|posted on 4-Aug-2002 8:01:02 PM by lorastar|
|not sure if there will be more to this. counterpart to cruel. this is more like a part 12 1/2 there. while liz is sleeping. here's the link to cruel, if you haven't read it: viewthread?forum=dreamer-fanfiction&id=95351&sr1=cruel#post213285|
hope you like it. tell me what you think.
Used and Abused
Disclaimer: I own nothing
At night the angels come to me,
They paint me pretty pictures,
That only I can see.
They sing me special songs,
Words that I forgot.
Never give out your password or credit card number in an instant message conversation.
It’s a moral. Everywhere you turn, there is a moral popping out of the woodwork to say, “Look at me, LEARN from me.” I look at Liz. The moral pops out immediately. “Don’t take anything for granted. Everything can change in an instant.” And trust me, the object, angel, provoking this moral, is one I will never have a problem looking at, or learning from.
I didn’t learn from anything before. I learned the hard way. I learned that all the girls I had dated were liars. I learned girls were manipulative and conniving. I learned that from Tess. Yup, yet another thing we have to thank Tess for. I haven’t dated a blond since.
Tess lied to me. She manipulated me. Hence my assumption that girls are manipulative. Conniving…well, she made a plan, too bad she couldn’t stick to it. It was all her fault really. Well, except for the part about spring break. That was all my fault. But she made it worse, all right. I have a problem with accepting blame. But I just did, God, life is confusing. That brings up a question. If you’re a hypocrite, but you admit to it, are you still a hypocrite? That’s one of those questions that belongs with, “If a person with multiple personalities threatened to kill himself, would it be considered a hostage situation?” It’s crazy the things people think of.
Back to girls. All the girls I dated lied. Maybe not to me, but to the rest of the world. No one knows the truth anymore, about anything. The truth doesn’t exist. It does, but it doesn’t. Am I confusing? I would hope so.
I had these impressions and assumptions in my head, and I stuck to them like a umm, well, like a, like Isabel to her makeup. There, took me a while, but I found one. I stuck with these ideas, until I met Liz.
Actually, until I started to get to know Liz. At first I thought she was just another girl. I was tired about hearing all the words. I was ready to make all the rumors true; I decided to make them all true with Liz. But she didn’t fall for me like all the other girls. I had to move in with her.
Liz was never supposed to mean anything to me. She was just supposed to be a quick and easy lay. I was never supposed to get to know her, or let myself like her. I guess I was being manipulative and conniving. Too bad plans never go the way you want them to.
It was fun at first, teasing her and making her mad. But then something happened, she started playing back, teasing me, and making me want her. She never meant to let anything happen. She didn’t want it to lead anywhere. I did, I wanted and meant for it to lead to my bed. Just for one night.
It was never supposed to happen this way. I was never supposed to invest anything into a relationship with her. Paul was never supposed to come and try to kill her. I was never supposed to heal her. She was never supposed to find out the truth about me. She was never supposed to fall in love with me, which I know she did, no matter how much she denies it. And most of all, I was never supposed to fall in love with her.
I’m still waiting to wake up. I’m afraid to, though. Afraid that this past week will have all been a wonderful dream. That I’ll go to kiss, hug, or hold Liz’s hand, and she’ll disappear, a figment of my imagination produced in a dream. That all I’ll be left with are memories of her to pull out occasionally and wish that they had been real. I’m afraid I’ll go to Alex and he’ll have never heard of Liz Parker. But most of all, I’m afraid that I wouldn’t be able to remember this angel.
We both have our scars, our problems to deal with. Liz has been constantly faced with hers since she came. Living proof that you can’t escape your problems. My problems…well, a lot of them left the day Tess left. But more of them remained with me. I hide them from the world, but they bug and fester under my skin. They never let me be. They never leave me alone. Except when I’m with Liz.
As I watch, she squirms and sighs against me. I’m in her bed, warding off the nightmares. I gently stroke her hair off her face and gaze at the beauty in front of me. I yawn and place a gentle kiss on her forehead. How could I have ever had those plans for Liz? How could I have thought so little about hurting someone like that?
I yawn again and slide down into a sleeping position. I wrap my arms tightly around Liz, and nod off into my dreams. They are filled with her, just like every waking moment. The one thing I know, is that I was right to get her into my life, to be around her, to love her.