posted on 27-Aug-2002 8:30:04 PM by Meagzie
Title: Made to Be Broken
Author: Meagzie… who else writes depressing stuff?
Category: M/L, of course
Rating: I’m gonna say R-ish.
Disclaimer: I don’t own Roswell, it’s characters, or the song “Iris” by the Goo Goo Dolls. I also don’t own Dr. Seuss’ “Oh! The Places You’ll Go”.
Summary: What if Max never revealed his true identity to Liz?
Author’s Note: I’m telling you now that this does not come with a happy, la-la ending. Don’t blame me, the innocent writer (*big*), for any tears that are shed during the reading of this story. This is just a one-part story, people, and its inspired by Iris by the Goo Goo Dolls. Something that Ive been working on while I was away on vacation. I will be continuing DOY, WIA, AFU, and wrapping up LYFY in the next few weeks. Please, please, please bear with me while my life is hectic and writing time is rare. Your patience is greatly appreciated. *big*

I just want to give a bunch of thanks to Lisa, Cath and Christian. Lisa encouraged (well… more like, forced) me to create and write a one part story to “Iris”, while Cath has been pushing me along the past month in actually getting it done. All three have been wonderful betas for me. If you like it, you should really thank those three. They’re the brains of this operation. Oh! And the bee-yoo-tee-full banner was created by Lisa and myself. Much thanks to Lisa for helping me out with creating it!

This is fairly long, so I’ll be breaking it up into two posts. Let me know what you think.


Secrets are the masks that we, as people, wear to conceal our true selves.

I like to consider myself like her, despite my solid knowledge that she and I could never be classified as the same.

I can still remember the first moment I saw her, a memory etched into my brain like carvings on a tree. Her hair flowed softly past her shoulders, and she was a sight of utter beauty. Even my young mind of seemingly seven years had known that I had been in the presence of an angel.

I watched her grow over the years. I observed as she slowly became the gorgeous woman that I knew she would be, her body and mind slowly sculpted to perfection. Her smiles were like opening the very first present on Christmas day, half of the fun was just the anticipation of ripping it open. Her eyes would light up at the sight of her best friends, or whenever Ms. Brinkler would give us an extra credit biology assignment, which would make the other students groan in protest.

Not Liz though. I would study her during our Biology class, feigning the task of writing notes down. She sat beside me, and sometimes lost strands of her russet hair would brush against my forearm, heating my entire soul from the outside in. Occasionally our elbows would bump as we attempted to pay attention during class, and she would just grin shyly at me before murmuring an apology in that powerful yet sensual voice of hers.

Isabel would scold me for letting myself daydream about Liz, while Michael would push me relentlessly into another topic that could simply never motivate me as much as thinking about Liz could. Just one thought of Liz could send me swirling into an entirely different galaxy, mentally wise. Isabel and Michael, and eventually Tess, were irate with the way in which Liz Parker could captivate me without even being in my sight.

My infatuation with Liz Parker was never just a petty crush. Now don’t mistake me, for I know I could never say that Liz and I shared a great, boundless love, because I doubt she even knew my name until high school. You see, I may have observed Liz Parker from afar since the moment I stepped off the bus, but she never noticed me, and I could never allow her to. I always had to fade into the background, my affection for Liz just another secret for me to hide.

Until the day I saved her life.

Liz’s dad owns a local restaurant named The Crashdown. It’s the most popular hangout for both tourists and locals alike. Liz works there with her best friend, Maria Deluca, and they wait tables, taking orders and delivering food. Needless to say, I spent years of my life in that restaurant watching Liz, eating whatever she brought to my table.

It was a normal day for me. I had gone to The Crashdown with Michael for lunch that day, and as always, I was mindlessly listening to Michael’s useless chatter while my eyes were focused on the beauty that was Liz Parker. It happened so quickly that it took a moment for me to realize that Liz had been hurt.

It hadn’t been that busy at the restaurant, but busy enough to keep Liz and
Maria constantly on their feet, so the ringing of the restaurant’s front door bells didn’t seem out of the ordinary. It wasn’t brought to attention until the entire restaurant heard Maria’s scream and witnessed a man holding a gun to her head, demanding the money from the cash register.

Liz tried to calm down the man who was threatening her best friend’s life, and she ran hurriedly to shove the money he wanted into a bag. She was so overcome with fear though, and soon she was sobbing in terror while the rest of the room sat in horrified silence. She dropped the bag of money when the robber turned the gun on her with his arm still firmly wrapped around Maria’s neck.

“Please, oh god, please don’t do this,” Liz had begged relentlessly between sobs of panic.

“SHUT UP!” He had screamed in frustration, and before anyone could prevent it, his finger had pulled on the trigger, letting a deafening sound ring through my ears.

I saw her eyes widen in agony as she took in a deep breath of air. Her body collapsed behind the counter in which the register sat open, strewn across the grimy floor. A flash of unadulterated fear crossed his face as he dropped his arm from Maria’s neck and ran frantically away from the restaurant. Maria fell to her shaking knees with an anguished cry.

At that very moment I thrust any sort of paralyzing dread that was consuming my body and I leapt to my feet. Michael tried to stop me, knowing what I had planned, but his attempts were nothing but futile. I pushed him out of my way and stumbled behind the counter where Liz had lain. Michael had no choice but to cover me and fend off any other customers who tried to interfere.

She looked so pale, with her eyes painfully clenched closed. A building pool of blood was gathering on her stomach, her waitress uniform becoming muddy with the reddish fluid. I immediately ripped open the front of her uniform and placed my hand over her wound.

“Liz,” I whispered to her brokenly, watching as her life was rapidly slipping away. “Liz, open your eyes. You need to look at me.” She continued to clench her eyes, ignoring my voice through her pain. I was desperate though. I was not going to lose the one thing that remained constant and strong throughout my young life.

“Liz,” I repeated a bit more loudly to her. “Open your gorgeous eyes, and look at me. I know you can do this, Liz, and I can help you. Just let me see your beautiful eyes, and I’ll do the rest, I promise.” My voice was raspy with emotion, and I felt as if I were mentally on my knees, begging her. That’s when the most life-altering thing happened to me.

She opened her eyes and stared right into mine.

There’s something you need to know about me. I’m not who you think I am, or rather, I’m not what you think I am. I am not your typical high school male that is unhealthily obsessed with a beautiful woman.

No. I am an alien. I am a leader of a world that resides in galaxies far, far from yours. I can manipulate molecular structure, and I can heal wounded beings.

Before you ponder any further, no, I am not Superman.

My insistence that Liz open her eyes was not without reason. You know how people say that the eyes are the windows to the soul? Well, when Liz opened her eyes and looked at me, it was as if she were opening her whole soul towards me. It made it easier to make a connection with her, enabling me to care and heal her body from the gunshot wound.

I received much more than either of us could have ever bargained for though.
Our connection was so unusual and uncontrollable that it was like we could taste each other’s essence and experienced the caress of each other’s souls. I saw into her mind, and felt the emotions that accompanied many of her memories, causing me to want to cry at one memory and roll with laughter at another.

I had no clue as to what she was thinking at that moment however, and it left me desperately wondering what her reaction to my difference would be. Would she be disgusted by the knowledge of aliens walking among her, and possibly tainting her thoughts of a perfect existence? Or would the natural born scientist shine through, many inquisitive questions coming to the surface? Would she hate me for healing her with my grotesque alien powers? Or would she praise them for inevitably saving her life?

I didn’t have much time to contemplate it much more as our connection soon broke and I was being pulled upwards by Michael’s persisting hands. I came to my senses immediately, although my body was humming with grief as I lost the close bond Liz and I had shared for much too brief a moment. Temporary fear engulfed my body, realizing that any witness in the restaurant could report what they think they might have seen, which would land me in government testing for the rest of my alien life.

Recently, Michael confessed to me that he had been surprised when I had first told him that the thought of Liz betraying me had never run through my mind during those precise moments. Thinking about it now, I don’t think I’ve ever had a thought about Liz turning me into the government, but rather what her own personal feelings would be on my alien heritage.

Isabel thoroughly chewed me out that night after the shooting, telling me that
I was irresponsible and inconsiderate of her and Michael. She was hurt and confused by my rash behaviour, since I had always been the level headed one, always forcing the two of them to rethink their decisions. I should have known that Isabel would be hurt by the fact that I had practically put her and Michael’s lives into Liz’s hands, someone they barely knew. My actions affected them just as much as it affected it me, and I know somewhere deep inside that I had known that when I was healing Liz. I just didn’t seem to care.

Was that wrong of me? To put aside the feelings of my sister and my best friend so I could save the life of a woman who barely knew me? Was it selfish of me to ignore the consequences of my actions and put two of the most important people in my life at stake without considering how they would feel?

It probably was wrong of me, but I didn’t care. To this very day, I would not change my mind about healing Liz. I won’t deny that the last thing that was on my mind that day was my safety from the secret government that destroyed alien life forms, or the wrath of my sister for my “senseless stunt”. All that mattered was Liz’s life and her safety.

And it was that very reasoning that led me to deciding to never reveal the truth to Liz. How could I let a beautiful, innocent person get wrapped up in my life, something that I was never really sure about? At that point in time, I didn’t know anything, only that I was not of this Earth, and probably not even of this galaxy. She didn’t deserve the wondering, the questions, and the anxious shoulder checks. People knowing the truth about me could have only led to dangerous repercussions. The fear of Liz being hurt in the process was reason enough for me to pull away.

I also knew that I had a duty, not as a king as I would later find out, but as a brother and friend. I was risking the lives of Isabel and Michael, when it wasn’t my risk to take. Despite my consistent irritation for them, I knew deep down that I would never be able to disrespect the people who had become my closest family. Betrayal because of a woman, regardless of my feelings for her, would never be acceptable. Causing pain for Isabel and Michael would only equal causing pain for Liz, which left me with no other choice.

It wasn’t like Liz was not curious to find the truth. She cornered me every chance she could get. It started with the day after the shooting. I had skipped the biology class we had together in fear of her demanding answers or perhaps the fright that would appear on her face when she realized she had been sitting beside and working with a freak all year. It was not something I truly wanted to deal with that day.

But if anything, Liz was determined. She practically chased after me in the halls, calling my name as I feigned ignorance of her shouting. It was useless though, because she eventually caught up to me and dragged me into the nearest classroom. She had stood in front of me with her hands on her hips, and a set look in her eyes. Even with her slight temper, she was the most beautiful creature my eyes had ever set sight upon.

“You’re avoiding me,” Liz had said in an almost demanding voice. The last thing I wanted to do was get into a fight with Liz, especially since Isabel had yelled my ears off the previous night.

“I’m not avoiding you, I’m just trying to get to class on time,” I replied in an exasperated manner that I hope would cause her to leave me alone. I didn’t want to anger her, but I had already decided not to reveal anything to her along with a promise to Isabel and Michael.

“So if you don’t mind-”

“Well, I do mind.” Liz stared at me long and hard, before her face softened and all that was left was a curious glance.

“Max, I’m so confused. I’m not trying to be mean, or anything like that. It’s just that for the past twenty four hours I’ve been going through a million alternatives for what happened yesterday after I was shot, and not one of them seem very likely. And what bewilders me even more so is why I felt the need to cover up what happened to me yesterday.” Liz sighed before taking a small step closer to me. “So tell me, Max, what happened yesterday?”

I forced myself to look blankly at her. Every molecule in my body was screaming in protest, pleading with me to tell her the truth, trying to convince me that she would never turn away from me just because I was not like her. I fought those feelings, pushing them into the darkest corners of my body. I tried to remember Isabel and Michael’s words. I tried to remember all the reasons I had came up with on my own. I tried to remember the possible outcomes that could occur if I let myself tell her.

Then I imagined Liz hurt, whether emotionally or physically.

Then I imagined the worst possible situation that could arise from my revealing.

I imagined Liz Parker, the faraway love of my life, dead.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I replied clearly, making sure she understood what I was actually trying to tell her. I’m not going to tell.

Liz seemed confused at first, almost as if she were hurt by my declaration. She knew I was lying about my secret, and how I wasn’t going to tell her. She had realized that I was never going to tell her the truth.

And for the life of her, she couldn’t understand why.

I had never pictured Liz as a truly secretive person. She seemed too open, too friendly to be excessively secretive. So I was not surprised when she revealed her feelings to me, asking me why.

“Max, I know we’ve never been best friends or anything nearly close to that, but I never thought you would lie to me.” Liz sighed heavily, before stepping away from me. She began to tuck her hair behind her ears, a habit she practiced when she was confused or distraught.

“I’m a very factual person, Max. I rely on straight up facts and truths. I believe there’s a scientific reason for everything, and I don’t take things as they are. Yesterday I was shot and I know that I was dying right there on my father’s restaurant floor. You did something to me and you saved my life. I don’t know how and I don’t know why, but you did and now I’m desperate to find answers.”

I wanted to tell her. I really wanted to tell her that I was an alien that I loved her, and I would save her life again if I had to. I began to create a scenario in my mind on how she would react to my news. She would wrinkle her eyebrows for a few moments, trying to process the new information. Then a wide grin would encompass her face, thoroughly pleased that she finally had answers. She would then wrap her slender arms around my neck and kiss me passionately, instantly in love with me for being her knight in shining armour and saving her life.

Sadly, life is not a fairytale. Life’s version of a happy ending is just being alive.

I stepped closer to Liz, banishing the distance she had made between us. “I can’t tell you how, Liz, even if I wanted to. But I can tell you why I did what I did.” Liz gazed at me instantly, as if I was going to reveal the wonders of the world to her right at that very moment.

I leaned in even closer to her, her luxurious scent tingling the insides of my nose. Drawing her chin into the tip of my index finger, I tilted her head up towards mine. I was unsure of where I was drawing my bold strength from, but it was as if I had a raw need to touch her at that very moment when I had spent a lifetime pining from afar.

“Why, Max?” Liz had asked breathily, as our eyes were trapped within the penetrating gaze of each other.

“It was you.”

Then I let go of her, and walked away. I knew that if I let myself get more involved within that moment, I would have quickly forgotten the promises I had made to myself and to my family. I would have instantly gratified Liz with a truthful answer as to how, and things would have surely gone downhill from there.

Liz was persistent though, firm on her decision to discover the truth. She cornered me every chance she could get, but I never broke my wall despite my yearning to do so. It was her safety that took precedence over all else. It was at her friend’s insistence to move on that caused Liz to give up on begging for answers from me. She continued her high school career, though it seemed as if she was slightly withdrawn from the usual high politics. She never dated the rest of the two years of high school, and worked hard on her classes. It was no wonder when she was announced to be valedictorian during our senior year.

Liz gave a brilliant graduation speech, smiling and making small jokes about certain aspects of high school. Although, I could tell by the way she was bouncing from foot to foot that she was just itching to finish and throw her cap in the air.

It was hard for me. Graduating that is. High school had always seemed as my home away from reality. It was a place where I could not be Zan, past ruler of Antar, but rather Max Evans, the quiet, shy boy that fell into the background of teenaged society. I would soon be going into hiding from my foreign enemies, and no longer have a place in which I could put my woes and worries away for a small amount of time.

I had been sitting in the deserted bleachers beside the football field, just trying to absorb the last few moments of privacy and silent security that I would probably ever have for the rest of my life. My robe was open and hung loosely atop of my dress shirt and slacks. My cap was resting beside me, and I sat with my eyes closed and savoured the emotions that wrapped around me.

I didn’t hear Liz approach until she had actually taken a seat beside me. I peeked an eye open at her, and she just gave me her patent small smile. We hadn’t talked most of senior year, only when it was necessary, like during class for a project. She stayed quiet beside me for a while, observing the world before us and she donned the serious face I had worn only minutes before.

“Does it scare you?” Liz asked me quietly, still not looking directly at me.

“Does what scare me?”

“Leaving this all behind,” she replied, gesturing towards the school. She sighed loudly and leaned back on her hands. “It’s like suddenly I’m a grown adult, and
I have to make decisions that will affect me for the rest of my life. Where do I want to go to college? Will I ever get married? Do I have enough money to put myself through school and keep an apartment? Will I have children?” Liz shook her head sadly.

I wasn’t sure how to respond to her. As it was, I didn’t have to answer those questions and I probably would never get to because of a destiny I didn’t want.
It hit me then, how different Liz and I truly were. Her biggest worries were about college and marriage, possibly about future children. My biggest worries were about the destruction of a faraway planet, and being assassinated by my vicious enemies whom I’ve never met but hate me nonetheless.

I had never been so glad that I had decided not to involve Liz in my life. She didn’t deserve to be burdened with these types of worries. Despite my disagreeing heart, I hoped that she would decide to get married one day and share a life full of children, money and love with her affectionate husband.

“I know that you still don’t want to share with me what your secret is,” Liz continued with a calm voice. “And I’ll respect that.” She turned to me finally, and laid her petite hands on top of my weary ones. “But will you promise me one thing before we leave this place forever?” Liz paused, swallowing loudly. “Before you and I never see each other again?”

I felt my heart rip at the formation of tears in her eyes, watching her try to keep a tight control of her emotions. She seemed so fragile, and I felt a slight tugging in my brain, wondering if that was love shining through her pearl tears.

“For you, Liz,” I whispered to her quietly, leaning in slightly, “I would bring down the moon and the stars if you asked.”

Liz blushed slightly, and a faint smile graced her lips. She moved one of her palms up against my cheek, and I found myself gazing helplessly into her eyes.

“Promise me that you’ll keep this sad look out of your eyes.” With her free hand, she laced her fingers with mine. “I watch you, Max, even if you don’t think I am. You always walk with this hunching sadness, and talk with utter meekness. Your eyes speak the truth, they never lie, and your eyes have told me for the past two years that your soul is sad.” Liz stroked her thumb against my cheek with a lover’s gentleness. “And it breaks my heart.”

I wanted to profess my undying love for her right then and there, and if it weren’t for my stubborn mind reminding me of her safety, I probably would have.
I couldn’t make ties like this, I couldn’t profess love for someone who I loved deeply and could lose forever because of it.

“I’ll try, Liz,” I told her. I couldn’t make any promises to her, because I knew without Liz Parker in my life, I would never be a blissful man. But I could try, for her.

Liz had smiled sadly at my words, knowing full well that I would probably never succeed, but she left it at that. She paused briefly before picking up the book
I hadn’t noticed she had placed beside her earlier. She stared at the cover for a moment before handing it to me. I was surprised for a moment, but took it into my hands gratefully.

Oh, The Places You’ll Go,” I read out loud as I traced the lettering on the cover.

Liz nodded. “It’s one of my favourite books. My grandmother had given it to me when I was just a young girl, and it always reminds me that there would always be a silver lining behind each cloud.” Liz took my hand back in hers, bringing it up to her cheek. I willingly pressed it against her soft skin, but fought off any other desires I had at that moment.

“I was reading it the other day, and it reminded me of you,” Liz continued. She blushed when I gazed at her curiously, and gently took the book from my hands so she could open it. “I hope you don’t mind if I read you some of it.” I shook my head and proceeded to listen to her beautiful voice.

I'm afraid that sometimes you'll play lonely games too.
Games you can't win 'cause you'll play against you.
All Alone! Whether you like it or not,
Alone will be something you'll be quite a lot.

“And when you're alone, there's a very good chance
You'll meet things that scare you right out of your pants.
There are some, down the road between hither and yon,
that can scare you so much you won't want to go on.

“But on you will go though the weather be foul.
On you will go though your enemies prowl.
On you will go though the Hakken-Kraks howl.
Onward up many a frightening creek,
though your arms may get sore and your sneakers may leak.

“On and on you will hike and I know you'll hike far,
and face up to your problems, whatever they are.

“You'll get mixed up, of course, as you already know.
You'll get mixed up with many strange birds as you go.
So be sure when you step.
Step with care and great tact,
and remember that Life's a Great Balancing Act.

I sat back with a thoughtful look upon my face as I took in what she had just revealed to me. There was something she was trying to tell me through these words, something that was very important to her. It was something much deeper than what the obvious message of the passage uncovered. I just wish I knew then what she had been trying to tell me.

I wasn’t sure what to say to her. More than anything, I was still surprised that she wanted to speak with me after our awkward years of high school. I wanted to just take that very moment and weave into my heart, so I would always have a reminder of the beautiful girl who made me feel normal when my life was anything but.

“Thank you,” I had whispered lightly to her. She instead took both sides of my face with her hands, and stared directly at me.

“No, Max. Thank you.”

Before I even realized what she was doing, she had pulled my head close to hers and laid her precious lips against mine. My confusion was quickly disposed as I returned her feverous kiss, my lips opening so I could taste her sweetness. Her lips were flavoured with strawberry lip gloss, its fruity hint erupting through my entire mouth. Our hands quickly found desirable spots, her one hand ruffled in my hair as the other hooked underneath my arm and pressed fervently against my shoulder. My own hand was wild in her hair, surrounding itself with her silky strands as my other arm wrapped tightly around her waist.

I’ll never forget that moment for the rest of my life. Not only because I had been passionately kissing the woman of my dreams, but also because for the first time in my life I could let my troubles, my worries, my duties free, even if only for a short moment. With Liz in my arms and her lips pressed against mine, the whole world could have collapsed and I would not care. She could do that to me; make me not care. It was dangerous and thrilling all at the same time.

She pulled away though, and I was seriously debating pulling her back and tasting her all over again. I wanted more of her. I wanted all of her. I didn’t want to walk away from high school, from Liz, from a life that I know I could never have. Serena had reminded me time and time again that desiring something you could never have only made you weaker in the eyes of your enemy.

Liz’s eyes were still shut close, and it was as if she was savouring our kiss as well. She let out a heavy breath and she steadily stood up. I watched her with a dazed and slightly confused expression, still recovering from the sensation of her lips against my unworthy ones. A small, sad smile twisted on her face, and her eyes slowly opened again. We stayed there for long moments, just gazing with an unfair longing to stay near when we both knew we would most likely never see each other again.

Liz broke our trance again, taking a step back. She touched her lips lightly, and whispered softly again, “Thank you, Max.” She ran off the field and far, far away from me. My heart was shattered in that one second as she turned away from me and I knew deep within my soul that it would be my last glimpse at the first and only girl I fell in love with.

[ edited 1 time(s), last at 9-Sep-2002 12:56:47 AM ]
posted on 27-Aug-2002 8:31:07 PM by Meagzie
My life soon became a swirl of chaos after that, as I had already expected. While the teenaged boy inside me pined for the love I could never have, the alien king grew stronger. Isabel, Michael and I didn’t know much, if anything, about our alien history previous to Tess and Serena Harding’s arrival. They appeared out of nowhere in the midst of our junior year of high school, rambling on about a distant planet and how we were alien royalty. It was hard to swallow at first, of course. Me? A king of a planet that I had no recollection of? It was weird, awkward even, but somehow familiar in a way I would never understand.

Our lives were changed the moment the Harding sisters arrived. Tess claimed to be my wife, or rather Zan’s wife in our past lives, while Serena declared herself as the official protector of the Four Square royalty. Isabel, Michael, Tess and I formed the Four Square, our powers becoming an indestructible weapon when combined. Serena’s duty was to ensure the safety of Antar’s past royalty so they could one day return home and take back the planet that no longer belonged to its people.

Explaining it now, the whole story seems distant and farfetched, but alas, it was the life that someone else had chosen for me. I had no choice in the matter. If I chose not to fight, enemies I never realized I had would kill me in inhumane manners.

I was never able to swallow the idea of Tess being my mate. In our past lives, possibly, but now? I am not Zan. I will never be Zan. I can never be Zan. I don’t even want to be Zan. Tess had a fixation on being with me intimately in our present lives too, and it was something I could not reward her with because the idea simply made me ill to my stomach. Not because she was disagreeable in the slightest bit, but my heart had already claimed another as my own, even if she didn’t know it.

Somehow I was able to relate to Serena. She was not entirely wrapped up in the stir of our past lives. All she knew was that she had a duty, and she was going to fulfill it. Serena was a brilliant woman, marked not only by intelligence but also a peculiar appearance. I could not believe that she and Tess were sisters, as Serena had dark skin compared to Tess’ exceptionally fair tone. Tess had radiant blue eyes, whereas Serena’s eyes were dark with purple colouring. I even had nicknamed her, calling her “Purple” for the rare shade of her eyes.

Forced to hide in secret rebellion camps against Antar’s current ruler, Serena and I soon formed a tight, personal bond. My naïve years of high school were quickly faded in my mind as I spent nights lying beside Serena, just listening and waiting for the signal that we had been detected and would be moving to another location.

I think Michael and Isabel hold some resentment towards me, as if it were my fault for making them move constantly and never be able to achieve a normal human life. It’s humorous to discover that when we were young teens that Isabel and Michael were the ones anxious to discover our alien side, but when we were actually living it, they threw blame towards me. Not that I don’t understand. It’s natural instinct to blame someone or something else when life goes rotten.

I suppose that was why Serena and I became such close friends. It was never anything more than a friendship, something that we could both seek comfort from when our real lives became much too terrifying to face alone. Serena would confide in me about her desires to be a regular woman, and how she would become a nurse if she had a chance at a normal life. I would confide in her that I would want to become an elementary schoolteacher, and take children in as a foster parent.

I even told her about Liz, which had been a personal, undisclosed topic since the end of high school. It took four years worth of hiding for me to finally divulge my deep feelings for a woman I would never see again to my best friend who I trusted with my life. Serena was incredibly understanding about how I felt though. She said she could relate to wanting someone to love her for her, and not be frightened by what she was.

Our discussions about love were few and far between though, because by that time, things were really starting to heat up. The leaders of the rebellion camps were considering splitting up the Four Square, in case of enemies catching us all off guard and destroying the entire group. We just decided to agree, because our lives were no longer our own, and disagreeing would require unnecessary trouble.

It was our first time being separated from each other for years. I even think
Isabel had tears in her eyes, as we were about to leave for different locations.
I knew Isabel had never meant to directly blame me for our chaotic lives, and it
hurt to know that just when our lives would become even more frenzied, we would
no longer be together.

But I guess that is the price of war.

The first location for me was something I had not expected. It was a ratty, old motel that lay in the midst of nothing and only dust and gravel fogged the air, rather than the now unfamiliar scent of city factories. We were literally in between nothing, only boredom to cure any bouts of insanity that plagued us. Us meaning Serena and I.

I guess I shouldn’t be so negative as the motel has provided us with the most decent shower we had had in years. We actually got to rest in beds, rather than flimsy cots that could easily be folded and stored. Water was no longer a precious commodity but something we could take for granted. The greatest advantage was the lack of armed guards, patrolling restlessly for our protection. I will admit now that it surprised me that they had allowed for Serena to be the sole protection of my life. Serena had passed it off by saying they were finally entrusting her with a true mission.

Days were slowly turning into weeks, as everything stayed quiet on our end of the world. We weren’t allowed communication with Isabel, Michael, Tess or anyone else from the rebellion until we could be assured that we had a purely safe line. It was odd and unnerving not being able to discuss and be in the company of other people rather than just Serena and myself. I soon drew into myself, silence enveloping me in its warm darkness.

Perhaps that’s why my heart had begun to do flips when the door of our motel room rumbled with a knocking sound. My eyes peered fearfully at the door. Serena had left earlier to gather some food for us, and I was alone in the motel room. I knew it would have been much more secure if I didn’t answer the door, but my curiosity that fueled my fear had quickly won out.

The motel being fairly older, eyeholes for the door were nonexistent, so I was running a fifty-fifty chance of having my body blown to pieces once I opened the door. Apparently it was a risk I was willing to take though as I slid the lock out of place and slowly peeked the door open.

And there she stood in all of her breathtaking glory.

Elizabeth Parker, a woman I hadn’t seen for years, was standing on the doorstep of a secret location that was supposed to keep me safe from any sort enemy. My eyes were disbelieving, and I felt the urge to pinch myself to discover whether I was imaging this or not.

It was humourous how she held herself in those few minutes of silence as we stared at each other. She was obviously a grown woman, her hair tucked neatly into a bun and dressed in business attire with matching pumps. Yet even with her matured appearance, there was still a glint of young liveliness in her eyes. She was carrying a small duffel bag on her shoulder as she shuffled from foot to foot.

I was beyond speechless. What was I to say to her? She appeared out of nowhere, and nonetheless, was standing in a top-secret location. It excited and terrified me at the same moment. Was she in danger? Was I putting her life at risk, letting her stand beside me, a man whose life was wanted by many?

“Wow, this is awkward,” commented Liz finally. I couldn’t help but chuckle at her statement. She had been completely on the mark, yet at the same time, I felt oddly comfortable with her there. I stepped to the side and gestured for Liz to come into the room. I no longer cared that she could possibly be at risk. I needed to feel the sensation of human interaction again, instead of listening to the tick-tock of the clock for endless hours.

“What are you doing here, Liz?” I asked, not bothering to beat around the bush.
She shrugged slightly, and dropped her duffel bag on the floor.

“I received a call a week ago from a woman named Serena. She told me that she had an airplane ticket with my name on it if I was willing to come and visit you. She didn’t tell me much other than that, but said that there would be no catch and I would get to see you.” Liz blushed slightly, turning her head to the side. “I couldn’t pass up an offer like this.”

I was flabbergasted. Serena had done this for me? She had broken security measures that could mean life or death for us just so I could spend unforgettable time with the woman who haunted my dreams? I wanted to know why she did it, but my mind could only comprehend so much. I had never adored Serena as much as I did during that exact moment.

“You’re here,” I repeated slowly, “to see me? Because Serena called you?”

I couldn’t wrap my mind around it. Liz was there, right in front of my eyes. She merely nodded at my questions, and settled herself on my bed. I was uncertain of what to say. Our reunion was unlike any other, I’m sure. Most high school reunions were spent updating each other’s lives and trading pictures of their children. I obviously could not do that. How could I tell her that I had spent the last few years hiding like a coward because of a past I didn’t even remember?

I heard a loud sigh come from Liz while my mind was still rapidly contemplating my situation. She stood up again, and marched right in front of me. Liz placed both of her hands on the side of my head and looked me squarely in the eyes.

“Stop that, Max Evans,” Liz had demanded in a strict, yet still sexy voice. “I didn’t travel across the country to find out your secret, if that’s what you’re thinking. I really wanted to come see you, just to be with you.”

“Why?” I had asked her in a strained, emotional voice. She bowed her head suddenly, and dropped her hands to her side.

“Because I’m still in love with you. I always have been.” Liz shook her head sadly, and brought her eyes back to mine. Small tears tracked down her face, and I could feel her eyes pleading with me.

“Don’t you understand, Max? This was never about your secret. This was about you and me. This was about wanting to be with you, no matter what you were hiding.” Liz paused before grabbing my hand in hers. “I felt your soul the day that you saved me, Max. I felt everything that was good and pure about you wash over me when you saved my life. I just want to be with you, Max. I want to feel that again. I want to feel you again.”

I couldn’t resist her any longer. I let my raw desire for her take hold of me, no longer pushing it away. I grabbed her fiercely and thrust my lips against hers, recklessly tasting her for the first time in years. I felt her respond with equal force, her arms circling my neck and roughly pulling me closer to her. Though blinded with the fervent sensation of her surrounding my entire being, I blindly found our way to my bed. I very carefully laid her down on the bed without pulling away from her sweet flavour, falling soundlessly on top of her.

Our clothing soon became inconvenient and quickly fell away from our bodies. Never in my life had I ever thought that it could happen to me, to us. But there we were, the both of us in our purest form making the most incredible and intense love known to man. Was love supposed to feel like this, like I had finally found the other half of my soul that I never knew I had? Was it supposed to sweep me off my feet, and warm me from the tip of my head to the very end of my toes? Was it supposed to blanket me with the affection and adoration that Liz has declared for me?

She was my beautiful angel, so special and passionate in her most raw and naked way. She couldn’t stop touching me, and I couldn’t stop touching her, as if we were both consumed by an unexplainable greediness. Even after our lovemaking, we could not bare the thought of moving away from each other, both whispering words of tenderness and devotion for each other. My eyes and hands could not leave from her heavenly body, and we both fell asleep in the security of each other’s arms.

I woke a few hours later after our blissful lovemaking. I lay there for long moments just watching the most beautiful woman in the world sleep soundly. Her back was up against my chest, and I had an arm draped across her body in unconscious protection. I knew then that I could no longer hide from the one person who made me feel like no other had. It was time that I reveal the truth to Liz, and give her the answers that she had been so patiently waiting for.

I needed a few private moments to collect myself, and think out how I wanted to expose the truth about my heritage to Liz. Although I had much rather stayed lying beside the beauty for hours more, I slowly pulled my body away from hers.

“I’m going to shower, all right?” I whispered gently into her ear, as I laid a few tender kisses on her bare shoulder. She nodded dozily, her eyes still shut with drowsy slumber. I couldn’t wipe the grin off my face as I slowly clambered off the bed and strolled towards the bathroom with a towel tossed of my shoulder.

“I love you,” I whispered to her with a soft smile as I shut the bathroom door behind me.

I never heard her scream, though I’m certain she did. Her eyes were round and open when I found her, an expression of pure terror etched on her lifeless face. The covers that had previously left her feeling cozy were now tangled between her legs, tainted with the colour of drying blood. Long, crusting lines of cuts and scars marked her body, while a glowing print of a woman’s hand continued to burn the already charred skin on her chest.

I had only left to shower, so I could smell decent for her when she finally awoke. But she will never awake again. She was ripped away from me, and with her went my last string of humanity. Liz had stood for everything I had believed in that the alien community looked away from. Love, honesty, acceptance, fulfillment. She was my end all.

And she suffered a cruel fate because of it.

I quickly lost my sanity after discovering my lover’s dead body that lay on the bed we had made love on only hours ago. I threw chairs, lamps, pads of paper across the room, anything that I could reach for. An overwhelming surge of anger cursed my body. Anger for my love’s death. Anger for letting the situation get out of hand. Anger for not protecting my love and letting her die. Anger for myself and the life that I lead.

I did not find the note until two hours later. It had been lying on the floor beside the bed where Liz still lay. I probably had thrown it during my bout of anger. My heart was slowing back to its regular beat by then, and I was crashing into a phase of complete detachment from my situation. Its scrawled words caught my attention, and I brought it close to my face to inspect its message.

Did I not warn you about loving someone you could never have? This is the price you pay in war when you trust people you don’t bother to get to know. It is no longer a ruler on a distant planet that has become your worst enemy, but your very own guilt. I walked beside you for years without you ever knowing that my loyalties lay nowhere near you, and for your ignorance, you have lost the one precious thing in your life.

You have no one to blame but yourself.


She was right. I have no one to blame but myself. So I will take that blame and the anger that engulfs me, and channel it towards saving a planet I don’t know and I’m not even sure knows me.

Liz’s death was my waking call, telling me that I had no choice but to take matters into my own hands and lead this rebellion to its feat. It finally became a war in my eyes, my mind, and in my heart. No longer did I have room to pine for a life I would never have, because I did live it for a few hours and carelessly had it ripped away.

I’m sure I’ll die soon in this war, as I no longer wait for a guard to protect me but rather put my life on the line to protect the innocent guard who just wants to go home. I am not fighting for me, or for my life, but for the dreams and hopes of others.

Though I do have one wish I would like to make to God before I take my last breath in this life.

I beg of him to reunite my love and I when it is the right time. If it takes a lifetime until then, I will wait. I will wait until the sky falls if I have to, as long as I will one day meet my beauty again.

Life is a cruel game, and love is only a fraction of the game board.

And I'd give up forever to touch you
'Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't want to go home right now

And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
'Cause sooner or later it's over
I just don't want to miss you tonight

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything feels like the movies
And you bleed just to know you're alive

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am

posted on 9-Sep-2002 12:56:14 AM by Meagzie
LOL, y'all're having a convo without me. *pout* Kidding. Yes, you can thank Cath and Lisa for whenever I have a new part out for any of my stories. They harass me constantly. Especially this one here, the Miss Cath. But that's okay, I harass her too. So Cath, when will we be receiving a new part of RoB? *big*

And yes, I want to thank you all for the feedback. The feedback on this story really means a lot to me, because I worked on this story for a long, long time and put a lot of effort into this story. I can't even begin to tell you how much I adore all of the encouraging feedback for this fic. It just floors me when people compliment my writing because I feel, personally, that this story in particular truly shows my evolvement as a writer since I first began writing.

I just want to add another "Thank Goodness for Roswelll Fanfic!"

Thank you, thank you, thank you for the feedback.