|posted on 5-Feb-2003 8:25:36 AM by bel_1983|
Title: Liz and Tess in ‘The Showdown’
AN: I’ve been writing my butt off lately, but no one seems to be responding, so I thought I’d give a one parter a go. Please tell me what you think, and I might do a follow up piece.
I was once this little girl without a care in the world. Where did those times go. I grew up so quickly. I had to.
I remember when the most difficult decision I had to make, was what to wear to school that day. How times have changed. Now My decisions are based on saving the world and protecting a deep secret that had been hidden from so many for so long.
I’m waiting for my mind to crack, because I know my heart has, It has been broken one time too many.
No one deserves to have their heart broken. Nobody should be forced to lie to those they love day after day. No one should have to worry whether tomorrow might be their last day on earth. But I do. I encounter these things every day. They are not strangers to my life, in fact they are a part of it.
I am ashamed to say that lying just comes automatically to me now. Sometimes I lie and I don’t even realise until hours later. Lying has become who I am. And I don’t like it. I hate the person I have become. I let people walk all over me, and I don’t say a word.
They don’t even know how much I have done for them. I wonder if they knew, would they treat me any differently? Probably not. They probably wouldn’t see it as anything special. they probably wouldn’t even thank me for it.
All I ever wanted, since I was a little girl, was to make something of my life. To attend Harvard and major in molecular biology. To help other people.
Well at least I’m doing the second part. Helping others I mean. But I never contemplated back then that it would mean giving up my life. Giving up the person that I wanted to become. Giving up my childhood. My innocence. My naivety. I never contemplated giving up nay of these things. Because I mean why would I have to. All these things which would make me me.
But I’m a different person now. I’m hardened, by the things I’ve seen,. By the things my heart and mind have had to endure. I am disheartened with the person I have become. Harvard seems impossible, and my dreams will remain just that...Dreams.
I run through what my life might have become if things had worked out different. But It hurts too much, because I know there is no chance of that life. there is no chance of me becoming that person.
See I even refer to it as ‘that’ person. Someone other than me. Someone totally disassociated with me. That person who I could have become, no longer exists in any form but by that name. No child should ever lose their dreams like I have mine. But I guess my circumstances have also been a little different.
Is it wrong to want? Because that’s what my dreams have become, something that I want. Or maybe I need them. Maybe I need to feel like myself again. Or am I lost? Is the person that I once wanted to become - ‘that’ person- gone forever. I think I catch glimpses every now and then, but it comes very few and far between,
Maybe I’m being selfish. I mean I could ponder my existence. I could go on time and time again about my dreams, and how I’ve lost them, but the circumstances surrounding who I have become, are extreme. I mean I probably would have been dead if it weren’t for him. I say probably because maybe I would have survived. No one can know, and no one can say. He gave up his anonymity for me, I gave up my dreams for him. Does that make us even?
Thinking about it now, everything always comes back to shooting. A chain of events was set off because Max Evans healed me that day. But thinking about it now, everything does not lead beack to the shooting.
I will admit to Valenti suspecting Max, but what a worthy ally he has become. But everything else, does it all come down to Max healing me, and risking exposure. I don’t think it does.
Slowly they began to find out piece by piece about themselves, but ultimately it was decisions that they made, that lead us to where we are now. And in every direction I look, my finger points straight to a blonde haired blue eyed...alien bitch.. Just like it is right now.
“Get up bitch.”
“Liz, she bought my son back.”
“Our son Max.”
“That’s sweet Tess really it is, and Max I’m glad you’ve finally got your son back. Maybe I won’t have to follow you on wild goose chases any more. Maybe you will actually notice the toll this has taken on me.”
“Ooh Little Lizzie always the victim aren’t we.”
“Look bitch, you've seen what I am capable of, so I’d back off If I were you. You think just because your the mother of Max’s baby that I won’t kill you.”
“You wouldn’t take a life Lizzie...You couldn’t.”
“Yeah, your right. I couldn’t take a life could I Tess? But you certainly can. Alex is proof of that. You strolled into my life and turned it upside down. You won ok tess. Well you won that battle at least. But Trust me when I say you will not win the next battle. I am not afraid of you. And don’t even think about trying to get into my head. Because it aint gonna happen.”
“Oh but it’s already happened once lizzie.”
“You think I’m stupid. You think I’m naive. You don’t think I know that that future max thing was all a set up. I could feel you tess. I could feel you trying to get into my head. And for someone who studied Max day in and day out, I’m surprised you could slip up like you did.”
“What, what are you talking about?”
“Come on Tess, you should know that I feel Max. I can feel when he is near. I knew as soon as I saw Future Max that it wasn’t Max. I know I would be able to feel any Max. Past, present or future. You underestimate me Tess, and so far that has been your biggest downfall. You all have underestimated me.”
“So what Liz, you still lost Alex. All because you went along with warp. Not so great are we now Lizzie.”
“ Well I guess that would be where I enter...”
“Oh my god Alex...How is that possible?”
“Oh and Tess, no one calls her lizzie except for me and Ria.”
“Not so great are we now Tessie...”
“Well Liz. I still got the one thing you always wanted. The one thing you can now never have. How does it feel Liz, saving yourself for someone who didn’t save themself for you...”
“Give it up Tess. Its over, this whole charade is done with. I told you before I can see right through your mindwarp.. Do you know what that means Tess?”
‘No I guess you don’t, you never were to bright. It means I know that at present time, Max is grasping onto thin air. There is no baby, there never was. Max never slept with you...”
“Bitch. You were always getting in the way. How do you see through my warp its not possible.”
“See Tess, even I can’t tell you that. Maybe its just my higher quality mind. Maybe its because I’m not alien. I don’t know, and you know what Tess. I don’t particularly care. What are you left with now Tess? Huh, tell me was it worth it.”
“You’re so smart Lizzie, buy you weren’t prepared for this...”
“Hey where did she go?”
“You know what, I don’t know and I don’t really care.”
“She will be back you know Liz...”
“That’s fine with me, she can bring it.”
In every direction I look, my finger points straight to a blonde haired blue eyed...alien bitch.. Just like it was a few moment ago. I brought it and I won, for now at least.
So was it worth it giving up my dreams, to become a shadow of my former self. Well as I sit here writing, with my naked back leaning against that of my mans naked torso. I say my dreams can wait. For all those things I lost, I gained two things. My gorgeous, gentle, alien king, and a whole other world that I used to think only existed in fairytales and sci fi movies. So was it worth, I ask again.
HELL YEAH!!! Dreams can wait, fro the moment I'm living in reality and enjoying it!