|posted on 20-Nov-2002 2:50:31 PM by beehr4shiri|
|Title : #2 A Promise (Soul Salvation Trilogy)|
Disclaimer: *looks around* Yep, they're all mine. *sigh* J/K, of course...
Category: Pure Dreamer fic, kinda AU, only not exactly. Check Summary for explanation.
Rating: PG-13/NC-17 (for violence and such)
Summary: This is Zan/Alana coupling, but in this story, Alana will be soul predecessor of Liz Parker, and Zan is, well, we all know whose predecessor. Anyway, this will be trilogy of short stories (1-2 parts), showing snippets of their encounters from past till today, in POV shape. First story was from Alana's POV. This one will show both Zan and Alana's POVs. And in here,in this AU, Zan and Alana are leaders on opposite sides of the war on Antar, which was started by Alana's brother Kivar, when he fell in love with Zan's sister Vilandra. Vilandra's father forbid Khivar to court her, cause she was promised to someone else and the rest was history. Through it all, life brings Zan and Alana together eventually. Their coupling is not known of and forbidden, and as always, fate will be of importance.
As for summary for this story #2 of the trilogy...well, lets just say that course of true love never runs smoothly,nor are there garanties for a happy ending. And even faith (but fate too) can be tricky little bastard. That is just a fact of life. Wow, who said I couldn't do happy? LOL...
A/N : OK, now I know leaving feedback on the story can be tough job, but I would really, really, really appreciate if you could live just a word or two, so that I know someone IS reading it. *sigh* And big thanks to everyone that ever left feedback on my stories, It is and always will be really HUGELY appreciated by this Roswellian.
First part is here : viewthread?forum=dreamer-fanfiction&id=274205&page=1
And I will take you in my arms
And hold you right where you belong
Til' the day my life is through
This I promise you
/"This I promise you" by N'Sync/
I was just about to exit my tent for the woods, when I heard rustling right outside. Since Zan had left me note to meet him in the twilight, I had no reason to suspect anything. Still, once my eyes rested on the face of my sister Ava, alarms in my head should've went crazy.
You know, family is extremely funny thing. Just like love.
Who is the world would ever suspect their own blood could lift a finger to endanger a fly? Of course, unless your brother was the one, that started this bloody war. But, real problem didn't lie in Khivar. Nope. When all had to be put on the line, he was a good man at the end of the day. One of the good guys in this perverted society that we live in. Circumstance just had different plans for him. So, he didn't have a chance to shine.
See, we never know what is going on in other people's heads. Unless they decide to share their soul with us, we're totally clueless. We can guess, we can throw ideas around, we can offer explanations for all kinds of theories WE have, but the simple fact remains. We are just tapping around in the dark, searching for a light switch. Real problem is, and I'm ashamed to admit it, but I never found the light switch to Ava's soul. Sure, she didn't offer much herself, and what I did know, might have been a lie. Still, I wish I've known her. Really known her.
But, this is how I saw Ava. When I think back to our childhood, she was the sweetest kid around. Even then, she was uncertain variable. Quiet, shy little girl, with these big blue eyes, that looked so scared of the world. It was her silence that pulled people inside her haven, and it was that same thing that pushed them out. You could spend hours, days, even months with her, but no matter how long, you'd never understand the way her mind worked. or what she thought about, dreamed of. I don't think it was just me feeling that way. Still, she always looked happy, content.
So, in complete blindness to my sister's imperfections, I turned toward the entrance and met her sky like eyes, when I felt blade cutting into my stomach.
Funny thing... In that fleeting moment, I thought I've finally found that light switch, and this whole new world came alive for me. There was just this look in her eyes. Then, it was dark again.
How was I to know my own sister's silence would be the death of me? How was I to know that Zan and I wouldn't get our happily ever after in this lifetime? So, I guess I was losing sight of that light switch again, huh? Story of my life, it seems...
Simple misconceptions can completely screw your life around, make your world turn on its axis, or lead to total fallout. If you live through it, there is tiny part of your heart that will probably forever stay closed for the rest of the world. Cause, what's the use of living and breathing, if you can't trust your own family, right? So, in the end, that stupid misconception begins to live your life for you. It moves your hands around, make your legs walk the life's path, makes you smile even if you don't want to. And you go along with it. Simply, because you believe. You believe that deep down, people are basicly good, you believe that good things come to those who wait, you believe that every cloud has a silver lining and that you'll always be faster than the bad guy and be your own hero. But, if you don't look closely enough or read between the lines, you could completely miss the fine print. No matter how much we'd want to, some people we just can't trust. And I trusted my sister. I just wasn't fast enough.
I still can't say I would love her any less if I knew then, what I know now. I know now none of us is safe. Not really. It's not each other we should be afraid of. It's ourselves. It's that dark, non-conformant part of us, part that doesn't want to play second violin to anyone. We're the scarriest thing there is.
We all want the real thing - true love. If we can't get it, we lose our minds, our hearts. Is there a cure? I think not. Not that anyone would really want to be cured.
Cause, love can be pure magic with that one special person. I had that, no matter how short it lasted. Lying in Zan's embrace all those nights, just hearing him breathe, kissing his tears away, when he had nightmares....I felt love so deep it hurt my heart to think I would have to leave it behind. And you know what they say, that when you're dying, your whole life flies in front of your eyes? Not completely true. All I saw was Zan. One thing, one being I would have to leave behind. I didn't see my life UNTIL now. I just thought about everything I'll miss out on. Waking up in Zan's arms in the morning, as sun hits our faces, end of this war, my marriage to Zan, our children, joint sunsets, break of dawns...All that was taken away by my misconception. I just wanted to cry for whole eternity, knowing I was losing it all. Even more, because I knew I myself was partly to blame.
As I was feeling faint from the blood loss, I fell to my knees, grabbing Ava's hand for leverage. Our eyes once again met. My gaze surprised and hurt, hers full of disbelief and tears she refused to shed, bloody blade still firmly in her palm.
Will the powers allow me to say goodbye to my love? I just want to tell him how much I'll miss him. I just want to tell him it WAS magical...
Ava took few steps toward the exit, blade tumbling from her trembling fingers and ran out of the tent. Is this end? You know, I'll really have to complain to Mr. Bigwig up there about this unfairness factor, once I see the man. And ask for a more trustworthy family in the next lifetime. Do you think He'd listen to my suggestion or send my soul in some animal for lifetimes to come? Maybe I should just keep my trap shut and die in peace.
Cause, thinking back, I can trace exactly when our end was on the horizon. It was the moment Zan TOLD me he had some news for me. See? Once he spoke, Gods rebelled and sent Ava to teach us a lesson. I guess, silence is golden. I just wish he knew that before!
And as hard as it is for me to stay concious, last thing I think about is, will always be, Zan. Then, all is black, and I'm alone again.
**TBC with Zan's POV**
[ edited 3 time(s), last at 28-Nov-2002 10:48:16 AM ]
|posted on 21-Nov-2002 6:18:08 AM by beehr4shiri|
Lolita Behrbuns originally wrote:
You said that this is a trilogy. Does that mean that the next part is the last part? Will you give us a Max/Liz reunion?
I have still Zan's POV in this part to post, and then yes, next part after that is the last part. And don't worry, you'll get Max/Liz reunion.
|posted on 28-Nov-2002 10:52:35 AM by beehr4shiri|
The way I feel
Was promised by your face
The sound of your voice
Painted on my memories
Even if you're not with me
I'm with you
Two days ago my love and I fought on the battle ground, right out on the outskirts of the compound. Thankfully, we didn't have to fight against each other. Still. every hit she received stays imprinted in my skin for years to come.
It's really hard. Living this...this lie. In the still of the night, I can sense the paterrn of my lover's heart, beating in the synch with mine, but out there, she's my mortal enemy. At least, she's supposed to be. But somehow, even if our lives depended on it, I can't push myself to bring her any pain. I'm damned, that's what I am.
If I close my eyes, I see her under me in the moments of pure ecstasy, moaning my name, if I open my eyes, I see her feral beauty, blinding me even in the dark. You can imagine what that does to me in the battle. No concentration to save my pitiful life. Literally. Still, strangely, we both stay alive one day longer. Even at this moment I can see my beloved in my mind's eye.
Because Alana...Well, she is like a character out of children's fairytales, the ones that elders used to tell us, about passionate young women, who loved life with each atom of their being. She amazes me constantly. More and more with every waking day. I don't know how I would survive without her in my life. I guess I wouldn't. And that is exactly why what I have to say to her pains me endlessly.
Few days ago, my father found possible solution for ending this awful war. It seems he conveniently forgot what actually caused it in the first place, but seeing as he always thinks he's right, anything I'd say wouldn't make any difference at all.
My sister, as much as I love her to pieces, I rarely saw her as anything but spoiled little brat. Mother and father catered to her every wish since we were little children, and I actually don't mind that. But what I discovered recently brought me to my knees. Although she can appear snotty like hell from time to time, she's still my sister, you know? I wouldn't trade all her snottiness for anything. Plus, I know her heart now. She plays strong so well, but her eyes tell me completely different story. So I listen to her eyes, telling me of impossible love, of longing so deep, she thinks she will die. And I think of my beloved then, her essence deep inside of my soul, keeping me alive.
See, I know that kind of longing, that kind of love. Our wishes and dreams weren't meant to be, I suppose. Not in this lifetime anyway. So, I understand why Khivar started this war. I can understand, but not condone it. It's still wrong. Innocent people die every day for something they had no part of. Still, I know his heart doesn't see any other way.
Desperation makes us us do things we wouldn't even think of in normal circumstances. It eats us from inside out, till all we can see is carnage and revenge, so we could get what we want. And soon, every war we started, everything and everyone that stood on the way to our goal needs to me removed. Any way possibble. Still, we all don't operate in the same mode. That is where we differ. Some plead, some lie and hide, and some take lives. In the end, love will kill us all. And we will thank it, with a smile on our faces. I guess, after all, you can't tell your heart who to love. It picks its own route and makes us walk the path, no matter what consequences.
And as much as it pains me, I have to do what I can to put end all this. I need to, because next who could perish in this fight could be my dearest Alana, and that is one sacrifice I couldn't bare. In any lifetime.
I speed up my walk, yellow leaves cracking under my boots, looking around for her face. Forest is the safest place for us now. We don't meet in the compound anymore. It's not safe. For her. I don't really care about myself. She is all that matters. She'll always be. Suddenly I hear branches shuffling in the wind, and I turn, hopping to see her face.
Instead of my beloved, in front of me stands my bad news, infamous Avana Desavros of the Desavros House, other Khivar's sister, one year older sister of Alana. So, that entire irony could be bigger, she was the exact woman my father chose, cause she's the eldest daughter. You see, I am supposed to marry Avana tommorrow at noon.
As if she can read confusion off my face, she touches her fingertips to my lips to stay silent. Confusion rises in my mind, since the only woman I ever want to be touching my lips is my love.
"Did something happen? Is anything wrong?"
I ask her in slight panic. She nods her head. There is this strange look in her eyes, that I can't account for. Like she knows something that could crush everything that I am.
"Is it Alana?" I ask. She nods again.
Panic blurs my vision, and I grab her arm, pulling her along behind me, running toward the compound. I can hear her soft crying in the darkness, and suddenly, I feel as if my heart is being squeezed. So hard, that I have trouble breathing. Oh, my God...Alana. I run faster and faster, not even checking is Ava following me.
Alana is all that matters. I repeat it as my mantra in the recesses of my brain. Alana is all that matters...
And with that thought, I run straight toward her tent, not even thinking about the fact that this is rebellion's compound. Enemies of the crown. My enemies. It doesn't matter...
Half way there, I realize her tent is filled with her soldiers. My eyes focus solelay on my beloved, lying in blood on the floor.
Oh, no, love, what have they done to you? My vision is blurry again, as I try to stop her bleeding. This can't be happening. In the deadly silence of the tent, with all these people around, I suddenly her a scream. Scream of a wounded animal, scream of a broken heart, and I realize it's me. I can't breathe anymore... Where are these special powers our legends talk so much about? Where is that healing hand?
She touches her fingertips to my lips, begging me not to cry, but I can's to anything but that. She shakes her head a little and starts to cry herself. I can feel her sleeping away from me and there isn't a damn thing I could do to save the one my heart, my very soul craves for. How is that fair? How could I live without my heart? There just is no point.
In last desperate attempt to help her, she beckons me closer. She wants to whisper something to me. As she looks behind me, her pupils dilate a little, but I can't make a connection. My mind just refuses to function at the moment.
Alana gathers all the strength she has left and says omnious last words. Word that will conclude both of our fates.
I stay frozen for a second, not wanting to believe her sister could do something this vicious. Why would she do this? If anyone had anything to gain tommorrow, it was Avana.
I can feel my love's breathing slowing painfully down and she can barely keep her eyes open. But I have to tell her how much she means to me. I have to tell her that this isn't goodbye. I refuse to say goodbye to her!
I kiss her tenderly, tracing her cheeck with my fingertips, trying to remember her face for all eternitites. We will see each other again, we will love each other once more. As God is my witness, I will find her, even if I forever have to search. I have no choice, really. She's another part of my soul.
She smiles heavenly. Next thing, she's gone and I feel so alone. Again.
In the moment of blind rage, I turn arouond, my eyes searching for target. Everyone else in the tent is still confused at what transpired in front of their eyes. I just don't care.
She shakes her head wildly, as if in denial, but all I see is red. My lover's blood.
"WHY?" Anguished question steals itself from my lips. I don't... I just don't get it. She cries! Oh, God, what?
"You loved her." she says.
In disbelief, I grab her hand, the once that is holding a gun now.
"KILL ME! Kill me now! Just finish it..." I brokenly cry out. I just don't care anymore. I'm already dead.
In a mad scuffle, loud bang is heard. Almost suprised, I feel my chest getting warm. I look down then up. She is still crying, her hand now trembling so hard, gun falls down on the floor.
As I slip to the ground, finding my place by my beloved, it's as if I can hear her laugh. She's waiting for me on the other side, so why postpone one thing I, we always wanted? I smile contented, as I see her in my mind's eyes, standing so beautiful in the white light. She takes me hand and kisses my tears away gently, leading me on my path.
I know now we will be reborn again, and this time, I will save her and love her. And nothing will take her away from me this time or ever again. It's a promise.
No, no matter how far we've come
I can't wait to see tomorrow
No matter how far we’ve come
I can’t wait to see tomorrow
*Lyrics are "With you" by Linkin Park.
P.S. Please, please, PLEASE, leave me some feedback, people. *bawls* I feel like I'm writing for myself here.
[ edited 2 time(s), last at 28-Nov-2002 10:58:53 AM ]