|posted on 27-Jan-2002 9:31:16 PM by sweetness484|
|Title: Hiding From Darkness|
Summary: Liz hears of Max’s interlude with Tess and doesn’t cope well.
Author's Note: This is based on a lot of what I am going through right now, so sorry if the subject might make you a little iffy as it contains scenes of Self Injuring, but anyway, just wanted to tell you that before you read, if you still want to.
At 6:31 she learned of the truth. Kyle told her, wincing as each word left his mouth, knowing full well that each word was like a shard of glass destroying Liz.
Tess was pregnant.
Max was the father.
At 6:45 she was jogging to the Evan’s house. Needing answers, requiring relief, seeking a balm to soothe the jagged edges of her soul. Something was wrong. This could never be true.
He was hers.
She was his.
Didn’t he know this?
At 6:54 she arrived breathlessly at the door of her beloved. Knocking once, she stood, shaking, staring deep into the fibers of the Evans’ doormat.
Isabel answered, seeing Liz’s face and wordlessly moving aside.
Time slowed to nanoseconds…..focusing on placing one foot in front of the other as she turned the corner.
Her heart stopped for approximately 2 seconds as she saw Max.
Then her eyes widened as she took 1 more step, because Max was not alone. His visitor was Tess.
Talking with her.
She cocked her head. Surely she was seeing things, but was that his arm around her shoulder? She let her right hand pinch her left arm to make sure this wasn’t a horribly surreal nightmare. The pain brought a small gasp from her pallid lips.
This was real.
The gasp allowed Tess and Max to notice the shell of a girl in the hallway.
Max took two and a half steps to her, seeking absolvement, yet displaying his guilt with his eyes, as they bore into Liz.
She held up her hand, palm faced outwards. She stared deep into his eyes as her insides crumbled.
“You stay away from me,” she whispered deep from the recesses of her raspy throat…….
“Liz,” he began, guilt tingeing the word he so revered.
She turned her back and at 6:58 she was out the door. Her hope tied and bound, dead.
Walking home with what little strength she had left, her mind awash in turmoil she entered through the Crashdown main entrance, full with the dinner-rush.
“Oh chica, I am so glad you are here,” Maria began, “there’s this convention, and this place is gonna be packed…..”
Maria finally looked up and went pale. Liz was beyond devastated.
Liz wouldn’t even look at her, just through her, as if she weren’t really there at all. Something had happened. Something big.
Liz was strong.
“What’s happened Liz?” she asked guardedly……trying to ascertain the information, trying to help her friend……
Liz ignored her……and silently strode through the customers as she made her way to the back of the building.
She floated upstairs and to her room, unfeeling, unflinching.
At 7:32 p.m Liz sat in the corner of her room, willing herself to be invisible.
At 7:40 there was a rapping on her window. She knew who it was.
She let her soul open, and she was burned and blackened.
He used his powers to open the window and to climb inside. What he found made his heart cringe.
His Liz, staring wordlessly into the air, squeezed as far as she could into the corner.
He thought she didn’t notice his entrance, so glassy were her eyes.
He was wrong.
“do you ever listen Max?” came that same hollow voice.
“get out,” she continued, “get out before I do something I might not regret.”
This was not the Liz he expected, far from it, she was beyond reasoning. She had discovered something that had affected the very nature of her soul. This was not something that could be soothed over with words, something he was struggling with anyway.
With his heart incinerated he climbed back outside the window.
At 7:45 Liz was alone, hearing Maria knocking on her door.
“This is when we split Liz,” came the voice from within. “I will take over on the outside, while inside….” The voice shook for a second, “inside you will do whatever you have to do. So until we get back up here, I take over, all right?”
“Okay,” Liz answered to the steady voice inside.
She put on her uniform, combed her hair, and opened the door to find a worried Maria.
“What’s wrong?” came Maria’s worried query.
Liz smiled, “nothing.”
Maria was scared for her friend, she’d never seen a smile on someone with dead eyes, even days later this sight would give her nightmares.
Liz walked downstairs with Maria and went on autopilot, letting the Shell continue why she tried to work out the chaos of her mind.
Two minds working towards one goal.
None of the regulars noticed the eyes.
Even her father was oblivious.
Maria was at a loss, trying to work through what she could do.
So silently, for the first time in 3 years, she and Liz cleaned up the Crashdown and closed.
“Liz,” Maria began again as she reached for her keys inside her purse. “Come with me, let me help you.”
Liz shifted her head slightly with a quizzical smile.
“Why would I need help, Maria?” she queried, “when I’m just fine,” she answered with another dead smile.
With that said she turned on her sneakers and locked the door between her and Maria.
She walked to her room quickly. The exhaustion overwhelming her.
Entering the room she closed the door and locked it.
“We did it.” Came the voice from within. “we will continue to survive. Just trust in me. It’s all you now Liz….”
Liz stripped off her uniform and climbed woodenly into the shower. She turned the knob as cold as it would go, washing her hair and scrubbing away at her body.
At 11:30 Liz took stock of her desk. Homework for different classes was divided into different sections. She looked them over; Lacking the motivation to attempt even the easiest of assignments.
She was empty, bereft of anything.
She went to her bed and lay down on it, towel still wrapped around her chest, hair still soaking.
At 2:15 Liz awoke with a shiver.
Was she awake?
Was she half-asleep?
Liz still wondered about this days later.
Wandering into the bathroom, eyeing the razor on the edge of the bathtub, Liz made a decision. With quick motions, Liz grabbed for the razor and spread the towel apart, exposing one bare leg. In few motions she sliced open numerous cuts on her leg, watching the blood run down her pale skin.
She felt pain.
But god, she felt.
And that was all that mattered.
The next morning Liz awoke curled next to the bathtub, lightly covered by the towel, a splash of red staining its pristine white cloth.
She shook her head, for a moment forgetting everything.
Then it all came back, in a rush that left her nauseous and clinging to the toilet.
Closing her eyes, she pulled back the towel that covered the leg.
When she opened them, she nearly vomited. Angry red scars, some still bleeding, ran up and down her leg.
Standing up she found the leg incredibly painful to walk on, for each muscle underneath played across an appendage that was torn and mutilated.
She numbly opened up her small medical bag she kept next to the sink,
“band-aids aren’t going to cover these……” she thought, thinking abstractly.
“It’s a feeling, though” Liz stated to no one……….
Pain was hell, but what she had endured last night was more then hell, more then grief, more then horror.
More then she had ever had to deal with in her life.
So it ended up like this.
At 6:02a.m Liz hobbled over to the clock and read its numbers.
Absently she began getting ready for school. Wondering what to wear to cover and hide the evil.
She sat down and stared at the wall, dumbfounded at her emotional state.
At 6:45 she looked back at the clock.
“shit” she thought under her breath.
Clothes were a matter of dark jeans, a white shirt, and a long sweater jacket, which she buttoned to the top, despite the hot southern temperatures. She tied her sneakers and put on her makeup, almost an automaton.
“It’s me again,” came the voice from the previous night, “you can’t do this alone, you need my help. I will get you through the day Liz,” the voice promised.
Almost identically to the night before she replied “fine.”
Grabbing her spiral, she headed downstairs and began the walk to school, limping ever so slightly, only noticeable to those who would truly know who she was.
Throughout the classes, everyone stared at her. She wasn’t answering any questions, offering any answers. Even to those who only knew her in class this was an odd event.
By third period she’d had enough. She went to the bathroom and locked her small frame in a stall….
“Dammit, you asshole!” she railed against the other in her mind, “you are supposed to make me look normal! They all know!”
The other answered just as quickly.
“I am only here to help you survive Liz, not to make you 100%........I never promised you that…….I promised to get you through the day, and I’m doing that aren’t I?” the voice concluded with more then a hint of annoyance.
Closing her eyes, Liz rested her head on the cool metal stall.
Why god? Why? She asked internally……not expecting an answer.
At 1:15 fourth period began.
She entered the class, with a measured stare. Her leg beginning to hurt worse, she limped slightly deeper into the classroom, hugging her spiral to her breast tightly.
She refused to meet his eyes as she sat down next to her hatred at the desk.
He noticed her though, and concern flooded his thoughts.
“Liz,” he began.
At 1:17 Liz became hard.
Her sensitivity was shot, her patience wearing thin as her leg throbbed and ached.
A pain she both welcomed and despised.
Max obeyed her command and stared ahead blessedly throughout the entire class.
At 2:00p.m, Liz began walking home from class, hobbling more…….Maria sidled up next to her.
“Liz, what’s wrong?” she asked simply. Expecting a simple answer.
Liz was skirting the edge of a cliff though, and was about to fall over at any moment………
“Leave me alone, please,” she whispered to Maria.
“I can’t do that, Liz, what kind of friend would that make me?” she asked genuinely.
“That would make you good…..” Liz was biting back the venom that threatened to expel from her mouth………She had no idea where the anger was coming from.
Well she did, but the magnitude of it was staggering.
“Just. Leave. Me. Alone. Do. You. Understand.” She stared at Maria, hoping the words would have some effect this time.
So at 2:23 Liz cut off her friend. Someone else she didn’t have to bother with.
She made it up to her room, bypassing her parents completely, and laid down on her bed.
Mentally and physically exhausted by the day’s many activities.
“Since when was the world ever this hard?” she asked
“So when did you first see her?” Maria asked Alex, both at his house, discussing Liz’s welfare.
“1st Period,” Alex responded gamely, “she ignored me too.”
Both had sat for long moments of time racking their collective minds about what had occurred that day, and what had caused Liz to act in this odd manner.
“Maria….her limp,” he looked at her concerned. This was no longer a matter of Liz depressed or having a bad day, something was physically wrong with her, and that was alarming to the both of them.
“We should see Max,” Maria finally concluded, “of all of us, he would probably know the most of what is going on.”
So at 4:50 p.m Alex and Maria drove to the Evans’ in Maria’s ratty Jetta, hoping this stop would provide some clues to help their friend.
Alex knocked on the door while Maria chewed her gum worriedly.
Max answered, and invited them in.
Maria motioned for them to be able to talk somewhere more private, noting that Mr. and Mrs. Evans were in the living room.
Never one to skirt around a subject Maria stated their objective the second Max’s door closed behind the trio.
“What’s wrong with Liz?”
Max closed his eyes. So many words wanted to come to the surface, instead he rubbed his eyes.
“You haven’t heard, have you?” he asked, mimicking the hollow tone that Liz had given him the night before.
“Heard what?” Alex leaned in, his brow furrowed in concern.
“Tess is pregnant.” He stated flatly.
Both of them looked at him oddly. What does this info have to do with Liz?
“I’m the father.”
Max never new what was coming before Alex reached back and socked him in the face.
Alex winced in pain for a moment, massaging his knuckles, “bastard!”, he yelled at Max, “what did she ever do to you?”
“Nothing. Everything.” Came Max’s flat reply.
Maria grabbed for a bottle of essential oil in her knapsack and took a large whiff……it appeared to help her calm down somewhat.
“What do you know about her limp?” Maria asked quickly, wanting to get out of the situation desperately.
Max shook his head, “What?”
“Don’t try to act concerned you ass, just answer the damn question.” Alex spat out, livid at his best friends’ betrayal.
“She was limping around class today, you must have noticed, or wait, yeah, lemme guess, you were probably too busy fooling around with Tess…” Alex continued.”
Max’s eyes were gone…….wondering when the hell had he not noticed that his other half was sick, or hurt, or worse……….
“I…, he began, “I don’t know, I didn’t notice.”
He at least had the good grace to look ashamed of his behavior.
“Come with us.” Maria ordered Max.
“Maria?” both Alex and Max said at the same time.
“You two can duke it out later, we need to help Liz, and he," she pointed to max, “can help her if its something physical”
“she doesn’t want to see me.” Max ground out…..
“Well look here Max, I don’t give a shit what you think. You. Can Help.Liz. You are coming. Simple as that, and as God as my witness if I have to bash you over the head and drag you out of this house you are coming to help my best friend……..
So are we crystal?”
At 4:51 Liz sat in her corner again, running her fingers through her hair.
Still she was unable to cry, unable to shed even a single tear, though her very being was shattered.
“Some pain is just too much to bear, I suppose” she thought inwardly…
Every moment she relived Kyle’s words.
Each sentence a dagger straight to her heart.
Yet still she couldn’t feel.
A feeling that was as entirely fucked up as the situation presented to her yesterday.
“But, you can feel,” came the voice again.
“How?” came Liz’s honest question, completely forgetting the early morning hours of the cold metal against her warm skin.
“You need to feel, Liz, you can do it……..the same as last night. Just go to the bathroom. I’ll take over”
The voice had never betrayed her, not like others, other, she corrected her grammar in her head.
So Liz stood up shakily, and headed for the bathroom.
2 and ½ minutes later she watched herself from the sink as she sat on the bathtub edge, running the edge of the blade over her left forearm, closing her eyes as she did.
Relishing the pain.
Tears came to her eyes as she smiled.
This was it.
This was feeling.
A minute later she had a towel wrapped around her arm and was shedding off her pants to get a better look at her wounds.
She walked lightly around the room, wearing only her white t shirt and her bikini underwear.
She paced back and forth, enjoying the feel of the pain of her leg, and the synchronous throbbing of her arm.
A knock at the door finally broke her morbid reverie as she went to answer it, still in a hazy fog, though she finally realized what she was wearing, and threw on a pair of shorts, completely forgetting about the obvious damage to her body.
“Who is it?” she asked wearily.
“It’s me,” Alex’s voice came through the door, “please let me in.”
Liz’s face went slack, and she ran her fingers once more through her hair absently.
She opened the door and turned her back, walking towards her window, never noticing that there were two others with Alex.
“Liz……” Alex began, “you have to tell me what is wrong, so I can help you.”
He spoke slowly, hoping his words would take effect to her mind.
Liz turned around slowly, her leg and towel wrapped arm coming into view of the others………..
All three sucked in their breath at the sight of Liz bleeding openly, and just staring at them.
Liz’s eyes widened as she saw Max.
“Oh my god.”
She shook as she backpedaled, opening up her window and attempting to climb out to the patio, unfortunately, she didn’t’ have the same dexterity due to her weakened state…….
Instead she closed her eyes and slid down the wall to the floor.
Willing the invisible state once again.
At 5:10 Liz parker was surrounded by three individuals who were each in their own respective states of shock.
“Oh My God”
“Liz, oh God, Liz”
ran through their minds.
Suddenly Liz opened her eyes.
“Get him out of here.” She seethed towards the trio.
Instead of leaving the three moved closer to Liz, enveloping her.
Maria sat next to Liz, holding her hand, trying to figure out what to say, as Alex took in the wounds on her leg.
Her body unresponsive, he unrolled the towel from around her arm.
Max felt ill. Why would she do this? Why would anyone do this?
“Liz,” he began, “Let me heal you.”
“Please.” He added…..
Liz shook her head. Remembering months back.
“you can’t touch me.”
Her thoughts ran through her mind for what seemed like an eternity, flashing on the back of her eyelids in rapid succession.
Max healing her.
Max saying they couldn’t be.
Max trying to fix it.
“Fuck it.” She said softly.
She looked all three in the eyes, uncaring of their shocked expressions.
“There’s something I need to tell you. But it will destroy the world,” a smile leaked to her lips.
“Like we really care, Liz,” came the voice”
“In October, Max came to me from 13 years in the future. He told me that us being together would cause the end of the world.”
She started to laugh at that, then she began to cry, her body racked by sobs.
“Tess would leave, which would in turn make you powerless. So what did I do? What did self-sacrificing Liz do?” she asked them.
“I had to sell my soul for the lives of billions that’s what. I had to do something so monumental that Max would think that I was the Evil. So the future version of Max and I concocted a plan.”
She sobbed some more, taking her fist and slamming it into her still bleeding thigh.
“I would pretend to sleep with Kyle, so Max would never love me again.”
She sobbed harder.
“I, Liz Parker, president of the Science Club, Honor Roll student, single-handedly saved this whole fucking planet,” she stated between her labored breaths.
“So all of you get the hell away from me, because none of you can know what I am dealing with.”
At 5:10 Max stumbled back at the intensity of her words.
His mind a mixture of revulsion, anger, disbelief, and sorrow.
Alex and Maria were at a loss of words, neither knew what to say to the sobbing girl between them.
Max had something to say, and before he could reign it in his haggard voice said one word over and over.
He motioned to Liz, almost panicked, “she’s lying,” he stated, hoarsely…
“I saw her……she was, was, she was in bed with Kyle, she slept with him.”
His voice rose with every word.
“Oh no you don’t, you bastard.” Liz brought her shaking body to her feet and took three quick strides to him.
“It was all a set-up, a fucking scam. How in the hell are you supposed to be my soul-mate, hell, the King of an entire planet when you can’t see the workings of something right in front of your eyes.”
Her eyes sparked as she talked, shaking her arm at him, small drops of blood landing on his shirt unnoticed.
“You slept with Tess because you thought I was unfaithful, right?” she asked him, eyes boring into his.
“Well you are the unfaithful one Max.
You slept with her, you got her pregnant. All the while I saved myself for you.”
She turned to the others, who still stood in shock.
“And why?” she laughed, doubling over…..
“Because” she began to answer her own question, “I thought you were the center of my universe.
Now I know how dead wrong I really was.”
Her voice cooled down towards the end, her energy expelled.
She went to the bathroom, turning around before entering.
“Leave now. Leave.”
All three stood resolutely in their respective positions.
She closed her eyes for a moment and concentrated hard, her eyelids fluttering momentarily.
She opened them again.
“Leave.” She ordered.
Wordlessly they all left in ordered fashion.
As soon as the door closed, she dropped to her knees, her head in agony……….she dragged her body over to the sink again and shook two Tylenol into her shaking hand, swallowing them down without water.
She’d been experimenting with her developing powers and found that the one she had best control over was mind control……a feature she thought she would never need to use, but which aided her greatly at this time.
“Damn you Max Evans.” She swore under her breath…..with every ounce in her body she hated him hated how she felt when he was near, despised her own reactions to him.
Her head began to ache more……..wincing, she opened her small medical bag again, and without any forethought, swallowed the entire contents of the Tylenol bottle , coughing a little as she did.
Her mind became fuzzy, trying to formulate what she had just done. “What did you just do Liz Parker?” she asked herself sketchily….Flinching at the crushing pain in her head.
Her vision getting fuzzy, she read that there were 100 pills in the bottle.
Oh God, Oh God, Oh God, Oh God, Oh God, Oh God………
Her body racked with pain she crawled to her bedside table and picked up the phone and dialed 911.
She heard the ring twice, “911, what is the nature of the emergency.”
Came a loud voice that almost made Liz drop the phone altogether.
“Please….Please... just... help me.”
She managed to get out, before completely falling into dark
Max, Alex and Maria made it as far as the doors of the Crashdown before Max put an arm out in front of them.
Shaking his head slightly he waved his right hand over the other’s heads.
Both Alex and Maria seemed to come out of a trance, blinking rapidly.
“What are we doing here?” Maria asked, weirded out.
“Weren’t we just with Liz?” Alex added.
“she’s got powers now” whispered Max, loud enough for the all three to hear.
“You mean that Liz just made us leave?”……Alex’s face was a mixture of confusion…
“Why would Liz have powers?” he thought quickly, before his face turned ashen and he ran back through the Crashdown……..Maria and Max not far behind.
“Liz” Alex ordered, surveying the room with his eyes, noting the body on the floor, one hand still clutching the phone.
Remembering his limited knowledge of first aid, he turned Liz over.
His fingers were soon pressed to her wrist, looking desperately for a pulse.
At 5:35 p.m Alex said his first prayer to a God he still questioned, pleading for the life of his best friend.
He managed to find a pulse just as he heard sirens approaching.
He noticed her blue lips and held her hand, willing her to live.
Max and Maria stumbled in a moment later, taking in the sight before them.
Maria dropped to her knees, “Is she?”
“She’s alive…….barely.” Alex answered.
“Move” they heard a loud voice behind them bellow.
Three paramedics rushed into the room and surveyed the scene.
Two extracted Liz’s hand from Alex’s as they placed her on the stretcher they had and began asking him questions.
He didn’t know much of Liz’s medical history….so he was of little use to the paramedics, they looked about the room, investigating the bathroom, in a matter of moments, as one paramedic noted the empty bottle of Tylenol on the floor.
“Overdose” he said and wrote and the same time.
Maria began to sob as the three paramedics wheeled Liz out on a stretcher, strapped in and covered by a thin sheet.
Max, Maria, and Alex followed closely behind, watching from the sidewalk as Liz was placed inside the ambulance and taken away.
Maria was sobbing harder, Alex’s arm around her, trying to comfort her, as Max stood apart from them.
For a moment none knew what to do.
Then Maria rustled through her purse to grab her car keys.
She opened her door and looked at the other two.
“Come or Stay.” She managed to get out between sobs.
Alex made the first move, Max coming up behind him and reluctantly getting into the car.
They rode in silence occasionally punctured by Maria's shuddering sobs…….suddenly another voice entered Max’s mind “max, max what’s wrong?” It was Isabel……. ”damn I’m projecting.” He thought to himself…
“We’re going to the hospital…….Liz……..” he couldn’t make himself say the rest.
“Is she going to be alright?” Isabel asked worriedly.
“I don’t’ know.” And with that he cut off Isabel from his mind.
Liz awoke with a start, noting her surroundings blankly.
She was in a room.
Not her room.
She scrunched her eyes together, trying to put together what had happened and where she was.
She remembered telling Max, Maria and Alex to leave, but beyond that, everything was a fuzzy blur.
She sat up, noting the loose hospital pants and shirt she was wearing.
She walked to the door and opened it, entering a darkened hall, light enough to see though.
Walking down, she noticed the nurses station to the right.
“I’m at a hospital?”
She knocked lightly at the window. A blonde nurse came out quickly.
“Where am I?” she got out, noticing how sore her throat was.
“This is the Psyche unit at Roswell Hospital, do you remember what happened?” the nurse asked gently.
Liz shook her head.
“You overdosed,” the nurse looked at her tablet again, “Liz.”
“That’s not true,” Liz managed to get out,
“I was just trying to get rid of the headache…” she trailed off, realizing how ridiculous it sounded.
Think, Parker, Think
“What time is it?”
“Do my parents know?”
Liz winced at that.
“How long am I in here for?”
“That’s up to the doctor dear, you could be in here for 24 hours or longer. It’s all up to him.”
“Now why don’t we get you back to bed?”
An arm latched onto Liz’s and directed her to her new room.
Liz obeyed and lay down.
The nurse left and with that, Liz was left looking at the ceiling tiles until sleep finally claimed her.
“Hello Liz” she managed to hear as she sleepily lifted her head from her pillow.
“I’m Dr. Rosin, I think we should talk about what happened last night.”
Liz forced herself to an awake state and sat up, noting the Doctor sitting in a chair at the foot of her bed.
“What happened last night?” he asked calmly
“I had a headache.”
The Doctor scribbled something down on his yellow tablet and looked at her again.
“Liz, you took a full bottle of Tylenol, you must’ve had some other reason.”
“Then what are the marks on your body?”
She forgot about those.
“I broke a vase and it scratched me while I was picking up the glass.”
Liz looked at him evenly.
He scribbled more onto his pad.
“And your leg?” he inquired.
“I tripped on my pillow and fell on the shards before I could clean them up.”
He scribbled more.
“What time is it?”
“Why is my throat sore?”
“The emergency room had to pump your stomach last night”
“How long am I in here for?”
“At least until tomorrow, maybe longer since you are 17 and a minor. I’ll have to make that recommendation based upon my own accumulation of how well you are.”
"This is bullshit," Liz thought, "Time for Plan B."
“Please God no headache” she intoned before starting.
She closed her eyes, and appeared to the Dr. as though she were simply blinking.
She opened them and looked directly into his eyes.
“I am fine. I am normal. I fell on the vase, that is what happened to my leg. I was trying to clean up the vase. That is what happened to my arm. I had a headache last night. I was not suicidal. You will go up to the nurses station and tell them that I am fit to leave immediately. This interview is over. When I stop talking you will get up and go do what I have told you to.”
Liz closed her eyes and opened them again to find the Dr. gone.
No headache…..she smiled inwardly.
She stood up and walked out of the door. Going by the nurses station she looked inside, and knocked on the window again.
“I’m free to go, right?” she looked into the woman’s eyes.
“Yes, of course you are” She guided Liz down the hall and slipped her security card into the slot watching the door open.
“Have a good day” the nurse tossed to Liz.
Liz looked back. “You too.” And smiled again.
Three steps out though Liz forgot about something.
Sitting in the waiting room, and dozing were Max, Maria, and Alex……..Isabel, Kyle, and Micheal were there too, along with her parents.