Disclaimer: The characters don't belong to me, I'm just borrowing them.
Rating: R upwards
"Pinch me, pinch me so I can wake-up and realise that this is a nightmare."
Maria looked questioningly at Liz her eyes landing on her best friends outstrechted hand "Huh?" she asked helplessly wondering what dramatic event could possibly have transpired in the world of Liz Parker at 9.30 in the morning.
"Just humour me okay and pinch" Liz said flicking her outstretched hand further in Maria's direction "give me all you've got."
"Okay" Maria reached out and pinched with all her might, her head tilting in amusement as Liz pulled away yelping protests all the while "you happy now, convinced that this isn't a dream and your really standing in my office?"
Liz slumped into the chair opposite Maria rubbing her injured hand roughly " I have something I need you to read" she said while rummaging in her briefcase "I need an objective opinion on this Maria....and remember it's serious" Liz replied gravely as she pushed the sheet of A4 toward her.
Maria leaned forward her head resting firmly against her hands while she read, her gaze rose to Liz as she scanned the document "don't panic, there's obviously been some kind of mistake. Probably a typo, your name got put on this memo by accident......I'm sure if you go see Sean-"
"I did see Sean" Liz replied as she retrieved the memo and scrunched it in her palm before firing it across the room "no mistake, no typo every word on that page was meant for me."
Maria's mouth flapped open and closed speech alluding her, so she did the only thing she could and laughed. A full blown chuckle followed by a series of strangled snorts spilled past her lips of their own violation. Liz eyed her, arms folding protectively against her breast in an attempt to hold together her wounded pride, she'd been humiliated enough for one morning without having her best friend jump on the bandwagon "go ahead laugh it up, it's not as if this affects my life in any small measure."
Maria clamped a hand firmly over her mouth suppressing another outburst, she stared wide-eyed at Liz as she regained her breath and her composure. "I'm sorry" Maria raised her hands in submission "but you can't blame me for my reaction, I mean you being commissioned to write a.." Maria trailed off noticing the colour rising up Liz's slender neck like a tidal wave to flood her features.
"A sex manual" Liz whimpered her flamming cheeks burrowing into her hands "A GODDAMN SEX MANUAL!"
"Has Sean given you a reason why he's given this commission to you?" Maria queried her cousins motivation lost to her.
"Oh I don't know maybe the fact that I dumped him came into play when he was making his decision" Liz replied her voice dripping with venom "and apparently I could benefit from the research, If you catch my drift."
Maria's brows arched to the ceiling "he really said that?" her eyes narrowed at Liz's affirmative nod "that bastard, I always told you he was a no good ball-busting, castrating, son of a cunt bitch!"
"Yes and don't I wish I'd listened" Liz replied grimly "I can't possibly write this book Maria, I just can't."
Maria rounded the table her hand rubbing Liz's back soothingly "sure you can, you write books for a living."
"I ghost write romance novels Maria there's a difference" Liz mumbled wanting to crawl into the corner and lick her wounds.
"Well then hows this any different, you research the material, write the book put Chasey Lanes name on the front cover and vola!"
"If only it where that simply" Liz sighed heavily feeling the weight of her current predicament "you remember Tess Harding from college don't you?" Liz questioned rubbing a hand across her weary eyes.
Maria nodded "yeah skanky blonde that was in our literature class lived too ridicule you" she supplied wondering where Liz was going with this.
Liz raised her eyes locking gazes with Maria "yeah well she's the one that goina have her name laminated across this so-called manual."
Maria shrugged nonchalantly "sooo what's the problem? the way I see it this is your opportunity to exact revenge, write a manual that blows and she'll lose all credibility in the publishing world."
Liz levelled Maria with a look that screamed 'your insane' "when has the sex manual ever held any literary value Maria?"
"I'm just trying to be supportive" Maria replied.
Liz smiled affectionately "I'm sorry I know you are it's just that of all the genres and of all the people....why sex and Tess Harding?"
"Those three words, sex, Tess Harding they go hand in hand don't you agree?" Maria offered her eyes twinkling with mischief.
Liz raised haunted eyes towards her best friend "I can't do this Maria" she conceded.
"Yes you can, what's stopping you huh?"
"Maybe the fact that I know next to nothing about sex, we both know I'm not what you'd call experience....I mean my carnal Knowledge doesn't extend past the missionary position."
"Then look on this as an opportunity to change that, use writing this book as a tool to gain that experience and while your at it give two fingers to the Sean DeLuca's and Tess Hardings of the world, you can do this, you will do this" Maria replied confidently feeling more like a drill Sargent than a best friend.
Liz rose from her seat "your right I can do this" she said as she hugged Maria in thanks "I'm going to write the best damn sex manual thats ever been published, It'll be a number one best seller."
Maria shook her head in bewilderment "don't get carried away now Liz."
Liz marched towards the door resolved in her course of action "you mark my words Maria" she replied her chin jutting out confidently "and I've even thought of a name for this master piece."
"Which is?" Maria questioned.
Pausing at the door Liz turned fully to regard Maria a full blown smile gracing her lips "Carnal Knowledge" she said before turning on her heel.
Maria stood motionless watching her now closed door musing over the enigma that was Liz Parker "I've created a monster..." she smiled brightly knowing full well that Liz would achieve everything she set out to do.
[ edited 1 time(s), last at 7-Jan-2003 9:58:33 PM ]
posted on 8-Jan-2003 9:06:34 PM by BronWen
Thanks for all the feedback, it's much appreciated. I'm going to try and update tomorrow.