|posted on 14-Feb-2003 11:52:36 PM by Peter Parker|
|Kiss The Rain|
Written By: Peter and Frances
Spoilers: Everything until the end of 'Castaways'
Notes: This story actually came to Frances(my beta-reader) in a dream. So we decided to collaborate and turn it into a short little fanfic. From the both of us, Happy Valentines Day!
Have you ever had time stand still? A moment that, technically, lasts only a second…but feels longer. Minutes. Hours. Days. Years. It’s never anything good either. The good things never feel long enough. The horrible ones last so long that it, for a second, you want to die just so that it would be over finally.
The first time I felt this way was when my mom died. That day seemed like an eternity to me, but the worst part was right there at the end. All I could hear was the beeping coming from that heart monitor. That straight green line, accompanied by the long, drawn-out sound. I went hysterical, claiming to the doctors that it was broken and lying to us. I wouldn’t accept it, so I just unplugged the stupid thing. Just so that I didn’t have to listen to that sound anymore. I just wouldn’t accept it. If I couldn’t hear the sound, it meant that she wasn’t really dead.
I’m a lot older now. I’ve learned to accept things like that. People die; it’s just a fact of life. I just knew that no matter how horrible I felt that night, I’d never have to go through that again.
I was wrong.
“Miss?” the nurse asks me as I walked into the hospital room. “Are you sure you don’t want anybody with you?”
I shake my head.
“I’m fine!” I tell her.
She doesn’t seem to believe me. Who can blame her, considering how weak my voice sounds right now. Look at that! Me, Joey Potter…so scared to even speak up.
“What’s your relationship with him?” she asks me, sounding completely clinical.
I laugh, causing her to look at me strangely. It’s an ironic laugh. Imagine what her surprise would be if I told her that I had absolutely no clue.
“He’s my best friend…” I lie.
Wait to go, Joey. Even at your worst moment, you still can’ bare to let the world know what you think. What you feel. Let everyone think that you’re fine, when the truth is that you feel dead inside.
What’s my relationship to him? He’s the kid I spent my childhood playing with. The boy who I spent puberty fantasizing about while I slept with him in his bed. The guy who’s heart I broke three years ago. The man I made love to only a few months ago, and then sent him away. He’s my best friend. The love of my life. My soulmate. My everything!
“I’ll leave the two of you alone, then!” she tells me, and calmly exits.
Suddenly we’re alone. Just the two of us. Gale will be here in the morning…but I couldn’t wait. I had to see him. Alone. Pacey offered to come with me, considering he’s as shaken up about what happened as I am. I don’t know…after what happened last night when we were locked in the apartment store, it just wouldn’t feel right. I’d feel guilty with Pacey there, so I told him to spend time with Audrey. I just want time alone with him.
“Hey!” I greet him, knowing for sure he can’t hear me. “How are you?”
He doesn’t answer. He just lies on that hospital bed, as still as a corpse. A living dead man. Suddenly, the past few hours race through my head. Arriving home and checking my phone messages. One was from Audrey, so I listened to it. She told me what the police had told her. About how Dawson had stayed late at the studio, finishing up some editing work for his direct-to-cable film. He was overworked…tired. He shouldn’t have been driving home, but no one was left at work to give him a ride.
Dawson had always taken after Mitch. A little too well, it seems. A truck…it didn’t see him. Dawson tried to get off the road, but it was too late. Even thought it wasn't head-on, his car spun out and crashed into a poll. It was only the airbags that saved his life, but even they couldn't stop him from slipping into a coma.
I called Pacey the second I found out, demanding he drive me to LA this instant. He was reluctant at first, but quickly changed his mind when I told him the reason.
"You know I was down here a few weeks ago?" I tell him. "I didn't go to see you. I don't know why...I just couldn't bring myself to do it. This is your world...your life. I couldn't bring myself to..."
I pause suddenly, kneeling down so I can get a better look at his face. He's breathing, I know he is. That machine says he is, but it doesn't look like it to me. This isn't Dawson. Dawson is so energetic and lively, and makes fun of me acting the way I'm acting now. He makes jokes, and teases me, and gives me this look that tells me he's hanging on every single word I say and commits it to memory. This isn't him...it just can't be.
Why am I doing this, anyway? Why am I making up excuses for somebody who can't even hear me? So I convince myself they're true.
"I'm not gonna do this!" I say out loud. "I didn't come all this way to see you and not...and not say the truth!"
So go ahead Joey...say it.
"More time!" I mutter. "We always put things off, don't we? You and me. We wait a month or an entire summer so that we can 'deal with it' later, always assuming we'll have more time. What happens when we have time left, huh Dawson?"
My eyes start to sting, as I feel it coming. The wellspring of emotions that I've held back for months.
"I can't believe this is happening." I continue, tears in my eyes. "Look at you. Just lying there. I'm so sorry for everything that has happened this past year. I never wanted to hurt you."
"I've been so stupid." I sob. " We did have an incredible night and it wasn't a mistake. I only said that cuz , well you know me. I lash out easily. and I realize now that you didn't really love Natasha. How could I think that? How could I ever think that?"
Suddenly, I feel drops of water on my cheek. At first I think it's my own tears, but then realize that Dawson's bed sheets are becoming damp as well. I took towards the window and notice that it's started to rain.
I smile, remembering another time. A simpler time.
"Rain." I whisper nostalgically. "Most people hate it, but I don't know there's just something about it" We had some great times in the rain. That day after school when we walked home together and you put your big coat over us so we wouldn't get wet."
I give a small laugh, remembering that day. I sigh, and for a second, it almost sounds like he sighs too. It's just my imagination, I know. He's not here...no matter how much I wish he were.
"And of course our first make-up." I say, my eyes watering again. "I don't think I will ever forget that moment. We didn't even need to speak. I know what you were feeling and you knew what I was feeling."
I take his hand in mine, clutching it as if it were my own lifeline. As if letting go would destroy me.
It's now that I begin to lose control. I can no longer hold it back. For only the third time in my entire life, I begin sobbing uncontrollably. Resting my head on his chest, clutching his sheets.
"I want to make-up!" I tell him between the tears. "Don't leave me, Dawson! Please, god, don't leave me. I love you! I love you so much!"
I stay there, time standing still once again. That one horrible moment when I realize how much time I've wasted. This time it's different though. Images flash through my head. Him handing me a snow globe representing his life's dream. Kissing at the airport, then at a bus station, then in his room. Hugging on my dock. Dancing. Walking home in the rain. Holding me without any explanation. Without any needed.
Then I hear his voice in my head.
"I love you, too!" he whispers.
I open my eyes, realizing something...I don't remember him ever saying that. It was always me...responding to him. It was one of the things that I felt guilty about.
It was my imagination. It had to be.
"Dawson?" I ask.
"Yeah?" he whispers.
At that moment, a smile appears on my face. Hope. Pure hope fills my body as a real live miracle is staring me in the face. His eyes are open. He's smiling at me.
I don't know what to say.
"You are such a cry-baby, you know that?" Dawson says to me.
"DAWSON?!" I cheer for joy, wrapping my arms around him. "NURSE! He's awake...he's ALL RIGHT!!!"
His body feels week. Like a child, but suddenly I don't care. I don't care about anything, except that he's back. Here. With me.
"Did you...?" I ask, tears of joy running down my cheeks. "I mean, how much of that did you hear?"
He smiles at me.
"I wanna make up, too!" he says in a weak voice.
Impulsively, I kiss him. Letting loose every single emotion in my entire body. I suddenly hear two people enter the room. The familiar voice saying 'no way' tells me who it is.
I don't care. If he has a problem with it, then too bad. I don't think he does, though. His best friend's alive. If I know him, that alone is enough.
And like I said, I don't care.
All I know is that my name is Joey Potter. And right now, I'm the happiest girl alive.