posted on 22-Jan-2002 9:51:39 PM by jasper711
Title: Cure for the Itch
Email: Jasper7132⊕
Disclaimer: I own nothing but sick and twisted imagination.
Category: M/L AU-ish
Rating: PG (R/NC-17 parts will be labeled accordingly if necessary.)
Spoilers: Nothing. This is set in season one. The shooting hasn’t happened yet.
Summary: This is based loosely on the movie Bedazzled. Basically, Max gets the chance to trade his soul for seven wishes.
Author’s Note: This first part is just a teaser.



I cuddle the sheet under my chin, a smile forming on my lips as I’m further pulled into a dream where all of my hopes and aspirations come true. I welcome them, like I would a loved family member. These are the moments I feel most free. The only time where I actually feel alive.

“I love you, Liz.”

She looks at me demurely from under lowered lashes. Her teeth sink gently into the soft flesh of her bottom lip, and not for the first time, I wish that it were me doing that.

“I love you too, Max. I always have.”

I feel a shuddering breath escape my lips, the surprise in my stance undeniable.

It doesn’t matter that she’s uttered the same words to me over and over again for the last ten years. Those words always manage to make me feel like I’m walking on air - like I’m the luckiest man alive.

I move closer to her. I just have to touch her - to feel her. If only for a second.

But I’ve never been a blessed man.

“It’s time to wake up, Maxie boy!”

I lift one heavy eyelid, ready to go on a murderous rampage. Whoever has the gall to wake me amidst one of my favorite dreams about Liz Parker is about to find out that the shy, quiet, and unassuming Max Evans has a dangerous side.

I sit up, still slightly groggy from my slumber. My eyes flicker open and it takes a second to adjust to the bright sunlight coming in from my bedroom window.

My mouth opens, spoiling for a tirade. But all I can muster up is shock when I see who has woken me up.

Perched on the end of my bed, wearing an evil grin is non other than the guy I despise most on this earth. The guy who has everything I’ve ever wanted and never had.

Sitting on my bed with his arms crossed, Kyle Valenti smiles at me.

“We better get a move on, Max. I’ve got people to see, and business to do.”

[ edited 2 time(s), last at 30-Jan-2002 6:15:52 PM ]
posted on 22-Jan-2002 9:54:24 PM by jasper711
Part 1


I have to blink a few times to make sure that I’m really awake. Otherwise, I’d have to have myself committed.

But no matter what I do, I can’t get rid of him.

He’s still sitting there with that impish grin on his lips, the light in his eyes sending a shiver down my spine.

“Oh come on.” He rubs his chin, giving me a sideways glance. “Don’t tell me that I’m losing my charm in my old age.”

I finally find my voice.

“What the hell are you doing in my room?”

I stand up, ripping the linens from the bed, the soft cotton nothing more than a messy heap on my floor. I start pacing, my hand running through my hair unconsciously.

He just sits back on the bed, propping his hands behind his head. He buffs his nails over his letterman jacket, his tone almost disinterested as he speaks. “You know why I’m here.”

For the first time, I realize that my door is closed. Just as I had left it the night previous. My eyes fly to the window, noticing that it too still remains closed.

My gaze returns to his, my eyes narrowing to slits.

“How did you get in here?”

He laughs. Shaking his head, he tries to talk over his laughter. “I don’t rely on human means of transportation.”

I feel fear tug at my heart. I know that I’m the poster child for paranoia, but somehow I know he’s making a reference to my other worldly status.

He points his finger in my direction, the clicking of his tongue against the roof of his mouth being the only noise in the room save my harsh breathing. “Don’t look so surprised.”

He winks and I can‘t help but feel the blood drain from my face. “I know everything Max.”

The emphasis on the word everything sends up red flags in my brain. He knows.

I’m baffled that he knows my secret. I’ve never told anyone, and I’m pretty sure that Michael and Isabel haven’t either. You know what? Scratch that. I’m damn sure that they would never tell anyone.

They’re even more scared than I am at the thought of exposure.

Kyle is standing now, walking in a circle around my prone form. It’s almost like he’s stalking his prey. “I know what you’re thinking, Max. You’re wondering how I know that you’re an alien.”

I was hoping that he was bluffing, but like I’ve said before, I’ve never had luck on my side.

He shrugs, like it’s no big deal.

“Think of me like Santa Claus.” He smiles a smile that reveals all of his teeth, and for a moment, I’m taken aback by just how much teeth he has. “The only difference with Claus, is that he’s a jackass. He likes to play games. I don’t.”

I shake my head, hoping that if I do so, that anything he’s said will make an ounce of sense. But it doesn’t.


“Claus only gives presents to those that are good. But, I - I on the other hand, I like to give everyone equal opportunity.” He clasps his hands together like he’s preparing for a speech. He sighs. “I’m here to give you the chance of a lifetime, Max. I’m here to make each and every one of your desires come true.”

I look into his eyes, noticing the glassy appearance. I can’t quite put my finger on it, but I know that something’s off with him. Something is just not right.

His words continue to roll around in my head and then it hits me.

He’s drunk. He has to be. There’s no other explanation.

“You’re drunk.” My words come out more like a statement rather than a question.

Rolling his eyes, he folds his arms over his chest. “No you, dumbass! I’m Satan!”

When the words roll off his tongue, I’m even more so convinced that he’s intoxicated. It makes me wonder how he even got in here, knowing how wasted he must be to think that he’s the prince of darkness.

“Look, I don’t know what stuff you jocks take in your down time to get a high, but you need to get out of here.” I move to extricate him from my room, only to be stopped by the flash of fire behind his eyes.

He smirks, looking satisfied at his neat little trick. “Believe me now?”

Being an alien immunes you to magic tricks. Nothing really surprises me that much.

“No. But if you want to keep role playing, do you think you could take this somewhere else?”

A growl is emitted low from his throat. And with a snap of his fingers, I realize that he has more than just a few little magic tricks up his sleeves.


Part 2


Smoke filters into the atmosphere and I find myself staggering backwards. I wait for the smoke to clear, an inaudible gasp the only thing I’m capable of at the moment.

We’ve somehow been transported to a corporate office, complete with high rise windows and executive leather seats.

I look at Kyle, still not completely convinced that he’s the devil. What if he’s just some evil alien come to obliterate me?

But even that sounds ridiculous to me. Why would some alien want to kill me? I don’t even register on anyone’s Richter scale. I highly doubt that anyone would miss me either.

“Have a seat.” He offers me a plush leather seat, and I find myself sinking heavily into it. I can’t believe that this is happening.

“Oh you better believe it, Max.” He gives me one of those unnerving smiles as he pulls himself closer to his desk. “Today is your lucky day.”

He reaches into his desk drawer, pulling out a piece of paper. He looks at me earnestly, his voice turning into a hushed whisper as if to comfort me.

“Here’s the deal. I give you seven wishes. Seven wishes to make each and everyone of your dreams come true.” He pulls a pen out of his shirt pocket, marking a big X at the end of the contract. “If you would just sign here, then we can begin with the wish giving.”

The paper glides over the smooth tabletop to sit in front of me. Kyle hands me the pen. “The sooner you sign it, the sooner you can start that life with Liz Parker you’ve always dreamed of.”

I grip the pen in my hand, unable to keep the tremor away as I intend to sign. The thought that I can wish for a life with Liz just by signing on the dotted line is enough to make me offer the devil anything he’d like from me.

I stop mid-sign, hearing the audible frustration in Kyle’s breath.

“I’m sorry, I can’t sign this.” I bring the pen to scratch out my name, only to have him pull it out of my grasp.

He takes a minute to compose himself before breaking out into a full blown smile.

“Max, all I’m asking for is a tiny, miniscule thing. It’s something you’re not even going to miss.” He snaps his fingers as if to show me how insignificant my fear is - how insignificant my soul is.

I rub my palms over my face. I still can’t believe that this is happening.

“I’m not entirely sure that I believe you.” I stand up, beginning to pace over the eight hundred thread count of expensive carpet. “I don’t know if I believe that Kyle Valenti is the ......” I pause, feeling a little silly saying this out loud. “It’s kind of difficult for me to see you as the devil. I never would have thought it.”

His boisterous laughter catches my attention. “You really are naive, aren’t you?” He stands up, quickly depositing himself on the deep mahogany table. “I’m not really Kyle.”

At the rise of my eyebrow, he goes on to explain.

“I can take on any shape - any form. It all depends on who the client is.”

“Huh?” At this point, all I’m capable of is incoherent mumblings.

He brushes his palms over his jeans. “I’m only Kyle because it’s who you want to see.”

“What?” At least I’m using real words now.

“Kyle Valenti is everything you’ve wanted to be. The popular jock. The guy who always gets the girl.” He smirks as he says that last part. “I’ve morphed into his vision, because he’s who you envy. Inside your head, you’re wishing that he has a fatal flaw. And since I am someone who grants said wishes, I’m only doing as you wish.”

I feel my stomach churning almost violently. It’s a little scary to have someone know your every thought without you uttering a single word.

The temptation is great. I’ve said it before, and I’m still thinking it now.

I would give anything to have Liz Parker in my life.

Apparently, Lucifer Kyle has taken me up on that literally.

I gulp, not able to believe that I’m even thinking about going through with this.

“So I get seven wishes, in exchange for my soul?” I don’t really need him to tell me. I’ve been privy to enough bad movies to know how this song goes.

The contract appears magically in my left hand, much the same way a pen appears in my right.

He walks towards me, acting nonchalant about the whole thing. “You get to breathe life into seven of your biggest dreams, in exchange for your soul.” He shrugs. “I think it’s fair.”

I bite my lip, still feeling unsure. Could I really give up my soul for seven stupid wishes.

He grins. “Liz is waiting for you.”

I grind my teeth, hating the fact that he knows exactly where to hit, and just how hard. I bring the pen to the paper, signing my name.

Once I’m done, he takes the paper and pen from my hands, smiling like a Cheshire cat.

“So what’ll that first wish be?”

I look at him like he’s crazy. How can he even ask me that when he obviously knows what it is that I want? The only thing I’ve ever wanted.

“I want to be with Liz.” I stuff my hands in my pockets.

He shakes his head at me. “No, you have to say I wish before whatever it is that you want.” He digs into his pocket, retrieving a two-way pager. “Oh, and here’s something for emergencies. You know, in case you want to collect on those other six wishes.”

I take it reluctantly. “Okay, but I don’t think I’m going to want anything else. I just want this one thing.”

He stumbles back a little like I’ve struck him. Like he can’t believe that I’d only want one wish.

I close my eyes, taking a deep breath.

“I wish that Liz and I were together.”

I feel myself sinking, much the same way I did right before we arrived at Satan’s headquarters.

And when I wake up, I wonder if it was all a dream.

posted on 22-Jan-2002 9:55:34 PM by jasper711
Part 3A

Rating: R bordering NC-17 for sexual situations.


I groan loudly, blindly reach for my alarm clock. Whoever invented these things needs to be shot.

My legs dangle off the side of the bed, my hand reaching up to scratch my naked chest. I stretch my arms over my head, yawning loudly.

Last night had to be one of the weirdest dreams I’ve ever had. I must really be lonely to make up such things.

I stagger into my bathroom to relieve myself, when I realize that I’m naked.

Since when have I ever slept in the nude?

I don’t dwell on it too long. Because frankly, it’s a question that’s too early to ponder so early in the morning. I need to get a move on if I want to catch a glimpse of Liz before school. Driving to the Crashdown before school is out of my way, but it’s a habit I haven’t been able to break since my dad got me the jeep.

With a towel wrapped around my waist, I return to my room to grab a fresh pair of boxers.

I almost have to recoil in disgust at the state of disarray that my room is in. My clothes are lying everywhere, and my stuff seems to have be run into by a hurricane. I shake my head, picking up after myself.

I’ve always been a self-professed neat freak which is why it makes me wonder why my room is in shambles. And the fact that I find myself sleeping naked gives me more than a few things to think about.

Hauling my dirty clothes off the floor, I notice something to the left of my peripheral vision. Something that happens to be in the color pink. I’m pretty sure that I don’t own anything other than your usual drab colors, which is why this has piqued my interest.

I drop what I’m holding, walking to the offending article. I bend down, picking it up. I hold it up, feeling my face turn a million different shades of scarlet.

In my hand, I’m holding a pair of baby pink bikini panties. I drop them as if I’ve been burned. I walk backwards, wondering why I would have a pair of panties in my room, when I fall backwards, tripping on something.

I reach down to see what it is that has tripped, only to find the panties’ matching bra.

My mind is a mess as I try to find a plausible explanation for having female undergarments in my room.

I definitely need to sit down.

Feeling a little dazed, I sit down on my bed, trying my best to take deep and even breaths. Hyperventilating would just make things worse.

But obviously, it’s my fate that things would get worse.

Out of nowhere, I feel an arm wrap itself around my waist. I gulp, not daring to move. I shut my eyes tightly hoping it’s all a dream.


I realize fairly quickly that this isn’t a dream when the person starts placing kisses on my back. The hand that was lying innocently on my stomach reaches further down south, tugging at my towel.

Before they can reach the family jewels, I jump out of bed like it was hot coals I was sitting on rather than the softness of my worn in bed.


That voice.

I slowly peek one eye open, the breath whooshing out of my lungs when I see who it is that is sitting on my bed, apparently just as naked as I am.

“Liz?” I barely croak her name out of my throat.

She sits up, letting the sheet billow at her waist.

I’m pretty sure my jaw is hanging, the drool dripping like a waterfall as I gape at her nakedness.

“You’re nekkid!”

Way to state the obvious! I silently berate myself for being a fool.

But you have to understand something. Liz Parker and I haven’t exchanged more than a few words to each other outside of Bio. So forgive if I freak out to find her naked and in my bed.

She raises an eyebrow at me before pointing in the general direction of my crotch. “Well, I hate to break it to you Max, but so are you.”

My eyes fly down to my legs, and sure enough, the towel that was hanging around my waist a few minutes ago is no longer there.


Of their own accord, I bring my hands to cover the essentials, but it’s a bigger feat than I had anticipated.

Liz rolls her eyes. “Oh give me a break!” She stands up, walking towards me with a purposeful stride. “It isn’t anything I haven’t seen before.”

She winks at me, stopping just an inch away from me. She pulls my hands away, while her lips hover next to my ear.

“I don’t know what’s gotten into you this morning, but it’s a real turn on.” She nips at my earlobe, bringing her body flush with mine.

My mouth opens and closes, and I can’t find a single word to say.

Liz’s lips and hands are doing wondrous things to me. It’s enough to make me forget any questions I have.

“Let’s go back to bed,” She licks my lips, a hint of roguishness dancing in her eyes. “I wanna make the most of our time alone together before your parents get back.”

I weigh my options.

Go to bed with Liz, a dream I’ve had forever since I’ve known what “going to bed” meant. Or question how the heck all of these things came to play.

I think you all know how hard this decision was.


I may be sensitive. I may be alien. But I’m still a teenaged boy.

How the heck do you expect me to say no to a naked Liz?

Right, I didn’t think so.

I let her lead me to the bed, feeling more nervous than I ever have. I don’t remember having ever made love to Liz, but it seems as if she more than remembers because at this precise moment, she’s straddling me.

It’s all I can do from dying on the spot.

She takes me in her hand, stroking me tenderly before bringing my tip dangerously close to her entrance.

Yep, I’m definitely going to die on the spot.

“I love you, Max.” Her words sound a little haggard, her breaths turning into heavy pants as if she’s been running for miles with no rest.

Before she can slide down on my aching body, the sound of the front door crashing jolts us apart. If that sound wasn’t enough to scare us into losing the mood, my mother’s voice sure is.

“Max? Honey, we’re home early!”


posted on 23-Jan-2002 7:18:40 PM by jasper711
Thanks for the fb everyone! *happy*

My muse certainly appreciates it. *big* Anyways, I posted another version of this on ezboard a few days ago, because I'm the biggest ditz there is. LOL. It was unfortunately not the verion I wanted to use, but I've got so many stories going on that I can barely keep up anymore, so forgive me for using the early version. Didn't mean to confuse anyone.

Okay, before we I go on, let me answer a few questions you guys had.

Kristin - Let's just put it this way. Max will make use of every single wish b/c the devil is a sneaky fella. LOL.

Eccentric One - Your interpretation of walking half way through the movie is right on. *big* Max may have gotten his wish, but the devil is always going to be one step ahead of him. As he said early, Max is very naive. Anyways as for your other questions, you'll just have to stick around to see what happens. LOL. (I know, I'm evil. Maybe that's why I writing about the devil. LOL. *wink*)

Part 3B


Liz hurriedly climbs off of my lap. She hastily yanks her clothes on, giving me a death stare as I continue to sit there completely dumbfounded.

She grabs my boxers from the floor, throwing them in face.

"Don’t just sit there!" She hisses. "Get dressed!"

I hear pounding footsteps coming from the stairs and I realize my eyes must be as wide as saucers. I jump in, both feet, pulling my shorts up at lightning speed. I go in search for my jeans which have conveniently disappeared. I curse.

Of course. Things like this are bound to happen to me.

I think it’s my birth right or something.

Before I even get a chance to search for my pants, the door opens, revealing my mother in an oversized sun hat.

I’m so shocked to see her that I don’t even realize that I raise my hand up, slamming the door in her face.


I see the knob turning, and I know that my mother is ready to pummel her way inside. I run to the door, fusing my hand over the door until I’m sure that she won’t be able to get in.

Thank you, nifty alien gifts!

On second thought, maybe I should retract that statement.

Liz is looking at me funny, like she doesn’t know who’s she’s looking at.

"What did you just do?"

I step towards her, to reassure her that everything is going to be okay. I hadn’t thought twice about using my powers. Of using them in front of Liz. I mean I would have shared something as important as that with the person I love, right?

I wouldn’t get into a relationship with her without telling her the truth about who I am. Right?

I mean, there’s no way I would make love to her without divulging every last secret I had. Because I would never dupe her. I would never take advantage her.

I love her too much to lie to her while she was open with me, right?

But then I get a gnawing feeling in the pit of my stomach.

I couldn’t even remember having made love to her. This is obviously a different timeline - a different universe. Maybe Kyle - the devil - whoever the heck he was, maybe he wasn’t just a figment of my imagination.

I move closer to Liz with outstretched hands and all she does is shrink away from me.

It’s like she’s frightened of me.

I wish the ground would open up and swallow me whole.

"Liz, let me explain,"

I hear the sound of my mother’s voice, along with her pounding against the door.


Liz rushes past me, grabbing at the door like it’s a lifeline.

"Help! Please! Open the door!"

I stumble back like I’ve been struck in the chest, my breath leaving my body as I struggle to stay upright.

All those years of convincing myself that it was a bad idea to let anyone know my secret has come to fruition.

I just never thought that Liz would see me as a monster. But maybe it’s just as well. I can only imagine what she must be thinking. Here she was ready to make love to the person she thought she loved, when all of a sudden he turns out to be a freak show.

Regardless, I need to get out of here.

I search for my pants, practically ripping open the pockets as I retrieve the two-way pager.

Maybe taking Kyle up on those six other wishes isn’t such a bad idea.


I’m transported to another dimension, the air around me shimmying into another.

I find myself in Kyle’s office where he’s indulging in a hot soak. He sips red kool-aid from a tall glass with a little umbrella on it, his finger deftly pushing his sunglasses down to the tip of his nose.

"Back so soon?" He glances at his watch, laughing. "That didn’t take long."


P.S. - I know these parts have been pretty short. Hopefully my trip to Mammoth this weekend will give some inspiration. *happy*

posted on 30-Jan-2002 6:15:01 PM by jasper711

Part 4A


“Back so soon?” He glances at his watch, laughing. “That didn’t take long.”

I take three long strides, reaching into the hot tub to pull him out. “That wish sucked. I was barely together with Liz before she got taken away from me.”

His eyes flash with fire before he tips his head. He takes my hands off of him, brushing himself off. “Hey, you have to be a little more specific. All you said was you wished that you and Liz were together. Were being past tense.” He pins me with a haughty grin.

“You were lucky that you even got that little show.”

I bring my hands up to choke him, only to have him wag his finger in my face.

“Uh uh uh. Now, now, Max. You really need to be a little more precise with what it is you wish for.” He gives me an empty smile. “You’ve got six wishes left. I suggest you use them wisely.”

I scowl even though my frustrations are fruitless. I should’ve known that dealing with the devil wouldn’t be an easy feat. But I’m desperate. I’m lonely. I’ve wished for something like this my whole life.

Do you even know what it’s like pining away for someone you know you can never have because of who you are?

I shiver because I remember how she reacted to the news of my et status.

I never want to see that look on her face. Ever again.

I open my eyes, and I know what it is that I’m going to wish for next. And this time, I’m not going to let Kyle get the better of me.

“I wish I was human.”

There, I said it. I’ve always thought about it, but I’ve never actually voiced it out loud.

Kyle grins, clapping his hands together. “As you wish.”

Before he can do his devil voodoo, I stop him.

“I’m not done.”

A hint of humor is dancing in his eyes, like he’s laughing at me. But it doesn’t faze me. This time, it’s me who’s going to have the last laugh.

“I wish that I was human, and that things between Liz and I were like they used to be. Me liking her, but just watching her from afar. I want to make sure that I don‘t miss out on anything this time around.”

Looking smug, Kyle bows in front of me like a genie. If I didn’t hate this guy so much, I’d actually find him somewhat humorous, but the fact that he’s the epitome of everything I’ve wanted to be but couldn’t still holds a sore spot for me.

“You’ve got it.” He snaps his fingers, and I’m in a weird vortex.

That falling sensation hits me, and I realize that someone is speaking to me. Or rather, yelling at me.