posted on 20-Feb-2002 9:58:46 PM by Lopaka Tanu
Michael: The Legend of the White Ape.

Lopaka Tanu

Rated: Nc-17 (is there any other?)

Disclaimer: I own nothing except a big arse and a place to put it, in your business. So mind if I butt in?

Author's Note: This is based on my own challenge I submitted almost a month ago. So I got tired of it disappearing from certain boards and took the darn thing myself. The following is the guidelines set by Mau or what ever that French word is that translates as me. Here ya go peeps.

First of all it is Polarist fic. This works out this way not because I am a polarist but because of the characters.

Second of all to get a frame set in mind think Tarzan and Jane. That's right this is based on Tarzan, the old movies not that ⊕#$$ recent movie from Disney. Though if you want a talking monkey you can have a big hairy Maria.

Cast as listed.

Jane=Liz
Tarzan=Michael
Professor=Jim
Big Game hunter=Kyle obviously
fiancé'=Max
Amazon queen=Isabelle
Evil African princess=Tess
assistant to Prof= Alex
Cheetah(aka Gorilla)= Maria


Liz is searching for her father while on an archeological and anthropological safari in Africa. Her father's plane has gone down on border of Amazon country and Ha Zulu territory. The Ha Zulu's are evil and have been fighting the Amazon's for centuries. Tess is Isabelle's evil sister who defected to the Ha Zulu's in order to gain power.

1 they must meet Kyle in Africa
2 a curious Michael observes them
3 Max must be an arse hole
4 Jim must be professor like
5 Kyle must make jokes at a fuming Max
6 Liz likes baths in the nude unlike plain Jane
7 they must have a run in with Ha Zulus
8 Isabelle must come and greet them
9 Alex must match some sort of Amazon idle (probably sex god)
10 Liz must be kid napped by Michael
11 Kyle must try to rescue her while Max blames her for being kid napped
12 Max must be sacrificed as virgin in Volcano
13 Liz must make (Patented Jonathan Wisemuler) Tarzan Yell with Michael
14 Be creative
15 Happy ending is appreciated.
16 Do with Tess as you will

So there ya go Lizzie boppers,
Lopaka Tanu

_________________________________________________________Part 1 Be verwy verwy quiet, I'm hunting a wabbit. hu hu hu hu hu hu uh!- Elmer Fudd.

Date: Tuesday February 5, 2002.

Location: African pride lands, Darkest Africa.

Natives: Africans and Amazons.

Record Keeper: Dr. Jeff Parker of the Smithsonian Institute Washington D.C.

"Today we have had a firsthand encounter with the legendary white ape. People say he is ten feet tall, shoulders four feet wide, hair the color of fresh bronze and skin the of a light tan, almost white. This is a very peculiar myth that has roots in reality.

"The story goes that he came in on a chariot of fire that burned the heavens and turned night in to day. His people are to have come from the stars themselves. It goes on further to say that he came with a guardian to watch over and protect him until the day he became a man. From that point on he would protect the jungles and it's peoples (animals are considered people).

"He is said to have a call that strikes fear in to the hearts of all who hear it, with a natural voice that can charm any young woman, regardless of her virtue. They go on to list his many talents and abilities, the least of which appears to be able to move things with his mind. This is what has piqued the interest of the Smithsonian and myself. Thus causing me to be sent here in the first place.

"As I have mentioned in the before, we have had a firsthand experience with him today. The following is the accounts of eyewitness testimony and my own included. They were combined to make what appears to be the most accurate description of events. In other words, we got our stories strait, that one is for you Jim.

"He came tarring through the woods like a hell cat. Swinging on the vines, or at least trying to. When he grabbed a vine and swung out away from the tree he slid in to the middle of our camp landing on the dying embers of our cooking fire. We have never heard such a racket in our lives. Jumping about three feet off the ground he took off for the river at full speed, with hands tightly holding on to the back of his breech cloth, loin cloth Jim. After the splash we heard what sounded like a new species of bird. I was later informed that the river temperature at that this time of morning was almost freezing.

"Luckily one of our adventurous young female wildlife photographers had the sencesability to take pictures of this rare oddity. She has kept most of them for her personal collection, but shared the one at the bottom of my report with us. She says he has the ability to pose for one of those magazines, some thing called Buff and Tuff. I hear it is quite popular among young females for it's artistic approach of the human body.

"Several of our team, mostly the women chased him through the woods until they were accosted by a large gorilla, whom they have thoughtfully dubbed, Maria. For some reason it reminds them of our tour guide Maria Deluca. Needless to say she was not amused. Later they tried to find his trail but lost it in the deep part of the forest. In two days time we are heading back to the United States to report on our findings to the board of directors.

"Until I speak to you in person, this is Jeff Parker signing off. Now which of these damn buttons turns this thing off. There we go. I will be so glad when I get home and can report on this load of crap to the board, not that they can hear over their own egos. I swear they are nothing but a bunch of fat, pampas, stuffed shirt, bureaucrats that have no business in the world of Science. They reek of corruption and flatulence... oh shit this thing is still on."

"Turn it off, turn it off. Damn it Jeff how could you be so stupid?"

"Oh sit on it Maria. I can see why they named the gorilla after you, ya hairy ape."

"Watch it Jeff, this is your only warning."

"Oh make me you hairy fox's ass..."

***************************************************************

In a large square room fifteen people sat in a circle around a large computer type machine. A man in a heavy gray suit pressed a button on a remote and tapped his gavel to stop the talking. Pointing to his name sign, the Chairman of the Board of Directors stood and waved a hand at the voice recorder in the center of the briefing room. "As you heard, they had a close encounter with the white ape. They gave no description of his actually nature other than he could pose for a porn magazine. If Jeff was here I would have him stripped of his Doctorates and publicly flogged."

"Oh shut up you gas bag. My father was stating a simple fact. Besides, we are not here to discuss that matter. What we are here is to do is find out what happened after the moment of take off. I believe that it would be in the best interests of all involved to solve this mystery before we start the head hunt." Liz glared at the rest of the board. "Now any idea on how we are to solve this dilemma?"

"Liz may be we can send a team to find out about this."

"Silence Jim, we already have sent the team. They recovered the members of Jeff's team that had not already been rescued and all of the data they collected. Nothing was found among the wreckage to explain why it happened." The young man stood from his seat and started to pace.

"Calm down Max. I would hardly call two melted engines nothing." Liz walked over and placed her hand on his shoulder. Privately she spoke to him. "It's not your fault that you did not find him."

"I am sorry Liz, it's just that I hate to see you upset this close to our wedding." He wrapped Liz in his arms, holding her close, he leaned in for a kiss.

The chairman cleared his throat. "Ladies and gentlemen, I think we can close this case. Jim, make sure your team is ready to leave in three days. If that is all, then we are adjourned." Slowly the members of the board filed out of the room offering Liz their condolences along the way.


After most of them had left, only Professor Jim, Alex: Jims assistant, Max and Liz had stayed behind. Jim had his cowboy hat in his hands tuning it slowly as he approached. "Liz can I talk with you for a moment?"

"Sure, what is it?" Liz walked away from the other two men while she and Jim talked.

He looked about to make sure that Max and Alex were other wise occupied. "I was wanting to tell you that I am sorry to hear about your father. But that is not the only reason I wanted to talk to you. Are you sure about this marriage to Max? I mean the guy is an ache in the Anus." Jim watched his feet as Liz laughed.

"He can be a pain in the ass at times, but he also has his good points. Don't worry about me, I am not getting married until I find my father."

Jim's head shot up and stared her in the eyes. "How are you going to..." Then it hit him like a Mac truck. "Oh, no, Liz! I promised your father that you were not going to Africa, on this one thing I mean business."

"You can't stop me."

"I will cancel the expedition."

"No you won't because it is your life's work. I am going and that is final." She placed a tender hand on his cheek and smiled at his resigned expression.

"You could always play me like a harp, Lizard." He sighed and started off to gather his protégée from the fire breathing Max.

Max stormed over to Liz and placed his hands on his hips. "What is going on here? What is this Bull shit I hear about you going to Africa?"

Angered at his reaction Liz slapped his face. "I am going on this expedition, and that is final. We are going to find my father with or with out your help." Liz walked for the door and was stopped by a hand on her arm.

"You are going no where with out me."

"Fine get your ass packed cause we are heading to Africa." Liz skipped her way out the door with out another word.

Max stood there dumbfounded as he tried to make some sense of where he lost control of her. "I am coming too," he called out to know one unparticular. Scowling he walked out the door to get ready.

A few moments later a rushing Liz came back in and grabbed her field bag. As she passed the voice recording machine she caught a glimpse of the picture. "Oh, oh my. I see somebody does not wear any thing under that breech cloth. Nice butt." Looking around the room she picked up the picture of the white ape's back side and stuck it in her field bag. Trying to whistle but failing miserably she strolled out of the room with a goofy grin on her face.

_________________________________________________________

So what do you think. I know it needs work but come on be nice and leave some feed back. Constructive comments are appreciated, being rude will not be tolerated. The difference, ask yourself would this comment offend you, if so, then don't write it. Love ya all,

As always Lizzie Boppers,

Lopaka Tanu


[ edited 4 time(s), last at 29-Mar-2002 12:58:53 PM ]
posted on 2-Mar-2002 12:25:35 PM by Lopaka Tanu
_________________________________________________________

Part 2 Wile E. Coyote, Super Genius, yes I like the sound of that. Wile E Coyote, super gen-ous? BOOOM! - Wile E. Coyote.



As the plain settled in to the hanger area of the air field the occupants filed out in orderly fashion, that is until Max started to complain about the conditions in which his hair was in. Liz told him she had a solution if he did not shut up. Twenty minutes later a half bald Max ran screaming from a crazed Liz and a pair of sheep sheers.

Jim and Alex got in the act after that holding Max down removing him of his pony tail and the rest of his body hair. Liz laughed as they Max had screamed indignantly for help. After the last visible hair was removed Liz started to unfasten his pants but Jim and Alex stopped her. After pouting for a bit Liz agreed not to do that in front of every body, but never said not to do it on her own.

After the initial excitement had died down they set to finding a guide. This task was left in Max's capable hands. He walked down the streets asking the natives where he might locate a guide only to be greeted by laughter. Getting fed up with their jokes and pointing he headed to a local pub to order a drink.

Looking around him his gaze fell upon the bar tender who was doing his best to ignore the tall bald man in his presence. Max walked up to the man and ordered a tall boy. The moment the words left his mouth several of the patrons started cracking up. Max glared them all down, this made one laugh harder. He regarded the shorter man with a stone gaze. "Just what is it you find so amusing?"

"Nothing, I just never seen a shaved gorilla ordering a drink before, much less a male prostitute. I heard they swung only from trees." The shorter man couldn't help but laugh at the fierce gaze of Max.

"I suggest if you wish to keep your face in one piece you leave me alone." He then turned and drank down hi beer in one swallow.

"Ah a sallower, bet you must make your boyfriend very happy."

Max spit his beer across the room all over the laughing patrons. With a murderous look in his eye he whirled on the wise ass. "That does it you little pain in the ass."

"Only if you pay me up front."

Max looked like he got blindsided by that one. As it hit him he turned beet red and stormed out of the bar, much to the amusement of the hyenas covered in beer. As he covered the ground back to the site of his landing party he was followed by the annoying little man.

"Hey wait up. I was just kidding back there. Come on stop!" When Max did that the young man looked at him surprise.

"You asked me to stop, now what?" Max was fast becoming irate.

"I hear you need a guide, well I am your man." He put out his hand. "Butch, Butch Valenti."

Max accepted the hand reluctantly. "Butch Valenti hunh! Are you any relation to Jim Valenti?"

Butch paled at the mention of the other man's name. "Um, uh may be? Did you happen to bring him with you?"

Max noted his reaction and grinned evilly at him. "Uh, may be."

Butch shook his head to clear away his feelings and backed away. "Uh look I gotta go, see you around some time, okay." He started back the way he came until a loud voice stopped him dead in his tracks.

"Kyle James Valenti, get your ass over hear now!"

Butch went rigid and turned towards the voice. In a sulking posture head held down cast, he slinked his way over to Jim. "Yes sir." he replied in a meek voice.

"Just what in thunder and tar nation are you doin out here?"

Butch/Kyle shrugged his shoulders. "I dunno."

"Well seems how you don't know how about helping your old man and his friends get on with our business." Jim stared his suddenly defiant son down and smirked as Kyle staggered off like a scolded child. He then turned towards Max smiling. "He given you any trouble?"

Max smiled back at him. "Yes as a matter of fact he kept on making lude comments and suggestions."

Jim shook his head in laughter. "I was afraid of this. Just keep your paws to yourself and every thing will be just fine."

Suddenly Max went bright red in anger. "Is that a monkey joke?"

Looking at Max with careful consideration. "No but given your current condition of lack of hair, I suggest your wear a hat." Jim turned away and started to walk where Kyle had gone suddenly stopping. "You know you do behr a fehr resemblance to a shaved Golden Marmoset." The stopping swearing and threats made him laugh harder as he joined the others.

***************************************************************

Two hours later, fifteen elephants, twelve mules, fifty porters, sixteen thousand dollars and a couple of asses later they were under way. Each member of the team got their own mule as they made their way threw the jungle. Near the front was most of the members and the porters. Kyle, Liz and Jim rode in the back watching the scenery and their merry band of scientist.

Kyle got closer to Liz smiling. "So that is your Fiancé. Seems kind of a little light in the loafers to me."

Liz stared at him in shock. "He is just very high matenince."

"He is also a prick."

Liz just smiled at him.

"I mean it, the guy is so not your type. You could do much better." Kyle quieted down when Max turned and sent a smothering look his way. "Well there is a first, a mule with two ass holes."

Max started to make killing motions to Kyle. Kyle batted his eyelashes and made kissing motions. Max burned holes in to Kyle then rode up to the front of the group. When his hat flew away causing Max to squeal and run after it the group stopped.

Liz was laughing so hard she fell off her mule hitting her but on the way down. This only served to make her laugh harder as the porters tried to help her stand. Liz finished laughing noted the placement of the sun in the tree tops. "Jim don't you think it is time to make camp?"

Jim pulled out his pocket watch and checked the time. "I guess so, though I did want to get a little further today. All right every body, time to make camp."

As Jim rode off to give out orders Liz decided to find a stream and take a bath. Alerting the others to her plans she walked off. Unnoticed by her she was being watched. Upon reaching a deep part of a stream Liz stripped and walked out in to the water. With complete abandonment to the cooling waters she floated out in to the center of it.

Slinking out in to the water quietly a large animal swam towards her under the surface. Bursting up and grabbing her it's large jaws latched on to her and pulled her under. Liz struggled to escape but to no avail. The power of the beast over rode her thrashes and she soon gave in to what it wanted.

Three hours later a antsy Max walks up to the cooking fire to sit next to Kyle who is sitting next to Jim. "Have either of you two seen my Liz any where?"

Kyle quirks an eyebrow. "Your Liz? I thought you knew where your Liz was all the time."

Max glared at him. "No, I don't know where she is all the time. Here lately she has been avoiding me. It started the night of that blasted meeting when she told me that we were going here. Ever since then she had been distant." Max pouted and tried to flip his hair only to growl at it's loss.

Kyle smirked at him. "Gee, I can't imagine why, pippi longstockings."

"Okay you to give it a rest. So none of us have seen her since she went to take a bath, what now?" Jim groaned as Kyle and Max were still making faces at each other and attempting to knock the other one senseless.

Jim was about to slap both silly when a porter brought him Liz's clothes. "Great, that's all I need, a couple of nuts and an errant nudist." He looked down to see that Max and Kyle were still at it. Quickly he smacked their foreheads together and walked off to form a search party.

"OW! That hurt." Kyle glared at Max. "That was all your fault."

"My fault." Max rubbed his forehead. "Your the one with the pouty lips and the whiney voice."

"If you hadn't been so self centered, going around flaunting your good looks." Kyle imitated Max posturing like a peacock.

"I do not." Max cried out in indignation.

"Do too."

"Do not." Max stood up and placed his hands on his hips.

"DO TOO!" Kyle matched his position.

"DO NOT!"

"DO TOO!"

"If you two queens would mind putting off your who's got the bigger Tiara till later, we have a girl to find." Jim yelled at them as he walked in to his tent.

Both stuck their tongues at him then at each other. "This *is* *your* fault."

Max glared at him again. "Is not infinity, ya big doo doo head."

Kyle stared at him in disbelief. "Oh now were slinging the shit around. Well that's just great. Why don't you just shut up if you can't say any thing intelligent."

Max was about to protest when something slammed in to his lips. That was all he remembered for a while. Though he could have swore he felt himself groped up.

_________________________________________________________


posted on 10-Mar-2002 2:34:44 PM by Lopaka Tanu
_________________________________________________________

Part 3 "Now I said, I said, Arh ya listenen ta me son? Bright boy, but he's about as sharp as a pound of wet leathar." - Fog Horn Leg Horn.



He awoke to find that he was tied by to a large spit and was being carried by two large woman. Shaking his head to clear it his skin prickled with the cool morning air. He would try to get the moisture off his bald heaed if he could move his hands. His wrists hurt at the bindings as well as his ankles. The mental image of him being carried like dead animal on a skewer was not amusing.

Max cried out for help until one of the women smacked his bald head.

"Be silent shiny one or I will make the skin on your head in to a basket. With ears like that there will be no need for to make handles."

Max screamed louder as the Amazons laughed.

***************************************************************

He awoke to the sounds of laughter. Surrounded and tied to a poll he smiled. He was in the middle of a camp with tall women that made him stop thinking and breath heavier. In a husky voice he called out to them. "Hey sweet momma, how about getting me off?"

"Sure how about after we burn you for being a man."

"Ouch a feminist."

"Watch it *man*. I will not tolerate disrespect of my sisters or me." The woman spat the words at him with extra emphasis on man.

"I have nothing but the utmost respect for beautiful women." He gave her his best sexy grin. "In fact I can show you a few forms of worship I have practiced. I am a Taoist. Our religion incorporates many other in to it."

"We are aware of your so called holy bible."

Kyle grinned. "Sorry wrong people. The only book we consider sacred other than the teachings of lord Buddha is the Kama Sutra."

Intrigued the Amazon smiled. "Tell me more."

Kyle's grin widened. "If you get me down I can do more than tell you. I can show you the ways we reach spiritual enlightenment."


***************************************************************

He awoke in a hut sitting on a throne surrounded by women bowing to him. He startled as he noticed they were chanting his name. "Uh okay, what is going on here?"

"He speaks."

A hush fell over the Amazons as they watched Alex stand.

"Uh just who are you people?"

A tall woman with long blond hair and stormy eyes walked up to him. She had the air of royalty and was used to having people obey her. "I am Princess Isabelle. We are your worshipers God Alex."

"ALEX," came the chant from inside the room.

"Okay, stop that." He grinned at Isabelle. "Uh um I am not a god."

Isabelle laughed. "You are too modest god Alex."

"I mean it, I am not a god." Alex paled as she stared at him in disbelief. "I am sorry but you are mistaken.

"Amazons, take our god to be bathed. He will attend the ceremony of his ascension tonight where we will sacrifice the shiny one." Isabelle clapped her hands and the Amazons obeyed dragging a reluctant Alex to a bath in the back of the hut.

Alex squealed as he was stripped and forced in to the tub. When the massaging started he instantly forgot all about the not being a god part.

***************************************************************

He awoke to find one of the many women who had taken out his camp the night before sitting over him. "Who are you and what have you done with my people?"

She smirked at him. "You will not ask questions man." She spoke the hated word among her people to the graying one.

"What is going on here?"


She sneered at him. "I said be quiet."

"No you said I was not to ask questions. I am simply trying to ascertain my position."

"You are on your back." She said with a role of her eyes.

"I mean I am trying to gage what has happened."

"We attacked you, you lost, end of story."

"Has any one told you you talk like a man." That was the last thing Jim remembered until that night.

"I do not talk like a *man* you stupid di** headed son of a bit**." With a grunt she scratched herself and walked out of the tent at a swagger.

***************************************************************

She awoke cold and shivering in a nest of dried of plants in the top of a tree. Looking down she noted that she was at least fifty feet above the ground. With a sigh of resignation she sat back and waited for the bird brain that had brought her here. She didn't have to wait long.

He came out of the trees landing on the edge of the nest like a falling stone. With a startled cry he jumped up grabbing his bottom and bounced around in pain.

Liz noted where he was sitting and smiled. He had landed on knot in the tree branch. "Sore tail bone, must hurt."

The man stopped the dance of pain and regarded her with angry eyes. "not funny."

"Yes it was, after all you kidnapped me." Liz glared at him.

"You make'em baby."

That got her attention. "Excuse me!"

"You make'em baby with me now." He moved on closer in a crouching crawl.

"I don't think so. Nuh uh. Aint gonna happen." Feeling self-conscious she reached down to feel for her clothes. With a startled yelp she just realized she was naked. "Damned nudist."

The ape man looked confused. "What nudist?"

"A person who likes to run around with out any clothes on."

"You am nudist?"

Liz smirked at him. "Ya think."

"I not know." He smirked at her and started to release a growling sound.

"What the hell is that?"

"It mating call of gorilla." the ape started it again.

"Do I look like a Gorilla to you?" Liz looked at him incuriously.

"No, that why I pick you." Michael shuddered. "It choice between you and big hairy gorilla. She mean, bite hard."

"You mean that Gorilla wants to... with you?" When he shuddered again she fell over laughing.

Michael took this for acceptance and pounced.

Liz threw him off with little effort. "Oh no buster, this is not happening."

Michael started the growling again and moved closer.

"One step closer and growling won't be the only thing your doing." Liz took up a ready stance. When she noticed how his loin cloth was lifting of it's own accord she remembered her lack of any thing concealing. "Now you listen here ape man, I have had just about enough of you."

"Michael."

"What?"

He grunted at her and smirked. "Name am Michael. Now am time. We make whumpum." With that he pounced on her and this time there was no escape.

_________________________________________________________

posted on 17-Mar-2002 3:40:59 PM by Lopaka Tanu
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Part 4 "Thanks for the sour persimmons cousin." - Daffy Duck.



Max's POV

I'm gonna die, I'm gonna die. Those Amazon bitches are gonna kill me. I am so not liking this. I am never coming back here again. These people are sick and twisted and, and, and I miss my hair.

When I get my hands on Liz she is so going to regret this. This is all her fault. Why is she so mean to me? I never did a thing to her. I bet where ever she is she is laughing at me.

I can see her now just standing around with a bunch of her friends laughing at me. I think I am going to be sick. Laugh it up you sicko, soon you will get yours.

This is all her fault. If she hadn't insisted that we find her father before we get married. If she had not dragged me along to this god forsaken place. If she had not got kidnapped. I am so going to make her rue the day she...

"Hey wait a minute, what are you putting on my head. Is that butter I smell. What the hell? That had better not be... oh god you are not going to... Stop looking at me that way."

That Amazon bitch is looking at me like, uh I think I am going to be sick. What's that she is doing. Oh god she is licking her lips and rubbing her tummy. She is coming this way.

"OH GOD HELLLLLLLPPPPPPP!"

***************************************************************

Alex's POV

Heaven, I'm in heaven. MMmmmmm, yeah that's right. Oh yeah your the one baby. Oh that is so good. un huh, yeah that's right. You're mine.

"Oh man that is the best meat I have ever had. What was it again?"

Isabelle smiles at me as she feeds me another piece. "That was wild alookielookie."

"And what is that exactly?"

"I believe you call them gorilla's. What is wrong, are you choking? Here let me help."

WHAM!

She hits my back to dislodge the gorilla meat and while she's at it a couple of my internal organs. I think I am going to be sick. I am about to ask her why they eat gorillas when I hear Max cry for help.

"Oh, it sounds like the shiny one is being prepared for the ritual sacrifice."

I look at her in confusion.

"To celebrate your ascension in to god hood my lord."

"What exactly kind of god would I be?" Al thoughts of Max are forgotten at the moment she bats her eyes at me.

"You are God Alex, bringer of sweets and presenter of shoulder to cry on."

Great, I am the god equivalent of another girlfriend. My life sucks.

***************************************************************

Kyle's POV

"Oh yeah, baby. That's the way. Can you feel it? We are almost at nirvana." Oh, oh, oh, oh, OH!

"LORD BUDDHA!"

"Yeah you know it baby. Wanna try for another plain of spiritual enlightenment."

***************************************************************

Maria's POV 24 hours earlier.

Stupid humans. I hate humans. I am going to kill that little brown haired hussy if she tries any thing with him. I should never have taken this form. He is supposed to be mine. Look at him caress her body as he drags her out of the water... naked!?!. That does it bitch, you are so dead. I start to run ad am about to reach them when a dart hits my shoulder. I turn.

Amazons. Stupid bitches. Wait a minute they eat gorillas. SHIT! All goes black.

"Hurry, the raid on the camp for the shiny one and god Alex is about to begin. Bring the feast beast." Says the lead Amazon

***************************************************************

Jim's POV

"See here that is not the proper way to spit. Hold on." HAAHHSPUT. "That is the proper way to spit."

She wipes the spit from her eye. "You will pay for that one."

"Oh so it's okay for you to do it to me, but not me to you." Women go figure.

She spits, I dodge. "Hold still *man* pig."

"Not by the hair of your chiny chin chin."

"You will die for that insult, *Man*!" She tries to stake me with her spear.

"Oh you're gonna have to do better than that bertha."

She screams in rage sounding like an elephant and tries again. I dodge and land right in the path of her... oh dear god. "Get off, get off, that is not a foot rest."

"Man will be silent." She bends down with a smug look while I squirm to get free of her lead foot. "Man is big, make many children. I think I will make many children with him."

"HELP ME!"

***************************************************************

Michael's POV

Girl am beau-ti-ful. Me like lot. She am pretty. My chest hurt from looking at her. She am nice. She am soft. She am digging her claws in my woowoos.

"Let go. Michael be nice. Michael be nice."

she let go. Help she have evil look in eyes. Am thinking, taking her, big mistake. Help help, she grabbing woowoos again. Wait no mind. That feels, ooooooooh yes.

***************************************************************

Liz's POV

Oh so big. He is so big. Wow! Me am wanting more. Oh yes that's right give it to momma. oh more, more more YESSSSSS! "UH-AH-AH-AAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Sparks and smoke. Oh shit I think the tree is on fire. "Michael the tree is on fire."

"Not am tree, am me!" He runs off screaming, slapping at his sparking loin cloth.

"Wow I heard of hot sex but this is ridiculous."

With a wave of his hand the fire is gone. "There, am better. More whumpum?"

"How did you do that?"

"Like this." He is on me in a flash and I forget about his light display.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Several hours later.

I wake up and it is dark out. He is draped across me like a blanket. He rolls over so I can get up. I start to move then freeze. Some thing is illuminating his nest. I look down and it's my lower abdomen. I look at him.

He smirks at me. "Me am happy. Me am going to be father." He places his hand on my belly and the glow grows brighter. His hand glows in return. "It boy, his name am boy. Me happy."

Nervously I lick my lips. "Uh Michael where are you from?"

He points to the sky. I fall backwards and see nothing but stars then blackness.

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posted on 17-Mar-2002 5:35:36 PM by Lopaka Tanu
I think you missed one thing. Before the guys noticed Liz went missing and were taken by the Amazons, Maria was taken by the amazons to become Alookielookie. Alex was eating Alookielookie.
posted on 29-Mar-2002 1:00:25 PM by Lopaka Tanu
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Part 5 "Um now I wouldn't say that." - Dope from the Draft Board.



Scene: A top Mount Fucuru. Amazon Alter with Shiny one strapped to it. Behind alter is large crevice in rock that steams to show that the volcano is active. Front of Volcano is sculpted in to Aztec type of Pyramid. (What do you want, I got a small budget and not enough imagination.)

Two hundred Amazons (The seventies and early eighties were very good years) stood at the base of the temple of the large volcano. Their leader Princess Isabelle stood next to the alter with her dagger at the ready. She turned and smiled at the big stone chair god Alex was sitting in trying to get comfortable.

"We are gathered here today to summon the powers of our ancients to help our God Alex to ascend to his rightful position in the pantheon of our gods and Goddesses. As the shiny one is sacrificed on this alter his blood will feed the flames of our god's rebirth and his flesh will serve as feast for warriors."

Max heard the last part and screamed in a high-pitched grating voice. "I don't wanna die, I don't wanna die." He looked at Isabelle pleading. "Please I am still a virgin. I don't want to die a virgin."

She grinned evilly at him. "We already know you are a virgin. It was written that the shiny one will be as pure as white snow on Mount Fucuru and twice as sparkly."

Max began to whimper.


Isabelle poised to bring the knife down when all hell broke loose. As one the Amazons turned on the invaders and attacked. Shrill battle cries could be heard as the Ha Zulus were slaughtered by the dominating Amazons. Isabelle smiled down on Max. "Now where were we?"

"You were about to get your ass kicked."

Isabelle's eyes lit with a flame that made Max squirm. "Tessa you return." She whirled on the shorter blond and lunged at her with her dagger.

Tess dodged the strike and tossed Isabelle in to the lap of the freaking Alex. Quickly she ran forward and pulled out her own knife.

When Max saw her knife come down he screamed like a banshee. When he noted the lack of pain he squirmed again and felt his bonds come undone. He jumped from the Alter and ran for the steps.

The Amazons at the base of the steps turned to face the enemy from above.

Max waved nonchalantly grinned and backed towards the side of the mountain. He noted that the two blonds were in each other's hair literally. With out a second thought he ran towards the back of the mountain and started to climb the crevice that over looked the steaming flow that exited out the other side. Upon watching several rocks fall he decided to take his chances with the Amazons and climbed back down through the crevice.

Mean while Isabelle and Tess were in the middle of their cat fight.

"Bitch!" Isabelle called as she yanked the curls on Tess's head.

"Whore!" Tess cried out as she swatted Isabelle's hand away.

"Dog Fu**er." Isabelle cried out as she pushed Tess towards the back of the temple.

"Hey it was just the one time and he wanted it just as much as I did." Tess pushed Isabelle back.

Isabelle pushed Tess back against the rocks as Max started to back out. Max flew through the opening and both girls stopped as the heard the shrill girlish scream followed by a fizzing sound.

Max cried out as he fell. "OH GOD LIZ YOU BITC...." Followed quickly by a TSSSSSSSS, then nothing.

Isabelle turned on Tess. "This is all your fault. Now we have to find a new shiny one."

Tess put a hand on her chest. "My fault. You are the one that pushed me remember."

"Did not."

"Did too."


"DID NOT."


"DID TOO!" Tess slapped Isabelle across the face.

"Did not." Isabelle reciprocated the gesture of sisterly love.

Tess slapped Isabelle. Isabelle slapped Tess. Tess slapped Isabelle. Isabelle slapped Tess. Back and forth back and forth they went screaming in pain and rage until three Ha Zulu's ran to Tess' side.

"Mistress, we must go. The Amazons, they are winning."

Tess glared at Isabelle. "Did too." She called out before picking her up and tossing her in to Alex's waiting lap again. With a glare at her warriors Tess ran off with them close behind.

Isabelle screamed in rage. Thrusting the gently stroking hand out of her hair she stood out of Alex's lap and stalked off after her sister.

Alex sulked in his chair. "Always a brides maid never a bride." Slowly he twirled the flowers tied in his short red hair.

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"Let me go you crazy bitches." The gorilla stomped inside her cage rattling the bars. "I have to get to him before he screws up our plans, literally."

One of the Amazons looked at the screeching gorilla. "Just relax your turn will come along very soon."

Maria pulled back and scowled at the woman. "Just what in the white dwarf of Nebul is that supposed to mean?"

The tall Amazon turned to the others and smiled. "Isn't it cute, it thinks it can talk."

Maria growled at her. "Of coarse I can talk shit-for-brains."

Another shorter Amazon looked at Maria quietly. "Yeah too bad it doesn't speak English."

"Se ebla espaniole" Maria asked in hope.

"Too bad though, it could have been nice to see if a gorilla could be any thing other than food." After a round of agreements all but one of the Amazons left the shack.

"You bunch of monolingual Neanderthals." Maria cried out in exasperation.

The one guard on duty laughed out loud. "That won't help they don't speak Spanish. I do though. It will be just our little secret, aint that right snack?" She asked in Spanish.

Maria stared in horror that soon turned to anger. "Why didn't you say any thing?"

"I like the taste of Alookielookie." When Maria sputtered in disgust the guard turned and left laughing.

As soon as the guard was out the shack Maria got her voice back. "PUTA!" she screamed in outrage.

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Author's note: Puta means whore.