posted on 20-Apr-2002 5:28:59 PM by Shameless

I never in a my life thought I'd post my XF fiction at a Roswell affilliated board... considering that the other fiction that's posted here seems to circulate around Buffy and Angel.... I feel like a Fucking minority.... people embrace Sci/Fi! X-Philes pretty much invented fan fiction! 9 years of a series... and more films on the horizon... this one's not gonna die quietly. Much like like Roswell.

TITLE: Alive
AUTHOR: Rebekah
CATEGORY: Vignette/Mulder/ScullyRomance
SPOILERS: Set in early S8, references to S1-S2(Attitudes) The
Blessing Way, and spoilers for Redux, Christmas
Carol, Emily, Milagro, Requiem, Within. (Yes someone is VERY stuck
in the past.)
DISCLAIMER: They're not mine, I'll put 'em back when I'm done.
ARCHIVE: Gossamer, Ephemeral... sure, otherwise y'all gotta ask me
first. Those at other boards probably have no idea what those sites are, but if you wanna find out, here goes
SUMMARY: Thoughts of the lost and lonely.
FEEDBACK: Please... if you feel the need. Tell me what you
of the piece. Be kind. Shameless325⊕


By Rebekah

The ceiling is flat and white, tiny cracks scar its surface.
Studying its imperfection in the early hours of the morning.

Leaving the windows open, hearing the traffic outside, keeping me
from feeling my loneliness.

"Loneliness is a choice,"

I said that some time ago. Now it doesn't feel like a choice, now
it's a torture.

So many times I was left alone. Never with my family though.

I wasn't used to being abandoned; no one can get used to that
feeling. Not being wanted, or needed.

In the beginning, it was my punishment for a title in his life,

He left me hanging, time and time again. But I welcomed him back,
an obligation to our work.

I believed in his passion, I still do. But right now, I just wish
he would appear, sitting in my bedroom. Lights out, in my
armchair, warning me to not take off my clothes.

I never really thought about having children. Until two years
when we discovered a little girl.

Emily, three years old, blonde, and dying.

She looked just like my sister. Looking into her eyes was like
seeing Missy again.

I miss her so much.

My older sister was brought back in the form of a little girl. A
brave child... she died.

She fingered my necklace... I unclasped it placing it around her
small neck. A simple gold cross, it felt right seemingly
giving Missy hers back.

So small and frail, I wanted to take her into my arms, and never
let go. Then she was gone.

I was at her funeral, opening her miniature casket, finding our
cross, on top of her ashes.

An UN-conscience decision.

I took it back, for me, and my future children. Even if I knew
then that would never happen, but some how I knew in my heart that
that could change.

The most surreal moment of my life to date was an
invasion and a break through.

This intelligent young man had his heart in his hand.

A writer, writing me so well that it flattered and terrified me.

I wanted him for a millisecond, fleetingly conjuring lustful
thoughts. They didn't feel like mine.

The moment he walked out of that cell, the mettle bars clanking
shut, I knew he would say something life changing.

I dreaded it, and he said what I never thought could be justified
or seen.

"Agent Scully is already in love."

My heart stopped.

Now I stand in front of my mirror, staring myself down. I can't
bring myself back from the realization. And then the brick wall
that I feel slammed against.

I'm alive I'm more alive than ever, but I am lost.

How could I have let myself fall? How could I be so alive, that
life could grow inside of me?

How could I let him leave?

The End

No, really, it's over... click on the back button and go find
another story to scrutinize. But if you don't feel like readin'
anymore you can always write to me and tell me whatcha' thought of
the story.

I found an unfinished story on a discarded disk. I looked
it over, edited it up a bit. And sent it on to a friend to tell
if it was (and I quote myself) "Sucks like Mariah Carry in
'Glitter', or as good as Homer's 'The Iliad'?" She told me to
submit it immediately. Thank you Ashlee! I just found out that in
May 2002, The X-Files TV series will have it's series Finale. Let
us pay homage to the Carter/Spotnitz idol's in our homes... and
our damndest to persuade them to make the second XF movie. Either
that or bribe Fox.

Alright before I say good-bye indefinitely... I gotta submit
that THIS is the first story/piece what-have-you that I've EVER
completed Okay... you can go now.
posted on 20-Apr-2002 11:40:45 PM by Shameless
Okeeeey.... guess nobody here likes The X-Files....

Have to say, I'm a tad disappointed.