posted on 28-Jan-2002 2:47:46 PM by destinyrebel
Title: With Nothing Left To Lose-
Author: Me
E-mail: destinyrebel⊕
Disclaimer: Roswell belongs to Jason Katims, UPN and 20th Century Fox. Sorry, if I forgot anyone. Anyway, I'm just borrowing everything. You know, for my own selfish reasons…
Category: Liz’s POV. AU- to some extent. M/L + CC.
Rating: PG-13 right now but I do include a couple of cuss words.
Summary: Well, I just started writing this so I don’t really know. Um, Michael and Tess saved Liz, Alex, Maria and Kyle from a robbery at the Crashdown one day, so they know about the alienness thing. Max and Isabel don’t live in Roswell so the humans have never met them personally. But they do know about them. Everything else will just unfold as it unfolds...

Author's note: Hehe. This is my first POV fic, so I hope I didn’t screw anything up. Um, please let me know what you guys think. I literally just finished writing it. I don’t know yet if I should continue or not but hopefully you’re FB will help determine the best course of action. Enjoy...

With Nothing Left To Lose.
Part 1-

I can’t sing.

I try but I almost always fail. I don’t know why though. It just seems to be some kind of freak little detail that’s included in my life and it has never decided to go away or fix itself...

But like every other person in this sad world, I do sing along with almost every song that comes on the radio, with one little exception of course. I have to be the only one in the room.

Naturally, I’m not going to subject myself to levels of embarrassment that would come along with belting out some bubble-gum pop hit in front of actually people. Right?


It’s almost 11:25 pm on a very miserable Friday night. Michael Guerin and I have clean up duty at my families Café, The Crashdown, cause my dad, the incomparable Jeff Parker, decided to take my mom, Nancy, to Albuquerque, NM for some weird three day weekend.

Why, you ask? I have no idea. But I did protest. God, did I protest… But in the end, it didn’t work...

Anyway, so I’ve got the milkshake machine pretty much disassembled in front of me. Who the hell cleaned this last time? I need to ask cause there is this build-up of dried flaky stuff everywhere and in-between. Eww...

“Michael, were you supposed to clean this thing last time?” I call out, mostly cause I’m not a person who really loves silence. So, bickering with Michael seems better then nothing.

Sad, I know...

“What? Clean what, when?” He called back.

Great job, Michael. Play dumb. That will get you places once you get out of this hell hole labeled Roswell.

“The milkshake machine thing! It’s really sick in there!” I reply, referring to the dried flaky stuff again.

“I don’t know. I usually get out of it...”

“Wonderful, Michael. Just wonderful…” I mutter. “Hey, can’t we find a way to use alien powers or something to fix it?” I asked hopefully as a strange shudder descends my spine, I think the smell is going to make me sick. Once again, eww...

“Yeah, that will work.” He laughs. He is actually laughing at me. I can’t have that. So, what do I do? Exactly. I go for the radio.

Oh, and I know I said I wouldn’t sing with people in the room. Well, I won’t. Technically, Michael is in the kitchen. Ha! See my wonderful logic?

Ok. Frankly, I don’t care if Mikey G hears my sing. Cause I have heard him try to sing his own rendition of Metallica a couple times, so I think we are just about even.

“What station you want?” I smile sweetly. I know this will piss him off. And I don’t know why I want to piss him off right now but I do. And I will. It’s pretty simple.

“Liz…” He groans.

“Woohoo! KROZ it is!”

“Oh my god… It’s all shit on that station.” He groans again.

“I know... But I want to listen to something while I finish up this disgusting mess.” I try to explain my good intentions.

“Yeah, right.”

“Ahh… You don’t believe me?”

“No, I don’t. But whatever... I am going to go upstairs and get cleaned up. Ok?” He asked, while poking his head through the little order window.

“Uh huh...” I answer absent mindedly.


And then he is gone. And I am alone to sing.

Yay, for me!

I quickly adjust the volume and go back to the pile of metal and dried flaky stuff. Maybe I could just throw it in the washer. Or maybe I could call Maria, she would know what to do. Or maybe I really could use alien powers...

Unfortunately, I know none of those ideas will pan out so I just dive right in. I grab the drip pan first. Cause starting small is a good idea in a situation like this.

Rinse. Scrub. Rinse. I do this about three times before I lose track. Michael hasn’t been down since he went up, so I am left to imagine he went home. Lucky bastard...

Rinse. Scrub. Rinse. It’s about 11:55 now. I am tired. This is not how a senior in high school should spend one of there precious Friday nights. Damn it... How did I get roped into this, again?

Rinse. Scrub. Rinse. Ok, I am not even thinking anymore. Rinse, scrub, rinse, is just about the only thing I can focus on. My brain hurts...

But wait. I know this song. It’s one I love and one that holds a lot of good memories.

Twelve months ago, one of my best friends, Alex Whitman, surprised Maria Deluca, another one of my best friends, and I with tickets to a concert. I was ecstatic. We had fun. We got to act like teenagers for a couple of hours. It was great.

Because you see, before we found out about Michael and Tess Harding, we were able to do things like that all the time. Every weekend, the three of us would make an effort to do things that were deemed “cool”.

But after the robbery attempt and after Michael and Tess had to tell us their true origins, things changed. It now seemed that every weekend, Michael, Tess, Alex, Maria, Kyle Valenti, and I were battling evil aliens or covering something up, or even uncovering something new and significant.

The six of us were bound by a secret. And we were all destined to help each other.

Kind of...

Anyway, this song was one that always seemed to make sense to me, even though it didn’t too many others. So, I close my eyes and I start singing and smiling as I remembered the last night my friends and I got to be carefree...

Snow is falling from the sky - In the middle of July.
Sun was shining in my eyes again last night.
Alarm goes off without a sound - the silence is so loud - something isn't right.

Footsteps echo down the hall - no one's there at all.
Dial your number but your voice says "I'm not home".
Everything is inside out - I don't know what it's about.

It keeps getting stranger by the day…

But as the chorus continues, I don’t. Because in mid-twirl I realize that someone has walked into the Café and that person is just standing there, watching me. And amazing, only three words come to mind and I totally don’t care that he heard me sing.

The prize words are: Oh Fucking Shit...

But of course I can’t say that out loud. I am Liz Parker. I don’t cuss and I rarely ever curse.

So, after a good thirty seconds of staring at him, I scream. I scream with all the lung power I can muster. And I keep screaming. And I don’t think about how this guy could just be some customer that wanted a midnight snack or how he could just be passing through town and by some mistake he missed an exit or something. Because knowing real live aliens has taught me a few things. And I felt the need to scream, so I screamed.

And while I screamed, his eyes just grew so wide. I don’t know for sure but I can almost guarantee that I freaked the hell out of him. He was just frozen in place as the color quickly drained from his face.

Ok, now I starting to think that maybe screaming at the top of my lungs wasn’t such a bright idea but I still continue to do it. And I don’t stop until I hear Michael screaming back and I see him stumble through the kitchen doors with his hand raised.

“LIZ?! Liz, what’s wrong?! LIZ?!”

“Wait!” The guy shouted immediately, while backing up.

And I swear to god, I saw him start to raise his hand.

So, what do I do?

I grab the closest thing I can get my hands on and chuck it at him.

Well, the plastic soda glass missed his head by about two inches and I earned more shouts from both Michael and the guy.

Michael tells me to wait and the guy tells me to stop. So, I shout back. “Damn it... What the hell? Michael, fucking blast him or something!” Oops. I cursed and cussed. Oh well...

“No! Wait, Liz!” Michael calls again.

“No, Michael. He was going to use his hand! Do something!” I scream and stumble over my words. Why the hell is Michael not blasting him? Michael never thinks first. What’s wrong?

But I don’t think I have time to contemplate the situation, so I go for another glass.

“No, wait!” The stranger pleads. “I think I am one of the good guys...”

“Michael?” I ask as I get ready to throw lucky number two. Maybe this time I can get it within one inch of his head...

“Liz, put it down.” Michael gently tells me. “It’s okay.”

“Michael?” I ask again. “I think I need some kind of reassurance here! Cause from my stand point this guy could really easily kill us both here and now!”

“Liz, remember when I told you an old friend was going to come and visit?” Michael cautiously asks.

“No.” I tell him in a shaky and uncertain voice. Because that’s what I do when I lie. I end up using this shaky, hesitant, breathy voice. It’s actually really embarrassing. Anyway...

“Liz?” He questions. Damn it... He knows. He so knows I know.

“Oh my god...” I mutter as I drop the second glass on the floor.

And without skipping a beat, only one thought pops into my head. And no, it’s not that a friend of Michael’s heard me sing.

Amazing, the only thing going through my mind is, the fact that I threw a dirty cup at a king’s head. Once again, Oh Fucking Shit...

“Um... Liz? Meet Max, Max Evans...” Michael coughed as I turned bright red with embarrassment...


*Please let me know if I should continue or if I should delete the hard copy off my hard drive and never think of it again. ;) I really don’t know which one is the best option. Please, let me know! Thanks so much...

[ edited 27time(s), last at 22-Sep-2002 9:10:07 PM ]
posted on 2-Feb-2002 1:46:45 AM by destinyrebel
Before you read this new part, I just wanted to thank you. You really have no idea how much you’re FB has helped me write this thing. I first got the idea at like 4:30 in the morning and I couldn’t sleep so I thought I would run with it. And I never thought anyone would actually read it, let alone, like it. So, thanks so much! You guys are really very cool! I love all of you! ;)

Kay, read on. And I hope you enjoy...

With Nothing Left To Lose.
Part 2-

Do you ever have those moments where all you can do is just hold your breath and wish that it isn’t just a dream that you will wake up from?

Do you ever have those moments where all you can do is just hold your breath and wish with all your might that it is just a dream that you will wake up from? If only because you can’t even begin to comprehend the amount of humiliation that you will be faced with, if it actually happened in your real reality.

Yeah. Me too...


“So...” Michael began awkwardly.

Smooth Mikey. But truthfully, I can’t say I am doing any better. Cause believe it or not, I’m still standing in the same spot, the same things are still running through my head, and I am still bright, freaking red...

Yeah so, Go me!

“Yeah...” The guy, excuse me, Max Evans, replies as he shoves his hands into his front pockets.

Wow. He’s nervous. La de freakin’ da...

Strangely, I don’t know if anyone really knows this about me or not but I don’t do well in awkward social situations. I think I got it from my mom’s side but she flat out denies it... I know better. It’s all her fault...

I swear.

Anyway, I need to find a way out; I need a way to “excuse” myself from this “awkward social situation”. But how? What can I do that won’t make me look like an even bigger idiot? Damn it...

Once again, I really wish Maria was here. She would defiantly know what to do. Maybe if I just think like her... What would Maria Deluca do?

Think. Think. Think.

Wait. I don’t think Maria would think that much...

Ahh crap...

Ok. There has to be a way out, right? I’ve found ways out before. 17 years of escaping this very kind of situation should have taught me a couple things.

But I guess the keywords there are should have.

Damn it...

Ok. Here’s goes something...

“Wait, did you guys hear that?” I end up squeaking out, quickly. Cause I think I now have a plan...

“No. What did you hear?” Michael asked as if he was almost grateful for the interruption.

“Um… I think it was the phone.” I reply lamely with a sigh. Cause I am now realizing that there is no way in hell this is going to work...

“Liz, if the phone rang, I’m sure I would’ve heard it.” Michael just had to point out for some stupid reason.

“No shit, Sherlock.” I mutter resentfully and then I start to think again...

I’ll admit it. The phone thing was stupid but I am so totally desperate. I can’t stand here any longer. I’m sick of the silence. I hate silence, remember...

I think it’s my only way out. It’s a pathetic escape but an escape nonetheless.

Here goes...

“Ya know what? I think it must have been coming from upstairs.” I say excitedly, without really thinking and I point to the ceiling for good measure. But I don’t think it helped cause I did a quick check on Michael and The Guy and they both kinda look un-amused.


“Michael, ya know what? It’s probably Maria.” I tell him matter-of-factly.

Ok, time to bring out the big guns. Or the always efficient and patented Deluca Rambling/Babbling Routine. I was always assured that it never failed.

So, here’s for hoping...

“Ya know, she had to have one of those weird mother and daughter talks tonight and she always comes to me for moral support afterwards. Really! Cause you know her mom. Amy is a real character. But you would know all about that seeing how she once threatened to come after you with a shotgun for taking Maria out to that...”

Perfect. Michael’s eyes just instantly grew ten fold and he is defiantly shaking his head to signal me to stop. That’s good. Now all I have to do is act innocent.

“Oh. Sorry.” I quietly mutter and send a shy smile at both guys in the room.

And you know, it really amuses me to see that Max Evans has a half-smirk on his face.


“Liz, maybe you should go see if it was Maria. We all know how she can get if she is frustrated. She’ll start smelling that aromatherapy crap tomorrow and it will scare away customers.” Michael is trying to explain his logic in a casual tone. But it’s not working. And he knows it. Poor dude...

“You really think so?” I ask in a voice filled with fake concern. This part is only really icing on the top of the cake. But it is still very important. So, I continue, “Cause you know, I still have to take care of the dried flaky stuff...” I say as I wrinkle my nose at the pile.

“No, you don’t.” He simply assures me.

“You’ll make it go away?” I ask as I try to keep myself from laughing. This is too easy.

“Yeah. Something like that...” He says. “Just go...”

“Kay.” I smile knowing I only have one more thing to take care up.

Here I go, again...

I slowly turn myself completely towards Max Evans or The Guy (as I am now accustom to calling him). I try to plaster a smile on my face but for some reason I can’t because I all of a sudden feel really sick. But sick in a good way, kinda like being excited you end of feeling sick. But not...

Ok, just look him straight in the eye and apologize about the cup incident and everything will be fine.

Look. Him. Straight. In. The. Eye.

Something that is a lot easier said then done. Cause I go to look in his eyes and it’s like I get lost.

I never really had time to get a good look at him in the haze of the past couple of minutes. But he’s actually kinda cute. You know, in that dark, mysterious, Greek God kind of way.

Oh my god? What I am thinking? No, not happening. I am so not thinking about what I am thinking about! No. No. No. I need a new plan...

Avoid. Eyes. At. All. Costs.

Just blurt out an apology and get the hell out. That should a perfect world. But this isn’t a perfect world. And it’s not going to work.

Cause the moment I look up for a second try, our eyes lock. And my heart stops.

No, not literally. But almost...

I feel that sick and excited feeling again. And I think he has it too.

So, we just stare. Both our eyes locked on each other’s. And I am not sure why and I am not sure how, but something is happening.

Or at least, I hope something is happening...

No. No. NO. Oh my god... This can’t be happening. He is the freaking KING of a freaking other PLANET! I am not supposed to get some kind of mutant butterfly feeling in my stomach when I look at him! God damn it to hell...!

It’s now or never. Just say it and go call Maria. She will know what to do.

God? Please, let Maria know what to do...

Because frankly, I need help...

“Um... You know? Sorry...about the...the whole cup thing...” I stutter while my eyes are stilled lock with his.

I did try to get them "unlock" them but it obviously didn’t work.

Seriously? What could I have done? I didn’t have a choice other than continuing to stare into his deep, dark eyes...

Ok, stop the laughing! It’s not funny! I have essentially screwed myself!

Damn it...

What the hell did I get myself into?

“And the throwing!” I add almost so quickly that I literally startle myself. “The throwing was...wasn’t a good thing...” What the hell kind of thing to say is that?

Oh my god... I am so totally a complete idiot! What the hell is wrong with me?

God, why he is he smiling. Why is he smiling this shy half-smile?

“Don’t worry about it.” He gently nodded his head and smiled just a little more. “It was fine.” But when he finished what he was saying he looked down.

Why did he look down? Why did he break the connection?

What the hell am I talking about? I’m so totally screwed! Oh my god...

“Yeah, just be glad she didn’t have time to aim.” Michael laughed like he was completely oblivious to the fact that something was happening between The Guy and I.

Damn Michael for being dim!

Damn Max Evans for slightly laughing at Michael’s dim comment!

Damn me for being pissed off that Max Evans slightly laughed at Michael’s dim comment!

Oh Fucking Shit...

“I have to leave!” I suddenly mutter and throw a semi-dirty dish towel at Michael. “Maria. Need to call Maria...”

“Liz? You okay?” Dim Michael asks as I hurry to the back of the dining room of the Crashdown.

“Yeah, fine... Just make sure you clean the flaky dried stuff!” I call out right before I hit the door that reads, “Employees Only”.

And my escape is complete. So, I take a second to reflect. I carefully lean up against the door and take a couple deep breathes until I realize I Dim Michael is talking. And unfortunately, my curiosity is getting the better of me. I turn around and strain to hear...

There are muffles at first; I think Dim Michael is laughing. But he sounds really uncomfortable. I need to be closer. So, I crack open the swinging door just a little... And I wait to hear what will come next.

“Yeah... Liz, is a good... person...” Michael explains in a half chuckle. He sounded like he was trying to describe something almost indescribable. Either that or he couldn’t find the right words.

Wonderful, Michael. Just wonderful...

I take another deep breathe and form a thought... I need Maria. God will make sure she knows what to do. I need her help and wisdom...

And I really need to get this damn song out of my head... How does it go, again...?

King of Kings, forever and ever...
And Lord of Lords, forever and ever...
King of Kings and Lord of Lords...
And He shall reign forever and ever

Damn it... I really hate that song... And why the hell did it come to mind after 4 years?

Oh yeah. The Guy.

Crap. I need Maria before I literally go insane. I need to talk to her now...


posted on 3-Feb-2002 10:26:51 PM by destinyrebel
*Once again, YOU GUYS ROCK!
It’s so cool that you guys are reading this and laughing and enjoying. It’s means so much. Seriously. Anyway, I’ve been having a really great time writing and reading your comments so hopefully we’ll both continue. I’ll write and you’ll review. ;) Thanks again. And I hope you like this part. Its kinda uneventful but the next should be better. Happy Read.....*

With Nothing Left To Lose.
Part 3-

Anyone want to know why I won’t sing in front of people?

Emotional scaring.

And emotional wounds.

I’ve got them all.

And it’s completely my mother’s fault.

See, when I was in the eighth grade my dear mom thought I should become move “involved” with the enjoyable aspects of school cause she didn’t see how I could just be happy studding and hanging out with Alex and Maria.

So, what did she do? Uh huh... She talked with my school counselor, behind my back, and made a deal.

I was required to join choir. Seriously. If I didn’t, I would fail the class and that would in turn lower my perfect GPA.

And I couldn’t have that happen. I don’t know why, call me psychotic but I wanted and needed a perfect grade because it was almost a way of measuring myself. I wanted and needed to know that I could be perfect. Stupid, I know. But I already said I needed help...

Anyway, I was placed in a choir with thirty other middle school girls. Some were cool, most were bitches. The teacher, although not a girl, was defiantly in the last category. I don’t know why but Ms. Thompson defiantly had something stuck up her ass. She was hell. And I hated every freaking minute of my life with her.

Ms. Becky Thompson knowingly scared me for life.

Because we had to do so many damn performances, so many damn competitions, and so many damn fundraisers, I finally gave up any love of sing for anyone other then myself.

I just couldn’t handle it. I just didn’t want to handle it. But I somehow did.

And I got the fucking A+ to prove it...


So, I’m now sprawled on my bed. The lights are off and the radio is softly playing some mindless pop/rock hit. One hand is covering my face in disgust; the other is holding a cordless phone to my ear. It’s been three rings but I won’t hang up. I need to talk to Maria.

Seriously. At least to save my own freaking sanity...

“Hello? Deluca residence...” Ha! Five rings but Maria managed to pick up.

God bless her.

But she does sound really bad. Ya know, normally I won’t have called her this late at night but I think we all know that I really need to talk to her, right? Her “beauty” sleep isn’t that important, right?

I wait a beat and start, “I threw a cup at him.” I end up telling her lamely.

“Huh?” She asks. I think she just woke up or something. She doesn’t sound like she is all there. I’m feeling guilty.

But oh well... I can’t deal with it right now so I might as well not worry about it now, right?

Hey, there is my wonderful logic again... Cool. Anyway...

“I threw a cup at him.” I repeat.


Ok. So maybe I need to try a little harder this time or something...

“I threw a cup at him!”

Was that a little too much?

“At who?”

Ok. I guess not.

Anyway, you know why Maria and Michael are so perfect for each other? Because they are both totally dim when I need them to be totally lit. It’s sad...

“HIM!” I almost yell. “I threw a fucking cup at him! I wasn’t even thinking but he just showed up and I was singing some Shades Apart song and then Michael came and I thought he raised his hand but he didn’t and Michael was shouting and the guy was backing away and I threw a dirty cup at his head! Oh my god... I threw a dirty cup at him!” Ok. At this point I am about to cry. Why? I have no idea. But I am. Cause I can feel the tears start to string my eyes.

I so need help...

“Liz? Oh my god! What are you talking about? What happened? Who was raised their hand? Who the hell is “him”? Maria is just about screaming at this point.

I think she’s finally awake and in the fully upright position.

“The king of kings.” I start to sing a bar of that crappy song. And now that I have time to go over everything and think about what happened, I feel the need to shrink to the size of a pea.

How could I have said and done all of those things?

What the hell was wrong with me?

How am I ever going to look anyone in the face again?

I’m so screwed...

“Oh my god...” I barely heard Maria breathe. I know she never thought Zan and Vilandra were going to actually come to Roswell, even though Michael had talked about it for like five seconds on Wednesday night. In reality, no one thought it would happen. Cause why would they? There isn’t anything here and Michael and Tess go out to where ever they live pretty often. (Michael refused to tell us where they lived. He thought it would be safer if we didn’t know.) So, what would be the point?

Anyway, Maria is still silent. Probably thinking about everything I said and everything Michael said and the fact that there is an alien king in the Crashdown’s dining room.

Damn it...

“Maria?” I ask in a very timid small voice. “I threw a cup at king.”

“Oh sweetie. I am so sorry...” Ok, something wasn’t right with that apology.

I think she’s holding back giggles or something.

Oh my god! She’s laughing at me! She’s actually laughing at my humiliation!

“Oh my god! Maria, you’re laughing at me!” I just about scream into the phone as I sit straight up.

“No, of course not! But you threw a glass at the guy’s head! Kay? It’s kinda funny... And I just got up. Give me a break.” She explains.

I know she knows I am not angry at her and I know she knows that I know she wasn’t really laughing at me so I don’t give it a second thought. As weird as that sounds...

“Oh my god, Maria. What the hell am I going to do?” I ask as I feel the warm tears come to my eyes again. I can so not cry over this. I will not cry over this. I think I just need to coach myself or something...

I will not cry, I cannot cry. I will not cry, I cannot cry. I will not cry, I cannot cry.

“I don’t really know. But you got out of the room and that was very crucial. I’m sure this can be fix. Really. He probably won’t even remember in the morning.”

“Maria, it is the morning.” I sigh. “Damn it... God, it’s like almost one.”

“Liz, you want me to come over?” Maria asked hopefully. “Would that help any?”

“Yeah.” I tell her. “I think that’s good idea. Cause I think I need to tell you the whole story...”

“What whole story? You mean, you did more than throw a cup at this head?” She giggles.

I really hate to do this but- Damn her...

“You know, I am so happy you find this so very comical.” I mutter sarcastically.

“Lizzie. Everything will be fine. In the mean time, oh my god... He’s like here! In Roswell! The freakin’ King of Antar!” She’s smiling, I know she is. And you know what? So am I.

It’s actually kind of funny. We both see him and his sister as celebrities or something. I mean, I keep referring to him as a king, when Michael has repeatedly told everyone that Max isn’t a king, just like he’s not a warrior. He keeps telling us that they were different “people” back then.

But we still can’t break the mental image. Or maybe we don’t want to...

“Maria, I could really use you here.” I tell her truthfully. “I need a friend...” I continue to choke out.

I will not cry, I cannot cry. I will not cry, I cannot cry. I will not cry, I cannot cry.

“Ok.” She has all of a sudden gotten very serious. I think she knows that the laughing time has passed and that I really need help and support.

That’s why I love Maria so much, that’s why we have been best friends since kindergarten.

She knows. Always has and always will.

And you know what? I don’t feel like crying and I don’t feel like shrinking anymore. Cause I know with Maria on my side everything will be fine. Or at least a lot of fun...

“I’ll wait for you by the lockers in the back so you can see him. Michael is probably still talking to him so you could probably just go in through the front door. God, he actually told him that I was a good person after I left.” I laugh a little. “What the hell is that?”

“Well, coming from Michael, I think it is actually a pretty high compliment.” She laughs a little too. “Liz, this is fine. Don’t worry about it...”

“Maria, I made a compete ass of myself and when I looked at him I got sick and...”

“YOU GOT SICK?” Maria screamed into the receiver.


“No!” I almost screamed back. “Mentally not physically.”

“And what the hell does that mean?!”

“I don’t know. You know that sick/excited feeling that isn’t really a sick/excited feeling that a person can get when they look at another person?”

“Oh my god, Lizzie. Did you get butterflies?” She just asked as a joke. And I know she didn’t expect the answer that I gave her but I didn’t feel like lying so...

“I think.”

Dead silence.

That’s all I hear.

She isn’t even breathing this time.

“Liz! I’m on my way! I swear to god! I will be there in ten minutes! I swear! I will fix everything for you! Don’t worry! Gottogo!” She rambles and screams.

“Ok.” I reply with another heavy sigh cause I know that telling Maria about my mutant butterflies over the phone probably wasn’t the brightest idea.

“Bye!” She said excitedly.

“I’ll meet you down stairs...”

And then the line was dead and I was left in silence again. Well, expect for another crappy pop hit filtering through my stereo’s speakers.

Damn it... I hate Britney...


posted on 9-Feb-2002 1:55:16 AM by destinyrebel
Hey guys,
Yes, it’s me. The one who doesn’t update...
Well, I just wanted to let everyone know that I’m working on part 4 right now and it should be up sometime tonight or tomorrow.
This last week has been hell for me, so I really haven’t had to time to sit down and type everything up, although, thanks to math class I do have everything written out...
Anyway, I have had 2 vocal ensemble performances every night this week and I just finished the last of it. I am dead tired, drained, and exhausted. But I am also very determined and motivated to write, thanks to you guys...
Anyway, I should get back to work. Talk to everyone later and thanks to everyone who is still reading and leaving FB. It’s really great! And I thank you so very much... Bye.
*tongue* *big* *tongue* *big*
posted on 10-Feb-2002 5:51:12 PM by destinyrebel
*Hey everyone,
I’m so sorry about the delay but Microsoft Word was being stupid and for some reason it didn’t save the first part, so I had to re-write it. Hehe.
Anyway, I want to express my appreciation to everyone for reading, leaving FB, and bumbing. ;) It means so very much. Anyway, I have to go start working on my homework. ;( Procrastination is bad... I’ve been learning that the last couple of weeks the hard way...

Anyway, I hope everyone likes this part...*

With Nothing Left To Lose.
Part 4-

Ironic irony.

What the hell does it mean?

No, I mean really...

Is it something that’s real?

Is it even something that’s credible?

Is it just something people use for blaming strange coincidences in their poor, pathetic lives?

Yeah, at least that’s what thinks...

Read- “Usage Note: The words ironically, ironic, and irony are sometimes used as events and circumstances that might better be described as simply “coincidental” or “improbable,” in that they suggest no particular lessons about human vanity or folly...”

Hehe. Ironically ironic irony...

Ya know, I have actually had a lot of “ironically ironic irony” in my life. And it defiantly all started with Michael, Tess, and the Great Robbery Attempt of 2000...

I can remember it happening so clearly. And I know all those idiots always say things like, “I remember it like it was yesterday...” but I really do. But I guess when you or someone you care about is in a situation where you or they could die, it just kinda sticks with you. Ya know?

Anyway, as I was saying, I remember that exact night so damn clearly that it’s almost scary...

Alex had just come to the Crashdown to bring over a new CD that The Whits had just pressed, it contained the two songs they had been working on for the past couple of months, ‘Love Kills’ and ‘Hurt by Love’. He was so proud and he had this goofy grin plastered on his already cute face.

Maria, Kyle, and I all followed him over to the old Crashdown stereo and we held our breath until the first song started.

And that’s when Michael and Tess walked in...

I remember the time perfectly. It was 10:36 pm and I was going to turn around and tell who ever had came in that we were closed but once I realized who it was, I didn’t care. It wasn’t such an abnormality for Michael Guerin and Tess Harding to come in and have a late dinner on Friday nights, so I just smiled a half smile at them and turned my attention back to the stereo. But Alex, being so ecstatic, invited them both over to listen. Tess’s face lit up with a huge smile as she accepted the invitation but Michael, being Michael, only rolled his eyes and slumped into one of the booths closest to the front.

After Tess joined us, Alex hit the ‘pause’ button again and we waited to hear the first drum beat and guitar cord filter through the 5 year old speakers.

But they didn’t come...

Cause it turned out that, although Nicky was great at driving a mean guitar riff, he really didn’t know so much about recording.

So, the CD turned out a little on the defective side.

So, Alex started freaking out and literally started stomping his foot on the floor.

But unsurprisingly, Tess was able to “fix” things. She smiled another sweet, innocent smile and said she had “dealt” with this kind of thing before. She lightly played around with the stereo and instantly the CD started playing.

We never noticed a thing...

Maria happily turned up the volume and followed Tess back over to where Michael was seated. She took their order and handed it to me. I sauntered into the kitchen and realized that we were out of 2 of the 4 things they ordered. I silently cursed and walked back out apologizing.

“Ya know what guys? We are like out of everything... Can I get you something else?”

“No problem.” Tess answered in her always cheery tone. “How ‘bout two Men In Black Berry Pies and the cherry cokes?”

“Comin’ right up!” Maria called as she giggled at something Kyle had said to her. “Lizzie, sit down. I can get everything.”

“Kay.” I answered lamely.

Hey, if she wanted to do the work, I wasn’t going to argue… Would you?

“So, how long have you been playing bass, Alex?” Tess asked as she sipped the cola Maria had just brought over.

“Oh, um... A while, actually.” He answered and sat down on a stool next to where I was leaning against the cool counter.

“That’s really cool. I always wanted to play a musical instrument. But I never could... Kyle, doesn’t you dad play guitar or something? I think I remember him do something during one of the town’s last talent show things...”

“Oh yeah, The Kit Shickers...” Kyle spoke in a somber tone as he wiped his face with the palm of his hand.

For some weird reason, Kyle considered the Kit Shickers an embarrassment or something. But I don’t know why... I thought his father’s band is kinda cool. But we all knew he should quit his day job or anything.

But wouldn’t be funny? I could just see Sheriff Valenti leaving the force to peruse his love for country music. Anyway...

“I thought they were pretty cool...” Tess told him cheerfully.

“Thanks, I guess.” Kyle told her in a small voice as a small smile came over his lips.

And I actually couldn’t stop the thought(s); Kyle likes Tess... Or Tess likes Kyle... Or they both like each other...

See, I’ve never get those kinda things straight. Someone likes someone. I know that much. Damn it. Anyway...

I remember it being almost like a perfect scene from a perfect TV show. Ya know those moments, where all your friends (and some people you semi-know from school) are all gathered around on a late Friday night hanging out, and everything is casual and cool, you laugh at insane things and you just feel...normal?

You know those moments?

Yeah. But then of course you all know what happens to shatter those moments, right?

Something always happens to change everything forever...


I waited a good 10 minutes after I hung up the phone. I waited a good 600 second after I hung up the phone. I waited one of the longest 10 minutes or 600 seconds of my life, after I hung up the phone.

Simply, because I needed help...

See, Maria lives approximately 15 minutes away. And if she is extra motivated, she can even make it in under 10. So, I feel that it’ finally safe to go back down stairs and wait for her to arrive.

And I pray to god that I’m right...

I’m making it down the apartment’s hall and I see the door that leads to the staircase right in front of me.

And I freeze.

I have idea how or why but I do. Something has stopped me from going back down to the Crashdown.

I think its my nerves. I think it’s my weird freak butterfly condition thing.

I think it’s my own insanity...

But you know what? I’m not going to let my insanity stop me from descending down these steps. I can be strong. I can face Michael and a king.

Or at least I think I can...

I slowly open the door and take the first step. Cause this isn’t so bad. I can do this.

Anyway, all I have to do is wait in the back. I don’t have to see them. I don’t have to hear them.

I’ll be just fine.

Anyway, they’re probably so engrossed with themselves and whatever new alien situation that has bestowed itself upon everyone, that they won’t even noticed me poking my head through the little window to see what’s going on. Right?

I have now taken a total of 6 steps, 4 more and then the last 2. I can so do this. Everything will be fine...

I just need to finish walking down the steps and then I can just sit on the crappie red coach that Alex named 5 summers ago. Sam will take care of me. He’s always there when I need to sit and wait for something, so why would this be any different? I can always rely on Sam… Always...

Everything will be fine...

I feel very triumphant. I have conquered 3 more steps. The pace I’m going with is pretty slow and laughably pathetic but who cares? No one is in the back and Maria will be here to rescue me any damn minute now so it doesn’t matter.

3 more steps. 2 more steps. 1 more step. And I’m down on the landing. And I’m so damn proud that I can’t help myself, I end up smiling. Cause I so knew I could do this...

Everything will be fine...

I slowly turn around and look back up at the door I originally came from. 12 damn steps. I did them all. Even with what’s happening with me. My nerves didn’t stop me. My condition didn’t stop me. And my own fucking insanity didn’t stop me. I didn’t it all on my own! All fucking 12 steps...

I take a deep breathe, turn back around, and once again, I end up screaming with all my fucking strength.

Cause everything is so not fucking all right anymore...

(Oh and just so you know, I have this really horribly embarrassing, really, really bad startle reflex, so yeah...)

When I came back around to the position I was standing in before, I notice a girl standing in front of me. She has long golden blonde hair and was defiantly taller then I was. She was wearing an almost cropped dark green sweater and semi-unconformable looking black pants. Very simple but very stylish. She was kinda sending me an awkward, confused look that, amazingly, didn’t change much once I opened up my lungs for the second time tonight.

(Insert ear splitting scream right about here...)

Hey, maybe Michael already told her what I did the first time. Maybe she knew what I was going to do, so she wasn’t that surprised. Maybe she’s just an ice bitch.

Or maybe she’s just the Isabel Evans everyone always talks about.

Damn it... Ya know, I really hate myself today...

After I abruptly shut my fucking mouth up, I hear Michael scream my name for the second time tonight. I also think I can hear Max Evans calling out to his sister.

Damn him... I was the one that screamed! Something would mostly wrong with me because I screamed! Not her!

Damn it! What the hell is wrong with me? Of course he would call for his sister!

I so hate myself right now... I so hate my jealous, green-eyed self right now...

“Liz!” Michael screams again as he comes barreling into the back room with Max on his heals.

It’s actually kinda a funny scene, I would probably laugh under different circumstances. Max and Michael both look like they were kicked in the gut or something.

I think it’s kind of another one of those moments where I should feel guilty.
But of course, I don’t.

Cause why should I? She freakin’ startled me! I had the right to scream like an insane idiot. Right?

I so hate myself right now...

Anyway, I just stare at Michael with deer-in-the-headlight eyes and this undoubtedly stupid expression on my face. And I keep staring in silence for probably 25 more seconds before clasping on my butt.

Cause ya know, I was still standing on the landing so I had a place sit. So I sat. I sat on the second to last step. Remember the one that I was so proud to conquer?

Yeah, I can almost hear it laugh this smug little stair belly laugh.

Damn piece of crap...

I should have went to Sam. I originally promised the job to Sam but he was just too far away. I needed to sit. I needed to think. Or not think. I don’t know which...

But I guess it ended up being the first one...

What the hell have I done? How could I have been so stupid tonight? How could something like have happened? Fucking “ironically ironic irony” is so not what this is!

I feel like crying again. But this time I want to let myself cry. I don’t want to coach myself into keeping the tears inside. I think I need to let them out this time.

But for some reason I can’t. I can’t because I faintly hear Max Evans ask is I’m ok. He’s asking me, if I’m ok. And I try to answer but I can’t.

My brain is to numb right now.

I can’t answer. But I do manage move my head a little so I can now stare at him instead of Michael.

And I feel like I want to cry again. Cause I can see so much worry and concern in his dark eyes. He looks scared, like he had done something wrong. I want to tell him that he didn’t do anything. But as corny as it sounds, it felt like time was standing still. Once again, we just stared into each others eyes. And I felt sick and excided and happy and scared and love...

I swear to god, in that one single instant, I felt love...

But then I blinked. And it all ended.

I was shoved back to realize what the hell I had just done and I couldn’t breath from the impact.

So, I stood up very, very abruptly and I start running towards the kitchen.

Because I knew the tears were about to fall. They were already in my eyes...

All I needed to do was blink again and it would all happen...

Oh and of course, I could hear Mikey come running after me. And I’m sure he left Max and Isabel dumbfounded, as they watched us both disappear into the Crashdown’s medium sized kitchen.

Once I got into the safely area, I made it to the large stainless steal refrigerator and I sled down to the floor. I covered my face with my hands and I let the tears fall.

But these tears were no longer because of embarrassment or humility.

These tears were because something happened when I was looking into Max Evan’s eyes. When I got lost in them, I was shown things, things I had never seen before... And obviously love was just the tip of the iceberg...


posted on 17-Feb-2002 6:22:25 PM by destinyrebel
*Hey guys,
I don’t really have a bunch of time cause I’m really very late for a lunch date but I just wanted to thank everyone for reading, bumping, and especially leaving FB. You guys are really the reason why I’m continuing this. You support means tons! I love you all!
Kay, I’ve got to go. Hope you enjoy this. I think I re-wrote it like 1 and a ½ times so... Anyway, let me know what you think. Bye!* *big* *tongue* *big* *tongue*

With Nothing Left To Lose.
Part 5-


I’ve felt the need to blame quite a lot of people in my life lately. But amazingly, only the people... I have never, for one second, felt the need to blame Michael or Tess for anything. No matter what, it didn’t matter.

You see, if it wasn’t for them...

Well, why don’t I just continue the story? Then you can really see...

By 11:00 pm, everyone was laughing and enjoying themselves, even Michael. It was perfect, Kyle and Tess were sitting in a booth by themselves talking quite intimately about nothing in particular, Michael was arguing with Maria over why he put so much Tabasco in his soda, and Alex and I were dancing to the second track.

It really was perfect...

Before everything happened...

Before our worlds collided...

You see, in the mists of talking, auguring, and dancing no one was really able to keep an eye on the front entrance into to the café. So naturally, when Robber 1 and Robber 2 came crashing through, waving 2 semi-automatic guns in the air...all we could do was freeze...

I don’t even think anyone breathed as Robert Hurts and Kevin Elles made their way into the Crashdown. I know, for a fact that I didn’t... When I said, freeze, I was just about being literal.

I remember making a check around the room. I wanted to make eye-contact with everyone.

I first saw Alex, who was standing a little bit behind me. He had this very strong express on his face, almost as hard as stone.

Kyle and Tess came next.

Kyle looked like he was about blow a gasket. I tried to calm him down with my eyes but it wasn’t working, he was still looking straight at Robber 1.

Tess’s face was not even turned anywhere towards me, so I skipped her and tried to find Maria.

And Maria’s face scared me. She looked like she had just realized that her life was about to end. She was frowning and the tears in her eyes were quietly making there way down her cheeks. I started to cry, myself, after seeing her...

Much like Alex, Michael’s face was almost expressionless. And he was looking forward, dead forward. Not at the robbers, not at me. Without even thinking, I turned and tried to find what he was looking at and it really didn’t surprise me when I found that he was starring straight into Tess’s bright blue eyes.

“You fucking work here?” Robert Hurts, the obvious leader, asked me.

“Leave her alone. I can get you what you need.” Alex told him coolly after coming to stand in front of me.

“Alex!” Maria screeched from beside Michael. “God, please...”

“God has nothing to do with this!” Kevin yelled as he took a step towards the booth she shared with Michael. And still, Michael was starring at Tess.

“What do you want?” Kyle asked with certain strength in his voice. He quickly looked over at Tess, frowned at got up to stand but was stopped with Kevin’s yells again.

“You fucking stop moving! I will blow everyone’s fucking brains out if you move again! Ya hear?!”

I still stood frozen in time, with the lyrics for Alanis Morrisette’s song Ironic, running through my head, Maria whimpered, and Alex carefully nodded his head.

And isn't it ironic, don't you think.
A little too ironic, and yeah I really do think...

“Geez, Kevin...” Robert muttered as he moved to the cash register on the small counter by the door. “Always with the extra drama...”

I did another face check. I nodded at Maria to let her know that everything would be okay and while I was doing that, I caught Michael shaking his head at Tess. But Tess was nodding back. And Michael didn’t seem to agree with her. But he finally mouthed a bad word with his mouth and silently agreed.

I didn’t have time to see what happened next because Robert’s shouts of the machine not working and Kevin’s advances brought me out of thought.

“You!” He screamed and flashed his less then perfect teeth at me.

“Just leave her alone... I work here too. I will help you.” Alex told him in a very authoritative tone.

“Nah. I don’t need you. I need her.” He smiled again and started walking towards me. “She can help us. Can’t ya?”

“I don’t know.” I tryed to say in a normal tone but I really wasn’t stunned when my voice crack in several different places.

“Just get her over here already!” Robert yelled as he smacked the side of the register. “Damn piece of crap... This was fucking easier at the damn 7-11 across town...”

“Come with me.” Kevin Elles aimed the gun at me chest and I nodded.

“I think you need to leave her alone.” Kyle explained as he finally was able to stand.

“Well, I don’t give a shit about what you think.” Kevin laughed and came to stand behind me.

Alex then turned around and sent me a small smile. “Just do what he says, Liz. Do what he says...” I nodded again as Mr. Elles and I made our way over to Robert and the old cash register.

After that, everything went into a sort of ‘fast forward’ mode.

I remember punching in the code of the register and feeling the cold barrel of the gun being pressed into my neck, I remember seeing Tess faintly smile at me and then close her eyes tight, I remember her screaming shortly afterward and Michael screaming for me to get down, I remember trying to but not being able to because Kevin was holding on the back of my neck, I remember Alex screaming and ripping me away from Kevin’s grasp, I remember hearing a gunshot and at the same time, seeing a burst of light come out of Michael’s hand...

But I don’t really remember what happened.

And that was exactly what I planned to tell the Sheriff Valenti when I saw him burst through the door with 3 men behind him...


I feel like a complete idiot. I’m just sitting here; with my knees drawn up to my chest and my blood shot eyes leaking enough water to make Roswell a lush paradise and not a dry dustbowl. And all I can think about is Max Evans and the endless things I was shown...

“Liz?” Michael is kneeling in front of me. He has this really sad expression on his face. And he’s defiantly worried about me.

“What” I manage to choke out. Ya know, it’s been a good 7 minutes and I’m still crying my eyes out.

Damn it... I just feel really weak. I’m not handling everything...

“Liz, what happened?” He asks me calmly. It’s kinda sad; he really doesn’t know what to do. He doesn’t know why I’m crying, he doesn’t know how to make me feel better. So, all he can really do sit here with me and ask standard questions until I pull myself together.

See, normally that would work. But not this time. Cause this time is defiantly not normal and it’s defiantly not under normal circumstances. It’s not working and I doubt it will.

I think about his question for a second and then I let the flood continue.

When I was looking at Max Evan’s something happened. I have no idea what. But it was like I saw inside of him. For that small instant, I felt what he felt, I knew what he knew. I saw flashes and images of his childhood, of his memories, of his battles. In that instant, I saw into his soul. Completely and freely...

Oh Fucking Shit...

What the hell have I gotten myself into?

“Liz, please?” Michael’s pleading with me now... But I don’t know what I can do to make him feel better. I don’t even think I want to make him feel better. I shouldn’t be worried about him right now... I should be worried about me...

Ya know something? Guilt sucks...

“I’m fine, Michael...” I end up telling him between sobs.

“Liz, I really think...”

“Shh...” I cut him off, really quickly. I think I hear Maria. “Did you hear that?” I whisper in a rush. She has to be here. I need her here.

“No, what’d you hear this time?” He asks disbelievingly, with a small smile on his face. Maybe he’s getting flash backs of the whole phone thing from earlier. Who knows?

“Shh!” I whisper again as I wipe my eyes and cheeks with the palms of my hands. I’m trying desperately to get the tear tracks off of my face but I can tell it’s not working. Mascara and eye liner are probably smudged all over my face and I must look like shit. But Maria will help me. She can make everything okay. She always does...

“Liz?” He asks me questionably.

“Follow me.” I instruct while I start crawling towards the kitchen doors that lead into the back room. And amazingly, the voices get louder as I get closer...

“...Hi, I’m Maria Delcuca. You guys must be Michael’s friends...”

I can’t help but smile. Maria’s here and she’s brave. Really very brave...

“Um...” Max stutters. “I guess...”

“That’s cool.” Maria laughs a semi-fake laugh that only I would recognize as her “semi-fake laugh”.

“Yeah. Um, I’m Max Evans and this is my sister, Isabel.”

“Well, it’s really a pleasure to meet you both. Our little Mikey has really been looking forward to your arrival.” She continues.

“Really?” Isabel asks in an almost snotty tone. “Michael?”

“Uh huh... Michael.” Maria answered back with a spark in her voice. She’s won’t take any crap from anyone, royal status regardless.

“We weren’t even sure we were coming so...” Max explained as he obviously tried to play peace maker.

“Oh.” Maria told him blankly. “Anyway, I should find him,” Maria perked up. “And another one of our friends. She’s this cute petite brunette that’s probably wearing a waitress’s uniform. Have you seen either one of them?” She finished lightly. “I really think I should find them.”

“Um...” He stuttered again. “I think they went in there.”

“In the kitchen?” She asked instantly dropping the act and perky pitch in her voice. “Why’d they be in the kitchen?”

“Beats me! She got all freaked out when she first saw me and so she screamed. And then she just got up and ran through those doors... Michael followed her and we haven’t heard from them since.” Isabel explained, in a full out snotty tone.

Damn it, what the hell is her problem? She doesn’t need to act all high and mighty right now. And so what if I’m going through some issues at this moment and if I’ve made a complete ass out of myself? She could at least try to be sympathetic. Damn her...

“Oh my god... She screamed again.” Maria muttered with a sigh. I want to say that I didn’t mean to but I bite my tongue. I need to let this play out. I think...

“Yeah, she screamed.” Isabel answered. “Does she get scared really easily or something because I was just standing there and flipped out...”

“Yeah. Um, she’s got this really bad startle reflex... Anyway, you’re sure they went into the kitchen?”

“Yeah.” Max answered in a small voice.

“Kay, great... Why don’t you guys just have a seat on Sam and I’ll be out in a minute...”

“Excuse me?” Max jumped comfortably. “What did you say?”

“What? What are you talking about?” Maria asked him, feeling completely confused.

“You want us to sit on Sam?” Isabel spat out.

“Oh!” Maria laughed. “Yeah, red coach behind you... Named a couple summers ago...”

“What the hell is wrong with her?” I tune out and ask Michael, who is kneeling next to me.

“Who? You mean Isabel?” He asks.

“Yeah. She really has issues...” I laugh.

“That she does...” And he laughs too.

And for a second, I decide to tune everything out and think...

Ya know, maybe this might not be that bad. Yes, I’ve made a complete ass out of myself on several different occasions tonight and yes, I’ve formed feelings for Max Evans in a record amount of time and I’ve seen into this soul but it still might not be that bad. I can overcome these things. I can forget and I’m sure they will forgive... Everything will be fine. It’s just a bad day; it’s just a bad day that will come to an end.

Everything will be fine.

Anyway, I start to feel a little less insignificant, pathetic, and weak as I continue to think my good thoughts. But unfortunately for me, all of those wonderful feelings got sent to hell, once my senses were compromised because of a wooden door slamming into my head...

“Fuck!” I screamed and grabbed the side of my head. “Fucking shit... That hurt!”

“Liz!” Maria screamed. “Oh my god! I...I didn’t know you were there! Oh my god! Are you okay?!” She rambled.

“Fucking peachy!” I reply before thinking and before realizing that Max and Isabel were both staring down at me with looks of horror plastered on their faces. And ya know what? I really can’t tell, if it’s because of what happened to me or because I used “bad words”.

How fucking sad it that?

“Liz, are you sure you’re okay?” Michael asked while helping me to my feet.

“I already told you. Peachy...” I snap coldly. This just so isn’t my night. Ya know?


[ edited 1 time(s), last at 17-Feb-2002 6:25:39 PM ]
posted on 2-Mar-2002 2:12:24 AM by destinyrebel
Hey everyone who still remembers this fic by the grace of something other,
Real Life Sucks. I have had like the crappiest week and I haven’t been able to write anything except for notes for the next part during 6th period math. Argh. I’m so sorry. But I almost have part 6 done and I’ll have it up mostly by Saturday night.
Thank you everyone who has kept this thing from falling off the edge of the board. Thank you everyone who has read and enjoyed this fic. And thank you everyone who has let me know that this isn’t a piece of crap. ;)
So, until Saturday night... Thanks guys!

*big* *tongue* *big* *tongue* *big* *tongue* *big* *tongue* *big* *tongue* *big* *tongue* *big* *tongue* *big* *tongue*
posted on 5-Mar-2002 9:02:36 PM by destinyrebel
* Hehe. Wow, it’s been awhile...
Um... Well, to answer you question, Frenchkiss, I’ve been in hell. ;p Ok, not really but something really close. Argh. I think I’ve fallen in love.
Ahh. That sounds so weird and wrong to say/read/type. I’ve been really stupid and insane and in denial about it but still... I don’t like to think about it. I mean, I do but I don’t. Eekk...
Anyway, I’ve been a little wrapped up in the above, so I haven’t had much time to write this last couple of days. And on top of that, I’ve had issues with this part. I think I re-wrote the last pages a good 3 or 4 times. Hehe. But I had 2 great Betas, (Monica and Sarah. You guys ROCK!) and they both said it was fine, so here it is...

But really quickly, some people asked some questions and I wanted to try and clear it up.
*The beginning of the part is always past tense. I was trying to do a thing where Liz would talk about something that happened. Like, I’ve had the night Michael and Tess saved everyone at the Crashdown replying. It’s being told by Liz. But if people think it’s too hard to follow or it’s just weird and confusing, let me know and I can make a couple changes.
*And the human’s don’t have powers. That might change later on but no alien has ever healed them or anything like that, so I don’t know how they would have powers. Hehe. Unless, I made them contagious or something... Now, that would be funny...

Anyway, on with the new part... I hope you all like it... :p

Quick PS. Who the else was freaked out by the board’s new greenness? It really freaked the hell out of me. Hehe. But it does look really cool and the change is welcome. But it still freaked me out. ;) *

With Nothing Left To Lose.
Part 6-

Secrets are evil little things.

They can bring people together and they can tear people apart.

They can inspire trust and ignite doubt.

They can awaken faith and they can arouse suspicion.

They can make you love and they can break you heart.

They can keep you safe and they make your life a living hell.

The secret of Michael and Tess’s true origins had done all and more...


“You want an ice pack or something?” Michael asks me for what seemed like the hundredth time. I’ve been ignoring the question for a while now but for some odd reason he keeps asking. I think I need to change that... I think I need to shut him up.

“Ya know, Michael? I really don’t need a fucking ice pack right now. An ice pack doesn’t even come CLOSE to what I need right now...!” I hiss just loud enough for him to hear. His gaze doesn’t falter though. I feel like he is trying to read my mind or something. Maybe he thinks that if he stares at me long enough, words will appear on my face and he will be able to read all about my misery and despair.

Fat fucking chance...

I just can’t deal with him anymore. Ever since my head got smacked, he’s been acting really protective. Like he is around the time of a huge alien situation.

“Just stop asking! Please?” I continue in my low whisper. “Please...” I finish with a pleading tone. I think he gets the point.

“Yeah.” He says it plainly and gets up to leave.

“Michael?” I ask, scared that I went too far. I need to fix this.

“I’m sorry if...if I’m being a bitch right now but...” I trail off and look him straight in the eye.

“Don’t worry about it, Parker.” He says as he smiles and nodes. “I’m going to go see if Maria needs help. But ya know, you still could have Max...”

“NO!” I cut him off quickly and then realize that I raised my voice well beyond the boundaries of a whisper. I quickly look towards Max and Isabel’s curious faces and smile. I really don’t want to cause another scene right now. I turn my head back to Michael and I plead with my eyes.

You see, after my little accident, Max offered to “help me” with his alien powers/gifts. But I wouldn’t have it. “What idiot doesn’t have a bottle of pain killer lying around somewhere? Maria will find some. She just needs to look harder. I’m sure she’ll find something.” I told them both with a fake smile. And I hoped that would be that.

Not that I didn’t feel my heart stop when Max Evans offered to heal me but I couldn’t let him. There was no way. I’m not sure exactly what happens when one of these aliens heals you but I do know something happens. And I can’t take any chances right now...

No fucking chance of letting anything happen right now.

“Fine, Liz. But you’re the one with the splitting headache...”

“Yeah, I know. Just...I just rather take a pain killer.” I tell him with way to much emotion in my voice. But being Michael, I doubt he noticed. Go figure.

“Kay.” And then he walks off. Leaving only Max, Isabel, and I in the room.

Damn it...

Everyone is pretty much spread out in the Crash’s dining area. Max and his sister are sharing a table close to the front counter and I’m in a booth by the back. Michael thought that distance was a good thing right now. Idiot...

I’m guessing because Maria and Michael are both in the back room looking for a bottle of Aspirin, I can kinda hear Isabel whispering something to her brother. And I think, hey, this might be good.

“ Roswell? I mean, come on? This place is hot and dry and all this alien themed stuff is freaking me out! Michael and Tess just should have come up for spring break like we originally planned...”

Ahh... Isabel Evans is still acting like a bitch. How nice...

“Izzy, plans changed. And you knew we would have to come out here sooner or later. Just try to bear it from a little while and then we’ll go back to LA.”

LA? Oh my fucking shit. They freaking live in LA?! That was the big secret place Michael didn’t want us to know about? L-freaking-A?! What the hell? Antar’s alien royal king and princess live in California? How freaking perfect is that?

I bet they know a lot of celebrities or maybe some big name directors or producers. God damn them...

I need to calm down. So, I decide lay my head against the cool table top of the booth and close my eyes.

I breathe.

I try to tell myself to ignore the fact that I can feel Max Evans is staring at me again.

I breathe again.

And I try to tell myself to ignore the urge to look up and stare back.

I breathe once again.

I need to keep my mind blank and continue breathing. Big deep breaths of air, that smells like Space Fries. I need to keep breathing big deep breathes and I need to wait calmly for the pain killer that probably won’t ever come. I need to...

“LIZ! Don’t you dare do that?” Maria screams and interrupts my thoughts. Again...

“What?” I mumble. I really don’t think I’m doing anything wrong right now and I really don’t want her to start another scene, so I keep my head down and my eyes tightly clamped shut. Oh and I really don’t want to look Max Evans in the eye again, either. But you already knew that...

“Liz, if you have a concussion…”

My head snaps up at her comment, cause what the hell? “A concussion?!”

“Yeah. a concussion.” She tells me in a fake snotty tone. “And don’t move your head so much!”

Michael walks in from the kitchen snorting, “Maria, she doesn’t have a concussion.”

“How do you know, Michael? Huh? How the hell would you know?” She almost screamed. “I remember hearing that if you fall asleep after getting a concussion that you can go into a comma! You want her to go into a comma, Michael?”

Michael slightly laughs at her question but doesn’t answer. (Typically Michael move.)

“This isn’t funny!” Maria screams, knowing what he’s doing. “Michael, I could have really hurt her and I don’t think it’s the time to...”

“Always with the extra drama...” I mumble.

“Liz, you shouldn’t be laughing either!” Maria turned to face me, after she placed her hands firmly on her hips.

“Maria, I’m fine. Just give me a couple pills and I’ll be fine...” I explain.

“Fine. Anyway, I still think you should take Max up on his offer.” Maria smiles one of her smiles and places two yellowish-orange pills in front of me.

How the hell did she find out about that? Damn it... Is nothing left a secret in this place anymore?

“These will be fine.” I tell her coldly. Maria really cares about me and she’s just worried but still.

“My offer still stands.” Max speaks up, awkwardly. “I mean, if you’re still in pain...” He finishes by clearing his throat.

“How sweet is he?” Maria asks and directs the comment towards me. What the hell is she doing?

“Very...” I say shortly. I really don’t like where this is going.

“Hey, don’t worry about it, Maxwell. She’ll be fine...” Michael speaks up before Maria and I can start silently arguing. He’s a pretty smart guy...

“Ya know? You’re right.” Maria smiles and adds, “Our little Lizzie is a fighter... Isn’t that right?”

All I do is put on a death glare and groan.

“See?” Michael smirks as he puts his arm around Maria’s shoulders. “She’s fine.”

“That’s what I’ve been saying...” I groan again.

“Oh dear god...” I hear Isabel groan along with me. Ya know, I don’t think she likes me much...

“Yes, Isabel. God is dear to us all...” I snap.


Ok. So, what? I got sick and tired of her snottyness and I snapped. Not a big deal. I mean compared to everything else that happened today, it was probably expected...


Argh. She’s shooting me this look... Picture Isabel Evens. An 18 years old beauty, an alien Princess, and a bitch to all bitches…

Now, imagine a face that would turn Medusa into stone...

And there you have it. That is the face that is staring at me with a force fit to kill.

And oh my god... If I don’t play this out right, I could make myself look like a totally weak idiot. But that’s not going to happen.

Without blinking, I plaster a very innocent smirk on my face, I tilt my head sideways, just a little and I meet her gaze dead on...

Haha! I can beat you at your own freakin’ game! I think triumphantly. And I know my smirk grows about 3 fold.

The starring contest is still going. I don’t know what Michael and Maria are doing but without thinking, I try to catch a glimpse of Max through the corner of my eye.

Bad idea.

He’s smiling. He’s look straight at me and he’s smiling.

What the hell?

This throws me completely off. I can’t help it. I turn my head and completely forget about Isabel the Bitch and I stare at Max for like the hundredth time this night.

My smirk has become a smile, now. I’m mirroring his smile. It’s this very smug, very proud smile. And I can’t help but laugh a little.

“Ahh!” Isabel screams, breaking both Max and I out of our staring daze. “I really don’t want to be in this hell hole! Damn it! I hate this!”

“What?” Max asks his sister blankly. I don’t think he got any of what she just said. That makes me laugh again. He was ignoring Isabel and paying attention to ME. What kind of world are we living in?

“And Max, what the hell is your problem?! You keep freaking starring at her!” Isabel continues to scream. “Kal wanted to see US! Not everyone who was involved! Just us!”

“What?” Max repeats vacantly.

“Kal?” Michael blurts out, like the work was dirty or something. “What the hell does he want?”

“He’s not starring at me.” I say nonchalantly at the same time that Michael blurts out that guys name.

“I think you’re starring at me...” Max turns back towards me and again we lock gazes once again.

“I am not.” I tell as I if was taken aback with the mere thought.

“Yeah, you are. It started when I walked in...”

“Hey, I’m sorry but you were standing there like some weird person. I didn’t know who you were!”

“I didn’t know who you were, either.” He tells me as his eyebrows growing closer together.

“But you know who I am now?” I ask him as a smile breaks out on my face.

I can’t believe I’m having this conversation with Max Evans. This isn’t real... It’s can’t be...

“And you know who I am.” He wasn’t asking. He was answering.

“Yeah. I think I...”

“Ok! Everyone just stop!” Maria screams for everyone’s attention. Everyone stops and looks towards her. I just now realize that Isabel was still screaming and Michael was screaming back at her. I think they were still talking about Hal or Kal or Sal...or whatever that guys name was.

“What?” I asked confused. “What’s wrong?”

“What’s wrong?” She asked in a sarcastic/disbelieving tone.


“Ya know what? Nothing, nothing is wrong. Everything is absolutely fine. You called me tonight at like one in the morning and I came over as fast as I could. I knew you needed help out of this one cause I couldn’t get that line out of my head...” She puts on her best impression of me and continues, “Maria, I threw a dirty cup at a king’s head!”

Oh. My. God. What the hell is she doing? She can’t do this! I can’t let her do this!

I am frozen. I can feel all the blood drain from my face, my hands, my body. I am sitting in this booth starring at Maria lifelessly. I can’t feel my face, I can’t breathe. I can’t smell the Space Fries! Oh. My. God.

“I came here to help! So, that’s what I’m going to do!” Maria finished her screaming rant with a cough.

“Maria?” I choke out. I can feel the tears again. But they are tears of fright. I don’t know what she is going to do and that scares the shit out of me.

“Liz. Max. Stand up!” She instructs.

And I think because we don’t know what else to do, we both stand.

I’m scared.

“Isabel. Stand up! Michael. Stay standing!”

And they do.

And they are scared too.

“Everyone take 6 deep breaths before even thinking about what the hell I’m doing! You hear me?” She calls out to us before closing her eyes and following her own directions.

We don’t. Max and Isabel look toward Michael for an answer and I smile at Maria.

“I think it’s best if you guys just to what she says.” Michael tells his guests.

“You better be breathing too, Michael!” She snaps without opening her eyes.

I think I know what she’s doing. I think I’m able to decode her weird actions and I think I know that she’s trying to give me away out... But I don’t know what way I’m supposed to go...

“Max and Liz. Are you breathing yet? Cause I’m not hearing you breath!”


And that’s it. I turn towards Max and I nod. But of course, he’s completely dim and he doesn’t have the faintest clue what I’m doing, so, I hold out my hand. That will be a good hint. Right?

He immediately looks down and back up again. He smiles a little shy smile and he grabs my head and we bolt...

Yup. I think my hint worked. But now what?

We run to and through the Crashdown’s door and we run the hell out of there without caring that Isabel and Michael and both screaming at us.

We are running away. TOGETHER. WE are RUNNING. Max and I are running away.

But literally. Cause we were both to stupid to stop and get into his car or mine. Damn it... But anyway, we are running away together! Yay for us! I think...


*So, what do you guys think? Crap or Not?*

posted on 10-Mar-2002 6:03:00 PM by destinyrebel
*Well, a just finished new part! I feel so proud of myself.
Anyway, thanks guys for everything. The bumbing, the reading, and the feedback. And the well wishes! ;p Anyway, I hope this part is OK. I had a lot of fun writing it and I hope you will enjoy reading it... Bye.*

With Nothing Left To Lose.
Part 7-

The air is kinda warm and sticky. But I still feel cold. I’m still getting weird little chills down my spine.

Involuntary or not. I don’t know.

Last one was about a block behind...

Max and I are still together. Although, we aren’t running anymore. It took us all the way to Main Street, to realize that the need to for running was 3 blocks behind us.

I shiver again.

I’m starting to forget why we ran in the first place, why my hand went out and why the hell he grabbed it.

I shiver.

“God damn it...” I whisper without knowing.

“Please?” Max all of a sudden turns towards me and offers.

“No, I’m really fine. I just...I’m fine.” I tell him with looking everywhere but at him.

“I don’t care.” He tells me shortly and stops dead in the middle of West 2nd Street.


I keep walking.

“I’m serious.” He calls after me.

“So, am I!” I tell him over my shoulder. What the hell? I’m not some little kid. If I’m cold, I can deal with it. I don’t need his fucking jacket. Really. I don’t.

I shiver again. And stop.

“Thank you.” He comes up behind me and hands me his leather jacket.

I don’t want to give in. Really. I don’t.
Maybe I can deal with the cold. Cause it’s not even really that cold. It’s just that I feel cold. Or something...

“Dead cow skin...” I whine under my breath and I see him smile. “It’s not funny. You wear something’s skin as clothes… It’s not a laughing matter.” I finish sternly and stare at him.

“I wasn’t smiling because of that.” He tells me and starts walking again. “Come on...”

“Asshole.” I mutter and then proceed to put on his coat. And after I slip it on, I am hit with this smell. This...Max Evans smell. It’s light but musky. And it’s warm and I can’t help but smile.

My anger and frustration that I felt towards him 20 second before has all but faded. My more then likely love sick grin has taken over my face and I continue to stand right where I was.

“Something wrong?” He turns and looks towards me.

“What?” I ask back kinda dazed. I’m still lost in his smell.

How fucking sad is that?

Once he registers my smile, he smiles too.

We are just a bunch of smiling idiots…

But once that damn thought crosses my mind, my grin melts. My anger and frustrations return with full force and I glare at him.

His smile only turns to a smirk.

Damn him...

Anyway, this is what has been going on about the whole time. We continue to walk in silence. I, wearing his coat. Him, smiling every time we pass another alien themed shop or store.

It’s a frightening site, really. It’s also really comfortable. And awkward. I can’t forget that...

‘I need to stop it. I need to fix this.’

The thought returned to me from no where. But it WAS true. I came out here to do something and I need to DO that something.

I need to find out what happened between us.

Cause God, The Devil, and Bob all know that it wasn’t a human something. It something defiantly unhuman. And that scares the shit out of me. Although, I’m not sure why...

“Um, I think we need to talk.” I stop abruptly in front of an old ma and pa ice cream shop and watch him.

“Ok.” He tells me before turning around and facing me.

I wrinkle my nose. “Ok?” I ask disbelievingly. Shouldn’t he not be ok with this?

“Yeah. Ok.” He repeats and the pulls out two chair from a small table in front of the store’s window and offers me one of them. “You wanna sit?”

“Yeah. Ok.” I nod and take my seat. He follows suit.

“So, where did you want to start?” He asks casually. And suddenly, I don’t remember what we were supposed to talk about. My mind goes blank.

“What?” I ask in confusion.

“What did you want to talk about first?” He repeats in almost an excited tone.

“What?” I ask again.

“I don’t know anymore then you do.”

His words kinda slap me back into reality. “What the hell does that mean?” I raise my voice a little for a more dramatic feeling.

“What happened... I don’t know what it was. Or how it happened, or why it happened.” He rambles.

“Are you kidding?” I yell. “How the hell do you not know? You should! You are the fucking king of a fucking alien planet! You should know why all of a sudden I know that Vanilla is your fucking favorite ice cream flavor!”

His face turns expressionless.

Mine turns beat red.

“Oh my god...” I mutter. “I just said that out loud. I’m sorry. I just...”

“It’s ok.” He tells me in a monotone voice.

I don’t believe him. I can’t.

I know it’s not ok. I feel the fright and confusion coming off of him in waves. Something isn’t right...

I shiver again.

“It’s not only happening to you.” Max speaks quietly. As if, he is really only telling himself.


“Vanilla and crushed Oreo’s.” He says simply and then looks up.

I’m speechless.

I’m also excited and scared and I’ve got that sick feeling again.

He knows what kind of ice cream I like. He KNOWS!

“You ok?” He asks quietly.

I take a second but I finally respond, “Can you just not say that anymore?”

“Say what?”

“O-K.” I half smile. “Its suck a crappie work abbreviation thing.”



“No problem.”

“You know what kind of ice cream I like.” I recap.


And we just sit there for a second. We aren’t really looking at each other but more reading each other.

Neither one of us knows what is happening or what happened, so we are just trying to sort through everything on our own.

After about 5 minutes, I brake out in another goofy smile. He looks at me questionable. I laugh a little.

“Counting Crows.” I say after a bit.

“Oh god...” He half sighs.

“You like Counting Crows.” I explain triumphantly.

“You don’t have a favorite.” He tells me calmly.

“Yes, I do!”

“No. No, you don’t.”

I glare. I so have favorite band! He just needs to look harder or something.

“No. You haven’t ever committed to liking one band. You always feel bad for the other one that you couldn’t include or mention. Right?”

“What?” I hiss.

“If you listen to...” He looks at me and then continues. “Third Eye Blind’s first CD, you always listen to the second one too.” He sits back and sighs. “You don’t want to leave anyone out...”

I’m speechless again.

“But currently, you’re listening to bands like Dashboard Confession, Pete Yorn, and Sense Field.” He smiles.

“Oh my god...” I mutter, finally finding my voice.

“Yeah.” He smiles.

“So, what exactly happened?” I ask as I sit straight up in my crappie little plastic chair. “Cause this is kinda, a little scary... Ya know?”

“Yeah. I know.” He uses the excited tone again.

I wrap my arms around my middle and I stare at him. “Ok, so how did this happen?”

“We just each other.” He replied.

“And how did whatever happen, happen?” I ask as we lock our eyes.

“I think we connected.” He whispers.

“What?!” I scream through my muddled thoughts and break the stare.

“I think we connected.” He repeats. “But I don’t know how.”

“What?!” I scream again.

“Shh!” He sounds. “It’s close to 3:30...”

I stare at him blankly and realize that he is right. But still...

“Connected? Like what Michael and Tess do?” I ask in a quieter and slower voice like I’m some really stupid person.

“Yeah. Like what Michael, Tess, Isabel, and I are all able to do with each other.” He explains. “But no one else. Ya know, that isn’t from...that’s not from here...”

“Huh?” I ask dumbfounded.

“When I connect to Isabel or something, it’s only under dire circumstances.” He tried to explain in further detail. Cause I’m a stupid person... “We kinda become one person. I can...communicate...with her through this connection. We kinda share one mind.”

“Ok.” I state blankly. “So, we shared a mind? And the things I know about you, are from your mind but because we shared a mind they were in my mind. And now, for some reason, they are still there? And there are probably other things that I don’t know are there but they are there and I will eventually find them?”

“I think.” He replies.

“Ok.” I repeat without having anything better to say.


Wait! Everything Stop! My head snaps up to look at him. Oh my god... Be still my heart...

He draws his eye brows together in confusion but I keep staring.

Oh my god. He just said my name; Max Evans just said my name for the first time! He said “Liz”.

“You said it...” I mutter with a sweet, little smile.

“Said what?” He asks.

My eyes get big as I realize my mistake. “I mean, um, what did you, um, say?”

“Nothing. I was just going to point out that you aren’t an alien.” He tells me simply.

“What?” I jump.

He smiles.

“What?” I repeat. “What the hell do you mean I’m not an alien?”

“We can’t connect with humans.”

“So, what does that have to do with the fact that I am NOT an alien?” I hiss loudly.

“I don’t know. You aren’t an alien but I was able to connect with you. And I wasn’t even trying to connect with you. It was automatic or something... It was involuntary...”

“Oh.” I tell him plainly, again cause I’ve got nothing better to say.


“So, like is this a good thing or bad thing?” I ask suddenly.

“I don’t know.” He answers truthfully.

“Ok.” I lean back in my chair and wrap his coat a little tighter around me. The shivering has kinda become a non-stop thing now...

“Ok.” He repeats me and leans back in his own chair.

“Ok.” I nod.


*big* *tongue* *big* *tongue* *big* *tongue* *big* *tongue* *big* *tongue* *big*
posted on 12-Mar-2002 11:20:46 PM by destinyrebel
*Hey everyone. I don't really have a lot of time tonight but I wanted to get this posted for everyone's reading pleasure. Hehe. Hope you all enjoy...*

With Nothing Left To Lose.
Part 8-

“Dear god! Can you be any louder?” I hiss a little too forcefully, which causes Max to stop dead in his tracks and stare at me for like the tenth time.

“Yes.” He answers in a normal voice, the moonlight only lighting part of his face.

“Shh!” I hiss again, trying not to be distracted by the way he looks. “I’m trying to save us from a huge load of crap. Ok? Can you just try not to walk into anything else?”

“How was I supposed to know there was a wall there?” He laughs. “It’s pitch black out here!”

“Shh!” I smack his arm.

“Ok. Fine. Sorry.” He laughs again and takes a step away from me. “Geez, just stop hitting me!”

“Yeah, whatever.” I whisper. “Just follow me and keep one eye on the ground and the other dead ahead.” I instruct with certainty in my voice.

“Yeah, that’s possible.” He chuckles sarcastically.

“Shut up!” I laugh a little myself.

This scene must be really insane. Both Max and I are trying to make our way back to the Crashdown without alerting Maria, Michael, or Isabel. And it’s not really working.

Max obviously has crappie night vision and keeps walking into or stepping on things that shouldn’t be walked into or stepped on. It’s kinda cute.

And I’ve tripped twice, both times being saved by Max and his rather strong arms.

We make and excellent team. Seriously...

“What time is it?” I ask as the back door of the café comes into view.

“Um...” He checks his watch. “About 4:10.”


“Ok, what?”

“Um, just follow me.” I turn back to look at him. He nods and I follow suit.

As I am about to open the door, he stops me...


“What?” I turn and face him.

“What’s the story? You know, our cover?” He asks as he sticks his hands in his Jean’s pockets nervously.

“Oh my god. I almost forgot...”

“Isabel will want to know where we went.” He mumbles.

“So, will Maria...” I answer absently mindedly.


“I’ve got it!” I yell and his hand, ever so lightly, finds my mouth.

“Shh...” He whispers in my ear and drops his hand before I can get my muddled brain to process the event that just took place.

And yes, it was so an “event”...

“Oh yeah...” I whisper back. “Um, the plan... We came out to talk but we had a fight. And you don’t really know what it was about, so just act clueless.” I instruct.

“What about you?” He asks in a low voice, still talking/whispering into my ear. It’s starting my shivers again and I’m trying with all my might to suppress them.

“I’m pissed.” I barely manage to reply.

“About our fight?” He turns and looks me straight in the eye.

I swallow the huge lump had that recently formed in my throat. “Yeah, our fight...”

“Ok.” He tells me.

“Ok.” I repeat and before I’m able to add anything else, Max Evans’ lips cover mine.

My brain turns to mush and my heart melts. His kiss is like…something completely and utterly indescribably. It’s slow and warm and sweet...

And then he pulls away. Just like that.

And I stand still, dumbfound and lost.

“I’m sorry...” He breaths quietly. “I shouldn’t have...”

‘Yeah right, Evans.’ I think sarcastically.

I wait a beat, blink once, and do what my heart is screaming for me to do. I place my hands on his face and I bring my lips to his, this time.

It felt like fireworks. I swear to God. This kiss was filled with more of a...need and hunger. Before I knew it, his hands were tangled in my hair and mine were locked behind his neck. It was magical and paranormal and the best thing I had ever experienced... I let an unintentional groan leave my throat and he pulled back again.

“Liz...” He’s out of breathe. “We shouldn’t... Not now...”

“Uh huh...” I breathe a warmly.

“I’m serious.” He smiles and rests his forehead on mind.

“So, am I.”

“We’re going to go in?” He asks in a quiet voice.

“Yeah. In.” I answer.


“Ok.” I nod and run a hand through my hair. “In.” I repeat. He smiles again and opens the door.

“I’m clueless and you’re pissed.” He reminds me as I walk past him.

“Uh huh... Pissed and clueless. Clueless and pissed.”

My brain is still mush. It hasn’t recovered. How could it? I just kissed Max Evans. He just kissed me. He just kissed me first! How fucking cool is that?!

“You okay?” Max asked after placing a comforting hand on the small of my back. I turn around to face him and I still can’t think straight. I nod slowly and I try to form coherent thoughts in my head. “What? What’s wrong?” he whispers.

“ you...did you see stars?” I stutter stupidly as I watch his eyes shine.

I see his lips start to curl into a small smile and his mouth partially part to speak but words never came out. He just distinctly pulled me towards him and showed me that he had seen stars...

But this kiss didn’t get interrupted or broken by either one of us. We just stood for what felt like an eternity and we just opened up to each other. I don’t know what was happen between us but I saw him. I saw Max Evans. I saw him so clearly and so freely that I felt like was drowning. But not... It was the most life altering moment of my life. We just let are selves go.

And we didn’t stop until we didn’t have a choice.

See, the problem with kissing, is that you eventually have to come up for air. And that’s what happened. We both broke the kiss at the same moment and we both just stood there, breathing and looking at each other in a totally different light. It was...amazing...

“We should go in...” Max mutters into my hair. I can barely hear him but I know what he is saying.

“Yeah.” I tell him dreamily, smiling a very shy but cute smile. “I mean, we really should.” I smile again as I come back to a real reality. “Right?”

“Right.” Max slowly untangles his arms from my waist and kisses the crown of my head. “After you...” He whispers.

“Yeah. Clueless and pissed off.” I mutter as I straighten my hair and Crashdown Uniform.

I also removed Max’s jacket, with a little help from him.

“Here we go...” I mumble weirdly as I walk through the back room doors into the Crash’s dining area. I quickly remember what I am supposed to act like and I proceed to tread heavily towards a booth off to the left.

After Max and I walk in, the room turns absolutely hushed. Michael and Isabel are sharing a table, right in the middle of the room, while Maria is standing behind the front counter. Everyone was wearing an expression that is deadly. Especially, Maria.

And she was predictably the first to speak.

“Where the hell have you two been?”

I just looked at her with confusion in my eyes. Wasn’t she the one that wanted me to do something? I only ran cause of her...

“What?” I ask blankly.

“What?” She repeats me. “What do you mean, what? You guys just ran off and you’ve been over an hour! God, I didn’t even think you’d just run off together! I was worried!”

Huh? What the hell is she talking about?

I’m trying to push away the other questions about Maria that come to mind. I quickly glance at Max, as he awkwardly shifts his weight from foot to foot. I send him a tight nod and I begin my act. Cause it really needs to be played out. I need them to think what I want them to think.

“We’ve been around.” I snap. “Ok?”

This cause Maria to do an almost double take sort of thing, Isabel’s eyes to grew ten fold in size, Michael to glare at Max, and Max to look at me with a whole lot of everything in his eyes.

And then I think: I probably should have reworded that...

“Oh shut up!” I grumble. “You know exactly what I meant by that, so just erase each and every dirty thought that came to mind!” I heave a sigh and sit down. “We went for a walk and we talked.”

“What...did you talk about?” Maria stutters strangely. I don’t think she knows I’m trying to put on an act that is mainly for the benefit of Michael and Max’s sister.

I look at her and feel guilty. But I quickly look away and suppress the feeling knowing that I will explain everything to her later.

“Max, why don’t you answer that?” I sneer towards him. Ya know, I didn’t even know I could do this, let alone this well. Max looks seriously conflicted. This worried me. Maybe I should tune it down a little...

“Um, I don’t really know.” He answers, keeping his eyes on me the whole time.

“You went out and talked for over an hour and you don’t have the slightest idea of what you discussed?” Isabel sneered just as well as I did.

Kudos to her! Damn bitch...

“Yeah...” Max plainly answered. I had to burry my face in my hands to hide my smile. He is just so great with her...

“Fine, Max. Just fine.” Isabel mumbles and grabs her cell phone out of her purse. “Where can I go for some privacy?”

“Backroom.” Maria tells her and points towards the green doors.

“Thank you.” She quickly stood up and stormed into the back. Max watched as she left but shook his head slightly when she was gone. He also visibly calmed...

“I’m sorry about Isabel. She’s just...she just not used to any of this...” He explained and went to sit by Michael.

“It’s alright.” Maria assured him as she came to stand behind Michael. “I can understand. You guys don’t really have anyone that you’ve told, do you?” She asked lightly.

“No.” He told her simply and turned to look at me for a second.

“I should go to sleep.” I blurted clumsily after he looked away. “It’s late. I should go...” I add. “Ya know, hard day of working tomorrow and not to mention all the stuff that happened tonight and...stuff...” I finish quickly cause I know I’m turning bright red.

“I think you’re right, Chica. I think we all need to turn in.” She looks down at Michael and he nods.

“Max, you and Isabel want to come with me?” Michael asked causally. His usually tone...

“Yeah. That or you could stay here tonight.” Maria perked up and I grew scared.

Now, don’t get me wrong. Having Max spend the night at my house, while my parents are way in another town, sounds like a great idea. But this just isn’t the right time... Ya know?

I need to sort things out. Cause honestly, the only reason why I mentioned sleep was because I was just hit with a mental recap of everything that happened this night. I mean, everything. From the embarrassing screams to the stars and fireworks I saw and felt when I kissed Max Evans.

And it truly scared the shit out of me. I don’t even know why any of it happened and that scares me beyond belief. I need time to get a handle on the situation. You know? I need to sort things out without having Max no more then 10 feet away.

“...though Isabel might not like the idea so much.” Maria laugh brings me out of my train of silent thought.

“You’re probably right. Anyway, it is late and we should get going.” Max says with assurance. “I think I’ll go find her and let her know.” He stands up and disappears without looking in my direction.

I feel hurt. But I don’t have time to dwell on it because I am almost instantly bombarded with questions from both Michael and Maria.

But Maria was doing all of the talking, of course...

God Damn It...


*big* *tongue* *big* *tongue* *big* *tongue* *big**tongue* *big* *tongue* *big*
posted on 18-Mar-2002 1:37:12 PM by destinyrebel
*Hey everyone,
Sorry this part is a little short. But I'm home sick today and I did my best. Hehe. Hope everyone likes it and more will be explained later. Bye...*

Nothing Left To Lose.
Part 9-

‘Due to several issues, the Crashdown’s opening will be delayed until noon. We apologize for the inconvenience, if there really is any.’

I cap up the Sharpie I had used to write the sign with and I hold it up for Maria to read. “What do you think?” I ask as a proud smirk invades my face.

See, this is me being subtle. See, this is me trying to get Maria to go away. See, this is me being completely exhausted with the questions that Maria keeps asking.

See, this is me really trying to being creative... Which is actually kinda a bad thing. But I never remember that. I just always think that this time it might work. But it never does...

“You really want me to leave that much?” Maria asks as she stares blankly at the paper in my hands. “It won’t work.”

And see that? That’s Maria being Maria. That’s Maria being able to see through every little trick I have tried since Michael, Max, and Max’s sister left for the night.

“Come on...” I groan. “I’m not going to answer any of you questions, so you might as well just go home and try to get a couple hours of sleep. It’s my plan and believe me, it’s a damn good one.”

“No. And your conviction not to tell me only makes me want to know more. So, if I were you, I would cut the crap and tell me what happened between you two. Cause me being left to use my imagination and fill in the blanks on my own, is SO not a good thing...”

“Maria!” I yell. “What the hell?”

“What? It’s really, really late and I can’t help it. All I know is that you came back with a bunch of lip gloss smeared on your face. And none of it was on your lips...”

This unconsciously sends my hand to cover my mouth. And Maria only laughed at my actions.

“Liz, you’re acting paranoid... What happened out there? I’m here. I’m your friend. I can help you. Just let me.”

“Maria, those words sound like such a really good deal but I don’t think I can accept it...” I tell her with a lot of sadness in my voice. I come to sit across from her in a booth by the back and I slouch down as far as I can go.

“Why not? Chica, this is ME...” She offers.

“I know it’s YOU. And I think that’s the problem.” I sigh, hoping she doesn’t take the remark the wrong way. She does that. A lot...

“What do you mean?” She asks calmly. At least she’s trying. That shows a lot. She knows this is serious and that I need someone. And she’s going to play it cool until I tell her.

“Remember when we first found out about the “Czechoslovakians”? You know, after Valenti took everyone’s statements? Michael and Tess, well, Tess sat down and told us about who they really were?”

“Yeah. I ran...” She smiled at the memory.

“And screamed like a banshee!” I smiled too. This is good. I’m getting her to forget about the whole thing that happened earlier tonight. Its one trick I haven’t tried yet.

Go Me!

“Not really!” She laughed. “Well, I guess. Kinda. How was I supposed to react? Like you and Alex? You just sat there contemplating hers words and then you just nodded like those bobble heads... I reacted for everyone.”

“And that’s the story you have always stuck with...” I reminded her and straightened myself up.
“I miss those times. Ya know, when everything was easier.”

She took a deep breathe. “Yeah, when we didn’t have to worry about Skins harvesting their new husks or alien viruses or missing journals or...”

“Freaky ass Dupes?” I ask.

“Yeah. Freaky ass Dupes.” She shakes her head before finishing. “That Rath guy really scared me. And I can’t believe he kissed you!”

“I know. It was sick. God, I still shudder at the thought...” I’m really relaxed now.

Remembering even the bad times makes me happy. We’ve all been through a whole hell of a lot together and it’s amazing that we are all here. Still together. “Maria, can I tell you what happened?” I ask in a small voice. It’s taking a lot of me to ask but I think talking about it might help.

“Liz, I am always here.” She tells me in a soft tone. “If you want to talk about it, I will listen. If you really don’t want to, I’ll understand.”

“Really?” I smile a little. This is the Maria I know and love. This is my best friend. This is the person who is always there for me.

“Yeah. But you might as well tell me cause you know you want to...” She teases.


“Kay.” She settles into the back of her seat and wiggles her eyebrows. “My imaginary thoughts will soon be crushed and laid to rest...”

I swallow a hard lump in my throat.


“Maybe I should start from the beginning. Ya know, before I actually called you...”

“Yeah. Maybe you should...” She tells me sternly and I start to explain everything.

I tell her about the Shades Apart song and how I singing to it while Michael was upstairs taking a shower and getting cleaned up. I tell her about how Max just walked in and stood there, looking at me. I told how I freaked out and how and why I threw the cup. I covered the conversations and the screams. And of course, the moments where time would stand still as I stared into HIS eyes. She only asked a couple questions but more than anything, she just wanted to get to the time after we left.

“Ok. I know must of the stuff from after that point on. So, tell me what happened after I told everyone to breathe and when you two ran away together. Where’d you go?”

Always the impatient one...

“No where really. We just ran to Main and then started to walk. And we didn’t really talk during the way. He kept trying to give me his jacket cause I was shivering at all the wrong times but nothing much.”

“Uh huh...” She waved me forward.

“Maria, something happened between us. And like, I don’t know what it was. I mean, one minute we were walking and the next thing I know, I’m telling him that his favorite band is the Counting Crows and then he’s telling me that I don’t have one...” I explain excitedly. And I can’t help the goofy grin that covers my mouth.

“What?” She is lost.

I need to explain more. But I don’t really know how.

“I don’t know!” I let out a strangled scream. “He thinks we connected!”

“What?” She’s now LOST and SURPRISED.

I don’t blame her. I can’t blame her.

Everything I’m trying to tell her is just so screwed up that even I could believe on one of my very good days. It’s just too screwed.

“Yeah. But the funny thing is that I’m not alien.” I tell while leaning a little forward.

For dramatic effect, of course...

“The funny thing?” She chuckles lightly. “Sweetie, that ain’t funny.”

“You know what I mean. God, we didn’t even touch and it was just...involuntary.”

“Involuntary?” She chuckles again. I don’t think she’s processing this every well. She thinks its way too funny.

“Yeah, that’s what he called it. And you need to stop laughing cause I am seriously wigging out here and I need help.” I tell her critically. “This is big and I even haven’t had time to process it, so I need you to help me.”

“You haven’t processed?” She asks using her serious tone. At least she knows that it’s not a joke anymore. “That’s why you wanted everyone to leave?”

“Uh huh...”

“Ya know what? Maybe, you really should figure this out on your own and get back to me.” Maria tells me softly as she smiles one of her smiles and gets up to give me a hug.

“What?” I ask dumbfound as she quickly gives her hug and then brushes past me to grab her coat off the rack. “You basically beat all of it out of me and now you’re just going to leave me?”

“Yeah.” She answers with ease and makes her way into the kitchen.

“What? Why?” I follow.

“Liz, I thought you had a crush on the guy. I mean, he’s really cute but you really seemed shaken up about it. I thought it was another incident like that one three summers ago, when you spilled Billy Meyer’s soda all over him and you completely freaked out cause you had the biggest crush on him. You remember him?” She asks and starts rummaging through several cupboards with odds and ends hidden in them.

“Maria, this is serious! This isn’t some pre-high school crush! This is serious! We connected! He knows what kind of ice cream I like! This is serious!” I’m rambling, desperately trying to get Maria to realize that this isn’t some little thing. “This is huge!”

“I know it is, Sweetie. And I’m totally here for you. But this is defiantly one of those things where you need time to figure it out on your own first.” She brushes past me again and leaves me with my mouth hanging open. “You need time.”

“Maria! No, I need you on this! I can’t deal with this on my own!” I finish and run after her, after closing about four cabinets that she left open. “How can you just leave me here?”

“Chica, listen to me. What happened between you and Max... it’s something that I haven’t gone through. BUT if it were to ever happen, God forbid Michael ever opens up and I’m able to crush his crappie little stone walls to dust, I know it would be something that I would need to deal with on my own first. I know you think you need me on this but I think you don’t. At least right now. Liz, you involuntary connected to an alien king. How many girls can say that? Huh?”

“I don’t know.” I answer dumbly as I try to process everything she just rambled.

“Chica, you need to go and take a hot bubble bath and you need to think a little. And then, please, please come to me. Cause believe me, I wanna know what happened. All of it. Detail and all. But first, you gotta figure it out first.” Maria is now standing by the door. She’s actually holding the little knob in her hand. “I’m going to go. I’m going to come back at 11:30 and we will talk then. I swear. Ok, Chica?”

“Yeah, maybe you’re right.” I agree with a little less dumbness in my voice as I run a shaky hand through my hair. “Bubble bath?”

“With Ylang Ylang.” She smiles and steps out. “Lock the door!” She calls as she tapes up the note I made earlier. I nod and make my way to the dead bolt lock. I smile as she leaves and I shift the small bar of the lock into position. And then I ask myself something...

What the hell just happened...?


*PS. Thank you everyone so much for reading this thing! I know I say it a lot but it really means A LOT! And if your a writer here, you know what I mean... ;p*

*big* *tongue* *big* *tongue* *big* *tongue* *big* *tongue* *big* *tongue* *big* *tongue* *big*
posted on 20-Mar-2002 1:59:58 PM by destinyrebel
*Mmm... I’m still sick but the only good thing about that, is that I’ve had a whole lot of time to write. Hehe. Anyway, thank you for all the well wishes and the FB. It really makes me feel that much less crappie. ;p Hope everyone likes this part. I had fun writing it. I don't know why though... *

With Nothing Left To Lose.
Part 10-

Ya know that feeling you sometimes get when you first wake up? The one where you feel like you only just closed your eyes three seconds ago and you can’t help but wonder why the hell your alarm clock is buzzing and blinking 10:45 am?

Yeah, I hate that...

Anyway, it took me a good half and hour to get dressed this morning. I think cause the first thing after the above feeling went away, I decided that I was going to take a day off from severing customers at the Crashdown. There was still just too much crap on my mind to deal with people demanding their food hotter or quicker or better tasting.


I took about half of those thirty minutes to pick something to wear. But I don’t know why. I normal just grab whatever the hell is clean. Why was today different?

Anyway, I finally decided on a black tank top and khakis.

Cause let’s all face it, I’m so damn hip...

Hey, does anyone remember that song? Ya know, by Tower Of Power? The one the Drew Carey Show did a little dance to? Come on... Ya know, the one...

What is hip? Hipper then hip? Tell me, tell me. If you think you know. What is hip...?


“Anyone here, yet?” I call as I climb down the stairs, two at a time.

Woohoo. Me being “hip” again...

“No!” I hear someone call from the kitchen. “But I did bring coffee!”

“Really?” I smile and make my way through the double doors. “How nice of you...”

“Well, of course. Anyway, I needed to do something to waste time. Who came up with the crappie idea to open at noon instead of eight? I had like...five hours to burn...”

“Yeah, like you had anything better to do...” I mumble and grab a double mocha out of Alex’s hand.

“Hey, for your information, I did have something better to do...” Alex smiled and led the way into the dinning area.

I follow and play along. “Really?”

“Uh huh.” He answers simply and shows me to a table. “I was supposed to go to the record store... Ya know, try to pawn off some more of The Whits singles to Lexx.”

“How did it go last time?” I ask, already knowing the answer. Lexx is basically a twenty something control freak asshole who strings starving artists along... But Alex still tries.

“Not so well. Although, he did say that he would come see us play next week and decided then. Chris and Markus think he’s full of shit but Nicky and I have hope.” He explained and wondered over to the alien themed jukebox. He pressed a couple of buttons before a Jimmy Eat World song started to play.

I smile at this.

“What?” He asks and comes to stand in front of me.

“You always have hope...” I answer, smiling a proud smile.

“Yeah well, not much is left.” He answered quietly and then offered his hand. “May I have this dance?” He asked with a small bow.

I giggle at this.

“Are you kidding? Jimmy Eat World at eleven-fifteen in the morning?”

“Yeah. Anyway, it’s one of the good ones.” He laughs.

“What made you choose ‘In the Middle’?” I ask stupidly.

And then it starts. The chorus begins and good old Alex starts to serenade me...

It just takes some time,
Little girl, you're in the middle of the ride.
Everything, everything will be just fine,
Everything, everything will be all right, all right.

By the end, I am hysterically laughing and Alex is twirling me ‘round and ‘round. And all I can think about is how this is the perfect Saturday morning. All I can think about is how I don’t have to worry about anything cause I know Alex is here to worry for me. That’s what’s he does. He just makes me feel free. And for that, I am more grateful to him than anyone in this world or any other.

“See? I knew I could get you smiling!” He laughs as he spins me one last time.

“I think I’m going to be sick...” I laugh even harder and wrap my arms around my stomach, so I can brace myself against the table. “Eww...”

“Oh. What? You can’t handle it?” Alex teases as he grabs his drink and gulps it down.

“Oh. I can handle it. Just not now...” I sigh and pull a chair out to sit in. I still have a good fifteen minutes before Maria will show up, so I make the decision and I prepare myself to tell him most everything.

“What’s up, Liz?” He asks carefully and sits backwards in one of the wooden chairs across from me.

“A lot happened last night. A whole hell of a lot and I think it’s best if I fill you in.” I sigh again and take a slow sip of my chocolaty drink.

“Alright. Fill me in, Parker...” And as soon as his finishes his sentence, I spill. I tell him everything...expect all the mushy me and Max things. Alex is like a brother to me and he normally really doesn’t like to know who I have a crush on or who gave me my first kiss.

It’s just a little too weird...

Anyway, once I was done, only two words came to mind. And they were Maria’s. Bobble Head.

Alex was just nodding his head in a kind of bemused, stunned manor. I was beginning to worry a little. Normally, he takes this kind of thing really well but maybe this time, it was just a little too much...

“Alex?” I ask attentively. I don’t want to push but I want to know he’s okay with it. It’s my whole worry and guilt complex working again.

“Yeah?” He answers and continues to stare out the front door.

“You okay?”

“We’re they staying with Michael?” He asks suspiciously.

“Um, yeah...” I answer as I watch him get up from his seat and walk back over to the jukebox. He presses a couple more buttons and announces that we have company. I unwillingly twist in my seat and see Michael, Max, and Max’s sister all standing in front of the Crashdown’s doors. “Ah crap.” I mumble causing Alex to chuckle as he turned up the volume of the music.

I instantly hear Tenacious D and I know that I have to get up and open the door. So, I saunter over and casually unlock the lock. “You should have just left it open...” I yell over my shoulder at Alex. But he only shrugs in reply and walks a couple paces closer to me.

“Are you going to do the introductions?” He whispers and puts his arm around my shoulder.

“No.” I answer simply but stay put. Having Alex around me when Max is in close proximity, kinda make me feel less...weak and out of control.

And right now, that’s a good thing...

I’m telling you, Alex is like my rock...

“Hey guys.” He calls cheerfully and waves a warm welcome. “I’m Alex Charles Whitman. And I’m at your service during your stay here in Roswell...” He nods just slightly and I can tell it made both Max and Isabel uncomfortable.

This makes me smile. And laugh. I really have to try to hold it in...

It’s kinda sad...

“Yeah, Alex. Very funny.” Michael smiles sarcastically and moves past us rather quickly.

“Whoa. I’m just trying to be nice...” Alex laughs and puts up his hand, defensively.

I have both arms crossed over my chest and I’m still trying to suppress my laughter. It’s not working, though. I let a couple strangles giggles out and Max looks towards me.

But I don’t avoid his eyes this time. I look him straight on. And I smile. And he just looks puzzled. And I laugh more. And I don’t think he gets it...

“Max. Isabel. This is Alex.” Michael calls from behind me and I turn just in time to see him take a drink from a small orange juice carton. “Alex. Meet Max and Isabel Evans.”

“Eww! Michael, what are you doing?” I squeal and before a weird silence falls over everyone. “Give me that!”

“What?!” He takes two steps back and another big drink. “I’m thirsty!”

“I don’t care! That’s for the restaurant!” I scream and go after him. “It’s not for you! And you could have at least used a cup!”

“Fine. Alright.” Michael gives up and hands me the almost empty carton. “Geeze, you’re as bad as Maria!”

“Very mature, Mikey G.” Tess laughs as she walks into the café. Kyle is following her. But he looks half asleep. “Isabel!” Tess shrieks and runs towards her. “How are you doing?”

“I’m okay.” I hear Isabel tell her in reply. “How’s everything?”

“It’s great... I’m so happy you guys finally made it up!”

“Yeah. Happy...” Isabel mumbled before being dragged off to the side by Tess.

“Liz? You working today?” Kyle yawns and takes a seat on a stole by the counter.

Still holding the juice container from Michael, I explain how I took today off as a “mental health day”. This caught Max’s attention immediately and I smiled brightly at him.

Maybe I shouldn’t play these games right now. After seeing me yesterday, he probably thinks I’m an insane person already. Hmm...

But whatever... Today, I’m playing it hip and cool. Not pathetic and easily frightened like yesterday.

“Fine. Guerin, get in the kitchen and get me some coffee.” Kyle ordered as he laid his head against the cool counter top.

“I second that, only I want waffles.” Alex announced and took a seat next to Kyle. “Tess, Isabel, Max? You guys want anything?” He smirked towards Tess and Isabel and waited for a reply that never came.

“Dude, I’m not working today.” Michael declares as he collapses into a booth and motions for Max to follow suit.

“Huh uh.” I walk over and place the juice box in front of Michael. “You don’t work tomorrow but you sure as hell work today!” I smile sweetly and wait for him to get up. It takes a while but when he finally does, I take his place in front of Max. “Is it okay if I sit here?” I whisper just loud enough for him to hear.

Hip and cool. That’s me...

“Yeah.” he nods and I smile. And I remember just how wonderful it felt to be in his arms...

“Michael and Alex and Kyle! I need you guys to unload the Jetta. Mom decided that she didn’t want to deal with dropping off all of the new alien crap, so she’s paying me to!” Maria screamed as she lightly walked into the Crashdown, already carrying one box. “NOW!”

My thoughts of being held by Max were long crushed as I watched Alex helped Kyle get up and Michael open his mouth... “If she’s paying you to do it yourself, then why do we have to do the work?”

“Cause you want to make a good impression on your future wife and mother-in-law... Right?” She answered sweetly as she brushed past him and placed an adoring kiss on his cheek.

“Whatever.” He answered in a mumble and started the semi-long walk outside.

Once Maria finished placing the box in the back, she came out with an order book and a smile on her face. “Welcome, to the Crashdown. I’ll be your server today. What can I get you?”

“Waffles, strawberries, and whipped cream!” Tess called out. “Isabel, what do you want?”

“Can I get a fruit salad or something? Maybe some yogurt on the side...?” She asked meekly.

“Uh huh. And Max?” Maria moved to face him.

“Um, I don’t know.” He answered uncomfortably.

“How bout a Heavenly Hash Special?”

“Sure. Whatever is fine.”


“Um, can I get PB&J on toast?”

“Uh huh. I think Michael can manage that...” And with that she spun around and left for the kitchen.

Tess and Isabel continued talking in low whispers, so I decided to focus my attention on Max for a while.

“ is everything?” I ask lightly as I lean a little forward.

He swallows and answers, “Its okay.”

“That’s good.” I smile but I realize that I need to do something about this new uncomfortableness that has fallen over us. “So, you sure you’re okay?”

“Yeah.” He nods.

“Max, I know I don’t really know you that well. Hell, aside from everything that happened between us last night, I don’t know you at all. But I do know that something isn’t right.”

He just takes a deep breathe. And I get kinda pissed.

“Do we need to run away again?” I tease. And believe me, I have no idea how or why. Cause I might be trying to play it hip and cool today but this just passed the border about thirty miles back. The person that is talking right now, it’s not me. I mean, it is me but I don’t know where all this...confidence is coming from. It’s scary and I’m not sure that I really like it...

“I don’t know.” He sighs and shoots a glance at Tess and Isabel. “There’s just some stuff that I...we need to talk about...”

Ok, I’m lost now.

“You mean ‘we’ as in us or ‘we’ as in the aliens?” I ask in a weird tone.

“Both.” He answers simply. “Both...”


*big* *tongue* *big* *tongue* *big* *tongue* *big* *tongue* *big* *tongue* *big* *tongue* *big*
posted on 24-Mar-2002 4:46:00 PM by destinyrebel
*Ahh... Ok, I think this part needs a little explanation. I DIDN'T MEAN FOR IT TO HAPPEN! I swear to everything! It wasn't my plan and it wasn't my intention but it just happened and then I decided to just go with it and now here you have it. One really F-ed up part. Hehe. I hope every thinks its ok. It's really's just. That’s it. It’s just, just. I don’t know what happen. Honest. Anyway, read and let me know what you think. Cause I could always just make it a dream... Hehe. ;p*

With Nothing Left To Lose.
Part 11-

So, the day has gone by unbearably slow. After Max said what he said, I involuntarily got semi-pisssed off and decided that I might as well work today.

Cause what would it really hurt? Other then me...

Alex and Tess took Max and Isabel on a short little trip around Roswell that last a good three hours. They said it was a tour but I think Alex just wanted to see what was up with the “alien king”. And Tess and Isabel wanted to go for obvious reasons.

I guess they are a lot closer then I thought. Isabel seems only to be herself around Tess. Hmm...

Ya know, it was funny when I watched them leave the Crash. I felt this really horrible pang in my chest when I saw Tess and Max sitting next to each other in Alex’s Rabbit. I don’t know though. It was just this thing that happened... I guess I couldn’t stop myself from thinking about his destiny. I mean, everyone knows that it’s all crap and meaningless to them but it still hurt for some reason.

That and the fact that he didn’t say goodbye before he left. Sure, he looked and smiled. But not a nice verbal “bye” or anything. Hell, I even got one of those Isabel. Which was weird, let me tell you. I think Max talked to her or something cause after breakfast I could tell she was trying her damnedest to be semi-pleasant with me and everyone else. But I’m still not...

Anyway, the Crash closed early tonight so that Max could tell us all what he’s been wanted to tell us. Everyone is gathered around one booth, except for me.

See, I’m sitting or rather spinning on one of the many bar stools the Crash has to offer. I’m just spinning and spinning and I continued to spin and spin after Max dropped the huge alien bombshell that has the potential to screw everything up and make it all go away at the same time...

And you know what? As I spin ‘round and ‘round and he tells everyone all of the details he knows, I can feel him watching me. I feel his eyes watching me with a certain mix of uncertainly, worry, and understanding. It makes a warm chill go down my spine every time I think about it.

It’s weird. But really soothing and comforting. I guess having the knowledge that he might not be here later but that he is here now, it kinda bring calm and ease to me.

Anyway, so this huge, big alien bombshell has just dropped. And of all people to be worried about, he’s is worried about how I will take it. Isn’t that sweet? Isn’t that scary? It kinda scares me but whatever... I’m not worried. And I am so not freaked out.

You know why? You want to know why?

I’ve learned not to care. You know, about all of the alien crap. I don’t know, I’ve just learned that freaking out and worrying and stressing out isn’t going to get me anywhere. Getting upset over something of this caliber just isn’t worth it anymore.

Ok, stop thinking I’m a horrible person. Cause I’m not. I’m just logical.

Think about it. If you just found out that your world would end in just under twenty-four hours, would you freak? Ok, yeah you would. But then you would realize that there was nothing you could do about it, so you’d sober up and deal with it. Ya know? You’d go spend time with family and friends and stuff. Right?

“When?” Michael’s strained voice brings me out of my daze. As I spin passed him for like the thousandth time, I take stock in what his face looks like. And then I realize that if Max is worried about anyone, he should be worried about Michael. Poor guy, he looks like he was just given a death sentence...

I want to tell him that it really isn’t that bad but I don’t. I just continue to spin ‘round and ‘round.

“I don’t know exactly.” Max answers with a deep breathe as he scrubs his face with the back of his hand. “All I know is that Kal is pretty worried. He doesn’t know how long until they are actually able to do anything with it.”

“So, it works?” Tess asks semi-excitedly from the corner of the room. Out of all of the aliens, strangely, she is the one that seems most excited out the new development. Go Her!

“We don’t know. And unless we find the base where it’s being held, we can’t really find out...” Max sighs again.

As I spin by him, I slow down a little. So much of me just wants to go over to him and comfort him, the way he is trying to comfort me. So much of me just wants to get off my stupid bar stool, walk up to him, kiss him, and tell him that it will be ok.

But I can’t. Cause the other small part of me knows that it won’t help. My comfort won’t help him right now. Even if I refuse to get worried or stressed, this is a huge thing. And he needs to get through the first step by himself.

God, doesn’t that sound stupid? Like I’m dropping off my first born at kindergarten and I’m too chicken to just get back into my car and drive away.

But that’s what this connection has done to me... In less then twenty-four hours, I have become a hundred times more worried about him then me.

And I have to say, it’s the most wonderful, most gratifying feeling ever. I’ve never really had many people to look after. It was mostly just me. I mean, after the whole robbery thing, I learned to look out for everyone but still. It’s different. All I want to do is make his fears and worries just disappear.

But I can’t. And that completely kills me inside...

“So, are we going to go find it?” Tess continues her questions in the same excited tone. But something happens to me as I hear her. I get this really pain sickening feeling in my heart and I start to push myself faster and faster. I make myself spin faster and faster for the simple reason that I don’t want to hear the answer to her question. I don’t want to my world to come crashing down around me and I don’t want to not be able to do anything about it.

It’s actually kinda funny... Give me dupes or skins or evil alien parasites and I’ve just fine. But give Max a way home...and I fall apart.

Go figure.

So, I wait for his answer. I know I can’t escape it, so I wait for it. And it finally comes; I have to stop the spinning. I have to throw my hand out in front of me and catch the side of the counter top. I have to stop and focus on something stationary until the dizzy feeling subsides and I can actually begin to comprehend his answer and the hidden meaning behind it.

“I don’t know...” He repeats simply.

I have to close my eyes to stop the potential tears because his answer does have a hidden meaning. And I’m the only one who seemed to hear it.

He says he doesn’t know. But of course he does. How could he not?

The royal four have finally been given a way home in the shape of a ship. A space ship. The same space ship that brought them here. And now, they might know where it is, so they are going to have to go find it. And then, they are going to have to go home. And I, Liz Parker, will never see Michael or Tess Or Max again... Ever.

I breathe in a ragged breathe before feeling that warm chill on my spine. I know he is trying to comfort me and that brings me to tears. That simple act of him trying to protect me, brings every single firewall I have ever put up for anyone, down. And in a sense, my world IS crashing down around me. The world that I have belt since forever ago. My world of sarcasm and cynicism and pessimism just falls to the floor as I let a couple small tears fall from my eyes.

The connection that formed between Max and I was something that wasn’t supposed to happen. I know that thought is true and I know he knows it’s true too. What has happened and what will happen between us was never supposed to take place. But something did make it happen and now I have to deal with the consciences.

Cause ya know what? From the first kiss...I was gone. After that one act, I fell in love with him. Utterly and completely in love. And now, I really do have to deal with the consciences cause I know that it wasn’t supposed to happen and I know that I have to end it. Cause Max Evan’s will never leave if he knew what I felt. And regrettably, he does know... And I have to fix it. I have to end it.

The third time he whispers “I don’t know”, I feel another pang in my heart. I feel a part of me die. And then I feel him... And then I remember that I have to make it stop...

“Why don’t you know?” Isabel asks her brother in a small voice. I can tell she’s scared. But not as much as Michael. And not as much as Max.

He doesn’t answer. He just stares at me. And for the first time since the bombshell was dropped, I turn to meet his gaze... In its simplest form, he looks sad. Like he knows he can’t escape his world ending. He knows he’s got a limited amount of time left and he is sad that he has to do what he has to do. He knows he has to leave and he doesn’t want to. He would give anything not to go. But he knows it’s his responsibility... He knows it’s what he has to do...

“Max?” Isabel meekly whispers as she wraps her arms around herself. She looks like she is about to cry too.

And in that second, I know what I have to do. It all kinda becomes clear. Like, someone or something else knows exactly what is going on and they are going do all of the talking for me. All I have to just stand there and let it...

I know what is standing in the way... What’s inside me knows what’s standing in the way... And IT knows how to get rid of it. I just half to let it. And you know what? I do...

“Cause he’s not the one the needs to make the decision...” I smile slightly and look over at her.

“What?” She asks with surprise in her voice because she didn’t think I would say anything.

I hop off my little green and silver bar stool and I saunter over to the jukebox. I randomly press the number thirty-three and I’m very pleased when I hear an Adema song filtering through the hidden café speakers. I close my eyes and listen to the beginning few seconds and then answer Isabel’s question. “Don’t any of you get it?” I shake my head disbelievingly. “Max can’t make the decision. Nor can any of you.” I smile at each alien in the room. “See, it doesn’t have anything to do with you guys anymore. It’s all us. All us humans...” I laugh a little and go back to sit on one of the stools.

I momentarily feel kinda dizzy but I brush it off and go back to listening to the song.

“What are you talking about, Liz?” Alex asked cautiously as his forehead frowned.

“Come on, Alex. You’re not that stupid!” I turn towards him and smile. I feel like I’m being let go, inside. Like. I’m being dropped... “Look, there have always been two groups of the royal four. Right? Max and Isabel and Michael and Tess. But something went wrong... It’s not just four anymore. It’s fucking eight.” At the last remark all eyes were on me. And all were confused. “Tess.” I turn towards her and Kyle. “You don’t want to go cause of Kyle and the Sheriff and the normal life you finally have. Isabel, you won’t go because you can’t even think of leaving your parents. That and the fact that you think Alex likes you and you might finally be given the chance to have a relationship with someone who knows the truth.” I twist around and face Michael, Maria, Max. “Michael, you won’t leave Maria. You finally have family and roots here. You don’t want to give that up. You can’t. And Max, the supposed leader. You don’t even want to be an alien hybrid, let alone an alien king on some planet you can’t remember. But you would go cause it’s your responsibility. Right? No. You wouldn’t go cause of me! I could tell you that I love you and that I didn’t want you going and you would stay!” I yell.

“Liz...” I feel his voice cut threw everything inside of me. But I know that I have to do this. He needs to be free to do what he needs to do.

I continue, ignoring what Max said. “So, Kyle, you’re keeping Tess. Alex, you’ve got Isabel hanging on by a thread. Maria, Michael won’t ever leave you. And Max, can’t leave me. Not after what happened last night...” I explain. “So, everyone following me so far?” I laugh.

“Liz, you need to stop...” Maria weakly instructs me. I think she is crying but I can’t stop. Something inside of me is making me do this now. It’s out of my hands... I can’t just stop it...

So, I tell her that. “No. I don’t. If I don’t start getting everyone to realize the truth, then everyone will be screwed. Listen, Kal had this idea... He wanted to get the royal four back together ages ago. But that didn’t happen cause of the whole robbery thing here at the Crash. So, he let a little time pass by for everything to settle but now he wants to put them back together again. But he can’t. He can’t cause the royal four are all being held down by crappie little humans.” My head starts to pound as I scream the last part. “We are all fucking connected to each other! And it’s keep them from doing what they need to do!”

“You don’t know what you are saying. How would you know? How would you fucking know?!” Maria screams at me.

“Cause he’s fucking in my head...” I whisper crossly. “And he’s here. And the only fucking way we can save any of them, is if we let them go.”


“Shut up, Kyle!” I snap. “He’s inside me. I can feel it.” I yell and clamp my hands against the side of my head. “Do you understand? I know what he wants to do. I know he wants Vilandra. I know he wants Zan dead. And I know he doesn’t care about Rath or the fucking Queen!”

I feel like I’m drowning inside myself. Like, I’m lost in a dream or something. All I can hear is the shrill sound of the rhythm to that song that seems to be playing over and over.

But I can’t stop from screaming. I can’t stop what ever is controlling me. Cause this isn’t me.

I’m not saying these things. I don’t feel these things.

“Max, what is she talking about?” Michael yells quickly as he stands and walks a couple paces towards me.

“It doesn’t matter.” I stop and sob. “It doesn’t matter anymore. He’s here and he’s going to make you go away. He wants it to end. The only hope is to get you guys off this fucking planet and home where you can do what you were destined to do.” I whisper and I slid to the floor. “You need to come home and save our people. We need you to save us. Khivar will kill you if you don’t.” I start to sob. I start to feel the cry rack my body back and forth with angry and pain. “He doesn’t care anymore. All he wants is the throne and he will do whatever it takes to get it. You have to save us...”

“Liz, what are you talking about? What are you saying?” Michael is kneeling in front of me and I feel Max wrap his arms around me. And all I want to do is get lost in the warmth that I now feel. I don’t want to stay in the dream. I don’t want to hear the loud song hammer in my head. I just want to get lost in Max’s warmth. It’s all I ever wanted...


*Please, let me know if it should be a dream! I need to know what you guys think on this part! Please...?*

*big* *tongue* *big* *tongue* *big* *tongue* *big*
*tongue* *big* *tongue* *big* *tongue* *big*

posted on 26-Mar-2002 4:48:00 PM by destinyrebel
*Alright, after careful consideration and the review of all FB, I’ve deiced to just go with it... It will probably change all of the ideas I had in my head about where this was supposed to go originally but I can think of a couple new ones. Hehe. And thank you, everyone for all of the supportive FB for the last part. I really wasn’t sure what to do but you all helped a great deal. Thank You!! Now, see if this part is any good... Hehe. Enjoy...*

With Nothing Left To Lose.
Part 12-

My mom would always call dreams the product of the recycle bin of your mind...

I always thought that that was very clever. After all, isn’t that the perfect explanation?


After I woke up this morning, I felt like I had had one too many wine coolers or something. I was a little dizzy and I had this weird song stuck in my head... But other then that, I pretty much felt okay...

Or at least I was, until I found the seven other people sharing my room...

Michael and Maria were sharing a sleeping bag on the floor to my right. On the left, Kyle and Tess were also sharing a sleeping bag, except Kyle wasn’t inside. Isabel was sleeping in my overstuffed green chair and Alex was right next to her on the floor. And Max... Well, Max... Well, he was sharing MY bed.

See, I woke up right next to him.

I kid you not.

I woke up next to Max Evans.

And it was the best thing ever...

I felt safe and warm and protected.

It was heaven. I swear.

And it only turned hell when Maria woke up...

“Liz? Are you up?” She whispered hoarsely while trying to untangle herself from Michael’s grasp.

“I think so.” I answered dully as I watched Max sleep for a moment. He looked so peaceful, yet so worried and anxious. It was really heartbreaking.

“How do you feel? Are you okay?” She asked with a certain something in her voice.

“Yeah, I’m fine. I think I just need to get to the bathroom...” I yawned and rubbed some sleep out of my eyes. Unfortunately, Max’s arms weren’t wrapped around me, so I didn’t have issues getting up. Damn bastard...

“Liz, wait!” I heard Maria struggle to get off the floor and follow me to my bathroom.

“What?” I asked as I stretched my arms over my head. “Why am I still in my clothes?”

“Cause we didn’t think you liked to sleep naked.” Alex smiled slightly and came to stand behind Maria.

“Very funny, Whitman.” I mocked. “What the hell happened last night? I don’t remember anything. It’s weird.”

“Very funny, Parker.” Maria told me pointedly. “What? You don’t remember any of it?”

“No.” I told her simply and walked into the small restroom. I automatically grabbed my blue toothbrush and Crest toothpaste.

“Seriously?” Alex asked as he and Maria followed me.

“Uh huh...” I grumbled as I started the brushing process. “What? Did I miss something?” I asked with a laugh and then washed my mouth. “Wait. Let me guess... Kyle finally told Tess how he felt and now they are all happy together? Or did Tess shoot him down...?” I thought out loud with a smile on my face.

“No. Kyle didn’t really say anything. But you kind did...” Alex explained in a grim tone.

“What?” I laughed. “That’s impossible. I so wouldn’t do that...”

“Yeah, that’s what we thought...” Maria sighed and started to walk out of the small room.

“What is that supposed to mean?” I followed suit and left the bathroom.

“You don’t remember anything about last night?” She asked as she picked up one of my old sweaters and put it one over her T-shirt. ”Anything at all?”

“Um, yeah. I do. I remember some. Especially this song that keeps playing over and over in my head... It has this really annoying chorus...” I thought for a moment and started to hum the tune.

“Anything else?” Alex’s voice became hushed and annoyed sounding after he watched Kyle and Tess stir a little.

“Um... I remember the bombshell that was dropped. Ya know the thing about the ship?” I asked as I started to make my way out of my bedroom. For some reason, I felt like I had a whole lot of energy and I just wanted to burn it off. I also felt like most of last night was sucked out of my brain. It was all kind of not there... “That happened, right?” I asked over my shoulder as I made my way into the kitchen.

“Yes. It happened. And so did a whole lot of other stuff!” Maria whispered and made weird arm gestures.

I ignored them though and went to get a bottle of water from the refrigerator. “You guys want one?” I ask causally.

“Liz, would you just stop it!” Maria yelled quietly. “This is really serious. Like, seriously serious! You can’t just go and drink water and make it go away!”

“Geez, Ria...” I frowned and made my way over to the small breakfast table in the corner. “Sorry...”

“Listen, Liz. Just tell us all you remember...” Alex came to sit next to me. “It’s important...” He gave me a reassuring smile and ushered me to tell my story.

And it was at the point, where I realized that something WAS seriously wrong...

“Um, I remember thinking about how I loved Max.” I blurted out without even thinking. “I mean...”

“Whoa. Whoa. Whoa.” Kyle walked into the room with his hands in front of him. “What?!”

“I mean... I remember thinking about how the ship...” I tried with all my might to do damage control but it wasn’t working. “...would work. And who would drive it.”

It’s just too fucking early in the morning for this...

Maria took one look at me and then at Kyle before shooting him down. “Kyle, just shut up and sit down. We need to hear this.” Maria instructed carefully. She then grabbed my hand and gave it a encouraging squeeze.

“Ok. I’m not going to sugar-coat this.” I shook my head. “I WAS thinking about how I might be in love with Max. It’s sad, I know. But something happened between us and it really...”

“Liz, as much as I would love to hear all about that stuff, we really need to fast forward a little here. Ok?” Maria interrupted and nodded forcefully.

“Are you kidding me?” I asked disbelieving. “Ria, this is me...” I placed a hand over my chest before continuing. “...talking about how I might love someone... And you don’t want to hear the details right now?” I quickly look at the three faces of my friends. “God, what the hell happened last night that was so fucking important that YOU don’t want to hear about my potential love for Max Evans?!”

“Basically, you told us how we were all connected...”

Now, seriously. When I said what I said, I meant it only for Maria, Alex, and Kyle’s ears. No one else’s. So, when Max walked into the room and explained just what I did the other night... Well, it basically made me turn cold. I just froze. I couldn’t do anything. I just froze, starring at him with my mouth hanging half open... It’s all I could do.

And it’s really all I’m still doing...

Here I am sitting in my parents kitchen being told exactly what I did and said last night.

Everyone is up.

Everyone is standing around me.

And everyone is adding their two cents worth.

And all I can do is sit completely still and replay that fucking song in my head...

“Anyway, so we think you were possessed or something...” Tess explains in a hasty voice. “But we can’t figure out the whys or hows...”

“Uh huh.” I mutter lamely, just like I’ve been doing after hearing everyone’s comment. It’s only fair to acknowledge them. Right?

“Can you think of any thing else?” Michael asks as he scratches his eyebrow for the freaking fifth time in the past ten minutes.

“Do you have any questions or anything?” Alex asks quickly and almost excitedly.

I guess everyone is really wound up about this. But me? Well, I’m just really embarrassed. And humiliated. And mortified.

But other then that, I don’t see the big deal...

Whatever happened, happened. I can’t change it. And it seems to be over, so whatever... Right?

“Ya know, there is something I want to ask.” I quickly remove my hands that were covering my red face and I turn towards Alex, who is still sitting next to me. “The song... What was it?”

“Liz...” He just looks at me like it isn’t an important question.

But it is! It really it!

“Look, I understand that I did something really, really stupid last night. And that I said some things that were just...really, very bad. But that fucking song has been playing over and over and over in my head and I can’t get it out! And I’m thinking that the only way I CAN get it out, is by listening to it! Ok? So, please just tell me!” I scream in a very dramatic voice. “Please?”

“It was something like The Way You Like...” Alex hangs his head and tells me solemnly.

“Are you kidding?” I ask in astonishment. “Are you serious? Adema? My stupid little possessed self put on Adema?”

He nods and I stand. “Ya know what? If I was possessed by some idiot alien on Antar, I swear to God, that when I find them, I WILL kick their little ass from there to here and back!” I scream through clenched teeth as I storm out. “The little piece of crap...”

I was half down the hall when I heard his voice. And predictably, it made me stop. But I wish it didn’t.

Somehow, I know I said exactly what I felt towards him last night. And that scares me. I’m really not ready to love someone. I’ve really only had to take care of myself and’s like I’m more worried about him than me. And it’s really a wonderful feeling but it’s also really scary...

I don’t know if I can handle it right now.

“Can we talk for a minute?”

“Ya know, I don’t think there is a lot to say...” I mumble and turn around to face him. “Max, I want you to know that I am really sorry about last night and that I had no idea what was going on...” I try to tell him sincerely. “It just wasn’t...”

“You?” He finishes for me.

“Yeah. Me.” I send him a half smile, as I watch him walk a step closer.

“Liz, I know that it might not have been you but you still said a lot of true things...”

“I doubt that.” I awkwardly laugh. Cause I really have no idea where he is going with this...

“Liz, what you said...about me...about us... It was true...”

“What part? I’m sure I included a whole lot of you and us...” I laugh weirdly again. Cause now I think know where he is going and I don’t really like it...

“Something serious did happen between us and I think we need to deal with it...”

“Oh my god...” I whisper and shake my head. Cause just as his words left his mouth, I remembered some of mine from last night... “And Max, the supposed leader. You don’t even want to be an alien hybrid, let alone an alien king on some planet you can’t remember. But you would go cause it’s your responsibility. Right? No. You wouldn’t go cause of me! I could tell you that I love you and that I didn’t want you going and you would stay!”

“What?” He asks with a look of concern on his face.

“I’m so sorry...”I mutter and try to meet his gaze but I can’t bring myself to do it. “I can’t believe I said that...”

“Said what? Do you remember?” He narrows his dark amber eyes and comes next to me. He want to give me support and comfort but he feels the awkwardness of the situation.

“No. Just a flash or something...”I mutter as I start to back up. “I think I need to go. I think I need air or something...” I quickly push past him and make my way to the back door.

“Liz, please?” He’s following me. And I want him too. I want to run away with him again. I want to be able to tell him everything I feel but have it really come from me and not something inside me...

But when I reach the door, I know what I have to do. I carefully open it and step outside. I don’t look back and I don’t forward. I just keep my eyes on the ground as I make my way down the sidewalk. I can feel his eyes burning into me but I still don’t turn around. Instead, I start to run. I run away as fast as I can...


*big* *tongue* *big* *tongue* *big* *tongue* *big* *tongue* *big* *tongue* *big* *tongue* *big*

posted on 29-Mar-2002 3:13:48 AM by destinyrebel
*Isn’t SpringBreak just cool? I’m having the time of my life writing and vegging out. Hehe. Anyway, here’s a new part. And I know it’s kinda light but I think it’s ok. It’s a good filler part.
And thank you guys so much for all the wonderful FB and thank you to all the new readers... You guys all ROCK! And I hope you enjoy too...*

With Nothing Left To Lose.
Part 13-

Do have a security blanket? Or something similar to that?

Do you have something you always turn to when you’re in total distress or complete bliss? Do you have something that is always there for you?

I do.

And you know what that something is?

It’s music.

I don’t know if you know this or not but music has always been a huge part of my life. I turn to when I am depressed beyond earthly repair and I turn to it when I am ecstatically happy beyond humanly possible odds.

It’s something that has always been there for me and that will always be there for me...

So, when I found myself at Nicky’s doorstep, I really wasn’t that surprised...

“Hi.” I said cheerily after his mother ungraciously opened the front door. “Um, I’m Liz Parker and you probably don’t remember me but I know you’re son and I was wondering if I could talk to him for like a second or two...”

Her response was to look at me and give me one of those once over type deals. Ya know what I’m talking... That thing people do where they look at you from the ground up and then by the time they reach your face, they don’t really look pleased or amazed?


It really does wonders for your self-esteem and ego.

Trust me on that one.

But I guess can’t really blame her for thinking whatever she’s thinking. I mean, I’m still in my not-so-hipper-then-hip wrinkled tank top and khakis, from yesterday. And my day old mascara must be dried and flaking off my not-so-perfect lashes.

I must look like a million bucks...

But I still need to see Nick...

“Look, I’m really sorry that I just came over unannounced and everything but this is really important. I’m a really good friend of Alex Whitman’s and this is about their band, so please, if I could just have a minute with Nick...”

“All right. I will go find him.” She said it coldly and disappeared behind the white, wooden front door.

“Great impression, Liz...” I mumbled to myself and started switching my weight from one foot to the other. After, I had done that for what seemed like forever, good old Nicky Dark opened the door.

“Nicky.” I smiled as sweetly as possible. See, there’s this little issue with me just showing up at Nicky’s perfect little house...

We had something going once.

I mean, it only lasted like four dates and ended with this horrible Spin the Bottle episode but it was kinda the first serious high school thing for me and when he cheated on me, well, it kinda left me bitter towards him... And he’s well aware of that fact...

You can trust me on that too.

“Liz?” He asks like this is some sort of joke. “What are you doing here?”

“Oh... Not much. I was just in the neighborhood and stuff and I thought I would stop by...” I smile sweetly again and tuck a small lock of hair behind my ear.

I do that when I’m nervous.

It’s kind of a bad habit. But I can’t break it. And I’ve tried.

Trust me...

“What do you want?” He asks as almost as coldly as his mother did before.

Ooch. I’m feelin’ no love from this family... None at all...

“Ok, I’m not going to lie to you. I just started running away from my problems and issues and I ended up here. Big surprise, huh?” He didn’t answer, so I went on. “I don’t really know what I want or why I’m here but it’s really cold, so do you think I could at least come in for a second?”

“Um, yeah... Sorry. Come in.”

Nicky really isn’t a bad guy. And I know he really didn’t mean to hurt me. And I know, I overreacted a little but that still didn’t stop things from getting really weird between us. Hell, I even stopped going to see The Whit’s practice because I knew he would be there.

I was really scarred that much.

Funny, huh? Ok, more like stupid...

“So, I haven’t seen you around for a while...” I sigh as I follow him towards what I assume is his bedroom.

Hey, at least I’m making an effort, here.

You all remember my issues with “awkward social situations”, so just shut up... This is actually really hard for me.


“Yeah. School has been keeping me busy...”

“Uh huh. Defiantly.” I agree and take a seat on his bed. “Mid-terms were a bitch...”

The words totally left my mouth without asking permission first and I felt was left to feel like a compete idiot afterwards. “Sorry...” I mumble.

“It’s fine.” He sends me a strange look before pulling out his electric guitar and sitting down on a small stool. “So, was this a social call or...” He starts lamely.

“No.” I shake my head, nervously. “I mean, not that I wouldn’t come here to see you...”

“Of course.” He laughs slightly.

I smile. At least now we’re over both trying to handle things...

“So, what’s up?” He smiles and starts to play something really simple and quiet.

And I can’t help but get lost in the soft sound for a moment before answering. One of the main reasons Nicky and I got along, was the fact that music was everything to both of us. It was like a common bond between us.

“Um, Alex was telling me about his talk with Lexx the other day and I had the sudden urge to go beat the crap out of him...” I tell him with a straight face.

“Really?” He smirks. “You think you could take ‘em?”

“Are you serious?” I ask mockingly. “Of course I could take him!”

“Uh huh.” His smirk grows into a smile as he continues. “Ok, so what? You need me to hold him down for you or something?”

My mouth drops open and I get a new urge to beat the crap out of HIM. “You don’t really think I could take him?” I ask with animation in my voice.

“Because you know if you really wanted someone to help you, you should go to Chris or Markus...” He laughs as he refers to the others in the small band. “They wouldn’t mind kicking his ass either...”

“You don’t really think I could take him?! Do you?” I repeat and stand quickly.

“Whoa. I didn’t say that...” He puts his guitar down carefully and raises his hands defensively. “I just meant that...”

“I know what you meant!” I interrupt. “I think I need to prove it to you!”

“Liz, you don’t need to do that. I was just joking...”

“Yeah, but why did you think it was joke? I can so take his scrawny, bald little ass! Why don’t you get that?”

“There isn’t anything to get. Liz, I was making a joke. Don’t overreact!” He laughs. “It’s ok. I believe you...”

“This isn’t me overreacting! When I went and sprayed you down with a hose, after I caught you kissing that tramp, Pam Troy...that was me overreacting! This is just me!” I yell and smile a little.

Ok, so maybe I am getting a little over passionate about the whole thing but I think I could really just use something to get my mind off of the alien thing and this seems like the best possible situation to get lost in...

“Liz...” Nicky stops smiling and laughing. He turns really serious and begins to stumble over something in his mind. “I never really got to apologize or anything for what I did...” He stutters out nervously. “You know...”

“Nick, that was like forever ago. Believe me, all is forgiven and forgotten.” I stop and smile at him. “Don’t worry about it...”

“I was stupid...” He continues.

“It was stupid game...” I correct him, calmly.

“A very stupid game.” He laughs. “But I am sorry and I’m glad you got me with the hose and I’m glad you did all that other stuff to me and MY locker.”

“That was mostly Maria but yeah...” I smile honestly. “Anyway, I already told you... Don’t worry about it. It was really just something that got blown out of proportion...”

“Ok. I can deal with that.” He nods and holds out his hand.

“You know what I can deal with?” I ask after I shake his offered hand properly.

“What?” He beams.

“Lexx.” I answer simply and let a small grin appear on my face.

“Are you still on that?” He asks as he sits back down on his stool and picks up his guitar.

“Yeah. And if I remember correctly, I wanted to prove it to you...”

“Uh huh. And how are you going to do that?” He inquires while starting to tune his old six-string.

“Where are the singles?” I ask as I move around his room, pacing and thinking.

“Um, in the closest.” He answers curiously. “Why?”

“I want fifty of them.” I order.

“What?” He asks doubtfully.

“I’m going to get him to stock fifty of those singles if it’s the last thing I do.” I tell him with a very present determination in my voice. “Get me fifty. Now!”

“Ok, fine.” He warily walked over to his closet and rummaged around for a minute before emerging with a small box full. “It’s all we’ve got pressed at the moment...” He told me before handing the box over.

I narrow my eyes. “Is it fifty?”

“Exactly.” He nods semi-enthusiastically.

“Alright. You wanna come?” I tell him before turning towards his door.

“No. You go on with out me.” He smiles.

“Fine.” I walk towards his door and stop. “Wait. Um, Nick, I need you do a couple things for me...”

“What?” He asks caustically but openly.

“First, apologize to your mother for me. I think she thinks I’m some weird crack kid...” I explained motioning to my attire. “Second, I need to borrow a coat... So, I don’t look like some weird crack kid.”

He smiles understandingly and goes back into his closets. When he comes out, he is holding a black zip-up sweatshirt.

“Perfect.” I smile back and grab it from him. “Thanks, Nicky.”

“No prob, Liz.” He leads me back to the front door and holds it open for me.

“Oh and just in case, I wasn’t here.” I flash him a smile before pulling on his sweatshirt and walking away.

“I know!” He calls after me and shuts the door with a nice slamming sound.

Yeah. That guy’s is pretty cool...


“I don’t care!” I scream in a frustrated tone. “I have fifty of them and you are going to sell each and every last one!”

“I already told YOU. I’ll take twenty-five but that’s it!” Lexx clarified for the third time.

“I don’t care!”

Just to get you up to date, I’ll back track a little...

See, I walked in and started laying down the speech. The full argument on how and why it is a brilliant idea to stock and sell The Whits’s singles. And it actually went pretty well... Until he “informed” me that he could and would only stock half of what I brought.

I told him that wasn’t good enough. And here we are...

“I’m aware of that.” He sighed. “But I can only take TWENTY-FIVE. And even then, I don’t know if they will sell...”

“Lexx, how many kids go to West Roswell High?” I ask in a calm tone.

“I don’t know exact numbers.” He mumbles quietly and picks up one of the CDs to examine it.

“Well, that’s good cause I don’t either. But we’ve got to have something like six to eight hundred kids or something. Right? And all of those kids like The Whits and believe me, on Monday, I will make sure that every single kid knows where to go to get the newest CD from the foursome.” I smile. “You will be able to sell all of them...”

“How can I be sure?” Lexx asked as he rubbed the top of his red bald head.

“How can you not?” I shoot back slyly.

“Fine. But I want a free lunch tomorrow at the Crashdown...”

“No. But I’ll give you fifty percent off...” I smirk.

“You know, you’re pretty good at this. It only took you half an hour. Normally, kids are in here for close to two...” He smiles and grabs the box from off the counter. “Your friend, Alex, was in here for close to three...”

“Yeah, well I’m special...” I smile and gratefully take the check he wrote. Fifty dollars...

Alex is so going to love me...


*FYI: My Lexx has nothing to do with the Lexx you guys are all thinking about! ;p He's based on my uncle, believe it or not... Hehe. Not the dude from Superman!*

posted on 9-Apr-2002 5:16:33 PM by destinyrebel
Hey everyone,
I’m so sorry to do this but I have to keep this one hold for a couple more days. Between being sick again and school winding down, I have had absolutely no time to write or read- for that matter. And I’m really sorry. But I hope to have some new parts up this weekend, seeing as how I’ve written them all in my head... ;p
So, until then...

And frenchkiss- Thank you so much for all the bumping. Hehe. You’ve really kept this thing alive. ;p
It won’t be long before you get a new part! I swear...

posted on 22-Apr-2002 2:35:55 PM by destinyrebel
So, for like 2 weeks now, I had thought this site was shut down. Because every single time I would click on my bookmark for it, I got that weird offline/sever down page. For freaking 2 weeks! And I found out that, all along, my freaking bookmark was broken! Can believe that? Can you believe how stupid I felt when I finally just went to, searched for this page, and found it EXTREMELY easily?!

Omigod, I need to breathe... *Sigh* You know what I came back to find? Kath had finished Between The Sand And Stone! Hehe. Eck, now, that pissed me off... Hehe. I just finished printing out like 5 different stories that I need to catch up on. It’s so sad but at least I’ll have something to do tonight...

Anyway, guys, I’ve got to tell you that I have got the new part done expect it’s at home and I’m at school. So, I will have it up by the end of the night.
And I’m so sorry for not coming back sooner but I seriously thought the site got shut down and I kept thinking about how fucking crappie it was that Roswell and Roswell Fanatics got cancelled at the same time! Hehe. See, you can imagine the pain I’ve been going through!

Anyway, new part later tonight! Keep an eye out for it!

I’ll talk to later and thank you so much for keeping this thing alive! You guys are really the best readers anyone could have! I love you all! ;p

posted on 26-Apr-2002 12:23:25 PM by destinyrebel
*Ok, first thing I should explain...
My absence has been because of a broken modem and a lazy brother who didn’t see the need to fix it until he REALLY needed it. Idiot.
Second thing, I don’t know if you can believe it or not, but this part was so damn hard to write. I seriously re-wrote 4 times. And I’m still not liking the last part of it (Where a couple of things get explained.). So, please let me know what you think... I’m very insecure. ;p
Third, I’m convinced that I have the two of the best readers, reading my little fanfic. FrenchKiss + Lucky Star, you guys are just absolutely wonderful. Thank you so much!
And, RoswellianFanatic, thank you for the FB through b-mail. I totally understand. ;p
Anyway, hope everyone can get through this part! Hehe. Let me know and try to enjoy. I’m sorry it’s been such a long wait...*

With Nothing Left To Lose.
Part 14-

So, you know what I’ve realized...?

I’ve realized that it’s actually a long walk back to the Crash from Lexx’s. I mean, usually, it’s not bad. But for some reason, I’ve just really realized that it’s a pretty long way without a car to ride in...

Weird, huh?

Yeah. I thought so...

Anyway, I’ve had a while to think about stuff and there’s something else I’ve realized...

I haven’t been me...


And I’m not just talking about the whole possession thing either. (Which, I still don’t understand or get, by the way.) I’m talking about me being ME. How I’ve talked, how I’ve thought, how I’ve reacted...

Ever since, Max and I “involuntarily” connected, I haven’t been ME. And that pisses me off. I’m not going to let what ever happened between us make me someone I’m not.

Ya know?

I am Liz Parker.
I don’t cry, I don’t fall in love after one kiss or a couple of otherworldly connections, and I can’t fucking love Max Evans.

I’m serious.

But it’s okay. It’s okay, cause I think I’m back to being myself. And I don’t know when it exactly happened but it did. And I’m enjoying it...

I like that fact that I feel as if I’m back to my old sarcastic, cynical, and pessimistic self. It makes me feel confident and like I don’t need to always...

Always think about Max Evans and how we saw stars...

I need to get that all out of my head and I think I know how...

I think I’ve come up with a plan.

But I can’t really go into it now cause I just reached the front door of the Crashdown.

Woohoo for me...


I’m slightly wet because of a nice little April Shower that attacked me during the last three blocks home but I think I’m really to play out my little plan. So, I step through the front door of the Crashdown Café.

And you know, as soon as I heard the first notes of The Close Encounter theme come out of the little box above the door, I knew two things.

First, I knew I didn’t have a choice anymore. I needed to get Max and Michael and Isabel and Tess to look for their ship. It had to be done. Emotional connections to humans or not. (Oh and yes, I have unfortunately remembered all that went on last night. Every fucking word said...)

Second, that something was seriously wrong. Cause as I walked into the restaurant, eight faces turned to look at me...

Four aliens.

Three humans.

And one really pissed off looking UFO Museum owner.

“Um... Hey, guys...” I walk over to them cautiously and speak just above a mutter’s volume. “Did we run out of pepper-jack again or something? I bet I could find so for you, Brody...”

“I’m not Brody.” The voice is flat and monotone but still pissed off sounding.

“Oh fuck...” I sigh while running a shaky hand through my semi-damp hair.

“Liz.” Michael warned and sent me a “look”.

I rolled my eyes and apologized. “Sorry...”

Goddamn it, my plan is so not going to happen...

“Liz, there’s something you should know...” Maria steps out from her spot in the circle and takes a couple tentative steps towards me.

“Yeah. Well, the tension here could be slashed with a butter knife, so I’m thinking something happened and that I should know about it... That and the fact that our good friend Larek is back...” I mutter sarcastically and run my hand through my hair again, trying to vain to straighten it.

Ladies and Gentlemen: ME.

“God, Liz...” Maria puts her hand over her mouth and I swear I see tears in her eyes.

I nervously lick my lips and look at Michael for an explanation of some sort. “Ok, well, someone needs to start talking...” I say quickly and realize that I couldn’t stop my voice from cracking. “What’s wrong? Why is Maria about to crying?!” I narrow my eyes towards her but she only shakes her head in reply. “What happened!?” I choke out demandingly.

“Liz.” Now it’s Alex who is sending me a warning. “Just calm down for a second.” He motions to the costumers who are trying to eat their meals and sends me a sympathetic look.

“No!” I scream. “Someone needs to tell me what the hell is going on!”

My mind is seriously racing with all the possibilities of what has happened or what had happened or what might happen or what could happen. I need someone to start talking and I need them to start talking NOW...

“We know what happened... We know who possessed you.” Max finally looked up and answered me in a small voice. I quickly looked over at him and I couldn’t help but notice how he had changed since this morning.

He looked almost...disturbed. He looked worried and anxious and like the weight of so many worlds was all of a sudden placed on his young shoulders.

I instantly felt a pang shoot through my heart and I completely ignored what he had said. “I’m so sorry...” I whispered in his direction and he only looked down, as if he was ashamed the he couldn’t hide what he was going through from me.

“Liz, did you hear what I said?” He looked up after a moment but still tried to avoid my eyes.

I took a second to think and shook my head.

“We know who possessed you...” He repeated and again, I felt the pang.

‘He feels responsible.’

It was the only thought that entered my mind, until he met my eyes and I was snapped out the thought.

“What?” I asked completely lamely as I went over what he had already repeated twice.

“Enough of this.” Larek called out without any sign of emotion in his voice. “It seems as though the Queen found a way to take control of you over the span of a few Earth hours last night.”

“What?” I asked Max again and blink to clear my head.

“Wait. Can just interrupt for a second or two? Really quickly?” I turn towards Tess and look at her with an expression filled with bewilderment. “Larek, can you not call her that anymore?” Tess asks in a weird voice from the inside of the booth she is sharing with Kyle. “I mean, just cause she’s on Antar doesn’t mean she’s really the real Queen...”

“What?” I ask for the third time and blink more hastily.

I feel so very lost...

“Tess...” Maria sneers, from in front of me. “Can we not get into that again?”

“I’m sorry. But Ava isn’t the real Queen. I mean, she is. But not the dupe Ava...” Tess explained in a matter-of-fact tone.

“It doesn’t matter. Especially, right now...” Maria continued to ridicule, as I continue to blink.

“I’m sorry... But it kind of makes me uncomfortable...” Tess explains sincerely. “I mean, I guess I’m technically not the real queen either but still...”

“I aware of that but this really isn’t the right time.” Maria tells her and gestures towards me.

“Liz, are you okay?” She looks at me closely and frowns.

“What?” I turn towards Maria, and ask because I didn’t catch what she had asked.

I mean, how could I have? I just found out that the fucking Queen of Antar was in my head last night...

“Sweetie, you keep blinking... Are you okay?”

“Yeah.” I shake my head as I answer. “I’m just trying to clear my head...”

“There is no need. I can assure you that she is not there anymore.” Larek speaks up.

“What?” I ask.

“She isn’t...”

“I aware of that.” I tell him coldly. “It’s just an expression...”

“Fine.” He answers in a monotone voice.


“Um, long was know, inside me?” I ask Max more then Larek but of course Larek answers...

“It seems that it started early evening two nights ago but from what I heard, she only took control last night. Is that correct?”

“What?” I turn to look at him. “The day before yesterday? The night...”

And it hits a ton of bricks.

It was her.

Everything that happened, happened because she was inside my head.

The connection with Max was only because SHE was there.

The feeling of love... It was because SHE loved Zan...

It was never real.

I thought I had fallen in love...

I thought I made a connection with Max that no one else could.

But it was all because of her... It had nothing to do with me...

God, how stupid could I have been? How could I have thought that Max and I connected because there was something explainable between us? How could I have let myself believe? How could I have let myself fall?

“Liz, please?” Hearing a pleading voice brought me out of my sudden lull, as I tried to deal with the revelation that just dawned on me.

It was Max and he was standing right in front of me.

“Please, Liz. Don’t.” He continued to plead with me as I started to stare into his dark eyes...

It seemed like they were veiled; like they were darkened with so much more emotion.

And I realized something.

He’s scared that he’s hurt me.
He’s scared that I don’t believe that it really was just him and I.
He’s scared that he’ll lose me...

“Max...” I whisper and feel the tears start to sting the corners of my eyes. “It was her...”

He shook his head in reply. “No. It was you...”

I smile slightly but still shake my head. “Max, you need to find your ship. It’s something that has to be done. You need to help your people. She wouldn’t have come through me if it wasn’t urgent. You need to try and help her...them... I want you to.”


“Listen to me, Max. This was supposed to happen. Cal will help you guys and you can go help your people. Michael said that was always your destiny.” I turned towards everyone. “You guys are all here with nothing left to lose. You have to do this. You need to.”

“What are you talking about?” Michael asks from behind Maria.

“Michael, this is your chance. You’ve always wanted to go...home and now you can. I’ll take care of Maria. And Tess, Kyle and the Sheriff can handle themselves for awhile. You guys need this.”

“Liz, there’s something you should know...” Michael started as he took a step out. “Larek...”

“Michael, I don’t care about Larek.” I tell him deliberately. “Listen, I’ve been thinking about this...what she said... If Khivar is HERE, then you need to leave. You guys aren’t strong enough to be able to deal with him...”

“Liz. Listen to me...” Michael walked closer.

“No. I want you guys to do this. I know, my telling you doesn’t really matter but I can guarantee that you know its right, nonetheless.”

“Liz, we’re not going home.” Max spoke so soft, I wasn’t even sure if he had at all. “Listen to Michael.”

“According to Larek, everything she said... They were all lies...”

“What?!” I blink and stare at Michael.

“Yeah, except for the Khivar part...”

“What?!” I yell this time. “What are you talking about?!”

“It seems that dupe Ava has been bit lonely back on Antar since Nicholas sent her back...” Michael smirked and scratched his eyebrow as he explained.

“Plus, for some reason or another, she’s a drama queen...” Tess added. “But I have no idea where she got that... Probably from living in New York for so long...”

“Anyway, so, her little cry for help wasn’t exactly real.” Michael finished.

Ok, I’m back to blinking again. “What the hell?”

“Liz, even when she did have control, she barely did. She might have been in your head, so to speak, but it wasn’t HER.” Max again, speaks ever so softly. But I know exactly what he is saying. “Believe me...”

I draw my eyebrows together in confusion. “It wasn’t HER?”

“No.” He smiles.

“What the hell?!” I literally throw my hands up in the air and take a step back. “Goddamn it, can this be any less confusing? So, Max, when we connected, WE connected. As in you and I?”

He nodded his head in reply and I could see the smallest hint of embarrassment come over him.

“And Ava on Antar somehow possessed me but she really didn’t have much power over me?” I raise my eyebrows at both men standing in front of me. “But she still somehow got me to say all of those things?”

This time Max and Michael nodded.

“And like all of those things she said... Were lies? She’s just lonely and wants the royals back on the planet so she isn’t stuck there by herself?”

They nod again.

“But Khivar IS on Earth?”

They nod once more.

“But you can still get the ship?”

“Theoretically.” Michael answers.

“And you’re going to?”

“We don’t know.” Max answers this time.


“Yes.” He answers and looks down.

“Okay... I’m still confused... Can we start over?”


Edited Cause: I so didn't spell something important right... ;p

[ edited 1 time(s), last at 26-Apr-2002 12:26:22 PM ]
posted on 3-May-2002 2:44:06 PM by destinyrebel
*Guys, I need to tell you that this is getting harder and harder to write. I don’t know how exactly it happened, but this fic got way out of hand... I never meant for half of what happened to happen and now I'm having a really hard time figuring everything out... So, I think I've got a couple options. And I need your help-
I’ve got a bunch of, I could either’s, and I want your opinion on what sounds like the best idea...
I could either, continue what I’m doing and just do it and whatever happens, happens.... Or I could just kinda try to go back to the way it was in the beginning... Like start writing like I did back then. (I’ve noticed that it’s kinda changed, not so much for the better. Anyway, I would go back to more of the sarcastic/cynical POV stuff.) And if I did that, I would probably skip ahead a little and explain what happened in the past as it went along. Or I could just kinda...stop the fic and take a break...
Yeah... I’m thinking the second idea would work best... But please, let me know what you think... I really want to finish this fic cause I’ve got some ideas brewing that I really love but I’m scared that writing this fic has kinda become a chore and not an escape. Hehe. So, just let me know... And thanks for hanging on with me and this confusing bit of fanfiction... ;p You guys are really great... *

With Nothing Left To Lose.
Part 15-

“Lizzie... Please?” I couldn’t help but smile as I watched Maria come to stand in front of me with her hands clasped together. She was totally begging... “I need your help. And I know this whole new load of alien information is a lot to take in but I so need you to help me with these...these people!”

“Begging is so unbecoming...” I sigh nonchalantly and stand. “Anyway, these people aren’t people, Maria...”

“Then what are they?” I turn to see Isabel looking at me like I’m insane. I can’t help but roll my eyes at her ignorance.

“These are customers. People who are going to pay you to bring them food and drink. No more, no less...” I send her a fake smile before starting to un-zip Nicky’s black sweatshirt that he loaned me.

“Liz, can I ask you question?” Maria wrinkles her nose as I hand her the black shirt, so I can go in the back and change into my uniform.


“Um, why does you’re sweatshirt smell like cigarette smoke? I mean, it’s not like I’m accusing you or anything but...”

“But you don’t have to worry...” I smile at her worry and try to explain. “It’s not my sweatshirt. It’s not my smoke.”

“Then... Who’s is it?” Kyle perks up from the booth behind me.

“Nicky’s.” I answer without thinking.

“What?” I hear Maria and Alex scream at the same time.

Oh crap.

“Why the hell were you wearing Nicky’s sweatshirt! Oh my god, I should burn the damned thing!” Maria rambled before I slapped my hand over her mouth.

“Maria. Calm down. It’s okay.”

“Ow’s it kay?” I hear her struggle to say from under my hand.

“What’s the big deal? I always knew they would get back together.” Tess smiled from next to Kyle. “Didn’t I tell you? Didn’t I?”

“Yeah. You’ve been saying that for a while now... I guess you called it.” Kyle smirked while putting his arm around Tess’s shoulder and bringing her closer to him.

I quickly remove my hand from Maria’s mouth and address the group. I need some damage control. “I’m so not getting back together with him... But I did go see him...”

“When?” Alex asks as causally as possible.

“When I ran out of here this morning...”

“After Max stopped you?” Isabel asked in a hushed voice.

I looked down. “Yeah... But we just talked... And he helped me out with something too...”

“What exactly could that idiot help you out with?”

“Maria, he’s not really that bad of a guy... He and Liz were good together. Ya know, before he did what he did...” His smirk kinda dropped as he finished his thought but I could tell he still thought this was funny. Very funny...

“Shut up, Kyle.” I tried to send him my worst death glare before reaching for the sweatshirt out of Maria’s hands but I didn’t think he caught it. I took a second to dig around the many pockets of the heavy shirt before presenting that old check to Alex. “It’s fifty dollars from Lexx.” I smiled proudly as I passed the little piece of paper to him. “I know it’s not really much... A little more then ten bucks each but The Whits’ really deserve it. Nick gave me the singles and I took them over and sold them...”

Alex cautiously took the check from me and starred at it. “Wow...” He mumbled. “That’”

“So, you aren’t mad that I sold all the copies you guys spent last weekend pressing?”

“No...” Alex looked up at me with a million dollar smile. “Thank you. Thanks so much, Lizzie...”

“No problem, Alex. Anyway, so, the sweatshirt needs to go back to him but I don’t really...”

“I’ll give it to him at practice tonight.” Alex beamed at the check once more before putting it in his wallet and grabbing the shirt from my arms.

“Thanks.” I gave him a quick hug before turning back to Maria. “Ok, I’ve got to go take a quick shower but afterwards, I will come down and help with the dinner crowd. Alex and Kyle? Can you guys man the grill until Mikey and Max get back?”

“Yeah...” Kyle rumbled and Alex agreed. “But where do you think they went...?”

“Well, after Lerak left Brody’s body and Brody left the Crashdown, Michael demanded that Max and Liz explain their connection, I guess he wanted to talk to Max in “private”.” Maria held up her hands for air quotes. “Probably to sort through everything that happened.”

I let a little laugh of mine, escape. “That is so a conversation I need to be let in on...”

“I know, Sweetie. But I’m sure they will let you know as soon as they know what is really going on.”

“I guess you’re right. But that didn’t stop me from making a decision...”

“What do you mean?” Maria voice sounded extremely serious all of a sudden.

“After Michael made us both talk, I made a decision as I watched them both leave through the front doors.” I shrug my shoulders and turn around to leave.

“Wait, wait a second...!” Maria called after me. “What kind of decision?”

“Maria, I need to go take a shower and change...”

“I don’t care. You need to tell me!” She explains her side in a hushed voice and takes a couple steps towards me.

Such a drama queen...

“It’s not a big deal. I just deiced that I wasn’t going to worry about the connection anymore. At all...” I shrug again and start walking towards the stairs that lead to my apartment.

This really isn’t a big deal. And it’s really what needs to be done.

“What do you mean? You’ve just washed your hands clean of it?”

“Yeah. Exactly. I’ve deiced that it’s just best if I wash my hands clean of it. I mean, what good is it doing? It’s just causes everyone more stress and more confusion! It’s messing with my mind and mental health and it makes Max very uncomfortable!” I become more serious and irritated with every word. “It’s not doing any good.” I shake my head. “Maria, this isn’t me. I haven’t been me since this whole thing happened with Max. I don’t know if it’s cause Ava was inside of my head but something defiantly happened to change ME. I can’t just sit here and let this thing control me. I’m not ME anymore!”


“No. Don’t “Liz” me. Okay?” I stumble over my words as I wipe hands across my face and through my hair. “Maria, it wasn’t supposed to happen. We weren’t supposed to connect...”

Maria took two steps toward the staircase and placed her on top of the railing. “But you did...”

“Yeah, we did. But it wasn’t supposed to happen, Maria! It was a fluke, an accident. And I can’t feel the way I feel because of an accident.” I swallowed carefully as I gathered my thoughts and tried to push back the tears that were already gathering in my eyes. “I told you this morning that I thought I was in love with him... Because I am! I’ve never been in love before, until I saw into his soul. I saw everything inside of him and was the most amazing thing... But I can’t believe it. It’s wasn’t real. It was an accident, a side affect of having his wife inside of my head! I can’t...I can’t live with that. I’m sorry but I just can’t!”

“How do you know it wasn’t supposed to happen?” I hear her question and start to sob.

“Because were different. And this isn’t how it’s supposed to be. Maria, the only way I will get through this, is if I just forget. And I need to get through this... I need to be me again...” My sobbing takes over and I try to run up the stairs.

I need to get leave. I need to be alone. I need to forget.


Please remember to let me know what you think!!! I need your help, if I'm going to finish this thing... ;p
posted on 5-May-2002 1:46:06 PM by destinyrebel
*So, I really don’t know what option this fell into but I just kinda skipped ahead a little tiny bit and I felt completely better about this thing. I wrote this part really quickly and I’ve got more on the way... Anyway, I wanted to thank everyone who helped me with this decision and everyone who let me know that they wanted this fic to continue. You guys are really an authors’ best friends. Hehe. Enjoy this new little part...*

With Nothing Left To Lose.
Part 16-

Life sucks.

I don’t know what else to say. I don’t even think there IS anything else to say.

There really aren’t better words that better describe my sentiments. It’s pretty simple. It’s pretty sad too.

See, eight days ago, something extraordinary happened to me. And what did I do? I threw it all away with a single rant that was heard by all the wrong people.

Damn it. Talk about a stupid mistake.

Anyway, so with that one rant, I brought the end to the extraordinary thing that happened to me.

I remember the second it happened, almost perfectly...

I was running upstairs to escape everything I had just admitted, when I felt a cold pang shoot through my heart. I stopped at the top step and turned around to find...well, all the wrong people...

You know, when people brag about the day their world came crashing around them?

Well... This is me bragging.

This is me trying to brag about how, in a funny way, I got what I wanted. I destroyed what happened between me and this other person. I didn’t want it to take so much from me, so, I wanted it gone. And because of that crying fest, it is.

I once believed that I cared about him a hundred times more then myself. But how could that be true, if I meant what I said? How is that possible?

It doesn’t even matter that I can’t sleep or eat or breathe. I wasn’t the one that got hurt. Right? I said what I wanted to say and it was just fate that he heard me. Right?

I guess this is just me knowing my life sucks because of one fucking rant that I can’t take back...


“Tess? You ready?” I hear Michael scream.

“Just a sec!” I hear Tess scream back. “But I need you to take this bag to the car! It’s heavy.”

Moments later, I hear Michael walking back into the Crash with heavy steps. “What the hell did you pack? We’re only going for a couple days...”

“Yeah but still... You’ve got to look good in LA. It’s like an unwritten law...” Tess says oh-so-sweetly and walks past me. “Oh, Liz... I hope you don’t mind but I took a couple snacks for the road... You don’t think you’re dad will care, do you?”

I answer with a grunt. And that’s it...

“Okay.” Tess sighs and moves away. “We’ll call like really soon.” She assures and walks outside to, undoubtedly, say goodbye to Kyle.

“Bitch.” I mumble without thinking or caring.

“Liz, don’t.” Someone says next to me and sits down.

Again, I just grunt.

“Don’t be so pissy about this, Liz.”

“Shut up, Michael.” I snap.

“Look, we’ve gone over this. You shouldn’t be there...”

“I’m aware of that.” I reply coldly.

“You’ll just be a distraction.”

“I’m AWARE of that.” I reply with venom in my voice.

“I AM sorry.”

“Why the hell are you sorry, Michael?!” I yell after lifting my head that was previously resting on my arm. “You didn’t fuck up, I did. So, just get the hell out of here.”

“Fine. Tell Maria, I’ll call as soon as were off the highway.”

“Fine.” I snap and rub my eyes harshly.

“Yeah...” He mutters and starts to make his way towards the front doors of the Crashdown and the waiting car outside.

“Go find you’re fucking UFO...” I mutter and lay my head back down against the cool counter top.

“Bitter, much?”

“Maria, I’m not in the mood...” I sigh and look up.

“I know, Sweetie. But I had this idea... And I was wondering if you wanted to know what it was or if you just wanted to sulk around the same way you have been for the last five days.” She explains as she places a chocolate milkshake in front of me.

I gratefully take a long sip and send her a halfhearted smile. “Fine. I’ll take. What did you have in mind?”

“Well, I’ve talked it over with the boys.” She smiles cunningly and refers to Alex and Kyle. “And we all agree that it’s high time you at least buried the hatched with Max.”

I can’t think of anything else to do but grunt again. So, I do.

“Listen, the way he just left with Isabel... It was bad. And I know that you’ve told me repeatedly that the connection was some how all-of-a-sudden disconnected but you still need to apologize or your inside voice and person will eat you alive...”

I blink at her. She does make sense but I don’t know if I really could face him again. “Maybe I could just make friends with the voice and person or we could call a truce or something...”

“Yeah or we could go on a...road trip!” Maria smiles a 100 watt smile and starts to jump up and down excitedly.

“Oh my god... Maria, are you kidding?” I mange to smile and that only makes her happier. “You are insane.”

“We are all insane. We all came up with the idea.” Alex walked up behind me and put his arm around my shoulder. “Come on, Parker. It will be fun. Plus I’m going to take a crap load of Whits’ CDs and you can sell them to all the cool record labels out there...”

“Ha ha, Alex.” I put my head back down. “You know what would happen if Michael found out? Or Isabel? She would probably kill me on first site...”

“Well, maybe... But we have a plan. Don’t we, Kyle?” Maria’s smile dropped for the first time since springing the idea of a road trip on me, when she looked around almost frantically for Kyle. “Where’s Kyle? Alex, where’s Kyle?”

“He’s calling his dad to tell him that we’re leaving...”

“Are you serious?” I jump.

“Yeah.” Alex nods.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa. I thought you guys were joking! You’re serious. You’re all serious? You want to go to LA and look for Max, so I can apologize for ripping his heart out?”

“Pretty much.” Maria nods. “You ready to go?”

“Maria, I can’t just leave! My parents...”

“Your parents think it’s a good idea... They’ve noticed your crappie mood and think a camping trip in Frazier Woods is a good idea. You know, fresh air...?”

“Oh my god...” I blink. “You want to just leave?”

“Yeah. Liz, this is will be great!” Maria smiles again and walks out from behind the counter. “I’m going to go change. And then we’re leaving... Michael and Tess will be enough ahead of us that they won’t notice we’re behind them.”

“Oh my god...” I mutter and blink again. “This is an insane idea and you know that it will back fire on us, right?”

“Probably. But at least you can see Max, Kyle can see Tess, and Maria and I can get discovered.” Alex smirks and grabs my shake. “It’ll be loads of fun.”

Ok, I need to second to think...

Can I really do this? Can I find a way to just kinda of privately meet Max and let him know that I’m sorry and that I never meant to hurt him? ....

Hey, I guess I won’t ever know unless I try... Right?

I mean, what the hell is left? I doubt I could actually hurt HIM anymore. So, it’s worth a shot. It has to be...

“Okay. I’m in.” I look at Maria and then Alex. “I’ll go pack.”

“No, you won’t.” Maria smiles and gives me a quick hug. “I’ve got it taken care of already...”

“How did you know what to pack?” I ask skeptically and stand up.

“Chica, I’ve known you since kindergarten. I know what you would pack.” She tells me with a nod.

“Fine.” I smile. “Oh my god... We’re going to LA...!” I smile even more.

This is insane. But I will get eaten alive if I don’t talk to Max. What happened between us... It was horrible. He just stood there, looking up at me for what felt like the shortest part of eternity... And then he just turned around and told Isabel that they needed to leave immediately. That was the last time I saw him.

I can’t leave it like that.

So, I guess this is my chance...

“No, we aren’t.” Kyle speaks dully and walks into the dining area, cell phone in hand. “We’re going camping!” He smirks before laughing.

“Very funny, Kyle.” I snap because I believed him.

This is so screwed.

“I know. Anyway, guys, we’ve got to get going...” He taps his watch. “Oh and I call shotgun...!”

“Asshole.” I mutter and follow him out to the waiting Jetta.

Please God, don’t let this be the biggest mistake I have ever made. Let this whole insane idea play out for the better. Please let me unbreak his heart and explain mine...


[ edited 1 time(s), last at 5-May-2002 1:46:54 PM ]
posted on 13-May-2002 6:42:34 PM by destinyrebel

I feel completely and utterly ashamed.
I feel trash...
*heartfelt sigh* I’m soo sorry, guys... School has just taken everything out of me. I haven’t even had time to think about what would happen in the next part, let alone, actually sit down and write it. Argh... I’ve got a six page paper due tomorrow morning on Insomnia and I haven’t even started... So, basically, I’m so screwed but know that as soon as I turn it in... I will start part- God, I don’t even remember what part I’m on... *another sigh* I’ll write a new part... I swear. So, until then... ;p

posted on 23-May-2002 6:06:26 PM by destinyrebel
So... Once again, it's been awhile.
Sorry 'bout that. But I'm just happy I got this part written and posted. It took me awhile cause I finished writing it and then didn't like it and then liked it again and so on and so forth... So, that's why it took so long. But anyway, hope you guys like where this went. And I hope it helps me open up a lot of diffrent options on where to go next. Let me know what you think. Please?

With Nothing Left To Lose.
Part 17-

No Tomorrow.

I’ve tried to keep that phrase in my head, lately.

I’ve tried to make myself live without worrying about what will happen tomorrow.

Hell, with what’s been going on lately, I don’t even know if there will be a tomorrow. Right? You know, with all the aliens and crap that follows them everywhere?

So, really, why should I worry? Why should I continue to put myself through all sorts of different twists and turns, if they aren’t needed?

I’ve made a decision.

A decision that will let be free while in the LA area.

A decision that will let me explain my side to Max Evans and get the answers that I need.

See, my head is cramped with all sorts of questions, questions only Max Evans has the answers to. And I need those answers.

For the sake of my sanity.

I’m sure everyone has noticed how screwed my thoughts have been lately. Or at least noticed that I know nothing and that I’m just as confused as the best of you.

My mind hurts with all the crap that is floating around in it.

I feel clogged.

And I’m going to get Max Evans to be Drano.

My very own Drano Max.

I never ever meant to hurt him. And I know he never meant to hurt me. But we ended up hurting eachother.


What happened was...

I can’t even describe it anymore. I don’t even want to try.

After he left, I felt like my whole heart was just ripped out of my chest and left to bake on the sidewalk.

I feel empty and lost. And I need to fix that.

And I’m going to. I’m going to by following that motto.

All the way. No Tomorrow.

I will tell Max what he needs to know. And he will tell me what I need to know.

And everything WILL work out.

It has to...


“Holy crap.” I cringe and wrinkle my nose.

“Yeah... Way to sharp. Tune it down.” Maria agrees.

“No shit.” I laugh as I turn the small silver knob a tiny bit away from me. “How ‘bout now?” I carefully pluck the D chord and wait for Maria’s reaction but I can’t help but cringe even before she answers.

“Keep goin’, Chica.” She smiles and turns back to the page of lyrics that were waiting patiently in her right hand.

“Where the hell is Alex?” I left up my head in time to see Kyle enter the small room with a bag full of food in his arms. “It’s time to eat...”

“I have no clue.” I shake my head and laugh before going back to tune the impossible third sting on my electric guitar.

It’s been a day and a half since we have arrived in LA and it’s been going pretty good, so far...

See, Alex and Maria surprised me with something incredible and now we are all trying to prepare for it to take place.

But that’s not going so well...

But it’s not really my problem. I’ve been really good with sticking with my motto and this new obstacle only sounds fun... Not obscenely stupid or horrifying or embarrassing beyond imaginable proportions.

Yup, that’s right...

Maria and Alex booked a gig...

And I’m the guitarist and backup vocalist.

But yeah...

Not my problem.

“Liz?” Kyle asks after taking a bite from his sub sandwich. “Why don’t you just use one of those tuning thingies? Wouldn’t it go quicker?”

“Yeah. But someone forgot to pack it...” I turn and send a playful glare towards Maria, who in turn, started coughing and shaking her head.

“Huh uh...” She grumbles, trying to finish chewing her late lunch. “Alex was in charge of getting all the music equipment together. I wasn’t.”

“Either way, I’m screwed without one. I’ve never been able to tune...” I admit just after giving up and moving on to the G cord.

“That’s harsh.” Alex announces while walking in causally. “What happened?”

“Nothing happened.” I told him nonchalantly.

“No. Something happened. I know guitars and I KNOW Paul Reed Smith guitars and under no circumstances should they sound like that.” Alex informed me.

“Shut up, Alex.”

“Yeah, Alex. Shut up.” I smile at Maria as she sticks her tongue out at his back.

“Don’t tell the person who brings gifts to “shut up”.” He smirks and holds up a brown paper bag in front of my face.

“What are you talking about? What’d you get me?” Maria snaps her tongue back in her mouth and asks excitedly.

“Nothing. But I got something for Bob.” Alex smirk grows as he sees one appear on my face.

See, Bob’s my guitar... I named him even before I got him. I just saw him in the store window and I knew two things instantly-

His name was Bob and he would be mine.

But that’s really a whole other story...

“A tuner?” I ask using Maria’s excited tone. “For Bob?”

“Uh huh.” He rummages in the bag for a moment and pulls out a small silver Korg guitar/bass tuner.

“Omigod...” I stand, holding my guitar off to the side. “Alex, you are truly the greatest!” I grab it out of his hands before he can reply and I start looking for the cord to hook the guitar and tuner up.

“You didn’t bring me anything?” Maria asks defeated as she goes back to her salad.

“I’m sorry, my dear...” Alex turns his back towards me and goes to stand next to Maria. “But don’t worry. If you sing your little heart out tonight, I will buy you whatever you want...” He promised her.

“Serious?” She asked with obvious semi-fake hope.

“Well... You know, whatever you want within reason...” He gave her a quick kiss on her forehead. “I’ve only got like thirty bucks in my wallet, you know...”

“How much was the tuner?” I ask after plugging everything in.

“Well, I got it at the pawn shop down the street, so, it was like seven bucks...”

“Not that bad.” I sigh and start to properly tune Bob, my guitar.

“You guys have all your music really?” Kyle asks over a mouth full of the second half of his sub.

“Pretty much.” Maria answers and tosses the remains of her garden salad into the small trash can by my feet. “But I don’t feel so good...”

“Maria, you will be fine.” I smile up at her. “We can do this. Easy.” I nod and go back to what I was doing.

“I so hope you’re right. Cause if I freak out like last time... I swear I’m giving up the thought of me performing ever again. I’m eighteen. I don’t need this extra stress...” She sighed and sat down next to me on the twin bed of the Holiday Inn hotel room.

“Uh huh.” I tell her absent mindedly as I drag my thumb over each string for the last time. “Hey, at least this thing finally sounds like it’s supposed to... I might be good up there tonight.” I smile at the thought. Me, on stage, playing some weird Pop/Rock cover with Maria and Alex at my side...

“Great.” Alex smiled excitedly and began a debriefing. “Our slot it at nine-thirty but we need to be there by six.” Alex informed us after checking the little piece of paper the Aladdin Theater owner passed him after our meeting earlier this morning. “Jacob is the in house drummer and I gave our music, so, he’ll be ready. You will guys be?”

I close my eyes and mutter the cords I need to know. “Yeah... I’m good.” I sigh.

“I’m not.” Maria looks towards me. “God, how is this even possible? Liz, you would never ever do something like this at home. Why are you so cool about it?”

“Cause we’re in LA and I don’t have to be me. I can do stupid and humiliating things and not care about who will see me and who will tell my parents.” I send her a small smile and place my guitar on top of it’s gig bag. “Listen, we’ll be in and out. This is just an improvisational thing. Don’t worry. There will be like seven other bands up there doing the same thing. We will be in and out before your nervous tendencies can catch up with you.”

“She’s right, Maria.” Kyle nodded. “In and out. That’s it. And then we can go find the pod squad and everyone can make up. It’ll be fine...” Kyle tried his best to reassure her.

“Fine.” She took a deep breathe and went back to looking over her lyrics, slightly humming the changing key with every word.

“I need to eat.” I announce. “Kyle, where’s my sub?”

“It’s in there.” He pointed toward the bag he was holding earlier. “Just dig around a little. Alex’s is in there too.” I nod as he continues. “Anyway, so I’ve eaten and now I’m going to go take a shower before your performance. I want to be all clean and fresh...” He trailed off when he realized no one was really listening. “I’m going to go...” And with that he walked out of room A-11 and mostly likely into A-12 across the hall. (It was the one he was supposed to be sharing with Alex.)

“Perfect.” I smile as I find my sandwich eagerly waiting for me to devour it. “Alex, want yours now?”

“Uh huh.” He nods and grabs it out of my hand. “But you wanna go outside and eat, though? I want to talk to you a little...”

“Um, sure...” I quickly grab an extra napkin and follow Alex to the small patio. Once outside, he motions for me to shut the glass sliding door and come to sit next to him. So, I do.

“Liz, are you sure you’re okay with this?” He asks and causally takes a bite. “I mean, I know you’ve got that whole ‘no tomorrow’ thing happening but really... Liz Parker would never ever do something this crazy and to tell you the truth, it worries me a little. You can’t just completely let go. This gig really isn’t that important. It was announced on a flyer on the side of the road, for God’s sake. It’s not like it’s an audition with some huge record label or anything... If you want to back out, I want you to back out. It won’t matter...”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa...” I stare at him. “Is this some big cover up cause you think I can’t play my part? Alex, you know I haven’t played in a little bit... You know, with all the alien stuff taking up all my extra free time and everything but I’m sure I know this song. It might be one of the only ones I know by heart enough to play, but I know it. And I CAN play it...”

He stares at me in return, only a little more blankly.

“Look, I have to deal with what I need to deal with on my own. And forgetting about it until it is absolutely necessary to remember seems to be working. Playing this gig with you guys is helping me accomplish that. And I wasn’t lying when I said those things to Maria. I really think we can do this...” I assure him with a whole lot of determination in my voice.

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, I’m sure.” I smile and unwrap my food.

“You’re really good with this? You’re good with playing in front of a crowd of people? Playing guitar and singing back up, in front of a crowd of people? Dressing up in the clothes Maria picks for you and playing and singing and performing in front of a crowd of people?” His laughing increases as he goes on.

I take a second to answer but my determinate tone doesn’t change. Because I don’t let it. “Yeah. There’s no tomorrow when I’m up there. And no tomorrow when I face Max Evans for the first time in what seems like an eternity...”

“Well, then... Welcome to the new Whits’, Liz Parker...” He smirks and wraps his free arm around my shoulder. “I think you’re going to like it...”

“I think I am too...” I smile and rest my head on this arm. “I hope.”

“So, you’re sure? Like there’s no tomorrow?” He asks quietly.

“No tomorrow.” I sigh and take several deep breathes when the realization that I will be performing in less then two hours hits me... “Oh crap...”

“What?” He looks down at me and asks semi-concerned.

“We have to be up there in front of actual living and breathing people who will judge us and most likely heckle the hell out of us...” I announce and all he does is laugh a little more and give me a reassuring squeeze.

“I know! Isn’t it great?”

“Shut up, Whitman.”

“You too, Parker. You too...”


Oh- PS: Thank you so much, everyone for bumping and reading and putting up with my crap. You guys are so cool...! I love ya all!

posted on 11-Jun-2002 7:13:52 PM by destinyrebel
Little Author's Note:
Eck. I feel so bad that you guys have to keep bumping this thing up... ;( I'm sorry. But my promise still stands, after school gets out, I'll write and post a whole lot of this and NSC. Really.
But until then, thank you for the dedicated bumps. They just make me all the more motivated. *happy*

posted on 20-Jan-2003 2:23:53 PM by destinyrebel
Stalker? I think you've been one for a while! *big*

*bounce* *bounce* *bounce*
posted on 20-Jan-2003 8:38:37 PM by destinyrebel
Talented? Geez... Hardly a word I would use... I feel really guilty though. I mean, I’m insanely flattered that you stuck around but you had to wait for so long...
posted on 17-Feb-2003 12:47:04 PM by destinyrebel
It makes me beem everytime I see that you've bumped this fic... *big*
posted on 17-Feb-2003 2:18:39 PM by destinyrebel
*big* Well, let's see how the end of NSC goes and maybe I can revamp this one... No promises but I really hate unfinished bussiness. So... *tongue*
posted on 17-Feb-2003 2:36:43 PM by destinyrebel
It's hard too...
You're just so awesome... *big*
posted on 18-Feb-2003 6:24:11 PM by destinyrebel
You guys are going to make me do it, aren't you? *wink* That is so funny... *big*
posted on 18-Feb-2003 8:11:05 PM by destinyrebel
I will do my best to contiune this... It's the most I can promise... *happy*
And don't worry, I won't forget... How can I? With both of you bumping this thing, I come across it more often than a lot of other things... *wink*
posted on 19-Feb-2003 1:41:15 PM by destinyrebel
Look what you've created!!! *big*
It's really sad... I don't get...
I honestly thought I drove this fic into a ditch...
posted on 19-Feb-2003 3:36:39 PM by destinyrebel
I guess I know now... *wink*
Actually, I'm really thinking about picking this back up once NSC is done... And that could be pretty soon. I only see a few more parts in it... The party, the aftermath, the everything-worked-out-and-now-we-are-all-happy-and-in-love part... *big* It won't be too long now... So, we'll see what happens with this one... *happy*

[ edited 1 time(s), last at 19-Feb-2003 3:37:26 PM ]
posted on 20-Feb-2003 2:26:58 PM by destinyrebel
You are all insane! *big* I have no idea what to say...
Thank you, comes to mind... It means an awesome amount that you care enough... *tongue*

*bounce* *bounce* *bounce*
posted on 20-Feb-2003 9:36:39 PM by destinyrebel
But not about me? *sad* QT, that hurts...! *wink*
Are you guys all just using me? ....

*bounce* *bounce* *bounce*
posted on 21-Feb-2003 9:39:39 PM by destinyrebel
Yeah, yeah, yeah... I can see right through you guys...
The sad thing is that I'm actually going to do it... *big*