|posted on 26-Jul-2002 1:39:29 AM by mattie788|
|Title: I Remember|
Summary: Future fic, sort of M/L
Author’s note: This is just a one-parter. I just felt like writing this. I have no life at 1:00 a.m. Hee hee. It’s kind of dark, but hope you enjoy.-Lissa
Lying here, between my parents, I think about the things that happened during my infancy, toddler hood, childhood, and pre-teen years. You may wonder how I know the things that I do. How can I remember what my infancy was like, my toddler hood? Well the truth is, I’m not human. My papa is an alien and so is my mother. Not my mama lying here, next to me. The one that gave birth to me, the one that cursed me to live the life that I lived. I remember.
**Fifteen Years Earlier**
I remember when I was first brought to my mama. She was sitting on the couch with the twins. She was working on weaning them and was succeeding. They were nine months old, making them eight months older than I.
I remember Papa was there too and the look of fury on his face when he saw, Tess, my mother. I remember the shouts. The twins just look on; they didn’t have the intelligence of being full alien, like I had.
“Tess, what are you doing in my house?” My papa shouted.
“To bring you your daughter!” She shouted back.
I remember my mama being shocked, hurt, and angry. She stood up and stood next to my papa. For once I don’t remember all the words that were exchanged between the three. I spent my early life working on forgetting the hurtful words that were coming from my mother’s and my papa’s mouth. Never once did my mama say anything.
I remember my mama told me later what was said. She says I needed to know. By that time I had completely forgotten. She explained that my papa had gone back to our home planet, Antar. It was shortly after the twins were born. My mother was furious that he had children with someone besides her. She mind warped him and he slept with her. My mama knew this, Papa told her. But what neither of them knew was that my mother became pregnant through that.
I remember when my mother left and shut the door. No one realized that I was still there. I started crying.
I remember the shock of my papa, the smile from my mama. Kaitlyn and Ryan did not like sharing the attention. I wailed louder. Mama picked me up. She searched for a diaper bag or anything. There was nothing, just a birth certificate that was under me. The name was blank, the mother was blank, but the father was filled in with a big MAX EVANS. Her eyes went wide with shock.
I remember how she silently without question filled in mother with Elizabeth Evans. Papa was shocked. I don’t remember him being angry but mama says he was.
“Max, what are we going to name her?” She asked my Papa.
“We aren’t going to name her, we’re not going to keep her.” He says.
Now remember I’m only a month old, I hear these things but I don’t know what they mean. I cry now, I’m terribly hungry. Mama looks around in a panic. She doesn’t have anything fit for a child my age. Then a light goes on.
She sits down on the couch. Papa knows what she’s doing and glares. It takes me a second to figure out what’s going on and that there’s food nearby. My papa glares and removes the now screaming twins from the room.
I remember Mama singing softly to me while I ate.
I remember her telling me that I was safe.
I remember her telling me that my name was going to be Emily. I gurgle and coo at my mama.
I remember when I was older and learned to walk and talk.
I remember Papa always favored the twins. Mama was always fair. I learned how to do everything from Mama. Papa never helped.
I remember her teaching me how to walk. How frustrated I became. Mama soothed me and told me it was ok.
I remember standing and falling over and over again. Kaitlyn and Ryan would laugh only to be rewarded with a tongue lashing from Mama.
I remember standing on sturdy legs and making my way, for the first time, across the floor. I made it to Papa and said my first word. Papa. Mama cheered but Papa scowled and went into the other room. I couldn’t figure out what I had done wrong Ryan and Kaitlyn’s first words had been Mama.
I remember Mama rushing over to me and trying to comfort me. I kept crying into her arms. She kept whispering how proud she was of me. Her little Emily Anne.
I remember Papa coming home from business trips and having something for the twins and Mama; never anything for me.
I remember at daycare and preschool I would always make something for Mother and Father’s day. Mama would always display my gifts along with the twin’s. Slowly the twins began to accept me as a fellow sibling. Papa wasn’t happy about this.
I remember crawling into bed with Mama and Papa. Instead of being embraced in Papa’s arms like I had seen Kaitlyn, he turns away from me. Leaving Mama to comfort me. I love Mama but I wanted Papa’s love too.
I remember when we started school Mama insisted that everyone gets new things. Papa agreed but only for the twins and not me. That night was the first fight about me that I had ever witnessed.
“Max, get over yourself.” She snaps at him. Fire is shining in her eyes.
“Liz, what do you want me to do?” He asks her. Kaitlyn and Ryan are out with our Aunt Maria. I wanted to stay with Mama.
“Look, Max. She’s a child, she’s five years old and wants nothing more than your love, and you can figure for yourself what I want you to do.” She said.
“How can expect me to love her? All that she stands for, what she came from?” He asks.
“Are you going to punish her for something that she had nothing to do with? Max, she’s a child in need of parents who will love her and take care of her, the way she deserves. If you would have left her with Tess she would have been raised with her evil ways.” She wipes a tear. “Max, she’s more alien than Ryan and Kaitlyn put together. She’s going to need you to help her.” She explains. “What happened to a parent’s unconditional love? What would have happened to you if your parents decided ‘oh, Isabel and Max aren’t our children so I’m not going to love them the way they deserve?” She asked Papa.
“This is different.” He protests.
“No its not, Max.” She says.
“I can’t do it, Liz, I can’t love her like I love you and the twins, darling.” Papa says. My heart breaks. I run to my room but I can still here them shouting.
“Then sleep on the couch, Max.” Mama comes into my room to try to hold me and comfort me but I won’t let her.
I remember when the twins came home and me not going out to see them, how I refused to eat dinner. Kaitlyn told me that was the weirdest meal she remembers.
I remember Papa slept on the couch for three nights before she allowed Papa back in bed. I would never go to her. I didn’t want him to hate me more than he already did. Kaitlyn and Ryan did, but I was scared too.
I remember that it stormed like crazy I was scared. But I didn’t want to go to Mama’s room. So I crawled in bed with Ryan. He actually let me stay with him. I actually felt love.
I remember when Mama came in to wake Ryan up that she was surprised to see me there. When she asked why I explained through tears why.
“Why didn’t you come to me?” She asks as she carries me back to my own bed.
“Because I don’t want Papa to hate me.” I cry into he nightclothes.
“He doesn’t hate you.” She says. She sits on the bed and I cling to her.
“But he doesn’t love me Mama. He might as well.” I explain.
“Oh, honey.” She pulls me onto her lap and rubs my back.
“I don’t care that he never gets me anything, I don’t care that he treats the twins better, I don’t care. I just want him to tell me he loves me. Just once, Mama, and I’ll be the happiest girl in the world. I don’t want him just to say it. I want him to mean it from the depths of his heart, you understand, right, Mama?” I look up to her. Tears are shining. She looks at the door and I feel her tense I know that Papa is there. I wonder how much he has heard but I never look up I keep my face pressed against her.
I must have fallen asleep because I wake up to shouting. The clock says 9:30. Mama didn’t make me go to school, for once. She’s very big on school.
“She just wants you to love her, Max.” They’re fighting over me again.
“Liz, we’ve gone over this.” Something slams, they never fight like this when the twins are home.
“Yeah we have. I still don’t get it, Max. Either does she. But then again you wouldn’t care. She’s a little girl, imagine if Kaitlyn wasn’t loved. All little girls want to be loved. You’ve denied one the right that she had when she was given to us.” Mama slammed something else.
I remember running into the kitchen, into Mama’s arms she lifted me up. “Max, when your ready, then we’ll talk.” We left. We went to the mall and had ice cream. We had to go pick up the twins. They’re insanely jealous that I got ice cream. I begged Mama to take them to get some too. She just looks at me and smiles.
I remember that after that day, Papa was a bit nicer to me. He wasn’t drippy nice, but he actually paid some sort of attention to me and acknowledged my presence.
I remember one night when Mama, Kaitlyn and Ryan were all out. The reason was because Kaitlyn was at a friend’s house; she was a year ahead of me in school. Ryan was at another friends house and Mama went out with Aunt Maria. I usually stay in my room when I stay with Papa but he wanted me to come out and watch TV with him.
“Why don’t you come out with me tonight, Emily.” He stands in my doorway. I put down my doll and stare at him.
“Do you want me to?” I ask in a small voice.
“If you’d like.” He responds.
“Yes, Papa, I’d like that.” I stand up. He holds his hands out to me and I grab onto it as he leads me out to the front room to watch TV.
I remember when Mama came home and was shocked to see me asleep on Papa’s lap.
I remember when I was ten years old my parents and I were sitting at the table. Mama was helping me finish our homework. The doorbell rang. I didn’t look up. Mama tensed she didn’t like it when people rang the doorbell, because that meant we didn’t know them.
“I’ll get it.” Papa stood up to go answer the door.
“Papa.” I stood up, I did not have a good feeling about this. That was one of my powers.
He stopped and turned to me. “Don’t answer the door.” I said.
Mama looked at me. “Why not?”
”Just don’t.” I said. I had known that I was not my mama’s real daughter but I still loved her. I remember when my dark hair started to lighten into a blond and the looks I got from people seeing my dark haired family. It was odd.
“I have to. “ was all he said and went into the other room to answer the door. He slammed it shut and came back into the kitchen. “Ryan, Kaitlyn, rooms now.” He said.
They scampered off taking their schoolwork with them. Max rarely spoke to them in that tone. I was glued to my seat. “What’s wrong?” I asked quietly.
“Come here.” He said, in a less stern tone. I swallowed and went up to him. He glanced at Mama she came and stood behind me. Just then she walked into the room.
I remember how I felt. It was a fear that I never wanted to feel again. I clutched onto Mama’s pant leg. I knew I was too old for that but I was scared.
“Is that her?” She asked.
“Yes, Tess. It is.” My papa informed her stepping in front of Mama and me.
“Step out here, girl and let me get a look at you.” I backed up even more.
“Do not talk to her that way.” Mama intervened. I had never before heard that voice before.
‘I will speak to her anyway I wish.” She said. “She’s my daughter.”
”No she is not. She was my daughter the second you left her in our care with that blank certificate.” Mama continues to shield me with her body.
“I’m taking her back.”
”What!” Mama and Papa both shriek.
”You heard me. There’s no stopping me Max. Don’t even try Elizabeth.” She called my mama her full name. No one does that.
“No, Tess you will not.” They both block me now.
“Too late.” Men rushed forward knocking Mama and Papa out of my way. They pick me up and before I know it I was swept out the door.
I remember my mama shrieking, my papa cursing. I remember hearing Ryan trying to comfort Kaitlyn. From what I hear from Kaitlyn after the van that had me in it left, Mama just collapsed in Papa’s arms. Mama finally returned to her semi-normal self later. They had to move because people would wonder what had happened to the third child.
I remember the five years on Antar. It was a really nice planet, seriously it was. But I wanted my Mama and Papa to be here. I missed them, the twins, and the rest of my family. I wanted to go home. I never spoke to my mother once when I was on Antar.
I remember the loneliness I felt when I watched the other kids playing with their Mama’s and Papa’s. I guess that’s why I call my parents Mama and Papa, that’s what the kids here do. The twins call them Mom and Dad. No one questions me though.
I remember the loneliness was lonelier than I’ve ever felt on earth even with my papa ignoring me all the time.
I remember my happiness when Papa figured out how to communicate with me on Antar.
I remember the happiness when my mother decided that I was of no use to her and would let me come back home.
I remember how Mama fainted when she saw me in the doorway.
I remember Kaitlyn’s squeals, Ryan’s hugs, and Papa’s shock.
I remember when Mama woke up she hugged me and wouldn’t let go until Papa had to pry her off. I’m still short. Kaitlyn and I were always made fun of because we were the shortest, although she was in class higher. Kaitlyn’s grown. So has Ryan. He’s a lot taller, taller than Papa.
I remember a little girl I had never seen before. She looked exactly like Kaitlyn did at that age, and like Mama did. I was introduced to my little sister what was named Emily Marie. I cried when Mama told me she was named after me.
I remember when my Papa told me he loved me for the very first time.
I remember all of it like it was yesterday. I’m now laying between my parents my Mama wouldn’t let me sleep in my own bed. She insisted that I shared theirs even though I’m old enough to obtain a driver’s license.
I cuddled farther into my papa’s embrace with Mama’s arms tightly around me.
There’s no need to remember the bad things that happened, although,