|posted on 14-Aug-2002 12:46:13 AM by Juliette|
Author: Juliette (Samantha)
Category: M/L eventually
Rating: PG-13 right now
Summary: Read to find out hehe
Disclaimer: Unfortunately, I don't own anything.
Feedback: I live for the stuff!
Another day, another mistake. I thought my day couldn't have gotten any worse. Boy was I wrong! Firstly I actually confided in my friend Maria, otherwise known as blabber mouth. Anyway, I told her that I had a crush on this really hot guy Tyler! Well of course by telling her the whole school knew by the end of the day, including my dream guy, and let's just say that his feelings towards me were not mutual, not in the least. Secondly, my other best friend Alex, got beat up by some no good wrestling jocks. When will these stupid jocks learn, maybe if they opened their minds once in awhile instead of their freaking mouths. Anyway then Kyle came up with the brilliant idea to stand up for Alex and got a few punches of his own. Apparently being friends with a computer nerd doesn't have the best benefits for some people. And lastly my sister Jules has been acting really weird today. I wonder what has put her in such a gloomy mood. Well anyways to cheer her up Maria, Alex and Kyle are coming over tonight. And we have a BIG surprise for Jules! Kyle has finally gotten up enough nerve to ask her out. Yeah! He has had a crush on Julie since we were in elementary school. We finally convinced him to ask her out. Finally I mean these two belong together. They are soul mates. Well I guess I better go, I won't be a good matchmaker if I'm in here writing.
"Hey guys," I say while opening the door letting in Maria, Kyle and Alex.
"Hey Liz," Maria says walking through the door. "I brought Ice Cream, Chips, soda, and the best ingredient for a girl's night out, EMPIRE RECORDS," Maria says tabbing her fingers on the table like a drum roll.
"Excuse me," Alex says clearing his throat.
"What," Maria defends. "OH, come on you know you're one of the girls."
"Oh okay," Alex says smiling, then frowns after thinking about it.
"Where's Julie?" Kyle interrupts before Alex could speak again.
"She should be in her room," I say excitedly. "Did you get the yellow Lilies that I told you Jules likes?"
"Yep," Kyle says holding up the flowers.
"Okay, okay hurry up! We want to pig out and watch the movie," I say pushing him towards Jules door.
"Okay," Kyle says. "I can do this, I can do this."
"Kyle believe me you have nothing to worry about," I say trying to get all doubts out of his mind. "Jules likes you a lot, believe me."
"Jules," Kyle calls knocking on the door. "It's me Kyle," he says while opening the door.
"She's not in there Liz," Kyle says coming out a minute later.
"What," I say walking into Juliette's room. I look around the room, and then the balcony.
"Jules, Jules," I yell, starting to get nervous. I start to feel that something is wrong. It must be that twin thing.
"Jules," I yell again, while opening the bathroom door.
"Oh My God," I scream and then everything around me goes black.
"Liz, Liz, are you awake," My mom says walking through the door. "How are you honey?"
"Fine," I say. "Where is Jules?"
"Honey she, she is in critical condition right now, I'm not really sure what happened," she pauses. "You screamed and everyone ran into Juliette's room and we found you out on the floor in front of the bathroom. And then Jules, she was just laying there, god Liz she looked so dead, I was so scared. The doctors are saying she tried to commit suicide, there was a bottle of aspirin laying on the floor were Juliette was, but they can't identify the pills that were in the bottle, they are not aspirin. And she has scars on her wrists and legs, the doctors think she has been cutting herself for awhile now"
"No she wouldn't do that," I say.
"They're trying to stabilize her," she starts to cry. "They don't think she is going to make it."
"No," I scream. "Get out your lying! Get out" I scream louder.
"I'm sorry honey," She cries.
"Get out! Jules would never do that!" I scream again.
J” Liz, honey, I know it is hard to believe but,” she pauses while pulling a piece of paper out of her pocket. “Juliette left this on the balcony table,” she says handing it to me.
Live your life to the fullest,
without a worry or a frown,
and remember all the laughter,
all through your life and mine.
At the first sign of sadness,
you'll be by my side,
and the last breath I speak,
your ears and only mine will hear.
Please don't think it's your fault,
because it was just me and myself,
I thought I could survive,
but I was sadly mistaken.
My life was short,
but too long for me,
the worries and pains,
that always held me down.
Where was I to go,
I was always to blame,
what was I supposed to see,
the real true boring me?
I thought just maybe,
If I had the perfect body,
and the fabulous hair,
I would like myself a little more.
But my insecurities that got to me,
and my worry of people not liking me,
could've been just my imagination,
or my thoughts getting the best of me.
Maybe I was the one to blame,
maybe I was the one to hate,
maybe I was the one who brought on
this long and hateful fate.
Because now that I sit down and think,
I know that the only one to blame,
I let myself get the best of me,
but if you could have heard,
all the voices in my head,
they were telling me,
they killed my insides,
and were going for the outside,
I wish I could tell you I put up a fight,
but I couldn't.
They were telling me,
why should you live?
What should you do?
I had no answer.
Maybe it was all for the best,
I mean ,
who's going to miss me?
I was just I big disappointment,
to my dad I was to stupid,
to my mom I was too ignorant,
to my sister I was too mean.
and now as I pick up the razor,
I realize it's the only way to end my pain,
so I'm sorry if I didn't put up much of a fight,
but what was the use,
my insides were gone,
and the voice were working on the outsides,
and there was nothing left for me to do,
but end the pain.
So I took the razor and did what I should have done before,
I love you so much,
but I didn't love myself enough.
So now I say goodbye to you.
Don't worry because I'm trying harder,
were ever I may go,
I'll make it work this time,
I'll make the A,
and end my pain.
because even though I took my life,
I'll let you know I'm happy,
because now the voice is disappearing,
and the pain is almost gone.
I'll always love you Liz, and I'm sorry, I never wanted to hurt you, I just wanted to make the pain go away.
Should I continue?
Please leave feedback, I would really like to know what you guys think.
[ edited 8 time(s), last at 3-Nov-2002 12:05:33 AM ]
|posted on 14-Aug-2002 1:13:48 AM by Juliette|
|Thanks for the feedback Leah! I really appreciate it! It was your nagging and pestering that finally made me post. Hehe |
|posted on 14-Aug-2002 4:59:21 PM by Juliette|
|Hey! Thanks Leah, FreeFall and Nadia for the feedback, I really really appreciate it. I'll post part one later on tonight. Thanks again!|
|posted on 14-Aug-2002 10:54:53 PM by Juliette|
|Thanks to sweetygurl, Angelic, Sals1812, FIREBLUEGURL13, Leah, FreeFall and Nadia for all the feedback! You guys are GREAT!|
Part one is set a year after the prologue.
A year later
~*~Part one ~*~
I stood on mountaintops
That overlooked the world
I can't find anything
Except a void inside
I went to places where
I could forget your name
I can't find anything
Except a void inside
I don't have anything
Because I don't have you
I don't have anything
What can I buy to make
The sky turn blue again
Where can I go to feel
Like I'm alive again
Show me the places
Where I can forget your name
I can't find anything
Except a void inside
I don't have anything
Because I don't have you
I don't have anything
I've been stripped of everything
Except some flesh that bleeds
And I've been robbed of everything
Except a soul, except a soul
That needs...you, sweet you
I don't have anything
Because I don't have you
I don't have anything[I/]
Vast, I Don't Have Anything
Ever had one of those moments when the real world is too hard to handle and all you want is a way out? When everything goes black and you just sit there in the dark, the complete dark. And your mind just sits there, thinking. Thinking in the darkness that you have made for yourself, because there was no one else there to listen, to understands or care. Your thoughts are passing you by. Millions and millions confusing your mind. I like this darkness; it’s where my mind can settle. Sit and settle. Think about what could have been. What I could have done. My darkness is another world. Where I am a different person. In my darkness I am loved and caring. Where I have a best friend, who I do everything with and tell everything to. Nobody can touch me in my world. Nobody can hurt me while I'm there. I have complete and utter control over that place. It’s safe. Safe from what’s outside their walls. Safe from the real world and its cruel reality. Sometimes in my darkness I'm even safe from myself. My name is Elizabeth Parker and this is my world. I live in two worlds. A world in which my body lives, and a world in which my mind rests. Maybe you should come inside and take a peek.
Liz looks up as her mother enters the room.
"Your shift begins in five minutes," Mrs. Parker says flatly, pausing to look at Liz.
"Hurry up and get dressed in your uniform, Rose washed it, so it should be in the laundry room. Also Agnes called in sick so you and Maria will have to close up," she adds.
"Okay," Liz replies.
"Your father will be in work until late, and I'm going out to eat with a friend," Mrs. Parker says while looking around the room.
"And don’t try anything, I asked Rose to stay the night in the guestroom tonight, she will be keeping an eye on you," she adds while giving her daughter another once over, turning away quickly before her thoughts can linger on the past.
"Okay, I'll be down there in a minute to start my shift," Liz says, hoping to get her mom out as quickly as possible. Uncomfortable in the presence of her mother.
"Good, I might come in late tonight so don’t wait up, bye," Mrs. Parker dismisses her and walks out of her room quickly.
Liz sighs and waits until she hears her mom leave the house, then walks downstairs into the Crashdown.
"Hey, where’s your uniform?" Maria asks.
"It’s dirty," Liz answers carefully, making sure to not meet Maria’s gaze.
"Oh," Maria replies. "Well you have section one, two and three, because we’re the only ones here tonight until closing," She informs her.
"Okay, no problem," Liz replies while walking over to one of her tables.
"Hi, my name is Elizabeth Parker and I will be your waitress today, are you ready to order?" Liz says, plastering on a fake smile.
"Where is Maria? I thought this was her section," Michael asks rudely not bothering to look up at her.
"Well it’s my section today, so are you ready to order?" Liz asks again, becoming agitated.
Michael looks up from his menu, glaring at her.
"Yeah, we will have three Will Smith burgers, three sides of fries, a cherry coke, a diet coke and a coke," Max orders quickly before Michael has a chance to cause a scene.
"Ok, I'll be right back with your drinks," Liz replies, wondering why Maria didn’t take their table. She is dating Michael after all.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A couple Hours later~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Liz walks over to the table with Michael and the others.
"Hey, it’s eleven O’clock, closing time, so you guys have to go," Liz tells them, handing their bill to Max.
"We’re waiting for Maria," Michael says, "We’re giving her a ride home."
Rolling her eyes, Liz hesitates, "Fine, I'll go get her."
She walks into the back to find Maria crying on the couch. She stops in the doorway, unsure of what to do.
"Uhhh.... Maria, Michael and the others are waiting for you," Liz says, uncomfortable with being in this situation.
Maria looks up at her with tears streaming down her face "Can you do me a favor Liz?” she asks. Liz nods in response.
"I saw Michael kiss another girl the other night," Maria explains. "I can’t face him right now, can you please tell them that I’m sleeping over at your house, tell them were catching up on old times or something," she pleads.
"You know your going to have to face him sooner or later, why not just get it over with," Liz replies, becoming annoyed with how the evening is turning out.
"Please, all you’ll have to do is give me a ride home, unless you’re going to make me walk home in the rain," Maria says, giving her a puppy dog face, knowing that it is her friend’s one weakness.
"Fine," Liz says finally giving in. She walks out into the front of the Crashdown, "Maria is staying here with me tonight, so you guys can go now," she says pointing to the door.
"Since when do you and Maria have sleepovers?" Isabel smirks.
"We have sleepovers since now," Liz replies getting impatient. "Now you guys please leave, I have to close."
"Let me talk to Maria," Michael demands.
"If she wanted to talk to you she would have come out herself, now bye." Liz says raising her voice while pointing to the door again.
Max and Isabel grab Michael and finally leave the Crashdown. Liz walks to the backroom where she finds Maria gathering her things from her locker.
"Ready to go?" Liz asks Maria.
"Yeah," she sighs.
Together they walk out the back of the restaurant, through the alley. They are about to turn the corner when Maria spots Michael, Max and Isabel waiting near the entrance of the café.
"Damnit," Maria curses, grabbing Liz by the arm and pulling her back into the alley before they are noticed. "Liz do you think it would be possible if I could stay at your house tonight? Please! I'll owe you like majorly?"
"Fine," Liz sighs, knowing that Maria would not back down until she agreed.
"You can take my bathroom duty for the month." Liz smirks.
"Fine," Maria replies, cringing at the thought.
Maria follows Liz up into the apartment above the Crashdown. Upon entering the living room, They find a passed out Nancy Parker lying on the couch.
"Is your mom okay?" Maria asks worried. "I’ve never seen her like this before."
"Yeah, she just went out drinking with a friend, so she’s just probably wasted. We should leave her alone, we don’t want to be in her path when she wakes up," Liz whispers while walking to her room.
Maria walks into Liz’s room and is amazed at how different it looks since the last time she has been in it. Her room used to be filled with color and love and now it looked, well, dark and lonely. The room used to be painted in baby blue. The blankets and pillows on the bed used to have cloud shapes on them, with glow in the dark stars all over the walls. The balcony was filled with scented candles. But now the room was painted in a dark blue, and the ceiling was painted black with glow in the dark stars. The blankets and pillows were all plain black except for a small pillow in the middle which was pink with the name Juliette and Elizabeth spread across it in purple with the saying ‘sisters forever’ underneath it. Maria looked away quickly, not wanting to remember the past.
"Wow," Maria says trying to start up a conversation, "you’re room looks really different from the last time I was up here."
"Yeah, well I needed a change," Liz replies with a sigh.
"Do you want something to sleep in, or do you have something down in your locker for work?" Liz asks.
"No, would you mind if I borrowed something?" Maria asks.
"You can just get whatever you want out of the closet," Liz replies, pointing to her closet.
Maria looks through the closet for something comfortable to sleep in, but only finds long sleeve shirts and pants.
"Do you have any shorts, and maybe a short sleeve shirt," Maria asks, finally giving up on trying to look through the closet for anything she would be comfortable sleeping in, in such hot weather.
"Yeah look in the laundry room, the green hamper," Liz answers.
"Okay," Maria replies.
She walks into the laundry room and pots the green hamper. In it she finds Liz’s work uniform, her clean work uniform and wonders why Liz told her it was dirty. She looks through it a little more and finds a pair of shorts that say Lizzie on the back of them. She smiles and goes back into Liz's room.
"Hey," Maria says holding up the shorts. "I remember these. Remember mine said Ria on them?"
"Yeah, I remember," Liz laughs. "Remember the shoes?"
"Yeah I can’t believe we ever got those, much less wore them." Maria smiles at the memory.
"Hey you’re the one who talked us into getting them," Liz accuses.
Maria, Liz and Juliette are walking through the mall talking when they see an interesting store, and go in to it.
"Hey look at these," Maria says, holding up a pair of bright pink shoes with the name Amy painted on the side of them. "It says we can choose a pair of shoes, with whatever color and get our names painted on them. We could even get matching shorts," she says holding up a pair of shorts with names printed on the back of them too.
Juliette and Liz both laugh and back away from Maria, shaking their hands frantically.
"No way Maria, I’m never going to own a pair of shorts with my name painted on the back of them," Juliette shouts. "I don’t need people looking at my big fat ass, it already gets to much attention, and I don’t need any more."
Maria and Liz laugh.
"Come on you two it will be so cool, we could be like twins," Maria pleads.
"Maria, Jules and me are already twins," Liz laughs.
"Fine then, I know I'm the third wheel," Maria says trying to make them feel guilty.
"Okay, okay Maria we’ll buy them," Liz gives in. "I mean it will be cool we can wear them in gym, so the teacher won’t forget are names any more."
Juliette stands there and hesitates for a minute.
"Fine if it’s that important to you guys," Juliette says. "I guess I'll get them too."
"This will be so cool!" Maria shouts jumping up and down.
End of Flashback
"You remember we put the names of our favorite character’s names from Empire Records on the shoes?" Liz smiles, picturing them.
"Yeah I remember Jules’ shoes were bright pink and had Cori written on the side of them, your’s was bright yellow with the name Gina, and mine," Maria says, "they were bright orange with the name Debra on them."
"We were really obsessed with the movie Empire Records weren’t we?" Liz sighs, remembering it. "I still can’t believe that we called each other by our favorite characters names in that movie."
"Yeah, those were fun times," Maria sighs.
Just then their is a knock on the door and Nancy Parker walks in.
"Mom! Sorry, did we wake you?" Liz frowns.
"Yeah sorry Mrs. Parker I didn’t realize we were being so loud," Maria says apologetically.
"Yeah well try to be a little quieter please," Mrs. Parker yawns.
"It's good to see you over here again Maria," she adds walking out of the room.
"Your mom looks really worn out," Maria observes.
"Yeah, well we have been through a lot of changes, we’re all a little worn out," Liz sighs.
"Well guess what? Isabel convinced me to join the Cheerleading squad with her," Maria says trying to change the subject, "Image me, a cheerleader."
"Well you’re perky enough for it," Liz says teasing her. "I can see you jumping up and down cheering for the losers we call the football team."
"Hey I resent that," Maria says frowning. "I’m not anywhere near perky or preppy for that matter."
They both break into a fit of laughter.
Should I continue or not?
[ edited 3 time(s), last at 3-Nov-2002 12:13:51 AM ]
|posted on 16-Aug-2002 10:59:10 PM by Juliette|
|Thanks for all the feedback everyone, I'll post the next part sometime tomorrow.|
[ edited 1 time(s), last at 16-Aug-2002 11:02:40 PM ]
|posted on 18-Aug-2002 3:28:07 PM by Juliette|
|Thanks to Leah, Twilighteyes1974, Nadia, angeleyes, Angelic, Sals1812, Alexandra86 and Shama for the Feedback! You guys are the best!|
Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep......
When Liz and Maria wake, they are greeted by the fire alarm. Liz runs from her room, frantically searching for her mother. She finds her standing over the kitchen stove and, by the looks of it, it appears she is trying to cook French toast.
"Sorry you two, I thought I would try to fix us some breakfast, but I guess your going to have to go eat down in the Crashdown, I never was a good cook," Mrs. Parker says while holding a broom in her hand trying to sweep away the smoke from the fire alarm.
"It's okay, we needed the wake up call anyway," Maria smiles sympathetically.
"We’re gonna go downstairs and get something to eat. Are you going to be okay?" Liz asks her mother.
"Yeah, I just need to clean up this mess," Mrs. Parker replies, motioning towards the mess in the kitchen.
Liz and Maria give her another sympathetic smile, then go downstairs to get something to eat.
"So," Maria says, trying to start up a conversation while they’re eating, "do you want to go to the mall later on today, see a movie or something?" she asks.
"I don‘t know, I have to see if I work today or not," Liz replies hesitantly, not sure if she wants to take this step.
"I already looked, we’re both off today," Maria smiles.
"I dunno Maria, I mean I don't want to be a replacement friend for Isabel and your boyfriend," Liz says confronting Maria.
"Your not, plus you and me were friends, BEST friends, before I even met them. They just moved here this year, you know," Maria says.
"I know," Liz replies.
"I just," Liz says but is cut off by Michael.
"Hey Maria, could we talk?" Michael asks.
"Let me think," Maria says pausing for a moment, then shouts. “No!”
"What the hell is wrong with you?" Michael yells back.
"Well as if you didn't know," Maria smirks "Your just going to play the innocent act, well I'm not going to play your games any more Michael, we’re OVER!" Maria shouts and walks away from him.
"Oh really Maria, and what would be the reason that we are OVER, because I really would like to know," Michael yells.
"I saw you kiss another girl Michael!" Maria shouts.
"Wednesday night I took out the trash from the Crashdown, and in the alley there you were, kissing another girl!" Maria says. Maria accuses.
"Maria, Maria," Liz says waving her hands in front of her face, trying to get her attention, "Maybe you two should take this into the back, the customers are starting to stare."
"Okay," Maria says walking into back dragging Liz with her.
"Hey, I want to finish my breakfast," Liz says, trying to pull away.
"Breakfast can wait, I need you for support," Maria says still pulling her into the back.
"Support, I'm not good support. Not at least until I have food in my belly. Nice and full. That’s when I can give support." Liz says trying to get away.
"Funny," Maria says sitting Liz down on the couch in the back of the restaurant. "But too bad."
Liz crosses her arms over her chest and gives Maria a glare.
Michael walks in followed by Isabel and Max. They stare at Liz in confusion, not sure why she is here. The 5 of them stand in the tension filled room before Michael takes a step forward.
"Maria I have no clue what you’re rambling about, but I did not kiss another girl," Michael denies, "I think you’ve been sniffing too much cedar oil."
"I saw what I saw," Maria says glaring at him.
"Maria," Isabel says "You couldn't have seen Michael kissing someone because Max and I were with him, Michael was staying over at our house that night."
"Well he could have left," Maria responds.
"No Maria, he was at our house the whole night, I promise you," Isabel reassures her, "Plus I know Michael and he would never cheat on you, believe me. He is crazy about you."
"Isabel," Michael says embarrassed.
"Oh," Maria replies defeated.
"Okay since everything is all nice and grand, I'm going to go finish my breakfast. Which is probably cold by now," Liz says giving Maria a cold stare.
"Sorry," Maria apologizes.
"Sure," Liz replies walking back into the front, ignoring the bewildered look of Max and Isabel as she walked by them.
"I'm sorry, I'm really really really sorry LIZZY," Maria screeches, following her.
Liz sits down ignoring Maria’s pleads and focuses on eating her cold breakfast.
"Hey shouldn't you be saying sorry to me," Michael says, walking up to their table. "I'm the one you accused of kissing someone else."
"Sorry Michael," Maria says and then turns her attention back on Liz.
"I'll pay for it okay I’m really really REALLY sorry," Maria pleads.
Liz looks at her weirdly.
"Oh yea right this food was free," Maria blushes. "Well then movies, we’ll go to the movies and I will pay."
"Cool, what movie are we going to see," Michael asks.
"Not you. Just Liz, Isabel and me," Maria says looking at Isabel. “If you want to."
"Sure," Isabel agrees, curious to find out more about Liz.
"Hey you owe me something too," Michael whines.
"Don't whine, it doesn't suit you," Maria smirks.
[ edited 2 time(s), last at 3-Nov-2002 12:16:14 AM ]
|posted on 14-Oct-2002 12:34:22 AM by Juliette|
|Leah(six times), Alexandra86, Angelic, salonica, Sals1812, angeleyes, sweetygurl(three times), miss_Roswell, aZNroSweLl anglgrl, Shama, and A Rose Is True Blue thank you guys so much for the feedback and bumps!! Sorry I haven't updated in a long time, but sometime this week I promise I'll post a new part.|