|posted on 30-Dec-2002 10:46:02 PM by TrustCoFan86|
Title: A Sorta Fairytale
Rating: PG-13 – R Drug use. Language.
Category: Max/Liz. AU
Disclaimer: Roswell and Max and Liz belong to Melinda Metz. “A Sorta Fairytale” is a song by Tori Amos, which this fan fiction is very loosely based on.
Summary: Liz has an illness and Max is lost. Set while all the characters are still in high school
“And when you die, what do you want to be known for?” she asked seriously, her normally green eyes were hidden by the lens of a camcorder. She stood on her feet at the edge of his bed.
Max fingered the small container that was filled with a white powder. “What do I want to be known for…” he drawled quietly, thinking to himself out loud.
He laid his head back on his pillows and stared at the ceiling. The large room in the large southern Californian mansion suddenly felt suffocating to him. The walls, which he had left bare, seemed to be closing up on him in his mind.
“Come on Max,” the girl chuckled silently. “We’re going to run out of tape.” She said briefly removing her face to sweep away her crimson hair.
“Why are we taping this again?” He asked her, leaning up and pouring the white powder onto the silver pan.
“We’re leaving behind legacies. No one’s going to find this tape until we die, so don’t worry.” She responded.
Max looked straight at the camera. “A legacy.” He repeated. He looked down on the pan and picked up the small razor that lied next to him and carefully put the white powder into a fine line. “Do you think we’re going to die soon?” He asked her seriously. “Do you think it will hurt?”
The girl laughed. “Of course it’ll fucking hurt. We’re rich, we’re young, and we’re fucking beautiful. When we die, it will hurt.”
He chuckled at this. “We’re privileged. We deserve to hurt.”
She nodded a little, making the camera shake with her. “That’s just the way the world will work.” She laughed. “Now come on, you’re wasting tape.”
Max leaned over and snorted the line. He looked up at the camera with red, bloodshot eyes and wiped his nose a little.
“I want my legacy to be depression. I want it to be pain. And most of fucking all, I want it to be death, because that is the only thing waiting for me. The mansion, the cars, the money, all it does is fuel the habit, add oil to the pain and feed the addiction. That is what I want my fucking legacy to be.”
She switched of the camcorder and stared at him silently. “A lot of shit goes through your head Max,” she said finally. “Sometimes I just wish you would let me in more.”
He looked up at her and smiled faintly. “We all are supposed to have secrets. We all have to have something to tear us up inside until the final trigger of the gun at our heads.” He reached at her waist and pulled the girl down. “There are some things that I have to keep to myself.”
She lay next to him with her head on his neck. “I turn 16 tomorrow.” She announces quietly.
Max nods. “I know. Happy birthday…in advanced.”
“Are we still going to get married when we’re 18?” She asked quietly, her voice strung like a young girls.
Max nodded. “Two more years baby, just two more years.”
“And you’ll won’t leave me?” she asked, her voice growing even quieter.
He closed his eyes briefly. “I won’t leave you.”
* * * *
And that was the last memory Max had of her…she had died two days after her sixteenth birthday due to an overdose. He wasn’t able to handle it, so his parents, finally fed up with his cocaine problem sent him away.
Max’s hands shook from his furor. His headphones over his ears, he sat looking out the window of the Greyhound bus. Another part of his lesson he needed to learn.
Roswell – fucking – New Mexico is where he was going to be sent.
He looked down at the black-leathered journal and twirled his pen into his fingers. He tapped the pen top on the paper before he began writing.
There’s no fucking truth to this world. No fucking justice.
Not even a month since Mia passed and no one bothered to ask me how I felt about her leaving me, they never even asked me the one phrase, “are you okay?” before shipping me off to my hick cousins to learn a lesson.
What lesson, dare I ask? How to ride horses? Sending me to a rehab clinic would have made a lot more sense.
But no, Jen and Frank Evans can’t possibly bear to let their image and reputation of perfection be ruined by their troubled addict son.
All I have left to say is that I’m furiously searching for the gun. Yes, aspirins will be easier to come across, but I want my death to be loud and I want my death to be crimson.
Everyone will know that Max Evans killed himself and everyone will know that his parents didn’t give enough shits to help him.
One day, everyone will know Max Evans legacy.
Um, next part, you learn more about Liz and stuff. Well, thanks for reading, leave feedback, please and tell me what you think.
[ edited 12time(s), last at 16-Feb-2003 4:19:57 PM ]
|posted on 31-Dec-2002 11:27:27 AM by TrustCoFan86|
|To everyone who left feedback, thank you very much. I really appreciate it and you've made me want to seriously devote all my time to this fic. lol.|
I loved reading what you had to say! I agree, soulmates have a deep connection that no one can really understand until they've felt it for themselves. I got the whole camera thing from American Beauty. Hee. I haven't seen the movie since it first came out, but I thought it was a very powerful idea. Btw, I live in Michigan too...close to detroit, but far enough to be considered suburban.
Well, the next part will be soon. I can't promise that it will be today, but it was be this week. As for Liz, I'm not if she can really be considered as the smallest of small town girls, because she has her own demons.
Thanks for reading,
|posted on 2-Jan-2003 5:55:53 PM by TrustCoFan86|
|Max is sixteen |
I was orignally going to post today, but something came up, so I was unable to post the part.
sorry, it'll come tomorrow though. maybe later on tonight.
|posted on 3-Jan-2003 11:18:59 AM by TrustCoFan86|
Note: The little smidge of lyrics in this part is Epiphany by Staind. Also, thanks for the feedback, I really appreciate it.
“I have cancer,” Liz stated, staring her counselor, Emma, straight in the eyes.
Emma shook her head in frustration, her honey blonde hair flying around. “No Liz, you had cancer. It’s cured, you’re in remission.”
“Am I?” Liz asked, her chocolate brown eyes cold and unfeeling. “Or do you not realize that you have to be in remission for seven years before you’re considered truly cured?”
Emma sighed and sat quietly. “Your hair is growing back nicely.” She said finally.
Liz unconsciously reached up and felt her dark brown hair, which had already grown to her shoulders in the year she had stopped chemotherapy. “Its just hair,” Liz replied steadily. “It always grows back.”
“But why is it just hair?” Emma asked her. “Why must you look at things so bleak, so half empty?”
Liz blinked, then smirked. “Aren’t you supposed be telling me why, and not asking me why?”
Emma leaned back on her chair and stared at the plaques on the wall behind Liz. All those diplomas and awards from the most prestigious schools in the nation and she still isn’t able to figure this girl out. She had changed the whole office so Liz wouldn’t lay down, in hopes that more eye contact could make her more open. “Why won’t you let me in? Why won’t you let me help you?” she asked quietly.
Liz sighed in disgust. “Emma, dear, some people just aren’t meant to be helped. I will die, you will move on. Let’s just make this clear.” She concluded.
Emma shook her head. “I don’t believe that. I don’t believe that you can’t be helped.” She leaned forward on her chestnut desk and stared at Liz. “I believe that you are too closed up in your misery to understand help.”
Liz met her stare, refusing to respond.
“I hear that you like taking pictures. Would you like to be a photographer when you grow older?” Emma asked softly. “I know some people that work for NYU, I could give them your name. You may only be 16, but it’s never to early to start thinking about your future.”
Liz let her head fall back and stared at the ceiling. “I won’t be going to NYU. I’ll be long gone before I ever have a chance to go to college.”
“It doesn’t help you and it doesn’t help your family when you talk like that. The cancer will not come back Liz, you just have to have faith.”
“I wish you would all just stop telling me to having faith. I do not fucking have faith in anything anymore. This world…this life, its nothing more than a fucking game.” Liz stated, finally showing a bit of emotion as she raised her head. She looked at the clock right behind Emma. “It’s time for me to go.”
“What?” Emma asked, confused.
Liz raised her arm and pointed to the clock. “Our session is up.” She scooted the chair from the desk and stood up. “Once again, this whole thing was pointless, but thanks anyway for trying.” Liz told her before quickly walking out of the doors.
As soon as she reached the hallway, her parents stood up and walked towards her.
“Everything okay sweetie?” Her dad, Jeff Parker, asked her, almost afraid of the reaction. He looked down at her and noticed her iced over eyes…it nearly made him shiver. It was a fact that he could no longer fight…wherever the before cancer Liz was, she wasn’t coming back.
“I’m fine.” Liz responded.
“Honey, are you sure?” Nancy Parker asked.
“I’m. Fine.” Liz responded, making sure to over enunciate every syllable.
They knew when to step down. “Well, let’s go then.” Jeff said, taking his broken family towards the exit.
* * * *
Max stepped off the bus onto the only bus station in Roswell. With his luggage in one hand and journal in the other, he felt a moment of confusion. He had no idea what his cousin’s car looked like; he didn’t even have an idea as to what they looked like. “Well this is just fucking typical.” He said to himself as he sat on the edge of the sidewalk, right in front of the station.
He glanced at his watch and noticed that it was two in the afternoon. He sighed and readjusted his headphones and the sounds of Staind seeped into his head.
'Cause it’s always raining in my head
Forget all the thing's I should have said
Max felt someone tap him on the shoulders and he looked up to see the face of an older man with graying hair. He removed his headphones. “Yes?”
“Max Evans?” The man asked, hoping to confirm that this was his nephew.
Max nodded. “Yes. And you would be…?”
“Philip Evans, your fathers brother.” He reached out his hand for Max to shake.
Max looked at the outstretched hand for a second before reluctantly clasping it and shaking his hand.
Philip removed his hands and gave a single clap. “Well, we should go now. We’re all waiting for you back at home.”
“We?” Max asked while rising up and grabbing on to his bag.
Philip began walking towards his car, a newer bodied Seabring. “We’ll talk about it on our way home.” Philip said before taking Max’s bags and putting them in the trunk.
‘Home?’ Max thought with a snort. They had to be out of their minds if they thought he was ever going to consider Roswell, New Mexico home.
They both got into the car and began the half-hour long journey to the Evans’ house.
“I have a son, Michael. He’s your age.” Philip started off after a long uncomfortable silence. “And I have a daughter, Isabel. She’s 15, just a year younger than you and Michael. And there’s Diane, my wife.”
Max nodded, but didn’t say anything. He’d never been around too many people that were around his age. Just Mia.
They drove the rest of the ay in silence. Philip pulled up into his driveway of a white two-story home with light blue shingles and turned off the ignition. He faced Max. “Listen, Max.” Philip said warily. “My brother told me the kind of stuff you were doing back at your home. I don’t want you to do it here. If Michael and Isabel get caught up in drugs, then I will make sure you will end up in jail.”
Max flinched. “Fine.” He released his seatbelt and opened the car door. “I won’t corrupt your precious children.” He left the car and waiting for the trunk to open to get his bags.
Once the truck opened he grabbed his bags and walked up to the front door, waiting for Philip to catch up so he could open it. He didn’t have to, as soon as he stepped on the porch, the door opened revealing an older woman with shoulder length blonde hair and open blue eyes.
“You must be Max,” The woman said softly. “I’m Diane. Well, the last time we saw you, you weren’t older than three,” she finished with a smile.
The woman moved and Max entered. He looked around the living room and saw all the Christian decors around. Crosses, pictures of Jesus, the works. He cringed. Through the corner of his eyes he could see a blonde girl quickly move back into the hallway.
Philip entered and took Max’s bags. “Come on, you’ll be sharing a room with Michael. I’ll show you the way.”
Max nodded and managed to give a small smile to Diane. He followed Philip through the halls and into a room that was adorned with Meticalla posters. A guy with dark spiky hair was sitting down on one of the two twin beds, watching TV.
“Michael,” Philip said. Michael looked up. “This is your cousin Max. Be nice. And when you’re done packing Max, come out to the living room.” He handed Max his bags and left the room.
Max and Michael stared at each other warily, not sure what to make of each other. “That’s your bed.” Michael said finally, pointing to the bed opposite him. “That’s your dresser.” He continued pointing to the dresser next to the bed. “Don’t touch anything that isn’t yours, especially my CDs. And don’t think I don’t know why you’re here. Don’t do any of that heroin shit in here.” He concluded before walking out of the room.
“Thanks for the welcome.” Max said softly. “I don’t do heroin by the way.” He laughed to himself and carefully took most of his clothes and put them in the dresser drawers. A half hour later, he was done. Expect for one more thing. He reached in a hidden compartment of his of his luggage and pulled out a three bags of powder. He stared at it for a while before hiding it in the back of the bottom drawer.
Max stood up and gave a single wipe to his face. “I can’t believe I have to stay here.” He muttered to himself. He looked up at the ceiling. “I hope you’re happier up there Mia,” his voice began choking up. “I hope you have everything there that you couldn’t have here.” He looked down and left the room.
New part sometime next week, or later on this week. But to warn you know, I midterms coming up soon. Since I'm a junior this year, I think I should actually give a shit. Anyways, feedback please!
|posted on 3-Jan-2003 3:35:54 PM by TrustCoFan86|
quote: I always wanted to go to NYU too, it's a perfect area for me because I want to be a journalist. But with my grades, I'll probably end up at Wayne State. Michigan State, if I'm lucky.
Oh and dude, NYU. I always wanted to go to NYU.. but I'm stuck going to Oakland University.
quote:Lol, no you're not speaking out of your ass. I know what you mean. I don't think I'm all that artistic, but I like people who are. lol
. I really enjoyed that whole bit about photography, I think that would add to the intensity of the fic. Especially sinced Mia seemed to have a fascination with a camcorder, and Liz had a fascination with photography (both percieving that intensity to understand the creative side to things) If you get what I mean... or maybe I'm speaking out of my ass..
quote:Thank you! Re: the journals. I love journals, I post a weblog (Plug! ) and a personal journal. I also love guys who can write in journals. I don't know, I think it shows a bit of awarness. Re: Kurt Kobain. I won't read his journals either. I wasn't a huge Nirvana fan, but there's something personal about non-blogged journals. No one should read them. But at the same time, I really liked reading Go Ask Alice
Anyway, something else I wanted to mention about the prologue. When Max was leaving on the bus and writing in his journal, for some reason that reminded me of every tormented rock star. Jim Morrison with his poems, Kurt Cobain with his journal (which I shall not read because Courtney released it. Yeah, I'm a little bitter.. can ya tell?) Anyway, I think you perfectly captured the depression Max has and the pessimism Liz has.
quote:Lol! I do it for a dramatic effect that I think it adds. Lol. I didn't think people notice it like I do, LOL.
Oh yeah, edited again cuz I just HAD to point out one other thing. Your title reads "A Sorta Fairytale." With a period at the end. I write periods at the end of my titles too. Did you do that for dramatic affect, or just cause it's something you do? Sorry for the randomness of this question, I'm a little odd. Lol. =/
|posted on 3-Jan-2003 5:06:29 PM by TrustCoFan86|
quote:Lol! This cracked me up for some reason. Thanks for the feedback
Two fucked up people help each other and then peace comes. Unless it's the opposite. Two fucked up people help each other and it gets more fucked up. Yep. That's what I'm thinking right now.
quote:lol, I guess then I shouldn't tell you that I was hoping to minor is psychology? Truthfully, I think good journalism is someone who has a knowledge of both psychology and sociology.
You know, you are really starting to creep me out. Lol.
|posted on 10-Jan-2003 4:06:00 PM by TrustCoFan86|
|I'm such an evil fan fic writing bitch. But I swear to you, I've been writing this fic. This week has been hard because school work is been busting my ass. Falling asleep while in class doesn't help.|
And anyways, my crush and I are getting closer and oh my God, I so want in his pants ;) lol.
Um, new part sometime this weeked.
|posted on 10-Jan-2003 4:09:39 PM by TrustCoFan86|
[ edited 1 time(s), last at 10-Jan-2003 4:10:25 PM ]
|posted on 12-Jan-2003 5:32:07 PM by TrustCoFan86|
quote:No need to censor I'm sorry about your crush and your "friend"! Some people can be so fucking screwy.
destinyrebel originally wrote:
I'll be checking in, then... I can't wait... It's been a while. Oh and good luck with your crush! May you have better luck than I have had! Seems my crush started dating one of my good friends over winter break and I was the last to know... Yeah, I laughed my ass off when I found out, THIS MORNING! Ahh... Anyway, fuck him. He's an asshole and should die. So should she! What the hell is her problem? Damn stupid, stupid fake blonde bitch...
Um... Yeah, sorry for that...rant...
Come back with a new part soon! It'll make me feel better!
PS> Sorry for the bad words... Maybe I should have censored that a bit...
I have bad news. No new part tonight because I have a chem final tomorrow that I DIDN'T STUDY FOR (I'm seriously freaking out). My finals are over after this week and I'll have time to devote to writing.
PS. What is this about joint suicide? Lol. I guess I'll warn you guys now that the ending isn't going to be the usual dreamer happy ending, but it is kinda happy in my own warped way of thinking.
|posted on 17-Jan-2003 12:47:16 PM by TrustCoFan86|
|hey, just posting a note to say that I added a fic banner that I made on the first page...tell me what you think about it |
New part sometime this three day weekend. I swear. Even if it kills me. My midterms are all over. In general, I think I did pretty good.
|posted on 19-Jan-2003 5:04:42 PM by TrustCoFan86|
Note: Um, I’m agnostic, which means I believe in a higher power, but I don’t necessarily follow any religions. So, I mean no insult to anyone’s religions with this part. Also the little snippet of song in here is Oblivion and Capricorn [A Brand New Name] by 30 Seconds to Mars.
- - - -
“We just wanted to go over a few house rules with you Max,” Philip said sternly, trying to intimidate his nephew.
Max didn’t anything, but stared. Diane, who was sitting next to Philip, gave Max a reassuring smile.
“First of all, we’re have to discuss curfew. It’s my understanding that my brother and his wife were too lax when it came to setting that particular rule. You will come in no later than 11:00p.m on weekends and no later than 9:30p.m on weekdays.”
“Bullshit.” Max said evenly.
Diane gave a little grimace and nervously fingered the necklace that held her cross.
Philip couldn’t even flinch. He didn’t expect anything more than what he was getting. “No language like that either.” He replied stonily. His demeanor almost fell when he saw Max take on a cocky grin. “You will be expected to do your share of housework. We don’t have maids like you have out in Los Angeles.”
“Right.” Max said, humoring Philip. Like he was going to clean up after a houseful of people. He didn’t mind cleaning up his own messes, but the thought of cleaning up after other people made him feel ill.
“And you will be expected to come to church with us every single Sunday.” Philip concluded.
That made Max react. “No fucking way.” Max said. “There is no way you can sit here and try to force any kind of religion on me.”
Philip sighed. He knew that this would be the hardest one to force on him. In a way, he agreed with Max. What right does he has to force someone to believe the same things he believes? The only reason he was doing this one because Diane felt a good solid religion would make the boy shape up.
“You are living here Max. I expect you to follow our rules. Otherwise, you can just go to jail.” Philip finally said.
“I’m not going to church every Sunday, I’m not going to church any day and you can’t force me.” Max responded, beginning to grow angrier. He could take the other bullshit rules, but he had his own reasons as to why he didn’t want to go to church.
“Max,” Diane began “We just thought that maybe if you could help yourself if you just began to follow a religion.”
Max turned his head so he could face Diane properly “What the hell makes you think Christianity is going to make all my problems go away? How do you know Judaism won’t help me, or Islam, or any other religion won’t help me? Or maybe, I don’t know, I’m content with my beliefs already.”
Diane blinked. No one had ever talked back to her like that. She regained her composure “Maybe Max, your problem is that you don’t believe in anything.”
“I like it that way.” Max said quietly, trying to not do or say anything he would regret later.
Philip rubbed his temples. “Enough of this discussion. We’ll continue it later.” Philip said. “Tomorrow you need to get your uniform so you can go to school on Monday.”
“Can I go?” Max asked. Suddenly, he was beginning to become exceedingly tired.
Philip nodded. “You can go. You’ve had a long trip, feel free to go to sleep now, if you wish.”
Max nodded and stood up from the couch and left the living room and retreated to the room he shared with Michael. When he entered, Michael and Isabel were talking.
Isabel quickly stood from where she was sitting on Max’s bed. “Uh, hi Max, I’m Isabel.” She said nervously.
Max nodded at her. “Hey.”
Isabel began walking towards the door. “Well, I guess I’ll see you later or something. I have some homework to finish up.” She quickly left.
Max walked across the room and sat on his bed, and briefly closed his eyes. He opened them to see Michael staring at him.
“Yes?” he asked.
“You shouldn’t be so disrespectful to my mother.” Michael said. “We both heard your little tirade. You should be damn glad my parents let you stay here.”
Max shook his head and decided not to answer. “You and your sister don’t look alike.” He commented.
“We’re not twins.” Michael said simply. He picked up his jacket. “I’m leaving, I have band practice tonight.” He told Max. “Don’t touch anything.” He finished before leaving the room and closing the door.
Max stared at the closed door. “I hate this place.” He muttered to himself before lying down on his back and staring at the ceiling. He reached over to retrieve his CD player that was sitting on the lamp dresser and put on his headphones.
Under the burning sun/I take a look around/imagine if this all came down/I’m waiting for this day to come.
- - - - -
“Are you excited about going back to school sweetie?” Liz’s father, Jeff, asked Liz. He was glad that his daughter had come out to eat dinner with them today. Usually, she would take the food and retreat to her room.
“No.” Liz responded truthfully. “I would rather continue home schooling.”
Nancy gave a tight smile. “I know honey, but it’s time you went and walk amongst the living again. Maria and Alex would be so happy to see you. They ask about you all the time.”
Liz didn’t know what to feel about that. “I haven’t talked to them in a year.” She said blankly.
Jeff nodded. “They still care about you Liz.”
“Right.” Liz said. “This is good mom.” She continued, wanting to change the subject. She knew she wouldn’t be able to keep the food down, but she tried to act nice for her mother anyways.
“I’m glad you like it Liz.” Her mother responded, looking genuinely happy with the comment.
It made Liz feel bad, but she swallowed away the feeling with a small bite of her steak.
“So Emma called and told us about her contact in New York. She’s hoping you might consider going to New York University.” Jeff said cheerfully. “I have to agree Liz, I’ve seen the pictures you take. They would take you in a heartbeat.”
Liz flinched at the word heartbeat. She wanted to say what was on her mind. She wanted to tell them how wrong they were about NYU. She wanted to tell them how she could feel it in her heart that she would never have a chance go to that school. Or any school for that matter.
But the looks on their faces, as they wanted her to respond, made her pause. The way they were smiling, the way that her mom and dads blue eyes shone with something that can only be defined as hope. She couldn’t destroy them. She could be miserable all she wanted, but she couldn’t find it in her heart to make her parents feel the same.
Liz smiled weakly. “I’ll talk to her about it dad.”
Jeff smiled triumphantly. “I’m glad.”
Liz couldn’t take anymore. “I’m tired. I think I’ll go to bed now.” She stood from her chair and retreated to her room, before anyone could question her.
She sat down on her bed and looked towards her closet at the uniform that was waiting for her. The uniforms were a new addition. West Roswell High convinced that allowing the kids to dress as they wished only brought distraction into learning and they made them wear uniforms. Navy blue skirts and light blue shirts for the girls. And navy blue slacks with white shirts, ties and navy jackets for the guys.
She remembered how angry she, Maria, and Alex were about the uniforms. But they never did anything about it.
Liz moved her eyes from the closet and looked out her balcony. She got up from her bed and walked out onto her balcony and stared at the ground below her.
I will disappear/I told you once and I’ll say it again/I want my message read clear/I’ll show you the way/the way I’m going
She moved to sit on her lawn chair and looked at the orange sky that was quickly turning dark with night. She felt tears slip down her face as she desperately looked at the sky, begging silently to be released.
“Please…” she whispered.
So I run and I hide and tear myself up/Start again with a brand new name/And eyes that see into infinity
Next part Max and Liz finally meet and more interaction between the younger characters, so no need to throw stones at me...thanks feedback please.
|posted on 19-Jan-2003 9:59:41 PM by TrustCoFan86|
|Jared Leto = My future husband (one of them)|
I got the 30 seconds...CD today and it inspired me to write this part. Love the CD, their my new favorite band.
Thanks for the feedback! I'll talk more tomorrow, I'm tired right now and feeling kind hopeless. young and hopeless. you know it!
|posted on 20-Jan-2003 6:35:14 PM by TrustCoFan86|
|I go back to school tomorrow. I'm kinda depressed. but then again, no more finals.|
lets see, lets see...jared leto is hard to not look at. a guy thats so hot that you run into walls trying to get another glance. I loved my so called life.
I haven't seen requiem for a dream yet! I've always wanted too, but I happen to be extrodinarly broke. no job = no money.
I enjoy chatting with you all
|posted on 20-Jan-2003 6:40:13 PM by TrustCoFan86|
quote:break your heart? I won't...I hope. listen, I'm really twisted so my version of happy ending is a little morbid. but yea, I promise they'll be together!
destinyrebel originally wrote:
No need to censor I'm sorry about your crush and your "friend"! Some people can be so fucking screwy.
Yeah, fucking screwy is pretty much right... I don’t know. I guess life goes on. But I really liked him. We were really good friends, we’d laugh and make fun of our math teacher... It was almost storybook. Haha.
Anyway, I really love the banner... It makes me wonder if this is going to be more of a friendship fic, then a love story... Both are great. As long as you don’t break our collective dreamer heart. Which I dont think you will, so, Im good.
Anyway, update soon! And thanks for the sympathy...
my crush is stoopid. I'm totally macking on him but he doesn't notice. but he talks to me! on friday we had a conversation that *he* started.
about your crush, get even and make out with another guy where he can watch! hee...but your right, life goes on. find you another man girl!
|posted on 25-Jan-2003 10:05:38 PM by TrustCoFan86|
|New part tomorrow. I'm thinking of updating ever Sunday, because it seems to be my free day. But I don't know if you'll get an update on February 9th, because I take my ACTs on February 8th, and I might be wiped out or something.|
|posted on 26-Jan-2003 5:33:03 PM by TrustCoFan86|
But If I try to make sense of this mess I’m in/I’m not sure where I should begin/I’m falling, I’m falling
-Sum41 – Over My Head (Better off Dead)
- - -
“So are you excited to go back to school Lizzie?” Maria asked, breaking the tense silence in her moms Jetta. When she picked up Liz this morning for school she thought Liz would be happy to see her. She thought it would be the old Liz who greeted her. But it wasn’t. Sitting glumly next to her in the passenger seat was a Liz she didn’t know.
“I guess.” Liz responded shortly.
Maria smiled tightly. “Alex will be glad to see you. He told me to tell you that he’s sorry he couldn’t ride with us this morning. You’re all he talked about last night on the phone. Well you and his new band of course.” She let out a small laugh.
“What band?” Liz asked, her curiosity getting the better of her.
Maria’s laugh grew louder. “Oh, Alex started a band about a month ago with Kyle Valenti and Michael Guerin called Resignation. There actually pretty good.”
“That’s nice.” Liz stated, once again averting her attention to the passing scenery outside of the car window.
Maria’s smile weakened. “Speaking of Michael Guerin, I hear he has a cousin from Los Angeles who moved to Roswell this weekend. His first day of school is today too. He’s our age so we’ll probably have some classes together. I think his name is Max Evans, or something like that. Anyways, he’s this druggie whose parents made him move in with Michael’s family.”
Liz nodded slighted, showing that she had been listening.
Maria pulled into the school parking lot. “We’re all glad you’re back Liz.” She said quietly. “I missed you so much. I’m really sorry about the cancer and everything…”
Liz sat silently, staring off into space. “Thank you for the ride.” She said politely before opening the door and walking inside the school.
Maria sat in her car and trying valiantly to fight off the tears that were tickling the back of her eyelids. Who was that person?
- - -
“Roswell isn’t anything like Los Angeles, I’m sure of that.” Isabel said chattily from the front passenger seat of her brothers green jeep.
It was a frustrating weekend for all of them. Max absolutely refused to go to church that Sunday, so things were tense around the house.
Max sat silently in the backseat. “No, it’s not.” He said, not elaborating.
“Right, whatever.” Michael started from the drivers seat. “Mom said to show you to the office and they’ll get some kid to give you the official tour.”
Max nodded. “Okay.”
Isabel smiled and tried to think of something to say that will start up a conversation. “Michael, did you hear that Liz Parker is coming back to school?”
“Yeah, Alex told me.” Michael responded.
Isabel turned towards Max. “Liz Parker went to West Roswell but left in the middle of ninth grade when she got cancer. She’s coming back for the first time since then. She’s just been home schooled for the past two years.”
“Right.” Max said, wishing she would stop trying to make conversation. He almost sighed in relief as he caught sight of the school.
He climbed out of the car as soon as it went into a parking space. “Where’s the office?” Max asked Michael and Isabel once they stepped out of the car.
“I’ll show you.” Isabel said quickly. She grabbed Max’s arm and led him inside the school while Michael watched sullenly and shook his head before grabbing his book bag from the car and entering the school.
Max walked inside the school and immediately cringed. All around him, he felt the curious stares.
“How much do they know?” Max asked Isabel. He knew of the small town reputation. He couldn’t hide in Roswell like he could in Los Angeles.
Isabel stopped in front of the entrance to the office and turned towards Max. “This is the office.” She sighed uncomfortably. “Roswell is a small town Max. They know as much as we do.” She said before walking away.
Max shook his head and walked into the office and stopped at what looked like the secretaries desk. “Max Evans, I’m a new student.” He said when the secretary looked up.
She barely glanced at him. “Sit on that bench over there and the student assistant will come for the tour.” She said while pointing at a bench by the wall.
Max turned around and sat on the bench next to a brunette girl. Liz looked up when she felt him sit next to her.
Max’s heart quickened slightly as he felt a sudden attraction to the girl.
“What?” Liz asked him, feeling slightly uncomfortable, yet strangely attracted to the guy who sat next to her.
Max shook his head. “Nothing, just waiting for the person who’s supposed to be giving me a tour.
“You’re new?” Liz asked, happy to finally encounter someone who didn’t know who she was, happy to find someone who wouldn’t drill her about her last two years out of school.
“Yeah.” He paused. “I’m Max Evans.”
“Oh.” Liz said with recognition. “The druggie, right? I’m Liz Parker.”
Max made a face. “The cancer kid?”
Liz started to say an angry retort before stopping and smiling a little. “Right. The cancer kid.” She liked the way he just said that she had cancer, without the usual sympathetic bullshit tone that she hated.
Max looked at her and smiled back. “And I’m the druggie.”
A smile passed between them and they fell into a comfortable silence. A blond girl stepped in front of Max. “Max Evans?” she asked with a high voice.
Max stood up. “Yea.”
“I’m Tess Harding, your tour guide…person.” She said, stumbling a little. Liz fought to hide her smirk. “Well, come on.” Tess said.
Max turned towards Liz. “I guess I’ll see you or something.”
Liz nodded. “I’ll be around.”
Max turned around one more time and left towards an impatient Tess, who was standing by the door.
- - -
Max walked through the courtyard during lunch, not sure where he could sit. All day, he’d been stared at and whispered about and Tess annoyed him to no end.
Max sat down at an empty picnic table and got out his bagged lunch.
“The way everyone’s been talking about you, I’d expect you to be sitting with other people, rather than yourself.” Liz said as she sat in the seat across from Max.
“There’s more of a morbid curiosity than a genuine interest.” Max responded. “Why did you decide to sit here?” he asked.
Liz shrugged. “I was supposed to meet my friend Maria at our ‘old’ table, but I don’t quite remember where that is, so, here I am. She’ll find me.”
Sure enough, Maria arrived with Alex by her side. “Hi Liz!” Maria exclaimed. “I guess you don’t remember where our table is so I guess we can sit here.” She said sitting down next to Liz.
Alex reached down and gave Liz a big hug before sitting down at the other side of her. “Liz, I’m glad you’re back.” Alex said. “I missed you.”
Liz smiled weakly. “Thanks.” She said quietly, sounding a little uncomfortable.
Maria turned her head toward Max. “And you must be Michael’s cousin? I’m Maria and this is Alex.”
“Hey.” Max said shortly.
“Michael, Kyle, and Isabel should be coming soon.” Alex said. One by one Michael, Kyle, and Isabel each came and sat down at the picnic table. They all chattered, except Max and Liz, who sat quietly, listening.
“So Max, why are you in Roswell? I’ve heard a lot of rumors but they can’t all be true, can they?” Kyle asked unexpectedly.
Silence falls over the group as they watch Max for his response. “Well that depends.” Max responded. “What did you hear?”
“You know. The usual teen rumors. Got kicked out of your house because your parents couldn’t handle the drug addiction.” Kyle said, laughing lightly.
Max stood up and grabbed his book bag. “Well, you weren’t exactly lied to.” He said before walking off and retreating into the school.
Isabel hit Kyle on the chest. “Good going dumb ass.”
“How the hell was I supposed to know?” Kyle responded defensively.
Liz looked at Max’s retreating back; smiling to herself, happy that someone was finally breaking the stupid mold.
Note: Well, I guess I should stop and say that no, Max and Liz aren't even close to being in a relationship yet. Thanks for the feedback, hope to get more.
|posted on 2-Feb-2003 2:05:13 PM by TrustCoFan86|
I feel the dream in me expire
And there’s no one left to blame it on
I hear you label me a liar
‘Cause I can’t seem to get this through
You say it’s over, I can sigh again, yeah
Why try to stay sober when I’m dying here
And I am aware now of how
Everything’s gonna be fine one day
Too late, I’m in hell
Seether – Fine Again
- - - -
Max closed the door of the room he shared with Michael and made sure the door was locked. He quickly went to his bottom dresser to get what he had left of the drugs.
He looked at his quickly disappearing stash and realized that soon he would have to contact one of his “friends” to get more. He got what he needed and laid down on his bed, facing the TV screen and pressed, “play” on the remote he had next to him.
“Okay, what’s the topic of today?” Max asked from onscreen. “Drugs, sex…? Its up to you baby.”
“Um…I don’t know. All I know is that we are so fucking screwed.” Mia said lazily as Max filmed her. She was naked, but her pale body was hidden behind a comforter.
“You mean, literally?” Max asked.
Mia laughed, her red hair bounced as her head bobbed. “Well, yea, but I meant it in a different way.”
“What do you mean?” Max asked her.
Her green eyes dimmed as she paused for a second. “I meant…” she sighed. “I meant, that sometimes I don’t see myself living. Like, soon, I won’t exist anymore.” She finished wistfully.
“Is that what you want?” Max asked, any trace of humor in his voice was now gone.
Her finger reached up to twist the crimson strands of her hair. “I don’t know Max. I really don’t know anymore.” Her eyes closed briefly. “Come on Max, turn off the camera. I don’t feel like talking anymore.”
And the camera went off.
Max switched off the TV and wiped his nose, taking off any trace of the white powder that was there.
He put away his stash and lay back on his bed, staring blankly at the ceiling, enjoying the high feeling.
“Max! Unlock the door! Hurry up!” Michael shouted from the other side of the door. Max quickly got up from the bed and hoped his eyes weren’t red.
“I’m coming.” Max said, he shuffled towards the door and unlocked it.
“Why did you lock the door?” Michael asked him as soon as it was open. He went further inside the room.
“I changed when I got home. Guess I forgot to unlock it.” Max lied.
Michael stared at Max. “Right.” He replied, unconvinced. “It’s like, 6:00 in the evening. You’ve been laying down doing nothing for three hours?” he asked before rummaging through his closet.
‘Three hours?’ Max thought to himself, not realizing how long he was out. “Pretty much.” He said out loud.
“Whatever Max.” Michael said as he pulled out what he was looking for, his drumsticks. “You came to Roswell to get better. If you can’t understand that then whatever happens to you is your fucking problem.”
Michael left the room, slamming the door. Max stared at the door for a little while before putting on his jacket and leaving through the window.
- - - -
Max walked through the park, the sun still shining bright before finally settling down on a bench. He sat, watching the birds flying around.
He looked to his left when he felt a body sit next to him on the bench.
Max smiled slightly. “Liz Parker.”
Liz nodded. “The one and only.”
“Why are you here?” Max asked.
Liz shrugged. “I ran away, I guess.”
Liz rolled her eyes. “I didn’t actually run away. I just need to stay away from home for awhile without anyone knowing where I went.”
Max nodded. “I know the feeling. Except, this isn’t my home…not really.”
“So, you leave anybody behind in the land of angels?” Liz asked curiously.
Max looked at her. What was about the girl that made him want to spill everything about himself? “More like I was left behind.” He caught sight of her questioning stare. “My girlfriend. She died from an overdose a few weeks before I came here.”
“I remember when I first got cancer. I was so scared, but everyone was telling me that I’d make it through. I met this guy, he was my age and he had the same form of cancer that I did.” Liz paused. “I was so in love with him and he loved me too, so he said. We were like boyfriend and girlfriend. Until one day, I woke up; it was about three months after we first decided to become more than friends, and one of the nurses told me he died an hour before I woke. That’s when I knew.” Liz stopped.
“Knew what?” Max asked her.
Liz stared at the birds flying over them. They were lucky that could escape so easily. “I knew that one day the cancer is going to come and claim me. A lot sooner than people want to think.”
They looked at each other for a second before Liz turned away and laughed a little. “I can’t believe I told you all that.”
“Don’t worry about it. Its good to find someone else who doesn’t live in a constant daydream.” Max responded. “This town is so delusional. I can’t get used to the whole small town thing. I liked being anonymous in L.A”
“What caused you to start using drugs?” Liz asked.
Max shrugged. “I was too rich and I had too much time on my hands. My parents ignored me and I was lonely. Then I met my girlfriend, who was like me, I guess. I think as much as we understood each other…we were each others worst enemy.”
“You’re an interesting person Max.” Liz said. “Out of anyone in this whole town, for some oddball reason, I can only talk to you. And I don’t even know you. My friends, the ones I’ve known since I was in preschool…I can’t even bear to look at them anymore.”
“Why not?” Max asked.
“They represent everything that I hate. They represent a small town so fully so wholly that it makes me resent them. And I don’t want to, but I just can’t help feeling that way.” Liz looked at the watch on her wrist and saw that is was nearly eight. “I should get going.” She said regretfully. “My parents are probably ready to send out the search dogs.”
“Yea, I should probably get going too.” Max replied. “I already missed dinner, so I should go before I get into more trouble. Do you want me to walk you home?”
Liz shook her head “No. I kind of want to go home alone. We’ll talk later, right?” She needed to talk to him.
“Of course.” He smiled at her before turning away and walking home.
He didn’t need to ask each other for their numbers, even if they weren’t at school together. He had a feeling he would be able to get in contact with her anyways.
Note: I said before that I wasn’t sure if I’d update on February 9th, because I take the ACT the day before. But since I write such short parts, I don’t want to leave anyone hanging for two weeks. So, I’ll try my hardest to write throughout the week so I can get something out. Anyways, thanks for the feedback. I really appreciate it.
|posted on 9-Feb-2003 6:14:26 PM by TrustCoFan86|
|Well, no new part today. I am depressed. Like seriously, fucking upset. Because of three reasons:|
*I think I totally bombed the ACTs
*Chris, my crush or whatever is being such an assfuck
*And I'm just beyond upset because I'm beginning to remember shit from my childhood that I can't really decide if it's a real repressed memory or something I'm making up. God, I hope it's made up.
I could barely get up this morning and I'm just so sick of everything.
And for some reason I can only write depressed people when I'm in a relativly good mood.
Next week, definantly, you'll see a new part. Sorry.
|posted on 16-Feb-2003 4:17:21 PM by TrustCoFan86|
I see it around me/I see it in everything/I could be so much more than this…
-Jimmy Eat World (My Sundown)
* * *
Liz lay on her bed, silent. The sun that was shining brightly on her face seemed inappropriate for her mood.
She was sick of herself, sick of Roswell, sick of the world, and sick of living.
Liz sighed and raised the camera lenses to her eye and took a quick snap of the shadow of a bird that was cast on her wall.
“Knock, knock!” she heard from the other side of her closed door. Liz sat up, confused by the unfamiliar male voice.
“Come in?” she answered undecidedly.
The door opened and Alex came in. He hesitantly stopped at the entrance. “Uh, hey Liz, am I interrupting you or something?”
Liz gave him a blank face. “Um.” She said slowly. “No, not really, come in.”
Alex flashed her a wide smile and sat on the edge of her bed. “So…” he started awkwardly. “Taking pictures is still your thing?”
Liz nodded. “Yea, I guess.” She answered shortly.
Alex sighed uncomfortably, noticing everything Maria had warned him about. The way she was so distant towards him. The last time he saw her she had a totally different, happier, aura around her.
Liz cut to the chase. “Is there anything you wanted Alex?” she asked, hoping that she didn’t sound as annoyed as she felt.
“Liz, we haven’t talked in a year, I just thought we could do some catching up, you know?” Alex said. “I know that the cancer has been hard, but I just thought that maybe you would need someone to talk to…some of your old friends.”
Liz sighed. “I know it’s been awhile Alex, I just haven’t…really needed to talk to anyone. I’m sorry.”
“Maria said she saw you talking to that Max guy, the druggie. So, you can talk to him and not us?”
Liz paused, caught off guard.
“I don’t know, I just don’t think it’s a good idea to hang around someone who spends there time shooting up and getting kicked out of their parents houses’.” Alex commented.
“Yea, well.” Liz replied.
“He’s not a good influence.”
Liz rolled her eyes. “Maybe you should leave. I’m tired and yes, you were interrupting me.”
Alex shook his head in disbelief. “Liz, you need to get out of whatever cloud your stuck in.” He stood up. “I guess I’ll see you later or something.” He said before walking out of Liz’s room.
Liz stared at the door for a minute before shaking her head and once again lying down on her bed. She refocused her cameras and once again began taking pictures.
* * * *
“Life is only a game when you want it to be. You can always win if you choose to.” That’s what some idiot consular told me. How do we choose to win? Fate plays its cards and they, not us, decide when we die, when we cry, or whatever whimsical human moment we have occurs.
My parents, for some reason are afraid that I somehow it will go back to L.A that I’m in a sort of rehab, so they’ve decided to cut all ties until I’m “better.”
Apparently, Mia’s parents have left L.A for Connecticut, in shame that their daughter had the nerve to die…of something as embarrassing as a drug overdose, no less.
I’ve decided not to dwell on that. Instead, I suppose I could dwell on how shitty this town is. It’s like Cheers. Everyone knows your name and everyone knows your business. Except here, I can’t drink a beer without the sheriff knocking down my door within minutes.
Met someone though. Her name is Liz. Apparently she had cancer, but is now in remission. She’s different from the rest of the optimistic low life’s here…its almost as if she chasing death faster than I am.
The days are getting colder here. Sometimes I want to stop everything that I’ve been doing and turn my life around. Become a better person than I am now.
But then again, where’s the fun in that?
“Max!” Max heard Michael call. He quickly put away his journal. “Yeah?” He answered back.
Michael entered the doorway of the room they shared. “We’re going to the Crashdown in like five minutes. Are you ready?”
Max nodded. “Yeah, I am.” He got up from where he was sitting on his bed followed Michael out of the house and into the car, where the rest of the family was waiting.
It was a quiet ride. Occasionally, Isabel and Diane would fill up the silence, but there intentions were constantly rebuked.
When they got to the Crashdown, Max had to stifle the urge to flinch at the alien décor. Never mind that people were staring at him. Everything was green and so alien like that it made him want to gag. He followed the rest of the family into a booth that was ways off in the back.
“The Parkers own this place.” Diane told Max, noticing his curious and slightly disgusted stare.
“I’m surprised it didn’t go under, with all the hospital bills that they had to pay.” Philip imputed.
“I heard Liz’s grandparents paid for the hospital bills.” Isabel injected.
Max rolled his eyes at the gossip and saw Michael had an almost similar expression on his face.
“The poor girl must be so weak now.” Diane said sadly.
“I’m sure she’s fine.” Max couldn’t help but say.
The rest of the Evans’ looked at him curiously.
“The girl had cancer for years, Max, I very much doubt she’s doing fine.” Diane responded.
“And I very much doubt she became in invalid.” Max said.
“I can’t believe you wouldn’t have sympathy for someone who had to go through something so terrible.” Diane balked quietly.
“Well, sure. But I doubt that having my sympathy is going to make anyone heal any faster.”
Diane prepared to argue with him but Philip stopped her. “That’s enough. Let’s just…eat.”
A second later a red haired waitress came and took their order.
When their food came they all ate quietly, each in their own little heads. Through the corner of his eyes Max saw the back door open and a brunette he recognized as Liz poke her head through. She smiled when she saw Max and waved him to come out to the back.
Max put his fork down. “I’m going to the bathroom.” He said before leaving the booth and going where he saw Liz. He walked in a dark, slightly larger than a walk in closet space.
“Hey Max.” Liz said when she saw him come through the door. “You looked trapped.”
“More than usual?” He asked.
Liz nodded. “Yeah.”
“I never knew I was so transparent.” Max told her.
Liz shook her head. “No, you’re not. I guess when you can only really see it when you’ve had the look yourself.”
Max nodded. “So, you sound depressed.” He stated.
“Yea, well, Alex and Maria are mad at me I guess.” She shrugged.
“Don’t you want that?” Max asked her.
“I didn’t want them to hate me. I wanted them to forget me.” Liz responded sullenly.
“We should talk more.” Max told her.
“We should. I like having someone to talk to who want tell me how wrong I am for feeling like I do.” Liz said.
“I know what you mean. I don’t like talking to drug PSA’s myself.” Max crossed his arms.
Liz smiled at him and ripped a piece of paper from an old order pad and wrote her cell phone number down. “We can talk.”
Max smiled and put the number in his back pocket. “I told them I was going to the bathroom. I guess I should go back out.”
Liz nodded. “Later.”
“Bye Liz.” He said before leaving the dark room.
Note: thanks for the feedback. I guess I should say that I'm changing my posting name once the board moves to where it's going. I'll start a new thread.
[ edited 1 time(s), last at 16-Feb-2003 7:58:24 PM ]
|posted on 16-Feb-2003 7:55:06 PM by TrustCoFan86|
quote:The fic will have the same title
Eccentric One originally wrote:
When you change your name on the new board, will you be keeping the same title for the story? Otherwise it will be difficult for us to find it.