posted on 10-Aug-2002 2:31:26 PM by limegreenli
Big thanks to breathless for the title. She helped me make a long title into something short.

This is a one parter folks. Post Panacea.

Hope you enjoy.


Also to all my pals, you know who you are, this is for you guys.

Newest thanks- Meagzie Behr, thanks soooooo much for the banner. Isn't it wonderful folks.


I stand outside her room, on the balcony. It’s exactly one year today since she left for Vermont. And eleven and a half months since she’s been back. Also eleven and a half months since I died. Wasn’t expecting that were you? Nope, neither was I. I remember it like it was yesterday, and to me it was. I had just gotten off the phone with Liz, checking up on her power flare-ups. She said she was doing fine, except for the bug she had caught. She had blamed it on cafeteria food. After all while at West Roswell High, she had always brought her lunch. And now she was eating cafeteria meals three times a day. But on the alien side she was fine, though she did have a theory as to why she got her powers so suddenly. I will be the first to admit, it makes perfect total sense. It was because we had made love. Wasn’t expecting that either? For most kids our age it was just sex, but with Liz and I it was love.

Liz left about five days after we had made love; four days after the power flare-ups began. As I got off the phone with Liz Michael, Isabel, and Valenti rushed in. With Michael sounding very Maria like. He was babbling. Something about Liz’s dress. At first I had no clue what he was talking about until I heard they’ve been watching us, they’re on to us. We went in that night. Sadly it was the last conversation I would ever have with Liz. That night I died. But before I died I heard her. Not Liz. Madison. Our daughter from that one night after the New Years Party we had something that would live on. Something to show for our love. Only I’d never see her, hold her, play with her. I’d never get to be her father.

But I’ve been watching ever since. Being dead I can travel really easily. I watched Liz when she found out I was dead. That’s how strong our connection was. She just knew. I watched as Maria tried to convince her everything would be ok. I watched as she called her parents and asked if they had heard anything. I watched as Maria and her got on standby for a plane, and luckily on the plane. I watched as Isabel, Michael, Kyle and Valenti met them at the airport. Isabel hugged her and knew right away that she was pregnant. She whispered it Liz’s ear. I watched the brief look of joy that flitted across Liz’s face before it returned to the mask of sadness.

Later I watched as she stood in almost the exact same place I was standing now and talked to me. She told me she knew about the baby and why she was so sad. Because I wouldn’t be there. I wanted to hold her, hug her, and tell her she was strong, and would get through it. But I couldn’t. I had to watch as the love of my life, my soul mate cried. It was the hardest thing for me. I hated to see her cry, see her hurting like she was just then.
And as usual I had made her cry. Since I died and that’s what she was crying about I had made her cry… again.

I watched as she told her parents she wasn’t going back to Vermont. I watched as she told them the reason why. I watched as Isabel and her told my parents. Not just about the baby, but that we were aliens. I watched as Isabel and Liz grew to be the best of friends, their friendship rivaling that of Maria, Alex and Liz’s. I watched as Liz went through a short period of separation from her parents when she told them she was keeping the baby. It ended when Liz ended up in the emergency room from dehydration. She was put on bed rest the rest of her pregnancy and I think that’s when her parents realized she needed them. Since then they have been a little over protective.

I watched as Liz cried herself to sleep at night, and then later woke up screaming from nightmares. I watched as Maria started spending more and more nights at the Parkers trying to comfort Liz when she woke up. Often the only thing that calmed her down was the connection with the baby. I watched when she found out it was a girl, as she thought long and hard about her name. I smiled when she finally pick one. I remembered watching a movie with Liz once and the girl in the movie had the name Madison Elizabeth. Liz and I had both liked it. I was glad she remembered it. However I hated the Maxine part. It sounded like an old ladies name. I struggle to remember where I had heard it before. Oh yeah. Judging Amy. The show my mom liked to watch. Also I felt that I didn’t deserve to have a child named after me. She deserved Liz’s name, but not mine.

I watched as Liz’s stomach grew round and her petite from swelled up with water. She complained she was fat. I thought she looked beautiful. I watched as she made her weekly trips to the cemetery. First going to my grave then Alex’s. I watched as she got the nursery ready, only to decide to move out a week later. She got an apartment in the same building as Jesse and Isabel a few floors above them. Her grandmother had left her some money when she died, plus my parents gave her access to my savings, well they had transferred some into her account and the rest into a trust fund for Madison. I watched as Liz got the new nursery ready, and decorated the apartment. I watched as she turned in into a home for her and our daughter. I watched as enrolled in classes at Roswell University. It wasn’t what she had always dreamed of, but she seemed happy. One day when I was watching Liz, I saw Alex watching Isabel. I saw Alex occasionally watching Liz and Maria sometimes too. And when the group was together we watched and talk together. One day he told me why Liz was so happy. It’s because Liz always wanted to have a baby with me. I wish she would have had the normal moments together to talk about things like that, but we never did. Not ever after Tess left. Up here I thought I would get to watch over my son to, but sadly Tess hadn’t wanted him and killed him shortly after he was born. Alex had been waiting for him with the child when he passed over. Tess hadn’t even named him. Between Alex and I we came up with a name. Parker Luca Evans. It’s after two of the five strongest humans I have even known.

I watched as Liz got ready for an at home birth with Maria, Isabel and my moms help. I watched as Liz fought through hours of labor, watched as our daughter was placed in her arms for the first time. Watched as she laughed and cried at the same time. Tears of joy and yet also tears of sadness. I watched as Madison was passed around, from one set of grandparents to another, one aunt and uncle to another. I remember that as I held Parker in my arms I cried because I didn’t want to hold Maddi, it would mean she would have died, yet a part of me was selfish and wanted to hold both my kids together. I watched as everyone finally cleared out and left Liz and Maddi alone, how great of a mother Liz was. I watched as Liz stood vigil over Maddi every night rubbing her back every time she moved or even so much as whimpered. All the while I wished I could be there. For Liz, Maddi, I wished I could have been there for my son.
I watched as Maddi turned a week old, a month, two months, three months, four months. That’s how old she is now, four months, and two days. I watched as Liz stood bridesmaid at Maria and Michael’s wedding. Yeah, Michael and Maria got back together and married. I remember Alex and I spying on them dancing at the wedding. Maria told Michael he better keep his pants on and up unless he had a condom. Alex and I had to laugh. It was such a typical Maria thing to say. I watched as Maddi smiled and gurgled, cradled happily in Liz’s arms.

That was earlier today. Liz’s parents left early with Maddi and she’s here to pick her up. This is my favorite window to watch her from. The best view. As a ghost I can’t enter peoples homes. I guess you could call it a one-way window. I can see her but she can’t see me. Alex once told me he wished we were like Dennis, the ghost on Angel. I only wish. Since the other windows are in odder places not like this one, where is shows the whole room from the window, the others you can’t see the whole room from just the windows. I feel my daily time allotted for watching started to ebb away and watch as Alex is also taking his final glimpses as Maddi, then going down to the café windows and blowing Maria a kiss. She’ll never know but hey, I guess it’s the thought that counts. I say my final farewell for the night and slip away.


I glance out the window of my old room, out onto the balcony. It’s the last place where I saw Max alive, and I regret it to this day that it wasn’t the best conversation between the two of us. Though few were, I wish our last conversation in person could have been more pleasant. I cuddled Maddi close to my body, as I often did when I missed Max and walked over to the window. I though back over the evens of the previous year. The year had started with Max and I making love, and ended with our daughters first Christmas, and my first Christmas without going ice-skating with Max. I guess it’s the things that happened in between that leads up to the completion of a whole year, but those were the events that happened this year that will make this year unforgettable. And while I would love to say unforgettable in a good way, I can’t. It was unforgettable in bad ways mostly. The only joy in my life that year being Maddi, the only thing I, and the others have of Max. If it wasn’t for her I don’t think I would have survived losing Max.

It’s been a year since I have stood in my bedroom as the old Liz Parker. She’s gone. In her place is a mother, and a lover missing her soul mate. Back then I was Liz Parker, Max’s soul mate, Nancy and Jeff Parkers pretty much perfect daughter, best friend to Maria. I’m still all of those things, except never again will I be Max’s soul mate. In her place is a mother, longing for her child to have the father she never knew and never will know.

If you look at me you would say I’m the same Liz. That is until you take a closer look. I’m still the same slim, dark eyes dark haired girl, but changed. I got a figure after Maddi was born, but that’s not where the changes are. It’s in the eyes. They always have circles under them and never seem to sparkle like they use too.

I look down as Maddi makes a gurgling noise in my arms. Sometimes she looks so much like Max it hurts. She doesn’t have his ears, Isabel teases me about how lucky she is with that, but she has his eye color. Some would say that’s where the similarities end. And it’s true. It’s mainly her actions that remind me of Max. How she smiles that slow smile, how loving she is. Max didn’t let enough people close to love a lot, but those he did he loved completely. Another thing that reminds me of Max. Her powers. Already she has them. They other day she grabbed my finger and for two hours the whole thing glowed sliver. But her powers are special too. We share a special connection and that’s another thing that helped me get through Max’s death was our connection. I showed her all my memories of Max. She won’t remember but they helped keep me sane at a time I was seriously close to going off the cliff.

I remember when Isabel hugged me and then whispered in my ear the three words that changed my life forever. They were so beautiful yet so hard to hear. Liz, you’re pregnant. I was so happy, until I remembered Max wouldn’t be there to share it with me, not the pregnancy, the birth or her life. I like to think that he’s watching over us and sees it all, but he isn’t here in the physical sense and that’s what I mean. You want to know something weird. Sometimes it feels like Max is watching me. Like the feeling someone is staring at you that just won’t go away. At least I hope and tell myself it is Max. If not I’d creep myself out too much.

Anyway back to what happened this past year. I told my parents I wasn’t going back to Vermont, they asked why and I told them I was pregnant. They weren’t happy to hear that. For a while is was like we all lived in the same house, but we were total strangers. It took me being rushed to the emergency room, for them to come around and accept Madison. Now they spoil her rotten, along with the Evans and Isabel. The Evans accepted pretty quickly. I guess to them Madison is a part of the son they lost. They help us out a lot, and I even work as secretary at the law firm sometimes. Isabel and Jesse are a big help, and it helps that they live a few floors down. Yeah I moved out. Maria, Michael and Kyle are great and they try to cheer but up but sometimes I just really want Max. The apartment is full of pictures of him, my favorite is one of us ice skating last Christmas; Maria had been passing the skating rink and snapped it. She gave it to me a few days after the funeral. Judging by that picture you would never know it was taking a year ago, and that the high school couple in the picture would be broken up permentantly just a few short weeks later. Or that the girl would be a single mother, mourning the loss of boyfriend, the father of her child. No you would never know looking at that picture. You see two happy teenagers sharing a few quiet moments, in a rare snowfall on Christmas day. This year it didn’t snow on Christmas day. Instead it rained a long steady rain that pretty much matched my mood. Maddi and I opened presents here alone before meeting everyone at the Crashdown. Only while watching Maddi follow the lights with her eyes and smile, did I smile. It may have been small and not complete but it was there.

I remember the day Madison was born. Oddly, yet fittingly it was September eighteenth, two years to the day since Max had given me life he gave me another, but in a different form. She was even born at the same time. Max once told me when he reached up for the ketchup bottle he got a glance at his watch. It was four fifteen in the afternoon. Madison Elizabeth Maxine Evans made her entrance into the world with a mop of dark hair on her head, at four fifteen in the afternoon. I remember the whole time I was in labor I cried for Max. I guess that’s when it really hit me. I was a single mother, who would never be able to ask the father for help. This was something Max should have been there to share in, but like the rest of her life, he wasn’t there. He’ll never be there, and if it wasn’t for Madison I don’t know what I would do. She holds me together now; she’s the glue that keeps my brain and mind from breaking into little pieces.

I remember her first Christmas. She was too young to understand, or do anything but gurgle and smile, but it was still something Max should have been there for.
She didn’t care that we all pretty much played hot potatoe with her. She went willingly to everybody.

I think back to Maria and Michael’s wedding today. Max should have been there, as best man. Alex as well. Maria told me that before she walked down the aisle. Kyle and Jesse were his groomsmen, and Valenti escorted Maria. Maria looked so happy waling down the aisle of the church. I’m glad one of us got that, since I’ll never get it now.

I step out onto the balcony with a sleeping Madison in my arms, just as I step out there I feel a presence, and then it’s gone. I look down on the alley below where Maria and Isabel, and my cars are parked. Maddi and I should really get back to our apartment, but I can bring myself to leave. When I’m on this balcony I feel closer to Max than anywhere else. Crazy, maybe. But this is where most our relationship played out. I sit in the lawn chair cradling Maddi in the crook of my arm, and take out my journal to write. I look at the last one written. January first, two thousand and two. I read it.
Dear Journal,
It’s New Years and already I can tell it’s gonna be a great year. Daddy let Max and I spend the New Year together and later he and mom went to the DeLucas leaving Max and I alone. I think Max and I gave new meaning to ringing in the New Year.

I let out a small laugh. The year didn’t turn out to great after all. I flip to a new page and begin to write.

Dear Journal,
It’s been a little over a year since I last wrote and you, and this year has been full of change. Max died, but left me the most beautiful gift of all. Her name is Madison, and she is my life.

I wrote until my hand felt like it was gonna fall off, and until Maddi woke up hungry. I watched as she looked at the stars in the heavens as if she knows he’s up there and who knows. Maybe she does.

PLease leave fb. This is the first pov piece I have ever done. I worked really hard on it and would like to know what y'all think.

Would anyone like to read a sequel?

[ edited 6 time(s), last at 7-Dec-2002 10:19:03 PM ]
posted on 11-Aug-2002 10:13:01 AM by limegreenli
Danie, right after I finished that, my stupid self went and watched A Walk To Remember. Phillip called heard me crying and went hormones.
posted on 25-Sep-2002 10:26:48 AM by limegreenli
Added a banner. Let's all give MEagz a round of applause for such a beautiful one.
posted on 7-Dec-2002 9:45:02 PM by limegreenli
Would anyone like to read a sequel? Someone told me writing a seqeul would ruin it, but if y'all want one I'll be glad to write it.
posted on 8-Dec-2002 5:07:02 PM by limegreenli
I started writing the sequel today. NAd it's gonna be long. So give me a few days, maybe a few weeks cuz I have all kinds of things coming up.