posted on 12-Dec-2001 2:10:49 PM by Jiggers
I wrote this a while back around the same time as "He Watches her" My little visit into Tess's mind. I have a tag with this from MAX's POV ...

Anyways here goes ... Just my thoughts on Liz ...

~Ever Wonder~

Do you ever wonder why you put up with disapointment?

Why, When he says he's going to call, then he doesn't and comes back expecting it all to be ok - sure he had a hard time while he was away, but he can't keep doing this to me, why I forgive him and take him in my arms as if he never left?

Maria thinks I'm crazy, hell sometimes I wonder why I put up with it.

How much is too much, how much longer before I break again?

How much can one person take?

Why am I with him?

Lately he's seemed so disconnected, so not Max.

Even when he says I love you ... I don't always feel it? Do I really want to live like this?

I know he loves me, it's something I refuse to doubt anymore.

Even when he hated me, it was because he loved me so much, he thought I'd betrayed him, I don't blame him all the time.

I don't let him off as easy as everyone thinks, sure I'm with him, but right now neither of us is really there.

And now? He's gone to Michael's and I wonder If it's worth it anymore?

Then I think back to life before Max, sure it was uncomplicated, simple, I had everything planned out ...

but I was so ...

Empty ...

For the first time in my life I felt alive, that was when he healed me ... not just my wound, he healed my soul.

And he is now forever etched into my heart, I couldn't remove him if I tried and I don't want to.

I'm not perfect, I'm not ... if I were you think I'd put up with this shit?

What can I say?

This rift with my parents is killing me.

Is it worth it?

See this is the part where he's suppose to climb up my ladder and take me into his arms and tell me everything will be ok.

But this isn't a movie and it's not going to happen.

So to Answer the question ... Why?

I Love Him ... It's that simple.

I know I know, How cliched.

I used to wonder if Love was enough, after all the pain we caused each other, but it is.

Without him I was an empty shell of the person I used to be.

Without him all the pain, the loss everything wouldn't be worth it, after everything I think I deserve a little happiness.

He's my air, my fire - the passion in my soul it's all him.

I can't even fathom a life without him.

The thought it's just so unbearable.

So it's simple ...

I Love him ...

And after I've wondered ... It is worth it, cause we're together.


posted on 25-May-2002 10:43:59 PM by Jiggers
thanks guys ... :D