posted on 17-Sep-2001 9:25:34 AM by dira
Title: Baby, don't look up
Author: Dira Oceansea
Category: Post-Decrapture closure. Started as a one parter, but is now the start of a multiple part fic. POV
Rating: R so far for language (Pottymouths R US), but might go higher if the mood strikes.
Disclaimer: As you can see below, title comes from a Tori Amos song. Haven't listened to the Goddess herself? I highly recommend her. Oh, and I don't own the show or it's characters, just borrowing. If I did own the show, JK would be a new name for hot dog on a stick and y'all would be writing the eppys. A girl can dream...

Author's note: Warning- Some parts may be spoilerish...




"Let's hear what you think of me now
but baby don't look up
the sky is falling."
Tori Amos, "Silent all these years"


Part 1a
*Liz POV*

This is what happens when someone cheats on you.

First, denial. I know this sounds like a grief manual, or the guide for the terminally ill. But denial is stage one. He didn't do it, you think. He couldn't do it. You even go through the guy's schedule in your head, pinpointing exact moments when he could not have done it. But deep inside, you know full well it doesn't take that long to kiss someone. And, if you're a teenager, it doesn't take that long to screw someone, either. An hour, tops. Maybe two hours. Maybe an entire night. One way or another, you realize that he's been out of your sight for that long, and that it could have happened.

So then we move on to acceptance. Your gut tells you it happened. Your friends tell you it happened. Maybe even the girl he screwed you over with tells you it happened.

If you're really lucky, he'll be the one to tell you it happened. I mean, it sucks to find out and it doesn't make you feel any better to get the news from him, but it saves a little face. You don't hear it from someone else, no one is rolling their eyes behind your back thinking, like Maria would say, "Qué cojuda!" What a blind idiot, really. Didn't see it coming. Right under her nose.

Well, after you accept it... that's when the fun really starts. Knowing it happened doesn't make you understand it. So the following enters your heart and mind: murderous rage. It's impressive, really, just how ugly it'll get. Revenge scenarios fly through your mind. If he's the one that tells you, then you're liable to start going at him, fists and feet, kicking and screaming. Don't be afraid to fight like a girl. And insult everyone up his family tree. Don't mind that his mother is not really a so-and-so. If he did it, then there had to be some type of mistake in raising him, and you might as well blame her.

If you've got some witchcraft in you, you can curse him. Curse him till his non-existent balls turn green.

That's funny. Green balls for the alien.

Oh, don't play silly. You know who I'm talking about.

If you can control that, and become very very centered, you start reasoning. You go to your happy place. Well, the happy places that don't include him. This is a small town, so I regress. And I think. And I cry. And I go back to the creek, when there was still a creek running at the juncture of those two roads down by the old highway.

When you get back from your happy place, you think, karma. It'll get back to him. So you remove all your curses, because you really don't want to advance to a plane of existence filled with people like him.

He can burn in limbo for all you care, right? Just as long as you ain't there with him.

Then the healing stage should begin. And you should finally get over it after a good crying season and phone calls to friends and ice cream runs. And then you should focus your attention on some worthy male, like Kyle.

Or you could skip that right over and go kiss an ex-con. Which is my approach, but don't take me as an example.

Really, don't. You see, I didn't go through the post-cheating stages right.

First of all, he's such a skank. I don't care how confused he is, he's a skank. But then, if I have to ponder on it, I have to give him the benefit of the doubt. I don't know if Tess mindwarped him into sleeping with her. It's supposed to debilitate the mind, like it did Alex's.

Lord knows Max's brain wasn't right to begin with. He was always such a jumble of opposites. He would either hang back completely or give me his all with such force that it overwhelmed me. There was no middle ground.

Me? I enjoy middle ground. I live in Roswell, New Mexico. I don't care if he can't give me normal, or stable, but he should at least try to give me middle ground once in a while.

Well, at least he's a semi-honest skank. He told me the truth, so I had to tell him my truth. Never sleeping with Kyle. Fine. The mental distress of seeing me with Kyle doesn't take away from the fact that he was treating me like shit. Ok, so we weren't really together. And he was doing what I had sent him to do. But he got her pregnant. Pregnant. Got that?

I still wonder, though. Did they really have sex? Was it all a mindwarp?

Whether it was or not, still doesn't take away from the fact that he was an ass for such a long time before. He acted like a complete dick. Can you see it? I'm trying to keep myself pissed. I know I can do it.

Well, his dick was acting like his compass, so at least he was being congruent. Which was a first, really.

But here's where I fail. Me me me. He was leaving. He was leaving me. It was final, or at least we thought it was.

So I let him kiss me.

Hell, who am I kidding? I kissed him back. And it was good and bad at the same time.

I'm so weak.

Maria would be very disappointed. I haven't told her, she's too busy with Michael. And I do mean busy. With all its connotations. I hope Michael had enough sense to use protection.

Do not need to think of Michael cooties. Moving on.

So Skank Max had to be at least semi-warped. He would have used a condom for me. Why didn't he use one for Tess?

Do not need to dwell on Tess cooties, 'cause that just brings me back to the kiss. Best kiss ever, worst kiss ever. See what I mean? He doesn't run the gamut, he lives at the ends of the damn spectrum.

Well, all the other shit goes down, the murderous bitch goes up, and there is Max, staring at me with those eyes and saying everything except, "I'm sorry." He doesn't ask for forgiveness. What do I have stamped on my forehead? Mother Theresa?

I don't thinks so.

Anyway, I skipped over the making out with Sean part. It's actually kind of funny. I attacked him, I literally jumped on him.

Now, I know I was using him, but he enjoyed it, and he didn't mind being used. Not that it's ever ever gonna happen again.

I don't need to dwell on Sean's prison cooties, so we move on.

Anyway, I let myself be hugged by Max. I mean, I'd almost lost him for good this time, right? And they'd all almost left with the rodent. They'd almost died. Again.

Well, after Max did his little speech, Isabel pulled a Tess. You know, one of those fucking stupid questions, the usual, "What now, Max?"

And he said he had to find his son. I'm trying to resist calling him the Spawn. I really am.

If this had happened under different circumstances, maybe I wouldn't be so harsh. But I'm still expecting that apology.

Ok, so only a day has passed and the alien trio is cleaning up the silver gunky residue on the side of the cliffs.

Can't aliens get clean fuel? Aren't they supposed to be a superior race?

They don't seem so damn superior to me.

I don't know why they need us here. Humans. Or whatever we are now. Not like we're doing anything.

Kyle's looking devastated. That's when I know. He did her, too. I look at him and I know. It's like with Max, I know when something's wrong with people I care about. I also seem to know when people have had sex and enjoyed it. Maria and Michael, for example. No regrets there.

See? I don't need to be an alien to have intuition.

"You think it's your kid, don't you?" I ask Kyle.

He looks at me like I'm insane, which I won't deny. I might very well be insane. And I'm also very grounded, in all probability. What is this, the eighth time I've disappeared without a trace?

Yeah, mom and dad aren't gonna be shiny happy people.

And Kyle? He nods. He, too, has alien cooties. I'm not even gonna ask. We're all contaminated. Bring in the tub of rubbing alcohol.

I miss Alex. He'd enjoy my horribly bad joke.

Well, at least I solved it. I solved his murder, and we're all together now.

Of course, we all look like we'd rather be somewhere else.

Right now, even Pocatello, Idaho sounds real good.

"You gonna forgive him?" Kyle asks me. It's a lovely version of what Maria calls The Game. Question-answer, switch.

"He hasn't asked."

Which is true. I've decided to not even consider it until he asks.

He broke my heart. It's his fucking job to try and find a way to mend it quickly, before I decide to do it myself.

Of course, he's busy right now...

Dammit, Liz. Quit it with the excuses. Stop giving him leniency.

Maria is sitting to the side, admiring Michael and his work.

God, I wish I could be her right now. Don't get me wrong, I want nothing to do with Michael. He's got his own issues to deal with and I frankly don't want to deal with them. He's not my type.

And, anyway, I'm not shopping. I'm just looking.

Kyle has this wide-eyed look, like he'd really like to be shot right about now. He keeps looking at Isabel.

Kyle and Iz cooties? Give me a break. What is the world coming to? Hormones in check, people.

I sit by the entrance of the cave, which is still open. I know I should help with the cleanup, what with my developing powers and all. Screw it. I'm grieving for the innocence my relationship with Max lost.

I'd like a moment of silence please.

Fuck it.

I wonder what he'd think of me thinking with this language. Do I kiss my mother with this mouth?

Yeah. I also kissed Sean. Fuck you, Max Evans.

Ok, so I still love him. Big deal. I could get over it.

Right?

Argh, my brain is invaded by alien cooties. Save me! Save me!

The sheriff sees my distress and comes over to sit by me. "You ok, Liz?" he ask.

Better than ever, Jim. Couldn't be having more fun. It's not everyday one finds out that ones soulmate fucked with the murderer of your best friend. It's not everyday the murderous bitch escapes the planet on the freaking granolith carrying a baby that may or may not exist, product of sex that may or may not have taken place, fathered by either one or both (hey, what the hell do I know of alien reproduction?) of your ex-boyfriends, one of whom is supposed to be the love of your life.

And what was so freaking special about the Granolith if it was just a one way ticket home. It's so small it couldn't have fit Nikolas and his entire army of dudes. Why was it so important to be protected? Because it was an energy source?

"Yeah," is what I say. Looking to the distance, I can see Max. He's kicking a rock around while his hands work on the silver fuel thingy. He's kicking himself, I can read it from here.

See? The human mind works wonders.

The sheriff apparently follows my gaze (am I that obvious?) and starts speaking in a fatherly tone. "I know what he did was... extremely stupid and very hard to forgive, but I think you should give him a chance."

"He hasn't asked for one." Which is true. I'm starting to wonder if he wants one.

Be strong, Liz, dammit.

Oh, who am I kidding? I would give him a chance.

All he has to do is beg, grovel, bite dust and kiss my feet.

Scratch the foot idea. I hate people touching my feet. Gives me the creeps.

I can't believe I'm still sitting this far from Maria. Thing is, she's inside her own little bubble of joy. For me to tell her about what's happening in my head, or to ask her about what's going on in hers, would invade her bubble, maybe even break it.

Me? I don't like shitting on people's parades.

Maybe my new and improved language is courtesy of Sean De Luca's prison cooties.

Better not think of that.

The mountain is looking a lot less silvery, a lot more... dusty.

And just when I'm ready to say 'fuck it, sheriff, can I borrow your car?', the sky starts falling down on us.

*Max POV*

I hate alien fuel. I fucking hate it.

I hate silver. I do. It's the worst color ever. Silver fuel, silver handprints, silvery thingamajigs. The burdens of being alien.

I'm trying to come to grips with the fact that I fucked up the best thing that's ever happened to me over Tess.

Why did I sleep with her? I can't remember wanting her, much less loving her.

I remember the sex pretty vividly, which is why I really don't want to be close to Liz right now. Because what's left of our connection could start humming back to the surface and then, voila, like nothing happened, she'd be watching the Max and Tess porn channel.

I'm such a fucking asshole. I don't deserve to be alive. In fact, I should just lie here and let the silver gunk cover me. I'm such a waste of space. And air. I'm using up way too much air.

She's walking around over there, between Kyle and a rock.

A kid. Great. I'm barely 18 and I got a murdering bitch pregnant.

I know Michael and Isabel think it might have been a mindwarp, but the truth is I don't care anymore. I have a whole lot of other apologies to make.

I don't even know where to start. And if she does forgive me, which is a long shot... let me rephrase that... If she forgives me, and there's only a snowball's chance in hell of that happening, I don't think she should be with me. I can't make her happy. I only make her cry. I've been treating her like shit since the Kyle thing, which it turns out never happened. And even before that, I wasn't listening to her, to what she was telling me.

Plants are more useful than I am.

She should be smiling, all glowy and stuff, the way Maria is. I'm not even gonna ask what has Maria and Michael so glowy, I don't really want details. I used to be so good at making Liz smile.

I want to know exactly at what point in life I started being such a dick.

I'm pretty sure it was around the time that I started thinking with it.

Liz should be happy, she should be smiling, joking with Alex. Instead, she's involved in stern conversation with the Sheriff.

I'm a spineless bastard.

My hands are getting tired, so I back away from the wall for a break. I kick another silvery pebble against the siding.

And the sky starts falling down.

At first I think it's the fucking cliff coming down on us, but my eyes follow the sound and I find myself staring at a huge, smoldering chunk of black obsidian. I mean huge. And strangely cone-shaped. It's...

"FUCK!" Michael calls out, and I can't help but agree.

It's the fucking Granolith.

And, emerging slowly from inside, Tess.

Why isn't she dead? Why isn't she coughing? Why is she not grabbing her belly like her life depends on it?

She stumbles out a few steps, falls to her knees and starts sobbing. "Help me... I couldn't... breathe... it was... I can't breathe..."

I'm tempted to leave her on the ground. To roast in the sun. To die. Really, I am.

But then I remember that she's pregnant and that, if it's nothing else, it's my fault.

Well, so much for spending time searching for my kid.

I give her my hand, using all of my strength to resist the urge of kicking her while she's down. And I mean all my strength.

And then I ask...


Part 1b

*Liz POV*


"What the fuck?" I can hear it coming from Max. And it's exactly what I was thinking. Pottymouth and pottybrain. Aren't we two of a kind...

Stop. That. Line. Of. Thought. Liz.

Now.

What the fuck?

"I got home... I couldn't breathe... the baby... was dying..."

"You said the baby was dying here," Max says, trying to derive some logic from all this.

Good luck with that, jerk.

Ok, my being in love with him does not affect my capacity to flame him straight to hell. Trust me, that's intact.

"I lied," she replies.

No shit, Sherlock. What else you lie about?

"What else did you lie about? Why should we believe you?"

Fuck it, Max. Stop reading my head.

"I'm telling the truth. Connect with me, with the baby, if you don't believe me."

Oh, please. Tell me one about the rabbi, the priest and George W.

"And let you into my mind? You've got to be kidding."

This is where she makes her first mistake, her first of many, the bitch. Oh, to kick her skull in.

I shouldn't be having such violent thoughts, but it just came to me that she was in there with Max when he tried to heal Alex. And maybe he tried and failed. But maybe she warped him into thinking he couldn't heal him.

Maybe she killed him twice.

The sheriff holds my arm, trying to control the murderous rage telling me to blast her straight to her planet so that she'll die of suffocation.

"I can mindwarp you even if you don't touch me, Max," she says, all sweet and innocent. "I can do it now, to all of you."

I can see Max's hands fist at his sides. He holds one up in front of him and encases Tess in a nice green bubble of light.

Nifty trick, Max. Now what, you'll make her run around her cage flapping her wings?

Didn't think so.

"Now you can't," he says. Ooh, look at the tough hero.

Ok, so I am staring at his biceps. I'm allowed to. I get to do whatever I want, I'm telling you the freaking story.

"Tell us the fucking truth for once and for all."

"Or you'll do what?"

"I'll kill you."

"Not while I'm pregnant with your son."

Playing the mommy card. Smart.

"But you're not," Max retorts.

Huh?

Ok, this is news for me.

"You won't kill him if he's Kyle's son either."

Whoa. Ok, revelation time. I can see Max looking at her like she's speaking the Gospel.

Fine. So this is how she wants to play it.

"It's not Kyle's baby either. It's no one's baby. There is no baby. You didn't even go anywhere in the Granolith. It's physically impossible that you visited any other planet."

Ok, now Max is just freaking me out. What is he, a human lie detector? I mean, a hybrid lie detector.

When did he get this power and where can I purchase it?

Now Tess is just a sobbing heap inside the upper half of a green sphere of light.

"How the hell are you doing this, Max?" Michael asks.

Will everyone just stop reading my mind? Thank you.

"I'm not. She's inside this thing I can read her mind. She's not pregnant. There was never any sex... not with Kyle, not with me. She just planted the images in our heads."

I can hear a long intake of breath coming from Kyle. Buddha Boy is relieved.

Ok, this is happening too fast. What next? Oh, I know. I would raise my hand, but everybody already thinks I'm crazy. Anyway, I'm guarding the right flank just in case Nikolas and the dupes show up. You know the drill.

"What else, Max?" Isabel asks.

"She killed Nasedo, not a skin. And she... she made this deal with Nikolas and the dupes for the Granolith..."

Ha! I knew it. Told you so.

"She warped me when I tried to heal Alex."

I hate being right.

"She's been warping all of us to fight and get all pissy."

And here I thought we were all PMS'ing at the same time.

"And the Granolith isn't even a spaceship. She could only make an escape with at least three of us inside... it needed our energy. That's why it crashed down."

"So what is it?" Maria asks. She had been quiet until now. The sheriff is pointing a gun directly at the green energy field, just in case Max runs out of fuel.

"I don't know!" Tess screams. "Let me out. Get out of my head!"

She's saying these things to Max, but she's started to go loopy. You can see it in her eyes. She has no more cover, no more defense. Max puts his hand back down and faces away from her. He doesn't look like he's enjoyed reading her mind.

She tries to warp us, making a lovely, constipated grimace, and the Sheriff cocks the gun, clicking off the safety. "You can't do it anymore."

"Are you gonna kill me now?" she asks, meekly.

I'll do it. I'll volunteer. Pretty please?

Silence.


*Max POV*


"No."

I can hear sighs of disappointment and breaths of relief going all around.

I can't kill her. I couldn't even have killed Leanna... Jennifer... what's-her-face. I probably would've killed that radiator.

No. Scratch that. I would have killed her to protect Liz. But now that I'm not going anywhere, I can protect Liz myself.

If she heard me, she'd kick me and say she's a big girl, she can take care of herself now.

I know that. Still...

Well, at least now I have fewer things to grovel about. And I still need to have a discussion with her about that Kyle thing.

Oh, back to our regularly scheduled programming.

"What the hell are we gonna do with her, then?" Valenti asks.

Good question, Sheriff. Suggestions?

I think I see Liz raising her hand out of the corner of my eye.

"Uhm, yeah, I think I know what we can do with her," she says. She's been quiet ever since we started this. I can see in Tess's eyes that she's expecting a fate worse than death.

"What do you have in mind?"

"We could have her committed," she suggests, approaching me. Oh, God, she's getting closer.

"She could mindwarp everyone and escape," I counter.

Liz shrugs. I can smell her shampoo. I'm a sick asshole. "So we just take away her warping ability," she says.

Kyle interrupts our cozy little discussion. "How the hell do we do that?"

I can see Tess is hoping she has a way out of this, and that it's Kyle.

"Can't we put a mental block on her?" Liz asks.

Isabel replies. "For us, yes. For the rest of the world, I doubt it."

"Can't we lock her powers? I mean, remember how the healing stones restored life? Well, we could use them in reverse, I guess."

"Wouldn't the opposite of restoring life be taking it away?" Michael asks, in an astounding use of logic.

Go, Michael.

Come on, Liz. I know you can come up with an answer to that.

Is she looking at me?

She hasn't actually looked at me in 24 hours.

"Well, we just don't do it all the way. We ask Riverdog for help. I mean, I guess if we reverse the ritual and stop just short of killing her..."

"It might work," Maria concedes. "And anyway, if we actually do end up killing her, who cares? We're not really losing much, are we?"

A strangled sob coming from Tess's direction goes by completely unregarded.

"Another question," Kyle raises his hand. What is this, school? Liz has started a trend. "Isn't the reverse ritual the sweat lodge thing you guys told me about?"

"No, I mean using the stones in reverse. The lodge would definitely kill her, we'll just save that for another time," Maria replies. I can tell she doesn't want Michael anywhere near a sweat lodge.

"Those stones don't come with a manual, you know," Michael points out.

"They still in your apartment?" Valenti asks.

"Nope. Left 'em with Maria... I thought I was leaving so..."

I nod in understanding.

"They're actually still in the Jetta."

This is too good. This is happening too fast.

Twenty bucks says that Nikolas and the dupes show up during the summer.

Come on, take the bet. I need the money. It's for the Bob-the-Jeep fund.

"Well, what are you waiting for, Ria?" Kyle asks excitedly. "Let's get our butts over to the reservation and..."

"Whoa, hold on a second," Isabel intercedes. "We still have to put the Granolith away, call our parents, etc. Since none of us are leaving the planet, we better come up with a good excuse to not get grounded."

"Well, we could just try to do the ritual here real quick-like. If it exists then it's in our core memory, right?" Michael asks.

Good question, Michael. But I sure as hell don't have the info stored in me.

Liz interrupts that train of thought. "Maybe she knows how to do it," she says, pointing to Tess.

I encase her in the green shield again, and her thoughts start flowing back to me. This sucks. I hate Tess. I do. For the fucking images she's planted in my head, for everything she's shown me about who I don't want to be.

I'm so glad I didn't have sex with her. Tess germs all over me? Ugh.

Boring, boring, obsession with me, deal with the dupes and Nikolas, killing Nasedo... can't she keep these in order? Warping me as I sit in the observatory floor, warping Alex straight to death, lying about what the book said... the real codes should still be in Alex's computer. What do those say? Never mind, we'll look it up later.

Aha! Here it is. Rituals.

To take powers away from someone.


Liz POV


Max has enlightenment in his eyes. He's found something.

No. I haven't forgiven him yet. Don't get me wrong. There's still a helluva lot of stuff that he has to ask forgiveness for. And we both haven't been honest in such a long time.

Sometimes I think this... us... it will never work.

But when he gets that look, the look that says he's solved the freaking puzzle...

Well, let me tell you... my hopes go up.

Don't get me wrong. He needs to grovel. Big time.

"We need the healing stones, but not the way you think we do," Max explains, keeping Tess encased in the green. That color is lovely on you, bitch.

"We just place three of them together, we each explain why we want her powers taken away and then we destroy the stones. That should take care of it."

"Are you sure she's not tricking you?" I ask. She could be. We know that much at least.

"We won't ever know unless we try it, now will we?" he replies.

Bastard. Quit smiling at me. You still have a lot to make up for, you jerk.

See? I'm unaffected.

Maria comes back from her car with Kyle, carrying the parcel of stones. Michael kisses her forehead and takes three stones out. He tosses one at Max, one at Iz.

Max goes first. "Her powers should be taken away because she tricked us. She killed one of us, sold us out, lived among us and betrayed us. Used us and pitched fights between us, friend against friend."

Then Isabel. "She killed Alex. She said she was a friend, she pretended she was family... And she's not even sorry."

And finally Michael. "Maybe it seems like she did the least damage to me. But she didn't... she hurt us all, equally but on different levels, in different ways. She shouldn't have powers because she uses them for things no one should use them for."

They all set the stones on the floor. "Michael, will you do the honors?" Max asks, smiling. We're all smiling. Why are we all smiling.

Michael blasts the orange crystals straight to hell. No rock stands a chance against Michael Guerin.

And Tess?

Tess is nothing but a sorry sobbing heap on the floor.

When Max releases her from the green shield, she starts cursing us, spatting, going at us. At me.

She's coming at me.


*Max POV*


And Liz stops her with one swift kick to her right knee.

Tess just drops to the floor.

What is she? Nothing.

"Where should we commit her?" Liz asks, as if we're experts in psychiatric facilities.

"How about Snowy Pines? The one in Las Cruces? It's close enough for us to keep tabs on her," Kyle suggests, an obvious surprise.

Look, in my opinion we should just leave her in the cave for a couple of days, no food, no water, good riddance.

"Sounds good," is what I say. "Why don't we all take her now? She can also be our excuse to not get grounded. You know, she went loopy, so we had to try and get her to calm down before we could take her to a facility, and we were trapped in the woods while we did it, without cell phones. We'll just call our parents from Las Cruces when we're done."

"You're gonna leave me? But I'm family... I'm your wife..."

Boo-hoo.

I'm not even going to go there.

"You can't leave me!" she screeches. "You can't... I'll kill you... I'll warp you..." she stands up and starts going for me now. She's going to ram against me.

Great, just great.

And then, out of the blue, another swift kick to the knee and a good punch to the left side of her head knock her right out.

"Uh, thanks Liz."

That was embarrasing.

She smiles (she's smiling at me!) and says, "No problem".

And that's when I know I'm really in trouble.

TBC...

Part 1c doesn't fit... I'm gonna post it right after


*Denial dreamer: There's no such thing as season 2.*
*Proud -yet inactive- member of the Isabel Evans Haters Alliance*
"Never was a cornflake girl... thought it was a good solution." -- Tori Amos

Edited by - dira on 09/19/2001 10:53:30

Edited by - dira on 09/21/2001 10:11:51

Edited by - dira on 09/28/2001 11:49:51

[ edited 1 time(s), last at 13-Oct-2001 9:57:10 PM ]
posted on 17-Sep-2001 9:29:13 AM by dira
Part 1c
*Liz POV*

So we haul ass to Las Cruces, with Little Miss Nutcase doing double time in the back of the sheriff's car. The slut has no powers now, it's such fun! We leave her there, call our parents, make excuses, and beeline for Roswell.

On the way to Las Cruces the ride was quasi-pleasant. Max and Isabel in the sheriff's car, pointing their hands at Tess with a vengeance. I got some quality time with Buddha Boy and reassured him that no one blamed him for Alex's death.

But now... the Jetta is a little crowded, considering that the Jeep is now flaming in oblivion.

We're blaming that one on Tess, too.

So here I am, stuck in a car, next to Max for the next three hours.

Not that I'm touching him. Kyle and Isabel are with the Sheriff, Maria and Michael are acting all couple-y in the front.

Michael is working on his powers. He just placed a Plexiglas partition between the front of the car and the back, so that we can't hear what he's saying.

I'm not kidding. He now has wonderful job prospects at police stations all over the country.

Max is not talking.

Tick tock tick tock.

Do you feel the fun?

Three hours of this are likely to drive me insane. Maybe I could share a padded cell with Tess.

This is exasperating. Is he planning to speak anytime soon?

I really wish he'd talk and screw up whatever chances we have. That way, I don't have to worry about alieny things anymore.

I want him to break my heart again.

In the back of the Jetta, behind the Plexiglas division. I want him to hurt me badly once again so that I don't have to consider forgiving him.

Come on, Max, say something.

"Liz... I..."

QUIT READING MY MIND DAMMIT!

"Yes?"

"I need to talk to you."

"Shoot."

Am I the Ice Queen or what?

"Finding out that I haven't... you know... with Tess..."

Fucked, Max. The word is fucked. "You haven't fucked her..."

Ok, I swear I don't know how that left my brain through my mouth.

He tries not to look shocked. Sorry, Maxie boy. "Yeah."

"Go ahead..."

"Well... it still doesn't change much. It doesn't change that I stopped listening to you, that I didn't run after you that day at the cliffs a year ago. It doesn't make up for any of the crap I've put you through and it doesn't take away from the fact that I've been an ass. And a very bad friend."

I nod. I'm not going to make this any easier for him.

"And I'm going to ask for your forgiveness, even though I know I don't deserve it. And I know I can't even ask you to remain my friend, much less trust me enough to... love me... because I've been a complete jerk. So I guess all I'm asking is that you let me stay in your life. I love you and I know that we can never go back to the way it was before, but I want to try to start over. If I can. If you'll forgive me. Please."

His eyes are shiny. He wants to cry but he's not gonna.

Good. I don't want to see him cry. Rolling on the floor grabbing his balls after I kick them in, yes, but crying? Nah.

Doesn't he know I accept the apology?

He's waiting. How do I put this? Dread. Dread is swirling in the air around him.

I have to consider this.

Hell? Who am I kidding?

"Max, we can't start over," I say.

-------------

"Max, we can't start over," she says.

Yes, ladies and gents, I have just had my heart stomped on. I know I deserve it. But it hurts.

It hurts like hell.

"We can't start over because I really don't feel like getting shot again. And we went through some pretty good things, and I don't want those to get erased. I don't like the starting over idea."

"Do you have any ideas?" I ask, before I even consider this. It sounds like she's forgiving me. Is she forgiving me?

"I'm still pissed at you. And I don't trust you. So you're gonna have to do a lot of work if you want this to work. I do forgive you... but it's going to take a lot of time for me to trust you again. So here are the groundrules: You grovel, and I'll think about it. We start this thing like we did our friendship... tentatively."

You have no idea how good this sounds.

"Thank you." That's all I can say. Thank you, deities, thank you, water, thank you, sky, thank you everything.

I love you.

"I love you."

Liz looks a little... uncomfortable. "It's gonna take a while before I can say that back, Max. If I can ever..." she says. I nod. I understand.

I can wait for a very long time.

And the car ride?

Well, it's not so uncomfortable anymore.

What I told Isabel of being my home? Well, she is, my childhood home.

But here, in this car, sitting next to Liz... this is home.

And as she scoots over a little closer and leans her head on my shoulder to sleep for the rest of the way, I can honestly say this is the best car ride of my life. Even with Michael and Maria tossing dirty looks my way every five seconds.

I'm going to have to beg, grovel and eat dirt.

And you know what?

I don't think I mind one bit.


TBC...

I'm just reposting previous parts. Once I'm done with reposting old parts of this, You Bet Your Life It Is and Between the Buried I will immerse myself in posting new parts. Hopefully, other readers will catch this. Anyhow, hope you enjoyed it, please drop me a line if you did. I'll try to post part 2 tonight.

renata

*Denial dreamer: There's no such thing as season 2.*
*Proud -yet inactive- member of the Isabel Evans Haters Alliance*
"Never was a cornflake girl... thought it was a good solution." -- Tori Amos
posted on 18-Sep-2001 10:48:07 AM by dira
Disclaimer in part 1. Author's note on bottom. Tell me if I should go on...


Part 2

*Liz POV*


Ok, so right now, I'm on my balcony, popping almonds that I swiped from the cafe.

I have the entire summer ahead of me. Just yesterday it seemed like I wouldn't survive it, without Max, Michael and Iz. Even though I wanted to kick them for all I was worth, I still felt... heavy-hearted.

Now, I have a whole new set of issues to deal with.

Like, I'm feeling shitty right now.

Because of yesterday.

Because I wasn't completely honest with Max.

Ok, I was flat out lying.

I do love him.

I could say it whenever I wanted to.

The thing is, I don't want to. Not yet.

How fucked up is that?

How fucked up am I?

I just need some time. To absorb everything. To get used to the new reality that surrounds me. The one where Tess is stored in the Loony Bin and I haven't done what I was asked to.

Let's face it. Ok, so if push came to shove, we know the Gerduck's zip code. Big deal. We took her powers away.

What if they need her? What if when the skins come, they need her?

Not only did I fuck up the timeline where we were happy for a good ten more years, I didn't prevent Alex from dying and I couldn't keep my promise to future Max.

And to top that, the idea to take Tess's powers away was mine. Say hello to the idiot.

This was running through my head in the car from Las Cruces to Roswell.

Which is why I could only pretend-sleep.

I can't shake the feeling that I keep doing things wrong.

I have some apologizing to do, too.

I just... I need time.

I pop one more almond, chug down the rest of my grape juice and go brush my teeth.

I'm not grounded, did I tell you that?

I haven't talked to Maria yet. I wonder if she hates me right now.

I...

I need some sleep.

------------------

Max POV


I thought for sure she had been sleeping there, in the car. But after a while, I could tell she wasn't. Her breathing wasn't regulated and heavy, and she kept shifting into uncomfortable positions for sleep.

I just tried to keep away from her skin.

I'll explain.

I still haven't touched her, not really. Not her skin, not her hair. I was just sorta holding her close over her clothes, through her jacket. I don't really touch her, then I can't read her, not when she's wearing her poker face and fake-sleeping.

She doesn't trust me. If she did, she would have been able to fall asleep.

But I can't dwell on that right now. If I do, I won't get any sleep.

If I don't sleep, I won't get up early enough tomorrow to catch Mom and Dad, and hug them before they leave for Clovis on a shopping trip.

I won't have time to plan... well, what I'm planning.

Can you keep a secret?

Good. So can I.

Ha ha.

I have a shot.

It's a long shot, but still...

She didn't look into my eyes when she spoke today. She doesn't trust me.

I know that. Get over it, Max.

My mind is racing because I'm lying back on my bed. My bed.

Less than 48 hours ago I thought I'd never sleep in this bed again, I thought I'd never see Liz again.

When I said goodbye to her...

Now everything is precious, clean, new... I have a second chance.

I have to make amends, to everyone.

I have to make plans.

I have to be strong.

I have to have back up plans.

I have to...

I should sleep.

On my bed.

On earth.

Skins, Dupes, and school can wait.

For now... all is alright.

-------------

*Liz POV*


Breakfast is awkward.

Fake version of me making small talk with my parents.

"I can't believe the Harding girl had to be committed," my dad says. Good ole dad.

"Well, what do you expect, Jeff? The girl has been abandoned by both her parents."

"So were the Evans kids and that boy with the crazy hair..."

"Michael," I point out. He's on payroll, dad. I know he knows Michael's name, and Max's too. But he does it to bug me, calling them "spike" and "the Evans boy".

"Well, they've turned out ok," he says, smiling. Peace offering.

Sure dad. If ok encompasses the burdens of being alien.

I nod. I'll take what I can get.

"Yes, but the Harding girl has been living in an all-male environment, probably with no one to talk to about her problems."

"Dad lives in an all-female environment and he's not loopy," I point out. My mom gives me a look. She likes being right.

Dad tries to stifle a laugh.

Mom decides to change the subject. "So, young lady, what have you decided to do this summer? Do you want to visit Aunt Rose in Florida again?"

That would be 'no'.

"Actually, Mom, I'd rather stick around this year. We're all staying, and it's a chance to spend time with everyone. It might be the last time we have this long together, since we'll be going off to college next year."

My mom gets the 'my baby's all grown up' look. Uh-oh. I love my mom, I do. She's just so… impossible.

"I think you should learn to drive a stick shift, Lizzie," my dad says, out of the blue. And I do mean blue.

Huh?

Me, drive?

I have no sense of direction, I can't multitask, and I get distracted really easily. I can barely drive automatic. I've only taken the Jetta out, what… once? Twice?

"How come, dad?" I ask tentatively.

"Well, it would give you more freedom, you wouldn't need rides from your friends and you could go on weekend trips... just the girls."

He stresses the last part.

"Maria has the Jetta for girl-outings. And, anyway, we don't have a car."

I know it's coming the second that line's out of my mouth. "That's not true," my dad reminds me.

Oh, god, no. Patty the pickup.

Huge, tomato-red pickup my parents use for the grocery shopping. We do have a diner, remember?

"I can take drivers ed next semester I guess," I say shakily.

No dice. My dad reads though that act. "No need. You could ask the Evans boy to teach you. He drives stick shift, right?"

"Drove, Jeff. The Harding girl threw the Jeep over the cliff, remember?" My mom counters. This is both a good and a really bad mom trait. She remembers everything. And I do mean everything.

She has three sets of keys for Patty, and she knows where each one of them is.

I'm a neat freak, but I have no use for the side of my brain that remembers where I put stuff.

"Even better, then. You can tell him that in exchange for him teaching you, he can use the pickup to run errands," dad says.

Yes. Red pickup is a great way for Max to go incognito.

Things are taking a turn for the ridiculous, so I just smile.

"Now, I want you to remember that, even though you are almost an adult, you still live by our rules, young lady," mom goes into MOTHER mode. "So unless it's another emergency like yesterday I don't want you gallivanting without asking first and telling us your whereabouts. And you are to keep the cell phone with you at all times. That what it's for."

Gee, and here I was using it as a calculator.

I don't retort, though.

I have to pull the lunch shift and I best save all my aggression for that.

-------------

*Max POV*

Mom and Dad keep looking at me strange.

After we updated them on the status of Tess and her mental health, they keep giving me the 'How come you were dating her if she's not all there?' look over breakfast.

The cereal's good though.

Isabel is trying hard not to laugh at my predicament. After all, she's not the one that dated a nut job. And anyway, she's happy smiley giddy. We didn't leave and she still has her parents.

"Well, kids, we expect you two to behave today. We'll see you tonight."

They leave and the awkward silence takes a hold of the kitchen.

It's my cue.

"Isabel, I..."

She doesn't look up from her plate. "You don't have to apologize, Max. It's ok. I know it was Tess that made you say those things and..."

Here I have to interrupt. Because she doesn't know. And because I do have apologies to extend.

"Thing is, Iz, part of it is my fault. I don't remember everything that was said, but I do know that part of it, part of those words… well, they were mine. I was scared shitless to be alone… and I'm sorry, 'cause I should've been there for you, when Alex died. And I was being a selfish prick. Yeah, Tess played a part in all of this… but I'm to blame to. Will you… forgive me? Please?"

Isabel smiles. I wasn't expecting that. "You kiss mom with that mouth, Max? That has to be the most profanity I've heard from your mouth… ever."

Oh. Oops. Ladies present? I should wash my mouth out with soap.

And my brain.

"Yeah, I forgive you, you big lug. But I get to drive whatever car we get all summer."

Meet Max Evans, dead hybrid walking.

"And we also need to talk over the college thing…"

Gulp. "Do you still want to go to California? 'Cause if you want to… well…"

Isabel shakes her head slowly. "You were right about one thing… I was running. But I can't. I almost lost this place yesterday. And I want to spend more time here. With mom and dad. Maybe I'll get a job at the Crash."

Ha.

Hahahahahah

Did I just laugh out loud?

"What?! I could do it…"

"Iz, lets just say that you're not a very service-oriented person."

She laughs too. That's a relief. I was expecting to be slapped over the head, and I need to keep myself in optimal physical state to grovel in other places. Oh, and I'm expecting to get my ass kicked by Michael and Maria. And don't forget that I need to have a talk with the Sheriff and with Kyle.

Yeah, you heard right… Kyle.

No, I'm not running a fever.

"Yeah, you're right. But I do need a change. And a year off schoolwork will do me good, little brother. I can defer my acceptance.

Cringe. I hate it when she calls me little brother. She adapted to school faster than I did during junior high, so they let her skip a year. Me? I barely walked during my entire grade school career. Terror is the only word that can describe my experiences.

Except whenever I looked at Liz.

Which reminds me…

"Thanks Iz," I say, chugging down the rest of my orange juice and sticking the dishes in the washer.

"Max, you look like you're on the fast track to a nervous breakdown. Going to see Liz?" she asks. That smile. If I wasn't doing the contrite mode thing, that smile would really irritate me.

"Uhm… not really," I say. True. It's not what I'm going to do, but I wouldn't mind doing it. "I actually have some stuff to do down at the UFO center."

"Yeah, ok, you tell yourself that, Max."

Groan.

Forward with my duties.

First stop… the bus stop.

--------------


*Liz POV*


Slowly, plans form in my head.

I do mean slowly.

It's freaking snail-paced.

First, an inspection of the room Tess used at the Valenti house would be, well, useful.

But the idea of touching the bitch's stuff gives me the creeps. Tess cooties. Tess germs. UGGGGHHHHHH.

I think my breakfast might just make a comeback.

Maria is making like she doesn't see me, like I'm invisible.

I still don't think it would be the best idea for us to talk yet. She doesn't want to admit I was right about some things. She doesn't want to deal with what's happening with me yet. And that's just fine by me.

You see, when you're in a new relationship, or in a new state of a relationship, it's almost fragile. Your happiness really is this… crystal bubble. And I don't want to break Maria's crystal bubble.

I know, I know, you're probably thinking, "Well, they're friends. Shouldn't they be able to talk about everything?"

This is more than everything. It's love, it's sex with an alien. She doesn't want to talk to me so that she doesn't bum me out because things are working for her and not so much for me. Plus she probably won't understand yet what's going on with me and Max. Hey, I don't even understand. Distance, for now… well, it's not so bad.

I can deal with distance.

Sean De Luca, however, is another story.

Yeah, I know. My mistake.

So I have to resolve this.

"Parker."

What, I don't have a name? "Sean."

"What? No kiss?"

He's kidding. I know he's kidding, he knows he's kidding. "I want to talk to you."

"Ok, what did I do wrong? Maria hasn't been telling you about that time I was peeking through the door of the back room? I swear, all I saw was bra straps."

Over share. I didn't need to know that, Sean. Thanks.

I stake out a booth and we sit across from each other.

"No." I give him my puzzled, what-the-fuck-are-you-babbling-about look. "Is there anything else you want to share with me?"

He looks sheepishly at the table and mumbles no.

"I wanted to talk about what happened the last time we saw each other."

"What? You jumping me?"

I nod. Damn. I was hoping he'd been stoned and well on his way to forgetting. "Yeah, I just wanted to make clear that there's not gonna be a repeat performance."

He tilts his head to the side a bit. "I kinda figured. Evans, right?"

Yes. No. Fuck. Focus, Liz. "Yes and no. It's complicated…"

"It always is," he says wisely. I'm trying not to burst out laughing. Sean? Wise?

"Well, a lot of what's happened between him and me… there's been a huge pile of misunderstanding and shit, and we've decided to try being friends again."

"And you decided that being friends with him entails not being friends plus with me, right?"

I nod. He's catching on quicker than I thought.

"Still doesn't mean I can't be just friends with you. I mean, it's not like he's turning into some sort of warden, you know."

He nods. "Well, Parker, do you want to go bowling with a friend tonight, then?"

"Only if we enter the premises legally," I say. I'm all for breaking and entering, but right now I'd really enjoy some downtime from crime.

"You know I'm not allowed anywhere near the bowling alley by the law."

"How about a movie, then?" I suggest. A movie would be nice. Popcorn, too. I miss Alex. "I'll pay."

"I really need to get a job. I don't want a chick paying my way through everything."

"Don't call me a chick and pick me up at 7."

"Deal."

That went nicely, but just in case I give an ample warning. "This is purely platonic, Sean. That is clear."

"Crystal, ma'am. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to get going. Meeting with my probation officer."

He exits the Crashdown and just as I'm about to head towards table 6 to ask if they need re-fills, my dad finds me. "Good, Lizzy. I need you to take lunch down to the UFO center. Brody says he wants you to go."

"Doesn't he usually ask for Maria?"

"It's a long story," Dad says.

I don't really know if I want to know, so I won't even go there.

"Sure dad."

"Oh, and don't forget an extra bottle of Tabasco."

Right.

Guess who's working at the UFO center?

Yeah.

To quote the great Fred Durst, it's just one of those days.

TBC...

Hey!!! thanks for the great FB you guys. Phone problems prevented me from posting this last night, I'm at a cyber cafe now.

Angela, you did post FB... on the other board... I always love hearing from you anyway. I'm holding up very well, long distance is working nicely and I just got a really nice schedule at the U after fighting tooth and nail for it.

Well, guys, tell me what you think.

oodles of toodles

renata

*Denial dreamer: There's no such thing as season 2.*
*Fictional Dreamer... borrowing Angela's idea... it is in fanfic where dreams come true*
*Proud -yet inactive- member of the Isabel Evans Haters Alliance*
"Never was a cornflake girl... thought it was a good solution." -- Tori Amos
posted on 20-Sep-2001 8:41:39 PM by dira
bumpitty bump bump

feedback!!!!!

I crave it...


*Denial dreamer: There's no such thing as season 2.*
*Fictional Dreamer... borrowing Angela's idea... it is in fanfic where dreams come true*
*Proud -yet inactive- member of the Isabel Evans Haters Alliance*
"Never was a cornflake girl... thought it was a good solution." -- Tori Amos
posted on 27-Sep-2001 11:47:34 AM by dira
Part 3

*Max POV*


Even work feels fresh.

At least the first five minutes. After that, I get to deal with Brody freaking.

He's recuperating from everything that went down. In fact, he's doing so well that there's a good chance Sydney will get to spend the summer here with him.

Which would have any normal man nervous. But Brody? Well, it has him freaking out. He wants everything to be perfect, and he wants to try to get more people to come. He wants to hire an extra hand, maybe two, just so that he will have more time to spend with Syd when she comes.

So here I am, pasting signs outside the Crashdown, where Liz is talking with Sean.

Yes, that was a pang of jealousy.

I won't ask. I will resist asking.

I also just put one up around the sheriff's station and another just outside the Center. Full circle.

I'm about to finish pasting the help wanted sign when I hear someone kicking a rock near me.

It isn't Michael.

It's Kyle.

"Hey," he says, quietly, before going on his way.

Of us all, he's gotten the worst ending.

"Kyle… I… Uh… I wanted to talk to you."

"Sure, man, what about?"

He's not himself. Still no cracks, no insults.

I can't have a confrontation if he's not up to kicking me.

I'm a sucker for torture, have I mentioned that?

Well, I am.

"Work!" is the only thing I can blurt out.

"Work?"

He's looking at me like I should be sharing the padded cell with Tess.

"Yeah... uh... Brody's looking to expand and since I know you're a dependable guy and you're not working now, I thought maybe you'd like to try…"

This is my version of an apology to him. This is the only set of terms we can function on.

"Yeah, actually, that would be kinda cool. And I guess it's all good if he flips out again, since we both know about Czechoslovakians, right?"

He just broke into a grin.

This is too much. This day is too much.

"So you'd like an interview with Brody?"

"An interview?"

"Yeah."

"What kind of interview?"

Wouldn't you like to know. "Come inside and find out."

Is this Kyle and I bonding?

I shudder at the thought.

Half an hour later, Brody starts his interview.

"Do you believe in aliens?" he asks. I wonder what Kyle will answer.

"Yes. Actually, I was abducted by an alien a few months ago. Did all kinds of things to me... it was a very disturbing experience," he says, punctuating the end of his sentence by raising his eyebrows.

"Good, good, very well." I can tell Brody's thinking he's met his nut-job match. "What is your past work experience?"

"Cleaning sawdust... but I'm a quick learner."

That's true. Iz says he's made great progress with his powers.

And for the final question: "Any recommendations?"

"Ask Evans here. He'll vouch for me."

I'm trying not to laugh. Does this define irony? "He's very responsible."

Brody makes one of his highly amusing faces and nods. "Alright, I guess we could try you out, Kyle. Max will show you around and I'll try to get you a vest by tomorrow. If you have nothing else to do, I suggest you ghost Max here for today so you can learn the ropes."

"Yes, sir."

"And, bloody hell, don't call me sir. Call me Brody. I'm not your father, kid."

"Yes... Brody."

"Good. Now I'm gonna order us some lunch."

This is going to be interesting.

In forty minutes I've shown Kyle all he has to know and I've taught him how to operate the register. I've also outfitted him with a clearance card.

Very professional.

All he needs now is the vest.

I hear the door and my first thought is customer. "We're not open for summer business until next Saturday," I say. For now, our job is getting everything ready for tourist season.

"I guess I should take the food back, then," I hear. Liz's voice. My head almost snaps, I turn to look at her so fast. "Either of you gentlemen feel like helping with the food?"

I again am on a fast track to a nervous breakdown. The bag is in my arms before you can say "Tess is a bitch."

"If I'd known you were this hungry I would've brought an extra side of fries," she jokes. She jokes!

"I... uh..." This is me, stammering.

"Kyle, what are you doing here?"

"Meet the newest employee of the UFO Center."

"No freaking way," she says, smiling wide. "How... why..."

She smiles.

Kyle explains. "I was walking around aimlessly, wondering what to do for summer, and Max here stops me and asks if I want the job. I interviewed for Brody and here you see me..." He shows his UFO center badge proudly.

Liz laughs and looks at me. She actually looks at me and laughs.

I've got to get over this. I might not be able to survive actual conversation.

She looks so good in her Crashdown uniform.

"Well, I just came to leave this... I have to get back to the cafe..."

"By all means, join us... Liz, right?" Brody comes out from nowhere and gives me an extra half hour to look at Liz. To watch her eat.

Am I obsessing?

By all means.

"Really, I can't..."

Please please please

"I insist."

Liz looks at Kyle. Looks at Brody. Looks at me. "Oh, ok. I'm due for lunch break any second now, anyway."

She sets the food down and then, get this, she sits straight across from me, right next to Brody.

You could say I'm overanalyzing.

I wonder what she's thinking.

---------------

*Liz POV*

This is awkward.

Max keeps looking at me and giving me that stupid smile.

I hate him.

I want to hate him.

I love him.

If I become any more incongruent, I'll start tap dancing and stripping for Brody.

Oh, right, Brody. He's speaking, I should be polite and pay attention. "How's Maria?"

Why did he ask for me if all he wants to talk about is Maria?

I have to tell the truth. "She's ok. My dad said you asked for her not to come. Why?"

Curiosity gets the best of me.

Brody looks to the ground, embarrassed. "I doubt her boyfriend would be appreciative of my attentions."

I nod. Michael's fists clench every time Brody's in the same building as Maria. It goes down like that.

The phone rings in the back and Max is going to go get it, but Brody stops him. "I'll get that. Help yourself to anything, Liz."

Damn damn damn. The buffer is gone.

I am hungry, but I feel uncomfortable eating Brody's food.

I just fiddle with the paper wrappers for a few minutes until he comes back.

Yeah, I'll do that.

"It's probably Sydney," Max points out, sliding his Tabasco-free fries and his cherry coke to me. "She's coming over this summer, which is why he's going bonkers." He's not acknowledging having given me the fries. In fact, he's making like it never happened.

It's a question of who's hungrier. That would be me, so I'm eating the fries quietly.

Kyle is looking from Max to me, from me to Max. This is probably a lot interesting to him.

I'm sitting across the table from the two people I've had actual relationships with.

"My dad's thinking of opening a woodshop. He says Roswell needs good carpentry," Kyle says. He's trying to make conversation, politely. Why do I feel the hairs on the back of my neck rising?

I look up from my fries and I catch Max just about to lower his gaze from me.

I'm thinking, why the heck does Roswell need good carpentry?

The souvenir industry is relying too much on plastic? What's next, wooden alien dolls and cow probes?

"Is he going to work out of your house?" Max asks, interrupting my no-Max inner diatribe.

Kyle nods. "Yeah... we figure, since I'm not planning on sleeping in what was my room ever again, he can work there and I can turn the couch into my permanent place to sleep. No use redoing the bedroom one year away from starting college."

Max turns pale every time the words college or university are uttered. He gets the Mufasa reaction.

You know what I'm talking about. That The Lion King scene where the hyenas are discussing Mufasa's name and how it scares them. One goes "Mufasa!" and the other one goes, "Ooh," as if it's scared. Then she pleads "Say it again, say it again."

Some people are suckers for torture.

"About that," I say and my voice sounds strange. That's because it isn't just my voice. Max has joined me.

Didn't I say quit reading my mind? I thought I told him, amidst the thousands of times I said fuck yesterday.

He looks down at his sandwich and gives me the go ahead. "I wanted to go through her stuff," I say.

Kyle looks at me like I'm fucking insane. Max says, "So did I."

"You guys are sick," Kyle says, his head shaking in derision.

"I saw that the translation of the book that she'd told us about was wrong. The one Michael figured out… she planted it, with Alex's help… right before he died. It was the last thing he'd been working on," Max explains.

My reason is also good. "I figure she might've kept some kinds of journals or something. Something that could help us figure out just what she and the dupes agreed on."

Kyle still shakes his head, but he answers. "Ok, I guess you guys could come over to my place tonight."

"I can't," I say. I can see that Max is trying to keep himself from asking. "I'm going to the movies," I add, in spite of myself.

He looks hurt and I don't want him to look hurt, but that's just how things are.

"Tomorrow, then? After school?" he asks, both Kyle and I. "We don't work Mondays," Max points out.

I can't believe I have just one more week of school before summer.

I have to talk to Max about driving shift.

AGGHHHH. Someone save me now.

"Yeah, sure," Kyle says. "But only if you guys do me a favor."

"What?" Max asks. I finish my last fry and reach for his cherry coke can at the same time he does. Our fingers are touching.

Before we know it, we're both agreeing to clean out Tessa's room and haul her clothes and stuff off to Goodwill.

I pity the soul that is forced to wear her skanky clothing.

And now I really need to tell Max about teaching me to drive, 'cause I'm not planning on walking forty blocks to the goodwill carrying Tess's crap.

-------------

*Max POV*


I clear all the stuff off the table and I can see that the clock's marking three already.

This is at the same time the best and worst Sunday of my life.

Have I mentioned Liz looks good in her uniform?

Our hands touched and I somehow ended up agreeing to clear out Kyle's room of any Tess remnants. Liz does that to me.

I don't want to see her leave so I turn around when she's about to.

But the weight on my shoulder, I recognize it. I know the way her hand feels on my shoulder the same way I know the sound of her footsteps when she's happy and when she's tired, or the funny way she runs, with her arms at her sides, because every time she runs it's cause she's scared. When she's scared, well, it shows in her entire body, how she holds herself completely still except for her eyes.

I turn when I hear her voice. "I need to talk to you."

Yes, I'm certain a conversation could cause me to have a heart attack.

"Shoot."

Aren't I cool?

Haha.

She gives me that quirky smile of hers. "Yeah... about tonight. I'm going out with Sean."

I can feel my heart sink to my feet, the blood seeping through my toes.

"Just as friends," she adds. "But the thing is... I guess, since you've been honest with me I should tell you… I have kissed him before."

My heart goes down, up, down again.

"I'm not ready to talk about the Kyle thing, yet," she says, anticipating my next question. I nod. "But I will be… I just need time."

I nod again. I need to start exercising my speaking abilities. "I'll be here when you're ready."

Am I not the corniest guy alive?

I was missing this side of me. Really.

"Thanks."

I look at her.

She looks at me.

Silence.

"Oh, right! well, that's not what I wanted to talk to you about."

Ok.

"What did you want to talk to me about, then?"

"The thing is, my dad has gotten this crazy idea into his head. He wants me to learn to drive a stick shift. Really, I don't know why. He of all people should know I'm a hazardous driving condition impersonated. I'm a walking, talking traffic violation."

"Maybe that's why he wants you to learn," I point out before I can catch myself.

"Yeah, probably," she says, looking down at her shoes. She probably noticed she was babbling. I don't mind her babbling.

What does this have to do with me?

"You're probably wondering what this has to do with you." Liz Parker, stay out of my thoughts. There are things you shouldn't be seeing. "Well, my dad thinks I shouldn't wait to take drivers' ed next semester. I have that learner's permit still, I've used it illegally a couple of times. Anyway, I was wondering if you wouldn't mind teaching me."

Is she actually asking me this? "I wouldn't mind, but, well, the Jeep…"

"My parents have this old pickup we can use."

Not the red pickup. "The one I've seen your mom and dad use a couple of times?" I ask, politely.

"Yeah. I know it's hideous, but we could start out on the desert, where no one would see."

The last thing I'm worried about is being seen with Liz. I'm just wondering how we'll handle a couple of hours in an enclosed space, alone.

"In exchange, my dad says you can use it to run errands."

"That's really not necessary, I don't mind..." That pickup really is awful, but what I really don't want is this to be a mere business transaction.

"What my dad really wants is me to do the Crashdown shopping this summer. He figures while you're teaching me, you can drive me to the market in Clovis until I learn to do it myself. Plus it works out wonderful 'cause we can use it to haul big pieces of obsidian, alien spaceships and all other kinds of stuff."

The Granolith is just inside the cave, it's as far as we could push it with our combined powers yesterday. Haha.

"What you really want is to not walk to the Goodwill hauling… those things."

"Yeah, well, do we have a deal?" She extends her hand.

Screw the big red truck. Hell, yeah, we have a deal.

"Deal." I take her hand and shake it. And I don't want to let it go.

Letting go of her hand at this moment is probably the hardest thing I've ever had to do.

But I do it anyway.


TBC...

There we go. Thanks for the feedback you guys. I hope you enjoyed this part. Tell me what you think!

renata

*Denial dreamer: There's no such thing as season 2.*
*Fictional Dreamer... borrowing Angela's idea... it is in fanfic where dreams come true*
*Proud -yet inactive- member of the Isabel Evans Haters Alliance*
"Never was a cornflake girl... thought it was a good solution." -- Tori Amos
posted on 12-Oct-2001 9:38:01 PM by dira
Author's note: First off, sorry for the delay. Second, thanks for the amazing feedback! I know a lot of you want to see something happen, but I need to build the story around it... but I promise to try my best to give you all an enjoyable and coherent ending if you stick with it! And now, on with the show that is...

Baby, don't look up...

Part 4


*Liz POV*

Watching a movie with Sean is... interesting.

Jay and Silent Bob it is.

No, I'm not complaining. I did have fun. It's just that… I kept thinking…

I've never gone to the movies with Max. Fact is, I've never done much of anything with Max, except run from the law, alien hunters and an assorted cast of characters out of Mork and Mindy.

Don't crap on me for knowing who Mork and Mindy are. My dad is a fan, has all the episodes they reran on Nick at Night on tape.

Welcome to the world of Liz Parker.

Again, I'm not complaining. At least, I think I'm not. It just seems like every date I've ever gone on with Max included some uninvited guest.

Exhibit A: Date 1. An almost kiss interrupted by Michael almost dying on us.

Exhibit B: Eraser room interrupted by Mr. Solis, the janitor.

Exhibit C: Michael's apartment, interrupted by Maria.

Exhibit D: The Desert. Not exactly a date, but otherwise romantic moment interrupted by a beeping orb. Actually, I guess I should bow down and thank the damn orb. We were thisclose to… you know… and I'm guessing neither of us was ready if we can't even come out and say the 's' word.

Exhibit E: Dates during what little our relationship did last interrupted by various persons. Michael and Maria, Topolski, Tess…

Shudder.

Then, just when I was about to give in again, just as happiness seemed to be thisclose to knocking down my door… Future Max.

Max, in all his incarnations, should come with a warning label. He's hazardous.

There is no more Tess-the-alien. So what about our foursquare? What about…

What about Ava?

Something just occurred to me. And you know what? It's not that bad an idea.

I'm not gonna tell you just yet.

Aw, you're smart. You'll figure it out.

Sean's looking at me funny. I've just spaced through the entire car ride. "Liz… we're here…"

He just called me Liz. "Are you ok, Sean?"

"Yeah. I was wondering the same about you."

"I'm fine… I just think I hallucinated you calling me Liz."

"Don't flatter yourself. I only call romantic interests by their last names."

"You are gonna have a hell of a time finding someone, Sean," I say. It's a joke, but I guess he takes it a little seriously.

"I guess. You wouldn't happen to know anyone now?"

I shrug and stick myself closer to the passenger's side door. I don't want him going all last-name-ish on me. "You'll find someone."

"Just not in this car, right?"

I nod. I mean, what else can I do. "Goodnight, Sean. Thanks, I had fun."

"Me too, Liz. I'll see you around."

I give him a quick peck on the cheek and practically kick open the door, leaving before he has a chance to react. I'm not into the entire use'n'destroy deal anymore.

I tackle the steps to the apartment slowly, taking in what's downstairs. Nothing. The night is dark, the desert is invisible.

The stars are all clouded over.

For the rest of my life, whenever I see or think of a star, I will think of Max. I guess we all have our little internal post-its, the yellow papers with stickum inside your mind that tell you of something that happened before. Triggers, reminders. For Maria, the Jetta will always tell her of Michael. Kyle's room is forever impregnated with Tess's absence. Isabel will see a star or a computer, and Alex will be there.

I see a star, a speck of sand, the clear night sky, a Jeep, an old Van, a man in uniform, silver, Native American Jewelry, the smell of Tabasco, a picture of Grandma Claudia, cliffs, rivers, the vast expanse of the desert, my belly… and there it is, somewhere beneath the surface. Max.

Am I obsessed? Am I in love?

Who am I when he does not define me? That is what I want to know.

Don't get me wrong. This isn't Dawson's Creek, I'm no Joey Potter. It's not about finding myself, it's about getting to know myself.

See, the problem here is Max knows all about me or mostly all. And I… I know almost everything about him.

That scares me halfway to death, 'cause I don't know much about me. I used to know. My life was clean cut, organized. I wanted to be someone, something, and I planned ahead. I had it all figured out.

Now I don't know…

I know I love Max. But I also know that this time we're spending not being together, asking forgiveness for past mistakes and figuring out if this can work… it's good for us.

I need to know if this can work, if my plans can work.

I need to know if this makes me happy now, because there might not be a later.

I need to know if I can make him happy enough not to regret this world, this life, so that he will not need to come back and ask a younger version of me to change events again.

Buffy always saves the world. Buffy dies.

We're all waiting to see if Buffy rises again.

I'm waiting to see if I can save this world without dying in the process.

But I'll take what I can get.

In my room, a bouquet of baby's breath. No white roses.

I told Maria after Alex's death that I hated white roses now. All roses. And that I had a strong affinity for baby's breath. That I loved the idea of absence of roses.

He's been harassing Maria.

There's nothing, not a note, not a card. But I know they're his.

How can it not be love?

It's never as simple as this.

But I'll take what I can get.


*Max POV*

Do you want to know how long it took me to convince Maria to tell me all I'd missed about Liz?

It took more time than I had thought, that's how long.

It took so long that I almost didn't make the last bus.

But it was worth it. This is what I know now, this is what Maria revealed.

After: apologizing, begging, begging some more, promising that my intentions were honorable.

This is the bounty I've discovered.

She hates white roses now. She hates all roses. They remind her of funerals.

She likes baby's breath. You know, those flowers that are like the side dish to roses.

I love her.

How can I not? She loves baby's breath, vanilla ice cream, and this one pair of red sneakers she's been saving up to buy for such a long time. Maria told me I couldn't get them for her, because earning them was part of the deal, and the reason she hadn't gotten them yet was because she's still having talks with the people at the Swedish airlines to get her money back. So far, she's talked them up to an 80% refund, but just in case they balk she's keeping her savings in place.

Maria also told me she's liable to kick my ass if I hurt Liz. This I already knew.

The talk with Maria was nice. She says I still have some miles to go before regaining girlfriend status.

Michael just laughed through the whole conversation. I think… I think he was enjoying seeing me suffer. I also think he's not pissed as hell at me as he might be. It's because I wasn't a complete ass when he said he wanted to stay, back there in the cave.

I wonder why I wasn't being an ass.

I wonder if Tess's powers were already winding down then. I wonder if keeping the illusion of her pregnancy was so strenuous that she couldn't warp anything else into us.

I also got some painful information. About Liz seeing me kiss Tess during the prom. About going out with Sean. Maria admitted that, for some time, she'd been thinking that Sean could be good for Liz, since I was out of the planet… picture… and since I was being an ass.

Translated, I was doing so bad that an ex-con would be better for her than I.

I need to make amends.

You might be asking yourself, "Well, if it was Tess who did everything, then why the hell should he apologize?"

Although you're probably not thinking that, I'll answer simply. Because some of the things that happened, I did them. I kissed Tess at the prom. That was no mindwarp. There was a force pulling me to her, yes. But I could have resisted. I didn't.

The lure of knowing about where I was from… it got the best of me.

This obsession with knowing where I am from, when it wasn't even me back then… I want to know.

I want to be different than King Zan. Because I don't want to fail. And I don't want to live what someone already lived. I don't want history to repeat itself.

Before, I wanted to pretend I was normal. I wanted to be someone I wasn't.

What scares me is that maybe, just maybe, that was who Liz fell in love with. Maybe she was afraid of my alien side.

Now I want to know more about my alien side, about the past that everyone paints with such ample brush strokes that I can't put everything together in a way that makes sense. I want to know so I can protect those I love. I want to know my limitations.

I want to know exactly what I can offer Liz, exactly how much happiness I can give her.

I want to know what gifts I can bring to her aside from a bouquet of baby's breath and an apology.

I want to know if I'm the best man for the job.

I want to be the best man for the job.

I want us to be together again.

But if I'm not the best man for the job, if friendship is the best I can give her... I'll take what I can get.


*Liz POV*


I wasn't expecting this.

Yes, I was expecting awkwardness with the driving lessons.

I just wasn't prepared for them to start this morning.

See, my reasoning was, after school we walk to the Crash, get Patty, go to Kyle's, go through psycho-bitch's stuff, haul it out, and then get the driving lesson.

Well, I was figuring Max would use logical reasoning, but hanging with Michael has gone straight to his brain.

Hence, he's sitting at my kitchen table when I drag myself out of the room for breakfast, hair plastered to my face and eyes bleary.

He's not too smart, this one.

My mom looks at me like I'm a complete basket case for walking out of my room like this, especially since we have company.

Well, I wasn't expecting company, mom. Otherwise, I'd be wearing shorts under my oversized sweater. It's an old one, Alex's. He left it here… so long ago. It's getting to be too warm for a sweater.

"Hi, Liz. I was just telling Max how it's not like you to sleep in, even if it is the last week of school."

I fake smile and plop down across from Max on my usual chair. "Hey," he says.

Hey, yourself, mister.

I reach for the cereal box and I glance at the kitchen clock. It's 7:00 AM, for the love of… I didn't sleep in, and I only need, what, half an hour to get ready? That gives me 45 minutes to get to school. More, since it's the last week of class and no one pays attention. What's going on here?

Am I on camera?

I'm not gonna go there.

"Max says he's here to take you to your first driving lesson."

Thanks, mom, I didn't know Max had lost the ability to speak for himself.

"Well, I have to get the café ready for opening. Now, don't be late for school," Mom chants on her way down the stairs.

I stare at my cereal bowl, Max stares at me.

"I didn't know there were buses doing runs this early."

"I… I thought you'd like me to give you a run through of the basic car parts… before school, since I guess we might take a while going through… her stuff."

We can't say her name, we can't say sex. Is there hope for us yet?

Max, come on, say something. Or is it my turn to speak?

"Ok."

Good god, if I get any more eloquent, you'll have to duct tape my mouth. Bah.

"Ok," he says. I nod.

Wow. Are we laconic or what.

I'm giving myself a brain aneurysm.

I finish up my cereal, rinse the dishes and put 'em into the dishwasher. I'm about to start clearing stuff off the table, when Max's hand gets in the way. "Uh… why don't you go get changed? I'll do this… I'm obviously too early," he offers, letting go of my hand faster than you can scream "FIRE!"

Why why why do I miss his touch so much?

Strong, Liz. There's still so much to do…

"Ok," I say, in another astounding show of eloquence. "Help yourself to anything in the kitchen… there's Tabasco in the fridge."

He nods and I know he won't touch a thing.

I walk away and I know he's staring at my legs.

Things are like that.


*Max POV*


We leave her house at 7: 45. We have thirty minutes to get to school.

Five bucks says she took an extra fifteen minutes so she wouldn't be stuck 45 minutes in a car with me.

I know I'm winning this one. I'm taking safe bets all around. I doubt insurance covers psycho-bitch attack of jeep. And even if it does, Iz is getting the new car. My bet is malibu-barbie strawberry-red convertible or some such nonsense.

She can buy Kyle's. He's selling it, since his dad needs the start up money for the woodshop.

I need to save money for a new car.

We're hardly breathing inside the pickup. She's plastered against the door on her side, and she's this close to leaving a Liz-shaped imprint there.

"This is the clutch, this is the break, this is the accelerator. The best thing you can do is use your left foot for the clutch and your right foot for the other two pedals. That way, you don't push the break instead of the clutch or viceversa."

"What if I step on the accelerator instead of the break or viceversa?"

Great. She's nervous. "Let's cross that bridge when we get to it."

She looks unsure.

"Ok. This is the stick shift. You need to shift when you up your speed. Otherwise, the motor will suffer. You start on first and work your way up."

"Ok."

She looks terrified as I show how to shift.

"I'm not going to make you drive just yet. Maybe in a couple of days."

She nods. Deer caught in headlights nod. "Ok."

"Now, just watch what I do as we drive to school, so that you get the hang of it. Ok?"

"Ok."

"This is gonna be fun," I promise.

"Ok."

She doesn't sound convinced.

Me? I'm being cool about the whole thing.

Oh, boy.


TBC...

Thoughts? Questions? Comments? Please feel free to discuss any doubts about or aspects of this fic. Please, also point out any mistakes I might be making along the way. I'm here to learn.

Of course, this one goes out with an extra-special heads up to the SpoilerBuds... you guys have been busy, I still have to catch up on the whole 'Busted' debacle.

renata