|posted on 4-Aug-2002 1:10:01 PM by lorastar|
|I got an idea and couldn't let it die. Let me know what you think.|
Waiting for my Heart
Disclaimer: I own nothing
The stars shimmered brightly, twinkling in the dark velvet sky. His words pounded furiously in her mind. ‘I want, no need something, someone, more. I can’t stay.’ She silently added him to the list of people she had cared about who had uttered the same words to her.
The list had started with her father. She remembered the soft whispers he had murmured as she feigned sleep. She has been a kid; she didn’t know what to do, so she pretended. He had left her room, and she softly breathed the words ‘I love you, Daddy’ to his retreating back. She had listened to the vicious fight between her parents. She felt the house vibrate when he slammed the door shut, leaving her life for forever, and she listened to the muffled sobs of her mother. That’s when it had started.
She had expected him to come back, to say he was sorry, that he loved her and never should have left. She held on to that dream for ages. She was a child; she didn’t know any better. But then she realized that he wasn’t coming back. Life goes on, she realized.
Her dog went next. He never said the words, though. Just died silently in his sleep. She cried. But then she realized, again, life goes on. No one cares about your loss.
A succession of rapid losses of friends and other failed relationships quickly made her list longer. And tonight, she added Trevor to the list.
Her heart had been broken when her father left. It had broken a little more each time after that. She didn’t think it would be long until her heart finally broke in half. And yet, she knew she couldn’t give up. As much as she wanted to withdraw and hide from the world, she knew she needed people. Plus, she had thought solemnly, I’m addicted to heartbreak.
She hadn’t done anything since Trevor had left her. She hadn’t talked or cried. She just stared stoically at the world around her from the blanket at her special place. He had ruined it now, she couldn’t come back again. She gazed longingly at the stars, wishing she could be a star, and gaze down at all the planets and not have to participate in life.
The stars read her thoughts and glimmered strong and steady to reassure her. A shooting star slipped through the endless dark sky seamlessly. A trail of glowing light followed smoothly. Her eyes spotted the star eagerly and closed her eyes gently.
Despite all the pain, she still maintained a glimpse of childlike sweetness, which glinted through her tough-girl façade.
“I wish,” she whispered softly, “to find love. Not just some guy who says he loves me and changes his mind when the next good thing comes around. I want,” a tear ran bravely down her face, escaping her attempts to stay strong, “a nice, cute guy to tell me that I’m all he can think about all the time. I want him to tell me that I’m beautiful, special, and perfect for him. But most of all, I want him to be telling me the truth when he says those things.” She wiped the stubborn tears away valiantly, and smiled a small, sad smile.
High above, the stars blinked above the broken and bleeding heart of Maria Deluca.
[ edited 7 time(s), last at 26-Nov-2002 1:48:18 PM ]
|posted on 8-Aug-2002 2:57:04 PM by lorastar|
|Lana Lane thanks for the fb. yup, another story from me. is that good or bad? my first attempt at basing a fic around maria. hope it'll turn out okay. here's the next part. hope you like it!|
Justine thanks for the fb. here's the next part. hope you like it!
Roswellluver thanks for the fb! here's the next part. hope you like it!
Sel hey honey honey. thanks for the fb! and for the bump! maria has had an emotionally draining life, but I think it'll get better. here's the next part. hope you like it.
everyone, thanks for reading and leaving fb. I love you all. lol. I hope you like this next part!
She drove home carefully, maintaining the proper speed limits, signaling 100 ft before her turns, and following the right of way rules. The streets of Phoenix disappeared behind her Jetta. She finally turned into her driveway and stopped the car. She checked her makeup, took a few deep breaths, gathered her stuff, and trudged listlessly to the front door.
She slowly unlocked the door and walked in. Her mother was running around, gathering her possessions, and frequently checking her watch. Maria pasted a fake smile on her face as her mom slowed her steps to stand in front of her.
“Maria, go pack. We’re leaving tomorrow morning. Catching a plane and getting out of here.” And she was off again, running like a bat out of hell, until she glanced back at her stunned daughter and saw the truth of her emotions showing through. “Maria? What’s wrong? Did Trevor do something? If he hurt you?” Her mother clenched her hands into fists and shook them in the air.
“Mom, mom, no. Trevor would never do anything to hurt me.” She flopped down on the couch and fingered the blanket lying on the arm. “He’s a great guy.” She lied through her teeth and did her best to look happy. She was experienced at this game. Pretending. That’s what her life had come down to, pretending.
Her mother looked at her, unconvinced, and resumed her gathering.
“Mom, mom, stop for a minute.” She grabbed her mother’s arms and forced her to sit and talk to her. “Where are we going and why?” She held her mother in place and forced her to look at her.
“We’re going to Roswell. Liz needs us. Now go pack.” Her mother broke away and grabbed the nearest bad and stuffed it into Maria’s hands haphazardly.
Maria looked from the bag to her mother. “What’s wrong with Liz?” Her voice was fraught with worry. “Did something happen to her?”
Her mom stopped moving, looked around helplessly and threw her arms up in the air. “It’s Nancy,” she sobbed. Maria stepped forward quickly and wrapped her mother in an embrace. “She was in an accident. The Sheriff called and said Jeff wasn’t taking the news well, and that Liz needs someone there for her. She can’t die. Oh, Maria, why is this happening?” Child played mother and made quiet, comforting noises while stroking the choking, sobbing head of the real mother.
“She’ll be okay, Mom. Everything will be okay.” She put her own heartbreak and pain on a mental shelf and turned to this mess in her arms, her mother.
Her mother had been best friends with Nancy and Jeff Parker since high school. Following in their parents’ footsteps, Liz Parker and Maria had maintained being best friends, even over the distance.
Maria made her mother lay down, and rest. She covered her with the blanket and grabbed the paper with the flight information on it. She realized that if she drove, they could get there sooner than the plane would land. Making sure her mother was okay, she grabbed the bag and walked to her room.
She packed quickly and stuffed all her bags and the bags her mother would need into her car. Her mother was walking around when she went back into the house, a blank and vacant expression gracing her face. Maria gently pushed her mother to her car and stuck her in the back seat with a blanket and pillow.
Maria locked the house and got back in the car. With a sigh she started the car and pulled out of the driveway.
You can be a little cruel
You can be so cool
When I give you so much
And you give such a little
Watching every bath you take
Running down the fire escape
Crying till my shoulders ache
I'm waiting for my heart to break
|posted on 1-Sep-2002 4:21:43 PM by lorastar|
|Justine, thanks for the fb. sorry it took me so long to get this part out. I hope you like it!|
Lana Lane, thanks for the fb and the sweet words! I don't usually go for Maria stories either, but I couldn't resist writing this one. I hope you like this next part!
Angelic, thanks for the fb and the kind words! hope you like this part! oh, btw, thanks for the bump.
Twilighteyes1974, thanks for the fb! my name made you come read it?! I'm so glad! lol. thanks for the kind words. I didn't email you because...umm...well, why didn't I? I don't know. I didn't tell anyone about this or unimagined. oh, I have a new story, unimagined! cruel?! *groan* hmm...guess it's easier for me to forget! I think I'll be working on that later today! sorry it took me so long to get this part out. hope you like it!
thank you guys for reading! I hope you like this new part!
Maria zipped past the sign stating, “Welcome to Roswell. Population 6385.” The Parkers lived close to the limits, and she quickly pulled into a parking spot behind their café. Maria leaned over and woke her mother, who had slept through the whole trip, tear tracks streaking her face.
Her mother stirred and looked around her. Maria grabbed two bags and walked to the back door. She had called Liz to let her know that they were coming. The door opened, and Maria squealed, seeing her best friend. Liz grabbed her and pulled her into a hug.
“Liz,” she gasped. “Air is a necessity for humans to live.” Liz released her and mumbled an apology. “How are you?” Maria asked, holding her friend by the shoulders, much like she had held her mother hours earlier.
“I’m okay.” Liz smiled, her eyes tearing slightly. “I just got back from visiting Mom. Dad stayed with her. She hasn’t woken up yet. The doctors said she’ll probably come through. But then…that’s what they said about Grandma, and look what happened to her.”
Maria grimaced. Liz’s grandma had died two years earlier. Memories flashed through her head. Liz calling her at midnight telling her that her grandma was in the hospital, the visit to Roswell, the funeral and the rain pouring from the dark and dreary sky, holding Liz as she wept. She remembered the months that followed, and how her life began to revolve around the one relationship that had always remained strong and never cracked. Her friendship with Liz. She remembered her mother telling her Liz had been arrested, Liz telling her that her father had threatened to send her away if she saw her boyfriend again. Liz called her one night, crying after being caught with her boyfriend, and the fight that ensued with her father. The next week, Liz had arrived to finish out her junior year.
She snapped back to the present and pulled Liz back into a hug. “It’ll be okay, Lizzey, everything will be okay. Your mom will be okay, your life will go back to normal, as normal as it can at least.” She smiled sympathetically and petted her hair. Maria and Liz pulled away from each other and Liz wiped away her tears and smiled brightly.
“So what’s new, Liz? What’s happened with that boy you’re dad forbade you to see again? Still dating him?”
Liz nodded her head shyly. “Yeah, it took a while to convince dad that he was a good guy. I mean, after we ripped off that convenience store. It’s not such a big deal is it?” Maria laughed. “It’s good though, you know? He’s always here for me. The sheriff told my dad that we had just made a mistake but that he’s known Max and that’s he’s a good guy, that he loves me, and would never intentionally put me in danger.”
“Then why did he make you hold the gun?” Maria had never met Max, but she knew that he was the one who persuaded her best friend to join the world of crime. Who knew where that one job could lead? One day it’s a convenience store, the next it’s a bank heist that could land her in jail for the rest of her life.
“We weren’t supposed to get caught. We were careful, I still don’t know what went wrong.” Liz cradled her head in her hand and shook her head. “Enough about me and Max, what’s up with you and Trevor?”
Maria cringed hearing the name, the pain still fresh in her heart. “We broke up. You know, the same words, the same tone, and the same feelings. It’s no big deal though; I knew he wasn’t the one. I never really liked him, anyway.” She lied through her teeth. She had liked him, a lot, maybe even love she had thought to herself. She had entertained the idea that he could be the one. Maybe she wouldn’t spend the rest of her life with him, but she had thought she would at least spend prom with him.
“Lia. Ria, I know you better than that. I didn’t live with you for a year without getting to know how to tell when you’re lying. You’re eyebrow raises, and you start fidgeting with your hands.” Maria stopped moving her hands and clasped them tightly in her lap. Liz gave her a quick hug.
“Don’t worry. I know a guy that you’ll like…when you’re ready. I don’t think he’s going anywhere…not soon at least.”
“A friend of Max?”
“Max isn’t a bad boy.”
“Yeah he is.”
“You don’t know him, Ria. But about this other guy…he…he’s different.”
“Why are you so interested in that?”
“Maybe I just need to rip off a convenience store with a bad boy just like you did.”
“And lose all trust, have everyone stare at you as you cross the street? Not to mention be forced to leave behind the person you love with all your heart? Don’t be like me, Ria.”
“You love him?”
“With all my heart.”
Liz shrugged. “He’s my other half, the better part of my soul.”
“Who’s idea was it to hold up the store?”
“Let it go. Max’s friend isn’t like Max, he’s nice, but umm…kinda hard to get too.”
“What do you mean? Is he like this 2000 pound guy that you can’t see his head because the feet of lard keep you away?”
“No. He just keeps a stonewall around his heart. He doesn’t like getting hurt. He’s kinda like you. I think you could melt him, though.”
“Why would I want to?”
“You can’t live without love, Ria. I know you.” Maria put her head in her hands and stared at the ground. “Let’s go get your mom, sweetie.”
The two stood up and walked out the door, to find Amy talking to Jim Valenti, the sheriff of Roswell. Amy turned towards Maria and started talking. “Jim has offered to let us stay at his house, he thought they might have more room than the Parkers. I accepted his offer.”
“Mrs. Deluca?” Liz asked. “Can Maria stay here with me? I don’t want to stay here alone, and my dad said Max couldn’t come over unless he’s here.” She pleaded with her and put on her best innocent face. Never mind that she was asking Maria’s mom to save her from herself.
“Sure. Let me just get my stuff.” Jim and Amy grabbed her stuff from Maria’s car and plopped it into Jim’s cruiser.
Maria and Liz walked back to Liz’s apartment and sat down on the couch. “Did you know your mom used to know Valenti?” Maria shook her head. “Valenti arrested her right after our parents graduated. He thought she was cute and they dated.”
“How do you know about my mom’s history?” Maria laid down on the couch, with her head in Liz’s lap, and yawned.
“I used to date Valenti’s son.”
“Oh.” Both girls fell asleep shortly, protecting each other during sleep. The phone rang at five in the morning and Maria woke to find Liz answering it. The muffled conversation lasted only minutes before Liz hung up and grabbed her jacket.
“I have to go see my mom. Do you want to come?” Maria shook her head.
“I’ll talk to your mom when she gets out of the hospital. You going to be okay? Should I drive you?” Maria stood up and grabbed her keys, when someone knocked on the door.
“Max is going to take me. Get some sleep. You were up late.” She smiled a little at Maria and sniffed to keep the tears from rolling down her face. Liz ran to the door and down the stairs, followed by her running boyfriend.
Maria curled back up on the couch and stared at the pictures on the table. Along with the baby pictures of Liz, there were pictures of Maria’s mom with Liz’s parents, of all of them together, all the pictures showed the long heartbreaking history of their families.
Somehow she fell asleep. Hours later the front door opened violently. Maria lifted her head to see what woke her, and she was faced with the sobs racking her best friends body. Max was carrying Liz to her bedroom. Her hair covered her face, but Maria could still make out the red, swollen eyes of the girl she had grown up.
Maria followed them and pulled the covers back for Max to put her in the bed. Max and Maria both sat by her, each holding one of her hands. Maria brushed Liz’s hair back and put it into a ponytail, trying to make her more comfortable. Liz stopped crying and finally fell asleep.
Max lifted his finger to his lips and motioned to Maria that they should leave her. They slowly left the room, leaving the door open slightly so that they could keep an eye on Liz.
“Hi, I’m Max.” He stuck his hand out for Maria to shake.
He took his hand cautiously, looking at him. He didn’t seem like the kind of guy to rip off a convenience store for fun, or for the money. He was tall and muscular, with short dark brown hair and amber eyes. He was wearing a dark blue sweater and a pair of black pants; his leather jacket had fallen to the ground when he had carried Liz in.
“Maria.” She said. “We need to have a talk.”
Max nodded his head, uncomfortable.
“How could you make her hold the gun? Didn’t you realize that she would get busted for that?” Maria walked forward and punched Max in the shoulder. “No one hurts my Liz. I don’t care how special you think you are. If you hurt her, I will kill you myself.” Maria’s voice started to rise. With a glance towards Liz’s room, she quickly brought her voice down again.
She put her hands on her hips and stared at Max. He shifted under her gaze, her eyes penetrating a whole through his head.
“I wouldn’t hurt her. I love her.”
Maria melted with those words. How many times had she wished that she would be the recipient of them? How many times had she wished for a love to protect her? For someone to say that they would never hurt her? How long and hard had she wished for someone to love her?
“Maria?” A voice whispered to her. Maria whirled around to look into the empty gaze of Elizabeth Claudia Parker. “Let’s talk.” Liz grabbed her hand and dragged her to her bedroom.
“Lizzey? Are you okay?” Maria couldn’t force her mouth to form the words that were running through her head. ‘Is your mom gone?’
Liz nodded before bursting into tears. Maria wrapped her arms around her and sat down on the bed, rocking Liz softly. Liz laughed suddenly and Maria raised her head to look at her. “Here you are, being my mother. Comforting me, trying to make me feel better. She…she’s gone, Ria. My mom’s gone. Max helped me say goodbye to her. She…she…she died.” Liz broke down and her eyes dissolved in tears.
“How do you do it Maria? How do you always stay so strong? You know we have to stick together now. I mean, after all, we’re both waiting for our hearts to break.”
Maria’s tears dripped from her eyes and the girls huddled together, their tears mixing together, sobbing for the missing part of their lives.
|posted on 26-Nov-2002 1:32:50 PM by lorastar|
|Thank you for the fb! Sorry it took me almost four months to get this part out! Hopefully I'll get another part out soon. Hope you like! I love fb!|
The door flew open an hour later, revealing three guys, Max and two others Maria had never seen. Liz flew off the bed and enveloped each one in a hug.
“Maria,” Liz reached out to her, pulling her towards the guys with a swift tug on the arm. “I want you to meet Alex and Michael.” She gestured towards each one, her hand resting on Michael’s shoulder.
Maria’s gaze landed on Alex. He was tall and skinny, with dark, chocolate brown hair and warm brown eyes. He smiled comfortably under the gaze of Maria, his arm around Liz’s waist. “Michael and Alex, this is Maria.” Alex released her and stepped towards Maria.
“It’s a pleasure to meet you, milady.” He drawled in a smooth, fake accent. He gently grabbed Maria’s hand and brought it to his mouth, kissing it gently, and bowing before her. Maria blushed and smiled as Alex made his way back to the lineup, his gaze still connected with hers. Their gaze finally broke as Liz slapped his arm and Alex looked down at her, before placing a gentle kiss on Liz’s head.
Maria glanced at Michael as he moved his hand in a motion she supposed was his equivalent to a wave. He jerked his head up smoothly to the right, letting it rest at an angle, and muttered, “Hey.” Maria looked back at Alex but her attention was immediately drawn back to Michael.
He was as tall as Alex, but complete opposites. Michael’s hair itself was a force to be reckoned with. The caramel strands appeared to have a life of their own, and grew in different directions, lending Michael a haphazard yet rugged appearance. He was staring right back at her, a smirk grazing his face as he took her in. He nodded slightly, and Maria glanced into his blue eyes. Michael glanced back at her before looking away, and down at Liz.
Liz stepped away from Michael and Alex, as if returning from a different reality, her happiness slipped away as her smile diminished. She walked to the bed, glancing at the ground, treading softly. Maria rushed to her side and grabbed her as she began to fall to the ground.
Maria’s eyes began to tear. Liz’s mother was like a second mother to her, and now she was gone. Now her best friend was hurting and she was hurting right alongside her. Maria and Liz looked at each other, through their watery eyes and clung together for comfort.
Maria could feel the glances of Michael and Alex hitting her gently. She glanced up and saw their questioning gazes. Maria faced Max, pointedly and then looked at the other guys. Max quietly whispered to them and they nodded, turning to walk out the door.
“It’s okay, Lizzey, everything is going to be okay.”
Liz looked up and wiped the tears away from her face. “Thanks, Maria.”
The phone rang abruptly, pulling the two friends from their tears. It stopped ringing, and they could hear Max’s muffled voice speaking. He hung up quickly and slowly walked into Liz’s bedroom, his face drained of color.
Liz stood up, pulling her arms around her. “What is it, Max? What’s wrong?”
“Sit down.” Max looked at Maria, and she grabbed Liz’s hand and pulled her down to the bed. She kept holding her hand, trying to be supportive. “Liz, that was the Sheriff. Your dad was in an accident. He didn’t survive. I’m sorry.”
Maria wrapped her arms around Liz, and tried drawing her into a hug. Liz refused and stood up. “No, Max, you’re wrong. It was just someone playing a joke. It’s not real.” Max looked at Liz and stepped towards her, as Liz walked towards the window, and climbed out onto her balcony. Maria watched through the window as she slipped down the fire escape.
Max sighed and sat down on the bed next to Maria. Maria just looked at him.
“You aren’t going after her?” She asked.
“I will. She needs a little time alone right now, that’s why she ran. Although, personally, I wish she would’ve just locked herself in her bathroom again.”
“When she first….”
“Nothing. I’ll let Liz tell you herself. She’ll want to.”
Maria looked down at the floor, wondering what had happened to Liz. Max got off the bed and walked out onto the balcony, retracing Liz’s steps. Then Maria was alone in the room. She laid down on the bed and grabbed Liz’s teddy bear, snuggling it to her. The door opened with a sharp jerk and Maria jumped.
I can remember the very first time I cried
How I wiped my eyes and buried the pain inside
All of my memories- good and bad- that’s past
Didn’t even take the time to realize
Michael walked into the room, and stood by the door. “Sorry to bother you.” He mumbled. “Umm…Alex wanted me to get something.” He walked to the closet and rustled through Liz’s belongings until he came across a simple cardboard box.
Starin’ at the cracks in the walls
‘Cuz I’m waiting for it all to come to an end
Still I curl up right under the bed
Cuz its takin’ over my head all over again
Maria clutched the teddy bear to her stomach as she sat watching him. He grabbed the box and closed the closet, before walking to the doorway. He stopped and looked back at Maria. Their gaze met and she slowly rose off the bed, walking towards him hastily as she stared deep into his eyes. They met by the bed as he closed the door and stared at her. He dropped the box and ran his hand down her face. Maria leaned in towards him and wrapped her arms around him, her eyes still maintaining contact with his. Michael’s arms slowly enfolded Maria into an embrace.
Do you even know who you are?
I guess I’m trying to find
A borrowed dream or a superstar
I want to be a star
Is life good to you or is it bad?
I can’t tell anymore
Do you even know what you have?
Maria stood on her tip-toes and closed her eyes as she felt his warm breath caressing her face. Their faces came together gently and they kissed. Maria got lost in the moment and forgot about the pain her best friend was going through, the pain she was going through, her broken heart, and Trevor. She slowly pulled back and opened her eyes. Michael was looking at her, shocked. His arms dropped and Maria followed suit, quickly stepping away from Michael.
Lyin’ awake watchin’ the sunlight
How the birds will sing as I count the rings
Around my eyes
Constantly pushing the world I know aside
I don’t even feel the pain, I don’t even want to try
“Sorry.” Michael hastily apologized and picked the box back up. He twisted the doorknob, but the door wouldn’t open. Michael glanced back at Maria and twisted the doorknob in the other direction. The door opened and he was gone. Maria stood in the cold room and glanced around. She was alone again.
I’m lookin’ for a way to become
The person that I dreamt of when I was sixteen
Oh nothing is ever enough
Ooh, baby, it ain’t enough for what it may seem
Sorry girl, tell a tale for me
Cuz I’m wondering how you really feel
I’m a lonely girl, I’ll tell a tale for you
Cuz I’m just trying to make all my dreams come true
Do you even know who you are?
Oh I’m tryin to find
A rising dream or a superstar
Oh, I have all these dreams
Is life good to you or is it bad?
I can’t tell anymore
Do you even know what you have?
Do you even know what you are?
A rising dream or a fallen star?
Is life good to you or is it bad?
The teddy bear, laid silently where Maria had dropped it, witnessing her despondency and heartbreaking sobs.