posted on 23-Feb-2002 4:48:33 PM by PEACELOVESHEEP
Author: PEACELOVESHEEP
E-mail me at: go_figure66⊕hotmail.com
Rating: eh... no rating, I guess
Disclaimer: I own everything! ba ha ha ha ha. (ER… er, I’m taking pills, but they don’t seem to help)
Summary: Max's thoughts, feelings after Liz abandons him
Feedback: Always, always appreciated and welcome...



Dear Liz,

I hate you.

You walk out of my life, like its ok, like you don’t see me dying inside. Like you still love me. And I let you.

I hurt you, and you’ll never forgive that, remember? That’s what Maria screamed the morning after she found out I had slept with Tess. She marched into my room, and began screaming at me, throwing stuff at me, and you know what? I let her. I sat there, silently, looking at the ground, as she yelled, shoved, and cursed at me. I let her. Wanna know why?

Because I knew I deserved it. She hit me a dozen times, and more tmes than that, I wished it was you.

I wish it was you. I wish it was you I had lost my virginity to. I wish it was you who hit me and screamed at me when it wasn't. Did I ever tell you that Tess cried after we made love? No, wait, there was no love involved. It was just sex. Yeah, she cried. Probably out of joy, or something. I wanted to cry too, but for a totally different reason. See, I don’t need you to be mad at me, because I think I hate myself enough for the both of us. That’s hard to belive, huh?

I’ll bet. I wouldn't trust me if I were you. I wouldn't touch me with a five foot rod, if I were you.

But you did. You trusted me again, touched me, let me touch you. Why? I don’t deserve it. I don’t deserve you. I’m glad you realized that. I’m glad you left.

I don’t sit up, night after night, watching the darkness, missing you so much, that its actually a pysical ache that I cant crush. I don’t feel a stone in my throat, when anyone mentions your name in passing. I don’t avoid eating at the Crashddown because I nearly cried the last time I tried to go in there.

I don’t. Because… because I don’t deserve you, and I’m smart enough to know it.

I can live without you.

Yours…

Max.


Placing his pen on the floor beside him, Max buried his hands in his hair.

And began to weep softly.

________________________________________________

Just a little S3 inspiration...

Tell me what you think, and as always, critisizm(sp) is welcome.

thanks,


PEACELOVESHEEP

[ edited 3 time(s), last at 23-Feb-2002 5:40:41 PM ]
posted on 23-Feb-2002 9:06:16 PM by PEACELOVESHEEP
no, no, no.... see, that's why he starts to cry... because he's writing all this mean stuff to Liz that he doesnt really believe, or feel...

I was aiming for a totally dreamer-y fic. Thaks for the Feedback, anyway... and I'm sorry its so sob-by. I never enjoy reading short, aimless sad fics


PEACELOVESHEEP