posted on 24-Sep-2001 11:46:10 AM
Titel: Silence
Author: flohmac
Rated: PG (for now)
Category: M/L AU
This is my second fan fiction, so I'm still learning. I’m also still learning English, as it isn’t my mother language so sorry for any occurring mistakes! The story will mainly be told out of Max' and Liz' point of view.
Disclaimer: I own nothing; I’m just someone who has too much time writing stories; no infringement intended.
Summary: Liz is a famous actress in Hollywood, formed by this business her world changes when she meets Max Evans, famous designer but different from all the famous people surrounding her.
(()): Talking in sign language

Part 01


Okay so here I am, driving my new Mercedes Benz through the hills of Malibu - damn why am I so bad on directions. Maria had insisted on inviting me over after finally moving to LA with Michael Guerin.
But let's start at the beginning shall we?
I'm Liz Parker - yeah you heard right - that Liz Parker, the one who just won the Oscar for best actress – right so I assume you know me but for those who don't I'll tell you a little bit about myself 'kay?
My real name is Elisabeth Parker, born and raised in Roswell, New Mexico and no I'm not an alien and neither have I ever seen one - well at least not there - Los Angeles and New York are both a total different story. My parents still live there - they enjoy their life there - owning a diner called the Crashdown. Not very clever but hey - who am I to complain - they like it and I spent half of my teenage years there jobbing and having fun. That's where I met Patrick McIntyre - my future manager. I was 16 when he came in asking me for directions and he loved me from the spot - I mean who wouldn't. I know I'm pretty, talented and not dumb if I may say so. He told me that he was looking for a special type of girl for a part in a new Soap on TV and if I would be interested. So I liked acting and when he gave me his card I promised to fly to LA right after finishing school for the summer and so I did. And that's when everything changed - I auditioned for this role, got it, signed the contract and one month later the soap was a hit on television. What can I say the people loved me - and they still do. After two years I decided that it was time to move on and either start studying microbiology what I always wanted to do or keep looking for more demanding roles and voila - they just kept coming.
I'm now 24 years old and just won my first Oscar. Can you believe that? Small town girl Liz Parker won an Oscar! Yeay!
Well what else do you need to know? I like being famous, I like to play with the media although it can be disturbing from time to time when everywhere you go at least ten paparazzi are following you. You wanna know what my secret is? Give them what they want and they leave you alone. You don’t believe me? Well then answer me this one question who do you think would they want to have an their print more a mysterious person who you hardly know anything about and where it’s hard to get any picture or me? Liz Parker of whom they have hundredth of picture and know everything about my private life. You don’t think it’s private anymore? Well you’re right but as long as you make them believe that it is private it’s fine. But let’s stop talking about me shall we?

Damn an impasse!!!

So where were we?

Right now let me tell you something about Maria, my best friend and let me tell you it's really hard to find real friends in this business and I'm talking about REAL friends. People you can rely on no matter what. People who don't care about your clothes or what car you drive. I met Maria shortly after arriving in Los Angles. She wanted to become a singer and after being at least nominated for two Grammies last year I would say - mission accomplished. Life wasn't really easy for two young girls but somehow we made it. After six months we decided to share an apartment and we had the time of our life. Unfortunately fame came between us and we hardly spent any time together - she was traveling around the world, while I was stuck in California. Don't get me wrong, we're still friends but it's really hard to keep in contact nowadays. While traveling around the world she met Michael. He is a designer and his clothes are wonderful. The problem was that he lived in New York - do you see the problem? Liz West Coast, Maria East Coast! 'Damn' you would say - and that was exactly what I said when she told me that she was moving to New York so don't worry. When ever I was at the East Coast I tried to meet up with them and when they told me six months ago that they were planning on moving to LA I was relieved. So here I am - lost. Damn! Where is this fucking cell phone?

"Chica I'm waiting where are you?"

"I'm lost Maria."

"Okay where are you?"

"Some place called - Lafayette Parkway."

"Okay, then all you have to do is drive to the end of the street and turn right. Cee ya."

Okay so this isn't as bad as I thought.



Yes this is better - much better with Michael finally living in LA it is a lot easier to get our clothes ready. Oh by the way - I'm Max Evans you may know me from 'G&E Design' as in 'Guerin & Evans Design'. Michael and me have known each other for - let me think - hmm - I think for at least 15 years. The funny thing about it is that we met in school and we both had the same dream of becoming designers - I know what you think. 'They're gay so what' - I'm used to live with this prejudice but let me tell you neither Michael nor I'm gay. So I don't have a girlfriend - so what - Michael is happy with his Maria and I'm happy that he found her. She's a sweetheart really - a little eccentric at times but lovely nevertheless. Of course we had our communication problems at the beginning but now it all is good. It's always hard for me to get in contact with people and to talk to them. I'm not really an outgoing person. I like to keep to myself, dedicate everything to my work and…yeah I like being alone. What? Why are you looking at me like this? Oh you don't know? Well I'm deaf - I wasn't born like that though - four years ago I was involved in an explosion and since then it is silent. It was hard at the beginning let me tell you and even now from time to time I wish there was something I could do. I've learned to live with it - I can read from lips and I can talk with my hands and if nothing helps I write down what I want.
I think I'm still lucky because after all I can still talk so that everybody understands me. I sometimes ask Michael if I still speak normal or if something has changed. He knows that I want his honest opinion and until now he always said that I still sound the same way as before and that I still articulate very well. So - yeah I'm used to it now.
The nice thing about my job is that I don't really have to communicate, I'm the one who's always in the studio drawing etc. while Michael is the one who's doing the public stuff, going to shows, standing in the spot light. He loves that and so we both found a way to be happy. So what more do you want?
I mean sure the accident had been terrible but hey - I guess saying that your hard work was finally appreciated compensates for it a bit. That was two and half years ago.

Maria has just told me that Michael and her are expecting a friend and that I should join them, I told her that I'm busy with getting our new collection ready and that they shouldn't worry about me.


Part 02


Maria opens the door as soon as I get out of my car.


She shrieks running straight at me, throwing her arms around my neck.


"What that's all? 'Hey 'ria'?"

"Well what do you expect you know that I can't do better than you, nobody can. So how are you?"

"I'm fine and what do you say?"

We are standing in front of the big house and it is really big. She is so happy.

"Not bad - and you and Michael are living alone in here?"

"No, well - Michael's partner lives here, actually it's his."

"You mean Max Evans, the mysterious Max Evans who never gets out etc. .He let's you stay in his house?"

"Liz, Max is a real nice guy believe me. Michael and him have been friends forever and I like it here. They have their studio back in the garden and we're all having our own apartments if you want to put it that way. Max lives in the right part of the house, Michael and me in the left and…"

"And you meet for some kinky stuff in the middle of it."

Sorry, I just couldn't keep my mouth shut, Maria giggles. Oh well we have known each other also for at least seven years now, so what do you expect?
We enter the house and let me tell you it's a dream come true. Everything is in bright colors, high ceilings; the furniture is mainly white also. Yeah I can see why Maria likes it here.

"Liz honey - how are you?"

Michael, he is just coming down the steps and looks fabulous.

"Michael - hey."


He hugs me then lookes at me.

"So that is how it feels to hug an Oscar winner."

"Very funny Michael - did it feel any different?"


I smack him on the arm and we both laugh.

"C'mon guys let's get into the garden or do you want a tour of the house first?"

"That would be interesting yes…if you don't mind of course."

"I don't have a problem with that I'll just leave you two alone for the tour, I'll be in the studio 'kay babe?"

"Sure, will be the last stop of our tour."


Who would have ever thought that those two could be so lovely with each other? In the beginning all they could do was fighting. Anyway…we start with the tour of the first floor, then second floor, garden and…the studio.

"I think Max is still in the studio working so you wanna go in?"

"Uhm - I don't know 'Ria I feel like intruding on his work and…"

"Bullshit, C'mon."

She grabs my hand and drags me into the building at the end of the garden.

I can see Michael arranging fabric on a mannequin and someone else was standing next to him - hidden by the doll. So this must be him - Max Evans. I don't know anything about him - no one really knows anything about him as a matter of fact. He lives outside the publicity. I have already heard so many rumors about him that I am a little curious about what he is really like. 'He is ugly, he's dumb, he's ill, he's gay, he's shy, he thinks he's god…blabla…well you know how the industry works' the list could go on and on and…oh my god. Forget about the ugly and ill crab, will you? He is beautiful…tall, dark hair and the most mesmerizing amber eyes I have ever seen and he is looking right at me. Have you ever felt like in trance when you didn't hear or didn't see anything around you but only one thing…well you get the picture. It is like slow motion when he started smiling at me.

"Liz? LIZ!"

Maria! She is saying something to me but I can't make out any sense.


"Liz, that is Max Evans."

She turns towards him and says in a strange way

"Max this is Liz Parker my friend."

What's the matter with her? Why is she talking so strange? Never heard her articulating so well in fact I didn't even know that she was capable of accent free English. Argh - forget about Maria there is somebody else who has my full attention.

"It's a pleasure meeting you Liz."

Oh yeah, really - so I admit it - I like men with a nice deep voice and let me tell you he has that. He is not only beautiful, sexy - an Adonis if you want to put it like that but he also has a nice voice to make you come at once! OOPS!!! The voices in my head start going nuts 'Where's the catch?' I guess you get the picture right?
Before I can say or do anything Michael decides that it is time to leave - NO - I am whining. Of course not out loud - I mean I have a boyfriend - and guess what would happen if I said anything.
Michael and Maria are waving before turning around and leaving Max behind. I can't resist, so I turn around, taking a last look at the god. He is pining something at the mannequin after waving bye-bye to Maria and Michael. Then suddenly he lifts his eyes, he somehow had sensed that I'm staring at him and oh my god is he smirking? That is the most adorable smirk I have ever seen in my whole life….and…and I start to repeat myself. Don't I? Damn.



Michael is suddenly standing next to me.

"What are you doing here Mike?"

(("Maria gives her friend the grand tour of the house, hope you don't mind."))

"Why should I…so what do you think?"

Now you must know that Michael and me have found a way to judge each other's work without the need of talking. If one if us don’t like the work he would just change it and that is exactly what Michael is doing in the moment. He takes out a few needles, replacing the fabric as he wants it to be and puts the needles back.

"Okay, yeah I like that better."

I nod, want to turn away but Michael stops me. I think I can call myself lucky that as soon as he knew that I was deaf he started learning sign language and whenever he talks to me more than two sentences he talks with his hands. Yeah you're right - I can call myself lucky that I have him as my best friend.

(("So you're sure you don't mind me and Maria having a party here? I mean I could totally understand if you said no Max. After all you're the one who allows us to stay here…"))

(("Michael there's no problem at all okay? I'm fine with it…just make sure to keep it away from my rooms and from the studio, the rest is fine with me."))

(("Okay….Thanks. So what are you going to do tonight?"))

(("I think I'm going to meet with Isabelle, Alex is on a trip to the East coast and those raging pregnancy hormones are driving her nuts."))

(("Tell her I said 'hi' and I'll visit her as soon as possible or maybe you should also invite her for the party, what do you think?"))

(("Sure I can do that."))

…as long as I don't have to be there. Don't get me wrong I like being around people - as long as I know them and as long as they don't feel pity for me. As I mentioned before it's hard for me to get to know people - 'normal' people, 'hearing' people.
We get back to work and change again some things, then suddenly I sense a presence in the room - a new one. Call me stupid or crazy but being deaf your other senses just change, you see better, smell better and also sense better. Maria has just entered the studio, followed by someone - must be her friend. Maria turns to me telling me that this is her friend Liz Parker. It is still funny, you have to know that Maria has her problems with sign language so most of the time we either write everything down or she talks very slowly and clearly.
Liz - she is as beautiful as she is on all the pictures I have seen of her. Now I better stop before I think too much about her - she's so out of my league. Famous, known by everybody, taken and normal. I feel her eyes on me - does she know? No - or maybe Maria had told her - anyway. Michael makes sure that they leave me alone working again - I mean who could know me better than my best friend right? When I'm working, I'm working and I don't like distraction - admittedly this is a nice distraction but still a distraction - okay I'm starting to repeat myself.
The next time I take a look at my watch it's nine - so I call it a day, finish my last dress and leave the studio. Cookie is right beside me - I love this dog, a golden retriever by the way…I love dogs and besides Michael he is the best friend I have. Lame comparison I know but hey - we two understand each other without talking and I like that.


Part 03


"Sean? Sean I'm home!"

Where is he? You know who I'm talking about right? Sean - member of the most famous rock band in the moment?! So we have been together for one year - I think that's quite a long time considering that we're both busy people.

"Hey babe."

Standing wrapped in a towel with a smirk on his face - oh yeah baby I'm home.

"Hey what cha doin' loverboy?"

I'm walking up to him, pulling my shirt over my head, opening my skirt and letting it fall to the floor.

"Waitin' for my galfriend to come by but you'll do."

"Why thanks so let's hope she won't be home too soon."

I put my arms around his neck pulling his lips against mine. With our first contact he groans and lifts me up so that I can wrap my legs around him. Before we arrive in our bedroom I lose my bra and he his towel. So yeah okay our relationship is mainly based on sex and publicity but who's complaining you know? I don't believe in fairy tales - no baby - I've been too long in this business to believe that there's something like true love or better the ONE true love if you get my drift. I'm sure you're wondering now if I'm happy - well yes, I think so. Fact is my life is what it is and I don't know what it would be like if I wouldn't be Liz Parker.

"So what did you do today?"

Sean asks me after a session of hot and steamy sex - I'm still trying to catch my breath by the way.

"I went to Maria and Michael - didn't I tell you that they finally moved to LA?"

"I think you did - wanna….?"

He holds the cigarette in front of me and I take a pull and hand it back to him.

"They're living in Max Evans house."


"Max Evans…Sean oh god you must have heard of Max Evans…he and Michael are doing half of the wardrobe of Hollywood nowadays for god's sake…I believe you're even wearing some stuff of him on stage."

"Oh wait I think I know how you mean…isn't that this mysterious guy who's supposed to be ugly, crazy, untouchable and whatever they all call him?"

"He's not ugly."

I mumble that more to myself as I remember those mesmerizing amber eyes.

"What was that?"

"Nothing forget it so…any plans for tonight?"

"Actually yes…the guys want to go out…guys night."


What? So I don't like to be left behind although I'm not in love with this guy but I like being the center of attention. What is so wrong with it? Ten years from now probably nobody will care about me anymore so I have to enjoy this as much as I can. C'mon you would do it just the same.
So after Sean leaves I pick up the phone calling Maria.


"Michael - hey - it's me again. Is 'Ria in?"

"Sure - one moment."

While waiting for Maria I lie down on my bed. So okay I admit it sometimes I hate my life - you're right but I think everybody has been down that road already.

"Liz what's up? Got lost on your way back home?"

"Very funny, actually I wanted to ask you if you'd like to go out - clubbin' or something like that? Michael and Max could even join us I wouldn't care."

"Uh - Liz I don't think that Max would join us and besides he's gone out anyway and Michael said he still wants to work a little."

"And what about you? Maria please don't let me down - I really need to get out. Please, pretty please."

"Okay, okay…where do you wanna go?"

"Dunno - we'll find something don't you think. So are you coming down?"

"Sure will…but give me an hour at least okay?"

"Sure cee ya."

I know why Maria is my best friend and I know why I missed her.



Isabelle opens the door and hugs my fiercely.

"Izzy I can't breath if you hold me that tight."

I'm chuckling. I love my twin sister, I really do but let me tell you I can feel with Alex. Having a pregnant wife at home isn't easy. Yeah I know I'm not saying this out of experience but believe me a lot of my friends are fathers already and they all say the same.

(("Oh Max….I'm feeling so awful…I can't stop crying and I can't stop eating and look at me how fat I am and....."))

Then I lose her because she's talking so fast that I can't follow her and even her hand movements are rather confusing.

"Izzy…Izzy please I can't understand you if you're talking so fast…and you're not fat, you're pregnant."

I take her into my arms again.

"Everything you're experiencing is a small wonder itself. There's a new life growing within you, you shouldn't be sad Isabelle, you should enjoy every minute of it because faster than you know he or she will be grown up and you'll miss him or her."

I kiss her on her forehead and wipe away her tears with my thumbs.

"You know I'm really lucky to have you as my brother."

We share a silent smile.

"So what do want to do? Alex told me to distract you as good as possible."

(("How about cinema? I've read somewhere that they're showing Liz Parker's Oscar winning move in your cinema."))

My cinema she's talking about a cinema for deaf people - you know subtitles. I'm not really a fan of it because it's hard to concentrate on the screen and read at the same time but anything for my sister.

"Liz Parker - I think I met her today. She's a friend of Maria - you know Michael's girlfriend - by the way you're invited to their party next week."

I’m trying to not sound too excited about the fact that I met Liz today, she’s really impressive – oh well.

"Cool thank you so cinema?"


Of course Isabelle is driving - now you're asking how I get from A to B right? Well I've my own chauffeur. He drove me here and is now on his way to god knows where - I don't care actually as long as he's here when I need him again. We use a small pocket computer to communicate. If I need him I send him a message where I'm at and that's it. Modern technology - isn't it fascinating?
Anyway we're now at the cinema and I can see a lot of people standing in front of it. I mentioned before that I don't like publicity right? Well with these people it is different we're the same. I can see Tess standing in line with her husband.
I met Tess the first time after my accident, she's cute and she helped me a lot - she's a teacher and she taught me the sign language. She actually met her husband Joey through this, he's deaf too by the way. When she sees me she waves us over. I think for her it's natural to talk in sign language because I have hardly seen her doing otherwise.

(("Max - so nice to see you. How are you doing?"))

(("Fine, how are you? Hi Joey."))

(("Hi Max."))

(("Uh I think you know my sister Isabelle right?"))

I don't get what she's saying to my sister so Joey and me decide to get the tickets, let them talk.

(("So how is it going Max? I've recently read an article about your colleague Michael Guerin, doesn't it bother you that he's the one in the spotlight?"))

(("No not at all, it's what I like - it enables me to concentrate on the job. I wouldn't want to be in the spotlight and he likes it."))

(("So how much is the cheapest thing you have?"))

(("Why - do you want to buy something for Tess? You know that I would give it to you for nothing."))

(("I wouldn't want that Max - it's supposed to be an anniversary present."))

(("Okay what do you have in mind and how much do you want to spend?"))

Don't you look at me like that! I know what I'm doing! He said he wanted to pay so let's hear his offer - honestly I could give him one of the most expensive dresses for five bucks. You're wondering why? Well I could never repay Tess for what she did for me - how she helped me.

(("I thought maybe $500 do you have something in that price range?"))

(("Sure, why don't you drop by in the shop on Rodeo Drive tomorrow morning. I'll be there and show you some stuff. How about that?"))

After buying the tickets we join Tess and Isabelle again and get in. After five minutes the movie starts. Shall I tell you something? I was right? Liz Parker was more beautiful in real life than any magazine or movie could ever portray her. I feel myself being drawn into the movie, into Liz Parker.


Part 04


"So Michael is still working?"

"Yes they'll have a show in two weeks to present their new collection, why don't you come then? Anyway he's still working."

"And Max?"

"As much as I know he's meeting his sister. Why?"

"Oh just out of curiosity."

As if Maria would believe me, I should know better.

"Sure yeah, Liz it's me Maria - the one who knows you better than anybody else. So what is it?"

"Nothing…I just…I think he's cute."


Oh?! Was that all she had to say? Oh?!

"Cute in one-night-stand or cute in 'I want to get to know him'?"


"What? Isn't that what you told me once? That that's your way of getting men into categories?"

Sure it was I just don't like the fact that Maria knows me so well - oh well - I'd say I also know her.

"So when is this show? I'll have to fly to New York in the next days for an audition."

"What for?"

"Movie - comedy - I've never tried this so that would be something new."

"Well I wish you all the luck you need - anyway - the show is Friday in two weeks, think you'll make it?"

"Sure - I wouldn't want to miss it."

Why is she looking at me so strange? Do I have something between my teeth?

"Liz, you know I love you like the sister I never had, you know I do but if I tell you to please keep away from Max would you do that?"

"Excuse me? Why would I do that?"

Now she is going crazy or over protected. She never had had a problem if I decided to spend a night with someone she knows. So why now? Wait perhaps she has a crush on him on her own.

"Don't tell me you want to get into his pants Maria."

"What? Are you crazy? Hell no but Max is someone special, he's not like anybody else you know and he's not someone to play with and I don't want to see him getting hurt. That's why – so…"

"…okay tell me, what's so special about him?"

"You don't know do you?"

"I don't know what?"

"I won't tell you find it out on your own Liz and when you did tell me you can understand why I want you to stay away from him. You want a one-night-stand? Then take the next guy passing our way but I beg you as your best friend, leave Max alone."

How intriguing, she really should know me better…now I HAVE to get to know him. I mean c'mon there must be a reason that everybody considers him as the most unknown celebrity existing a paradox itself if you consider the fact that everybody knows his name but hardly anybody can tell you what he looks like and who he really is.
So no wonder that while Maria is telling me about her upcoming concert in LA and San Diego I try to make up a plan to get to know this mysterious man. I love challenges, have I mentioned that? It's really easy to get to know people if they all think that they know you but if you get to know somebody who's just as untouchable as you it gets interesting.

"Maria do you think Michael would design a dress for my birthday party?"

I finally ask her. She looks at me, surprised and also furious.


"Liz did you even listen to what I just said?"

"Uhm honestly…I'm sorry Maria I didn't will you forgive me?"

"Liz what happened to you? You've changed so much."

Please not those puppy eyes - you have to know one thing about Maria - she's a good actress believe me and god only knows why she decided to become a singer instead of an actress - anyway - but when you disappoint her she doesn't get angry - oh no - she has her own way to make you feel as miserable as possible and that with only one look - and she was using this just mentioned look on me now - ouch!!!

"I'm really sorry Maria - you know that I wouldn't zoom you out on purpose I just have a lot on my mind in the moment."

"Yeah I know so about the dress - I think he would yes - I mean why not but you'll have to wait until the show is over - I mean your birthday is in two months so…I'll talk to him okay?"

"Thank you, you're the best."

Mission accomplished now I just have to find out when Michael won't be in the city - Max Evans I'm onto you!



It is 10 in the morning when I enter my shop with Joey. Cassandra smiles at us but leaves us alone. I think she feels strange to have a boss who's deaf. I show Joey some dresses removing the price tags before handing them to him.

(("How much is that Max? This looks really nice don't you think it would suit her?"))

(("Oh I'm sure Joey, let's see it's $230."))

He doesn't need to know that I just stroke out two more zeros or does he? Naw - I thought so!

(("Joey why don't you try to find a nice scarf or something like that, I'll be right back."))

I walk over to Cassandra, she's again looking at me with shy but frightened eyes. I think I have already told her a hundred times that I won't bite her and that's okay if she writes everything down she
wants to tell me.

"Good morning Cassandra how are you doing?"


She says slowly - she always says 'fine' so I don't even have to watch her talking.

"Cassandra I need you to do me a favor, this man is a friend of mine and he intends to buy a dress for his wife he has decided to buy the beige one which belongs to the new collection, the price is $23.000 but you'll give it to him for $230 - okay?"

She nods her head in understanding. That's also a nice thing about her, she would never question my decisions as long as I'm alone with her.
Joey decides to only buy the dress and a scarf.

(("I hope Tess will like it Joey, you really have to send me an email telling me if she liked it okay?"))

(("Okay Bye Max and thank you again."))

When I walk back into the shop Michael is talking to Cassandra and I know what about.

(("Max are you crazy? A dress which costs $23.000 for $230 and a scarf which costs $500 for $50? Who's going to pay for the difference?"))

(("I will…you know that I could never repay Tess for helping in the past so shut up Michael and don't try to lecture me - this is also my business and it's my decision what I do and what I don't. When can I expect you back at the studio?"))

(("I thought you would come with me to the hotel looking at the room the show will be and we still have to pick out the models."))

(("You don't need me for that Michael, you know that, that's your job."))

I leave him standing there and walk out to my waiting car and drive home. At home Cookie is waiting for me, follows me to my room and then into the studio. I don't like working in a suit so I usually slip into some slacks and a pullover - depending on my mood of course.


One week later

Taking the risk in repeating myself but I have just to point out that I hate parties! Especially when they're held at my house - but Michael and Maria are my friends and so I have to deal with it. Before the party started I had locked Cookie and myself into the studio, evading the masses of hypocrisy gathering up in my garden.
Of course there are always some curious people who try to get into the studio but as I've mentioned before I've locked the door. Clever - ha! Of course Michael and Maria have tried everything to make me show up but I refused, they should really know me by know.
Cookie gets up and watching him I know that he's barking - again someone who tries to get into the studio - why can't they just respect my privacy? As Cookie doesn't stop barking I figure it must be someone very persisting so I get up and walk to the door - Liz Parker - Jesus and she looks just adorable - she has a body to die for. I unlock the door and open it.

"Liz - Hey -what do you want?"

"I was just wondering why you're not at the party? Everybody is here and ....."

I lose her but I take a good guess.

"Oh I'm not really a party animal and besides that it's Maria's and Michael's party and I have to work."

She's looking into my eyes - did I say something wrong? Nodding - good -so I had guessed right.

"May I come in?"

"Uhm - why - I mean -sure."

Oh god please don't let this get out of hand. Why am I worrying
anyway? I mean she's taken and…god how I wish I could touch this amazing body.


Part 05


So I'm bored and I had hoped that Max would show up but NO - he's a no show. Thanks a lot - where the hell is he? I ask around and finally a tall guy whose name is Alec or Alex or something is telling me that Max never attends parties and that he's working. Thank you! Good - privacy - I mean - Sean is out of town for two weeks and a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do and I'm still on my mission AND I'm bored - but I think I have mentioned that already haven't I?
I'm surprised that this guy was right - the lights are on in the studio so I start knocking. I can make Max out at the far end of the studio, leaning over a desk - he's wearing glasses - how adorable. This guy has something about a little boy you just want to take him into your arms and hug him. Why isn't he hearing me knocking? I mean c'mon even his dog is barking at me. Hello?

"Max? Hello? Do you hear me? Hello?"

I keep knocking if he thinks that he can shake me off that easily then he's wrong - oh no - I keep on knocking. Finally he's gettin'….Oh god…I must have died and gone to heaven…all I can see is leather - black - trousers and I swear they were made only for him and black - V-neck-sweater - woolen and lightly see through - no shoes. If you see me drooling any minute don't worry! God please grant me one night with this Adonis and I can die happy! Walking up to the door he takes his glasses off and lies them on a table he's passing then he opens the door - smiling. Okay fellas I'd say my night is saved – I won’t sleep alone and I won’t sleep at home.
After asking him why he isn't at the party although it's held at his house and asking if I could come in he closes the door again behind me and I walk into the studio. So I had a few drinks - to loosen up a bit and that's why I don't feel so stupid looking at each dress that's in this room.

"I like your clothes."

I turn to him.

"I was wondering if you could make me a dress for my birthday."

He's staring at me, then slightly shaking his head - had he even listened to me?"

"I'm…uhm sorry…what did you say?"

Either the guy is dumb or deaf or too wrapped up in his world to take notice of the stuff going on around him.

"I said that I like your clothes and that I was wondering if you could make me a dress for my birthday?"

"Sure, I don't think that this would be a problem - when is your birthday?"

"In seven weeks."

"Sure no problem, have you talked to Michael about this already?"

I put my glass down and turn the radio on, on my way to him. I start purring - too much you think? Well for this guy nothing is too much you can believe me that!

"Well no - I actually know that you're the more creative one here and that Michael mainly does the tailoring and PR - so what do you think?"

I put my arms around his neck and stare into his amber eyes, my hips are swaying to the music. He's just staring at me, great - no reaction at all - are we a bit inhibited Mr Evans? Well I'm sure that I can change that.

"I think…uhm that you had a drink too many, what are you doing Liz?"

He whispers - he's like butter - it won't take that much now to win him over. I move my mouth to his ear and mumble.

"I'm seducing you Max Evans."

Again no reaction? Nothing - no - I don't know - nothing!

"Don't you have a boyfriend?"

He suddenly asks - way to go! I stare at him again.

"Well he's not in the city and he doesn't need to know or does he?"

C'mon baby I know you want it too, you need it! C'mon!!

"This is wrong Ms Parker, please leave - now!"


Now I'm shocked - how can he resist me - no man and when I say no man then I mean no man can resist me. No man would push me away. So he's gay! What else could it be?

"So you're gay is that it?"

I scream getting away from him - no one embarrasses me like that. NO ONE! I want to leave his studio! ASSHOLE!

"Liz wait."

He grabs my arm and turns me around again. There is something in his eyes - what is it?

"I…I feel honored that you…uhm…like me…but…I…I'm not a guy for one night…actually I'm not what you think I am."

Excuse me? This guy is really confusing!! What the hell is he talking about?
The next moment the door opens and Michael enters. Nice timing, I guess I’ll have to thank Maria for that.

"Liz what are you doing here?"

Max looks at him and lets go of my hand.

"Max is everything okay?"

He only nods his head yes, turns around and goes back to his desk - he's really a mystery himself.
When we walk back to the party Michael questions me what I did there etc..

"Relax Mike it's not like that I raped him…I was just wondering why he wasn't attending your party and I asked him if he would design me a dress for my birthday."

"Liz…you know I like you and not only because you're 'Rias best friend but I swear if you intend to use or hurt him you'll regret it - so please leave Max alone he has been through enough - he doesn't need a Hollywood prima donna whose only out to play with him."



"Don't play that innocent-card on me Liz, you can trick the media but you can't trick me, stay away from him."

I guess those people just don't understand what they do to me when telling me to back off - it's like an invitation to keep on going. I mean you know what I'm talking about don't you? When you're told as a child that you shouldn't do something it's even more interesting to do it. Well next week they'll have their show and I'm sure Max Evans will be there. So let's get to round two.



That just went great - great - oh god - why me? I mean this woman wanted me and do you want to know how long it has been since I really got 'it'? You wouldn't even believe me if I told you. And this woman she just wanted me and I - the coward that I am mucked everything up - great. I’m sure you’re wondering why I'm not telling her about the fact that I’m deaf right? Well I really think that there wasn’t the right moment and…I don’t know – I just want to get to know her better. I’m pretty sure that there’s more to Liz Parker than only glamour, high society, publicity and all that stuff. In there somewhere is a loveable woman and I want to get to know that woman. Is that so wrong?
Oh well - I decide to finish up and go back to my rooms - the garden is still full but nobody really notices me walking up the stairs. Good.


God I hate this - no not really hate this - I mean this is my job right? I just hate the end of our shows where Michael and me have to go on stage. Usually I'm wearing sunglasses and a cap - trying to hide myself as much as possible behind this equipment or I don't even show up but today Michael told me not to dare to put my sunglasses on again or not show up - this show was more important than any other before - we were now one of the big ones besides Gucci, Calvin Klein and god knows who. I don't want to go, I know she's here - Liz is here - god damn it. Why me?

(("Michael I don't want to go up there - I feel stupid - I - Michael I can't."))

(("Maxwell, this is important you can't just always hide - you have to go out there - you did most of the designs please Max I feel awful if it's always only me."))

(("I'm not hiding…"))


(("…I'm just…it's what I can do best, I can design and you can present and cope with people, I don't so…I mean for the last years we handled it this way so why change it?"))

I'm getting desperate here and I'm sure if I could hear myself I'd sound like a whining child - god this is embarrassing.
The next thing I know is Michael dragging me behind him onto the stage and flashes - flashes of light - it must be hundredth of them - faces, so many faces. I feel disorientated, what am I doing here? I glance at Michael who is smiling and says


I'm wondering if he said that out loud but I'm pretty sure he didn't. Oh please let this be over soon. We're bowing and clapping, one model on his, one on my side - leaving the stage again. As soon as we're out of sight I tear myself away from the groping hands of Camille - or whatever her name was and leave the room. I'm sure that Michael is right behind me but - honestly I don't care - I just want to get out!
Storming out of the backstage area my luck lasts short and I run right into - Liz Parker.

"Oh - I'm sorry Ms Parker."

"That's okay, listen Max, I want to apologize for my behavior last week - I guess I really had a drink too many and…"

She's talking too fast, way too fast. I've no idea what she's talking about, luckily someone walks up to her asking her for an autograph as it looks like and that is my chance to disappear as fast as possible.
It's always the same - I really love what I'm doing, I really do and I know that I'm gifted, I have a lot of good ideas. I don't mind working hard and long hours but those shows are like hell for me - they really are.
Suddenly Alex stands in front of me.

"Alex hey, how are you how did you like the show? Where's Isabelle?"

(("She's fine but what about you? You don't look so good. Everything okay?"))

(("No, I just hate those shows and I want to get home, this is too much - there are too many photographers, too many reporters I feel like a caged animal here. It's suffocating me."))

(("Okay so why don't you get home and Isabelle and me will join you?"))

(("No, no stay here and have fun. I want to be alone to be honest but thank you anyway.))

I let him stand there and walk to the back of the building to my waiting limousine. I promise one of those days I will have a nervous breakdown.


Part 06

Michael POV

"Damn it Max!"

I scream knowing it has no purpose but that's what you do right? God the look in his eyes - he was so afraid - like a hunted animal or something like that. Max is my best friend and I'd never do something to him that would hurt him but I thought that he was doing better, I had really thought that he'd make it. Damn how wrong I was. I see Maria running at me.

"Oh baby that was fantastic - and Max what did you do to get him on stage?"

She kisses me and it feels good to have her in my arms she gives me the support I need now.

"I….I dragged him on stage - Maria I fucked up - he…it was too early I thought it would be alright for him and that when he would stand up on stage and see how enthusiastic the audience is that he'd enjoy it but I was wrong - what have I done Maria?"

"Where is he now?"

Maria asked concerned.

"Are you talking about Max?"

Liz was suddenly standing behind us, smiling taking a sip from her champagne.

"Yes have you seen him?"

"He ran into me, he's on his way out of the hotel. What is it? Something wrong?"

But I'm really not in the mood to answer Miss 'I-am-the-center-of-the-universe'. I really like her - I do, I have mentioned that but sometimes she could really get on your nerves and there was no reason to tell her everything about Max. Maria had told me what Liz had said about him and after all I had my chance to see her stalking him - I can only hope that I had made myself clear last week and that she should stay away from him.

"Do you know where he wanted to go?"

"No - leaving I guess."

I leave the two standing there wanting to catch up with Max before he could leave but unfortunately reporters are blocking my way bombarding me with one question after the other - thank you - so much about being a good friend. Damn!



Fifteen days - you hear me? Fifteen days ago Michael my best friend ruined my life. Why? You're asking me why? I tell you why - everybody is recognizing me - and why that? Because as I managed to be this mysterious designer and nobody really knew me nobody could recognize me but after the fucking show and Michael pulling me up on stage they all know me now and…have you ever heard of the word paparazzi a.k.a. people who can make your life a living hell? Good then you know what I'm going through now - they wait for me at the shop, when ever I want to leave the house they're right there. THANK YOU MICHAEL! God I hate this!
Michael and me are working again without talking - nice -really nice that's a REALLY nice working atmosphere - working in the Antarctic is more fun than this. Okay I admit I'm a bit stubborn but hey - this is not like 'Sorry Max that I ruined your new $15000 suit' no-no-no this is more and definitely I won't forgive him so easily.
I'm working on a new dress, when he suddenly stands right beside me. I look up at him.

(("Liz has talked to you about her dress right? Do you still want to design it or shall I do it?))

"I don't care."

(("Good then I'll do it.))

And with that he turns around and leaves me. Why did I refuse again? Right - because I don't trust myself when Liz is near. That's it. And the fact that she doesn't know I'm deaf - well it's just a matter of time now until the whole world knows about it so - why do I worry? Maybe I should just move somewhere else and change the job - yeah right - good thinking Evans. Now I'm sure you're thinking why I'm complaining again right? I mean everybody would be happy if they earned what I do and led a life like I do. Well the problem is that I know this business, it's hard and I know that I am much too insecure to go out in the public and tell the people who I really am. I don't want them to feel pity for me, I want them to accept my work - they don't need to know the face behind it or do they? And that's also where Liz comes in - she's famous and she loves standing in the spotlight - so assumed we would get to know each other and that she could deal with the situation that I'm deaf - are you with me? Okay, so now let's assume she'd be single then and we would get closer - hey a man can dream right - where would that leave me? At the side of a woman who is standing in the spotlight something I hate more than anything. So I guess you see the problem right?



Finally I'm back at Michael's, he wants to show me some drafts of some dresses he has made - why not Max? Well perhaps I'm lucky and he's there - I won't give up -no way! Have I mentioned that I recently got the role for a Tom Hanks movie - yeah baby - I'm good. Patrick is so proud of me.
I can see Michael and Max in the studio - they're talking - no they are arguing and they are - OH MY GOD!

(("No Michael you ruined it and if you think that I'll forgive you that easily you're wrong you made my life a living hell - do you have any idea how it is to be deaf and every other minute you're on the street some stupid reporter walks up to you asking you questions you can't answer because you DON'T UNDERSTAND THEM?!"))

(("Max! How many times do I have to say that I'm sorry and that I'm sure that it will be better soon!"))

(("But when is soon? Why couldn't you just accept my decision to stay in the background if I had wanted to step into the spotlight I would have told you but no you had to have it your way or no way!"))

Oh my god - he's deaf? Max is deaf? That - that changes everything - oh god - I feel like a complete idiot? But he talked to me - but he also never reacted to me when I talked to him not looking at him. I didn't even know that Michael was capable of sign language. I'm like glued to the ground I just can't move - I'm shocked.

(("It won't be okay Michael - people are suspecting that something is wrong with me for god's sake. So how will it be better? Shall I start hiding until they will forget about me? That won't happen and shall I tell you why this won't happen? Because I have been a mystery for too long already. I don't have an option here."))

It finally all made sense why he hid from the public, why he behaved so strange. God damn it how blind have I been that I didn't suspect something like that? What? I'm too wrapped up in myself? Maybe you're right - I…I have to go. Forget the dress.


Damn it.

"Michael - hey."

Don't let him suspect anything.

"What are you doing here?"

"The dress, Maria called saying that you wanted to show me something."

"Oh right - it's just not…uhm…"

Luckily I have my hand in my bag and I let my cell phone ring.

"Uh…one moment Michael…yeah…okay…yeah…sure…now?…Okay…see you."

Hey I'm an actress - so don't look at my like that. I just don't feel comfortable with the fact that he might find out that I have listened to the argument. It was private.

"Sorry Michael I have to go, when do you think I could come by again?"

"How about I fax you the drafts and you decide what you want and then we can make an appointment for the measurements."

"Good idea - I'll call you."

"Great see ya."

And what now? OH MY GOD! How could I have been so blind? How could I have NOT sensed that something was wrong? As soon as I sit in my car I call Maria! Yeah I know that I’m sitting in front of her home but I will not and I repeat myself to make it clear to you all – I will NOT walk in there again! Never!

“Lizzie, hey how are you?”

She picks up.

“Maria can you come down, jump in my car and we go somewhere more private I have talk to you.”

“Ehm Liz you’re making no sense at all what’s up with you?”

Why is she making it so hard on me? Can someone please tell me?

“’riaaaaaaaaa pleeeeeeeeeease I need someone to talk to and I don’t want to talk in your house…I’m in front of your house so please get ready and come down.”

“Ooookay…but you promise to tell me.”

“I promise.”

5 minutes later she jumps into my car and off we go.
“So what’s the matter?”

“He is deaf!”

“Who is…oh Maaaax.”

I turn to her and believe me or not I could kill her.

“Don’t you start smirking I don’t think that this is funny! You could have told me Maria! I feel so stupid now! God how could I…argh I would have NEVER BEHAVED LIKE THAT?!”


I have to get off the street asap this can not be healthy. When I shortly look at Maria I can see this ‘I told you so’ face - and I hate it – I mean who doesn't right?
Finally getting to the beach I park the car and get out slamming the door – huffing.

“But you understand now why I asked you to stay away from him don’t you? He has been through enough Liz.”

“I know that now – but how could I – how am I supposed to behave now? I can’t look him in the eyes ever again!”

“Just tell him that you know! He’s a nice guy he’ll understand.”

“Understand? Yeah that’s a GOOD word how was he able to keep up short conversations? How could I…ahhhhhhhhh”

“He reads lips, Liz please calm down, this might be a shock to you in the moment but I’m sure that everything will be fine eventually.”

I hope she is right – I really do. We start walking down the beach talking about everything on my mind. Unfortunately we are recognized by some people and so we have to cut the walk short after giving some autographs. I told you that I love this right? Well it’s right but not in situations like this because in those moments I’m only Liz Parker from Roswell nothing more and nothing less. What? You don’t believe me? Well maybe you’re right.


Part 07


Michael and Maria are finally on their way to the airport thank god. That gives me some time alone – some time to think. What?? You think I’m too hard on Michael? I don’t think so and as a matter of fact it’s none of your business.
I return into the studio, Cookie next to me and start to work.
Suddenly Cookie gets up and runs to the door – who could that be? I take off my glasses and walk to the door – oh nooo – Liz Parker. What is she doing here? Slowly I open the door she looks at me as if I would attack her the next minute.

“Miss Parker what a surprise – Maria is not here she’s in New York.”

She opens her mouth but she isn’t forming any words – in stead she’s shutting it again. What’s the matter with her?

“Everything okay with you?”

“Max I know.”

She says slowly.

“You know what?”

She points to her ear and I know what she means.


I don’t know what to say next.

“..uhm do you want to come in? Why are you here and.…uhm …now that you know…I can read lips so…just talk slowly and we won’t have a problem.”

She nods slowly, enters the studio and closes the door. After taking my seat at my desk again I turn to her waiting for an answer.

“Well Michael wanted to take some measurements for the dress today and…and…I guess he isn’t in?”

“No he’s gone. With Maria to New York.”

“What? He can’t do that…”

She mumbles something I can’t understand.


“Uhm…nothing. So what am I gonna do? I need that dress and I will have to go to San Francisco for some days.”

“Well if you don’t mind I could do it…I mean take the measurements and prepare everything. How about that?”

She looks at me as if I’d come from Mars.

“I think that would be nice.”

She smiles at me.

“Okay then why don’t you follow me?”

I get up and walk over to a table where I can find a tape measure. She wears a light blue blouse combined with a white skirt. God her skin is beautiful.

“Okay…let’s see what do those drafts say….”

I put my glasses back on and read Michaels drafts with headline ‘Liz’ on his desk.

“Okay, would you please lift up your arms to the side?”

This is kinda awkward you know that? I mean honestly I knew that she was hitting on me – trying to get into my pants before she knew that I’m deaf and now – nothing. I don’t blame her mind you! It’s just not fair! Okay let’s see – geez she’s really thin. I write the numbers down of her waist, hip and shoulders.

“Okay last thing I need is your…bust measurement.”

I look into her eyes waiting that she might say something but she only nods ashamed and lifts her arms again.

“You know Liz, I went to see one of your movies some weeks ago it was good. I liked it. Is acting your dream come true?!”

I ask her – hoping that this would lighten up the mood. I lift my eyes to meet hers again, waiting for an answer and I do it also to not stare at her breasts, which are perfect as well if you ask me.

“No – no I wanted to become a scientist.”

“Really, so how did you end up in Hollywood then – by the way thanks I have everything I need now. Can I offer you something to drink or…?”

She just shakes her head, it seems like she is thinking about something.

“Listen Max…uh…that wasn’t very clever.”

She wrinkles her nose and I wait for whatever she has to say to me. Will please some one help me here? She is so beautiful.

“I want to apologize for my behavior – I feel like an idiot.”

“What are you apologizing for Liz? I mean – obviously you thought that I was attractive before you found out about my deafness. No reason.”

“I just wish I had known.”

“Why? So that you could have pitied me? I don’t want your pity Liz. I’m as human as you are and…I…I'm still me.”

I watch her how she is chewing on her lip and I just want to kiss her. God could this get any worse – I mean I obviously have enough problems in the moment I don’t need to have a crush on one of the most famous actresses around in the moment. I have to stop this – as soon as possible.

“I just wish we could start over again.”

She then admits and I’m pretty sure that she had been whispering in – unfortunately or fortunately depending on your point of view for a deaf person everything is the same.
We start to stare into each others eyes again before I finally hold out my right hand, saying

“Hi my name is Maxwell Evans, I’m a designer and I’m deaf but I read lips. It’s a pleasure meeting you.”



This man surprises me even more – I must be smiling like a child on Christmas when I take his hand – he gives me another chance. And those eyes – those beautiful eyes. I’m mesmerized. When we touch it fells like electricity shooting through my veins and I feel goose bumps forming all over my body.

“Hi my name is Elisabeth Parker, Liz if you want to, I’m an actress and the pleasure is all mine.”

We keep on smiling at each other until he lets go of my hand and nods.

“So still not thirsty or hungry?”

“Well I think something to drink would be nice.”

“Okay, then please follow me.”

I follow him into the kitchen of the studio. I never even knew that there was one but who cares right? He shows me what he has and I decide to take orange juice.

“So is it hard for you to read lips?”

“What was that? – no I’m kidding – you learn to do it. Of course it is easier for me to talk to Michael for example because he knows sign language so when ever we talk we talk like that but otherwise I think I do fine and if not I always have something to write in my pocket.”

“Can you show me?”

“Show you what?”

Don’t look at me like that – I really want to know it. I might feel stupid but after a lot of thinking on my side I’ve come to the conclusion that although he’s deaf and although I was shocked - this man is the living expression of pure sex and I never give in so easily! NEVER! Surrender isn’t a word in my vocabulary. So it shocked me to find out the truth – true, so I thought I better apologize – true, so I also thought that I better keep my hands off of him – also true – BUT he still is the most attractive man I have ever seen in my whole life – it’s as easy as that. Old habits….well you know what I’m talking about.

He smiles at me and puts his glass down.

“Why would you want to know?”

I shrug my shoulders and in the next moment I hear my cell phone. I hold one hand up and get up to get my bag.


Life is a freak show and we're the stars

[ edited 20time(s), last at 29-Dec-2001 3:55:11 PM ]
posted on 27-Sep-2001 7:52:06 AM

Part 08


She disappears into the studio again and gets her bag – what – oh her phone. While she is on the phone she walks around in the studio. I really should stop watching her don’t you think? Yes I think that this would be a good idea. I turn around and look at Cookie who is sitting on the floor right next to my chair.

“Hey buddy – how about a bone?”

He knows the word bone and whenever you use it he gets excited. Have I mentioned that I love this dog? I think I did – right? While getting up and opening the cabinet I see Liz still on the phone.

Suddenly she is right next to me babbling away, packing her bag and I have no idea what she is talking about.

“Wait Liz – what? I didn’t get what you were saying?”

She turns, looks at me with wide eyes.

“Oh I am so sorry Max – I totally forgot – I have to go I am sorry.”

“Okay then what about the dress?”

“I will call you – no no I won’t call you I will call Michael – or I will…uhm….”

“Why don’t you send an email?”

I help her handing her my business card.

“Right – bye Max.”

And before I know what she is doing she gives me a peck on the cheek and leaves. I can still smell her when she has already left the studio, she smells like vanilla and strawberries – delicious. And…and she is playing havoc with my senses. I should better stop – I know that I am repeating myself you don’t have to remind me of that fact I just hope that if I repeat it over and over again I will finally believe it eventually.



I swear for the hundredth time I’m typing and erasing this damn email to Max! What am I supposed to write? I feel so stupid – why me? The phone.


“Hey baby it me – how about me and you going out today?”

“Where are you? Aren’t you supposed to be in New Orleans?”

“Well I’m on my way back Carter got arrested so – no Carter – no drums – no recording.”

“Sounds good – where do you wanna go?”

“Do we still have the invitation for this movie premiere for Pam?”

“Yes why?”

“I’d like to go there.”

“Okay – then when will you arrive?”

“One hour – see ya, luv ya!”

Can somebody please tell me what I'm supposed to do? God MEN! I mean I told you about Sean and our relationship that hasn’t changed but…uhhh…I don’t know. The last days I had a lot of time to think and…I'm not sure anymore if this is really what I want – this – I don’t know. I’m pathetic you know that? Only because I have met someone who’s so brave and who has endured so much I’m starting to doubt myself. This isn’t good – I should really stop that.

Sean arrives exactly 1 ½ hour later and we both get ready and leave.

“So how are you babe?”

He has his arm around my shoulder after getting out of the car.

“Fine – my dress for the birthday party is nearly ready.”

“Really, when will I be able to see it? When is the party again?”

I told you so – I hate men – they can hardly remember such dates.

“Next week on Friday. Patrick wants to invite a photographer but I’m not really happy with that. It’s my birthday for god’s sake.”

“That’s why he wants him to come – Uhm listen Liz I don’t know if I’ll make it, we’ll be in Las Vegas on that day.”

I am so ready to explode I swear but the photographers are only waiting for something like that – so I smile and wait until we’re inside.



Maria is lying in front of the TV and watching some kind of report about another movie premiere.

“Tell me Maria what is it about those premieres? They’re all the same and still you watch them!”

I sit down on an armchair next to the couch. There’s Liz on the screen together with her boyfriend. Shall I tell you something? He isn’t the right one for her. I’m not saying that I am but he will betray her and break her heart although she might never admit that. I’m a good judge when it comes to human nature, believe me.
I look at Maria again waiting for her reply.

“Well as you can see Liz was there yesterday and I like to know what the others are wearing. I mean not everybody can have their private designers.”

She’s smiling at me with a big grin on her face.

“Owwww – you think you’re clever and sweet don’t you?”

“You know I am Max.”

We both laugh and when I look back at the screen they’re showing an interview with Liz – must be before the movie.

“What are they saying?”

I ask Maria.

“They are talking about Sean’s upcoming tour and if Liz intends to travel with him if she has the time. Then they asked her about her new movie. She said it’s a secret and they will be informed. Last question was what she is planning for her birthday and she replied that she’s having a big party and that her dress is designed by G&E Design.”

“Liar – she would never say something like that.”

“Okay you got me!”

I nod and decide that I have seen enough for the day. Tess wanted to come by in an hour and until then I still have a lot of work to do.

“Tess is going to be here in an hour send her to the studio will you Maria?”

She only nods her head and concentrates on the TV again.

In the studio I see the new samples of fabric, I had designed it some months ago and finally they had send it in from Paris. Taking one sample into my hands I see that Michaels drafts for Liz’ dress are lying under it. I pick them up – the dress is really made for her. She’ll look beautiful – I mean she is beautiful but it will underline her beauty.
I really have to get her off my mind – I need to get a life. I have a life I know that but I mean thinking about Liz Parker incessantly won’t solve my problems.
When Tess finally arrives we go out to sit on the porch.

((“So how did you like your dress?”))

((“It’s awesome Max but you should have never sold it to Joey for what ever he paid. I know you and I’m sure that it was expensive and you just gave it to him….”))

I hold up my hand and shake my head.

((“Don’t even go there Tess. I won’t say anything more about this. So how are you doing?”))

((“Fine – I can’t complain – but what about you? I saw you on the entertainment news some weeks ago, what’s up with that?”))

((“Thank you cards please to Michael Guerin, it wasn’t my decision and ever since it’s like hell because everybody knows my face now. I mean I think I can be happy that they haven’t found out about my deafness yet – if that ever happens I’m gone.”))

((“That doesn’t sound really good. What about your love life?”))

((“I don’t have any. What more can I say.”))

((“This isn’t healthy Max you know that. You can’t live without someone in your life. Life isn’t only about work.”))

((“That’s easy for you to say Tess but what am I supposed to do if a girl hits on me, finds out that I’m deaf and after that changes her whole attitude towards me? And I couldn’t even blame her.”))

((“Has that happened?”))

((“Yes…but I don’t blame her I mean how are you supposed to react to something like that. It’s not easy. And besides that I don’t have time for this. Why don’t we change the topic?”))

((“Because that’s the easy way, Max isn’t always easy…so who is it? Do I know her?”))

((“Tess, I won’t say anything more about that topic okay?”))

((“Okay but whenever you feel like talking I hope that you know that I’m here.”))

((“I know, thank you.”))

((“So tell me something else Max, there must be something going on in your life.”))

Tess smiles at me, waiting that I say something, but honestly what am I supposed to tell her? There’s really not much going on in my life lately.

((“Tess, there isn’t anything interesting in my life happening.”))

((“Oh c’mon Max, there must be something, you have finally achieved your aim, you and Michael are one of the most famous designers in the moment. Don’t tell me that you’re only working and that’s it. Don’t designers usually travel a lot?”))

((“Usually – yes but here is nothing usually so it’s Michael who does the traveling and I do the designing.”))

((“How boring – then how is your sister doing? I remember that she is pregnant right?”))

((“Isabelle is doing great, finally all those hormones are slowing down, her husband Alex and her are very excited – they just found out that it’ll be a girl. I can’t believe that my sister is really becoming a mother. She was always the ice queen back in high school and now…it just amazes me. Talking about high school. I got an invitation for a class reunion – it’ll be ten years now that we’re out of high school. But I don’t think that I’ll go.”))

((“Max, please do yourself a favor and go there. You can always leave if you don’t like it. Don’t you remember anything we talked about? You have to lead a normal life, your deafness shouldn’t hinder you in anyway.”))

Okay so this wasn’t that clever to mention the class reunion. Michael of course also received an invitation and he’s already trying to convince me to go there. He’ll go there, Maria will join him if she has time, Isabelle will be there with Alex so I wouldn’t be that alone but I’d be superfluous as I wouldn’t be bringing somebody what brings us back to Tess’ second question – my not existing love life.

((“Tess, that’s easy for you to say, you are able to hear but I don’t really want to go there – they’ll pity me, I know it. The former captain of the basketball team is deaf – oh and gay, what else he’s a designer.”))

((“Max if you could hear yourself now you’d know how ridiculous that sounds. Why do you care so much what the people think of you? Why aren’t you just above those things? Screw them! I want you to go there – when is it?”))

((“In two weeks.”))

((“Perfect and when I’ll visit you in 5 ½ weeks again I want a full report about your class reunion. Got it?”))

I nod slowly and look up at her. Tess smiles at me again reassuringly and gets up.

((“I have to go but promise me Max that you’ll at least try to not hide from the world so much okay?”))

((“Okay, thanks for being there for me.”))

((“Always Max, always.”))

We hug and then she leaves. Michael joins me on the porch after Tess has disappeared through the doors into the house.

((“Are you sure you never had something with her?”))

I roll my eyes and mumble.

“Very funny Michael, really, why would you care anyway? She wants me to go to the class reunion.”

((“Perfect, so are you going?”))

“Only because Tess says she wants me to do something, doesn’t mean that I’m going to do it Michael. You should know me better.”

I want to close my eyes, I suddenly feel very exhausted but Michael tips me on the arm, he still has something to say.

((“Max, please, you know the people there, why don’t you join us? I mean if it’s really that awful we can leave after an hour or so, but I want to go there and it wouldn’t be that much fun without my best friend.”))

I want to be honest with you guys – I’m afraid. I want to go there so bad, I want to be Max Evans the 17 year old basketball player again, who could hear, who never had to worry about dating, who never was alone. I’m so alone, I know that I could change that but…it just…it doesn’t feel right. Know what I mean? I guess I’m really fooling myself here, I thought that I was over everything and I’d be fine with everything but I’m not. During the last weeks the wish to turn back time is nearly overwhelming me. I know that I’m pitying myself although there is nothing I hate more if other people do it but…I don’t know…I guess I'm just not as strong as I always thought I am. Understand what I mean?

“I gotta go Michael, see ya later.”

I get up and leave him sitting there before I totally break down in front of my best friend. I feel so stupid. God please help me.


Life is a freak show and we're the stars

[ edited 1 time(s), last at 26-Sep-2002 2:38:53 PM ]
posted on 27-Sep-2001 7:53:52 AM

Part 09


So I sent an email to Max five days ago and nothing. My birthday is at the end of the week and I haven’t heard from him. Neither from him nor from Michael. I need my dress for god’s sake. I still have to get shoes and I have to plan my make-up and hair and everything. I mean I finally agreed to have a photographer for the first two hours but after that he has to leave and I want to look good. The last pictures of me and Sean were nice but not that flattering – I looked tired. I know that I shouldn’t care that much but I do because in this business it’s all about appearance. I finally decide to call Maria.

“Liz honey hey how are you doing?”

You know why I love Maria? No matter when you call or how bad your mood or hers is she can always cheer you up with only saying those words – I feel better and relaxed at once.

“Hey Maria is Michael in?”

“Why? No – I don’t think so.”

“Okay is Max in?”

“Yes but you know that…”

“I know that I can’t talk to him, you have to do that. Is he near you?”

“Yes we’re both in the kitchen.”

“Good ask him if it’s okay if I came now because of the dress.”

“Okay…one moment.”

I can hear her talking to Max, he says it’s fine and that he is here.

“Max says…”

“I heard him Maria, thanks I’ll be there in 30 minutes see ya.”

And with that I hang up, I don’t want to lose more time. Why am I so nervous? I’m only there because of my dress that’s all.

25 minutes later I arrive at the house and I can see Max playing with his dog in the garden. Oh boy – he looks so …don’t go there Liz. When Cookie sees me he runs right at me which makes Max see me. He waves at me and waits for me.

“Hey how are you doing?”

“Fine, sorry that I drop in like that but I really need that dress. I wrote an email and no one answered and…”

“…Liz, slowly I can’t follow you if you talk that fast and don’t look at me.”

“I’m sorry Max – forget it okay?”

“Okay, so let’s see.”

We entered the studio and he walks up to a mannequin with a beautiful black dress.

“Here we go, try it on.”

He hands me the dress and I can’t remember that it looked like that on the drafts.

“I changed it a bit, just try it and let me know if you’ll like it okay?”

Okay, so let’s try this. I take the dress into the bathroom and get out of my clothes changing into the dress. It feels awesome, like it’s stroking my skin – what is it? Satin? It surely feels perfect and I love it – when I finally look into the mirror I know that this dress is perfect for me. I leave the bathroom and walk out. Max stands up, he says nothing, arms crossed in front of his chest, nodding, smiling.

“So what do you think?”

I wait what he has to say.

“It’s perfect Liz, I would have never thought that it would look so amazing, I mean…I…”

He stutters, how cute is that?

“Do you like it?”

He looks me straight into the eyes.

“Max I love it, this is perfect even more than that, thank you so much.”

And I don’t know who actually made the first move although I suspect that it was me, but we hug.

“Thank you, you’re my hero.”

I say when I’m finally able to look at him again.

“My pleasure, I’m glad you like it.”

“So how much will it be? Is that real satin? It feels so wonderful.”

“It suits you definitely and it costs nothing, it’s our present for you.”

“But I can’t accept that Max, you both Michael and you invested so much time into it I can’t…I…”

“Just mention that we designed and tailored it if you’re asked…”

“I will I promise Max…”

“I was kidding Liz…you don’t owe me or Michael anything, okay? And if you need shoes or whatever come to the shop the next days I’m sure we’ll find something for you.”



The next thing I know is that she’s in my arms again, hugging me again. I inhale her sent once more, I want her to stay there, I want her to be there longer and more often.

“Glad you like it Parker.”

I finally say, hoping that she’ll let go of me before I do something I’ll regret later.
She changes back into her clothes and I pack the dress into foil to protect it.

“So do you have to leave again or do you have some time left to talk a bit?”

Where did that come from? Usually I wouldn’t be so bold.

“I’d love to talk.”

She nods and we walk over to sit on the porch.

“So tell me what are you doing in the moment? Shooting a new movie?”

I sit down after pouring us both some lemonade.

“I’ll start shooting again on Monday in San Francisco with Tom Hanks but don’t tell anybody.”

“Well congrats on that Parker, Tom Hanks are you going for your next Oscar?”

We smile at each other and I'm really surprised how cool I finally am in her presence. We talk for a long time although she still forgets to look at me from time to time. When I show her some signs in sign language Michael and Maria join us.

((“What are you two doing?”))

I can see that Liz is talking to Michael but I can’t understand her.

((“Don’t thank me, Thank Maxwell here he did everything.”))

I don’t know what she said to him but she looks at me with shining eyes.

“What? You know it’s not nice to say something I don’t understand.”

((“I just told her that you did the whole work on the dress and you gave me a hard time because you didn’t like the dress I draw for her.”))

“That’s not true Michael and you know that, I just thought that she’ll like the dress like that.”

Giving him a warning look I make my point hopefully clear that he better shuts up now if he doesn’t want to go back to the not-talking-with-you-situation. It’s up to him.
Maria joins us and surprisingly the four of us spend a wonderful and funny evening and I really feel like a normal person again. We laugh a lot and have a lot to tell. Michael decides to order pizza and it’s late in the night when Liz finally leaves the house. I bring her to her car.

“That was a nice evening, I felt so….so normal to be honest.”

She admits and chews on her lip like she would be ashamed of admitting it.

“I think so too, it’s been a long time since I felt so comfortable and had so much fun. Thank you.”

“No thank you, good night Max…and perhaps we can repeat that.”

“Yeah, would be nice, good night Liz, drive carefully.”

“I will. Bye.”

Before she gets into the car she kisses me on the cheek again, gets into the car and drives away. I’m mesmerized, today I got to know the real Liz Parker and I know, that now I even want her more than before. I just wish I could hear her laugh, she looks so sweet when she’s laughing. Getting back into the house Maria is standing in the doorway to the kitchen.

“You like her don’t you?”

“And if I do? That doesn’t change the fact that I’m deaf and that she’s taken.”

“And what exactly is the problem here? Sean? This isn’t a relation forever, believe me Max I’d love her to be with you…you two would be a lovely couple.”

“But it isn’t meant to be Maria. Anyway good night.”

I leave her standing there and go up to my room. We would be a lovely couple, yeah maybe but we’ll never find out I guess.


Life is a freak show and we're the stars
posted on 28-Sep-2001 1:28:43 PM

Part 10


I feel good, I feel beautiful, I feel like…I don’t know, strange. It’s my birthday and I should be happy but I'm not. Sean is really in Las Vegas and most of the people invited to my party are not my friends, merely acquaintances, Patrick invited them ‘It looks better on the picture to have a lot of famous faces on them’ he said – nice but that’s my party. He didn’t care. Right now he’s talking to some men I don’t even know. So what are they doing at my party? Finally I can see Maria and Michael – my saviors.

“Maria, Michael, over here.”

“Hey Happy Birthday Lizzie babe.”

Maria hugs me.

“You look wonderful, god that dress is really made for you.”

In that moment the photographer decides to appear again. After all here they are Maria Deluca famous singer and her famous designer boyfriend Michael Guerin.

“Would you smile for me please.”

Michael and Maria take me into their middle and we pose for some picture. Through clenched teeth I say.

“I hate this, this is ridiculous, where is Max? You told him that he’s invited didn’t you?”

“Sure we did chica, but he tries to avoid those parties as much as possible, but he asked us to give you a big birthday hug. And until now you always loved this publicity what’s the matter chica?”

Thanks Maria – I will just try to change the topic, I’m not in the mood to get into an argument.

“He never goes out does he?”

I finally ask when the photographer finds someone else to torture. I mean Maria is right, usually I don’t mind all this fuss about me, mind you – that’s my life but – you wanna know what I thought about after leaving Max, Maria and Michael after our really funny evening. I never thought that I would but I miss to just hang out with friends, to be able to talk and laugh about stupid stuff like anybody else. I never noticed how much my job is really dictating my life – well I know it of course but knowing and admitting are two different things. Right? Perhaps I should really try to…and don’t laugh at me okay…to come down from my thrown and enjoy life a little more again. What do you think about that? I think it’s perfect. Let’s call it birthday resolutions. I can at least try. So what’s Michael saying?

“Hardly, we have a class reunion next week and he doesn’t want to go there. It isn’t easy with him.”

Michael explains and takes a sip of the champagne I gave him, I can only nod.

“Where is Sean?”

Maria asks me, looking for him.

“Don’t over do your eyes Maria, he isn’t here, he’s in Las Vegas, but he has called and he gave me his present yesterday.”

I show her my new earrings – I like them. They’re from Tiffany’s.

“Tell me something Liz, what do you like about that guy?”

Whoo – where did that come from? Until now Maria had never asked me about my boyfriends. I mean I know that she doesn’t like him but to be so forward – that is new to me.

“Why? Do you know someone better?”

“That isn’t that difficult.”


Michael looks at her, I think we both look at her with the same expression on our faces. Did I miss something? Did Mister Perfect walk by and I was just too occupied to notice it? No – not possible. I try to forget about her comment and enjoy my party. After the photographer left also those ‘acquaintances’ leave and finally only my real true friends are left.
When it’s finally time to say good-bye Maria hugs me

“Why don’t you come by tomorrow? We’re planning a little barbeque, only us, Max, his sister and her husband. What do you think? Do you have time?”

“Yeah I’d like that.”

“Fine come by when ever you want. Tomorrow is supposed to be nice so bring your bathing suit.”

Bathing suit? Well – I think – I think I have to go shopping tomorrow before going to Maria and Michael and…well and Max. Thinking only about the possibility that he might join us in the pool makes me drool. Geez!


Maria POV

What a nice day, I really feel like doing nothing. Don’t get me wrong, I like my work, or my job or what ever you want to call it. I really do but sometimes it’s really nice to just hang around with the love of your life and your friends. Michael is on the phone, speaking French to some guy in France because they messed up the second order of fabric. Nevertheless he is out here, in his swimming trunks – I love my man. I really do. Max is in the water, enjoying the sun by swimming forth and back and forth and…you get the picture. I don’t know why he considers that as ‘enjoying the pool’ I mean when I say I enjoy the pool the picture is that: lots of water, a mattress in the water and a Maria on it without moving a muscle. I think you get the picture also right? Through my sunglasses I watch Isabelle and Alex. She really looks good although she thinks she’s fat. No way – she’s that kind of woman who looks good even five months pregnant. The only one who’s missing is Liz. What takes her so long? I really hope that Sean didn’t show up and that she decides to bring him with her. No way. I don’t like that ‘scumbag, he’s using her, playing with her and betraying her. But who am I to tell Liz? Every time I try to talk to her about him she just changes the topic. I’m her friend – mind you thinking anything else and when she finally realizes that he is in fact a ‘scumbag I’ll be there for her but if she doesn’t listen to me I won’t force her to do so.


Ah finally. She’s coming at us, wearing only a white summer dress, sunglasses and sandals.

“Hey chica! C’mon over!”

I wave at her, I'm not getting up in that heat no way.

“How are you doing? You look good!”

“I’m fine thanks.”

“Make yourself comfortable or…Liz are you listening to me?”

I saw her waving at Michael, who smiled back but kept on talking on the phone and now her eyes are fixated on Max. I knew it, she can’t let go. What am I gonna do with her? As much as I think that they’d be a cute couple – in the moment this is impossible.


So I guess I’ll have to stand up.

“Liz I think you met Alex already but do you know Max’ sister Isabelle?”

I take her by the arm and drag her over to Alex and Isabelle.

“I don’t think so.”

Liz mumbles hardly able to take off her eyes of Max. Geez this will be more difficult than I thought.

“Alex you know Liz Parker my friend right?”

“Yeah, nice meeting you again Liz. This is my wife Isabelle.”

Isabelle gets up, smiles at Liz.

“It’s a pleasure to finally meet you Liz, I’ve heard a lot about you.”

“Yeah who hasn’t…nice meeting you.”

What was that? Are we a little touchy. Isabelle is a clever woman I think she will say something.

“I wasn’t talking about the media, I was talking about Maria, Michael and Max actually.”

“Oh, oh god I’m sorry Isabelle it’s just…sorry.”

Now there we go, that’s better.


Life is a freak show and we're the stars
posted on 30-Sep-2001 8:06:09 AM

Part 11


Now that’s interesting, Max talked about me? I think that’s a good sign isn’t it? I just can’t stop staring at him how he’s swimming in the pool not even taking a break once. I think he isn’t even aware of the fact that I'm here – or he is and he just doesn’t care. Oh well. I stay with Alex and Isabelle – I have to make up for my stupid remark and talk with them a little bit about their baby. They’re a really nice couple – so she’s Max sister. Good to know.
I decide to get rid of my dress, it’s really hot in the sun. Throwing it into my bag, turning around I…

“Oh my god…”

Max – right behind me! In swimming trunks…wet…so wet…water dripping down his body…his perfect body.

“Sorry Liz I didn’t want to startle you.”

He smirks at me and starts drying his body off with his towel. Oh please let me be this towel. This is ridiculous I know but…if you were in my place you’d think the same thing.

“You didn’t I was just…uhm shocked.”

Did he understand me? I’m not sure of it. But he nods, so that’s good – right?

“Nice that you’re here.”

He takes a seat next to my sun lounger and looks up at me, I sit down as well.

“So how was your birthday party?”

He asks, after putting on his sunglasses, watching me. Why do I feel so naked under his stare? Perhaps this bikini isn’t that good – I had a hard time finding it this morning.

“Oh it was great, I was a little disappointed that you weren’t there.”

“Sorry, but as you know I don’t like to go to parties.”

“Hey Liz.”

Michael finally comes over, gives me a hug and sits down on my lounger.

“So? What are they suggesting to do?”

Max turns to Michael – something is wrong.

((“They say, that they are very sorry, that they have no explanation how that could happen. I mean honestly this ignorance just amazes me.”))

((“And now? Michael we need this stuff as soon as possible if not the production will stand still and we’ll lose a lot of money. Did you call the insurance company?”))

I don’t know why but it still amazes me to see Michael and Max interacting like that. I wish I I’d be able to talk in sign language. Obviously Max is able to read lips but I’m pretty sure that this isn’t very easy and that it takes a lot of concentration. His communication with Michael is much more fluent and faster.

“What’s the problem?”

I ask Michael, forgetting to look at Max who now is waiting for one of us to tell him what I said.

((“Liz wants to know what’s wrong.”))

Michael then translates for me, so to say. Max nods.

“We have ordered new fabric and they did it wrong, the whole last shipment was wrong, the color, the text everything, so now we’re trying to find a way to keep the production going without losing too much money.”

Max explains to me. Here I am worrying about my lines in a stupid movie while they have to fear that their whole production will stand still, great.

“But let’s not talk about this now okay? We promised to let it be for now and we can’t change it anyway, so Liz how about a little cooling off?”

Max suddenly stands up, grabs me, throws me over his shoulder as if I would be a towel – nice idea by the way – and walks towards the pool.

“Max don’t even think about it, Max…don’t.”

I scream, I know that he can’t hear me but this is serious, I mean everybody would react like that. I’m pounding his back while he’s just laughing.

“You can scream what ever you want Liz I can’t hear you anyway.”

He laughs and throws me right into the pool. Thank you – but now you’re on to it Mister Evans. With a smug face, with arms akimbo he stands at the rim of the pool and smirks down on me while I'm trying to catch my breath.

“Okay…you think you’re clever don’t you?”

“What was that?”

He smirks – knowing that I was planning something. But before he could react I was out of the water and pushing him, unfortunately he grabs my arm and I’m falling with him. I feel like a teenager again – and you wanna know something? I really like it! Maria, Michael, Alex and Isabelle join us and we all are fooling around in the pool a bit. Jap – that’s exactly what I missed all those years without really realizing it.
Later Max helps me out of the pool and hands me my towel – I just can’t stop looking at him, he’s gorgeous.



I have a hard time not to stare at Liz. Back in the water we had touched unintentionally, not that I mind – hell no – I'm just more and more amazed by how petite she is. I mean I know that but to see her in a very sexy bikini doesn’t really help to hide her figure, her body. I'm wondering what it would be like to touch her, to feel her whole body pressed against mine without any clothes. I’m wondering what her lips feel like, what she tastes like…and I have to get me head out of the gutter before it is obvious what I’m thinking about.

Alex and Michael decide that it’s time to start the barbeque, while the rest of us is busy with preparing the salad. I know that the women are talking but I can only do one thing at a time so I wash the salad. I’ve got used to the feeling that people might talk about me – it’s hard to deal at first, because you think that everybody knows that you can’t hear them although it’s really ridiculous. Anyway – when I look up Isabelle, Maria and Liz are laughing and I’m happy to see that all of three of them seem to be happy. Isabelle because the pregnancy is sometimes really hard for her, Maria because the recording studio is always on her back to push her to hurry up and Liz – well Liz because she seems more human now. Stupid explanation but true.

During dinner we talk again about everything and nothing. Michael is my translator for Maria and Liz which makes it easier for all of us.

((“So now we’re down to four names. If it’s a boy it’s be either Sean or Elijah and if it’s a girl either Samantha or Rebecca.”))

Isabelle smiles while stroking her tummy gently. I’m so proud of my sister. Her eyes are shining. Liz and Maria are looking at her also with shinning eyes.

((“Don’t get any wrong ideas Maria.”))

Michael suddenly says to his girlfriend who glares at him without saying anything. Alex and me chuckle.

((“You better be quiet Maxwell…”))

“What did I do? Hey I’m single I don’t have to be afraid of the fact that my girlfriend might get motherly feelings. Actually I’m the only single at this table so let me chuckle.”

((“We’ll talk about this again when you’re not single anymore and your girlfriend gets all teary eyes in presence of a pregnant woman or a baby.”))

Where did that come from? And who said that I was planning on getting involved in a relationship? I’m single and the only woman I’d be interested in, in the moment is taken. So I don’t have to worry about anything.

“I like the name Rebecca, I’d like my niece to have this name – she could be a Becky then.”

I finally say, changing the topic.

((“What makes you so sure that it’ll be a girl? Every since we told you that I’m pregnant you said it’ll be a girl.”))

Izzy smiles at me, I shrug my shoulders.

“I don’t know it’s just a feeling, I’m telling you it’ll be a girl.”

Okay so the truth is, that if I’d ever become a father I’d like to have a girl. Strange? Nah – but in the moment this is not what I’m worrying about – my family plans aren’t really existing so to say.


Life is a freak show and we're the stars
posted on 1-Oct-2001 2:33:53 PM

Part 12

I’m still not really in the mood for this stupid class reunion today. I don’t want to go there what is so wrong with that? Having a hard time concentrating on my work I decide to let it be for today and go jogging – something I should do more often.

“Cookie – c’mon.”

He’s at my side at once as soon as I get down the stairs. I just changed into a t-shirt, shorts and sneakers – and of course a cap and sunglasses. Call me paranoid – I don’t care.

“C’mon Cookie, let’s go.”

I suddenly feel presence next to me and look left, there she is again – Liz in her car, smiling at me.

“Hey ya stranger, what are you doing?”

“What does it look like?”

I stop and smile at her.

“Well from my point of view it looks really – sweaty.”

Honestly I didn’t understand her because she’s chewing some gum which makes it very hard for me to distinguish between her words and the chewing.
Why do I have the feeling that she’s looking me up and down like I’d be her next meal or something? Could it be that she’s still interested in me? Nah – back then she was drunk and had just forgotten about the fact that she has a boyfriend.

“Are you on your way to Maria?”

She nods and says something that I again don’t understand at all.

“Pardon? I didn’t get that. Could you please repeat that?”

“Is Maria home?”

“Oh, sorry, yeah she’s home.”

“Thanks, see ya later.”

I stand there, waiting for her to disappear around the corner. Suddenly out of the corner of my eye I see something flashing and Cookie next to me is barking. Please don’t let it be paparazzi – damn it! I forget about my plans to jog around the block for a second time and go home. I can see Maria and Liz sitting on the porch but I'm too furious about my carelessness to talk to anyone and the thought about this damn class reunion isn’t helping me at all.

One hour later I get back down, Maria and Liz are still sitting on the porch.

“Maria are you not getting ready?”

“I'm not going Max.”

“Why not?”

“I’ll be on the Tonight Show later, didn’t Michael tell you?”

“No he didn’t.”

Liz looks me up and down again.


“You look good.”


God this annoys me so much, I'm actually disgusted by myself and I don’t know why. I could tear something apart at once.
Suddenly Liz is standing next to me.

“Are you okay Max?”

Honestly? I again didn’t understand her.

“Liz, I'm sorry I’m not able to pay attention in the moment what did you say?”

She turns around and picks up a pad and a pen and starts writing.

“Are you okay?” it says.

“No, no I'm not but thanks for asking.”

I try to smile at her, I really do but I'm nervous and angry and afraid. Why am I doing this again? Why can’t I just hide in my house? Michael appears next to me, he’s talking to Maria, kissing her and then watching me.

((“Ready Max? Let’s go or we’ll be late.”))

I say my goodbyes to Maria and Liz, wishing Maria good luck for her show and then we leave.



“Max didn’t look good.”

I say after the boys have left.

“I know the more I think about it the more I’m also sure that it might have been better for him to stay here and not go there. He’s so afraid Liz, I have never seen him that way.”

I can see the earnest concern in Maria’s eyes and she only has this expression in her eyes when it’s really serious.

“So then why is he going if it makes him feel so uncomfortable?”

“Because he can’t stay at home for ever Liz, it might be four years now but he still can’t deal with it entirely. Although he says that he is fine but that’s just not true. He can’t. I mean I met him after the accident but I have seen videos of him and Michael and Michael has told me so many stories about their high school days and…it just doesn’t take a genius to see that Max is afraid. I don’t feel good with the idea that he’ll be there tonight surrounded by 50 people who might remember Max Evans as a 17 year old – straight A student – basketball player, but they don’t know Max Evans 26 years old – famous designer and deaf.

“Maybe we should head there after your taping is finished, didn’t you tell me they meet somewhere in Burbank?”

“Yeah but we’re not invited.”

“Not invited – Maria please – look at us, do you really think we need an invitation to get in?”

I know how that sounds guys don’t roll your eyes – but I think she’s right. Max - he was pale, anxious, the whole appearance was wrong. This wasn’t Max Evans how I got to know him the last evenings we spent with each other – and this situation could come in handy.


Life is a freak show and we're the stars
posted on 2-Oct-2001 8:14:44 AM

Part 13


I really don’t know what got into me to come here? Alex, Isabelle, Michael and me are standing in front of the door of the restaurant the reunion is taking place.

“I can’t go in there.”

I turn around and want to hail a taxi. Of course they won’t let me, surrounded by my sister, her husband and my friend I find myself being led towards the entrance.

“Guys why…don’t you just…I can’t…what if I don’t understand a word anybody says?”

((“Max someone of us will always be at your side okay? We won’t leave you in there to yourself but please at least try.”))

Izzy looks at me with pleading eyes. Why is this so hard?

“Okay but…”

((“If you don’t like it or whatever we will leave – promise, now c’mon Max.”))

Michael reassures me and off we go. He hands the invitations to the guy at the entrance who smiles at me and chats right away I only understand snippets but not enough to make sense out of that. I just assume that I'm supposed to know him, no name badge damn. Michael is handing me my name badge.

“Who was that?”

I turn to him.

“Casper Wood, he was in my science class.”


In the meantime Alex has found our table and luckily we are all sitting together with only two other free seats – great. I decide that I need a drink and Alex joins me on the way to the bar.

“One bourbon.”

I say to the bartender and look at Alex who’s staring at me

“What? I need that now Alex, don’t look at me like that.”

Another face of a young woman appears next to Alex and suddenly she’s hugging him and she seems to shriek – whatever but the next thing I know is that she’s also hugging me. Finally I have the chance to look at her name – Vicky W… whatever.

“Vicky – hey.”

I nod and receive my glass thankfully drowning it in one sip and ordering the next one. Alex and Vicky are talking and suddenly they’re both looking at me.


“How are you doing Max Evans?”

Vicky smiles at me. Does she know? Anyway?

“I’m fine Vicky, how are you doing?”

Slowly I start to remember her.

“Wasn’t your name Delaney or something like that?”

I ask her and she smiles and nods, showing her wedding band to us. For a fact I know that she must be talking about her marriage but as she is staring at her wedding band I don’t understand one single word but Alex my buddy helps me out here.

“Wow that is so great that Thomas Waters finally asked you to marry him after College.”

He’s saying and my next bourbon arrives. Unfortunately Alex decides that I have enough for the beginning and drags me back to the table trying not to get stopped by anybody. I look around over the rim of my glass while taking one small sip after the other and I’m amazed how many people I recognize again. Michael is at the other end of the room talking to some guys who used to be in our math class, Isabelle is surrounded by her former friends who are congratulating her to her pregnancy as it seems like and Alex well Alex has vanished – this is exactly what I feared what would happen. I mean I can’t blame them – how often do you see the people again whom you went to school with right? But I'm just – I don’t belong here anymore. As I’m getting up to get another drink a woman is standing in front of me, I look into her face – Courtney.


I smile at her – you have no idea who she is right? Well she was my high school love, our relationship lasted two years then after high school she went to Australia and we decided that it would be better to break it off – well she decided, I had no say in it. We had been the dream couple – do I miss her? Not anymore. At the beginning I did – oh god how I did. I really had loved her back then and she had broken my heart by leaving me behind.

“Hi Max.”

I swallow hard.

“How are you doing? My god you look good.”

“You don’t look so bad yourself.”

She smiles at me while we’re still staring at each other.

“Please have a seat.”

I pull a free chair out and take a seat next to her still staring at her, so many feelings are playing havoc with my thoughts and mind right now.

“Are you only here for the reunion and go back to Australia again or are you living here again?”


She starts talking but unfortunately also starts looking around and so…well you know.

“Ahm…Courtney, could you say that again or write it down? I can’t hear you.”

With big eyes she looks at me. I literally can see the questions in her mind.

“I had an accident four years ago, I’m deaf Court I can’t hear anymore.”

I explain to her, hoping that she’ll stay.

“Oh my god Max, I’m sorry – oh god.”

She says with tears in her eyes and hugs me. God this feels so good, I feel like I’m, 16 again.

“Don’t be sorry Court, I read lips so don’t worry, just look at me and talk slowly then I can understand you.”

She nods again, I lift my hand to wipe away her tears with my thumb and smile at her.

“You’re still so beautiful.”

I admit, I had to say that – I really did.

“Thanks…you’re not so bad yourself.”

“Thanks. So what are you doing Court?”

”No one calls me like that anymore.”

“As much as I remember I was the only one who ever called you like that.”

“That’s true, well I'm back in LA again, actually I’ve been back for three years already.”

“Three years? Why did you never contact me?”

“I…I had a hard time Max, I just got divorced and then I was too ashamed…I guess…Max I wanted to say I'm sorry it wasn’t right how I ended our relationship.”

All the time I watch her. I remember the times we walked along the beaches, talking about everything coming into our minds, our first kiss, I was so shy to ask her out and when we finally made it to our first date she kissed me before disappearing in her home after it, I remember what it felt like waking up next to her after our first night together and how right it had felt and how awkward.

“So I guess I don’t have to ask what you’re doing right? I saw you and Michael on television some weeks ago. Your designs are amazing.”

“Well thank you – I try.”

“You’re doing a pretty good job, believe me.”

“You still didn’t tell me what you’re doing in the moment.”

“Oh I'm working for an advertising company – actually I’m the manager.”


Isabelle was suddenly standing next to us.

“Izzy you remember Court?”

She says something to Court before they hug each other.

((“Is everything okay Max or do you want to go?”))

“No I’m fine, Izzy thanks.”

((“Good, you‘ll find me right there.”))

She points to the mob of girls she used to hang out with and I recognize a lot of them. Some of them are waving at me, I wave back but turn towards Court again.

“So what happened Max?”

“What do you mean?”

Of course I know what she means – duh – I just hope that – I don’t know, I don’t want to talk about it and then I want to – I don’t know.

“Your accident, Max I can’t believe that, how? When? Why?”

Okay, so I never could keep a secret from her and I’m not going to start now.

“Four years ago I was in France preparing a show, I went back to this damn building because I had forgotten some documents, somehow the building caught fire, I remember the smoke and I tried to find my way out of the building and when I finally did, something in the building exploded and ever since then I can’t hear anymore. I was lucky cuz I only had some minor burns and bruises. What about you? You married? When?”

“I – his name is James, I met him the day I arrived in Australia, he was working across the street I lived in, in Sydney. He was also going to study at the university and we…I don’t know…I liked him and…one year later we got married.”

“Wow that’s fast…what happened after that?”

“Well after four years he decided, that he wanted to be free again, so I left…honestly I think I also didn’t love him anymore. It was a stupid thing to get married so soon. What about you? Married? Engaged? Or at least in love?”

“No – nothing at all, I mean it’s not like I wasn’t dating through College but – no there is nobody. It’s not easy.”


Life is a freak show and we're the stars
posted on 3-Oct-2001 8:33:59 AM

Part 14

Isabelle POV

So I think that this is good, although I could still choke Courtney for hurting Max back then I think it’s nice that she’s talking to him and as it seems like he’s enjoying her company. Some people walked up to me asking me about Max because they had heard a rumor that he is deaf and I'm really amazed by how many still walked up to him. And of course there are also the idiots who are making jokes screaming the most unbelievable stuff because they know that he can’t hear them. Alex and Michael already walked up to them but…well you know those kinds of people. We’re all taking our seats and Courtney stays at Max’ side, our former principal holds a speech with me being the translator for Max as I sit opposite from him. I’m really glad that he is here and he really seems to enjoy this.
Suddenly a murmur goes through the rank and some guys are whistling and I see the reason why – Maria and…and Liz? What is she doing here?


Michael jumps up.

“Is everything okay? What are you doing here?”

“Well we thought as we were in Burbank anyway we could join you – I hope that’s okay?”

“Yeah – I'm just surprised, take a seat.”

Maria takes a seat next to Michael, while Liz sits down on the other side of Max, who’s looking at her like – I don’t know. Is there something my brother should tell me about?


She smiles at him and he…he even smiles back. Mhm intriguing – I really have to find out what’s going on there. After the principal finishes his speech supper is served.

“Well I guess we came at the right time huh?”

Liz is joking not taking her eyes off of Courtney. Okay here’s something wrong definitely and I have to find out NOW!

((“Max could I talk to you for a minute please?”))

He nods, gets up and follows me out on the terrace.

((“What is it Izzy?”))

((“It seems like I’m missing out on something here Max. Is there something you want to tell me? What is Liz Parker doing here? I can understand Maria showing up but Liz?”))

((“I don’t know what she’s doing here Izzy, I mean I’m just as surprised as you are.”))

((“I don’t believe you. You’re hiding something. Did you sleep with her?”))

((“Sleep with her? Izzy are you crazy? She’s taken and…no. How did you come up with that stupid idea?”))

I still don’t believe him, I’m sorry I just know my brother.


((“Izzy no – as much as I wish I could say ‘yes’ but there is nothing between us.”))

((“As much as you wish? Max do you have any idea what you’re saying?”))

((“Isabelle this is actually none of your business who I'm sleeping with and who I want to sleep with, this is only my concern so leave it. If you’ll excuse me, I’m hungry.”))

This can’t be true, my brother has a crush on one of the most famous women around in the moment. I just hope that…I don’t know, I don’t want him to get hurt and I know that eventually this will happen. He hates publicity, she loves it. She likes to go out and party, he hates it and even if he’d like it, it would still be different. They just don’t fit.



Okay so who is that bitch and why is she sitting next to Max? I know, I know, I don’t know her but…argh…I was supposed to come here, find a devastated Max and comfort him and cheer him up. This isn’t how I pictured all of this, I had my entrance planned out but no – Miss – whoever she is, had to destroy my plans. Oh so you think I’m crazy? Maybe but I still haven’t given up. Wondering what Isabelle and him are talking about, wondering what is so important that she has to talk to him alone.
Anyway I have to find out more about my opponent.

“Hi my name is Liz, I'm a friend of Max.”

I hold out my hand to her, yeah I’m a snake in the grass, deal with it.

“Courtney, nice meeting you. So you and Max are…”

“…friends. And I guess you an Max know each other from high school?”

“Yeah, well we were together.”

Oh really – now this gets interesting here.

“How sweet, how long? I’m just a bit curious sorry, Max hardly talks about his past.”

“Two years, then I went to Australia and we broke up.”

Well, well – I don’t really like the sound of it. I guess it was her who broke up and she left Max behind, heart broken. Bitch! I told you so!

When Max comes back he seems a little angry, okay now I wanna know.

“Everything okay Max?”

I ask him when I have his full attention. He shakes his head ‘no’, takes my hand and drags me out of the room. Now what is going on here?

“Max, you’re hurting me, what are you doing? Max?”

Stupid me – he can’t hear me…I stop walking, that also makes him stop. He turns to me, his eyes are sparkling angry.

“What are you doing here Liz? My sister asked me some stupid questions if we have an affair or something like that and I can’t get rid of the feeling that perhaps there was a special reason that you’re here. So I want to know the truth, what is Liz Parker, a woman who loves to spend her time with celebrities doing at a boring class reunion of a class she wasn’t even in? And don’t lie to me Liz.”

Busted! What am I gonna do know? Okay, there goes nothing…

“Honestly Max, I came here because I was worried, you didn’t look that good when you and Michael left the house and I suggested to Maria that we should come to this reunion just in case that you wouldn’t feel so good – depressed or what ever. I like you Max and…that’s it. Do you understand me?”

“I didn’t get everything but I take a guess. So you’re telling me that you were worried and that you like me. Liz this has nothing to do with the fact that some weeks ago you wanted to get into my pants does it? Cuz I’m really hoping that this isn’t the major reason. I want to believe that I'm not just your next target, I want to believe that we are friends.”

I…I’m speechless. God what did I do? Here he is, the most honest, amazing, wonderful man I’ve ever met in my life and not that it’s enough that I don’t realize it in my filled up daze of arrogance, I was still planning to use him to satisfy my needs and mostly my ego. I’m such an idiot.


Life is a freak show and we're the stars
posted on 4-Oct-2001 8:41:57 AM

Part 15


She’s speechless, I’m trying to look into her eyes to see what’s going on in her mind but she isn’t allowing it. I guess that’s answer enough – I’m not more than a toy for her. God, how could I be so dumb? How could I be so blind?

“I think, it’s better if you leave now Liz.”

I turn around and leave her standing there. I walk up to the table.

“I want to leave.”

Michael wants to say something.

“NOW Michael.”

Then I turn to Courtney.

“I'm sorry Court, I why don’t you contact Michael or send me an email or just come by one of those days.”

I hand her my business card and walk up to the door. My eyes are burning up with tears, tears of rage, please don’t cry, don’t you cry Max Evans. I'm trying hard to hold back the tears of anger and hurt until we’re at home. The drive there seems to be endlessly. I don’t care if the others want to talk to me – I just want to get home. Staring out of the window I try to not think if Liz but…why did she do it? And why didn’t I realize it? She’s just a…a…she’s just a woman, living in a different world. So different from mine that I should have known that there is no chance at all. She has been too long in that business with people admiring and adoring her.
At home I get out of the goddamned car, open the door and run up into my bedroom.
Finally I am alone – breath Max breath…why me? Five years ago if some one like Liz would have walked up to me offering one night of passion and lust I would have said ‘yes’ – without thinking about it twice. So much has changed, so much.


Maria POV

We’re all standing there; none of us dares to talk. Instead we’re still staring up the stairs where Max has disappeared. It’s so quiet that you can hear him slamming the doors at the end of the hall and…. It’s heart tearing to see him like that. He was near tears and I feel my own tears burning in my eyes. What did she do? What was going on in her mind?

“I can’t stand this, I have to go up to him.”

Isabelle starts walking.

“Izzy I don’t think that this is a good idea.”

Alex is trying to hold her back.

“I don’t care Alex, he’s my brother I have to try at least.”

“And I…I think I’ll have to pay someone a visit.”

Is what I say next, taking my car keys and running out of the door.

“Maria, this is not good…you’re angry and…”

“…and I warned her Michael, we all did. But no Liz had to have it her way or no way. She may be my best friend but Max is my friend also and I can’t accept this.”

And with that, I close the door, start the engine and drive away. I know I should slow down and I should – where is my cypress oil when I need it?
Getting to Liz’ and Sean’s house 20 Minutes later I slam the door and ring the bell. Of course Sean has to open the door, damn.

“Where is she?”

“What’s going on here? First Liz comes home crying and now you have to show up angry…what did I miss?”

He tries to keep me from entering the house but I move his arm out of my way.


I look around but can’t find her in the living room so I guess she’s in the bed room. Reaching the top of the stairs I start, I’m so furious.

“I told you so Liz! If you hurt him you’ll be sorry, but NO Miss Superstar has to have it her way! What the hell is going on in your mind?”

I arrive in the bedroom; she sits there, crying.

“And why the hell are YOU – out of all people crying? I don’t know exactly what happened and honestly I don’t want to know it I only know that Max is also in his room nearly crying and – I can’t accept that.…I…”

“Maria, please…I…I know that…”

“What do you know Liz? WHAT? That I was right? I know that! God damn it Liz!”

I’m pacing the length of her bedroom, in the mean time also Sean has appeared at the doorway. Way to go but I don’t care if their ridiculous relationship is going to suffer.

“What Max are you talking about Maria?”

“This is none of your business ‘scumbag.”

I turn to him.

“Oh yeah, well I'm goin’ to tell you somethin’ Miss DeLuca, this is my house and you’re talking to my girlfriend about a guy I don’t know and I want to know what’s going on here.”

“Sean please leave us alone.”

Liz is pleading but if I know him right he won’t leave and that’s exactly what’s happening, instead he’s walking up to her.

“Liz I wanna know what she’s talking about. Which Max – or are you talking about that designer – the one who did your dress? Is that it? Was that how you paid for that? With sex?”

Wow – and WHAM – Liz slaps him.

“Don’t you ever say something like that about me again Sean – Never ever, do you understand me? You think I’m a whore? Well I’ll tell you something Sean I’m not the one whose sleeping with groupies in every city I get into, I’m not the one who thinks a blow-job before a concert is a big turn on.”

Wow – too much information here – I don’t need to hear this. I don’t want to know their intimate problems or what so ever.

“Listen – Liz? I want you to know that you should apologize for whatever you have done and then keep your distance…and…and I think I better leave you alone right now.”

Geez, what happened to my best friend? How could I have been so blind and not recognize that she has changed so much?


I'm actually quite pleasant until I'm awake.
posted on 6-Oct-2001 12:04:36 PM
Part 16


I have to get a grip of myself, it’s been two days and I'm still pitying myself for being so – dumb, what ever you want to call it. Anyway, I think I should get out of bed and at least take a shower and then, I guess I could work again, distraction would be good. You know in the last two days I had a lot to think about and shall I tell you something? I have finally come to the conclusion that I'm not that innocent. I mean of course I suspected that Liz was still after me and I honestly enjoyed that. It’s been a long time since that happened, even after finding out about my deafness she was still interested. I guess we both had our part in this mess.
Michael and Maria left me alone – thank god – Izzy had tried to talk to me on Friday but back then I wasn’t in the mood for that.

Coming out of the shower in my boxers the lights are suddenly going on and off – the sign that someone is at the door. I grab a shirt and walk down the steps, looking at the monitor of the security camera I see – Liz - no – well it looks like Liz but…oh god. I open the door and there she is, crying, with bruises all over her face, the lip is bleeding.

“Oh my god Liz what happened?”

But instead of answering me she just falls into my arms and cries. Her whole body is trembling and she’s cold, so cold, although its sunny outside.

“Shshs it’s going to be okay Liz…shshsh…”

I’m trying to soothe her but she’s just crying more – oh god what happened. Was that her boyfriend? I decide that now isn’t the time to ask that so I lift her up and carry her into the living room.
I don’t know for how long we’re sitting there like that, her on my lap, crying and I'm stroking her back carefully and whispering reassuring words that everything will be fine again but she suddenly looks up and I can see the extent of her injuries and I’m pretty sure that she’ll need some stitches, my shirt is red with her blood but I don’t care.

“What happened Liz? Was that Sean?”

“Max, I'm so sorry, I’m so sorry, I never wanted to hurt you in any way. It was so wrong how I behaved I'm so bad, I’m sorry, how can you ever forgive me?”

New tears are streaming down her cheeks and her lip is bleeding again. I get up, sitting her on the couch and fetch some towels and ice in the kitchen returning to her, kneeling down in front of her.

“Here, you’re bleeding again…Liz you have to go to a hospital and you have to tell me what happened.”

She’s shaking her head vehemently.

“No…I can’t…it was justified, I…”

“Liz. Something like that is never justified. So was it Sean?”

Slowly she nods.

“What happened?”

I know that this will be difficult for both of us because I don’t want to ask her over and over again but I also don’t want her to repeat herself over and over again as she’s definitely hurting.

“He…Maria showed up after Friday and…and…”

I don’t understand the next few words but I think I know what she’s saying.

“…Sean heard all of this and he got angry which ended with this…”

She’s pointing at her swollen and injured face and starts crying again. I can’t help myself and take her back into my arms.

“It’ll be fine, everything will be fine Liz, I promise – first thing we have to get you to a doctor and I’m not taking ‘No’ for an answer. C’mon.”

I help her up while I’m sending a message to my chauffeur – he’s living in his own house at the right side of my property have I told you that already? I don’t think so. While waiting for him I head up into my room and get dressed. Five minutes later he’s here.

((“Where to go Mr Evans?”))

He asks me, not even recognizing Liz.

((“To the next hospital please and hurry.”))

He nods and off we go.



I feel so ashamed - while we’re sitting in the ER Max never lets go of my hand, trying to comfort me with his words, telling me that everything will be fine eventually.

“Why do you do that Max?”

I whisper, looking him straight into the eyes, in those beautiful amber eyes. I feel so bad – what have I done? The last two days were like hell for me – and I mean that guys. It’s not just an act I put on, knowing that I really had hurt Max with my ignorance – I think it really opened my eyes and when Sean finally ‘exploded’ cuz there is no other word for that I finally also realized that I have to change my life again. No this is not who I am – this is someone else. How could I end up with a man whose betraying me whenever he has the chance to and why do I care so much about other people’s opinions when only my opinion and those of my friends should count.

I feel Max’ finger under my chin, lifting up my face so that I can look into his eyes again before he answers.

“I do it because I care for you Liz, what happened two days ago won’t change the fact that I know that this wasn’t you. I might be deaf, but I'm not blind and although I only know you for some weeks now, I know that there’s more to Liz Parker than this superficial layer she’s showing the publicity.”

Again I couldn’t suppress the tears, how could he be so perfect? He takes me into his arms again and I feel so safe – so safe like never before. Unfortunately the next moment a nurse and a doctor are standing next to us and when telling them that we aren’t related they ask him to stay in the waiting area.

“Do you want to report your boyfriend to the police Miss Parker?”

The doctor asks me after cleaning my cuts and stitching up my lip. I only shake my head ‘no’. I don’t want to be the reason Sean gets arrested, he’d be free within some hours anyway.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes I’m sure thank you.”

“Do you have somewhere to go? I don’t want you to be alone the next days.”

“Yeah, yes I have a place thank you.”

He hands me some antibiotic for my lip and some pills so that I can sleep tonight. When I enter the waiting area I know that people are recognizing me but for the first time I really don’t care. Max gets up, puts his arm around my shoulders and we leave the hospital. He isn’t talking and he isn’t asking questions and I'm so grateful for that. Arriving at his house I see Maria’s car in the garage.
She’s sitting in the living room together with Michael when we enter the house. They both turn around.

“Oh my god Liz what happened?”

Maria jumps up from the couch and comes towards us.

“Why don’t you lie down and I’ll talk to Maria and Michael okay?”

Max looks at me.


I give him a peck on the cheek and leave them without talking to Michael or Maria – the pills are showing their effect.


Feedback very appreciated! *smile*

I'm actually quite pleasant until I'm awake.
posted on 12-Oct-2001 9:05:03 AM

Part 17


We all watch Liz going up the stairs and disappear into the darkness of the second floor.

((“Okay I wanna know what happened Max?”))

Michael then starts after I finally turn to them.

((“While you were gone she rang the bell and….and when I opened the door she was standing there, bleeding and shaking and crying and…how could he do that? How could Sean do that?”))

I look up at them. Both are shocked, Maria is saying something but I can’t make out any word.

((“Did she report him? ”))

I shake my head. Honestly I hadn’t asked again after asking one time. It was Liz’ decision and the hospital had taken picture of her body and face. What I didn’t know was that her whole body was covered with bruises. Bastard!!!! He will have to pay for that.

((“Did she tell you why he did that?”))

((“Not really, I can only guess that after Maria left on Friday he must have started an argument and wouldn’t let go of it. This morning he came home drunk and…you know the rest.”))

Maria buries her face into Michael’s shoulder and starts crying. I have no idea what she is saying but I can see that Michael is trying his best to sooth her.

“She feels responsible.”

He mouths the words - I guess. I walk up to him, put my hands on Maria’s shoulders and turn her towards me.

“Maria listen to me – this is not your fault okay? No one could have known that this would happen, Liz is safe now. She’ll stay here for the next days and we’ll make sure that he will never get near her okay? Please don’t blame yourself.”

After that I take her into my arms and hug her.


She nods her head against my chest, after kissing her on top of her head I let her go and decide that it’s time to go to bed. I’m sure that I won’t be able to sleep, too many things are occupying my mind. Opening the door to my bedroom I stop when I see Liz lying in my bed, curled up on top of the blanket. Why is she in my room? Anyway, slowly and hopefully silently I walk up to the bed and put her under the blanket. She looks so fragile as if she would be made of glass. Carefully I push some hair out of her still beautiful face. I could sit here forever and watch her sleeping. You think I should leave? Well I do, she needs her rest. I take some clothes with me, go into one of the guestrooms, strip down to my boxers and get into bed.
I still don’t get how some one could do something like that. I mean I think everybody knows the feeling just to want to explode and destroy something but that is different, stuff like that can usually be replaced and actually you shouldn’t act on this impulse. The chance that you might hurt someone or get hurt in the process is big and honestly I’m not someone who likes to take this chance.
I toss and turn but can’t sleep, when I look at the clock again it says 3.04 a.m. – great. I have a strange feeling in the pit of my stomach and get up, I just want to check that she’s fine – really.
And I'm right, Liz is sitting in the bed, crying and shaking. I might not be able to hear it but I'm able to read body language and hers is obvious.


Startled by me she looks up, I walk up to her and sit down on my bed.

“Are you okay?”

Shaking her head ‘no’ I take her into my arms again. I wish I could take away her pain, her fear, everything that makes her frightened.
Suddenly she takes my hand and starts – what is she doing? She’s writing onto the palm of my hand with her finger. ‘STAY WITH ME PLEASE?’ it says when she’s finished. I think my heart is ready to burst – really.

“Okay I will, try to sleep, I won’t go anywhere, I’ll be here.”

And with that I slowly lie back, taking her with me so that she can sleep on my chest if she wants to and finally I'm drifting of into sleep.

When I wake up the next morning Liz is still sleeping, her face is turned to me and I immediately feel the rage rising in me to see her like that. I don’t even wanna know how much that must hurt. She still seems pretty much out of it and so I decide to let her sleep and get up. Getting down into the kitchen Michael is reading the newspaper but as soon as he seems to hear me he puts the paper down.

((“How is she? Still sleeping?”))

((“Yeah, I….I can’t understand how he could do that. I mean I don’t know Sean and I don’t know anything about their relationship but no matter how difficult it might have been I can’t understand how somebody is able to do something like this.”))

((“Well the newspaper is saying that they had a big argument and that Sean was drunk.”))

And with that he lifts up the paper, turns it around and

“DAMN! How did they get that picture?”

On the front I can see one of the pictures the hospital had taken yesterday of Liz’s face, then a smaller one with Sean and her. I grab the paper and start reading out loud.

“Oscar winner beaten up by rock star boyfriend? Michael how? Why?”

I honestly don’t know what to say.

((“Read paragraph five.”))

Michael tells me and after studying his face I realize that I won’t like what I'm going to read.

“Miss Parker was taken to the hospital by Max Evans, designer and later the couple
drove back to Mr Evan’s property where she stayed for the night.”

I close my eyes…this couldn’t be true…this is a nightmare…I know that I will wake up any second and realize that this isn’t happening to me. Thinking that it was bad some weeks ago would be an understatement, now with Liz staying at our house everybody would go crazy. Okay we need to find a way out of it….and fast.
Suddenly Michael gets up from his chair

“Michael what?”

Oh the door I didn’t even realize that the lights were going on and off and on and off.
I follow him into the hall where a man around 40 appears and talks to Michael. From his body language I can see that he was very excited and agitated.

“What’s going on here? Who are you?”

The guy storms at me and he definitely is screaming cuz I can’t understand a word. So I direct my gaze towards Michael.

((“That’s Patrick McIntyre, Liz’ manager. He wants to know where she is and if you’re crazy to accompany her to the hospital and he seems very angry.”))

Michael added on a more personal note.

“No kidding Michael.”

I shake my head, Mr McIntyre seems to be very quiet suddenly.

“Well Mr McIntyre, nice meeting you, I'm Maxwell Evans und you’re here in my house and although I can’t hear you I would appreciate it if you could stop screaming, here are people in this house who are trying to sleep and it would be a sign of courtesy. I'm sorry that you’re really agitated and believe me if I’d be in your place I'm sure I’d be like that also. Fact is that Liz came here in hope to find help and I don’t like you blaming me that I took her to a hospital and being worried about her. She’s here and she’s sleeping and as soon as she wakes up we’ll tell her to call you. If that is everything I’d like you to leave.”

Before he can say anything I turn around and disappear into the kitchen. Idiot. To my surprise Liz is standing at the table looking at me.

“Thank you Max.”

I nod.

“How are you doing?”

She blinks away some tears and wants to bite on her lip but shuts her eyes in pain instead.

“Don’t do that Liz as cute as it might be but you should really lay off that biting on the lip thing for some days.”

I smile at her, cupping her face with my hands, catching the tears streaming down her face with my thumbs and wipe them away before I take her into my arms. She puts her arms around my upper part of my body and it doesn’t take long until I feel her shoulders shake and my shirt gets wet.

“Shsh…don’t cry…it’ll be fine. Everything will be fine again.”

I don’t know how long we stand there, I know that Michael must have come into the kitchen and seeing us standing there like that he had left again some minutes ago, I only know that this feels right.

“How about some breakfast?”

I only feel her nod.

“So what do you want? Cereal? Pancakes? Toast? I think we have nearly everything in here.”

I tell her while looking through the fridge and then back to her.

“Toast sounds good. “

“Okay, then madam is going to have toast.”

While she’s eating her breakfast and I'm drinking my coffee we don’t say a word. I see the paper on the other end of the table and I’m wondering if she has already seen it.

“Liz, there’s something you should know.”

I start, because I don’t think it would be clever to keep this a secret, I guess yesterday we both knew that eventually those pictures would be published, we both just didn’t think that it would be so soon.

“There’s a picture in the paper…”

I start, standing up and fetching that damn thing. I wanted to be able to give her a feeling of security. True my property is large and also true is that the security system is good, nevertheless I would have felt a lot better to know that those damn reporters wouldn’t have found out so soon.

“…it’s from yesterday from the hospital, somehow someone got his hands on it and they followed us. I'm sorry.”

I hand her the newspaper and sit down again. She’s only staring at it. What is going on in her mind?


posted on 12-Oct-2001 9:05:27 AM
Part 18


I’m staring at that damn picture but what actually touches and disturbs me more is the fact that I automatically dragged Max into this as well although he hates publicity so much and honestly in the moment I could also do without it.
I don’t know what to say or what to do so I lie my hand onto his and look into his eyes.

“I'm sorry Max, because of me you’re in the spotlight again and only because you helped me….I'm really sorry.”

He watches me with wrinkled brow – did he understand me at all?


“Why are you apologizing again Liz? This wasn’t your fault.”

“Of course it was, If I wouldn’t be who I am than this all…”

…but I can’t go on as he interrupts me.

“What are you talking about Liz? Are you crazy? There is no need to apologize for anything. Okay? You needed help and I tried to help nothing more. We both know that there is nothing about this story. We’re friends.”

“But what about the media?”

“Screw them! Maria, Michael and me, we’re all your friends and right now, real friends is what you need and you’re very welcome to stay with us as long as you want to. I don’t want you to go back to Sean or to his house. We can send somebody there to get your stuff.”


“No buts Liz, isn’t that right Michael?”

Before I can say anything else to him he turns around to walk out of the kitchen door where Michael just has appeared. So I chose to look at Michael who just shrugs his shoulders.

“He’s right you know…you stay here as long as you want to and neither me nor Max nor anybody else will let Sean near you ever again. I mean we have a lot of space here so stay.”

“Michael I can’t move in with you…I think I should try to find a house and…”

“…and be alone and miss all this craziness in this house? C’mon Parker I know you better than that, admit it you want to stay here.”

Then he takes a deep breath, sits down next to me and takes my hands in his.

“Listen Liz, I know that this is all fresh and maybe it’s not the time to think about something like that in the moment but I want you to know that no matter what will happen you are always welcome here – okay? If you want to stay, stay. If not fine, then we’ll help you finding a new house and still be your friends. Just…take your time ‘kay? I don’t want you to have to worry about where you can stay and all this crap – you have other problems right now.”

His honest words make me cry. On the outside Michael seems so stone cold as if nothing can make him feel anything but knowing him for some times now, I know that this is only a façade just like my behavior has been one as well.
Taking me into his arms I cry silently. I guess he’s right, I really need some times to think about what will happen now. I can’t stay with Sean that’s for sure. We both have been using each other and…I'm still convinced that I deserved everything but what I don’t deserve is the kindness – and especially Max behavior is more than I deserve.

Later Maria joins me to the doctor again – of course the house was under the watch of at least 30 reporters.

“Maria what am I gonna do?”

“About what?”

She was driving, concentrating on the street.

“About this whole mess? Are you still angry with me?”

“I guess you’re talking about Max now right?”


“Well let’s put it that way. I'm not happy about how things went but Max and me we talked and he tried to explain to me that he thinks that it was also his fault.”

“How can he even think that?”

No I’m even more confused and my head starts to hurt again – damn. I should really lay this whole ‘thinking’ – thing off for the day.

“Well – you haven’t heard that from me okay but he said that he never gave you a reason to stop being after him. I know he likes you a lot Liz and believe me if Max decides to be your friend he’ll always be there for you – so…and you’re my best friend Liz, nothing will change that just try to stick to the promise okay? Don’t hurt him again.”


While Maria and Liz are gone to the doctor Michael and me make a trip to the shop, it had been a while since I’ve been there. The last days I had hidden in the house and Michael was the one going there.
As soon as we step through the door Cassandra comes running at us babbling right away – I can’t understand a word.

“What is it?”

I look at Michael after Cassandra seemed to have finally finished.

((“She said that she already received 100 calls and that several reporters came in asking about you and Liz and that she’s near a nervous breakdown.”))

Right now I'm just asking myself why we ever hired her…there has never been one day that I really had been satisfied with her. Sure she knows a lot about selling clothes but that it’s about more than that. And I know that this has nothing to do with the fact that I'm deaf, I mean c’mon – a nervous breakdown? What is that supposed to mean?

((“Michael, I think we have to talk about something. In the office.”))

I look at him and walk into the office, waiting that Michael follows me and closes the door.

((“What is it Max?”))

((“I want to fire her. I'm not satisfied with her anymore.”))

((“Max, we can’t fire her that easy…”))

((“Oh yes we can, I know that there are people out there who could do better than that.”))

((“Do we have to talk about this now?”))

((“I just thought that it was only fair that I let you know now.”))

((“So what about the reporters?”))

((“Tell her to say ‘no comment’ what is so difficult with that?”))

Honestly I don’t really know how to handle this whole thing, this is new to me also…some weeks ago they weren’t as persisting as they would be now. IN the next moment Cassandra storms into the office and Michael follows her. Through the Window in the office, which looks like a painting from the other side I can see, that it’s again some reporters, while Michael is trying to get them out of the shop one woman of them thinks is clever and pretends to look at the clothes and gets nearer to the door of the office. How stupid does she think we are? I mean we also have surveillance cameras in here – does she really think we won’t notice.
I decide to throw her out myself if she doesn’t leave at once. They know I'm here, they might have followed as or whatever and what do I have to lose right? I open the door, step out of the office, close the door behind me again and walk straight at her, she has seen me already and is smiling at me seductively. Oh crap – who hires somebody like that? 50% of her body is fake and I believe that even the blond hair is fake so make it 60%.

“Mr Evans…”

she starts but I don’t really pay attention.

“I only want to say this once, either you’re here as a customer, then you’ll get the best service you can get or you’re here as a reporter which I know for a fact you are, then I will have to ask you politely to leave at once. And please don’t come back asking me questions that I won’t answer because they are none of your business.”

She looks at me but starts asking questions.

“Well I guess you want me to call the police don’t you? I mean loafing around an Rodeo Drive isn’t allowed so….”

Fortunately she finally decides to leave, both Michael and Cassandra were looking at me with wide eyes.


((“You never even talk to reporter and yet you had the courage to do something I’d never do Max.”))

Michael looked at me, well you wanna know something? I have come to a decision, forget about the media I mean this is my life and I’ll do everything to keep them out of my life but I won’t hide anymore. How come? I guess being at the class reunion and everything that happened in the last days just made me realize that I don’t need to hide. I'm good at what I’m doing and I have a lot of friends who are willing to help me. I might not be normal but I am what I am.

“Well Michael this is also my shop and I don’t like stupid reporters lingering around when we have more important stuff to worry about…I see you at home Michael.”

And with that I leave the shop and decide to go drink a coffee. I haven’t told you have? Well some blocks from here there’s a very nice small café and the people there know me.
When I arrive there to my surprise Courtney sits there.

“Hi there. Mind if I join you?”


She smiles up at me, gets up and gives me a hug.

“How are you doing Max?”

“Fine how are you?”

The next moment Linda, one of the waitresses brings me my usual order.

“Thanks Linda.”

It’s a pleasure Max.”

She smiles at me and disappears again.

“Well I think you have a fan here Max.”

Courtney laughs at me while I'm taking a sip still watching her.

“So how was the rest of the evening on Friday?”

“Oh we had a lot of fun, it’s really sad that you had to leave so early.”

“Yeah well…I wasn’t…I…”

“Max you don’t have to explain anything to me, I understand that you had some problems…I know you remember? I read something about Liz in the news today…what about it?”

“Well I don’t really wanna talk about it to be honest, fact is that her boyfriend beat her up pretty hard.”

“I’m sorry to hear that, so what is it about you and Liz?”

“Court…why is everybody thinking that there is something between her and me, we’re just friends.”

“Well Just friends look different for me but okay if you say so.”

Why is everybody giving me a hard time about this? I try to change the topic and before I know it two hours have passed and I have to get going.

“Well Court it was nice seeing you again, come by when ever you have time okay?”

“I will, see ya Max.”

I get back to the shop, Michael is still there – seems like he’s busy showing some clothes to Gwyneth Paltrow. Really a beautiful woman if you ask me but she’s too tall, I'm more into petite women. I stop to say ‘Hi’ and disappear into the office again. Somehow I can’t concentrate on the books, somehow I can’t forget about Court and what she said. Friends don’t look at each other like that. Well…true but considering the fact that Liz had only one aim. Sex – yes an option, a relationship – nah I don’t think so. So where does this leave me? Lust after a woman I can’t have? God how did I get into this situation.


posted on 12-Oct-2001 9:07:00 AM

Part 19


I’m lying on the couch in the living room watching some stupid talk show discussing Teenage girls who got pregnant by a much older man. Honestly I think that those shows are always the same and it amazes me how low people can sink for a little bit of attention and airtime. It’s disgusting. I’m really starting to ask myself if they’re really that stupid or if they get paid for behaving that ridiculous. I decide it’s better to close my eyes and get a little nap. The visit at my doctor had been satisfying but the pills are really effecting me.
When I wake up I turn around and see…Max…he’s sitting in the armchair across from me and is watching me. His eyes…oh my god his eyes…I feel like he’s undressing me by only looking at me.


He smiles but keeps sitting in the armchair when he finally answers me.

“Hey…how are you doing?”

In his voice I can hear the concern, honest concern.

“I’m better, thanks to you.”


He slowly gets up and walks right at me, sits down on the coffee table in front of me and takes my hands into his hands, slowly stroking over the back of my hands with his thumbs. His hands are so warm, so strong and yet so gentle and something that I never thought I would say about a man’s hands – elegant. His nails are perfect and there is no dirt and no scars. Those are really hands of a designer – and I love it. I’m wondering what it would feel like to have those hands on my body, doing wonderful things to me.
He’s looking at our hands but then he lifts his head up and looks straight into my eyes. Is there gold in his eyes? It surely looks like it. He slowly traces my bruises with one thumb – he is hardly touching me but the heat radiating from his body is unmistakeable. And his scent – god he smells like, like fresh rain, masculine and yet already so familiar. I want to pull away from his touch but something makes me stay, something makes me want be near him, be close to him. It has been so long that somebody was as gentle as Max. Sean never cared for feelings and I adjusted to that but now I don’t need to do that anymore and maybe, just maybe with Max I have found Mr. Perfect…someone who also cares about my feelings and what I want. Although I have the slight suspicion that Max and me are more a like than we know. So perhaps we wouldn’t need to do what the other wants because we would want it like that anyway.

“You’re so beautiful Liz.”

He says when touching my lip carefully. I don’t even feel pain under his touch. It’s more like a tingle, I feel my body temperature rising. Is he doing that?

“Max what are you doing?”

I’m asking him, but leaning even more into his touch. Just one tiny little movement and I could kiss his finger. Shall I? Why am I so afraid? What am I afraid of? That he might not want me? That I’m not ready yet? That I’m still suffering from shock? No, no I know what I want and ever since I have laid my eyes on him I wanted him – you know guys that this hasn’t changed the only thing that has changed is that I don’t want him only for one night, I want him forever. But if one night is all that he is willing to give then I’ll take it. No doubt about it!

“I just can not touch you Liz.”

He admits hardly audible, a little tremor in his voice. Am I melting? My heart is at the verge of bursting, I swear.

“Am I hurting you?”

Why is he asking me that?

“Why? No, no way Max I…”


I can feel his forefinger on my lip now – Geez – help me. Next thing I know is that I kiss his finger, never taking my eyes off of his face. I want to know what he’s doing! I can hear him taking in his breath at the first kiss but when I kiss his finger again his eyes seem to darken with desire and I’m sure that mine are reflecting the same.


My voice is also only a whisper but he silences me again. Is he leaning forward? Is he going to kiss me? Now? Here? He takes his time, making sure that I really want this. Asking silently with his eyes for permission and I’m willing to give him the answer we both want and need. About three inches before the first touch of our lips he murmurs.

“If I’m hurting you, you have to let me know. I don’t want to hurt you or cause you any pain.”

I love this man – he’s so caring and understanding and kind and loving and I could go on and on and on…but then I feel his lips touching mine gently. His hands are cupping my face when we part for a short time to look into each other’s eyes. There’s so much love in there, how come that I’ve never seen it? After making sure that I’m still okay he leans in again and his lips are brushing mine. That feels so good, so right.
Next thing I notice is that we’re both lying on the floor in between the coffee table and the couch, he’s half on top of me while my hands are roaming over his back and into his thick, dark hair, finding their aim in the nape of his neck, playing with his hair. His tongue is asking for entrance and boy do I want to taste him. The first taste of him drives me nearly insane; he tastes so good, so bitter sweet, it makes me asking for more.

“Oh god Max…”

I moan when he starts kissing my neck. He must have noticed the movement of my mouth because he obviously couldn’t have heard me.

“Shshsh Liz, we don’t need to talk, let our bodies and feelings talk...that’s the only language we both understand in the moment.”

He mumbles while nipping his way up from my neck to my earlobe and back. OH yeah and how right he is.

My whole body seems to go into overdrive, his hands, his mouth are playing havoc with my senses. I feel like he’s surrounding me but that isn’t enough, I want him to be everywhere! There’s no time to think about consequences or second thoughts. All that counts is that here and now. And HERE in Max’ living room I want him NOW. So that answers that and leaves no place for any other questions.

Through his shirt I can feel his rippling muscles, I would have never thought that he is so passionate and direct in one. To me Max Evans always seemed like a shy guy but now I’m surprised and delighted about the fact that he knows what he wants and that he’s willing to take a risk in getting it. Not that he would have a hard time with me…but…oh god that feels good.

“Mhm…Max…don’t stop…”

I moan again although I know that he can’t hear me.

His tongue is drawing small circles around my navel and that feels so damn good – argh.


Why is he talking, he said he wanted us to be quiet.



“Liz wake up – Liz?”

I sit up on the COUCH? That can’t be!

“Maria what?”

“You fell asleep on the couch and you were moaning, is everything alright with you or did you have a nightmare?”


I feel a little disoriented here – was it just a dream? That can’t be true! Oh no!

“…I uhm…yeah I’m fine Maria sorry if you were worried about me.”

“I’m just glad to know that you’re fine…I’m leaving now. Michael called telling me that Max and him are still in the office and that it’ll be late, so don’t be surprised if they get home after midnight.”

“Okay thanks…where are you going?”

“Oh I have a meeting at a club but I think I will be home before midnight, so see ya later chica and you know if anything happens you can call either me or Michael.”

And I can promise you one thing if you guys are going to tell Max what my dream was about I will have to kill you. God this is so embarrassing, I’m not going to tell anyone about this and you guys better also forget about it at once.

How am I supposed to look into his eyes again without blushing? How am I supposed to not look at his delicious lips again without wondering what they taste like? ARGH! This is soooo frustrating.


posted on 12-Oct-2001 9:07:22 AM

Part 20


Michael and me get home shortly after Midnight, I hate those days going over the books, making sure that everything is still okay. Sure we have our people for this stuff but I don’t really want to wake up one day confronted with the fact that some idiot made a mess. Know what I mean? As owners and managers Michael and me have an obligation and I think we should know what’s going on in our business. To our surprise we figured that we had made a plus of 15% last month, don’t know why but who am I to complain.

((“See you tomorrow Max. Good night.”))

“Night Michael.”

He heads up the stairs and goes to bed. The house is quiet, Cookie slowly comes at me, his tail wagging only a bit.

“Hey buddy how was your day? Did the girls take good care of you? Yeah?”

I bend down to him and he considers this as a hint to lie down and roll on his back.

“You want me to scrub your stomach don’t you buddy? Is that okay? Yeah? I guess so ha?”

I love it when I can spend my time with my dog, it’s important to me and although he can’t talk it just seems like we understand each other.
Suddenly someone kneels down next to me where I'm sitting cross-legged. I don’t even have to look up to know that it’s Liz, her smell is unique.

“Hey Liz, how are you today?”

I look at here, wincing slightly when seeing her face; some bruises that had been fresh yesterday are now dark purple.

“I'm fine, how are you Max? Long day?”

“Yes, yes it was a long day.”

We both stare down at Cookie, then she also starts patting him and he’s enjoying all this attention enormously.
She tips me on my shoulder carefully to get my attention.

“I think I really haven’t said thank you yet for helping me yesterday. I honestly think that I didn’t deserve that but Thank you Max.”

Again I didn’t get everything she said because of her stitched up lip her lip movement isn’t as clear as it’s usually but I know what she said.

“You don’t have to thank me Liz, everybody would have helped you and besides that, although I might repeat myself, I'm your friend and that means you can come to me whenever you need help okay?”

She nods slowly.

“Fine, now what are you doing up so late? Aren’t you tired?”

“Not really…I slept all day after coming home from the doctor and after talking to Patrick.”

“Oh yes Mr McIntyre, strange guy.”

“Yeah I know.”

“So what did the doctor say?”

“He said that the people at the ER did a great job and that there won’t be any scars left.”

“That’s good, how about some ice-cream?”

“Sounds good.”


I stand up and help her up as well. It is now that I finally see what she’s wearing. It’s a white top that stops right above her navel, she isn’t wearing a bra – oh my god. Don’t stare MAXWELL! The top is combined with a blue short that accentuates her beautiful legs.

“You get the bowls I get the ice cream.”

I tell her – fridge – cold – good idea!



He turns around and walks up top the fridge, I can’t stop staring at his really NICE butt in those darn sexy pants. I mean how can I be not staring at him after this dream.
After finally finding the bowls and spoons I join him and there he sits on one of the bar stools with two packages of ice cream, cream and chocolate sauce in front of him. Sorry guys – I really have made up my mind and realized how ignorant I was but with this Adonis placing this stuff right in front of me doesn’t really help to get my head out of the gutter. He’s a REAL challenge for my self-restraint, let me tell you.

“Okay we have ‘Chocolate chip cookie dough’ my absolute favorite and ‘Peanut Butter Cup’ with little tiny peanut butter cups in the ice cream. So what will it be?”

“I’d like a little bit of both.”

I tell him while looking at him

“…but not in a bowl, on top of you.”

I mumble to myself, knowing that he was already concentrating on the ice cream again. Geez is it hot in here or what?

He hands me one of the bowls and I start putting chocolate sauce and cream on it. Putting the rest away, he sits down again.

“So…still planning to do the Tom Hanks movie?”

“Yes, Patrick called and they said that it’s no problem with my injuries in the moment so I guess it’s fine.”


He looks at me for a while before he concentrates on his ice again. I shortly touch his hand to get his attention back.

“What means ice cream in sign language?”

I’m happy that instead of asking me why I want to know he shows me, I repeat the movement.


He nods.

“And what means ‘this ice-cream is delicious’?”

Again he puts his spoon down and shows me. I can’t get over the fact how elegant he moves his hands, they look so gentle but I know that they’re strong.


He’s waving his hand in front of me.

“Oh am sorry Max, I was just…”

“I know…not on the planet with your thoughts.”

We smile at each and then start eating the rest of our ice in silence. I can’t even imagine what it must be like for him to have this silence surrounding him 24/7. I mean even when we say it’s quiet we hear the wind outside touching nature, cars honking, birds, flies, the humming of the fridge, the ticking of the clock, whatever – we still hear something but for him…I think that I’d go crazy.

“I think I better get to bed, it has been a long day.”

He gets up, puts his bowl away and turns around again.

“Good night Liz.”

“Show me ‘Good night’.”

He smirks at me and shows me. I repeat the movement while saying

“Good night Max.”

“Don’t stay up too late.”

And with that he’s gone. I decide to watch some TV again, catching up on the news of the day to distract my mind from all this craziness about me.

The next thing I know is two warm arms, one under my knees and the other at my back. Is this a dream again?


“Shsh….you fell asleep in front of the TV, it’s six in the morning and I'm getting you to bed now.”

Max?! But I'm too tired to protest or say anything so I just lean my head again against his shoulder and go back to sleep.



She’s too much out of it, isn’t that cute? She’s even too tired to protest and I'm pretty sure she would have done that if it wouldn’t have been for her medication and the fact that she was extremely tired. I know that this isn’t healthy for my heart to be so close to her but I also can’t avoid it, I just CAN’T stay away from her – it’s as easy as that.


posted on 12-Oct-2001 9:07:49 AM

Part 21


I still haven’t really recovered from Sean’s attack although I have to admit that I feel stupid living here with, Maria, Michael and…yeah and Max. I can’t change it – I don’t want to go back, I don’t want to face him. Maria asked me some days ago why I stayed with him if I knew about the fact that he was cheating on me – and shall I tell you something? I couldn’t answer that question – no idea at all. Being with people who really care about me kinda lifts the daze off of my mind, my brain and I finally realize how stupid I was.

Of course the reporters are in front of Sean’s house and in front of this here as well. There was a huge story on ET, E and all those shows – you know them don’t you?
It’s been two weeks now and to be honest it’s been the best two weeks of my life.

While sitting on the porch I can see Max working in the studio. He has been a great help to me – I still can’t understand why and how he’s so understanding. Looking down at my new purchased sign language book I try to remember everything new.
Ever since I asked him about the sign for ‘ice cream’ and ‘good night’ Max and me have been trying to teach me sign language. It’s hard but I want to know it.
He taught me some expressions we both frequently use like ‘Good morning’, ‘how are you’, ‘what are you doing’ etc..

Courtney has been a visitor for the last ten days and yesterday she had been here as well. We talked a bit and I figured that she’s a really nice person. She also told me that she wanted to say good-bye to Max as she had been offered a better job in Sacramento. I’m sure this time they’ll keep in touch. She also ordered me to take care of Max. Wondering what she wanted to tell me with that? Anyway.

Today they’re having a photo shooting in the studio and people I have never seen before are running in and out of the building. Michael and Max both have invited me to come over and I think I might just do that. I have never really watched a photo shoot as I'm usually in front of the camera and not behind it.
When the first flash lights go off in the studio I decide to go over – I really want to watch it. Now you’re wondering about my feelings for Max don’t you? Do I still want to
Get into his pants? – Hell yes – I mean look at him especially today, gray pants, beige V-neck shirt – he’s hot BUT so much has changed. I respect him more than anybody else besides my parents, he’s a friend and I don’t want to destroy that. I don’t want to lose him and so I better not think about him in a sexual way.

“Hey Liz nice you come by.”

Michael smiles at me putting his arm around my shoulders and walking towards the part of the studio where they are shooting the photos. Max is standing next to the photographer arms crossed in front of his chest – sometimes commenting the model to smile or move – he’s sp professional. Michael and me stop next to him. When the photographer changes the role of film he turns to me, smiling.

“Hey how are you doing?”

Max hugs me, he smells so good, then lets go of me too soon if you ask me.

((“Fine how are you?”))

I slowly say in sign language. His smile is wider now and he answers.

((“I'm fine – thank you.”))

But after that he just talks to me again.

“So what have you learned today? Has Patrick called again?”

Patrick and Max hate each other and when I say hate then I mean HATE. Ever since he came rushing in and Max told him off they try to avoid each other as much as possible.

“Patrick called I’ll meet him tomorrow at his office and I’ve learned only some phrases which I'm going to show you later.”

The problem about sign language is that you have to concentrate a lot; one finger more or less bend or straight in a movement has a total different meaning from what you want it to be. But I'm learning and I have a good teacher, even Maria is joining us for my ‘classes’ and it shows that she actually has already learned a lot, she is just too self-conscious to use it. I mean, I can understand her because Max told us that once somebody starts talking in sign language he isn’t concentrating that much anymore on the mouth. So if somebody says the right thing but shows the wrong thing – he might miss that.
I take a seat next to Michael and we both watch the shooting.

After two hours the photographer turns to Max and shakes his hand.

“Michael, Pedro would like to talk to you.”

Max says. Michael gets up at once and helps Pedro getting his stuff packed up and they leave us – suddenly I realize that all the other people who were just here a minute ago have also disappeared. I'm alone with Max.

“So Miss Parker….”

He smirks at me, head tipped to one side slightly.

“So Mister Evans….”

God – thank you I'm sitting because I already feel my knees turning into mush.

“Still doing fine I hope?”

Max walks up to me, hands in the pockets of his pants smirking – God I love this smirk.

“Fine – how about you?”

“I'm very fine. So did you like watching?”

“Yes – It's different though – usually I'm always in front of the camera, not behind it.”

“Is that so? Mhm…so you wanna know what it’s like to be behind it?”

He starts moving and to my surprise he gets a tripod and a big box. Opening it and lifting a camera out of he starts explaining.

“That’s a view camera, very easy to handle. Come over here.”

I get up and walk up to him.

“The picture is turned up side down, you focus here and when you focus you put that blanket over your head, black side down because you don’t want the light to reflect. I’m going to take a light-meter reading and set the aperture and time and all you’ll have to do is focus the camera. I’ll explain to you how to handle the film in just a minute.”

I never even knew that he is into photography but it shouldn’t really surprise me.

“So…how about you focus the camera on that mannequin over there?”

This shouldn’t be too difficult. I try my best but somehow…I think I'm just too dumb. I put the blanket away.


“It’s not working.”

“What do you mean it’s not working – of course it is.”

I shake my head ‘no’.

“Let’s see.”

He holds the blanket up, does he want me to join him? Do you have any idea of HOW close we’ll be and when I mean close I mean REALLY close – like close close.

“Okay, so….”

He looks through the glass and starts turning one of the knobs.

“See it’s working Liz, you have to look through here and you can change the position of the lens here and here. Okay? Now try again, I'll stay with you.”

God that must be a picture now – he’s standing right behind me, leaning over me, holding the blanket and – god I can feel his body pressed against mine and his smell…he mesmerizes me. I have a hard time not to start moaning, I mean he wouldn’t hear it but I'm sure he would see and feel it.
I look at him and nod – is he flushed? Could it be that this whole thing isn’t one sided?

“And now to the photo itself.”

He says after clearing his throat. He shows me how to handle that thing and stays with me while I'm taking my first picture. It takes 20 seconds to develop that picture after that he tears the package open and shows me a Polaroid.

“Not bad…you wanna try again?”

“Yes – but I’d like to take a picture of you this time.”


He points at himself and slowly shakes his head.

“I don’t think so.”

“Oh c’mon Max I mean today the roles are reversed, usually I'm in front of the camera and you’re behind it and today we switch places – please. What’s it gonna do? The picture won’t leave that house I swear.”

“Oh – oooohhhkay.”

He slowly makes his way to the bar stool that is still standing where the model has been sitting on a while ago.

“You think you can do it?”

He asks and I only nod my head and disappear under the blanket again – god this man looks even sexy up side down. After focusing I throw the blanket to the floor and do as he showed me some minutes again.


posted on 12-Oct-2001 9:08:50 AM

Part 22


I get up and walk to her where she’s holding the still developing picture in her hand, I think she really likes that. Honestly photography is a big hobby of mine and not only because I had to learn it for becoming a designer – I started with that way back in High School. Finally opening the picture she has a very satisfied look on her face, so I assume that she likes her work. Liz hands me the picture and I have to say that she did a very good job.

I don’t know who actually came up with the idea but one hour later we had taken like at least 20 photos, trying different crazy things – it was me alone, her alone and after telling her that we also could do photos together we also took some of both of us. It was a lot of fun.

Now I'm sitting in my room again staring at one of the photos I got. She was sitting on my lap, arm around my neck. While I'm looking straight at the camera she was looking right at me and I don’t know what it is but the longer I look at the photo the more I feel butterflies in my stomach. We’re both smiling, not laughing, smiling and if I would hand somebody else this photo asking him what he thinks about the picture I'm sure he would tell me that we look like a happy couple. Okay I might be a little biased but…I don’t know.

“God what am I gonna o with her Cookie hmm?”

Of course my dog isn’t really a big help. He is lying next to my bed, head between his front paws, wagging his tail slightly.

“You’re not helping me at all buddy some friend you are.”

I slide down my bed and sit down next to him, scrubbing him behind his ears. It has started to rain outside and I can see the rains drops running down my windowpane. I used to love this kind of weather. Listening to the drops pouring down on the earth, thunder all the sounds that make out nature. Now the only thing I see is the rain, I don’t hear the thunder anymore, I only see the lightening if there’s one.

Suddenly Cookie gets up and walks up to the door that opens shortly after and light is streaming into the room. It’s Michael, we smile at each other, before he sits down next to me.

((“Am I disturbing you?”))

((“No it’s fine, what’s up?”))

((“I just wanted to ask you if you want to join Maria, Liz and me to go out for dinner?”))

((“Would be nice, where do you want to go?”))


((“Hey that’s not a question to ask, you know I love Thai. So when are we leaving?”))

((“20 Minutes.”))

I nod, I know that there’s more, I might not be able to hear it in his voice but his body language talks for itself.

“What is it Michael? That wasn’t the only reason you came up was it?”

Out of the corner of my eye I see him shaking his head.

“So what is it?”

((“I saw you and Liz today when you two were taking pictures. I saw…”))

“What Michael? What did you see? That I like her? That I might like her a lot? Yes Michael I do.”

((“Do you have any idea what that could mean for you? I mean, she’s an actress, one of the most famous in the moment… ”))

((“Don’t you think I know that? Think about it Michael – do you think that if I would hear it would take me so long to get her? You know that I never had a problem with it and I wouldn’t have one now but I know that this is an impossible situation.”))

((“Max I never…I don’t know, I'm sorry just be careful what you’re doing.”))

And before I can say anything else he leaves me alone. Great, just great, just what I need – NOT. My best friend telling me to be careful, hell I know that this isn’t exactly a situation I wanted to be in but I can’t change it. My heart is telling me something totally different from what my head is telling me.

Nevertheless we have a lot of fun at the Thai restaurant. Maria is talking the whole time about her up coming tour with Michael being the translator again. Sometimes he then translates ‘and now she’s again in her Maria mode talking so fast that I can’t follow her’ which makes us both laugh.


Michael POV

I try not to ‘observe’ Max and Liz too much but even Maria also whispered into my ear to stop doing that.

“We’re here to have some fun Michael, leave them alone.”

I look at her, she might be right but I just don’t want either Liz or Max to get hurt and I know that in the end this will happen if they really would both admit that they have feelings for each other. I mean they would be such a cute couple – really – Liz a woman who just has a bad relationship behind her and needs someone who’ll love her unconditionally and Max needs someone he can love and who loves him back. Unfortunately this won’t work – I just have the gut feeling that they’ll end up broken hearted.
I'll be leaving to Italy next month and won’t return for two weeks, Maria will be on tour for over a month that means that Max and Liz will be alone and I just don’t like the idea. I know that they’re old enough to make their own decisions but…what? Don’t you look ate my like that! I KNOW that it’s their life and their decision.

“What is it babe?”

Maria asks me later, lying in our bed.

“I'm worried about max and Liz and leaving them alone.”

“Michael they’re grown ups, they don’t need you to tell them to tell them what to do and what not.”


I turn around, lying on my side now facing away from her. I feel her moving closer to me, her hand on my shoulder and tiny kisses in my shoulder blade.

“Michael – if there’ll something happen between Max and Liz while we’re gone it would have happened anyway sooner or later and if you ask me it WILL happen sooner or later.”

“How can you talk like this Maria, after what Liz did to Max you wanted her to stay away from him.”

“I know but I just can’t deny the fact that there is some kind of attraction between them and perhaps the can find a way to make it work.”

“Make it work? How?”

“I don’t know but if they really want it to work out then they’ll find a way. Get to sleep now.”

Get back top sleep – yeah – how can I get back to sleep? I know that I sound like a parent or something like that it’s just…argh. I just can’t imagine that this can work out. Guess Maria is right, if it’ll happen that those two find together it would have happened sooner or later anyway and there’s really nothing I can do. I mean, I can’t do more than reminding them of what they’re about to risk.


Feedback appreciated!
posted on 13-Oct-2001 10:27:35 AM

Part 23


Alone with Max for two weeks – two weeks guys – how am I supposed to survive that? Oh god! I mean I'm still on holidays so to say. Filming won’t start until in 12 days so that leaves 11 days to get stupid ideas. Yeah I know what you’re thinking “As if I don’t have them already”. I think the best might be to just stay away from him.
Well this afternoon I'll have an appointment with Patrick. So maybe I should think about that first. He told me that he had many requests of interviews concerning Sean and why our relationship ended like it ended. Sean couldn’t keep his mouth shut and spread lies all around the globe that I’m a slut, I betrayed him etc.. I guess I hurt his ego when packing my stuff and leaving him and not listening to his whining and how sorry he was blablabla. Oh you don’t know? After three weeks hiding in this house here I finally found the courage to go there with a bodyguard and get my stuff out of the house. I still haven’t found a new house but that’s okay I guess. Until now Michael, Maria and Max still want me to stay with them but I need my own place again. As much as I love this house and everything I need to have my own place it’s as easy as that. Though I’m thinking of getting a house near here so that I’m not that far away from them.
Max is sitting on the porch dressed in white cotton pants and a gray shirt, reading through some files.

((“What are you doing?”))

I ask him after sitting down on the chair next to him and after getting his attention.

“I’m just reading through some legal stuff for the fashion show in New York. Why? Have a better idea?”

((“Actually I do, how about we take……Cookie……”))

I'm still not very fluent with this sign language but I’m getting better every day. After Max introduced me to his former teacher Tess I hooked up with her every day ever since eager to learn as much as I can. Of course we also talk about Max and through her I have learnt a lot about him. Anyway…

((“…and take him to the beach and eat there in a nice restaurant?”))

He puts his sunglasses down, tips his head to the side slightly, he likes doing that by the way.

((“Sounds good. Just let me change okay?”))

((“You don’t have to change, you’re perfect like that.”))

OH MY GOD – did I just say that in perfect sign language? God!!! I know I blush, I already feel my cheeks burning up. Shall I dare and look up at him? Okay one try. He’s still sitting in his chair but hasn’t moved a bit. Slowly I look up, he smiles, stares into my eyes.

“Well you look perfect yourself Miss Parker, so shall we?”

He offers me his hand and we both get up, he calls for the dog and we get into my car and drive to the beach.

“Mhm…isn’t that beautiful? I always loved the beach, I always dreamt about buying a house at the beach.”

He tells me and throws a stick for Cookie, who starts running at once.

((“So why buy a house in the hills?”))

((“There was no house at the beach available that I liked. How about you? I know that you’re still planning on moving out again. Any idea where to?”))

((“I thought about getting a house near you guys so that I can be at you house as fast as possible.”))

((“Who says that we want that?”))

He laughs and I poke him into his side.


He laughs again and lies his arm around my shoulder.

“Why wouldn’t we want you at our house Liz? You know you’re always welcome.”

He then whispers into my hair and lets go of me again when Cookie finally returns with his stick.
After walking for quite a time we sit down in the sand, playing with the dog from time to time.

“So tell me something about you I don’t know Max.”

“What do you wanna know?”

He looks at me, legs out stretched, crossed in front of him, resting on his forearms.

“When and why did you decide to become a designer?”

“Mhm…I think I was 15 when I finally realized that I wanted to do something like that but it started way back when I was a kid. Isabelle had many dolls and she always dressed them, sometimes I didn’t like how she dressed them and whenever she was gone I changed her dolls into dresses I liked more. Later I started designing dresses for her dolls for Christmas and her birthday and that was actually the beginning of it. It was hard though, when the boys in my school found out that I wanted to design clothes they branded me to be gay. Fortunately I could convince them from the opposite and that I really was talented. I designed my tux for the final dance as well as my sister. The human body is a work of art on its own the only thing I do is emphasize that beauty by contributing clothes and accessory. So why are you an actress? I mean microbiology is something for very clever people I’m sure you had a lot of offers from different universities.”

“No I was too young to have any offers but the chances were good to get into Harvard.…I don’t know. I consider it as fate. I liked acting in school and when Patrick walked into my parents restaurant he made me an offer nobody could refuse. So I packed my things and left Roswell.”

“You’re from Roswell? I didn’t know that! Tell me something about it.”

“Well what do you wanna know? That my first crush was Mr Spock’s grandson? Roswell is…different…the people know each other and especially I was popular through my parents place. I would like to take you there some day.”

“And I would like to go.”

“Anyway…I got to Hollywood and got a part right away and that’s it the rest is history so to say and can be looked up at any website.”

We both grow quiet until I hear his stomach rumble.

“Sound like you’re hungry.”

I mention when he looks at me.

“Well I don’t know how it sound like but it definitely feels like it.”

He laughs and we get up and head back to the car and drive to one of my favorite Italian restaurants.



God I haven’t head that much fun for years. During sitting in the restaurant Liz tells me about her first experiences with acting and what else she did to make ends meet.

“You were a waitress and Bill’s Bar?”

I shake my head now you have to know that Bill’s Bar is a really weird place with really weird men visiting. I can imagine how they must had been drooling over her.

“Yes, I mean I was a waitress in Roswell and it was at least something I could do.”

“I can’t imagine you as a waitress.”

I should have said that, because the next thing she does is getting up, disappearing and coming back with a white apron around her hips and a tray under her arm, writing pad in one and a pen in her other hand. She had her hair put up with some strands hanging lose.

“So what can I get you Mister?”

She says and before I can say anything she goes on saying something I can’t understand but she’s also pointing at her pad. ‘Special offer Saturn rings with a Will Smith Burger and a piece of Men in Black pie.’ Oh yes now I can really imagine what it must be like in her parents café.
After reading that I totally crack up and laugh – no wonder she’s an Oscar winning actress. I would buy anything from her! Even if she was offering me the weirdest things.

“Okay, okay…I'm a believer.”

I hold my hands up and wait for her to take her seat again. People around us had stopped eating and had watched the small act of Liz Parker. Maybe this had been a stupid idea. Well too late.
After eating our desert and before we have the chance to get up a mother and her daughter walk up to our table and as it seems like they’re asking Liz for her autograph. I don’t mind that, don’t think that – it just feels strange. My clothes might be famous but no one walks up to me asking for an autograph and why I that? Right”! Because nobody knows my face. Somehow I have the feeling that this might change. If I keep on going out with Liz it’ll change definitely. Question now is if I'm willing to take this risk or not. Well first question of course is if she even wants me. I shouldn’t really worry too much and enjoy the time I spend with her instead.


posted on 15-Oct-2001 7:58:39 AM

Part 24


So here am sitting in Patrick’s office what he didn’t tell me was the fact that Sean would be here as well together with his manager aka lawyer aka asshole.

“I don’t know why I'm doing here Patrick, either I’m leaving or Sean is leaving. You should have told me that you were planning on having him here as well – I would have never come.”

“That’s why he didn’t tell you honey.”

“Don’t you honey me Sean. Don’t even dare looking at me or I will rethink my decision of not reporting you. Got it? So don’t speak at me, don’t look at me and don’t even dare thinking about touching me ever again.”

I scream at him – I'm so furious.

“Guys please calm down. Liz I asked Sean to come here because we need to finally discuss what we’re going to do about you two and how we’re going to get the reporters out of your life again.”

“Well I'll tell you something, get him out of my life Patrick and everything is fine.”

“Miss Parker this is getting us nowhere, we’re here because we want you to stop spreading lies about Sean.”

“Spreading lies? Excuse me? I don’t NEED to spread lies, he is the one lying 24/7 – I think the pictures are talking for themselves. And I'm not staying here, I don’t have to hear this. What ever you thought you might accomplish with that, forget about it! Patrick tell Oprah that I’m going to do that interview.”

And with that I leave, I don’t believe this. I really should think about getting a new manager and fast if you ask me.

Getting home Max is lying on the couch watching TV, the news, in sign language of course. One look at him and I already feel a lot calmer. He looks – yummy – sweat pants and a sweatshirt but still yummy. Cookie comes running right at me.

“Hey buddy, what cha doing?”

“Hey, that was fast.”

He turns around, smiling at me but stops at once.


“Sean was there.”

“WHAT? Sean? Why Sean? SEAN?”

Within seconds he stands in front of me with a worried look.

“Are you okay Liz?”

I shake my head no.



She looks devastated, what I still can’t understand is why Sean was there – why would Patrick want them to meet?

“Do you wanna talk about it?”

Again she shakes her head ‘no’.

“Okay. Can I help you in any other way?”

With sad eyes she looks up at me an says

“Hold me.”

I'm sure it was either a question or only a whisper or both, I don’t know but I don’t care in the moment. I take her into my arms, her scent is surrounding me again.
After some minutes she looks up at me.

“Can you distract me a bit? I don’t want to think about it anymore.”

“Uh…I have to go to the shop for an hour or so but after that I’d love to distract you.”

“That’s fine with me, can I join you?”

“Join me? Liz I have to do some boring business related stuff.”

“I don’t care, I don’t want to be alone in the house…please?”

How could I ever say ‘no’ to her. So after getting ready we leave to the shop, I want to look through the new applications for somebody to replace Cassandra, I'm so sick of this woman. Thank god today Lauren is working – she’s a real sweetheart and I get along with her just fine. And usually if Lauren is working, that means that Donna is also there, another woman of our staff I get along.

((“So what are you doing in the shop?”))

Liz asks me on the way to the city, we’re driving in my limousine, makes it easier for me to talk to Liz. I’m really impressed by how fast she is able to learn sign language, no wonder that she could have had a future at Harvard.

“Well I have to finish looking through the books which is a long process and then I want to check the mail and the applications. Michael and me had to fire one of our shop assistants – Cassandra just couldn’t deal with the stress and pressure – no to mention that there wasn’t a lot of it and she always treated me like an invalid and I never liked that.”

((“Must be difficult to be manager and designer in one.”))

“In the beginning it was but now it’s okay, after Michael and me divided the tasks it’s fine. I guess I'm really lucky because usually friends shouldn’t do business together, in most cases it destroys the friendship but Michael and me we just work together perfectly so…”

“But don’t you sometimes also want to travel? Like Michael to Italy now for two weeks?”

“Oh I will go there in October for the new show in Milan – you have to know that before the accident I usually was the one traveling around a lot. I could speak French, Italian, Spanish and a bit German but now I don’t anymore cuz I’m not sure about my pronunciation. Anyway – and because I spoke so many languages I was the one traveling around a lot.”

“Wow, I never even knew that.”

“Oh there’s a lot you don’t know about me Liz.”

“Well – but I’ll find out.”

Is that a threat or a promise I ask myself and decide not to say anything. Maria and Michael left two days ago and I already have a very hard time staying away from her. Damn!

As we enter the shop Donna and Lauren are a bit surprised to see Liz Parker entering the shop.

“Liz, this are Donna and Lauren and they are the best.”

I introduce them. Watching the women shaking hands I get a funny feeling by looking at Liz. Oh boy.

“Liz, why don’t you look around and if you need any help I'm sure that Lauren or Donna will help you. I'll be in the office, I won’t take long – promise.”

She nods and I leave the women alone.

Of course I don’t really get anything done because I’m watching them through the window, they can’t see me so…well. Liz seems to have a lot of fun looking through the clothes and everything we offer in the shop. Finally I can tear my eyes away from her and concentrate on my work. After 90 minutes I’m finally finished, looking out of the window I can see Liz talking to one of the customers – actually it’s – Britney Spears? Didn’t know that she likes our clothes, well anyway.

I open the door and get out.

“Hey are you ready?”

I ask Liz.

“Oh Max, hey, yes I am.”


We say goodbye to Lauren, Donna and Britney and leave.

“Actually I’m a little bit hungry.”

I admit before getting to the car.

((“So how about we get something and go home afterwards?”))

She asks me in perfect sign language.

“Sounds good – how about a hotdog? I don’t know why but I would like to have one.”

“Fine, we can go sit in the park.”

I like the idea, I haven’t been to the park for a while. She puts her sunglasses on and links her arm through mine…it feels so natural as if she would always do it.

After getting our hotdogs we sit down on one of the benches, facing each other.

“So how did you like it in the shop? Did Lauren and Donna distract you a bit? I really hope that you didn’t get bored?”

She shakes her head, swallows and says

“I had a lot of fun Max, they’re great and funny and your clothes – oh my god – I could have bought the whole shop.”

I have to smile about this comment I mean I will not hold her back from doing so, mind you but I just like the idea that she likes my work. And knowing my clothes and how revealing some of the designs are it’s hard not to imagine what she would look like in them. Wrong – Max – wrong train of thought!
Trying to get those images out of my head I look at her again.

“You have some ketchup on your lip.”

I must have been murmuring – those lips – what would I give to be the ketchup.

Perhaps I shouldn’t have said that because now she’s licking her lips – ohhh god.



He closes his eyes and turns is head. What is going on in his mind? Does he feel it too? There is something between us – I can feel it.


I ask when I have his attention again, he slowly nods his head ‘yes’. When I open my mouth to say something he suddenly cups my face in his hands and kisses me. Is this a dream again? Please don’t let it be a dream again – god he’s really kissing me. His lips are even softer than I could have ever imagined. Slowly our lips part again, he’s looking into my eyes. Our breathing is heavy, this one kiss got my whole body on alert.

“Sorry, I just…”

But before he can finish the sentences I press my lips on his again and it doesn’t take long until he pulls me even closer. I'm nearly sitting on his lap, my arms around his shoulders while his hands are on my back and in my hair. Angling his head even more to get more access to my mouth I can hear a moan.

“God…Liz we have to stop…this…this is crazy.”

This time in reality it’s me who puts my finger on his mouth to silence him.

“Don’t talk Max, just feel.”

Sealing my statement with another kiss. I just can’t have enough of this man, he’s just too…I just…I just love him.

“Liz (kiss)…we (kiss)…can’t (kiss)…”

He pushes me away a little bit and looks into my eyes.

“As much as I want to ravish you here and have my way with you, I don’t think that we have any idea what we’re getting into…I…I…I'm not someone for one night and…”

While he is talking to me he keeps on looking into my eyes and touching my lips with one of his thumbs.

“…and who says that I only want one night Max? I want you.”

I admit biting on my lip.
He blinks several times, no reaction, great.

“And I want you.”

He then whispers, leaning into me again, starting to kiss me again.

“I think we better get home before we get everybody’s attention.”

Max chuckles, his forehead pressed against mine, our hands linked in front of us. Oh and how right he is…I want…no I need to be alone with him, now…I have no idea where this will go and where this will end but I don’t care as long as he is with me nothing matters. Holding hands we walk back to the car and drive home. I have a hard time not to attack him in the car at once.


posted on 15-Oct-2001 7:59:05 AM
Okay so this part will at least be R, it’s the first time for me to write something like that so bear with me.


Part 25

We get home and as soon as the door closes behind us I can find myself in his arms again, fusing my lips with his. He lifts me up and I wrap my legs around his lean waist feeling that he is as effected from this as I am. Geez. I really hope that he isn’t planning on going up to the bedroom because I'm sure I won’t make it until there. He starts walking…to the living room. Good idea.

“Oh god Liz, this…(kiss) is so…(kiss) totally wrong what we’re doing.”

He gasps between our hot kisses. I can only nod my head to show him that I heard him but start opening his shirt, button after button. I like being a bad girl and doing wrong and crazy stuff.
His hands have found their way to my back again opening the zipper of my dress. We’re now in the middle of the living room and as much as I can see standing on the soft carpet in front of the fireplace.
It’s getting dark outside and in the dim light he even looks more sexier – if that’s even possible. I slowly let my legs sink down to the floor so that I can stand again.

“Are you sure?”

Does he even have to ask? His shirt is hanging out of his trousers and I can see his marvelous chest, his nipples hard and waiting for my touch.

“There’s nothing I'm more sure of.”

I say looking straight into his eyes to let him know how serious this is for me.

“You know that it’ll change everything.”

“I know.”

He lifts his hands and starts removing the straps of my dress, letting them slide down my arms, finally the dress falls to the floor and I step out of it, also getting rid of my shoes. I let my hands gently touch his abdomen, feeling his muscles contracting under my touch. We’re both watching my hands as they make their way up his chest and onto his shoulders, removing his shirt. He’s so beautiful.
When he finally pulls me against his body again it feels like electricity flowing through my veins. Our tongues are dancing their own dance, fighting for supremacy. I don’t know when we lay down but I find myself on the carpet again with Max kissing my neck. Slowly, so very slowly he kisses his way down in the valley between my breasts, opening my bra in the front and removing the garment from my body. His hands are everywhere and I can feel losing myself in his touch, in his scent.
Moving up my body we’re kissing again.



I can feel her hands wandering to my butt, then I can feel her hands in my pants and that nearly gets me over the edge. She’s so intoxicating, she is so everything I should stay away from but I just can’t – I can’t and besides that we’ve already crossed the line of being only friends and I can’t deny it, I want more.
Oh how I wish I could hear her, hear her breathing getting more labored the more I turn her on, hear her moaning and gasping under my touches and kisses.
I stop kissing her for a moment, her face is between my hands, she looks flushed but still so beautiful. I don’t know what I'm looking for, waiting for, I know that she won’t stop me and I know that I won’t stop. What surprises me more than anything is the love I see in her eyes, when did it get there? How could I have missed that? She moves her hand across my forehead brushing my hair out of it. Our naked chests are touching; I can feel her heavy breathing.

“God I love you.”

I say before starting to kiss her again. We roll around until she straddles me. I haven’t even noticed that it’s getting dark outside, I have only eyes for how. Both of our bodies are trembling slightly from anticipation of what will come next. Carefully she’s moving down my legs, getting my shoes, socks and pants of together with my shorts. I should feel embarrassed cuz as I told you it has been quite a times since I have been intimate with someone but for some strange reason I don’t. Knowing that she’s watching me I sit up, pulling her with me and rolling around again while we’re kissing I also take off her slip. Her eyes are sparkling, urging me to keep going. So I start kissing every part of her skin, working my way down to her beautiful, perfect breasts, treating each of them with the same amount of attention. She’s squirming under me, her hands roaming through my hair and onto my back. I move further down to her navel. Her scent is capturing me, she smells like vanilla, her skin is so soft. How am I supposed to keep this up any longer without losing it?
Suddenly I feel her hands on my upper arms, urging me to move up again.

“Now Max, I need you now.”

I'm surprised by the fact that I still could concentrate long enough on her words to understand her. But who am I to refuse or contradict, this is what I wanted for a long time and…I should really stop thinking too much…oh god…if she moves her hand any lower I won’t be able to think anymore anyway…goooooooood.

Feeling myself sinking into her I can’t believe that this is really happening. We’re back to kissing non stop while our bodies seem to move on their own, slowly, smooth, passionate while our kisses are hungry and demanding. This is like a fantasy, like a dream come true. Wrapping her legs again around my waist she pushes herself close to me; linking our hands together I press her arms above her head.

Her eyes are closed and her mouth slightly open, I continue nipping and biting at her neck, nuzzling my nose along her collar bone while increasing the tempo.

“Oh god…Liz…I…can’t…”

Is everything I’m able to say before I feel my body tensing up as well as hers. For some seconds I just feel pure pleasure and contentment then I carefully sink down on her, kissing her forehead, her eyes, her nose and finally her mouth again before rolling down from her – I don’t want to crush her. She seems to dislike the idea because she snuggles up against me and I put my arm around her, stroking her back while trying to catch my breath.


I can’t say more although it really doesn’t express what’s really going through my mind. She is chuckling but nodding and drawing lazy circles with her fingers around my nipples – now she’s looking at me again and she looks even more amazing than ever before.

“You can say that.”

Staring into each other’s eyes I contemplate if this is the right time to talk or not – I decide that it’s NOT.

“How about a blanket?”

I’m asking her when I feel her shivering and get the blanket from the couch, covering us both up with it. I can feel her eyes on me again, so I look at her.

“What’s going to happen now Max?”

So if she wants to talk about – fine with me.

“I don’t know…”

I admit, brushing my fingers through her hair, pulling her head closer so that I can kiss her.

“…I only know that I don’t want to lose you.”

“And I don’t want to lose you.”

“Fine…so how about we’re trying to keep it a secret as long as possible.”

“Sounds good to me, what about Maria and Michael?”

“We’ll tell them when they’re back, besides that they already think that there’s something going on so…”

I shrug my shoulders, leaning my head back down at the couch behind me. She suddenly starts moving again, straddling me, I can feel her naked, hot skin against mine and…oh boy that’s a real turn on.

“You’re unbelievable Max Evans.”

She says before kissing me breathless.

“And you are irresistible Liz Parker.”



His eyes are sparkling and his breathing is labored – god he is really perfect and darn arousing. I let my hands roam over his chest again, down over his well-shaped abdomen.

“I guess you have…uhhh…no idea what you’re doing to me.”

He whispers in a strained voice.

“Are you up for round two?”

I wiggle my eyebrows but soon forget about all the fun of the situation when seeing the desire burning in his eyes. Instead I moan and we kiss again.


Yes this is right, waking up in his bed with him next to me. Max looks so innocent, he’s lying on his stomach, one arm under his body, the other above his head. His hair is tousled and I can make out the scratches and love bites from last night – thinking of it I feel my cheeks flushing again. I mean I have my share of experience and especially with Sean I…well let’s not get there, I think you all know what I'm talking about but with Max it is totally different. He’s so giving while making love to you and amazingly enough he has the ability to make you give him what he wants and needs without forcing you to do something you don’t want to. I’m wondering how he experiences lovemaking, I can’t imagine what it must be like to not hear your partner moaning and gasping, calling your name in ecstasy. For me it was different to know that he can’t hear me, you can’t turn him on with words, you have to show him but I kinda like that.
When I look at him again, his eyes are open and he’s watching me.



“Good morning.”

“For how long have you been awake already?”

“Some minutes only.”

He rolls on his back, one hand gliding over his face. God I could lie here forever and watch him.

“So what are your plans for today?”

He asks and turns to me again, waiting for my answer.

“Well I though, we could stay in bed for the rest of the day and make up for lost time.”

I wiggle my eyebrows and crawl closer to him, starting to kiss his chest.

“I like the way you think.”

He murmurs with a sexy and husky voice. Instead of answering I start nipping at his lip with finally urging him to open up to me. Something he’s only willing to do. It doesn’t tale long until I feel his hands on my back, wandering down to my butt, kneading it – yes I want to stay here.

Later while he’s cooking lunch for both of us I call Patrick, I really have to talk to him to ask him what was going in his mind yesterday.

“Liz – finally can I reach you.”

“I had my cell turned off, I wasn’t really in the mood to talk to you Patrick.”

“Well then maybe you should finally start to look for a new house with regular number so that I can reach at least you answering machine.”

“Well I kind like it like that Patrick.”

Who does he think he’s talking to? To one of his soap opera stars? I watch Max standing at the stove, dressed only in sweatpants that are hanging low on his masculine hips, making my mouth water. I still blush thinking of our morning activities.

“Liz? Liz are you even listening to me?

I suddenly realize that Patrick is still on the other end of the phone.

“Uh sorry, what did you say?”

“I said that the interview is on Friday, so you’ll fly to Chicago on Thursday.”

“What? This week?”

“Well you said that you’d do it, didn’t you read my memo?”


“Liz, you can’t cancel it now…nobody cancels Oprah.”

“Okay, okay…just send me the details and…”

Before I could even say anything else Patrick interrupts me.

“And don’t even think about bringing this designer Liz, I don’t know what you see in him.”

“And I don’t know why you would care.”

“I do Liz, he isn’t what you need, you need somebody who’s also in the spot light. Max is just too mysterious for you, this can’t be could. What has he to hide anyway?”

“Who says that he has something to hide?”

In that moment Max turns around handing me a plate with noodles and a strange sauce.

“Patrick I'll call you back again, I gotta go.”


posted on 16-Oct-2001 8:09:54 AM

Part 26


Something is wrong, I can see it on her face. Placing the plates in front of us, I sit down and watch her putting the phone away.

“What is it?”

She must be mumbling something, fact is that she isn’t looking at me while she’s talking. A typical human reaction but obvious nevertheless.

“Baby I can’t understand you if you aren’t looking at me, what’s the matter?”

I take her hands into mine, stroking them gently with my thumbs. How could I ever believe that I could live without touching her? It’s just not possible. I need to touch her, to ensure that she’s still there.


She looks up from where she had been staring on the table.

“Now tell me what the problem is?”

“It’s Patrick, I…I have to fly to Chicago for the Oprah show and…and he said that I don’t even shall think about bringing you.”

I thought that it would be something like that. Patrick and me can’t get a long, he’s an asshole – a royal one if you want to put it like that.

“Does he know about us?”

“NO….no I didn’t tell him but I guess he knows that you’re important to me and that there might me a chance that we’d get together.”

“Well we both know that this already happened.”

Finally I can get a smile out of her, which makes me feel better. It doesn’t help the situation at all but I want to make sure that she knows that she doesn’t have to hide anything from me – she can talk to me about everything.

“Listen Liz, it’s your decision what you’re going to tell Patrick, I for my part of it would like to keep this relationship a secret as long as possible cuz I don’t want anyone scooping around in it, it’s too important for me. I want to get to know you and I want to make this relationship last without any interference by the media, your manager or other people.”

“I do too Max believe me. I want this to work out.”

Slowly both of us are leaning over the table, meeting in the middle and kiss. I needed this as a reassurance that every word is true and honest.

“So what are you going to tell Patrick?”

“I don’t know, I think I’ll tell him to mind his own business and that I can do whatever I want to, he wouldn’t go out there spreading the news about us, so I leave it up to him what to think.”

I nod.

“Okay and now enjoy your lunch.”

“What is that?”

“If I’d told you I’d have to kill you.”

She laughs again and feel good seeing her doing so. Yes I like my life like that again.


The last days have been the best days of my life. Liz and me have spend every minute with each other and I can hardly believe my luck. While I am working in my studio she’s learning her script for the next movie. I mean we don’t get very far because for some reason we just can’t keep our hands off from each other.
Today we ended up lying naked on the floor of the studio, wrapped in fabric, panting.

“What is it with you that I just can’t keep my hands off of you?”

I watch her, she’s lying on her back, her beautiful breasts exposed to me. Slowly I let me finger glide over her face, starting at her forehead, over the bridge of her nose, down to her lips, where she kisses my fingertip, further down to her chin, neck and ending up in the valley between her breasts.
She doesn’t respond and as it looks like she has no intention of doing so, finally she moves. What is she doing? I can’t see her face as a curtain of hair is preventing me from seeing it. Straddling my hips she sits on me. When she’s leaning forward her hair is touching my skin, tickling me but in a damn erotic way.

“I could ask you the same question.”

We smile at each other before I can feel her lips pressed against the skin on my neck, she’s suckling, nipping and biting.


I'm squirming, this woman will be the death of me, but what a way to go. Right now I could die a happy man. Her hips are moving against my naked skin and I can feel how much she wants me and I’m sure vice versa.

“Oh god Max…”

I can make out that she’s saying. It doesn’t take long until we’re joined again. This lust and passion is just indescribable I feel when she’s around me like this. Her movement gets frantic pretty quickly but I don’t mind because I’m right there with her. My hands slide down between her thighs, urging her on to let go and so she does, coming apart in my arms.

((“I don’t want to lose you.”))

She explains, after our breathing has slowed down and we’re still on the floor but sitting now.

“And I don’t want you to go, but it’s only for three days, you’ll be back on Saturday.”

((“But it’s three days out of 9 days…I'll have to leave soon for shooting my movie, have you forgotten about this?”))

“No I haven’t but after you’re back again we’ll have some time together, I won’t work next week until you leave and after that we’ll find a way to make it work.”

((“But I can’t call you just to hear your voice.”))

Well that is right, I could call her and tell her whatever was on my mind but it would be a very one sided conversation – so – no that’s not working.

“I know baby, I'm sorry.”

((“Why are you sorry it’s not your fault.”))

Well as long as one of us thinks that, it’s fine. I mean if I wouldn’t be deaf this wouldn’t be such a big problem. But let’s not get into this now shall we? I'm much too happy to drown again in self-pity.

((“I'll email you and you’ll have to email me back okay? Or what if we chat through YM or AOL?”))

“If that is enough for you?”

((“It’ll never be enough as long as I’m not with you but it’ll have to do.”))

“What did I do to deserve you?”

Smiling at her I watch her blushing. It amazes me how an Oscar winning actress can blush when being complimented, but I love it…and I love the fact that it’s me who makes her blush.

Suddenly she gets up and walks to the phone, who would call here? Everybody should know that Michael isn’t here but in Italy.



I was surprised by the phone ringing, I guess living with a deaf person makes you forget about stuff like that.


“Liz, hey finally – it’s me Michael.”

“Michael hey, how are you doing? Why are you calling the studio?”

“I couldn’t reach you at your cell and nobody answered the phone in the house so I thought that you might be in the studio with Max. So how are things going?”

”Fine, I'll have to go to Chicago tomorrow but I’ll be back on Saturday.”

“What are you doing there?”


“Oh wow, good luck for that.”


“What’s Max doing in the moment?”

“He’s…ah…working with some….uhm fabric…”

Well that isn’t a lie, I mean I’ll leave the part out of it that he’s actually lying in a pile of messed up fabric trying to sort it out a little bit.

“Oh good…have you heard from Maria already?”

“No why?”

“She told me that she wanted to call you but okay…well good luck for Oprah and tell Max that everything is fine over here.”

“I will…bye Michael.”


I put the receiver back and walk up to Max again who stops moving the fabric as soon as he sees me coming right at him.

((“That was Michael, he wants me to tell you that everything is fine.”))

“G – good.”

God I love having this power over him and his libido but I have to admit that he has the same effect on me so I better shut up and enjoy my time with him until I have to leave.


posted on 17-Oct-2001 8:06:09 AM

Part 27


I accompany Liz to the airport but decide to say goodbye to her while still in the car, I don’t want too many watchers when saying goodbye to my girlfriend.

“You take care of yourself, and don’t let Patrick get to you okay? And besides that have fun.”

((“I'll miss you.”))

((“I'll miss you too, I already miss you although you’re still here.”))

We kiss a last time before I open the door and let her out, I can see Patrick waiting for her – good decision to stay in the car. I'm really asking myself why she keeps him as a manager. Sure he has done a lot for her but that doesn’t give him the right to order her around and to tell her whom to date and to love – that has nothing to do with his business. Managers!

At home I take Cookie back into the studio, I have a lot of work to do. I missed a lot while Liz was here and I’ll miss a lot again when she’s back so I better start working now and try to get as much finished as possible.
Later I take a look at my emails and there’s one from my parents. Inviting my over to my dads 60ieth birthday next month. Why are they sending invitations? I mean it’s obvious that I’d be there anyway. It’s been a while since I have been home. It’s strange, they’re only living one hour from me but I hardly see them anymore. What kind of son does this make me? Anyway – I’m wondering what they’d say if I brought Liz with me. I mean admittedly it’s too early to make plans like that but…well maybe this will work. Who knows, I guess I'll just have to wait and see.

Later that night I turn on the TV, there are some channels with news in sign and I'm in no mood to read through several internet pages or the newspaper to find out what’s going on in the world.

I just want to turn the TV off when they show commercials for the next show, Entertainment Tonight, they’re showing pictures of Liz – oh no – damn – OH NOOO pictures of me and Liz in the park, kissing. DAMN! I have no idea what they’re saying I can only hope that I can read the presenters lips good enough to understand what’s going on. DAMN!

“Liz Parker seems to be over the break off with former boyfriend Sean Thompson.…”

Then I lose her and the next thing I see is the pictures of Liz and me, they must have had followed us. There are picture of her and me walking to the hot dog stand, sitting in the park and then our first kiss. Not even that was private. DAMN! DAMN! DAMN!
Finally they insert the presenter again.

“We’ll keep you up to date on the development of this relationship.”


I shout at the TV and shut it off. Great just great! Just what I need. What am I gonna do now? I'm wondering if Liz has left her cell phone number somewhere, I could at least send her a short message through the internet and warn her. Yes that’s an idea – now I have to find her number. Great – I should really pay more attention to stuff like that.

After searching through all the phone numbers on Michael desk I finally find it, logging onto the internet I send her a short message onto her phone. “ET had a report bout us!Media knows!B careful!luv u!Max” Try to fit something important like that into 60 letters. Anyway, I hope she gets it before Patrick finds out, I wish I could help her. And as a matter of fact I miss her – I shouldn’t get so used to wakeing up next to her, as soon as she’s going to film again it’ll be all different again but still I hope that we can make this work out.



I'm talking to Patrick during dinner when my cell phone beeps – a SMS? Who would send me one now?

“Excuse me Patrick.”

I get it out of my bag and leave the table and go into the ladies room.

“ET had a report bout us!Media knows!B careful!luv u!Max”

“Oh my god.”

This can’t be true, no, no way, damn…but if it wouldn’t be true he wouldn’t have sent the message, what am I gonna do now? Patrick suspects something, better I tell him now.

“Everything okay Liz?”

He ask when I get back to the table.

“I.…no…not really, I have to tell you something Patrick.”

“Here it comes if you want to tell me about your relationship with this designer, I already suspect that, that’s nothing new.”

“Well but actually Max and me we wanted to keep it a secret as long as possible but they had a report about me and him on ET.”

“Damn…tell me something Liz…why him? Why somebody as mysterious as him?”

“Because he cares about me Patrick, he loves me and he’s there for me. It’s not important for him to go out and be the boyfriend of Liz Parker the actress, he really cares about me, something I haven’t felt for so long.”

He watches me and my heartfelt speech. I’m surprised by it too but I mean every word of it, I swear.

“Okay, then tell me, what is his secret? I know that there’s something about him, he hides from the media, why? He’s obviously a very attractive man so why hide?”

“Because he wants to keep his private life private Patrick, he isn’t shy but he likes to keep to himself and would appreciate it if you could accept that. Don’t tell the media about me and him, everything they’re going to find out will be through me and him and nobody else. Got it? This isn’t only about me anymore, this is also about him.”

“Liz, Liz…would you please come down, you’re not marrying him…”

Not yet. Where did that come from? Now it’s really time to calm down Liz, you’ve been together with him like three days it’s a little too early to think about marriage. Nevertheless I can’t get this picture out of my head…yes…yes I'm sure I could marry him one day and until now I could never imagine that.

“So what are you going to do if Oprah asks about you and him?”

“The truth and that I want to keep this as private as possible as my last relationship had been one for the media and not for me.”


“Don’t Liz me Patrick, you know that I'm right. Whenever Sean and me went out it was important and we both did everything possible to look marvelous, with him I don’t need to do that and if I do it I want to look good for him and not for the cameras, that is the difference Patrick. This relationship is already more real than the one with Sean has ever been, it took me sometime to see that but I'm happy that I finally realized that. There isn’t any hypocrisy or superficiality, I love him.”

Patrick stares at me again.

“I’ve never heard you talking like that.”

“That’s because I never did it, there never was a reason, so…I think I better get going good night Patrick, I’ll see you tomorrow.”

I just want to get into my room and send Max an email, I’m afraid that he might regret his decision already. This isn’t how we had planned it – damn media.

Turning my laptop on and logging onto the internet I see that Max already sent me an email.

“Hey my love,
how was your flight? I hope fine! I just sent you the SMS and hope that you receive it before Patrick finds out about it. I wish I could be there for you now, I already miss you dearly, promise me that you’ll be home soon again because I have no idea how long I can stand sleeping in a bed that smells like you but you aren’t in it.
I didn’t understand everything on ET but they showed pictures of us, of our first kiss, I miss your kisses, I miss your touch. Honestly I only wanted to write you about this stupid report but now that I'm sitting here typing I don’t feel the need to do it anymore. I just want to let you know that I don’t regret anything, we can still have a very private relationship, and I won’t let get anybody between us. I'm so happy that I finally have you that I would be the dumbest man on earth to let you go when the first problem arises. Cookie is sitting next to me, I wish he could talk cuz I have no idea what he’s thinking in the moment. Same goes for you, what are you thinking in the moment? What are you doing? Besides missing you I don’t do a lot. Well okay that’s a lot I got pretty for with the new clothes so I should be satisfied.
Mhm…I think this sums it up! I hope to read from you soon!

Luv ya!

Max “

God I really love this man! And I have to answer him right away.

“Hey my love,

thank you for your email I was so afraid of your reaction to the report. When reading your SMS I was shocked and frightened but now I feel better. I feel better because I know that we’ll get through this. Patrick knows, he had known it anyway so it wasn’t such a big surprise. He wanted to know what makes you so special and I told him that you’re everything that I need and want. How can you impress me like that in just such a little time? Tell me Max what kind of spell have you put on me?

I miss you too, a lot, this hotel room is so cold and besides your t-shirt that I'm wearing in the moment, there is nothing that smells like you. I really hope that this will be over fast and that I can get home as soon as possible. How am I supposed to get through my filming without you near me? Sounds impossible.
My flight was uneventful btw. Thanks for asking.

I think I’ll go to bed now and dream of you, I hope you’ll do that too. Let me know if you did and what the dream was about.

Luv ya 2!


Yep, now I feel better, I feel…like a teenager again, like this is my first love, well…actually I think that Max is really my first true love? Is it okay to say something like that after such a short time? Can this be the real thing? There’s still so much that we don’t know of each other? Well I guess we’ll just have to wait and see but I hope from the bottom of my heart that it’ll work out.


posted on 18-Oct-2001 1:14:37 PM

Part 28

“She’s one of Hollywood’s most famous actresses in the moment, her movies are shown all around the world. Her hard work finally paid off when she won the Oscar as best actress this year for her movie ‘Don’t cry’. Ladies and gentlemen please welcome Miss Liz Parker.”

This is it, I go through the doors, the audience is clapping and cheering. Smile Liz, smile as if there was nothing bad in the world.

“It’s so nice to finally have you Liz.”

Oprah hugs me before we sit down in our chairs.

“Thank you for inviting me.”

I nod. God I hate this, well no I don’t really hate this. Oprah and me had a little talk before the show about the topics and what she was going to ask me and I have to say that she’s really one of those people who accept the fact that you have a private life and all that. So I guess I should be lucky to be here, but we’ll see.

“Liz, how are you doing honey? After all the fuss about you and Sean some weeks ago it’s been awfully quiet about you.”

“Well honestly I had to take some time off after Sean and me broke up. I mean, it didn’t really end nicely and I needed some time for me alone. I had to find to myself again and just…realize what had happened.”

“I still can’t believe that he did that. You didn’t report him, did you?”

“No I didn’t, he would have been out of prison within hours and…and…I only hope that I don’t have to face him ever again.”

“I don’t want to dig too deep into that but I guess it’s not only me who’s asking herself wondering how such a relationship that seemed to be so perfect could end like this?”

“Well you just said it Oprah, it seemed like a perfect relationship, but which relationship is really perfect? There is nothing like perfect and Sean and me we had our problems like everybody else and I guess the fact that I didn’t really love him was a big part of it. Unfortunately I realized too late that our relationship was mainly based on the publicity we both got. I think we both enjoyed it too much to be in the spotlight and in the process we totally forgot about us and our feelings. ”

“If you didn’t love him then why stick with him? Did he love you?”

“Man is a creature of habit…I think this is the only explanation I have. And did Sean love me? I don’t think so.”

She says that we’ll be back after the break. Of course there is no break…have you ever been to tapings like that? Well it’s humbug, you think there’s a break? No way…I will sit here for exactly 30 minutes and that’s it. Here we go again.

“Now I know that we talked about it a little bit you said that you didn’t love Sean…how about your new boyfriend? Could he be the love of your life? Do you believe in something like that? I know that this story is all so new but…I at least had to try.”

We both laugh, well Oprah laughs because she thinks that this is funny and I laugh because I have to. I don’t consider this whole situation a lot laughable but okay.

“Mhm…I don’t know…I used to not believe in the love of your life and in true love but I'm always willing to learn. This relationship is still so fresh that I don’t really wanna talk about it in public. I just had a relationship that was an open book for everybody, now I would really like to have a private one, a relationship only for two people. It’s only about him and me and that’s it.”

“To me that sounds pretty serious, do you want to marry one day and have children?”

“Definitely, I mean I'm 25 years old now and of course I think about my future. There’ll be a time hardly anybody will remember me but my family will always be there for me. So yes I want to have my own little family one day but in the moment I just love my job too much, to think about stuff like that.”

It goes on and on, questions about my next project, how it felt to win the Oscar and stuff like that. Still I'm glad when it’s finally over and I can leave the studio and drive back to the hotel. Patrick tries to talk to me about Max…I really have to get rid of him as soon as possible.

“Patrick, will you please let it be? I don’t want to talk about it.”

Of course in the next moment my cell phone rings.


“You two…we’re hardly out of the house and you two are already over each other.”

Who is that? Wait! Maria?


“Hey Chica?!”

She laughs, well at least she isn’t angry. It feels good to hear her voice…this is one of those days when I would need my best friend, ice-cream and a lot of time to talk.

“So, spill it, how did that happen?”

Do I really want to tell her now?

“Do I have to Maria? I'm not really in talking mood.”

“Oh c’mon Liz, at least tell me if you’re happy and that both of you know what you’re getting into here because chica here the reporters are asking me about my opinion what I think about the whole thing that my best friend and my other best friend are a couple now and what I can tell them about this relationship.”

“You don’t…”

…but before I can finish my question Maria interrupts me.

“Of course I don’t tell them Liz, who am I? I just think that as your best friend I should know what’s going on.”

“Maria, Max and me we know that this won’t be easy but we’re both willing to try it – I'm happy.”

“What about his deafness? What will happen when the media finds out that he’s deaf?”

That is exactly the question I already asked myself but it doesn’t change my feelings or makes me regret my decision, I want Max.

“I don’t know Maria? We didn’t really talk about that, I guess as long as they don’t know it’s fine and when they finally find out I just hope that the relationship is stable enough so that we can overcome any problems coming our way. Don’t worry too much Maria, Max is a grown up man he can take care of himself quite well, deaf or not.”

“He’s WHAT?”

I suddenly hear Patrick next to me…damn, I totally forgot that he’s with me in the car. Way to go Parker.

“Maria I'll have to call you back.”

I shut the phone off and stare at him.

”You’re dating someone who’s deaf? Liz I can’t believe that.”

“Believe it Patrick…and you better not tell anyone about it – got it?”

He’s shaking his head vehemently. What is his problem? I just can’t see the point where the problem is that I'm dating someone who can’t hear?

“What is your problem Patrick?”

“That is the reason he keeps to himself, isn’t it? Geez, I would have never guessed that he can’t hear, I always thought he might have a criminal past or something like that. He’s really good in keeping that a secret.”

I watch him carefully; I can see that he’s already thinking about how to handle this situation.

“Tell me something Liz – is he awakening your Mother Theresa complex or why are you dating him? How are you communicating anyway? Or is this only about the sex?”

Well honestly asshole I think that you better keep your big mouth shut because there’s only nonsense coming out of it – I would really like to say that now – or something like ‘you’re fired’. Unfortunately I can’t - not now; first I have to find a way to keep him quiet.

“Patrick? This is none of your business.”

“Oh you’re wrong Liz it’s, I'm your manager…what happened to you? I mean we got along and now…ever since you met this guy you have changed…what’s the matter with you?”

“The matter is that I'm finally living again and feeling again Patrick and for your information…I don’t care what you think what the reason is that I stay with Max and that I want him okay? But don’t think about insulting me ever again, got it? Max is a very independent man, he doesn’t need a Mother Theresa to take care of him.”

And with that I really decide to better shut up and let it be – for now. I guess I'll have to call my lawyer first thing when I'm at the hotel.


posted on 20-Oct-2001 8:25:19 AM

Part 29


Again one of those days. I really should have stayed in bed, this is getting me no where. What’s his problem you’re asking me now right? Yeah I can see it in your face. Well don’t you know those days when just everything gets on your nerves and whatever you want to do just doesn’t work out and you fail miserably? Well I have one of those days today. I’m not creative at all, every sketch I start just looks the same and when I tried changing some fabric in the mannequin I poked myself again and again and again…well you know what I mean. It was like I'm drunk and just can’t see straight. Whatever! Fortunately Liz will be home this evening so that’s at least something to look forward to but the rest? Boy!

Yesterday I wanted to take Cookie for a walk, unfortunately reporters were just waiting for me to come out of my house. Loitering isn’t allowed so what do they do? Hide in bushes or ask my neighbors if it would be okay to stay on their property just to get a good shot of me and my dog. I mean if they’re good reporters they should know that Liz isn’t in town.
Now you would think that the people here have enough money and that they don’t need to be bribed to allow some strangers to wait on their property but I guess I was wrong. For enough money they’ll let these stupid paparazzi stay there.
What the hell did I get myself into? It’s unbelievable, still I don’t regret anything. Regretting something would mean regretting to be with Liz and to love her and that is just something impossible. I want her and I need her. I knew that it would be like that but I just had hoped that we would have a little bit more time. Maybe I was hoping that it wouldn’t be so bad.
I guess I'll just have to let them take the picture and hope that they’ll soon decide that I'm extremely boring. What do you think? Do you think that this is a good way to get them off my back? Well I think that it’s at least worth a try.
Hopefully they’ll leave me alone again after Liz leaves for shooting her movie. MAYBE! Well I can still hope, can’t I?
Another problem is that I'm really fearing that they’ll dig deeper than they ever did before and find out about my deafness. And then…I don’t even wanna think about what might happen. I can already see the headlines…oh boy. Just Great!

“C’mon Cookie, let’s try this again, shall we?”

I take the leash securing it on his collar, open the door and off we go.
How stupid do they think I am? Do they really think that I don’t see them? Especially when light is reflecting in their equipment? Oh god!

“Come on buddy, let’s get outta here!”

I start to jog with Cookie right next to me. Trying not to think about this I prefer thinking about what I'm gonna do this evening when Liz is back. Maybe I should plan a nice dinner at home. Yeah I think this is a good idea.

When I get home again I can see Isabel’s car and her standing at the door.


I shout, she hears me and turns around…wow she has gained some weight since I’ve seen her the last time but I'm still convinced that the pregnancy suits her.

((“ Max…I couldn’t believe my eyes when I went shopping today and saw this at the newsstand.”))

She’s handing me a copy of one of those tabloids. A picture of Liz and me kissing – enlarged on the front-page with the headline ‘Who is she kissing?’.

“What do you want me to say Izzy? That I'm sorry?”

I open the door and let my dog and my sister in, turning back to her.

((“Maybe you should have warned me?!”))

((“Should have warned you? Isabel I’m not moving or planning to do something ridiculous or criminal…I have a girlfriend. Is that a crime?”))

((“No but if your girlfriend is a Hollywood star the cards are shuffled differently…it isn’t easy Max…you’re deaf and after all that she’s done to you…”))

((“Isabel may I ask you something? The reason you disapprove of this relationship is why? Because me and Liz had some misunderstandings or because I’m deaf? Because if the reason is that I'm deaf then I really have to ask you what you’re expecting from me? You’re the one always telling me to get back to normal, that I’m still the old Max who can still reach for the stars if he wants to and now…I finally did and I finally found someone who cares about me and now you try to…I don’t know…”))

Honestly I’m out of words because I have already said everything. And she knows it’s true, she’s always the one telling me to go out and date, find a nice woman, marry her and live happily ever after…you know the drill. Why is everybody against my relationship with Liz?

Isabel is rambling on, on how much she disapproves of my relationship with Liz because I will end up broken hearted and that she will have to clean up the mess later and so on and on.

((“Isabel, if you haven’t figured it out yet, you have no say in my private life, never had, never will…what is the problem with you guys? Liz and me are happy, okay we haven’t been together for long but I believe in this…if I wouldn’t, do you really think that I would take the risk of getting exposed to the media and everything?”))

((“Max I want you to be happy, I really I want to but I have no idea how you two can think that this will work out. How? Tell me!”))

((“I don’t know but it will. And if you don’t have anything nice to say to me I want you to leave now. Liz is coming back this evening and I still have to get to the grocery store to get something for dinner – so…”))

She glares at me with anger in her eyes – god this whole situation is just ridiculous but they’ll all have to learn to live with that I guess.
After Isabel leaves I get my shower and finalize my plans for dinner. I still have three hours and I’m not planning on cooking something extravagant so this should work out. Well at least I hope it will, considering what my day was already like.
Getting to the store I feel the eyes of people on me…well I guess that there are a lot of readers of those tabloids. After getting everything I need I stop in front of the magazine stand and…DAMN no wonder everybody looks at me there are at least five magazines and at least four newspapers who have Liz and me on the cover.

“Hey Max how are you today?”

Mrs Calero asks me, smiling at me.

“I’m fine how are you?”

“Good, I have read about you and Liz Parker, is this really true?”

“I dunno know what you read so I dunno know if it’s true. What are you talking about?”

She looks around like she wants to tell me a secret. I love this woman, she knows that I can’t hear still she always behave as if I could. She resumes scanning the items and leans forward looking into my eyes.

“That you went to Sean to punch him for hurting Liz. And they say that you an Miss Parker have known for a long time already and that there might be a wedding soon.”

I have to laugh, sorry THIS is just ridiculous…I mean c’mon….marriage? Sean? Well yeah I will punch him if he ever gets near her again but until then…and truth is I could have punched him, honestly I could have killed him for hurting Liz but I’m a grown up man who can contain his anger.

“Well Mrs Calero, I’m sorry to tell you but nothing is true that you’ve read. You really shouldn’t believe everything you read especially in those tabloids.”

Now she stands again straight in front of me she’s still 1 ½ heads smaller than me though.

“I knew that Max I just….I don’t know, I think you two make up a nice couple and I hope that she’s the right one for you I wouldn’t want to see you hurt or her…as a matter of fact.”

I smile at her again, handing her the money, bid goodbye and leave again. I love coming to this shop, even if I have to drive 30 minutes to get there…it’s just nice to get somewhere where the people know you.
Before getting home I stop at a flour shop to get some…roses…but not red…I don’t like red, it’s so aggressive…well that is how I like to describe it. Generally that’s my way to describe colors. Red is aggressive, blue is cold, and white for example is honest…so I guess I should buy some nice white roses…how about that? Do you think she’ll like them? It’s at least worth a try.


posted on 20-Oct-2001 8:29:44 AM

Part 30

Two hours later everything is ready and I'm taking off to the airport in my limousine to get Liz. She told me via email the time she’s supposed to arrive again. And this time I'm going in, I'm going to wait for her at the gate. It’s amazing what this woman makes me do…geez. Where was she the last years of my life? Still I hope that I won’t regret this one day…I don’t think so but there’s still the possibility but I shouldn’t really think about this now. Not now, not ever if you ask me. What I want to say is that I’d really prefer to never doubt anything anymore this relationship concerning.
I decided to not over dress for fetching her at the airport. Black pants and a black T-shirt, topped with my sunglasses have to be enough.
The board says that the plane has landed already when I get into the arrival area – geez a lot of people are here – anyway.
Ten minutes later I can see her, pulling her trolley, wearing jeans and a white blouse, sunglasses as well with Patrick on her side. Well – you can’t have everything.
She looks up and her face speaks for itself….as it looks like she can’t believe that it’s really me.

“What are you doing here?”

She must be mouthing it, her face doesn’t look like she would really talk and Patrick isn’t looking at here strange so…I think that’s answer enough, isn’t it?


I say, hopefully as husky as I wanted it to be, god her mere presence is enough to send shivers through my veins.


Meanwhile we both have taken our sunglasses off, finally I can see those beautiful eyes again. I hand her one of the white roses. She takes it with shining eyes, smells it and throws her arms around me….god this feels so good. My Liz is home again…go figure what it’ll be like when she leaves next week again for a very long time. She moves away again slithly to be able to talk to me.

“I missed you.”

“I missed you too.”

She nods before we kiss. I could drown in her kisses…and who needs air anyway. Do you know those scenes in those cheesy movies when the man and woman finally kiss and the camera is going all around them, filming the kissing couple from every side, from every angle, over and over again? Well that’s exactly how I feel like in the moment and on a personal feels great.



He’s really here, Max is really here although he hates nothing more than this…attention and in the moment we are getting a lot of attention. And not because the people know who we are - no, because we are a couple not ashamed to show how we feel. Let’s not even talk about what might happen as soon as they recognize us. You should have seen the people at the airport in Chicago when they recognized me…geez I still have a cramp in my hand from signing so many autographs.


I hear somebody next to me…who…Patrick…great.

“Patrick, uh…is there still something or…?”

“I just want to make sure that you get out of this airport in one piece so shall we?”

I can see the glances between him and Max. Max has his arm around my waist, my suitcase in the other hand.

“Okay…let’s get outta here before we’re recognized.”

I turn to Max, good idea, he nods…I'm still surprised how much he understands…I mean I know that I sometimes can understand words without hearing them but whole sentences? I guess I'll have to ask him again one of those days, but definitely not now and not today…I want to enjoy that I’m back again.

Standing at the limousine Max places my suitcase in the trunk while I talk to Patrick.

“So what is our statement to this development?”

“Development? You make it sound like a problem.”

“Well it is a problem…but before you start bellyaching – I won’t try to talk you out of it! You seem happy so I guess I'll have to live with it. I mean, who am I to stand in between your happiness?!”

This really surprises me – wow?!? When and why did he change his mind? Not that I mind! No way – it’s just a very pleasant surprise.

“So about our statement?”

“No comment Patrick – and that’s it! I'll talk to you tomorrow.”

“Okay, bye.”

I turn around still shocked by this development and when I say ‘development’ I mean development. Max is waiting for me outside the car.

“Hey beautiful…ready?”

“Sure handsome, let’s go, I'm ready to go home.”

We get into the car and leave. I'm really glad that Max isn’t asking me about what Patrick had to say.

((“So how was the show?”))

((“It was okay I guess, she asked about you but I told them that I want this to be a private relationship.”))


He’s smiling at me, takes my hand, leans over and kisses me. God how I missed that!

((“So what did you do while I was gone?”))

((“Nothing special, I just had a lot of fun with some models.”))

Smirking I punch him into the ribs.

“Hmpf – outch.”

We both start laughing – his laugh is deep and somehow calming.

((“Honestly – I started working on some new sketches again but today I just couldn’t concentrate anymore and then Isabel showed up.”))

((“Oh how nice, how is she doing?”))

((“You wouldn’t say that it was nice if you knew what she had to say. She disapproves of our relationship.”))


((“No not really I guess as soon as we have proved to her that this is serious for both of us she’ll be happy…well at least I hope she will…promise me one thing Liz, there have been so many misunderstandings between us and secrets at the beginning – I don’t want this to ever happen again. And if you ever grow tired of me tell me, but don’t hide it okay?”))

How can I love this man even more than I already do? This is unbelievable. I move up to him where he is sitting.

((“How can you think that I will ever grow tired of you? I mean, I know that this is still new and there’s still so much we have to learn but…in here…”))

I place my hand on my heart and watch him…

((“…in here this is already more real than anything I ever had or felt before. I want you to know that Max – okay?”))


For the rest of the drive I stay at his side, his arm around my shoulder, my head pressed against his chest while his hand is playing with my hair.

posted on 22-Oct-2001 7:50:13 AM

Part 31

We get home and walking into the house first thing I see is Cookie running at me.

“Hey buddy, how are you doing hm?”

I kneel down and he jumps around me, wagging his tail – having problems to decide where to stay with Max and me being home again. It's really strange, although I haven’t really moved in here this is already my home.

“Cookie, that’s enough, let Liz go.”

It’s amazing how much this dog obeys Max, I'm starting to wonder if Cookie knows that something isn’t normal with his master? Dogs are very clever and they sense when something isn’t like it’s supposed to be like.

((“What’s that smell?”))

((“Oh I took the liberty of cooking something for you, c’mon.”))

He takes my hand and drags me in to the dining room where the big table is set for only two people, there’s a fire in the fireplace.

“And before you say anything, I had Rachel here watching the fire.”

((“Who is Rachel?”))

“You haven’t met Rachel yet? My cleaner? Oh she’s such a nice lady, you really have to meet her and I'm sure you will cuz I'm planning on keeping you here until you have to leave again.”

I find myself in his arms, pressed against his firm chest, inhaling his scent. How could I object to that? Nuhuh…it’s not happening! I feel a smile itching at the corners of my mouth and all I can do is let it out, shake my head and put my arms around his neck.

“How could I ever deny you anything?”

I ask him. His hands are on my tush, drawing lazy circles with his fingers.

“Well…if you haven’t figured it out yet Miss Parker, you don’t.”

Now our foreheads are touching and I can’t stand it anymore, I need to kiss him, I need to feel him and as it seems like he’s as desperate for my touch as I am for his.
Our kiss starts slow, with the promise of more to come. I can feel my heartbeat rising and me whole body reacting to his touch.

“I think we better stop this now…and…and eat.”

He says, after pushing me away slightly, his eyes are sparkling, his hair is tousled from me brushing through it with my hands while kissing him and he is as breathless from the kiss as I am I guess this is a good sign.

((“But I don’t want to eat now…”))

I tell him, pushing my body against his again. I’m surprised by his husky voice when he whispers near my ear – does he even know what he’s doing to me?

“Oh…but you’ll need the energy later Miss Parker cuz after getting you into my bed I have no intention of letting you out of it again any time soon.”

While he is saying that his hands are moving up and down my arms, I shiver and…and…moan…he has no idea how much control he has over me, does he?
Opening my eyes again as I had them closed while his assault on my libido I look into his eyes again. A knowing and dirty smirk is dancing around his lips and believe it or not guys I could just ravish him here and now. Tear the clothes off of his body and have my way with him right here and now. Damn. When did he turn the tables around? I remember that it was me in the beginning doing the seducing – okay my intentions weren’t as honest as they are now but boy back then I had no idea that he is such a seducer.


He takes my hand again and leads me to the chair I'm supposed to sit in, pulls it back and waits for me to take a seat. After that he disappears into the kitchen. Yes I’m home!

Max is carrying two plates with pasta and it smells delicious.

((“What’s that?”))

“That my dear is pasta Alfredo ala Max Evans. That means I changed it a little bit and hope you’ll like it.”

((“I guess asking you for the recipe won’t get me anywhere right?”))

“Right, you should know by now that the kitchen is sacred to me and my recipes as well so if you want to keep on enjoying my kitchen you better stick with me.”

He smiles and sits down, offering me some wine. After pouring some into both of our glasses he lifts his glass, leaning over a little bit.

“I'm glad that you’re back, I missed you.”

“I missed you too.”

We clink our glasses take a sip and start eating. It feels awkward to eat with Max, I admit that cuz there’s nothing you can talk about. Usually you would tell your boyfriend about your day or in my situation about your trip while eating but there’s nothing.

Suddenly he stands up.

“Sorry I forgot something.”

What is he doing? Suddenly I can hear music and he comes back, sitting down again.

“I hope you like opera? I might not hear it but I think that it definitely should be a part of a romantic evening. What do you think?”

I take his hand into mine.

“It’s perfect Max really, although there’s no need to do that…”

“Shshsh…stop that okay? I mean I don’t hear it anyway so…so how do you like it?”

He’s trying to change the topic and it’s true it is a strange situation. So I better leave it.

((“It’s perfect, where did you learn to cook like that?”))

“If you have a Mom who’s always trying new recipes you have to learn to cook very fast because if not you’re going to starve. Don’t get me wrong, I love my Mom really and when she’s cooking the usual stuff there’s nothing better but when she goes all Martha Steward crazy it’s just disgusting.”

I have to laugh about his story I can just imagine him and Isabel coming up with all different ideas to hide the food they don’t like.

((“So I guess Isabel is also a good cook?”))

“Oh yes definitely…”



I'm considering asking her if she will join me to my fathers birthday but I decide against it, there’s still a lot of time to ask her that. I just want to enjoy that she’s here in the moment.
We finish our plates, I have desert planned BUT that is already waiting in the bedroom – champagne and strawberries. Yeah I know that’s so Pretty Woman like but have you ever tried it? I like it, so why not!

((“So what now Mister Evans?”))

“How about desert?”

((“Sounds good.”))

“Fine then why don’t you head up to the bedroom as it’ll be served there?”

I wiggle my eyebrows seductively which makes her eyes shine and her skin blush. God I love this woman.
She leans over, kisses me before walking out of the room and up the stairs. It’s strange I know that I'll find her in bedroom, it’s just so natural that she’ll stay in my bedroom. You think this goes too fast? Well – that might be true, but I just…I don’t know I mean I'm 26 years old and…I should know what’s good for me and this IS good for me.

I put the fire out and take the dirty dishes into the kitchen, there’s time tomorrow to clean this up, now I have other stuff to do. On my way up I turn the stereo off, switch the light off and go up the stairs. As it seems like she took her suitcase up the stairs on her own, although I would have done it. Opening the door to my bedroom she’s standing at the window. She has changed into – one of my shirts? Not that I mind! Hell no – she looks extremely – HOT! It’s a white shirt and with her standing at the window I can see that she’s wearing hardly anything beneath it.
Finally I also realize that she has lit the candles in the room. Slowly I walk up to her, encircling her waist from behind with my arms, pulling her against my body, kissing her neck. I want her, I need her…so I start unbuttoning the shirt while caressing her neck.


posted on 22-Oct-2001 7:51:26 AM
Rated: R


Part 32

I open the shirt slowly, her head has fallen back lying against my shoulder, with both hands I start letting my hands gently glide over her breasts, the sensitive but hard nipples, to her stomach. Finally I can’t stand this anymore and I turn her around so that she’s facing me and our lips meet in a passionate and demanding kiss. I help her getting the shirt off, then she pulls my shirt up and over my head, her fingers immediately wandering back to my jeans, unsnapping them, pulling the zipper down. She has no idea how good that feels.


Before I can say anything more she’s kissing me breathless again, pushing my trousers and shorts down. It was a good idea to get rid of the shoes and socks before coming upstairs – good idea Evans. Especially considering the fact that I feel the ability to think slowly escaping placed by instinct and that one is telling me to give free rein to my lust. Also good idea if you ask me!

I take her up into my arms and place her on the bed…the last times we had made love we never really spend a lot of time getting to know each others bodies…I mean I know it already believe me, I know what makes her laugh and what makes her squirm and what brings her to ecstasy, I just want to take my time today as much as I want to take her now…I just…I don’t know. I’ve missed her so much that I want to cherish every second I spend with her.

I start lapping and suckling at her breast, I can feel her hands on my shoulders, my back, my hair. Slowly I kiss my way down between her thighs. I can feel her rearing up, again I wish I could also hear how much my ministrations drive her crazy but watching her is also more than only exciting. Believe me!

No idea how long I tortured her like that but I on my side feel every little bit of willpower sliding out of my grasp and I just want to be one with her. So I slide up and into her with one swift move. Liz is clinging to my body, pulling her legs around my waist.

Our movements are slow but damn intensive. God I can’t believe how right she feels. There is no other word to describe it.

“Open your eyes Liz.”

I pant, I want to see in her eyes what I'm doing to her, this is the only thing I can really rely on - my eyes…I need to see to make sure. When she opens her eyes I see pure affectation and love in her eyes, this does something to me and I increase the speed of my thrusts.


“We never had desert.”

I chuckle, having her in my arms, spend from our love making, can you believe that already two hours have passed since I came into my bedroom? Wow.
Feeling her chuckling as well I start stroking her back again.
She moves her head, resting her one hand on my chest and her chin up on it looking straight at me.


“Nothing…I just…I guess, I'm happy that I'm here again.”

“Well you’re not the only one…I’m also happy that you’re here.”

“But what will happen now Max?”

“What do you mean?”

I can see the seriousness in her eyes. Something is bothering her.

“What about Michael, Maria, Patrick, Isabelle….our families and the media?”

“Why do you worry about that now?”

I brush some lose strands out of her face.

“I guess because I had hoped that at least our friends would stand behind us, helping us but…Patrick knows and he’s not happy, your sister told you that she disapproves and I just can picture Michael when he gets back. I talked to Maria and she hopes that it’ll work out but she doesn’t really believe in us. I guess I'm just afraid that…”

“…that our environment might stand in our way? Liz, you shouldn’t worry too much about the others I'm sure that our friends and family will stand behind us no matter what. They just don’t know how to react to that but I'm sure if we can convince them that this is serious they won’t cause any problems. And the media…well we knew that this would happen. Okay I had hoped that we would have a little more time but…we can’t change it so we have to make the best out of it.”

“What about your deafness? They’ll find out you know that….”

“Yes they will, I know that but I'm not going to tell them….if they find out tomorrow so be it, if in one month okay…I know it’ll happen eventually…”

“But you’ve tried for years to keep it a secret and now you’re suddenly willing to admit that you’re deaf? Because of me?”

“I’d do a lot for you Liz Parker, you don’t even know.”



He kisses me again. What did I do to deserve this man. I can’t believe that he’s really willing to expose himself to this…I don’t know what will happen once the media finds out. Perhaps they don’t even care that much. Yeah as if Parker….wake up! This is the 21st century and you’re a celebrity.

“So I take it Patrick knows?”

He interrupts my line of thought.

“Huh? Uhm…yes…yes I told him accidentally.”

“And he of course isn’t happy that you’re not only dating a mysterious designer but a deaf mysterious designer, right?”


I admit.

“Well it doesn’t surprise me.”

I watch the emotions showing in his eyes. He has the most soulful eyes I have ever seen in my life. He might be able to hide his feelings in his movements or the way he talks but his eyes – are like an open book.
I lie my head back down on his chest listening to his heartbeat and to his even breathing. Feeling his hand taking it into his and entwining our fingers. This is how it’s supposed to be.


I wake up in the middle of the night, Max is next to me, lying on his side, his head propped up on one hand watching me.


I smile and turn as well, I realize that the blanket is hardly covering my body but I don’t feel like hiding under his stare. No in his eyes I’m beautiful, I know that.


He smiles back leaning towards me and giving me a short sweet kiss.

((“What was that for?”))

“I just needed to do that.”

“Oh okay.”

I watch him for one more minute, he’s not saying anything so I guess it’s my turn.

“So how long have you been awake?”

“An hour.”

Raising my eyebrows I roll over and onto him because he’s moving with me.

“I guess I didn’t exhaust you enough Mr. Evans huh?”

“Wanna try again?”

He smirks, then wetting his lips.

“You bet.”

I moan before I kiss him again, straddling his hips.


posted on 23-Oct-2001 7:54:30 AM
Rated R

Part 33

I look around in the room seeing the strawberries and the champagne in an ice bucket. So that was his intended desert. I move fast, getting of the bed and fetching the ice bucket with the champagne and the strawberries.

“What cha doing?”

Max looks at me.

“I think it’s time for some desert.”

Smiling at him I climb back onto the bed and onto him. Opening the bottle, a little bit overflows and pours onto his chest. His hissing is making my heart spin, I lean down and lap the champagne off of his heated skin.


He moans, his eyes closed. But I want him to see me…I want him to see what will happen. So I wait until he opens his eyes again. I have a strawberry in my hand, dipping it into the champagne, slowly I trace his lips with it before offering him a bite. He bites into it, I wait until he swallows then I trace his lips with my tongue, never kissing him. I dip the next strawberry, this time I leave a wet line on his neck, starting at his ear, to his jaw down his neck stopping where his pulse is beating. Again I come closer to his body, my breasts touching his chest. It takes a lot of willpower to not attack him right away but I remain still at his ear. He might not hear me breathing, but he can feel my breath, I know he can. Then I start licking the champagne, stopping at his neck and leaving a love bite. Raising again, Max sits up as well reaching for the berries – no – no the ice in the bucket. Uhhhh!! Next thing I know is the cold ice cube against my skin. He’s tracing one of my nipples, then the other one, throws the cube back into the bucket and licks first at one then at the other nipple. Giving both of my breasts the same amount of attention.

“Close your eyes Liz…”

He whispers and I obey. I have no idea what he’s doing but I can feel him moving beneath me. I can smell strawberry and then I feel it against my lips but when I want to take a bite it’s gone. Instead he’s caressing my collarbone with it and licks it up, suckling, nipping, biting.

“Oh goood Max…Max…”

Again the berry is at my mouth and this time he lets me eat it, before he can remove his fingers I start sucking at them to get the remainders of the champagne and berry off. This is followed by a deep growl from Max. This teasing is driving me crazy, I need him now, now!

So before he can reach over to get something else I place myself over him, letting him penetrate me slowly, he feels so good, it’s amazing. I set a pace, he’s holding my hips in place but not trying to dominate me…it’s wonderful how we are both on the giving and receiving side while making love. It doesn’t take long until I see stars because of the ferocity the orgasm is overwhelming me with.
I crush against Max, who puts his arms around me, holding me tight to his body. Our sweaty skin sticking us together.

“So how did you like desert?”

Max asks me still out of breath.


Waking up the next morning I'm alone in the bedroom – where is he? I Get out of bed, putting on my kimono.

Stepping into the living room I can see a note on the table.

“Good morning sleepyhead, I took Cookie for a jog, breakfast is ready in the kitchen waiting for you. Love, Max. ”

Smiling I fold the paper and put it into the pocket of my kimono – I won’t ever throw those little notes away. This is something I want to show my kids one day – okay where did that thought come from? I’m not ready for kids yet that’s why I have been on the pill since I was 16.
Walking into the kitchen I can smell the fresh brewed coffee. I sit down, turn on the radio, the song is over and I can hear the D.J.

“And now to the entertainment news, it looks like Liz Parker has found herself a new boyfriend, Max Evans, designer and owner of G&E design – you might have heard of them because a lot celebrities are buying their clothes nowadays. Rumor has it that they already were involved while Liz was still dating Sean and that Max was the reason for the sudden breakup of the couple. Liz recently admitted in an interview that this relationship now is extremely important to her – well if you ask me guys this sounds like there’ll be another Hollywood wedding soon…”

I switch the radio off – idiots.

I’m so engrossed reading the paper that I'm really startled when I can feel a cold snout at my naked leg.

“Cookie, come here.”

I can hear Max. Only hearing his voice makes my heart beat 10 times faster and I just can’t wait until I can see him again. I’m so giddy it’s ridiculous.


There he is, wearing shorts, sneakers, a white shirt, sweaty and a cap – he looks so fine – now you would think that after last night I have had enough sex and should be satisfied for now – no way – not with this Adonis.


Smiling at him I anticipate his touch, his kiss. Of course he doesn’t disappoint me, leans down and kisses me.

“How are you today?”

((“I’m fine, how are you?”))

((“Perfect, I will just head up and take a shower – think about what you want to do today ‘kay?”))

Oh I have an idea Mister Evans. I wait until he is up the stairs then I follow him, throwing my kimono on to his bed in his room before opening the door to the bathroom, where he’s already in the shower. Steam is filling the air – well after I'm finished with my plan it’ll be a lot more steamier in here – I swear.


I open the glass door to the shower and step in as well, wrapping my arms around his marvelous torso. Surprised he turns around.

“What are you doing here?”

“Taking a shower?”


I take the soap out of his hand and start rubbing it over his body, starting with his arms, over his chest, stopping at the navel and ordering him to turn around. This well trained butt is just too delicious to look at and I can’t keep my hands off of him. After I cleaned everything to my satisfaction I make him turn around again. I get rid of the soap and place it where it belongs before I let my hands slip down his chest again, further down south.


He groans when I touch him.



After the really exhausting shower and Liz and me are both pruny to the bones we get ready to head out. We came up with the plan to take Cookie out of the city and walk a little bit. Nothing against it – I need to get out of the city anyway – Liz is driving.

We have a lot of fun and I'm really glad that she’s back.

“You know we aren’t that far from my parents house.”

((“You wanna go see them?”))

((“I don’t know I guess they already know about you and me…it’s just that I haven’t seen them in a long time.”))

((“Well I guess then it is a YES we go. Where to?”))

“Turn the next right and stay on that street for three miles then left and then we’re there.

She nods, starts the car and off we go. Well this isn’t exactly how I planned that but it is like it is. Even if they haven’t heard it yet from the media I’m sure that Isabel already told them…she always keeps them up to date on my life as I hardly do this.


Arriving at my parents house I’m not really surprised to see Alex’ car in front of the house and so I guess that Isabel is also here. Damn – I had hoped to talk to them at least alone – there goes that plan.


I look at Liz, she nods and I take her hand, leading her to the door and ringing the bell. Cookie is right next to my other side. Yes I do have a key but I don’t think that I should use it when everybody is here or what do you think? It’s too late anyway.
The door opens and it’s my mum, Cookie of course takes of running through the door right into the garden. I have no idea what it is with this dog but every time we’re here he just goes nuts.


She smiles and takes me into a hug.

“Hi Mum, how are you doing?”

((“Now that you’re here I'm doing fine and I take it this is Liz…”))

She turns to Liz smiling and starts talking right away I have no idea what she’s saying but knowing my Mum she’s the friendliest person. They shake hands and then we follow her into the house and on to the terrace where Dad, Alex and of course Isabel are sitting. I think I forgot to mention that she was royally pissed when I asked her to leave the other day – didn’t I? Knowing my sister she won’t talk to me at all today and – yeah here we go, she looks at me and turns away – ah sisters.

Dad stands up when he sees me and hugs me shortly.

((“How are you doing son? What a surprise to have you here.”))

((“Yeah we were in the neighborhood so to say, Dad I want you to meet Liz Parker – my girlfriend.”))

He turns to Liz, shaking her hand saying something like that it’s a pleasure meeting her and that he already wondered when he would meet her as they already have heard about her and me. Here we go.

((“Max do you want something to drink?”))

Mum asks me after touching my arm and getting my attention.

“Uh…coffee would be fine.”

She nods and asks Liz as well but I don’t see that anymore because I still have to greet Alex.

“Hey Alex.”

((“Hey man, how are you?”))

“Good, how are you?”


We both steal glances at Isabel, I know that he wants me to say I'm sorry for throwing her out of my house but no – no way – only because I'm the older one it’s always me who’s supposed to apologize – I also have my pride and this time I won’t be the one making the first step.
So instead of saying anything I sit down. Liz is still talking to my father, interpreting their body language I’d say that they’re having an interesting conversation.

Mum appears in the door again and carries a tray with cups, coffee pot, cream and sugar.

((“So how come you’re here Max? By the way did you get my email?”))

She ask before handing out the cups filled with coffee.

“Well Liz and me decided to get out of the city today and take a walk with Cookie. We weren’t that far away so I decided to come here, I hope we didn’t interrupt anything?”

((“Oh no, no way, we were actually talking about you.”))


I look at Isabel, who just crosses her arms even more in front of her body and looks even more pissed. Oh no sister-dear this won’t help you in any way.

Mum watches Isabel and me, she never liked us havening arguments but she also knows to better keep out of it. We’ll talk again eventually, so…

“Oh and about the email, I got it yes, thank you.”

((“Good, is Liz also coming?”))

“Go ask her Mum, I have no idea what her plans are for next month.”

((“What are you talking about?”))

Liz asks me after sitting down next to me. I know that my family is surprised that she talks in sign language – well it’s time they realize that she learned it for me. I’m proud of her because she’s already really good – the words you use often are perfect, other more difficult one take time, but she tries.

“My Mum wants to know if you’ll join me to my Dad’s birthday party next month.”

((“I would love to but I’m busy I guess.”))

She turns to my Mum and talks to her.

My Dad is trying to get my attention, I get up and follow him into the house into his office.

“What is it Dad?”

((“I just wanted to talk to you alone.”))

“Okay, well here I am.”

Why do I have the feeling that this will be about Liz and me? I sit down on the chair opposite of him and wait.

((“Isabel told me about you and Liz and besides that I got many calls from my clients if this is really my son dating Liz Parker.”))

((“Dad, if you also want to tell me that this relationship is a mistake I'm out of here – Isabel already did that so…”))

((“Max you should know me better, I don’t do that, I just want to make sure that you know what you’re getting into. If she’s the love of your life I’m happy for you – you know that. I just…I'm your father and I worry about you, still.”))

((“I appreciate that Dad but why can’t you guys just accept the fact that I need Liz? I know this is new and all but…I don’t…I don’t want to explain every time I meet someone why I am together with her? Nobody would ask me ‘why’ if she wouldn’t be an actress, then everybody would be happy for me. Know what I mean?”))

((“Yeah I guess I do.”))

He nods and watches me carefully.

((“So I guess she is the love of your life huh?”))

We smile at each other and I nod.

((“Yes, yes I guess she is…I mean…it’s amazing. I thought I loved Courtney back then and I'm sure I did, but this, this is so much more…I can only hope that this isn’t a dream and that I'll wake up and see that she never was mine. Can you believe it Dad she has hardly time, is busy as hell and still she found the time to learn sign language in a couple of weeks.”))

((“You must be very important to her then.”))


posted on 29-Oct-2001 8:04:46 AM
R maybe more

Part 33

I look around in the room seeing the strawberries and the champagne in an ice bucket. So that was his intended desert. I move fast, getting of the bed and fetching the ice bucket with the champagne and the strawberries.

“What cha doing?”

Max looks at me.

“I think it’s time for some desert.”

Smiling at him I climb back onto the bed and onto him. Opening the bottle, a little bit overflows and pours onto his chest. His hissing is making my heart spin, I lean down and lap the champagne off of his heated skin.


He moans, his eyes closed. But I want him to see me…I want him to see what will happen. So I wait until he opens his eyes again. I have a strawberry in my hand, dipping it into the champagne, slowly I trace his lips with it before offering him a bite. He bites into it, I wait until he swallows then I trace his lips with my tongue, never kissing him. I dip the next strawberry, this time I leave a wet line on his neck, starting at his ear, to his jaw down his neck stopping where his pulse is beating. Again I come closer to his body, my breasts touching his chest. It takes a lot of willpower to not attack him right away but I remain still at his ear. He might not hear me breathing, but he can feel my breath, I know he can. Then I start licking the champagne, stopping at his neck and leaving a love bite. Raising again, Max sits up as well reaching for the berries – no – no the ice in the bucket. Uhhhh!! Next thing I know is the cold ice cube against my skin. He’s tracing one of my nipples, then the other one, throws the cube back into the bucket and licks first at one then at the other nipple. Giving both of my breasts the same amount of attention.

“Close your eyes Liz…”

He whispers and I obey. I have no idea what he’s doing but I can feel him moving beneath me. I can smell strawberry and then I feel it against my lips but when I want to take a bite it’s gone. Instead he’s caressing my collarbone with it and licks it up, suckling, nipping, biting.

“Oh goood Max…Max…”

Again the berry is at my mouth and this time he lets me eat it, before he can remove his fingers I start sucking at them to get the remainders of the champagne and berry off. This is followed by a deep growl from Max. This teasing is driving me crazy, I need him now, now!

So before he can reach over to get something else I place myself over him, letting him penetrate me slowly, he feels so good, it’s amazing. I set a pace, he’s holding my hips in place but not trying to dominate me…it’s wonderful how we are both on the giving and receiving side while making love. It doesn’t take long until I see stars because of the ferocity the orgasm is overwhelming me with.
I crush against Max, who puts his arms around me, holding me tight to his body. Our sweaty skin sticking us together.

“So how did you like desert?”

Max asks me still out of breath.


Waking up the next morning I'm alone in the bedroom – where is he? I Get out of bed, putting on my kimono.

Stepping into the living room I can see a note on the table.

“Good morning sleepyhead, I took Cookie for a jog, breakfast is ready in the kitchen waiting for you. Love, Max.”

Smiling I fold the paper and put it into the pocket of my kimono – I won’t ever throw those little notes away. This is something I want to show my kids one day – okay where did that thought come from? I’m not ready for kids yet that’s why I have been on the pill since I was 16.
Walking into the kitchen I can smell the fresh brewed coffee. I sit down, turn on the radio, the song is over and I can hear the D.J.

“And now to the entertainment news, it looks like Liz Parker has found herself a new boyfriend, Max Evans, designer and owner of G&E design – you might have heard of them because a lot celebrities are buying their clothes nowadays. Rumor has it that they already were involved while Liz was still dating Sean and that Max was the reason for the sudden breakup of the couple. Liz recently admitted in an interview that this relationship now is extremely important to her – well if you ask me guys this sounds like there’ll be another Hollywood wedding soon…”

I switch the radio off – idiots.

I’m so engrossed reading the paper that I'm really startled when I can feel a cold snout at my naked leg.

“Cookie, come here.”

I can hear Max. Only hearing his voice makes my heart beat 10 times faster and I just can’t wait until I can see him again. I’m so giddy it’s ridiculous.


There he is, wearing shorts, sneakers, a white shirt, sweaty and a cap – he looks so fine – now you would think that after last night I have had enough sex and should be satisfied for now – no way – not with this Adonis.


Smiling at him I anticipate his touch, his kiss. Of course he doesn’t disappoint me, leans down and kisses me.

“How are you today?”

((“I’m fine, how are you?”))

((“Perfect, I will just head up and take a shower – think about what you want to do today ‘kay?”))

Oh I have an idea Mister Evans. I wait until he is up the stairs then I follow him, throwing my kimono on to his bed in his room before opening the door to the bathroom, where he’s already in the shower. Steam is filling the air – well after I'm finished with my plan it’ll be a lot more steamier in here – I swear.


I open the glass door to the shower and step in as well, wrapping my arms around his marvelous torso. Surprised he turns around.

“What are you doing here?”

“Taking a shower?”


I take the soap out of his hand and start rubbing it over his body, starting with his arms, over his chest, stopping at the navel and ordering him to turn around. This well trained butt is just too delicious to look at and I can’t keep my hands off of him. After I cleaned everything to my satisfaction I make him turn around again. I get rid of the soap and place it where it belongs before I let my hands slip down his chest again, further down south.


He groans when I touch him.



After the really exhausting shower and Liz and me are both pruny to the bones we get ready to head out. We came up with the plan to take Cookie out of the city and walk a little bit. Nothing against it – I need to get out of the city anyway – Liz is driving.

We have a lot of fun and I'm really glad that she’s back.

“You know we aren’t that far from my parents house.”

((“You wanna go see them?”))

((“I don’t know I guess they already know about you and me…it’s just that I haven’t seen them in a long time.”))

((“Well I guess then it is a YES we go. Where to?”))

“Turn the next right and stay on that street for three miles then left and then we’re there.

She nods, starts the car and off we go. Well this isn’t exactly how I planned that but it is like it is. Even if they haven’t heard it yet from the media I’m sure that Isabel already told them…she always keeps them up to date on my life as I hardly do this.


Arriving at my parents house I’m not really surprised to see Alex’ car in front of the house and so I guess that Isabel is also here. Damn – I had hoped to talk to them at least alone – there goes that plan.


I look at Liz, she nods and I take her hand, leading her to the door and ringing the bell. Cookie is right next to my other side. Yes I do have a key but I don’t think that I should use it when everybody is here or what do you think? It’s too late anyway.
The door opens and it’s my mum, Cookie of course takes of running through the door right into the garden. I have no idea what it is with this dog but every time we’re here he just goes nuts.


She smiles and takes me into a hug.

“Hi Mum, how are you doing?”

((“Now that you’re here I'm doing fine and I take it this is Liz…”))

She turns to Liz smiling and starts talking right away I have no idea what she’s saying but knowing my Mum she’s the friendliest person. They shake hands and then we follow her into the house and on to the terrace where Dad, Alex and of course Isabel are sitting. I think I forgot to mention that she was royally pissed when I asked her to leave the other day – didn’t I? Knowing my sister she won’t talk to me at all today and – yeah here we go, she looks at me and turns away – ah sisters.

Dad stands up when he sees me and hugs me shortly.

((“How are you doing son? What a surprise to have you here.”))

((“Yeah we were in the neighborhood so to say, Dad I want you to meet Liz Parker – my girlfriend.”))

He turns to Liz, shaking her hand saying something like that it’s a pleasure meeting her and that he already wondered when he would meet her as they already have heard about her and me. Here we go.

((“Max do you want something to drink?”))

Mum asks me after touching my arm and getting my attention.

“Uh…coffee would be fine.”

She nods and asks Liz as well but I don’t see that anymore because I still have to greet Alex.

“Hey Alex.”

((“Hey man, how are you?”))

“Good, how are you?”


We both steal glances at Isabel, I know that he wants me to say I'm sorry for throwing her out of my house but no – no way – only because I'm the older one it’s always me who’s supposed to apologize – I also have my pride and this time I won’t be the one making the first step.
So instead of saying anything I sit down. Liz is still talking to my father, interpreting their body language I’d say that they’re having an interesting conversation.

Mum appears in the door again and carries a tray with cups, coffee pot, cream and sugar.

((“So how come you’re here Max? By the way did you get my email?”))

She ask before handing out the cups filled with coffee.

“Well Liz and me decided to get out of the city today and take a walk with Cookie. We weren’t that far away so I decided to come here, I hope we didn’t interrupt anything?”

((“Oh no, no way, we were actually talking about you.”))


I look at Isabel, who just crosses her arms even more in front of her body and looks even more pissed. Oh no sister-dear this won’t help you in any way.

Mum watches Isabel and me, she never liked us havening arguments but she also knows to better keep out of it. We’ll talk again eventually, so…

“Oh and about the email, I got it yes, thank you.”

((“Good, is Liz also coming?”))

“Go ask her Mum, I have no idea what her plans are for next month.”

((“What are you talking about?”))

Liz asks me after sitting down next to me. I know that my family is surprised that she talks in sign language – well it’s time they realize that she learned it for me. I’m proud of her because she’s already really good – the words you use often are perfect, other more difficult one take time, but she tries.

“My Mum wants to know if you’ll join me to my Dad’s birthday party next month.”

((“I would love to but I’m busy I guess.”))

She turns to my Mum and talks to her.

My Dad is trying to get my attention, I get up and follow him into the house into his office.

“What is it Dad?”

((“I just wanted to talk to you alone.”))

“Okay, well here I am.”

Why do I have the feeling that this will be about Liz and me? I sit down on the chair opposite of him and wait.

((“Isabel told me about you and Liz and besides that I got many calls from my clients if this is really my son dating Liz Parker.”))

((“Dad, if you also want to tell me that this relationship is a mistake I'm out of here – Isabel already did that so…”))

((“Max you should know me better, I don’t do that, I just want to make sure that you know what you’re getting into. If she’s the love of your life I’m happy for you – you know that. I just…I'm your father and I worry about you, still.”))

((“I appreciate that Dad but why can’t you guys just accept the fact that I need Liz? I know this is new and all but…I don’t…I don’t want to explain every time I meet someone why I am together with her? Nobody would ask me ‘why’ if she wouldn’t be an actress, then everybody would be happy for me. Know what I mean?”))

((“Yeah I guess I do.”))

He nods and watches me carefully.

((“So I guess she is the love of your life huh?”))

We smile at each other and I nod.

((“Yes, yes I guess she is…I mean…it’s amazing. I thought I loved Courtney back then and I'm sure I did, but this, this is so much more…I can only hope that this isn’t a dream and that I'll wake up and see that she never was mine. Can you believe it Dad she has hardly time, is busy as hell and still she found the time to learn sign language in a couple of weeks.”))

((“You must be very important to her then.”))


posted on 29-Oct-2001 8:05:24 AM

Part 34


I feel a little strange, I didn’t know that Max and Isabel aren’t on speaking terms after yesterday. His parents are wonderful although I have to admit that I'm fearing that his dad is talking to him right now about us.

“So Liz, tell me a little bit about you.”

Mrs. Evans smiles at me offering a piece of cake. Remember what Max has told me I'm wondering if this a family or a new recipe.

“Uhm what do you want to know Mrs. Evans.”

“First of all, call me Diane, Mrs. Evans makes me sound so old and I like to believe that I’m not that old yet.”

“Mum you aren’t old…”

Isabel smiles at her mother

“Just wise…”

Alex throws in we all start to laugh.

“It’s so nice that I can amuse you so much Alexander Whitman.”

“Sorry Mum it’s just.…sorry.”

Alex takes her hand into his and smiles at her warmly. Then the attention is again on me.

“Well…Mrs…uhm…Diane…I don’t know what you want to know.”

“Start with where you’re from. Were you born in California? Where are your parents? Do you have any siblings?”

“Mum…this isn’t an interrogation…sorry Liz, she always goes crazy when ever she meets new people.”

“Oh c’mon Isabel how often does Max bring someone here and especially if its his girlfriend. I mean it’s obviously serious if not he wouldn’t bring her here.”

Okay they might be talking now as if I would be in another room but what they’re saying makes me proud and I can feel this funny feeling in my stomach starting again. He wouldn’t bring me here if it wasn’t serious. I like that – oh yes – I like that.

“Well I was born in Roswell New Mexico, I don’t have any siblings and my parents are still living there. My family has a café there called ‘the Crashdown’ – cheesy I know but I like it. Unfortunately I haven’t been there since Christmas...but I hope I'll make it this year to Thanksgiving.”

“Yeah I know what you mean, Max is living only one hour away from us and still we hardly see him as he is so busy. So how did you get to know each other? I mean I know my son and I know that he hardly goes out and…well…”

I nod.

“I know what you mean, well actually, Maria, Michael Guerins girlfriend is my best friend and when Michael and she moved to LA into Max’ house I visited her and that’s the way we met.”

It’s really easy to talk to Diane, she seems to be a very nice person. Max and his Dad are finally coming back, laughing about something. I love his laugh and on a more personal note he should do it more often.


Max smiles at me, taking my hands when he sits down next to me again.


“I hope my Mum didn’t give you a hard time asking you one question after the other.”

((“NO, no she was the perfect…uhm…”))

now I don’t know the sign for hostess…

“…uhm hostess?!”

Max nods and shows me the sign for it.

((“She has been the perfect hostess.”))

I repeat smiling at him when he smiles a 1000 watt smile at me.

“That’ good Ma’, I wouldn’t want you to put Liz off now that I finally have her.”

He’s turning to his mother while talking but at same time taking my hand into his again. Sean never did that. Of course in the public he always made sure that everybody knew that I belonged to him and his hands were all over me but at home he hardly did that. I shouldn’t really think about stuff like that. Why do I care anyway? I have found Mr. Perfect and I’ll be damned if I ever let him go again.

We don’t stay that much longer because Max wants to go home, I think one other reason is also that Isabel is still not talking to him.

“Well Alex it was so nice seeing you again, maybe will meet more often from now on.”

I shake his hand but suddenly he pulls me into a hug.

“Oh most definitely Liz, I'll see you. As it seems like you’re already a part of this family – Diane and Philip don’t accept everybody especially Max concerning.”

Shock! This is the only expression I have in the moment, I AM SHOCKED! Is he saying what I think he is saying? I must be looking at him as if he has grown a second head but he nods at me reassuringly. I think I better…I better turn to Isabel and say goodbye to her before this whole thing gets even more embarrassing.

“Isabel, I know that you don’t really approve of this, but I can promise you that I have no intention of hurting Max, I need him.”

She doesn’t say anything so I walk up to Max who has Cookie at his collar – what has gotten into that dog by the way. There was no chance to calm him down while we were here.



The time runs by and before we know it Liz has to leave to go to London – London by all means – they first wanted to shoot the movie in New England but decided against it and now it’s London! I like London – I do but not if my girlfriend has to go there for at least three months, sure she’ll come home as often as possible and if my schedule allows it I will visit her but…that’s still far.
The last week has been amazing, there is no other word for it, it was so calming to be waking up next to her every morning, having her in my arms – I just don’t know how I’m supposed to get through this time until I can see her again.
What about the media? Well, we hardly left the house so – yes they were there, waiting and waiting but we had better stuff to do than to deal with them! If you know what I mean?!

Now we’re back at the airport.
Cupping her face with my hands I kiss her.

“And you take care of yourself okay? And don’t forget that I love you very much ‘kay?!”

“I love you too.”

Tears are welling up in her eyes and I have to swallow down the lump in my throat as well at least one of us should be strong.

“Are you wearing it?”

Lifting her left hand I can see that she Is really wearing my present I gave her yesterday.

“And you? Are you wearing mine?”

I nod and show her. This at least gives me the feeling that we belong together.
She looks up must be the call for her flight. We kiss a last time then she disappears into the gate, I wait, I want to see her until she…I don’t know disappears.

Suddenly she turns around.

((“I love you and I'll miss you.”))

She shows in sign, I feel my heart literally bursting.

((“I love you too and already miss you.”))

Suddenly I feel a presence next to me – damn Patrick. I had totally forgotten that he is here as well.

“Mr. Evans, I know that you can understand me if I just talk slowly is that right?”

“Yes Mr. McIntyre that is right.”

What does he want? I don’t have a good feeling about this.

“I want you to come to my office tomorrow, 9 a.m. if that’s okay and bring a translator, it might become a long meeting.”

Ha! I knew that I couldn’t trust this asshole. Liz hasn’t left the country yet and he’s already at my back!

Instead of driving home I decide to drive to Tess’ office, I need her help.


posted on 29-Oct-2001 8:05:49 AM

Part 35

Tess POV

I say goodbye to one of my new clients, a mother whose daughter was born deaf and is now one year old. Of course it’s hard to learn this but if you have no other choice it’s all you can do. Oh well…

Suddenly the door to my office opens and Max enters.

((“Max, I haven’t seen you in a while, how are you?”))

((“Fine how are you?”))

I give him a peck on the cheek before sitting down on my couch, he takes a seat right next to me.

((“What brings you here Max?”))

((“I need your help, I need a translator for tomorrow and I want someone I can trust.”))

((“When? Cuz my first appointment is at 11 a.m..”))

((“Oh we’ll be finished by then it’s at nine….please Tess?”))

Something tells be that Max is concerned and angry and also a little desperate all at once. I’m really starting to wonder what got him into this mood.

((“How about that, I’m finished now anyway you invite me for dinner and tell me what exactly happened and what this is all about okay? Or is this about Liz?”))

At least he smiles again – so I'm right it’s about Liz.

((“Yes it is about Liz – so let’s go.”))

I like Liz and I’m happy that Max has finally found somebody who’s able to get him out of this state of fear he is living in. I know that he still hasn’t fully accepted the situation, as often as he might ensure me that he’s doing fine – it’s just that I have seen a lot of people already who suddenly lost their ability to hear.

During dinner he tells me about this obnoxious manager of Liz, I remember that she has mentioned that name while we were talking but for some reason we always got back to better topics to talk about.

((“And you think that he wants you to stay away from here or something like that?”))
((“I don’t trust this man Tess, I don’t trust him at all….I know that he is coming up with some kind of plan to get something between me and Liz and I don’t even know what I did to deserve this.”))

((“Are you sure that you’re not overreacting?”))

((“Believe me Tess I want nothing more than to believe I do but I don’t know.”))

Suddenly for the first time I see the new jewelry.

((“What’s that? I’ve never seen it on you?”))

He smiles again – good – so I guess this reminds him of Liz. New love, man I can remember when I met Joey the first time.

((“Yeah Liz and me thought it would be a good idea to have something always with us that reminds us of each other.”))

I leave it like that – if he wants to tell me something he can do that, if not -well I'll find it out eventually.


The next morning I meet Max in front of the building we would have to go in. I follow him into the elevator and we go up to the tenth floor. ‘Sunlight management’ how clever! A fake blonde smiles at us and is sizing Max up and down – taken blondie!

“Hi my name is Tess Harding and this is Mister Maxwell Evans I guess Mister McIntyre is expecting us?”

I smile at her, she nods and mumbles something like that he’s already expecting us. Disappointment written all over her face when she realizes that Max is ‘the’ Max Evans who’s dating Liz Parker.
A man in his mid forties enters the room and walks straight at us – this must be him.

“Mr. Evans – so glad you could make it.”

Could this smile be anymore fake?


Max stares him into the eyes. Is it cold in here or what? Without saying another word this guy walks back into his office assuming that we would follow him and so we do. We take our seats across from Mr. McIntyre.

“Let’s get straight to business shall we?”

I start translating for Max and he only nods.

“I don’t like your relationship with Liz, it isn’t good for her and I want to know what I’ll have to do to at least ensure that her career won’t suffer while this thing is going on.”

“This thing? Excuse me Patrick if I have to disappoint you but first of all, not only is this ‘thing’ as you so friendly stated just beginning but Liz and me have every intention of making it last and then I would like to know how her career might suffer under this relationship?”

Max tries to stay calm but I can see the anger burning in his eyes – he’s ready to explode any second – those two must have a past. The way they hate each other – boy – everybody could see that.

“You’re deaf for gods sake. A Hollywood star can’t date a disabled person – although I have to admit that it would help to improve her image as it has suffered a lot during the last weeks – this gives her a Mother Theresa touch – if you know what I mean.”

I have a hard time believing what I hear – what an asshole but I promised to just play the translator and shut up. Max can handle this alone – I know he can.

“You don’t have to remind me of the fact that I’m deaf I’m reminded by it every day of my fucking life and I love Liz and she loves me. It’s not pity or charity and if it wouldn’t have been for you and your ridiculous opinion that she needed a rock star like Sean on her side her image would have never been suffering. Apart from the fact that she doesn’t care about her image – it’s time that you realize that she isn’t the same person anymore you wanted her to be. It’s over Patrick, Liz is a free and intelligent woman and either you face the fact that you’re only her manager and not her father or god or you better start looking for another client that will bring you as much money as she does.”

“Do you want to threaten me? What would you possibly do? Tell her? And then? She knows she owes me! She knows that she would have never made it without my help.”

“You wouldn’t have to want me at your back Patrick believe me, I might me deaf, I might me mysterious in some way but believe me I’m not dumb. And about your question if I’m going to tell Liz – no I won’t - you will. And if that’s all I'm going to leave now – I don’t need this. This is getting us no where.”

He turns to me signaling that he wants to leave. Without saying another word we leave. I’m speechless, not only by this ignorance of this idiot but because of what Max said and how – Never in my life have I ever heard him raise his voice towards somebody else but this man was aiming for it.

“Thank you Tess for coming with me.”

((“Anytime – I can’t believe that he is serious. Are you sure you don’t want to tell Liz?”))

((“Yes – I don’t want to be the reason that she gets even more problems with this asshole than she already does because of me.”))

At least he’s not planning on leaving her for Liz’ sake, I think if he said something like that I would have to shake him until I make him see reason again.

((“Well I’m glad that I was some kind of help for you. I guess I'll see you.”))

((“Yeah, yeah you will and thank you again for your help.”))



This idiot, god I really wish I could tell Liz what’s going on here, I mean she’s gone for one damn day and he already tries to come between us. Can this be anymore awful?

I decide to go into the shop for at least an hour, Rachel is in the house again and so I don’t have to worry about Cookie. To my surprise I can see Michael in the shop.


“Ciao…my friend.”

He looks relaxed, did I miss something? Since when are trips to Italy not exhausting?

“What are you doing here? When did you come back?”

((“Oh I just came back, don’t worry – you and me my friend we have to talk, later at home.”))

Great, just what I need! Another lecture about this relationship, why can’t they just all leave us alone? Cuz that would be too easy Maxwell, that’s why.


posted on 29-Oct-2001 8:06:22 AM

Part 36

Michael POV

Yes I am in a good mood in the moment but that doesn’t mean that I’m going to let him off the hook, no way…we have to talk and fast. I guess this was the only time that Max could be happy that he was deaf cuz if he wasn’t I would have called him as soon as I saw the first pictures of Liz and him. Yeah Italy also cares about Hollywood stars and let me tell you they show even more explicit pictures than in the States – Europe is much more liberal than the States.
He shows me the applications for Cassandra’s job, after setting up some appointments for interviews we head home. I’m tired, I'm jetlagged….I can tell you that but first I wanna know what’s going on.

((“So tell me Max.”))

((“What do you want to know?”))

((“You know what I am talking about – Liz – better you and Liz.”))

((“There’s nothing I can tell you that you haven’t figured out already. I love her Michael, as simple as that and neither you nor anybody else will get between us. Either accept it or don’t.”))

Are we in a bad mood suddenly?

((“I’m happy for you Max, as long as you tell me that you really know what you’re getting into, I mean…you know that the reporters are on your heals already, now guess how long it’ll take them to figure out that you’re deaf.”))

He stares at me and says through clenched teeth.

((“Why does everybody think that I’m naïve? I’m a grown up Michael and I can make my own decisions, I know what I got into and it’s my problem if the media finds out or not…you all make it sound as if it would be something bad or…or…a decease…it’s me who’s deaf and it’s my life that will be influenced by this not yours…I’m so sick of always explaining about my relationship with her…why can’t you just…”))

He stands up and I watch him, he seems pretty agitated…now he’s standing at the window, looking out, then he turns around

“…I love her Michael and she loves me too.”

Slowly I nod and stand up as well.

“Then my friend I’m happy for you. You two make a cute couple although I have to say that I’d prefer not to see pictures like that.”

Smirking I pull out a picture from an Italian tabloid. It shows Liz and Max at the beach, she’s sitting on his lap and they are kissing and both of them are looking quite…uh…let’s say…excited?!

“Holy cow…this was just three days ago, how did you get that?”

He snatches it out of my hand and stares at it.

“I told you, they have their cameras everywhere…I better get to bed now Maxwell…see you tomorrow.”



Go ahead and ask me what I did the last weeks? Go ahead! Shall I tell you? Nothing! Nothing at all it seems like ever since Liz has left she took my creativity with her. God – this is ridiculous. We’re in contact via email, unfortunately she doesn’t always have the time to write an email. It’s hard, I miss her and all those rumors about us and our relationship are also not the nicest.

Tomorrow is my fathers birthday party! Yeay – I haven’t talked to Isabel ever since I’ve thrown her out of my house. Pregnant or not I don’t care she’s the stubborn one – sorry! Of course I met with Alex several times for lunch he keeps me up to date on the pregnancy and everything else.

Before heading out to dinner with Michael and Maria I check my email again, it’s already in the middle of the night in England but I haven’t checked it for some hours so I just want to make sure that I get her email fast and can reply to it fast as well. Nothing! Hmm…for the third day. I hope that she is okay.

Opening the door of my room to go down stairs I run into someone – I know that smell – it’s unique, it’s mesmerizing.


“Hey handsome.”

I take her into my arms kissing her like a madman.

“Oh my god what are you doing here? How? Why?”

((“Well I have an invitation for tomorrow right? And they don’t need me for a week so…here I am…uhm surprise?!”))

“God I love you.”

I mumble before I close the distance again and fuse my lips to hers. Michael and Maria are soon forgotten when she starts pushing me back into my room, kicking the door shut and tearing my clothes from my body. I know we should take our time but it has been too long, there’s time for patience later – now I wanna feel her, I wanna be one with her, make sure that she’s really here and not some kind of fantasy.

We’re stumbling to the bed while nearly shredding our clothes on the way there. Finally arriving there we’re both naked and it still amazes me how she can love me, how she really can want me.

“I need you Max.”

Reading her lips I'm so willing and so ready to do and to give her whatever she wants me to.


I pull her against my body. Her hands are gliding over my body and we’re falling back onto the bed. Yes this is where I belong.


Later she sleeps in my arms, the moonlight is dancing over her delicate face. I could lie here forever and watch her. She’s moving slightly from her position in front of me with her back to my front - she turns around. Slowly I turn on to my back, pulling her even closer to my body. I take in the smell of her hair so that I can remember it when she’s gone again. I’m stroking her shoulder ever so slightly, I don’t want to wake her cuz I know that she must be very tired now.

Before closing my eyes again as well I mumble

“I love you Liz Parker.”


The next morning I wake up with the most beautiful sight I have ever seen in my whole life right next to me. Liz is still sleeping but the blanket is only covering her legs now, she’s facing towards me and I take in her beautiful body. She’s even thinner now than she was before she went to England. I don’t believe that it’s because of the English kitchen. I know that there are many jokes about English cooking but I’ve never had a real problem to find something to eat there whenever I was there. No I believe that she’s just working too hard and god knows if Patrick isn’t also playing a role in this. Thank god I haven’t seen him anymore and he left me alone but I know that he’ll never let it go. He’s an idiot.

Suddenly Liz opens her eyes.

“Good morning beautiful.”


A smile is on its way on to her face.

“Did you sleep well?”

“With you by my side I always sleep well.”

I chuckle a bit.

“Well that’s good to know cuz for some strange reason when ever you’re near me sleep evades me.”


“Don’t worry…it’s just that I can’t stop watching you, you’re too beautiful and I won’t have you for that long so I have to save up as many of those moments as I can…”

“You should have said something…”

“And disturb your much needed sleep? I might be selfish because I want you all for my own but I'm not that selfish to wake you up when you need that sleep.”

“You’re just too sweet.”

“Wanna take a bite and make sure?”

Next thing is a slight punch into my side.

“Oopmf…what was that for?”

“You think you’re so sexy Mr Evans don’t you?”

“Oh I know I am.”


posted on 29-Oct-2001 8:06:55 AM
Part 37

“So tell me again – how many people are expected to be at the party?”

Liz asks me on the way to my parents’ house. Daniel my chauffer is driving so that we both can drink a little bit – it’s a party after all.

“100? I don’t know for sure. For his 50ieth birthday it was like 200 people – it’s crazy, I know but my father knows a lot of people from playing golf, traveling, some kind of lawyer association or whatever. Don’t worry, if you don’t like it we won’t stay that long and I’m there with you, ‘kay? We’ll have a little fun and after that we leave again - promise.”

I start playing with her fingers, I’m just so happy that she’s here and going to my father’s birthday with me – this is important to me…so…I couldn’t be any more happier in the moment.
Arriving there an hour before the party is supposed to start I can see that we’re going to be the first – I like that.

“Max, Liz so glad you’re here.”

Mum opens the door and gives me a hug and a peck on the cheek.

“Hey mum – where’s my birthday-dad?”

((“He’s in the garden, go ahead.”))

But before I can move my mum also hugs Liz, which surprises her tremendously. Liz’ face is hilarious and I have a hard time to suppress my laughter.

“C’mon beautiful.”

I take her hand and lead her into the garden where my father is running around like a chicken that got his head cut off – and I always thought that only women would behave like that. Kidding!
I can see at least ten other women and men running around, making sure that everything is in place for the party. I haven’t mentioned that my parents are famous for their parties have I? Well they are!

“Hey Dad – Happy Birthday.”

I walk up to him, giving him a hug before I make place so that Liz can congratulate him. He also takes her into his arms giving her a hug. You just have to love my parents. I have no idea what they’re talking about but Liz and my father are laughing so I take this as another good sign.

“Here – that’s for you.”

“Thanks son, what is that?”

“You’ll have to unwrap it to find it out Dad – I’m not going to tell you.”

I put my arm again around Liz’ shoulder. It’s like addiction already, if I can’t touch her, I miss her – crazy I know but that’s just what it is like for me.
So about that present – you have to know that my father is a big Frank Sinatra fan and I managed to get my hands onto a special album that my father wanted to have for years but couldn’t find it. I paid like $500 on ebay for it but I know that he’ll like it.

He unwraps the present! I see his eyes getting bigger and bigger.

“Oh my god.”

((“Where did you find this Max? Oh my god.”))

He turns around and I guess that he’s calling for my mum – yep here she comes. She’s asking what the problem is and then looks as surprised as my father.

((“Where did you get this Max.”))

“Nuhu…I'm not going to tell you guys…just be happy that I found it, Happy Birthday Dad.”

He hugs me again and Liz as well. Then my parents walk away, I'm sure they still have a lot to do until the first guests show up.

“So how about I give you a tour of the house? You haven’t seen it yet have you?”


I smile at Liz and we enter the house again. After showing her like every possible room I finally arrive at my old room.

“And this is my old room. It still looks like it used to when I was still living here. After the accident I also spend some time here but soon decided that I have to get on with my life alone.”

She walks around, looking into the wardrobe and at picture which are still on the wall, while I sit down on my old bed and watch her.

“Not bad.”

She smiles after also inspecting my old bathroom that I had to share with Isabel.

“Yeah I know, I liked it.”

((“How old were you when you moved out?”))

She walks straight at me and sits down next to me.

“I left this house after high school and went to New York to attend a fashion school, then I traveled a lot. Michael and me had an apartment in New York, the same apartment he lived in until Maria and he moved here. I finished fashion school with 20 and after that I lived in London for a year, after that I was commuting between France, Italy and Spain a lot and then the accident happened. I came back here after they released me from the hospital and lived here for like – uh – four months. But I needed to learn to live on my own again, back then we also started to really make money out of it and more than I could have every dreamed of. So I bought my house and that’s where I am now.”

I feel her eyes on me, she looks kinda concerned.

“What is it Liz?”

“Nothing it’s just…you have already been through so much I…I guess I just feel stupid or…or…I don’t know…”

“There’s no reason for that okay?”

She slowly nods, then leans over and kisses me and before I realize what’s going on we’re lying on my bed – god I hope nobody decides to come up the stairs now.



So okay that wasn’t planned but I didn’t mind that quickie at all – it was – uh – hot and I needed that, I needed him, guys I never thought that I would say that one day but I missed him like the air that I breath and now that I'm here for at least one week I have to use every possible minute to be near him. We help each other dressing and looking presentable again.


He looks at me with a questioning look I nod, kiss him, take his hand and off we go. Judging from the noise I would say that a lot of people have already arrived. Yes – I was right the garden is full with people and I can feel their eyes on me…but I don’t really think that those people know who I mean – I mean c’mon the average age here is like 64?

“Liz, Max – there you are where have you been?”

Diane walks up to us when she sees us getting something to drink.

“I…uh…Max showed me around the house and I’m still al little jetlagged and we fell asleep on his bed – sorry about that.”

“No problem.”

She smiles at me and pats me on the shoulder before disappearing again – that was close.

“So what did she want?”

Max ask, taking a sip from his champagne – have I mentioned how adorable he looks today? He’s wearing black slacks and a white shirt, the top buttons open, exposing his marvelous chest with his tanned skin and the rippling muscles underneath it.

“She wanted to know where we were, I told her we fell asleep on your bed.”

Smirking he nods and before answering biting on his under lip.

“Well you didn’t lie about everything – we were sleeping that’s for sure.”


I slap him on the chest laughing which makes him smirk even more. Geez I love this smirk! I love this man!

“Hey you two.”

I see Alex and a very pregnant Isabel walking towards us.

“Hey you two…look at you Isabel you look fantastic!”

“Thanks for trying Liz, I’m so ready to have this baby.”

“I bet.”

I nod, it’s now that I realize that Max and Isabel are still not on talking terms again – how stubborn can you be?

“Don’t you think it’s time to talk again – I don’t really want to be the reason for this.”

I say looking at Max so that he can read my lips. I know that he prefers it that everybody just talks to him in public – I’m sure that a lot of people here now about his situation still he has asked me to do it.

Of course I don’t get any answer, only Alex is rolling his eyes, guiding Isabel to the nearest table so that she can sit down.

“So when are you due?”

“In three weeks.”

Lovingly she is rubbing her stomach.

“Would like to dance with me Liz?”

Alex suddenly jumps up – what? Oh I see.

“Sure I’d love to…”

turning to Max I tell him that Alex asked me to dance and so I let Alex lead me to the dance floor.

“Sorry I’m just so sick of this whole situation and maybe now they’re willing to talk.”

He explains to me.

“No explanation necessary Alex, I would have done the same thing…I didn’t even know that they were still refusing to talk…they’re both so stubborn.”

“You tell me…they’re twins, what do you expect?”

We both laugh and keep on dancing.

“You know Liz Parker you are so everything NOT what I have read in the newspapers about you that it’s really a pleasure to know you and I'm glad that you and Max are happy.”

He suddenly says and I feel my self blushing at his words. That’s a compliment I’m not used to.

“Thank you Alex – that’s kind of you and you’re also a very nice guy.”

He nods before swirling me around again.


posted on 29-Oct-2001 8:07:32 AM
R just a little

Part 38


Liz and Alex are dancing, I envy him, I really do – I would like to do that as well – I used to love dancing – it’s so freeing in some kind of way. Know what I mean? When I was younger, no…that’s not the right thing to say, when I still could hear I usually turned on the stereo whenever I felt the need to work off my frustrations or feelings in general I would dance. I’m a strange guy I know that, you don’t have to tell me.

Isabel is staring the table – she looks so beautiful. I wish…oh what the hell…


He head snaps up and a smile is starting at the corners of her mouth.

“I’m sorry Max, I shouldn’t have…I don’t know.…Liz is great and she really loves you and I'm just…”

Watching her I see that she’ll start to bawl any second so I take her into my arms as fast as possible.

“It’s okay Izzy, it’s okay.”

I hand her a tissue and after she has blown her nose I help her removing the messed up makeup.

Liz and Alex are coming back to our table.

“So is it save to assume that you two are talking again?”

I see Alex asking me, we both nod in union. Relief is written all over his and Liz’ face.

The rest of the night I spend introducing Liz to some of my father’s friends I also know and to other members of my family. Sometimes they ask her for an autograph but all in all I would say it is a great evening. Unfortunately Liz and me also drink a lot. At least I know that I don’t hold liquor very well so I know when to stop but I guess Liz doesn’t know or she doesn’t care…all I know is that I have to carry her to the car after saying goodbye to my parents. The whole drive home she sleeps with her head on my lap but the moment I open the door to the house she runs into the next bathroom. Here we go.


I slightly tap at the door, opening it. She’s still leaning over the toilet – my poor baby, well poor baby – she had to know that this would happen. I take a washcloth from the shelf and wet it, sitting down next to her I place it first in her neck and when she finally moves away from the toilet flushing it I turn her face towards me.

“Feeling better?”

She shakes her head slightly. I finish washing and cooling her face, take her into my arms and carry her up the steps into the bedroom. She’s too tired to get undressed herself so I take off her shoes and her dress and put her into bed.

“Sleep tight my love.”

I kiss her on the temple before switching the light off.


When I wake up in the morning Liz is just coming out of the bathroom looking like dead.

“Honey are you okay?”

Again only head shaking – okay so I guess this means ‘no’. Before climbing back into bed she slips into one of my shirts. Pitiable – next time I really should make sure that she doesn’t drink so much.
First thing after getting up is getting some Aspirin and water for her. Although she’s sleeping again I put it next to the bed before going down stairs.

Maria and Michael are sitting at the table – well Michael is, Maria is sitting on his lap.


“Morning, so how was the party? Where is Liz?”

Maria asks me before I have the chance to turn away and pour myself some coffee.

“They party was great and Liz is sleeping – she’s a very bad hangover so bear with her.”

“This girl just doesn’t know when to stop.”

Maria says before turning back to Michael.

I take a cup and get myself some coffee, I don’t feel so great myself but at least I don’t have a hangover.

((“We have news for you Max.”))

Michael tells me after I sit down at table as well. What now? Not what I think it is or is it? NO – he wouldn’t – he WOULD! I can see the ring on his finger.

((“I proposed to Maria yesterday and she said yes.”))

“Of course she did – she would be stupid not to. Congratulations you two.”

I get up and hug them both – man these are good news.

“That’s wonderful, so when will the wedding be?”

((“Not before next summer…we thought of August.”))

I nod, wow…

“Wow…that’s so great you guys. I’m so happy for you.”

I guess that also means that they’re going to move out again – oh well – I mean I’ve lived here alone already so I will survive that and I have Liz…so that isn’t the worst thing that could happen to me.

Later Michael and Maria are going to tell their parents the news about their engagement. I walk back up in to my room to see that Liz is still lying in bed but with her eyes open. I can only hope that I talk quiet enough…I don’t want to cause her anymore pain.

“Hey you…feeling better?”

“Yeah, thanks for the Aspirin.”


Now I see that she must have taken a shower because her hair is still wet.

“I’ve got news for you…Michael and Maria got engaged yesterday.”


She sits up very fast and holds her head a second later, bad move, bad idea.

“Shshsh…lie down again, they’re gone to meet their parents you can congratulate them later. Take it easy.”

I climb on to the bed again, taking my place right next to her. Liz is snuggling against me and I can feel her even breathing. This is nice.
For some reason I fall asleep again because when I wake up I can feel something or better someone kissing my chest. Huh?

“Uhm….Liz, what are you doing?”

“What does it look like?”

She says before returning to her task of driving me totally insane. Her hands are roaming over my torso, removing my shirt - okay I admit it – I don’t really try holding her back. Feeling her hand suddenly in my crotch I literally jump under her touch.

“Holy shit! Liiiz…”

So I love women who know what they want and if it’s me who they want – then hey – who am I to complain – right? This is unbelievable – how can you want someone so much that everything hurts and I mean everything.

“Liz, you’re driving me crazy.”

I moan. In the mean time she’s also removed my shorts and is now concentrating on the task at hand – or better in her hand – or – or…I better shut up now.

Seeing her like that does something to me it’s fascinating…and sexy at once and I can’t promise that I will hold out much longer if she keeps on doing what she’s doing in the moment.


posted on 29-Oct-2001 8:08:03 AM
R just a little again

Part 39

He’s sooo at my mercy and I love it but I have to be honest it’s also a great turn on for myself to see him like that. Head ache yes or no – I don’t care. After playing with him long enough and really torturing him I need to feel him, to taste him.

After making love we’re both lying there, spend and heaving but happy.

“Tell me something, where have you been for the last years when I was searching for someone like you?”

He asks laughing and turning to me, sweat covering his body, screaming for a bath or shower. I mean my shower earlier that day had been a waste of time but – oh well …who cares right?

“I could ask you the same question Mr. Evans.”

I could drown in his eyes and I swear I will one day. Lifting his hand I moves some strands out of my face before kissing me again. In comparison to our earlier kisses it’s gentle now and caring not demanding or rough.
Why do I have to leave again in four days? It's just not fair – not fair. Well I guess I'll have to make the best out of it. I know that I have some invitations for some premiers of movies and other stuff but I'm not planning on going there – only for the charity thing. This is important, I don’t think that Max will join me but I want to at least give him the option.


I ask him when I have his attention again.


“I wanted to ask you something and if you say no it’s fine with me okay? I just wanted you to give you the possibility to chose…”

“What is it? If you don’t ask me I can’t give you an answer.”

“Right. So…I have an invitation for a charity event and I wanted to know if you’d like to join me…I know that the press will be there and everything but we don’t have to talk to them or anything..I just…I don’t know.”

I shrug my shoulders. So the truth is I want to show the world how happy I am and what a wonderful and loving boyfriend I have, I want to show off – I want to be on his side and let everybody know that we belong together. I know that this is childish and maybe even selfish it’s just a thought I have. Still I can assure you guys that I won’t love him any less if he says no – he has already risked so much for me and it still amazes me that the media hasn’t found out about him yet.

Max is staring at the ceiling, what is he thinking? I wish I could read minds or something like that. Please don’t hate me my love.

“I…I don’t know, when is this?”

He looks at me again.




“I said okay, I’ll join you.”

“Omigod…Max I love you, I love you, I love you.”

“I love you too babe but if this is everything it takes to make you say it so often I guess I'll accompany you more often.”


The next evening I feel like a princess or I don’t know how to describe it – at peace? I dunno, the only thing I know is that I love the feeling of getting out of the car and having Max right next to me. Hand in hand we walk up to the doors. Of course there are a lot of reporters, TV teams etc…everybody and everything that has a name in the business.

“Miss Parker, this is ET may we talk to you for a little bit?”

I talked to Max before we came here and we settled on the fact that he’s just going to look good right next to me and won’t even try to answer questions that are thrown his way. I mean after all he doesn’t hear them anyway and I wouldn’t want to put him through the whole procedure trying to understand everything. If he changes his mind – okay but I don’t force him to do or say something. I'm still holding his hand when this woman is holding the microphone into my face.

“How important are those charity events for you?”

“Oh they are very important I think this is at least something you can always do…donate money and support them as much as possible, there are so many organizations out there that need our help. I’m always willing to help as much as I can.”

“This is the fist time that we see you two in public…in comparison to your relationship with Sean this is a big change, why?”

I know that Max has read her lips because he’s chuckling right next to me, he puts his arm around my waist pulling me even closer to himself…I like it when he claims his stake. What amazes me even more is the fact that he’s answering before I can get a word out.

“We kinda like keeping to ourselves and be only two people in this relationship.”

She must be as surprised by his comment as I am. Max Evans actually talked to the press? Whoo! I just have to watch the show tomorrow.

“So how important is charity to you Max?”

His eyes are slightly smaller, I can see that he’s concentrating on understanding her question, licking his lips before he answers I can only pray that he didn’t misunderstand the question.

“Charity is one of the most important things people can contribute to. So I always try to support as many charities as possible. And it’s not only about giving money or donating stuff – I for my part do more like helping out in some centers for example.”

He nods and pulls me away.

“So how was I?”

He smiles, I can feel it cuz his lips are touching my ear, knowing that the photographers are going crazy, I love this show we’re putting on. Geez I didn’t even know that I got myself such a perfect man. I turn to him, smirking



Oh no


Can you hear the enthusiasm in my voice.

“Mr. Evans.”

He nods to Max, surprised to see him here. Max isn’t even answering. Did I miss something?

“What are you doing here Patrick?”

“Oh please Liz, you know that I love those events and besides that I know that a lot of producers will be here who are eager to have you in their new movies.”

“I didn’t come here for business Patrick, I wanted to enjoy the evening and leave early.”

“Oh okay, if you think you’ll win your next Oscar that way then…”

So, he has a point there you know! Don’t look at me like that, I know that I have achieved a lot already but…uh…I don’t know I didn’t become an actress to give everything up with 25 – know what I mean? And I still have to get a good offer for my next movie so, I little ‘film-hunting’ if you want to put it that way wouldn’t harm. Or what do you think? No?! NO! Oh well you’re not here but I am.



Okay so this isn’t exactly how I had imagined that. Liz is talking with Patrick and some Hollywood producers about her next possible projects…great and Patrick is always smiling at me with this smug face of his – can you spell JERK?

Suddenly I feel a presence next to me – Sean. Great just great, just what I needed.
He’s talking very fast and I have no idea what he is saying.

“Will you calm down, I have no idea what you’re talking about but if this is about Liz I didn’t do anything it was you who chased her away so please leave me alone.”

He starts to build himself up in front of me. Sorry if I laugh but this guy wouldn’t want to fight me – I might not look like a violent ass – what he IS by the way but I haven’t learnt karate for nothing when I was in high school. The difference between him and me is that I can contain my temper and I would never hurt someone intentionally if it wasn’t for self-defense.

“You… if it wouldn’t have been for you and your stupid dresses she would have never left me. How did she pay for her dress? With Sex?”

This I could understand, he must be screaming cuz I can feel the eyes of everybody else on us…where the hell is Liz?

“Do you hear yourself? Do you have any idea what you’re saying? You attacked her, beat her up so that she needed to be stitched up and still she didn’t report you although everybody knew it was you! If anyone is to blame it’s you now get lost Sean.”

I feel someone grabbing my arm – Liz, she’s saying - no she’s screaming at Sean. I'm wondering what she’s saying cuz again I don’t understand a word.

”Let’s go.”

Is the first thing I understand again when she looks at me.

In the car she turns to me. I’m not sure if I want to talk to her right now – I’m a little confused to be quite honest.

((“I'm so sorry Max, I…I shouldn’t have left you alone and I didn’t know that Sean would show up and…I’m sorry.”))

“It’s okay Liz, really just promise me that if I ever accompany you again that you don’t leave me again okay? I felt a little lost in there and…”

Before I can finish my sentence she kisses me.

“I promise.”

She says after pulling away for a short time, then sealing her promise with another mind blowing kiss. Oh—okay forget the talking part will you?!


posted on 30-Oct-2001 8:21:56 AM

Part 40

I'm running down the corridor of the hospital, my sister gave birth to her baby…I received an email 30 minutes ago – Rebecca Diane Whitman. Didn’t I say that? Didn’t I say it’s going to be a girl? Yes I did!

I knock at the door although it really doesn’t make any difference for me and open the door. There I can see Isabel, Alex and Rebecca. The proud daddy is holding his tiny daughter.


I smile at my sister and hug her carefully.

“Congratulations you two…I'm so happy for you.”

((“You wanna hold her?”))

Isabel is beaming – they had been trying for a baby two years and now she is finally here. Alex hands me the tiny, squirming bundle.

“Hey Becky…this is your uncle Max…oh you’re so beautiful.”

I whisper at her, she has her eyes closed but she looks just like Isabel, the only difference is the dark hair that is already covering her head.

“She’s so tiny.”

I smile at them. Alex I sitting on his wife’s bed, proud like Oscar. My little sister is finally a mother on her own…hard to believe. When they first told me about the pregnancy I had to tease Alex after all we were talking about my little sister – though only by 10 minutes – who he got pregnant BUT as I said before it was just teasing. I’m so happy for them.

Later my parents and Alex’ parents also visit and I decide that it’s time to leave

At home I tell Maria and Michael everything before retreating to my room and sending Liz an email.

Hey my beautiful,

my sister got her baby today and it’s a girl. Her name is Rebecca Diane Whitman and she’s the cutest baby I have ever seen in my whole life – of course only until I’m a father of my own one day – I guess then this will change.
Uh…anyway – mother and baby are doing fine although the new daddy was a little green around the nose. LOL He was there while she was born and I guess he has earned a new insight when talking about having a big family. If everything is okay they might be allowed to go home tomorrow already.

So how are you doing? I hope you aren’t working too hard…is Brad still playing tricks on you? Tell him he should think about that again after all I could design his new suit to be very uncomfortable around special areas! ;)

Maria will be leaving again in two days to go on tour and Michael and me are busy with getting the new collection ready for the show in England after Thanksgiving. It’s like Murphy’s law don’t you think? I mean now you are in England and when you come back I have to go there – it’s just not fair. I’m sill carrying your bracelet by the way, I hope you do too.
Well that’s the news for today!

Love you and miss you!

*happy* Uncle *happy* Max

God I miss her, she’s gone for two weeks and I miss her so much, this is really crazy.



What a day, my feet are acing, I know, I know I shouldn’t complain but I was running and running and although I’m in good shape it’s something different if you have to run through the pouring rain and get back in the middle of the night to a lonely hotel room. Have I told you that I have a picture of me and Max standing at my bed – I do – as cornball as it sounds…it’s one of the pictures we took when he showed me how to handle the view camera. I’m standing behind him, arms around his torso, looking over his shoulder. His face is turned so that he can see me – for some reason I love this picture, well I love every picture of him.

My mum sent me an email some days ago with some picture of me and Max attached that she has found in the magazines. We were only at this one charity event but they must have taken thousand of pictures. It’s amazing.
Though I have to admit I love these pictures…we look good together. One picture is out of the ‘in & out’ section of a magazine and Max and me are definitely ‘in’. It says something about how we matched our clothes perfectly and that ‘Liz Parker doesn’t have to worry about ever being ‘out’ again while dating one of the most respected and talented designers.’ Yes I'm proud of being the girl next to Maxwell Evans on those pictures. Then of course she wrote that she invites me and Max for Thanksgiving because they all want to get to know him – finally. I think I must have really over done it with writing about Max in the emails to my family.
When Sean had attacked me my father and mother wanted to come to LA at once and I told them not to worry because I had somebody taking great care of me.

Oh well – shower – I need a shower now.

After feeling like a human again I decide to take a quick look at my emails. Maria, Mum, MAX…Max…

NO way ! Isabel got her baby ? How cute? Rebecca? So he was right! So he has a Becky now…Uncle Max?! Sometimes this guy cracks me up and I loooove it.

Hi handsome,

congratulations to Isabel and Alex and of course your family. Could you give me their number? I want to call them! So as it looks now you were right about the baby being a girl.

‘of course only until I’m a father of my own one day’ I read that over and over again. Could I imagine to be the mother of his baby one day? I mean, c’mon after all as it seems now there’s no reason that this relationship will be over soon or ever. The funny thing is – yes I could imagine that – our children would be beautiful. I know that this is really ridiculous to think about stuff like that, we’re together for two months now and I really shouldn’t think about stuff like that but I can’t change that. Max has changed everything for me. I never could imagine to get married and have children but now…yes…yes I want that one day with him.
Anyway, where am I?

Well Brad is a great guy you know that and he wouldn’t play the tricks on me if I weren’t doing the same with him, so I think his actions are justified. About working too much – I guess I don’t have a say in that. That is my job…today it had been raining the whole day and now I finally came home, cold, with aching feed and first thing I did was taking a shower. Now I feel better and with your email here I feel even better.
Of course do I carry your bracelet. As soon as I get all the attire off from the filming this is the first thing I put on again.
I miss you, it’s really lonely from time to time.

About your show here in England – although I may not film anymore I’m toying with the idea to come with you any way if you want me too. I don’t have anything planned for the first two weeks after Thanksgiving. By the way talking about Thanksgiving, my parents have invited you to come by. They want to get to know you. Now it’s up to you. Though you should know by now that I want you with me.

Love you,


Before going to bed I kiss my finger and place it on his face in the picture. This is crazy and somehow I’m fearing that one day there’ll be something terrible happening. I guess Max and me, we both have already learned our lesson, I can only hope and pray that everything will be fine and that we’ll be able to overcome any problems and obstacles thrown our way. I shouldn’t think like that, I know. Two more weeks and I’m home.



I blow my nose again, ever since this damn night in the rain I have a cold, which is turning in to a goddamned flu…the whole flight through I had to restrain myself to not throw up…go ahead and try that for a flight from England to LA – yeah – long time. Well at least I could sleep a little bit.
Pushing my trolley in front of me I keep my eyes open for Max – I know that he is here, I can feel him and then I can see him.


I whisper – he looks so damn good – yes I’m home. Speeding up my steps I’m finally in front of him.

“Hey beautiful.”

He smiles at me before he takes me into his arms.

“Oh my god how I missed that, how are you baby?”

He cups my face, concern written all over his face. I’ve written him that I’m ill.

“Now I’m fine, now that I’m home I’m fine.”

He smiles, nods and kisses me.

“Max you’ll get ill.”

I say after pushing him away.

“I don’t care – I really don’t care.”

Suddenly we’re interrupted by flashlights – great. Just what I need - NOT.

“C’mon I think we better go.”

He lets go of me and pushes the trolley in the direction of the exit. Daniel is already waiting there with the car.

“Go ahead…”

Max instructs me to get into the car because this stupid reporter has caused some attention – wonderful. In the car I have the feeling that I can finally breath again. Through the shadowed windows I can see Max and Daniel getting my luggage into the trunk, then he slides in right next to me.



I smile at him before snuggling into his waiting arms. This is good.


I sneeze again.


Max hands me some tissues.


Don’t get sick now Liz, please don’ get sick now – we’ll be home soon.



[ edited 1 time(s), last at 30-Oct-2001 8:31:02 AM ]
posted on 31-Oct-2001 8:33:01 AM

Part 41


First thing she does at home is getting sick – poor baby. I can so feel with her, a flu is annoying and it is especially annoying if you don’t have the time to cure. She’s pale and if you ask me, she has lost some weight.

“Liz? Do you want anything? Tea? Soup?”

I knock at the door and open it. She’s just rinsing her mouth, straightening up when she starts to sway.


I catch her before she hits the floor.

“MARIA! Call the doctor! Liz just fainted!”

I scream, carrying Liz into our bedroom. This is not how I had imagined her being home again. I take off her shoes and her blouse and trousers. Instead I put some sweat pants and a sweatshirt on her.

Maria is standing in the door with the phone in her hand babbling so that I don’t understand a word.

“Maria – calm down – tell the doctor that she has the flu and fainted I don’t think that it is something serious – just stress and the fact that she isn’t doing fine, I want him to come here and make sure that I’m right and that’s it.”

She nods and seems to calm down. Feeling Liz’ forehead I can feel that she has a fever.

“Oh baby, will get you back on your feet again soon.”

I walk into the bathroom fetching a bucket, two towels which I’m wettin in cold water, two dry towels and two plastic bags. Leg compresses always help when I have a fever.
When I’m finished she moves her head, placing a cold washcloth on her forehead I try to keep her calm.

”Shshsh…Liz baby, stay put, the doctor is on his way.”

I can see that she’s mumbling something but I have no idea what.

((“Stay with me please.”))

She finally says and who am I? You know that I could never say ‘No’ to her. So I take my place next to her, my arm around her, her head on my chest and this is exactly how Michael, Maria and the doctor find us 30 minutes later. The doctor is a friend of my father and I have known him ever since I can think I guess.

“Hey James.”

I slowly get up, trying to keep her sleeping.

“Hey Max, What happened?”

“She has had a cold for like two weeks, caused by working in the rain in England for one day and ever since she hasn’t been better and for two days now she’s also sick and she has fever – I guess it’s the whole stress and that her body really needs to recover again.”

“Well it seems like you have figured it out already huh?”


Maria POV

Max and the doc exchange knowing smiles then Max switches the light on and Liz starts moaning.

“My head…oh god.”

The doctor takes his seat next to Liz on the bed.

“Hello Miss Parker, I’m doctor Frederickson…I’m here to make sure that you’ll soon be feeling better again.”

She looks really ill – feverish and pale. Michael has left the room again, Max is standing at the end of the bed, arms crossed, concerned. It still amazes me how cute they are as a couple. They’re made or each other – I believe that. I also leave the room – this is Liz’ privacy, Max follows me.

“So…thanks for calling the doc.”

He smiles at me.

“No problem Max. She’s pretty much out of it huh?”

“Her fever is pretty high but I’m sure that with a lot of care and love she’ll be fine again.”

“Huh…you two are perfect together you know that? I…I really haven’t told you but I'm glad that you two hit it off eventually.”

“Thanks ‘ria.”

He hugs me and lets go of me when the doc joins us again.


“So…it looks like Max has been right, it’s just the flu and she hasn’t drunk enough for the last days so make sure she drinks enough and eats at least a soup from time to time and she should be fine again in some days…if not just give me a call.”

“Do you want me to get something at the drugstore for her?”

Max asks still concerned.

“Uh…no Max…you know me…as long as it isn’t serious I'm convinced that the old traditional stuff is more efficient and with the leg compresses you already did a pretty good job. Just make sure that she changes her clothes as soon as another sweat phase it’s over, same goes with the bed sheets and everything will be fine.”

“Okay, thanks James, just send me the bill.”

“Uh no…Max. Your money isn’t good for me, you know that and how often do I actually have the chance to examine Liz Parker?”

It's too funny cuz Max ears are turning from light pink into crimson red. We accompany him to the door and then Max heads into the kitchen preparing some tea and a light soup for Liz. I decide it’s better to leave him alone again and join Michael in the living room.


“Oh she’ll be fine, it’s just the flu.”


He nods.

“So when are we going to tell him?”

“That we’re moving out again before Christmas?”

I nod – I know that Michael still feels a little ashamed of the fact that Max had changed some things in his house so that we could move in some months ago and now we’re moving out again. But we’re getting married next summer and I want to live in my own house, as funny as it is but I'm sure Max and Liz also would appreciate more privacy.

“I dunno I had planned to talk to them both today, but now with Liz being ill, I dunno if that’s a good idea. I mean we even don’t know if Liz stays here – she never mentioned that she has stopped looking for a house and Max never really said that she has moved in here as well.”

“Michael you have to stop to worry so much, they’re both grown up people and have both lived alone already.”

“I know I just…now that we’ve spent some time here I finally realized how difficult life must be for Max alone. Just think what would have happened today with Liz and needing the doc if they had been alone?! Max and me stayed together in an apartment in New York but back then he could hear…what if he needs help? I have never thought about that before.”

“Michael I’m sure that he has figured something out already…you shouldn’t worry too much about that…Max is very capable of taking care of himself, Liz and his dog and then there’s still Daniel. Don’t get be wrong Spaceboy…I love living here, I don’t feel restricted or something like that it’s just. I want to start our marriage in a house of our own…is that so difficult to understand?”

Michael looks at me, his hands finding their way into my hair, pushing me closer.

“Nope. I understand, and I love you.”

We kiss – this is one of those moments I wish we’d be alone cuz I would just attack him here in the living room but with the possibility of Max walking in on us…uh…no.



It’s in the middle of the night and I can feel Liz shifting next to me, opening my eyes I see her stumbling towards the bathroom and I'm sure I would hear retching if I could.

Yup I'm right, she’s leaning over the toilet and the smell tells me all – I have no idea what she could be vomiting because there’s nothing in her stomach left. Again I take a washcloth and also a rubber band. Kneeling next to her I put her hair into a ponytail to get the hair out of her face. She has finally stopped and leans her forehead against the rim of the toilet.


Only head shaking, okay…so I decide to at least flush the toilet and clean up her face. She looks like death warmed over. God I wish I could take away her sickness – she has been in enough stress the last weeks, this isn’t something she needs now.

At least it looks like she’s not going to be sick again so I help her up, walking her over to the sink. There again she rinses her mouth and we go back into bed.
In bed she snuggles again up to me and we go back to sleep. My poor baby.


posted on 1-Nov-2001 7:51:45 AM

Part 42

The next morning when I get up she’s still sleeping and I decide to let her sleep as long as she wants – I take the cold tea down with me into the kitchen and boil water again for a new one. The newspaper is already lying on the table – and yeah there it is – great the picture of me fetching her at the airport yesterday. The headlines hardly change, that’s good I think because that shows that they have no idea what’s going on in this relationship and until now nobody has found out about me – but I know that they’ll eventually do.

Michael enters the room.



((“How is she doing?”))

“Well in the night she got up twice getting sick but now she’s sleeping.”

He nods, something is wrong.


With big eyes he looks up at me as if I had grown a second head or something.

“Is everything okay?”

Again only head nodding – okay something is very wrong, something stinks.

“Okay what is it?”

He lifts his hands, he wants to say something but then he lets them sink again.


I admonish him, I don’t need that, I have enough other stuff to worry about and I'm not willing to play little games to get my answers.

((“I have to tell you something Max.”))

“This I figured, what is it? It can’t be that bad?!”

((“Can we sit down and talk?”))

Well I could have been wrong about that ‘bad’ thing – I pour myself a cup of coffee and take a seat at the table – watching Michael until he speaks up again.

((“Maria and me, with our wedding coming up next summer, we…we’ll move out…we bought a Christmas…I mean we bought a house…I mean we bought a house and will move out before Christmas.”))

I nod – I didn’t expect anything else – admittedly – not so soon but that was obvious that this would happen.

“Congratulations – where is it?”

Okay now I must have grown a third and fourth head by the look on his face.

((“Max we’re going to start moving out next week.”))

((“I figured that out Michael – thanks for pointing it out again – so where is the house? Did you really think that I wouldn’t come up with that on my own? Of course are you moving out – you’re getting married for god’s sake.”))

((“Right…the house is five minutes from here – Frey Avenue.”))

“Nice region…and you’re moving out next week? Wow!”

So I admit it I'm a little afraid of being alone again. I mean in the moment I have Liz but she’ll be gone again soon for filming somewhere and then I'll be alone again and not only for some days or two weeks – no…longer – I like to have someone around me but I’ve lived alone and I'll be pretty capable of doing that again.

((“Max I want to make sure that you’re really fine with this…”))

“And what if not Michael? Would you not marry Maria? Of course is this okay with me, I expected nothing else to happen.”

((“But I don’t want you to leave like that, living alone again and all…”))


I say a little annoyed – but just a little bit and get up getting the cream out of the fridge. Whoever cooked this coffee didn’t pay attention.

“…I'm a grown up boy I can take care of my own pretty good. I’ve lived alone you know? And besides that I have Liz…”

Turning to him I can see that he wants to object but I don’t give him a chance to do so.

“True we haven’t talked about her living her but until now Liz hasn’t mentioned again that she wants to move out and as long as she isn’t saying anything I just assume that she will live with me – here in this house. And even if she decides to buy a house, I can live on my own. I did it before you came to LA and I will do it after you have moved out again. Don’t worry about me and besides that – you guys don’t live that far away so there shouldn’t be a problem. And I assume that you still will work with me in the studio so you’ll be here anyway…so…no need to sweat Michael.”

I take again a sip from my cup – yep that’s better – a lot better. Michael points to the boiling water.


I take the tea up into the room. To my surprise Liz is up.

“Hey good morning, how are you feeling?”


She tells me and sits up.

“That’s good to hear, I have some tea for you and some rusk.”

She smiles at me. I sit down next to her.

“Do you still have a fever?”

“I don’t know.”

Carefully I touch her forehead – no – no it feels normal again.

“Well you definitely feel normal again.”

“Thank you Dr. Evans.”

“Why Miss Parker if you can tease me like that you must be feeling better.”

We smile at each other before I kiss her on the forehead and get up again.

“I’m going to take a shower, I’ll have to go to the shop for an hour or so, do you need anything from the city? Magazine? Video? DVD?”

She just shakes her head.

“By the way Michael and Maria are moving out next week, they bought a house five minutes from here.”

I tell her while getting undressed in the bathroom. Just to make sure what her reaction is I glance into our bedroom again. Liz has put her cup down and stares at her hands. I don’t like this.


Startled she looks up but not into my eyes.

“Is everything okay with you?”

I walk up to her and sit down on the bed again.

“Max, I…this is a surprise…do you…do you want me to move out as well?”

Okay she must still have a fever or something cuz there’s no other explanation for me that she can come up with such a stupid idea.

“Why would I want you to move out? I love you Liz Parker! And if you haven’t realized that yet then I really have to improve my way of showing you.”

Taking her hand into mine I lift her chin with the other, making sure to have eye contact with her.

”I…I just thought that maybe a reason that I am allowed in this house is because I’m Maria’s best friend…and”

“Stop…stop right there Liz Parker…this has never been the reason. Got it? If you want to stay here and live with me then I would be a happy man. If you decide that you want to have your own house but we’re still together it’s also fine – I wouldn’t be as happy but I’d still love you as much as I do now…okay?”


“Fine…now, drink that tea and get well soon this flu isn’t good for you and the way of your thinking.”

I walk back to the bathroom and feel a pillow hitting my back.
When I turn around Liz still sits in the bed, the cup in her hands, biting her bottom lip. Pretending to be as innocent as a virgin. Yeah!!

“You.…you’re lucky that you’re ill but don’t think this is over.”

“Oh I count on that.”

Is her response and I can only smirk and shake my head. God how could I get so lucky?

posted on 2-Nov-2001 8:17:57 AM

Part 43


Time flew by again so fast and now Max and me are on our way to my parents in Roswell. Can you believe that? I’m finally going to introduce him to them – they know that he is deaf. Of course my parents were surprised by that but at least they didn’t doubt my judgment. I’m still not so good – better then when I arrived in LA two weeks ago but somehow this flu won’t go away. At least my nose isn’t running anymore, it’s only the stomach which is really bothering me. Oh well – I guess some real good Crashdown food will do wonder.

The drive from Albuquerque airport is uneventful – actually Max is sleeping he has been awake the last nights most of the time because of the show – he really needs those few days off.

Finally we arrive in Roswell and I park the car in front of my parents restaurant. Carefully I try shaking him awake.


He’s rubbing his eyes, still a little disoriented, then he looks at me.

((“We’re here, that’s it, that’s Roswell and this is the Crashdown.”))

I point to the sign in front of us. His face seems to lighten up.

“Wow…so…shall we?”


Before he has the chance to unbuckle the seatbelt I lean over and give him a kiss.

“What was that for?”

“Just because I love you.”

A satisfied nod is his reaction, then we finally get out of the car. I lock it, he takes my hand after coming to my side of the car. You really wouldn’t recognize us today as some Hollywood stars. He’s wearing worn blue jeans and a gray t-shirt, combined with sneakers. He recently got his hair cut, very short but I love it. And I’m not better. I'm wearing black jeans with sandals and a red top.

The doorbell announces our entrance and I can see the people gasping at us – yeah yeah – guess how long it’ll take until the whole town knows that I’m home.


My mother comes running at me from behind the counter.

“Hey Mum.”

I hug her.

“Oh my god – look at you, you’re so beautiful – and this must be him – “

she turns to Max before talking.

“Hallo Mr. Evans I'm Nancy, Liz’ mum. It’s such a pleasure to finally meet you.”

“The pleasure is all mine Mrs. Parker.”

He smiles a genuine smile at her and I can see all doubt leaving my Mum that he wouldn’t understand her.

“Call me Nancy.”

“Only if you call me Max.”

She nods happily. Now I can also see my Dad walking towards us.


“Hey sweety…oh it’s so good to have you back.”

He gives me a hug as well and kisses me on the top of my head. After letting go of me he turns towards Max as well.

“I’m Jeff Parker – nice to meet you Max.”

“Thanks for inviting me Mr. Parker.”

“Oh it’s Jeff.”


Max nods – well this went well.

“C’mon take a seat what do you want? The usual?”

My Mum is beaming at us.

“Uh – why don’t we give Max the chance to decide first what he wants but you could get us two cherry cokes.”

She nods and disappears again. Max and me take a seat in the last booth, facing towards the kitchen, this way we don’t have to see the people staring at us, we only feel them – if this makes any difference.

“So what are you recommending?”

“Hm…knowing your hunger and your taste…I would say…take the…what’s that? Mars Attacks menu?”

I read through the new stuff and actually Max settles on one of them – good so I can stick with my old stuff and can try from the new one. We order and then my Mum sits down across from us.

“So how was your flight? Everything okay?”

Max has his arm around my shoulder – it still must be quite boring if he only can understand when my mother is talking because he obviously can’t understand what I'm saying.

“So Max what is your family doing for Thanksgiving?”

She asks him.

“Uh well my sister and her husband just became parents one month ago so my parents will actually go to them and celebrate there.”

“Oh yes I remember that Liz told me about your sister. I’m really glad that you two are here – do you have any plans or…”

“I guess what we both really need is some distance from work and just relax.”

Max smiles at my Mum and she nods again.

“Well then you two are definitely right here – I prepared your room for you two if that’s okay:”

“Uh yeah.…”

I nod a little ashamed – sure they know that Max and me are sleeping together and everything still I feel a little stupid when my mother points something out like that.

“You’re not going to blush are you?”

Max is whispering into my ear after my Mum has left again.

“It’s just – I don’t like the idea that…”

I start to explain after turning towards him.

“…what? That they know that you have sex? That you love me? Are you a little inhibited after all Miss Parker?”

“I’ll show you inhibited Mr. Evans – you just wait and see.”

“Oh I definitely will.”

This dirty smirk of his – god he’ll be the dead of me one day. After eating, it’s actually my father who helps us to get settled in.

“Rest a bit or do whatever you want to, will be downstairs and if you need something just let me know.”

“Thanks Dad.”

Max is inspecting the room, looking out of my window – seeing my balcony, he steps out on it.

“You really love him don’t you?”

My father asks me while we’re both watching him.

“Yeah, yeah I do – this is more real than anything else I have ever felt Dad.”

“That’s good Lizzy. He seems like a really nice guy and if you’re willing to even learn sign language he must be worth the effort.”

“Oh he is dad – he really is.”

My father nods and leaves us alone. I close the door and follow Max outside onto my old balcony.

“This is beautiful Liz.”

Max is sitting in one of the chairs.


posted on 5-Nov-2001 8:05:51 AM

Part 44


This is perfect, romantic, idyllic – call it what ever you want to but this is exactly what Liz and me – what we both need to relax. The last days have been hard on me I don’t deny that but now Michael and me are finished and the only thing we have to worry about now is that the dresses and everything else will arrive in England save and right on time.

“Hey handsome – a penny for your thoughts.”

Liz sits down on my lap.

“What? My thoughts are only worth one penny?”

I know I shouldn’t be teasing her so much after all she’s still hasn’t fully recovered from her flu but she’s just such an easy target that it’s hard not to do it.

((“So how do you like it so far?”))

((“I love it Liz, this is so beautiful, I just can picture you sitting in this chair, the candles lid and you writing in to your diary.”))

((“I see you can remember…”))

She smiles at me and I can feel her starting to play with my hair. She doesn’t like the short hair – well that’s not entirely accurate – she likes it – finally – it’s just that you just have to get used to it. I decided that it was time to get a new haircut so…I surprised her with it. Closing her eyes she lies her head on my shoulder. She’s tired – I wish I knew what is wrong with her and if it won’t get better soon I'll drag her to a doctor myself.

“So tell me again, tomorrow we’ll go and fetch your grandma Claudia from the airport and in the evening we’ll have dinner – traditional Thanksgiving dinner.”

“Why is that surprising you so much??”

She asks me after lifting her head again, playing with the rim of my shirt.

”Oh I told you about my mum and cooking right?”


“Well the last Thanksgiving she wanted to try something new again – it was disgusting, the year before my parents were on vacation and the year before that I was ill – so after four years I'll finally have a turkey again.”

I can see the smirk on her face and I’m glad that I’m able to put it there.

“That explains everything Mr. Evans.”

“Good – how about we take a nap? You look tired babe and I for myself could need a little rest as well.”

“Sounds perfect.”

Slowly she stands up taking my hand and leading me back through the window into her room – I close the curtains, get rid of my shoes and jeans while she’s doing the same thing. Then we climb onto the bed and I place myself behind her – spooning. It amazes me how much we’re already in tune, even when we’re lying in bed our breathing is in tune.


Jeff POV

“So what do you think of him?”

I ask my wife. I for my part have given up on judging my daughter’s boyfriends – she wouldn’t listen to my any way so I have to rely on my wife’s judgment.

“I think he’s perfect – did you see how he always needed to touch her and vice versa? They are such a cute couple – I think he’s a keeper Jeff. I knew that Sean wasn’t good for her but Max is.”

“How can you say that? I mean you don’t know that guy?”

“Jeff – if you paid attention you would see the shining in her eyes and it’s only there because of him, he put it there and I have never seen her like that before. She really loves him and that although she never believed in love.”

“I…I guess I just want her still to be my little girl.”

“Jeff – she hasn’t been your little girl ever since she left for LA.”

“I know I just don’t want her to get hurt again.”

My wife comes over to the counter and puts her hands on top of mine.

“You know I just have the feeling that you don’t want to admit that he’s the right one for her. You know what Liz said, he took care of her so…give him a chance Jeff.”

“Fine…how about you, Liz, Max and me go out tonight?”

“Tonight? I don’t think that’s such a good idea…they both looked very tired.”

“So how am I supposed to get to know him?”

“You’ll have tomorrow, now stop complaining.”

With that she leaves me there with my thoughts about my daughter. Sure she is a star and everybody knows her but nobody knows her like we do – after all we’re still her parents. She’ll never be a star for me. I still see her walking around in the Crashdown, serving the customers in her uniform. Wondering if Max knows about it and what he’d think about it? Hm…definitely something to think about. That would be quite a surprise for him and fun for us all – I'll have to talk to Liz tomorrow about that. Nancy closes the restaurant and we head up into our apartment. There was no discussion if Liz and Max are going to stay in her room or if we would set up the guestroom for Max – Nancy just knew that they are inseparably. I really need to have a talk with Max. From man to man.



Well that nap certainly turned into sleep…looking at the clock it says 7.48 a.m. – Max is still sleeping right next to me. God I’m going to be sick again if I wouldn’t know it better I’d say I’m pregnant – but that’s impossible – the pill hasn’t failed me yet so – nah – I shouldn’t worry about that. I already had some flues like that so…no! After throwing up again and taking a shower I sneak out of the room as quiet as possible to not wake Max – he looks so adorable when he’s sleeping. His hair is tousled and you can see the shadow of the stubbles in his face. He’s lying on his stomach, face towards me, one arm under the pillow, the other bend in front of him. The blanket is merely covering his legs. I sometimes ask myself if he’s dreaming of the accident from time to time. We never really talked about it I mean of course he told me what happened but – you know – never really talked about how it felt and…and all that stuff I think I should know about.


“Dad – you startled me.”

“That wasn’t my intention – good morning.”


I smile at him then he takes me into his arms.

“So how did you sleep in your old bed?”

“Like a rock – and Max as well – I guess we really kinda needed that rest.”

“Well that’ what you’re here for right? To relax and spend some time with your family. Are you hungry? You look pretty thin – are you eating right?”


I whine, shouldn’t this be more the line of my Mom?

“Yes I’m eating it’s just this flu bug – I can’t get rid of it – can I have some tea?”

“Tea for the lady.”

He turns away and gets me a cup.

“Listen Liz I thought about something.”

“What Dad?”

I pull my legs up to my chest and lean my knees against the table. My parents always hated it when I was sitting at the table like that but old habits die hard – this is the way I always sat at my desk and even today I still sit like that so…

“I found your old uniform and I was wondering if – well if you’d still fit into it and if you did, you could surprise Max. I remember that you told us that he had a hard time believing that you really wore something like that.”

“Actually this is a great idea Dad…where is it? Maybe I can bring him his breakfast like that, that would be fun.”

And I’m thinking of some fun for myself as well as I know how fast you can get out of this thing but this is something I really shouldn’t tell my parents about.

“It’s in the living room – your tea madam.”

“Thanks – you’re the best Dad I have.”

“Oh I certainly hope so cuz I’m the only one.”

This is so old this game I don’t know how often we used to say that – anyway – I know that it’s getting late and that he has to start to work again.

”So it’s still set? You’re going to fetch Grandma at the airport at…”

“…at three sharp yes dad…I didn’t forget about that. How could I ever forget about Grandma Claudia…have fun and see ya later.”


posted on 5-Nov-2001 8:06:44 AM

Part 45


Uhm…good, I feel good, I feel rested, I feel alone…where the heck is she?


I rub my eyes and wait until they adjust to the light. Where am I? Oh right – Roswell – Liz’ parents, Thanksgiving – now I remember. And what is that smell? It smells delicious. I decide to go to the bathroom first before trying to find out what’s going on – I have a terrible taste in my mouth – where’s my toothbrush?
After brushing at least my teeth I walk back into the room and sit down on the bed again – she still isn’t here again so I think I better get dressed huh? Wouldn’t want to run in her parents like that.
In that moment the door opens and…OH…MY…GOD. Liz is wearing one of those ridiculous uniforms, carrying a tray with food, sitting it down on the bed.

((“Good morning mister, room service, we have toast, jelly, honey, bagles, coffee, cream and sugar – just like you ordered it.))

By now I’m really laughing my head off.

“Oh my god baby you look…”

…fantastic, sexy…erotic and ohhh…she’s not wearing anything underneath it. Food is overestimated anyway!

I know that I'm groaning – she sits down on my lap.

“Good morning Mr. Evans – how did you sleep?”


I can’t form a coherent sentence knowing the state of her dressing, the two top buttons of the dress are open and are exposing her braless breast.

“Good – are you feeling rested?”

Hell yeah!!!!! I only nod, staring again at her breast. Suddenly I can feel her finger under my chin lifting my face.

“I brought some breakfast for you but I guess you’re not really in the mood to eat something!”

HA! Oh baby I’m going to eat BUT not the breakfast. Now of course she also has to start moving her hips and I can’t stand it anymore.


Panting we are lying in bed, the breakfast forgotten – well what’s left of it you can’t imagine how much fun it can be to combine food and sex…yes there are no limits imposed on your fantasies.

“God I hope your parents are really working.”

I suddenly chuckle and I can see that Liz is laughing as well.

“And I hope that I’m the only one who ever saw you dressed or better not dressed like that.”

She turns onto her side, starting to circle my nipple with her one forefinger. I glance at her.

“Well…let me think…”


I grab her and fuse our lips together again. In comparison to our kisses just minutes ago this one is gentle and soft, caring and slow.

I have no idea how much time we spend in the bed I only know that next time I take a look at the watch it tells me that it’s already past one.

“Damn Liz, we have to get ready…we still have to get your Grandma.”

She turns towards the watch as well and suddenly she jumps out of the bed, I guess cursing and screaming. She disappears into the bathroom and I decide that I need a shower as well.

One hour later we’re speeding down the highway to the airport.

“Honey could you please slow down? I would like to live to celebrate my 27th birthday.”

But she isn’t listening, I know that she isn’t angry she had made that clear and her body language is telling me that as well but I know that her Grandma is very important for her and her opinion of me will be important as well. Sure I don’t want to leave a bad first impression but I can’t impress anybody if I’m lying dead at the side of the road. Know what I mean?

Of course we make it and the plane is late but I'm not going to complain – we want to relax and everything and honestly life is too precious to complain about spilled milk – I guess you know what I mean don’t you? That’s a lesson I have learned.

We’re waiting in the airport, sitting there, drinking a coffee – well I am Liz is again drinking tea – she’s still not really over the flu.

“People are staring at us.”

She says after making sure that I’m paying attention.

“Of course they are beautiful, this isn’t anything new or is it?”

“No…I’m just not in the mood for that today.”

“Well they don’t care, so smile.”

Ten minutes later the plane is finally there and we’re watching the people departing it. Suddenly Liz is jumping up and down like a little girl and I’m pretty sure that she’s saying something like ‘there she is, there she is’ or whatever.

I can see an older woman walking towards us and then Liz is in her arms. I’m just a spectator of the whole thing until Liz finally lets go of her Grandma and turns towards me again.

“This is Max Grandma Claudia. Max this is my Grandma Claudia Parker.”

“I’m pleased to meet you Mrs. Parker.”

I extend my hand but instead I find myself in her arms.

“Oh I have heard so much about you already Max, it’s so nice to met you. I hope I’m not talking too fast? And it’s Grandma Claudia.”

“No…no just fine.”

I stutter – geez – that was easy. I take her suitcase and we walk to the car. Of course I take my seat on the back seat – I'm sure the women have a lot to talk about and that way it’s easier. Do I feel left out? I’d lie if I’d say ‘no’ but I have no other choice and I think it’s really time to get used to it. I close my eyes and enjoy the New Mexican sun while Liz is driving home – with appropriate speed.



“Grandma I’m so happy that you’re here.”

“I’m happy that I’m here too honey bear – how are you doing? You look tired?”

“Well I had the flu and I’m still not well again and I had a lot of stress…”

I explain to her but I know that she won’t believe me so…why am I telling her that?

“If you say so.”

See – she doesn’t believe me.

“So…that’s the man who stole your heart huh?”

She looks over her shoulder. Through the rearview mirror I can see that Max has his sunglasses put on again but I can see that he has his eyes shut. I feel stupid that he can’t take part in this conversation but.…we can’t change it and I have to get used to this.

“Yes…yes he did…so first impression?”

“He’s perfect honey bear.”


Don’t ask me why but I feel totally giddy when she says that! Her judgment is so important for me you have no idea.


posted on 5-Nov-2001 8:07:28 AM

Part 46

The evening is wonderful – I finally get to see my family again and they get to know Max and although sometimes there are some misunderstandings it’s perfect. This is really how it’s supposed to be if you ask me.



“Max…can I talk to you for a minute?”

Jeff is suddenly standing in front of me out of nowhere, here it comes I have been waiting for that man to man talk ever since we got here. How do I know that? Please I have a sister!

I take my wine glass and follow him out of the door, we’re walking down the steps into the now empty Crashdown.

“Take a seat Max.”

He points to one of the booths. I sit down and wait for him to sit down as well.

“I guess you’re wondering what you’re doing here right?”

“No, not really, I have a sister Jeff, I know what this is about…”

We smile knowingly at each other.

“So how do you like it here?”

“Oh I love it…it’s so…relaxing and neat and…I don’t actually know how to describe it in words. I feel comfortable.”

“That’s good, Liz told me that you’re quite busy in the moment.”

“Oh yes, my partner and me are going to have a fashion show in England in three weeks and before we came here we had to get everything finished and ship it to England – so the last weeks were busy but now it’s okay again. I’m trying to fill up my batteries so to say here, no work, just fun.”

“That’s good…I think Liz also can use that.”

“Oh definitely the shooting in London got to her and her health, I wanted her to go to a doctor but she’s just so stubborn.…”

I shake my head and take a sip, he’s chuckling as much as I can see.

“Go figure, it’s either her way or no way.”

“Oh yes…I’ve noticed that…she’s a very independent and tough woman.”

“Yes she is.”

Now I’m waiting for him to say something else but he isn’t, so I decide that it’s better to get to the point.

“Listen Jeff, I know that you’re concerned about Liz, especially after what happened to her but I can promise you that I really love your daughter. She has captured my heart the minute she walked into my life and I’ll be damned if I ever hurt her or let her go.”

Nodding – well…that doesn’t really help me.

“That’s good to know Max cuz I know that Liz isn’t the easiest person, she has her own head, she can be very selfish at times and I just want her to have somebody next to her who will help her through anything that might come her way…and if it’s you than I’m more than happy.”

Why is it so easy to talk to him? Considering the fact that nearly everybody in LA wanted us to rethink our relationship again and everything it surprises me a little bit how accepting her family and friends here in Roswell are. Not that I’m complaining – mind you but it’s just so different.

We finish our glasses, Jeff is telling me several stories about Liz when she was a kid, a teenager, serving here in the Crashdown – and it’s good, it’s fun to talk to the man. I’m sure he has a pretty deep voice – which brings me back to Liz’ voice. What is her voice like? I don’t think that she has a typical Hollywood voice, I’m pretty sure that it’s special. Rough if needed, but also very soft. I’m crazy aren’t I? I mean I’ll never find out so…why care right? Ah forget it.


The next morning I wake up before Liz, she’s still sleeping, had too much to drink again last night. I don’t know if that was a really good idea because of her stomach and knowing that she can’t hold the liquor very well – well now it doesn’t matter anymore cuz …let’s put it this way…she got rid of everything in the middle of the night again…so she can’t get sick this morning cuz there’s nothing left in there.

Slowly I slide of the bed, making sure not to wake her, she looks so beautiful one of these days I’m going to draw her. What? Of course I can draw, hell I’m a designer and on the way to be one I also had a class, which taught me how to draw people. Slipping on my shirt I make my way out of the room. On the way into the kitchen I’m ruffling my hair, stretching afterwards. I can smell coffee, so somebody else is awake already.

“Good morning.”

I say when I see Grandma Claudia sitting at the table.

“Good morning Max.”

She smiles at me. I take a cup, pour myself some coffee, some cream and sit down at the table as well.

“So how did you sleep? How’s Liz?”

“Well…I guess she’ll have a hangover and she got sick in the night, so the night wasn’t as pleasant but I guess she’s fine now.”

“That’s good, how are you?”


“That’s good to hear. Sorry if I’m asking too many questions I’m just curious.”

“Oh don’t worry about it that’s fine.”

“So how did you like Thanksgiving? I know that my son gave you a hard time yesterday.”

I didn’t get everything but I think I know what she wants to know – I’ve become quite good in interpreting.

“It was great and about Jeff that was nothing, I was waiting for it honestly. I remember when my sister brought home her boyfriends for the first time it was always the same. My father would petrify them if necessary.”

Claudia is laughing, now I can see from which side of the family Liz got her laugh, it looks the same.

“Hopefully someone passed?”

“Oh yes, she has been married for five years now and Alex…well he is just perfect.”

“That’s nice…so…what are you going to do while, Nancy, Liz and me are going shopping?”

“I haven’t made up my mind yet – perhaps walk over to this UFO museum, I don’t know or just walk around a little bit.”

“So you are from LA?”

“Yes, yes I was born there, raised there, but after High School I went to New York and spend some time in France, England and Italy.”

“Wow that sounds pretty interesting, I remember when I went to Europe – I really liked it.”

“Yeah it’s beautiful.”

That moment Nancy decided to join us and we talked a little bit more.

Later Liz and her mum and grandma go shopping while I stay back, I remember that I brought a book with me. Do you have any idea how long I haven’t read a book? Must be years. Liz was better after getting up, she didn’t get sick so I think that’s good – maybe her stomach just needed that alcohol to kill the last germs. I know that this sounds stupid – I’m kidding duh! Honestly I don’t like her drinking so much, that can’t be healthy.



Okay so here I am in my former doctors office, I’m finally sick of this all – I want to feel better again, this can't go on like that, so let's face the music shall we?

“Miss Parker? Nice to see you again, please come in.”

Here we go.


posted on 7-Nov-2001 8:22:42 AM

Part 47

This waiting is unbearable – urgh – Doc Miller did all kinds of tests with me ‘just to make sure’. Yeah well – I mean I trust him, my mum also goes to him so – and she’s a very healthy person.

“Miss Parker – sorry that it took a little longer.”

“No problem doc.”

Do I want to know what he has to tell me? What if he tells me to go to a specialist? What if it’s something serious? What if…those questions have been bothering me for days…I was just hoping that it would get better again. Tomorrow we’ll be flying back to LA and then Max will leave to England…and the plan was that I’m going to join him…but what if?

“Miss Parker?”

“Huh? Oh sorry…I was just…never mind…so what is it doc?”

“Well as it looks like now, everything is okay but…”


“…congratulations Liz you’re pregnant!”

"Pregnant? How? I mean…I’m on the pill this is impossible, I can't be pregnant doc? I don't…I…”

“Miss Parker, all I can say is that you’re definitely pregnant, I would recommend to go to your gynecologist as soon as you get to LA to find out how far along you are – I would say you’re around the fifth or fourth week – is that possible?”

“Yes…yes…but…oh my god…I…got sick after drinking too much one day and…and…then…”

With a knowing smile he nods the head.

“Yes that explains it – if you have been sick before the pill could dissolve it wasn’t in your body anymore and couldn’t work – that would explain it.”

He looks at me, I don’t know what to think. A baby? Max’ baby – somehow to describe it that way makes me nervous, but happy nervous – I’m pregnant with Max’ baby.

Damn but we’re only together for two months, how could I have let this happen? I can't have a baby now, I’m going to start filming again soon and …what about Patrick? Oh my god…this is a mess.

“Well…uhm thank you doc, I guess I’ll have some thinking to do now.”

“I wish you all the luck you need Elisabeth and make that appointment with your doctor in LA.”

“I will thank you again.”

I leave the office and walk out into the sun – geez pregnant. What am I gonna tell Patrick? What am I gonna tell my parents? What am I gonna tell Maria or Michael? What am I gonna tell…Max?! I can't tell him now, no way, this is not what he needs and …and I’m so confused I…I…I have to think.



Ever since Liz has been back from the doc, where she finally went after I made her get an appointment, she has been awfully quiet. Of course she claims that there is nothing but who does she think she’s talking to? I don’t like that but I can't change it so I guess I’ll have to deal with it until she’s willing to talk to me. I’m more than concerned – understandable right?

Well we’re landing in LA soon and I can only hope that back home she’ll talk to me. It’ll be strange to come into a house with no Michael and Maria around anymore! They have moved out already, there’ll be a party soon in their new house not that I care in the moment I just wanted to mention that.

Why is everybody staring at me? Or are they staring Liz? No they are staring at me – definitely…what the f***…

“Oh DAMN Liz!”

I point to one of those tabloids that I see. The headline states : DEAF! The secret about Liz Parker’s boyfriend is revealed!

She follows my glace and I think I can see her gasping next to me – what now? Great?! Damn – What the hell is Patrick doing here?

“You – that’s your fault, do you have any idea what has been going on here ever since yesterday? Ever since they found out about you and your pathetic accident?”

He’s standing in front of me – what? Pathetic? Ever had the urge to kill someone – slowly – so very slowly? Well then you know what I feel in the moment.

“Excuse me?”

“You know what I’m talking about! You’re the center of attention suddenly, this isn’t good for Liz – besides the fact that this is harming her image!”

“You listen to me Patrick and you listen to me good – I won’t take anymore of your insults, got that? And about the image if I remember right it was you who said that it wouldn’t be so bad if the press found out about me because that would Liz give this Mother Theresa touch. I give a shit about you and your pathetic self got it? Get lost!”

I walk by him and can only hope that Liz is coming – uh no – she isn’t what the hell is she doing?


I scream, I have no idea how loud, I don’t care, everybody knows – oh my god – everybody knows! Turning around I’m suddenly surrounded by reporters – how could they…Patrick…he told them that we would be coming back today. They are all talking and holding up pats with questions for me – I have to get out of here and fast!


I shout again, this time I can’t see her anymore – where is she?

A hand – a feel a hand on my arm, turning I see that it’s Michael.

“C’mon Maxwell we have to get you out of here.”

He drags me through the mass of people towards the car, there I can see Liz together with Maria. She seems pissed – Liz seems pissed.

“Where the hell have you been? How could you leave me standing there like that?”

“You better be quiet Max, you didn’t tell me about Patrick.”

I’m sure she’s shouting as well – well who cares – I’m pissed as well.

“Is he my manager or yours? What does it take for you to figure out that he’s an asshole? What is wrong with you Liz? You’re not only not telling me what the doctor told you, you’re defending your pathetic jerk of a manager?!”

Before she can say anything more I feel Michael pushing me into the limousine, we’re followed by Liz and Maria. It is now that I realize that the photographers took a hell lot of picture while our fight. Damn!

“So how bad is it?”

I ask Michael – he knows what I’m talking about.

((“Well – the phone isn’t standing still if you want to know that and we had to close the shop because it was crowded with reporters that refused to leave. We called the police to get them out and then we closed.”))

“Great just great.”

I steal a glance at Liz, she’s staring out the window. What the hell is going on here? Why are we fighting? Why?

At my house I can see the dimensions of the newly found truth about me – they are besieging my home.

Getting out of the car I take a last look at the reporters.

“Michael call the police, get them off there.”

((“They don’t care Max, they’ll be back soon.”))

“Fine and I don’t care if I have to call the police every ten minutes got it?”

I take my bag out of the trunk and walk up into the house. Again my life is going to change – drastically – the last four years I was at least a normal human being for strangers and for people who didn’t know me good enough to know about my deafness, but now – now everything would change. How could this happen?

Maria is suddenly standing next to me.

“Max do you need us or…?”

“No it’s fine Maria, thanks for getting us at the airport – do you know by the way how they found out?”

“About your deafness?”

“No that Liz and me would come back today?”

“Patrick gave an interview yesterday and he mentioned that…he’s a jerk Max…he’s not worth to get into an argument with Liz. If something is you know where to find us, or send an SMS okay?”

“Okay – bye.”

I hug her and then she leaves. Walking into the living room Liz is standing at the window.

“Liz…could you please tell me what is going on here? Why are we fighting?”

She turns around, well I guess she’s still pissed.

“You really wanna know why? Because you haven’t been honest with me, you never told me that you talked to Patrick, you never…you never even mentioned it.”

“Yeah and do you know why? Because I told him that I wouldn’t do it and that I expect him to tell you but I knew he wouldn’t because he’s weak and false and a coward. I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want to be the reason that you and your manager get into a fight. I thought that maybe if I just shut up and be your boyfriend and don’t intervene with your job it’ll be fine obviously I was wrong cuz what Patrick did by telling everyone about me, although he doesn’t know me, changed my life forever and by the looks of it you’re on his side.”

By now I can feel the tears in my eyes – don’t cry Maxwell.

“I’m not on his side Max.”

She states matter-of-factly I can see it in her face.

“Yes you do…you left me standing there in the mass of reporters and you don’t see what he has done to me. Will it affect your career? I doubt that and even if it did – from now on you’re the Hollywood star who came down from her thrown to be with a deaf person…you might not look at it that way but the media Liz, the media will do it. From now on my life won’t be the same ever again – I won’t be Maxwell Evans - the designer again, no one will judge me by my work again – I will be the deaf boyfriend of Liz Parker who’s a designer.”

I watch her, biting on my bottom lip, this is so…not what I wanted this to be – I hate arguments and I hate to argue with Liz.

“So do you want to break up?”

What? Who said that?

I walk up to her as soon as possible and cup her face with my hands.

“No Liz, I don't cuz despite all of this I love you, I need you more than the air to breath I just want you to understand that from now on this relationship will be even more difficult at least until everything has settled down.”

Now a tear is streaming down her face, I catch it with one thumb and keep on looking into her eyes.

“I’m sorry Max I guess – I really didn’t realize how hard this will be on you and…and…I’m sorry that it is my fault…”

“Why would this be your fault?”

”Patrick is my mana…”

“Shshsh…don’t even say it okay? You’re not to blame if someone is to blame then it’s Patrick and him alone.”

I pull her into my arms, holding her – as if we wouldn’t have enough other problems in the moment.


posted on 7-Nov-2001 8:23:48 AM

Part 48


It’s night and we’re lying in bed, Max hasn’t said anything more about Patrick or about my visit at the doc – I still hear my Grandma You don’t look like you have the flu honey bear, I hope you know that you can call me whenever you need someone to talk to – but don’t worry Max seems like the perfect man for you and he’ll stay with you… Why do I have the feeling that she knows? Huh? I didn’t say anything really, I mean before telling her I would tell it Max? Right? Well…this isn’t entirely true I mean until now I haven’t told him and…and I have no idea how to tell him and…this is so…how could I be so dump? How could I let this happen? This is the question I'm asking myself over and over again.

I get up, take my journal out of the dresser and walk down into the living room. Cookie is following me, Max’ parents brought him over this evening.

“Hey buddy, how are you doing?”

He’s waging his tail a little bit but to me this dog looks like he can use some rest. I sit down on one of the couches and start writing, I write until my hand aches, I write until tears are streaming down my face, I write until there is nothing left to write about. How am I gonna get through this? I’m so afraid! I can't tell Max, not now, he has other things on his mind – after the show I’ll tell him, when we’re back in LA. Yeah I think this is a good idea.
First thing for tomorrow is to get this appointment at my current doctor.

Of course I also can’t forget what Max has said about Patrick and this whole thing – I’m fearing that he might be right that from now on everything will change and with me being pregnant – oh god – great all at once. Honestly I have no idea why I reacted the way I did at the airport. I can still see Max’ confusion when I wasn’t right besides him but I was shocked, glued to the place – I didn’t know about his and Patrick’s meeting and I guess my selfish and stubborn side made it’s way up to daylight again and I was pissed. I know I shouldn’t have been or at least I should have given him the chance to explain himself before starting to accuse him. I’ll talk to Patrick as soon as possible about this. What am I gonna go?
4.32 a.m. – great I have been sitting here for three hours, I think I should go back to bed.

The next morning Max isn’t lying in the bed anymore when I wake up – it’s five minutes to 7 where is he? Oh no not again – ‘baby we really have to talk about this morning sickness thing cuz this isn’t going to work out if I want to keep you a secret until I can tell your daddy.’ I mumble on my way to the bathroom.



“What do you mean they lost the shipment? THEY CAN'T LOSE THE SHIPMENT MICHAEL!”

This I great, great – wonderful – I wouldn’t be surprised if my house would stand on fire later that day. Not only can’t we open the shop, because there are still reporter, not only can't I take my dog for a walk because there are reporters as well…not only is somebody flooding my email account, not only are the reporters calling nonstop the offices, in LA, New York, London, Milan and Paris, not only do Liz and I have problems – NO they have to lose the damn shipment!

((“Maxwell, I can only tell you what Janice has told me, the shipment hasn’t arrived yet – maybe it’ll be there tomorrow.”))

“In your dreams Michael, damn, this is not what I need now – okay here’s what we gonna do – let’s assume the shipment will be there until the end of this week, then they still have the time to change the dresses to make them fit for the models, you’ll be flying to London as soon as possible and I’m going to change the dresses we still have here to make them at least as according to the sketches as possible. Furthermore you’re going to call our attorney, he shall look into the whole mess and if necessary sue.”

((“Max will you listen to yourself, you can’t change all the dresses on your own, we had like 40 dresses planned for the show – …”))

((“What else do you want to do Michael? We have no other choice, I’ll contact Marcus and Susan to come over and help me with the tailoring, I’ll work 24/7 if necessary, we can’t cancel the show Michael.”))

He only shakes his head and starts calling whom ever he needs to call. God this is a mess. I see Liz standing in the door.


Keep cool Max, this isn’t the time to argue again.

((“Hey what happened?”))

((“They lost our shipment of clothes, Michael is going to London as soon as possible, while I’m staying here and try to tailor the lost dresses again.”))

((“This is crazy – Max.”))

She touches my face with her hand and looks into my eyes.

“I know, I know but I have no other choice, besides all of this mess I want to at least control this, can you understand that?”

She nods her head and kisses me.

“How are you feeling today?”


“Good, that’s good, listen, could you perhaps look after Cookie while I’m working? I know that I won’t have a lot of time for you two the next two weeks, but I’ll swear to god that I’ll make it up to you after the show if you let me.”

“Sounds good, just promise me that you take a break cuz if you don’t I'll make sure you do, got it?”

“Yes Ma’am.”

I kiss her again.

“I love you.”

“I love you too Max.”



Now this isn’t exactly what we need, great – well I'm on my way to Patrick now, I have to talk to him.

“Miss Parker, so nice to see you again – Mr. McIntyre is in his office.”


I walk straight into the office where Patrick is one the phone but hangs up as soon as I stand in front of his desk.

“Mind telling me what you are doing Patrick?”

“What are you talking about Lizzy?”

“Don't you Lizzy me Patrick, are you crazy? What did you do to me? What did you do to Max? How did you come up with the stupid idea to tell the press that we come back? How did you come up with the idea to give an interview without asking me?”

“That’s easy Liz, I am the manager you are my client I can do what ever I want to do – got it?”

Oh you won’t be smiling much longer jerk – I’ll just wipe that smile off of your face – you’ll see.

“Well not anymore Patrick – you are fired and you better keep your mouth shut about anything that we ever talked about, you signed an agreement…”

See it’s gone! Vanished – adios!

“You can't fire me, you need me…”

“I need shit from you…I don’t need anything from you…goodbye Patrick.”

This asshole, I can’t believe this…argh…this is not what I need…okay Liz breath in, breath out, breath in, breath out…lawyer…I need to call my lawyer, when? On the way to the doctor – good idea…damn.

When I get home Max is working, what else and Maria is running through the house. What is she doing here?

“Maria what are you doing here?”

“Well, Michael is on his way to the airport and he asked me to help the others to get things done.”

“So I assume that shipment is still not in London?”

“Right but someone called and said that it might be on its way to Italy so it would at least be in Europe and not totally lost. Sorry chica, gotta run, why don’t you order something to eat for seven people?”

“Sure I can do that…”

The mere thought of food makes me sick but okay, I can do that.


posted on 8-Nov-2001 11:09:18 AM

Part 49


I have been working ever since this morning without a break and to my surprise we finished two dresses already…good thing that I hardly throw the stuff away or reuse it. Although my teachers always told me to reuse the stuff as often as possible if it won’t be a part of the finished product. What the hell…I can spend all the money on fabric I want, hell I design the fabric on my own so…I can smell food…mhm…Liz.

“Hey beautiful –“

She smiles at me but something is bothering her, something isn’t right, something hasn’t been right ever since we left Roswell but I don’t want to push her too much, if she doesn’t want to talk about it I have to accept that.

“Hey – I’ve got pizza for you guys.”

Marcus and Susan and Michelle, another friend of mine are attacking her – well no of course not but I know that they’re hungry. Liz hands out the pizza and brings one over to my desk.

“Uhm guys could you go eating in the kitchen? I wouldn’t want to smell the dresses like that.”

I shout – they know the rules.

“Why don’t we two – uhm go somewhere more private?”

I take her hand and we leave the studio – I need air – fresh air – so the garden is just perfect.

“You look tired baby, what is going on?”

I turn to her, wrapping my arms around her waist, trying to look into her eyes – I knew it – she can’t do the same. Something is so wrong. I lift her chin with one finger.

“Talk to me Liz – please.”

I beg – I know I’m a man for god’s sake but…I need this woman – I’m pathetic I know.
“I fired Patrick today.”

“You did what? Did I just understand you right? You fired Patrick?”

She nods her head ‘yes’ and finally looks me in the eyes, only short but…I can see tears.

“Oh baby I’m sorry, this is not what I wanted to happen.”

I mumble into her neck while holding her in my arms. She’s pushing me away gently.

“Don't say you are sorry Max, you couldn’t control him, I… it’s my fault that I was too blind to see what he was up to – I’m just so sorry that he…”

She isn’t continuing so I think it’s my time to say something again.

“So what now? What are you gonna do now?”

“I called my lawyer to make sure that Patrick shuts up…and then I arranged an appointment with a possible new manager – his name is Kyle Valenti – I met him at one of those parties but he seems like a nice guy.”

“Well that doesn’t sound too bad or does it – so when are you meeting this Kyle?”

“Tomorrow – I mean it’s good to be Liz Parker sometimes at least I always get an appointment.”

Now we’re smiling at each other.

“God I love your smile.”

I whisper before I kiss her gently.

“As much as I would like to do something else now I have to get back to work.”

I wiggle my eyebrows at her and she slaps me on the chest playfully.

((“Don't work too long, the dresses won’t get better if you fall asleep in the studio.”))

“I’ll try – luv ya.”

I turn around and walk back into the studio. Now I remember – food – ah nah – that’s overrated – I’m not that hungry.


I can see her running around in the studio like a chicken that got his head cut off. With raised eyebrows she’s standing in front of me.


“Listen Liz fired Patrick today and after yesterday and everything – I don’t feel so good about leaving Liz alone – could you perhaps – like talk with her or…or distract her a bit? I mean…”

“Max…I got it, I’ll do so…something else?”

“Well yeah maybe you can find out what the doctor said – she isn’t talking to me and I thought maybe it’s something female related – you know?”

I must be sounding like an idiot. But I mean it’s possible right? I mean I wouldn’t like to talk to Liz right away if I went to my doctor who’s telling me I have some illness or what ever male related. I think I better shut up now.

“So she finally went to the doc huh?”

“Yeah, so would you?”

“Yes, yes but I can tell you now Max that if she tells me something and then tells me to keep it a secret I will do so.”

“Yeah, I can understand that I was just hoping that just in case it is something serious you could convince her to finally talk to me, I’m worried but whenever I try to talk about it she just changes the topic and – tell her that she can trust me and…”

“I got it lover boy – you concentrate on your work now – cuz if you don’t the dresses won’t be finished and Michael has left me for nothing got it?”

“You’re the best.”

“Yeah – I know that.”

I give her a hug before she disappears through the door and walks across the lawn into the house. This is all so confusing and there isn’t any time to think about it.

Maria POV

“You know girl that you are so lucky.”


Liz is sitting at the table in the kitchen drinking tea and looking at me like I just came from out of space.

“Your boyfriend is the sweetest thing I have ever seen in my whole life, not even Michael is so sweet.”

“Why? Wha…what happened?”

I take a seat across from her after pouring myself a cup of tea as well.

“He asked me to come over and distract you, he told me about Patrick and he told me that you finally went to the doc, is there something you want to share with the class Miss Parker.”


Staring at the cup again – yeah sure there is something.

“Girlfriend, how long do you know me?”

“For eight years?”

“Right and how often did you manage to keep a secret from Maria?”

She seem like she is really thinking well I’m going to make that easy.

“Never chica, so now spill it but I'll leave the choice up to you what you want to talk about first – Patrick or doc?”

We are staring into each others eyes, she’s really having an internal battle.

“I fired Patrick today after what he did to Max and me and I have an appointment with Kyle Valenti tomorrow to be my new manager.”

“Kyle wow – he’s a nice guy – so why now? I mean, I so like always told you that Patrick is a jerk.”

“I know – I guess I just was too…too stubborn to admit that, you know me Maria.”

“Yeah I do…so let’s hope that this won’t get dirty and that Kyle won’t be such a pain in the a$$ - so…now…about the doc…spill it…btw. Max is very concerned about you, he’s already thinking that it might be something female related and that you don’t want to talk about it because you’re ashamed or whatever and he wants you to know that you can talk to him about everything. Isn’t that adorable? I mean Michael wouldn’t even think that far.”

“He really said that?”

Now she is smiling, putting the cup down.

“Believe me Liz, this man loves you from the bottom of his heart so don’t make him suffer by keeping secrets, especially if it’s something concerning your health, he’ll find it out either now or later so…”


posted on 14-Nov-2001 8:42:29 AM

Part 50

“I…I’m planning on telling him just not now…I mean he is busy enough and I don’t want him to worry to much about me…”

“But don’t you see that he is already worried so give the man a break and tell him what the problem is…I mean Liz I can understand if you don’t want to tell me cuz you think that Max should be the only one to know about it but…please…tell him.”

I put my hand on her hand – I mean I see those two – they are a cute couple and if they can master the media and stupid managers they should also be able to master what ever secrets Liz has.

“I…I don’t want to have any secrets I mean I know that you’ll find out eventually so…I just thought if I tell him after the show it’s early enough.”

“I don’t think so…Liz Max he’s…”

…but before I can finish my sentences she interrupts me.

“I’m pregnant.”

Okay…I’m speechless, for the first time in my life I’m speechless. I can feel myself shaking my head – I want to say something but for some reason my voice isn’t cooperating.

“You’re WHAT?”

“I’m pregnant Maria, and…and I have no idea what I’m gonna do.”

Now she looks up at me, she’s crying – oh my god. This…this…I don’t know if I should be happy for her and Max or if I should join her crying.

“But how - I thought you were on the pill?”

“I was I just forgot that I threw up after the party at Max’ parents and eventually I threw the pill up as well and…well that morning we…”

“TMI – girl…I …wow…so…you’re like how far along?”

“Fifth week.”

“Wow…Liz you have to tell Max.”

“But I don’t know what to tell him I mean…I…I love him and everything but a baby? That’s too early Maria.”

“You’re not thinking about abortion Liz are you?”

“No, no I’m going to have this baby it’s just – the timing sucks and what if Max doesn’t want this baby? I mean I couldn’t even blame him, I mean I was the one behaving like an idiot when meeting him and he was everything but unfriendly to me and then we finally started over again and…and…and we have this wonderful relationship…I have never felt so good in a relationship Maria…and…and he has enough stuff to worry about in the moment and…what am I gonna do?”

Now she’s crying nonstop. I just take her into my arms, trying to sooth her at least a little bit.

“Liz I…okay I admit that this is early but I’m sure that Max won’t leave you, he’ll love you and he’ll love this baby…it’s going to be okay.”

But instead of the soothing effect she cries even more – waterworks nonstop.

“Oh Liz…”

I hold her in my arms until she calms down again at least a bit.

“What am I gonna do Maria?”

She blows her nose and looks at me through red, puffy eyes.

“Tell him, tell him about your fears but don’t keep this a secret Liz – you both have enough coming your way so be as honest as possible with each other. If he knows the reason for you being sick all the time I'm sure he’ll be relieved and happy.”

“You really think he’ll be happy?”

“Oh chica how can you even doubt that? Now we gonna have to make up a plan how you’re going to break the news to him…”

Getting into my famous Maria-mode Liz and me start to make up a plan how and when Liz should break the news to Max.

“It has to be before you go to Kyle tomorrow cuz as your possible new manager he has to know that you’re pregnant but you wouldn’t want him to know before Max does do you?”





It’s nearly 12 in the night and I should really keep on working but I have been working nonstop since this morning at eight and my eyes are burning, my fingers are hurting – I should really go to bed. Switching off the light I make my way over to the house. The lights are on but I don’t believe that Liz is still awake. Cookie comes to the door when he sees me.

“Hey buddy, how are you doin’? Did Liz take good care of you? Mhm?”

He jumps around and is happy to see me – ah yes home, this is home – ridiculous to say that considering that I was only at the other end of the garden but I always try to keep business out of this house as much as possible – for stuff like that I have the studio and the office in the city.

“Good night Cookie, see ya tomorrow.”

I kneel down and pat him a little bit before walking up the stairs. Carefully I open the door to the bed room. And sure enough Liz is sleeping although the light is still on, must have fallen asleep while reading – yep there is a book. I don’t want to wake her so I take the book out of her hand as slowly as possible and place it on the table. I can't keep my eyes off of her – she’s amazing – I’m still asking myself from time to time how she can love me. Before switching her light of I kiss her on her forehead.

“Night beautiful sweet dreams, I love you.”

Then I go into the bathroom to take a shower – I need that now – my muscles are stiff and the hot water is feeling so good. After that I put on my shorts and lie down as well. As soon as I’m settled I feel Liz moving, she snuggles into my side and I have to smirk, this is perfect. Sometimes we’re really already behaving like a married couple. I’m not saying that I’m going to ask her to marry me soon although I have to admit that I have already toyed with the idea but I think it’s just too early. Okay that’s a lie – truth is – I want to go to one of my favorite jewelry stores in England, so this has to wait until after the show in London and then of course I need the guts to do it.


I feel something wet on my chest…what the he…Liz. Opening my eyes I can see her laying open mouth kisses on my chest.

“Well that took you long enough to wake up.”

She smiles at me and keeps on kissing me, down to my navel, further down. Geez…

“How…how long have…have you been uh trying…”

What is she doing?

“At least two minutes, when did you come to bed?”

She looks up again before continuing her torment on my nerves. Is that a hand I feel in my shorts? Shit it is! God – help me. For some reason my voice isn’t cooperating and I can only swallow once, twice…

“Uh Liz, what are you doing?”

“You don't like it?”

I close my eyes when I feel her trying to get the shorts off of me. How can she even ask? I love it!

“You…uhm…must be feeling better again if you ah…”

What was it I wanted to say? Forget it okay? Just forget it.

Suddenly she sits up, straddling my hips, pulling the shirt over her head – she’s naked, no panties, nothing – I like this way of waking up! I really like it.

“So you’re fine?”

I ask her before attacking her naked breasts with my lips. Is she nodding her head? I think she is.

“So I don't need to worry about you?”

“No, not exactly.”

I look into her eyes, drawing small circles on her back.


“Max…I can assure you that I’m fine and I’ll tell you everything you need to know but not now…”

Okay, message received and understood and by the way her hand is again on its way down south so…I totally have to agree with her.


I pull her close to me and kiss her fiercely, the kiss is passionate right from the beginning and I can feel her moving her hips, she’s driving me crazy with her movement – oh god. I can’t stand it not to be one with her – I need her – NOW! I gently lift her up and let her sink down on me again. Our movements at first are slow and demanding – do you have any idea what it means to lose track of time? Well whenever we make love that’s exactly what happens to me – I get lost, I lose myself in her – she’s the only thing that counts. Screw the media, stupid managers, screw them all – I have everything I need here in my arms, and the most amazing thing is that she loves me. So why should I worry about all this other crap! Excuse me for a moment will you?!


posted on 14-Nov-2001 8:42:50 AM

Part 51


That was WOW – I mean that was really WOW like…WOW…I have no other word to describe it I mean…WOW…I woke up this morning with this…uhm…lust…are that my hormones going crazy already? I mean if this is another possibility besides getting sick in the morning getting horny I surely choose the second option especially with a man like Max. I have no idea how he does that, Sean never cared if I was right there with him to experience an orgasm together it was coincident if it happened – but Max– he’s so willing…so…I have no words for that.
The clock on the nightstand says 7.59 a.m. at exactly 8 a.m. Maria will set our little plan into motion – it’s not crazy or much that we have planned I just don’t want to tell Max something like ‘Oh by the way Max, I’m pregnant, congrats you’re going to be a daddy in eight months’ no that’s not Liz-like.

“Where are you going?”

I ask Max when he suddenly gets up, he can't leave now.

“Uh I was intending to take a shower I guess the one from yesterday night has lost its effect after uhm…you woke me up.”

He smiles at me and then starts nibbling at my neck but getting up again. I grasp his hand.

“Oh Max can’t you just stay a little bit longer?”

I need to keep him in here – 8.03 a.m. where the hell is Maria?

“As much as I wish but…”

Thank god the door opens and Cookie comes in carrying something in his mouth. I don’t know how he knows that the dog is in the room cuz he surely can’t have heard the door.

“Cookie, what are you doing here? How did you come in here? I thought I had closed the door.”

Max stands up, putting on his shorts and walking up to Cookie who is standing at the door, wagging his tail at his master.

“What cha got there buddy huh? You know you shouldn’t chew on anything that’s not your toy.”

Cookie is refusing to give him that special ‘something’ – it’s a priceless picture.

“Give it Cookie! Do you have any idea what he has?”

He turns to me.

“No idea.”

I shake my head, okay that was a lie but…geez Maria surely knows how to treat that dog.

“Cookie, stop that give it!”

Max says in a very ordering voice and suddenly Cookie let’s go of his ‘toy’ and lies down – his head between his paws watching his master innocently.

“What the hell is that?”

Max walks up to the bed again and sits down.

“That looks like a pair of booties but I can’t remember that Isabel left some here.”

I can see confusion written all over his face – shall I?

“Liz do you…?”

He turns to me I must have written it all over my face because he suddenly turns very pale – oh my god he doesn’t want it.

“Oh my god you’re pregnant.”

I nod slowly – the next thing I know is that I find myself in his arms.

“Oh my god Liz we’re going to have a baby.”

He kisses me all over my face until he settles on my lips.

“You are not angry?”

I ask him after he gives me a chance to breath again.

“How could you even think that Liz? I mean sure that is a little early and unexpected but…we created a new life Liz…I’m going to be a daddy…god I love you.”

It is now for the first time that I feel really happy ever since I found out about this pregnancy and I’m relieved.

“I love you too Max…I do.”

“I just, how…I mean I thought you were on the pill?”

He suddenly asks but without any kind of accusation in his voice.

“Well remember after your father’s birthday party when I threw up in the morning…”

He nods and smiles knowingly. His one hand is cupping my face and he is stroking my cheek lovingly.

“So that means you’re five weeks along…”

I nod…


I can feel his hands moving to my still flat tummy, what is he doing? He leans down and…oh my god he starts talking to our baby.

“Hey baby, it’s daddy, you know that you got me worried about what you did to mommy – I just want to let you know that I already love you very much and can’t wait until you’re here.”

He kisses my tummy, raises again and kisses me.

“You know that you’re a total lunatic.”

“Yeah but I’m a happy one who’s going to be a daddy.”

He looks at the clock again and sighs.

“And as much as I would like to stay with you three I have to get going…but I’m going to take those with me.”

He holds the booties up, places them on the chair next to the door and disappears into the bathroom. I let myself fall back on the bed, that went well – yes this was great I…I can’t believe that he is happy. I pick up my cell phone and call Maria who should be at home right now again.

”So spill it chica.”

She picks up – caller ID sucks sometimes.

“He knows, he’s happy, oh Maria he even talked to my tummy and kissed it and…he’s so perfect and thank you so much Maria.”

“It’s alright Liz don’t start crying again okay? So when do you have the appointment with Kyle?”

“At ten.”

“Fine then why don’t we meet somewhere and we could go shopping…you like the idea?”

“I love the idea…I’ll call you as soon as I’m finished is that okay?”

“Perfect, talk to you later.”



I shut the phone off and decide to join Max in the shower – the other’s won’t care if he comes one hour later – they know what they have to do and we have to celebrate.


“Miss Parker, Mr. Valenti is waiting for you.”

Kyle Valenti’s secretary smiles at me and leads me into the office of my possible new manager.

”Liz – I’m so happy to see you again. How are you?”

He’s a tall guy with light brown hair and friendly eyes – he looks more like the guy from next door than the intimidating manager that he is.

“I’m fine Kyle thanks for getting me in so soon.”

“No problem – so what brings you here?”

“I fired my manager yesterday we had some irreconcilable differences about what his job is and I desperately need a new manager and your name was the first that came to my mind.”

“Wow – I feel honored – so you are actually asking me to be your new manager?”


“Oh by the way, where are my manners? Do you want something to drink? Coffee? Tea?”

“Tea would be fine.”

After ordering tea for us via the intercom he looks at me again.

“So…excuse me if I’m asking I’m just a bit curious why did you fire him exactly? It doesn’t happen often that someone as famous as you just fired their manager.”

“He couldn’t accept my relationship to Max Evans because he’s deaf as you might know already. He always wanted me to date famous people who shared the same spotlight but not the same interests if you want to put it that way…I just…if you have a problem with the fact that Max is deaf then I…”

“Liz first thing…that is your private life okay? Second – I think that you know the best what is good for you and third it isn’t my job to promote Liz Parker the girlfriend but Liz Parker the actress okay? And by the way I like Mr. Evans’ work, I sure hope that you’ll introduce us one day.”

I nod and simile, that sound good – that sounds perfect. I think I have a new manager. The tea arrives.

“So what do you think?”

“I think I would feel really honored to be your manager…”

I interrupt him before her says anything more.

“There is one thing I have to tell you though…I’m pregnant.”

“Well congratulations, how far along are you?”

“Beginning second month.”

“So…do you want to film during the first months of your pregnancy?”

“Well I have signed a contract for a movie by an German producer, shooting begins after New Year here in L.A. but after that I just want to enjoy the wonders of pregnancy if you want to put it that way…promote the movie and that’s it.”

“That’s good and do you want the press to know?”

“No – Max and me are planning to tell the news our families on Christmas so until then I would like to keep it a secret if possible.”

“Fine…So why don’t you give me the number of your former manager and of your lawyer and I will prepare everything so that you only have to sign the contract.”

“Sounds good – thank you so much.”

“No problem Liz.”


posted on 14-Nov-2001 8:43:10 AM

Part 52

There is no way that I can concentrate after those news – geez – I’m going to be a father and you wanna know what bothers me the most? I don’t have the time to really think about it now – well I shouldn’t - this is crazy. I mean sure this is unexpected and maybe too early but we can’t change it and…and…I just can't wait for that baby to be born. In a matter of some months my life changed so much it’s unbelievable.

I feel someone shaking my arm.


“Where are you with your thoughts Max? We have to hurry up.”

Susan stands in front of me.

“I…I’m sorry Susan I just – forget it okay? So where are we?”

I have no idea for how long we’re working but the next time I take a look at the watch it’s dark outside and it says 1.04 a.m. – wonderful that’s why I feel so tired and exhausted.

“Why don’t you guys go home and try to get some sleep.”

I turn to my three helpers – where would I be without them? You know a good thing? Because of this mess with the dresses I don’t leave the house so I don't have to worry about the media.

“You promise you’ll go to bed as well?”

Susan smiles at me.

“Yeah, yeah I’ll head straight up – promise.”

“Okay then see you tomorrow Max.”

“See ya.”

Five dresses are finished and my plane to London leaves in 12 days…oh boy.

Suddenly I can feel a draught, I turn around…


She is standing at the door, only wearing a shirt, tousled hair.

((“When are you coming to bed?”))

“I just wanted to finish up and…how are you doing?”

((“I’m fine but you don't look so great.”))

“Why thank you Miss Parker you sure know how to give compliments.”

I wrap my arms around her waste, leaning my forehead against hers.

“I’ve missed you the whole day…”

“I missed you too.”

“…and I’m sorry that I can’t really celebrate those great news but I swear to make it up to you after the show, I swear.”

“You don't have to be sorry Max, it’s not like you’re missing out on a lot in the moment, besides me puking.”

“Well missing you is enough…so how was your meeting with Kyle?”

I mumble while nipping at her neck before raising again, seeing her dark eyes.

“It went good, he wants to be my new manager and he already said that he won’t care about my private life, even better he thinks you’re a very talented guy, if I wasn’t mistaken he was wearing one of your suits.”

“Well then he has to be a great guy – he has taste at least.”

I let my hand slip down her back and to the front, carefully and gently, I lift her shirt, letting my hands roam over her flat tummy.

“God Liz this is like a miracle, you’re pregnant. Our baby is growing inside of you.”

I whisper in awe. Yup that is exactly what I am – in awe. This petite woman has changed my life so much and she makes my dreams come true. I kiss her tummy again before straightening up, cupping her face with my hands and kissing her slowly.

“I love you Liz Parker and don’t you ever doubt that again got that?”

I can feel her nodding as I have my eyes still closed.

“C’mon let’s go to bed.”

I take her hand and we walk in silence to the house, smiling at each other.
While I’m undressing I’m telling her what I thought about when I had the time.

“I thought that maybe we should take the guestroom across from my room and turn it into the babies room.”

Throwing the shirt onto the chair, turning around, I see her sitting in the bed smirking.


((“Why Mr. Evans, it seems like you had a lot of time to think about that already.”))

“I…I just…well…”

Scratching my head I make my way up to the bed, climb on it as well and lie down.

“Don't you think it’s a good idea?”

((“I think it’s a fabulous idea.”))


12 days later

Ah…London…and like always when I come it’s raining. Oh well – tears of joy – kidding – but honestly I like England although I’ll never get how they can drive on the other side of the street but okay – who am I to complain right?
The dresses finally arrived two days ago – great right? Now that I have retailored every single damn dress – oh well – we’ll be able to sell them, I’m sure – ever since we have established our name Michael and I never had a problem getting rid of our collection.

((“So you guys actually own a house here in London?”))

Liz watched me – her morning sickness is slowly vanishing, that’s good I think and for some reason I think she’s glowing. Call me crazy but – she is – really.

“Yes in Notting Hill why?”

((“So you actually have a house here and I had to stay in a hotel when I shot my movie here?”))

“Honestly I wasn’t thinking that far back then – will you forgive me?”

I hold her hand in mine – thank god Maria is with Michael in the other car.

“Maybe I will Mr. Evans but you surely deserve to be punished.”

“Uhh…I like that.”

I smile at her. So this is true – maybe it’s also my imagination but ever since her morning sickness isn’t as bad as it used to be anymore she’s more…uhm…let’s put it that way…demanding? If you know what I mean? Not that I’m complaining – I could never complain about that – hell she is the most attractive woman I have ever seen in my whole life and I can promise you that I have seen plenty.


I mumble when we’re approaching the house – English paparazzi are even worse than the others – and they know that I’d bring Liz.
Uhu there we go the storm of flashlight.


((“So you two are really planning to attend one of those English night shows?”))

Michael asks Maria and Liz during dinner – this is so nice to finally have time to spend with my friends again and really enjoy the dinner.

“Tell them Michael – they won’t listen to me, Kyle also thinks that it might not be such a good idea.”

Liz is given me ‘the’ look – you know this look don’t you?

“Honey I’m just saying that I don’t think that’s a good idea – they are ruthless – not all but some of them and…you don’t need that added stress.”

((“Max I know that you’re concerned but I’m not an invalid…I can take care of myself.”))

I look straight onto her eyes only a fast movement next to me brings me out of our staring contest. It’s Michael.

((“Excuse me, do you want to tell me something?”))

Oh he doesn’t know? I thought he did? I thought that Maria…oh well but if he would he would have said something already. I look at Maria.

“Nuhu this is your thing to tell him not mine.”

Now it’s Liz and me watching Michael.

“Well…uhm…we’re having a baby. Liz is pregnant.”

I tell him – taking Liz’ hand in mine.

“Holy cow!”


posted on 14-Nov-2001 8:43:27 AM

Part 53

Michael POV

I think I must be dreaming or something they didn’t just tell me that Liz is pregnant did they?

“How? I mean why? I mean WHAT?!”

“Calm down Spaceboy – you can’t change it anyway.”

Maria smiles at me.

“And you knew about that?”

I ask her a little bit pissed and surprised.

“Well yeah…”

Max is watching our conversation, I guess he knows what we’re talking about.

“Listen Michael, I’m happy that it happened, I mean sure it’s a little unexpected but…Liz and I – we love each other and does it matter if it happens now or in one year?”

((“You two are unbelievable – that’s just – I have no idea if I should congratulate you or be angry at you for being so irresponsible.”))

“Michael – it was an accident – and a happy one if I may say so.”

Max smiles at me, I think it’s been a long time, very long times that I have seen him that happy.

“Well then, congrats you two…this is…really a surprise…when are you due?”

I turn to Liz.

“At the end of August…BUT before you say anything Max and I we already talked about your wedding and you’re going through with it got that? I promised to be a good girl and stay off my feet on that day only doing whatever I need to do.”

“You’ve got everything planned out huh?”

“You can say that.”

Max now smiles at me.

“I thought we could use a vacation and with you two getting married in August and the baby being born in August why don’t we take that long needed vacation from July till end of September? That way you can concentrate on the wedding, enjoy your honeymoon, get back and settled in before we start working again in October and that would give us or better me the chance to be there for Liz the last weeks of the pregnancy, be there when the baby is born and also get settled in and used to the family addition?”

He really has everything planned out but if you ask me, this plan sounds great I mean with all the stress we had with this collection I will need that anyway…I mean I know myself and Max we always have ideas for new dresses and even when we’re on vacation we’re drawing so it’s not like everything will stand still – we’ll work.

((“Sounds good to me if you ask me.”))


We enjoy the rest of our dinner, afterwards Max and Liz leave to go to the hotel the show will be held in…he wants to show her around and I think they want to be alone…well I can relate to that.

“So still shocked?”

Maria sits down on my lap, facing me, wrapping her arms around my neck.

“You can say that…god how can they be so…so…”

“So happy? I sure hope you weren’t intending to say irresponsible again cuz it was an accident really…it’s not like they didn’t use protection…it’s just…”

“So I guess Maria DeLuca knows the whole story huh?”

“You know I always do!”

She kisses me on the nose and works her way down to my lips.

“So what (kiss) is this (kiss) about a new (kiss) manager?”

Longer kiss.

“Oh right (kiss), Liz finally (lick) fired that asshole (bite) and Kyle Valenti (nibble) is her new (kiss) manager.”

“Really? (bite) I like that guy he’s great (lick – kiss) – I worked with him once – one of his models was modeling for us.”

She has her eyes closed while I’m nibbling at her earlobe.



I mimic her and earn a slap on my chest.

“Humpf. What was that for?”

“You know that…so is he really that great?”

“He is…don’t worry. Liz is in great hands…”

Uhh…wrong words I should get this picture out of my head. Darn!



((“So you think Michael has calmed down?”))

Liz and me are sitting in the lobby of the hotel the show will be in, I have shown her around and we decided to stay at the bar and drink something – nonalcoholic of course. They mix the best nonalcoholic cocktails here – I swear.

“I guess – he will eventually I mean, he can’t change it and…yup that’s it.”

She nods and takes another sip from her drink. When she looks up again she frowns.


Without moving her mouth only showing in sign she says.

((“There’s a photographer taking pictures of us.”))

((“Did you expect anything else? Who cares anyway, they know that I’m deaf, they know that we’re together if we just can keep the other ‘thing’ a secret until after Christmas we’ll be fine.”))

((“I guess you’re right…so…you really don’t want me to do this show with Maria right?”))

“Right I would feel a lot more comfortable if you wouldn’t do it – please Liz? I know that I wasn’t the best boyfriend the last 12 days but give me a chance, the show is in two days and after that I’ll be there – only for you – I want to enjoy my time with you in London.”

I take her hand in mine – if he wants some juicy pictures than he shall have them. No that’s not the main reason I’m doing that. The main reason is Liz – I need her touch, I'm yearning for it whenever she isn’t near me.


“Michael – I'll take my lunch break now – see ya later!”

I shout through the room so that Michael knows I’m going to leave now - you know what is ridiculous? Michael has hired a bodyguard for me – duh – I’m not a supermodel or a superstar but he thinks that I will need him. Of course Mister Muscle has no idea how to handle me, he treats me like an invalid. His name is Mortimer – I’m NOT kidding! Great name isn’t it? Anyway, the jewelry store is only two blocks from here so I think I’m going to walk – uh – NOT – geez where did all those paparazzi come from? So where is the car.

“Mortimer could you please take me to the car, I need to get to a store.”

He only nods – isn’t that cute so actually I’m happy that he isn’t talking but I have problem to understand British people. Don't laugh at me but because they talk differently from us Americans it’s sometimes hard for me to understand them. I mean – if I pay enough attention and concentrate it’s fine – it’s just hard sometimes. Ah the car.

“Where – do – you – want – to – go - Mister – Evans?”

Mortimer asks me, pronouncing every single word clearly, he’s cute isn’t he? Kidding!

“Thompson and son, it’s only two block down the left.”

He nods and starts driving. Arriving there I tell him to wait in the car but that it also might take a little bit.

I enter the shop and – Caroline is working, smiling at me as soon as she sees me.

“Max, what a pleasure, you’re back in London.”

She gives me a hug and I hug her back, so okay we have been an item – once – way back – I met her the first year I spend in London but we figured out that we were better off as friends than as lovers.


posted on 14-Nov-2001 8:43:52 AM

Part 54

“Caroline – how are you?”

“Oh I’m fine, fine – I got married last year.”

She shows me her ring. Not bad – a diamond.

“Wow – to… what was his name? Ryan?”


“Well congratulations.”

“So what brings you here? I’m sure you didn’t come her to make some small talk.”

“Well that’s right I need a ring.”

“A special ring?”

We smile at each other, is it that obvious that I’m deliriously happy?

“An engagement ring.”

“For that actress? Liz Parker? Wow I didn’t know it’s that serious – I just read about you two the first time one month ago.”

“Well…I can assure you that we know each other longer than one month.”

“Obviously you wouldn’t want to marry her if not. So what are you looking for?”

“Uh – that’s where it gets difficult, I want something plain, still beautiful. Not too fancy just – suitable.”

Does this make any sense? I guess it does because Caroline nods knowingly – I don’t even want to know how many times she has heard that kind of description of a ring. Of course I’m also sure that there are costumers who are asking for the most expensive or the heaviest or the biggest ring! Know what I mean? But this isn’t what it’s about for me…are you following me?

“Okay let me show you some rings and then you can tell me what you think, how about that?”


Can you believe that? It took me one hour to find a ring and then 20 more minutes to decide what I want them to engrave and an hour more until it was finished – darn. Oh well I’m not planning on buying another engagement ring ever in my life so – this is okay.
Michael of course thinks otherwise he comes running at me as soon as I enter the hall.

((“Where the hell have you been Maxwell? I was worried! Nobody knew where you went I need your help.”))

“Calm down Michael, what is it with you? You have never been that excited.”

((“This is all so crazy what has been happening the last weeks I guess I just really need that break.”))

“Yeah I guess you do – now clam down – what is it that you wanted to show me?”

I follow him and we both keep on working with the models until every single dress fits as it is supposed to, then we both watch them going through the whole show and I think this will work out just perfectly. I have tried to not think about the fact that people won’t pay attention to my dresses anymore now that they know nearly everything about me – I guess I’ll just have to wait and see – going crazy about that stuff won’t help me and I can't change it now – but I'm already thinking about what I could do IF they don't pay attention anymore. Let’s not talk about that.

((“Oh and Wolfgang and Jette have invited us over for dinner in three days if that’s okay.”))

“I assume you’re talking about the Joop family right?”

Michael nods his head and takes a sip from his beer.

“Good, good – I like them, Wolfgang is a little strange but I like them.”

((“You only think he’s strange because he hit on you.”))

Michael is always teasing me about that – hey is it my problem that this guy is interested in both directions? Nooo and I never gave him any reason to do so. Anyway, I think I better should get home I still have something to do. And tomorrow will be a hell of a day.

“Well…I think I’m going home are you coming with me?”

((“Uh no, Maria is coming over, we want to go clubbing.”))

“Before a show? Man you’re brave.”

((“Yeah as if you would get any sleep tonight – Max I have already spend two nights with you guys under one roof with only a bathroom between us I know that you aren’t sleeping at night.”))

So okay I guess my face would pass the test for a red light now – uh – I should really leave.

“Bye Michael – see you tomorrow.”


When I get home the lights are on so I assume that she is home and besides that there are a hell lot of reporters in front of the house again – so she is here. I open the door to the house and smell…candles?
She isn’t in the living room , dining room, kitchen or library so I go up the stairs. The door to our bedroom is open and…yep there she is. In her kimono dancing with closed eyes, swaying her hips – no idea what she is listening to but it must be a slow song, and yes there are the candles burning. A chill is running down my spine – I don’t really enjoy being near candles anymore – guess why.
I shed my jacket and scarf because let me tell you it’s damn cold in London in December.
Walking up to her I wrap my arms around her waist, mimicking her movements – for a second she stiffens up because I surprised her but when she opens her eyes I can see her smiling at me through our reflection in the mirror. A fire of passion is burning in her eyes and now she starts moving her behind even more, pushing it into my front – my hardening front.

“Hey beautiful.”

I whisper before I start nibbling at her neck, letting my one hand wander to her stomach while the other find its way underneath the kimono – she isn’t wearing anything.

“What were you doing?”

I mumble at her neck before she turns to me saying only one word.


Then she kisses me fiercely, pressing her lips onto mine, her tongue is asking for entrance and I can’t remember that I ever denied her. Sucking on her bottom lip I pull her even closer, I want to pull her into me. She’s clinging to me, my hands are roaming over back, to the front, untying her kimono, urging her on – I slightly lift her up and she starts to wrap her legs around my hip. Her skin is so soft, shimmering golden brown. I take some steps until I’m at our bed, placing her in the middle of the bed. Suddenly she stiffens again.


I look up from kissing her breast.

She is wiggling under me, something is wrong.


“What is that? Something is poking me.”

She explains, rolling down from her I look at her while she is sitting up as well.


I ask her; of course the mood is gone now – perfect.


She holds up a box – damn – it’s the box – Damn how could that stupid thing fall out of my pocket. Well damn thing – I mean hey – it’s a ring. An important ring.

“Oh uh…well…uhm…”

“What is that?”


I’m stuttering – way to go Max…that’s how to tell her ‘I…I…I’…god…can this be any more humiliating?

“Before I tell you I want to tell you something else Liz okay? And please don’t interrupted me because if you do I might not be able to keep on talking.”

She nods her head, pulling the blanket of the bed around her.

“I know that we have a really strange relationship, we don’t know each other as long as Michael and Maria for example but still I feel like it – you’re the most important person in my life and I hope that you know that. I love you from the bottom of my heart and I know that it’ll destroy me if you ever leave me…I can’t believe that we’re already going to have a baby although we have been together for only roughly 2 months. You make all my dreams come true, so to make it perfect, to make it official that we belong together I want to ask you to marry me…”

She wants to say something but I stop her by placing my forefinger on her lips.

“…before you say something. I had this planned before you told me about the baby so the baby isn’t the reason I’m asking you – well of course it is but…but I would have asked you anyway. I just wanted to buy the perfect ring for you and I knew that I would find it here in London. Now you can say yes or yes – it’s up to you.”

LAME I know but I won’t take ‘no’ for an answer so she better says yes.
By the way I have opened the box by now so that she can see it. Now you want to know what it looks like right? Okay, okay because it’s you I’m going to tell you. It's a silver ring – cuz I hate gold – with a small diamond in the middle. Simple but you want to know what made me decide to get that ring right? When I held the ring up to look at the diamond the light reflecting in that tiny stone was as mesmerizing as Liz’ eyes. Crazy? Could be but I’m also crazy about this woman so who cares right?


posted on 15-Nov-2001 8:11:29 AM

Part 55

Now she isn’t saying anything just staring at me.

“Liz? Liz honey please say something.”

I can see her mouth moving and I’m sure I could hear her saying


as well.


“Are you sure?”

“I wouldn’t ask you if I wasn’t sure honey…”

Her eyes are starting to shine even brighter and suddenly she is throwing herself at me – I take this is a ‘yes’.

“So does this mean yes?”

She nods her head fast.

I take the box and take the ring out, holding her left hand in my hand.

“I love you Liz Parker.”

Slipping the ring onto her finger I kiss her again. Can you believe that? I’m not only going to be a father soon? I’m going to get married – to the most enchanting woman I have ever met in my whole life. Can this get any better?



This is my dream come true, can you believe that? Six months ago I had a miserable relationship and behaved like a real bitch sometimes and now I’m not only together with the most incredible man walking on earth but he asked me to marry him and we’re going to have a baby. Can you spell – lucky? This is so freaking unbelievable. I stare at the wonderful ring in my finger – it’s perfect, not too big, not too extravagant, just perfect.

“So what were your plans for the evening?”

Max asks me again starting to unbutton his shirt. No way Mister, that’s my job, that’s why I am here.

I smile at him like a Cheshire cat, climbing onto his lap. We have a problem here, I'm wearing nothing but a ring and a grin and his wearing way too much. So would you please excuse us! There’s a lot to celebrate the last weeks isn’t it?


“So when do you want to get married?”

Max asks me, staring at me, stroking the my leg that I have placed over his front.

“Don't know I really haven’t head the chance to think about it.…but honestly I would be perfectly fine if we get married after August, I want to enjoy the pregnancy and not put anymore stress on me…know what I mean?”

“Yes I do and I have to agree, I mean you’re mine now so…I think…as much as I would want that to happen as soon as possible I think it’s fine if we go through with this wedding in a year.”


We smile at each other, then he wraps his arm around my shoulders pulling me closer. I can smell him it’s a combination of sex, sweat and…and…Max…I would recognize this smell everywhere. It’s unique and can only be describes as Max. This is home – here is where I belong.

The next morning when I wake up he’s already gone, there’s a note on his pillow with a with rose.

Morning beautiful,

sorry that I couldn’t be there when you woke up but I had to go. After all today is the big day…don’t rush it’s okay if you arrive there at five, the best places will be reserved for you and Maria and the baby of course. Hope our little one isn’t causing you to feel bad again. Tell it that daddy says ‘hi’ and that I love it. Talk to you later, your fiancé Max.

How that sounds ‘your fiancé’ –

“You know baby your daddy is a crazy man sometimes but lovable nevertheless…I can promise you he’ll do everything for you once you’re here.”

I mumble stroking my tummy lovingly.


Of course when Maria and I get there the room is full of people and everybody is looking at us – but they knew we would come so.

“Liz Parker…so nice to see you.”

“Michelle, hey I didn’t know you are in London.”

“Oh I'm actually shooting a movie in Ireland but Max and Michael sent me an invitation and I just can’t deny it – I love their clothes, even for women in my age they are perfect.”

“Oh stop that – you know that you look good.”

“Why thank you but honestly Liz you look good yourself, seems like Max is good for you.”

She winks at me and sits down…I follow Maria to our seats. So who else is here? Oh the Countess of York with her boyfriend of the month…oh, oh the lights go off and the photographers get ready for the show…I really have to say that the clothes are amazing, I should really stop buying stuff by other designers Max and Michael are darn talented. Their clothes are sexy but still have style and they’re actually wearable…something you can’t say about other designers’ clothes sometimes. Also the music is wonderful – I wonder if Michael selects it on his own telling Max what he will be playing or if he just plays it or if he consults Max. One hour later the model with the wedding dress comes out – it’s beautiful and I can only hope that I can maybe get Michael to design my dress – I know that Max is going to design the dress for Maria without showing it to Michael. We still have to tell them about the engagement, Maria has been so excited today that she didn’t even see my ring. That’s a fact to take note of – usually she sees something like that right away.
Back to the dress – it’s pastel white, with thin straps holding the plain dress. Is it made out of satin? I think it is. The model turns and walks back to the back of the catwalk and Michael and…and Max walk on the stage? MAX? And…and he’s smiling! I remember the last show – he hated it and now he’s actually smiling? I’m surprised…everybody is getting up clapping – well I guess…I guess that went well…I guess Max has convinced them all. God he looks good – wearing a black suit with dark red shirt ( Author’s note: well we all know what Jason was wearing in ‘Control’ don’t we?). He smiles at me.

((“I love you”))

I mouth and sign to him.

“Love you too.”

He mouths back before Michael and him disappear from the stage again. Maria and I don’t even sit down again, instead of that we find our way back into the backstage area.

“Baby that was wonderful.”

Maria throws herself at Michael who’s drinking out of a champagne bottle. I can only shake my head, where is Max?

He’s standing at the back of the room, smiling and drinking from a glass of champagne. When he sees me he puts the glass down.

“So how did you like it?”

((“Max it was awesome…it was wonderful, great.”))

“Thanks, so how are we feeling today?”

I can feel his thumbs carefully stroking my stomach while his big hands are holding me at the waits.

((“We are doing fine, we have been good today.”))

“I like that.”

He smiles at me and gives me a short kiss, before pulling me in front of him and resting his head on my shoulder. We’re both watching the others celebrate the successful show. A reporter is making his way over to us.

“Miss Parker, Mister Evans do you mind if I ask you some questions?”

Max I concentrating I can see that – he told me about that dilemma about the British English.

“Sure, if it has to do with the show.”

Max smiles at him and doesn’t let go of me. The reporter nods.


posted on 15-Nov-2001 8:15:38 AM

Part 56

God - the night at Joops has been hilarious – it has been a long time since I had so much fun. Max is already sleeping but I can’t, for some reason sleep is evading me I guess I know why – Max has been working so hard for two weeks and now with the show over the whole pressure is gone and he’s finally able to let go. I don’t care, he needs that sleep and I could watch him sleeping for as long as possible.
Fortunately I fall asleep one hour later.

4.23 a.m. What?



He’s talking in his sleep, he’s very restless, turning from side to side – must be a nightmare. Now he’s mumbling something in French – I wish I could understand it.

“God NO!”

He sits up straight – panting, eyes wide open.

“Max, it’s okay, it’s okay I’m here.”

You idiot Liz he can’t here you - so I take him into my arms. He’s clinging to my body sobbing. I wish I knew what is going on with him.

“Max? Max honey talk to me?”

I cup his face with my hands making sure that he can make out my mouth moving in the moonlight. I here even ‘there’?

“I…I…the warehouse, smell, I can smell gas, a gas leak? No – no I just need those documents on the table in the room on the first floor then I’m out of here. I still see the steps…they are…they are red and…and…the walls are white, a beautiful white. Outside the birds are chirping and I can hear someone singing ‘La vive en rose’ (spell?) I love that song – it stands so for everything French Americans know – it’s calming. It’s so beautiful outside, the sun is shining and I want to meet some friends later to go out eating. This smell is penetrating me – I have to hurry up and get out of here and call the fire service – just to be sure. The smell is changing what is it? Oh my god it’s smoke…smoke is coming up the stairs.”

He is like in trance telling it like it would be happening right now, telling it as if he was watching a movie. What am I gonna do? His eyes are still wide open and I can feel him trembling, suddenly he starts turning his head like he’s really looking for the smoke, he’s trying to smell the smoke.

“Oh my god fire, FIRE – I have to get out of here. The documents – where are they? I need them – they are important. There they are on the table where Michael placed them, I run down the stairs. The smoke is so thick, burning in my lungs, in my eyes – making it impossible to find my way around. HELP! I NEED HELP! Isn’t anybody here? A door there was a door somewhere – I can’t find it - the entrance is at the other end of the building – I have no idea from which direction the fire is coming. I can feel the heat beneath my feet. The fire must be in the cellar – maybe I can make it out of the door – god this smoke makes it so hard to breath.”

He starts coughing, sweating, he’s reliving this whole nightmare. I’m starting to wonder what activated that – why now?

“I can't breath! I have to get out of here. The flames are coming up the stairs – what am I gonna do? I jump over them – I can feel them burning my trousers – it’s hot – I have to get out of here – the door – I can see it – I’m free – thank god – I’m out…I…OH MY GOD – THIS SMELL – THE GAS…”
Suddenly he puts his hands over his ears.

“OH MY GOD it is so loud, then it’s quiet, it hurts – make it stop – it hurts so bad! Where am I?”

From his sitting position he moves into a fetal position, whimpering like a baby. What am I gonna do?

“Max? You have to wake up.”

Why am I even talking to him? Gently I touch him, shaking him hoping he would come out of this state and wake up.


He sits up as if nothing has happened. I switch the light on and sure enough he’s pale and sweaty.

((“Max you had a night mare do you want to talk about it?”))

“What did I do?”

((“It seems as if you have relived the accident Max I always thought you got unconscious during the blast…”))

He isn’t looking into my eyes – why do I have the feeling the he was awake through this whole thing? I gently stroke his arm and when he looks at me I can see tears glistering in his eyes – so I’m right. Oh my god.


But before I can say anything else he starts talking,. His voice is quivering.

“Even today I can still smell my burnt skin, even today I know what it felt like to get thrown through the air and land on the hard ground and…and…I still know what it was like to hear the blast, the metal crashing, the birds chirping, a car hooting, the fire, the car alarm of my car going off and then there was nothing. I was lying in middle of the rubble like paralyzed - above me the blue sky, underneath me the hard ground and around me a mess and my blood …but….but I didn’t notice it, all I noticed was the silence and…and the disgusting smell of…of my skin.”

I don’t want to think about this, I feel like I’m getting sick – it’s true he has some minor scars on his legs and on his arms but you wouldn’t really recognize them, who ever treated him knew how to treat injuries like that.


I take him into my arms again. He’s digging his nose into my neck, clinging to my body. I wish I could erase those memories for him…I wish I could take away the pain.

“Why didn’t you tell me Max? I always though that…”

I say when I look into his eyes again.

“…that I was unconscious, yeah that’s what I tell everybody…I mean.…at one point the pain in my head got that strong that I got unconscious so it isn’t a total lie.”

“What…What happened? What exactly happened? Why are you deaf Max?”

“I…obviously I hit my head so hard that I was happy that I didn’t break my skull back then. The doctors explained it like that to me – it’s like a wire to your stereo, if the wire to your boxes are unplugged you can’t hear the music – now this is easy to fix you just plug it in again and you can hear again – unfortunately the human brain is much more complex than the wire of a stereo – a nerve responsible for the movement in my eardrum is ‘unplugged’ so to say and they don’t know which because the human brain has so many nerves and cords that it is impossible to find the tiny unplugged one, although they might know the part of the brain which is responsible for the hearing ability they can’t locate the damage…”

“And they can’t like replace it?”

“Liz if they don’t know which one it is, they can’t replace it.”

I watch him, he looks exhausted. Without saying another word I take him in my arms again, we lie down again and he stays in my arms. Eventually his breathing evens out and he goes back to sleep. I can't, not now – my god – this is so…terrible. Silent tears are streaming down my cheeks – why do things like that happen? Is it necessary? But I guess they do cuz I would have never gotten to know him, well maybe I would have through Maria and Michael but everything would have been different – I wouldn’t be engaged now to him and I surely wouldn’t be pregnant with his baby – our baby – it’s going to be the most beautiful baby the world has ever seen and it will have the sweetest daddy there is.

“I love you Max Evans – from the bottom of my heart.”


Home LA – actually we’re on our way to Diane and Phillip – they still don’t know about either the pregnancy nor about the engagement – well in five days there’s Christmas, my family is coming from Roswell tomorrow – they’re going to stay at our house – see how easy that rolls from my tongue? ‘Our house’ wonderful. Well anyway – we’re on our way there because we want to get Cookie and Max wants to tell his parents how perfect the show was. I’m also proud of him – very proud.
Getting there as soon as we get out of the car I can hear a dog barking and…yep there he comes…

“Cookie – C’mere boy…good boy.”

Max is already rolling with the dog on the floor – men and their dogs but it’s too funny. Cookie is wagging his tail in speed of sound, trying to lick his master in the face and Max is laughing so hard, trying desperately to get the dog off of him.

“Hey you.”

Diane comes around the corner as well and hugs me.

“Hi, how are you Diane?”

“Oh I’m fine – looks like someone has missed his master huh?”

“Yeah looks like it. Cookie! Get off Max!”

Now he is running my way, at least it gives Max the chance to stand up, still laughing he’s brushing of the dirt off of him.

“Hey Mum.”

Hugging her and giving her a peck on the cheek he waits for me to stop playing with the dog. Okay I admit it – I love this dog, he is so playful and…he reminds me of Max. ;)

“So I can see that Isabel is here?”

Max smiles at his mother taking my hand.

((“Yeah Isabel and Becky are in the garden, why don’t you join us?”))

“Sure we’ll do so Mum, I just want to wash my hands.”

Oh yeah I need to do that too. I follow him into the bathroom and we both wash our hands.

“Remember, don’t soften when you see Becky again – we’ll tell them soon.”

He cups my face before we leave the bathroom again. Okay so I admit it the hormones are driving me nuts in the moment.
Walking out onto the terrace Isabel is holding her baby daughter in her arms when we join them.

“Look who is there – isn’t that my favorite niece? Hi…hi…Becky…”

He takes Becky from Isabel without even asking her. It’s like he’s in a total other universe – but it’s so cute – oh my god you should see them! He’s talking to her in a whisper and she’s holding his big pinkie in her tiny hand – and she’s all smiles of course – gurgling and making all kinds of sounds. IT IS SO CUTE!

“Looks like I have done my job huh?”

Isabel laughs and looks at me and her mum.

“Yeah uncle Max is happy now.”

I laugh.

“Hi Isabel.”

I hug her as well.

“Hey Liz, so nice to see you again, how was London?”

“Oh it was great! You should have seen the show…Max was fantastic.”

All three of us turn to Max again who is laughing while his niece is watching him with her big brown eyes. God how I wish this baby would be here already.


posted on 29-Nov-2001 11:25:18 AM

Part 57


I hold my niece in my arms and she is the most beautiful baby I have ever seen – well that will surely change in eight months but until then she has the privilege to be called like that.
I guess I should give her back to Isabel…I really should…I turn around to see Liz, my Mum and Isabel smiling at me.

“Sorry Izzy – I just haven’t seen her for quite awhile.”

((“That’s fine Max – why don't you give her to your girlfriend she looks like she wants to hold her as well.”))

I look at Liz, who starts smiling even more, if that’s possible – carefully I hand Becky over to Liz and it hits me like a rock – one year from now this will be our baby – our child – can you believe that? Wow…knowingly we smile at each other, I kiss her on her temple before I turn to my sister and hug her.

“Hey sis, how are you doing?”

((“I’m fine, looking forward to Christmas – “))

“That’s good I hope that Liz and I will pass your test of being able to organize a Christmas dinner.”

I laugh, I told Liz about the fact that everybody in my family calls Isabel the Christmas Nazi because she goes Christmas crazy. Surprisingly it didn’t take that much to convince to let me have Christmas this year as she admitted that Becky is a hand full. Well I’m happy that we can do it like that – gives her the chance to enjoy Christmas with the family and gives Liz and myself the chance to get together both families and tell them what’s going on.

We stay for another hour before we leave again.

”So I see you guys at my house.”

“You will big brother, cee ya.”

I open the door to the Mercedes where I placed a blanket Cookie can jump on. He likes driving in this car I think.
Oh well – the next days go by like nothing. Liz’ parents are staying at our house, her grandmother is here as well. I like Grandma Claudia she is a very nice lady. But I guess you already figured that we both get along just great! The whole day Liz, her Mum and her grandma are running around in the kitchen to get dinner ready. I told them that I would cook but no – they had to had it their way.

“Parker women are pretty stubborn.”

Is everything that Jeff has to say about that.

“Yeah I noticed that.”

Well – after showing him the studio and the rest of the house Jeff and me retreat to the pool room – to play pool - not swim – hey I’m American and what is an American without a pool table? Like naked…so…Cookie is lying in the corner watching us, the women have banned him out of the kitchen.

“So you always wanted to become a designer?”

Jeff asks me after getting my attention.

“Yep, never anything else – I know that this might sound crazy but I knew I had talent for it and I enjoy it. Two in right corner.”

We do a little more men bonding – I think that it’s a good idea – especially if Liz and me are going to tell our parents later that she’s pregnant and we’re engaged. I know that Jeff loves his little girl and if I were him I would chase every man down who just looks at Liz BUT…I don’t want to be chased down some street for the rest of my life so I guess I will have to wait and see.

Finally my parents and Izzy, Becky and Alex arrive – Liz introduces everybody and then the dinner is already ready. It is delicious – perfect.
After dinner and a lot more of getting to know each other and friendly talking we all move into the living room. Liz is holding my hand – I promised to drop the bomb on our family so –

“Uhm guys – I want to say something.”

All eyes of my and Liz’ family are on me.

“Uh first of all I want to thank you all for coming – it means a lot to Liz and me that we’re able to celebrate Christmas with our families and with each other. A lot has happened in the last year and especially the last months my life has changed drastically.…but it isn’t over yet – there are more changed on their way. Another reason we asked you to come here is because we want to share some news with you. News that are going to bind our families more together. Grandma Claudia, Nancy, Jeff, Mum, Izzy, Becky, Alex and Dad – I have asked Liz to marry me, and she said yes. We’re engaged…and we’re going to have a baby in August.”

I look around – uh – SURPRISE?!? Yeah I guess this describes it the best. First there is nothing, then I can see a movement out of the corner of my eye. It’s Grandma and then they’re all over us. Thank God!

Of course the women are all so nervous and excited that I don’t understand a word. Dad just smiles at me and gives me a hug.

((“Congrats son, I’m proud of you, I thought you would never tie the knot.”))

“Thanks Dad.”

So that’s what he thinks of me. Good to know!
Alex is standing in front of me, shaking my hand.

“Max my man – good luck – I’m happy for you two.”

We smile at each other then I face my future father-in-law.

“I’m not so sure if I should kill you for taking my girl away and getting her pregnant or if I should congratulate you.”

He shakes his head smiling and suddenly I find myself in his arms because he is giving me a hug as well.

“Thanks Jeff – I swear I’ll take good care of her and our baby.”

“You better because if not there is more than hell to pay.”

We nod and I turn to the women – well what would describe this picture the best? Mhm…Liz in the middle of a sea of tears and tissues would get it straight to the point. It’s priceless. Then she sees me and walks up to me taking my hand and kissing me.

“Hey you.”


Wrapping my arms around her waist and hold her close to my body, making sure that she knows how much I need her near me.

“Better again?”

“Yes – I love you.”

“I love you too.”

Now of course it’s time that Izzy, Nancy, Mum and Claudia want to congratulate me as well, but they have to do that while I hold Liz in my arms – I’m not intending to let her go again for the night. I have missed her enough while she was cooking.

Later when my family has left already and Liz’ is in bed already we sit in front of the fireplace. Now you’re asking me why do I have a fireplace if I don’t like fire right? Yes I can understand that. Fact is that when I bought the house I honestly thought about getting rid of it but it somehow belongs to the house and until now I never used that thing – but the romantic in Liz made me make a fire. If I stay away from it I’m fine – well that’s not true – I can’t really relax but…honestly Liz is doing a pretty good job in distracting me – maybe I could really uh…start enjoying the fireplace again. Do you think it’s a good idea to make love in the living room while your fiancée’s parents and grandmother are in the house? I don't but who am I to stop her right?



I am so totally and utterly in love with this man that it hurts. Know what I mean? When you love someone so much that your heart hurt whenever you think about him? Well that’s what I’m going through – Max is now sleeping – I know that he was afraid when I asked him to make fire but now he’s lying on his stomach on the carpet in a secure distance in front of the fireplace. So I admit it. The fact that this is something absolutely cheesy but still romantic made my hormones going crazy. I want to love him here – and who cares that my parents are here – I’m pregnant they know what we do. Admittedly I don’t want them to see me doing ‘it’ but they have been young as well so…they should bear with us. I gently stroke Max’ back with my forefinger. On his back he has a scar that’s only visible because of the light in the moment. That must have hurt. I still can’t get over the fact that he was conscious when he lost his hearing ability that must have been terrifying – I know that I would have gone nuts – one second you can hear and the next one you can’t – that must be horrible.

“What are you thinking?”

He’s moving his head to watch me.

“You are awake?”

“Hm…so what are you thinking?”

“Nothing – really – I – I thought about you.”

He knows that this is not the truth itself but it seems like he is going to accept that. Good! I’m not in the mood for a deep conversation of what makes me think and act – if you know what I mean.

“I like that.”

He smiles and pulls my head, fusing our lips together again.


posted on 29-Nov-2001 11:25:40 AM

Part 58

God I don’t want to go back to work the last weeks have been too perfect I guess but…Max and Michael are already working in the studio again and I have to get to the set to shoot my next movie. I guess it won’t take long now until the media will find out about the engagement and the pregnancy – I’m surprised anyway that there hasn’t been any news yet. I talked to Kyle this morning and we figured that as soon as the rumors will start we’ll just give out a short statement and that’s it. I mean denying the fact won’t help at all – soon everybody will be able to see that I’m expecting a baby and honestly I want them to know that I'm happy, that I found the right guy. Talking about I want the world to know – I have a little surprise prepared for Max – wondering when he’ll get it and what he’ll say.

“Liz honey – how are you doing? What did I hear about you? You’re pregnant and engaged?”

George walks towards me as soon as he sees me closing the door of my car – we’re talking about George Cloney by the way. s bodyguard is right at my side – well it’s always the same when shooting outdoors – isn’t it? I can see some curious onlookers – if they’re fans I don’t know.

“Well George honey I couldn’t wait for you forever.”

“Ouch that hurts!”

He grabs his chest as if I just shot him.

“Happy new year first of all – when are you due?”

“In August and thanks by the way and happy new year to you too.”

He leaves his arm around my shoulder and together we walk to my trailer – I guess he has everything figured out already huh? He’s babbling on and on about his New Years celebration and inevitably I think of my new years eve. It had been perfect. Michael, Maria, Max and I had sat around the table in the dining room for hours – eating fondue and talking. I can’t remember the last New Years Eve I hadn’t been sober at 12 – BUT with Max I don’t need that anymore – nope – I mean I had one glass of champagne – c’mon we had a lot to celebrate for the new year. I promise that it was my last one until the baby is born – really.



It’s again another day in the office – oh well. Michael is in New York while I’m looking through the books. By the way have you guys met Brad already? He’s our accountant. A really nice guy and he knows what he’s doing. Shy but very intelligent and that is what we need.

“Max hey how are you doing?”

He smiles at me when I enter the office through the back door. I’m not really in the mood for talking to customers who might be reporters. Been there, done that.

“Hey Brad, happy new year – how are you?”

I sit down at my desk, knowing that Brad will hand me the newest statistics and numbers as soon as I sit and yep…here we go…he hands me a stack of papers.

“Doesn't look that bad huh? Surplus of 4%, I like that.”

We go over the rest of the numbers and then he goes back to his work while I start reading through the mail and the rest of documents I have brought with me. I finally started designing Maria’s dress and I need to place a special order via email for the fabric of it. We have already settled on the fabric now she only has to say yes or no to the dress. Michael of course isn’t supposed to see it but that’s okay…I can manage that and I can ask somebody else to help me of I would need some. Wanna know what I also did? I started designing a romper…don’t you look at me like that. I just…I don’t know…Izzy forgot one of Becky’s the last time she visited us and seeing that cute little thing I just had some ideas. I want to surprise Liz with it in August so I'm going to keep it a secret. Maria of course has also asked us when we’re intending to marry – soon after the birth of our baby or later. If you ask me October would be just fine…I think by then we’ll be settled in again and ready to take that step. Of course we won’t be able to go on a honeymoon but we can postpone that until the baby is older. You know what bothers me? That I have to refer to my child as ‘the baby’ because it is to early to determine the gender. What do I want? I don’t care as long as it is healthy. I know I said that I wanted to have a daughter and…yeah…maybe deep down inside I would like to have a little girl but even if it’s a boy I will love him with all my heart. I wanted to ask Liz for days now what she thinks it’s gonna be but I have hardly seen her in the last week. Ever since she started shooting her new movie I don’t see her anymore…she leaves in the morning when I get up and then we don’t really have time to talk and she comes home when I’m either already in bed or she is way too tired to talk…I don’t know if that is so healthy for our baby but she promised me that she will take it slow and the people on the set know about her condition. I’m thinking of maybe visiting her next week – we’ll see.


I look up, as he is standing next to me, shaking my arm.

“Sorry Max if I disturbed you but I just need some signatures.”

“Oh okay, no problem, just leave them here I’ll read through them.”

What? I mean I trust this guy, really, I do but I'm not dumb. I'm also a business person. You don’t really think that this whole company would be as famous and also as profitable if I would sign everything that people hand me. Nuhu…I know everything I need to know because this is my business…and Michael’s we built this thing up with our own ideas and willpower and I'll be damned if I’ll ruin that by one tiny little mistake in form of a wrong signature. No – not gonna happen.

Suddenly the door opens, I can feel the draught, looking up I see that it is Lauren.

”Lauren? Hey.”

“Hey Max, I didn’t even know that you are here but there is a delivery boy in the shop and he says you are here and he has a box for you. He isn’t willing to give it to me because he has strict order to only hand it over to you. He needs your signature so could you please come out for a minute?

I nod and follow her into the shop- Great Max – I’m really not in the mood to deal with those arrogant millionaires wives today who only buy what I recommend. Yeah we have costumers like that and they bring good money but today is just not my day. Sorry.

The guy is standing in the middle of the room but as soon as he sees me he starts walking towards me.

“Hallo Mister Evans, I have a package for you, would you please sign here?”

I sing, hand him an tip, receive the package and the he’s gone. Oh well – strange – who could send me a package to the shop? Who knew that I am here today? Really strange. I take the box with me back into the office, feeling Lauren’s and Brad’s eyes on me.

“Well I guess I better open that letter to find out who might send me something huh?”

They both nod eagerly, cute, really cute. Carefully I open the letter and I recognize that handwriting immediately. It’s from Liz.

Dear Max,
I know that we hardly see each other in the moment but I want you to know that I love you very much and I know you love me too. So please as a sign of your love wear my present. I love you, see you this evening,


PS: I couldn’t wait to give it to you myself, I wanted you to have it right away. Patience sucks!

Lifting the paper in the box I can see that it is a ring – silver – just like the one I gave her but instead of the diamond it has a black stone – no idea what it is but it looks beautiful. I take the ring into my hands to look at it. The engraving says ‘You are my life – Love Liz’. God I love this woman so much. Smiling I slip the ring onto my finger – it feels right and it fits perfectly.

“It’s from Liz.”

I finally explain to Brad and Lauren who have watched me. Raising their eyebrows they of course want to know what’s going on.

“Okay, okay but don’t tell anyone, we want to keep this a secret as long as possible from the media. We got engaged some weeks ago and she is pregnant.”

“Oh Max…wow…that is a surprise…that is a big surprise.…congratulations. That was fast.”

Lauren babbles. Brad just shakes my hand…he hardly ever comments anything I do so I don’t really expect him to say something. But I must be smiling like a Cheshire Cat. I’m feeling totally giddy about this – what am I gonna do to thank her? First thing – I could…uhm send her a SMS to thank her – or I could – going there is not a question cuz I’m too busy – so what else could I do – HA I know!

“Lauren could you please place an order for a bunch of white roses that should b delivered to Liz? I’ll write a card right away.”

“Sure Max – how many roses?”

“I don’t know…how about 25?”


posted on 29-Nov-2001 11:26:02 AM

Part 59


“Miss Parker? We have a delivery for you!”

Angela one of my assistants comes running at me, I have no idea why she is refusing to call me by my first name. Oh well I’m sure she soon will.

“Can't you take it?”

I ask her while reading in my script.

“Uh no, the delivery boy says he has strict orders to only hand it out to you.”

Somehow those words sound pretty familiar and I get up at once and follow her.

“Miss Parker? I have these for you.”

The boy smiles at me and hands me a bunch of white roses…they smell wonderful – doing a fast count, I count 25 – 25? Why 25? Hm…Smiling I walk back to my trailer and open the card.

Hi beautiful,

I'm sure you’re wondering why I'm sending you 25 white roses…well honestly I don’t know it myself, it’s just a number that came into my mind…but then of course I thought ‘you will have to tell her something so’…let’s see…how many reason can I come up with to explain it?
I have sent you 25 white roses because…

1. I want to thank you for the wonderful engagement ring, I'm wearing it right now.
2. I love you…that should be reason enough, shouldn’t it? Oh well
3. You accept me
4. You have learned sign for me and I guess I never thanked you for it – I know how hard it must be.
5. You make me laugh
6. You give me comfort when I need it
7. You are my home
8. You are my future
9. You make my heart beat a mile a minute whenever you are near me
10. When I'm around you I feel giddy like a teenager who’s in love for the first time
11. You’re the first thing I see in morning after waking up and you’re the last thing I see in the evening before going to sleep.
12. You make the sun shine even brighter
13. You let me love you with all my heart
14. You love me back – what amazes me even more
15. You convinced my family to accept you, the hardest jury of all
16. You are the other half of myself that I’ve been searching for all my life
17. You give me a reason to make plans for the future
18. You made me alive again
19. You make me feel again
20. I love you…we had that already hadn’t we? Oh well I can’t say or write it or think enough
21. I need you like the air that I breath
22. You’re my life
23. You accepted my proposal
24. You’re the mother of my child
25. …it’s you!

So what do you say princess? Enough reasons? For now at least? I know some more actually but for that you would have to be here so…I'm looking forward to see you tonight at home!

Love you,


Can you believe that? I’m quivering, I can’t believe that? He really did write 25 reasons why he loves me…this I so perfect. Too perfect if you ask me…I'm fearing that one day we will be faced with a tragedy, I have this nagging feeling that something terrible is going to happen. Perhaps I'm paranoid because of the hormones but…you know what I’m talking about don’t you? Nothing in this world is as perfect as this…something is going to happen, I can feel it. I can only hope that we will get through this no matter what it is…and I shouldn’t really think about it in the moment…oh my god he really sent my roses and this wonderful card.


It’s after midnight when I finally arrive at home. Cookie isn’t even coming anymore to say hallo, he just keeps sleeping, lazy bone. I walk up into the bedroom, where Max is sitting only in his shorts, a shirt and his glasses on the bed drawing.


He smiles at me as soon as I close the door. I know by now that he feels the draught changing and he once mentioned that he knows my smell. Smiling I walk up to him and sit down on his side of the bed.


“How are you doing?”

((“Tired, very tired.”))

I can see the ring on his finger – it looks perfect – he looks perfect.

((“Thank you for the roses and the card.”))

“No thank you for this wonderful ring.”

Now he is cupping my cheek with one hand and I’m nuzzling into it, kissing his palm before he leans towards me and kisses me.

“I have missed you – actually I’m missing you very much.”

“I know I miss you too but…”

“Shshsh.…can we just spend some time together? I just want to hold you!”

I nod, getting up off the bed and shedding my clothes, slipping into my shirt and into bed next to him. He has already stopped drawing and took off his glasses, he waits until I’m settled in his arms then he switches off the light.

“I started on Maria’s dress today, I still have to show it to her and I placed the order for the fabric for her dress…she’s already going crazy about the whole wedding, promise me that we will have only a small one, only family and friends…I don’t want all this craziness. She even asked me if I can get one of the more famous photographers to take the pictures. I can’t understand how she can live with all this spotlight but then you used to do that as well…do you miss it?”

I shake my head…I mean it’s dark, he can’t see my mouth or my hands. It is some kind of ritual we have established…if I want to tell him something in the evening after a long day I switch my light on and tell him but if I snuggle into him like I just did it means that I will listen and only nod and shake my head and that’s it. It’s as simple as that.

“Oh and I guess our secret is no secret anymore…there were some people in the shop when I received your ring and when I walked out of the office 30 minutes later one of them was still there and saw me wearing the ring so warn Kyle that there might be something coming. By the way you’re still planning on introducing us aren’t you?”

I nod my head – actually there is an vent next weekend and I intend to go there, Kyle will be there too so maybe I can convince Max to accompany me.


Of course two days later the newspapers are writing about it – urgh.

“Miss Parker what is your statement?”

One reporter is screaming at me as I’m getting out of my car. My statement?

“Well what do you want it to be?”

“Is it true?”

“You know the answer already why are you asking me?”

“So when are you two getting married?”

“Not until later this year.”

And that’s all I'm gonna say, I know them all they’re going to find out everything anyway, so why bother and besides that Kyle got a call yesterday from the Jay Leno show, someone had to cancel and as they had me on their list anyway they called and asked if I would mind coming twice this year. Who am I huh? I mean I love Jay – he is great! I have already been in his show three times and I enjoyed it every time.
So instead of going home early I will drive to Burbank and do this show. I told Max yesterday evening about it and he said he’ll watch the show, when it will be aired in the night.


Kyle POV

I like Liz, I really do, she is a nice girl. I still haven’t met Max yet but I’m sure we will be fine from what I have heard he is supposed to be a great guy and ever since Liz and Max are together she has changed. Everybody is saying that and I have to admit that they are right. When I met Liz the first time she was this diva, snobbish and very stuck-up – I mean she can be stubborn and stuck up as well but not permanently anymore. Now I’m sitting in her changing room watching the Jay Leno show on the T.V.. She just walked out onto the stage, smiling and waving, the fans are going nuts – yeah this is good.

“Welcome Liz – it’s been a while since you have been here.”

“Well I was kinda busy…”

“Yeah I have heard that…I heard you’re engaged and that there’s another little secret on its way.”

Well better this way then through those tabloids. She shakes her head but keeps on smiling.

“You know Jay I have no idea how you do it but you always know what’s going on.”

“Hey.…who do you think you’re talking to? I’m Mr. Brain, I know everything.”

“That’s right how could I forget that.”

“So about the engagement…”

Jay asks again, we talked about it and he said he would ask her a little bit about the engagement, Max and his deafness, the baby and the project she is working on in the moment and we were all fine with it.

“Well yeah I got engaged one months ago.”

“Congratulations…so who popped the question? You or Max?”

“It was Max – he asked me when I accompanied him to England in December for his fashion show in London.”

“That’s great…now for those people who don’t know who you’re engaged to…the lucky guy is none other than Max Evans – famous designer and I'm sure a lot of you might have heard about him when the truth came out about his deafness. Wasn’t that difficult in the beginning? I mean how did you get to know each other?”

“You know what Jay…when I met him the first time I didn’t even know that he is deaf…and I didn’t find out about for weeks…I know that this might sound strange but he can read from lips and he’s very good at it. Of course after finding out I started learning sign…so it’s no big deal anymore.”

“Wow…well I’m sure he must be worth it.”

“Oh he is Jay he is.”


posted on 29-Nov-2001 11:26:20 AM

Part 60


“So what other news do you have Liz?”

I start to smile – I really feel giddy about the fact that I’m pregnant.

“I’m pregnant.”

The audience is screaming and applauding – this feels good – finally I’m able to share my happiness with everybody.

“Congratulations when are you due?”

“In August.”

“So how did you feel when you found out?”

“Oh at first I was confused and a little devastated because it happened so fast and I mean I had no idea what Max would think and everything and of course I’m a little afraid but…after telling Max and seeing how happy he was and is I just feel happy too. He helps me through the morning sickness and is just such a loving fiancé.”

“So I guess the next time I’ll have you here to promote the new movie your are recently working on you’ll be very pregnant or a Mommy already.”

“Yeah I guess.”

We talked a little bit more about the movie and then he welcomes his next guest. I always have a lot of fun because with Jay I don’t feel like he is intruding into my life.

After that I drive home, wondering what Max will say – the show will be on in three hours and until then I should at least have told him what we talked about.

Opening the door it’s surprisingly quiet in the house.


Nothing – strange – oh well maybe he is still in the studio. I walk through the garden towards the studio and the lights are out – where could he be? I mean the dog isn’t here so maybe he’s just shopping or jogging or something like that. Well we’ll see.



((“Max this is your chance.”))

Tess tells me again for the hundredth time.

((“I know Tess you have said that already but you have also said that the chances are 15 to 85 that it won’t work – I won’t take that chance Tess – I have something to look forward to – the baby and the wedding I don’t want to put more pressure on Liz.”))

((“But wouldn’t you want to be able to hear the first scream of your baby?”))

Sure I would – there is nothing that I wish more BUT the risk is too high.

((“Tess we aren’t talking about an appendix operation – this would be one on my open brain I don’t really feel very comfortable with this idea.”))

((“Max – here is the address of the doctor in England please promise me that you at least contact him. He isn’t able to help Joey but he might be able to give you back your hearing.”))

She hands me a business card, a card that a again could change my life…I’m frightened like hell – when she came by this afternoon I knew that something wasn’t right, Tess never just drops by without notice. She told me about this doctor in England who might have found a way to give people like me their hearing back – unfortunately they haven’t tested that on humans yet. Stuff like that always has a catch. Of course now they are looking for guinea pig so to say and sorry but I'm not willing to risk that. I have something to look forward to – maybe we can talk about this in a year again and maybe they might have found somebody until then to heal. If I would be alone I maybe would consider doing it but the chances are too high that they might harm me more than help me and Liz needs me. No – no this has to wait indefinitely. Looking at my watch I realize that it’s pretty late and that I really should get going.

“Damn Liz comes home early today…I have to go Tess…”

((“Contact him Max.”))

“I will bye, c’mon Cookie.”

I walk the way back home. Liz’ car is standing in the driveway; opening the door I can smell food.

“Hey I’m home.”

I walk into the kitchen and find Liz eating – what the hell is that? Jelly, mayonnaise, bread, ham and oh…pickles…here we go.

Happily chewing she smiles at me and drowns her glass full of milk.


Only nodding and chewing.

“You or the baby?”

((“I guess both of us.”))

“I’m sorry that I wasn’t home – when did you get here?”

((“An hour ago, where have you been?”))

“Tess came by, she wanted to talk to me about something. Nothing important.”

I turn around and get myself a bottle of water that way I don’t have to look into her eyes - it would betray me. I have to get myself under control before I turn around and talk to her again. Finally facing her Liz is busy preparing another slice of bread. As disgusting as it is – I think it’s the cutes thing I have ever seen. She eats all that stuff because our baby is growing in her – can you believe that she’s already in her third month? I can’t – if it wouldn’t be for the morning sickness and change of moods I would think that I'm dreaming.

I take a chair and place it right next to her, sitting down pulling her close to me, so that she leans against my front while I let me fingers dance over her tummy.

“And how is our little one today? I hope you have been good to mommy. Has it?”

Liz nods her head and takes another bite. It is those moments I enjoy the most…just my little and I family…holding them in my arms. For some reason my thoughts go back to Tess and that damn card that is burning a hole into my pocket, maybe I should at least try to find some information on the net about this operation. After the accident I used to read every damn article hoping that there was some help out there for me but I slowly gave up and now I don’t do it anymore…I would have gone crazy if I would have kept that behavior up.


After watching the show Liz heads to bed…I’m not exactly thrilled by the fact that she talked so much about us and about me but I have to admit that she is right, better this way than letting the media dig out everything.

Cookie follows me into the library where my computer is. Hesitantly I turn it on and wait until I can connect to the Internet.

“That’s it buddy.”

I mumble – I don’t know if I wanted to tell the dog or myself something. Opening a window to start a search I type in the doctors name ‘Professor Doctor Grabtree’ – typical British name. I come up with more than I wanted – a lot of articles about the operation and the whole procedure and whom he thinks he might be able to help.
One thing sounds interesting, after detecting the loose synapses they try to fix it again to the receptor, activating it. This process takes some time but they think that it really should work. If the nerve has been damaged too much he thinks that he’s able to put in a transmitter or something like that, that will enable you to hear again. I still don’t know what to think about this. I save the report in my files and turn the computer off again. What am I gonna do? I think…I should stick with the plan – I won’t tell Liz – not now, when the baby is born and a little older I can talk to her about that. It would mean for me that I have to go to England for at least two months to get through all the examinations and the operation and the healing process and…listen to me I’m already making plans although I just mentioned that I won’t do it. God!

“How about we go to bed buddy hm?”

Walking into the bedroom Liz is still awake reading in a magazine.

“I thought you would be sleeping already?”

((“I wanted to show you something.”))

I nod, close the door and walk to the bed, sitting down and leaning back against the headboard.

“What is it?”

((“What do you think about this?”))

“What’s that? Oh it’s furniture for the baby…where did you get that from?”

I look at the cover and see that it is a magazine for Mommies to be.

“I like that…it’s matter if we get a boy or a girl it fits.”

((“That’s exactly what I am thinking and I mean you never know right?”))

“Are you already making plans for more children Liz Parker?”

I smile at her and take the magazine out of her hand, pushing her down until she lies on the mattress.


“I like that.”

I whisper before I start nibbling at her bottom lip, kissing her tenderly and asking for entrance. Granting it I can taste her – Am I moaning? Wouldn’t surprise me at all.


posted on 29-Nov-2001 11:26:38 AM

Part 61

It’s now mid February and Liz is in her sixteenth week or so they told us – today is the day, today we’re going to find out if we’re going to have a boy or a girl. I mean I totally respected Alex’ and Isabel’s decision to let it be a surprise but we want to know. We have talked about it and we came to the conclusion that we really want to know. Wanna know what else we started doing now that she has finished filming her movie? We started painting the room for our baby. It’s just something that we want to do ourselves – for some reason I think it bonds us even more to our child. Geez I’m nervous. We’re now driving to Liz’ doctor and after 20 minutes we’re there.

“Here we go.”

I take her hand and we walk into the building, then of course I let Liz lead the way. I just hope that we won’t have to wait too long – wouldn’t want that to happen.

In the waiting room we sit down, holding hands. Two other pregnant women are sitting across from us. Of course they know who we are and I try not to look at them because I don’t want to see their – surprise and astonishment and…I have no idea how to describe their expression…because if I did I would start to laugh. So I take one of those magazines lying around.

((“What are you doing?”))

Liz asks me only in sign, ah I love this, we can have a conversation without talking.

((“I’m reading – trying to keep me busy.”))

((“You don’t look so thrilled Max.”))

She smiles at me…I knew it - she would enjoy that but every male will admit that I’m right, being the only male surrounded by pregnant women isn’t exactly the place to feel comfortable. No offence but it’s a little intimidating.

Luckily after five minutes it’s Liz turn and I follow her into the examining room. Gosh I hate doctors…but this, this is good, so… I will be okay. We’re both sitting down in the chairs in front of the desk. Feeling the draught change I turn around to see a woman in her forties entering the room. Liz and her are shaking hands then Liz turns to me.

((“Max this is doctor Thea Moff.”))

“It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

I shake her hand. She smiles at me.

“Likewise, it’s nice to finally meet you Mr. Evans. So shall we?”

Liz nods and disappears to change into one of those gowns. The examination is over fast, I decided to keep my mind off the fact what the doctor was doing to her – TMI if you ask me, I don't need to know everything. After that they lead us into the ultrasound room.

I sit right next to Liz who is lying on the exam table. The doctor spreads this funny jelly tuff on her tummy. Unintentionally I take Liz’ hand, staring at the monitor. Then we can see a picture, a beating heart – oh my god – is that the heart of my baby?

The doctor points to something at the monitor of course I don’t understand a word because she’s talking with the face towards the monitor but I’m sure.…

“It’s a girl isn’t it?”

I look at Dr Moff who turns around and smiles at me nodding.

“Yes you’re going to have baby girl.”

Smiling at Liz I lean forward and give her a kiss.

“We’re going to have a baby girl Liz. She will be the most beautiful girl in the whole wide world.”

Happy tears are streaming down her cheeks and I brush them away with my thumbs. This is so surreal – but I…I…

“Uh…is it possible to have a copy or two or something like that?”

I ask the Doc.

“I thought you’d never ask.”

She laughs and hands me three copies of the picture and Liz as well.


((“So we need a name for our little girl.”))

Liz smiles at me while we are sitting in a Café at the coast enjoying the day, eating some ice-cream.

“Yeah I know I have been thinking about it ever since you told me you’re pregnant.”

((“Really? So what did you come up with?”))

“How about…uhm I don’t know, now that this is so real no name is fitting – I want her to have the perfect name, a name she doesn’t feel ashamed of.”

Liz is nodding and shoveling another spoon full of ice into her mouth.

“How about…Cassandra?”

She scrunches up her nose shaking her head ‘no’.


Nose scrunching.


((“Geez Max, where did you come up with those names?”))

“Oh well how about you suggest some names? It’s also your daughter if I may remind you?”

((“You may…so…Erin?”))



“I dated a Samantha once so…no…”


“Well that has potential…I think we should remember that one…”

She leans back, stroking her tummy lovingly; I like the idea that you can slowly see that a baby is growing in her – our baby – Michelle…

“Michelle Evans…yeah I like that.”


Some days later

After the first fitting for Maria I come home early to find a crying Liz sitting on the floor in front of the television, a huge pile of used tissues to the right of her and an empty package of chips and chocolate on the other side.


She turns to me, jumps up and throws herself at me, crying even more – I would even consider it bawling.

“Honey what’s wrong?”

I ask her in a whispering voice – well at least I have the impression that it isn’t very loud, stroking her over her head, kissing her temple.

“Baby don’t you wanna tell me why you are crying?”

Head shaking – okay this isn’t working. I have the slight suspicion that it is her hormones going crazy again – it wouldn’t be the first time that she would react a lot more intense and emotional than usually BUT I’m not sure so I can only hope that she’ll talk to me eventually.
I lift her up and carry her back into the living room; sitting down on the couch I place her on my lap. She has her face still buried in my neck. Just holding her, trying to sooth her, I start analyzing the scene of the…well…not crime…but…of the emotional distress. How does that sound? Good? Good! So she definitely was watching television while eating several unhealthy stuff…so the television isn’t helping me at all in the moment because they are showing commercials…I don’t even think that it would help me if the show or movie were on now because I wouldn’t know it anyway.

Liz starts to move, leaning her head now against my shoulder, while I’m still holding her in my arms.

“Baby what is it? Talk to me please!”

I’m begging her.

((“It’s just…so sad Max.”))

“What is sad Liz? Hm?”

I brush some hairs out of her face and keep on touching her cheek with my thumb, making her look at me.

((“I was watching television and no matter what channel I chose there was nothing on, so I got frustrated and ate chips and chocolate and then I ended up at one of those infomercials for a flat stomach and I looked down at me and…and…oh god I’m so fat.”))

Aha…here we go.

“Liz, honey you aren’t fat, believe me, you are as beautiful as ever, if not even more beautiful because you are carrying our baby in you. Our baby Liz that we created because we love each other.”

My hand is gliding down to her tummy.

((“How can you even still look at me?”))

“Why? Because I love you Liz, I couldn’t live without you so…please stop worrying okay? I love you so much Liz…”

I pull her against my body again and hold her tight. If this keeps going on like that I will be a master in convincing people after Michelle is born but I love it!


posted on 29-Nov-2001 11:27:00 AM

Part 62


I already feel like a beached wale and we’re only at the beginning of March – that means four more months to go. Urgh!
I put Max through hell, I know that but I just can’t control these rides on the emotional roller coaster – urgh – everything makes me cry – everything. I mean it gets better now but the last weeks were horrible. Kyle told me today that I’m supposed to do at least some promotion work for the new movie – it’ll be released in May so I think about that.
Wanna know what I’m doing now? I’m working but it’s a nice work – I’m borrowing my voice to a character in a Walt Disney movie – isn’t that great? I don’t have to act in front of a camera but still act. And besides that it’ll be a movie I can show to Michelle when she is older, telling her that that’s her mommy.

Yesterday Max came home with all those books about the birth and everything – I don't even wanna think about how painful this is gonna be but I can understand that he wants to know everything. I mean my doctor already told me a lot and I’m always asking new questions when I’m there – it’s obvious that I won’t get around that now anymore but I'm terrified. Max doesn’t know that but I guess he assumes it. I don't know I just think it is cute that when we talked about the birth some days ago that he is going to be there for me as good as he can. I knew that…he didn’t even have to mention it – he’s just so caring and everything so that it really would have surprised me if he wasn’t be there when his baby girl is born.

Maria is visiting me today and we’re lying in the sun – honestly I feel a little stupid because she is so thin and has a flat stomach and here I am.

“Lizzy you look so good chica…”

“Well I don’t feel that good when I look at you.”

“Liz – you know I’m not Max there is only so much complaining I can take and believe me when I say that you look great – really – I mean I’ve heard of pregnant women whose hair got all terrible and the skin as well but you…you are radiating.”

I watch her through my sunglasses and try to believe her – uh no…

Suddenly I can feel something.

“Oh my god Maria I think I just felt Michelle moving.”


I put my hand onto my stomach and yeah there it is…it’s like tickling from the inside.

“I have to go and tell Max.”

So I know he has someone from a magazine in his studio now BUT I have to – he would never forgive me if I wouldn’t.

”Keep on doing that Michelle your Daddy wants to feel you too.”

I mumble while walking over to the studio as fast as possible, putting on a sundress.

“Michael? Michael?!”

“Back here!”

He waves over from the kitchen where everybody seems to look at some sketches. He taps Max on the shoulder and points to me, Max excuses himself from the people and comes over.

“What is it baby? Everything okay?”

Without saying another word I take his hand and put it to my stomach because I can feel her again. His eyes are turning big and a smile is spreading over his whole face.

“Oh my god – baby – I could feel her.”

I nod and then he takes me into his arms.

“I love you…I love you two.”

((“I love you too Max, we love you too.”))

“What is it? Everything alright?”

Michael appears next to us. I can only nod.

“I felt Michelle moving for the first time.”

“That’s wonderful Liz…”

Michael smiles but I can see that he wants to get Max back to work and I mean he is right…she’ll move more often from now on and the faster they finish all the work, the faster they’ll have time for Maria and me.


Some weeks later


Geez is it really May already? Time is flying by so fast – Maria’s dress is finished – well the sketch…she is finally satisfied with what I came up with. This month is going to be a hell lot of stress for all of us. Maria is recording again, my birthday will come up and Liz is supposed to promote her movie. Of course we’re havening totally different opinions about how much she should do. I don’t want her to be driving from one place to the other – if the magazines want an interview they shall come to LA I mean very major paper and every major magazine has at least one reporter in LA so what is so difficult with that. Recently I have also started reading all those books about the birth and how to be a good parent – I mean – I think it’s better to go by your instinct than by the books but I at least want to have read something.

((“So when is the fabric going to be here?”))

Maria asks me – I’m pretty proud of her that she finally also started talking in sign to me, proving what I always suspected – she had learnt a lot from Michael she just was too shy – something that I never believed I would see – a shy Maria? Hell no!

“Relax Maria, the fabric will be here by the end of next week and even if it isn’t you won’t be here until the end of the following week – I’ll start tailoring it right away so that we can have our first fitting when you’re back okay?”

Have I mentioned that I’m also tailoring some dresses and other clothes for Liz? She maybe pregnant but she wants to be pregnant with style. Yeah whatever – I don’t mind – in fact I love the fact that she wants me to design some pregnancy dresses for her and other stuff. The movie premiere is in five days and until then I have to finish her – are you listening? – skirt and top. Now you want to know what it looks like right?
Okay I’m going to tell you – we had the option between hiding her tummy or accentuating it – we went for the later because we’re both already so proud of our little girl that we want the world to know that she is in there – and I mean everybody knows about it already anyway. So the skirt is dark red with a slit on the side. It ends right above her knee – her top is more a blouse. It is a little longer so that it goes over the skirt. I have tried talking Liz into wearing sneakers or some shoes with a flat sole but is she listening? No! I can tell you pregnant women and especially this pregnant woman is extremely stubborn.
The only thing we’re going to do today is determining how round her tummy is already. Have you noticed how I don’t say big? That’s something that I have also learnt living with a pregnant woman. It’s those little things in the moment that can totally tick her off.

Maria finally leaves and Liz comes in only five minutes later – wearing a short shirt and sweat pants. I have to smile about this. She might be the fashion queen outside of this house but here she is my Liz. And although you all might call me stupid she looks lovely.

“Hey beautiful.”

“Hi handsome.”

Cookie has followed her into the studio and takes his place at the window. My watchdog. He also seems to feel that some things are going to change. Yesterday for example when we – that’s Michael and I – carried the cradle in to Michelle’s room he followed us, sniffing everything and then taking his place in front of the cradle on the plush carpet. I thought it was totally cute, I’m sure with Cookie in the house I’ll never have to fear that something might happen to Michelle.

“So are we ready?”

She nods and takes her place on the small rostrum, stretching her arms to the side so that I can measure the size of her tummy.

But before I do anything I gently stroke her tummy.

“Hey Michelle, it’s Daddy, how are you today? I hope you’re fine – I just want to tell you that I love you.”

Kissing Liz’ tummy I look up at her. She’s smiling down at me.

((“We love you too Daddy – now let’s get over with this we’re hungry.”))

Laughing I shake my head – I love this.

Arms to the side again she is waiting for me. Measuring her tummy I can see that Michelle grew at least 1 ½ inches since the last time and that totally excites me. Our little girl is growing and growing.

“All done…so did you call Kyle today?”

((“Yeah I did, he also thinks that it would be a good idea if you would join me to the premiere.”))

“Liz we have been through this already, why do you want me to do something that I don't want to?”

((“Because you’re my fiancé Max, we’re getting married and you’re the father of my child and I want you with me – please – I mean we don’t even have to watch the movie – please – I want you next to me when I walk down that red carpet. It’ll be the last time before Michelle is born. Pretty please with sugar on top. I’ll make it worth your while.”))

So now sex is the last option she has to offer. Admittedly – it isn’t only because I read it in a book somewhere – now in her stage of the pregnancy she seems to have more fun again while having sex than in the earlier stages – which DOESN'T mean that I’ll do it.

“I’ll think about it.”

Why is it so hard to say ‘no’ to her?


posted on 29-Nov-2001 11:27:16 AM

Part 63

Tell me again why I said yes to join her? Right because I love her and because this way I can take care of her – yeah Max if you keep yourself telling that you might even believe this. This is so ridiculous – I mean – here I am going to a premiere of a movie that I won’t understand – surely I can admire my fiancée but still it is kinda hilarious don’t you think?

Okay here we go – the door opens and off we go – flashlights everywhere. Urgh! Liz takes my hand and drags me straight to the first camera team – Hah I can read the reporter’s lips.

“Liz you look fabulous the pregnancy suits you. Are you excited?”

Of course I can’t read Liz’ lips but I have an idea of what she is saying after all she is smiling and I know how happy she is – yesterday again we had a long talk and it seems like she almost likes the fact now that you can see that she is pregnant,

“That sounds great so when are you two getting married?”

Hah I know that answer – she says something like ‘oh we haven’t set a date yet’ which is of course a lie – the date is November 15th but they don't need to know that. We both think that if Michelle is born at the end of July, beginning August that this should give us enough time to get adjusted to everything – yeah you heard right – the first date was wrong the doc gave us – Michelle is due earlier than expected. I know that we won’t have a lot of time afterwards until Michael and I have to go to Europe again but…oh well…we will manage.

So this show goes on and on for another ten minutes then Kyle appears next to me.

“Max…c’mon I guess Liz will be a busy for another ten minutes.”

By now I was standing in the background anyway so who cares. I follow Kyle into the building, taking a glass that is offered to me.

“So how is it going Max?”

“Oh good – although I’m not quite happy with the fact that Liz is working so much – she should be resting.”

“Yeah she told me that and I promise to take good care of her and make sure that she stays off her feat if that’s any help.”

“Actually that helps a lot, she is so darn stubborn and you should think that she should know better.”

“Well speaking out of experience my ex wife knew pretty well when to slow down when she was pregnant with our son.”

“You have a son – I didn’t even know that.”

“Yeah well…I just got divorced, my son Ryan is five years old.”

“I’m sorry about that, what happened?”

“She found another man – and as the man you’re always on the losing side. Fortunately she accepts the fact that I want to be a part of Ryan’s life and I can see him whenever I want to and every second weekend he stays with me. Still it’s not the same.”

Of course it makes me think about Liz and Michelle – unfortunately there is no guarantee that a marriage will work I can only work hard, I want to be the best husband and the best father on this earth still nobody knows what will be in five years from now. I really shouldn’t worry about that right now – as I said once before I have learnt to live life one day by the other – if you worry too much you go crazy and I want to enjoy every single day. Liz has finally made her way into the building and is coming over to us. She gives Kyle a short hug, kisses him on the cheek and takes my hand again.

“Ready? Finished?”

I ask her mockingly and smiling.


She nods happy. I pull her in front of me, wrapping my arm around her waist placing my hand on her tummy.

“And how is Michelle doing? Did she liked it?”

Nodding – fine as long as she feels fine I’m happy. Nah that’s not entirely true but at least better than something else. Did this make sense? Oh well – I can see George coming towards us. I have met him several times on my visits to the set, he is a great guy.

“Max – hey man – how are you doing?”

“George good to see you.”

We shake hands than Liz and him are dragged away for another short interview. Yeah that’s my life.


Liz is still sleeping when I get up, getting the paper I want to know what the critics say. Entertainment – page 6 – no…no…that’s not it…ah…blablabla…another picture of us – hm – I have to admit we make a really nice couple. Blablabla…

….Liz Parker and her designer fiancé…

designer fiancé? What the heck is that? Is that even a word? Anyway

…designer fiancé Max Evans of course enjoyed the attention of the reporters. It's said that this would be her last appearance before she takes a break to enjoy the last months of her pregnancy. The baby is due in August and Miss Parker…

…Miss Parker? I don’t know does anybody of you know the show ‘The Pretender’? Every times I read Liz’ name like that it reminds me of that character – anyway – where am I?…

…has already mentioned that she wants to enjoy the happiness of motherhood before starting to work again. Later that year she’ll also be busy with planning her wedding to Max Evans who’s also the father of her baby…

you don’t say…duh…oh man…what has this to do with the movie?

…the movie isn’t only a fabulous one because of the fact that George and Liz are in it but the storyline is really interesting and something new.

There that sounds better. Now I’m satisfied.


Dear Mr. Evans,

thank you very much for your mail. I’m sorry that it took me some time to get back to you but as you can imagine I’m quite busy in the moment.

According to your mail and the diagnoses the doctors told you and the accident that happened to you I can assure you that I would be able to help you.

Of course I can also understand your fear and I respect your decision that you want to wait. With a baby on its way and an upcoming wedding those doubts and fears a understandable. Nevertheless let me tell you that the tests I’ve made are very promising.

Unfortunately I still haven’t found a human being to test it on. Either the people don’t want to take the risk or they don’t have the money. As long as this procedure isn’t tested at all no insurance is willing to pay for it although there are a lot of people in need of such an operation out there.

From your mail I can also see that you’re able to pay all the expenses. I hate to make this a matter of money, after all I’m a doctor and I really shouldn’t worry about money – the government here in England and all around the world thinks otherwise.

I will keep you up to date and will keep in touch with you.

If you have any other questions don’t hesitate to ask and if you change your mind about the operation please let me know right away.

I’m pretty positive that I’m able to give you back your hearing ability.


Doctor Grabtree


posted on 29-Nov-2001 11:27:42 AM
Warning : This part is a little let’s say intense…so don’t say that I didn’t warn you that you might read something that might disturb you in some way!


Part 64


“Max! MAX!”

This is stupid I know that – screaming after him I just have to get rid of this – argh – for three days now I swear he shut me out – he is hardly talking to me and I have no idea what it is and just now he took off again – jogging – this isn’t fair – I mean I’m pregnant in the sixth month and he runs off – that is so easy for him. AHH MEN! Michelle is kicking me again.

“Yeah I know you tell him Michelle – your daddy is just so stubborn – let me tell you if you only have half of my and his stubbornness we will have a hard time with you.”

Stroking her I can only hope that she’ll calm down again – and by the way I should really get off my feet – they’re already hurting again – if this is going to be like that for the next three months then – oh my god.

After two hours Max still isn’t back and I’m really starting to worry – where is he? Every five minutes I look out the windows just to…I don’t know…I pick up the phone.


“Michael it’s me…is Max at your house?”


“He went jogging two hours ago, he never goes jogging for two hours.”

“Is everything alright with you guys?”

“That’s it, it isn’t - for three days now he closed off – he isn’t talking to me and I have no idea why…what am I gonna do Michael?”

“Knowing Max I would say you can’t do anything, something has happened that’s for sure or at least something is on his mind and he needs to think about it – don’t push him Liz – I know that you two have a hard time in the moment and I also know that he tries everything in his power to make everything right for you and Michelle – just – I don’t know – just give him some time he’ll come around and if he isn’t back by six call me again okay?”

“Okay – so he has done this already?”

“Yes he has.”

Good – well not good but it at least calms me down a bit.


The door slams, I can hear Cookie on the tiles in the kitchen, someone running up the stairs. I’m in Michelle’s room walking to the door to look what’s going on when Max literally throws himself at me.

“I’m sorry Liz, I’m so sorry.”

Is he crying? Oh my god he’s crying – what the hell is going on? Clinging to me, he is sobbing. I hold him as tight to my body as I can – god if I only knew what’s wrong with him. Michelle also has noticed that her daddy is back and is again making her presence noticeable.

“Hey little one, I love you too.”

Max sniffles after looking down at my tummy, now he’s cupping my face, taking deep breaths he’s looking into my eyes.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry for worrying you – I… for some kind of stupid reason I fell back into one of my – schemes and totally forgot that you’re worried about me and…and I’m sorry Liz…”

“Max what’s wrong? Don't you wanna talk about it?”

Instead of saying another word he crushes his lips against mine and although I know that we need to talk, I also know that he needs me now. We find our way into our bedroom without separating.



She’s lying next to me, her breathing has evened out again. I don’t know what came over me – I guess this was bound to happen – and reading this email from Doctor Grabtree was the little bit to totally tick me off – I panicked – I doubted every single decision I have made for the last four years. I ran and ran until I came to the top of the hill – over looking the valley and then it hit me like a rock – doubting everything would mean that I doubt Liz and our baby girl and everything that I have accomplished. And that would be wrong – no – it was okay – I would wait – and after everything is back to normal I will tell Liz about everything and we will make this decision together. As much as I want to hear Michelle talk her first word, as much as I want to be waken by her screams in the middle of the night because she needs us, it is not worth taking the risk of maybe missing out on everything because my brain is totally damaged – no I can live with being deaf.

Next week I'll turn 27 – geez and in one year when I turn 28 I'll be married and a father – I may repeat myself it’s just so unbelievable, it’s something I can hardly believe. Sometimes I have the feeling that someone should bite me or something like that because I think that I’m living a dream, well better than living a nightmare. Let’s hope it stays like that. Of course we all know that everyone has to wake up from their dreams someday I just hope that it won’t be too difficult to adjust to reality then. You know what I’m talking about don’t you?


Some days later

I have enough for today – wanna know what my day was like today? It wasn’t all that exciting I worked in the studio, finished working on Maria’s dress after Michael had left and read in one of those books again. Liz is at her gymnastics class in the moment – next week we’re going to start one of those courses for mommies and daddies to be. I’m looking forward to it. Switching the light off I walk over to the house – the light is on in the bathroom so Liz must be home again – right – the class was over one hour ago. What? Cookie is barking but I have no idea why?! Suddenly Michael is standing right behind me.

“What are you doing here?”

((“Oh I forgot something, is it okay if I borrow your camera for a day?”))

“No go ahead. It’s in the office.”

He nods and walks in to my office while I make my way up into the bedroom I want to say hello to my ladies.

“Liz? Honey are you in there?”

I slowly open the door and find Liz standing at the sink sweating, breathing, heavily from the looks of it.

“Oh my god Liz.”

And then I can see it - blood running down her legs – oh no – OH NO!


As soon as I touch her she grabs my hand – what is wrong? Oh my god – what is wrong?

“Liz honey can you move? Can you lie down?”

She isn’t saying anything she just nods – that’s a good sign I guess – okay I have to breath and I have to keep a cool head – but how am I supposed to do that?

“What happened Liz?”

I wet a washcloth and wash off the sweat from her face - please let her and Michelle be okay.

“Everything was fine – I came home an hour ago and five minutes ago it start hurting, it’s hurting so bad Max.”

Now tears are running down her cheeks – I hate to see her like that. What am I gonna do?

“Everything is going to be fine baby.”

Again breathing – oh my god that are contractions – Liz is in labor – that’s impossible – it’s way too early.

Michael appears in the door with the phone in his hand looking at us in horror.

((“What happened?”))

“She is in labor tell them that she is pregnant in her 28th week and she’s bleeding pretty badly and…”

I lift up the hem of Liz’ shirt and –

“Oh shit – I can see the head of the baby so they better get here now…what am I gonna do?”

“She can’t be born yet Max, it’s too early…”

Liz grabs my arms and looks at me but I can see that the next contraction is coming.

“Baby I would like to tell you something else but as it looks like now we have no other choice.”

Michael again.

((“They said you have to deliver the baby now or it won’t have enough oxygen, they’ll be here in five minutes.”))

“You’re kidding me how am I supposed to deliver a baby?”

I shout after him but he has already disappeared again, hopefully guarding the door for the damn ambulance.

Okay, okay…I can do this…damn…what did all those books say? DAMN! Why didn’t I pay more attention?

“Okay…baby with your next contraction you’re going to push as hard as you can okay?”

I jump up washing my hands as fast as possible and grab some towels placing them between her legs – this isn’t how I imagined that.

There is so much blood - something is totally going wrong here.

Liz moves…that’s it…

“Push Liz, c’mon baby you can do it and don’t forget to breath…”

I’m breathing with her – god damn it. But sure enough the head is slowly emerging from her body – it’s so tiny – that can’t be good – what else did they say? Support the head – okay…

“C’mon baby one more time – push, push, harder – that’s it, you’re doing so good baby.”

I don’t want to cry but I can already feel the first tears running down my cheeks as I’m able to pull our daughter out of her body – is she screaming? Is she moving? Is she breathing? Is she even alive? Her body is covered by white hair drenched with blood – all over – like a polar bear that was injured. Don't think like that Max – she’ll be fine.

“Oh my god.”

I gasp at the little something in my hands, I swear she isn’t bigger than my hand but she is moving, that’s good I guess. The same second I hand her to Liz the emergency doctor pushes me to the side. I look down at my daughter and the love of my life. Liz is pale and crying and holding onto our little girl while they are cutting the umbilical cord. This isn’t happening, please tell me that this isn’t happening. They take Michelle away from her and the nurse runs down the steps – what is going on? What the hell is going on?

Liz’ eyes are searching for mine when they put her on the stretcher.

“I’m right here baby, I’m not going to leave you…I love you so much.”

I whisper when I lean down to her and kiss her.

“I’m so proud of you Liz – everything is going to be fine.”

Yeah if I could only believe that myself.


posted on 29-Nov-2001 11:28:34 AM

Part 65

Michael POV

This is a nightmare, when I run up the stairs to show the docs to Liz and Michelle I can hear a baby scream – oh my god – the sight in the bathroom isn’t the prettiest one – it’s a combination of horror and happiness and terror all in one. Max is holding his tiny – oh my god – tiny daughter in his hands – handing her to Liz, who is crying, both of them are crying and there is so much blood. Something is totally wrong, then they push Max out of the way. One doc is asking one question after the other but Liz seems to be in shock as well as Max, and he wouldn’t hear it.

“He’s deaf.”

I explain to one of them. He nods understandingly.

“We’re going to take them to the Midtown Hospital, is he the father?”

I nod.

“Good – follow us.”

I nod again. Max is talking to Liz, they took Michelle already away from them and now they are taking Liz away from Max.

He wants to follow them but I hold him back, the docs need to rush.

“What are you doing?”

((“You’re going with me Max – I drive – c’mon.”))

On the way to the car I call Maria, telling her what happened, asking her not to freak and to call the others and Rachel to take care of Cookie. I have to stay calm and cool. Max is sitting right next to me staring into space – how could this happen? Everything was fine – they had a perfect relationship, with a baby on the way and a wedding in November and now – now I'm wondering how much of their future is left.

“I can’t lose them Michael, if I lose them I’m going to kill myself.”

Max looks at me – tears in his eyes but he wouldn’t let them fall – I so want to tell him that everything is going to be fine but I don’t know what’s wrong – and I’m fearing that he might go through with it.

Arriving at the hospital he jumps out of the car – it’s now for the first time that I notice that his clothes are drenched in blood and amniotic fluid. The blood on his shirt is mainly from Michelle when he held her.

A nurse comes running our way when she sees us

“Oh my god what happened - is he okay?”

“Yeah he’s fine – his fiancée and daughter were just brought here could you please help us?”

“Where are they Michael? Where are Liz and Michelle?”

The nurse seems to recognize him, at least she tells me to wait a minute and disappears.

Two minutes later she is back, telling me that Liz was brought into the operation room right away and that they were checking Michelle as she wasn’t only a precipitate delivery but way too early. We should go to the third floor and wait for the doctor there. I tell everything to Max while we’re riding up the elevator. Is he even paying attention? I know that I wouldn’t.

And then it begins – waiting.



This isn’t happening, this isn’t happening, this isn’t happening. Waiting, how I hate that – it’s been 30 minutes that seemed more like 30 hours. I need to know what’s going on – why isn’t there somebody who can tell me what’s going on with Liz and Michelle?

Maria comes running down the hallway. I don’t need this now – I need all my strength to keep up, I can’t break down now. She hugs Michael and it seems like he’s telling her what happened, then she turns to me, hugging me as well – I think – I don’t notice it.

Holding my head in my hands I try to come up with a reason that this could happen – surely they took care of her at the gymnastics class, they wouldn’t let her do anything too difficult. Besides that everything was fine – Liz wasn’t working and we had no problems – so why the hell did this happen? Why me again? What the hell did I do wrong to be punished like that?

The doors open and a doctor comes up.

“Mr. Evans?”

Okay Max – concentrate you want to know what’s going on.

“Yeah that’s me – how is Liz? How is Michelle?”

“Well I guess as you’re the fiancée and the father of the baby I’m allowed to tell you. Liz is fine – she lost a lot of blood because the placenta came off for some reason which caused the bleeding – she is now in the ICU, you might see her later.”

Thank god.

“So she’ll be fine?”


“What about Michelle?”

“Well – she’s very tiny and way too early so we had to hook her up to respirator because she can’t breath on her own – furthermore it seems like she has a hole in her heart – it should close on its own but the next two days are critical. In general babies born in the 28th week can survive with our level of technology but the hole in her heart worries me a little bit.”

Biting on my lip trying not to start to cry right away I look at the doc.

“How are her chances?”

“If she makes it through the next two days 30 to 70…I don’t want to lie to you Mr. Evans, Michelle is extremely small and weighs way too less – we have to wait and see.”

I nod…I know that my voice is quivering when I say ‘thank you’.

He nods and disappears again. Turning around I can see my Mum standing right behind me – I didn’t even know that she was here but from the looks on her face she must have heard everything and that’s when I let it go – I’m crying, I’m sobbing in her arms – I want her to make the pain I feel in my heart go away. I want her to take away this feeling of helplessness.


After waiting for another two hours with Michael, Maria, Mum, Dad and Kyle I’m finally allowed to see my daughter. Liz is still sleeping and I’ll head up to her right away I just don’t want to go there without seeing Michelle.

But what I see in front of me makes my heart constrict, makes me cry again – she looks like a small doll – a doll with cables and infusions coming out of its body.

“Oh my god.”

I have to take a deep breath. Sandra – the nurse who introduced herself to me and who is watching my little girl is right next to me. She already told me what to expect and I mean I had a pretty good view of things when she was born but now with all the blood gone and the paraphernalia surrounding her – it’s even worse – I guess I should be happy that I’m not hearing the sounds if the machines around me.

“You can open the incubator here and gently touch her.”

Sandra shows me and then leaves me alone with Michelle.

Her eyes are taped so they stay closed, a hose is attached to her nose and her mouth.

“Hey Michelle it’s Daddy again – you frightened me today you know that don’t you? But your mommy is fine and…and you’re going to be fine as well…we all will be fine…just…just don’t frighten me again like this…I'm too young to die because of a heart attack. My god your so tiny but already so beautiful.”

If I could hear myself I know that I could hear my voice trembling. I get my first look at her and she definitely has Liz’ lips – the nose seems to be a combination of ours – the eyes – I’m not sure but the poor thing has my ears. Ten fingers, ten toes – everything normal – so why did it have to be the way it is now? No idea how long I stand there, touching her carefully, trying to come up with a reason for this mess.

“I’m going to see Mommy later I'll be back as soon as they let me – and I'm going to bring a friend for you how does that sound?”

She moves her head a bit.

“You like that? Yeah? Good! Daddy loves you.”

I kiss my finger and place it carefully on her forehead, closing the lid again. I don’t want to leave her, I want to stay here with her and make sure that she’s fine but Liz needs me now more than ever.

“Fight little princess, your parents are fighters and so are you.”

I whisper before closing the door. Sandra hands me a pass so that I can always come back without having to worry about signing forms every time I want to see my daughter.


posted on 29-Nov-2001 11:29:04 AM

Part 66

I slowly open the door to Liz’ room, Michael got me some clean clothes that I changed into before coming here I don’t want to worry her more than she is already. She’s sleeping.
Pulling up a chair to her bed I take her hand into mine – it’s cold – if it wasn’t for the fact that I can see her ribcage moving I’d think she is dead.

“Hey my love – I know you’re sleeping but I want to let you know that Michelle is fine for the moment – I love you so much.”

I kiss the knuckles of her hand. Closing my eyes I see the whole scene again – bad idea so opening the eyes I watch her breathing. There that’s better.

Seconds turn into minutes and minutes turn into hours.
11.27 p.m. – 12.57 a.m. – 1.42 a.m. the nurses come, the nurses go – Mum brought a coffee an hour ago. I told them to go home – I don’t want them to sit around.
3.05 a.m. Liz opens her eyes.

Leaning forward I smile at her.


Her eyes are shimmering with tears.

“Max, what happened? Where is Michelle?”

“She’s fine, I saw her some hours ago, she’s tiny and looks like a small polar bear but she’s fine.”

I don’t want to tell her truth – not now.

“I'm so sorry Max.”

“Shshsh….what could you possibly be sorry for Liz, no one knew that this would happen. Just promise me to get well soon okay? Love you.”

“Love you too.”

“Now go back to sleep I’ll be here when you wake up, promise.”

Her eyes are already closing again.
Slowly getting up I leave her room – Michael and Maria are still sitting there.

“She woke up, could you guys like – get some stuff for her and for me and for Michelle? Could you bring the little Pooh bear in her room that’s in her cradle?”

Michael nods.

((“How is she doing Max?”))

“Fine for the moment I guess – I'll go check on Michelle again and…and…then back to Liz.”

Maria says nothing, just hugs me again and then they leave. I know that the nurses want me out of the hospital but nobody is going to get me away from my girls. Not now, not ever.



When I wake up Max is there with me again. He’s sleeping in the chair next to me. His head resting on his arms which are resting on my bed. This is impossible. I look down my body and there is no baby there anymore – nothing – I feel so hollow and… and empty. Carefully I brush my fingers through his hair. He moves slightly – has he been here all night through? I don’t want to cry but seeing him like that and everything that happened yesterday there’s nothing else I can do. I’m so worried what happened to our little girl and why did it happen? How?


Max is sitting up at once and takes me into his arms when he sees that I'm sobbing.
Instead of trying to sooth me with words he just holds me – I guess this is the best he can do because he can’t promise me that everything will be fine. No idea how long I’m crying but when I pull away I see how concerned and tired he is as well.

Then the doors open and a doctor comes in.

“Ah I see you’re awake Miss Parker – my name is Doctor Cox.”

“What happened?”

That’s all I want to know in the moment. Max has stood up by now and is watching me and the doc.

“You’re fine – you lost a lot of blood because the placenta came off – why - we don’t know – but if everything is fine you should be allowed to leave the hospital in three days.”

I nod – that’s not what I want to know though – who cares about me – I want to know what’s going on with my daughter.

“What about Michelle?”

“I already told your fiancé, she’s too tiny and doesn’t weigh enough. She has a hole in her heart and we have to wait and see – if there is no improvement today or tomorrow we’ll have to check again. It could mean that we would have to operate her – therefore she will have to gain at least a pound before we can do that.”

“And what if something happens before she gains the pound?”

Max is sitting at my side again holding my hand – I guess he knows the story already.
The doc isn’t saying anything. My voice is trembling when I ask the question again.

“I want to know what happens before that?”

“We can’t do anything before that – I’m sorry – but that’s the worst case Miss Parker – until now Michelle is doing very fine and I’m quite optimistic that she’ll live.”

“That she’ll live? Oh my god – “

THAT SHE’LL LIVE? This…this isn’t happening! This isn’t true – of course she’ll live. She is only a baby – she is too young to die.

I can hear that the doc is talking again – but I don’t understand it because I’m not paying attention.

“I want to see her.”

I state.

“Later, maybe this evening. In the moment you’re not stable enough and shouldn’t be moving – I'll come back later and check on you and we’ll decide then if you can go there.”

I guess he doesn’t understand what I’m talking about – I want to see Michelle NOW.
Max must be sensing what I’m thinking and is shaking his head.

“Honey Michelle needs her mommy to be strong and you won’t be if you don’t listen to the doc. She’s fine – they’re doing everything possible in their powers – we’re lucky that this is the best hospital for babies like her – please – listen to him.”

He’s pleading with me and I know he wouldn’t do it if he weren’t concerned. I even would say that he’s frightened. How are we gonna get through this?
As soon as the doc leaves my bottom lip starts to quiver again.

((“Max – why?”))

He as well is trying hard to suppress the crying.

“I don’t know baby but…but we have to have faith in our little girl. If we doubt her then who believes in her? They’re trying everything and until now nothing has happened, that’s a good sign. Babies born in the 24th week have survived so why shouldn’t she?”

((“I'm so frightened Max – I…I…”))

“I know I do too I wish I could take this feeling away but…we have to wait Liz, why don’t you try to sleep a little bit more? Maybe then you’ll be stable enough to see her?!”

“We’ll you go to visit Michelle?”

“Of course I will.”

“Tell her I love her and that I’ll be there soon for her.”

“Okay – I love you.”

I can only nod as I watch him leave the room – how am I supposed to sleep? My little girl is fighting for her life and I can’t be there for her. What kind of a mother am I if I can’t even give birth to a healthy child? What kind of a woman does this make out of me?

A knock at the door. I’m not really in the mood to see someone but do I have an option?


The door opens and …

“Mum? Dad?”

“Oh my baby – oh Liz.”

Mum takes my into her arms.

“What are you doing here?”

“As soon as we got the call from Maria we drove here…how are you doing?”

Dad explains after he gave me a kiss on the forehead.

“I’m frightened…I don’t know what to do. Have you seen her?”

“No only the parents are allowed in there but Max promised to take a picture of her and get it to us as soon as possible.”

“Have you talked to him?”

“Yes shortly…what happened Liz?”

“I have no idea Mum – everything was fine and suddenly it hurt so bad and…faster than I could think Michael who was talking to someone at 911 that we had to deliver Michelle – Max was just wonderful – but this isn’t how it was planned.”

“You delivered her on your own?”

“Well Max and I did – we had no choice – and now she is in this incubator and I haven’t seen her since I gave birth to her and…and…”

And I cry again…it feels good to have my parents here. In the moment I feel more like the ten year old Liz who needs the comfort of her parents arms instead of Max’ and that thought frightens the hell out of me.



posted on 3-Dec-2001 2:24:49 PM

Part 67


Michael brought me the Pooh bear just like I asked him to. Sandra took it from me to wash it so there wouldn’t be any germs left and now I’m finally allowed to put it next to Michelle in her incubator.

“Hey princess – it’s me again Daddy – I know that you’re also waiting for your mommy – she’ll be here later or tomorrow but she told me to tell you that she loves you very much. Oh and just like I promised I brought you something – that’s Pooh bear or Winnie the Pooh – it’s the first thing I bought when I knew that you’re on the way – it’s yours so…”

A million thoughts are in my head but I can’t pinpoint one of them. Again I gently touch her cheek, her hands, her feet. Sandra told me that if she stays as stable as that we might be allowed to take her out of the incubator for some minutes in some days. There’s nothing that I want more – I want to be able to hold my little princess. Somehow it’s again calming to see her like that. She’s breathing – not on her own but – that will change eventually – Sandra told me that Michelle has problems with swallowing, something usual for babies like her. I’m wondering if they might hold back something from us – but – why would they lie to us right?

Am I singing? I think I am – yeah – surely I am. I haven’t sung a song ever since my accident.

“Sorry princess if Daddy’s singing isn’t the best – I haven’t done it for years so – bear with me okay?”

I could sit here forever. When I left Liz’ room her parents were just arriving. I know that they want to spend some time with her so I don’t have to worry about her that much. Of course I worry I always worry and I know that she is as frightened as I am if not even more – I have no idea how she must be feeling – for weeks she felt Michelle moving in her womb and suddenly it’s gone.

Later I have to talk to Kyle because he wants to know what our statement will be – until now there haven’t been any calls from reporters so that’s good I guess.

Michelle is moving again, it looks like she is smiling.

I stay with her until Sandra tells me that it’s time for me to leave again. She knows that I’ll be back soon again. Leaving the baby ward Nancy and Jeff are just leaving Liz’ room.

“How is she?”

I ask them.

“She’s sleeping.”

I nod.


I feel so ashamed, I can’t look them in the eyes – I had promised to keep their daughter and their granddaughter save and I’ve failed miserably.

Nancy places her hand on my arm so that I look into her eyes.

“Max are you okay? There is nothing that you could have done and from what I have heard you were wonderful.”

“I…I…just…can’t understand why.”

Jeff nods.

“Why don’t you go home and get some rest? We’ll stay here.”

“I don’t want to…where are you staying by the way?”

“We haven’t figured it out yet we just came here…”

“Then stay at our house…it’s big enough anyway.”

“Okay…but only if you promise to go home now, sleep a little bit, eat something and get freshened up.”

I know that I have no chance against a mother so I nod. They walk me out of the hospital to a taxi. The drive home is like hell for me. I can see Michael’s car in front of the house when I get out.

Opening the door I enter the house. Cookie comes running at me.

“Hey buddy – sorry - you must have spent the last hours alone.”

I pat him a little bit before making my way up into the bedroom the door to the bathroom is closed. I’m wondering if the mess is still there – opening the door carefully I can smell that someone must have been in here to wipe away all the blood. And sure enough there’s nothing – nothing is indicating what had happened here still the mere thought of it makes me sick. Better to get a shower in the guestroom. Of course the way to the guestroom leads me to Michelle’s room. The door is open and everything is like we left it, only the bear is missing. I let my hand glide over the soft fabric of her pillow in the cradle – a shudder running down my spine – will she ever sleep in this bed? I know I told Liz not to think like that but – I can’t help it. Those ‘what if’ questions – what if she doesn’t make it? What if everything changes – what if Liz would leave me because she couldn’t stand being near me because I remind her of everything we were supposed to have and can’t? No – no Michelle will live and Liz and I will get married. Any other way would destroy me.

Turning around I see Maria watching me.



“How long have you been standing there?”

((“I heard you coming home and was worried – how are you Max?”))

Shrugging my shoulder I shake my head.

“I don't know – I honestly don’t know – I’m frightened and…and…I feel so helpless…the life of my our little girl is in the hands of some doctors I don’t know but I have to trust and…and…I…”

Pressing my thumb and my forefinger into my eyes I stop the tears – I can’t keep on doing that.

((“How about I cook you something while you take a shower?”))

“I’m not hungry but thank you anyway.”

((“Max you have to eat something – please and if you only eat a little bit it’s better than nothing, you need to be strong now – Liz and Michelle need you.”))

Defeated I nod and disappear into the bathroom of the guestroom. I’m tired of talking, I’m tired of crying, I’m tired of feeling so helpless, I’m tired of being tired, I’m tired of this whole situation. I want everything to get back to normal and it’s only 24 hours since Michelle was born. How am I gonna get through this? You didn’t give me an answer when I asked you guys the first time.

The hot water actually feels quite good – I let it run down my head, over the shoulders, over my back – I better hurry up – after all I want to go back to the hospital as soon as possible.



Okay yesterday the doc decided that I would be able to see Michelle today – Max is with me he has already warned me. He’s now pushing my wheelchair down the corridor of the baby ward, through some doors and then we’re there – a room with two incubators – one is empty and in the other…and in the other one I can see my little baby. Tears shoot into my eyes, misting them up, overflowing. She is so tiny and…and…and…I have to put my hand over my mouth so that I don’t start to cry out loud…everywhere there are cables and hoses.

Max helps me standing up and stays right behind me, supporting my waist.

“Hey princess – it’s daddy and I finally brought mommy with me.”

He whispers to our little girl opening the incubator. Hesitating I don’t know if I want to touch her – won’t she break if I do?

“Go ahead Liz – like this.”

Max takes my hand and puts my fingers to her tummy – she is warm and so soft and she really looks like a tiny polar bear. Although the situation isn’t at all funny I laugh. I laugh because I see that my daughter is alive and I laugh because I’m finally able to touch her.

“Hey precious – it’s mommy – sorry that it took me a little longer to get to you but now I’m here and I’m never going to leave again. Oh you’re so beautiful, so beautiful.”

I whisper – touching her tiny feet, her hands, her cheek. Feeling Max’ arms around my waist he has his head on my shoulder and watches us.

“That must be the most beautiful sight I have ever seen.”

He suddenly murmurs.


I ask him after looking at him.

“You two together – mother and daughter – the two most important women in my life.”

“Your daddy is a real charmer Michelle – better be careful.”

I smile at him, giving him a short kiss. I turning back to her. We stand there for a long time – totally contemned to be able to watch her.


It has been one week since Michelle was born and I came back home yesterday. The docs are pretty positive about her – the hole seems to close on its own – though she still hasn’t gained the requested weight I don’t worry that much anymore. Today is the big day – today we’re finally allowed to take her out of the incubator for a few minutes. Max said he wants me to hold her first – after all I’m the mother and he wants us to give some needed female bonding time. If I wouldn’t love him already so much I’d do now – I know that. His turn will be tomorrow.

“Okay, so – sit down here Liz, I'll hand her to you – open your blouse – it’s important for premature babies to have skin contact, it helps them.”

I nod and open my blouse then she hands me Michelle – she is as light as a feather. Sandra helps me placing her on my chest, making sure that the cables and hoses don’t move out and draping her in the blanket Max had brought over on the second day of her stay here.

“Hey princess – how are you today?”

I start whispering, the feeling is overwhelming of her small form against my body – it’s unbelievable that one week ago she still was in my womb.

“You know your Daddy is right you got stuck with his ears, but that’s okay, they’re cute. You’re so pretty Michelle. Later Daddy will come and shoot some picture of us – what do you think about that? Like the idea? Your Daddy is a great photographer - so don’t worry about it. Your grandparents also told me to say hello to you and they can’t wait to meet you for the first time. Everybody is waiting for you – so please get well soon hm? But don’t hurry – take all the time you need okay?”

She’s moving a little bit and it is wonderful to feel her moving again – though not in me but at least on me – it assures the fact that she’s alive, that she’s fine.


posted on 3-Dec-2001 2:25:30 PM

Part 68


When I arrive in the hospital Liz still has Michelle in her arms, my eyes are misting up at the sight in front of me.

“Hey you two how are you doing?”

I lean down, giving first Liz a kiss then kissing Michelle’s head softly. That’s something I have wanted to do for one week now and finally I’m allowed to do it.

“So are we ready to take some pictures?”

“Yes but hurry up, Sandra will be back in five minutes.”

I nod and take some picture of her – Sandra had of course wiped over the camera to clean it again.


The next day it’s finally my turn to hold Michelle, opening the first few buttons on my shirt Sandra places Michelle on my chest.

The feeling is indescribable – Michelle is so small and I hardly feel her on my skin but her scent is definitely the one of a baby.

“Good morning princess – how are you today?”

I murmur in awe stroking her head carefully. She starts moving her head like she tries to hide her face in my chest – it’s so cute. Her hands moving into fists.

“Shshsh – it’s okay Michelle – Daddy is here, everything is fine.”

Trying to sooth her I watch her calming down again. I spend the next ten minutes watching her – taking in her face, everything that makes up my little daughter whom I already love so much.


Five days later

So this is what our life has been like for 12 days now – in the morning we would leave for the hospital and come home when the nurses sent us home again. Liz and I haven’t really talked a lot we’re just happy that Michelle seems to be getting better. Nancy and Jeff finally drove home after giving as much support as possible but they won’t be able to help us and we promised them to let them know as soon as Michelle will be transferred to the normal baby ward where they can see their granddaughter for the first time on their own. My parents have taken Cookie home with them because we hardly have time for him. I hate to do this to my dog but in the moment it’s better like that – when everything has calmed down we’ll get him again.

For some reason the press also hasn’t found out anything about the birth of our child. I couldn’t care less in the moment it’s just nice to know that nobody seems to care what we’re doing in the moment.

As for sleeping – I hardly do – when I close my eyes I always relive the birth again and this feeling overwhelms me, and I wake up anyway.

Now we’re on our way to the hospital again. Something is different today and Liz seems to sense it as well because she’s driving faster. We look at each other for some seconds and we know that we’re both feeling it – Michelle.

Running into the hospital to the baby ward Sandra comes running at us.

“Sandra what happened?”

“It's Michelle her heart…”

I don’t pay any attention anymore and just run past her to my daughter.

There she is in the incubator, breathing – good – she’s alive – taking a few deep breaths I turn around again.

“What about her heart?”

“It stopped beating we had to resuscitate her. The doctor wants to talk to you.”

I nod, Liz has taken my hand and we both are searching for him. When we finally find him he asks us to follow him into his office. That doesn’t sound good – what is wrong?

“Mr. Evans, Miss Parker…”

“What has happened to Michelle?”

I ask him before he can give me one of those pathetic doctor speeches of which I’m so sick of.

“Her heart stopped beating apparently the hole isn’t closing and…and I’m sorry to tell you but she still hasn’t gained enough weight.”

I feel the world turning around me, the color draining out of my face…is he just telling me that my daughter is going to die?

“What…what do you mean?”

“We could resuscitate her this time but…her body is slowly shutting off…I'm sorry to tell you but there is nothing we can do.”

“You’re a doctor for Christ’s sake how dare you tell me that you can’t help my daughter, she’s only a baby!”

I shout. Liz is only sitting there, not moving at all – nothing.

“Mr. Evans I know that this must be hard for you two but…”

I lose him, I can’t follow him anymore – I need to get out of here – I need fresh air – I need …I need a wonder!

I jump up and run out of the room, out of this hospital – in the garden I take deep, deep breaths – I think I’m going to be sick.



Has the world stop turning? I couldn’t care less – did this man just tell me that my daughter is dying? Did he? I…I don’t know I just had a nightmare or…or…hm…I don’t know…

“Miss Parker – do you want a tranquillizer? Can I call somebody?”

Someone is asking me.


I look at him, what was it that he wanted from me? Can't remember who cares!
Where is Max? Wasn’t he here? Oh well maybe he just went to get something to drink or…or…hm…I don't know…

“Miss Parker?”


“Are you okay?”

Who is this man – oh right a doctor.

“Yeah, yeah I’m fine – I guess – I’m going to…uhm…I’m going.”

I stand up and open the door.

How did I end up in the baby ward? Why is everybody looking at me? Oh right – I’m Liz Parker – an actress – everybody is looking at me – right or maybe it’s something else something…or…or…hm…I don’t know…

There she is lying in her bed sleeping. My little angel. The beeping of the heart monitor is showing that she’s alive.

What is her name again? Sandra - right appears next to me.

“I'm sorry Liz.”

“Thank you.”

“Call me if you need me…if her condition changes I'll be here.”

I nod.

Where is Max?

Ah there he is, coming through the door. He walks up to me and takes me into his arms, why is he doing that?

After what seems like hours standing there like that we both pull up a chair and sit down, watching over our daughter – she’s sleeping.

“I want her to die in dignity.”

He whispers.

We’re looking into each other’s eyes and I know what he means – if her heartbeat gets slower we’ll ask them to take away the hoses and infusions.


We’ve been sitting here for hours and suddenly the beeping gets louder something is wrong – oh no – OH NO – my little girl – Michelle!

“NO – no – Sandra!”

She comes running into the room, checking Michelle. Max and I are watching every single move, a doctor appears – I have never seen this women – she checks Michelle as well, looking up at us, she shakes her heed.

“I’m sorry there is nothing we can do.”

I look up at Max – I shake my head ‘no’ – he swallows and I think I’ll never forget the words.

“Take her off the machines.”

Sandra nods, taking out the infusions and hoses – only the heart monitor is still attached to her chest – the heart is still beating but everyone can see that the heartbeat is slowing down. She places her in my arms and I sit down. Max next to me – he takes her hand, stroking it gently with his thumb.

“We love you so much princess – so much…”

Now tears are streaming down my face and I lift her up so that I can kiss her on her head. Max is watching me and suddenly after taking a look at the monitor again he whispers.

“Let go princess, let go – we’ll love you – always.”

He bents down as well and kisses her on the head and the same second he rises again her heart stops beating.


posted on 3-Dec-2001 2:25:58 PM

Part 69


Michelle’s body is cold when they take her from us. Nobody has spoken a word – what are you supposed to say? I…I…I need…I want…I…can't…I…I’m helpless again.

I take Michelle’s blanket and the bear before we leave the baby ward. We better leave the car here and take a taxi. Liz isn’t saying anything, she isn’t reacting at all – I guess … we’re both under shock…yeah I guess that’s it.

I give the cab driver an address and he drives to Michael’s and Maria’s place – did I really give him that address? I can’t remember.

When we get out of the car and the taxi has left again Liz suddenly sinks to her knees and I’m sure I could hear wailing sounds now. Her body is shaken by sobs, her nails are digging into my skin as I try to hold her.

Michael and Maria are running out of their house.

((“What? What happened?”))

Michael looks at me while Maria is trying to talk to Liz I assume.

“Michelle…she’s…her heart…she’s dead…”


Michael POV

“…she’s dead…”

What? Nononononononononnono…this is impossible.

Maria shrieks ‘oh my god’ and her eyes are misting up right away – Liz is still sobbing and wailing and Max is desperately trying to calm her down – but how can he? How? He lost his daughter – his eyes are moistened up but he wouldn’t cry –

“C’mon let’s get you into the house.”

I try to help Max up but he refuses.

”No, no I have to stay with Liz.”

He shakes his head.

“Liz, Liz please…”

He tries to get through to her but by now she’s still crying hysterically. I think we better call a doctor again, she has a nervous breakdown and it wouldn’t surprise me if Max would join her soon.

I call 911 with my cell phone. Finally we can move them both into the house but Liz just sinks down on the floor in the hall again – with Max trying and trying but not getting through to her.

I have to call their parents.


“Diane it’s Michael.”

“Michael – what’s going on? What is that sound in the background?”

“I… it’s Liz and Max…I…I…Michelle is dead.”


“I don't know what happened I …they came here some minutes ago and Liz has a nervous breakdown and Max isn’t far from one also I…I don’t know what to do and…and…”

“…Michael this is Phillip…what happened?”

I can hear Diane crying in the background now –

“Phillip Michelle died today and Max and Liz are here.”

“Oh my god…okay…okay…we’ll get to you as soon as possible…okay…”

He hangs up on me and the door bell rings.

They give Liz a sedative injection after we tell them what happened and they leave some pills for Max if he needs them. He carries her into the bedroom and places her on our bed. Then he comes out again – he seems disorientated –

((“I called your parents and Maria is calling Liz’ parents.”))



((“Max? Are you okay?”))

He tips his head to one side and I can see his nose scrunching up, his face changing until he shakes his head.


Is all I can make out until he hides his face in his hands and slides down the wall sobbing. My own eyes are misting up – although I never had the chance to hold her Michelle was a part of us all.

“Why her Michael? Why not me? She is just a baby? How can they let her die? They are doctors? How can they tell me that they can’t help her?”

He wails, hiccupping. Handing him some tissues I have no idea what to do. Maria joins us in the living room – drying off her tears – she just called Liz’ parents and Kyle.
What is going to happen now?


Michelle – God’s lent child

I’ll lend you for a little while a child of mine, God said.
For you to love her while she lives, and mourn for when she’s dead.
It may be six or seven years, or forty-two or three –
But will you, till I call her back, take good care of her for me?

She’ll bring her charms to gladden you, and should her stay be brief
You’ll have the lovely memories as a solace for your grief
I cannot promise she will stay, since all from earth return,
But there are lessons taught below I want this child to learn.

I’ve searched the whole world over, for teachers kind and true,
And from the throngs that crowd life’s lane I have chosen you…
Now will you give her all your love?
Nor think the labor pain?
Nor hate me should the angels call, to take this child back again?

To which the parents did reply…
Dear Lord, Thy will be done.
For all the joys thy child will bring, the risk of grief we’ll run.
We’ll shelter her with tenderness, we’ll love her while we may…
For all the love this child will bring, Forever grateful we will stay.

But should the Angles call for her, much sooner than we’ve planned,
We’ll brave the bitter grief that comes and try to understand.

- and try to understand, we love you little princess!
Mum & Dad

That’s exactly what her tombstone says and I think Max couldn’t have picked anything more appropriate than that.

Michelle died five days ago, and it’s now for the first time that I realize that we all forgot about his birthday ten days ago. Liz hasn’t said a word ever since Michelle died – she’s like a walking shell. Max was the one who had to arrange everything for the funeral. I offered him my help but he wouldn’t take it – only if the need was to make a phone call.

Now we’re standing here – at Michelle’s grave. Liz is standing with her parents – I didn’t even notice but she also distanced herself from Max. He’s standing there, his mum at his side.

((“Max I'll be waiting at the car if you want to…”))

“No, no leave – I will get home some way.”

Everybody is leaving – everybody besides Max and Liz. I watch them from way up far. They’re staring at the hole in the ground, watching the gravediggers shoveling one portion of soil after the other onto it.



I can’t feel anymore because if I could I wouldn’t let them do this – I wouldn’t let them bury my daughter. Liz is standing there and suddenly when I look up she’s looking at me, for the first time since Michelle’s death she is looking at me. And before I can say or do anything she’s in my arms – crying again but she’s back.

“We’re going to get through this Liz. We have to…”

I softly say into her hair and she bobs her head.

Getting back to the house our families and friends are there and I wish nothing more than to be alone – they can’t help me, they won’t be able to give me back my daughter.


Three weeks later

((“Max – Maria and I want to talk to you and Liz about the wedding.”))

I look at Liz, she’s watching TV, turns around, shuts it off.

Maria and Michael sit down on the one couch in the living room while I keep sitting on the other one with Liz.

((“We know that this isn’t easy for you – it has only been three weeks and…we…well Michael and I thought about canceling the wedding until it is more appropriate – I…”))

Maria shrugs her shoulders. Liz is holding my hand, playing with my ring on my finger – I look up at her – I think we’re both thinking the same. They are our friends and they have been waiting and planning for this wedding and life has to go on.

“No – we don’t want you two to cancel it – go ahead – get married in August – life has to go on and…and…Michelle won’t come back if you don’t marry so – I think we all could need something to laugh about.”

Now fact is that we haven’t talked about our wedding anymore – neither Liz nor I really have the strength to think about it in the moment. I try to concentrate on some work but – it’s hard. Liz has been going to a psychiatrist, I can only hope that it helps her to cope with the loss of our baby. I – my parents offered us to live with them for some time and Nancy and Jeff did the same. Sleep is evading us at night, we sleep when we’re exhausted and even than we won’t wake up rested. I truly believe that if I wouldn’t have Liz I already would have lost my sanity.


Maria POV

I can’t imagine what it must be like for them – I haven’t seen Liz smiling at all since Michelle died and we’re hardly talking anymore – I mean what are you supposed to talk about right? For months the main topic was Michelle and the wedding and…or the weddings…and I don’t want to talk about my wedding with her because then I talk about something good for me. So how can I talk about something that makes me happy when she has lost her baby? It’s impossible and …and I don’t want to talk about their wedding because I’m pretty sure that they have no idea if the date is still set – maybe they’ll change it – until they feel…until they are able to feel joy again.

Michael and I are watching them – Liz hasn’t said a word yet and Max has his eyes closed now – a definite sign that he doesn’t want to talk now.

“Liz? Is that really okay for you guys?”

I need my best friends opinion.

She tips her head to the side and looks at me. Her eyes are hollow, sad, even emotionless.

“Yes, that’s fine Maria, Max is right – get married in August.”

“Will you still be my maid-of-honor?”

“Yes – if you want me to.”

“If not you than who?”

I ask, smiling at her, but I don’t get a smile out of her.

Another problem is my dress, I know that the fabric is here and everything is ready but until now Max couldn’t start working on the dress anymore. It’s a difficult situation. What am I gonna do? Shall I just go out an try to find another dress just in case he won’t finish it? I sound so selfish – I’m ashamed of myself.

“Maria why don’t you come by tomorrow in the morning.”

Max suddenly opens his eyes and smiles at me with tired eyes did he just read my mind?


posted on 3-Dec-2001 2:26:25 PM

Part 70


So here I am – working on a wedding dress – if you really think that it distracts me – uh – no. Everyone is trying to be as helpful as possible and they try to handle me like a soap bubble – careful not to break it. What they don’t realize is that I'm already broken.

“Is that too tight?”

I ask Maria who is standing there in her wedding dress – well of course it’s still far away from finished but we’re getting there. She shakes her head.

“Okay…have you already thought about what kind of shoes you want? What about your hair? I would still recommend to take a long veil.”

I must sound rather strange because I have some needles between my teeth taking them in and out of the dress.

“Have you already found some rings?”

I keep on asking actually I don’t want her to talk, I don’t have the nerve to concentrate too much honestly.

By the way have I mentioned what happened yesterday? Liz and I were shopping – groceries only and when we got to the magazine there it was – a picture of us at the funeral – there goes the thought that they have some sense of understanding – but now – this one magazine had like at least 20 pictures of the whole thing. Zooming in on our faces – taking picture of the casket being lowered into the ground – they leave no dignity. It’s a good thing that I didn’t see the photographer at the funeral I would have killed him – I swear. Liz of course had a break down again and I got her home as fast as possible – giving her some pills the doctor wanted her to take if she has another one.

Someone is shaking me.


“Max are you okay?”

Maria, she is standing right in front of me.

“Uh – yes – yes I'm fine – sorry about that Maria – I think we’re finished for today I have to meet Michael in the shop in one hour.

((“You know that you don’t have to do that right?”))

“I know but if I don’t I will never be able to return to something more normal.”

She nods.

((“Thank you Max – I can’t imagine how difficult this must be for you.”))

I nod this time – no I'm not going to talk about it again. And yes she has no idea what it is like to be in my or Liz’ shoes.


Some weeks later

My life is a living hell – really – it couldn’t get any worse I think – Michelle has been dead for two months, 13 days, 12 hours and 45 minutes and my life has changed – again but I don’t like this change. Liz and I are arguing non stop – we can’t even stand to be in one room anymore and then from one second to the other she says that she’s sorry and that she loves me so much and that she misses our little girl and that it is hard for her. I guess what she sometimes doesn’t realize is that I’m feeling the same way – I miss Michelle although we never really had the chance to get to know her. Liz still goes to the cemetery every day – I tried to tell her that it won’t help and then she explodes right into my face how I can say that and so on. Fact is that Michelle is dead and nothing will bring her back to life and even Liz’ psychiatrist says that this is the wrong way to cope with the loss.
What am I gonna do without losing her? And do you wanna know the irony of it? Nobody knows what is going on here. Whenever we‘re around our friends and families we act like everything is fine, she clings to me, touching me, kissing me, smiling at me and I wish nothing more than that it would return to this also without them around us but as soon as the door closes behind us and we’re alone she leaves – she is distancing herself from me and I have no idea how to hold her. I don’t know what I'm doing wrong and whenever I try to talk to her she just ignores me asking me about trivial stuff that doesn’t matter. What am I gonna do?

Tonight there is Michael’s bachelor party and Maria’s party as well – I hope that it will help Liz – I haven’t seen her laughing much in the last weeks and honestly I miss her laugh – I miss her so much that everything in my body is aching. I’m not talking about sex here I can live without that if I just get her back.
We haven’t talked about our wedding yet and I assume the worst, that she doesn’t want me anymore or that she wants to postpone it indefinitely. I read in a fashion magazine two days ago that she is supposed to have her first main role after the loss of our baby in a movie that will be shot in Australia in November, I think this answers my question huh?

Well – tomorrow is Michael’s and Maria’s wedding and now I’m on my way back to the house – Liz is supposed to stay at Maria’s to help her tomorrow – so I won’t see her this evening. Opening the door to the house the lights are out, Cookie is walking towards me. He also knows that something is extremely wrong here.

“Hey Cookie - .”

The house is so empty…it feels so cold…I haven’t been in Michelle rooms – well since…since she was born I guess. It’s like a secret agreement between me and Liz not to go in there.


The wedding is wonderful and Maria looks really astonishing – I worked hard on that dress.

((“Max my friend that dress is the best work I have ever seen of you.”))

Is the first thing Michael says when I want to congratulate him.

“I tried…glad you like it.”

((“Like it? I love it Max.”))

“And I thought you love the woman wearing that dress.”

We smile at each other. He nods – knowing how seldom I had to smile the last weeks.



“Oh my god Maria I can’t believe it you’re married!”

“Yeah go figure.”

“I wish you all the best.”

I hug her, the last weeks I always could concentrate on this wedding but now with them leaving for their honeymoon I guess I’m losing that excuse to use to not have to face the inevitable – Max.

“Liz you can let go now.”

Maria giggles.

“Oh god – I’m sorry Maria it’s just – sorry.”

I walk to Michael who is still talking to Max and – I can see a tiny smile on Max’ face – how? Why?

“Congratulations Michael.”

I hug him – looking at him and then at Max. He takes my hand right away. I don’t know how he does that – I mean I know that I’m difficult to handle in the moment and still…still he looks at me with all this love in his eyes and…and… understanding… and…and…I think I’m going to cry.

“Liz honey what is it?”

He suddenly asks me, cupping my face and …again looking at me with those soulful eyes.

((“I’m horrible Max – how can you still love me after all what happened?”))

“Liz Parker how can you even come up with this idea that you’re horrible? I love you…and I always will and…what we have experienced gave you every right in the world to not be yourself.”


My bottom lip quivers he bents down and kisses me lightly on the lips.

“We need to talk Liz, really talk but not now and not here – let’s enjoy our best friends’ wedding and after that we take all the time we need – how does that sound?”

((“Sounds good.”))

A satisfied nod follows, then he wraps his arm around my waist and we join the others again and he is right – Michael and Maria deserve the best wedding they can get after all they have been through this hell with us.

Kyle is waiting for us the limousine that will get us to the hotel the reception will be held at. Especially over the last months he became a part of our small circle of friends, he’s great as a friend and manager.

“Wow that was a nice ceremony.”

He says when we’re sitting in the car. I'm pressed against Max’ side – I need his touch – suddenly I feel like I would die if I couldn’t be near him, something that I haven’t been feeling for a long time.

“Yes it was – beautiful.”

“So when are you two going to tie the knot?”

Max looks at me – I try to read in his eyes.

“I…we haven’t really talked about it anymore after…after…I don’t know.”

I can feel him watching us.

“I'm sorry that I brought this up guys it just…I don't know…”

“Don't worry Kyle, we understand – Liz and I just had too much other stuff on our mind but…I can promise you that you’ll be one of the first to know if and when we get married.”

IF? Did he really just say if? Oh my god did I push him away already too much? Doesn't he want me anymore? I mean honestly I think I could understand it but…what am I gonna do? If I lose him I lose my sanity – no – I have to do something.

I feel his arm around my shoulder, pulling me closer kissing me on my head.


After saying goodbye to Maria and Michael at midnight finally we drive home.

“Wow that was…a really nice wedding.”

Max sighs when he closes the door behind him and turns around.


He asks me when seeing me watching him…I don’t know what it is today but…somehow I feel like I woke up today…after a long nightmare and the only cure, the only one who can make it better is Max. All those weeks he was there for me and I didn’t really…I don’t know…acknowledge him in some way. Then today when watching him laughing again from time to time it reminded me of the fact that he is everything I need and that with his help we both can pull through. He has already been through enough in his life and he’s still standing – so – I need him – in every way possible.

Walking up to him as fast as possible I fling my arms around his neck, pulling him closer, kissing him until we both need to breath again.

“Wow…what was that for?”

He mumbles, his eyes burning with fire and hope and desire.

“That was a promise for more to come – I need you Max, please don't make me beg.”

His eyes are moving, I guess his trying to make some sense out of me in the moment, then he fuses his lips to mine again, lifts me up and carries me into our bed room.


posted on 24-Dec-2001 9:41:25 AM

Part 71


When she had said those words I wasn’t sure if I was just dreaming or if I misunderstood her but she’s serious and…god I need her too – I need her more than anything else in this life. It felt so natural to kiss her again, so familiar and yet so new. Carrying her into the bedroom made my heart speed up a million times – or so it felt.

And now I’m lying here with her naked body pressed against mine, our love making had been slow and tender – I was so afraid to crush her. We were both crying silent tears knowing that our life had changed so much, that the loss of Michelle has left a big hole in both our hearts that will never be filled again but also knowing that if we just stay together and be there for each other we’ll get through this and knowing that we won’t give up. We will try for another child again – later when it seems appropriate and when we both feel ready for it.

The moonlight is dancing over her delicate feature now and I can’t sleep – her arm is draped around my chest, while my hand glides up and down her back.

I’m thinking about Michelle and I’m also thinking about doctor Grabtree – I received an email again – telling me that they’re still searching for a test person but that further tests how shown that the procedure could me successful.

Suddenly she moves and turns the light on.

((“What is it Max?”))

“Nothing I’m just thinking.”

Shrugging my shoulders I hope that she believes me.

“Uhuh – next try.”

She shakes her head.

“I…I…I don’t know how to say that…I’m thinking about Michelle and about you – oh god Liz I’m so afraid of losing you.”

She moves closer, swinging her leg over my legs, straddling me.

“Max Evans – I think I’m more afraid of losing you than you could ever know maybe we should just – like you said talk and better now than later.”

Looking in her eyes I nod.

“You first.”

She smiles at me, stroking my cheeks with her fingers.

“I…I’m so afraid of losing you that I sometimes think that I can’t breath, I can’t lose you Liz, I love you so much it just would destroy me if…I…I know…I know that we have been through a lot and believe me, if I could I would make it better, but I can’t…I miss our little girl and I can only imagine what it must be like for you, after all it was you who had been carrying her…I’m so sick of being so helpless….but please don’t leave me…”

My eyes are misting up and hers as well – it hurts me to know that I make her cry. She brushes the tears away and nods.

“Max I’m also afraid of losing you but – maybe – now that we both know about this fear we can encourage each other – I don’t know – I just know that I would never leave you Max – never. And you’re right I feel horrible about the fact that we lost Michelle….for months she was a part of me and now…she is….well gone….but…I know that we get through this together…okay?”

“I would never leave you too.”

I’m whispering, I know it.

“So what else? There has to be more going on in that head of yours.”

“I – some months ago – I wanted to wait until Michelle is born and everything is settled down before telling you but I have contacted a doctor who might be able to give me back my hearing.”

“What? Oh my god Max – that’s wonderful – I – why didn’t you tell me?”

“We had enough going on at this time and the operation is extremely dangerous and I had so much to lose that I wouldn’t want to take the risk and now some days ago I received another mail from him and…I don’t know.”

“Max if he can help you to give you back your hearing you have to at least try it.”

“But what if something goes wrong? It’s an operation on the open brain Liz…”

“Do you want to be able to hear again?”

“I…yes…I think I do…”

“Then don’t hesitate contact him and tell him that you’ll do it.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes I am…I’m a little pissed that you didn’t tell me sooner but I also know that you are always concerned about me so…I love you Max.”

I take her into my arms – so I guess this is it huh?



I can’t believe that he knew about that for months already and wouldn’t say anything…I – can you believe what it would be like if he could hear again? I… on the one side I’m totally ecstatic about the fact and on the other side – what if he doesn’t like my voice? What if suddenly he decides that I’m not what he wants anymore because then he can have any other woman?

I’m sitting now in Kyle’s office waiting for him to end a phone call.

“I'm sorry Liz.”

“That’s okay Kyle. What is it that you want to talk about?”

“I – I want to know when you think you want to work again? You know that you have the offer for that movie in Australia and as your manager and your friend I can only suggest you to take that offer.”

“But…I…I…don’t know Kyle…”

“Liz I know that it is hard and…everything is horrible that happened but isn’t acting your life?”

“Yeah it is.”

“So then take this chance to get away from here – you have to start to live again and get back to normal.”

“What about Max?”

“I know Max and he will support you in every way.”

“I don't know Australia is so far away.”

“And that’s exactly what you need – Liz – please – think about it – take the script home, talk with Max and let me know okay?”

“Did Nick send you the script?”

You haven’t met Nick yet have you? He’s my agent – getting all the roles for me – and that’s it we’re no friends – hardly talk actually – why? I don’t know but he got me some really good roles so I’m not complaining.

“Yes he did – promise that you will at least read it?”

“I promise – when would I have to go there?”

“You would have to be there in November until mid December.”

I nod. I guess I really have to talk to Max.

Michael and Maria are still on their honeymoon and that means that Max would have some time off now – well that was the plan but when I get home he is sitting at his desk in the studio.

“Hey buddy – how’s our dog today? Hm?”

I pat Cookie – Max is so absorbed by his work that he doesn’t see me coming. So I give him a slight kiss on the cheek. He stiffens then turns around.

“Hey – you’re back early.”

((“Yeah – what are you doing?”))

“Nothing – just some sketches – “

((“Honey you’re supposed to be on vacation as well.”))

“Yeah but now I’m creative so I better put the ideas down.”

I sit down on his lap, brushing through his hair with my fingers – he is so beautiful. Taking off his glasses I lean forward and kiss him.

((“We have to talk.”))

“Okay – what about?”


I can see his jaw tensing up – I know that he knows that I'm rumored to have the role already – he should know me better that I would talk to him first.

((“Kyle gave me the script today – he wants me to take the role – I would be in Australia from November until mid December – now I wanna know what you’re saying.”))

“Do it.”

He didn’t even think about that long.

((“Are you sure?”))

“More than anything Liz – acting is your life and from what I’ve heard it is a great offer – so take it and I’m sure that you could use the change of being somewhere else for a little bit.”

((“But what about you?”))

“I guess I will survive actually I have contacted Doctor Grabtree and he said that he will be able to do some tests in England in November.”

((“Really? Max I won’t take that role if you’re going to be operated.”))

“Easy there Miss Parker – I said he has to do some tests – nothing about an operation.”

He smiles at me and tips his head to one side.

“Besides that I want your voice to be the first thing I’ll hear if I'm able to again.”

Damn I’m near tears again.

((“What about your fashion show in Europe? Isn’t that around that time again?”))

“Forget the show – this is more important and besides that I’m working now – so Michael can do the rest. Wanna know what I thought about earlier?”


“We know each other for one year now – “


“Really – “

It’s true and actually I had to think about that as well earlier – it amazes me how much I have changed within one year and – how much my life has changed and everything.


posted on 24-Dec-2001 9:41:51 AM

Part 72


I have finally taken a day off like Liz wanted me to and now I’m in the dark room developing some picture I wanted to develop for months now – you have no idea how many films I have here – but it isn’t easy.

A lot of photos are showing Liz when she was pregnant and…and…and I know that I will eventually encounter the few pictures I could take of Michelle – of course it is up to me if I want to develop them but…I guess I want to…as much as it might hurt…they are the only …well evidence that she existed…it isn’t fair and there goes no day by that I'm not thinking about it. You should really think that my accident and Sean’s attack on Liz would have been enough but…no…god I really should stop doing this to me.

I finish the last picture and leave the room – I need to breath, I think I might just take Cookie for a walk.

Liz is sitting on the porch reading her script.

“What are you doing beautiful?”

((“Just reading – what are you doing?”))

“I…well I wanted to go for a walk.”

((“May I join you?”))

I have to smile – she should really know by now, that I would love it if she joined me. I won’t have her that much longer – oh well I know that this is stupid after all we’re still having August and November is still far away but out of experience I know how fast time can go by and the last year is just one example. Don't you think? Well I do.”

I reach out my hand and pull her up.



I nod, kiss her on her nose and call for that crazy dog. Shall I tell you something? Ever since we talked – well okay ever since we made love and talked afterwards I really have the feeling everything is going to be fine again – I hope it will.

Hand in hand we start walking. I know that the photographers are following us but by now I have learned to just ignore them – I can’t let them dictate my life – no way.

Tugging at my hand, I turn my head to her.

“So what have you been doing?”

“Oh I just developed some film first and went into the dark room to get at least some pictures but honestly…I…I just couldn’t handle it anymore…”

She nods, she understands…yes I know that I shouldn’t tell her stuff like that but I’m also convinced that it helps her to know that I also have a hard time…if we aren’t honest after all that happened we’ll lose each other.

“So how is the script reading going?”

I change the subject.

“Pretty good, it’s quite interesting you should really read it.”

“So who are you portraying?”

“My name is Susana McMillan and I moved to the big city to find myself so to say…I don’t know it’s a story about a woman that has been through a lot in life and is now trying to put her life back together.”

“So…you think you gonna win the next Oscar for it?”

She punches me in the side and I yelp.

“Ouch – what was that for?”

“You are making fun of me…”

I stop walking and pull her back to me against my body. Brushing away a stray of hair I look deep into her eyes afterwards.

“I would never make fun of beautiful, never – I honestly mean that – you’re a very talented actress and I believe in you…”

Tenderly I kiss her. When I pull away a smile is dancing on her lips, and although it’s only a small gesture I have to smile as well. It’s those small things that I have missed the most the last weeks and I’m happy to have it back.

After that we keep on walking, talking about Maria and Michael, their wedding, their hopefully nice honeymoon. Then about Isabel, Becky and Alex and that we haven’t really seen them ever since the funeral and that we really should visit them again – it’s so…because of Becky…she’ll turn one in some weeks and…no I better not go there.

Before we even realize where we have walked we’re standing in front of Michelle’s grave. There are so many flowers. Wondering – who could have brought them here…bending down I read some messages and they are from Liz’ fans, people of the fashion industry.


She pulls at my arm and looks at me with teary eyes, wondering who brought those flowers.

“They…they are from your fans…and…and…some people of the fashion industry…I…”

I get up again, I also feel like crying again. Cookie is in his usual spot whenever we come here, next to the tombstone, head between his front paws, no tail wagging – oh yeah he knows what’s going on.

I take my place behind Liz, my head on her shoulder and my arms draped around her chest, holding her tight.

She’s shaking, I know that. I’m not trying to sooth her because there really isn’t anything I could say or do to make it better. How could I tell her for example that everything will be fine when in the end we won’t get our daughter back? No this isn’t working so I just hold her, trying to be as much of a support as she needs me to be.

Suddenly I see a flashlight – a flashlight that brings me out of my thoughts.

“What the…”

I let go of Liz and run, this time I’m going to get them…I don’t care if they take pictures when we’re shopping, jogging, whatever but taking pictures in such a private moment, a moment that shows all your vulnerability and hurt and loss and grief.

When I see something moving I run faster…Cookie is running as well…faster…faster and then I can see him barking and there he is that piece of shit!

“You – don’t you have any respect? Don't you have any sympathy? Give me that camera!”

“I won’t give you shit…”

I can understand then I lose him but who cares. Faster than he can react I take the camera from him, opening it and tearing the film out.
Throwing the camera back at him I literally shred the film.

“You stay away from Liz and me – I don’t care if you take pictures of us while we’re shopping or doing something like that but if I ever see you again near this cemetery you’ll regret it.”

I turn around and leave, I know that I don't really can do something about it I also know that tomorrow every newspaper will write about this but I don’t care – I had to do something.
Liz is leaning against one of the tress near Michelle’s grave sobbing. I can see it, her shoulders are shaking and it breaks my heart all over again.

“Liz baby I'm sorry but…I couldn’t let him.”

She turns around and throws her arms around my neck before I can finish my sentence, so I guess she isn’t angry.

“Let’s go home okay?”

Nodding – okay.

When she finally looks at me I wipe away her tears, give her a short and soft kiss, wrap my arm around her shoulder and start walking.
Cookie is again right in front of us and I can only hope that this stupid photographer has left – but I wouldn’t be surprised to see some pictures of us as well tomorrow after what just happened.
What kind of a life that? Where everybody cares about your life? Don't they have something else to worry about? It’s not about the fans – no – because they support you it’s about those people who need this stuff just to gossip – like ‘I told you so, they’re just humans.’ Yes, yes for god’s sake we are because if we weren’t we wouldn’t feel, we couldn’t get hurt, but we also couldn’t feel happiness and…

“How about we leave for some days?”

Liz looks up at me with puzzlement written all over her face.


“I mean vacation – for some days – just to get out of this hole? My parents have a house in Canada and I’m sure they would be happy to let us stay there for some days? Liz please – we need this.”


posted on 24-Dec-2001 9:42:21 AM



Part 73


It is so beautiful here – oh my god – Max was right – it’s a place like out of a picture. The cabin is at a lake in the middle of nowhere in the Rockies of Canada – it took us an hour to get her ever since leaving the last village behind us – we did some grocery shopping there and now we are here.

I'm now sitting on the porch enjoying this magnificent view. Max told me not to worry about dinner – he would cook – actually that’s quite a good idea because of us both he definitely is the better cook.

The water is reflecting the last rays of light – it’s chilly up here in comparison to California definitely – so I pull the blanket a little tighter. The birds are slowly calming down and it really seems as if nature is bidding its last goodbyes until tomorrow. You know who ever said it the first time is right – the setting of the sun as well as the rising is a unique thing – you will never ever in your whole life experience the same again.

I can feel two strong arms around me suddenly, Max is leaning over me, looking down at me with so much love in his eyes that I could start to burst right away. How could I get so lucky? Then he also looks up, across the lake, where the sun is just setting down.

“It’s beautiful isn’t it?”

I nod, his hand in mine I kiss his palm, and then I can feel him caressing my cheek with his thumb. Ten days – ten days only us two – can you believe that? I can’t remember if we ever had so much time for us without anybody else wanting something, requesting something or waiting for something.

When I walked into Kyle’s office two days ago asking him if it would be okay for him if I took off for some days he said yes without asking – he just knew that I need this time – that Max and I need that time for us. He is so great – I really have to make it up to him as soon as we get back – maybe invite him out for dinner or something like that. I will come up with something but not now – the sun is gone by now.

“Dinner is ready.”

Max smiles at me, I'm still holding his hand and he pulls me up.

“I hope you don’t mind but for tonight I though something cold would be fine.”

((“I'm sure it’ll be perfect – thank you.”))

I give him a soft kiss, then he pulls the chair out for me – I like it when he is a gentleman – who am I kidding anyway – he’s always a gentleman I really have to thank Diane one of those days as well.

((“So what are we having?”))

“This is something I used to eat back it Italy a lot – it’s tomato with balsamic vinegar, mozzarella, basil, fresh bread, and different kinds of other cheese and Italian ham and bacon.”

He points out everything. It definitely looks delicious – especially the man sitting at the table – next to me.

“Thank you.”

I mouth and kiss him again.

And it is really delicious – and as much as I know Max he has also plans for desert. We’re having wine with the dinner – it’s not often that Max really drinks but when ever he does he usually will drink wine – I don’t know he’s just a wine guy. Don't you think? C’mon admit it – you can picture him sitting there, holding a wineglass in his hand, while the other is resting on the table – and he’s watching you with those eyes. Eyes so intense they can read you like an open book. Yeah? Good because that is exactly the situation I’m finding myself in, in the moment. I swear I'm thankful that I'm sitting because my legs are like mush. How can he still have such an effect on me? You should think that after one year and sleeping with him a lot – and I mean a lot – you guys don’t know half of it - he still only has to look at me like that and within seconds I’m hot and turned on.


He smirks this innocent boy smile that can drive me totally crazy – and puts his glass down.

Without saying a word I climb onto his lap, pulling him close to me by pulling the collar of his shirt and crushing my lips against his. His lips are so damn tasty and still so soft – I have never kissed a man in my life with lips as soft as Max’.

Slowly I let my tongue glide along his bottom lip, before he finally opens his mouth and then I try to swallow him. Making love to his mouth I let go of his shirt and let my hands wander over his chest. To many clothes – too less space – somehow he seems to read my mind because he turns a little in his chest, securing me to his body by holding me at my butt he gets up, I wrap my legs around his hips – feeling his erection. That thought alone could get me over the edge to be quite honest with you.

“Oh god – Max.”

I moan, although I know that he can’t hear me it’s just such a normal thing to do – you know and maybe just maybe he’ll be able to hear me again in some months. Now his hands are roaming over my body – he has put me on the big bed in the master bedroom.

Kissing his way down my neck he opens my blouse, button for button. I can feel the fire burning between my legs – god I need to feel him now.

I pull him up again and he looks at me with confused but still excited eyes.

“Max I need you now – we have time for that later.”

He nods and starts removing the rest of my clothes – as soon as he has finished his task I help him out of his shirt and jeans and boxers.

Sinking down and in me I want to scream when I feel him moving against me. His body is so hard and yet so gentle, his movements are so urgent and yet so careful – I don’t know how he does that but I swear he always knows – always – oh god…



We have calmed down again and Liz is looking up at me, her chin resting on my chest.

“You know we never talked about our first experience and stuff like that.”

She suddenly states – where the heck did that come from.

“Liz Parker you already know more about me than anybody else in this world – I have to have some secrets.”

“C’mon Max – please.”

I look into her eyes – big mistake Max – big mistake.

“Okay – why don’t we do it that way – you ask a question, I answer it, then you do, the I answer a question and so on…”

“Sounds perfect. So when was your first kiss.”

“Huh? You really want to know everything from the beginning huh?”

“Sure – so?”

Laughing I shake my head – where did she come up with that idea? Maybe I shouldn’t have got her Cosmopolitan – those magazines – tztztz.

“Okay – I think I was thirteen – her name was Angie – urgh when I think back I have no idea why I did it – anyway we were at the beach and she was a cousin of one of my former friends – Greg – wonder what he’s doing today. I was getting me something to drink. I had met her before and she was really not my type – I stayed a little bit in the shadow and I was pretty much alone until she finally showed up. We made like small talk and suddenly she literally attacked me and shoved her tongue into my mouth it was so disgusting – urgh – “

“What did you do? Did you kiss her back?”

“Of course not – well okay – maybe a little – I mean she was two years older than me and I figured that she must at least have some kind of knowledge about this whole thing – so yeah that was my first kiss – not at all what I wanted it to be and not at all that romantic and – yeah right.”

“So how about nowadays?”

“That’s another question – I murmur but leaning forward already, nibbling at her bottom lip before sucking it into my mouth and kissing her.

“Now it’s your turn.”

I suddenly stop and smile at her – she’s disappointed I can see that but – it’s a game isn’t it and I’m all up to playing – you have no idea.

posted on 24-Dec-2001 9:42:43 AM

Part 74


I'm not really sulking I just had hoped that he would answer that question but I guess I know the answer anyway – okay so.
I turn around, now my feet are facing him and he takes one right away in his hands and start massaging my foot – god that feels so good.

“I'm waiting.”

He smiles with those bedroom eyes.

((“Okay – well I think I was twelve and it was my birthday and this boy – Joshua came over- god I had a crush on him since kindergarten I swear – anyway – my party wouldn’t start for another hour and although he was invited he had to cancel because his parents and him were going on vacation – but he wanted to congratulate me. I think it was kinda sweet. Anyway he gave me his present and then before I could say thank you he kissed me, I mean it was short and no tongue but yeah that was my first kiss. ”))

Max nods and keeps massaging, if he keeps this up he won’t even get to ask his next question. Then he suddenly switches feet.

“Okay…hm…so first date you ever had – when? With whom? All that fun stuff – you know.”

I guess he might just enjoy that game as much as I do.

((“That was with fourteen – his name was Dough – Dough Shellow and believe me he was as shallow – anyway – he was fifteen and in my science class. Back then I thought he was a hunk and everything. While homeroom I suddenly had a letter lying in front of me – he asked me if I wanted to go with him to the movies.”))


Max grunts – did he really grunt? That is so cute.

((“Quiet that’s my story, we went – I saw a great movie and that was the end of it. Your turn.))

He sits up straighter, placing my calves on top of his legs, caressing them.

“Well I think I was fourteen as well when I finally had the guts to ask Nicole out, she was fourteen as well and we knew each other through my sister – back then she was Isabel’s best friend. Isabel knew that I had a thing for Nicole and was teasing me non stop until I finally asked her out. We went to Venice beach roller-skating and having some ice cream. It was a lot of fun – we were dating a little bit over a month when her father got a new job at the east coast, one week later they were gone.”

I watch him, god I’m so grateful that she moved – who knows…ah better not go there.

((“Okay so – when did your parents give you THE talk? How? Who? When?”))

Now he is shaking his head again but he’s laughing and I have to laugh as well – his laugh is so intoxicating and I just can't NOT laugh when he is.

“Uhm – okay – well – that was when I was dating Courtney – my parents had figured out that this was really serious for both of us and – well – Courtney and I had been dating six months by then already they had seen us kissing and…well one time my mum had caught us bordering second base so to say – man that was so humiliating . anyway – one evening when I came home after basket ball my father was sitting in the living room. I walked in there to say hi and he just asked me to stay. I knew what was coming and god I felt so ashamed of it – I mean it wasn’t like I wasn’t counting on it and honestly I think it was a little late for that talk – I mean I was sixteen and by that time my parents finally decided to give me that talk Courtney and I already had slept together.”

“You already had had sex back then?”

“Yes – anyway – do you want to know the story or not?”

I only nod my head –

“Well my dad sat down opposite me and said ‘Son – I have to talk to you about well – sexuality.’ He stated it like ‘son I have to talk to you about the weather.’ I felt so bad – oh my god.”



I was reliving the whole thing and I still today can see my father’s face. Liz is smiling at me but I know how anxious she is, she wants to know every bit of the story.

“I only nodded and waited. Then he continued. “Well son I guess you and Courtney are in a pretty serious relationship and your mother and I just want to make sure that you two don’t make any mistakes – we know how easy it is to give into temptations and we want you two to be aware of the dangers a physical relationship can have.’ And then he pulled out a condom and I must…I must…have been crimson or dark red…or something like that…”

…by now I’m laughing tears – god that must have really been one of those camera moments. Liz is also giggling – I can see it.

“…and…and…then he was like ‘Max this is a condom and I hope you know how to use it but if…hihihi…if you don’t…(laugh)…I can…(grunt)…I can show you…’ I just wanted to get the hell out of there…”

I so have a hard time to control the laughing but it’s impossible and seeing Liz laughing now as well doesn’t help at all – but it’s good – I haven’t seen her laughing like that for a really long time.

((“What did you do?”))

“I snatched the condom out of his hand and told him that I knew how to use it and ran out of the room.”

((“You didn’t tell him that you already had slept with Courtney?”))

“Hell no – you think he would still be alive if I had told him? He would have had a heart attack but that was another question so now it’s your turn baby.”

((“Fine – I think it was the same year I was fourteen that my Mum sat down with me, she had this really nice book and explained everything to me – I felt so stupid – I was so inhibited…”))

“Yeah right!”

Inhibited? My Liz? NEVER! She looks at me with a raised eyebrow.

((“I was Max – really – the mere thought of a naked man made me uncomfortable. I just couldn’t imagine how this was supposed to work and that you could actually enjoy it and oh my god my mum frightened me a little when she told me that I will bleed the first time and that it will hurt and…the thought of all of that just freaked me out.”))

“I guess I can understand that I mean – I have no idea how that feels for a woman the first time.”

I resume to stroke her legs – but now I’m gliding higher and to the inside. The blanket is only covering her breasts, to her thighs so I have a lot of space to caress her.
Instead of asking the next questions I spread her legs and turn around as well so that I’m lying in between her legs.

“What are you doing?”

She watches me with half closed eyes and throws her head back as soon as I start lapping at her. There is only so much a man can take of having a naked woman in his bed. Her hips are moving towards me automatically and I slip my arms around her thighs to hold her as still as possible while staying where I am. Her scent is capturing me and I can feel her hands roaming through my hair – pulling – pushing. It doesn’t take long until she comes and I love to see this expression of totally abandon on her face, knowing that I’m the reason it is there.

“So next question I guess huh?”

I smile at her crawling back to my place, her look is priceless – totally flustered but also not able to believe that – although I'm very turned on – I still have the power to ask her – wondering if she’s going to help me out of this dilemma soon or if I have to wait.

“Mhm…first time you masturbated and did you like it and was it a surprise for you?.”

Now her eyes are as big as plates … what? You think only she can play that game? Nuhu…I do too.

((“I…I was I think I was fourteen – I’m not sure and…I…well yeah that’s it…did I like it? Honestly I had no idea what was going on with my body and I guess it really was a surprise for me when I found out that if I keep going that the feeling will overwhelm me.”))

I nod – yeah I know what she means.

“I think I was thirteen – but I'm also not sure – I guess I felt a little stupid at first to do this – but the curiosity won over me and after doing it the first time and loved it.”

Uh – uh – now she is moving – finally – pulling away the blanket that his hiding my erection. She eyes me up and down as if I’d be her next meal – oh boy what did I get myself into here?

“So how did you do it?”

She asks when looking into my eyes and I can feel her hand on me, moving up and down slowly.

“Like this?”

I can only bob my head, this feeling is too overwhelming. My eyes are burning into hers until she bents her head and I can feel her mouth on me.

“Oh shit Liiiiiz…Liz…”

I know that I’m hissing – but I… excuse me.


posted on 24-Dec-2001 9:43:05 AM

Part 75


His body is jerking underneath me and I'm drinking from him – he’s so tasty, he’s so everything essential in my life. His beautiful face is covered with sweat and I brush the hair from his forehead – it’s longer again.


I ask him when he finally opens his amber eyes again.


He chuckles and pulls me close.

“How about we continue this game tomorrow?”

I can hear him mumble, knowing that sleep is overwhelming him. I nod and snuggle up against him, hearing him breath, feeling him, smelling him is what I need and I have no idea how I’m going to survive without him in Australia – he doesn’t know that but the fact that he had been there for me after Michelle’s death not leaving my side once although I gave him every reason to and the fact that he won’t be there for me in Australia frightens me – what if I have a breakdown again – I know that when left alone I start thinking again and I shouldn’t do that. But you know what I’m talking about right? I mean – forget it…and what about his tests in England? How can I let him go there alone? What if they tell him they can’t help him? He will need someone to comfort him and what if they tell him that they can help him – then he will need someone to celebrate with – this might after all not be the best idea. Damn.


I can smell coffee and bacon when I wake up, the clock reads five after ten – this feels so good to sleep in once in a while. I slip out of the bed and pull Max’ shirt over my head.

“Morning sleepyhead.”

He smiles at me – I like this picture – him wearing string pajama bottoms, no shirt, no shoes, no socks and his hair all tousled and smile on his face.


I give him a kiss on the cheek and pour myself some coffee.

“Breakfast is ready any minute.”

He tells me, his back to me while hovering over the oven. I don’t know why but today I can make out every scar on his back again the scar at the nape of his neck is the one that frightens me the most somehow.

I have to hold him, feel him, so I stand up and warp my arms around his waist and kiss his back before pressing my cheek against his back – it’s like I need some kind of confirmation that he’s here – no idea where that comes from.


He turns around and hugs me.

“Everything alright?”

Concern evident in his voice – I nod. His one hand is moving over my head.
Looking up at him I smile.

“everything alright – I just needed to do that.”

“Well – then I'm not the one stopping you.”

He chuckles and takes me back into his arms.


After our breakfast we decide to take a walk – it’s a shame that Cookie had to stay with Max’ parents cuz he would have a lot of fun. Hand and hand we’re following the path that seems to lead us all around the lake.

“So we never really talked about but…”

Max suddenly starts, stutters, looks at me and…


It’s like he’s searching for the right words. I hate it that we have to do that, that we both have to be so careful of what we’re going to say or do without causing the other any pain because of what we had to go through. I can only hope that it’ll get better eventually.

“…our wedding.”

He breaths and keeps his eyes on me. I can only nod.



Only nodding, great I have to tell her that I'm not going to push her or force her to do something she doesn’t want to.

“Liz…I just…I don’t want to force you, I just…I don’t know…”

((“I understand – it isn’t that I haven’t thought about it on my own Max – I just…I guess I was also dreading the topic as much as you were…but you’re right we should at least talk about it.”))

Now it’s me who is nodding.

“Do you still want to marry me? I…I mean…”

I can see the confusion in her face…

“…that’s not what I meant…I…gosh…”

breath in – breath out and let’s start this again.

“Let me start this again okay? I just know that nothing for me has changed besides the fact that I seem to fall in love with you more every day. But…I don’t know…now with the possibility that I might hear again and you going to Australia I thought that we postpone it a little bit…I want to hear you saying ‘I do’ and if there’s a chance that this might happen I want to take it – but if you want us to get married before that it’s also fine with me.”

((“NO, no I think you’re right – and before you ask this stupid question again – I still want to marry you and there’s nothing that I’m more sure of – and I can understand you and I also want you to be able to hear us saying our vows and I want to be able to dance my wedding dance with you and I want to have the time to enjoy the wedding and the honeymoon and I couldn’t do that if we got married before I go to Australia, so let’s postpone it – but don’t you think that you’ll get rid of me – you’re mine Maxwell Evans.”

“I like that.”

I murmur before kissing her – I’m so glad that we came here because here we’re finally able to be us – know what I mean? No reporters, no shop, no manager . it’s just us and – we’re not permanently reminded of Michelle. Don't get me wrong, our little princess will always be in my heart and I will always love her but – we really needed that – to just be Max and Liz again.


In the afternoon, we’re enjoying the sun on the porch again – Liz is wearing shorts and a top, I have no idea why she isn’t wearing a bikini – it’s hot today – I'm wearing only my swimming trunks, lying in the shadow and I'm hot.

“I think I’m going to swim – join me?”

She looks up from her script, nods and gets up, pulling the top over her head and the shorts down her legs – she’s completely naked.

I tip my head to one side and watch her taking off her sunglasses, then she turns around.

((“Don't you think you’re wearing too much handsome?”))

And then she runs to the lake – ohhhhkay – so I get rid of my trunks and follow her. Diving into the refreshing water I swimming up to her.

“You’re always good for a surprise huh?”

“It wouldn’t be as much as fun if I wouldn’t.”

She smiles and then jumps on my back trying to push me under water – she should know better.

No idea how long we had been wrestling around like that but I suddenly realize that she’s now facing me, her legs around my waist, my hands on her backs and…oh I love that heated look in her eyes. YES!


In the evening I cook again and then we take our places on the couches watching each other.

“So where were we yesterday? Do you have to ask a question or do I have to?”

((“I think it was my turn to ask…”))

“Right… let’s hear it…”

((“Your first time…I mean I know with whom already and how old…but I want to know everything -. How was it…you know all the juicy details.”))

I knew it – I was just waiting for that question.

“Well…I was sixteen as you know…and it was Courtney…we had been together for three months…and…well we got there step by step…it was the first time for both o us and we had talked about it before that we would just go with the flow and if one of us had any doubts the other would understand it and…yeah…we weren’t really planning something like okay her parents are gone this and that weekend so it has to happen…in fact after we had talked about the possibility that we both thought it would happen soon her parents were away several times as well as mine and nothing had happened besides second base. When it happened I was so nervous, it was just a gut feeling telling me that it would be happening today – I just knew it and she knew it too – it was the day after Christmas and her parents were visiting her father’s boss or something like that, I had come over to give her my present and we ended up in her room listening to some new cds she had gotten, they were just becoming popular back then – anyway – we were lying in her bed, she was lying next to me playing with my fingers and – this alone had turned me on so much – god – I thought I would explode any second. We started kissing and touching each other and within minutes I had her stripped to her underwear and she had removed everything besides my shorts. I mean we already had some experience in – let’s say pleasuring each other but this was different – and we knew it. I was so nervous and so frightened to disappoint her, to hurt her and to not be able to last – god – so many things were going round in my head. Court somehow had felt it and told me to just let it happen – she was amazing – you should think that the girl is more worried but she wasn’t, she was great.”

I watch her while I'm telling her the story, I know that she was jealous of Court, I hope she isn’t anymore, I mean there isn’t any reason for it anymore – I love her. Of course thinking and talking about my first time is somehow strange, I can somehow feel the emotions running through my body again I had back then.

“Well…she helped me getting the condom put on and.…then we continued to kiss and caress and eventually I ended up between her thighs – it was such an amazing feeling to…yeah to feel her surrounding me, and then suddenly I was stopped by her barrier and I was ready to panic. What should I do? Should I just push hard and hurt her? Or would it be better for her to go slow but before I could act she lifted her hips and took the decision from me . it hurt I could see it in her eyes but she wasn’t crying and then I can only remember this overwhelming feeling of experiencing something totally new and for out of this earth. Yep that was our first time – I stayed for the night and when we woke up in the morning it was somehow awkward – neither of us knew what to say until I said that I really enjoyed it and yeah cheesy stuff like that.”

“You really loved her didn’t you?”

I know that this is a very serious question for her.

“Back then and what my definition of love was – yeah – I loved her but if you want to know if I could still love her today – I don’t think so – my life has changed…and…I know that I love you…there’s a lot more about love that I didn’t know about back then but I'm happy to say that I do know them now.

I'm now holding her hand playing with her ring. And it is so true…I had loved Court – no doubt but – she left, I cried but I got over it – if Liz ever left me I couldn’t get over it – never and that’s a fact.


posted on 24-Dec-2001 9:43:47 AM

Part 76


So I know that I shouldn’t be jealous – I mean I met her and she is really nice and I trust Max if he tells me that he loves only me – still his first time was like everybody’s dream first time – I couldn’t say that.

“Now your first time.”

Well I had to ask him huh – now I have to answer as well.

((“Well…my first time wasn’t all that great. I was seventeen – late bloomer – anyway – his name as Christian – he was an intern at Paramount – eighteen years old – blond, green eyes, tall – he was working in the office which handled the fan mail and all that stuff and after I finally got some I went there more often…he was there and well we talked – he was in my age so…I pretty much enjoyed his company. We started going out on dates – but nothing really happened. There was a party and I drank a lot – ever since coming to LA I had started drinking – and yeah we were both drunk when he brought me home. The whole evening through we had been kissing and …actually I was curious – I wanted to know what it was like – I didn’t love him, I liked him and he was definitely attractive. So we ended up in my bedroom, tearing our clothes down and before I could even mention that I was still a virgin it was too late – it hurt like hell – still he was great he asked my why I didn’t say anything and that he is sorry and…yeah…eventually the pain vanished – and that was it – after that we met from time to time just to have sex – it was no love as I said before…”

I feel so ashamed – he looks at me with a stern face – then he tips his head to one side and smiles slightly.

“Wow that was – different – did you regret it?”

((“Not really – well okay – later I did – I don’t know…”))

“Are you still in contact with him?”

Are we jealous Mister Evans? The problem is you hardly know if he is or isn’t he should be an actor – really Max isn’t like an open book – sometimes I look at him and have no idea what is going on in his mind.

((“No – no I'm not in contact with him anymore.”))

Nodding again on his side.

“So – with how many men have you had sex – me included?”

Wow – uh – well – if he really wants to know.

((“Good questions, no idea – 20??” I mean there was Christian, Sean and you, that’s three – after Christian I had a relationship with Tim and then several One-Night-Stands…I don't know – really – I know that this sounds – uhm – like I don’t care about who I’m sleeping with and honestly I had a time where I didn’t care that much about it. It was only sex nothing more.”))

He’s following every word I'm saying – what is he thinking?

“I can understand that Liz – I mean – I did that too – I honestly also have no idea with how many women I have slept, there was Courtney, Caroline in England, Anastasia and you of course and several other woman. I mean I was young and traveling around in the world and as a designer you meet the most beautiful women in the world and…yeah…one thing leads to another and…”

Now I have to smile – is he really blushing? My god he is so cute but now I have to let him sweat a little.

((“You still meet the most beautiful women in the world now more than ever what does that mean for me?”))

Tilting his head to the side I think he knows what game I’m playing.

“Oh well if I remember right you’re meeting the most sexiest men alive and all that – do I have to be afraid of something?”

I get up and climb onto his lap, he smiles up at me.

“No – no you don’t – I already have the most sexiest man alive right where I need him.”

I tell him before kissing him.

“And I have the most beautiful woman – so who needs the rest of them?”


The next day actually goes by like the other, we’re just enjoying our days – knowing that we can do whatever we want to – in the evening I'm wandering around the house – funny that I didn’t do that the days before – but I guess I was way too occupied or something like that.

IN one of the rooms I find a pool table and…hm…walking back into the kitchen I tip Max on his shoulder.


“Wanna play pool?”


“Cuz I found that pool table in one of the other rooms and I would like to play – c’mon…”

Grabbing his hand I drag him behind me into the room.

“Liz I don’t know – I mean – I haven’t played in a long time and…”

“Are you afraid that I could beat you?”


Yeah right…



She does not honestly believe that she could beat me does she? Well I'm glad to know that I can play her – well a little bit – I mean she does that with me as well – so.
To make her believe that I'm not that good anymore I play horrible the first few balls.

“Max – not like that, you’re holding it in the total wrong way – here let me show you…”

Here we go – can you see that devilish smile on my face?

She’s now standing in front of me, my front pressed against her back and she’s showing me how to hold the billiard cue…I start nibbling at her earlobe, down her neck, she stiffens shortly but then I can see her close her eyes and feel her pulse speeding up.

“Like that?”

I murmur – swallowing, nodding. I think I’m doing a pretty good job.

“So you think I could beat you now?”

I mumble, while my hand find it’s way under her shirt and into the waistband of her shorts.

She turns around.

“No, want to bet?”

“Sure – “

Oh she thinks she had won this already doesn’t she.

“Okay – if you really win – then I’ll…mhm…what could I do?”

“I have an idea there.”

I say, leaning down and whispering into her ear.

Heated looks, nodding – uh I like that – you better be careful in the future Liz Parker because you never know what might come you way.

“And what if I win?”

She asks, still the desire burning in her eyes.

“Tell me…”

I move away from her getting the billiard balls together.

“Then…it’ll be my turn.”


I nod and the we start playing.
She soon realizes that I played her – that I'm actually quite good in playing pool – hey it was one of the things I did nonstop after the accident – it kept my thoughts away from the accident and I did at least something – the thing is if you do sports your thoughts can always wander, if you read, you might read the page but not really concentrate on it but with pool, you have to really concentrate on what your next ball with be – know what I mean?

“Well it looks like I have won huh?”

I but the cue down and walk up to Liz.

“You didn’t play fair – you made me believe that you can’t play.”

“Too bad – I will make it worth your while.”

And with that I take the cue out of her hand, lift her up and place her on the billiard table – don’t you also think that a pool table his something erotic? Well I do.


posted on 24-Dec-2001 9:44:39 AM

Part 77

3.06 a.m. and Liz isn’t in bed. Where the hell is she? I get up and walk into the living room – there’s light in the kitchen and getting closer I can see Liz sitting at the table – she’s crying – what?

“Liz baby – is everything alright?”

I sit down next to her, she blows her nose, shakes her head and then looks at me through, red, puffy, swollen eyes – she must have been crying for a while now by the looks of it.
It hurts me to see her like that.

“Wanna talk about it?”

Instead of saying something she crawls onto my lap and hides her face in the crook of my neck – okay – well – we have time – a lot of time and she’ll talk to me if she wants to but until then I can only hold her and comfort her and that is exactly what I do.

“Have you been sitting here long?”


“Why didn’t you wake me?”

She lifts her head and stares at me before answering.

“I didn’t want to wake you…”

I touch her cheek with my hand and look into her eyes, to make sure that she really gets the message this time.

“Liz I love you and if there is something bothering you then I want you to come to me night or day it doesn’t matter okay? We’re planning to get married and one thing will be through the good times and the bad times okay? I don’t need those vows to be here for you – so don’t you want to tell me what’s bothering you?”

“It’s just – I'm so afraid Max…”

She starts and new tears are running down her cheeks and she’s hiccupping, trying to suppress the tears.

“Shshsh…there’s nothing wrong with being afraid Liz…are you afraid of going to Australia?”

She nods and then continues.

“How am I supposed to do this without you? You have been there for me ever since Michelle died and even before that – you’re what keeps me sane – what if I have a breakdown? What if…”

“Liz – baby – listen to me – if you want me to come with you to Australia I will go with you but I want you to do this movie okay? You need this, this is your work and I’m sure that it will help you a lot – you know – to get back to normal again more or less – you’re so strong Liz, so strong – there is no reason for you to be afraid.”

“But what about your tests?”

I shrug my shoulders – that’s not really my concern in the moment.

“No – no you have to do this Max – I was just thinking of not doing the movie and going to England with you instead – I mean I should be there for you no matter what the outcome of the tests will be don’t you think?”

“Liz – of course it would be nice if you would be there but I can do this – and don’t you dare thinking of not doing the movie – the role is made for you and acting is your life and this movie is the perfect comeback for you – promise me that you’ll do the movie. Perhaps I can go to England get the tests and then join you in Australia how about that? You think you could do a week or two without me?”

“Hardly but that sounds better.”

She snuggles into my chest again and I can feel that her breath is slowing down again. Carefully I carry her back into the bedroom, place her on the bed, join her and take her into my arms.

Of course I have also thought about it – I mean – this will be it – the tests will either ruin the last bit of hope I had or it will give me my hearing back. But I had promised myself not think about all this stuff while we’re here and until now I had a great time here – I really have to admit that I’m enjoying my time with Liz here – It’s just sad that our time is nearly over – Michael and Maria will be coming home the same day we do and then we’re going to work again and then …see…I already start to think about it again and to worry – god.


Michael POV

Home – LA – I don’t know if I’m that happy to be back again because here reality is back – through the last three weeks Maria and I had contemplated so often if she should call Liz just to make sure that she and Max are doing fine. I felt so bad for leaving them behind, knowing that they still have problems. Although they would have never admitted it – we all knew that something was wrong in their relationship after Michelle’s death – nobody blames them – I honestly have no idea how I would be able to get through this – so now I’m back to their home – well I hope that it is still their home and that Liz still lives here and hasn’t decided to break up or…I don’t even want to think about it.

Opening the door I can hear laughter is that Liz?


No answer.

“No – no – you won’t!”

Liz again – laughing – I didn’t dream.

Walking onto the porch I can see Liz running away from Cookie and Max?! What is going on here?

Max is of course faster than Liz and grabs her around her waist, lifting her up in the air.

“Do you surrender our ball or not?”


Liz screams although she knows that he can’t hear her, but because she’s also shaking her head he has a pretty good idea.

“Well you wanted it like that.”

Max walks towards the pool. Liz is kicking and laughing at the same time, her arms securely around his neck.

“Max please – no – Max –“

Max looks at her, smirks and throws her into the pool, jumping in behind her – all the while Cookie was barking at the two – more concerned about his ball as it seems.

As soon as Liz comes up she jumps onto Max back and…

“No Liz…please…don’t that tickles…oh hi Michael.”

He finally sees me and Liz also sees me and waves, not getting off Max’ back, instead she waits until he has made his way over to the rim at my side.

“How was your honeymoon? How’s Maria?”

He asks while climbing out of the pool and helping Liz as well.

((“Well we had a lot of fun – how have you two been doing?”))

“Fine we went to Canada for some days, just came back this morning – so how is married life?”

Max asks me as if nothing had happened – ever – he’s now drying his hair with a towel.

((“Not a lot different – besides the fact that my grandmother can sleep better because I'm not living in sin anymore.”))

We all laugh.

“Is Maria at home?”

Liz asks me while slipping into her robe.

“Yeah I’m sure she is waiting for you call.”

“Fine – see ya Michael.”

Before leaving she gives Max a kiss and disappears into the house – I'm more than relieved to see that they seem to be fine again.


Max is eyeing me while we’re walking to the studio.

((“You two have worked through your problems huh?”))

“Yeah – yeah and I'm glad about it – I – I think we really needed that time we had only for us – without anybody else asking us non stop if we’re okay – no offence Michael…”

((“Not taken…so tell me…you attacked a reporter?”))

He rolls his eyes and opens the door to our studio.

“It wasn’t like that, that idiot took pictures of us at Michelle’s grave – vulture – he had no sense of sympathy – I don’t really care if they take pictures of us while we’re shopping or out for dinner – it bothers me but I can live with that but this was so disrespectful – it was a very private moment and I didn’t attack him as a matter of fact I just took the film and threatened him that if I ever see him near this cemetery again there’ll be hell to pay. Michael I had a hard time getting the petition through with our lawyer that I will sue everybody who publishes a picture of Michelle’s grave – she was a baby and…had nothing to do with this fame of her parents – she couldn’t choose to be our child and I don’t want her to be used for publicity…I…”

He stops and takes a deep breath.

“Can you understand that?”

I nod.

After he gets dressed he shows me the sketches he did while I was gone and I have to admit that he again did a very good job.

((“Let me ask you something Max – I thought we both had time off why did you make those sketches?”))

“Because I had the ideas and besides that I’ll be going to England in November for some tests – there is a doctor that might be able to help me – and after that I might join Liz in Australia what means that you’ll have to do the fashion show on your own and I wanted to…”

I hold up my hand.

((“One moment – you what? Do you want to tell me that you might be able to hear again?”))

“Maybe they don’t you know yet.”

He tells me everything about the doctor and how long he has known about that- On the one side I’m a little disappointed that he didn’t tell me about it, after all I’m his best friend on the other I can understand him.


posted on 24-Dec-2001 9:49:04 AM

Part 78

Maria POV


I shriek as soon as I open the door and she is shrieking as well – falling into my arms.

“Maria – how are you doing? Oh my god look at you, you look so good – you have to tell me everything.”

She’s literally babbling, something that is usually my job.

“No way but look at you Liz – you look so…so…”



I nod and we walk into the living room.

“So you and Max are okay?”

She waits before she answers.

“Yes – yes we’re fine – thank god – I mean we were at a point where we either break up or get through it together and…yeah – we’re through this together.”

“I'm so happy for you chica – honestly I was worried but now you seem to be doing fine again so tell me – what did you two do while we were gone?”

“Uhu no way – you go first after all you’re the one who got married and you just came back from your honeymoon – so spill.”

I smile at her and then I tell her everything – well not EVERYTHING but a lot about my honeymoon. I had been great – really wonderful.

“He really sang to you? Oh my god -…”

Liz is laughing tears, when I tell her that one evening we went into a karaoke bar and Michael went on stage and sang.

“It was so perfect Liz.”

Liz nods.

“So now it’s your turn.”

“Oh well Max and I just came back from Canada today – we had a lot of fun and …well made up and talked and oh god Maria he might be able to get his hearing back.”

“What? What do you mean?”

“There’s a doctor in England who thinks that he’ll be able to give him back his hearing, Max is planning on flying to England while I’m flying to Australia to do a new movie…”

“Stop…okay okay…I guess I missed something – you’re going to Australia?”

“Yes – I’ll start to work again, Kyle and Max both think it’s a good idea and honestly I have to get back to normal again Maria – I need to work again to – I don’t know I just need to do something – I mean Max is great he’s there for me and everything but I also know that he and Michael have a business to run and that he won’t be there 24/7 forever so…I'll do this and Max goes to England gets the tests done and then joins me for some days.”

“Wow – and this doctor knows that he’ll be able to help him? What kind of operation is that?”

“Max didn’t really tell me the facts, I was also wondering about that – but from what Max told me this doctor sounds pretty positive about this. I’m just so – torn between doing this movie and going to England with him – what if they can’t help him? And no one is there to comfort him? I mean this is a live changing thing that’s going to happen there and he’s all alone and…”

She’s talking faster and faster and somehow I can understand her but then Max wouldn’t go through with that if he wasn’t pretty sure that he could deal with it all alone. Well I hope at least that he knows what he is doing.



“Liz – baby – you have to let go now.”

I mumble into her hair, she is still crying. She moves away from me and tries to smile.

“I know, but I just can’t stop crying, what if something goes wrong Max what if…?”

“Will you stop it now?”

I chuckle – she worries too much.

“I wouldn’t do that if I had any doubt about it baby – okay? Have faith in me and the docs as much as I have faith in you that you’ll be fine.”

I can see Kyle moving up to us.

“I'm sorry to interrupt guys but we have to go Liz.”

I can make that out, he says something else but I can’t follow him anymore – I give Liz a reassuring kiss.

“I love you.”

She nods again but I can see that she’ll cry soon again and if she keeps going like that I'll join her and LAX will have to be closed because it was flooded. Kidding!

“You take good care of her Kyle – promise.”

I turn to Kyle – I'm so glad that he said he would join Liz at least until I have news from England.

“I will see you Max and good luck.”


They disappear into their gate, I take my bag and walk to my gate – nonstop LA – London – that’s it I guess.


Arriving there at noon I don’t drive to my apartment directly I drive to Doctor Grabtree’s office right away because he wanted me to come by as soon as possible.

“Mr. Evans – so nice to finally meet you.”

To my surprise he looks much younger than on the pictures I have seen of him.

“Doctor Grabtree it’s my pleasure.”

I'm sure he can feel my hand shaking – I’m so nervous and yeah – frightened. In the moment I have the feeling as if I can’t breath – what am I doing here?

“So – everything is set for the test tomorrow – now the only thing we have to do is weigh you and take your blood pressure and yeah that’s it.”

So I'm actually horrified – there’s something I didn’t tell Liz – first of all my hair has to go, second of all – I'll be conscious during the whole thing – that means while he is doing something to my brain I'm awake, third of all – if and that is the biggest if of all – if there is a chance that it’ll work out he’ll do it right away tomorrow. I couldn’t tell Liz that, she would have never agreed to go to Australia but – I’m hoping that everything turns out right and that – well that he can help me – wanna know what I did? I bought a video of Liz’s Oscar winning movie, that it’ll really be her voice that’s the first thing I'm going to hear and besides that I can watch the movie and don’t worry too much about what he is doing to my head.

After weighing me and all the other stuff they needed to know I head home and write an email to Liz – she has her Laptop with her that way we can stay in contact – now you wanna know if I’m going to tell her about the outcome of the tests and so on? I'm not planning to do so – but we’ll see.


“Well Mister Evans – that’s it.”

Doctor Grabtree smiles at me, while I'm lying down on the stretcher. I think I'm going to be sick.

“How are you today?”


“That’s understandable but I can promise you that there is nothing you have to worry about – so is there something else before we start?”

“Yeah just in case could you perhaps – let the movie run? I promised my fiancé that her voice would be the first thing I want to hear and just in case if…”

He takes the tape out of my hand, smiles and nods.

“We sure will – so let’s get this thing going shall we?”

Then he disappears behind my head – oh god – breath Max, breath in, breath out – that’s it.
I can’t feel my head anymore – sounds crazy I know but that’s what they did to me – I know that they are doing something, well – something – they’re actually boring holes in to my head and if I worry more about it I'm really going to be sick – oh god help me.
I watch the time ticking by ten minutes, twenty minutes – an hour – what the hell is he doing? One hour and a half – damn.

Suddenly he’s right next to me. What is he thinking? What has been going on? I'm actually relieved that I still feel quite normal besides the fact of the holes in my skull – but hey – until now no further damage has been done.

“Well Mister Evans – it looks really promising, actually what I suggest you what we’re gonna do is irritating the nerves with a little bit of energy.”

“What does that mean?”

I ask him.

“Well I was able to locate the nerves and reconnect them if you want to say it like that – they haven’t been used for quite some time now so I have to get them to move again – what I want you to do is raise your hand if you hear something okay? The amount of energy is so tiny that you won’t feel it.”

I would nod, but my head is secured – remind me again why I’m doing this? This smell in here is making me sick and – urgh.

A nurse walks by and turns the television on and there she is – my beautiful Liz. She’s talking right into the camera and I feel like she’s talking only to me.

“…I have no idea what my life would have been like if I hadn’t met Jarod the way I did but…”

Did I just hear that or did I read that? What? No – no – that can’t be – no – I raise my hand.


posted on 24-Dec-2001 9:49:30 AM

Part 79

“But I'm not sure.”

I say. I’m trembling, could this be actually true? Could it? I mean – COULD IT?

“That’s okay Mister Evans – will try again.”

Okay – I really heard that, he wasn’t standing in front of me – he’s BEHIND me.

“Oh my god doctor I heard you.”

I gasp. The nurse appears at my side and smiles at me.

“That’s wonderful Max – here want a tissue?”

One? I could need a whole package – ohmygodohmygodohmygod! You think it would actually be understandable if I started bawling like a baby any second? I smile a thankful smile at her as soon as the first tears are gliding down my cheeks. God I think I’m dreaming.

No – breath in – breath out – breath in – breath out – that’s it Max – good boy.

“Now we’re going to move over to the other side Max – I’m sure it’s still pretty silent.”

Yeah, yeah oh my god, yeah.

I'm lying here – crying – do you have any idea what that means to me? That changes my whole life again – god – why didn’t I hear about this doctor right after my accident? What took him so long and – oh god – now I'm staring at the television and oh my god – Liz – she has the most beautiful voice I have ever heard in my whole life – I don’t really make out the sense of what she’s saying but the tone of her voice – is just wonderful.

20 minutes go by, and then slowly I can hear everything even louder – it isn’t like it used to be but – I don’t care – oh my god.

“Well Max – how is that?”


My voice – oh my god – it sounds so – strange and – yet so familiar – it’s trembling. Of course it is you idiot you just got your hearing back!


I'm lying in a hospital bed now, waiting for the doc to come – I'm actually pretty tired now and my head aches – oh my god it aches so bad. The door opens and the doc comes in.

“How are you feeling?”

“My head hurts.”

It’s actually quite strange to talk to him that easily – though I have to admit that it’s really difficult to understand the words.

“I'm sure that you will encounter some problems first, you haven’t been hearing for quite some time now Mister Evans, so I'll talk slow so that you can still read from my lips.”

“Thanks I appreciate that.”

“Your headache is natural – suddenly nerves are activated that haven’t been used for some time – think of it like it would be sore muscles but this will be over soon. Also your nerves have to get used to work the drumhead again – this might cause some misunderstandings – literally – are you reading my lips now or are you understanding me?”

“Honestly I'm reading your lips, because I don’t think that my drumheads are working properly.”

“I thought so – you have to learn to hear again if you want to put it that way. I will release you tomorrow if everything looks fine – but I have to ask you to come back everyday for one week now – and don’t over do it – rest and get used to the noise all around you again.”

I’m wondering when I'm finally able to fly again.

“Doc when will I be able to fly again?”

“I would say in three weeks should be fine – I wouldn’t want you flying around before that but we’ll see.”

“Okay – that’s fine – thank you.”

He says goodbye and leaves me to myself again. Okay that leaves me three weeks to get better – but what am I gonna tell Liz? She’ll kill me if I don’t tell her – but I want it to be a surprise for her – oh god – at least I can take the time for some designing and maybe – yeah maybe I could – yeah that’s a good idea! What? Oh you want to know what I'm talking about? I'm not going to tell you.



I’m so concerned – three weeks – okay two weeks are already over but still that’s a pretty damn long time and Kyle will leave me in two days. He did such a great job really, he kept me calm when I read Max’ email in which he told me that they actually had to bore wholes in to his head. I got so sick – god – and I’m not there for him. I mean I’m having fun doing this movie, really it distracts me more than I’ve thought but – I should have been there for him – again my job came between me and a relationship – okay he said he wanted me to do the movie still I feel like I have let him down. How could he talk me into that? I'm just so happy that I receive an email from him everyday, that shows he is doing fine. I just don’t understand what is taking them so long to get the test results? God – I can’t imagine him having to go through this whole procedure again – then I’ll be with him, I have promised that myself already. I'm not going to let him down a second time.

God it is so hot here – can you believe that? It’s summer over here and it’ll be December soon – I couldn’t live like that – well I know that California isn’t exactly a winter paradise but still it gets colder at least – only a little bit that makes a difference believe me. Thank god my shots for today are over.

“Liz? There’s someone waiting for you at your trailer.”

Carol my assistant for this movie tells me.

“Thank you.”

Who could that be? My mobile phone rings – oh gawd this day is just again one of those days isn’t it?


Nothing – breathing – please don’t tell me that it is some kind of wacko who bought my number on ebay or something like that.



Who? And then I can see him, standing at my trailer with a phone in his hand. OH MY GOD! Max! When he sees me he moves the phone away from his ear and I think mine has fallen to the floor already, I’m running, I'm crying.

“Max – Max – OH my god – OH my god.”

I’m whispering over and over again. And then I'm in his arms, he’s real, he’s really here and…

“Do you hear me? Max can you understand me?”

I mumble into his neck while he’s holding me, my voice sounds strained.

“I can hear every single word – every single tone of your beautiful voice.”

He’s crying just like I am. Then it suddenly hits me – he went through this without telling me and has been hearing for two weeks and five days now and didn’t tell me.

“You – you knew and…you…you…do you have any idea how worried I was and how I blamed myself for letting you go through this all alone? How could you do this without me and then you don’t even tell me….how?!”

Now I’m pounding onto his chest – how could he do this? How? We’re getting married? I mean – I – god he can hear. Next thing I do is kissing him breathless. Can you spell ‘confusing’?

He’s chuckling.

“I'm sorry Liz – I just wanted it to be a surprise.”

“Surprise? That’s more than a surprise you – idiot.”


posted on 24-Dec-2001 9:49:59 AM


Part 80


I look into her eyes – I still can't believe that I’m really hearing her.

“You have such a wonderful voice baby – “

I mumble before kissing her again – she’s groaning – oh god that sounds so good and sexy and mesmerizing.

Panting we separate again after some minutes of hot and heated kisses.

“What did they do to your hair?”

She strokes over my head over and over again where you can at least find stubble again – it felt really weird to have no hair at all there but it’s growing again and it won’t take that long until I have my usual length back – by Christmas it should be fine again.

“Well I gave it with a crying and a laughing eye – “

I need to touch her, feel her, be surrounded by her.

“How much longer do you have to be here?”

“I'm finished.”


Is all I can say before crushing my lips on to hers again. Begging for entry with my tongue – god I need her so much – I need her taste – I have missed it so much, now I'm really wondering how I could go on without for the last two weeks.

“Let’s get going.”

She breaths between our kisses and all I can do is nod – I take my bag, our hands entwined we haul a cab and Liz gives him the address of the hotel, then I can taste her lips on mine again – hopefully this drive won’t be any longer – I need her so much and from the moaning on her side I can actually hear that she wants me as well.

It’s hard to restrain myself in the elevator – I press her against the wall, attacking her mouth, neck, while massaging her delicate breasts.


“I guess we are there huh?”

I chuckle and keep her legs around my hips, while walking to the door she directs me to go. I have no idea how I make it to keep her up and hold my bag as well but I do and as soon as the door closes I throw the bag away, concentrating on the love of my life in my arms.

“I love you so much, Liz – so much – please forgive me that I did that – “

“Shshshsh not now – you’ll be punished later.”

Her cheeks are turning light red – I like the sound of it - we’re smiling at each other.
I let her glide down my body before I start unbuttoning her blouse, kissing her neck, her collarbone.

“Talk to me Liz – please.”

I beg her, I need to hear her voice I want to know if it’s okay what I do to her – finally I'm able to notice everything around me again – I need her to –

“God Max – don’t stop…”

She whispers into my ear and licks around my earlobe. I can hear myself growling – when did I start doing that? Her hands are wandering under my shirt and she pushes it up, kissing the exposed skin.

“God you’re so magnificent Max – so beautiful.”

I take her by surprise when lifting her up again and carrying her into the bedroom. Placing her in the middle of the bed I climb onto it as well and start kissing her all over again. The blouse is gone and now I’m busy with getting her skirt off – every little sound she makes encourages me to go on, to keep going. Her hands are roaming over my head.

“Don't – please –“

I look at her. It still hurts – I admit that and I'm still taking medication.

“Oh my god – Max I'm so sorry – sorry –“

She gasps, sitting up. I cup her face and look in to her deep brown pools that are her eyes.

“Baby it’s okay – I’m fine – just – be careful with my head – that’s all I'm asking for – you don’t have to be sorry.”

She looks up at me through half opened eyes, bites on her bottom lip.

“I'm sorry Max – so how about…”

…oh god…I can feel her hand moving into my trousers- touching me through my shorts…

“…what about that head? I guess I should be careful with that too huh?”

I'm groaning that’s all I'm capable of in the moment – closing my eyes I enjoy the feeling of her hand working on me – it feels good and I can feel my hips moving with her automatically – but…but that wasn’t how I had planned this.


Now she’s kneeling in front of me, working my pants so that she can push them down, together with my shorts – damn how – uh – could she turn the tables around so fast? Now her hand is moving up and down in a teasing motion.

“If you keep this going Liz I can’t guarantee for anything.”

I finally find the strength to push her away from me and finish my task of undressing her.



He feels so good and I still can’t believe that he can hear everything I say – I have so many questions but not now – now – I have something else to do – you can believe me that. His caressing me everywhere with his gentle hands – teasing my nipples, while kissing the valleys between my breast, moving further down, his hands gliding to the sides of my body, dipping his tongue into my navel.

“Max…that feels good…”

I hiss, he smiles up at me and repeats the movement, I can feel my eyes rolling back before I close my eyes – he takes this chance and moves further down. Voluntarily like they have a will on their own, my legs are moving farther apart to give him room, that’s when I feel his tongue licking, his teeth nibbling. As much as I was anticipating this it still is like a shock – so no wonder when I scream his name.


Although his mouth is still working me I can feel him smiling. Honestly I have all of the teasing I can take after some minutes. I need him now.

“Max – I need you – please.”

He nods and slides home –


He’s moving in and out of me, looking at me.

“Please…Liz…talk…to…me…I…need to hear…you.”

He whispers while slowing down his movement.

“I want you and need you so much Max – I love you…”

“Love you too…”

He mumbles against my lips before he kisses me again, increasing the tempo.



When I hear her screaming her orgasm it’s all it takes to trigger mine – god that must be the most beautiful sound I have ever heard – so much oblivion and love and freedom in her voice.

I'm rolling over, taking her with me, kissing her head – mine is aching honestly I know that the doc told me not to over do it but he isn’t engaged to Liz so – he better be quiet.

“How are you doing?”

She asks me, I can hear the concern in her voice – it is amazing how much you can actually hear.

“Fine – my head aches a bit but that should be fine again.”

“Sorry for wearing you out.”

Liz chuckles and I have to smile as a consequence. I like this way of being worn out.

“Oh I love to be worn out by you Liz Parker – believe me…”

She starts drawing lazy circles around my nipples.

“…that reminds me of something.”

I get up again and go to my bag.

“Max please come back to bed, what are you doing?”

“Just a minute – you have no patience do you?”

I chuckle while searching for what I need. Aha! There you are. There goes nothing – either it works or not.


posted on 24-Dec-2001 9:50:37 AM

Part 81

She is sitting in bed, watching me walking up to her.

“I know that this might sound stupid and cheesy and considering the fact that I already did – well – one year ago – I mean…”

“Max you’re making no sense at all.”

She smiles at me, I crawl on the bed again, climbing under the blanket with her.

“Max you’re worrying me.”

I take her hand.

“I know that I already asked you but…after what happened and now – I guess I just want to hear – I…you’re the love of my life Liz Parker – for the last year I have fallen deeper and deeper in love with you and although we have been through so much I know that I wouldn’t be sitting here now if it weren’t for your love – so I just want to ask you again – do you want to marry me – like – in four weeks?”

I open my hand in which I hold a bracelet – I had been thinking of getting a new ring but she’ll wear my wedding ring so that’s enough if you ask me.

She’s staring at me, no reaction at all.

“Liz? Liz honey please say something!”

“You’re so crazy – but I love you nevertheless – yes – oh my god yes – “

She’s kissing me now again and I pull her closer to my body.

“How do you do that?”

Her eyes are staring into mine and I can see tears glistering in hers.

“How do I do what?”

I murmur before kissing her eyes – taking away the tears.

“You always manage to surprise me – you’re too good to be true, how? Why? I mean I certainly don’t deserve that.”

“Oh you deserve so much more Liz – you have no idea – if I could I would give you the world. So how about that bracelet?”

I hold it up in front of her face again and smilingly she turns her back to me, lifts her hair to give my access to her swanlike neck. I place the bracelet around her neck, kissing her there as soon as I’m finished.

“So what do you mean by getting married in four weeks?”

“I told Isabel to plan the wedding for Christmas Eve if that’s okay for you? I think there is nothing more I can give you for Christmas than my promise to love you forever and to make all your wishes and dreams come true.”



Okay if he doesn’t stop that right now I’m going to start bawling – literally – he’s not real is he?

“So you told Isabel to plan our wedding?”

“No actually I just gave her instructions to what we had settled on so far – the rest we still have to let her know – and I promised Michael to send him your measurements for a dress – you’ll have to talk to him then.”

“You’re so crazy you know that.”

“I think you’ve mentioned that already, just one thing – they don’t know about the outcome of the operation yet so please don’t tell them okay?”

“Okay – I’m sure they’ll be pissed just like I was – am – actually how could you go through with this without telling me?”

“Do you really want to talk about that now?”

He’s mumbling at my ear – his hot breath on my skin – that feels so forbidden good – Jesus – I guess I better –

“Max – that isn’t fair – I'm trying hard to be pissed off here with you…”

“Well I’m trying hard to convince you not to be – so how am I doing?”

His hand is moving up my inner thigh now…


I moan before fusing my lips to his, making love to his mouth…this is so hard. He’s just too irresistible. I'm going to be Liz Evans in four weeks! Yeay! Well Liz Parker – Evans or – who…cares anyway?!

“Don't stop…”

“I have no intention of doing so…”


The phone – great – it’s my wakeup call. Turning around I see Max staring at me.


“Nothing – I just enjoy the view.”

“That was my wakeup call – “

“I know I heard it…”

We smile at each other – it is just still a wonder for me that he can hear again. Carefully I touch his head.

“Does it still hurt?”

The scars are actually tiny, considering the big effect they have on his life.

“No – it’s better…”

“What exactly did they do?”

He still hasn’t told me all the details about this operation.

“I really want to tell you Liz, but let’s do this when we have a lot of more time okay?”

“Okay – “

I lean over, kiss him and get up – naked as I am I walk towards the bathroom, turning around I can see him staring at my naked form. Propped up on his elbows, his head tipped to one side.

“Mind joining me for a hot shower?”

“Well I couldn’t possibly say no to such an offer.”

He jumps out of bed and throws me over his shoulder.

“No – Max – Max!”

I laugh, I like this view of his naked butt by the way – geez – I just can’t resist and pinch him, which earns me a slap on my behind.

“Could you do that again?”

I hear myself saying my thoughts out loud. DID I really SAY that? OH my GOD!

“Why Miss Parker – aren’t we kinky this morning huh?”

Max laughs at me, placing me in the shower and turning the water on.


He’s like a drug – if I haven’t mentioned that already I’m going to say it now – he is – I just can’t live without him. We’re now on our way back down for breakfast – I know that Kyle will be waiting for me – he’s leaving tomorrow. Wondering if he knows that Max is here?!
There he is sitting in the lobby reading the newspaper.

“There you are.”

He gets up and smiles at both of us.

“I already heard the rumor that your fiancé arrived.”

He nods at Max.

“Hey Max – “

“Hey Kyle – I have heard that you took good care of my girl here.”

Max smiles at him, wrapping an arm around my shoulder – I can feel thousand eyes on us.

“Uhm guys could we like get to the restaurant?”

I ask while looking around for the fastest way out of this situation.


Max says, taking my hand and waiting that we start moving. Kyle is looking at him as if he had grown a second head over night. It’s priceless – I mean I shouldn’t laugh because I was shocked – hell everybody will be shocked at first.

“Okay I know that she didn’t look at you when she asked that – Max?”

Max has a 100 Watt smile.

“Well Kyle – I have to admit your voice isn’t at all what I expected it to be.”

Now his eyes are nearly popping out of his head.

“Oh my god – you already had the operation? You can hear again?”


“Wow – that – wow – congratulations – wow…”

“Oh and Kyle – Max and I are going to get married on Christmas Eve.”

With that we leave him standing there, I just love to shock him from time to time.


posted on 24-Dec-2001 9:51:14 AM

Part 82


I know that I shouldn’t do this but I have to go home – I can't risk that the tabloids will tell my family and friends before I have the chance to.

“Liz I will be back in five days I promise – just let me get this over with okay? I have to tell them and after that I'll be all yours and I'll tell you everything.”

“No Max – I want to know now – how can you expect me to understand that you go through with this operation and now you don’t tell me because you leave to America again after only being here for two days.”

“Baby – don’t you understand? I have to tell my parents and Michael – they need to know – please Liz – “

I look at my watch I really have to leave now, but how can I leave if she is angry with me.

”You promise you’ll be back in five days?”

“I promise –“

I nod. She turns around, still not very happy but not as pissed anymore – I can understand her, I mean I would be angry as well – after all we’re a couple and – but I have explained everything to you already – and I really, really hate to leave her but – I have to do this.

“Take care okay?”

“I promise – I love you and I’ll – I’ll call you as soon as I’m home.”

Now she’s smiling at me, her arms around my neck –

“Yeah call me – can’t wait for that.”

I kiss her one more time before leaving the set.


I’m a dead man walking after coming out of the plane – I hate this route – it took me 24 hours to come back to LA.

Daniel is waiting for me – I really have to get my driving license back as soon as possible. What kind of car am I gonna buy? Mhmmm

“Daniel how are you doing?”

“Fine Mister Evans – how are you?”

“Fine – so let’s get to my house.”

I get in the car and sit down, knocking at the window so that he lets it down.

“Are my parents there already? You have any idea?”

He turns around, before answering.

“Mister Evans – I have no idea honestly – sorry – “

“Oh – well, why don’t you drive?”


I take the cap down that is hiding my scars – yeah the hair is growing, still you can see them.

“I had a little operation in England and I would pretty much enjoy it if you could leave the radio running.”

“Mister Evans? Do you hear again?”

“Yes – “

“Wow – congratulations – so that’s what is all about?”

He turns around and starts the car and I enjoy the music on the radio, I'm so anxious to get home – oh god – what are they going to say? I have already made up all possible scenarios in my head – they could be happy, angry, shocked or a combination of all – I know that Mum, Dad, Isabel, Alex, Becky, Maria and Michael will be there – that’s my family – besides Liz.

Opening the door I walk into the my house where they’re all waiting. The house is filled with laughter and talking and Becky giggling, Cookie barking – god this is what homes sounds like – this is how it is supposed to sound like.

“I'm home!”

First thing Cookie jumps towards me.

“Hey buddy – how are you doing? Hm?”

I pat him and then I look at my family, my mum is the first to hug me.

((“We were so concerned about you going to England and never really telling us what happened. Is everything okay? You look pale and, you’re so thin…”))

“Mum I’m fine really…”

I choke, I can hardly contain my emotions after finally hearing my mother’s voice again – it feels so good. I know that this wasn’t a possibility that I calculated - me breaking down and crying.

“What is it? Mum? Is he okay?”

I can hear my sister asking my mum, who still holds me in her arms.

“I’m better than okay Izzy – “

I look at her and can see the shock on her face, I take the cap off again – showing them the scars.


Isabel asks, Maria gasps, Michael just stares, accompanied by Alex and my Dad.
Mum is the first to make a move and slowly lifts her hands, touching the scars carefully.

“Oh my god what happened?”

“Mum they could help me – “

“Do you mean you can hear again?”

Isabel now shrieks – wow – that was LOUD –too loud to be quite honest for my still sore ears. I'm still not used to hear again and every evening I'm exhausted and have a headache…it isn’t easy and especially noise literally hurts. So no wonder that I put my hands to my ears.

“Could you scream any louder Isabel? That hurts for god’s sake!”

God – this pain!

“Max – oh my god Max…”

Mum takes me into her arms again and now she is the one crying, and then I can feel my Dad.

“Son – I don’t know if I should be happy about the fact that you took all this risk without you telling us but I'm happy that you’re able to hear again.”

“Thanks Dad.”

His voice hasn’t changed at all – not at all. Turning to Isabel I wait for her to say something – she’s hurt – I can see that.

“Look Isabel I'm sorry for not telling you bu…”

“…but you had to do it your way again right Max? God – how could you do this? I mean we’re family, I'm your sister, how could you keep this to yourself? Did Liz know?”

“No – no one knew and the reason I didn’t tell you guys was that this family has been through enough in the last months and I didn’t want to worry you anymore than necessary.”

“And what if something would have happened? What if?”

“It didn’t – Isabel please – I know that it was a very selfish decision but – can’t you just be happy for me that they could help me?”

She doesn't answer – great – oh well – I was counting on that – after all I know my sister.

“Max – my man – congrats – “

Alex smiles at me, I'm sure he would hug me if he weren’t holding Becky in his arms.

“Thanks – hey Becky – hey – you know that you have a very beautiful laugh – don’t ya?”

She holds her arms into my direction.

“Looks like someone has missed her uncle.”

Alex chuckles and hands her to me.

“Hey, how are you doing precious? You have grown so much since the last time that I’ve seen you – “

With her tiny hand she grabs my nose.

“Is that yours or is that mine? Huh?”

She giggles again – she looks just like Isabel – really. I hand her back to Alex and turn to Maria.

“So Maria DeLuca I have to admit you have a very pretty voice – no wonder you’re a singer.”

“Oh Max – you heard my music already?”

“After watching every possible movie with Liz it was the next thing I did.”

She hugs me and gives me a kiss on the cheek. Then I turn to Michael – I mean he know more about the whole thing than the rest in this house. I know that this will ring a lot of changes – god – I guess I can’t even fathom how much will change now – especially everything dealing with our business. I will try to freshen up my languages again and then it won’t only be him anymore who has to travel – I will do this again. Guessing that Michael and Maria also want to have children he will want to stay home more often no – there is so much coming my way now that I can hardly think about all the consequences – but that doesn’t mean that I regret it.

“Welcome home Max – I’m glad you’re fine.”

He smiles at me – he has never been the emotional guy so I don't really expect something else from him. Now I have four days – to deal with my family and especially Isabel because I need her help for the wedding. Three more weeks – I'm getting totally giddy when thinking about that – AND I have still have to call Liz – can’t wait to hear her voice again.


posted on 24-Dec-2001 9:51:41 AM

Part 83

Honestly I have no idea what time it is in Australia now – my inner clock is so out of whack.

Oh well – I can try and either she picks up or not – my family has left – Isabel is still not talking to me – oh well – I’ll go there tomorrow – I really need her and Maria’s help. Michael will give me the sketches for Liz dress – of course I'm not allowed to look at them – I can live with that.


Good thing I have the whole number.

“Hey – “


“Who else are you waiting for to call you?”

“You have any idea how late it is here?”

“Did I wake you?”

So I'm sorry and worried if I did.

“No – it’s just – forget it – so how are you?”

“Fine – well tired – but – I guess that’s understandable.”

“So how did they take it?”

I can hear her moving.

“What are you doing?”

“I'm getting comfy in my bed, why?”

“Just – wondering – so – my parents are happy, as well as everybody else. Isabel isn’t talking to me again.”

“She likes doing that huh?”

“Well that’s how she is – I mean – I can understand everyone of you that you’re pissed that I took this risk and all – but I just hope that…”

“…that we’ll understand – I'm not saying that I have forgiven you Maxwell Evans but…oh well – give her some time.”

“Yeah I will.”

Now I’m finally in my bedroom – lying down on the bed I feel alone – I miss her – staring at the ceiling I can hear her breathing into the receiver.



“Nothing – just wanted to know if you’re still there.”

“I am – what are you doing?”

“Well I just found my way into the bedroom and now I’m lying on the bed – alone – I miss you.”

“I miss you too.”

It’s really strange to finally be able to talk to her on the phone.

“So how is it?”

I suddenly ask her.

“How is what?”

“Talking on the phone to me…”

“Oh that…”

She chuckles and moves again because I can hear the blanket.

“I like it.”

Her voice is husky and sends a shiver through my whole body ending at my groin actually – bad idea Max – very bad idea.



We both start at the same time and laugh. I’m turning to my side, staring out of the window now – this bed is really way too big for one person alone.

“How are the preparations going?”

“Well I talked to Michael – I gave him your measurements and he’ll give me some sketches – you’ll have to tell him which dress it will be and he’ll start working on it and as soon as you’re back he’ll finish it and the rest I have no idea – as Isabel isn’t talking to me – I'll go to her tomorrow trying to – I don’t know…”

“She is your twin Max – did you really think she’d react any other way?”

“No not really but I had hoped that she’d be happy and forget about the fact that I did what I did – it just – when she acts like that I have the feeling as if it would have been better not going through with this whole operation? I feel like I made a mistake by doing it.”

“Don't you ever think that Max – never – this operation was what you have been waiting for and no one – do you hear me? No one knows better what it means to have to live in a world of silence and everyone would take that chance – so don’t even dare thinking like that – Isabel will get over it.”

I have to smirk – it feels so good to hear her reassuring words. Now I'm yawning I guess that jetlag is finally kicking in.

“I guess I better let you go handsome – you sound pretty exhausted and tired.”

“I am.”

I’m already mumbling – I'm…so…tired…

“I love you baby and I'll call you tomorrow okay?”

“Love you too – talk to you tomorrow.”

Is all that I'm able to say, I turn off the phone and…


It’s noon the next day when I finally wake up – great – those would have been important hours I would have needed to work on those wedding plans. I get up, into the shower. I really have to hurry up – opening the door to get out of the bedroom I can see that – Michelle’s door is open – who would? I shiver is running down my spine – I haven’t been in there for so long. Like I would encounter a ghost in there I slowly walk up to the door, pushing it totally open. To my surprise everything is covered by sheets to protect it from dust. It hurts – it really hurts to be back in here again – six months – if she would have survived she’d be six months old now. I better get out of here – I'm not really ready yet to stay in here and…no…I have to get out of here.

Getting down Maria is sitting at the table in the kitchen to my surprise.

“Maria – what are you doing here?”

“Well hello to you too – how are you doing?”

“Better – so?”

“Well I thought that – Michael is working on Liz’ dress and your suit and I have to call the party service and you have to tell me what you guys want to eat and you have to tell me how the chapel should be decorated because I have an appointment later on, your sister will be coming here in one hour…”

“Isabel? But…”

I interrupt her – huh? Did I miss something?

“She might be pissed at your for going through with this operation without telling us and her but she knows that this wedding is important – she wants you and Liz to be happy so – really Max – Maria has everything under control.”

“What would I do without you? Thank you.”

I have to give her a hug and mumble another ‘Thank you’ in her hair.

“Hey only because you might be able to hear now that doesn’t mean that can hug every woman here – that’s my wife in your arms.”

Michael laughs as he comes in.

“Hey Michael – “

“Max – would you mind joining me in the studio? You have to try your suit and you have to tell me if you like it and…Kyle is also there waiting to get his suit and he wants to talk to you about something.”

“And, and, and…and are you finished now?”

“I think so.”


posted on 24-Dec-2001 9:52:12 AM

Part 84

Kyle POV

I can see Max and Michael walking up to the studio – so I have thought about this new situation – fact is that as soon as the media will find out about his operation Liz and him won’t be safe again – sad but it is like that and know how much Max hates it – at least now he won’t feel left out anymore – he’ll be able to defend himself even more. Another fact is that since Michelle’s death Liz hasn’t given any interviews but I know that with the upcoming movie they’ll ask her and as she is one of the main characters she can't evade the publicity. I have hundred of calls asking me if they could have an interview with her – and I know it will be even more when they not only find out that Max is hearing again but that they’re getting married. So I have thought about it an maybe they’ll both say ‘yes’ Liz may be my client but through the last months I can admit that we have all become friends and that’s why I'm going to ask Max first.

“…I didn’t say that and you know it…”

Max is talking to Michael when opening the door.

“Hey Kyle.”

“Hey Max.”

We nod then he turns to Michael.

“And that’s all I have to say about that so where is the suit?”

“Well it’s not really a suit it’s more a tux – but – ah see for yourself…”

Michael walks up to his desk where he has the tux for Max.

“So Michael said you wanted to talk to me Kyle?”

Max is busy getting undressed – well undressed – he gets the shirt out and the jeans off – it isn’t like I haven’t already seen him in swimming trunks so what the hell - right? And we’re only guys today – so we can handle that.

“Yeah – I know that you won’t like it what I have to sway it but – just listen to me first and after I'm finished object or don’t - okay?”

He looks at me with raised eyebrows waiting for Michael to hand him the shirt.

“I'm listening.”

“Good – well ever since Michelle died Liz has disappeared out of the spotlight and rightful so – but I know that now that she is doing a new movie, your operation and the upcoming wedding the reporters will be hunting you down again – so I thought if we beat them to it by getting a reporter or someone who is respected to do an interview with you guys before hell breaks loose you won’t have to worry that much. I know that you hate the media Max – I know you do but they will argue from now on that there is no reason to hide anymore because first of all you’re marrying Liz Parker and her life is in the spotlight, second of all you are a very famous designer and last but not least you two are considered one of the most interesting couples in showbiz – I hate to say it but the more you two hide the more the people will dig – I don’t ask you to reveal everything to them just – give them a little bit of what they want and everyone is satisfied.”

He’s now standing in front of us – wearing the tux looking in the mirror.

“I like that it Michael – it’s nice – just – the jacket is too long.”

He takes it off again and turns to me.

“Have you talked to Liz about this already?”

“No – I wanted to talk to you first – “

“Why? I'm not your client, I'm only the fiancé of Liz Parker.”

“That’s not what I meant…”

“You made it sound like that, Kyle – you know that I don’t like to be in the spotlight – is that my punishment for falling in love with some one who is?”

“No – but look at it like that Max – if we do this now – it’s over…”

“So what did you have in mind?”

“I thought maybe either getting a team here into the house to either film you and interview or take picture of you two doing what ever you want to – you know just so that they get a glimpse of your life and that’s it – and in the interview we make clear that this is a one time thing and that you both prefer your privacy blablabla…”

“You know that a lot of celebrities use this kind of technique to get into the spotlight and not out of it.”

I look at Michael, hopefully he’ll help me.

“Max he is right – if you don’t play the media, it’s going to play you – do this – because if you come first you can set the rules after that they won’t care anymore.”

Thank you – c’mon Max.

“I'll have to think about it and I have to talk to Liz about – but you’re going to be the one who tells her first.”

He points at me and steps out of his trousers again.

“I like that really Michael – you did a great job.”


“Well if that’s all then I’m going to leave now…”

“Uh one more thing Kyle…”

Max follows me, putting his shirt on again –

“I know that this might be a little stupid but Becky is too young so I thought that maybe Ryan could be our ring bearer? I really like you’re son – he’s great so.”

“I'm sure he’d love that.”

I smile at him, fact is that Ryan likes Max – those two hit it off the first time they met, Max is so great with kids – it’s just not fair what has happened to them.

“I'm sure he’ll be happy to do it – I’ll call him later.”




Isabel is really here when I get back to the house, Michael sent me away because he has to work on Liz’ dress.

“…so I thought we could decorate the chapel in white and red – you know white for the wedding and because white is Liz’ favorite color and red because it’s Christmas time and it’s the color of love…”

I can hear her talking to Maria – I really have to thank my sister – she’s great.

“That sounds great Isabel.”

I say, she looks up at me and down again.

“Could we please talk for a minute?”

Before I can even say more Maria leaves the room.

“I'll be right back – I just want to make sure that Spaceboy is really working.”

Good old Maria – you really have to love her.


“Max…don’t say it there’s nothing you can do or say to make it better…”

“Isabel – please – can’t you just be happy for me? I’m finally able to hear again and I'm going to get married soon – please I need my sister – I want her to be happy for me too – I know that it was selfish but you should know me better – you know that I would never take this big risk if I’m not sure of it.”

She presses her lips tight together, the arms crossed in front of her. Nothing. I really don’t want to explode in to her face but honestly this is the typical Isabel act and it’s always me who has to be the clam one and all this crap. So of course I know my sister but she also knows me and she hasn’t been through all the crap I have been through ever since the accident – she doesn’t wake up in the middle of the night screaming – you’re wondering how I come up with that? Well after Michelle’s death also my other nightmares were hunting me again and – with this operation I really hope that I killed some of those demons off.

“Fine – don’t understand it, but I want to thank you anyway to help me with these preparations – I really appreciate it. Tell Maria I'll be back later if she has any questions – I need to go somewhere…”

“Where are you going?”

“To Michelle.”

And then I leave her – I have no nerve to talk to her if she behaves so stubborn – honestly I know we will talk again – it has always been like that and it will always be but I just don’t…argh…no what I mean?



“You can’t be serious Kyle – do you really think that this would be a good idea?”

“Listen Liz I only tell you what I think and then you have to discuss that with Max – he made me call you and tell you before he’ll talk to you again so – I just want to give you time to think about it.”

“What did he say?”


I know my fiancé – I know that he doesn’t like the idea – though I have to say that Kyle has a point there. I mean – sometimes I miss the spotlight – I do – I know I shouldn’t I know that Max should be everything I need but – I just can’t forget about my former life – know what I mean – Oh well I guess I'll have to talk to him and then we’ll see.

“What else did he say?”

“Well he asked me if Ryan could be your ring bearer.”

“He did?”

I just love this man – I mean – I don’t really have a lot to say in those preparations – of course he asks about my opinion but most of the time it’s him who has all the ideas. I mean he is the more creative of us both – no doubt here I just feel a little strange sometimes.

Well I think I better wait for his call – might sound stupid but I don’t have his phone number – can you imagine that? It’s ridiculous isn’t it?


posted on 24-Dec-2001 9:52:50 AM

Part 85

God I need this, this feels good, this...




You know what is it with those people always calling when you have no time, like I now - I just want to enjoy my bath - I need this - my feet are aching and...


"I'm coming, I'm coming hold your horses! Hello?"



I breath, chuckling a bit - so he's the only one I'll forgive this....well what can I say, I love him. I take the phone into the bathroom with me.

"What are you doing? You sound so breathless."

"Well if you must know I just wanted to take a bath and actually I'm taking you with me now, if you don't mind."

"Not at all…"

- he breathes - god only hearing him breathing sends a shiver down my spine - I miss him. It's pretty lonesome without him here. I step back into the tub and feel the warm water splashing around my body.

"So what are you doing?"

I ask him, closing my eyes…it still amazes me that I can really talk to him on the just seems so surreal. Know what I mean?

"Well…I had just a meeting with our wedding planers if you want to put it like that, Maria and Isabel are doing a great job…but the reason why I'm calling is - first of all I wanted to hear your voice and second of all…has Kyle called you already?"

"Yeah he did…"


I bite on my bottom lip so - I mean I told you guys already…I would go for it…I would like to do it but this isn't only my decision anymore…

"I don't really like it, but you know that already don't you?"

"Yeah I do…I don't want to force you Max. I know what you think about this whole thing…"

…but you still want to do it…"

I can hear it in his voice that he hasn't expected anything else…it really surprises me how much we got to know each other and all that.

I splash some water around my breasts…

"You have no idea how much I want to be in that tub with you now."

Max suddenly whispers - his voice thick with passion and lust and simultaneously I can feel the burning starting between my thighs - can you believe that he can do all of this only with his voice? I swear I could come right away hearing him talking like that to me - damn why is he in fucking America and I'm in fucking Australia?

"Well I would wish nothing more than having you here now…"

I respond.

"Where are you?"

I then ask…let's see how far we can take this.

"In the office sitting at the desk, staring out of the window…"

I like that picture, it gives a special touch to his character - he's one of those man who just seem sexy in intellectual surroundings. Geez - do you hear what I'm saying here? I really need it bad huh?

His breathing is becoming uneven before he starts…

"I can picture you in that big bathtub - all alone - I bet the bathroom is smelling like a patch of flowers - exciting and yet calming, your skin is shimmering golden, from the water and the reflection of the walls - you brown hair is surrounding you like a waterfall of chocolate, tickling your arms, back and breasts….those beautiful breasts which I wish I would be holding in my hands now, touching, teasing, caressing…can you feel my touch Liz?"


Is all I'm capable off - god - he's doing things to me - wonderful things - although we're thousands of miles away he's still able to turn me on.

"Wha…what else would you do?"

I moan, my one hand caressing my breasts and nipples, while holding the receiver with the other.

"I would kiss your wonderful body, every part of skin I could reach, my hands would glide of your silk like skin, stopping at your navel, circling it because I know that it like a lightening going through your body whenever I to this, ending at your most sensitive and feminine part - do you know what I mean Liz? Can you feel it?"


I hiss.

"I want you, you to touch you where I'd touch you Liz, I can't be there now, doing what I want to with you so you have to lend me your hand…"

I have to smile about this - he's so cute, so perfect and god so sexy…my hand glide down, over my navel, circling, further down and down, reaching it's goal.

"Oh god…Max…"


He moans, for a short time I ask myself if he's touching himself as well BUT…I'm a little distracted in the moment.

"Can you feel me, touching, torturing you? Teasing? I wish I were there now, loving you, driving you insane…"


My movements are speeding up but slowly - he keeps telling me what he would do now with his magnificent body, and I can really feel him, feel what it is like to have him moving in and out of my body, what it feels like when he touches me and caresses me everywhere, touching my innermost parts, driving me insane and to the point of no return.

"Oh god…Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaax…......"



I can hear the water splashing from her movements, her moaning, her breathing it turns me on and there is nothing that I wish more than to be there with her now - but it won't take that much longer. I'll be back to Australia soon and I can wait for it, I need her, I miss her. She screams my name, panting…it's good that we can do this to each other that we both can let go around each other. I wait until she has calmed down again - who cares about the phone bill anyway?

"How are you feeling beautiful?"

"I miss you."

"I miss you too but I'll be back soon and then I'm not going to leave you for a very long time so better enjoy the time without me…"

Laughing, her laugh sounds heavenly, I love hearing her…the thought crosses my mind again that I'm really finally able to hear everything and honestly I could break down here right now - sometimes I feel like I'm dreaming. This can't be true - can it?

"So I guess I'll call Kyle later and tell him that he better gets everything ready - we have to go through with this interview before our wedding if we want to be left alone."

"Are you serious Max? I mean…"

She gasps, well what can I say - I know that they're both right, of course there is no guarantee that they really will leave us alone but it's worth the try and I know that something like that would come our way sooner or later anyway.

"Yeah I am beautiful, I can't lie to you, you know that I'm not a fan of this whole thing but I know that we have to do it, so I'll talk to Kyle and tell him my conditions."

"Okay - "

"Okay - I love you."

"Love you too."


"Bye Max."

I put the receiver down and keep on staring out of the window. God what am I getting myself into? Better where DID I get myself into? Well it's too late and I don't regret a thing because if I would, I would regret the relationship, the love of my life and I would be regretting everything what I'm feeling and I don't.



I can't believe that I'm finally home again, the movie is over and now I'm lying in bed watching my fiancé sleep, he looks so innocent - today is the big day - no not the wedding, that is in three days but today we had to fit in the interview - we settled on Oprah - yeah I know I know but I always feel quite comfortable in her presence, we talked about everything the last days. There'll be a photo shoot and they're going to film us - but the interview will only be printed - sounds confusing? Well let me tell you exactly what we settled on.
They're going to take some pictures of us in the house like kitchen, living room, office etc, then in the studio and in the garden - during this shoot they're going to film us for those snippets they always show on those entertainment shows - know what I mean? But while we're answering the questions the cameras are out. Max and I spent hours reading through the questions, approving them or not together with Kyle and Oprah - let me tell you it took hours. There were so many too private ones and then there were really stupid one but I'm sure will be fine.


Huh? When did he wake up?

"Morning, did I wake you?"

"Why would you wake me? Only because I feel when you're watching me?"

He teases me - and before I can even blink he's on top of me.

"Do you have any idea how enchanting you look this morning Miss Parker?"

"Why Mister Evans it isn't like you didn't get lucky last night…"

"I know but…I just had to tell you."

Unfortunately before he can kiss me the phone rings and he groans, reaching for the receiver. It was easy to not acknowledge it before but now with him hearing it as well...

"Hello? Kyle…hey…yeah…yeah I know. yeah. one hours…see ya."

He puts the receiver down and stares into my eyes, kissing me before talking again.

"That was Kyle he just wants to remind us that we have to be ready in one hour."

"Good - there's a lot we can do in one hour."

I smile at him, my hand gliding into his boxers.



This farce is really annoying, all those people in our house - god - well at least there's one positive thing to it, Liz is with me and we're working together. I like that thought to be honest. We're already finished with most of the pictures....but let me tell you something I have no idea how my models can do this job willingly - I have been changing my clothes so often in the last five hours that I can't stand it anymore. We took pictures in the kitchen with me pretending to cook and Liz watching me. Us playing with Cookie in the garden. Me working in the studio, Liz alone in the garden, us both in the library. And now we're supposed to take the pictures for the cover of the magazine the interview will be printed in. What will it look like? I have no idea, I can tell you what we're wearing and where the pictures will be taken. I'm wearing one of those white polo necked sweaters, black slacks, Liz is wearing a rose dress, with the fitting cardigan. She looks so sexy.

"Okay why don't you two sit down on the couch, Liz I want you to sit down between Max legs, Max take her into your arms…"

That isn't so difficult, Liz chuckles.

"it's over soon baby."

She mumbles into my ear.

"I know but after that we still have the interview and I'm getting sick of so many people in our home."

I mumble into her hair.

"That's perfect stay like that."

The photographer instructs us. I think he takes at least four rolls of us on that damn couch.


posted on 29-Dec-2001 3:51:28 PM

Part 86

Oprah POV

It is really nice to be around those too, I'm really enjoying this time here in their house although I know how much max hates all this he really tries to be the perfect gentleman.

"So is it okay if we keep the camera rolling just at the beginning? Just for some snippets?"

I ask both of them while we're in the kitchen waiting for the coffee to be ready. Max looks at Liz and it seems like those two have a silent conversation without even talking. I admire them, they've been through enough ever since they have known each other and they seem to be one of the happiest couples I have ever met. I mean Brad and Jennifer were nice but those two top them, really.

"Yeah, it's fine."

Max nods after some seconds and hands me a cup, we all walk back into the living room which still looks like a photos studio. The pictures of them are wonderful - we're going to develop them within one day, will show them then soon enough so they can decide which pictures they want us to use for the magazine. We sit down, I take a seat on the smaller couch which is opposite to the one Max and Liz are sitting on.

"So? I guess that's it huh?"

I smile at them, Liz nods and Max gets comfy, one arm on the headrest, one on his thigh.

"I guess one of the things everybody wants to know is how you two got to know each other?"

Max smiles and Liz and nods, giving her the 'go' so to say.

"Well we actually met the first time here at his studio, Maria and Michael had just moved to LA and as she is my best friend for - like forever I wanted to visit her. What I didn't know was the fact that they moved into the mansion of Max Evans."


Max chuckles.

"What? Come on, this house IS big."

"I haven't heard you complaining yet."

He smirks at her and takes a sip of his coffee. The camera is running.

"Anyway, I came here and Maria gave me the tour of the house ending it in the studio, where Michael and Max were working - I saw him and that was all I needed to see to decide that he was going to be mine."

"Don't forget to tell her that it was only the sexual way you wanted to have me first."

Now she's blushing, and Max and I are laughing.


"Well yeah - I didn't know that right away but it didn't take me long to figure out that she only wanted me for one thing in the beginning - which I of course wouldn't have minded BUT…I'm not really into 'this' and I liked her - in the beginning it was actually quite hard to get to know her because she acted more like the actress and even that was an act . I just knew that deep down inside she was and is my dream girl."


Liz looks at him and takes his hand, that had been lying on his thigh and starts playing with his fingers.

"Yeah I guess I just - I don't know - it was difficult."

We talk about their relationship, how they finally came together Sean and the problems about Max' deafness and his fear to be exposed.

"I knew that if I get into a relationship with her I would be exposed eventually and I was afraid because it is hard to be in the spotlight if you're 'normal' if you want to put it that way but being deaf makes it even more difficult - sometimes it is a different world you're living in and…it's just I wanted the people to like my work for my work and not because they're the clothes of either Liz Parker's friend or because I'm deaf. People tend to think that it is something extraordinary to buy stuff from someone who is disabled in some kind of way. They don't see that you're just like them only with a slight difference. After people found about Liz and I we sometimes had to call the police to get the people out of the shop. I appreciate if people come and all but staying there because they hope that she might come buy was more harming my business than helping me."

I ask them, if they think that they're perfect for each other and both of their answers prove what I have already figured out myself - they are - as simple as that.

"I know that the next question is - hard and I can understand if you don't want to answer it but I guess a lot of people are wondering about it - how much has your life changed since the pregnancy and they tragedy that followed it."

Liz is biting on her bottom lip, Max inhales deep and it seems to me like he's trying to find the strength to talk about it. I feel dumb but that's what I'm here for and they left the question on the paper but still I promised to give them the option not to answer it if they don't feel up to it.

"It's…it's difficult and no days go by without thinking about her. Sure when Liz got pregnant it was a surprise - geez we were dating not even three months when it happened still we were happy, we knew that it would work out and…actually for me - Michelle was a dream come true, she was the impossible possible. I always had though that I would never find a woman to love with all my heart and I had already giving up on having a child of my own one day - but there she was, growing in Liz - everyday I thought that I couldn't be any happier. I felt like someone had taken the ability to breath on the day of her birth - and even today I sometimes feel like that."

I watching him, silent tears are running down his cheeks, why did I ask this question? Liz is holding his hand, teary eyes on her own.

"When I first found out about the pregnancy I was desperate, I was so frightened…that wasn't planned after all but after telling him finally - because I had know for days already contemplating what to do…but I just knew that everything would be fine, he's the most caring and loving man I have ever met and there's no one better to be a father to my child. Like he said when she…she…died…it was like a million sledgehammers, like it was a bad dream…it was a living nightmare."

"Do you plan on having more children."

They're again looking at each other before Liz nods.

"Yes - yes, not now, its still too early but Michelle is gone and we love her still I'm sure she wouldn't want us to let the chance pass to have another child because we're mourning over her. I like to believe that she's up there somewhere watching over us and over her siblings one day."

I give them some time to recover again.

"So when is the bid day? There are rumors going around that you're planning to get married soon."

Max smiles, Liz smirks.

"Yeah that's true, the wedding is in its planning stages but we're not going to tell you."

"Oh c'mon that's not fair. So big wedding? Small wedding?"

"Small wedding only our family and friends, no big party just - this should really be about us and not about the glamour it could be done with."

"I'm sure it'll be perfect."

"So Liz? You have just been to Australia? How was it?"

"It was the hell, because I knew that he was going to England because of a possible operation, what he didn't tell me was that he was having it already, everything had told me was that he would do the tests."

"So you had an operation giving you back your hearing ability and you didn't tell her Max? How could you do that?"

"I knew that she wouldn't stay in Australia if I had told her and I wanted her to work, she needed that. I know that it was selfish my sister still isn't talking to me but that's just how I am…at least I kept my promise and it was her voice that was the first things I heard. I had them play one of her movies and - it was just like a dream - Liz has the most beautiful voice I have ever heard in my whole life."

"So now that you can hear again how much has changed in your relationship?"

"Well we can do stuff we couldn't do before, like - when I came back to Australia we went to the opera - it was wonderful."

Max tells me after taking another sip of his coffee and Liz keeps on telling.

"yes it was great, he had come back to Australia after going to the States to tell his parents about the operation and when he came back he stayed with me until the movie was finished and one evening he told me to get ready, that there is a dress waiting for me in the bathroom we would be going out. First of all it was one of the most beautiful dresses I had ever seen."

"I guess it was one of your own?"

I smile at him and he nods, then I turn back to Liz so that she can continue.

"Well that evening we went to the opera 'Aida' it was wonderful."

Both of them tell me more about the stuff that had changed ever since the operation and then we're finished.

"Okay so now with the cameras from friend to friend - when is the wedding?"

Max who has his arms around Liz' waist just shaking his head laughing.

"you never give up do you?"


"Well…let's put it that way - it's sooner than everybody thinks it is."

"Wow - well all the best to you and Liz I expect you to come by again for the new movie."

"I promise I will, thank you for helping us with this."

"No problem."

One hour later everything is cleaned out and their house actually looks like a home again.


posted on 29-Dec-2001 3:52:17 PM

Part 87


God I feel so sick, I think I have never felt so sick in my entire life, either I'm really going to be sick within the next seconds or I'm going to have a heart attack. It seems like I have been waiting for this day my whole life - staring into the mirror I make sure that the fly is sitting right, then suddenly the door opens and my Dad and Michael come in.

"How are you feeling?"

"Like I'm going to get married in ten minutes?"

I really try being funny here - I mean…I - god in less than thirty minutes I'm going to be a married man.

"Second thoughts?"

Michael smirks - he knows the answer.


Both of them nod.

"Do you have the rings?"

"Geez if I would have collected five bucks for every time you asked me the question only today I could invite Maria for another honeymoon - not to think about the last week."


"Okay, are you ready?"

"Michael I would like to talk to my son alone for a minute."

My Dad suddenly says, Michael nods and leaves us.


"Max - I just want to tell you how proud I am of you, I know that I had a lot of doubts about your future plans, I know that I wasn't the best father but I want to let you know that you're the best son I could have, you're strong and you've managed to overcome problems which would have destroyed me and now you're finally getting married to the love of your life. Liz is the best thing that could have happened to you and your mom and I already love Liz like a daughter…"

"Thanks Dad."

"So - I would say - let's get married huh?"


We hug and then we walk out into the chapel. I'm still surprised by the fact that we could keep it a secret, no paparazzi nothing - I'm so proud of us. The chapel is only lid by candles, the decoration consists of white and red roses combined with the red carpet in the middle and white bows at every aisle. It's nearing midnight - strange time for a wedding? Well we wanted it like that! It's supposed to be something special - and we both liked the idea. And there aren't many people only our families and friends not even 30 people - considering that it's supposed to be a Hollywood wedding. Oh well I don't mind that.
Now I'm standing there waiting for the wedding to begin, I smile at the minister, then the music begins and honestly I could start crying here right away because I'm actually able to hear it.
Sometimes a still wake up in the morning listening to the birds singing, the not too loud traffic outside and to Liz breathing - I don't need the visual confirmation anymore that the world is living.

The doors open first one to see is Maria, smiling, then Isabel, followed by Ryan carrying the rings and then…I feel like someone has closed of my oxygen supply - I'm speechless, breathless, whatever-less - Liz looks stunning, mesmerizing, magical, like an angle, enchanting, unreal - you name it. Oh my god she's beautiful.

She's wearing a white dress - duh - but it as simple as possible, yet elegant and fitting - I really have to kiss Michael's feed later for designing such a dress for her. Her hair is up with some strands hanging loose - no veil. Jeff and her are walking slowly up to me, then they're in front of me and Jeff is handing her over to me. I can see the tears in her eyes as well and when the first is flowing I brush it away with my thumb, then kissing her hand and holding it tight, turning to the minister - let's get over with this already. Seeing her like that reminds me of the fact that we didn't spend any time together for the last two days - way to long if you ask me - yesterday because of the tradition and the day before because we were busy getting her family settled in to the house and the last wedding preparations - well I guess you can imagine what I'm talking about right?

The minister starts talking but I totally zoom him out the only thing that I really acknowledge is this angle at my side - I can't believe that she really wants to marry me - me Maxwell Phillip Evans. Maybe I didn't break too many mirrors in my last life!

I can feel her eyes on me as well she isn't paying attention as well as I am NOT! Maybe we should just have him told to ask us if 'we do' and that's it - too late.

When we're finally at the point where she says 'I do' I can't hold the tears back, that's all I wanted - my biggest wish in this world has been granted and I can actually hear my Mum and sister sob as well.



It's really like a dream come true, I guess I can say I'm happy that Alex promised to tape the whole thing because the only thing I can remember is Max' eyes and that's it and his shaking hands when he puts the ring on my finger and my shaking hands and then

"You may kiss the bride now…"

He smiles at me and before our lips touch it's like we both just had to get the 'I love you' out and then I can feel him, smell him and taste him. It has been too long, we have come down a long road and finally I'm married to the man of my dreams.

The clapping sound from the others reminds me of the fact that we aren't alone YET but that's something that will change soon…that's the nice thing about having a wedding late like that everybody is getting tired and you don't have to entertain them to long - of course will have a midnight's dinner but not much and not too long - I don't know what other plans my dear husband has but I'm only willing to be surprised because until now everything was just perfect and even more. Isabel and Maria did a very good job and Michael's dress couldn't be anymore fitting for me.

"So how do you want to be called?"

Maria ask me while hugging me and sobbing everything all at once.

"I guess for my job I'll stay Liz Parker but for everything else I'm going to be Mrs. Evans."

"I like that."

I can feel Max, wrapping an arm around my waist and his mouth at my ears. I smile at him and give him a short kiss, because there are still some of my friends who want to congratulate me.

"Honeybear I'm so happy for you."

"Thanks Grandma…I'm so happy that you could make it."

"I would never miss my Lizzies wedding. It was wonderful…perfect…!"

"Thank Max for it he planned everything…"

"oh well then I have to really thank my grandson-in-law…"

She turns to Max and hugs him as well, whispering something into his ear which males him nod and smile at her - wondering what she said. Oh well I'll try to find it out later.

The reception is also perfect - I know that I'm repeating myself but there is no other way to describe it - short but lovely, we're going to meet them all tomorrow for dinner - that leaves enough time for Max and I to enjoy our night and the morning after and still be together with them later. Now you're looking at me like 'Huh no honeymoon?' of course but not now - later - unfortunately I have to do some interviews for the new movie and all that not so fun stuff but Max is also already planning the honeymoon for February so…I'm looking forward to that and as long as he is with me I don't care when and where we're going.


posted on 29-Dec-2001 3:53:38 PM

Part 88


"Mhm…Mrs Evans…you're smelling fantastic…"

I can feel his hot breath against my ear, then moving down my neck.

"You know Max (kiss) - it's really not fair (lick) that you aren't telling me (nibble) where we are going…oh god that feels good."

His hand has finally found its way underneath my dress, so I'm still wearing my wedding dress and he's still wearing his tux which by the way makes him look even more sexier - if that's even possible.

"I thought you like surprises…"

Is all I hear before he kisses me again, his hand moving up my leg, his fingers caressing my skin.
So we've been in this limousine for a while now and I'm getting really antsy here to be honest. I need him, I want him what can I say, this is the night of the nights so to say - although we've done this a LOT already - it'll be the first time and husband and wife and I want it to be something special.

The car stops and Max smiles at me, his eyes are shining.

"I think we're here Mrs. Evans."

The door is opened and he gets out first, reaching out his hand, I can't deny it this wedding band suits him - and I can't wait to see him wearing only this - god I'm getting totally giddy about this whole thing. Calm down Liz.



She is so beautiful, after staying with our friends and family for two hours I decided that it was finally time to leave for our wedding night - after all it is already 2.30 a.m. and I want to enjoy the next hours. So I booked a suit in one of the most expensive hotels in LA - only the best thing is good enough for her.

As soon as she steps out of the car I wrap my arm around her waist, lifting her up, putting her legs over my other arm.

"max you're crazy - "

"Yeah crazy about and for you that's exactly what I am - and don't even try it Liz, I won't let you down until we have reached our room."

"Well then - walk already."

I have to smile, god I still can't believe that we're finally married, married - wow -

The reason I also wanted the wedding to take place so late was the fact that now there isn't a lot going on in the lobbies of the hotels and hardly anybody will recognize us, well at least that is what I'm hoping for - and if not who cares - the wedding is over and we kept it to ourselves so why should I worry.

I already have the key for the room because I have been here this afternoon, getting our stuff here and getting the key so I walk up to the elevator right away. As soon as the doors close I press my lips onto hers it's like I can life without it anymore. Nothing new though right?


She gasps and nibbles on my neck, her hand roaming over my chest, fighting with the fly.

"Oh god Liz if you keep this up we won't make it to the room…"

I hear myself moan. Fortunately we're there finally and I walk up to the door - of course it isn't that easy to open the door with my bride in my arms but I manage and as soon as we're in I kick the door shut, growling, attacking her lips again.

"Liz…oh god Liz…"

Now there's nothing that could stop us, the fly is flying from my neck and I can finally at least try to open the dress, knowing Michael he wouldn't use those little buttons or hooks but a zipper - he knows me.

"Max - get out of those pants - NOW."

She orders me, after opening them. I nod and step out of them together with my shoes and socks, in the meantime she pushes the jacket and the shirt off of my shoulders.

We're both naked now and I can't promise that I'll be able to hold back much longer, to be anymore patient.


"Please promise me that this will never change…"

Liz pants, her head lying on my chest, I also have a hard time catching my breath - tonight was really - and I mean REALLY exhausting but I'm happy and satisfied and - out of breath. LOL

"Promise…just tell me where did you learn to give head like that?"

She giggles and I have to laugh as well.

"Well - Mister Magic Fingers with this incredible talented tongue I have my secrets and you have yours."

She turns around and looks at me - a smile is dancing over her lips and I can honestly say that I'm falling in love with her all over again. I have no idea if we'll be as happy as we're now in ten years from now I don't even have a guarantee that we'll be as happy in one year but I'll sure try because I'm pretty sure that there's hardly anything now that can drive me away from her - I love her and I always will!

And with that thought I finally fall asleep with my wife in my arms and with dreams of a future together - and that's all I need.