Title: You Won’t be Mine (Song Fic)
Author: LMiC2001
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: Through Departure.
Disclaimer: Songs are by Matchbox 20 from the album Mad Season. (In case you haven't heard them: "You won't be Mine" is a soulful, blues-esque song. "Bed of Lies" and "Leave" are ballads.) Story is based on the characters of Melinda Metz as developed by Jason Katims. I own nothing you’d want, so please don’t sue.

Part 1-
You Won't Be Mine

Take your head around the world
See what you get
From your mind
Write your soul down word for word
See who's your friend
Who is kind
It's almost like a disease
I know soon you will be

Chorus:
Over the lies, you'll be strong
You'll be rich in love and you will carry on
But no - Oh no
No you won't be mine

Take your straight line for a curve
Make it stretch, the same old line
Try to find if it was worth what you spent
Why you're guilty for the way
You're feeling now
It's almost like being free
And I know soon you will be

Chorus

Take yourself out to the curb
Sit and wait
A fool for life
It's almost like a disease
I know soon you will be

Chorus



Journal Entry- Liz Parker

Just when everything seems normal, something happens, again, to remind me that NOTHING is ever going to be normal again.

I could deal with this better if I hadn’t heard for myself that he would choose me over his destiny. Not that I believe in psychics, but it felt right when she said it. She got my hopes up.

Then of course, like everything since last September, here came the Czechoslovakian twist. He showed up. Older, sexier (if that’s possible), but definitely him. He said that he had chosen me but by doing so he “alienated” her and she left. And they all died but him. They lost; they died because he followed his heart.

I can’t let him do that. I have to find a way to get him to let go. To forget me. To turn to her. It nauseates me to even think about it. But I must. He needs me to. But I can’t tell him or he’ll never let go.

So, no matter what happens, I lose. I must choose to lose where he wins, or at least where everyone lives.

I lose. He wins. She wins. The whole damn planet wins, but I don’t. I lose him.

God, I really wish I’d never gone to that psychic with Maria.

Part 2
Bed of Lies

No I would not sleep in this bed of lies
So toss me out and turn in
And there'll be no rest for these tired eyes
I'm marking it down to learning
I am

Don't think that I can take another empty moment
Don't think that I can fake another
hollow smile
It's not enough just to be sorry.
Don't think that I could take another talk about it

Just like me you got needs
And they're only a whisper away
And we softly surrender
To these lives that we've tendered away

No I would not sleep in this bed of lies
So toss me out and turn in
And they'll be no rest for these tired eyes
I'm marking it down to learning
I am
Don't wanna be the one who turns the whole thing over
Don't wanna be somewhere where I just don't belong
Where it's not enough just be sorry

Don't you know I feel the darkness closing in
Tried to be more than me
And I gave 'til it all went away
And we've only surrendered
To the worst part of these winters we've made

I am all that I'll ever be
When you - lay your hands
Over me
but don't go weak on me now
I know that it's weak
But God help me I need this
I will not sleep in this bed of lies


Journal Entry- Liz Parker

He’s gone. He left me to face the consequences alone. I had my wedding dance, but not the wedding. When he disappeared I knew I’d succeeded in turning him away. But if I was successful, why does it hurt so much? Success is supposed to bring pride.

I’m having a hard time deciding where to rest my eyes. I can’t look out on the balcony. I see where he first kissed me and where I danced with the older version of him. It’s emptiness mocks me.

I can’t look at the bed. I see lies and deceit. I see Kyle lying there with me beside him. I see the treachery that I was forced to stoop to in order to save everyone. No, I can’t look there. Oh God, where am I going to sleep tonight. I can’t sleep there either.

I can’t look at the bathroom. He hid there. I changed there.

I close my eyes to hide from the visions of my deceit, but I feel trapped by the darkness.

Tonight, I guess I’ll sleep on the floor with my eyes open. Only the ceiling doesn’t mock me. I’ll recount the 143 ceiling tiles and hope that I don’t dream or suffocate from the darkness.

How will I ever be able to sleep in that bed again? Will I ever be able to sleep without clutching the shirt he loaned me? I’ll sleep and try not to remember all that I lost in that moment.

Forever.

*********************************************
Part 3 - Leave
Max climbed the ladder to the balcony with the strength of a man with a purpose, a man on a mission.

He’d thought it through and determined that tonight he would make Liz pay attention. It was time for her to shed this notion that he belonged to someone else.

She still loved him. He knew that from the powerful kisses he’d stolen from her since she returned. Tonight she was going to that concert with him or he’d just have to kiss her into submission.

As he reached the landing he heard the sounds of hushed conversation from Liz’s room. Stepping to the window he froze, unable to breathe at the sight. Liz lying naked under her covers and Kyle lying beside of her, appearing to also be naked. He stood stunned. He met Liz’s eyes. He saw guilt and fear, but strangely not surprise.

He backed away expecting her to try and catch him. To tell him that his eyes were deceiving, that he hadn’t seen what he thought he’d seen.

But she didn’t. His heart hurt as he wandered the sidewalks alone, empty. How was this possible? How could she do this? And how had she known that he’d be there? He found a bench in the park and tried to sort through it.

How could she go back to Kyle? What made her jump into bed with him? The questions boggled his mind. Then he wasn’t alone…


***********
Six months later.

I can still see him standing there in my room. He tells he’s only going to ask one more time. I didn’t answer. I couldn’t. But he must have taken that to be an answer, because he just shut down. He looked so lost and hopeless. It felt like a door closed, smashing my heart in its hinges. Then he left. He didn’t see me crumple. He never saw me cry myself to sleep for the millionth time.

I never wanted to feel so alone. I didn’t want it to be this way. If I ever see him again, the bastard from the future, I will kill him for putting us through this.

Later, when he got closer to her, we all became more disjointed. It eventually fractured into more of an “Us versus Them” situation as we dealt with the death of Alex.

As much as Alex’s death hurt, it was made worse by his stubborn denials of anything that left my mouth. It got so bad that I was afraid he would say the sky was green if I mentioned how blue it was.

But the last straw was that he knocked up that bitch. I don’t trust her. I certainly don’t trust him. I want to ask him: “What ever happened to Mr. “Be Prepared” Boy Scout? Exactly where was your raincoat that night?

“I both love and hate the necklace. I love it because it is your heritage. I hate it because it is a consolation prize, the “I have royally screwed up” consolation prize. And now you are leaving me, again. You bastard. You had the nerve to expect me to feel…what? Sorry for you? I’m glad you don’t love her the way you love me, because I sure as hell wouldn’t wish this abuse and misery on anyone. Not even her.

“You’re going home to what? Wife? Baby? Enemies? Prison? Death?

“I can’t believe you slept with her. It was supposed to have been me. Alex was not supposed to die.”

Since I can’t tell him this, I need to talk to Maria. But she’s not home and this overgrown gorilla doesn’t make me feel like Max does. I make him stop.

Finally, she’s home. She’s practically glowing. Great. I’m glad to know that I’m officially the last virgin in Roswell.

He’s leaving in just a few hours. How will I be able to handle it?

The tapping. Amy? Kyle. Alex. Tess! Oh God. And I’m off again to save your sorry, miserable life.

Tess was supposed to be the reason we all lived. Not the reason Alex died. If I ever see that bastard from the future again…

leave

It's amazing
how you make your face just like a wall
how you take your heart and turn it off
how I turn my head and lose it all

It's unnerving
how just one move puts me by myself
there you go just trusting someone else
now I know I put us both through hell

I'm not saying
there wasn't nothing wrong
I just didn't think you'd ever get tired of me
I'm not saying
we ever had the right to hold on
I just didn't wanna let it get away from me

But if that's how it's gonna leave
straight out from underneath
then we'll see who's sorry now
If that's how it's gonna stand, when
you know you've been depending on
the one you're leaving now
the one you're leaving out

It's aggravating
how you threw me on
and you tore me out
how your good intentions turn to doubt
the way you needed time to sort it out

Tell me is that how it's going to end
when you know you've been depending on
the one you're leaving now
and the one you're leaving out




[ edited 1 time(s), last at 25-Oct-2001 10:00:34 AM ]