posted on 31-Aug-2002 4:30:37 AM by Lady_without_a_clue
TITLE: Bitter thoughts
Summary: I can't summarize this.
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Rating: whatever.
Authours notes/:/ It's not really couple centred or anything. It's got different peoples POv's and I'm not sure I'm gonna continue with it. I'm still writing something else I just had to get this out of my system. thinking clear. gonna stop writing right about now...... do those dots signalize as writing... opps I just wrote... bye.


Here is the truth pure and simple. We live in a fictional world of vampires, ghost, genetically engineered people and things that go bump in the night. Good people die everyday, hard working citizen's like you and me, well probably not me but you catch my drift. The books you've read on vampires, aliens and all that evil other ewgy are real. Tv has just been preparing the world for the truth. There a some among us, evolution's finest that can manipulate peoples minds, walk through walls, fly, have super human strength, their called mutants. Their a people living among us who can do things the normal human could never be able to do, they run faster, hear better, see further, become in heat. They are transgenics, created by the people who want to play god. There a vampires, ghosts, witches, demons, beings older than time who inhabit the earth. They are of the supernatural. Short green men with big black eyes and little mouths who come from space live among us too, except that who anal probing thing is a joke created by some guy in Texas. That's right people I'm talking about aliens. The truth is out there. Whatever happened to normal everyday people, living out there normal lives, having their normal children, teaching them normal things. What is so good about Normal?

Who would have I thought I'd see the day when global organisations come together and form the largest Demon DNA bank known to man kind. And I thought I had seen everything? Good knows I've seen time travel, aliens, demons, the future and it's like before I knew it I was a 37 year old woman with no husband. The biological clock was more than ticking. I guess the DNA bank gave me an idea. I wish Max was still here?

I wish I were dead. I was created because she was good damn lonely, her life didn't end the way she wanted it too and she was an ugly old hag with no chance in hell of conceiving naturally. The part I don't get is how I ended up like the way I am. I can't get hurt, I can't really die, I can't do anything but a complete freak lie the rest of them. Like the rest of the outcasts. They say I'm the splitting image of my mother. If only they knew what I was inside.
If only they knew what I was.

I don't know why I'm still alive. I should have died thousands of times before, but instead I lived and watched the people I loved most in the world die around me. First Willow died when she tried to destroy the world. Xander committed suicide and Anya being the vengeance demon she was left like a bat out of hell. Giles died of a heart attack. Spike... I staked him myself. But the most painfully of the memories was watching Angel die. Was watching Angel die in the light. I hate what I've become. What earth has become. Who knew the complication of living would be. The hardest thing in this world was to live in it, and I've tried. I grinned, I've bitten down and I've bared. But I don't know how much more I can take. I take everything back. The hardest thing I've ever had to do, was kill her. My only god damn sister. Buffy Summers.

Who thought becoming human would mean dying. I was so stupid to do it for love. He left me for some little tart in a short skirt and tight tank top. Sleaze bag. I married him. I gave him my body. I gave him my soul. He abused it. He abused me. I was so happy the day I ripped out his and that little tarts inside's and ate them. We ate them even though they didn't know it. I'm a deformity. I freak. But guess what hunny where taking over now. Humans are so cliché.

I loved her and in my heart I still do. I knew it was wrong to love her because of what I was, she belonged in the light while I dwelled in the darkness. She laughed and did all the things normal people like her could do, go to the movies, hang with friends, date. I was nearly 250 years old, I murdered people, raped some. I hurt her in ever way I imagined I could and yet she still loved me and I still loved her. The years got rough but we some how made it through. Until fate really did make us to be apart. I miss Cordelia.

I never asked for any of this I never to be some kind of superman, but I guess I never asked to be normal either now did I. I never asked to save people, to fall in love with the girl next door who seemed so sweet. But really she was a bitter twisted bitch who opened her legs to anyone and anything. She slept with my best friend, my teachers, my enemies and one day out of dumb luck got pregnant like the whore that she is and got married. I grew up a little nobody with big dreams, hopes, ambitions as people call them. They went to shit because of that stupid whore Jeniffer Lindley and that dick head husband of hers Jack Mcphee.

Government. Run. Hide. Heat. Fuck some hot stranger. Run again. Feel guilty. Confess. Get over it. Hate myself. Hate Manticore. Run, hide. Governemnt. Heat. Fuck some pitiful loser. Runagain. Regret. Fall pregnant. Get rid of it. No guilt. No body can be as fucked up as me.

Every feel so sick it hurts. Every feel so horny you lose your mind. No. I'm gonna shut my mouth then.

[ edited 1 time(s), last at 10-Sep-2002 8:41:56 PM ]
posted on 1-Sep-2002 2:19:50 AM by Lady_without_a_clue
Do you believe in Angels?
I woke up and looked around my surroundings with wonder and amazement.
My hands brushing throw my long silky brown hair.
My eyes dancing around with excitement ready to absorb in my surroundings.
My clothes a mess and stained of blood and ketchup.
The very smell making my nose itch intensely.
The room that was once drenched in light is now darker.
Figures are swarming around me and talking so fast I don't understand.
Faces pass me by giving me worried glances.
People sit in there seats talking.
Questions are raised to my ears but don't register in my brain.
The room is multicoloured and plain.
Alien photographs line the walls.
I get up.
And look into an amazing pair of deep Amber eyes.
My eyes snap open and look down at my latest conquest.
Barely anything to brag about.
I slip out of his arms and grab the money from his wallet so I can get the hell out.
Two hundred bucks.
What a loser.
I shove it down my bra and begin to pick up my things.
My underwear from on top of his head.
My top from the bathroom. My pants.... Where the hell are my pants.
I grab my bag only to have a picture fall out.
A picture of my mother, the one who died giving birth to me on tallest building in NYC.
during a terrorist attack.
It's still very disturbing how much I look like her.
Were almost identical.
Same hair.
Same eyes.
Same nose.
I look down at the snoring Dick on the bed and leave without a second glance.
Guys are pathetic.
Especially him.
Limp dick.

I sitting at the bar with a lit cigarette.
As I do ever night waiting for my girls to show up.
We usually do surveillance and pounce guys with big money.
They always go for the threesomes.
I mean who wouldn't.
Two hot babes and one guy.
I looked up and saw her.
Shit she look like a train wreck then some.
It was obvious she had taken the loser I told her to stay away from.
I put my cigarette out on the bar and walked over to her.
"What happened?" I asked with concern.
"Mother fucker whipped me" she snapped showing me the scars on her back.
They were beauties.
We sat back at the bar.
"Vodka straight" she ordered.
"You?" the cute but old bar tender asked.
"Maybe later" I said turning back to my friend "scoop".
'I'm gonna fuck your brains out'.
"Did he?" I asked.
"Don't interrupt me.." She growled sculling her vodka and ordering another.
"Sorry" I said sarcastically.
He chained me to the bed.
Fucked me.
Got changed into a leather outfit and began whipping me.
"And..." I asked inhaling my cigarette.
I got out of my restraints.
Kicked the shit out of him.
Chained him up.
Began to beat him around for a few hours and killed him.
Accidently of course.
"What did you do with the body?" I asked.
"Took care of it" she answered sculling another drink.
"What would mommy dearest think?".
A glass behind me shattered into what looked like a million pieces.
She was angry tonight.
"who cares" I looked over her shoulder.
"Her she comes" I say flicking my cigarette away.

I see them at the bar and laugh.
"My names Reanna Parker"
"My names Melinda Wyatt"
"I'm the fucking pope'
Naw I'm not really.
I lit my cigarette and walked over to those two pathetic bitches.
Sad how we go from guy to guy night to night.
If only world knew what kind of damage we could do.
"Hey Dawn" Melinda says looking like a piece of shit swiped off someone's boot.
"What the hell happened to you?" I asked sitting at the bar.
"I got screwed over" she answered.
"So" I said exhaling smoke "don't every night".
Reanna laughs.
I didn't know I was a comedian.
Melinda delivers a punch to her arm.
The laughing ends.
"It ain't funny" she growls "It will take months to heal".
"Chill" Reanna says putting her hands on Melinda.
A light spreads through her body.
And the marks on her shoulders disappear.
Yeah for that.
"Cheers" Melinda says looking around intently.
"No problem" she answers scanning the room too.
I looked towards a TV screen and watched as some weird alien ship landed on earth.
Like it wouldn't be the first time.
I hocked up and spat on the screen.
My phlegm running down the screen.
Disgusting they say.
Undignified they say.
Kiss my ass and lick my tits you shit heads.
Earth ain't what it used to be.
I inhaled my cigarette.
Choked when I saw his face on the screen.

"Hey sweet thing".
Did I ever tell you I hate being called sweet thing.
Or peaches.
Or baby.
Or sweet heart.
Or any shit like that.
I pushed him away and gave him a look of disgust.
"Go fuck yourself" I growled.
"Oh you want me" he said.
What a dick head.
Minius the dick I guess.
"Whatever" I say looking away.
Get the drift shit.
Of course he doesn't.
In a matter of seconds he has me pushed up against the wall.
His hands up my skirt.
His lips on my neck.
Saying 'I know you want me' or 'who's your daddy'.
I wanna gag.
Suddenly a pair of powerful arms rip him away.
I look admiral towards the guy, even though most of the guys now prefer sex as a reward.
He was tall with nice broad shoulder.
A yummy chest and his abs.
I'm drooling everywhere.
Then I look in his eyes and they were fucking Amber.
And is that lust I see.
Oh this boy is goin be gettin some tonight.
What can I say I'm a sucker for a hero.
"Liz?" He breathes.
I stop and register that name.
My mothers name.
He rescued me because I looked like me mother.
"Fuck off" I snap walking away only to have some ugly blonde blocks my way.
"Watch your mouth young lady" she says at me.
"Why don't you get the fuck out of my way slut".
She looks hurt.
"Don't loo hurt" I say 'I don't know you".
"It's me" she says.
Sorry I don't know a me.
"Maria" I rolled my eyes.
"Listen I'm not who you think I am okay" I say throwing a picture of my mom at them.
"Your looking for my mom Elizabeth Parker".
They look shocked.
They look confused.
"You look exactly like her" he gasps.
"No duh" I say lighting a cigarette.
What a fucked up night.
"She married?" He squeaks.
Of this must be my moms ex-flame.
"Nope" I answered 'I was created in a lab".
Max nods.
"Where is she now?" The blonde asks.
"Oh I'd say about six feet under".
They look hurt again.
Why the hell do I feel like I'm on some dramatic show.
Oh no my mother died.
I never got to say goodbye.
Boo fucking who.
I turned after flicking my cigarette away.
Aliens are home.*bounce*