|posted on 3-Dec-2002 8:48:24 AM by RELA|
I woke up with a start and I wasn't sweating at all infact I was crying great heaps of terrified cries they were absolutely silent but wracked my body like thunder ..... so I do what I don't think I'll like to do, go and take a shower a hot one...it was freezing cold I pulled of the navy blue school logoed sweater off along came off my wrinkled grey blue shirt and my black tights, I turned the water on hot in the shower and gingerly kept one foot shuddering but the water was warm enough so I pulled all of myself in it my hair already lose....I pull my hair back and let the warmth flow through me till I feel something of a flashback mare the back of my head runnning like a branded movie I cry out in despair *You know what there going to do to you hmmm? they'll throw you in a brothel and beileive me once they get a hold of you you'll stay there till you're dying day whether they have to tie you down for it...no matter how much you scream cry fight they wont let you go thats why I'm telling you tell me now because I have no problem in letting you go but my friends don't seem to agree with me hmmm? what do you say?*
"ah" I throw the bar of lux away it has the feel of a hand a cold one a reminder and I turn the water off still sobbing I can't sit down or in a corner to cry becuae I'm restless I don't want to sleep I'm scared that who ever was in my head a moment ago might come back again to scare me but who is it his tongue was practically in my ears why is he so cold where am I? I'm in my room in my appartment, but.....I'm having nightmares. bad ones ...... and now I'm rushing to the emergency ward....I have a hunch a wierd one I'm not sure why but the soreness would explain it better I guess so I keep running throught the streets.... almost there....it's drizzling outside and I'm still cold with my jean jacket over me .....I'm inside and suddenly the blue feeling is gone .... it's normal the hospital wiht patients children parents old men and women doctors nurses walking talking laughing around I don't feel so alone but I'm still cold and I still don't feel normal so exausted night after night of sleepnessless 120 cups of coffee and now when I finally tiredly do fall asleep what happens to me?....I get horrible flashes...of?....I can't remember but I have a feeling if somehting isn't done about it I might lose my mind and get locked up in a mental hospital, nothing is more horrible then the feeling of not being able to escape
"hey, ..... are you alright?"
some ones besides me, where am I? I'm in the lobby, sliding down the wall wih my head in hands...I cry harder holding myself together the person rubs my back "it's ok, I'll get you help...don't go anywhere" the foot steps hurry away I continue to bawl my eyes out why can't anthing good ever hapen to me why do I always end up falling in trouble ? why me?...the footsteps hurry back several of them I panic suddenly and look up, I scream. I scream again. I keep screaming one of them comes closer and suddenly everything's gone out of focus.
Liz? wake up...child..wake up now....somethings nudging me gently I do wake up and open my eyes to meet a blindingly cold gaze of agent Pierce "oh god"
"feeling better Liz?" I shudder horrified as he touched my arm and try to pull away to the farthest corner of where ever here , which I found out was also useless because I still see his face and he's still touching me I make a last feeble attempt to free my self of his touch struggling as violently as I can.....he isn't surprised and holds my small weakly balled up fists to his chest and pulls me closer I cry out and he lets go...."shhhhh...relax..I'm not going to hurt you now Liz..relax" I utter a sob and my had flies up to my fore head over my eyes ...."let me go...please...please...just let me go.... " the blue feelings back again and he's smiling gently stroking my hair I can't seem to rid of him touching me so I just let him, and cry harder shaking all over shrieking at him at him...he doesn't seem to mind and keeps repeating soft circles on my elbow....there's some disturbance and I look up to see someone is standing over us....."Give the sedative to me" I look on as he takes a long syringe filled with clear liquid with an awfully lethal looking needle, "no no no no..please don't... not that no!!"
"Liz..it won't hurt much...it's ok ...shhh ok.....hold her"
my screams echoe off several walls and come back to me as about three men drag down my lower body holding me down while Pierce checks the needle pulls the corner of my shirt and slips the needle into my shoulder , I blink as the pain burns a path down my shoulder ....I don't try fighting becuase my body feels numb really I can't seem to feel anyhitng