|posted on 23-Dec-2001 12:49:43 PM by IndependantElegance|
|Title: Borrowed Time|
Genre: Liz, slight M/L, friendship.
Summery: It's really not as depressing as it starts out
I’ve been on borrowed time for 3 years now. More, if you count the months. I wonder what it would have been like, if there would have been anything.
I should have died 3 years ago, in my parents restaurant.
But Max saved me. You know, when I say that sentence, I can almost remember what it felt like to be innocent. To have Max with me, completely with me. Because a year later, that was over. I lost two people I never thought I would loose.
Future Max died. And with him, went the Max that had saved me from that gunshot. It’s funny, when I think about him. I know him better than I know my Max. I don’t hate either of them. Anymore. I used to, I used to be furious every single night at both of them. For Future Max making me do what I did, and for Max for believing it.
I still do blame Max at times. It doesn’t matter which one. I don’t think I would, if only he had asked me why I pretended to sleep with Kyle. But he didn’t, and I sure as hell wasn’t going to tell him. Pride. It’s a bitch. Ask Maria to tell you what I’m talking about.
And then my Alex died. He died because I had borrowed time. Relax, I know it’s not my fault. But simple fact...Alex wouldn’t have died if I had.
He was everything to me, you know? He stood by me through everything. I knew him, and he knew me. He was my first kiss. 6th grade. Wasn’t very romantic. As I remember, we both broke of totally grossed out. He was something more than a brother, more than a friend, but not even close to a boyfriend. He was Alex.
So I fought for him, like he had fought for me times before. And I ended up alienated. Pardon the pun. But it was true. Suddenly I was the alien of the group. Not you, not Max, not even Tess. Me. The slightly crazy one. I didn’t give a shit.
And I was so right. So right.
That night, when I was left at the morgue, I didn’t go home. I sat on the curb, not thinking, just watching my watch. The glow and the dark hands swung around and around, until I knew it had been enough time. I walked back, not noticed by the doctors who were comforting Alex’s parents, and went to see my best friend.
I still can’t stop shaking when I think about that. Oh, god...his face.
I threw up in the bathroom, cleaned myself up, and sat with Alex’s parents.
Then I went home, and didn’t sleep.
I was ruined. That’s the only word for it, even though I sound like I’m auditioning for a movie of the week. I looked like and anti-christ. I wasn’t thinking. Honestly, after that night, I don’t remember having one full thought.
And then I did the only thing I could even consider. I figured out what happened. And in doing that, I pushed my best friend away, pushed Max even harder into Tess’ arms. And I wasn’t wrong to do what I did. And I can’t blame Maria for anything, and Max...
Anything worth saying about that has already been said before.
Which brings us to here. To now. I’ve been pretending I’m fine for awhile now. I’ve been doing a bang up job of it too. But I’m not. But I’m stronger. And I’m very, very, very scared. Why? Because I’m not the Liz Parker everyone knows, that I knew. I don’t know who I’m supposed to be now. Or who I want to be. And...that's ok.
Call it a rebellion stage, cause I’m leaving Roswell. I’m going to take the kind of trip Alex told me too.
Cause you never know when that borrowed time is going to run out.
Liz looked out the window and wondered, not for the first time, how the hell she was going to get around Italy when she didn’t speak Italian. She tightened her hand around her bag. It had one of those little translator books in it.
Once she was off of the plane, she looked around for a mailbox. Ah, hah. Jackpot. She looked at the address and wondered again if she had enough stamps. No one but her parents knew where she was. She was in Europe for a year, studying, traveling. She was done with High School, and 18. Her parents, God Bless their frazzled nerves, had agreed, as long as Liz paid for most of it. She would have left even if they didn’t agree.
She took a deep breath, unable to drop that letter. It held her past. She didn’t know why she was giving it to Michael of all people, but she was. Poor guy, he was just going to be so confused.
She put the letter in the box, and walked away, quickly.
Author's Note: Please tell me what you think. Please Please Please. Hey, did the word 'borrowed' look funky to anyone else?