posted on 28-Aug-2002 1:56:46 PM by RELA

Roswell/Sliders/MIB/X-Files/Mummy Returns or Final Fantasy

Rating: Rated R for language (cussing and swearing), sexual suggestion, general stupidity. And a whole lot of ultimately point less crap.

Starring in the insane parody in random order are:
































Conspicuous exposure: THE PARODY!


In the nice dust filled, damned hot and already ultimately alien obsessed town of Roswell we see a bunch of too good to be true good looking teenagers, walking in slow motion to West Roswell High with the ever famous paranoid look on their faces trying to act as unsuspicious and normal as possible they see the new guidance councilors car pull up in the schools drive way. How do they know its some one evil I don’t know! Al right? just go along with it. All kids gasp in unition, freeze in their tracks, bump into each other and their eyes follow the cars movement who in fact is making itself highly noticeable, seemingly the occupant/driver is so busy watching the paranoid group that the car instead of parking safely besides the principles newly bought and covered blue sedan bangs into it and then into the wall ahead, causing maximum damage to the principles new car which is now officially half wrecked and so is some of the schools wall, strangely the councilors car remains unaffected by both the impacts.

The group is standing in either dumb terror as their dreams uh sorry nightmare is started to play out in front of them, with gaping mouths or waiting for someone evil to notice them until the author of this parody tells them nicely to move on along to school,

AUTHOR: (to max) psssst! Moron move your asses to school before you all look suspicious!!

Max: oh! (After regaining his mental balance and level headed ness whips around to the group of 7 people still staring with open mouths at the car scene) “Run for it!” he points towards the school.

Everyone: “Duh!” they run like pinheads knocking over max in their sudden flood of panic.

Max: in a daze “ hey! Wait for me, I’m still the leader over here!” unsteadily gets up fall again and half crawls to school.

Close up of the councilors car we all see a flash of long blonde hair and the councilor is talking on her cell phone as if she were talking to her boyfriend with one of her fingers twirling in her hair.

As we get a close up of her face we see its Darla…. Oops I mean Kathleen topolski , immediately blaring scary music plays Topolski looks around to see where the music is coming from.

Topolski : phase one complete sir! I’ve spotted them and literally scared them into immediate hysteria!”

Mysterious voice (we all know its pierce but just for the record lets not screw with the script ok?!): No you idiot the plan was to get them to trust you without them getting suspicious about you!!”

Topolski: pouts her lips now looking at her self in the review mirror, “ aww your always shouting at me and calling me a bimbo and idiot I thought last night after that little session together we agreed you won’t get angry at me again, you broke your promise, WAAAAAAAAAH!!!!! .

Mysterious voice: “Ahem, Topolskiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii…”. (Talking sweetly).

Topolski: “Sniff ….what??”

Mysterious voice: “I’m sorry I forgot, I won’t call you an idiot! Or a bimbo!” He says it with much contempt in his voice and little control of his impatience and irritation by topolski, which obviously goes, unnoticed by her because she’s so dense. “Now do you remember our plan?” he asks her as if talking to a 6 year old.

Topolski: brightening up “sniff , yesss! You said that you wanted the aliens!!!”

Mysterious voice: sigh “uh yes I did, but do you know how to get them?”

Topolski: looking strangely at the cell phone, stalling for a while still twirling her hair …”ummmm nope”

Mysterious voice: Arrrgh! Lets go over it again shall we, we wouldn’t want the wrong authorities locking you up for screwing up the plan and blowing your cover now would we?…………….

The mysterious voice explains the plan to a very bored Topolski who is mindlessly murmuring hmm’s and agreements along with painting her nails …..

Meanwhile inside west Roswell high………

Our paranoid heroes sit in the farthest corner of the library annoyingly trying to be unnoticed getting looks from the librarian who upon a close look confirms its agent Stevons in a brown wig and a dress

With the real librarian tied up and gagged under the table Oh almost forgot drugged, the fake librarian/agent Stevons continues looking at the group intently with his hand on his cell phone, which he uses every 10minutes obviously calling his superior but upon no response curses and goes back to giving the group the “I know what you did the last tragedy of your life” look

Which is of course carefully avoided by the ever-cautious group.

Liz: “Max, What are we going to do now?”(Sounding a little loud and hysterical) their here, their here!!.

Michael: (ignoring Liz) “I told you, you never believe me, now look what you’ve gotten us into Maxwell. Just what are we supposed to do stick to each other as if were stuck with super glue?? It’s not safe any more!!!.”

Maria sighs and reaches in her pocket taking out her cypress oil shaking her head,

Alex and Isabelle sit together quietly with Isabelle practically in Alex’s lap,

Tess staring at Max lustfully, batting her eyes. Biting one fingernail.

Kyle apparently unhappy because of Tess’s behavior is frowning and sitting next to her looking uncomfortably at everyone.

Max is sitting in the middle of the group thinking deep and hard oblivious of Liz’s rising hysteria and Tess’s lust full gaze.

Cut back to Topolski in the car still in the parking lot of the school

Apparently after 2 hours of explaining the plan is still not clear to Topolski,……………….

Mysterious voice: Topolski listen to me very, very, very, very, very and I mean Very Carefully to me now!.There are 4 aliens inside that school at the moment and I want them all, I have sent agent stevons and agent riley to watch over them and follow them around school impersonating the normal school authorities, you are to go to the guidance councilors office sit your ass down and call them in one after another to talk about their boring lives, drug them then agent stevons will promptly call for back up so get them out of school unnoticed. Got it?

Topolski: (snorting in sleep) “skzzzzz…..mmm” ,ummmm I think so”.

Mysterious Voice: Now get in there and make it happen, I want those aliens and you shouldn’t fail me this time got it?!

Topolski: Aliens, aliens aliens that’s all you care about these days, when will you ever think about us huh? Sniff I just got my hair done the other day you never even noticed,…..

Mysterious Voice: soon my dear, very soon we will be together once I get those aliens, I’ll have all the secrets to the universe, now go get them I know you can do it agent Topolski!

Topolski: Do I get a stay throughout the entire parody without being hauled off by unknown men in our department and placed in a mental facility?.

Mysterious Voice: I hmmmm …..Ahem I suppose I could work something out agent. (Uncomfortably trying to suppress a morbid chuckle at Topolski’s expense)

Topolski: really ??!! Oh I love you, I love you!!! Marry me Pierce!!!.

Mysterious Voice or by now everyone kits Pierce so much for the script…..

Pierce: “Work now Play later my dear. I’ll be seeing you withe aliens in a few hours.” Click..

Topolski: Muttering under her breath about Pierce being an insensitive jerk and no fun, and how he owes her a lot after this is over she realizes that she’s been twirling her hair so much that her fingers are completely tangled in her hair as she tries to pull out her hand in panic the car door is open and she falls flat on her ass still pulling her hand out of her hair.

Topolski: Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Helpppppppppppp meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!.


Find out in the next episode title


posted on 28-Aug-2002 1:58:04 PM by RELA
Conspicuous Exposure 2: And along came the sliders with everyone else

In the last episode our paranoid Roswell heroes were doing the normal stuff like going to school. Till the devious Agent Topolski already exposed /posing as a guidance councilor drives up to their school, shocking all of them into rushing school and sit in the library, where max is forced to think up a plan because of his status as the elite leader of the group and taking in account the rising hysteria of the group over the matter. Unknown to them their already being watched by a disguised agent stevons who is unable to establish contact with his superior, agent Topolski oblivious to pierces obsession with the aliens takes more than 2 hours to understand the plan formulated by Agent pierce to capture all four aliens. And her forwardness with the plan is delayed by her hands getting entangled in her hair due to her massive twirling around the finger habit while talking on the phone.

Meanwhile In another world………………………

In another world the sliders are running from a large angry mob who apparently worshipped Maggie Bekket as the bloody moon goddess, wut’s a bloody moon goddess how the hell should I know it just stupidly came to me alright?! And also apparently Maggie hasn’t snapped out of the I-deserve-to-be-treated-like-a-goddess state so she’s carried by Rembrant, Colin and wade, Quinn running behind them with the timer and the professor due to not being in the best possible physical shape lagging a little far behind Quinn. All of them run wildly with a subconsciously unconscious Maggie through the over growth, under growth from the corner of the deepest and darkest forest of Chukka. Nile with the angry mob advancing more

Rembrant: How long Q-ball?!!

Angry mob: drop the goddess!!! Ooooooo, ahhh, oooooooooooo!!!!!

Quinn: 6 minutes!! Keep running (Quinn looking at the timer and looking back at the mob giving them the finger, trips over a twig falls face first with the professor’s disorganized running and a protruding belly he doesn’t see Quinn, trips and falls over him knocking the air out of Quinn) OOOOOf!!!!!!!

Wade, Rembrant, Colin upon seeing this drop Maggie and rush back to help Quinn and the portly Prof.

Wade: professor give me your hand!!

Rembrant: Hey Quinn you ok?!, Here professor let me help you (wade is pulling the professor by his arms and Rembrant goes around and tries to pull the professor by his feet

Both end up with no success)

Wade: Boy professor you better lay off the Twinkies for a while. Just look….

Colin: Uh guys?

Rembrant: I agree with you Wade, especially in situations where we have no time and have to make a run for it…

Arturo: Shut up you Blistering idiots!! And help me to get up we don’t have much time. (Quinn is still dazed under the professor)

Quinn: uhhhh……….I think I’m in love………(Drooling).

Colin: Uh guys?????!!!

Wade, Arturo, Rembrant: What!!!?

Colin: Umm I think we have a problem (points at the angry mob that has surrounded them brandishing long pointy spears)

Quinn: ……..Ooooooo what a wonderful dayyyyyy……………….

Arturo: (Still sitting on Quinn, slaps and shakes him violently well as violently his pudgy hands will allow him to.) snap out of it boy!, we have bigger problems!.

Colin: I tried to tell them.(crosses arms proudly nodding, moron!)

Wade: all right no need to panic we can figure this out…..uhhhh uh (biting her fingernails and fidgeting on her feet) …. Rembrant you take care of this!! (Pushes Rembrant in front of the mob)

Rembrant: Wha..? , I’m no fighter girl, I’m a singer…. (Begins singing forgetting the problem at hand.) ooo I’ve got tears in my fro………. Tu amor

The professor has finally managed to get up and pulls up Quinn along with him who is “still a little out of it”.

Arturo: Blistering idiot! (Shoves a still singing Rembrant out of the way, he falls on

Quinn again knocking them both down.)

Arturo: (Grabbing Colin by the collar) it’s time to prove your self-boy! (Shaking him) now get out there and do something, shoves him in front of the mob.

Colin: Uh hello strange people with pointy spears (shyly) I’m Colin and I am Amish.

Arturo and wade slap their foreheads, Rembrant and a much better Quinn get themselves up.

Small guy in the Mob: Yeah?.. and we’re the Korean Express, hand over the goddess!! (Raise their spears higher at the sliders) Colin as always looks confused.

Mob: Ooooh ahhhhhhh ooooooo.

Quinn: (coming to his senses) oh wow look at that(looking up, pointing in the sky aimlessly) it's huge, do you see it?!!!!!(Elbows Colin)

Colin:(wincing, rubbing his side) why did you do that Quinn?!,And what are you talking about

the mob is staring up, Wade gets winks from Quinn.

Wade: (Catching on)ohhh .........Yeah its huge .....its uh a a Comet oh my god we're all going to die!!! ahhhhhh!!.....(Elbows the professor) Aren't we professor?!!!

Arturo:Oww! Miss Wells, I'll make an exception on Mr. Mallory's part but have you too lost your mind?!.

Rembrant is scratching his head looking confused, then shrugs and starts singing.

Rembrant:oooooo see the full moon.....

the mob is looking at each other confused out of there medieval minds and back at the sliders

Quinn: Now both stamping on Collins feet and elbowing him You see it don't you?!!!

Colin: Owwweeeeeee!!!, Sniff I don't I don't!! Stop it Quinn!

Wade: (pinching and elbowing the professor) YOU SEE THE COMET DON"T YOU PROFESSOR?!!!!

Arturo: AHHHHHH!!! I do not see anything Miss Wells and I advise you to stop your immorolessly ridiculous behavior!!!

Small Mob Midget: I see it!! Pointing aimlessly in the air (the mob murmur amongst them selves), Quinn, Collin, Wade, Arturo, Rembrant stop and look at them, Quinn is looking at the timer and giving others a funny look

Quinn: Uh guys something's very wrong...

Arturo: Do you mean apart from the fact that Miss Wells has lost her mind and that these blistering idiots are idiotic enough to go along with Miss Wells reference?!.

Mob is still looking up and some of them are pointing to the sky.

Guy with a nose ring and a painted face: I see it too oooooohhhhhh(rest of the mob stare at him)

Wade: It was a distraction a silly 2 minute distraction!, your obviously to much full of techno logic to understand it professor.

Arturo: Thank you Miss Wells for that charming assessment, now Mr. Mallory I believe its time.

Quinn: (Looks confused) for what professor?.

Wade: Growing up?

Rembrant: Being a Man?

Collin: Run like we've never run before?

Arturo: No you blistering idiots its time to slide (pointing to his watch)

Quinn: Oh right (points the timer close to the ground, The vortex opens up)

Now the mobs full attention is turned to the sliders

Midget: ooh ohhh do you see it?! (Mimicking wade and Quinn)

Person standing next to him slaps the midget on the head(rest of the group stares in awe.

Rembrant jumps in singing

Collin: (to Wade) After you.....

Wade: oh no after you .....

Collin: oh no no after you, (bashfully)……..

Wade: oh go on Collin......(look at each other bashfully)

Arturo:(curses under his breath about how he got stuck with such imbeciles) throws both Collin and wade into the vortex.

Quinn: Go ahead professor, I'm right behind you.

Arturo: now Mr. Mallory I suggest you behave.(jumps into the vortex)

Quinn: (Sticking out his tongue at the mob, wildly gesturing with his hands, making faces at them who are still staring wide eyed at the vortex) nya nya na na na!! Catch me if you can!!(Flapping arms like a chicken) puaaaak pak pak!!!. (one of the people in the mob hits him with a rock, he stumbles back and falls into the vortex,it closes)

And so in all this they have conveniently forgotten Maggie (now if only that could happen in real)

The vortex opens up in Roswell, New Mexico near to the crash down café ........

Wade and Collin fall to the ground followed by Rembrant first, dusting themselves looking up they see the professor is going to fall on them, they scream and roll out of the way the professor falls on the ground face first Collin and wade help him up. Quinn brings up the rear holding his forehead.

Rembrant: whoa mama!, this place is hot!

Quinn, Arturo, Wade, Collin look at him.

Collin: How long do we stay here Quinn?

Quinn: (rubforehead) That’s what I was trying to tell you guys on medieval world that there's something wrong with the timer.

Arturo: What is that mark on your forehead?

Quinn: Uhh umm the mob tried to stop me from leaving but I managed to get away. (looking anywhere but at the professor)

Arturo looks like he's going to say something but stops and shakes his head.

Wade: How do we know how long we have to stay here?

This being Roswell, New Mexico people aren’t oblivious to anyone appearing out of thin air that being 5 people out of a vortex. Their snapping pictures of them unnoticed by the sliders. All but one While others are huddled around Quinn trying to see what’s wrong with the timer, Rembrant is posing for the pictures with a huge grin. Moron!

Collin: Uh Guy’s Don’t you think that perhaps we have forgotten something?

(Wade, Quinn, Arturo Look up at him look around, a hint of realization crosses their face, looking back at Collin they all shrug)

Rembrant: Hey anyone notice this doesn’t look like Frisco?

Collin: Maybe the ratings dropped again.

Quinn: Hmmmmmmm……..The timer was damaged so it could of malfunctioned and sent us to a different place,

Wade: I wonder where we are?

Rembrant: I see a café.

Arturo: Let's go over there and ask around about where we are.

Rembrant: oh….. I was just hungry, let's go get something to eat while were at it.

They all start walking towards the crash down café. Unknown to them they are being watched by curious locals.

Benny: Harry you thinkin what I’m thinkin?.

Harry: Yeah, Benny but how are we gonna force them to say, “I think I’m the nut cracker 3 times backwards”?

Benny: No you idiot!(slaps Harry on the back of the head) they came out of that bluish, greenish, reddish looking hole.

Harry: Does this mean we get hysterical and run screaming and yelling into the sheriff's office?.

Benny and Harry look at each other and back at where the sliders were standing ………..

Benny, Harry: Aliens!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (And so they run down to the sheriff's office screaming and yelling insanely).

Washington, D.C

FBI Head quarters

pierces office

We see a smiling pierce clicking his cell phone off after talking to Topolski,

Pierce: (Looking jolly he jumps in the air and clicks his heels together)I'm gonna get ya!

He is just going to leave his office when the phone on the far corner sitting shows a red light, A closer look shows A LCD screen on the telephone showing the words "X-File", Pierce Presses the send button and we hear skinner talking to Scully.

Skinner: Agent Scully, in my office now! And bring Mulder, we have another possible X-file.

Scully: Sighing, I thought they were going to stop funding the X-files after the F.A.R.T-Files started.

Skinner: Well I guess the F.A.R.T files haven’t made it big yet.

Scully: there goes another perfect weekend, I'm on my way. Click

Skinner: Click'

Scully is coming up the stairs another unfortunate agent just happens to be in her way she shoves him out of the way sending him tumbling down the stairs, cursing under her breath about F.A.R.T files being her safety net.

Pierce Sits on his desk and pulls out a remote control a screen appears in front of him out of no where. We see skinner's office and a visibly annoyed Scully with a very pleased looking mulder.

Skinner: Good news Mulder the X-Files are on line again.(scully rolls her eyes)

Mulder: Ha! I knew sooner or later they were going to start believing that the truth is out there and by threatening us with F.A.R.T files they possibly can't stop us from striving to uncover the annoyingly, disturbingly, cheesily, constipatedly, conspirated conspiracies.(takes a breath, sits down)

Skinner and scully stare at him for minute and mulder coughs looking around embarrassed loosening his tie.

Skinner: Whatever Mulder, their cutting us some slack because the F.A.R.T files don't have many takers (reaching for a file flipping through it, Scully just hits her head on the table)

Mulder: Don't be upset Scully maybe you'll get to cut something open as soon as we find those Alie..

Scully: Noooooooooooo! Putting her hands on her ear, Mulder! You’re doing it again!.

Mulder: Doing what again? I was just going to say........

Scully: Shut up and don't say it!

Mulder: Scully! You’re doing it again!

Scully: Excuse me? And just what am I doing I was just saying.......

Mulder: Shut up and don't say it!

They glare at each other nose to nose, Skinner clears his throat loudly

Mulder, Scully: What?!

Skinner: Uhh ......(switching on the screen where several pictures of the sliders and the vortex appears, and one with Rembrant grinning madly waggling his eyebrows).These pictures were taken in Roswell, New Mexico a few hours ago by jobless and drunk locals. Two of the locals were running about screaming profanities and aliens all the way to the sheriff's, so he sent these pictures over to us. What do you make of it agent Mulder? .

Mulder: (Sits and Drools pointing a finger at the screen) it's a a a a ……..Wormhole Those people came out of a wormhole (grabs skinner by the collar) do you know what this. means????

Scully: Mulder!

Mulder: Oh! (Drops skinner grabs scully)

Scully: Its obviously a product of cosmic rays, a Vande Graff induced electric field and granted a little help by some attention seeking people who painted it all the nice colors I have to say it’s a well done hoax almost looks …..

Mulder: It is real Scully, (pulls scully out of the chair) just look at it, it defies the law of…

Scully: Gravitation???. (Grabs Mulder's collar) I'm very aware of it, just look at it really Mulder it could merely be a cardboard or cellophane painted circle suspended by ………..

Mulder: Invisible strings????? Riiiiight! But look at those people they don't even nearly look as if their going to create a….

Scully: Hoax? Yes they are!

Mulder: Are not!

Scully: Are too!

Mulder: Are not!

Scully: Are too, Are too, Are too!!!!!!

Mulder: Are not, are not, are not!!!!!

Scully: Are toooooooo!

Mulder: Are too, Are too, Are too!!

Scully: Are not!!!!!!!!!!

[A pause]

Mulder, Scully: (To each other) Gotcha!!

Skinner: Clears his throat loudly (mulder and scully look at him) I think you should take this to Roswell, New Mexico and then try to prove each other wrong, of course your not going to turn up with anything except a "more Obsessed with the truth" Mulder and a more annoyed and scientifically theoretic Agent scully but ……(mulder and scully look bored)

Well happy hunting!! (he blows a birthday whistle at them)be seeing you in a few days


Scully: I WILL NOT SUBMIT TO…T……….(Mulder picks scully up and runs out of the Walter Skinners office) Mulder! Put me down, I'm not going to a trip where we return with nothing but hollow theories, my journals already filled with enough crap and I'm sick of……….

Mulder is so eager to get to Roswell, he doesn't notice Pierce coming his way,(come to think of it neither does pierce) they run smack into each, Scully falls to the ground so do Mulder and pierce.

Scully: oww (rubbing her butt) Mulder!(getting up) you moron!

Mulder and pierce both get up, straighten out them selves and start exchanging pleasantries after a bunch of meaning less sorries to each other.

Mulder: So pierce, haven't seen you since the Annual Convention of the first A.S.S-Files

Pierce: Well I haven't heard about you since you ran a bus load of nun's off a cliff in the name of aliens and Samantha Mulder…………..

Mulder: (getting serious and loud) they got in the way of the truth! .

Pierce: Riiiiight! So, another X-file Huh?

Mulder: (Looking apprehensive) something of that nature, So another A.S.S file huh?

Pierce: (completely relaxed) Yeah something of that sort well be seeing you two around

Mulder: You too…

Pierce leaves a very annoyed looking Scully and a sheepish looking mulder in the lobby.

Scully: Mulder I'm not going to a stupid little town with potentially insane people who run yelling aliens, UFO's and government conspiracies after a plane passes by them, I won't go, you can't make me do it, I will not do IT!!!!! (Takes a breath)

Mulder: but scully ………… fine scorn my in my way of truth one day you'll…………[a pause] I'll have to cancel that Hotel suite,

Scully: What!!? Gimme the keys,I'm d. The quicker we get over there the faster we solve this Hoax! (under her breath) and I get a king sized bath tub with a wine cooler and a bed.

Mulder trots along happily, and so they leave to pack …………………….

The scene fades and comes to focus on pierce he is talking excitedly on his cell phone

Pierce: More aliens from another dimension, [a pause] do you know what this means ?

My god their gonna try and take over Earth………….

Agent stevons: Uhhh sir I'm not sure how th…

Pierce: Quite you imbecile! I should have known its Max Evans plan to meet up with others of his kind and start an alien human coloned colony tell Agent Topolski to……………………….(Quietly) Wait, wait, wait, wait, waiiiiiiiiit just a damn freaking minute…….

Agent Stevons: Umm waiting sir I j…

Pierce: Quite you fool! They must be preparing to attack already the……..

Agent Stevons: Uhh sir I thin…….

Pierce: knock it off man!!!!!! As I was saying as we're sitting here they must be planning take over the school with mind controlling organisms, we'll have to halt all operations, tell Topolski to come back immediately!

Agent Stevons: Uhh sir that’s what I have been trying to tell you we can't stop her from carrying out our plan because she's already called them to her office. so……..

Pierce: What ?!……………Well then have her removed or………………. Wait, wait, wait, wait, waiiiiiiiiiiiiit just another damn freaking minute hmmmmmmmmmm ………………..ah ha ha ha hahahahahaha

Agent Stevons: Umm sir?

Pierce: I see a brand spanking future ahead of us don't you sissy?

Agent stevons: its, Stevons sir I……

Pierce: Whatever, As soon as Agent Topolski has them contained ship em off to Alaska…..then I'll pulverize ……

Agent Stevons: Uhh sir I think the original plan was to………..

Pierce: Shush! Or better yet keep them at the Roswell Eagle rock medical facility and torture them into telling us their plan.

Agent Stevons: Yes sir, I believe that was the original plan…….

Pierce: Silence! Agent Bigot keep me posted on the short comings and any other news, and another thing have Topolski "removed" as soon as she has the aliens….

Agent stevons: Its STEVONS sir! And umm did you mean "REMOVE" Agent Topolski? , Sir ?

Pierce: You know what I mean Austin…

Agent Stevons: Stevons!!! Sir S-T-E-V-

Pierce: Shhhhhhhhh! All right man your stations and tell agent Riley to not let them out of your sight, (draws in a large breath) I'm coming to Roswell!!!!! To get those other aliens this is too important to be handled by an incompetent fool.

Agent Stevons: that would be you.

Pierce: What did you say beaver?

Agent Stevons: Stevons!, I said Autumns in brew.

Pierce: Whatever, Oh and another important thing I'll be getting there in about 4 hours keep an eye out for Agents Mulder and Scully. I don't like to see him any close to the truth then he already is ,Click'. (Britney Spears "Hit me Baby One More Time!" is playing), oh yeah baby…………… right on!!

The scene fades in to the FBI building again where we see a door labeled "Top Secret"! Inside Cancer man and his sidekick krycheck are sitting formulating a plan (After watching pierce in his office on a screen in the room)

Cancer man: (switching off the screen, rubbing his hands excitedly) I always knew that the lad would do well. Now Krycheck…. Alex??(Turns around sees Alex Krycheck playing the Aliens game)

Krycheck: (Blasting another alien) Bam! Hasta La Vista Baby!!

Cancer Man: (Shakes his head and continues to talk oblivious to whether or not krycheck has heard him or not.)Nevertheless I'll have to get over there to foil both mulder, Scully and Pierces plans follow me Alex we have to get there before those sillies show up. ALEX!!!!!!NOW!!

Krycheck: AWWWWW you never let me have any fun! (throws the joystick away)is it another one of your "What's the worst that could happen" plans? Because last time we ended up in…

Cancer Man: Shut it man! You know what this is all about don't you?

Krycheck: About proving Mulder is worth less to the X-files?

Cancer man: No genius! It's about proving he's worthless out side of them. Nothing can come in my way nothing I tell you!(laughs insanely)

Krycheck: Umm Hasn't he already proven that himself?

Cancer man: (Stops laughing) how so Alex?

Krycheck: Playing God? Twin peaks? Red Shoe Diaries????

Cancer man: Yeah but Who's gonna watch all that?

Krycheck and Cancer man look around for a while and then bust up laughing.

Half an hour later cancer man abruptly stops

Cancer man: (Slaps krycheck) get up man (Now shaking Alex) we have to get there before any of them (Drops Krycheck)

Krycheck: Jeez fine don't have a cow!, besides Mulder always finds out "What's behind the curtain".

Cancer Man: (shouting) He won't this time!! Besides Alex it's more than Mulder this time we have Pierce to worry about too.

Krycheck: why, I mean what is he gonna do? Torture us by making us watch VERTICLE LIMIT and GODZILLA??

Cancer man and krycheck look around and again bust up laughing, after an hour cancer man yet again stops laughing realizing their gonna be late, so he moves in to slap a still laughing, rolling on the ground Krycheck.

Krycheck: (Moving out of the way) All right! GETTING LATE yes!, GET THERE BEFORE THE DUMB SQUAD!!! I know! (Gets up and leaves the room followed by Cancer man.)

Some where in NY,


J, K and Zen are sitting around seriously as usual in front of them we see 3 screens that shows Skinner's office, pierces office, and Cancer man Top secret room. J has been eating popcorn all along,

As Scully, Mulder, Pierce, Cancer man and krycheck leave the building j starts tries to smother a laugh.

Zen: And What might it be that you find so funny J?

J: Stops laughing uh haha it's just that I mean that pierce guy watches mulder and scully and that old geezer with that "I just had a roach attack" guy watch pierce and then we watch all of them that’s really kinda funny, don’t you think K?

K gives J a disapproving look. J just stuffs his mouth with popcorn.

Zen: Now you see what we're up against?

J: uh Nah I wouldn't worry too much about them Zen I mean what's the worst they can do? Grab the 4 alien kids haul them off to a medical facility and torture them into telling those FBI's that their aliens?. Ha Ha I mean come on……………..Zen and K are staring at him like he's a moron.

K: (To Zen) We know about the Roswell crash Kids but what's the story with those inter dimensional guys?

J is swatting flies left and right

Zen: The computer doesn't show any past or present info on them here. Which means that there either from another world and are humans, or they are aliens and inter dimensional travelers in search of the 4 Roswell kids.

J: So What's our job?

Zen: You have to find those Roswell kids and those inter dimensional people find out who they are and if they appear hostile …….. just blow them away.

K: Got it ! but what about that message from alpha centuari?

Zen: The translators have managed to translate the message just in time it seems our friends the Klingons have some use for the four czechclovians (the Roswell 4). They seem to have healing stones which gives some one the power to live even if he's a second from death.

K: So they just want the stones?

J: Can't they just E-mail us of some thing I mean come on! those translator guys over there must be tired an all after such a long distant…………..(the look on Zen's face shuts him up completely)

Zen: they also want the 4 kids seems only they can activate the stones.

J: Can't this wait or something Jeopardy's on!

Zen: They have also given us a deadline because there is another race of aliens who don't want the Klingons to have the stones.

K: The skins I take it?

Zen: Exactly! They gave us 48 hours, the Klingons have war to win against the Roswell 4's planet, they need the stones before that.

J: whoa! Wait a minute isn't that kinda bad I mean we're helping these guys destroy the kids planet ?

Zen: We don't host interplanetary justice, the only planet we're worried about is earth.

J: what if we stop for Chinese?

Zen: oh nothing, They'll just come by and blow earth to bits…….

J: Damn! Is it always the same thing can't they just threaten us with something like a 100 years of slavery or no more ice cream?

K: theiraliens, they tend to like to sound tipsy.

J: Oh! (Swats another fly)

Zen: better get going gentlemen your time has started 10 minutes ago.

Both J and K are in the Parking lot

J: Whoa, Whoa! K wait a sec what about those FBI type people, and what if they get there first, or maybe you guys didn't notice that they were hell bent on getting what they wanted ?!

K: first, I think we won't really happen to run into them because we're the MIB we're suave, always get our way…yaddi yaadi yadda you know the drill how ever this is a parody and at that an insane so if they do get in our way ……

J: yeah, we flashy thing them right (waving the memory neutralizer in K 's face)

K: (Taking the MN from J) no we vaporize them!! (Brandishing a big bazooka looking gun)

They get in the car and K hands the gun to J he in his apparent fascination with the weapon he overlooks a tab saying "do not touch this button if you're a new comer", presses it and a laser beam shoots out the cars window, a section of the MIB building falls in on it self taking down a no of people working inside.

J looking embarrassed hey! I wasn't thinking, and I thought this is a vaporizer thing so how come the walls are falling down an all?

Author: fine, fine vaporize ok! Lets do this again , just seconds from a wall falling down on Zen while he's siting on his desk unconcerned.

J presses the button and the half the MIB building disappears into thin air, happy?

J: Now that’s more like it. (looking proud of his blunder) man I gotta get me one of these!

K pulls out of the parking lot (reminisces about this being one long trip)

And so there we have it the MIB have left for Roswell.

The vaporized section of the MIB building is promptly replaced and civilians trying to

look in are vaporized uhhhh I mean flashy thinged

So? Will Rembrant stop acting so clueless, will the sliders figure out they left Maggie behind?, Who will get to the sliders and the Roswell 4 first? Will pierce ever get Agent Stevons name right? Will Mulder and scully again come up with nothing? will Cancer man foil both pierce and mulder and Scully's investigation?, will mulder see what's "behind the curtain again"? Will the MIB get there in time before the earth s blown to pieces and the Roswell 4 hauled off by pierce?, will J ever look before he leaps?, will I stop making this parody boring?

Find out in the next episode entitled:

Conspicuous Exposure 3: 1,2 RUN ALL OVER THE SCHOOL

TO BE CONTINUED LATER…………………………………..

posted on 28-Aug-2002 2:07:40 PM by RELA

Conspicuous Exposure 3: 1,2 RUN ALL OVER THE SCHOOL

In the last episode we saw that the sliders landed in Roswell, New Mexico. After the timer malfunctioned attracting the attention of some locals, have also caught the attention of our favorite FBI people hence all Pierce, Mulder Scully, Cancer man and Krycheck are out to get them including the MIB who have been watching the FBI. Other than that they happen to be needing the Roswell kids in an attempt to save the world from annihilation by a race of aliens known as the Klingons. So more or less Pierce wants the aliens to torture them, mulder wants to find the truth again, cancer man wants to foil both Mulder scully and pierces plan again. And MIB just want to save the planet earth intermediately again.

Back at West Roswell High:

Our paranoid Roswell heroes have just been called by the school guidance councilor through the school P.A System. Though they still happen to be sitting in the library at the moment, Hours have passed since Max Evans started trying to come up with a plan to avoid Topolski (the "councilor").

MAX: Oh that’s just grand.

Michael: So what do we do now? run away From Roswell leaving every one and every thing behind?

Maria: Make some excuse and not show up in the councilors office?

Liz: Panic and run about? !

Isabelle: Do I get to do my nails in peace?

Alex: Hack into their computer again and give it a deadly virus?

Tess: Let's kill them! (jumps out of the seat)

Kyle: Or better yet just make a clean run out of the school.

Max: No, No, No! I'm the leader over here and I'll decide what to do besides those plans are lame, I mean thanks to our writer we aren't supposedly bright you know?

Writer: Bite me!

Michael: So what do we do Mr. "I'm not so bright complex"?

Max: If I was a levelheaded and sharp kid, I'd say we try not to run into her and we certainly make some excuse and not show up. Or else one of us does go to her and see what she wants while everyone else stands guard on that some ones account.

Kyle: But your not a bright kid?

Max: No I'm not therefore I say we all throw caution to the air and go to the councilor's office see what she wants while effectively putting all of our lives in danger.

Michael: Maxwell I'm proud of you buddy!

Max: You and me both brow. (They both start laughing)

Maria: This is Dum! (Sniffs a vial of cypress of oil)

Isabelle continues to do her nails

Liz: ahhhhhhh……. I think I'm going to faint (faints)

Alex: Can I still give them the "Alex boogie" virus?

Isabelle: (Stops doing her nails) what's an Alex boogie virus?

Alex: As soon as you switch on the computer the only thing you see is native Indians dancing on boogie songs, made it myself. (Starts demonstrating the dance)

Isabelle: Oh Alex that’s sooo cute!!.

Tess: I say we go over there lock the door grab the "Miss wanna be get laid tresses" and fry her brains out.(breathes hard)

Kyle: Question being whose gonna go first?

Everyone shuts up immediately little golden rings appear above their heads as well as a pair of angel wings.

Kyle: Ha ha always knew Max Evans was a Wuss!

Max: Oh excuse me? Mr. vile excuse for a jock if your so brave why don't you go in first?

Kyle: Makes a face, sticking out his tongue, which goes unnoticed by Max because he's thinking.

Maria: Why don't we all go together

Max: shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Lemme think!!, (after a half hour of thinking cluelessly) I got it! (Everyone's been sleeping now get up, Max jumps up on the table) Lets all go together! (Waits for an applause, everyone stares at him blankly, Maria snorts) sigh !, no respect.

Rela: Psst! (To writer) what about that Stevons guy?

Ghada: Blank look

Rela: The fake librarian???????????

Ghada: Oh shit! Forgot him! (Types wildly)

All this while the disguised as a librarian agent Stevons has been watching the kids argue back and forth, they get up and are about to leave. Stevons reaches for his phone but there is already a hand on it, agent stevons is about to scream "Zombies from planet X" but stops when he sees the hand is reaching up from under the table. Meaning the real librarian has woken up. agent stevons pulls out his gun shines it and puts it back inside which goes unnoticed by our bright heroes. then swats the librarians hand with a fly swatter.

Dials an irately long no on the cell phone

Agent Stevons: Miss Topolski? There on their way be ready (Click)'

Max: Its settled then I go first then Liz… Liz????? (Liz is lying on the floor unconscious max shrugs) then Michael, Maria, Tess, Kyle, Alex, Isabelle fine?

Everyone except Tess: Fine, grand, colossal!

Tess: Why does she get to go with you?! (Pointing at Liz)

Max: How many times do we have to go over this Tess Liz is stuck with me because its in the plot line and plus the writer doesn't happen to like you.

Michael: OK! Enough can we just leave now!

The rest of the teenagers argue amongst themselves, chew gum nod heads at each other in agreement and fall in a line behind max and leave the library

Back at the crash down caf

The sliders have just entered the crash down café and are now taking in the strange interior.

Colin: (jumps up in Quinn's arms) ahhhhhh the Chupakabra!!! pointing at the tall alien punching doll.

Quinn: Get off Colin its just a doll, its not real look (he goes to punch the doll and this being the saga of stupidity the doll hits Quinn with full force knocking him down yet another time. See? (dazed) its not real. Falls down again

Arturo shakes his head walks ahead of everyone up to the counter where Jeff Parker snoozing on the counter

Arturo: good day sir!

Jeff Parker: Yeah, so?? yawning

Arturo: all of us were just passing out of town.

Jeff: and just what the hell in tale is that suppose to mean to me?!

Arturo: We just wanted to know what town we all are in currently.

Jeff: Roswell (goes back to sleep)

Arturo: Well we might as well stay and find out what the writer has in store for us (takes a bite out of a chocolate donut.)

Back at the school our Roswell heroes duck in every corner while walking along in one single line, noticeable by practically every one in school. Now they reached the councilors office max stops and everyone bumps into each other behind him.

Max: SHHHHHH you'll give us away, shoving Liz back which in turn shoves the entire line of teens including her down. Max puts his ear to the door.

Max: You guys! I hear something…………….

Inside the councilors office Topolski also has her ears to the door the other ear to the cell phone.

Topolski: boyfriendssss!!!…uhhhhhhhh Agents!! get ready I hear them. Click'

Max and Topolski from either side of the door: 1!,2!,3! AND………………………………

They both try to open the door from either sides but the door wont open

Max: What the?! Hey it wont opennnnnnnnnnnnn!!!, tries pulling even harder with the other teens

Topolski is struggling with the door equally as much :AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!, Agents come in through the window and join in the pulling of the door on Topolski's side(it becomes a 10 minute long tug of war eventually after which either side manage to wrench the door knobs on both side out)

Our Roswell heroes knock each other down

And on the other side Topolski does the same to her own team of agents.

The knob less door opens revealing both Topolski and her agents to Max and his friends

The reaction is obscenely instantaneous

Max, Liz, Alex, Isabelle, Tess, Kyle, Michael, Maria: ITS THE SUITS!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!

Liz: OHHHHHH no 'faints on Max

Topolski: Grab all of them!!!

Michael: its every man for himself!!! Pointing to the schools exit.

Maria: Michael!!

Michael: Oh I mean its every couple for them selves!!! Lets Haul Ass!!!!!!!!!!!, takes Maria hand both scramble to their feet and run in one direction the others watch as three suits uhhh agents chase after them.

Alex: Oh well , takes Isabelle hand , points a finger in the air ……..Boogie!!!!!!! gets a slap from Isabelle , oh I mean Charge!!!!!! Tries to make a run for its.

Kyle dragging a Reluctant Tess along whose intent on killing everyone in her way, runs in to Alex

Kyle: Ahem! Slaps Alex, that way points to the Gym.

Alex: Oh right! Runs iagents.

Tess: lemme At em Lemme At em I'll, I'll pulverize!!!!!………… fed up with Tess Kyle picks her up and runs to the direction of the general classes.

4 agents follow them.

Max is still standing there with a unconscious Liz on the ground, he and Topolski looks around uncomfortably

Topolski: You should probably umm……….. you know?? makes swishing movements with her hands.

Max: umm ok he starts to run without Liz

Topolski: Come back here you moron!

Max: Oops my bad….. He goes over embarrassed and picks Liz up and runs. The last four agents follow him. There we have it all our Roswell heroes are now officially running all over school. well almost.

Now lets just check up with the MIB who have a problem staying on the road….hmmmmmmm

K is driving and J suddenly spots Samantha mulder on the side of the road.

J grabs the staring wheel yanks it to the side running the car into a tree without damaging it.

K: Dammit J!!!! it's the 3rd time now you've done it what is it now!!!?

Samantha walks leisurely over to J's side of the window.

J: Hey, there watcha up to lady ? eyeing her to to bottom.

Samantha: Oh nothing waiting for a certain alien bounty hunter to come by and kidnap me so that my brother could devote his life to chasing me.

J: so what are you doing when your not being abducted by aliens?

K rolls his eyes counting the seconds on his watch, we hear the sound of a slap

K: Aha! 55 th time this week! and we see K taking out his small portable computer notebook we get a zoom into the heading

"MIB Womanizing Skills"

20 seconds per record for J

K sees a dark haired woman who appears to appear a bit like his wife K jumps out of the car running after the woman screaming that "he meant to give her those flowers"!!!

J shakes his head takes out his note book counts the seconds and writes down something

J: 28th time this week! A zoom into the heading shows

"MIB's Misplaced Madness"

then we hear………

K: What????? your not Martha, we see j pull on his sun glasses and a bright flash of light . a very calm cool and collected k comes back and gets in the car.

J and K look around themselves uncormfortably.

J: we should uh.. probably …

K: Yeah we should, Starts the car backing it up runs into another tree.

Mulder and Scully are still on the road and apparently mulder is a little ummm bored

Mulder: Are we there yet?

Scully: No

Mulder: Are we there yet?

Scully: No

Mulder: Are we there yet?

Scully: No

Mulder: are we there yet?

Scully: NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

Mulder: Jeez scully cool down I was just asking a simple non stressable question.

Mulder turns on the radio…..





Mulder: COME ON, BABY!...

Mulder & Scully: DON'T FEAR THE REAPER!!!!!!

Mulder : So how are we doing so far scully?

Scully: Squints ahead while passing a sign that says creepy hollow-be very very scared!!

Instantly or delibrately the scene becomes dark complements the writer.

Scully: I don't know mulder what does the map say?

Mulder: where is the map? Looking around confused

Scully: You had it

Mulder: Scullyyyyyyy you had it!

Scully: Mulderrrrrrr you did!

Mulder: no I thought you took it from the hooters cafe

Scully: (trying to control herself) no mulder you took the map! I gave it to you while I was busy trying to make a plan so that we could get out of the café since we didn't bring any money with us!!!!!! Remember?

Mulder: Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh…… ahhhhhhh I remember that paper you gave me, I told you they didn't have any toilet papers left scully so I ………….. (the look on scully's face is frightening even for mulder)ummmm scully????????

Scully: Its at times like these that I should control my self like I was thought in those classes………………………aHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You F**king SIMPELTON!!!!!!!!!! , WHAT THE F**K WERE YOU THINKING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NOW WE ARE BOTH F**king OFICIALLY LOST BECAUSE OF YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mulder: Whoa woman calm down!!!! take some of my rock candies.

(scully is just going to strangle mulder violently when we hear the car sputter and die down.

Mulder: well ain't that a bitch

A huge light is shone down on them…….

Scully: Do you know what this means????!!!

Mulder look around him self for a while and then at scully before nearly losing his only half present sanity

Mulder: Oh noooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! its him!!!!!!! Its him

I know he's here to take me back, but you won't get me alive I tell you never!!!!!!!hahahah!!!

Scully: Mulder get the F**k out from under that seat I don't want to spoil my upholstery! No What the hell are you talking about.

Mulder: (eyes darting about anxiously) whispering: it’s the the the bounty hunter ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Scully: Shut your trap you fool you'll wake the dead from there graves.

Mulder: But he's (pauses) you believe in zombies that’s impossible???(excitedly)

Scully: no mulder your names impossible , what kind of stupid and sexually perverted name is fox?!

Mulder is just about to tell her when they here a soft thump thump sound they both look up at the windshield

And we see some thing more frightening then count Du Cula even more evil and fiendish then Barney the dinosaur!!

IT’S THE ……………………………………. TELETUBBIES!

Teletubbies: Uh oh uh oh uh oh

Tiny winky say's: We won't hurt you.

The immediate reaction is to wellllllllllllll…………lets leave that to the masters of over actors themselves.

Mulder: Gah!!

Scully: Run away!!!!!!!!

Since the car is a dead wreck and natures most frightening characters are after them scully and mulder errrrrr try to get out of the car.

Mulder: DON’T PANIC !!!!!!!!!!! DON'T PANIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!! Get me the f**K out of this F**king seat belt!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!(pulling on the seat belt)

Scully: I'll sue those bastards for the blunder they made!!!!!!!!!!!!!(pulling on the seat belt)

Mulder: Scully!!! Were FBI agents!!!!!(still pulling)

Scully: Right!!!! We'll go and personally Slaughter them!!!!!!!!! Bloody Murder!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Writer: oh dear I'll have to this for them too won't I?

Psst idiots just push the damn press and release on the seat belts!!!

Mulder and scully: Press and release???

Writer: Press and release

Mulder: That sounds like a porno magazine heading.

Scully: Shut up mulder and do as the wrier says or oh F*ck!!!!! The teletubbies have

Proceed to climb on the cars hood and are kind of damaging it.

Scully and mulder are finally out of their car seats and run while scully proceeds to run further mulder is running backwards at the teletubbies where they are jumping on the car's hood.

Scully: ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!! Mulder!!!!!!!!! You phyco Pathetic simpelton this way!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tinky winky grabs mulder

Mulder: Nooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

To be continued……….

As I said mulder is err manhandled by Tinky WinKy

Mulder: Ahhhhhhhhhhhh sculllllllyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!! Help me!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Scully: Idiot!!! (looks around) give me one good reason I should rescue you, huh you drag me into hunting non existant aliens, booze infiltrators, mutant cows and bulls ………..lose your license of sanity more than once a month, now get us lost in the middle of no where ad expect me to help you!!!???

Mulder: Yes!!!!! biting the (teletubbies hand)

Scully: And give me one god awful reason why?????

Mulder: Because its in the damn god for saken plot line !!!!!!!!!!(the teletubby is now giving mulder a crushing hung) ACK!!!!!!! Scullllllyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Scully listens to mulder randomly scream out profanities at her and the teletubbies then sighs and takes out her gun.

Mulder: Its Droooooling over meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!AHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Scully: Fine shut your whining (she takes aim)

Scully has been aiming for over a day now and…..

Scully:Get on with it!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Okay okay okay

Well as I was saying mulder is still struggling with the teletubby called tinky winky who has proceeded to bang his head on the tree trunks.

Scully being the fantastic shooter kills allothtein the way excluding Tinky winky.

Scully: Will you two hold still or not!!!!!!!!!!!to mulder and tinky winky

Mulder and tinky winky: NO!!!

Scully one of her heel shoes off and goes forward exasperated then like a baseball player throwing a ball she throws the shoe at Tinky winky but it hits mulder in the head.

Scully: bulls eye!!!

She takes of another shoe and chases bare footed around tinky winky rondomly hitting him with the shoe on the head and butt. Screaming inane profanities at it since its responsible for the damage to her car.

Few minutes later we hear blood curdling screams from creepy hollow…….

Mulder and scully are running amok after an insanely random and illicit encounter with the polka dots shorts gang and also happen to run into captain hook who happens to start running eer with them.


Hook: (Running along side mulder and scully), mother of mercy!!!!!!!!!!! animator of road runner!!!!!!!! ………creator of sticks and stones!!!!!!!!! Director of two ton tussy !!!!!!!!!!it’s a dinosaur!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Gah!!!!!!!!!

Mulder,scully,hook turn around while running: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!! kill it kill it!!!!!!!!!

(it’s a crocodile, who looks a lot like walter skinner morons)

Scully: (still running)Mulder do something!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mulder: the houla dance?!!!!!

Scully: NO!!!!!!! you have a gun remember moron !!!!??????

Mulder: Oh right!!!! Takes a gun out poses for a second before throwing the gun at the crocodile.

Scully: Mulder you retard!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! you were suppose to shoot it with that gun not feed it to him!!!!!!!!!!!

Mulder: I see a swamp (hook jumps into it ahead of them and starts swimming)

Scully: Lets dive!!!!!!! dives in

Mulder: Spooky!!!!!!!!!! And takes a dive

after swimming into a swamp where there are advariantly more crocodiles (mulders plan)they offer Hook as bait and run off. Now they are walking on the road apparently without any way of getting to Roswell.

Seem's mulder is a little impatient about it.

scully: mulder shut up!

Mulder: All I'm saying that we should holler a little for attention in this town.

They look around and some one is walking around impersonating william shattner , Scully and mulder shudder

Scully: Fine fine!!!!!!!!!!! I want some damn transportation here!!!!!!!

Mulder: tsk tsk Scully watch your tongue!

Scully: Sighs we need some f*king transportation here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mulder: that’s the spirit Scully look!!!!!! He points to a café called BoobSprings standing on a deserted road for no reason.

Next to it cancer mans car is parked.

Scully: what about it mulder

Mulder: Becomes serious and goes into investigator mode sit downs and looks at the cars behind stands up sits for a while on the trunk scrathes his chin hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm………….pulling out air freshner from his pants, its that old farts car scully…..

Scully: You mean that black lunged son of a b*tch?

Mulder: Yes I mean that old fart black lunged son of a B*tch!

Scully: How can you be sure mulder?

Mulder: well it says so here on the number plate 69MarlboroMan- Smokin

Scully: Oh no mulder if he's in that café with god know who right now….

Mulder: He's with krycheck

Scully: Have you become physic mulder?

Mulder: No scully its on the trunk they both look at a sign that says - FartSideAss-istant-Kick me!

Scully: Mulder have you any idea what this all means????

Mulder: Lets steal the car!!!!!!

Scully: Wonderful plan Mulder but I'm still driving mulder and scully get in the seemingly unlocked car and drive away

Meanwhile at the BoobSprings caf

Cancer man is drinking a bottle of yoo-hoo brought to him by Michelle Pfeiffer along with krycheck who happens to be stuffing himself with French fries.

To be continued…….