|posted on 7-Aug-2002 10:05:59 AM by applebehr|
|Hi... um I don't know how many of you remember me, but I wrote a fic last year called Standing Still. It was a one parter, but I had mentioned the posibility of a sequel. This is it... however, I think it's only fair to warn you that I probably won't be able to update frequently or even promise that this fic will ever be completed. So if you're game... then I am... Enjoy!|
Those of you who haven't read Standing Still here it is :
Title : Moving Forward
Author : applebehr
Category : Max and Liz
Rating : PG-13 to NC-17
Disclaimer : Don't own anything except for Riley Christensen... he's mine!
Distribution : If you want it, take it! Just let me know where it's going.
Summary : I suck at summaries! Just read the prologue... you'll understand where I'm going with this.
Feedback : I'd love some!
(Sequel to Standing Still)
It's been five years since Max left... since I let him go... to let him do what he needed to do... what he was destined to do... to be. Five years in which, there hasn't been a day that I haven't thought of him or wondered if he thought of me. There hasn't been a day that I haven't thought of our last night together... our first time together... our only time together. Sometimes I can still feel him... his lips on mine and his hands on my skin... his breath on my face... his scent around me. I know it's crazy... but it's like sometimes he's still here... his presence so strong. And sometimes I can't... can't remember the way his voice sounded when he spoke my name or the way he looked at me from across a room... even if I try with all my might. I don't know why that is... but the thought that I'm forgetting him scares me... because I don't want to forget him. I wonder if he's forgotten me... I can't help it... sometimes all I do is think. Think about him and what could have been... and sometimes wish that I could take back the things I said and did... and then there are times when I know I wouldn't change a thing if it meant that all was right in the world... that not everything was lost and that all that I did was worth it... that it made a difference. You see for the past five years, I haven't been living... well not in the present at least... and I know what I said to Max... that I couldn't wait for him, but I guess I lied about that too. I have been waiting... waiting for him to return to me, like he said he would... or at least I was.
The first two years were the hardest as I tried to move on with my life... but even then I knew that I wasn't over it... or him, far from it actually. And then college started... and I used it as an escape. I went to Harvard... I know big surprise... and I was happy. I missed Maria... but I needed this time alone to figure out what I wanted and what I needed... and to let go of what I couldn't have. Maria and Michael stayed near Roswell... they attended the University of Las Cruces, but I knew I couldn't... as much as I would've loved to experience this new time in our lives together... with them. I just couldn't attend a University where Alex spent probably the most painful part of his life. He died decrypting that damn book... he died finding the answers for them... he died for a cause that was never his... he died alone and that thought haunts me at night. It's scary that it's been six years since his death and I'm not over it... I guess I never will be. I used to talk to Maria about it, but it would upset her... so I just stopped. I know that she's not over it either, but I know she doesn't dwell on it... doesn't sit around and analyze it to find some reason, some justifiable explanation as to why he had to die... why none of us could have saved him... why I couldn't save him. I know, I shouldn't do this to myself... but I can't help but feel responsible... feel like if I had paid attention... listened to my instincts about Tess, then he'd still be here... still be alive and who knows, probably married to Isabelle. Speaking of which, Isabelle and Jesse are doing great... a real married couple with fights and all, but happy... and I couldn't be happier for her. Jesse still doesn't know about, you know... the truth... about Isabelle and Michael. Of course he had tons of questions about Max... you know, where he went... why he left. We just told him he graduated early and decided to take the time to travel... so it wasn't a complete lie... he was traveling... just not around the world, but across the galaxy. Kyle went on tour with his dad... Mr. Valenti and his band. Yup, they got a record deal and they've toured all over the states. I'm just glad that Mr. Valenti gets to live out his dream... when very few people get to. Everything in Roswell for once was... normal. No evil aliens attacking, no impeding doom hanging over our heads, no sinister plot to uncover in the nick of time, no FBI investigations or special unit task force hunting for aliens... everything was normal and let me tell you... it was something that all of us could get used to. And that's when it happened... I met someone.
His name is Riley Christensen... and I met him my second year at Harvard in my molecular biology class. I still remember that day... he'd walked into the class just as the professor was about to start the lecture. Tall, fair and handsome... dirty blond hair left as is with the blunt ends sticking up and deep blue eyes. He had on a pair of black pants and a white button up shirt left untucked, conformed to his lean upper torso. He'd walked up to the seat next to me and asked if it was taken, which it wasn't. He'd smiled and slid into the seat, quietly. I remember watching him out of the corner of my eye as he took notes... wondering what he was doing in a class that was obviously filled with science geeks... and he wasn't a geek. When the lecture ended, he'd turned to me and stuck out his hand to introduce himself... 'Riley Christensen', he'd said. 'Liz Parker', I had replied as we shook hands. I guess that's how it all started... we ended up being lab partners... ironic, ain't it? Then friends... then close friends... so close that he knew about Max and I, minus the alien part, but he knew more than I ever planned on letting anyone know. I told him about how we loved each other and how we hurt each other... how I thought we could have been soul mates, but it turned out that we were just never meant to be. I talked about Alex with him... told him about my best friend and that he died... and even though I know that Riley knew nothing about Alex... somehow it eased the pain to talk about it with someone who wasn't connected to the whole sorted mess. I told him about Roswell... my life here. He told me about his in Florida... that he had a younger sister, that they were close and she'd taken it pretty hard when he told her he was moving to Boston. He told me that he had a girlfriend, but it didn't work out... they were too different, wanted different things out of life. He'd admitted that he thought he loved her, but later came to realize it wasn't love. I came to depend on him, something I swore I'd never do again... it wasn't worth it to put faith in someone like that to only be let down in the end. But with Riley, I did... it was surprisingly easy. And then one night... in an instant... everything changed. We were studying at the library and I remember he'd been quiet... more quiet then usual. He'd seemed distant and I remember feeling panicked because I didn't know if I could handle losing him... because in the short time we knew each other, he became an important part of my life... almost essential to my sanity. That's what he did, he kept me sane when I was missing Alex too much and when I was crying over Max... he was there and he held my hand while I pulled myself back together. And just the thought that he was pulling away from me in that moment... it scared me... but it scared me more when he'd kissed me that night. Scared me because as much as I wanted to believe I wasn't ready for it... I knew that I was... that I wanted it... for him to kiss me, that is. It scared me because it meant that some part of me... the part that was still holding out for Max up until then... had finally let go too. When he'd pulled back... I was crying and he apologized and that's when I kissed him back, much to his surprise. The following Thanksgiving, I went to Florida with him and met his family... his parents were really nice and seemed genuinely happy for their son, apparently he'd told them a lot about me. His little sister and I became instant friends... and she was very accepting of me in her brother's life and I know that made Riley happy. That same Christmas, I brought him home to Roswell... Maria loved him... Michael didn't... Isabelle was happy for me as were my parents... or relieved, I guess would be more accurate. And it's been three years since.
So here, I am... back home in Roswell and happy with my life... I really am. I'm not the head of the molecular biology department at Harvard... but in my second year of med school. Someday it'll be Elizabeth Parker, MD... or at least that's what Riley keeps telling me. He's teaching at Harvard... first year biochem... and he's a great teacher, I always knew he would be. And as I sit here... out on the roof, outside my old room above the crashdown, writing in this journal that I've kept ever since I can remember... I can't help but smile and know I made the right choice. Because the truth is everybody comes to a point in their lives when they have to make a decision... a decision between standing still and moving forward. Whether they want to spend the rest of their lives living in the past or living in the moment... whether they want to spend the rest of their lives waiting for something that may never happen or taking a chance on something that could turn out better than they ever imagined. And if they choose to stand still... then life just passes them by and they miss out on all that could have been... all that life has to offer. But if they choose to move forward... then maybe they'll see that life is a gift... a gift and a blessing and it's theirs to have... to hold... to experience... to enjoy. But the hardest thing of all is making the decision because once you move forward, once you take that step you can never look back... because once you're living life... you can't have regrets about yesterday. And two months ago I, Liz Parker decided to move forward... to take a chance on life and love and happiness. Two months ago, I said yes... I said yes to this incredible man... this beautiful man, who loves me and who I love and who has been my friend and my salvation and my strength... and now who will be my husband. And now I, Liz Parker am finally moving forward.
"C'mon, chica... you have to!" Maria Deluca insists. "No... I don't... where does it say that I have to?!" Liz Parker asks, incredulously, staring at her best friend. "In the handbook!" Maria says and Liz looks at her friend, smirking. "In the handbook?" Liz asks, skeptically and Maria nods, smiling. "Yeah... you know the handbook that every girl gets when they are about to tie the knot... it clearly states that you must have a bachlorette party and at said party there must be male strippers!" Maria says and Liz shakes her head. "Really?" Liz asks and Maria nods. "It's a rule." She says with a smile. "Maria... I don't want male strippers at my party." Liz says and Maria sighs. "Babe... I know and you know that Riley is a hottie... but this is your last chance to see another man naked for rest of your life." Maria says and Liz sighs. "And why would I want to see any other man naked?" Liz asks and Maria shakes her head. "You're hopeless, Lizzy." Maria says and Liz smiles. "I just want... you and me and Isabelle to just hang out... you know just the three of us. We can stay up late and watch movies... pig out on junk food... like the old days." Liz says and Maria smiles, warmly. "If that's what you really want." Maria says and Liz grins and hugs Maria. "Thank you... have I told you, you're the best?" Liz says as Maria hugs her back, grinning too. "And don't you ever forget it!" Maria says and Liz pulls back to look at Maria, smiling. Suddenly, both girls break out in squeals. "You're getting married, Liz!" Maria shrieks and Liz laughs. "I know!" Liz says, happily and they hug each other again, excitedly.
He watches through the window of the Crashdown as the two women hugged and laughed, obviously excited about something. His eyes lingering over the brunette... her beautiful body refuge for his starving eyes as he devours her thoroughly, noting the subtle changes that had occurred in the years he'd been away. His hot, hungry gaze burning a path down her petite figure... along the long, elegant lines of her neck and over her soft shoulders, down her slight form and gentle curve of her waist and smooth hips and thighs and further down to her long, slender legs. She was everything he'd wanted, craved for... dreamt of ever since he could remember. The image of her soulful brown eyes and perfectly pouty lips haunted him during those lonely nights when all he had was the memory of her. Max Evans had been away... away too long and now he was back... to reclaim the life he'd left behind, to reclaim the love that he'd let go, to reclaim all that had once belonged to him.
Hope you like so far... let me know if you're still interested in the story. Thanks for reading.
[ edited 2 time(s), last at 13-Aug-2002 12:17:04 PM ]
|posted on 9-Aug-2002 12:05:41 AM by applebehr|
Liz sits across from Maria at a table in the Crashdown. The restaurant was empty, all the chairs were up on the tables and the door was locked with the Sorry, we’re closed sign hanging in the window. It had to be near midnight, but it had been so long since the two girls had just stayed up talking... about everything, about nothing... just talking. Maria hadn’t changed that much since high school, still the same crazy, kooky, tell-it-like-is Maria... could always make her laugh, could always bring a smile to her face. She was still beautiful, long blond hair and sparkling blue eyes... still the strong spirit and Liz was convinced that nothing could ever break it and she hoped nothing ever would. It’s one of the things that she admired about Maria... after all the things that they had been through, gone through... all the times they cheated death and all the things they’d seen, things that you never forget. Maria seemed to always bounce back, always seemed to still possess an innocence that the rest of them had lost along the way. She had this light inside of her... this fire, this flame... and even to this day she still had it, it still burned bright... and Liz never wanted to see it go out, like it had been snuffed out in her long ago. Because losing that something inside... that one thing that is the epitome of childlike innocence... that wonder and awe... is more costly than anything in the world. It’s like losing faith in the unknown and in the belief that there are such things as fairytales or that dreams can come true. Liz had lost that, although she couldn’t be sure when exactly it happened... maybe it was one single event or maybe it was over the span of ten... but somewhere in between she stopped believing... believing in Max Evans.
“Liz?” Maria says, quietly as she reaches for her hand. “Liz, are you okay?” Maria asks, concerned that she had suddenly grown quiet. “Yeah... yeah, I’m okay.” Liz says as she looks at her friend. “I was just thinking.” She says and Maria nods. “About what?” She asks and Liz shrugs. “Just stuff, it’s not important.” She says with a smile and Maria looks at her, skeptically. “It seemed pretty important.” Maria says and Liz sighs. “I don’t know. I guess, I was just thinking about how far we’ve come, you know... how much life has changed.” Liz says and Maria nods. “Yeah, I guess we have come a long way...” She says and then smirks. “...some more than others!” Maria quips. “I mean, who would have thought... there is life after Max Evans after all.” Maria says, softly and Liz looks at her. “Maria...” Liz says, tiredly and Maria gives her a look. “Are you going to tell me that isn’t who you were thinking about?” She asks and Liz sighs. “I just- I just pictured my life so different from how it turned out. I mean, when I was seventeen years old... I was so certain that I would marry Max... I was so sure of it... but...” She stops and Maria squeezes her hand. “Life happened... Tess happened.” Maria says and Liz looks up at her. “You know what... I don’t want to talk about this. It’s over and I’ve moved on. I’m in love with Riley and we’re gonna get married. Max- Max is just- he’s in my past and that part of my life is over.” Liz says, firmly and Maria sighs. “You can say it all you want, but we both know that it’s not true. Max is will always be a part of your life... he’ll always be a part of you.” Maria says and Liz looks away. “You still get them, don’t you?” Maria asks and Liz doesn’t say anything. “The flashes... you still get them?” She asks and Liz looks at Maria. “Sometimes... they come and they go.” Liz confesses to Maria. “I still think we should have told the others about it. I mean, maybe they could tell you why you’re getting them.” Maria says and Liz shakes her head. “We know just as much as they know about themselves... and I doubt they could tell me anything that I don’t already know.” Liz says, pausing. “Besides... I told you, I think I have a pretty good idea why I still get them and how it’s possible even though he’s on another planet.” She says and Maria nods. “Because you slept together.” She says and Liz nods. “Right. Look, I know it’s hard to believe and it’s not easy to explain either. We connected, Maria... that’s all I can tell you. I mean, I could feel what he was feeling and I could hear what he was thinking... and I could feel him inside me... inside my head, inside my heart... inside my soul.” She says, softly and then shrugs. “And all I can think about is what future Max said to me... that we became inseparable... that things between us were cemented. And maybe... I don’t know maybe that was the one thing I couldn’t change about the future.” She says and Maria smiles, sadly. “It wasn’t the only thing.” Maria says and Liz looks up at her. “You couldn’t make Max fall out of love with you either.” She says and Liz smiles a little. “No, I guess not.” She says, sadly. “So... what are you saying, Liz? That you’re connected to him forever?” Maria asks and Liz looks at her, helplessly. “I don’t know... I- I don’t know, Maria. I don’t know anything.” She says and Maria shakes her head. “Well if you are... then I got to tell you, babe... that just sucks!” She says and Liz smirks. “You’ll be married to one guy while having visions of another. I don’t know about you but that would drive me nuts.” She says and Liz sighs. “Well it’s not exactly like that, Maria... they’re usually triggered by something... like an object or a familiar phrase... I can’t really explain it.” She says, pausing. “But it’s not as bad as it was in the beginning... like it was right after Max left. I couldn’t get through a day without getting a flash and now it’s not like that... the last time I had one was two weeks ago.” She says and Maria raises an eyebrow. “So then maybe it isn’t permanent... your connection... you know, maybe it’s fading with time.” Maria says and Liz thinks about. “Maybe the longer you two stay apart... the weaker your connection becomes... and one day...” Maria says, pausing to look at Liz. “...one day, it’ll just cease to exist.” Liz says, finishing Maria’s thought. “Yeah... I mean, it’s possible, right?” Maria asks and Liz nods, slowly. “Yeah... it’s possible.” She says. “But it’s not what you want.” Maria says and Liz looks at her, hesitating for a brief second. “No, but it’s what I need. If I’m truly supposed to move on with my life... then I need this thing between Max and I to end... I need it to be over once and for all.” She says as she looks down at her hands, resting on the table. “Max is gone, he’s been gone for five years... and he’s never coming back. I know that... and I’ve accepted that.” She says as Maria looks at her friend closely. “Do you ever think about how it would have been if you hadn’t changed the future? You’d be with him and you’d be happy... do you ever think about it?” Maria asks and Liz takes a breath. “I try not to... because then I’d drive myself crazy.” She says and then looks at Maria. “I made a promise to myself that night... I promised myself that no matter what decision I made, I wouldn’t regret in the future.” She says, quietly. “And do you?” Maria asks and Liz smiles, sadly. “How can I? How can I... when the decision I made saved the world... when the decision I made means that you, Michael, Isabelle... everyone on this earth will be alive in the future.” She says and Maria smiles. “Well I guess... when you put it like that...” Maria says and then looks at Liz, sadly. “But you had to sacrifice a lot.” She says and Liz shrugs. “Well nothing ever comes without sacrifice.” She says with a smile as Maria simply looks at Liz. “You know... I don’t think I’ve ever told you this before... but you’re the bravest person I know... and I’ll always be here when you just don’t want to be brave anymore and need a friend instead.” Maria says, sincerely as Liz listens, tearfully. “You’re my best friend and you’ll always have me no matter what.” Maria says and Liz nods. “So just please tell me... tell me that you’re not marrying Riley because Max isn’t here... or because you’re afraid you’ll be alone.” Maria says and Liz looks up, a little surprised that she would say that, let alone think it. “Maria, I’m not. I love Riley... maybe not as much as I loved Max, but I do love him... and right now that is the only thing in my life... that I am sure of.” Liz says and Maria nods. “Okay... I had to know. I only want you to be happy.” She says and Liz nods. “I know.” She says as Maria looks at her, sheepishly. “Are you mad at me?” Maria asks and Liz shakes her head. “No.” Liz says and Maria nods. “Am I still your maid of honor?” She asks and Liz nods. “Of course.” Liz says with a smile. “Good... because I’ve already got my eye on a dress... and I kind of have my heart set on wearing it!” Maria says with a smile and Liz laughs. “C’mon, I think we should call it a night... you’re crashing here, right?” Liz asks and Maria nods. “If you don’t mind.” Maria says and Liz shakes her head. “The sleeping bag is all yours!” Liz says and Maria laughs as the two of them head to the back towards the kitchen. They walk through the door and Liz notices that one of their new staff members had forgotten to take out the trash. “Oh you know what... why don’t you head up and I’ll be there just as soon as I take out the trash... or my dad will have a fit in the morning.” Liz says and Maria nods as she heads upstairs to the apartment.
Liz sighs as she grabs the black garbage bag and carries it to the backdoor, unlocking it and then heading out to the back ally. The cool summer night air hitting her bare arms... she’d missed the New Mexico atmosphere... the warm temperatures and clear night skies. Boston is always so cold and damp... and you couldn’t see the stars in sky at night, always too overcast or polluted and the nights are too cold to spend outdoors usually, not like here in New Mexico. She looks up at the sky, smiling at the sight of the star speckled sky... she really did miss this, missed staring up at the stars from her balcony... all the times she’d try to count the millions of stars and all the times she’d wondered if Max could see earth from wherever he was... if he looked down and thought of her, like she thought of him when she looked up at the sky. “Max...” She whispers as she looks up at the sky. She waits as if she expects there to be a response... as if Max could hear her out in space and then looking down, defeated. The sound of crunching glass cause her to jerk her head up, her eyes dart around the deserted ally... letting out the breath she was holding when she sees nothing. She closes her eyes, tiredly... willing her heart rate back to normal when it hits her.
Max stands before an eighteen year old Liz inside the eraser room. Tears are glistening in her eyes as she looks up at him... “I'll always love you, Liz Parker.”... A tear slips down her cheek... “I'll always love you, Max Evans.” ... He raises a hand to wipe her tears, tenderly... “And I'll promise you something... I will come back for you.”... She looks away from him, sadly.
Liz... Liz... and her eyes burst open, looking around the ally, wildly. “Liz...” A voice comes from behind her and she turns to see Riley, standing in the doorway... dressed in a t-shirt and pajama bottoms, his blond hair mussed from sleep. “Riley...” She breathes, seeing the flash of concern in his eyes. “Are you okay? I was calling you but...” He pauses and she shakes her head. “Yeah, I’m sorry... I- I didn’t hear you.” She says and he smiles. “What are you doing out here?” He asks and she looks down at the garbage at her feet. “Throwing out the trash.” She says and he walks out, grabbing the bag. “Here, let me do it.” He says and tosses it into the big dumpster that was against the wall. “Thanks.” She says as he turns towards her again. “You’re welcome. So... Maria’s camped out on the floor...” He says with a smirk and Liz laughs. “Yeah, I kinda said it was okay for her to stay the night... you don’t mind, do you?” She asks and he shakes his head. “No... so did you two have a good time tonight?” He asks and she nods. “Yeah... it was fun catching up.” She says and he smiles. “Good... I’m glad.” He says and she yawns, laughing a little in the process. “Yeah, it was great... but now I’m just about ready to pass out.” She says and he chuckles as she leans against him. “You might just have to carry me up to my room.” She jokes and he promptly sweeps her up in his arms as she laughs. “I was only kidding... you don’t have to... I’m sure I can make it up the stairs.” She says and he kisses her forehead. “I don’t mind doing it.” He says, softly and she wraps her arms around his neck, resting her head on his shoulder as he carries her inside, closing the door behind them.
Max slowly emerges from the shadows after they’ve gone in. He simply stares at the backdoor of the Crashdown as tears pool in his eyes, threatening to spill over any second. He’d heard everything and seen it with his own eyes, but he didn’t want to believe it... refused to believe it. Liz had moved on.
Thanks for reading and I appreciate the feedback, it means a lot.
|posted on 13-Aug-2002 12:15:20 PM by applebehr|
Hi... I just wanted to tell those of you reading this fic that I'm not exactly sure when I'll be able to update. I'm really swamped with work these days so I haven't much time to write.
Here's the thing... instead of posting this fic here, maybe I could just email the updates to those of you who are interested. I don't think there are too many of you reading this fic so it shouldn't be too hard for me email it out. It's probably just easier that way considering I'm not exactly sure when the next update will be. This way you don't have keep checking through the tons of pages of fics to see if I updated or not.
Anyway, if you're interested then just leave your email and I'll add you to my fic mailing list.
Thanks so much for the feedback and support, I appreciate it.