|posted on 4-Nov-2002 8:07:24 PM by Coley|
|Title: Living a Lie|
Author: Me, which would be Coley. The one who hasn't finished her OTHER fic "Ugly Girl"...But guys I got an idea last night and I just started writing! I'm just happy that I am writing again...It's been way too long.
Disclaimer I only own the Character Frank (Unfortuantly) This story is revolving around what I'm going through right now...Yes, Frank is a real person, and this is what he did to me...Nope, I'm not asking for pity, but just that you guys know that what I'm writing...Is coming from my heart. My Soul. So be gentle, k? But of course, critiquing is a must when it comes to my writings. So just be honest, aight? And 'sides, this is theraputic for me, and it's FREE!
Two people, at the end of their ropes…Are they the only people who can save each other?
Liz: Suicidal, Victimized by a family friend. Just dumbed by her boyfriend. At the Cliff for her last day on earth.
Max: Suicidal, invisible to everyone. Just dumbed by his girlfriend. At the Cliff for his last day on earth.
Can these two helpless souls save eachother?
In Roswell, nothing ever is coincidental, is it?
I know that this is really dark, so please be cationed in advanced. It will get better down the road. But as most of you know me and my stuff, I'm dark. As reflecting from my true self
So gimme feedback dammit!
Fuck this world. I’m so sick of everything. Every one. Who would want to be here on this god forsaken Earth another minute? Sure as hell not me.
I’ve already written my letters. It’s not like it will even phase anyone. Like they fucking care that Depressed Parker is ending her life tonight. Hell, it’ll be one huge party. Rah, Rah.
I even wrote a letter to that fuck, Frank. I wanted him to know he is what killed me inside. I died because of HIM. Sean just added on to that pain. But Sean is another story. Now, let’s get back to my life…Or rather, the end of it.
I think it will really be quite easy. All I have to do is jump…Done deal, right? A cliff is the only outcome I think will be proved to be 100% effective…I guess I’ll be finding out soon enough, though.
I remember when I was little; all I wanted in life was to find my “Soulmate” and life happily ever after. Life never turns out anywhere near you think it will.
I can’t even remember the last time I cried. Okay, well maybe I can, but that is beside the point. Crying is pathetic, and it’s for weak people. And even IF I did, no one ever saw me cry… No one ever will
Oh, now I don’t need emotions now, for god’s fucking sake.
Jeez, how much longer is it ‘til I get to this place? I’m sick of driving…God, I’m so sick of everything.
Do I regret anything? Hell yes. I regret everything. Because even though I never changed, or admitted I wanted too…I didn’t want to end up like this. But it went wrong…I went wrong. But I can’t turn back now. This will be the only strong thing I will have done in my life. I have to prove it to everyone…to myself.
So now I’m here. At the cliff. The last thing I will ever look at. The last time I will ever see anything. The last, everything.
I’m not crying over myself. Just regretting. Maybe just letting it out all on the table, before it’s over, will make it easier to jump.
Yeah, that’ll work. But, just you, okay?
Frank, you know Frank right? Well, if not, you should. Not because you ever wanted to, but because he is what ruined my life.
“You ruined me, Frank.” I say out loud, to the lonely breeze.
I was fourteen years old. He was 50. That’s 36-year-old difference, did you know that? “Family friend” is what we I called him. “Pedofile” is now what he is referred too.
Our computer was broken, and he builds and fixes computers for a living. Ah hell, I don’t want to make this longer than it has to.
He took something in me I can’t ever get back. No, not rape, because my father got to him first with that. But again, my father is a different story. Him and Frank were so much alike, and I guess I was supposed to end up meeting, and being attacked by both.
He took my trust. He took my pride. He took everything I had going for me. I blame him, yes. For everything. Would my “Therapists” call that healthy? No, but fuck them. Lotta good they did me, eh?
He, of course denies it all. Maybe to save himself on the inside, or because he really forgot. Did I mention he was high at the time?
That was three years ago, and I never have let go. Not after the other memories it brought up. But now, maybe I can. I guess I’ll have to because I’m going to be dead soon. Hell, I’ve been dead for sometime now…but this…this is the real deal.
So now I am laying out all of my letters. As you can tell I took some planning to this. I didn’t want anyone or anything to go unmentioned. At least after my death, all the truth will be revealed, and I won’t have to be here to endure the pain that comes along with it.
No one ever knew about my father. Hell, I didn’t even, until after Frank.
“Post Traumatic Stress Disorder” is what my therapist calls it.
Maybe he will get what he deserves. I hope he feels pain when I’m gone. I hope pain inflicts him as deep as possible. I hope his pain is so unbearable, he has nothing left to live for…Like he left me.
…Letters to everyone, even my dog. That, at least is a happy one.
Maria, Isabel, Dad, Frank, Tyke, even Sean. The letter is written to “Sean and his whore, Tess” Catchy, ain’t it? Sean told me the day we broke up “You are hollow Liz. How can you expect me to feel anything for you, when you don’t feel anything at all?”
If you tell me that answer, I’ll give you a cookie.
Maria, Isabel’s and I’s relationship ended because of me. Why would anyone want to hang out with a girl that had scars all over her arms, and talked about death 24/7?
I didn’t want to hang out with me. But I didn’t stop myself from being this way. Why didn’t I stop myself?
Because I had to make myself pay. Because I deserved everything I got.
Now you know.
[ edited 5 time(s), last at 20-Jan-2003 12:50:04 AM ]
|posted on 5-Nov-2002 6:06:54 PM by Coley|
|Okay, I know it's so very dark...I gotta apologize for that...But IT WILL get lighter, because...Okay Spoiler...|
Max and Liz are (Obviously) Not going to kill themselves...I am just trying to introduce the pain that they are both feeling...But they CAN heal, by having eachother...THAT is what my story is about.
New part up shortly...Thanks all...
|posted on 6-Nov-2002 5:06:07 PM by Coley|
|*shameful, helpless bump* I am guessing no one likes this fic then...Shall I delete it?|
|posted on 7-Nov-2002 5:39:21 PM by Coley|
|Aww you guys make me blush...Thanks, it SERIOUSLY made my day...Boy troubles *rolleyes* AGAIN...Sheesh...Can't live with them, can't ever get 'em.|
Okay, well I will continue this story...Short part up Meeeebbe tonight or tomorrow when I get home from school.
|posted on 7-Nov-2002 6:32:44 PM by Coley|
Pixie originally wrote:
First of all: *shakes head in mock disappointment.* Starting a new fic. tut tut. (hehe I think I'll follow in your footsteps!)
Secondly: What I wouldn't give to have boy troubles! I get nothing, zilch. Not even a glance in my direction that I can decifer!
Thirdly: This is soo good! post more soon or I'll get my.........um.........10 year old sister to .... uhh.........make you write!
LMAO, I know I know...I have completely abandoned Ugly Girl *Shameful* I don't know why I can't get back into the groove with it!...Tell ya what...This weekend I will re read the whole story and hopefully it will give me some insight to write...
And honey, I don't get zilch either...Not from the GOOD guys! But hey we are women...Hear us roar! We don't need guys to make us feel better about ourselves!
*tries to convince herself that that is the truth*
Haha, and well I definatly will continue with this fic...Hehe, In about an hour or so I'll post another part...I gotta drag out the agooooonnnnnnnnnnny....
Hehe, be back soon!
|posted on 10-Nov-2002 1:06:47 AM by Coley|
|Come on guys! Give this wittle helpless soul some feedback! I'm trying to write again and it's hard!|
It must really suck
|posted on 10-Nov-2002 1:09:38 AM by Coley|
|Short part, here...Maybe this will change some people's mind...|
But me? I don’t know what I was out of the group. My eyes are boring, and I don’t think I’ve smiled a real smile in years.
But I wasn’t always like that, which you know. I used to be the crazy one. You dared me to do something, it was done. I never did have shame when it came to fun, even if that meant stripping down Isabel’s street on New Year’s Eve.
We were friends since about ten. It all started over a red crayon. It was our favorite color. We were inseparable since then.
or until I ruined Us.
God, I’m going to miss you guys. You were what was real in my life.
None of them ever knew this. Hopefully, my letter will do them some good.
Maybe a couple tears, for them, won’t do any harm. God knows I’ve given them more than a fair share of ‘em.
“Maria, Isabel.” I say, as tears fall down my face. Tears that I haven’t shed since before Frank. Since the last time I felt; truly felt.
|posted on 20-Jan-2003 12:53:02 AM by Coley|
|So hmmm...I take it this SUCKS? |