.”

“But Rath, where was he? Why didn’t he help you?”

“I haven’t seen him since I was first imprisoned. I think my uncle sent him away.” Seeing the look on Zan’s face she continued, “It