|posted on 20-Dec-2001 3:22:24 PM by Kazza|
|Something to Believe in – BY KAZZA|
Disclaimer: In the alternate universe that all Roswell Fanfic writers visit, I own Roswell. Sadly, in the real world, I own nothing, so please don’t sue me! I promise to return the characters good as new. I do, however, own the idea to this story.
Summary: Alternate Universe. Not set in Roswell and there are no aliens in sight! Just your regular love story!
Category: A bit of everyone, but swaying towards Max and Liz.
Rating: PG-13 (For now!!)
Dedication: This story is dedicated to Jo, my amazing Roswell e-buddy, whom I’ve had the privileged pleasure to meet. A wonderful person who truly has a pure heart of gold.
Authors Notes: This is my own story, generated from my own imagination. I apologise if any of my ‘American’ terms are incorrect, please forgive me since I don’t live there!
FROM PART 22
And, as he pulled out of the courtyard, he was certain he wouldn’t be seeing Isabelle Evans away from work again. He’d done what he had set out to do, got her out of his life, made her see he didn’t want to get involved romantically.
So why did his heart ache with pain for her? Why did he feel like he’d just left part of him in her hands and a part of her indelibly printed on his heart?
Taking a sip of the deep red wine, Liz joined Alex and sat down on her sofa. It was quiet late on Sunday evening, and, in desperation, Alex had turned to the one person he knew would be a good friend in his desperate hour of need.
All throughout his hour-long journey back from the ranch; he had deliberated and dissected whether rebuffing Isabelle had been a good idea. The devastated look in her eyes constantly burned in his mind, reminding him it was his fault she was feeling pain and sadness. By the time he drove into Beverly Hills, he’d succeeded in driving himself crazy with ‘what if’s’.
He’d been very relieved when Liz had opened the door a little after 10.00pm; pleased she was available in his hour of need.
And now, ten minutes after descending on her doorstep, they were sitting down in her living room with a bottle of wine between them and only soft background music to disturb the peace.
“OK Whitman, time to spill.” She said pointedly half joking and half serious.
“Where do I start? Let’s just say a day that started out so promisingly has turned into the day from hell.” He said, taking a large swig of the red liquid.
“Hmmm, sounds like a woman’s involved, am I right?” She deduced.
“Yeah, you’re good at this. Yes a woman is involved, a woman who goes by the name of Isabelle Evans.” He informed his friend.
The sound of the name caught Liz off guard and took the wind out of her momentarily. She certainly hadn’t been expecting Alex to utter the famous ‘Evans’ surname, let alone inform her Isabelle was the route of his obvious distress.
“Isabelle Evans? What do you mean?” Liz asked trying to stay calm and in control.
“Well, she called me on Friday morning, and, against my better judgement, I said yes when she invited me out today.”
“Ok.” Liz listed intently, intrigued.
“So we went horse riding at the Casa Dulce Ranch.”
“Wow, that’s a nice place.” She said, filing in the space his silence had left.
“Yeah, it is. We went for a ride and then a really nice picnic by a stream. It was perfect, very calm, tranquil, we were getting on really well.” He said somewhat ruefully.
“So what happened to shatter paradise?” She enquired, curious to see why the afternoon had turned so sour.
“She tried to kiss me.” He replied bluntly.
“Oh, and you did what?” She asked.
“I stopped her before she managed to.” He said quietly, still unsure if it had been the right choice of action.
“You stopped her? Someone like Isabelle Evans wanted to kiss you and you pushed her away?” Liz queried, somewhat in shock. “Wanna tell me why?” She added, trying to find reasoning for Alex’s actions. She’d guessed that perhaps it was something like that, but she certainly hadn’t been expecting Alex to say he’d rebuffed Isabelle’s advances.
“Why? Oh I don’t know Liz. Maybe because I’m 26 years old and my life is a monumental mess. My parents barely speak to me because I was the child they never wanted but got lumbered with anyway. My sister, the only family who truly loved me, is still haunting my mind despite the fact she’s been gone for years. My love life is completely non-existent, and has been for quite some time. God Liz, I can barely remember the name of the last girl who shared my bed, let alone know how to make advances. My life is a total and utter mess, and I don’t know what to do.” He informed her sadly.
“Alex …… it isn’t that bad.” Liz countered.
“Yes it is Liz, and you know it as well as I do.”
“Then maybe seeing Isabelle would be good?” She suggested, eager to see her best friend happy.
“Good? How on earth can I succumb to Isabelle’s advances, and then show her the real me, and the real life I wake up to each morning? She’s an amazing person, but what can I offer her? She wants someone to love her wholeheartedly, not someone who needs to depend on her even more than she would on me. She’s barely 22 Liz, still a teenager really, she has no clue on the real world and how cruel it can be. But I’m much older and wiser than she is, I don’t view the world through rose tinted romance glasses. I don’t want some teenage fling that ends a few months down the line. I want true love, commitment ……… and I want a family Liz.” He told her sadly.
“Then to get all that Alex, you need to put your heart on the line and take a risk. If you want to be loved and have all those children you desire so strongly, you’re gonna need to let someone in so that they can help you achieve your dreams. Why not now, and why not Isabelle?”
”Because she’s not at that stage in her life, she’s not ready to settle down and play happy families.” He countered.
”And you’ve asked her this have you? She’s told you point blank that she’s not ready has she?” Liz pressed, in her heart already knowing the answer. Alex was as good at laying his heart on the line as she was, it just never happened.
“No, of course I haven’t said anything to her. But it’s so obvious Liz. She’s all about shopping, gossiping and glamour, not about weddings and babies.”
“Maybe, but you’ll never know unless you ask her. Maybe it’s time to test the water and risk your heart one more time, maybe you’ll be rewarded with more than you expect.” Liz suggested.
“Yeah, if you say so Parker.” Alex laughed, knowing he wouldn’t take her advice. “Talking about risking your heart, how about you? How are you going with the other Evans?” He queried, watching Liz pale somewhat under his words
“There is nothing going on with Max and I. We’ve tied up the project, got the takeover in the bag and that’s it. It was good to work with him and definitely a challenge at times, but that’s where it ends.” She said, sounding like she was in a business meeting.
“Ok Liz, drop the sales pitch. I know all about you and Max, and it’s plainly obvious you care about him like he seems to care about you.”
“No Alex …….” She started, ready to defend herself.
“No Liz, maybe it’s time you listened to your own advice instead of dishing it out so readily. Maybe it’s time you risked your heart also and tested the waters ………….. and perhaps it’s time you were honest with yourself.” He said somewhat firmly.
“I can’t be honest with myself Alex, because I’m afraid of what I might see. I …….. I don’t think anyone has ever entered my life and blown me away quite like he has. I know I had Kyle, and I know I was really happy with him, but Max is so different. He …… he makes me feel cared for, loved and alive again, but he also makes me feel scared. I don’t want to loose control again, get caught up in the wonder of love only to have it ripped away when I’m not looking.” Liz admitted.
“I know how you feel Liz, and your reaction is only natural. But you are an amazing person who has so much love to give; you deserve to be on the receiving end of some of that love too. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again, you can’t fear love, you have to grasp it with too hands and hold on to it for dear life. It could be with you for a short while or the rest of your life, but just enjoy it for as long as you have it inside you. I can’t stand to see you living your life alone, work being your only sense of joy.”
“They are easy words to say Alex, but not so easy to act upon, you of all people should know about that.”
“I guess your right.” He conceded.
“We’re a right pair aren’t we!” Liz exasperated, trying to lighten the mood somewhat.
“Yeah, maybe we should get together!” Alex joked. And it was just a joke, for they both knew they were too much like brother and sister to get involved romantically. They loved each other, but it was more like admiration for the other’s strength and will to stay alive through all of life’s obstacles rather than desire.
Slipping a strong, supportive arm around her shoulders, Alex pulled Liz into a comforting embrace. Strength and solidarity pulsed through the room at that moment; both knowing they needed to take the step into the big wide world of romance, but both painfully scared of the perils such a step could conjure up.
As she lay on her bed, her hands instinctively slipped across to caress her stomach. It was as flat as it always had been, but she knew it wouldn’t stay like that for much longer. In a few months time her ‘condition’ would be extremely evident, as her stomach swelled with the baby inside her.
The tears she had shed the night Michael had walked out on her had all but dried up now. She had the odd moment where she wept and longed for his comforting arms, but in general she was starting to feel much stronger. In her heart she knew she had to stay in control and remain strong, she had to for the sake of her child.
But each time she thought about the impending job of informing her mother about the baby, her strength instantly seemed to evaporate. Amy loved Maria dearly, but she wasn’t known for her control when it came to such events like unmarried, lone mothers. She’d been there, seen it and done the deed in bringing Maria up alone, and that certainly wasn’t a life she wanted for her only daughter.
Maria knew she’d have to tell Amy eventually, but putting off until absolutely necessary seemed a welcome idea to her at that moment. She was sure Amy would ‘hit the roof’ and lecture Maria about how she should have been more careful, responsible and not have jumped into bed with a guy she barely knew. It was lecture Maria knew would come her way, but one she wanted to avoid for as long as possible.
In her heart though, Maria knew it would be a conversation that would be made one hundred times better if Michael were there by her side. Although the fact she was pregnant at 23 was a big enough bombshell on its own, Maria was sure the blow to Amy would be cushioned somewhat if her mother knew Michael loved and supported her daughter.
But, that was in fantasyland, and reality was where Maria felt alone in the world. She still loved Michael, no matter how he’d broken her heart and ran off leaving her with a child. No matter how she tried to reason with her mind, she still cared a great deal for him. She also, without admitting it to anyone, still held on to the slim chance Michael might see sense and finally come round to the fact she needed him.
As soon as she had walked into the house, Isabelle had quickly disappeared into her room. The sounds of her mother offering food went largely unheard, for Isabelle had bigger things on her mind.
Switching on some quiet, somewhat depressing music, she laid down on her bed and hugged her teddy bear that normally sat by her beside lamp. It was somewhat childish to hug the bear, but she didn’t care, she needed comfort at that moment.
In all of her 22 years, Isabelle had never been knocked back by a guy she wanted, what had happened earlier that day had been a first. But it had been a first on another front also; for she had feelings for Alex she’d never felt before.
She wasn’t naïve, she’d had other relationships before, but Alex was so much more different. Perhaps because he was a few years older, or because he was kind and caring, or maybe because he didn’t seem to see her as an object or trophy. She didn’t know what it was, but Isabelle was sure her heart had chosen the one for her.
It was true, she didn’t really know him, but to Isabelle that didn’t matter, it was all the more fun to find out about his past, present and be a part of his future. But after he’d rebuffed her advances, she was sure she wouldn’t see him again.
Tears stung her eyes, but she was determined not to cry. She was strong, or at least she pretended she was. On the outside she tried to be more than her 22 years, but on the inside she felt much younger.
In her head, she wished she hadn’t tried kissing Alex, perhaps then he wouldn’t have pushed her away, and then she wouldn’t have got hurt. In her heart she didn’t care if Alex’s life wasn’t full of excitement, all she cared about was love and romance, and she was sure that was something Alex could give her.
Her mother’s callings through the shut bedroom door did little to pull Isabelle out of her pit of despair. Her heart had been broken, and she knew it was of her own doing. Why on earth would a wonderful person like Alex want to know her? She wasn’t a somebody, she wasn’t famous, or had an impressively powerful career. All she had was a room at her parent’s house and a job given to her by her big brother so he could keep an eye on her. Her life was hardly anything to write home about.
No, Alex’s rejection had just capped what she already knew; her life was pretty much non-existent, containing no fun, no excitement and no loving. She could rebel again; she had done in the past, but what was the point? Who was there to rebel against? Max was putty in her hands and her parents were so soft it was almost laughable. But something told Isabelle that Alex would have been different, he would have given her some sort of stability, some fun and enjoyment in her life.
But then again, since she would never get close to Alex, she assumed she’d never really know what it would be like to be encased in his arms and bathed in his love and affection. And that was something she struggled to accept, for her heart still yearned for the one man who was now way out of her reach.
As Alex held her close in his arms, resting his chin on the top of her head, Liz knew what she had to do. One more meeting with Max would do it for her, one more chance to see him and say goodbye to her potential lover for the last time.
She needed it, she needed to make it final, make it so that her heart and mind accepted that she was finally finished with him. Maybe then she could get on with her life, back to the day in day out drudge of all work and no play. But it was for the best, she knew it. She wanted to stay strong and in control, slipping back into needing someone would just burn down all the foundations she’d fought so hard to build.
So, all she had to do was figure out how to meet him one more time. What excuse could she use so that Max’s hopes wouldn’t get inflated. It had to be something work related, but what?
The project to takeover The Edwardian Group was over, completed, finalised …………… or was it?
Putting the phone down, Max couldn’t help but feel intrigued. When he’d picked up the phone the last person he’d expected to find on the other end was Liz. For a few moments she’d stunned him into silence, her request for him to accompany her to one of the newly acquired hotels the next day totally out of the blue. He’d barely managed to tumble out the word yes before she had abruptly ended the conversation.
Curiosity filled every part of his being, knowing for sure there was some ulterior motive to her request. For the life of him though he couldn’t work out what it was. Despite his wonderings though, Max certainly wasn’t complaining at the opportunity to see the angel who had stolen his heart again. No matter what she had done to him, he still felt his heart shine at the prospect of seeing her once more.
That night, as he slipped into bed, his eyes drifted close and his mind wandered towards Liz. Her chocolate brown eyes, long flowing brown hair and shining smile filled his subconscious with immediate ease. In his dreams though he could control what Liz did. Never in his dreams did she walk away, but instead she fell into his arms with eagerness and happiness. Their kisses were endless and their loving perfect. It was the one thing he could control, and no matter how much she rejected him Max knew she would never stop him dreaming of what they could have if she just let him in.
And, unbeknown to Max, someone was also dreaming about him too. For in her unconsciousness, her mind took her to places her heart wouldn’t. No matter what she did, or how she reasoned, Liz still desired Max with all her heart and soul.
All she had to do was accept that in her conscious state and then there would be two more happy people in the big wide world of love.
Author: Kazza – 20th December 2001
Feed back is very welcome and appreciated
This story is archived on my website, www.angelfire.com/tv2/kazzaskorner