|posted on 4-Mar-2002 11:50:14 AM by sarah_copley|
Author:sarah_copley aka Saz
Category:M/L (Who Else?)
Authors Note: Ok this is short. I know. But I would appreciate any kind of FB. I mean any!
If you are reading this letter it means I've gone. I don't want to hurt you anymore, you were meant to be with Tees there is no denying that. My feelings for you will never change but I can't be the cause of the end of the world and I can't get in the way of what is meant to be. It will be hard but you have to stay strong. No-matter how much you want to you can't come to look for me because I know you will find me. Please don't blame yourself, no-one is to blame. I promise I will be fine. Please keep an eye out for Maria, she's has already lost Alex, please be there for her and tell her I will be fine. I have a confession, I didn't sleep with Kyle. You had to know this because I can't leave without you knowing, I'm sorry for the pain I caused you to see me like that. You don't realize it now but Tees is too important to ignore, let her in. The only thing that would make me happy is to know that you fulfilled your destiny.
I love you always and forever.
"She's gone" Max sobbed into Isabels shoulder. How could she go. He love her so much and he never told her. The pain was unbearable. No she can't have gone. No!
"It's okay Max, we'll find her, it will be fine." Isabel reassured Max as she led him toward Lizs neatly made bed. She had never seen her brother like this.
"No, that's not what she wanted, she would never forgive me, she's gone Isabel for good!" Max handed the tear-soaked letter to Isabel. She gasped as she read her asking Max not to try to find her. Isabels eyes filled with tears and it hit her. Liz was gone. She turned to Max and sobbed as she held him tight.
She wondered aimlessly. Could she really go through this? Leave her whole life behind? Yes. She had to do this. Liz couldn't stand it any longer lying to Max, but if she told him the truth and stayed it would have made things so much worse. She crept towards Marias mail box and slid the letter in. Where was Max now? She wondered silently to herself. She picked up her bags and waddled down the road in hope of a lift. Finally the red car came to a halt by the side of her and she slid in. 'Bye Max' she said as a tear slipped down her face and splashed on the leather interior.
Maria opened her eyes the next morning to a violent tapping at her window. Who the hell was that, it was 1 am. Max.
She climbed out of her bed an opened the window. Max stood there with rain dripping of him. His eyes were red and swollen and he was sobbing violently.
"Did you know? Why didn't you tell her not to go? She did tell you didn't she, she tell you everything. Maria what are we going to do she's gone and I can't get her back." Max let out more sobs that seemed to quiet the rain.
"Shhh, Max, shhh your not making sense who's gone. What has happened is it Liz?" It was Marias turn to get hysterical now. She put her hands on her hips and awaited an answer.
Max just nodded and held up a letter in front of him.
"I found this in your mail box, I think its from her." Max handed the letter to Maria and turned to leave. She watched as he disappeared out of the room and turned her eyes to the letter in front of her. She unfolded slowly. Knowing whatever she read would not be good news.
I'm sorry for doing this to you and not saying a word. If I had told you I know you would have wanted to stop me and that would have made it harder. I'm not sure where I'm going but it isn't going to be anywhere near. Please don't try to find me and don't let Isabel or Max try to contact me. I had to go because it is too hard. Don't blame yourself and don't blame Max whatever you do. Make sure you are there for him he will need you more than ever. You'll never understand why I'm doing this. I'm not even sure why I am. Before she died Grandma Claudia told me to always folly my heart. I'm taking that advice now and I only hope it leads me to somewhere better than Roswell, New Mexico. Anytime you feel it's too hard, just look at my gift. I have the other half. We'll always be joined that way. Alex is watching over you and he will be so proud if you stay strong. You have been such a great friend. I will get in touch but not straight away.
Never forget me.
She reached into the envelope and gasped when her fingers grazed cool metal. She pulled it out slowly. There in her hand lay half of a friendship necklace. He mid flashed back to a conversation Alex, Liz and Maria had shared in junior high.
* You know, we should get one of those best friend necklaces. *
* Yeah, that'd be cool. What do you think Alex? *
* Huh. Me. Necklace? No way. Anyway they don't make them for three people. Yo can only get them in halves. * He said with a snort.
* Oh don't you worry. One day I'll find one and we'll stay friends forever. *
That was what Liz had promised the three of them.
She looked at it again. It was a gold oval. Maria had the right side of it. Lizs name ran on the band on the outside and as she looked closer she saw the first two letters of Alex's name on her half. She held it to her chest as tears streamed down her face. Maria sobbed into her bed quilts as she mourned over losing her two best friends.
5 YEARS LATER
The phone rang in Marias home and she sighed. She swooped up baby Beth off the floor and picked up the phone.
"Hi, is Maria DeLuca their?" The voice down the line sounded shy and sweet.
"Goodness I haven't gone by that name in years now sweetheart. This is Maria Valenti."
"Oh, my god Maria is that really you?" Realization hit Maria.
"LIZ?!" Whoa, this was Liz Parker. Finally she had got in touch.
"Yeah how are you? Hang on did you just sat Maria Valenti, not Kyle? No way!"
"Um I'm fine" Maria couldn't believe she was hearing her best friends voice down the phone line.
"Did mom and Dad cope after I went? I keep in touch with them but they are still mad. What about the others Isabel...Michael?" Liz purposely avoided Maxs name along with Tees because the thought still pained her.
"Oh...so no-one has told you?" Marias voice was solemn.
"Told me what?"
"Liz, Tees and Max are together now. They Got married last June. Sorry." Maira said solemnly. Liz cleared her throat and sighed. What did she expect. Max to have never so much as looked at another female in his life. No chance, not after her letter.
"Yeah I'm fine. What about you? It's been three years Maria, I've missed you so much."
"You too babes. I'm fine. I got married to Kyle when I was 18, turns out he isn't so bad after all." Maria smiled. "I wish you could have come to the wedding Liz, it was perfect. We have the most adorable daughter she is only 9 months old. When can you come and see her?"
"Oh Maria that is so fantastic. I'm not sure it is a good idea that I come to see you though. I won't be able to cope its not been easy you know?" An edge of bitterness in her voice. She regretted her words straight away. It was just as hard for Maria as it had been for her.
"Oh I'm sorry Maria I shouldn't have said that, it came out wrong."
"Look Liz you just phone up one day 5 years after you disappeared off the face of the earth and expect things to be perfect. You took the easy way out. I would never have expected that from you. You left us all with no clue where you are and you left me... You left me on my own Liz. After you went I had no-one it was the worst thing ever. I thought I meant more to you than that. So whatever you do don't say it has been hard because you have no idea!" Maria broke down into tears. She knew that she was being hard but it was true. It was what she had felt the last three years. Beth sat on her hip playing with strands of Marias hair. She raised her finger to her mouth, to tell her mother to stop crying. Something that Maria had done to Beth since she was a little child.
"I know Maria and I am so sorry, but I couldn't keep lying to you all. It was the hardest thing that I have ever had to do. Please forgive me." Liz began to cry as well. "I will come to see you if you want, just tell me where you live."
"I do forgive you Hun, it was just so hard. Why did you go? Max wouldn't tell me. God, he missed you so much." Liz explained to her all about her and Kyle and how she couldn't lie anymore. They made arrangements and Liz promised to go to see Maria the next day. When Liz put the phone down, Maria immediately phoned Max.
"Max, you'll never guess who phoned me just now?" Marias voice was evident with joy.
"Look Maria I'm sorry I don't have time its really busy here and I'm working I'll speak to you later OK?" Max lowered the receiver. But froze when he heard Lizs name.
THE NEXT DAY
Liz pulled up in front of the Valenti residence only to be surprised at the amount of cars parked in front. She hoped Max and Tees weren't there. She climbed out of the car with the bottle of champagne and walked up to the path. Just as she reached the door she decided to see exactly who was there. She peered into the living room window to see Maria wrapped in Kyle's arms sat on the sofa. Who would have thought it, those too. She looked harder to see Tees sat on the floor with a small child playing peek-a-boo with her hands. Jim Valenti sat and watched his almost daughter play with her niece. It was a beautiful sight. She trust herself to look for Max so she averted her eyes back to the door. Suddenly she felt 17 again. The Valentis door was the door of the red sedan that picked her up in the middle of the pouring rain. This decision could change her life for better or for worse. Lizs vision became blurry and tears spilled onto her maternity dress. She really couldn't do this.
"We can go home if you want." Her husband rested his hand on her shoulder. Liz sighed deeply and shook her head.
"No, Josh it's just that it's been so long, so much has happened. What if they don't want to know me anymore?"
"Come on you'll feel better once you've seen them all again." Josh leaned over and gently knocked on the door. Within seconds Kyle was at the door smiling happily.
"Liz!" Kyle exclaimed. She took a deep breath when she saw him close up. His blue eyes no-longer held the constant fear. She had noticed that years ago. Fear for what she didn't know. Fear that they would capture Tees, maybe. But no. That no-longer existed, all saw was joy. Joy of seeing his close friend after years and years of worry.
"Hey Kyle. Josh this is Kyle. Kyle this is Josh, my husband." Josh leaned forward, extending his right hand.
"It's a pleasure to meet you, Kyle"
"You too." Kyle scanned his eyes over Josh and smiled as if giving his approval whilst shaking his hand. The three stood in the doorway awkwardly, unsure of who should make the first move.
"So then where's Maria?" Liz was so anxious to see her best friend from high school.
"Come through, we have invited everyone else here too."
"We guessed." Liz gestured to the row of cars parked on the road. And stepped in to the home, passing the champagne to Kyle who took their coats. Liz could hear the muttering voices coming from the Living room. She took a deep breath and took a hold of Josh's hand. He gave her a reassuring smile and opened the door to let Liz through. The muttering she had heard ceased and everyone sensed her presence.
One by one the heads turned in Lizs direction Maxs being the last. She looked at them expectantly, were they happy that she was there or were they still mad? She heard Maria gasp.
"Oh my god. You didn't tell me you were...." Maria gestured towards Lizs stomach and smiled.
"Pregnant. You were always one to state the obvious Maria!" Liz said as she returned the smile..
"Hey guys, this is my husband Josh." Josh smiled and put his arm around Liz.
"Hi, nice to meet you all."
Before she knew it Liz was almost swept off her feet by Maria.
"Oh Hun, it's been so long." Maria took a step back and smiled at Josh. "So when is it due?"
"Um, they..." Josh corrected smiling. "are due next week actually. Liz is having twins."
"Congratulations Liz." Tees was the first to speak from the floor.
"Thanks Tees." And then Liz realized it. They no-longer held grudges. All they had felt towards her was worry. She had scared them all so much. She looked around again.
"Where are Isabel and Michael?" She asked. Wondering if they had followed their own destinies. She noticed the look of sadness flash across her friends face.
"They left." Maria said, Liz knew it was something she didn't want to discuss in front of the rest of the room. So Liz diverted the attention away from her.
"Hmm, food smells good." She commented kindly.
After everyone but Max had congratulated them Liz introduced Josh to everyone. Over dinner they filled each other in on the past three years that Liz had been away from Roswell. Everyone was purposely avoiding why she had left and the fact that she had run away. Then it came.
"So Liz that was some scare you gave us leaving like that." Jim said it in a friendly tone but it made everyone stop whilst chewing their food.
"Uh, yeah I'm sorry about that." Liz stared at her food and it suddenly didn't seem all that appetizing.
"So you never said, why did you go?" Kyle glared at his father across the table. But Jim ignored it. The group were still acting like teenagers, when they were all adults. He wanted answers and the only one to supply him with them would be Liz.
"Well, I just felt like I needed some space. If I had stayed any longer I would have suffocated." Liz smiled uneasily at everyone. They were all glancing towards Max. So far not one word had been exchanged between the two all night.
Maria was the one the save the day once again.
"So who's up for dessert?"
"Ooh yeah." said Jim licking his lips. Maria swiped up the plates and Tees went to help. Liz had attempted to stand up but was soon pulled back down again by Josh.
"You need your rest sweetie." Liz had just nodded. Joshes smile reminded her so much of Max. They were both so similar it was unreal. Every time she thought that, a wave of guilt rolled over her. She wanted to love Josh because he was Josh but she knew deep down she couldn't.
"Why don't we go sit outside?" Josh gestured to the bench on the Patio. Liz just nodded and relaxed and Josh helped her out of her chair. They walked out into the night and were greeted with gentle breeze. The sky was clear. Liz resisted the urge to look at the V constellation. She would do that every night since she had left Roswell. She had come back to put the past behind her, as stange as that sounded. Max obviously had gotten over her, and she had Josh.
"So what do you think?" Liz asked resting her head on Joshes shoulder.
"What of them. Well they are fantastic you have such great friends Liz. By the way what was all that about when that Jim guy started to ask questions. I didn't know you ran away. Why did you do it. You don't think I bought that story in there do you?"
"It's a long story. I had some bad history with one of them and then my best friend Alex died it was just too much for me to cope with." Liz hated to lie to him but it was part of the truth. She reached under her shirt for the other half of the Necklace. She caressed it gently.
"Oh Liz I didn't know. You'll have to be more honest you know."
"Yeah I'm sorry." They sat in silence for a moment. Josh knowing that she needed time to think about things.
"I'll not be long." Josh got up and slowly jogged back towards the house, in need of the toilet. It seemed that as soon as he was gone Max was standing in front of her. They stared intently at each other and then Max took a seat next to Liz. The both looked of into space.
"I love nights like this. Calm, soothing. Gives you time to think huh?" He asked gently.
"Yeah." She said, her voice full of regret and sorrow.
"Look Liz I...."
"No Max let me go first. I'm so sorry for leaving you like that. It just shows how much of a coward I am. But no matter where it led me I knew I was doing the right thing. We are both so happy now. And Max you're married. This is just how I wanted you to be. And If I could go back then I would not change a thing. I just want you to know that I won't ever forget you. You were the most perfect part of my life." Liz was leaned back against the bench and resumed her staring..
"I know Liz, I know why you did what you did and it was the right thing to do. . . It's just all I thought when you were gone was 'If only' I was a normal teenage kid then we could have made it work. Nothing could stop me from loving you. I don't love her. I'm with her because you want me to be with her. But I can't resent you for doing what you did. When Michael and Isabel left they wanted me to go with them. But I didn't. Because I knew you would come back." Liz smiled. She had dreamt of this moment so many times. Why was she so upset? This is what she wanted wasn't it. For Max to be with Tees. No. She wanted Max to be happy. She looked across at Max. He was looking back at her. Slowly, they moved closer. Both of them anticipating a moment they had dreamt of for years. They closed their eyes and their lips met in a soft gentle kiss. It was different than the kisses she had shared with Max in the past. This was a good bye kiss. After five years, they both were letting go. Max pulled away, as he did, he realized this would be the hardest thing he would ever have to do. He got up slowly, wanting to savor the taste of her lips and walked away, without a back ward glance. Liz stared into the darkness, his words floating around in her mind.
If only I would have stayed Max things would have been perfect.