posted on 31-Aug-2002 8:14:12 AM by ISLANDGIRL5
Title:The Dance 1/1
Category:M/M, Future Fic
Summary:A life remembered.
Disclaimer:I own nothing except the ginger ale beside my computer and the bag of M&M’s I’m about to dig into. The song is called “The Dance” by Garth Brooks, and it’s what inspired this fic.
Note: A huge thanks to Gracie and Meagzie. Without their keen eye and helpful notes, you would have been left with your mouth open wondering what in the heck it was you just read. Thanks girlies, Luvs ya both!

Looking back on the memory of
The dance we shared 'neath the stars alone
For a moment all the world was right
How could I have known that you'd ever say goodbye

And now I'm glad I didn't know
The way it all would end the way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance I could have missed the pain
But I'd of had to miss the dance

Holding you I held everything
For a moment wasn't I a king
But if I'd only known how the king would fall
Hey who's to say you know I might have chanced it all

And now I'm glad I didn't know
The way it all would end the way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance I could have missed the pain
But I'd of had to miss the dance

Yes my life is better left to chance
I could have missed the pain but I'd of had to miss the dance

I used to thrive on being alone. Unattached. Independent. I took pride in the fact that I could be who I was, go where I wanted to go, and do what I wanted to do without having to answer to anyone but me. I didn’t have to let anyone know where I was going to be, or whom I would be with, or how long it would take.

Years of taking care of myself had molded me into a hard shell. Countless days of fighting against the one person who was supposed to take care of me had molded me into a being that was incapable of feeling. Devoid of emotion. Unable to love. I was sure I didn’t even have the ability to care for someone else. I had shut myself off, in an effort to keep from being hurt. I was convinced that my otherworldly status would be my ultimate heartbreak in the end. But I was perfectly happy in the emotionless little world I lived in.

Until the day Maria Deluca blew into my life with such a reckless abandon that I’m still reeling from the after effects.

When Maxwell healed Liz and saved her life, I was furious. He had not only put himself on the line, but he had endangered Isabel and I at the exact same time. In a matter of a few minutes, without even so much as a second thought, he had broken the one promise that the three of us had made and kept, believing that our survival depended on it. By placing his hand on Liz’s abdomen and healing the damage that a bullet had done to her body, he had inevitably let her in on our secret. That we were in fact, not human.

Something in Max told him that Liz could be trusted. Little did he know that when you get Liz, you get Maria. They were a package deal, and you couldn’t take one without the other. Soon, Maria and Liz both knew our secrets. And the most amazing thing was that neither one of them was scared away by the fact that Max, Isabel, nor myself had been born on this Earth.

I tried with every fiber in my being to turn around and walk away from her sparkling crystal eyes. I poured every ounce of strength I could muster into fighting back against her mind-blowing smile and heart-stopping laugh. I could have used every alien power at my disposal and then some to keep myself from opening up to her good-hearted soul. But I doubt anything could have stopped the waterfall of emotions Maria brought crashing into my life.

Those first few weeks were the worst. Every time I thought I was safe, I’d turn around, and there she was. With some crazy idea as to why we would be perfect for each other. Or she’d be there to bombard me with the things she was feeling about me. And each and every time, it scared me to death. Because I knew that out of all the people that had ever crossed my path, Maria was the only one that would be able to break through to me.

I was miserable. She was shaking up my life. Everything I had ever thought about my life was being proven wrong by Maria Deluca. Little by little, Maria chiseled away at the brick wall I had built around my heart. Piece by piece, she chipped away until there was nothing left, and my heart was within her grasp.

And after she took hold, she never once let go.

I’m quite positive that never before has a relationship quite like Maria’s and mine ever existed. Nor will one ever be in the future. What Maria and I had was deeply passionate. Emotionally charged. Completely loyal. Ultimately, uniquely ours.

We weren’t always happy. We had our ups and downs, but that’s what kept us grounded. There were times when Maria would be at each other’s throats, and so upset that our friends couldn’t stand to be around us. Then there were times when we were so in tune that we couldn’t keep our hands off of each other.

I remember the first time I ever felt myself giving in to her emotionally. It was the night we had used our powers on Hank. It was one of the most depressing days of my life. I had spent the night playing Monopoly with the Evans family. And it had only reaffirmed the fact that I didn’t have a family of my own. It hurt like crap to see what they had, knowing it was something I would never have myself. It was pouring outside, and I went walking in the rain. I let myself believe that the rain would wash away my troubles, my insecurities, maybe even my fears, as I trudged through Roswell’s empty streets. Somehow, I found myself standing outside of Maria’s bedroom window.

When she saw me, she opened up not only her heart, but her window as well. And I climbed in. She didn’t run off at the mouth like usual. She saw that I needed her, so she just held out her arms and let me take comfort in the solace of her embrace. And up until that time, it was the most intimate moment I had ever experienced. Just being there, knowing we needed no words, but that we could completely understand each other anyway.

Then we had our times that were on the other end of the spectrum. Like when her friend, Billy came in from New York. It stung down to deepest parts of my soul to see her with him. Even if there was nothing between them. In my heart, I could feel Maria slipping away from me. My ties to her were slowly unraveling, and I couldn’t handle it. My powers went out of control, and I began to get careless. I took my anger and jealousy out on innocent car windows and unsuspecting chef salads.

And that night, when she broke up with me, I felt the life I had made for myself being ripped out from under my feet. Maria had wormed her way into my heart, and claimed it as her own. And as a result, she had left me heart broken and defeated. I had never felt such pain in my whole life. Even my alien powers couldn’t help the fact that I was hurting.

The next few weeks were hard, to say the least. It was extremely difficult for me to be in the same room with her without running to her and telling her that I was sorry, that I was foolish, and begging her to take me back. I was too proud to fall to my knees physically, but emotionally, I was already there.

Time took its course, though, and things got better for us.

When Liz started getting flashes, about the future, and our impending doom, we panicked. We didn’t know whether to run, to hide, just stay put, split up, or stay together. Ultimately, we all decided that the best thing to do would be for Max, Liz, Isabel, and I to leave Roswell. Since it was us that we believed had been targeted. When Maria assumed she was going, I did the first thing I could think of. I told her she couldn’t come. I hurt her when I told her to stay behind. She thought I didn’t want her with me. But it was just the opposite. I wanted her with me so badly, and loved her so much that I wasn’t willing to let her risk her life by being on the run from the government. I let her know how much she meant to me, and that I always loved her and always would. Then I drove away from her, bent on carrying out my plan.

But, as usual, things didn’t go as planned. Our lives were decided in a split second moment when our fate came sneaking up on us sooner than we had expected. We made a decision. To run and stay together. Max. Liz. Isabel. Kyle. Myself. And Maria. She had already decided that her life was with us. And we couldn’t argue anymore.

The two years we were on the run molded the six of us into our own little family. Max and Liz got married. Eventually, Maria and I got engaged. And somewhere down the line, Kyle and Isabel became such good friends that the bond they had rivaled even that of the one Liz, Maria, and Alex had shared so long ago.

The Special Unit agents on our trail were ruthless. We spent endless nights hiding from our enemies and running from people who wanted each and every one of us dead. Countless times, any one of us was saving the other from a fate that none of us believed was ours in the first place. Death. We fought for each other like we had never fought before. We went through things that were so terrible and horrible that we thought we’d never survive. But in the end, we were able to help each other cope. The bonds that we formed on the road were so strong and so tightly bound that when we finally were able to come home, we all bought houses on the same street so that we never had to be far apart.

The people in Roswell proved to be one thing that saved or lives. When we left, each and every citizen stepped up to support us. Even as the agents from the Special Unit had their cross hairs aimed at us, the people of Roswell rallied behind us. They went to every part of the government they could reach. Eventually, they found their way straight to the President of the United States. And we were granted freedom. By the very people we had spent our lives hiding from.

Maria and I used to wonder how much different our lives would have been had we known right away that we would have been accepted. We were scared that when people realized we were not human, that they would shrink back in fear, or even worse, take us all to our own white room. But that’s the exact opposite from what really happened. Instead, our fellow Roswellians turned out in thousands and worked until they themselves had made the world safe for us.

We all went back to Roswell, and Maria and I got married.

Being a husband to the one and only person I had ever loved was more than I could have ever imagined it to be. No words could do justice to the completeness I finally felt with my life. Even the happiness found in great fairy tale romances couldn’t have held a candle to the happiness my beautiful Maria and I had found. Maria was my everything. She was the family I had always wanted. The lover I had always searched for. The soul that had always been missing from my life. She made me a changed man. She made me human.

I had finally found my place in the world, and it was right beside her.

It wasn't long before Maria began to yearn for children. Max and Liz already had two, and Isabel was 8 months pregnant with her first one. I was happy the way I was, but the thought of creating a life with the person who had made mine the gift that it was, made me weak in the knees. I could imagine the way our baby would look, with striking green eyes like hers, and unruly brown hair like mine. Whether it would be a boy or girl, I suddenly couldn't wait for a baby.

We started trying for a baby, and it wasn't long before Maria was pregnant. It was my birthday, and Max and Kyle had taken me out to see a ballgame. When I got home, Maria had dinner on the table and waiting. She hadn't bought me a gift, because I had asked her not too. Instead, she handed me a card in a bright yellow envelope.

I sat down, and opened it up, and my heart flipped in my chest.

Happy Birthday, Daddy

Love, Baby Guerin

I couldn't contain my excitement as I realized what it meant. I was going to be a father. Maria was going to be a mother. We were going to have a small little life to nurture and watch grow. Needless to say, I didn't eat. Instead, I scooped Maria up in my arms, and we ran down the street to tell our friends we were having a baby.

The next nine months were interesting, to say the least. Maria was crazy with excitement, and we spent every spare hour we could preparing for our new arrival. Once, everyone came over, and we painted the baby’s room. Maria had wanted to use dolphins, because she said to her they represented peace, innocence, and tranquility. So we painted the walls a light teal color and we painted a dolphin border around the ceiling. Another day, the girls went out to buy pictures and hangings for the wall, and when they came home, they were surprised to see that Max, Kyle and I had bought a crib, put it together, and even put a baby blanket on it that had dolphins jumping across the front.

The night we finished the nursery, Maria and I slept in it, on the floor. She wanted to sleep in the room where our baby would grow up. All night long, we made plans for the future. Where our baby would go to school. How old he or she would be before they could date. Where we would take our first family vacation.

But we’ll never get to take that vacation.

When she was nine months pregnant, and on her way to visit her mother at home, Maria’s car was struck by a drunk driver.

She was seriously injured, and when we got to the hospital, she was already dead. My sweet Maria had died in the roadway after being run into a telephone pole by a man who had taken the wheel of his car after drinking himself into a stupor. Suddenly, everything around me stilled. I felt the world stop turning beneath my feet. My heart stopped beating. The air was stolen from my chest, and I couldn’t breathe. They had just told me that I would have to live the rest of my life without her.

After all we had been through, after escaping from murderous aliens and vengeful government agents, Maria was killed in a car accident.

When I broke down, the doctors asked me to come with them. I walked into the room, and they handed me a tiny pink bundle. They hadn’t been able to save Maria, but they had saved our baby. Suddenly, I wanted to throw her across the room. She had lived, and her mother hadn’t. But when I looked into her precious face and saw a miniature Maria, the world started turning again. The air came rushing into my lungs, and I could feel my heart starting to pound beneath where my daughter’s head lay resting on my chest.

I used to cry for her. I was so angry that she was gone. But Maria had taught me a lot. About relationships, about love, and about life. I remembered something she had told me once, when I found out Jim Valenti, the closest thing to a father and my best friends dad, had been shot and killed while performing his duties as a deputy. She told me that life doesn’t always have happy endings. That life is filled with happy times as well as sad times, and that you can’t have one without the other. She told me that everyone will die. Maria believed that it’s not how you die, or when you die that matters. It’s how you live your life that counts.

And I know Maria lived her life to the fullest, and that she had gotten what she’d always wanted. Happiness. I have no doubt in my mind that Maria was happy with her life. And I have no regrets. Because I wouldn’t trade my life with her for anything. I wouldn’t change one moment of the time we shared. The few years of happiness I found with Maria were filled with so much love and so many good memories, that they will last me a lifetime. And now, I can rejoice in the life that Maria lived. And take solace in the fact that she was happy. Content. And loved.

I know I’ll never marry again. I’ll never fall in love. Because my heart will always belong to Maria. And to little Amy Elizabeth ; the one part of Maria I have left.

She’s only six months old. And it’s the little things that make me want to cry for Maria. Not because I’m still angry, or mad. But because she’s going to miss the things she used to talk about while she was pregnant. She’s going to miss Amy’s first words. She won’t get to be the doting mom who takes too many pictures on prom night. She won’t be able to watch as Amy walks down the aisle and pledges her life to the man she loves. And it’s for those reasons that I cry.

Someday, I’ll see Maria again. On the other side of all my tomorrows, she’s waiting for me, and I’ll once again be able to hold her in my arms and tell her how much I love her.

But for now, I’ll spend my life raising our daughter and telling her about the wonderful gift we both had. Her mother.

And someday, I hope and pray that our daughter will know the kind of love Maria and I shared. Because no matter what happens, if she is lucky enough to have even a portion of the joy we had, then she’ll have everything her mother and I ever wanted for her.



[ edited 1 time(s), last at 31-Aug-2002 8:16:27 AM ]
posted on 31-Aug-2002 10:29:52 AM by ISLANDGIRL5
Shameless bump...
posted on 31-Aug-2002 5:07:28 PM by ISLANDGIRL5
applebybehr originally wrote:
I don't really read much candy fic-

Me neither. And this is the first one I've ever written. I tried to write M/L, but thought it would turn out better with Michael and Maria.