posted on 1-Dec-2002 1:38:42 AM by JBehrsGurl
Title: Good Shit -A Turkey Story
Author: Me! E!
Catagory: Dreamer and CC
Summary: Roswellians celebrate Turkey Day
Author's Note: OKay, I'm desperately LATE in posting this but it was originally supossed to be a one parter but it started getting longer and longer so I decided to post some b4 Thanksgiving is TOTALLY over with! lol Sorry! Hope you like!

FEEDBACK is welcome with open arms!

The wonderful and talented Meagzie!!! Made me this banner! She rocks!

Part. 1

Good Shit.

That is what I’d say if you asked me to sum up my Thanksgiving holiday. Well actually I’d say CRAZY, SCREWED UP, FINE HOLIDAY FUN! But I think you’d prefer the latter. You see my families not your normal day-to-day, happy go lucky type family. No. I was born lucky enough to have a BIG ASS FAT FAMILY. Okay wait, lemme break this down for you. Ready? You sure? Don’t fall asleep on me now cuz you’re all full of Turkey and great granny’s stuffin.

My mommy, Nancy Parker, and my daddy, Jeffery Parker, have a very close relationship with their life long pals Amy Deluca-Valenti and Jim Valenti. They have a son and a daughter named Kyle and Maria. Maria is my very best good friend and Kyle is my brother’s very best good friend. Oh did I forget to mention that I have a butt face for a brother? Oh I’m sorry, hmmm… ANYWAYS! Recently a new family has been added.

The Evans.

How is this possible you say? Well let’s just slap it down on the table for ya like uncle Frank when he thinks he’s won a hand in poker.

My dear and loving brother has been going out with his girlfriend, Isabel Evans. They’re going on three years now. And as luck would have it! Maria just started dating their cousin Michael Guerin! Michael is like their brother though since he lives with them, his parents aren’t really too good… Yea… So… Um, on to the reason my Turkey Day started!

Since it seems the family is so dearly happy that everyone has come together the way they have, my mom thought it would be a wonderful idea to invite the EVANS over for Thanksgiving! Notice my sarcasm when I say “wonderful idea!” Because Isabel and Michael have another sibling…

Max Evans.

The utter most supreme sex god you have ever laid your eyes on. I mean this guy is the BIG MAN ON CAMPUS. And we’re in college now. Just started, fresh meat. Actually me, Ria and Max are the fresh meat cuz Isabel, Michael, Kyle and Alex are already in their second year now. But make no mistake, cuz the moment Max Evans stepped foot on that campus he was IT. Maria SWEARS on her tiny vial of cedar oil that Max has a thing for me but…

Yea. Riiiiiiight.

Like maybe when piggies fly through the air like a bat from hell. Ha! Don’t make me laugh! HA-HA-HA-HA! Gosh I promised myself I’d stop being so sarcastic! Okay, lets get back to my sad, tragic story.

Kyle decided that this year he would bring the girl he was talking to, to our family get together. BIG MISTAKE. I could have told him that, but anyways… Her name’s Michelle Shaw and she’s actually pretty damn pretty, she’s got really attractive hair that I envy! Its wavy and a silky auburn red that she swears isn’t a dye job. Anyways, Kyle’s really smitten over her so we all decided to play nice. Poor Kyle, has he forgotten family tradition since last year?


So it’s about two hours before the big Turkey day fiasco is gonna start and I’m lying on my bed reading the latest COSMOGIRL! C’mon, like you don’t read it! So what if I’m about to be 19 years old and I still read teen magazines! Psha!

Besides, my hairs in rollers and I can’t do much else. Why, oh why, did I agree to let Maria gussy me up? Maybe it’s because she threatened to tell Max Evans that you’ve been madly and deeply in love with him since the first grade? OH YEA! That’s it! She’s really good at black mail, I’m tellin’ you watch out America! Cuz she’s studying to be a lawyer! As for me, I’m a bio major myself but you don’t care about that part do you? You wanna know what’s gonna happen to me today that will forever change my life! But I don’t know this yet. I’m still here 8 hours earlier listening to Good Charlotte and reading “How To Get Him To Notice You!” inside a COSMOGIRL!

“Lizzie!” Mom calls.

SSSHHHHH!!! If I don’t say anything maybe she’ll think I’m not here.

“She’s pretending she’s not here in her room!” I hear Alex yell from his room.

See, I told you he’s a butt wipe.

“Oh! Liz, you gotta take those out soon and start helping me set up the table!” She points at my head and hurries in my room to shut off my CD player. “C’mon! Get crackin’! We have guests coming!” She smacks my behind.

“Uh! Ma-umm!” I whine, “Why did you have to invite them?” I cry into my pillow.

“I’m going to pretend I didn’t hear that.” She says throwing an apron on my bed. “The Valenti’s will be here any minute and Kyle’s bringing that Michelle Shaw girl so… Behave!” She smacks my butt again.

“MOMMA!” Maria shouts and hugs my mom as she so loudly enters my room.

“Ria! Oh honey, you look darling!” My mother daintily fingers the loose curls in Maria’s hair, “Oh that Guerin boy is a lucky one!” She kisses her cheek. “Maybe Liz can learn a thing or two from you?” She adds before leaving the room.

“She’s evil, I’m TELLING you! Pure EV-IL!” I grumble and tie the apron on.

Maria rolls her eyes and wraps my head in a scarf she pulls from my dresser, “She’s not so bad, you just have to know how to wing ‘er.” She winks and taps the end of my nose. “Max is really nervous about today.” She whispers.

My eyes pop out, “Huh? No way, Maria, shut up.” I scold and start to walk down stairs.

“I just talked to him on the phone for like, two hours while I was getting ready!” Maria shouts.

I groan, “I hate that you and him are like ‘best friends’!” I quote this with my fingers, “Ex-squeeze me if I’m wrong but aren’t you supposed to me MY best friend?”

“Urrrrrrghhh! He’s hot for your bod, Lizzie! Why are you in denial land!? Max Evans li-” She screams.

I jumped back up the stairs and plummet her down before she can continue, “Oh my gosh, Ria! Are you INSANE?! What if Alex heard you!” I whisper/shout in her face.

She grimaces and shoves me off her, “Gosh Liz! Overreact much? You like, wrinkled my dress! And if my hair is ONE HAIR OUT OF PLACE!” She scorns.

“Hey! Hey! What is all the commotion out here about? I am TRY-ING to get ready!” Alex comes out of his room with gelled hair pointing in all directions.

We stare at him oddly.

He shakes his head, “I had a little experiment gone wrong with my hair gel and blow dryer… Nothing to worry about, all precautions were safely used and no one got hurt.” He spreads his arms out. The tune of Saved By The Bell starts playing from Alex’s room, “OH SHIT! MY show is on! Seee ya!” He runs back into his room and slams the door. “WhooHooo! Kelly Kapowski can save MY bell!” We hear him shout from inside.

We both give each other knowing looks.

I help her up off the floor with an apology and we make our way downstairs. Amy and my mother are chatting in the kitchen where we’re headed and I see my dad and Jim watching football in the TV room.

“OH! NO!” Jim yells at the television.

“YEA! GO, BABY, GOOO! GOO!!!” My dad jumps up and raises his fists high, “Jim, you best hand over that case of beer right now cuz I’m tellin you my team is gonna win!”

I laugh and go into the kitchen with Maria.

“Did they bet on the game again?” I snicker and sit at the table next to Maria.

My mom nods her head, laughing, and sets a bag of potatoes in front of us. We look at her incredulously. You’ve GOT to be kidding me. Peel potatoes? Do I look like a cadet sentenced to peel?

“You’re kidding me.” I say aloud.

“Peel, and hurry up! I know how slow you are.” My mother sets down two peelers in front of us. Maria starts peeling right away and I sigh, she’s such an ass kisser.

“I know what you’re thinking and I am not.” Maria mumbles under breath. I laugh out loud.

“So tell me more about this Michelle girl.” My mother nudges Amy.

Maria and I roll our eyes, you see we DID like Michelle. We liked her up until the point that she and Kyle started dating, now we’re in overprotective sister mode. Just like we were when Isabel and Alex started dating. But I like Isabel so I guess that’s where things differ.

Amy’s eyes light up and she starts babbling, “Oh she’s such a cute girl, Nancy! You’re going to LOVE her! She’s got a good head on her shoulders too! She doesn’t fit Kyle’s type at all.”

“And just what is Kyle’s type?” I pipe in.

Amy expresses her amusement and pinches my cheek, “Oh you know, the platinum blonde bimbo type.”

“Tess.” We all say at the same time.

Tess Harding, gosh that chick was an airhead. Last year Kyle brought her because they had been steady almost a year and she didn’t even make it up to the initiation. She screamed when Maria and I put a fake spider in her sparkling cider. Sheesh, can we say gullible?

“Anyways, yes, this girl is just too good to be true so Kyle will most likely screw it up somehow.” Amy went on, “And besides I bet she’s used to the sheltered life because her dad’s the secretary of state, Nance. I just hope she doesn’t think we live uncivilized.” She sighed.

“YESSSSS! Ha! In your face Parker! IN YOUR FACE!” Jim’s voice boomed through the walls, “I’d like my beer on ice thank you very much, Jeff. Amy! We need more chips out here, honey!” He yelled.

“I’ll get it.” I jumped up quick to get away from the task at hand.

When I entered the “game” room it was a sight to remember. Two grown men staring a TV screen and screaming as if the players could hear them. I shook my head giggling. I opened the Doritos bag loudly and sauntered back and forth past the TV as many times as I could, watching their head move every which way to see the screen.

“Here ya are, boys, that’ll be five fifty.” I hold out one hand while my other hand rests on my hip as I pretend to pop bubble gum in my mouth in front of my dad.

“Funny. Thank you, darling.” He pats my hip and shoos me away from the TV.

“Thank you, Liz.” Valenti smiles, but his eyes never leave the screen.

“Men.” I shake my head in wonder. No way would you ever see me staring at a TV screen like that unless there’s a movie marathon on Brad Pitt.

Setting my ass back down at the table slowly and reluctantly, I take a deep breath and notice that I don’t smell turkey. I actually don’t smell anything! What’s the deal, yo?!

“Mom?” I say curious.

“Yes?” She turns to me from her spot at the counter.

“I don’t smell anything cooking.” I say peeling away.

She looks at me skeptically, “What do you mean?”

“I mean what time did you put the Turkey in? I should smell something shouldn’t I?” I ask.

She walks over to the oven grinning ear to ear, “Oh honey! You’re so funny! Look sweetie here it is, it’s been cooking since eleven.” She opens the oven door.

I see the Turkey. I see it nicely wrapped in foil and prepared to be cooked, but what I don’t see is it actually BEING cooked!

“Mother!” I scream jumping out of my seat, “Mom you didn’t TURN the oven ON!”

She double takes the turkey and shouts, “OH! For heavens sake! I didn’t! Oh my gosh!” Her mouth forms a giant O.

“It’s okay, Nance, calm down honey! We’ll fix this! It’s okay!” Amy tries to calm my mother down, “I’ll just turn it up to 375 like it’s supposed to and we’ll just go on from there!” She pats my mother’s shoulder, “Oh honey, it’s an honest mistake!” She croons when my mother’s eyes start to water.

“The Evans are going to be here any minute and they will think I’m a HORRIBLE host!” My mother starts to blubber.

Amy pulls my mom into a tight hug and whispers something that causes my mom to erupt into a hiccupping laughter. Just then Alex walks down stairs chuckling to himself and opens the refrigerator.

“That Zack Morris, man…” She shakes his head chuckling some more as he grabs a Pepsi and makes his way back up to his room.

“Done.” Maria bellows out in triumph.

I look down to see that I have only peeled three while she has finished the lot. My mom’s face brightens up as she compliments Maria and again makes me feel a fool. My top feels heavy with the curlers all bunched up on my head, and I look at Maria as if to say, Can I take these out yet? To which she nods. The doorbell rings and thinking its Kyle with his date I rush to the door ready to embarrass the shit out of him in my jimmies and curlers.

“HAPPY TURKEY DAY!” I shout and grin the most biggest scariest grin you can imagine.

“Whoa. You look tore up Liz.” Michael Guerin laughs.

I open my eyes and my heart stops. The Evans stand before me bearing gifts and looking as if they were entering a circus. “Oh god.” I choke out.

“Liz, c’mon, the Evans are gonna be here any minute and you’re still not ready!” Maria comes up behind me, “Oh! Hey Mr. And Mrs. Evans!” She smiles politely. “Won’t you please come in.” She shoves me out of the way and lets everyone in. “Mommies! The Evans are here!” Maria shouts over her shoulder, “May I take your coats?”

I hate her. Why was she born with all the perfect manners and such and I was born the reject? Max freaking Evans just saw me look like a fifty year old lady in curlers! Why, oh, why me?! I try to sly my way past everyone to the stairs so I could run as fast as my legs would take me to me room but would you lookie here! Max is right in from of the stairs! How lovely!

Michael see’s me struggling and comes to my rescue, “Oh hey! Why don’t us guys do the manly bonding and watch the game, huh?” He ushers Max and Mr. Evans over to the TV room.

I mouth a “thank you” and run up the stairs, only my legs seemed to have turn to jelly cuz when I start towards the stairs I fall flat on my face, my curlers unravel and fly across the floor. Oh god, this is not happening. Maria and Isabel’s eyes widen and scurry to my aid before anyone else notices my clumsiness.

“What the hell was that?” Maria hisses in my ear.

“It’s not like I did it on freaking purpose!” I snap.

“C’mon, I don’t think anyone saw you so that.” Isabel takes my elbow and helps me up. “Where’s Ally?” She asks.

“Drooling over the gals of Saved By The Bell.” I say, dusting myself off, “Man I’m such a mess!”

Michael comes out from the TV room and hurries over, “What the hell was that big ass bang I heard? I had to literally shove Max down on the couch to keep him from coming over here to check on you.” He points in my face.

“What? Why?” I grimace and rub my chin. Damn, I scrubbed pretty good.

“Look, forget it. Just go upstairs and get ready.” He pushes me towards the stairs.

Oh the joys of having a best GUY friend. You know if it wasn’t for me, Michael and Maria wouldn’t have hooked up so well? Yes, I’d like to have my credit in my affordable match making skills.

“Todaaaayyyy!” Michael says pushing me again. He walks back to the game room but not before planting a big sloppy kiss on Maria’s lips, “Happy Thanksgiving.” He smiles, leaving behind a big dopey-faced Maria.

Her grin widens and she giggles like a schoolgirl.

“I need a drink.” I roll my eyes and make my way to the kitchen only to be pulled back by Iz and Ria.


“Ow!” I scream.

“Shut up Liz! I didn’t even start yet!” Maria scolds me.

She’s about to put my hair up in this elegant bun type style she’s trying to copy from a magazine she said she read. Dear god save me!

“Ow! Maria! Quit pulling my hair!” I scream again and rub my scalp.

“You’re such a baby!” She shushes me.

Isabel quietly searches through my clothes and picks out what she thinks I’m going to wear. To dinner tonight, HA!

“Are you on one, Iz? No way am I wearing a dress like Princess Deluca here.” I scowl.

“Yes, you are.” They say simultaneously.

I’m out numbered yet again I see. I call Maria, Deluca, cuz its her hyphened last name, her dad is Jim but her mom liked the ring of Deluca more than Valenti and when she was born Jim okayed it and it was done.

“Freaking aye man, why am I letting you do this to me?” I hop off the high chair and mess up my hair. Causing Maria and Isabel to gasp, “I’m gonna dress in what I always wear and I’m gonna do my hair the way I always do!” I shout and waltz out of my room to Alex’s door. I open it and slam it shut, and plop down beside him in his bed.

“You know I could have been naked.” He says watching the TV.

“But you’re not. Alex, be my brother and ask what’s wrong.” I whine cuddling up next to him.

“But I already know what’s wrong.” He says and switches off the TV, “You see it’s just that episode where Kelly and Zack-“

“Alex, PLEASE!”

“Okay! Okay! I won’t compare you to the greatest show of all time, but seriously. I know what’s eating you, Gilbert Grape.” He pats my head. “You like Max and you want to impress him but you also don’t want him to see you as someone you’re not.”

“Wow, for a butt munch you’re pretty good.” I sit up and look at him. “How’d you know that? Did you use your brotherly intuition?”

“No, actually I heard you girls babbling on and on in your room for the past week and a half and put two and two together.” He laughed and stood up, “C’mon. The Turkey’s almost done.”

“I think not, mom didn’t turn the stove on.” I laugh, “We got a while.”

“Hmmm…” He rubs his chin in thought.

“Oh! Have you thought of anything for Michelle’s initiation?” I ask still not getting off his bed.

He grins, “Oh my dear child, you may get the biggest prankster award every year but I hold the ultimate Initiation title.”

“Which is…?”

He squints his eyes, “Like I’m gonna tell you!” He scoffs.

I roll my eyes and roll off his bed, “So what do we do until dinner’s ready? You know I swear that Turkey in that oven has more brains than mom.”

“I got it!” He shouts happily.

“You got what?” I ask curious.

“Football, baby!” He lifts his fists in the air the way my dad had earlier.

“Ugh! That’s so boring!” I moan.

“No, you inbreed. Let’s PLAY football!” He rushes over to his closet and takes out his pigskin ball and throws on his high school football jersey.

“Freaking aye man, that’s the best idea you’ve ever had!” I run over to him and grab the ball, “I’ll change into some sweats and b-r-b, a-s-a-p.”

“Hurry!” He shouts and hops down stairs.

“Change of plans! Foosball!” I shout excited and throw on my jeans and high school softball hooded sweater, man those were the days.

“Huh?” The girls say.

“Put some of my sweats on and get downstairs, we’re gonna play football!” I scream happily!

“Eww! No we’re not!” Maria shrieks following me down stairs.

The doorbell rings.

“Take your positions!” I scream and Maria, Isabel and I rush to the door ready to embarrass Kyle. “Greeting and salutations earthlin-” I don’t finish cuz yet again it’s not Kyle and Michelle, “Uncle Frank! Aunt Lynn!” I yell gleefully, I really do love these people, they’re one of the many few.

“Lizzie! Oh Lizzie, you’re hair looks so cute!” Aunt Lynn plays with the curls in my high ponytail.

“I tried to style that mane of hers but she won’t have it.” Maria rolls her eyes, “Hey Aunt Lynn, Uncle Frank!” She pulls them into a hug.

See, told you. Big fat ass family. And there’s more to come.

“Where’s Jack and Sam?” I ask taking their coats and ushering uncle Frank to the game room where the hoots and howls are heard.

Sam, Samantha, is the same age as Maria and I but she’s a senior in high school, and Jack is older than us, he’s the same age as Alex. He’s so cool, when I was small I used to pretend he was my brother and Alex was my cousin. Oh, if only life could be so grand.

“OH, they’re fighting in the car.” Aunt Lynn sighs tiredly, “They’ve been at it the whole 45 minute drive over here.” She shakes her head, “I swear it’s that Harding girl that makes them fight.” She scowls.

Maria and I go slack jawed.

“D-d-did you just say Harding?” I spit.

“Yeeeaaa?” Lynn says.

“Tess. Harding?” Maria gulps.

“You know her?” She beams, “Oh how wonderful-“

“Wonderful?! Like a hole in the head! Jinkies, Aunt Lynn, what was Jack thinking?!” I shout dumbfounded, how did this chicken head manage her way back into this family???

“Tess used to date Kyle.” Isabel speaks up, “By the way you look fabulous, Lynn.” Isabel envelops her into a hug. The girl is learning the trades! I dance cheerfully inside, I love Iz, she’s so cool.

“Ohhhh! Was that the girl who ran out the house just as we were entering last year?” Aunt Lynn asks.

We all nod.

“Shut up, Jack! You punk! I didn’t know it was gonna hit Tess!” Sam yells as they make their way up the patio steps.

“Well, it did!” Tess squeaks.

“Yea!” Jack says and takes Tess in his arms.

Sam rolls her eyes, “Oh, puh-lease! She’s such a priss! I bet she won’t even make initiation!” Sam sneers.

Tess sticks her tongue out.

“Parker!” Jack shouts and lets go of Tess to pick me up, “Damn girl, you gettin’ BIG!” He chuckles swinging me around.

“Oh Jack, honey don’t do that.” Lynn says and then goes into the kitchen.

“Yea Jack!” I whine and pound his back, he lets me down.

“YOU!” Tess’ eyes pop out, “Jack, you didn’t say we were coming HERE!” Tess snivels.

“Why hello there, priss queen.” I flutter my fingers at her. Maria and Isabel do the same.

“You guys know each other? Cool.” Jack shrugs and comes inside, “Here’s my jacket, Parker, Thanks!” He snickers and goes into the game room.

He’s so nice! Hmmm, I might have to have a word with this punk. I think to myself.

“He’s been acting like he’s the shit ever since he started dating this bimbo.” Sam steps in and shoves Tess aside in the process.

“Hey!” Tess shrieks.

“Sammie!” Maria and I squeal and hug her tight, “GROUP HUG!” We shout.

“Oh, Isabel get up in this shit!” Sam grabs her.

Tess rolls her eyes and goes into the game room.

I shut the door and we go up to my room. Sam has really pretty brown hair but she recently cut it off into a bob. She’s still really pretty though, she’s taller than us, but only by an inch or two for Isabel, since she’s so damn supermodel tall herself.

“So what’s up, girlies? I haven’t seen you guys in a while.” Sam says going through my CD's.

“Nothing much, college, work in the CrashDown, nothing…” I shrug and look out my side window. “OH MY GOSH! I see Kyle and Michelle!” I get excited!

“What? Who?” I hear Sam ask as I jump out to my balcony, I must spy!

“Maria.” I say.

“You explain.” Isabel finishes.

We all peak over the brick wall and giggle. My eavesdropping ears go into effect…

“I’m so nervous Kyle.” Michelle shivers.

“Awww honey, you’re shaking.” He hugs her, “They’re gonna love you.” He kisses her cheek.


“I hope so. You say that Maria and Liz will be here too?” She says hopeful.

Oh you poor thing, she thinks we’re going to make her feel at home. Oh you poor, poor thing. I shake my head.

“Yep, and so will Isabel and Max.” He lifts up her chin and kisses her mouth.

Isabel and Max?

I turn to Isabel and before I can answer she says, “Yea, yea, they have computer science together or what not.” She waves it off.

“Ewww!” Maria gripes, “They’re like eating each others faces.”

“Lets drop something on them!” I say giddy.

“Uh! That is soooo immature Liz!” Maria grimaces, “Iz, get Liz’s bead set.” She grins.

I look her over and shrug, Maria pulls 360’s on us all the time, she’s so sporadic and spontaneous it’s frightening. When Isabel comes back with my bucket of beads –yes I have a bucket of beads, I take a few and drop them over the heads of the lovebirds.


So I do it again. And I hear whispering. Isabel, Maria, Sam and I double up and cover our mouths running back into my room. Gosh we can be so immature but by George it’s great! When we’re done laughing we go down stairs and say our hellos and Kyle looks at us cynically. Maria flutters her lashes and goes to play kissy face with Michael in the Den. Alex comes into the living room from where the “manly bonding” is taking place and strolls up to Isabel where he kisses her and winks.

Yes my dears, I’m the odd man out. Oh. Freaking well. Well actually, Sam is too. But she has a boyfriend, I think. No actually last time we spoke about that stuff they had broken up. I ask her about that and she goes into this short story about now talking to his best friend. This girl is a major player if I have ever known one. I give her props and mosey into the game room where I then sit by my dad.

“Hey kiddo.” He winks and looks at the screen.

I look around me and see Max on the other side of my dad. Mr. Evans, Phillip, is to my left next to Jim. I’m a Jim and Jeff sandwich if you’re wondering. Jack’s on a chair intrigued by the football game too, Tess plays with his hair and pretends to watch interested on his lap. I’m surprised that Kyle hasn’t said anything. He’s probably so fascinated by Michelle that he doesn’t care. Uncle Franck is sitting at the bar cowing down pretzels and drinking his mug of beer, he belches out loud and screams when his team scores, my dad hollers with him and Phillip and Jim scowl in annoyance.

I side glance Max who’s side glancing me, OH PoOp! He saw me looking! I quickly jerk my head away. He does the same. Man I can’t do this! Not with my dad in the middle! Go away dad!

“Honey will you get me and Jim a beer? Hey Phil you want one too? A soda maybe?” My dad offers.

“Yea, I’ll take one. Thank you Liz.” He smiles.

“I’ll help you.” Max gets up when I do.

Well that was a little too eager my dear boy. But hell! I don’t care! Come along, my little sex god you! Inside I’m like this but on the outside I’m stumbling through the room trying to get to the kitchen. It’s 4:30p.m. now and so far my Turkey day has been one huge episode of America’s Funniest Home Video’s.

“Michael told me you fell out here earlier, are you okay? He said you fell pretty bad.” Max asks me and puts a caring hand on the small of my back. I shiver at his touch and he smiles more.

But then my happy bliss shatters when what he says registers in my brain. MICHAEL! That bastard! “Oh! Uh… I-I-I didn’t fall. That was Maria.” I lie.

“Why did he say it was you then?” Max asks concerned.

“Oh I dunno, you know him. Dumb jock! Hahahahaha!” I nervously start cracking up but stop immediately, “Well, Umm… M-Maybe cuz he didn’t want to embarrass Maria?” I pray he buys this.

“Yea.” He nods, “Seems like something that he would do.” He laughs.

I let the air out of my lungs and thank god. After I give everyone their drinks Alex comes up from behind and screams, “HEY SIS!” I of course scream bloody murder and turn around to smack the shit out of him!

The games have begun!

You see every year we play practical jokes on each other. EVERYONE is fair game and when newbies come we “initiate” them. This is the ultimate joke. We plan for ages on these types of things. Only reason Michael and Max are saved is because they’ve been here several times before, just not for Thanksgiving.

“We still up for that game?” Alex juggles the football in his hands.

“HELL YEA, BITCH!” I shout.

“Elizabeth!” I hear my mothers warning tone.


“Okay let’s go down to the park and see if the field is free. We got another hour or two before that Turkey is ready.” Alex takes Isabel’s hand.

She falters back and looks at the floor, Max does the same.

Alex takes her hand again, “What’s the matter, babe?” He says worried.

“We’re not allowed to play football.” Isabel and Max mumble.

“Why? Your mommy tell you that?” Kyle cracks.

“Yes…” They mumble.

“Oh c’mon!” Michael snaps, “That was YEARS ago, you guys!”

I laugh nervously, “What are you guys talking about?”

“Well you see…” Isabel whispers and kicks at her feet.

“We uh…” Max does the same.

“Oh for the love of!” Michael rolls his eyes, “Okay here’s the story, a couple years ago we used to play football before the bird was cooked. Well on the last game we played Isabel and Max got a little carried away and Isabel broke Max's nose. Therefore starting a big huge fight ending with paramedics having to be called.” Michael explains, “We were what? Twelve then? C’mon on guys! That was almost 8 years ago!”

“I guess you’re right…” Isabel says.

“GOOD! It’s settled, we play! C’mon!” Michael shoves everyone out the door and manages to even pull Jack along the way.

“But wait!” Kyle stops, “MY mom say’s I’m not allowed to cross the street!”

We all hoot in laughter at the Evan’s expense.

“I hate this holiday.” Tess scowls, stepping out into the cold air.

a/n: To be continued?

[ edited 7 time(s), last at 26-Dec-2002 5:05:17 AM ]
posted on 1-Dec-2002 11:52:39 PM by JBehrsGurl
Hehe!!! Okay I'm posting more tonight! I'm just gonna add a lil something-something and then... Dun Dunna Naaaaaa! *trumpets playing* I'll post!

You guys are so great! Thanks so much! And I'm glad you liked the saved by the bell part! That came to me all of the sudden when my gramps was flipping channels and I heard the theme song, so I said hmmmm I'll make Alex a Saved by the bell freak! lol Okay I'll shut up!

I agree that Turkey Day is not always given the best amount of credit as it should so this fic is kinda like giving it more meaning. Also since my TDay sucked ass I wanted to make it better thro Liz. LMAO I'm such a nerd. Okay well on with teh update! I'll post in one hour! *big*


Don't forget to donate in anyway you can to FANATICS! Or else you wont even be able to enjoy stuff like this from ANYONE! Cuz without Fanatics... There's nothing else left to keep Roswell going strong *sad* I hate to sound like I have nothing better to do than search the boards but THINK ABOUT it... When you're bored what do you do? You READ! Okay I'm done being a butt.. Bt plz donate if you can!!! I'm going to see what I can do about a raffle and I'm willing to donate a copy set of my season 1-3 Roswell videos... So... Anyone wanna donate now? LOL
posted on 2-Dec-2002 2:10:13 AM by JBehrsGurl
AHHHHH! Sorry I forgot to post! Blah blah blah! I got caught up watching Angel then I started watching Jackass THEN the Osbournes came on. I loooooooooove the Osbournes. They kick ass man! Now I'm watching Fast Lane so I guess I better post this puppy b4 I forget altogether! lol Don't forget to Donate to Fanatics!

Part 2

The walk was only ten minutes long and I’m as pumped up as ever. Isabel and Maria are clothed in my sweats and Sam and I wear jeans and sweatshirts, the guys aren’t too formal anyways so they play in their dinner clothes. We form a circle and Alex and I step forwards.

“Who’s gonna be captains?” Michael says.

“How about we bunny up for captains.” Alex says.

“Huh?” Everyone else says.

“BUNNY!” Alex and me shout and make rabbit ears with our fingers.

“Yeah, so me and Liz are captains. So who goes first,” Alex asks me, we’re about to go into war mode here, folks. So lock your doors, hide your children and bring sunscreen!

“Well I called bunny earliest so I’m first.” I look at the pack in front of me. “Kyle!”

Maria gasps, “Liz! I’m your best friend!”

“Awww, don’t worry, Ria, someone will pick you!” Alex softens, “Michael.” Damn! He got Michael! Michael plays good, really good!

Maria gasps again.

“Jack!” Sorry gals, but if you thought I was gonna pick Max you’re dead wrong, I can’t concentrate when I’m around that boy! My brain goes into overload and I foam at the mouth!

“Damn.” Alex mutters, “Ha! I pick Max! Ha! Ha!”

“Sammie!” I wait for him to choose again and Jack comes over and puts his hands on my shoulders to calm me.


“Damn it!” I hate when Isabel’s not with me, “Uh…” I side glance Alex and grin. He shakes his head several times. “Michelle!”

“You guys, this is just degrading!” Maria whines.

“Well honey! Now I pick you!” Alex grins pretending he wants her on his team.

“You didn’t PICK me, you were STUCK with me.” Maria scowls and goes to Michael.

“Uh hello? What about me?” Tess snaps. Her hands on her mini dress wearin’ hips.

We all turn to her, “You be time keeper, here.” I run up to her and hand her my cell phone. “When it beeps,” I set the alarm, “You let us know and then that’s the end of the game.” I pat her head, “Can you do that for me hun?” I wink.

She grumbles and sits on a bench. I shake my head and call for a huddle, Tess scowls at me and dials someone on her cell phone –no doubt her best friend Courtney to complain about the time she’s spending here.

“Okay guys huddle up!” I shout and everyone crowds around me, Ohhh I’m the center of attention! Me like that! “Oh! This our first huddle!” I pretend to be emotional, “So… What do you guys REALLY think of Alex?” Everyone stares at me, “Just kidding! Okay, Sam, I’m going to pass it to you, Kyle you cover Michael, Jack you got Max and Michelle, can you handle Maria?”

She nods.

“Okay, well then it’s set. Alex is gonna go straight for me, and Michael’s gonna go for the ball, they play on the same football team you do at school, Kyle. You know anything?” I look at him.

“Michael likes to hit low-“

“Whoa! Hold up here!” Sammie interrupts, “We’re playing TACKLE?”

From across the field you hear Maria scream the same thing. I look over to Alex and he nods, “Yep. Tackle.” I affirm everyone.

Sam curses under her breath and lets Kyle continue, “Alex thinks he’s tough stuff and he likes to charge right for the sack.” He looks at me, “And we know how fast he is.” I nod, “Michael also thinks that no one sees him when he sideswipes you but just know he does that and you can dodge him, he’s big but he aint that fast. Don’t get me wrong he’s fast but…” He lets the sentence go unfinished.

“Okay. Break!” I yowl and step up to the center field.

The war begins, me and Alex step up to the ball, “Scared Potter.” He mimics the movie.

“You wish.” I end the quote. “Set! …Hike!” I take the ball from Sammie’s hands and get ready to make my pass. Alex starts charging full strong after 5 Mississippi’s and panic erupts through me, geez he’s fast! I throw the ball right before I’m tackled to the floor and watch as it swirls through the air and right into Sammie’s hands, she dodges Max –great blocking Jack! And runs for the touch down.

She’s going! She’s going! She’s GONE!

“Yessssssss!” I scream and shout, “Losers walk!” I point towards the backfield.

“Oh yea? Well losers TALK!” Alex points in my face.

“No, losers rhyme.” Michael cracks and starts to walk.

Once across the field we run up towards each other and I throw the ball across to them, Alex catches it perfectly and makes a run for it. Michael takes Kyle down before he reaches Alex and Michelle takes Maria, hey I think maybe I DO like this chick! But we were surprised by Isabel’s boldness when she surprised us all by ducking down low to take Jack down for the kill, shit! It’s just me, Sammie, Max and Alex on the field.

Freaking Aye! Alex is almost at me, he’s fast! I jump out to tackle when I feel the wind being knocked out of me suddenly. I’m rolling over in the grass and grunting, I struggle for my breath and realize-


Max Evans is on top of me! Oh geez! How’s my breath? How’s my breath? How’s my breath? Oh my gosh, I’ll just die if it’s not minty fresh!

“You okay?” He asks me.

I nod. Well I could breathe better if he wasn’t smothered on top of me! But I don’t say this aloud; it’s nice to have a sex god hovering over my body! WhoooHoo! Wow, he has REALLY pretty eyes, I think and lose myself in them for a couple of seconds.

“Liz?” He whispers, his lips are really a lot more closer than they were a few seconds ago.

“Hmmm?” I answer lame.

“You uh…” His eyes bore into mine and I swear to you everything went in slow motion, my heart pounded in my chest, my skin tingles into gooseflesh and I saw heaven in those amber jewels.

“What is this? We’re playing a game here, people! The play ended 3 minutes ago and you’ve just been laying there like two turtles in heat!” Kyle comes up and pulls Max up off of me. Damn you Kyle Valenti! Your chick is DEFINITELY gonna get initiated in the worst way now!

“Our ball! First down!” Alex shouts, I grin.

“Taken down by a girl huh?” I laugh.

“Lovin’ that tackle just a lil too much huh?”

I snap my mouth shut.

“Blue 42! Blue 42! Seeeet! HIKE!” Michael shouts and hikes it to Alex.

One Mississippi, two Mississippi, three Mississippi, four Mississippi, five Mississippi!

GO! I run full speed at Alex, ready to take him down but the ball is passed down to Max. Dammit! Why me??? Kyle takes Michael down, Sammie takes Isabel down, Maria stands still watching and Michelle does the same, Jack struggles against Alex who has zipped past me already.

It’s just me and him.

Aiming every inch of energy and strength I have I remember softball for a moment. I remember the strategy I used one year when the bases were loaded and all we needed was one out. I remember having to catch the ball that was thrown from center left and I had to take Samara Mack out, I barely caught that shit before she scored, and what I had done was be patient.

I waited patiently for Max to come at me with the ball, his speed was high and for split second I doubted myself, but then I just went into Lizzie world. A world were I’m about to attack Max Evans sexually and he’s all too willing, I dodge Michael who has gotten up and ran for me, I side swipe Isabel just barely and I seek for the kill. I fell my calves tense up as I bend down ready to spring, he’s almost here, he has nowhere else to go. He can fake left, he can’t fake right. Only pass through me.

“Huuuuuuuuummppppphhhhh!” I hear the grunts of people being dealt with to the ground. “Arrrrrrrrgh!”

Just you and me Max, just you and me.

Time’s up. I pounce.

My arms wrap around his middle and –okay, okay… I cheat a little by positioning my feet in front of his and he trips, falling forwards. Now this is the real heroic moment people because not only did I sacrifice myself for him… I also got knocked the FUCK out!

I saw him stumble from my trip, I knew he was going down. But I also knew that if I didn’t pull his weight my way he was going face first without a helmet to the floor. That wouldn’t be pretty. So… I pulled him a top me. Only he doesn’t land the way I wanted him to.

“Liz! Liz! Liz! Liz wake up!” I felt the slap of a hand across my face.

“Ow you dick!” I shout angry.

“She’s good!” Alex cries out in triumph.


One hour later…

“Go left! Go left! Goleftgoleftgoleft!” I scream at Sammie, DAMN! Taken down by Isabel.

I have no choice but to run this play by myself. Everyone begged to end the game after I was rendered unconscious but I just wouldn’t have it. No way. I HAD to win this game. Score was 47 to 46. Our favor. I had to end this, and NOW.

I saw Max hesitate, probably in fear of knocking me out again but I faked a left and ran the ball down field towards Maria, people were falling at my shoes in defeat and I was ready for victory. Inches away from the tree where it was declared “touchdown” zone I can feel victory run through my veins, I can taste it. However I didn’t quite pay attention to my surroundings cuz sure enough Max has shimmied his way back to me and is about to take me down to china town.

When a miracle appears from the sky…


Max stops where he stands and looks up in the air, I run past him scoring the winning touchdown and even have time to come back and gloat about it before the phone beeps.

“Ha! That was classic man!” Kyle runs up to us doubling over in a fit of laughter.

Max stands still and disgruntled. Did I freaking just say disgruntled?

“Oh gosh I wish I had a camera!” Michael walks up chuckling, Max gives him a death look that only makes him laugh harder. “Oh come off it Max if our spots were switched you’d laugh your ass off.” Michael playfully shoves him.

I have no idea what the hell they’re talking about. “What the hell are you talking about?” I pose my question aloud.

“Max got dookied on!” Michael shouts and EVERYONE hoots and snorts some more.

I look at him and it’s then that I notice the white glob on top of his head. Awwww! Poor baby! Shhhh! I didn’t say that! Shhhhh!

Isabel and Alex stumble over, grass all over themselves, obviously they have been “wrestling” again. Kyle is still poking fun at Max and I decide to take action by pointing out that Isabel took him down twice. The fact that he’s on a football team, oh geez… I’m shaking my head but you can’t see.

“C’mon Max. Let’s clean you up.” Alex chuckles and pulls him forwards.

“We win!” I remind everyone.

“Oh yea! HAHAHAHA!!!” Kyle and Jack high five each other.

“The Lou… The her….” I poke Alex, “Loooooooooooser!” I poke him again.

“Whatever, you got the better players.” He snuffs.

“Dude you’re on the football team and so is Michael.” Sheesh this guy! He just can’t take a loss.

“Yea, whatever if Max hadn’t got shitted on we would have came back.” Alex says over his shoulder as we make our way back home.

“Thanks for the vote of confidence Alex. I think you just shredded my last ounce of dignity.” Max says and walks past us.

Maria pushes me forward, “GO! Now is the PERFECT time to make a move!” She shoves me forwards again.

May I just take this time to express how much this chick is bossy, manipulative, bossy, inconsiderate, bossy, bossy, and did I mention bossy? Michael and the gang look at me too and the look I’m getting is telling me to do what I know I will make a fool of myself doing. Geez, is there anyone who DOESN’T know I like Max?

I feel Michael’s shoe push my butt ahead really hard and I go flying onward into Max. To which he catches me in his arms before I fall. I feel like a damsel in distress! Well actually a damsel in distress wouldn’t be knocked out by her hero, she would be saved. Not to mention that I had saved HIM and got knocked out. Oh gosh I think maybe I’ll be a nun, no wait I can’t cuz I can’t keep my mind free of impure thoughts of the opposite sex. Gosh I’m not good at anything!

“Thanks.” I mutter when he lifts me up, “You can... You can uh… You can let go now.” I stutter.

“O-O-Okay.” He stutters too.

Hey! We can be stutter buddies!

I walk along side him and ignore the chatter behind us; I can feel their eyes on our backs. I ask Max how’s he’s doing in school and I make small talk, he answers and I laugh at his jokes. I really start to wish that I had let Maria work her voodoo magic on me. I’d like to be pretty tonight, just so he can see that I CAN be attractive. Why was I born so plain?

“You’re an excellent football player.” Max tries to end the awkward silence.

I look up at him –trying my hardest to ignore the pile of poop on his head, “Thanks, you’re good too… So good you knock me off my feet.” I joke.

He blushes, “I’m soooo sorry about that Liz! If I could go back in time and redo everything I would. The last thing in the world I would want to do is hurt you like that. I’m never such a klutz gosh you must think I’m such a loser I-“

“It’s okay. I’m still alive.” I giggle, “You’re cute when you babble.” I say.


Did I just flirt with Max Evans????

“Well…” He stops short right in front of my house and takes my hand, “I think you’re cute all the time.” He grins.

You know. If I hadn’t been covered in dirt, and have my ears ringing REALLY loud and uh… Feel slightly dizzy oh and had nine sets of eyes staring at the scene before them –oh wait, not to mention the fact that Max has bird crap on his head…

This would have been a dream come true.

“Awwwww! Look at the lovebirds –oh shit Evans! I think one of them crapped on you!” Sean hoots in laughter from his perch atop my porch.

“When did YOU get here.” Maria rolls her eyes and walks up the steps. Needless to say the moment is ruined.

Sean is Kyle and Maria’s cousin from Amy’s side. Sean Deluca. He’s the rebel, the juvi boy, man, and to think that I once had a crush on this boy.

He snorts, “I’ve been here 15 minutes you gotta problem with that blondie?”

“I spy with my blind eye… Something that starts with… Jackass!” Maria scoffs.

“Umm… If you’re blind how can you see?” Sean scratches his brow.

“Oh shut up!” Maria snaps.

This only makes him want to bother her more, “You’re such a blond. Or maybe the fact that you’re a blonde chic.”

“Oh that is so sexualist!” She shrieks.

Sexualist???” He cracks, (by the way we are all laughing our asses off when she says this) “Did you just make that up?” Sean howls in laughter.

Completely embarrassed, she shoves him out of her way and storms into the house. Sean comes back as if she hadn’t affected him in the least. We all make our way past him and I ignore his eyes boring into my back, I actually like the look on Max's face as they exchange glances.

“C’mon Max.” I take his hand, just to piss Sean off.

I take Max to the nearest bathroom and turn the faucet on, for some reason I’m totally calm and rational. Usually I’d be stumbling over myself trying to find a towel, but I’m totally in control of myself. Cool! I take off my sweatshirt and walk around the bathroom in my navel barring tank top. Sau-sayyyy! Once the water gets warms I run it over the towel and throw it at Max's head. He flinches, which causes us to laugh and make jokes, I clean his up and start to massage the towel over his head and he closes his eyes and breathes in deep.

Man my bodies pulled to him instantly and I find that I’m leaning into his chest, my hands still caressing his scalp. His breathing is ragged and I know that I’m probably sounding just as bad; I close my eyes and move in closer to him. I feel his arms wrap around my waist and his hands rest at my sides. Could life get any better?


Yes it can! His hands smooth down my sides softly and I feel his lips graze my stomach. Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Dude calm down okay… Relax! It’s like that weird dude in Zoolander… Relaaaaaaaaaaaaax… Of course you know, I’m anything but relaxed.

It’s like an invisible force is pulling my lips to his, it’s like I’m having an out of body experience. I see myself bend down and lower my head to his, I see my lips lightly touch his, I see his lips touch mine. Then BoOm! I’m back in my body and having one hell of a time. I’ve straddled his lap and… well I’m kissing him my dears. Yes. You heard me correct. I don’t even know how this happen but it’s happening and thank the lord so!

Oh gosh I just moaned!

His tongue grazes my bottom lip and I of course grant him entrance, oh my gosh I’m making out with Max Evans. I’m making out with MAX EVANS! I swear I heard a choir sing a loud Haaaaaaaaallelujah just then.

No seriously I did.

“Did you say something?” Max says, parting out kiss for a second to speak.


“No.” I shake my head and kiss him again.

Is it possible to just freeze time right here? Right now? Just as I am? Sitting in Max's lap with my tongue massaging his, feelings his hands roam my back and my hands run through his hair? I think maybe I never work up from being unconscious out cuz there is no way in hell I’m actually doing this. I mean… We’re sucking face. I mean… we’re making out. Hehehehe! Oh! Okay mental note… Stop giggling in Max's mouth.

I start to laugh out loud.

“Uh… What’s so funny?” He says.

“Oh nothing! It’s just… Well when you put your hands on my butt it was like… Oh my god! Max Evan’s hands are on my butt!” I laugh again…


Wasn’t there a Friends episode just like this??? Hmmm. Oh well! I kiss him again.

“And that’s funny because?” He looks a bit self conscious.

“Max.” I look into his eyes, “You’re ruining the moment.”

He take my face in his hands and presses his mouth against mine again. I could do this all day ya know? I could wake up and brush my teeth, then make out with Max; I could eat breakfast, and then make out with Max. I could… walk, talk, and live… Then make out with Max! hmmmmm… I think I could make a living off this. You know, his mouth tastes a lot like…

10 minutes later…

Yes we’re still making out. He’s an excellent kisser. He’s gentle, his tongue is like -I can’t explain but his hands are really nice. Mmmmmmmm… Oh geez I moaned again.

“Liz? Honey?” I hear my dad’s voice on the other side of the door.

I continue to kiss Max, as if I didn’t hear anything, actually my small and tiny brain actually thinks it hasn’t.

“Lizzie?” He knocks on the door.

“Who’s that?” Max mumbles against my lips.

“Oh it’s just my dad.” I shake my head and kiss him again.


I jump off Max and straighten myself up, oh man! Oh man! I am so gonna get my ass kicked if my dad… “Daddy?” I squeak. “It’s not locked dad, I’m just cleaning Max up.” I fix my shirt and pull Max's shirt straight too before my dad can suspect us!

Dad opens the door and looks around, “What are you doing in here?” He asks.

“Cleaning Max up.” I say brushing him off.

He looks at Max who is sitting on the toilet with his hair completely tousled around. My masterpiece, I call it the LP. It’s the latest trend!

“Mr. Parker.” Max nods.

“Bye dad.” I push him out and leave the bathroom.

NO WAY am I gonna be able to look Max in the eye for the rest of the day!

“Maria!” I scream and grab her hand. “Room. Mine. NOW!” I scream again pulling her out of the kitchen, my posse follows.

a/n: How was that? I hope you still love my fic! lol
posted on 2-Dec-2002 11:30:34 PM by JBehrsGurl
lol You guys are great! Okay well the next part is ready but I need my wonderful Beta (Meagzie!) to fix my horrible errors cuz this last chapter I forgot to have her do that and I bet you guys saw a couple errors *cringe* I'm such a bad writer! *smacks head on wall* Ouch! Oh and Mi and Jess!
This fic is overly dramatic, overly sarcasic, and so YOU!

HAHAHA!!! I'm watching Harry Potter right now so be prepared! I might have to insert a funny part LOL I like to do that kind of stuff. You guys just know me so well! I am Liz in this damn story! I just make her do and say all the things I would do and say in her spot. Some of the things that happen actually happen to me too, *cough*getting knocked out in football*cough* A hem! This cough! Okay well I'm gonna finish this update up them I'm going to post so tata until later!

posted on 3-Dec-2002 4:16:57 AM by JBehrsGurl
Oh gosh I'm so sorry! I can't post part 3 tonight cuz I didn't get Meagz to beta cuz idiotic me forgot and its hecka late so LOOOOOONG part for you guys tomorrow I PROMISE! Scouts honor!

posted on 4-Dec-2002 1:51:04 AM by JBehrsGurl
Mi! Since your mom made you get off line b4 I could post I dedicate this part to you! *wink*

Melissa, my pal: twiz_bags_anitwizzler_jar
NOW UPDATE! lol hahahaha

Everyone else: dog_ani
How flippin funny is that??? HAHAHAAH!!!!

Okay long awaited I give thanks to: My BETA Meagz, Jess, Jo, Danie, NYA (mah gurl), Mi, Inimitable, I_LOVE_NICK, AlienDreamer101, liz1490 & maxzhot (my groupies), the better twin, Surfgirl02, salonica, LttleMrmade ~Thankies!!!

Okay, now time for the long awaited updated:

Part 3

“Oh. My. God.” Maria draws out her words.

Isabel and Sammie stare at me open mouthed.

Isabel shakes her head, “No way. Not uh. You must have a concussion, she’s delusional. No way could Max render enough confidence to pursue that kiss.”

I flop down on my bed and remember our kiss. I smile to laugh to myself. “He’s a good kisser.” I giggle.

“Oh my gosh! She’s giggling! Liz Parker just girly giggled!” Maria points out.

Sammie jumps on my bed beside me, “So… What else did you guys do in there?” She wiggles her brows.

I shove her away, “Okay! Like we even had enough time alone! My dad came banging on the door and interrupted us!”

As soon as I say this I wish I hadn’t. Cuz now I have three girls looking at me as if they don’t even KNOW me. Now I bet they think I was referring to SEX. The dirty deed! Please just don’t get me started on the fact that guys can mess around and be praised as a “playa” and girl’s mess around and are considered a “slut.” UGH! Why can’t people just keep things above the belt!? But then again if those people were in my spot… A top Max Evan’s lap… Then okay I think I know why they do… What they do.

“Hell-oooo??? Earth to Liz!” Sammie snaps her fingers in front of my face. “Dayum, girl, I didn’t know you were this sprung!”

I shake my head. You know, I just can’t ever get a break!

Isabel’s silent and still in awe of the whole situation, “I just… I just can’t believe he would –well, I know he WOULD but I just don’t believe he would.”

WHA?” The rest of us say.

“You know what this means, don’t you?” Maria claps her hands together (completely ignoring the fact that Isabel just sounded like a dumbass) and she and Isabel get giddy.

“Ahhh, man!” I whine.

Sam shakes her head and Maria and Isabel set off to work. I’m about to be transformed, Liz Parker by Day, a Deluca-Valenti/Evans creation by night. Please shoot me. Only Sammie seems to be on my side, she helps me tone things down when Maria brings out glitter.

“I’m not a glitter queen, that’s for drag queens.” I snort.

Maria presses a hand to her chest, “I am so hurt Liz!”

Insert foot in mouth here, cuz I forgot that Maria had glitter on.

“Sorry, ‘Ria! Arrrgh! You know what I mean!” I groan in defeat. I have majorly just talked out of my ass. I think I’ll just shut up now.

Sammie puts a CD on and I find myself bobbing my head and swaying in my seat to Aaliyah’s “Rock The Boat.” During this time we all talk about everyone downstairs. Michelle is our first victim, and we ridicule her style, her hair, and her makeup. Then we pick on Tess. Actually most of the time we’re talking about Tess and Michelle walks in my room with a six-pack of cherry coke. Hey now!

“Your mom told me to stop being shy and to just walk up here cuz you weren’t going to invite me.” She blushes and hands each of us a can, “So I thought I’d bribe you.” She grins.

Just don’t think this gets you off the hook for initiation. I think to myself and exchange glances with my girls. Sammie’s trying her best to keep her giggles under control and I see Maria and Isabel doing the same.

I was about to ask her about Kyle when she says, “So what’s up with you and Max?” She sips her coke and looks up at me from behind her long lashes.

I stutter of course and choke on my coke, “Excuse me?” I manage between coughing fits. Sammie slaps my back several times and Maria struggles with my hair. Its kinda funny actually, I mean, here I am getting all dolled up for a guy –something I said I would NEVER do, and they had played almost just as hard as I had on the field and they don’t look a hair out of place. It’s a wonder. Like the old question: How many licks until you get to the center of a tootsie pop? The World will never know. Cuz I’ve tried to be like Mr. Owl and get to it in three and I ended up chipping a tooth and having to be rushed to my family dentist stat!

“We need to think of a prank against the guys.” I break the silence, “I’m thinking that we start with Alex.”

“You always start with Alex, he expects it, Liz. You’re so predictable.” Maria shakes her head and curls my hair with the curling iron.

I slump down in my seat, “Well then, who?” They all look at each other –amazingly even Michelle seems to know something I don’t. I wonder who –no! “NO WAY!” I jump up, “No way, uh uh, nnnnnope! N.O. No.”

Ten minutes later I’m sneaking into the game room where all the males are. I sneak past my dad and Jim; I sneak past uncle frank and Phillip. I sly past Jack and his breezie, I even make it as far as to pass Alex and Kyle without stirring up puzzlement. Man, I REALLY don’t want to do this. Why do I always get the highest pranks? Because you’re the best Liz! You win Best Prankster every year! Even Alex can’t touch you! Maria had said minutes before she shoved me down stairs and followed to hide behind the kitchen door. Okay, I take a deep breath and stroll over to Max, relax, just relaaaaaax. Okay, I can do this. I’m TEFLON, baby! No, no… NO I’m not! I can’t! Oh god! I glance at Maria who is mouthing obscene things. So I go for it, or else she’ll make my life hell.

“Hey you.” I say seductively and sit in Max's lap.

“Uh… W-W-Wha –uh, Hi?” He stutters, his hands up in the air not touching me. His eyes look at my father who’s too into the game to even know I’m in the room. Only Alex, Jack, Michael and Kyle even know I’m in the room; and they’re staring at me in disbelief.

“Umm… I was just wondering…” I grin and slide a hand down his back, the sign in my fingers ready to place my prank on his back. “Well, are you a boxers or briefs man?” I whisper in his ear and stick the sign to his back.

“I’m a- wha? Uh… Umm well, I wear, uh…” His ears are reddening to a deep crimson and I want nothing more than to bite him!

“It’s okay, you just think about that, okay?” I wink and kiss his cheek. Then I wander out of the room. “I can’t believe I just did that.” I snap at Maria when we’re all back safely in my room.

“Aww, c’mon Liz! Like you didn’t enjoy it! I saw the look in your eyes! HA! Priceless!” Maria cracks up.

“No, the look on Max's face was priceless.” Sam says, and she and Isabel share a high five.

“So what did the sign say?” Michelle asks.

We all look at her, then they all look at me, “Liz’s Bitch.” I smile and flutter my lashes.

We all roll around in hysterics.

My mom screams for us to help set up the table at 6:30 and luckily we’re all ready. My hair is all curled and wavy; my makeup is natural looking and my lips glossed. I let Maria con me into wearing eyeliner and I actually like the look, it makes me look a little mysterious. We set the table and my mom can’t stop complimenting everyone’s looks. I roll my eyes when she says how “beautiful” I look and she thanks Maria and Isabel.

“Sammie.” I call her over.

“Hmmmm?” She waddles over.

“I want you next to me.” I say.

She pretends to be touched, “Awwwww! I want to be next to my bestest cousin too!” She hugs me. “You’ll be a Connor sandwich!” She laughs.

True that. I ALWAYS sit next to Jack, every year. It’s like a given. And if Sammie’s gonna be next to me, then indeed, I will in fact be a Samantha and Jack Connor sandwich.

“Oh boys!” I call and wait for the stampede to come running in the dinning room.

Sure enough my dad and all the other dads are the first ones through the door, followed by Michael, Kyle, Jack, Max and Alex.

Alex eyes expand when he sees Max's back. He cracks up and points and all the other guys start laughing too, “You’ve been branded, Max!” He jokes and rips my sign off.

Max look at me, “That’s why you did that!”

I giggle and we all take our seats, I sit down and –“AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!” I scream out loud. “Alexander Charles Parker!” I scream and throw my fork at him.

“She pulled a Real World Las Vegas on you Alex!” Kyle snickers.

“Elizabeth Claudia Parker! What did you just do?!” My mother screams and storm over to us.

“He put a tack on my seat mother!” I show her the tack. My left ass cheek I cannot show her, but just so you know it’s throbbing in pain! She rolls her eyes and goes back to her seat. “You are SO gonna get it Alex!” I hiss.

We settle down and my mom says grace, my father adds, and then we start around the table saying one thing we are thankful for.

“I am thankful for having a family who loves me.” Michaels says looking at the Evans, “And a wonderful person in my life.” He kisses Maria on her cheek and the table awwwwww!’s them. Ugh! I think I’m gonna be sick! Blech!

“I’m thankful for this wonderful family around the table and for Michael finally realizing what a gem I am.” She winks and they share another soft kiss. The table awwww’s again.

I roll my eyes and whisper to Sam on my left, “I’ll be thankful once they shut up.”

“Oh, you are so bad!” Sammie smacks me playfully.

Next is Mr. and Mrs. Evans but I know you only wanna hear Max and co. So here:

Sean: I’m thankful for those 99-cent menus at Wendy’s and that they stay open until 2 a.m. cuz when you got the munchies! It’s the best!

Michelle: I’m thankful for being here with a lovely family and being able to share part of your festivities.

Kyle: I’m thankful for winning last week’s game against Northfield and I hope we win many more!

Alex, Michael, Kyle, and Max: YEAH!

Isabel: I’m thankful for this wonderful feast and I hope that those less fortunate can have just as much or more.

Max: I’m thankful for being able to spend my thanksgiving with all of you. (Yes, okay! Yes, he looked at me! –sheesh!)

Sammie: I’m thankful for freedom of speech because I seriously believe that this holiday is barbaric and unrealistic! I mean HELL-O? That damn Christopher Columbus and his crew just completely TOOK over the poor Indians and-

Her speech was cut short when uncle Frank’s face turned an ungodly shade of red and his eye’s began to bulge. Then aunt Lynn told Sam to shut up or she won’t be allowed to go to her high school Senior Ball.

Me: Uh… Ummm…

My mother: Oh Liz you do this EVERY year! Just say something you’re thankful for! Like being thankful for having a dear and loving mother. (She grins)

Me: I’m thankful that in three more years I will hopefully be transferred out of state so I will never have to look at you again. (I look straight at my mother when I say this and she clenches her fists) GOTCHA! Okay, I’m thankful for not living in the Middle East and I’m thankful for being here with all of you nuts. (That one shut my mother up.)

Jack: I’m thankful for the invention of Baywatch, and Pumpkin pie. Two great things and I’ll get to enjoy them at once! Baywatch starts in 45 minutes guys! (He slaps his hands together and rubs them menacingly)

Tess: I’m thankful for the 50% off sales that will be going on tomorrow.

The end.

HA! Gotcha!

After the rest of the parentals say their thank you’s, we all dig in. I pack MY plate with all the best. I throw on a little of Mrs. Evan’s casserole just to be nice but find that it is REALLY good! Oh. My. God. This stuff should be illegal! It’s like… Cheeeeeeeese. And… And…. Hmmm what is this? Oh, potatoes! Ha! It’s mixed with sour cream and green onions she tells me. Well gosh, Ma, you better learn this recipe!

“Liz pass the gravy bowl and please stop hogging the biscuits.” Alex jeers.

I reply, “You’ve got all the bread you need, biscuit head.”

“Ha! You’re so funny!” He scowls.

We eat for a little while and then I decide to pull a prank, “Oh no! Tess! Oh my gosh I’m so embarrassed!” I shriek.

“Huh?” She looks up at me.

“I think I lost my Band-Aid in the pasta stroodle I passed to you earlier.” I hold up my bare finger, “Oh god did you eat it?” I walk over to her plate and slyly drop a fake used ban aid on her plate. –She’s so dumb she doesn’t even notice. “Oh! *whew* You didn’t scarf that puppy down, here it is!” I throw it in her face.

“WHAT?!” She squeals jumping up from the table, “This family is grotesque! Just like last year when you had a spiders in your cider!” She cries.

“SIKE!” I high five Sammie. “Mad skills on the free flow, Tess! Spider! In your Cider! Ha!” I crack.

And it’s back to eating. After my second helping of Amy’s pasta and aunt Lynn’s gravy with Mrs. Evans casserole I’m stuffed like… Well, like a thanksgiving turkey!

Sammie nudges me and nods her head in Alex’s direction; I look and lock eyes with him. In our own little way we communicate. We look like we’re head bobbing and cracking our necks with a few sign language signs going on every now and then but other than that we look normal. I think we do. It’s initiation time, Michelle has set her plate aside and that means she’s fair game. She’s done for, my fair lady, she’s so gonna get it. But Alex seemed to want to attack someone else first. ME.

“Tell me something Liz will ya?” He rubs the bridge of his nose, “Just what were you and Max doing in the bathroom for so long? Enlighten us please.” He rests his chin in his hands.

“Elbows!” My mother snaps.

My face heats up and I feel the flush rise up to my cheeks, “I was cleaning the bird… stuff out of his hair.” I answer, waves of heat coming over me.

“Hmmm. Funny cuz it sure didn’t sound like it.” He picks at the situation.

I throw down my napkin, “Just what are you trying to say Al-ex!? Spit it out like you’re spitting your broccoli bits in your napkin!” I snap.

“Alex! What did I-“

“Mother.” My dad stops her by putting a hand on her hers. “Continue.” He says to us intrigued.

Actually the whole table is intrigued!

“Good one. But I was actually referring to the fact that you and-“

“DROP IT, Alex!” I warn.

“Oh! Oh! Touch-y!” He chuckles and pops a broccoli in his mouth and grimaces when he realizes what he’s done.

I smile, remembering what I saw earlier that day, “Oh… Alex, my sweet brother.” I choke down my laughs.

“Yes Liz, my sweet sister?”

“I just thought that since you’re so interested in knowing the truth that you may want to share a bit of your own.” I sit back and cross my arms.

“What are you getting at?”

I play with my fingernails, “Oh nothing… Just that I know about your life size cardboard cutout of Kelly Kapaowski, that you spent 350 bucks on EBay for cuz they said it was from the set.” I look up from behind my lashes, “Oops! Was I not suppose to tell?” I cover my mouth.

And the table was sooooo quiet… You could have heard crickets. Then…

LAUGHTER. Music to my diamond studded ears. All directed at Alex. Oh, life was gooooooood. If looks could kill… I’d be six feet under, and Alex’s ears are beyond the color of red. He’s pissssed!

He licks his lips and goes for the kill, “Liz and Max were making out in the bathroom!”

I gasp (along with the rest of the table). Oh, this is WAR, Alex Parker!

“Alex and Isabel were making out in the den!”

“Liz seduced Max in front of DAD!”

“Alex isn’t a virgin!”

“You didn’t loose your black leather purse, mom! Liz TOOK it!”

“You didn’t have to complain to the mail company about your sports swimsuit illustrated issues, DAD! ALEX stole them!”

“Liz wasn’t sick the day of your piano recital, Maria! Liz went out with SEAN that day!”

“I did not! It was Brent!”


“Liz!” Maria gasps.

I turn to Isabel, “A big dog didn’t run off with the Prada jacket you got for Alex last year, Iz, he returned it!”

More gasps, “Dear god!” My mother shrieks.

“Liz got a F on her last bio test! She was too busy scribbling Mrs. Liz Evans in her notebook to study!”

“ALEX ISN’T CIRCUMSIZED!” I scream. Isabel’s attention is more prominent now.

“Liz still shops in the junior department for her BRAS!” And now Max's is.

“Alex blamed Mono for months! So he wouldn’t have to football camp!”

“First off, it was BAND CAMP! And you KNOW I had swollen glands!” He points a stern finger in my direction, “Liz has been in love with Max Evans since the first grade!”

Max receives countless pats on the back for this.

I narrow my eyes, “Alex called Sarah yesterday on the phone!” For all of you who wonder, Sarah is his ex girlfriend. The one he’s not supposed to talk to cuz of strict orders from Isabel. “And they laughed.”

“Liz can go for WEEKS without shaving her legs!”

“Alex tried to imitate Jackass and got a ticket for skating in a restricted area!”

“Liz got drunk at last years Christmas party and broke Aunt Lynn’s crystal vase!”

“Alex knew that Tess had cheated on Kyle and didn’t say anything!”

“Liz is a Harry Potter freak!”

“Alex knows EVERY word to The Sound Of Music!”

“Liz ditched school last year to go to a record signing at the mall!”

“Alex stole five bucks from the church donation basket!”

“I was nine when I did that! Moosey didn’t eat your high heels, mom! Liz threw them in the trash when she was mad at you!”

“Kyle didn’t melt your records in the microwave, DAD! Alex did it! Cuz he was HIGH on pot!!!!”

“ENOUGH!” My father yells. “Can we just pretend to be civilized for one damn dinner?!”


The endless attacks have ceased. I claim victory. Behold the alpha ma- er female.

“That was…” My mother massages her temples.

Every parents’ mouth is hung open in disbelieve and me and Alex stare each other down, huffing and puffing. Ready to blow the house down.

“There was absolutely NO need for that!” My father scolds us, “Alex, Liz. I am willing to let all of that go if you two apologize to each other and EVERYONE at this dinner table!”

“Sorry everyone.” We mumble looking down to our laps.

“And to each other.” My mother reminds us.

We look at each other.

“NOW.” My mothers growls.


Jackass. I think to myself.

“Butt licker.” Alex mumbles under his breath.

“I heard that!” I snap.

“Well, I said it kinda loud!” He snaps back.

“STOP IT!” My mother shrieks.

Freaking 80’s show freak. I think to myself again to get back at him.

“Do you really know every word to The Sound Of Music?” Michael asks Alex.

Alex looks at me and I know.

It’s initiation time. Damn him! He had this whole thing planned! I see him get up and go to the kitchen, he returns with a glass.

“Excuse our outbursts, Michelle,” He bows and pours her a glass, “A toast to out newbie.” It’s slow motion time again, I look at Michelle. She happily sips her glass of apple cider.

The all hell breaks loose.

She’s sipping, she’s smiling… BUT oh shit! It’s a fizzy face! Classic! It’s a classic, everybody!

“Ahhhhhh!!!!” She screams when her mouth becomes Niagara Falls of fizz. He fizzled her, damn!

He for shizzle my nizzle fizzled her!

I look over to him and he wiggles his brows and toss’s an Alka-Selcer pack back and forth between his hands. “Michelle Shaw, you have just been initiated.” He winks.

a/n: How was that? *looks nervous*
posted on 4-Dec-2002 5:32:55 PM by JBehrsGurl
hahahahaha! You guys make me laugh! *holds tummy laughing* Danie, you said it was almost as funny as rating your pOo! lol! That was hilarious, oh gosh what people must think of us crazy kids! lol You guys are all so great! I'm so happy that you actually all enjoy my quirky story! *big* Okay well I'm just surfing the boards while I'm at school so Ta ta! Don't have too much fun without me! lol

posted on 5-Dec-2002 12:16:21 PM by JBehrsGurl
*big* Okay guys! Heres the stitch! I'm working on the new part as we speak! It's going to be a long part too! Sadly there are only two more chapters left and then that's all folks *sad* Cuz Turkey is long past due... LOL But DON'T WORRY! Cuz after you read the next part you'll see what I mean... hehe! I'm so greatful that all of you like my messed up mind cuz it just warms my heart! *sigh* *wink* Okay well, I'm at work right now so I gotta jet! 'Til we meet again! Adios!

posted on 7-Dec-2002 4:36:09 AM by JBehrsGurl
Ahh! I just chicken scratched this all down so I could post! Hope its legible! My beta is sleeping! LMAO Thank all of you wonder people for reading and nominationg this story for best holiday fic! It just warms my heart to the core! *wipes away pretend tears* I promised myself I wouldn't cry! Okay! Read!

Part 4

I’m pacing. That was disastrous. That was… That was… MASTERFUL.

Freaking aye man he got to her before I even had the chance! And he pulled that whole stunt on me just to steer my attention away from the fact that it was initiation time. It’s not over. It’s not over ‘til the fat lady sings –or until everybody leaves.

“Liz.” Alex comes into the empty Den room.

“I’m in here alone for a REASON.” I bark. Well I don’t bark… oh forget it!

He shakes his head, “I didn’t mean for the war to get that out of control. If it’s any consolation, you got me pretty damn good.” He shrugs and comes over to me.

“What do you want from me? You got to her before I could, you fizzed her. Round two you win.” I roll my eyes and sit on the large pool table in the middle of the room.

“Someday grasshoppa you too will learn the value of a good scheme.” He bows.

“Stop it! You’re not funny!” I snarl but then start to laugh, “You’re an idiot.”

“Yes.” He nods, “Yes I am, but you my dear are a freak.”


“Mmmmm Hmmmm!.” He wiggles his neck and puts a hand to his hip, “You think I don’t know what you and that boy were doin’ in that there bathroom? Guuuuurrrrrrrrl! You betta recognize!” He whips his head around.

I’m on my back rolling in laughter, OH SHIT! Now I have blue chalk in my hair! Oh double doodles! “You’re such a moron.” I laugh wiping at my head full of chalk.

“Awww! I love you too sister!” He gives a hug sloppy ass kiss on my cheek, complete with slobber and all.

“Ewww! Alex! Freaking aye! You suck diligent ass man!” I shove him away.

“Sissy! Huggie!” He hugs me.

Maria and the rest trail into the den.

“Awww! We ruined a brother sister moment!” Maria cracks up.

“Oh you’re so funny!” I roll my eyes, “Chicks, dicks. I’m bored.” I sigh. I get a round of agreements, “Man I HATE being bored! It’s so… BORING!” I whine and lay back down on the pool table, my legs dangling over the edge. I’m looking up at the ceiling lamp cuz I still haven’t spoken to Max about all that stuff that went down in the dining room. I’m actually surprised Isabel hasn’t torn his head off yet. Oh but there is still time!

“I have an idea!” Alex chirps.

“I’m afraid.” I say sitting back up.

“No need my poor little underdeveloped sis,” He slings and arm around me, that ass. He thinks he’s sooo funny.

“That was so uncalled for you fart nugget.” I scowl.

I still think that the storks must have mistakenly placed Alex in my family. Cuz he’s… ODD. I fit in, Maria and I click, Kyle and I click, Jack, Sammie, Isabel… Max… WE al click. Alex, he’s the odd man out. I don’t care if you don’t believe me. Whoa! I didn’t know Sean was in the room! What the hell is he doing in here? Doesn’t he know that I don’t want to be anywhere near him? Well actually it is kinda cool seeing him and Max size each other up. I wonder who they REALLY believe the alpha male of this house is. Cuz it’s certainly not them, if anyone I’d say my daddy. Hehe!

“OHHHHH!!! I’ve got it! HAHA! I’m the best! Who’s the best? Oh! That would be me!” Alex scream in my face.

I wave him away, “Two words, “Breath and mint.” I grimace.

“Oh shut up, how’s my breath? OoOoOoOo!” He blows his hot dragon breath in my face. He’s so gross!

“Uh! You’re sick!” I shove him off the table. He falls to the floor and you hear this hug BAM! Oh god if I had a video camera! HAHAHAHAHA!!!! I look over the edge to see him on his side; he’s pretending to be stunned. He stares straight ahead and unmoving. I take this as the perfect set up for another prank. “Oh my gosh! Michelle come quick! You’re pre-med right! Oh my gosh I think my brothers in shock! Michelle help him!” I call.

She runs over, “Oh my gosh! What happen?!”

Wow, what a ditz. She was freaking right there when it happen. “I dunno! One minute we were arguing then he fell! Help him Michelle! I think he stopped breathing! OH WHOA WAS ME! Alex! Don’t go into the light! Alex stay away from the light! No matter how many hot babes there may be! Stay away!” I pretend to start crying.

“Okay! Okay!” She kneels down to Alex and checks his pulse. I look to Maria and she shakes her head lightly chuckling. She knows what we’re doing. Michelle gets closer to Alex and leans in to look at his pupils but doesn’t get very far before Alex screams BOo! In her face and she screams.

“Guys?” We hear Tess’s voice from the living room.

“Lights! Lights!” Alex waves at Maria who hits the light. We all hide in the shadows and wait. Alex creeps up to the door of the den and waits for Tess.

“Guys? Where are you!?” She yells again. “Those fuckers better not be up in Liz’s room. I swear- GUYS!!!” She screams again. Ummm… Am I the only one who seems to think that this chick has major issues with me?

Oh! Here she comes! She’s coming closer to the door, “Are you guys in here?” She calls into the darkness. Wow this chick is pretty dumb herself. Yea we’re chillin in the dark! Well actually we are but… Then she steps in and Alex jumps up grabbing her legs and barks at her like a dog. She screams and jumps back, she falls over in tears. OH GOD THAT WAS CLASSIC! She’s crying! OH MY! She’s freaking crying! HAHAHAHA!!!

“Oh honey it was supposed to be funny!” Jack runs over to her and comforts her. Ugh! That is major wrong doing on our cousin part. This chick hate my guts for no reason and there he is comforting and rocking her like a baby. *gag!*

“I’m bored.” Alex pouts.

We all agree, and Alex starts coming up with different things to do. Of course no one agrees with him because every idea he has something to do with watching Saved By The Bell. You know, if you REALLY wanted to piss him off you’d say that Saved By The Bell The New Class was always your favorite. He’ll start shouting obscenities and rush over to his scrapbook and point out that the new class was not even close to the original. Then he’ll make you watch his set of videotapes. Gosh, who could ever be so obsessed with a TV show? –Don’t answer that.

“How about we play Truth or Dare?” Maria says and then nudges me, so obviously implying that I hook up with Max.

Ladies and gentlemen! I am now embarrassed beyond belief! All thanks to my “best friend” gosh she’s such the pick of the litter. Everybody I am now taking applications for a new best friend.

“Maria that’s so cliché.” Isabel responds, I told you I love this girl! “Besides, Max and Liz already made out so it’s no fun anyway.” I retract my earlier statement!

“This blows.” I sigh.

“No, that would be Tess.” Sammie says.

We crack up and Tess tries to come to her own defense, but fails miserably.

“Oh my gosh! Why didn’t I think of it before?!” Alex jumps up and shouts.

We all look at him as if he’s a nutcase. Well actually he IS but…

“Pornographic pictionary!” Alex yells out in triumph, as if he had just won the award for the best idea in the world.

Sometimes I wonder about that boy, he’s easily amused. Kinda reminds me of someone… Hmmm….

“What the hell is that?” Maria scoffs.

Alex look around the room to all the clueless faces, “You guys really have no idea what I’m talking about do you? I mean does the name not give it away completely?”

“Alex you’re disturbing.” Maria says.

“And you’re an ass kisser but I’m still friends with you.” He responds. That dorkus malorkus. What kind of crazy idiotic things will he come up with next?

Isabel pats Alex’s head, “It’s okay dear. I still love you. Although I am going to kick your ass later about calling you know who.” She grins.

HA! Go Isabel!

Alex’s smile is wiped off his face, “You KNOW Sarah means nothing Isabel!” He whines, “Let’s not ruin the holiday… Let’s play.” He hoped up off the floor and grabbed a notebook and pen. “Liz get a large bowl out of the kitchen for me.” He said.

What am I? His servant girl? Uh! I think NOT! But what am I doing? I’m walking down the hall over to the kitchen to do what my pee-brain brother told me to do. Coming back from the kitchen I’m pulled aside.

“Liz.” Max says in my ear.

I shiver. Whoa. That was cooool…

“Uh?” I reply –I’m an airhead remember?

He locks eyes with me, “You know all that stuff Alex said…” He shuffles with his feet, “About… you know…” His eyes are no longer looking into mine.

Snickerdoodles man. Life sure can suck sometimes.

“Why?” I say after a while, “Why do you wanna know? Why? …Why?”

He shakes his head, “I don’t know… Maybe because I’ve felt the same way all this time and I want to know if this is all too good to be true?”

“Are you insane?” I blurt out. No freaking way has Max Evans liked me all this time, and there I was… Just wasting away man! Its not fair!!!

“Uh… Huh?” His face squints up.

“You must be insane, I think maybe it’s YOU who has bumped their head. I’m Liz Parker. Stuff like this doesn’t happen to me.” I say more to myself than to him.

“Stuff like what?” He smiles.

“Like what we did in the bathroom, like you standing here in front of me, like you saying that you have felt the same way about me that I have felt about you this whooooole time! That you probably just wanna go get a hotel room and get it on until the early morn then wake up and do it allll over agin! That-“

Oh. My. God.

Did I just say that part aloud?

“Yeah.” Max is laughing.

Oh my go! Did I just say that out loud too?

“Yep.” Max is laughing more.

Dear god stop the madness!

“Liz listen.” Max subsides his laughter to take my shoulders in his hands. “I really think this could be something special. I…” He pauses to look away. “I’ve been in lo- …In love with you since I can remember.” He looks away embarrassed. “And I-“

No more words Mr. Evans. I pounce him. Lips to lips, skin to skin. Wow, he’s a REALLY good kisser. I wrap my arms around his neck and the bowl that was in my hands falls to the floor. Oh god it’s getting HOT in hurrrrrrrrre alright! Freaking aye Nelly knew his stuff when he sang that song! Wow. This kiss is getting intense, cuz now he’s backed me up against the wall and I’m about ready to wrap my thighs around his waist. TAKE ME YOU SEX GOD YOU!

“Liz!” I hear Alex call from the den.

I ignore him of course.

“MmMmMmMmMmMm…” I moan. Gosh I really need to get that checked out! It’s not normal to moan like that! Is it?

“MmmmMmmmMmm… Liz…” Max moans into my neck.

Well maybe we are meant to be, we both have a moaning problem. It’s so weird cuz you don’t even realize you’re moaning until after you’re already done doing it. Whoa momma! Max just pressed himself up against me! ME! And let me tell you… He likes this A LOT! Is it bad that I like feeling that bulge being pressed against me in the spot I want it to??? Oh god! Unholy thoughts! Stop! ICE! Someone throw ice at me! Holy water maybe?! This is getting out of control! His hands are niiiiiice. One runs through my hair and the other is presently caressing my ass. Ohhh me like this! My own personal Tarzan. I dunno where that came from but leave me alone my brain is only half on at the moment.

“LIZ!!!” Alex screams and I jump in Max’s arms.

He groans and buries his face in my neck, “C’mon.” He takes my hand and leads me to the room where everyone is waiting. I’m in a daze from the kiss and barely even remember to pick up the bowl from the floor.

“Well look who it is!” Alex struts up to me and Max, “Have fun?! While I freaking waited here forever?” He snatched the bowl from my fingers and threw in small folded up pieces of paper. “Teams.” Alex said.

“I’m with Michael.” Maria quickly responded jumping in his lap.

“Oowwf!” He yelped in pain –she probably crushed any chance of future children…

“No, that would defeat the purpose of fun.” Alex shakes his head, “It has to be awkward and funny.” He writes down our names and mixes them in the bowl after taking out the original notes from inside.

I pick first. What the hey? SHIT!

SEAN?!” I shriek.

“I hope you know I take great offense to that.” he crosses his arms over his chest.

I look at Max to him giving Sean the ugliest, more threatening looks ever known to mankind. And I’m an expert at these faces so I should know.

Isabel picks Kyle, Jack picks Sammie and after countless HELL NO!!!’s he picks again and gets Maria. Michael throws him death glares and I can’t help but laugh. This is all so unreal. Michelle picks –WHOA! Max?! bitch. And Sammie picks Michael. So that leaves Tess with Alex.


Haha!!! That’s what that fart knocker gets. Mr. ‘It won’t be fun unless it’s awkward!’ How about a lil of that? Huh Mr. Tough stuff!? Mr. Initiation king? Mr. My shit don’t stink! Mr. I love Kelly Kapowski more than my own girlfriend but would never reveal the actual truth that I’m a loser!

“So Liz…” Sean scoots in closer to me on the soft plush white carpet.

“So… ?” I scoot away.

Have you ever just watched someone and wanted nothing more than to slap them across the face? Seriously. (NO, I don’t mean Sean –although that is tempting all in its own) I want to get up from where I am, presently sitting cross-legged on the floor, and slap Alex across his ugly ass face. I know, I know. You yourself might not think he’s hideous but as his sister it is my sworn duty as his kin to keep it real. The only reason I’m keep my mouth shut is because I know that the second I open my mouth he will have some kind of witty and annoying comeback. He’s really good at those. Dammit.

“The password is…” I heard him whisper in Michael’s ear. The rules of the game is that Alex picks out of the bowl and whisper’s the password in the ear of the recipient. The guys are to know the word and us ladies have to guess what it is. But the guys can only give us one clue, a word. It’s actually not as complicated as it sounds. It’s just that Alex has gone into game show host mode.

Michael looks at his partner, Sammie, and takes a deep breath. You can tell that whatever the password is… He don’t like it. But being the team competitor that he is, he sucks it up and strides on full strong.

He grimaces before he speaks, “Uh… Tires?” He says confused himself.

Sammie crinkles her nose, “Wha?”

“TIRES!” He snaps. You can tell he really hates this game.

“What the freak?! Tires? Uh! I dunno… Rim job!?” She shouts back angry.

“YES!” Michael and Alex bellow and Michael shakes her by her shoulders.


“Okay… The password is…” Alex leans into Max’s ear.

Okay. Now I really don’t like the fact that Max was teamed up with Michelle. Color me retarded but they seem a little too cozy to me! Look at the way Max stares at her! Freaking take a picture you ass!

Max takes Michelle’s hands into his and looks in her eyes, “Penis.”

We crack up. I mean c’mon! Mr. Serious just freaking said penis!!! That’s not something you see or hear everyday! I laugh so hard I topple over into Sean and don’t even care, Michael laughs so hard he rolls off the couch and crushes Isabel who’s doubling over herself. Alex is laughing so hard he’s choking, Kyle keeps slapping him on the back but can hardly keep himself together, Jack and Maria are laughing so hard their faces are the color of big red chewing gum. Sammie and Tess keep trying to hide their giggling faces behind their hands and the ONLY two people who are not laughing…

Are Max and Michelle.

“Vagina.” She says so breezy we all stop laughing.

“YES!” Max jumps up and they hug each other, “She said vagina! She said vagina!” he shouts and they dance around.

Oh. My. God.

I glance at Alex and he knows to hurry up with our password, I’m pissed. I’m beyond pissed. I’m freaking at the boiling point. What the hell is he trying to prove to me? Is he trying to make me jealous? Cuz lemme tell ya… It’s working!

“Okay, the password is…” Alex leans into Sean and tells him.

Sean’s eyes pop out and he looks at me, “Uh…”

Oh shit. What is it!?

“Okay….” He pauses and looks straight at me. He looks like he’s about to puke but then he shakes it off and smirks, “I think I’d rather show you.” He says and crawls on his hands and knees and comes over to me. What the hell is he doing? “Ready?” He said, his face in front of mine.

I side glanced Max who was staring at us intently and observant as ever, ha! This was my chance! “Yea.” I breathed.

Then he kissed me.

At first it was like hey! Eww! Get off me you pervert! But then I remembered that Max was watching. *Insert evil grin here* So I kissed him back. Well I guess the password must have been FRENCH KISS! Hey now Sean! That’s enough! I have to end this cuz his hand is on my left ass cheek now.

“French kiss.” I say breaking us a part.

“NEXT!” Max shouts out and bangs the bowl down on the table. “Who’s next?!”

Isabel rolled her eyes, and Alex pick’s a crumbled piece of paper out of the bowl, “The password is…” He whispered into Jack’s ear and Jack busted up laughing.

He turns to Maria and cracks up again but controls himself, “Sticky.” He says trying to hold back his chuckles. Alex must have said the password in a funny way cuz Jack is FAR from a giggling schoolgirl when it comes to sex. Or anything that has to do with it, his major is in anatomy.

Maria raises her perfectly arched brow, “Sticky?” She says.

“Sticky.” He nods.

Sticky?” She repeats to herself.

“STICKY!” We all say at once.

“Okay I get it!” She snaps at us. “Errrgh! Um… Uh… Sticky?” She makes a face, “What the hell kind of clue is that?” She shoves Jack.

“Hey I’m giving you a pretty damn good clue if I do say so myself!” He crosses his arms, “Tess,” He turns to her, “Isn’t cum stick-” Then he stops, “WhoOps!”

“Awww man! Jack you ass!” Maria pushes him again.

“Michael you better get your woman under control before I do.” He growls.

“Ha! That’s a good one. That’s like trying to tell Alex that Zack and Kelly aren’t married in real life.” Michael chuckles.

“They are!” Alex bursts out angered.

“Whatever. Can I switch partners?” Maria complains.

“I hope you know that the only person in this team that sucks is you.” Jack’s eyes bore into hers.

This is the part when people start to crowd around and say, “Fight! Fight! Fight!”

“Team? You call this a team? Alex pick another word and tell me. I’m gonna show you exactly how you play this game.” Maria sits up straight and waits for Alex.

“The pass-“

“Oh shut up and just tell me!” She shrieks.

“Geez, okay. Okay.” He tells her silently.

“Whoa.” She muttered, then she shook her head, “Okay. Ready?”

“Uh... yea?” Jack says.

“Two words.” She says. He nods. “Core.”

“Vagina!” He shouts.

“We already established that word dilhole.” Maria rolls her eyes, “No. Try again.”

“That’s not fair! You get one try!” Kyle’s upset voice pierces the air.

Maria ignores her brother, “Kitty.”

“Pussy.” Jack shrugs and leans back into the couch.

Maria winks and nods then she straddles him.

“WHOA NOW! Nobody said this was a hands on game!” Michael jumps up alarmed.

“Sit down Michael! I can’t see!” Isabel pulls him back down to the floor and keeps him there.

“Uh…” Jack stutters. “Uh…”

“Spank.” She slaps him across the face.

“Yea! That’s my girl!” Michael raises a triumphant fist in the air.

Isabel rolls her eyes. We all bust up laughing at Jack’s face.

“Pussy whoOped! You bitch!” Jack grabs her in his arms and lifts her up only to be slammed back down into the couch, “That was for slapping me. And now if you excuse me I need a cold shower.” He pretends to go take a shower.

Alex is still laughing when he gives Kyle his password, Kyle smiles. I can tell he’s pissed and ready to give Michelle a taste of her own medicine. He turns to Isabel, “I think this word is better understood with action,” He says and Takes her into his arms. He kisses her neck then lightly bites her skin, sucking it.

The only other time I saw Alex’s face look the way it was right now was when the realization that Saved By The Bell was REALLY over finally hit him. And I wish to god I had a camera. This is one of those looks you need on film.

“Okay! Okay! That’s it! That is ENOUGH! We are ALL switching partners RIGHT NOW!” Alex pulls Isabel away from Kyle, “Betrayed by my own blood!” Alex shouts.

I grimace, “Since when are you and Kyle blood related?”

“Summer of 1992, McKinley park. We became blood brothers when he both scrapped our knees running from the big kids who were gonna kick our asses for spitting on them in the pool.” Alex states.

Kyle looks at him weird, “You REMEMBER that? And besides it’s just a game.” Kyle says, “You kissed Tess.”

Alex’s eyes were too big for words, “I wouldn’t kiss that mouth! It’s been on every guy from the team’s dick!”

“Hey!” Michael and Max yelp.

“Except you.” Alex calls over his shoulder.

“No. You kissed her ear when you were trying to get her to guess your password.” Kyle folds his arms across his chest, “Seduction does not require lip to ear contact.”

“Look. Whatever. Give me my blood back.” Alex holds out his hand. Isabel is still in a daze from Kyle’s kiss and light strokes her neck. “Look what you’ve done to my woman!? She’s hypnotized! Oh my god! You’re a vampire! First you take my blood now you try to take my girlfriends! Liz! Quick! Get the holy water! Back you creature of sataaaaaaan!” Alex plummets Kyle to the floor and we all jump up to stop them.

Is it just me or is my brother an overreacting freakazoid?

“Told you we should have watched Bay Watch.” Jack mumbles.

8 minutes and 12 slices of pumpkin pie later.

We’re all coupled up in regular couples with the exception of Sammie and Sean who refuse to play. Sammie said she’s rather fuck a dog than be partners with a statutory rapist Neanderthal, and Sean went to look up what she said in the dictionary. So here I am with Max. Nervous as ever of course.

“The password is…” Yes Alex is still his idiotic self. Kyle had to promise to watch all of season one Saved By The Bell with Alex for his punishment. Only Alex says it’s for his own good.

Michael grins and flips Maria over on the couch, she was about to revolt when he pinned her down from the back, oh god! Alex changed the rules! Alex changed the rules! We’re not using verbal clues anymore! Oh god! Don’t you understand! …Someone has to kill the babysitter… Okay yea that had nothing to do with the situation but Jim Carey said it when he was about to plummet to his death –only eh didn’t die… uh whatever!

“Oh my god! Michael!” Maria screams, “You sick bastard!” She shrieks and kicks her legs out, “I hate you! I –oh! Ohhhh!” She moan moans.


“You like that baby?” I hear Michael whisper in her ear.

Double ewwwww!

“Oh god yes!”

“Free PORN!” Jack and Sean shout.

“Dude get off my sister!” Kyle was about to attack when he did chuckling at the dazed Maria.

“I don’t even care what the fuck the word was…” She breathes, “I need to see you alone for a minute.” She grabs his shirt collar and drags him away.

Max turns to me and winks. Oh god I think the butterflies in my stomach and just intensified. Alex Jack his word and Jack –who has decided he’s a horny frat boy after all shoved Tess down low.

“Uh! What did I tell you about doing this in public Jack!” Tess snaps, “I told you if you want that to just say so and we’ll go in the car!”

Dude this game is way toooo much info for one night! She’s a hoooooooooe, hoe! She’s a hoooooooooe! Oh sorry that song just kind came out of nowhere.

Alex snickers and decides to press on, he picks from the bowl and grins at us. Oh. Shit! “The password is…” He tells Max. Max turns to look at me, I look at him and gulp. He moves over towards me and just ever so lightly kisses my lips. It’s so weird cuz… Just that one kiss and it’s as if we’re the only two people in the room. It was a sweet, gentle kiss. A niiiice kiss. But then he had to go and ruin it by pulling my legs up behind my head and pressing himself up on me! What the fuck is this? Some word Karma Sutra shit? Oh. Ohhh. Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!

“Karma Sutra!” I shouts and jump up to shove Max back down on the floor, “And if you ever do that to me again I will permanently rid you of all makeout sessions, and you have’nt even had a taste of what I’m capable of Max Evans.” I lick the side of his mouth and bite his bottom lip, tugging it towqrds me. Then just like that I hoped up off him and fixed my hair, “WoO! It’s uh… Hot in here huh?” I fan myself, “I’m gonna go get a soda. Anyone want?”

But everyone’s too busy staring at me in disbelief.


“So it’s settled then.” Alex crossed his arms and leaned into Isabel, “Guy’s stay with me, girls stay with Liz.”

“What’s settled?” I said as soon as I came back from the kitchen. I had to recuperate after my little scene with Max. I see that he’s still stunned cuz he’s staring off into space while Michael talks his ear off about god knows what.

“But I have to drive my parents home,” Jack pointed out –ignoring me, “They’re gonna get piss drunk like they do every year then I drive them home. I can’t go back and forth, it’s too far. Plus Tess has to go home.”

We all could care less where Tess went. Actually, if it were up to me she would take a flying leapfrog hop over the edge of a high cliff and plunge to her death. But that’s just me.

“Jack, why do you always have to be so difficult?” Alex whined, oh god! Not the whining!!! Anything but the whining!

“Alex. Shut. Up.” Jack expresses his irritation, “I’ll see what I can do.” He starts to go into parental Jack mode. “Okay?”

Alex looks at him hard, then softens, “Okay.”

“Marvelous idea Frank!” I hear my mother belts out.

Uh oh.

“Kids!” The parents yell.

“What do you want?” Alex grumbles when we’re all inside the living room with the people who gave birth to us.

“Frank just had a Marvelous idea! This year for Christmas we’re all going to Aunt Lynn and Uncle Franks cottage up in Whistling Hills!” My mom claps.

“When you say all, you mean? …” Alex draws out his sentence.

“I mean everyone in this room!” She claps again.

C’mon now mom! Where are we now? A Barnum and Bailey circus show? –Don’t answer that.

“COOL!” My brother yelps and jumps up and down.

Dear god I asked for a sister and instead I got a forever 8 year old HE-SHE.

“For how long?” I ask.

“One week. Oh just think of the fun!” My mom speaks.

My dad grins and nods, uncle frank grins and aunt Lynn is already making arrangement plans with Mrs. Evans. Phillip is the only one who seems skeptical.

“So exactly how many rooms are there in that cottage you have Frank?” He asks.

“I thought you’d NEVER ask!” Uncle frank chirps, “We’ve just installed three more bedrooms and that makes us a total of Eight rooms! Two beds a piece.”

“Wow! You don’t say!” Mr. Evans is hooked. They all chat around and us children drift out of the room.

Can you imagine the possibilities? Can you FREAKING imagine? I mean, we can ski, snowboard, kick back, drink hot cocoa, sit by the fire, tell scary stories, play board games, bond, fight, and most of all! ONE WHOLE WEEK OF PRANKS!

“Eight rooms means someone’s sharing beds or sleeping with their parents.” Sammie pipes up.

“BED!” Maria and I yell at once. Then we look at each other, “ROOMIES!” Then we high five each other.

“NERDS!” Alex says.

We give him the finger.

“We have cots Sam, it just means that someone’s gotta sleep on them” Jack adds.

“Yea but have you SLEPT on one of those? Can we say PAIN?” She grimaces.

Jack nods, “Oh yea. So Tess you in?” He puts his arm around her.

She shrugs, “I don’t know. I’m nervous.”

“About what babe?” Jack fluffs her hair and she slaps his hands away.

“I don’t know if I can survive a week with your family.” She scowls.

Kyle turns to his honey, “What about you babe? You in? You don’t have to cuz I know the holidays is for family.” He holds her tightly.

They’re so cute I could freaking puke.

She seems to think it over really hard in her head before she finally answers, “I’m in. I won’t miss my mother sing Christmas songs and fight with her sister over the last piece of fruitcake.” She giggles.

And the chatter dies down from there cuz we got almost a month before we go. Silence is both the best thing and the most horrible thing. I for one like to break silences with a wise crack or a fart sound –with my mouth! Uh! Like I’d do that in front of MAX!

“I’m bored.” I say.

“How about a nice round of Strip Twister?” Alex wiggles his eyebrows.

We all stay silent. Not one of us is about to admit that his idea is pretty fucking intriguing. I for one would like to see Max stripped down to his skivvies! Oh! Maybe he went commando! But we’re all too embarrassed to admit that. So we stay quiet, with our eyes averting all over to each other waiting for the brave person to step forward and say yea so we can say, “ewww you perv! Well if you INSIST!” But as always, parents have the BEST timing! Yes this is sarcasm, gosh and you say you KNOW me?


a/n: How was that?
posted on 7-Dec-2002 11:45:06 PM by JBehrsGurl
oh wow, you guys are so great! I'm going to try my absolute hardest to post the new (and last *sad*) part to this fic. But then... Christmas time! Yeay! LMAO *wink*


p.s. Erin, I most definately think I have corrupted you!*big*
posted on 9-Dec-2002 4:44:04 AM by JBehrsGurl
hello! Okay so heres the deal, I made a character page so you have a better outlook onthings. You'll get to see what everyone looks like! *big*

Just click it and see! *wink*

Hope you like it! It freaking took me forever to make! HTML is an ass!


p.s. It's made in a Liz POV style manner. I'll be adding pictures and stuff as if its family pics. hehe! Night! Thanks guys! You're all so great!

[ edited 1 time(s), last at 9-Dec-2002 4:47:01 AM ]
posted on 11-Dec-2002 3:18:49 AM by JBehrsGurl
Don’t forget to check out the character page if you guys wanna have a visual on the characters:


Dedicated to Shannon!!! (sowey I forgots to say it earlier! bad me! *smack*)

Mi hermana Jessica y Joanna, Erin, my wonderful Beta Meagz (If not for you none of this shit would make any sense!), Nya, Danie, Lindsay (I didn’t get to see the pic, it wouldn’t show up *sad*), Trude, Allie, Shelly 2, Angelic, ps_dreamer, Surfgirl02, Eccentric One, the better twin, AlienDreamer101, carolina_moon, Nikkisue, Lporter, maxzhot, I_LOVE_NICK, Insanity, Inimitable, frenchkiss70, Wench On A Leash (Christina, your FB was awesome!), liz1490, Melissa: How your FB’s make my sides split in laughter! You’re so funny! But yea, I hate when I get cravings and it’s the middle of the night! I have half a mind sometimes to hop in the car and drive to Wendy’s for those yummy yummy yummy 99 cent chicken nuggets! LMAO

*hugs to all*

*sigh* now is the end, let it go in peace… Oh shitznit that was from the craft! Friends skits are mentioned so… beware! Dreamer insurance is now ready to be cashed. But the fun begins in the sequel! *big*

Part 5

False Alarm. It was a false alarm.

They didn’t even want us over there in the living room. WE all topple inside the room and they look up at us and say hi. Hi? We were all about to play something that might fulfill my deepest and most intimate fantasy! And they call us! But since they’ve all been drinking… They just decided to mess with our heads. Why is it that when parents drink they like to play around?!

So we’ve all migrated to my bedroom –with the exception of Jack and Tess. She refused to step foot in my room and I refused to let her. So Jack is watching TV with her downstairs in the game room. Alex is still downstairs with Isabel and Sean, eating thirds and fourths.

“I really hate Tess.” I mutter and flop backwards onto my bed.

“Yea well, she really hates you for some reason.” Maria shrugged and sat on Michael’s lap over by the windowsill. “What’s her malfunction anyway?”

I shrugged and moved closer to where Max was sitting propped up on my pillows. “I think she’s still mad about last year.” I grin in remembrance.

Max snuggles closer to me, you know… Two more inches and we’ll make contact!

“I heard Tess hates you cuz you’re the reason that she and Kyle broke up.” Sammie says, hoping in bed with me.

“How do you know that?” I say, cradling her head in my lap and playing with her hair.

She shrugs, “I overhead her on her cell with Courtney before.”

“That’s not true.” I scowl.

“Well…” Kyle butts in, “It is in a way.”

I twist around to see him sitting in my beanbag with Michelle in his lap, “Huh?” I say.

“You said she was no good and that I should end it. So I told Tess that we’re no good and we should end it.” Kyle shrugs.

“Well, slap my mama! Kyle, you always do what I tell you to?” I sit up straight, and Sammie grumbles in annoyance at my sudden movement.

“Uh… Yea?” Kyle answers me.

Michael and Max bust up laughing. I don’t see what’s so funny, this is actually quite sad! Kyle can’t make decisions for himself?! What’s he going to do in the future? Do whatever I tell him to? Hmm… Actually this could come in handy! Maybe I can convince Kyle that I need someone to wash my car every, oh… Five days? You think that might work? Oh! Maybe I can convince him to but me the new Guess? jacket! You think he’d go for it? Well, now that’s something to think about.

“I’m sleepy. Lizzy, come back here!” Sammie pulls me back over so she could cuddle. I swear this girl is a definite baby. Nearly 18 years old and she still acts like she’s seven. She and Alex could start a cult or something. Be a child forever!

For whatever ever reason, I’m actually quite sleepy myself. I can even see everyone else dozing off too. Maria’s head is resting on Michael’s chest and he himself has his eyes shut and his head is back against the chair. Kyle and Michelle are resting peacefully down on the floor in my beanbag. They better not break that by the way. And Sammie is already snoring. Maybe I could rest my... head…

10 minutes later…

“Well, would you look at that!” I hear Alex’s aggravating voice boom against the walls of my room.

I’d get up and yell at him but Sammie’s arms are wrapped around me, “Sam.” I struggle, “Sam let go.” I try to push her arms apart. Since when did Sam get so damn strong?

“Uh… That’s not me.” Sammie says.

I look up and see her over by the door. Michael and Maria are still on the chair, Kyle and Michelle are still on the floor and now Alex and Isabel have come in. Sammie’s not with me… Than who is?

“Well, if you wanted some time alone…” Sammie giggles.

I turn around and see Max fast asleep behind me, only his arms have trapped me to him. Not a bad way to go out, if you ask me. Oh geez! How embarrassing is this? I must run! Running is something I do when I get embarrassed! I run! Run, Liz, Ruuuuuuuuuuuun! Squiggle! To the left! Now the right! Ahhhh! Get off me, you fine male sex god! I have some major running to do! Argh! Boy, this boy’s got a strong grip! That’s actually kind of a good thing; it might mean he’s aggressive in the sack. OH MY GOD! What the hell made me say that?! My brain! Overload! I need help! Help me! Was I ever talking to an android named Lupe?! Oh sorry, I’m babbling and that was the first thing that came to mind!

“I can’t breathe!” I scream, I mean I actually really can’t! I think this is what you call an anxiety attack or some shit cuz I’m freaking out! “Max! Let go! Let go! I love you but let go!”

“You what?!” Everyone yells.

Oh, so nooowwww you’re all up and awake! Why is no one helping me?!

“Liz, stay still and I’ll help you. Max is a sound sleeper, nothing is going to make him budge.” Isabel comes over and tries to pry Max's arms apart. I would really like to smack that damn smirk right off her face!

“This. Is NOT funny Iz.” I grumble.

“Oh, I believe it is, dear.” Isabel laughs. “You know what always worked for Michael and I?” She says giving up the struggle.

“What?” I gasp. Is it just me or is the oxygen in the room getting thinner?

“This.” Isabel slaps Max across the face.

Dayyyyyyyyyyyum! That’s gonna leave a mark.

His arms are ripped apart and he yelps out something but I’m already up and running down the hall.


“Liz.” Maria shakes her head.

“Maria.” I answer.

“Liz…” She pauses.

“Maria…” I pause.

“Liz…” She stops again.

“Maria?” I say.

“Hey what are you guys doing in there? Sounds like a porn video! You better not be doing anything in there without me!” We hear Michael say from the other side of the bathroom door. It’s the hall bathroom, and no. It’s not the one Max and I had our little rendezvous in earlier.

Maria rolls her eyes, “Can you get Iz and Sammie please.” Maria yells.

“That’s it! I want in!” Michael pounds on the door, “I want in and that’s the final answer! Thank you and good night!”

“Your boyfriend’s weird.” I snort.

“Yea? Well he’s your best friend.”

“True. Taught ‘em everything he knows.” I grin.

Maria looks at me, “I in no way doubt that.”

“What’s up?” Sammie says suddenly entering our world and sits on the tub.

“Yea, what do you want? My parents are about to leave, I gotta go get my stuff from home for the sleepover.” Isabel shuts the door behind her.

“We need a pow wow.” Maria says.

A wha?

“What’s up?” Sammie pipes up, “Is this about Liz running away like she always does?”

“Sam!” I gasp.

“Well, you do.” She shrieks.

“When have I –wait. Don’t answer that.” I hold my hands up.

Isabel yawns, “I said I gotta go get my stuff. So let’s cut to the chase. Liz, you told him you loved him. Everyone heard. What now?”

I banged my head against the toilet, “Me and my big panicking mouth.” I banged my head again.

“Liz, why don’t you just quit the crap and start screwing him like a bunny?” Maria pulled me up off the floor.

“Maria!” I can’t believe this chick! “Listen, just cuz you and Michael lost your… ya know, doesn’t mean that I have to! Sex is NOT casual clammit!”

Clam- wha?” Sam laughs.

“Whoa! Rewind please!” Isabel shouted, “You and Michael had sex?!”

“Well, the cat’s out of the bag now!” Maria screamed, “I can’t believe you, Liz! You know I have half a mind to go out and embarrass you in front of Max! Or you know what? I think I will! MAX!” She slammed the door open and shut behind her.

NO! No nonononononononononnononoooooo! This is NOT supposed to happen! What is she going to do? Doesn’t she know how much damage this can do to me mentally? I’m not gonna go out like this! I slam the door open and run after her.

But its too late.

“Max. Liz was just telling me in the bathroom there that she thinks you’re the worse kisser since Sean.”

“Hey!” Sean said.

Maria held up her hand, “Shut up.” She turn back to Max, “She says you slobber and stuff. Oh Max, I really didn’t want to be the one to tell you, but as your best friend…” She nod, “I think Liz is no good, hun.” Then she turn on her heels and went into the den to probably suck face Michael.

I look to Max, “That’s not true. She’s just mad cuz I accidentally told the girls that she and Michael had sex.” OH. SHIT.

“WHAT!?” Sean yelps. “Guerin!”

“Sean no!” I pull him back. “Sean, go into the kitchen and in the fridge I have cupcakes. I was holding out until everyone was gone but if you go now… All you can eat.”

“C-C-Chocolate?” He asks.

I nod, “Hurry! Go before someone finds them!” Its like talking to a child.

All of the sudden, Alex zooms past me, “Cupcakes! I knew you were holding out! I saw you make those last night!” He runs down the stares and fights Sean for the kitchen door. I shake my head and turn to Max. Oh, yea. Forgot about that.

“Max, I-”

“No. I don’t wanna hear it. I thought you were someone you’re not. Just forget it… Just forget it…” He walks away.

So I’ve decided that right here. Right now. I no longer am a friend with Maria Alejandra Deluca. Okay? Are we all clear on that? In fact, I think she should go home with her parents when they leave. Maybe I should tell them this right now. That I don’t wish for their daughter to sleep over tonight. Yeah, sounds good. I think I will.

“Mama VD!!!” I call out. Whoa! Lemme rephrase that, “Mommy Luca!” Awww, just right.

“Yea honey, honey?” She rushes to me in the living room.

“I don’t think that Maria should stay over because Michael will be staying over and that might cause conflict, Mom. I mean, have you noticed how…” I whispered the last part, “Intimate they seem to be?”

“MARIA!!!!” Amy went off in search of her daughter.

“Oh, I think she’s in the den with Michael!” I called out to her.

Now is operation retrieve sex god back. I know it’s all a bit much to conceive over this small period of time but I have to try. He just gives me way too good of lovin’ to just throw away.

“Max!” I call out in search for that fine piece of ass. I’ve decided that in order to get a man, you must act like one. Right? Oh whatever. “Maaax!” I go into the den and come right back out cuz Mama Deluca-Valenti is laying down the law. It might have helped Maria’s case better if she wasn’t currently nestled in Michael’s lap. HA! Serves her right! “Maaaa- Oof!” Oh yea, I’ve found him. Ran smack dab into him too. “Oh my gosh! Max, I’m so sorry!” Well not really cuz my hand kinda… grazed his... well.. you know…

“Liz!” His eyes widen and he looks down to his… then back up to me.

Now you’d think I’d blush at a time like this. Bet you think I am, huh? Well I’m not! Ha! Take that! Neh neh neh! Okay, yea, I’m doing the dance, and yea, he’s looking at me like I’m 5 Pepsi’s short of a sixer. A-hem!

“Max, I didn’t say what Maria said I said cuz I know what I said and that’s not what I said cuz I know I said that I said you were a good kisser and then when we were in the bathroom she said something that she shouldn’t have said and I blurt something I shouldn’t have said then she came out here and she said that.” I cross my arms. Damn straight. “So what do you have to say?”

He scratched behind his ear.

“Did you hear what I just said, cuz I know I didn’t just say all that for nothing.” I snap. Rule number one! Be vicious!


“No!” I press my fingers to his luscious lips. “I don’t wanna hear it. I thought you were someone you’re not. Just forget it… Just forget it…” I repeat his earlier speech and walk away. Rule number two. Make him sweat. He’ll be coming in three… two… one…


Told ya!

“Why are you acting like this? Okay, say I believe that you didn’t say what you said or what Maria said you said.”

“Huh?” Is it just me or does this boy not make sense? Say what you said-said-said? Uh? Whaaaa??? Speak English boy!

“Liz, stop playing around!” He snaps.

Oh! Rule number three. Never let a guy raise his voice at you.

“Pinche puto hoto carron chingow.” I spat. HA! Take that! Now what did I just say?

“Wha-wha-whaaa?” He says.

“I dunno.” I snap, “Maria taught me this and she said to say it to someone when you’re really really mad at them!” I scream. “ I think I said every cuss word in Spanish.” I rubs my head, “I can’t even insult you properly! Okay, lemme try that again.” I open my mouth to try again but WOOOHOOO! Max's mouth is on mine!

Forget the rules, dammit! Max's tongue is in my mouth! Ohhh! Nice kissy kissy kissy… Smoochie, smoochie, smoochie! Little sweet peck, little sweet peck, major lip action! His mouth is warm and inviting, his hands gently move across my back. My hands… well, I’m a girl –not an animal! But when I’m with him… *sigh* My hands have minds of their own. One’s traveling the mass of dark raven hair and the other… Well, my left side always was the bad seed.

“Liz!” Max yelps when bad leftie grabs hold of Max's butt.

Hey! Like you wouldn’t!

“Are you staying the night?” I ask, breaking our kiss.

“Yea, are you?” He asks.

I look at him, poor boy has got mush for brains. “Max… I live here.” I tell him gently.

“Oh.” He nods and moves in for more lippy.

Oh! Me likie, likie the… uh… lippy-ikie? Oh forget it! I’m just as bad as this nut. C’mere, you hot boy! MmMmMmMm… Oh there goes the unstoppable moan. Uh-er-Mmmmm… Followed by Max's moan. His is actually weird.

“Liz…” He whispers in my ear and plants small kisses down my neck.

Oh! Don’t stop! No! No! Don’t –oh! You stopped!

“Huh?” I say. Pulling his lips back to mine.

“Liz, I-”

“Ahhhhhhhhhh!!!!” Alex runs past us screaming, “Oh my god! Save yourselves!” He shakes us loose, I see chocolate smeared all over his mouth, “There’s a wild fandango loose in the house!” he screams again and runs off into the den to warn others. Oh dear, what have I done?

Isabel comes marching up to me, “Liz.” She closes her eyes and sighs, “I blame his sugar high on you.” She opens her eyes and glances at us, “What were you two doing?” She asks.

“Nothing.” I say.

“Nothing.” He says one second later.

She doesn’t look convinced but thanks to my sugar filled brother who now has his shirt wrapped around his head and is dancing around his belt, she walks away. Wow, my brother is pretty toned for a pipsqueak. But white as an egg, he has no color to his skin what so ever.

“Yo bro!” I thumbs up him.

“Sis! Look at the magic dancing snake!” He shimmies around his belt that he threw to the floor. “Back! Back, you hevan!” He pretends to whip it away. “Ohf he’s a feisty one!”

I bury my face in Max chest and shake my head, “Why was I born into this family? Whyyy?” I whine.

Max wraps his arms around my waist, “If you weren’t then you wouldn’t be here with me.” He says.


“That deserves two kisses.” I grin and kiss his lips twice.

“Mmmm! Gimme another one.” He says.

I kiss him again. OoOoh!

“Elizabeth Claudia Parker!” Maria’s shrill voice screams.

I flinch, “Hide me.” I say to my male sex god.

“Liz! I can’t believe you! What did you tell my mother?! Liz! That wasn’t funny! My mom said that me and Michael aren’t allowed to see each other until Christmas break! He’s going home with Isabel right now and he’s not coming back!” She cries.

Boy, what a baby.

“Ria, I didn’t tell her anything I simply said-“

“Well, whatever you simply SAID made her flip. I can’t believe you!” She screamed at me.

“Maria, I-”

“No! I want you to go and fix this! Un-say whatever it is that you said!” She pushes me towards the living room where the ‘rents are.

Kyle and the gang are now in the hallway where we are.

“I dunno why she flipped I-”

“Liz, now!” She screams.

“Will you let me talk!” I flick her nose.

She jumps back. “Did you just flick me?” She flicks my forehead back.

“Ah!” I flinch and flick her back.

She flicks me, I smack her. She smacks me. I push her, she shoves me. Now we’re in a full catfight cuz hands are flying everywhere and I’m just scared that someone’s gonna poke an eye out! But then… Oh! Pain!

“Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!” We cry out. Isabel has now gotten hold of our ears.

“Are you two gonna behave?” She snaps.

“She started it!” I flick Maria again.

“Uh!” She tries to get me back but Isabel pulls harder and we yelp.

“Drop whatever conflict it is that you two old maids are bickering about and suck it up! Say sorry. NOW.” She pulls harder on our ears. Geez! By the time this is over my ears will be the same size as Max's!

“Sorry!” We scream.

Isabel smirks, “You know. If we were in prison. You guys would be like, my bitches.” She grins.


Jammies are on, hair is braided back. Movie is in the VCR. All things are in order. Occasionally Alex runs through the room screaming “It’s allllllll right!” In the tune of Saved By The Bell, but other than that, I have convinced mama to let Ria and Michael stay. Michael said that though he praises me in my attempt to strike revenge on Maria, to never ever do that again. I said okay, as long as she keeps that trap of hers shut. Fat chance there. Sammie called me into my room and of course Maria and Isabel follow. I wonder if Michelle feels a bit left out. Well, if you wanna be in the mix, you gotta know what flavor is mixin’, I always say!

“What is it? We’re all about to watch Fast and Furious. Yummy, Vin Diesel and Paul Walker…” I gaze off dreamy.

“This shirt you gave me.” She scowls down at it and looks in the mirror. “It makes me look flat as a board.”

I roll my eyes, “You called me up here for this?”

“Oh! I know! Don’t you hate that damn shirt.” Maria crinkles her nose, “But you don’t have to worry cuz you’re farrrrr from flat.”

Isabel shakes her head chuckling, “Breasts are no big deal, you guys.”

We all look to her as if she’d gone mad.

“Says the girl with the giant basoomas.” I say.

She just rolls her eyes.

“Why don’t you do the pencil test?” I suggest to Sammie.

“UH?” She makes a face.

“Oh, Sammie don’t do that, you look terribly unattractive.” I cringe, “The pencil test! Get a pencil and place it under your boOb. If it falls out than you’re fine. If it stays, you’re in trouble.” I grab a pencil from my desk and give it to Sam.

“If it stays that means you’re okay and if it falls out than you’re small.” Maria says to me.

I shrug. Sammie squiggles around under her shirt then stands tall. The pencil barely stands still. Then it wobbles and falls out. Well, I’m guessing this is what happens cuz we didn’t all stand around and stare at her tata. We all try it after her. It falls for us and stays for Iz. You could fit a pencil case under there.

“Oh, who wants big breasts anyways.” I bark and throw the pencil across the room.

Isabel sighs. “At least when guys talk to you, they look at your face.”

“Not helping.” We say and walk out of the room.

“Michael touched my chest the other day when we were making out.” Maria blurt.

I spin around, “Maria. You’ve gone way past 3rd base and you’ve already hit home plenty of times. So why do we care if Michael touched your BoBo?”

“I was just saying.” She shrugs. Then I told her to shut up. Hmm… Max never touched my bobo… I looked down to them, you guys feelin’ a lil lonely down there? I grope myself. There, that better?

“So Jack’s not coming back?” I ask Sam, looking back up.

“No,” She shakes her head, “He said Tess wouldn’t let him.”

“Ugh! I hate that chick!” I stomp my foot. Ow.

“Movie! Come! Now! Ohhh! Brownies!!!” We hear Alex shout.

“Alex, NO!” We all scream and run downstairs.

10 minutes later…

Lucky me, I’m cuddled with Max on the floor. I see him look at me every now and then and I pretend to be really into the movie. Michelle and Kyle are huddled on the lazy boy and Maria and Michael have occupied the couch. Alex and Isabel are on the other lazy boy across from Maria and Michael. Sammie and Sean lay spread out on the floor in front of Max and me. They’re like 5 feet a part though. It’s actually quite funny. No funny business happen between Max and I, I know you were quite hoping for that, weren’t you?

Yea. So was I but hey? What can you do? Everyone’s knocked out and again I’m trapped in Max's arms. Only it’s okay now. I feel him snuggle closer and bury his face in my neck, I giggle softly and watch the rest of the movie. I know that tomorrow we’ll all be our regular boneheaded self’s. And I know that we’ll all wake up with stiff necks and achy bones. But for right now, I’m in heaven. Max spooning me close. Maria’s not mad at me, Michael’s cool with me. It’s all good. I just feel sorry for Isabel cuz Alex tends to let ‘em rip during the night.

But as all things come together, they must come to an end, my dear friends. I heart you all, until next time… Happy Turkey Day!

“Happy Thanksgiving, Liz.” Max kisses my cheek.

Oh poOpcilcles! I thought his ass was asleep!

“Night, Max.” I sigh as slumber over takes me.

He’s half asleep but mumbles one last thing…

“I love you.”


TBC… At the cabin… *evil grin*

edited 5 bagillion times cuz I suck ass! errrr!

[ edited 5 time(s), last at 12-Dec-2002 3:05:42 PM ]
posted on 11-Dec-2002 10:31:24 PM by JBehrsGurl
oh my heart swells with joy!!! Happy happy joy joy!!! I've started the sequel! I've decided to do a holiday series so for every holiday... you get Liz and the scooby gang! lol *wink*

posted on 12-Dec-2002 1:03:42 PM by JBehrsGurl
LOL You guys think that quoting might upset people but in reality it makes me soooooooooo happy!!! lol I seriously want to hug each and every one of you!!! *HUG!!!*
posted on 12-Dec-2002 2:36:09 PM by JBehrsGurl
Oh yea, by the way...

I need ideas for a title! I have no clue what to call the sequel! help guys!!!
posted on 12-Dec-2002 7:42:08 PM by JBehrsGurl
I'm not kidding! Help guys! I have the new story almost ready for posting but I refuse to post without a name! LOL Start getting the wheels to turn and help a fellow roswellian out! lol I love that word its so funny ros-well-I-an... LMAO Okay I really hope you take this seriously! HELP!
posted on 13-Dec-2002 11:54:01 AM by JBehrsGurl
Big Thanks to: Jo, the better twin, abarfeld, gal, and maxzhot

Your ideas were ALL inspiring and thanks sooo much! Man I was up last night thinking and all I came up with was Snowed In -A Christmas Story, Santa's Great Big Wedgie -A Christmas Story, Two Turtle Doves and My Thong Stuck Up In a Pear Tree -A Christmas Story, and Caught Under The Mistletoe -A Christmas Story (how original I know) LOL But!

How I Survived X-Mas With A Sex God

Sounds WONDERFUL!!! Okay let me just say that you guys are so great and I'm already up to 6 pages on the update! My goal is to at least post 10 so… Hold on ta ya knickers gulls! LMAO

I'm posting tonight! And yes I will Link you guys!

posted on 14-Dec-2002 1:39:11 AM by JBehrsGurl
okay its up and ready! you guys rock its dedicated to each and every one of you!!!!!

Snowed in With a Sex God -A Santa Story

Knock yo self out!
posted on 26-Dec-2002 5:16:03 AM by JBehrsGurl
The wonderful and talented Meagzie!!! Made me this banner! She rocks!