posted on 2-Sep-2001 9:41:06 PM
Title: Different
Author: Donna
E-mail: StormyBear29⊕
Disclaimer: I don't own Roswell...blah blah blah.
Rating: R For language and extreme use of the F word.
Summary: This takes place during "Meet the Dupes" and "Max in the City" Zan is not on and see how he survives. He finds that something....or someone is drawing him to Roswell. Max,Tess and the Dupes are already back in New York once he arrives in Roswell. He meets Liz and finds that he want to be....Different.


I could feel it in the air. I knew that something was going to fuckin happen that night....something that I was going to be powerless to stop.....something that was going to change my life in more ways then one. But I guess I should introduce myself before I go into my story. I am last name just Zan. I had been living in the cesspool pool called New York for seventeen years. Seventeen long fuckin years of nothing but bullshit and grief. I hated everything about the life that we had been dealt...I guess your wondering who we is. There was four of us growing up together...Lonnie...Rath...Ava...and me. One thing you got to know about us...we ain't your average New Yorkers....we different....we not of this earth...we aliens. We was tight the four of us....that was until that night that Rath and Lonnie tried to fuckin kill me. Why your wondering if we was so tight did they try to kill me...well keep your pants on and I will tell you.

Like I said before I knew that some shit was going to happen that night...can't explain how....just did. Growing up with Rath and Lonnie I had come to know the signs. But that night I chose to ignore them...and that was my fuckin down fall. The downfall of the fuckin king of Antar....make that the fuckin reject king of Antar. The real king lived in some desert town in Roswell New Mexico. It figured that we would be dumped in the sewers of New York and they were sheltered in a fuckin small town. Anyway...I am getting away from my story.

We didn't have no one growing up....we learnt to take care of ourselves. We knew we was different right from the start...I don't know how but we just knew. when I turned ten I started having these flashy things....I'd see me...but I was older and I was the man. I was the number charge of a whole fuckin planet. I didn't pay them no mind...I figured they was just dreams...until we ran in the little fuck named Nickolas...but I will tell you about him later.

We knew that we was supposed to be paired off. Rath and Lonnie and me and Ava. Rath and Lonnie went along with it. They didn't love each other....they were just in it for the fucking. fuckin way. Don't get me wrong I never had a real prob with Ava.....I just didn't want the bitch in my bed. She may have been my bitch in another fuckin life...but she weren't here. I always knew that they was someone better out there for me. I ain't no punk that fucks every hoe I meet on the street anyway. I knowed that Ava wanted to fuck me...she tried all the damn time....but she weren't the one. Don't think that I am some fuckin sissy man either...cause I ain't...I am the man....I just wanted to wait until I found the right bitch...ok.

That night started like any other. We didn't have no money and really didn't need it but for fun we knocked over the fruit stand on the corner...messed with peoples minds on the street and then Rath started his shit. Rath was always fuckin with my authority. He was the number two and that fuckin pissed him off. This time he was pissed because he wanted to go to the summit....and I told him hell no. I could say that this was all that little fucks fault...because we didn't know anything about this damn summit until he showed up. The thing is I can't fuckin blame him...Rath and Lonnie are pure fucking evil and it would only be a matter of time before I pissed them off again....and well you get the point.

I don't really know how the fuck Nickolas found us. He just showed up one day and laid all this shit on us. What kind of shit...well turns out that my flashy things weren't just dreams...they was real. We lived another life...and as I said before I was the man. Well...not really....turns out that after the real king of Antar was killed..his peeps decided to make him reborn. No...I don't know what that shit means...I was too busy trying to keep Ava off my shit again. Anyway..the main things you gots to know is that they made two sets of each of us. We was the rejects..sent to the sewers of New York. Hey...I guess I should be glad they ain't killed us. The real royal four was sent to Roswell...I don't know anything else about that. But...the little fuck didn't know where they first. He found them later after his sister was killed in Roswell and they went to her funeral...or some shit like that. Anyway so he came and filled Rath and Lonnie's fuckin head with this shit about a summit and leaving this fucked up planet. Then the little fuck just disappeared and the shit with Rath and Lonnie started.

Me and Rath fighting was normal for happened all the fuckin time and once he got started you couldn't shut him the fuck up. That night was the same shit...he kept hounding my ass about this fuckin summit and I had to remind him several times that I was the man and that we wasn't going. I didn't trust the little fuck as far as I could throw him....I thought that it was a set up. I weren't willing to get any of us popped or worse...just so we could leave this place. Why would I want to stay when I hate this fuckin life...only one reason....I had to find my bitch. but here I go again off on something else. Rath didn't push me any more after I told him I was the man...and I should have knowed that I was in trouble then...but I forgot about it as soon as we was cool. That was the biggest fuckin mistake of my fuckin stupid could I have been. Lonnie still had the rock that Rath had stole from them punks on the street...and I found myself running after it like some sucka when it went rolling into the street.

Rath and Lonnie they was just pure evil and when they was out because they was a double threat. Hey..I ain't claiming to be no saint. I have done some pretty fucked up things in my life. I just ain't never wanted to kill anyone...human or alien. I guess if you was to look at would think that I was evil. I look the part....dirty clothes...greasy hair...tattoos and piercings...but that ain't the real me. Ava knew the real me...she was the only one that I trusted....but she probably dead so it don't matter now. I don't trust anyone and so I have to keep the real Zan hidden...yes the real Zan. I gots feelings...I want to find love and I want to be different. What do I mean by different....can't explain...but I am tired of always being a fuckin punk.

So there I was chasing that fuckin ball in the street. Then I felt two hands pushing my ass from behind. I didn't have to look to know they was Rath's hands. I heard the fuckin truck before I saw it and when I did look up it was coming right for me. I knew that I didn't have enough time to stop it...but I hoped that I could slow the fuckin thing down. Alien powers come in handy sometimes and I was able to slow it down....but it still hurt like fuck when it hit me and dragged my sorry ass for a block and a half.

See another thing about Rath and Lonnie is that they may be evil....but they is fuckin stupid on top of that. Not one of those fucks bothered to see if I was dead or not. I know what your in the hell did he survive getting hit by a truck. Ain't you listening to me....I told you I gots alien powers and they ain't for nothing.

Actually...I can't tell you how I got out the street and into the alley. I guess that I hit the black void after the whole truck thing. I don't know how long I was out...but when I woke up I found a rat making himself at home in my goatee. Hey..I didn't fuckin care I figured that I was gonna die anyway and he might as well get in on the ground floor. The pain was like some shit that I ain't never felt before. I felt like I was going to hit the void again...but I grit my teeth and tried to heal myself. I never believed in god before then..but I sure found myself praying to him that day. It took me several tries but I finally picked my hand up and waived it over my body...I knew that it was going to be bad...just not that fuckin bad.

That fuckin truck broke just about every bone in my body...I was bleeding inside..I don't think that they was one organ that hadn't been bruised or fuckin ripped open. I knew that I had to heal the shit inside first and then I could fix the shit on the outside. I had to keep fighting the black void that wanted to take me...I knew that if I gave in I wouldn't wake up...and I had to make sure that Lonnie and Rath paid for the shit they did to me. Slowly...very slowly I was able to heal my insides....but I still felt like my body was on fire and so I let the void take me again. I didn't know how long I was out..but when I woke up I found that the rat was gone and now this old hag was sitting besides me wiping my head with a smelly rag..and then the void took me again.

While in the void I had these fucked up dreams...dreams of a girl. This was no regular girl..this was the one..the bitch that I had been looking for. I never saw her face..but I knew that she was fuckin beautiful. She had a body that just screamed for me to touch it...lick it...make love to it. But each time that I would get close to her...she would run from me. No matter how much I tried I couldn't catch her. I knew she was the one and I knew that I had to find her...if only I could get the fuck out of the void.

I did finally wake up for good...but I was still pretty fucked up. The hag was still by my side..still wiping my head with that shitty rag. She told me that I had been in and out of it for two days...two fucking days...that meant that Lonnie and Rath had a two day head start on me. I know...head start to where...but if you think real hard I bet you can figure it out. Yes...Roswell New Mexico. They went to find the real number one and I hope that he gives them the answer that they want...or his royal ass gonna be under a truck just like mine. I stayed with the hag for another day....I was still to fuckin weak to heal the rest of my body. She stayed by me side and even fed me food that she dug out of the dumpster in the alley. At first I told her to go to hell and shove it where the sun don't shine...but when you hungry enough you eat what you gots. Right after I ate I felt a little bit stronger and so when the hag weren't looking I healed the rest of my broken body. I almost laughed my ass off when she almost had a fuckin heart attack after I got up and started walking around. She started screaming bloody murder and I was outta there.

I figured that I owed her something at least for keeping me from becoming a rat I hit up the fruit stand again. Poor suckers didn't know what fuckin hit think they learned from the last time...but no. With a wave of my hand the fruit went flying all over the floor and I stole they loot out the register. It weren't much..but it could buy her some good food and maybe a new rag...cause like I said before the one she had it smelled like some nasty shit. When the hag saw me she started screaming like a fucking maniac...I didn't have time for her shit so I threw the money on the ground and walked away. I don't know if she picked it up or not...and I really don't give a fuck. I did my good deed for the day...she stood by me while I was out...but hell this is New York...maybe she weren't helping me after all....maybe she was just waiting for me to die so she could eat me.

What ever was calling me to Roswell was getting stronger...I could feel it. I knew that I had to get there quick. How you might ask ...we the same way that Lonnie and Rath did I'm sure. I borrowed a car from a sucka....thing is he just don't know it yet. As I headed to Roswell I thought of thought I forgot about her didn't Ava and me was tight...I didn't want to fuck her...but we was tight. I think that she knew me better then I knew my own fuckin self. I was straight up with her....I told her that there was something better out there for me. She said that she understood...but I knew I hurt her fuckin feelings. I never told her that I was sorry....funny the things you think of after you almost die. I guess it don't matter now....she probably dead. She never fit in with Rath and Lonnie...they only dealt with her because she was my bitch...well my so called bitch anyway. I hope she ain't dead...but like a said Rath and Lonnie is evil and so she probably rat food by now.

I made it to Roswell in record time...amazing what alien powers can do. I ain't got much to say about Roswell...except that it ain't fuckin New York.



When I first gots to Roswell I had a plan. What kind of a plan your wondering...well..I was gonna take care of business with who ever was fuckin calling me out here. I wasn't gonna stay in plan was that after business was taken care of I was outta this fuckin crazy alien town. But...because of her I had to fuckin stay...she put some kind of spell on me and there was no way in hell that I was gonna leave her side. It didn't matter that she didn't feel the same shit about me....but I am getting off track again...

Like I said before...Roswell ain't nothing like New York City. It's this fuckin small ass town...with alien shit all over the damn place. I ain't kidding you...the shit is everywhere. The streets are so fuckin clean...that you could eat off of em and I ain't seen a fuckin rat anywhere. Peoples was talking to each other and they was smiling. You don't see much of that shit in New York. I'd never been here before...but for some strange reason I knew where the fuck I was going. Who ever was calling me was close...I could feel it getting stronger as I cruised down the block.

When I passed this stupid fuckin restaurant...that's when what ever those damn vibes was took over my whole fuckin body. Who ever or what ever had been calling my ass all this time was inside. I parked my ride and headed inside. NO...I wasn't fuckin scared...remember that I am Zan and I'm the fuckin man. Anyway I knew that what ever was inside weren't something bad...what ever it was...was gonna change my life for good..and I was more then fuckin ready to change.

When I walked into the place...the first thing I remember thinking was what is the fuckin deal with these people and aliens...there was alien shit all over this place too. Then...I remembered that this is where our ride...our space ship had fuckin crashed. I wondered if these asshole with all their alien shit knew that they has survivors of that crash here today...anyway...There weren't no body around so I went and dropped my ass in a booth. Some blonde bitch...That I have now nicknamed will see why in a sec....anyway she came up to me and took one look and started fuckin screaming her head off about god knew what..then she ran off somewhere. I didn't know where she went cause I had my back to her....and I really didn't fuckin care either...she weren't the one I was lookin for. Like I said I didn't see where she went but I could still hear "lungs" screaming her fuckin head off and then...I felt her. What ever them vibes was..they was buzzing all through my fuckin body. It was her...she was behind me...but I could feel her all around me...I didn't have to see her to know she was the girl from my fuckin dream. She was what was calling me to this fuckin retarded alien themed town.

I know...I toldt you that I am the man and that I weren't scared...but my heart was beating so fuckin fast...I thought I was going to have a fuckin heart attack. I got out the booth and turned to face the bitch that was going to change my life..the dream girl that was going to change me from a fuckin punk into something different....I turned around to find my princess....and came face to face with..... fuckin Ava.

I know what your thinking...who would have fuckin believed that Ava was the one calling my ass to Roswell. I was more then fuckin happy to see Lonnie and Rath hadn't kilt her...but this shit didn't make any fuckin sense. Them vibes was swarming through every fuckin part of my body....Ava was causing this shit to happen.... there was just no fuckin way that Ava was causing this shit in me. When we was livin in New York...I didn't feel shit like this for Ava...she was more like my fuckin sister. But...Before I had a chance to do or say anything Ava was screaming my fuckin name and throwing herself at me. She wrapped her legs around my waist and her arms around my neck and thrust her fuckin tongue down my throat. One fuckin kiss...that's all it took was one fuckin kiss for me to know that she weren't the one. It felt so fuckin I was kissing Lonnie..which by the way proved my sister point...and then I felt like I was going to fuckin throw up. If Ava weren't the one.. then who your wondering. I didn't know yet...but could still feel her and she was nearby...and NO it weren't Ava. You need to fuckin keep up with the story. Anyway....whoever she was I knowed that she was watching this shit going on...and so I tried to push Ava off my shit...but as fuckin usual she weren't fucking listening to me. After all these fuckin years of trying to fuck my ass... and me always pushing her ass'd think that she would fuckin learn....fuck no..she was doing the same shit again I dropped her ass on the fuckin ground. Cruel I know but she weren't listening and it was so fuckin worth it when I saw the fuckin vision in front of me...

I know...on the way up here I was fucking moaning about me always hurting Ava's feelings....but if you could fuckin see the vision in front of'd forget about Ava and her stupid feelings too. She was the most beautiful fuckin woman that I had ever seen...and being the man I had messed with alot of fuckin women living in New York. But...not one of them fuckin hoes compared to her. She was almost fuckin perfect....I'll get to the almost part in a minute. Anyway...Her hair was dark and from what I could see..I betted it was long...but she had it pulled back with a damn clippy thing. I wanted to yank that clip from her my fingers through it and smell it...cause I knew it was going to smell was going to smell like her. Her face was too fuckin gorgeous. She had the sweetest fuckin looking lips I had ever seen and I was fuckin aching to cover them with my mouth and devour them. She a had a body that just didn't fuckin was fuckin calling me to lick and suck it from top to bottom... and trust me I was planning on tasting every inch of her body. Now...I had said that we was almost perfect...well...She didn't have the biggest rack I ever seen...but I still couldn't wait to pop one into my mouth and suck em dry.

What I am trying to say is that one fuckin look was all it fuckin look and I was hers...I didn't fuckin care that I was the man anymore....I would be what ever the fuck I had to be to make her mine....Or who as it turned out....but as usual I am changing the fuckin subject...

I didn't notice the blonde with the lungs helping Ava off the floor...I was still under the spell of princess. She was staring at me like she was seeing a fuckin ghost...and in a way I guess she was...Turns out that she had it bad for my fuckin dupe. Figures...I find my fuckin dream girl and she already taken by the real king.... that didn't mean shit to me now. She had fuckin teased me in my dreams and now she somehow fuckin made me come her. Nothing was going to get in the way of me and her hooking up..we was going to be together forever and it was going to be my fuckin name that she screamed out as I made love to every fuckin inch of her body...she was going to make me different and they weren't nobody that better get in my fuckin way...or they is going to have some fuckin hell to pay.


PART THREE where the fuck was I..Oh right. So me and my princess meets and alls I can fuckin do is stand there like some fuckin retard. Zan the man...and all I can do is fuckin stare at her...not that I couldn't stare at her for the rest of my fuckin life...cause like I said..she is fuckin beautiful. I wanted her to think I was fuckin cool...wanted her to know that I am the fuckin shit...but when I do fuckin speak I sound like a fuckin moron. Why...your wondering well just listen and I will fuckin tell you. Likes I said I was frozen..or some shit like she was the first to speak.

"You must be Zan. Welcome to Roswell...I'm Liz Parker" she said....her first words to fuckin voice...her voice was like a voice of a fuckin angel and then she put her hand out to me..her beautiful fuckin hand...alls I could do was stand there and stare at it...can you fuckin believe that shit...I couldn't move a single fuckin muscle. Didn't matter anyway....cause Ava started her shit again. When will that girl fuckin learn...never...I know....anyways...fore I knowed it she had her arms fuckin wrapped around my waist.

"Liz...Oh my god this is my Zan. I don't know how he freakin survived..but who fuckin cares...Oh my god Zan..I love you so much" Then she was pulling my head towards hers for another fuckin kiss. I had to fuckin stop this...and that is when I opened my fuckin mouth.

"BITCH...WHEN YOU GONNA FUCKIN LEARN WE AIN'T TOGETHER. I DON'T FUCKIN LOVE YOUS...I AIN'T NEVER GONNA FUCKIN LOVE YOUS...SO GET OVER IT ALREADY" I fuckin screamed at her...pushing her away from me. Ava just sat there with this fuckin stupid look on her face and then she started fuckin howling and run off. I guess that I went too fuckin far...cause Lungs and Liz was fuckin given me the dirtiest fuckin looks from hell. "What" I said to them "she gots to know the truth...we ain't fuckin together" Lungs threw her hands in the air and yelled at me..something bout all men being fuckin pigs...or some shit like that. Then she walked off...looking for Ava...I guess...but I didn't fuckin care...Liz and me was alone...I was the man and I was back in fuckin control...right......WRONG.

She looks so fuckin hot when she pissed...and let me fuckin tell yous at that fuckin moment she was the hottest lookin bitch in the world. "How could you do that to you have any idea what she has been going through. She thought you were dead...she kept blaming herself for your death" I was going to try and fuckin explain...but she weren't gonna let me get a damn word in. "What is it with you alien men...why do you treat the women you love like they are nothing but trash" I gots the feelin that she weren't just talkin bout Me an Ava...I didn't know the fuckin story yet...but I was gonna fuckin find out the deal with her and my fuckin dupe.

Anyway...My princess now hated my fuckin ass...and all because of fuckin Ava. I wanted to break Ava's fuckin neck for pulling this shit in front of Liz...but would deal with Ava later. Now I had to make Liz fuckin understand that I did this for her....cause she IS my fuckin princess...cause she the one that made me come here...cause I love her. Yes...I fuckin love is possible for punks like me to fall in love...why the fuck do yous think I came to this fuckin place...I think I fuckin loved her before I even met her. No...I can't explain why...I can't fuckin explain how this fuckin woman as me whipped like some fuckin sucka...but she do...she have me completely whipped...and I fuckin like it.



I knowed I had to fix this...but had no fuckin idea how. And why the fuck was Ava pulling this shit ain't like I never fuckin told her we wasn't gonna be together. She knowed this...she knowed that she weren't the one...then it fuckin hit me. She knowed...she knowed that Liz was the one and now she was gonna try and make sure that we weren't never gonna get together. I don't fuckin think so...

Liz gave me another fuckin dirty look and then turned and left my ass standing there. I knew that I should be fixing this shit with Ava..cause she was my ticket to hooking up with Liz...but at that fuckin moment...Liz's ass had my whole fuckin attention. When she walked her hips moved from side to side and it was just a matter of time before my dick was fuckin ready to follow her. But...I had to fuckin focus. After a lot of fuckin deep breath...I finally got my dick under control and followed Liz.

I found Ava sitting on a couch with Liz and Lungs next to her. She was fuckin crying her ass off...but I ain't seen no damn tears. I was fuckin pissed now...we was gonna get this shit over with and fuckin quick. "I needs to fuckin talk to you Ava...I don't know what the fuck your prob is...but you better get over this shit quick" I screamed...and as I fuckin knew she would she started crying even louder.

"Leave her alone" Liz screamed at me...jumping off the fuckin couch and throwing her hands against my fuckin chest. That was all it dick was now double the fuckin size and my fuckin pants they was cutting of my circulation. What is it about this fuckin touch and I am hard as a fuckin rock. I wanted to fucking rip her clothes off and fuck her until she screamed out my name. But...this weren't the fuckin time for that. It took all my energy..but I forced myself to listen to her as she fuckin yelled at me. "Just leave her alone...she doesn't deserve to be treated the way that your treating her. She thought you were dead...and for some strange reason was happy when you showed up alive. And just what is the deal with all of this you think that it makes you sound manly...because you just sound completely ignorant. Just go...leave her alone...go back to New York... leave all of us alone" So there I fuckin stood with my princess...who thinks that I'm fuckin ignorant...and my dick is still bulging inside my fucking pants. I didn't think that this day could get any worse...oh but I was fuckin much worse...but that is for later. "Look Ava I sorry you was crying cause of me...I just needs to talk to you alone for a few" and then I used a fuckin word I ain't never used in my life. "Please"

"I said leave her alone" Liz screamed again...but Ava stopped her this time. "It's aiight Liz...we needs to talk" Liz didn't move...I could fuckin tell that Liz weren't gonna leave until she were sure I weren't gonna hurt Ava...but Ava nodded at her...and her and Lungs left. I sat down next to her on the couch and fore I had a chance to say a fuckin word...Ava started..."she the one ain't she...she the one you been waiting for" I was fuckin floored. See I toldt you she fuckin knew. I was ready for a hugh fuckin fight...but the look on her face I knowed it weren't gonna be one I took her hand and moved her face to me. I wanted to fuckin make sure that she understood what I was gonna say. "Ya she the one. I know it sounds totally fuckin cornball...but she the one Ava. I love her...I fuckin loved her fore I ever met her....and nothing gonna fuckin get in my way. You and me we is tight...but we like family...I never love you like I love Liz. Can you understand that Ava...we is family need me I'm there...ok. We cool Ava" I asked her. "We cool Zan" she said squeezing my hand. "Don't worry...I won't fuck up your chances with Liz. She cool Zan...she been so fuckin nice to me since Rath and Lonnie left" Rath and Lonnie...yeah I almost forgot about them fucks...almost. They was gonna get theres...but Ava was more important now....she fuckin had to help me get Liz. "Now...what the the hell happened after that fuckin truck hit you" she said and I knowed we was cool...I knowed I didn't have to worry about Ava anymore...NO...all I had to fuckin worry about right now was and my fuckin dirty mouth. It was time for me to change and with Ava's fuckin help....there was gonna be no fuckin doubt that Liz Parker was gonna be mine.



So as I was saying me and Ava...we was cool. We was gonna work together and get me and Liz together. First thing we is gonna do is clean this fuckin dirty mouth I have. I know your thinking how easy...ever try it...we was raised on the fuck...see this is gonna be so damned hard. Anyway..we was raised on the streets and this how we talk. This shit gonna be harder to stop then I fu...thought.

Liz keeps coming back to make sure that Ava ain't dead...I figured that the reason anyway. Man...that woman had me on fire. Time is gettin short...I can't explain it again...I just feel it. If we ain't together ain't gonna happen...I can't fuckin deal with that. So when she come in this time...I grabs her arm and stops her. "Look...Liz I knowed we got off on the wrong fuc...sorry...foot. But I ain't come here to hurt Ava...or you. Can we's start over. Hey...I'm Zan and you is" I watched as her face softened...and my heart fuckin melted.

"Ok...Hey I'm Liz Parker...Welcome to Roswell Zan" she said with a was the cutest fuckin thing I ever heard. My heart was I turning into a sap or what. "So Zan...what brought you to Roswell" and then it fuckin fell. I wanted to scream what made me come and these damn vibes you been sending me. But...she acted like she didn't feel em. Was I fuckin wrong about this shit...NO WAY...I ain't wrong about nothin. She gonna be mine...and that's it. "I just knowed I had to be here" I said giving her my biggest grin.

"Oh...well I guess that you can stay here also" She said and she was blushing. I made her fuckin love this woman. "My parents are out of town for the next couple of weeks. Ava has been sleeping on the couch down here. I can move her upstairs into my parents room and you can sleep down here...if you want"

Sleep downstairs on the couch...Ava upstairs with you...don't think so. Ava knowed what I was thinkin cause she told Liz about my accident and gave her some story how I weren't able to heal myself completely cause I was still kinda weak...and that the couch was fine for her...that I weren't gonna be able to rest much on the couch. I looked at Ava and winked at her...I owed her big. "Oh my god Zan are you ok" she asked grabbing my hand and pulling me towards the couch. "I'm so sorry...I didn't sit you need anything" She was talkin so fast...but I loved it. Her hand felt so good in mine...and it pissed me off when she let it go. "Hey's all good" I said "I'm ok...maybe just a little tired" It had been a long damn day...and I was ready to hit the more ways then one....if you knows what I mean and I knows you do.

She took me to her parents room and showed me where I was gonna sleep. "This is where you'll sleep...and if you want to take a need to take a'll have to use mine...I mean the one in my....the shower in my room. My parent's shower is broken" She was I loved this woman. "You can wear anything out of my fathers closet. The towels are in the hall" she said turning to me "lets get you out of those clothes...Um I mean...let me knows when your out of those clothes...ah..I mean....just put your dirty clothes in the hall and I will wash them for you. Um yeah...get some sleep...and when you wake up you can down downstairs and eat me...WITH with me...and Ava...of course. Ok...I'm going to bye" She was fuckin princess was fallin for me and I was gonna be there to catch her when she fell.

I had to take a shower first...I was pretty fuckin ripe and this fuckin hard on was killing me. Alls I could think about was my princess...what it would be like to kiss suck those titties and what her pussy tasted like. I betted it was her and I knowed that once I tasted it...I weren't never gonna get enough. Twenty minutes later I was clean and hard on free. a dumb ass I forgot to get a fuckin towel fore I jumped in the shower...didn't matter...aliens powers...gotta love em. I was gonna sleep in her parents bed...but as I walked by her bed was calling me. was fuckin callin me and no I ain't losing my fuckin mind...I had to smell her scent in them sheets....and so I laid down...buck naked and all. I must of been more tired then I thought...cause when I woke up it was dark out...but it ain't what I noticed first...what I noticed first was my princess standing on the side of the bed...staring at me. "Um...I'm sorry I was just coming to look at you....I mean check on you" Two seconds later I had another fuckin hard on...I tried to fuckin hide it..but it was to late...she already seen it. "OH MY GOD...I'm so sorry. I...I've got to go"

"LIZ WAIT" I screamed jumpin off the fuckin bed chasing after her. "LIZ...PLEASE" Liz stopped and fore I knowed it...she was kissing me...Liz princess was kissing me like I ain't never fuckin been kissed before...and....


Authors Note: You asked for it...and her it is...Liz's POV. I didn't plan on doing Liz's POV...but the masses have spoken and here it is...let me know what you think....Donna!!!

I was tired....but it wasn't the kind of tired you are thinking of....Yes I hadn't really slept in months...but this tired was more then much more. I was tired of feeling the weight of the world on my shouldrs...tired of doing what everyone expected of me and most importantly I was tired of feeling lonely. Don't get me wrong...I had plenty of friends and family to keep me from being completely lonely...but I was still lonely....lonely for love. I guess before I tell you the rest of my story I should introduce myself. My Name is Liz Parker....I live in a small town in Roswell New Mexico. I know what your thinking....Roswell...isn't that the place where that alien spaceship was susposed to have crashed. is the one and the same and I have lived here my whole life. Before I go any furture...I have to warn you that what I have to say can't be repeated to another living sole. You have a trusting face and I really have to get this off my if you promise to keep this to yourself....then I will here is my story.

Living in Roswell my whole life...I had heard all the stories about the crash of 1947. I never really believed any of it...there was no way that aliens existed...much less crashed here in Roswell. In my perfect scientific world there was no place for unless I could see one...they didn't exist. Well I'm here to tell you that they do exist...and they have been living amoung us for years now. Shocked....I know...I was too at first...but now nothing surprises me anymore. I'm not going to bore you with all the details of my life since I realized that aliens do exist...but I will give you the highlights.

Basically...I died and was brought back to life by an alien...but not just any alien....Max...who I thought was my soul mate....but I will get to that later. He saved my life and it has never been the same since. Like I said it turned out he was an well as his sister Isabel and his friend Michael. Tess came into the picture later...and no I don't want to talk about her right now. make along story short... Max and I fell in love...we found out that he had this whole other destiny....I walked away from him and the realationship so he could follow his destiny and then I get a visit from the future version of Max...who tells me that I have to make my Max fall out of love with me...or the world comes to an end. So....I do what is expected of usual...and I make it look like I slept with Kyle...he's an ex-boyfriend of mine. must have worked becasue the future Max disappeared and my life has been a living hell ever since. I know your thinking this is the strangest story I have ever heard....don't...cause it gets stranger. Turns out that Max, Isabel, Michael and Tess...have duplicates who have been living in New York all these years. I really don't know the whole story about them...they came to Roswell talking about an alien summit in New York. oh...I forgot to tell you that Max in a former life was the king of his planet...and this summit had something to do with that. Confused....join the club...but you don't need to worry about any of that....what you need to know is that Max went to New York with these dupes...because their leader...Zan was killed in an accident...little did I know that he was alive and again my life was never going to be the same again....

Did I forget to mention that Ava...Tess's dupe was staying with me. She had decided not to go back to New York with Max, Tess and Michael and Isabe's dupes. I found her trying to sleep behind a dumpster in the alley behind the diner my parents own. I asked her to stay with me and we have been fast friends ever since. I like Ava and for some reason I trust her...she isn't anything like her dupe Tess. I know your wondering who this Tess is....well...she is Max's Destiny. She is the reason that Max and I can never be together. Future Max told me that in his life time she left Roswell as Max and I...or future me grew closer and because of that....the end of the world came. Here I am seventeen years old...and I have the fate of the world resting on my shoulders. I hated my life...I didn't think that I would ever be happy again....but I was wrong....but that comes later.

That day started like any other...but something was different....I didn't know what it was...but I knew that something was going to happen. I kept getting these strange sensations running through my body....the kind that I felt when ever Max was nearby. But...Max wsn't nearby...he was in New York...with the Gerbil...I mean with Tess. I couldn't explain why I was having these sensations...but what ever it was...I was going to find out soon enough. As I was saying...Maria and I were working our shifts at the Crashdown...the diner that my parents own. Business was really slow...I had case your wondering who Maria is....she is my best friend. Anyway...I had Maria working the front...while Ava and I counted inventory in the stockroom. Boring right....wrong. Ava was telling me all about Zan. Zan is Max's dupe...and like I said before he was killed in an accident in New York. I felt bad for was apparent that she loved Zan very much. I could kind of relate to her loss...except she lost Zan in an accident and I lost Max to a girl that look like a Gerbil. Sorry...I need to forget Tess and move on with the story. So anyway...all of a sudden Maria runs into the stockroom all frantic. have to understand that this is normal behavior for Maria....but with all that had been happening in our lives lately...I couldn't even begin to imagine what or who it was that was causing her to totally freak out. "OH MY GOD LIZ...AT FIRST I THOUGHT IT WAS HIM..BUT THEN I THOUGHT IT CAN'T BE HIM BECAUSE YOU SAID THAT HE LEFT LAST NIGHT....BUT HE'S EVEN SITTING IN THE SAME BOOTH HE ALWAYS SITS IN...HE LOOKS LIKE HIM...WELL NOT TOTALLY LIKE...I MEAN...HE WOULDN'T WEAR HIS HAIR ALL SPIKY LIKE THAT...AND HE HAS PIERCINGS...HE WOULD NEVER WEAR PIERCINGS...TO SQUARE....BUT THEY LOOK GOOD ON HIM...OH MY GOD...BUT HE STILL LOOKS JUST LIKE HIM...LIZ ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME....HE LOOKS JUST LIKE HIM...WELL NOT..." She was running around and screaming at me and what she was saying made no sense. Who was this guy...and just who exactly did HE look so much like...I didn't know but...I was sure about to find out.

"Maria calm down" I said grabbing her by the shoulders and making her face me. "Now what are you talking about...who is out there...and who does he look so much like" What she said next caused my knees to go weak.

"Max....he looks just like Max" My heart started beating like crazy...this was it. Who ever it was causing these sensations was here...and it scared and thrilled me to my very core. But...before I had a chance to take a step...Ava was brushing past me into the diner. "ZAN" I heard her shout....I couldn't have heard that right...she said that he was dead...that she watched him get hit by a was it that he was here and alive. I ran into the diner to find Ava's body wrapped around someone....I couldn't make out his face...because she looked to be sticking her tongue down his throat. What ever those sensations were they were going crazy now...who ever this guy was...he was doing this to me...but how and why...and did it really matter...cause he seemed to be totally into Ava..and what about Max....



I couldn't explain these sensations that I was feeling for this....this total stranger. What about Max...he was the love of my soulmate...and even though we could never be together...there never was going to be another Max...or was there...and what about Ava...she loved this man....who was I to stand in the way of that. I was so into my thoughts that I didn't even realize that Ava was now on the floor. All I could do was stare at the man standing in front of me. He was so much like Max...and yet so different. Their physical features may have been similar...but besides that he was the complete opposite of Max...and I found myself drawn to him like I had never been drawn to another man...yes even Max.

After what seemed like forever...I got up enough nerve to speak to him. "You must be Zan. Welcome to Roswell...I'm Liz Parker" I placed my hand out in front of me to shake his hand...Yeah right....shake his hand...I just wanted to touch him. he went to put his hand into mine...Ava threw her arms around his waist and started screaming...I didn't hear most of what she said...all I heard was "Oh my god Zan...I love you so much" Jealousy like I have never felt before shot through my entire body. At that very moment I wanted to beat Ava into a bloody pulp. I wanted to ripe her hair out and tell her to get away from Zan...that he was supposed to be mine. But then my jealousy was replaced by guilt...Ava loved Zan and if she made him happy...then that was all that mattered...who was I to stand in the way of their happiness. Right and if you believe that...then I have some some actual alien photos that I'd like to sell to you. The guilt didn't last long I watched Zan push Ava away and start screaming at her. I had never in my life heard such language. Every other word was the F was dirty and uncalled for...but secretly it was really turning me on. But that too didn't last long as he continued to scream at Ava. I know I was ready to beat her head in before...but this kind of treatment was unnecassary...and then I momentarily lost my mind.

I started yelling at him...telling him how upset Ava was when she thought he was dead and that for some reason she was glad he was still alive...that I didn't understand why alien men treat their women like trash...yes your right that statement should have been directed at Max...but he was Max...sort of. Then I told him to leave and go back to New York...I wanted to take the words back as quickly as they flew out of my mouth. Why...because in fact I didn't want him to go back to New York...I wanted him to stay. I wanted him to stay in Roswell...I wanted him to stay in Roswell forever...with me.

After that we just stood there for a moment...and then I turned to go check on Ava who had run off after his outburst...she was my friend after all. I hoped that what I did next was going to work...I had never done this before. But when I walked away...I swayed my hips just a bit more then usual. I wanted him to follow me...and if I had to use my body to do it...then I was all for it...and guess what...It worked...he was following me. I didn't know if I was seeing things or not...but there seemed to be a bulge in his pants that I didn't remember seeing there before..and I have to admit that knowing that I did that to him had be completly turned on.

I entered that backroom and sat down next to Ava...she seemed pretty upset...but what I found strange was the fact that their didn't seem to be any tears in her eyes. It was like she was seemed like a Tess situation all over again...and I had to keep telling myself that this was Ava and not Tess. Anyway...he entered the room and started yelling at Ava again...I don't know what took over me in that instance...becasue before I knew it I was bounding off the couch and slamming my hands into his chest. Maybe I was doing it for Ava...or maybe I was doing it cause I wanted to touch him so badly that I could barely decide. Anyway...I was ranting off something...I can't really remember...but I can clearly remember the way that his chest felt as my hands moved upwards over his muscular chest to push him backwards. Thinking about it now still gets to we must move on.

He tried to talk to her again...and all I could think of was here was another chance for me to touch him again...but Ava stopped me...told me that they needed to talk things out. I didn't want to leave...No I wasn't worried about Ava...I should have been...but I was worried that they would talk and that Zan would realize what a great girl Ava was and then they would that wasn't true I was afraid that he would leave me. "Come on Liz...let's go" Maria said to me....I had totally forgotten that she was even in the room. Hestintly I began to walk towards the door...I wanted to run into his arms and tell him to forget Ava...She wasn't the one for him I was...I wanted to tell him that I loved him...but I didn't...I walked out the door and left them...left them so they could be alone to discuss what ever it was they had to discuss.

I sent Maria home after we left was a fight...but she finally agreed to go after I promised to give her every juicy detail later. I agreed...heck she's Maria...besides being my best friend...I knew that if I didn't she would hound me until my death for the details. Details that I hoped would be involving Zan and I..but with my luck it would involve Zan and Ava. After I locked the door behind Maria...I began replaying today over in my mind. What they hell was the matter with me anyway...I loved Max...I have been in love with Max for what seems like forever. How is it that I met Zan and I fell in love with him in a matter of minutes. Yes...minutes...maybe not even that long...I may have even been in love with him before I even met him. I loved Max...and...I loved Zan. Just what I needed more complications in my life. I had to know what was going on in the I pretended that I was checking on Ava. I was..but not for the reasons that your thinking. To my relief they seemed to be just talking. As they sat together on the couch...I remeber thinking that they looked more like good friends then lovers...but I figured that it was just my eyes and mind playing tricks on me. On about my third time checking on Ava...Zan grabbed my arm and pulled me towards him. What ever those sensatons were that he was causing...they were flowing through my whole body...and it was driving me crazy.

He told me that he wasn't here to hurt Ava or myself...and all I kept thinking was hurt me Zan...please hurt me. It took several deep breathes but I finally got my hormones under control and was able to concentrate on what he was saying. He wanted to start he introduced himself and I started giggling like a little child...but I didn't care. He was smiling and it was the most beautiful smile I had ever seen. He was looking at me in a way that was making me knees weak. Ava then began telling me all that had happened to him after his accident and I went into mother mode...I had to make sure that he was ok. I had told him that he could stay with me...and Ava since my parents were away. I told him that he could sleep on the couch...and Ava could sleep in my parents room. But Ava told me that she would prefer for Zan to sleep in their bed...since we has still very weak from his accident. I had a hard time believing her story...and I could have sworn that I saw Zan wink at her...but I didn't care...Zan was going to be close to me....he was going to actually be closer to me then I ever imagined....

Hey...I just realized that I never finished describing Zan to you...I got off track with my story...but when it comes to Zan that seems to happen to me quite often. Anyways...I know that your dying for me to describe him to you aren't you...well all I can say is that he was a vision. I could look at this man for the rest of my life and never get bored. His hair was longer then Max's and he had it spiked. His eyes...his eyes they were beautiful...they say that the eyes are windows to the soul and as I stared into his beautiful green eyes I believed that to be true. Just by looking into them I felt I knew him. He was lonely...he was looking for love...he wasn't the person we saw on the outside...and he was longing to be...different. I know your thinking she saw that just by looking into his eyes...but I did...I saw it all and it drew me to him even more. Anyway...he had a goatee that was calling out to me...I know it was just facial hair...but I longed to touch feel it between my fingers...and I wanted to feel it against my skin as I rubbed my cheek against it. But...I think what really sent me over the edge about Zan was his piercings. I have always hated them...I never understood why people did things like that to their bodies...but on Zan....I found myself wanting to lick and suck every one of them with my mind went into over-drive as I thought of the different places on his body that he might have pierced...and I was so hoping that I got the chance to explore his body to find out. Shocked...I was...I had never felt feelings like this with Max...these feelings were scarying me...but they were thrilling me at the same time...I started to feel alive for the first time in months...I no longer wanted to be perfect Lizzy Parker...I longed to be...well I longed to be different and I knew that Zan was just the man to help me.


You just knew I had to do it. Actually I will have the last of Liz's POV up tomorrow and then I will continue from Liz Kissing Naked Zan. You know what you have to do come on and leave it. Donna!!!

Authors Note: First I want to thank all of your for your has really helped with the direction of this story. This is Liz's POV leading up to the kiss and then...well you have to keep reading to find out what happens next. Donna!!!

I could feel his breath on my neck as I lead him into my parents bedroom. My heart was racing so fast that I could barely keep my breath. I longed to feel his arms wrapped around my waist and to feel his body pressed against mine. I kept screaming inside my head....touch me Zan....touch me....nothing. I remember thinking that maybe this was all a mistake....that maybe I was the only one feeling these sensations. No...he had to be feeling them too...they were so strong. But then I realized that it didn't matter if he was feeling them or not....because Zan WAS going to be mine.

I figured that he might be tired and would want to clean up. My parent's shower was that meant that he had to use the one in my room...and the thought of Zan in my shower....well lets just say that my mind went into over drive. don't really want to hear about that now.............or do you?????

Ok..ok..please stop begging. If you realy want to know I will tell you. Now before I tell you about it....remeber that this is only my fantasy....this is not real. ok...anyways...It started with showing Zan where everything was...and then after I showed him my shower....I would turn to him with a seductive smile and say "Now lets get you out of those clothes" I would unzip his torn sweat shirt and throw it on the floor behind me...then I would slowly lift his T-shirt over his head while I licked and nipped my way up his broad muscular chest. Reaching his nipple...I would realize that he had them both pierced....and I would swirl my tongue around them...tracing my tongue back and fourth between the two until he moaned my name allowed...then I would take one fully into my mouth...relising the taste of both the metal and his skin together. He would try to pull me to him....but I wouldn't let him...oh no...this was my fantasy and I for once wanted to be the one in charge. "Let me know...when you get out of those clothes" I would whisper...stepping back to admire this beautiful man in front of me. With clumsy hands he would undo the buttons of his jeans and push them to the floor. He would wear no under garments...of course....and I would become completly wet at the sight before me. "Come to me Zan" I would whisper...watching as he moved towards me allowing him to wrap his arms around me. Our lips would meet hungerly as our tongues sought of the depts of each others mouths. "Now it's your turn" he would whisper into my ear then kissing his way down my neck. With one wave of his hand....I would be completly naked. "Oh Zan" I would moan as he continued to kiss his way down my neck till he reached my breast. He would suck one of my nipples into his mouth...and my moaning would continue to get louder and louder as his assult on my nipples increased. Roughly he would pick me up and head for the bed room. But he would stop in his tracks as I whispered "I want to see you wet Zan" With another wave of his hand the shower would turn on and I would cling to him as he stepped into the shower...wetting us both with the spray from the shower head. "I wants to eat you Liz" he would grunt as he placed me on the shower floor....kissing his way down my body until he was kneeling in front of my womanhood. I know that your thinking that what he said to me was gross...but the man has an accent...and the fact is his dirty talk really does something to me. "Eat me Zan" I would moan as I ran my fingers through his hair and guided him to......

"Princess...yous ok" Zan's voice brought me from my fantasy. Yes...I was completly embarresed...and your right he didn't know what was going on in my head...but I am sure that he got an idea after I tried to speak and ended up stumbling all over myself. I couldn't get the fantasy out of my head and I was sure that my words reflected it. Actually I didn't give him the chance to respond....I was out the door in a flash. Poor Zan...I just knew that he thought I had lost my mind.

I went back down stairs and tried to concentrate on the inventory....but my mind keep wandering back to Zan and my fantasy. I still couldn't understand how it was that this man got to me the way that he did. I mean...I had fantasies about Max all the time...but my Max fantasies always involved sweetness and romance. Which don't get me wrong is not a bad thing....these are the two main reasons that I feel in love with Max Evans in the first place. But with was different....and for some reason he was making me feel diffrent. I had these urges that I couldn't explain....urges to touch kiss him.

It was at that very moment that my urge to near him tripled. I HAD to touch him....HAD to kiss him...HAD to... "I figure you and Zan be doing the deed bout now" Ava said pulling me from my thoughts of these urges. Guilt washed over me as I looked into her eyes. I had completly forgottn about Ava. Just earlier that day she had been telling me how much she loved Zan and how much his death had affected her...and knowing this....I still chased after him like some dog in heat. "He don't love me Liz...I knowed it. It's ok...I ain't gonna die if you and Zan hook up. You the one Liz...he been talkin bout forever" I watched her as she left the room....and I flew up the stairs towards his room.

My heart stopped as I reached his room and realized that he wasn't there. He didn't leave....I could still feel him..and then snoring coming from my room caught my attention. Quietly I opened the door to my room and the sight before me made my breath catch in my throat. There was Zan sleeping on my all his nakedness. Watching him sleep was the most beautiful thing I had seen in such a long time. He looked so peaceful and for a minute I was jealous....jealous because I longed to be the one that put that look on his face. I didn't even realize that he was now awake at first....but as I looked at his body once again and met his beautiful eyes...reality hit and I was scared to death. "I came to look at you...I mean check on you" I stammered...looking away from his eyes and noticing for the first time the size of his manhood. He tried to hide it with the bed spread...but it was to late. "OH MY GOD" I panic filled my body. I wasn't ready for this....I thought I was...but I'm not. I had to get out of there....I couldn't breath. Turning away from him...I ran for the door. "LIZ WAIT" he cried "LIZ PLEASE..."

I stopped....not because of the urges I was having for Zan...or the sensations that had been coursing through my whole body since his arrival to I stopped because Zan needed me...he wanted me. I could hear it in his voice...and I needed him and I wanted him at that very moment more then I have ever wanted anything in my entire life. I didn't know what was going to happen once Max got back from New York...and I didn't care...right now all that mattered was Zan....all that mattered was Zan and me.

Zan was already behind me as I turned away from the door. He tried to say something...but I didn't give him the chance. Placing my hands along the sides of his face....I crushed his lips to mine. I had never in my life kissed a man the way that I kissed Zan that night....he brought out a side of me that I never knew existed....and I liked it. I wasn't afraid anymore....I was ready...I was more then ready....


Authors Note: OK....I just got back from dinner with my friends and now I am full and high on sugar....I get silly when I eat Behr with me.....Donna!!!

"Princess" he moaned against my lips as I continued to assult his lips with my own...getting louder and louder each time that my tongue came into contact with his. I found that with each moan my body would get hotter and hotter. As my body burned I found that I needed to feel more of Zan....taste more of Zan. I wanted to explore every single nook and cranny of his body. I wanted to start from the top of his head to the bottom of his toes...and everywhere in between. I don't know what came over me in that shouldn't have shocked wasn't like I had been myself all day anyway...but in my desperate attempt to feel more of him....I jumped him.

Ok...maybe not jumped like your thinking...but I wrapped my arms around his neck...and with out breaking our liplock... jumped up and wrapped my legs around his waist...but wouldn't you consider that jumping...anyway I still laugh about what happened afterwards...cause the look on his face was pure gold. I guess that it caugth him by surprise...because before I knew what was happening my head was slamming into the floor below.

I thought I was gonna fall on the fucking floor as she kept kissing me. Her tongue kept darting in and out my mouth...and I couldn't stop myself from moaning every time I felt it touch mine. She wrapped her arms around my neck and...well....guess what...surprise...we fell on the floor. I didn't spect her to wrap her legs round my waist...and when she did it totally throwed me off guard. No it weren't only cause she wrapped her sexy ass legs around my waist causing my aleady hard dick to become harder. It were because of the heat that were coming off her body that throwed me off. It throwed me off so much that I ended up takin a step back and I tripped over my own damn feet. I tried to make sure she ain't get hurt...but...I knowed it was too late as I heard her head smack into the floor.

She ain't said a word...she just lay there. I was freakin scared...I just knowed that I had finally found my princess and now she were dead cause of me and my stupidity. Using my powers I checked her head to make sure she weren't hurt bad...she ain't have nothing major cept a bump...but she still weren't moving or saying nothin. I know now that it were only seconds..but then it felt like hours fore she moved or said anything. "I knew you were falling for me Zan...I just didn't think that you were going to take the falling part so serously" she said to me as she started to giggle. I can't tell you how relieved I were that she were ok. I would rather die then have Liz feel any pain.

You wanna know what my fave thing bout Liz...besides the fact that she the most beautiful woman in the would have to be her laugh. She got the best laugh in the I toldt you before...she sound like an angel when she laughs...and right then I were in heaven.

"Your so cornball" he said to me smiling as he rolled over onto his back...pulling me on top of him...and then we were both laughing...and you know what it felt felt like it was my first real laugh in months and it was wonderful. I felt like I didn't have a care in the world and most important....I felt like I didn't have the weight of the world resting on my shoulders. I was free from all the lies and deceptions...that I had been hiding from everyone. I guess what I am trying to say is that I was happy. Happiness was something that was foriegn to me at that time. Remember this was during the whole Future Max saga. So...Here I was laying in his arms and I was the happiest that I had been in such a long time.

"Cornball huh" I giggled a few minutes later...lifting my head off his chest. I playfully tugged at his bottom lip with my teeth...and I knew that playtime was over as Zan grabbed my neck...crushing his lips to mine...and then our tongues were dueling with an intensity that I had never experienced before...and it didn't matter who was winning...all that mattered was the sensations that were running through out my body...sensations that I had been feeling all day...but now they were heightened. It is really hard to explain....but I knew that he was feeling the same sensations as I was like what ever these sensations were they had connected us...made us one.

What ever it wasn't like the connection that I had with Max....this was different...but similar. Sorry I forgot that you don't know about the connection and the flashes I had with Max. Basically when Max healed me...we were able to connect to each other through flashes...images that let us see what the other was feeling. Yet another thing in my life with no explaination. But anyway...back to Zan....

In truth it wouldn't have mattered if Zan and I had made this connection or not...I knew that he felt the same way...I knew that he wanted me as much as I wanted him. How...I felt it pressing aganst the inside of me thigh...and it excited me more then I can ever express to know that I...Liz Parker....had this kind of affect on this man. I wanted to touch it...look at it and yes I wanted to taste. "Can I touch it" I asked hesitantly...pulling away from his lips and looking into his beautiful eyes.

I was afraid of what he might think of me...this wasn't something that Perfect Lizzy Parker would do....but all I found in his eyes was the love and the trust that he felt for me. "Princess..." he whispered "you can do what ever you wants to do to me"


Authours Note: See I told you that I would be back today and here I am. I know...I know....get back to writing...hope you like's gonna be a scorcher. Enjoy!! Donna!!!

I didn't thinks that I could loves her more then I did...but when she asked me if she could touch love for her fuckin doubled in size. She didn't have to asks me if she could touch me...I needed her to touch I needed her to touch me. My princess could do what ever she wanted to do to me...and I weren't care...cause all that mattered were she were touching me.

She laid her head on my chest after she asked me...and she ain't say nothin. I could feel the tension in her body and I knowed she were scared...she didn't have to say nothin...I could feel it. Those vibes that I toldt you bout before...well I could feel hers now...Yes...she was feelin them too. I could feel everything about her...everything she were feeling for me. I felt how much she wanted me...I felt how scared she were...since this were her first time and all. But...I felt somthin else too...somethin that I didn't want to feel...somethin that I chose to ignore. wanna know...I still ain't gonna tell you's but know that fuckin minute...I hated my fuckin dupe more then I tought I could fuckin hate anybody.

But...I ain't have time to be thinkin bout my dupe...I had Liz...she were mine now...he had his chance with her and he fucked it up...and if I had anything to do with it...he weren't gonna get another fuckin chance. Yeah...that is what I toldt myself anyway.

"We ain't gots to do nothin Princess" I whispered to her as rubbed my hands up and down her back. "we can just lays here if you wants...but I can't lie to you Liz...I wants you...I wants you so bad that I can't stand it...I knows that you can feel how much I do...but I ain't gonna force you to do nothin you ain't wanna do. I knows this is your first's mines too. I been waiting for you the one I wants to be my first. We can go slow ands if you wants to stop...then we will stop. I loves you Liz...I ain't never gonna hurt you" I felt her smile against my chest as she begun to kiss down body...and then I felt her tears. "Liz...please don't cry...we"

I knew that he wasn't going to force me to do anything that I didn't want to do...I knew that he loved me and would never do anything to hurt me. But...I was still scared...not because I didn't want to touch him...pleasure him...make love to him. No...that wasn't the reason at all...I was afraid that I wouldn't be able to pleasure him the way that he should be pleasured. I had never made love to anyone before...what if I didn't live up to his expectations. But his words dispelled my fears...this was his first time also. "I love you Zan" I whispered against his chest as tears slide down my face. No...these weren't tears of sadness and frustration...I had cried enough of those to last a life time. These were tears of happiness.

Slowly I kissed my way down his chest...reaching his wash-board stomach...I traced my tongue across his gorgeous stomach muscles... stopping before I reached his pelvic area. I found that I couldn't stop staring at it...his was absolutely the most beautiful penis that I had ever seen...not that I had a lot to compair it too. I had never seen one up close and personal...I had only seen pictures in the womans magizine that Maria's mom kept in her night stand. It doens't matter what we were doing looking at these pictures...what matters is that the men in those pictures had nothing on Zan...the man was absolutely gigantic...

I had to touch him...I wanted to know what it would feel like to hold it in my hand...and so I gently placed my hand around it...causing Zan to suck in his breath. I held his penis in my left hand as I traced my index finger up to the tip and back down...I wanted to examine every single inch of his manhood...what can I say it is the scientist in me. Poor Zan...I didn't realize then just how hard...pardon the pun...but I didn't realize just how hard it was for him not to lose control. ************************************************************

I didn't know how much longer I were going to be able to control my dick...I was lovin ever minute that my princess was touching me...but I was ready. I didn't want to scare her...but I was losing control quick. She continued to run her finger up and my cock and I couldn't wait anymore.

"Please Liz" I moaned arching up into her hand "hurry...I can't holds on anymore" I pulled myself into a sitting position and cupped my hand around her hand...setting the rhythm that I needed so damn badly. I didn't think that it could get any better then that...Liz's hand was like fire...and and it only gots hotter with every stroke. Yeah...I didn't think that it could get much better then that...but as usual I was so fuckin wrong. If I thought that a hand job was was nothin compared to the feeling of her lips closing around my dick.

I watched as he released his hand from mine and with a groan he laid back on the floor. Poor Zan...I had been completly into my examination of his manhood...that I hadn't even realized the torture I was causing him. So he had set the pace he needed for his release by placing his hand around mine. As he pulled his hand away...I increased my grip and continued to stroke his manhood even faster...and I couldn't help but grin as a slew of profanities escaped from his lips. Hey I had to give the man credit...he was trying to cut his swearing down...even though it secretly truned me on.

I watched as two beads of moisture formed at the top of his penis...and it excited me beyond belief...but I needed more...I needed to taste him. I gently rubbed the tip of my tongue over the tip of his manhood...causing another slew of profanities to follow the previous ones. I must have been doing something right to cause this kind of reaction in him...and in turn it was causing a reaction in me. With more force I took his whole memeber into my mouth and moved my way up and down...grazing my teeth across the tip with each stroke. His cries were like music to my ears...and as they did the ache between my legs. I was now hotter and wetter then I ever thought possible and my whole body felt as if I was on fire. With my mouth...and again with my hand I continued my assult on his penis. "FUUUUUCCCCCK" he screamed as he finialy gave into his orgasm...filling my mouth with his juices.

My body was in a frenzy and I was the one that now needed the release. "Your turn" he grunted as if reading my mind. Roughly he pulled me up his body until I was stradling his waist...and then I felt his hands sliding up my legs...under the skirt of my uniform until both hands were fully covering my rear-end...and then I was slowly sliding up his chest until I could feel his warm breath a mere inches from the ache between my legs...


Authors Note: Hey guys....I'm back!!! Are you ready for more??? I thought so. Enjoy.....Donna!!! was her turn. I wanted to makes her feels like she mades me. Slowly I moved my hands up her sexy leg...her skin was so soft and I was dying to feel her all over. I heard her moans as I grabbed her ass and beguns to pulls her to my hungry mouth. I could feel the heat coming off of her...and her gots stronger as I pulled her closer...and it were drivin me fuckin crazy...I needed to fuckin taste her more then ever now. Her moaning were getting louder and louder as I licked the insides of her thighs...untils I reached her draws...

I ain't never understand why peoples wear draws. I ain't never worn them...but when I saws Liz's my dick got totally hard. Why....well lets me tell you it weren't the were the wet spot that I seen on her draws that gots to me. Her draws were soaked...and it were me...not my fuckin dupe that did this to her...and then I hads the need to fuckin lick it...but that would have to waits...cause I wanted to haves some fun with her first....I wanted to make more hotter and wetter then she ever beens before and I wanted her to scream my names as she came all over my face.

My panties were completly wet as he pulled me towards his mouth...and the closer I got the wetter they got. I could feel his hot breath as I got closer and I thought that I was going to come undone as he traced his tongue along the inside of my thighs....stopping just short of my panties. "Tell me what you wants me to do princess" he says to me as he begins to lick his way around the edge of my panties...causing my fire to rise even higher. "Zan...please...I need you"

"I wants to hear you Liz...tell me whats you wants" he trailing his tongue up and down the center of my panties...I am close...he hasn't really touched me yet...but I am so close. "tells me princess....tells me what you want"

"I want you to make me fuckin cum" I scream as I grab his hair and thrust his face towards my center. ************************************************************

Enough said...I grabbed her panties with my teeth and ripped them open ...thrusting my tongue into her hot pussy. "OH MY GOD" she screamed pushing my face more into her core. I licked her pussy like it were my last meal. She were so fuckin wet and she tasted so fuckin sweet...I toldts you that once I got a taste of her that I weren't never gonna get enough...and I was fuckin right.
I thought that I was going to explode as he ripped open the crouch of my panties with his teeth...but that was nothing compared to to the wonderous...and yet torturous sensations that ran over me as he thrust his tongue into my center. I couldn't help the cries of passion that erupted from my lips...causing Zan to attack my clit with such a vengence that it sent me over the edge...not once...not twice...but several times.

"Oh my it always this good" I whispered raggedly...sliding off his chest and into his strong arms...trying very unsucessfully to recover from my first...and hopefully not last orgasim from him and his glorious mouth. ************************************************************

"Fraid not princess..." I said putting ons a straight face. It was hards trying nots to laugh at the look of horror on her face. "it's can only get better...but we needs to practice...lots of practice" I can't stop laughing as she smacks her hand against my chest. "Oh baby...I don't think we ready for the kinky shit yet" I's still laughing as I rolls us over...pinning her underneath me.

"I loves you Liz" I whispers as I place a small kiss on her lips. But...something is wrong...I can feel it...she weren't saying nothing. " ok" I asks "Liz"

I can't move...something is wrong...I can feel it...he's in danger. "MAX" I yell...pushing Zan off of me. I jump up off the floor and run for the door...forgetting completly about Zan. As I am running down the stairs...I hear a crash...and then voices. "AVA" I yell running into the diner...coming face to face with two very Pissed off people...Michael and Isabel.



My whole fuckin body were numb as she called out my dupes name and pushed me away from her. I tells her I love her and she calls out his name. she loved him...I knowed it. I knowed that she still loved him...but I fuckin ignored it and wents for her anyways. How dids I knows...I toldt you I felt her vibes. Why didn't I wants to tell you's abouts it...cause in my fucked up thinking if I's didn't says it out louds...then it weren't be true.

I wanted to be fuckin dead...I wished I were had died when that fuckin truck hit were less painful then the shit I were feeling now. What the fuck were I thinkin when I fell for Liz Parker...what mades me think that she would love me more then my fuckin dupe....I were nothin but sewer trash from New York...she don't belongs with me. She needs a man that can takes care of her...a mans that can gives her a lifes of luxury. What the hell were I gonna give to her...and then it hits me...anything she fuckin wanted. I weren't gonna lose her...not now...I hads waited my whole life for her...and I weren't givin her up now that I founds her. I gots up off the floor and walks into her bathroom...putting my dirty clothes backs on. I needed to find her...we needed to figure this shit out.

"What the hell is going on here" I yell as I enter the diner and see Michael and Isabel confronting Ava. She is trying to act like she isn't afraid...but she is...I can see it. "I want to know why Lonnie pretended she was me" Isabel screams at Ava. "I don't knows why" she answers back...looking at me with fear in her eyes. "I don't believe you" Isabel screams as Michael uses his powers to knock all the dishes off the shelf behind Ava...causing Ava to almost jump out of her skin.

Something was going to happen to him if we didn't do something...and quick. I pushed my way past Michael and Isabel...moving Ava to the other side of the counter. I tried to hold them tears...but as I spoke to Ava...they streamed down my face just the same. I was truely scared for Max...he needed to be ok...I needed him to be ok. ************************************************************

She loved me...she tolds me she did...and I loved her...that were all that mattered. I just hads to make her forget about my dupe...I was damned determined to make sure that she forget about my dupe...but what I heards next...mades me change my mades me lose my fuckin mind.

"Look Ava...if Max is in have to tell us. I love him...I love his as much as you love Zan. Please Ava...I need him"

I couldn't fuckin much as I tried...I couldn't breath. Then the fuckin anger tooks me over...I had to get out of there...or I were going to do something that I didn't wants to do.

So...Ava told me that I was different...that when Max had saved me...he changed me. I didn't know what that meant...different...but I found that I was scared of that word now...when just yesterday I was longering to be...different. Anyway...Isabel had tried to dream walk Max...but she couldn't make the connection and that was when Ava told me about the change. I couldn't understand how they thought that I could contact Max...if Isabel couldn't...but I had to try...I had to make sure that he was safe.

The connection with Isabel's help was first I couldn't see anything...but as the fog cleared...I saw him. Relief flooded my body as I realized that he was still alive...but relief quickly turned to fear as I watched Rath grab Tess from behind...covering her mouth...rendering her unable to warn Max of what was to happen next. I knew that I had to do something...anything...right then. I started screaming...screaming so loud that it caused my head to start hurting...but it wasn't working...he couldn't hear one word that I was screaming at him.

I could feel the connection with Isabel getting weaker...I could feel that we didn't have much time left. Taking a deep breath I closed my eyes focusing on the love that Max and I had shared since he healed me... "PLEASE MAX...I LOVE YOU...LOOK AT ME...I NEED YOU TO LOOK AT ME" I screamed waving my arms in my direction.

It worked...he looked at me. He had a look of complete confusion of his face...but he took the step that I needed him to take...and then I was back in the Crashdown.



I knowed that I hads to leave...if I didn't then I were going to do some shit that I ain't wanna do. I were amazed at the shit that went throuh my head after I heard her words...shit that I didn't think I would ever fuckin think bout when it cames to my princess...but they was there and they was I hads to leave.

I feeled like I ain't had no control over my body...she had fuckin torn my heart in half...and I wanted to make her suffer like I were suffering...I wanted to scream at her until she knowed that it were me she loved...I wanted to shake her until all her thoughts about my fuckin dupe fell outs her head. I knowed that I weren't never gonna hurt her...I loved her...even though she ain't love me like I loved her...but I hads to leave...just in case I lost control. I didn't know where I was going...I just knowed I hads to get far away as possible.

I felt like my fuckin heart were being ripped out my chest and I couldn't breath...but I keeped walkin. I ain't never cried in my fuckin life...but that night I couldn't stops them tears. "YOU THE FUCKIN MAN...KNOCK THIS SHIT OFF" I keeped yelling at myself...but they still came. Yeah...I were the man...but I didn't feeled like the man...I felt like I had lost my whole fuckin reason for living...I didn't care what happened to me anymore...all that mattered were that someone...or something...had to suffer as bad as I were suffering.

When I returned to the Crashdown...Michael and Isabel bombarded me with a thousands questions...questions that I didn't have any answers to. Yes...Max had survived almost being crushed by the scaffling...but I didn't know what had happened after that. Why...because once I got back to the connection with was completley gone. It didn't make any sense...I felt the connection so strongly before...and now I felt absolutly nothing. "Can you still feel him" Isabel asked...and since I didn't want to worry her or Michael anymore then they already were...I lied...I lied and told them that he was safe and that they didn't have to worry about him...that everything was going to be alright. The truth was I had no earthly idea if he was safe...or if everything was going to be alright. It was yet another set of add to the already growing pile.

As I walked Michael and Isabel to the jeep...Max's jeep...I promised that I would get in touch with them if anything else happened. Then Isabel did somethint that was so unlike her that it brought the guilt of lying to her crashing over me...she hugged me...with tears in her eyes...she hugged me. "Thank you Liz...thank you for saving Max's life. I don't know what has happened between the two of you in the past months...but when he comes home...I will do everything in my power to make sure that the two of you get back two have a love like none I have ever seen...and the proof is this connection that you have with each other...I'm sorry that I ever doubted you before"

I could only stand there dumbfounded...I tried to speak...I had to tell them the truth...they had to know that it was all a lie...but before I could get any words out...Michael was at my side. "That goes double for me Liz...thanks" he said and with a quick peck on the cheek...they were gone and I was left standing alone with my thoughts of Max and...and then I remembered...Zan


Authors Note: Thanks again everyone for the great feedback...I really keeps me motivated when I read all your lets me know that you want more and I am more then happy to do just that. Thanks again!!! I want to dedicate this fic to my Anterian sister Shell...she has inspired me in more ways then one with the writing of this fic...Thanks sis!!

I couldn't sees nothin through my tears...and thens I walked into somethin...and that was it...I lost my fuckin mind. Turns out it were a car...but it weren't much of one by the times I gots through with it. I started kicking the shit out of one of the doors and withs each kick picture of Liz would comes into my head...Liz..the first time I ever seen her...the look on her face when she were pissed at me...her laughing after I dropped her ons her head...her look when she were scared...when she wanted to touch me and just how fuckin beautiful her looked after I gaves her...her first orgasm...but then my rage fuckkin explodes as I see the look ons her face as she call out Maxie boys name...leaving me fuckin laying on the floor. Jumping ups on the hood of the car...I starts jumping around ands screaming like a fuckin madman. "I'M THE MAN....I'M THE MAN...I'M THE FUCKIN MAN...HERES THAT PRINCESS...I IS THE FUCKING MAN"

"Your the fuckin man alright" I didn't knows I were being watched...and when I turned to see who it were...I lost my balance and fell off the fuckin car. "I see your drunk too...huh Evan's...but that doesn't explaine what the hell are you doing...and just what is the deal with the get up of yours" he saids laughin at me...whiles he pulled me up offs the ground. "Halloween is over big you didn't know" I guess he didn't wants an answer...cause I watched as he staggered across the grass...falling into a bench after he walked into it. "Come on Evan's...keep me company" he said...smacking the empty spot next to him. "looks like we both are having the same problem...woman"

I didn't knows who this punk were...but he thoughts I were someone else...didn't takes me long to figure out who he thought I were...but I sats down anyway.

"ZAN" I screamed running back into the Crashdown...past Ava and up the stairs...and into my bedroom. He wasn't there...and then I remembered the look of confusion on his face as I called out Max's I pushed him off of me. "ZAN" I cried again...running into my parents room...but I knew that he wasn't going to be there...I couldn't feel him anymore...either.

"You gots some explaining to do" Ava screamed...pushing me backwards into the wall...if Ava was frightened before with Michael and Isabel...she sure wasn't now. "Whats the hell your prob tell him you loves him and then your fuckin cryin to me bout how much you loves Max" I didn't have an answer for her...but she was right. Just an hour before...Zan and I had been intimate...we were going to make love and it was going to be the first time for both us. I told him I loved him...I did love him...but I loved Max too. "I don't know" I I slide down the wall to the floor below.

"What's you don'ts know" she continues to scream...pacing back and forth in front of me. "I will fuckin kill you Liz...if you hurt you hears me. I loves Zan...I knows that I toldts you that I weren't gonna die if you's two hooked up...but I fuckin lied. He don't loves me...but I loves him Liz...I gaves him to you...cause he fuckin loves you...and I thoughts you loved him...guess I were wrong bout you..."

Ava continud to yell...but I couldn't hear her. My head was clouded with nothing but he caused sensations to run through out my body...even before we had met. I recalled the way my body responded to him...the first time I saw his beautiful I wanted to kiss him...touch him...taste much so that it made me forget about everything...the first time I kissed him...and how my want for him took me over completely. But what I kept coming back to was that....he may have caused all these reactions in me...but the truth was...he made me happy.

Yes...I loved Max. What I had with Max was wonderful and special...but truth be told...I was never really happy. There was always something tearing us started with Max and his self doubts...Michael and Isabel and their fears...Tess and her destiny...and ended with Future Max and his revelations of the end of the world. I loved Max...but when it came to our relationship...I usually ended up tearful and broken hearted.

With Zan it was different...he loved me and he wasn't afraid to tell show me. I knew that he wouldn't let anything get in the way of his love for me...not duties...destinys or even the end of the world...and I wanted that....I wanted him....I loved him.

"I love him Ava" I whispered...causing her to stop her pacing and turn to me. "I just didn't realize how much until now. I'm so sorry Ava...I didn't mean to hurt you. I know that you love him...but I love him too. He makes me happy...It just took me till now to realize it...we need to find him...I can't lose him now" I whispered through my tears as I looked up at her face. I was unable to read the look that now covered her face...but as she pulled me off the floor...I knew that she wasn't done with me yet.

"Kind of reminds you of the last time we got drunk...huh Evan's" he laughed...punching me in the arm "Except were not breaking into her room...and rooting through her underwear drawer" I didn't know who the hell this guy were...I ain't never met my dupe...but I had a hard time picturing him rooting through some bitches draws. He took another look at me and started laughing again. "So what IS the deal with the outfit anyway" What the hell...I thought...I'll play alongs. "I wanted to be's differnt"

"Be's different huh...well you certainly the accent and all. So why is it that your trying to be's different...oh wouldn't have anything to do with a certain...Miss Parker now would it Evan's. I wanted to scream ats the top of my lungs...OF COURSE ITS HAS TO DO WITH HER....IT ALWAYS HAS TO DO WITH HER...ITS WILL ALWAYS HAVES TO DO WITH HER.

Different huh...maybe I should make myself different...Nah...I look to damned good to change this face...I have to admit it though...your kinda creeping me out. I guess you chose the right look...cause you are the complete opposite of the Max Evans' I know and love" this guy was buggin...but I hads a feeling that he knowed somethin about my dupe and my princess...and I hads to find out. I asked him if he wanted me to change into my dupe form...but he tolds me no...

"Actually Evan's I take that makes it a whole lot easier to talk to you this way...since the whole...well you know...sleeping with Liz thing"

I didn't know what the fuck he were talking about...and at the time it didn't fuckin matter...cause he were gonna be dead fuckin for lying about my princess. She were a virgin...I knew she were...I could feel it. "WHAT'S THE FUCK YOU TALKIN BOUT" I screamed...picking his ass off the bench and throwing him ons the ground. "I'MS GONNA KILL YOU PUNK...FOR LYING ABOUT HER...NO ONE FUCKIN TALKS SHIT ABOUT HER...NO ONE" Once he hit the ground I went to zap his ass with my fuckin powers...but somethin he said mades me stop.

"NO...please don't...your right. Nothing was all a set up...don't ask me why...cause I don't know. She came over that night and asked me for a favor...I didn't know what it was until we got to her room...and even when she told me I didn't understand what the hell she was talking about...all I knew was that she wanted to make it look like her and I slept together. Look...Evan's I know that you hate me...and that I keep bitching about how I never wanted to be in your I know an alien club...but I like you...and I'm not saying that cause you can fry my ass with a wave of your hand. But...Liz is my friend and she needed my help...but this lie hasn't help me either you know...I love Tess...yes Tess...I have been in love with her from the first time I saw her...but she loves you...and now she thinks that I slept with Liz and that just gives her all the more reason to go after you....are you happy know what....just do it...just fry my ass now...and end my suffering...I don't need this shit. I am Kyle Valenti..."

None of this shit made sense...she lied to my dupe about sleeping with this guy. I watched as he lay on the ground...just running is fuckin mouth. I still didn't know this punks name...but he were cool with me...cause he were there for my princess when she needed him. Then it hit me...

I hads to help much as I fuckin hated my dupe...she loved him...and he mades her happy...and thats all that mattered to me thats she were happy. I were gonna be without my princess...but she were gonna be happy. Yes I were pissed it weren't me that were gonna make her happy...but it ain't matter anymore. I hads to figure out why she lied to him...whats she were protecthing him from...and once I dids...Ava and I were heading back to New York...I hads business to take care of anyways...Lonnie and Rath.

"You aint's gonna find him...when Zan gets like this he just disappears. Back in New York...he woulds get into it with Rath and disappears for days...fore we sawed him again. Don't worry Liz...he's gonna come back...he ain't gonna stay away from yous. Best things to do is just wait for him...go gets some sleep...night Liz"

I watch as she left my parents room...and me alone with my thoughts. I wondered where he was...and if he was alright. I knew that he heard me confess my love for Max...why else would he have just disappeared like that. It broke my heart to know that I was the one that caused this to happen...but I could fix this...I had to fix this.

I decided to take Ava's advice and try and get some sleep...I now felt as if I had the weight of the world back on my sholders...and just the thought of that feeling makes me tired as I tell you about I will move on.

I found Ava sleeping ons the couch...she knowed that I be back...likes I said she knowed me better then I knowed myself. I hads to make sure that my fuckin dupe made it home much as I wished he were dead...a dead Maxie Boy weren't gonna make Liz happy. I didn't knows what to do since I were her and he were there...and then its fuckin hit me...Shell.

Shell were the only human that we's ever hung with...she were a lot like weren't alien...she were just a punk. She gots my ass outs of trouble so many fuckin times...I lost count. I knew that it anyones was gonna help me it were gonna be her. I ain't never tolds her our secret...but I thinks that she knew we was different. She ain't never said nothin...and I ain't never said we was cool.

"'s better have a good fuckin reason for calling mes in the middle of the fuckin night" she screamed into the phone...making me laugh for the first times since I left. I tolds her who it were and whats I needed her to do...she ain't have a problem with it...I knowed she wouldn't. "So's you's want me to looks for a guy that looks exactly like you...but not likes you.'s got it...I do's anythin for you baby" I always thought that Shell had a thing for me...maybe I'd give her a chance once I gots done with this shit.

I hung up the phone and walked over to the couch where Ava were sleeping and I laid done side her. This shit weren't nothin new for us...I would always lays with her after I came back from blowing off steam. We ain't never did the deed...but I knowed that Ava were there for me's each time I needed her and this time were no exception. I knowed that Liz were upstairs...but I ain't want to see her just then. I were still pissed...and I knowed that one look froms her and that woulds be gone is a flash. I pulled Ava into my arms as I driftede off to sleep. I weren't thinkin bout Ava though...I were pretending that it were my princess...and it brought a smile to my face.


posted on 2-Sep-2001 9:45:15 PM
Authors Note: Hey guys....I'm back!!! Sorry it has taken so long to post again...but this has been a very busy weekend for me. I am now ready to write...but before I Antarian Sister Shell has posted a new website and I ask that you all please go visit it and let her know what you think.
Thanks....and now back to "Different" Donna!!!

I couldn't much as I tried...sleep was just something that I wasn't going to be doing that night. I had to much on my mind...I felt like I had the weight of the world back on my shoulders. As I laid in my bed...tossing and turning...thoughts of Zan and Max swirled through my mind.

I loved Max...I loved Zan...I loved two men that were the same...and yet so different. Max...the focal point of my life for such a long time. Zan...I had only known Zan for a few days...but it felt as if I had known him for a life-time. Max...always trying to protect me from everything...and in doing so only hurt me by keeping us apart. Zan...though I only knew him a few days...I already knew that he would never push me away...and yet I also knew that I would always be safe. Max...always putting everything else first in his life...he never really seemed to notice how unhappy I had become...knowing that I would always be last on his list of priorities. Zan...he would put me first always...and I knew that he would do what ever he had to to make sure that I was happy. I loved both these men...and yet...I found that my thoughts kept going back to only one of them...the one that would make ME the happiest....ZAN.

I needed to find make him see that I loved him and that it was only him that I wanted to be with. I knew that I would have to deal with Max and the rest eventually...but right then all that mattered to me was Zan. I dressed quickly and ran downstairs to speak to Ava. She knew him better then anyone...and I hoped that maybe she could give me some clue as to where he may have run off too.

"Ava...I need you help" I hollored as I ran down the steps...only to stop dead in my tracks at the sight I found before me. ************************************************************

"I love you and you alone" she breathed into my ear...waking mes from my sleep. With out openings my eyes...I pull her body tighter to me and lay my head in the curves of her neck.

"Do you love me Zan" she whispers...

"I loves you"

"Say it louder....I want to hear how much you love me Zan"

"I loves you" I answers lounder.


"I LOVE YOU" I scream outs to her...pulling her body closer to mines.

I could feel the air leave my lungs...but I couldn't seem to take any air in as I stared at the sight before me. Zan and Ava were laying on the each others arms. Zan had his back to me...but I watched as he pulled her tighter aganst his body...placing his face in the curve of her neck. A smile crossed Ava's lips as he began to mumble his love for her against the skin of her neck...each profession louder then the last...pulling her body tighter against his own.

Try as I might I still couldn't get any air into my lungs...I couldn't move for what felt like hours...all I could do was stand there trying to breath...trying to make sense of what I was seeing before me...trying to figure out why the man that I loved...and claimed to love me...was now professing his love to another.

Now...normally I would have ran from this to my room...I would have thrown myself onto my bed and cried myself silly...but not this time. I was was anger like I had never felt before...and I felt it spread through my entire body like a wildfire...and then I did something that makes me laugh today...but back then I thought Zan was going to kill me.

Running into the kitchen I grabbed the bucket we used to fill the ice machines and filled it full of ice. At the time it seemed like the right thing to do. In my demented mind...I thought that Zan and Ava needed to cool off a bit...and so I carried this ice bucket back to the breakroom and...


I were dreaming of princess...the love ofs my life. We hads just gotten married and it were now the night ofs our honeymoon...I were sleeping...afters having made loves to my princess three times...I were tired. but each times I tried to goes to sleep...she would kiss me and giggles...asking me to tells her how much I loved her...I may haves been tired...but I were more then glad to tells her. Each times I tolds her...she asked me to says it louder...I ain't care...I woulds shout it from the rooftops...I LOVE LIZ PARKER. "Make love to me again Zan...I need you inside me" this woman were going to kill me...but it were only a what the hell.

"WHAT THE FUCK" I screamed jumping of the couch...after I feeled somethin wet and cold soaking my fuckin body. I were trying to gets the sleep out my I ain't seen her...all I heards was somthin metal hitting the ground and thens a door slamming. I ain't have to have fuckin vibes to know who it were that did this.

Ava said somethin...but I ain't have time for her...I were fuckin pissed...I ain't knowed what her fuckin problem were...but me and her was going to have a fuckin chat...and I were going to find out. ************************************************************

again I just stood there...watching as Zan held Ava in his arms...profession his love to her...all the while holding the full ice bucket in my hands. I knew that I needed to cool off...and just maybe they needed to cool off to.

I aimed the bucket right at Zan...he seemed to be the one that needed to cool off the most. I watched in slow motion as the ice flew from the bucket...landing all over his muscular body. I didn't see him jump off the couch...but I sure heard him as he did and the slew of profanities that flew out of his mouth and this did not turn me on.

Running into my apartment...I slammed the door and ran to my room....locking the door behind me. Stupid I he couldn't get in just by using his powers...and that is exactly what he did.

I trieds to open her bedrooms door...but its were locked. I hads to fuckin chuckle at thats...likes I couldn't use my fuckin powers to gets in. Waving my hand in fronts of the popped open and I threws the door open. She were trying to climbs out her window...but I stopped her...grabbing hers waist...and pulling hers against my body...causing an instant fuckin hard on. She were pissed I coulds feel it...and it were turning me ons ore thens you coulds believe. "GET YOUR DAMNED HANDS OFF ME..." she screamed pushing my hands offs her waist and facing me's. "DON'T YOU EVER TOUCH ME AGAIN"

Her lips were so close to mines that I could feels her breath on my face...I ain't have a lips hads a fuckin minds of its own...and


Oh my what will happen now that Zan's has lost control of his body. Next chapter will be up soon...maybe even tonight. You all have been great with your please keep it coming. Donna!!!

Authors Note: Sorry I didn't post again last chatty with a friend and lost track of the time...but I am back and here we go. Donna!!!

If I thought I was angry at Zan for his display of affection towards Ava minutes was nothing compared to the anger that surged through my body as he grabbed my waist and pulled me tightly again his body. You would think that I would be happy that the man I love was pulling me into his arms...and the fact that he was completly aroused...should have made it even better...but I knew that I wasn' the one that caused that reaction in him and well lets just say that I was more then just a little unhappy about that....and he was about to find out just how unhappy I was. Hell...I was about to find out just how unhappy I was about it.

I coulds feel her breaths on my face...she were so close...and I aint have a choice...I hads to fuckin kiss her. I pulled her body against mines...causing my hard on to grows again. I needed to taste her lips... and she weren't close enoughs...I needed to feel her closer...I wanted hers to feels what she were doing to me. I's pulled her closer and then I's crushed my lips to hers lips. She tried to's say somethin...but I droves my tongue into her mouth...stopping her for like a second. She ain't kiss me back though...she just stoods there. I knowed she were fuckin pissed about Ava and me...but I didn't know just how pissed. But...I sure were going to finds out.

She pushed her self aways from me's...and thens I watched in slow motions as she pulled her fist back...I couldn't stops the grin that covered my face...I knowed that there were no fuckin way that she were going to hit me...there were no way that my princess were gonna hits me...Yeah...I thoughts that were until I felts her fist makes contact withs my face. "I SAID DON'T YOU EVER TOUCH ME AGAIN" she she rans past me...towards the door.

I coulds only stands there...there were no fuckin way that my princess just fuckin hits me. It ain't hurt...but that were't the problem...the problem princess...hads just fuckin hit me.

I couldn't believe the nerve of him...there he was completely Ava none the less...and now he was kissing me. I tried to speak...tried to pull away...but it seemed to only urge him on...because before I knew it...he was pulling me tighter against he arousal and shoving his tongue down my throat...and I lost it...I couldn't control my anger any more...I had to make him hurt as much as I was hurting.

I felt like I had lost my mind...felt like I was going mad. I had no control of my body...I didn't even know what I had done until I felt my fist meet his face...but I was too consumed by my anger to even care...and so I ran for the door. I don't know where I thought I was going...I knew he wasn't going to just let me leave after that...but I tried anyway. "WHAT YOUR FUCKIN PROBLEM...PRINCESS" he screamed as he spun me around to face him.


"DON'T YOU FUCKIN TALKS ABOUT HER LIKES THAT" I yelled...cutting her off. I were so fuckin pissed...I weren't gonna listen to anyone...even Liz shit bout Ava. Ava were there for every fuckin time I needed hers...which were more then I could say her Liz at that times. I grabbed her shoulders and pulled her face to mines...cause I wanted her to understands whats I hads to say. "SHE AIN'T NO FUCKIN TRAMP...YOU'S GOT THAT...LEAST I KNOWS THAT I CAN TRUSTS AVA...SHE AIN'T GONNA FUCKIN LIE TO ME LIKES YOU DID"

I were expecting to gets a reation from her's...but I ain't get the one that I thoughts I were gonna get.

As the madness took over...I found that I couldn't control the laughter that erupted from my throat...nor the words the crossed over my lips. "Your right...Zan" I laughed...placing my hand on his swollen cheek. I watched as he winced at my touch...and the look of sadness that briefly crossed his eyes. I didn't know if it was my touch that caused him to wince...or my words...but I still didn't care...and my madness continued. "I lied to you. I lied when I told you that I loved you. were just a substitute...a substite for a real man...a substitue for Max...the real King. I can't believe that you thought I would fall for the reject king...oh you sad. "Go back to New York...Zan...I don't need you here anymore. Max will be back soon...and oh by the way....don't forget to take your little tramp with you"

I watched as she flipped her fuckin hair back...and just stoods there with a fuckin smirk on her face. I didn't thinks that I could gets madder then whens I heard her...tells Ava that she loved and needed my dupe...but as whats she saids sunk in...I lost my fuckin minds for the second times that night.


The thought of my dupe fuckin touching her droves me fuckin crazy...and so's...with outs thinkin I started squeezing her head even harders...I ain't see her tears or hears her cry outs...but Ava dids.

"ZAN...WHAT THE FUCK YOU DOING" she screamed...pulling Liz out ofs the hold I hads on her. I couldn't moves...I just stoods there as the reality of whats I did sinked in.

The pain that I felt from his hands was nothing compared to the pain that his words caused me. I felt as if my whole world had ended right then and there...I found that I longed for the pain that his hands were causing...that I wanted the the pain in my head to increase...increase until I no longer felt the pain that was now surrounding my heart.

This was all my fault...I had caused this...I deserved this. I was angry...I thought I was angry at Zan...but as I listened to his words...I realized that I wasn't angry at Zan...I was angry with Max. I was so angry with Max...he was the reason that my life was so miserable...miserable until Zan came into it. It was him and him alone that brought happiness back into my life. I thought that I would never be happy again...after Max gave me back the engraved pocket knife I had given him for Christmas the year before. It made the fact that he was moving on final...and I knew that without Max I could never be happy...and so I just accepted it as fact.

But...I was wrong. Zan had breezed into my life and proved to me that I could have happiness in my life once again...he was the reason for that...but I knew that it too late. I didn't realize just how much I resented Max...and instead of embracing Zan into my life...I directed all this resentment onto him.

Falling to the floor...I was unable to move...I couldn't speak...all I could do sit there as the tears fell from my eyes. But...these weren't tears that were caused by were tears that were caused by me...because I knew that there was no way that Zan could ever forgive me for all that I had done and said to him. I knew that Zan loved me...I could feel it each time that he touched me...kissed me...I even felt it before we met. He loved me with all he was...and I used that love against him. I wanted Max to suffer like I was suffering...and since Max wasn't here...Zan unfairly took his place.

I watched as she felled to the floor...I sawed the pain that crossed her face...I watched as tears felled down her face...all this were because of me. This were all my fuckin fault.

When I gots here...alls that mattered were that she were going to be mines. I didn't care abouts anythin else...she were going to mines. I felt how much she loved my dupe...but I ain't care and I ignored it. She were hurt by my dupe...but she still loved hims. Here I were looking just likes the love of her life...and I fuckin confused her. I gaves her what my dupe hadn't been givng her...attention...I knowed this...and I stills pushed ons.

I hads no rights to get pissed whens she tolds Ava she loved him...I already knowed it. But I knows now that I wanted her to finds me and Ava sleeping togethers. I wanted to make her hurts like I were. But...I wents to far...I fuckin hurts her. I puts my hands on my princess and hurt her. I wanted to fuckin die...I hads to get outs of there...I weren't no good for her. She belonged with my dupe...they may haves had some problems...but he mades her happy...alls I could do was hurts her.

"I'm...I'm..sorry" I my owns tears started to fall. I tooks one more look at my princess and rans...I rans like I ain't never runs before. I hads to leave...hads to get out of her life...forever.

"Please Zan...don't leave me" I whispered...


I know...don't hate me too much. I have to work in the morning and I have to get some sleep. I will be back tomorrow after until then...goodnight...but don't forget to send me feedback. Donna!!!

Authors Note: Ok...I know that I have been not getting the parts out as quickly as I used to. patient with has been hell for the last week. I will still try to get at least one chapter out a night out. So...enough of this chit we go. Donna

"Please Zan...don't leave me" I my tears continued to roll down my face. I wanted to run after him...throw myself into his strong arms...and beg for his forgiveness. As I kissed his lips...I wanted to make him see that it was he...not Max...who was the love of my life. But...I was unable to move...unable to run after the man that I loved...unable to prove to him that I loved him...that I wanted him...that I needed him.

"Ava...please" I whispered as I looked up into her eyes. "bring him back to me" I had a hard time reading the look that crossed her was either a look of pity...or sadness...maybe was hard to see through the tears that flowed from my eyes. But...the truth was that...I didn't care and it didn't matter what she was feeling for me...all that mattered was that I needed her to bring Zan back to me. "I thinks that you needs to let him two's ain't meant to be both too different"

Grabbing the side of the bed...I slowly pulled myself off the a wave of dizziness rushed over me. I felt as if my whole body was weighted down...and my movements were slow and painful. My head was throbbing so much...that I found it almost impossible to focus on anything. "No" I whispered...afraid that if I spoke much louder then a whisper it would cause the throbbing to increase. "I love him...I have to find him...I need him...Ava...WE DO BELONG TOGETHER" I yelled as another wave of dizziness washed over me...causing me to lose my balance and fall forward.

"LIZ" Ava screamed...rushing forward to catch me. "you ok"

"Just dizzy" I she helped me move over to the bed to sit down. Taking her hand into mine...I looked into her face...I wanted her to look into my eyes and see that what I said to her next was the truth. " have to believe me when I tell you that I love him. I was confused...I was upset with Max...and I took it out on Zan. I was wrong...I love him...Ava. Please...bring him back to me"

"I can't makes any promises...but I will tries" she I watched her walk out the room. "Please let her find him and bring him back to me" I whispered into the empty room...hoping that someone would hear my prayer and bring Zan back to the one place that he belong...with me.

I ain't know where to goes or whats to do. I were still in shock that I had laid my hands on my princess...that I hads caused her pain by my owns hands. I just wents crazy as I sawed the picture of her and my dupe in my head. I ain't mean to hurts her...and I ain't mean any of those things I sayed to her. Truth were...I loved her...I loved her so much it fuckin scareds me.

I saws the ride I hads stolen in New York and jumped ins it. But...I weren't able to starts it up...I coulds only sit there and cries...I couldn't stops the tears...I feeled like my whole fuckin reason for livin hads just died...and I ain't care anymore. I just knowed that I hads to get back to New York...hads to get out of this Roswell...hads to get away from her. I ain't wants to leave her...I had cames her to find her...she were the ones that I were waitin for my whole lifes...but I hads fucked that up...and so I started the car.

Wiping my eyes with the arm ofs my shirt...I started backing outs into the street...untils I heards someone screaming my name. I closed my eyes and hope thats it would be my princess...but it weren' were Ava instead.
"Where's you goin...Zan" she asked me...but I ain't answer her...ain't looked at her...I just wanted to leaves as fast as I coulds.

"Looks...either you commin withs me...or you stayin here...makes up your mind...cause I is outta here either ways" I growled...still not looking at her. She just stoods there...I knowed that she ain't wanna go backs to New York...but I ain't care...I hads to leave and I hads to leaves right then. It hurt to much to stays in Roswell...knowing that I hads hurt my princess...I thoughts that if I left that the pains would goes away...for both of us. "I ain't fuckin commin or yous stayin...makes up your minds now...Ava"

"Don't do this...Zan...she needs you" Ava she gots into the front seats of the car. I ain't answer her...I just hit the gas and gots out of fuckin Roswell as fast as I coulds.


OMG Just where the hell does Zan think he is going. Will Liz be alright now that she has developed these headaches. And just where the hell is Max. You know what you have to do before you can find out. Ok...just a teaser. Max is not in New York anymore. And don't forget to check out my Lil Sis's new site. Until tomorrow....Donna!!!

Authors Note: I just wanted to let you all know that this is only going to be Max's POV. Yes...Max is on his way back to Roswell and Liz. This will be short...I have to work...but I will post more later tonight....Donna!!!

There was no denying that she was beautiful...she was...but I shouldn't be thinking about her...I needed to be thinkng about Liz. Liz was my dream soul-mate...I loved her with all my heart and soul...but I found that I couldn't keep my eyes off her beautiful she slept in the seat besides me...using my shoulder as a pillow.

I had to concentrate...we would be landing in Roswell in just a few short hours and I had to be prepared. prepared for what...your wondering. I didn't know...but something was going to happen...I knew it...I could feel it.

I didn't know all the details...all I knew that my dupe Zan had survived...he was now staying in Roswell...I didn't know why he was there...but I was damned sure going to find out. I found out about Zan from Shell...we met in the subway tunnel that Rath and Lonnie called a home. She was the one that informed me that Zan was now in Roswell with my Liz. When she told me...I knew that I had to leave...had to get back to Roswell...back to Liz...or it was going to be to late.

Or was it already too late...I didn't know anymore. My relationship with Liz had always been so simple...well I guess that it was never really simple. The fact that I am an alien hybrid...really made it hard to have a simple anything with Liz...but I loved her. I loved her with all my heart and soul...all it took was one look and I was hers...hers forever...or so I thought. I had risked everything for life...and the lives of Michael and Isabel the day that I saved her life. Truth is I didn't care...she was all that mattered to me...and with out her...there was no way that I could live my life. So I saved her. I used my healing powers and saved the woman that I loved from a far for so many years...and she accepted me...accepted me when I showed her who I was...and the feelings that I felt for her...because she felt them didn't matter that I was different...she just wanted to love me. There was a time that I felt that our love would...suspend time...felt it would last forever. I felt it course through my veins...our love was my life line...without it I couldn't breath...couldn't live...without it I didn't want to live. everything was different...she was diffrernt...I was much had happened in the last few months...and I was so confused that I didn't know what to think about Liz and the love that we shared. I had never doubted the Love that Liz had for me in the past...she had proven to me time and time again just how much she loved me...I felt it through the connections that we shared...but as I replayed everything that had happened lately...I found that I WAS doubting Liz...doubting Liz and the love that she had claimed to have for me.

I know that you want to know why...only one real reason she betrayed our love...she betrayed me. I didn't want to belive it at first...but time after time I gave her the opportunity to explain what I had seen that night...I practically begged her to tell me the truth...because I knew there was no way that she would betray me the way that she did...but her answer always remained the same...and each time my heart broke a little more. With each answer...the numbness would set in...and then the tears...the tears...I've cried a million of them. I have cried so many tears that I didn't think I could cry anymore. It doesn't matter...the fact of the matter is...Liz dream soul-mate...the love of my life...betrayed me...she slept with another man.

I know what your thinking...if she is the love of your life...your soul-mate...your dream girl...why can't you just forgive her. Have you ever been betrayed by the woman that you loved with all your heart and soul...because she gave her self to another. NO...then please don't lecture me on how I should forgive her...I have many times I have wanted to just pull her into my arms and kiss her like she has never been kissed...tell her that I love her and that I don't care about what happened...but I can't...or atleast not yet. I don't know what is going to happen between Liz and I...but I am going to give her one more more chance to prove her love for me. I still love her...but

"Are we there yet" she mumbles into my shoulder...barely opening her eyes...pulling me from my thoughts. "Not yet...go back to sleep" I whisper...placing my arm around her shoulders and pulling her against my body. She didn't hear me though...she had already fallen back to sleep. I found that I was more thoughts about betrayals...and Liz...I needed to up for what ever challanges that lay ahead...challanges that may or may not include Liz Parker by my side.


Man...I am on a roll and I have to leave. Damn job!! Have no fear....I will be back later...but I need the feedback...So be good and send it to me...keeps me motivated....Donna!!!

Authors Note: I'm back....the feedback has been please keep it coming...I love hearing what everyine has to say. Donna!!!

My head was pounding so much that I couldn't even see in front of me...but I could sense him...and he was leaving...leaving Roswell...leaving me. I couldn't understand why it was at that time that my sensations from Zan returned...but I didn't care...he was leaving me and I felt my heart break. I tried not to cry because the tears only seemed to make the pain worse...but like everything else in my life I couldn't control them...and they just kept coming. I had to go after him...had to get him back...had to make him see that I needed him.

Slowly I forced myself off the body felt as if it weighed a ton...but I didn't care...I had to get to him. Taking a step forward...I felt another wave of dizziness flow over me...and again I lost my balance...but this time Ava wasn't there to catch me. I don't really remember what happened after that...the last thing I do remember is calling out his name as I felt my head hit something hard...and then the darkness came. ************************************************************

"SHUT THE FUCK UP...AVA" I screamed as I continued to drives out of Roswell...she hadn't shut the fuck up since she had gots into my ride...and I were tired of hearin her mouth. I ain't seen her do it...but I knowed she did...cause her shit ain't as strong as mines...and she ain't know how to controls them...but I hads to give her credit for trying anways. One minute we were flying downs the road...and the next we was broken downs on the sides of it.

I were too busy staring at the road in front of me...the road that were takin me away from the princess...away from my princess and back to the fuckin sewers of New York. I should haves know that when she did shut the fuck up...that somethin were gonna happen...cause next things I knowed the fuckin car were dead.

"YOU FUCKIN CRAZY" I screamed at her...pulling the car offs to the sides of the road. I trieds several times to start the damn thing...even used my powers...but it ain't work. I ain't wait for her to answer...I hads to leave and if I hads to fuck walk to New York...then I were gonna fuckin walk.

"No...I ain't the fuckin crazy one here...Zan" she screamed back...jumpin out the car...and chasing after me. "You the fuckin crazy one if you leaves her. For as longs as I cans been talkin bout the one...the one that were gonna be the love of your life. She the one...Zan...she the one thats you been lookin for your whole can't let her needs needs each other"

It were true...I knowed that the one were out there and it were only gonna be a matter of times fore I found her...and things were gonna be different...I were gonna be happy for once in my life...and I were gonna do whatever I hads to do to makes her happy. Well...I founds her alright...and what did I do when I founds her...I fucked it all up. There weren't no way to fix this...I hads gones to far...No...I were doing the right thing...getting outs of her life and...

"Zan" I heards her whisper. I ain't know how I heards it...but I dids and she were in trouble...the vibey things were back...and they was buzzing through my whole fuckin body...I hads to get to her...she needed me. The car were fuckin fried and even if I were gonna take to longs to get to her. I ain't know what I were gonna do and thens I saw it...a car...and whens I seen who it were drivin it...I hads to fuckin laugh.


Hurry Zan hurry!! Will Zan make it back to Roswell in time to help Liz...and just when will Max and Zan meet...stay chapter tomorrow night....Donna!!!

Authors Note: PLEASE...forgive me!!! Weekends are just so crazy that I don't have time to here is a long chapter to make up for my lack of posting...hope you like it...Donna!!!!

"Ladies and Gentlemen we will be landing in Roswell in just a few moments...we here at Desert Airlines hope that you have enjoyed your flight and we hope that you will fly with us again soon..." My heart was just a few short minutes we would be landing in Roswell...and in less then an hour...I would confront less then an hour I would know if we truly destined to be together....or destined to remain apart.

I was so confused....I didn't know what to think when it came to Liz anymore. So much had much that couldn't be explained...or maybe I didn't want it to be explained. I didn't know....I loved Liz...there was no denying that plain and simple fact....but in light of all that had happened....I found that maybe I didn't love her as much as I once had. I know that sounds cruel....she made a mistake....but it wasn't like her mistake was something small....something that I could forgive her for easily and just move on. No...she slept with another man and I just didn't think that I could ever forgive her for that. But...I loved her still...and I knew that part of me always would. I know what your thinking...that doesn't make any can you love her and not love her. I don't know....but at the time I was so confused that it made perfect sense to the time everything and nothing made perfect sense to me.

I watched her as she continued to sleep...she looked so peaceful that I hated to wake her....I couldn't stop the smile that slowly covered my was my first real smile in months...and she...not Liz was the reason for it. I guess I didn't realize that I was smiling as wide as I was...but she did....and it really must have pissed her off....because she didn't stop complaining about well as everything else that was wrong with her life until we reached my house...and I would bet you a million dollars that she didn't stop then either. I didn't have time for her or her complaining...I had heard enough of it to last a life-time. I had to get to Liz...had to find out if she were going to be my destiny...or was that destiny to be found in the arms of another. ************************************************************

"I love you Zan" I whispered into his ear "I'm so glad that you waited for me...that we shared our first time together" It was the single most magical moment of my life. I Liz Parker had finally given up my virginity to my true love...and I felt wonderful. I hoped that this feeling would last forever...but it didn' lasted for no more then a few seconds...and then my world was shattered.

"Bitch...Please. You thinks this were my first fuckin crazy. This ain't been my first times...I fucked lots of women. I hads to lie to you....cause I knowed you ain't gonna give it ups to me if you thoughts I fucked other womens. Oh...and by the way...I lied to you...I ain't love you either. You was just a substitute for a real was just a substitute for real princess. I can't believe that you thoughts I would fall for a stupid human....oh you fuckin sad"

I was too stunned to move...too stunned to I just laid there. Laid there...and watched as he climbed out of the bed and got dressed...all the time whistling some tune that I couldn't make out. "Zan...please" I whispered....climbing out of the bed...and then standing before him. "I know that you love me....I felt it"

"You felts what I wanted you to feels....I gots mind powers...just likes Ava. You is pathetic...gets the hell away froms me" he growled...pushing me down to the floor...then walking towards the door. Once he reached the door...I watched in horror as another figure was a familiar that I was the figure of Max...and he was laughing.


Don't worry I'm not finished...I will be back later to get the next part out....Donna!!!

Authors Note: Sorry guys...I did try to post again last night...but the board gods were not happy and would not allow this to happen. I tried twice and after losing everything I wrote both times....I went to bed. So...we will try we go. Donna!!!

My heart was beating so rapidly...that I felt it was going to explode right out of my chest. As I got closer and closer to the CrashDown...the worse it got. What was she I going to say when I asked her...yet again the same question that I had already asked numerous times...and could my nearly exploding heart be able to handle yet another she repeated the same answer that it had heard her utter before.

So...there I stood...below her balcony...trying to get the courage to climb her ladder...this same ladder that had brought me to many times before...this ladder that led me to Liz when I told her that I needed to restore the balance in my life...this same ladder that led me to Liz once I realized that I loved her and that it didn't matter what was at long as we were together...and this same ladder that would now lead to me Liz...where I was to find out if that love was worth saving. Taking a deep breath...I climbed her ladder...for what might have been the last time...and once I reached the top...I stepped onto her balcony and walked to her window. If I was worried before about my heart exploding from my chest...that was one thing that I didn't have to worry about anymore...cause at that heart had stopped heart had just died.

As I looked through the window...the same window that I looked though that night...the same window that forced me to see...Liz and Kyle in bed showed my Liz laying on the floor...a small trickle of blood running down the side of her face. "LIZ" I screamed...throwing open the window...losing my balance and falling to the floor besides her.

I hads to laugh when I seen who it were that were drivin the were that same punk that I hads almost killed the nights before...but my laughter ain't last long. Somethin were wrong...I coulds feel it...she needed me...and I hads to get there fast...or it were going to be too lates.

I trieds to stop him by standin in the middles of the roads...I sawed his eyes almost bugged outs his head when he sawed me...but he ain't stop...he just sped up and droves around me. I ain't have times for that princess were in trouble...and so were this fuckin punk...if he ain't stop. He ain't's I used my powers and mades him stop. "GET OUT" I yelled as I yanked the door opens...and pulled him froms his car...throwing hims on the ground and jumping in. He were yelling somethin...but I weren't listenin...she were the only things on my minds.

"YOU CANT'S JUST LEAVE HIM THERE" Ava screamed as she jumped into the seat besides me...while I speds off. I ain't care where the hells I left him...I hads to get to Liz. "ZAN...HE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FUCKIN DESERT...YOU CAN'TS LEAVE HIM THERE" I hads to shuts her I put the car ins reverse. "GET INS" I screamed...once I reached him. "GET INS...OR I WILL LEAVES YOUR STUPID ASS RIGHT THE FUCK HERE" I he just stoods there staring at me's like he were in a trance or somethin "I SAID GET THE FUCK IN"

"NO" I screamed...but they continued to laugh at me...continued to taunt me. "PLEASE...ZAN...I LOVE YOU. DON'T LEAVE ME...I NEED YOU...PLEASE YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME" But...their laughter continued. "See...I told you that she was pathetic" Max laughed...placing his arm around Zan's shoulder. "Come on Zan...let's get out of here...we have our real destinies waiting for us...I can't believe that she actually thought that either one of us could love her" and then I watched as two other figures appeared...these were figures that I knew well also...they were the figures of the two women that were taking the only two men I ever loved away from me. I didn't have to see their faces to know who they were...I knew...there were the figures Tess and Ava.

"ZAN...ZAN...ZAN....DON'T LEAVE....PLEASE ZAN...ZAN...ZAN" I scremed as the scene continued to play out before me...but he didn't even acknowledge the fact that he heard me...but then again how could he have with all the laughter that surrounded him...that surrounded me...and then my world went black once again.

"LIZ...YOU HAVE TO LOOK AT ME...I CAN'T CONNECT WITH YOU IF YOU DON'T LOOK AT ME" I screamed...placing my hands along the sides of her face. A feeling of familiarity washed over me as I held her beautiful face in my hands...familiarity in that almost two years ago...I held the fate of Liz Parker's life in my hands...and here I was today...doing just the that same thing.

Tear flooded my eyes as the girl that I loved fought yet another battle against death...another battle that was brought on because of me and who I was...another battle that she had to win...because it was at that exact moment that I realized how much I loved Liz much I need much I wanted her. I vowed that I would do what ever I had to do to make sure that she was never unhappy again...anything. She had suffered enough in her life time...and most of her suffering was all due to and my and my and my stupidity.

" have to open your eyes for me" I whispered against her my tears fell down my cheek...landing in her beaufitul hair. "Liz...please. I love have to open your eyes"

He was gone...Zan...the one person that had truly brought any really happiness into my life was gone...and it was all because of me. I had pushed him away...pushed him away because I was angry...I wasn't even angry at him...I was angry at Max...angry for all the grief and hurt that he brought into my life. Zan...had made me realize that I could be happy once again...that as long as he was by my side...I would always have happiness in my life. But...he was gone...gone forever...gone forever because of me...and so I willed the blackness to take me completely...I had no reason to go back to reality was that the man that I loved with all my heart and soul was gone...and I was the only one to blame for his leaving.

I could hear a voice...but I could barley make out what it was saying... the truth be that time I didn't care. The darkness had once again taken over...and for once in such a long time...I felt at peace. Here in the darkness...I didn't have any weight of the world on my meddling broken heart. All that I felt was the surrounding peace that flowed over made me feel made me feel made me feel happy.

But the continued to get louder. Whoever it was wanted to take me from the darkness...away from the peace and quiet that surrounded me. But...I fought them...for as long as I could I fought them...but it was a fight that didn't last long. I didn't have much fight left in me...these past months had worn me down...left me with nothing left to fight with...and so I let it go. appeared as a small dot of light. It may have been small...but looking at it caused my eyes to water and burn. I tried to shield my eyes from it as the light continued to grow...but it was no use. As it continued to grow the brightness much so that I could see nothing else...nothing...but the blinding light before my eyes.

Slowly my vision began to clear...slowly a shape began to form in front of my eyes...slowly my reality came into focus...slowly I realized who it was that was calling me from the darkness. "Zan" I whispered.


Poor Liz...what is she going to do once she realizes that it is Max and not Zan that has pulled her from the darkness. I hope that this makes up for my lack of posting lately. I will be back later tonight to get another chapter in...gotta head over to the gym now. I hope to see lots of feedback in my mailbox when I get back. You already know that it keeps me motivated. Donna!!!


"Just who the hell are you..." he asked while he keeped fuckin starying at me's. "and don't tell me that your Max in disguise...trying to be different. I may have bought that story the other night...but I was drunk. Now as I said before WHO THE HELL ARE YOU...AND WHY THE HELL DO YOU LOOK SO MUCH LIKE MAX EVAN'S" If he were waiting for's an answer...he were going to be waiting for a long fuckin times...but his shit were starting to gets on my nerves. I thinked that Ava knowed that I were getting pissed...cause she started answering his stupid questions...and I were glad that she dids...cause I hads more important things to worry about thens him and his fuckin questions.

"He's Zan...and I's Ava" I heards Ava says to him. I were watching Ava outs the corner of my eyes....and I sawed that she were smilin so fuckin wides that I thoughts her face were gonna break in halfs...but she ain't take her eyes of this punk once...not once. I knowed what that meant that I ain't have to worry bout her and these crazy fuckin ideas she hads about us anymore. But...I hads to feel sorry for this punk...cause he ain't knowed what he were in that Ava hads her eye on him.

"Zan and Ava..." he keeped repeatin to hims self "and just who the hell are Zan and Ava...and why is it that you look so much like Max and Tess. Oh great...your going to kill them aren't you...your going to kill them and then your going to kill me. This is like some bad movie...where evil aliens take the form of people here on earth and then bring their whole evil army down to earth to take over. That's what you have planned don't you...your going to pose as Max and take over the earth. Damn it...I knew that being part of the I know an alien club was going to get me killed"


"My strenght vitality exhausted...I cannot find the bull...I an only hear the locusts chirping through the night"

I ain't know what the fuck he's just said...but I looked ats Ava...and we both started fuckin laughin. I know whats your thinkin my princess were in trouble and heres I were laughin at this punk...but it were so funny. I thinks that if you's could haves seen his woulds have lost it too...he looked likes he really believed what he were sayin.

Buts my ain't last long...cause as we's reached her place...I realized that she weren't hurts no more...I ain't know how...but she ain't need me anymore.

I studied her beautiful face...looking for a sign...any sign to let me know that my words had reached her. I was unable to breath as I waited...waited for my beautiful Liz to open her eyes...waited for the chance to make our connection...waited for her to come back into my life once and for all. It didn't matter what had happened in the was just the past. Once she gave me a sign...I would heal her. I would heal her and things would be different. No...we could never go back to the way things had been before...things had changed...we were both different people now...but I didn't care...I was going to do what ever it took to make sure that she was never unhappy again. Then I saw it...

She opened her eyes just a bit...but it was enough. Placing my hand over her wound...I began to concentrate...concentrating on Liz...concentrating on Liz and the love that we shared. Images flashed through my mind....Images of my beautiful Liz...images of the first time I had ever laid eyes on her as a child...wearing the cupcake dress that she hated so much. Watching her from a far both at school and at the Crashdown...cause I was to afraid to talk to tell her how I felt about her. The image of that fateful day replayed in my mind...the day that my world almost ended...the day that a bullet almost took the one thing that meant most to me in the universe away from me...and yet they continued...each one showing me another piece of Liz Parkers life...making me love her even more....that was until the next set of images flashed through my mind.

I watched in horror as a version of me...older...dirtier...but there was no deneying that it was me...told her that she had to make me fall out of love with her...I felt her heart as it broke into a thousand pieces...and I felt my own break as I realized that this was not the first time that me...or a version of me had broken her heart. I felt her complete joyfulness as she stood on her balcany...over looking the alley I sang to her...sang to her in hopes of winning her back after she returned from her trip that summer. I felt her shock as she listed to the version of me tell her about Michael and Isabel dying...all because of Tess...all because of the way I treated Tess...causing her to leave Roswell. I felt her fighting to control her anger as she spoke to Tess...trying with great difficultly to explain to her what it was that I found appealing in a woman. I felt her saddiness as she told me that she didn't want to die for me...and I felt HER complete and utter devistation as she saw the look of complete devistation that covered MY I caught her in bed with Kyle...and then it was gone...the connection was gone.

None...of the visions I saw made much sense to me...but it didn't matter. I knew that Liz and I had so much to discuss...but that could wait...that didn't matter then...all that mattered was that even though I didn't think it was possible...but my love for Liz Parker had grown. She hadn't betrayed sleeping with Kyle. She had suffered through all of this becasue of me...but because of her love for me...because she was trying to protect me...trying to protect all of us...she gave up the one thing that meant most to her in the world...her love for me. The older version of me had placed the weight of the world literally onto her shoulders...and she took the challenge...without question she took on the challenge...and I didn't know how but I was going to make it up to her...but I was going to make it up to her or die trying. I made a vow to myself that I was never going to doubt the love that Liz and I shared between us again...but...little did I know at the time...that all that was about to change.


So...Max knows that Liz and Kyle didn't sleep together. But...why did the flashes just end...kinda makes you think don't it. Well...come back tomorrow and find out what happens next. Donna!!!

I'm baaaaack!! Man...this is getting way to intense even for me. Hope that this will tide you all over until the next part...should be tomorrow sometimes. So until then...enjoy this part. Donna!!!!

Slowly my vision began to clear...slowly a shape began to form in front of my eyes...slowly my reality came into focus...slowly I realized who it was that was calling me from the darkness. "Zan" I whispered.

"Zan" he questioned "'s Max" could Max be didn't make sense. Max was in New York...Max was in New York with Tess. But...Max wasn't in New York...he was here in Roswell...he was here in my room...he was here with me. I felt his arms pull me from the floor....arms that wound tightly around my body...arms that pulled me tightly against his body...arms that I thought that I would never feel again. But something was wrong with these arms...because these arms didn't belong to Zan....and oh how I wanted them to belong to Zan.

I felt his tears as they dripped off his cheek...landing in my hair....I felt his whole body begin to his tears rolled into sobs...causing him to pull me tighter against his body. I felt his anguish as he held me against his body....slowly rocking back and forth....rocking back and forth as I felt his lips moving against my hair...speaking words that I knew he was saying from the heart. How did I know...because with each sob that escaped his lips...each word that he whispered into my hair...I felt him pull me closer to himself. He acted as if he couldn't get close enough....I felt that he wanted to get inside of me....I felt as if he were trying to make up for time that was lost...time that could never be replaced.

I tried...tried to listen to his words...tried to feel something...anything for Max...but as hard as I tried...I found that I felt nothing...nothing except for the sadness that enveloped me...sadness that now covered me like a blanket...but it brought me no brought to me only coldness. Zan was gone....gone from Roswell....gone from my life...and all because of me.

Tears like I never cried before flooded my eyes....tears that caused my eyes to burn and sting...but it was nothing like the stinging that I felt in my reality once again crashed over me. I was the reason that he left....I was the one that said those horrible words...I was the one that caused the hurt to flicker across his eyes as I spoke those horrible words....and now I was the one that was going to have to deal with the repercussions of those horrible words.

She weren't hurts no more. I ain't feels her pains anymore...and I knowed that she ain't need me anymore. So I started to leaves again. My brain were telling me's to leaves Roswell....leaves her alone....she were better off withouts me...but my hearts were telling me different. It were telling me thats I needed to stay...stays and works things out with my princess. I ain't knowed which ones to listen too...I ain't wants to leave....she were here and I wanted to be's with her always...but I ain't wants to stay either...I had hurts her....and I knowed that she were never going to forgives me for hurting her.

Walking backs to the car...I founds Ava and the punk stills talkin...bout what I ain't know. But...I knowed it hads to be bout me and Liz...cause he gaves me a look that tolds me that he understoods...understoods what I were going through.

We just stoods one's saids a word...until the punk spokes. "Look....Zan...I don't know you...all I know is what Ava here has told me...but I can see that you care for may even love her. But...Max and Liz...they have this connection like none I have ever seen. It's like they can feel each's like they can see into each others souls. I can understand what you me...I have traveled this same path before...but...for Liz it will always be will always be Max that she chooses"

I were fuckin speechless...but I knowed what he sayed were true...I knowed...I knowed it and my brain knowed it...but my hearts...that were a different story. My hearts hads to knows for sure...hads to see it for its self...fore it woulds allow me to leaves her for goods...and fore I knowed it I were running again...but...this times I weren't running aways...I were running to hers.

I felt a chill run down my spine as she called out his name...causing my body to shudder. I didn't know why...but something about the way that she whispered his name chilled me to my very core. But...I pushed it away...pushed it to the back of my mind...because...she was back in my arms. My beautiful Liz...was back in my arms...back where she belonged. I tried to hold them in...tried not to let them fall...but they came...the tears...tears that turned into sobs...that racked my whole body.

She wasn't close enough...I needed to feel her closer...I needed to feel her inside of me...needed her to rid me of this chill that was working it way throughout my body. I tried to stop the tears that flowed down my cheek...onto her beautiful hair...but I couldn't...too much had happened these last few months...too much that I had held inside...too much that I wasn't able to share with the one person that I had always been able to go to...Liz. I held her....held her in my arms...held her against my body...I decided to let them flow...because as each tears fell from my took some of the sadness and loneness along with it.

"I love you Liz...always" I whispered into her hair...pulling herself closer to me...yet again. "Can you ever forgive me...for...for not trusting you...for not believing in the love that we share. Please...Liz...know that I love you and that I will do whatever it takes to make this right....anything to make you believe in me again. I'm so sorry Liz....I love you" I felt as if I couldn't say it enough...she had to know...and so I kept repeating it over and over into her hair. Looking back now....I thought that I was trying to convince her that I loved her...but maybe I was just trying to convince myself. "I love you Liz....I love you....I love you....I love you....please....please tell me that you love me...I need to hear you say that you love me...Liz"

He wanted me to tell him that I loved him....I did love him...I had loved him for such a long time...but it wasn't the would never be the same. The love that I once felt for Max had was different....I was different. I wasn't the same Liz Parker that Max Evan's once loved...I had grown over these last few months...I had matured...I had become a woman. I had the weight of the world placed on my shoulders...and I did what had to be done to make sure that what Future Max had told me about the end of the world...didn't happen. I had to sacrifice what I thought was the one true love of my life to ensure that Michael, Isabel and yes...even Tess would to prevent his future from being repeated.

Yes...I loved Max Evan's but it wasn't like the love that I felt for wasn't like the love that I felt for Zan. I had to find him...had to make him see that I loved him...that I never meant any of those horrible words...had to make him believe that it was him...not Max that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.

Now...I had to make Max see that even though I loved him...we could never have what we once had. "Max" I whispered as he continued to whisper his oaths of love into my hair. "Max...I Love you...but...."
I could sense him...he was nearby....he was here....he was standing behind me. "Zan" I whispered..turning to look behind Max continued to surrond my body with his arms.

OMG...Zan is behind her...does that mean that he heard her say that she loved Max. Will he run away yet again....stay turned for the next part. Donna!!!!


I ain't think that it were possible to feels so many different things at once. I were more confused thens before. I ain't know what to makes of what I seen in fronts of my eyes...and my confusions only gots worse as I heards those words that she saids to him. "I love you....Max"

I love you...three little words...I ain't never thought much bout them words until I mets her. Now...I finds it ironic thats three little words mades me the happiest and the saddest in my whole fuckin lifes. But it weren't really those three words that mades the were the names that she puts at the end. Earlier that nights she had spoken those words to me....words that mades me the happiest that I hads ever beens in my entire fuckin lifes. Why were I so happy....cause its were my names that she put at the ends..."I love you...Zan" It were with those three words that I knowed that my life were going to be different...and I knowed that I were never gonna be unhappy agains. I knowed that she could feels how much I loved her...and I could feels how much she loved me. Yeah...I should have known that were a lie...but I believed them...I believed her. I were stupid to thinks that she coulds ever loves me...but I heard her words...and it were those three words that had broken my hearts into a thousand fuckin pieces...pieces that caused me pain...thats caused me to bleeds insides. But...this times it weren't a truck running overs my ass that caused me to bleeds were what I were what I were what she felts for him...and nots for me.

I wanted to runs...get outta there I left....I ain't have to see another man holding my princess in his arms...I ain't have to see my dupe holding her in his arms....I ain't have to see the one that she truly loved holding her in his arms. But...I stayed...I stayed cause I hads made a promise to myselfs that I were gonna make sure that she were always happy. I hads to make sure that she were happy fore I left hers for goods. It ain't matter that my heart were broken anymore....she were the only thing that were important. I loved her...I knowed that I always woulds...but I hads to do what ever I hads to do for her.....for her and her happiness.

I saw it again....that same look of sadness that had flickered across his eyes earlier was back...but this time it wasn't a was not only visible in his was now etched across his face. I knew what he was thinking...I knew that he thought that this was more then what it really was...I knew that he thought I loved Max...I knew that he was about to leave again...and that this time he wasn't coming back. I didn't want him to leave...he had to see that I didn't want him to leave. I couldn't believe that he couldn't see it visible in my eyes...couldn't see that it was also etched across my face...and it hurt me that he didn't. But then I realized that Max wasn't helping matters....Max was in fact making it much worse.

I tried to break free from the grasp that he had on me...but he tightened his grip even tighter. In a flash he was off the floor...pulling me to my feet...crushing me so tightly against my body...that it cause me to lose my breath for a moment. It happened so quickly that before I had a chance to make a move or utter a sound....he had placed some sort of force field between us and Zan...between Zan and I. "Zan" I whispered through the field...locking my eyes onto his own eyes...not wanting him to misread what it was that he was seeing before him. I didn't think he heard me...but he did...and just hearing his voice sent shivers down my spin.

"Hello...princess" he said to her...his eyes never once leaving her face. As I studied the man in front of me...I found that we were the complete opposite of each other. Where my hair was short and well kept...his was longer...greasier and sticking out in every direction. Where I kept my face clean shaven...he had side burns and a goatee. Where I would never pierce anything on my body...he had piercings all over his face...and I could only guess where else. Where I wore jeans and a T-shirt...he wore tight leather pants...and a ripped up sweat shirt with a dirty T-shirt underneath. He was the complete opposite of me...right...wrong. He may have been the complete opposite of me...but...he was the complete opposite in appearance only. We were similar in one aspect...the one aspect that caused rage to rush over me at such an alarming rate...rage that caused me to tighten my grip around her waist...pulling her flush against my body...causing her to cry out in pain as I did. I watched as he took a step forward...breaking his trance from her face...momentarily glaring in my direction. It may have only been a moment...but it was was enough for me to realize that one and only similarity that this duplicate of mine was a love....a love for the woman that I crushed to me was a love for Elizabeth Parker.

I didn't know all that had transpired between my duplicate and the love of my life...but something had. No...I didn't get an flashes from Liz...which now that I think about it...should have really set me wasn't until later that I realized that they stopped once I had healed her...and then they were gone...but I will get to that part soon.

My rage continued to grow as I glanced over at my beautiful Liz...only to find her staring into his eyes just as intently as he was into hers. It was apparent that nothing...not even the force field that I had placed between us...could stop these looks of longing...these looks of love...that covered both of their faces. I remembered that was a look that I had received each and every time that my beautiful Liz had looked into my eyes. It was a look that I had taken for was a look that I expected to see for the rest of my was a look that another man was now receiving...and as she turned to me and looked deep into my eyes...I realized that it was now a look that I was never going to see again...and my rage continued to grow.


OMG Will Max finally get a back bone and stand up for the love he has for Liz...or will he run to his the woman that is waiting for him at his house. Find out soon. Donna!!!


I couldn't takes my eyes offs her as she sats on the floor...his arms around her...his face in her's hair. Jealously coursed through me at's an alarming rates...cause I wanted it to be me's that hads his arms arounds her...I wanted to be's the one's that ran my face through her soft hair...I wanted to be's the ones that smelled it's beautiful scent. I realized thats thinkin bout it were getting me no where. I founds that I wanted to run again...wanted to gets out of here...away from whats I were seeing...but I forced myself to stands where I were. I keeped my eyes on her face though...I hads to...I hads to burn the images of my princess's face into's my brain. I knowed that after I were dones here...after I hads made sure that she were were all I were gonna haves of her. So...I watched...watched as he pulled her's from the floors and against his body...watched as she yelped in pain cause he were holding her's so tight. Anger flowed throughs my body...causing me to wants to beat his fuckin heads in for hurting her. But...fore I coulds get anywheres near him...he put up some sorts of force fields...seperating me from him's...seperating me froms her. I looked at him's for just a second...more then enough times to see his anger....couldn't were written all over his face. I ain't care though. It ain't matter what he were pissed about...all that mattered were her. Cause I ain't know how much longers I were gonna be able to see's her beautiful face...and so I looked backs at her...and founds that she were looking at's me too.

I couldn't belives what I were seeing...there were no ways that I were seeing what I weres seeing...but she were looking into my eyes...looking into my eyes so deeps....and I heards her...she whispered my name....and it were music to my fuckin ears....but thens it were gone as fast as I hads seen it...and I thought that maybe I hads fuckin imagined it.

"You can puts down your fuckin force fields...I ain't gonna hurts her...or you" I saids to him...walkin into her room...stopping on the spots that we hads been not longs before. The spots where my princess kissed me for the first times...the spots where we fells to the floor after that kiss...the spots where...we hads. I couldn't thinks about were to hurts too much. I begans to shake my head...hoping that it would clear my helped somes...but not enough. "I SAIDS YOU CAN PUTS YOUR SHIT DOWNS...I AIN'T GONNA HURTS NO BODY" I saids louder this time....never taking my eyes off her...but thens she turned her heads...and she weren't looking at's me anymore...she were looking at's him.

He weren't listening to me though. I coulds have told him that he hads antenna growin outs his fuckin head...but he weren't hears me...he were too busy to hears my words...he were to busy staring into's her eyes....and the things was she were starying backs. I felts my heart breaks all over again. Closing my eyes I tooks a deep breath....not cause I needed to's...I hads to get the picture of her staring into his eyes out of my heads. Cause...I ain't have times to think about that...I hads a job to do...and I were determined to do it and gets fuck outs of Roswell...get the fuck outs of her life...forever.

"Max...please stop...your hurting me" I cried out...trying to pull away from the vice like grip that he held me in. There was a time that I would have relished being this close to Max...a time when being this close to Max was never close enough...but that was another felt as if it were years ago...when in fact it was only a few months. "Max....please..." He wasn't listening...I knew that he wasn't as he pulled me even tighter against his body. I felt like I couldn't breath...that if he held me any tighter that I would lose conciseness. Again I tried to pull away....and again he tightened his vise like grip. As much as I struggled...he never once took his eyes off my own eyes. Panic surged through me as I looked back into his eyes...causing me to gasp at what it was that I saw. Where his eyes had once held love and understanding...they now held nothing but pure hatred and spite.

I felt as if he were trying to reach into the very debts of my he continued to probe me with his hate filled eyes...reaching deeper and deeper...until her got the answer that he so desperately needed. Verbally he didn't have to ask the question...he didn't have to utter a word...I already knew...I already knew because looking into his hate filled eyes...I had seen the question...and I knew that as his probing continued it was just a matter of time before he got the answer to the question that his eyes were asking answer that I knew he wasn't just going to answer that was going to have consequences...and I found that I was more then a little afraid of those consequences...once he found his answer.

I never thought that it was possible to hate anyone as much as I hated Liz Parker at that very moment. The same Liz Parker that was the light of my life for so many years...the same Liz Parker that I loved with all my heart and soul...the same Liz Parker that was my reason for living...was now the same Liz Parker that I wanted watch as I crushed the life out of her.

Hatred consumed me...consumed me so much so that I was willing to end her life...end her life because it wasn't me that she loved with all her heart and soul anymore...she was in love with another...she was in love with him...she was in love with Zan.

She never said a word...she didn't have to...I saw it all as I stared into her eyes...they told me everything that I needed to know...and my hatred for her blazed on. I wanted her to suffer...wanted her to feel the pain that was eating away at my heart...the pain that had been eating away at my heart from the moment that I had seen her in bed with Kyle. If I had been rational...I would have realized that I knew that she hadn't slept with Kyle...I had seen it in her flashes as I healed her....but rational was something that I wasn't at that time...and so I allowed my insanity to continue.


What the f%&k is wrong with Max...he has lost his mind. Zan better do something quick. Next part up tomorrow. Donna!!!

Authors Note: I know that some of you are getting frustrated with how this is dragging out...but be patient the end is almost near.

"Max...please...I can't breath...please...your hurting me" I cried he continued to crush me to his side...causing pain to ebb into my sides and lower back. "Max..." words were cut off as he began to speak...speak words that hit me...hit me so hard that I could have sworn that Max had delivered the blow with his own hands...instead of his voice...delivering his blow directly to my face.

"Anything else that you want to tell me...Liz" he asked as he continued to pull me tightly against his tight that I was now finding it hard to keep my breath. "or should I say anyone want to tell me about...Liz. You have really become quite the little slut haven't you...I mean you couldn't sleep with you slept with Kyle...and then you sleep with him. What's the couldn't get the real thing from you went to my reject instead. You are a real piece of work...maybe now that your not a virgin can show me the ropes. I mean you owe me at least that much...I was...after all saving my virginity for you. So how about can even have my reject watch...would you like that...I bet you would"

Before I knew what was happening...Max was kissing me. But...this wasn't like the kisses that we shared before...this kiss was rough and filled with hate. I tried to pull away...tried to break free of this hate filled kiss...but he had other plans I soon found I felt his tongue enter my mouth...rubbing his tongue along my own. I tried to control the gagging sound that erupted from my throat into his mouth...but I couldn't...and then he broke his kiss. I watched as a sneer crossed his lips...watched as his words sprang from his lips. "You know...kissing you just doesn't have the same affect that it once feels like...I guess that is what it feels like to kiss the town whore" I fell to the ground as he released me from the grip that he had been holding me in...gasping for breath...trying to recover from the cruel words that Max...who I once thought of as the love of my life...that man of my reason for living...had just spit out at me.

Dread filled my whole the brunt of his words hit me. But...not because of the words that Max had spoken...I had realized that I didn't care what Max had to say...didn't care that Max might hurt me in the state that he was in...the only thing that I cared about was Zan...and what Zan was going to do. I knew that something was going to happen...I knew that something was going to happen to Zan...I knew that Zan would try and protect me...PROTECT me a what ever cost. I felt as if I were in some sort of the world around me was moving in slow motion. Pulling my eyes from Max's face...I turned my head towards Zan...turned my heard towards Zan and noticed the madness that now filled his eyes. I watched as his hands...formed into two fists...watched as the muscles in his arms became taunt...watched as he took a step forward...

"ZAN..NO" I screamed...watching in slow motion as he lunged towards Max...lunged towards Max and the force field that he had surrounding us. "ZAAAAAN" I screamed he flew backwards onto the floor from the shock of the field...watched as he landed onto the floor...unconscious.

I felts the madness takes over my I heards her crying I seen him place his mouths on hers. My madness only gots worse as I heards the shit that he were saying to her...shit that were a lie...shit that were gonna gets him killed by me. I wanted the madness to comes...cause...I were gonna fuckin kill him...I were gonna fuckin kill him and I were gonna enjoys its. I ain't care how much she loved hims...there were no fuckin body that were gonna talks thats way to her's...ain't no body that were gonna treats her like thats. I hads done it once...and it were somthin that I were gonna have to deals were something that I were gonna regret...for the rest of my lives.

"LEAVES HER THE FUCK ALONES" I screamed at's him...but he just keeped hurtings her...keeped kissing hers. All's I could see were her struggling to breaks free...but he weren't gonna lets her were gonna be ups to me to make him lets her go. It happeneds so fast...that I ain't know what hits me. All's I can remember bout that times...were that I were thinkin bout my much I were gonna enjoy breaking his fuckin neck...gonna enjoy watching him's suffer. In my madness...I hads forgotten one things...I hads forgotten bout the shield that he hads up...I were too busy thinkin bout him...and how he hads hurt her...thats the next things I knew...I were being throws backwards...and then the black void visited me's once again.

"ZAAAAN" I heard her scream...watching as he lunged for me...lunged for me and running into the force field that I was still holding up. I didn't even flinch...I knew that he couldn't get to me...and all I kept thinking was...this has got to be the stupidest man I have every met. It wasn't like he couldn't see was right in front of him...and then I looked down at Liz. I found that I was fascinated with the horror that was evident on her face...horror that was there because of me...horror that was there because my duplicate was a idiot. Turning from Liz...I couldn't stop the chuckle that escaped my I watched him fall backwards onto the floor. I knew that he wasn't dead...this was a new power of mine and I hadn't had the chance to fully developed it yet. But...I found that I was wishing that it was fully developed....I found that I was wishing that he were in fact dead.

"ZAN...ZAN....PLEASE...YOU HAVE TO GET UP...PLEASE ZAN...GET UP....I LOVE YOU....CAN YOU HEAR ME...I LOVE YOU" she whispered through her tears...tears that ran down her face in streams...tears that were there because of me. I continued to watch while she sat on the floor...with the field betweens her and the man that she loved...and I felt a flicker of regret...but just a flicker and it was gone as quickly as it appeared. "Max...Please..." she whispered...raising herself off the floor and now standing in front of me. "don't do this. I need him...I love him. I'm sorry if I hurt you...I never meant to hurt you...but I love him. Please...I need to see if he is alright. Please...haven't I suffered enough because of you and your..."



Max has lost his mind. Poor he ok?? and now what will Liz do?? Stay part up later...Donna!!!!


Looking arounds...I realized thats I knowed this place...I knowed it...cause it were the same place that I hads been before. Pictures of thats day flashed befores my mind...I hads been here before...after Rath hads thrown me in fronts of a moving truck. I hads forgotten bout how I were gonna fuckin kills Rath and Lonnie. I hads gotten so wrapped up with Liz and my loves for her...thats I forgots. weren't gonna lasts for longs...I were gonna takes care of my dupe and then I were gonna goes back to New York and takes care of Rath and Lonnie. But...firsts I hads to get out of the fuckin void.


Nothin hads job were still the sames. I hads to make sure that she were happy...and even though I wanted to fuckin kills him before...because...he hads saids some nasty things about her...I knowed as I listened to his words that he ain't means them. I knowed as his words played over and overs in my head thats...he ain't mean them ats all...he were still in loves with her...he were just to fuckin stupid to sees that she ain't do nothin wrongs....he were to fuckin stupid to sees that she still loved hims too. I hated to admits it...but...I couldn't blames him for what he saids to her. How coulds I....I hads done the same things to her...I had saids things to hurts I were hurting. We were both in loves with her...ands we both lets our jealousy gets in the ways of that loves. Don't gets me wrong....I still hated him...probably always wills...but I hads to understands where he were comin from....cause it were how I were feelin too.

Yes...I knowed what I hads to do...and I mades me hate my dupe even mores for making me be's the bigger man...for makin me be's the one that hads to moves aside...for makin me be the ones that had to give her they coulds be together. I ain't wants to be the bigger man...I wanted her to be mines...I wanted to be with her fors the rest of my lives. But his words...they keeped comin back to me...I were so caughts up in his they wents over and overs in my heads...that I ain't feels her besides me. She trieds to speaks to me...but I stopped her's. "Goes after can't lets him leave...he ain't mean what he said...goes after"

Before I had a chance to say a word...before I had a chance to ask how he was doing...he was telling me to go after Max. I didn't want to go after Max...I wanted to stay with him...I wanted to throw myself into Zan's arms and stay there forever...wanted to tell him the I loved him with all my heart and soul. I gazed into his eyes...what I saw thrilled confused me...and it saddened me. I continued my gaze into his eyes...unable to look away...unable to understand what exactly it was that he was trying to communicate to me through these beautiful eyes. I searched for a clue...anything that would make me understand what it was I was seeing...but I found no answer. All I found was a look of love...a look of confusion...and then a look of determination.

It happened so quickly....but I remember it as if it were yesterday. I watched his beautiful hazel eyes soften as he gazed back at me...sending shivers down my spine. I saw his love for me...and I always wanted to see that love for me there in his eyes. I found myself drowning in them...but I didn't care...I could drown in them forever and be the happiest woman in the world. But...then as quickly as I saw was replaced by another...this time a look of confusion...which in turn caused me confusion. All sorts of questions floated through my mind...didn't he know that he was the one that I wanted...didn't he know that he was the one that I loved...could he see that I wanted him...mind...body and soul. As the confusion drifted from his eyes it was replaced by determination. I didn't know why at the time...but I could tell that he was determined that Max and I were going to get thought this. I may not have known what his reason were...but I did as he asked of me. As much as my body begged to feel his touch...I did what I was told.

Slowly...I pulled myself off the floor and took a step towards Max's retreating figure. My body continued to fight me...continued to longed for his touch...longed for his kisses. Zan...plea" Again...I tried to speak....turning to face him yet again. I watched as he pulled himself into a sitting position...keeping his eyes on the floor below he pulled his knees into his chest...never once looking in my direction. "Princess...please...I needs you to do this" he he continued his fascination with the floor.

Confusion flowed through my even more as I listeened to his words. Why...because I could have sworn that he was crying...but this was what he wanted me to do...and so I did as I was told.

"MAX...PLEASE WAIT" she called out after me. I couldn't believe that she had the nerve to come running after me...after all that had been said and done...yet here she was running after me calling my name. I felt my anger continue to surge as she called out my name once again. Had I not made myself perfectly clear to her...had I not told that I wanted her out of my life...that I wanted nothing to do with her...ever again. "MAX...PLEASE...WE HAVE TO TALK ABOUT THIS...WE CAN'T JUST END EVERYTHING JUST LIKE THAT....PLEASE"

I ignored her as I reached the edge of her balcony...turning slightly...Out of the corner of my eye...I caught sight of her...standing in the middle of her balcony...I caught the sadness that shadowed her face...I caught the tears that ran from her eyes...but...I ignored them. Liz Parker was no longer a concern of mine...she could cry until she had no tears left to cry...I didn't care. She deserved the sadness...she deserved the tears. I had enough sadness and tears in my life to last until forever...and it was all because of her. No...I had nothing else to say to Liz I made my descent to the ally below...that was until I reached the ally below and realized that I did in fact have a few more things to say to her. A few more words...that would sum up what I had been going though these last few more thing that would make her feel as bad as I had been feeling. Climbing up the ladder once again...I called out to her. I watched as she turned to face me...watched as she walked towards me...a glimmer of hope in her eyes...and I watched as that glimmer diminished as soon as I said those words to her.

With a smile on my face...that felt like a mile wide...I said the words that I had needed to say. "Rot in hell...Elizabeth Parker. I've spent my time there...and now it is your deserve everything that you get from now on. I hate you...hate you more then I have ever hated anyone...and...I hope that you suffer like you have never suffered before" The shock that covered her face was unlike anything that I had every seen before...causing my smile to grow even wider. I took one final look at her face...I wanted to remember that look...wanted to remeber it for the rest of my life. "Good bye...Liz" I laughed...and with a wave of my hand...I made my descent down the ladder to the ally below.

I felt wonderful...felt like a million bucks. I was now back in control...control of my life and everything around it. I should have known that this was a feeling that I wasn't going to experience for with everything in my life...there are complications that arise...things that get in the way...miscommunications. This feeling was short lived...but with good reason...I had lost my mind...and it all it took was getting my head slammed against the back wall of the CrashDown...a few choice words from a man that I didn't even know...but hated with a passion...and another outpouring of tears in the arms of the one person that I would never have expected to understand.

"That ain't no ways to talk to a ladies. We's really needs to work on how you talk" I growled ats him...grabbin his fuckin neck and slammins his heads againsts the walls behinds him. I hads to admit that I enjoyeds it...I enjoyed it greatlys as I heards his head hits the wall...enjoyed its as the smiles that were crossing his face disappeared. But...I hads to control the urge to do's it agains...I hads a job to do...and I hads to do it quick. I ain't know where Liz where...and I were afraids that once she founds I were gone...she were gonna come lookin for me...not cause she were worried bout me...cause she were gonna be worried bout what I were gonna do to my dupe. "we really needs to do somethin bout your manners...Maxie Boys" I continued to growl...slammin his heads against the walls one more times...what the hell I weren't like I were gonna gets a chance likes this again. I hads to grin as I seen him's lose his breathes. But...time was wasting...she were comin...grabbing hims by the neck agains...I begans to pull him downs that ally. He trieds to break free...trieds to speak...but I hads a good holds on his alls he could do were squeek...causing me to laughs my ass I looked for a place were we's could have our little manners lesson.

"You know Maxie Boy...I don't knows what your problem is..but we is gonna takes care of it tonights...once and for alls" I saids as I continued to drags him. I knowed where we was going now...I remembered there were a park ups the street. It were the sames park that I hads mets that other punk...Kyle. He continued to struggle...and each times he did...I tightened the grips that I hads on him. "Keep it's up...and you wills be dead by the times we get to where we is going"

I should have been paying attention...should have been more alert...should have known that he would be waiting at the bottom of the ladder for me. But...I was too caught up in the moment...all I could see was the look of shock and hurt that crossed Liz's face as I spoke my words to her...if I had been paying more attention...then maybe I would have been more prepared for what happened next.

I may not have known he was there...but I sure as hell felt him as he grabbed me by the neck...slamming my head into the wall behind me...knocking the breath out of my lings. Stars began to appear before my eyes...I didn't know if it was from lack of oxygen or the blow that I had just received. I tried to catch my breath...tried to break free...but each time that I tried...he would tighten his grip even more...causing me to become light headed. So...I allowed him to drag me down the ally behind the CrashDown...allowed him to drone on and on...about how we needed to talk...on how we needed to work on my manners. I guess that it was due to the lack of oxygen that my brain was receiving...but...all I could think about as he continued to drag me out of the ally on my manners...this coming from my alien reject...who has done nothing but murder the English language.

I gasped for air as he released me...dropping me onto what appeared to be a bench. I continued to pull much needed air into my lungs...never once taking my eyes off of him. I watched as he walked over to a nearby tree and leaned against it. Our eyes locked together...and remained there...neither one willing to look away. It was as if we were sizing each other up. We may have been similar in build and body type...but I knew that I was smarter...that I could beat him in a fight. Oh...and was I ready to fight...I was ready to bring my duplicate to his knees...ready to make him beg for mercy. I wanted to hurt him...not with alien would have taken all the fun out of it. I wanted to do this the old fashion way...I wanted to beat the shit out of whole body. Whatever it took to make him physically hurt...the more hurt the better.

posted on 2-Sep-2001 9:48:19 PM

Tears...I felt them flow down my face. I didn't think that it was possible for anyone to cry as many tears as I had cried in the last few months...much less the last few days. But...there they were....tears of sadness...tears of pain...tears of anger....and most important...tears of confusion.

Sadness...because as I watched Max disappear down the ladder...I knew that things would never be the same again. I kept asking myself how a love that once consumed me only made me feel cold and empty. I was hard to accept that Max would no longer be in my life. I may have hated him for what he had said to me...for what he had done to me...but I still loved him...and the truth of the matter is I always wanted him to be a part of my life. Doesn't make sense to you...I know...but you have to understand that Max HAD been the love of my life...he had been my everything...until I met Zan...and then everything changed. When Max and I were together...he brought out emotions in me that were unlike any I had ever experienced before...until I met Zan. I never wanted to hurt Max...I was only doing what I thought was right. Maybe...I was wrong...maybe I should have handled it another way...but it was all that I could think of at the was all that I could make him fall out of love with me. didn't matter...because he no lover loved me.

Pain...because the words he spoke hurt...the hurt me so deeply...that I didn't think that I would ever get over them.

Anger...because...Max...seemed to think that he was the only one that was hurting...seemed to think that only he had to suffer and deal with any pain from this whole ordeal. He told me that he hated me...and that he wanted me to I had never suffered before. Too late...I had been to hell and back...I had felt nothing but suffering and pain since Future Max had come to visit me that night...telling me that I had to give up what I felt to be my one true soul mate. I was angry at Max...for not believing in me...for not believing in the love that we shared. I was angry at Max...for not pursuing the truth more then he did. I wanted to tell him...wanted to give him the answers that he needed to hear...but...he just backed away. He told me once...that he knew that I didn't sleep with Kyle...that he knew that I wouldn't do that to him...if this was true...then why did he just accept it as fact afterwards. I know...I know that I told him that I wasn't this perfect person...that he was always putting me on a pedestal...that I made a mistake...that Kyle and I had made love...but...I lied. Couldn't he see it in my eyes...couldn't he hear my heart screaming out to him...couldn't he see that I was dying. I am angry at Max Evens...not only because of those hatful words that he spoke...but because he didn't trust me enough to know...that I would have done anything...and I make sure that well as the rest of them...stayed safe.

Confusion...because...Zan...had pushed me to go after Max...pushed me to go after a man that I no longer loved. I saw it...I know that I wasn't seeing things...I know that I saw his love for me in his eyes...but he covered it up...hide it was like he didn't want me to see.

I was tired of hurting...tired of being confused. I knew that I had to talk to Zan...had to make him see that he was the only man that mattered to me anymore. Yes...I still loved Max...I would always love Max...but it could never compare to the love that I felt for Zan. I never thought that I could love anyone more then Max...but I had...and just thinking about Zan...brought a smile to my face...brought happiness back into my life...and love back into my heart. Meeting him turned out to be the most wonderful experience of my far...and I couldn't wait to see what other new experiences were out there waiting for me...and as long as he was by my side...I was more then ready for anything. "Zan...we need to talk" I said...climbing though my window...coming face to face...not with Zan...the love of my life...but...with a highly pissed off....Maria.

"I may not be Zan...but...yes...yes...we do have some talking to do"

I were lookin into his eyes...and it were like I were lookin into my owns. I a ways I were...cause I were his dupe..but anyways...I coulds see his anger...his frustrations...and I coulds see he were hurting. I ain't really know my dupe...but I knowed that we was alike in more ways then's the most important ways...we was both in loves with her. I felts all these things thats he were feeling. I knowed what it were like to loves her so much...thats it would cause you to goes totally fuckin crazy...I knowed how he felts as he said his words to her...just to makes her hurt likes her were hurtings...and I knowed how he felts after he saids his words...knowing that he hads hurt her with thems.

I ain't wants to fight hims anymore...I were tired...tired of all this bull were times for this to be's were times for him to gets over himself and takes care of my princess. Did's I want to gives her up withouts a fight...did I wants to walks out of her life...knowing that it were gonna be hims...not me...that we gonna be the ones that takes care of her...that it were gonna be hims not me...that were gonna be her firsts...that it were gonna be hims...not me...that were gonna walks down the aisle withs...on her weddings day. NO...I wanted to be's the one that shared all these things withs her...but it were a dream...a dream that I ain't ever wants to wake up froms. He hads her...alls I hads to do was makes him see that he were being as asshole...and then he were gonna be withs her...alls I had were this dream...alls I wanted to do were dream bout what I knowed were never gonna happen. But...he...he hads other plans...

My eyes never left he continued to lean against the tree. I felt as if he was trying to read my thoughts...trying to understand what it was that was going on inside me. Hell...I didn't even know what was going on inside of me. Never in my life...had I felt so many different emotions swirling around in my my heart. Hate...fear...sorrow...anger...pain...and all because of her...all because of Liz...all because of Liz and Zan.

I felt like I was a tiger that was on the prowl...I felt like I was stalking my prey...just waiting for the right moment...waiting for him to drop his guards...waiting to pounce...waiting to kill. I could feel the muscles through out my body...tighten...tighten in anticipation...anticipation for the hunt. Zan...had to pay...had to pay for taking her love from me...had to pay for making her love him...and so I continued to wait. I didn't have to wait happened so quick that I almost missed it...almost. It was hard to decipher...the look. One minute he is trying to read my thoughts with his intense stares...and then the next was was almost as if his mind was no longer was almost like he was daydreaming. "PAYBACK TIME" I screamed...lunging forward off the bench...towards an unsuspecting Zan.

I couldn't stop thinkin bouts my princes...bout what it woulds me she hads picked me. I thoughts about what it would be likes to hears her tells me that she loved me again...I had heard it once...and it were music to my ears. I thoughts about what it would be likes to makes love to her fors the very first times...we hads come so close...I hads gotten to taste hers...and I knowed that ones were ever gonna compares to her. I thoughts about what it woulds be like to marries her...I ain't never thoughts bout marriage before...but with hers...I wanted to thinks about it. thoughts was interrupted...interrupted by the reason thats I couldn't be withs the woman that I loved. I weren't paying him no attention...I were too busy livin in my fuckin dream world...when...I shoulds have had my guards up. I feeled his its crashed into's my chest...feeled the pains in my I hit the grounds...afters his heads butt. I feeled his he landed punch after punch anywhere's that he coulds hit...and I heard he screamed outs words...that hurts more...hurts more then the facts that he were using my wholes body as his fuckin punchin bags.


"IS YOU FUCKIN STUPID..." I heard him I felt his fist make contact with my cheek. Before I had a chance to throw another punch...before I had a chance for any sort of retaliation...I was on my back...with a very pissed off Zan...sitting on my chest...hands once again around my throat. His face was so close that I could feel his breath on my face...could feel the spit that flew from his on my face as he screamed. "I WILL FUCKIN KILLS YOU. DO YOU HEARS ME....YOU HAVES LOST YOUR FUCKIN MIND...AND I WILL KILLS YOU DEAD...IF YOU DON'T SHUTS THE FUCK UP AND LISTENS TO ME. DO YOUS UNDERSTANDS ME...DO YOUS"

I tired to fight him off...tried to get out from under his girth. But...once again it was on no use. What ever ideas I had about kicking his ass...they were gone. I had gotten a few good punches in....but there was no contest here as to who was the strongest in this match. I was at his I felt his fingers tighten around my throat. Slowly...I nodded my head in response to his question...and then he continued...his hands not leaving my throat until he had said all that he needed to say.


Afters I seen him nods....I gots off his sorry ass. I were hoping thats once I tolds him about Liz...and I mades him see that she loved hims...that I woulds feel better...but it ain't mades me feel mades me feel worse. I tooks one more look at my he pulled himselfs off the ground. Took one more looks...and walked aways...I hads to find were times to leave...for good. I hads done my jobs...I hads been the bigger man.

I trieds to stop thems...but...agains they fell. I ain't never cried so fuckin much in my life...not till I cames to Roswell. I ain't never felts so much pain...since I mets her...and now it were times to end them boths. I knowed that it would takes time..but I would gets over the pain of losing hers. Actually...I knowed that I would never gets over the pains of losing hers. were somethin that I tolds myselfs anyways.


I wanted to rips his fuckin heads off...wanted to rips it off...and shoves it down his fuckin throat. I tooks a step towards were gonna be the day that Max Evan's were gonna die. But...then I his words keeped paying over in my heads. "THE ONLY REASON THAT SHE WENT TO YOU IN THE FIRST PLACE....IS BECAUSE YOU LOOK SO MUCH LIKE ME" and it were then that I knowed whats I had to do.

Authors Note: Don't be mad at is not my fault that I havent posted in days. Blame the damn cable company...who disconnect my cable modem...and took three days to get over her to fix it. I have been writing those three days and this is just one chapter...I will post more tonight....Donna!!!

"Maria...I don't have time for this" I screamed...pushing past her...coming face to face with an empty spot...where just moments before Zan had sat. "Zan" I whispered turning to face fear crept into my heart once again. "Where is have to tell me if you know where he is"

"Liz...I don't know where he is...I came up here to check on you...I..."

"I HAVE TO FIND HIM" I yelled...cutting her off in mid-sentence and running for the door. I had to find him...I had heart couldn't take anymore unhappiness...any more loneliness. I had to find him...he loved me...he told me he did...I saw it in his eyes...and I felt it from his heart. I should have known that she wouldn't just let me go without a fight...this was Maria...and she always had to have the answer...always had to know what was going on. " have to tell me what the heck is going on. I haven't heard from you since the other day when Zan arrived. she yelled after I ran down the stairs leading from my house into the CrashDown. "Liz...what the hell is going on...what the hell has he done to you...this isn't like you...what about Max...LIZ...YOU HAVE TO TELL ME WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON"

"ZAN...ZAN...WHERE ARE YOU....ZAN...ZAN" I yelled frantically...running into the restaurant...searching frantically for the man that had become my reason for living. Instead of finding that man...I found myself face to face with Ava and Kyle. "Ava...Kyle...have you seen him...have you seen Zan...I need to find him" They didn't say a word...they didn't have to...the look that they shared between them said it all. I had to sit down...had to sit down..or fall down. Numbly...I dropped myself down into the nearest chair...and waited...waited for what was left on my heart to break...waited for what little sanity that I leave...waited for my world to end.

Once again I found myself smiling...smiling because of the pain of another. "NOT SO TOUGH AFTER ALL...HUH..." I yelled out after him. My heart stopped momentary as I watched the man that could have ended my life twice tonight...stop and again turn to face me. If he was ready to go another round..then he needed to bring it on...because I was more then ready. It didn't matter if I got my ass kicked again or not...all that mattered was that I got a few more good punches in...all that mattered was that I didn't go down with out making him hurt...and I wanted to make him hurt. I took a few steps forward...putting my fist into the air...if he was ready for another round...then so was I. But...he didn't move...he just continued to stare at me. As I inched closer and closer...his face became more clear and although I found tears...I was expecting to find utter sadines or complete rage...instead...I found a what appeared to be complete joy and happiness...and a smile that lit up his whole face. "Thanks you" he laughed...and then he was running across the park grounds...running as if his life depended on it. I knew where he was going..but..I didn't care....he could have her. I didn't want her anymore...she had lied and cheated on me. I had witnessed it for myself...I had caught her in bed with Kyle...and I had seen the look of love that she had for him.

As I got closer and closer to home...I felt my anger begin to subside...felt my hatred for Liz and even Zan begin to ebb away...felt my sanity begin to come back into play. Why...because I allowed the flashes to replay in my mind...the ones that Liz has shown me as I healed her...the ones that gave me the answer that I had longed for all these many months...that she in fact hadn't betrayed me by sleeping with Kyle...that she in fact had sacrificed our love and some of her order to help me. My anger was replaced by absolute horror...and then utter one by one the flashes told me the complete story of what exactly Liz Parker had to give up to save earth and my race...what she had given up...for me.

"MAX" Isabel screamed...pulling me away from thoughts. Looking around...I realized that I was now standing in front of my house...I didn't remember how I got there...all I could think about was what Liz had done...what she had sacrificed for painful it was for her to do what it was that my other version had asked her to do. Not only had he caused her pain..but...I had caused her pain not believing in the love that we once shared. "MAX...WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU...SNAP OUT OF IT...DO YOU KNOW THAT THERE IS SOME STRANGE LOOKING GIRL IN YOUR ROOM...I WENT IN THERE LOOKING FOR YOU...AND I FOUND HER INSTEAD..WHO IS SHE...MAX...WHO THE HELL IS SHE"

"Shell" I whispered. "SHELL...WHO THE HELL IS SHELL...AND WHY DOES SHE LOOK SO MUCH LIKE THEM...OUR DUPES" She continued to scream. "I can't explain right now...I need time to think" I said pulling out of her grasp and heading for the house. "MAX"

"Liz...are you ok. Liz...Liz...Liz...answer me" a voice frantically cried out to me. I felt someone touching my face...heard someone calling my name...but...I didn't acknowledge it...couldn't acknowledge wasn't the voice I needed to wasn't the voice of the man that with one word could make my heart skip a wasn't the voice of the man that I loved with all my wasn't the voice of Zan. I was numb...I could feel my heart actually breaking for what must have been the hundredth time since I had become involved with Max...since I had become involved with Zan. " have to snap out of this...I need can't do this to me again...I can't live without have to snap out of this" I heard the voice cry again.
Forcing my eyes to focus on the voice...I tried to speak...tried to make the words come out...tried to convey to her just how much my world was falling apart...but...they didn't come...they wouldn't come...and so I just stared into her eyes...hoping that she would read all the pain and suffering in then...hoping that for once...someone would be there for me. I was tired of being there for everyone. I had always been the dependable one...always there to give a helping hand to anyone that needed me...but now it was my was my turn to fall to pieces...and it was her best friend...Maria DeLuca to pick them up as they fell.

"Oh...Liz...I am so sorry...I am so sorry for not being there for you. I knew that you needed me...but...I was to involved in my own world to think about anything else. I knew that she saw it...knew that she saw the pain that covered my she pulled me into her embrace. "I'm here for you girl...always...remember that...always"

"I SAID THAT I CAN'T EXPLAIN NOW...I NEED SOME TIME TO PROCESS ALL THE THINGS THAT I JUST LEARNED...OK....SORRY IT THAT BOTHERS YOU...BUT...IT DOESN'T ALWAYS HAVE TO BE ABOUT YOU ISABEL EVANS" I screamed....opening the front door and slamming it behind me. I had to think about everything that I just learned...I felt as if my feet weighed a I reached the door to my bedroom. Opening it...I found her asleep on my bed...asleep in one of my Roswell gym T-shirts. I couldn't explain it...the feeling of calmness that washed over me as I continued to watch her sleep...and I didn't want an felt good...and as I processed everything that I had just learned...I needed to feel good.

It was as if she sensed if she knew that I was there. "Yous ok" she asked sleepily...looking at me through half opened eyes that watched me as I sat down on the chair behind me. "what's wrongs" I wasn't able to speak...wasn't able to move...all I could do was cover my face with my hands...and allow the tears that I had been holding back to cascade down my face. "Comes here" I looked at her reluctantly as I watched her arms reach out to me...I felt them beckoning me into their warmth. Normally...I would have told that everything was fine...and pretend that I didn't need any solace from anyone...but...I needed it..and I needed it badly. So...I answered their call...and climbed into them...allowing her to wrap her arms around my body...allowing the warmth of her body to seep into mine.

True...I didn't really know this stranger that held me in her arms...but the truth was...I didn't care. I didn't care that she was basically a complete stranger...who I had met thanks to Zan. I found out later that it was because of Zan that Shell had come into my life. He knew that we were in trouble and he had called Shell and asked her to help us with Lonnie and Rath. All that mattered to me at that moment in time...was...that I felt safe...I felt like she wouldn't judge me as I...a grown man...a king of another planet clung to her as if his life depended on it. "It's cans cry...I ain't gonna care...I is here for you" She whispered into my she rested my head on her chest and wrapped her arms around my back...rubbing her hands up and down in a soothing motion...then she began to sing softly into my ear. I couldn't really understand what she was saying...all I could hear were her whisper as she sang into my ear...but it allowed me to do what she had asked me to allowed me to cry...and I cried as if my world was ending...because at that moment in time...I felt like it was.

Tears of sadness...tears of pain...and tears of regret ran down my face. I had done this...I had caused all of this. I was hatful and mean...and I was so unfair to Liz. She did what she had to to keep us keep me safe and all I did was throw it back into her face. She loved me...and because of her love for me...she sacrificed that love. She was strong enough to do it...she was strong enough to sticky by her decision...and it almost killed her. I felt and I saw it all...I told her once that I knew that she would never do anything like that to me...that she would never cheat on me..and even though deep down in my heart I knew...I never pursued it any further....instead of fighting...instead of making her tell me the truth about what it was that I had seen with her and Kyle...I just let it go...I just gave up without a fight. I had been evil...had lost my mind when I realized that she loved Zan instead of could I blame her. It was obvious that he gave her the one thing that I hadn't been able to give her...that one thing that meant more to Liz then anything else...her happiness. I had to admit was true...I had not been able to give Liz the happiness that she deserved. She was always giving up so much of herself to me and the others...and yet..all we did was continue to take from her...never worrying about her needs. I had hurt her...hurt her in more ways then one...and I knew that there was no way that I could repair that hurt. My tears continued to fall...and I could no longer control the sobbing that erupted from my throat...and...the truth was...I didn't want to. I had hurt the one person that I loved with all my heart...because of my selfness...and my stupidity...I had lost that person...and I knew that I had lost her for good.

Her whispers continued...and as she continued rubbing my back my world became I felt the tiredness try and take over my emotionally drained body. Sleep was something that had alluded me for the last few months..and because of that...I felt like I had fought a million battles. So as my tears continued...I finally gave in...finally allowed the tiredness to over take me...allowed myself to fall asleep. Her soothing words and the warmth of her body continued to lull me away from life...I could feel myself on the brink of sleep...pulling me away from my life...pulling me away from my reality...for what I hope would be at least a few hours. I don't know what I was thinking...because things like that don't happen to me...I am always forced to stay in control of my life...of my reality.


"He's gone" I wailed into my best friends ear....tightening my grip around her. "He's gone...He's gone...He's gone" I kept hearing it repeated over and over again...and I didn't know if I was actually saying those words or if I was hearing them in my mind. It really didn't matter...all that mattered was that Zan was gone. He had left Roswell...he had left because I was to stupid to fight for stupid to prove to him that I loved him. I didn't know how I was going to live the rest of my life without Zan by my side. I know that sounds pathetic...but....I needed him there...I wanted him there. I just didn't think that it was possible to live through the loss again. How was it possible that I could live through another heartbreak...when I had lived through so many before. I thought that my would had ended when I had to give up Max...but giving up Max was to keep him and the others keep his planet and earth safe. I gave up Zan...because I wasn't willing to fight for him. I had done the same thing that Max had done to me...I stopped believing in our love...said mean and hurtful words...and just let the one that I loved walk away without a fight.

I could hear them murmuring around me...but I didn't care...all I kept thinking about the mess that my life had become. My life had always been full of such promise. I had a goal...I had a plan...and I was determined to reach all those goals that I had set ahead of me...but then fate stepped in and changed all that. How had my life become the mess that it now had I allowed this to happen...I wanted to blame Max...blame him for everything that had gone wrong in my life..he was the one that saved me...I didn't ask to be saved...I didn't ask for all this pain and suffering. When had I become the chosen one to not have love in my life. Was this my penance for having Max Evan's save my life. Was I doomed to find love and lose it just as quickly as I had found it. First with Max...and now with Zan. could I blame Max...he saved me because of his love for me...he couldn't help who he was and the life that he had to lead...and I know that a lot of the pain and suffering that I have experienced was because of me. I had accepted the fact that Max and I were not meant to be together...and then I met Zan...and I fell in love all over again...only to have it disappear before my my own stupidity. Zan...just what was it about was it that he just walked into my life...and I had fallen head over heels in love with him in just a matter of seconds...maybe even before. What sense did that make...not that anything since Max had healed me had made much sense anyway. How was it that I felt as if we somehow meant to be together....that he was sent here for a reason. But...what reason could that be...what ever it was I had ruined it...I had been given a second chance at love...only to destroy it.

I felt a pair of arms pulling me out of the chair that I had fallen into. "Zan" I questioned...only to have my heart I looked into a pair of blue eyes...not hazel like Zans. "Come on...we need to get you back've had quite a need some rest and we can talk about it in the morning" Kyle said...carrying me up the stairs that lead back to my room...the room that Max had caught me and Kyle in bed together...the same room that Max gave his pocket knife back...the same room that I had cried all my many tears for the loss of Max's love...the same room that Zan and I had shared our first kiss...the room that we had explored each others bodies in...the room that Zan and I had said such hurtful things to each other...the room that Max had said hurtful words to me...the same room that Zan once occupied...telling me to go after Max...was now the same room that was like a tomb to me...I felt that this was the room that I was going to die in...the same room that I had already died in. I didn't want to go back into that was a painful reminder of everything that was wrong in my life..but...I didn't try and stop Kyle. I didn't have the energy...didn't have anymore fight...I was exhausted. All I could do was lay limply in his head laying on his he made his way to that dreaded room.

"YOU BETTER TELL ME WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON...AND YOU BETTER TELL ME NOW" she screamed...causing me to bolt out of my bed...trying to figure out where I was...what was going on...and who it was exactly that was screaming at me like that. "LOOKS YOU BETTER BACKS OFF...HE DON'T NEEDS YOUR SHIT RIGHT NOWS" Another voice from behind me yelled back. "AND JUST WHO THE HELL ARE YOU...MAX IS MY BROTHER...I THINK THAT I KNOW WHAT HE NEEDS MORE THEN SOME GUTTER TRASH FROM NEW YORK"

I was still trying to figure out what the hell was going on around I felt someone brush past me...pushing Isabel into the chair that was behind her. "I AIN'T NO GUTTER TRASH...YOU HEARS ME...I IS HEARS CAUSE ZAN ASKED ME'S TO TAKES CARE OF YOUR BROTHER..GOT IT...AND I GAVES HIM MY WORD...AND I AIN'T NEVER BACKS DOWN ON MY WORD"

"Isabel..please...I need time to think....I need to be alone right now...please just go" I said...coming to my senses. "Please...I will explain everything to you once I figure it out myself" I watched the anger that covered her face....turn to a look of hurt. "Please..Is...I'm not trying to hurt your feelings...I just need to work things out in my head" I could see the tears as they formed in her she sadly nodded her head and got up from the chair and headed for the door. "Is...wait" I said....grabbing her arm and pulling her into my embrace. "I love you...Is...remember that...your my sister...and I will always love you" Nodding again...she wiped the tears from her eyes...and with one last look at me...closed the door...leaving me with my thoughts...and the only thoughts I had at that moment were climbing back into my safe place...climbing back into my haven...climbing back into Shell's arms. "It's oks...come needs to talks about whats goin on withs you...and I ams the person to listen...don't matters...comes ons" It was like she knew what I was was like she knew that she was my shelter...and so I climbed back into her arms...allowing the words to flow from my lips...allowing the tears to fall once I told her every heart wrenching event that lead up to this very moment. She never said a word...never made a judgment...she just listened...she was just there...and that is what I needed more then anything else at that time...I needed someone to be there for me...not anyone else but for me.

Authours Note: Hello once again...well as you know the boards were down yesterday..but I still worked on this fic...this part is all Zan's POV. Now...I haven't been getting much feeback lately...I wonder why...come on know that I live for the let me know what you think...Donna!!!

I were running like my lives depended on its...and in a ways it dids...cause she were my lives. I needed to haves her by my sides...needed to have her in orders to breath. I couldn't believes how much shit hads happened in these last few much I hads hurt and how much she had hurts me. But...I was gonna fix that...we wasn't gonna hurts no more...we were gonna be's together forever. I were gonna do whats ever I hads to who ever I hads to makes sure thats she were by my sides. There weren't no ways that we was every gonna be aparts again...and if that ments pretending to be's someone's else...then that were what I were gonna do.

I knows what you is cans you do cans you loves her and pretends to be someone's else. Easy....I hads to do what I hads to do. Anways...what woulds you have dones...if you loved someone's so badly that you couldn't imagines your life withouts them...what woulds you do...if the loves of your lifes loved someone's else...but thats someone didn't wants them in returns...calls me crazy...but....wouldn't you's do anything's that were in your powers to be withs them. I knows that we ain't thats much different...I knows that you woulds...and if you wouldn't...then you just ain't gots a soul.

I loved hers...there were no denying its anymore....I had trieds...trieds to leave hers....tried to moves on with my lifes and lets her moves on with hers...but I weren't able too...something's were calling me backs....and that something were her. I ain't care who's I hads to be...what I hads to do...I were never gonna leaves her sides again...and that's were a promise that I mades to myselfs...and I were damned sure thats it were gonna be a promise that I were gonna keeps. I were as if I hads to be withs her...couldn't lives withouts her...didn't wants to lives withouts her.

But...I knowed that that it weren't me that she loved...that it were my dupe that gots that honor....but I ain't care. He ain't loves her...he didn't wants her...he mades that point perfectly clears to me...ands if he's decided to change his minds...too fuckin bad...she were gonna be mines...mines only. Yes...I hads a plan...and it were gonna be a very goods were such a goods plan thats it were gonna keeps me and my princess togethers...forevers. You is dying to knows....well if you ain't figured it outs by is pretty stupid. I were gonna change....I were gonna change myselfs into my dupe...I were gonna becomes Max Evan's. heards me right...I were gonna become the man that I fuckin despised most ins my life. Does this shows you how important Liz Parker were to me's....does this proves to you that what I were doing were the right things to do...for boths of us. I knows that you thinks I am being selfish...thats I were only thinking of me. I weren't...I were thinkin of her too. I loved her's with everything's I hads...with everything's I were. She may not haves loved me backs....she may haves loved my dupe...but you is forgetting one importants thing...the most importants thing...he ain't wants her anymore. He thoughts that me and Liz hads done more thens we hads...and I had tried to tells him...but he weren't willings to listen. I hads given hims plenty of opportunity to runs back to makes things rights with her...but he weren't listening...he were to set in his minds that she had dones things that she weren't capable of doing. I knowed that she ain't sleep withs Kyle...and she may haves messed arounds with me...but it were because I looks so much likes my dupe...and she were lonely...I cant's blame her for that. Do it hurts...remember...I is part human and it hurts like hell. But..this were gonna helps with that hurt...she may nots love Zan...but it were me that she were gonna be withs for the rests of hers lifes....sorta.

I kinda gots aways from my plan...I were gonna change into my dupe...and thens I were gonna ask hers to runs aways with me. There were no ways that we was gonna be ables to stay in Roswell. Why...for starters...Max Evan's lived here....and his family and his friends. How were I gonna explains when they founds that there was two of hads to go. I may haves had a plan...but thats plan didn't include were we was gonna go. ain't matters where we went...all thats mattered thats were was gonna be together. I coulds live's anything's as longs as she was by my sides. I knowed that she were gonna comes with me...I knowed cause she were better thens Roswell New Mexico...she deserved betters then Max Evan's. I were gonna gives here anything's that she wanted...anything's that she whats ever costs. Thinkin bout starting a new lifes withs my princess broughts a smile to my face. So withs one swipe of my hands...I becames different...I becames the one man that I despised most in this fuckin worlds...I became my dupe...I became the love of her Lives...I becames....Maxwell Evans.

What's were it likes being Max Evan's...well to says that it were strange...that were an understatements. I were differents all hair were now flats as goatee...gone. I ain't really care abouts the loss of my hair and goatee...but...I were gonna miss my tattoos and my piercings. They was me...they sets me aparts from the Max Evan's of the worlds. I knowed that this guy would nevers gets anythings like that...he were to fuckin cornball...he were to fuckin...well...Max Evan's. Zan were no more...I hads said that I wanted to be differents...but I ain't nver thought in a million years thats it would comes to something likes this. were gonna be worths it...because me ands my princess were gonna be together...forever.

Authors Note: Sorry excuse to give you really for not posting sooner...truth be told...I was geting bored with this fic. I know...I know...bad Donna. Don't worry...I will finish it...and it will be please continue to read this...I hope to get the next part out tomorrow. Donna!!

"Kyle...can you just stay with me tonight" I begged him...digging my fingers into his shoulder...causing him to yelp from the he tried to lay me on the bed. "Please...I just can't be alone tonight...I just can't"

The truth was...that I couldn't bare the thought of being alone...I was afraid...afraid because I didn't know who much more I could stand...afraid...because I didn't know what I might be capable of. I know what your she talking about what I think she is talking about. Yes...that is what I am talking about...I had been through to much in the last year...I had seen to much...learned to much...hurt the ones that I loved to much...suffered to much...cried to much. I didn't want to hurt anymore...didn't want to feel the pain of my broken heart anymore. I just wanted to feel anything but the pain that cloaked my heart. I wanted to feel happiness...and since Zan was the only one that could bring any happiness into my life..and he was gone...I wanted to go to the one place were I felt content without Zan...I wanted to go into the darkness...the same place that I was after hitting my head and knocking myself unconscious.

I was afraid of dying...who wouldn't be..but at that moment in time I felt like I had no other choice. I felt as if I had lost everyone that was close to me. I had lost Max...lost everything that we shared. I had hurt him when I faked sleeping with Kyle. I knew that it had to be done...that it would prevent the end of the world...but it didn't change the fact that I had lied to him...that I had hurt him...and it was because of those reasons alone...I had lost him. Losing Max was painful...but it was nothing compared to the pain of losing Zan. He just breezed into my once pain filled life and for a brief moment...replaced that pain with happiness. He made me realize that it was possible to love after losing Max. I loved Zan...loved him more then I could every love Max...loved him more then I could ever love anyone....but now he was gone. I had hurt him...I had hurt them both...I had lost them both...and I just didn't think that it was possible to live without them as part of my just wasn't possible to live without Zan as part of my life.

I watched the range of emotions that crossed Kyle's I again asked him to stay with me. I watched as his blue eyes bore into my own chocolate ones...searching for what it was I was trying to convey to him...without words. I watched as his face took on a look of uncertainty as he continued to probe me with his eyes...watched as the look of uncertainly turned to one of shock and horror....and then I watched as the look of shock and horror turned into one of fear. Fear...because he knew...he had figured out why it was that I had wanted him to stay with me so badly. He knew that I was tired of being lonely...tired of hurting...knew that I felt as if I were at the end of my rope...knew that I was ready to end it all...he knew that I was ready to end my life. Yes...he could he was so obvious...he could see it through my eyes...but it was also written all over my face. I was no longer Elizabeth Parker...that person no longer existed...all that was left of that person was what Kyle held in his arms...all that was left was a shell of this person...and in my mind...I knew that there was nothing that would ever bring this person to her former self. Nothing....except for Zan. was obvious that Kyle knew what I was I felt his grip around my body I felt him pull me closer to I heard an anguished sob escape from his he whispered into my hair. "What have they done to you...Liz...oh my god...what could they have done to you to make you even consider what you are considering. Why didn't I know that you were hurting this much...why did I let you go through this suffering alone...why wasn't I there for you when you needed me. This is all because of Evan's isn't it....what did he do to you....why did you have to make it look like you and I slept together...why did I let it get this far...I should have told him...should have told him the truth...but you asked me not too...but if I had told him you wouldn't be...wouldn't be considering this...Liz...why did you have to be the brave one and handle this all alone. I'm sorry Liz...I am so sorry that I let you down...can you forgive me...please tell me that you can forgive me"

I couldn't believe what I was was Kyle...the one man that had been there for me through all of this mess my life had become...and here he stood before me trying to take the blame for it. "No...this isn't your's not anyone's fault...I am just tired Kyle...tired of everything that I have had to endure this last year. I am tired of the lies...and the secrets...and I am just tired of feeling as if my heart will never stop breaking...asif my tears will never stop falling. You have been there for me whenever I have needed you...even after all the lies and the hurt that I have caused stood by me without question. I am so sorry...sorry that I made you feel as if you were to blame...if it hadn't been for you...I may have decided to do this sooner. I am just so tired...Kyle...can you understand that...I don't want to feel this way anymore. I just want it to that so much to ask for...I just want to feel nothing for a change...I need to feel nothing"

"NO" he yelled...placing me roughly on the ground in front to him...forcing me to once again look into his blue eyes. "I won't let you do this...I can't...I could never live with myself if anything happened to you...together we can get through this. I won't leave your side...I promise...I know that your hurting...I may not know why you lied to Max...but I know that you had to do it for a reason. I know that you love don't need him. I know that it will be hard...but you will get over can live without him. I need you to tell me that you understand what I am trying to say to you...I will not let you kill yourself over Max Evan's...I won't let you do it Liz. He isn't worth dying for....he isn't worth ending your life...and I pledge to you right now...I will be here for you always. Tell me that you understand what I am saying to you...tell me" he continued to the look of fear that once crossed his eyes...turned into a look of determination. I found myself unable to speak yet he pulled me into his arms. "Promise me...that you won't do it...please you have to promise me that you won't end your life because of Max Evan's"

I know what your told her told a stranger all about you and your alien status...a person that you have only known since your trip to New York...a person that you met only because of Zan. No...I'm Max Evans keeper of secrets. I know how to keep a secret...and I made sure to leave out the fact that I am "not of this earth" Keeping secrets was something that I was good at...and this was no exception. But...I had to talk to someone...had to release this pain that filled my entire existence off my chest...and so I told her...leaving out the important parts...the parts that lead to the disaster that my life had become. She listened to every last word that I spoke...listened and didn't utter a sound...allowing me to cry...allowing me to rant...allowing me to heal.

What I found amazing is that...I knew that even if I had told her...she wouldn't have cared. I knew that she wouldn't run into the night screaming like most people would. No...I didn't think that she was one of us...that she was was just something that I were something that I knew. I felt that she knew that I was omitting certain facts about my life and who I was...but she never wavered in her she continued to rub my she continued to comfort me with the warmth that came off of her body. So...there I lay in the arms of this complete stranger...a stranger that I had only known for a few days...but now it felt that I had known my entire life...telling her about my life...and most of what had transpired between me and Liz.

I told her of the first time I ever laid eyes on Liz...I told her of the love that I felt for I had known from that first moment I saw her that she would be the one...the one that I would loved for eternity. I sobbed as I told her of all the heartache and pain that Liz had to endure because of me...and me alone...heartache that would never have entered her life...if she hadn't fallen in love with me. I told her about the first kiss that we had shared on her I didn't think that it was possible for anyone to love me as completly as she did. I wanted to tell her about destiny...about how just that one little word...had ripped our love into shreds...tearing it into such little pieces...that it was hardly recognizable...causing Liz to run into the arms of another man.

But...I left that part out...Oh...I told her about finding her and Kyle in bed together...and the pain and anguish that it caused me...but I left out the most important part...the part where she ended up in bed with him because of me. I told her about finding her on the floor unconscious...and how my heart literally stopped beating...becasue I thought I may have lost her once and for all...and how it started beating again...only after I knew for certain that hers continued to beat also. I told her of the first time I had met Zan...and the madness that engulfed my body as I realized that I had indeed lost Liz...although not to death...I had lost her to Zan. I told her of the horrible words than I had spit out at her...and the physical pain I caused as my madness continued to run rampet...trying to squeeze the life out of the woman that I loved with all my heart and soul. I told her of my second confrontation with he beat my head against the wall...and dragged me to the park...and all the nasty words that I had said to him about Liz...the same Liz that he now loved as much as I did...the same Liz that he could make happy...and I couldn't.

My sobs turned almost I continued my story. I told her of my absolute horror I had left Zan after our third confrontation...realizing that Liz had not betrayed me...that she had never slept with Kyle...she could never do that to me...she could never do that to herself. Again...leaving out the important parts...I continued to I explained that I now knew that she had made it look like she had betrayed me for a reason...a very important reason. I explained to important it was to have Liz Parker in my life...that she was my balance...she was the one that kept me sane...most times...but how I didn't think that it was possible to repair all the damage that I had done to her. I knew that as we spoke she was laying in his arms...the arms of the man that she needed...the arms of the man that was going to take care of her and keep her safe....the arms of the man that she loved...the arms of Zan.

Once again...I felt exhaustion take over my body. Sleep was beginning to take over my wearily body...and I was to tired to fight it...and so I allowed it to come...allowed it to block out the world that I no longer wanted to be a part of...allowed it to envelope me into it's blackness. "You needs to talk to hers" she whispered against my ear...jolting me from the brink of slumber that I craved so badly. "You needs to do needs to works this out withs needs to do"


What will Max do...will he go to Liz and try and work things out...or will he continue to hide from the mess that he had made. Stay turned...Donna!!!

Authors Note: Ok...I am back on track...keep the feedback coming if you want the next part posted tomorrow...hee hee!!!

So...there I check that...Max...standing in the alley behinds the place that her moms and pops owned. My whole lifes were about to change...but I as I tolds you before...I ain't cares. If it meants that I were gonna gets to holds her in my arms again...if I were gonna feels her body against I helds her....if I were gonna kiss those lips...those soft beautiful lips...once agains. I ain't care that I were the fuckin cornball kings of the worlds...I were gonna be the cornball kings of the fuckin worlds...with my princess by my sides. You would thinks that I woulds be upsets about losing myselfs...but she were worths it....she were more then worths it.

It were getting light now...I knowed that I ain't I have much time to sets my plan into action. My plan thats included me being...Max Evan's....and running away withs my princess. I wanted to be outs of Roswell befores anyone realized thats she were missing. We was gonna goes so deep under grounds...that no ones were ever gonna finds us. It were just gonna be me and hers...and that were all thats I needed.

A smiles were covering my face as I walked into the place...I weren'ts thinking bouts anything else...anythings else but my princess...and the new lifes that we was gonna starts. Yeah...I were smiling...and that smile were wiped offs just as quicklys as I had puts it there. wants to were her...I ain'ts seen her since Liz hads sent her aways that first day that I had comes into towns...and I hads hoped nots to see her again...but there she were...Lungs...and I coulds tells by the looks on her face that she weren't happy. "SO...the prodigal son returns. So Maxie boy have you come to fix the damage that you have caused her...have you come to repair the heart that you have broken on more then one occasion...I sure hope that your coming to do that...if you know what is good for had better be coming her to do just that" I just nodded...I were to afraids to speak...I were afraids that she were gonna knows that it were me and not Max that were standing in fronts of her. "What's the matter...cats got your tongue...or is it that you know that the way that you have been treating her is wrong...what is it Maxie boy...huh. Do you realize how much she is much she is hurting because of you...and lets not forget all of her pain...pain that is there because of...gee lets see...YOU"

She hadn't taken one she continued to yells at me...and I knowed that she weren'ts dones with me yet. I ain'ts want to listen to whats she hads to say...alls I wanted to do were get to my princess...and kiss the shit outs of her. But..that were gonna haves to wait...cause she weren't through withs me no means were she through withs me yet. Grabbing the fronts of my shirts...she pulled me downs to her eye level...pulled me downs choking me ins the process...but she ain't notice...she were ons a mission...she were watching her girls back...and I just hads to respects her for that. "You listen to me...and you listen to me" and then she stopped. She were looking ats were likes she were studying me...causing my hearts to stop. I knowed that my cover were blown...that she knowed who I were...and the chance for getting with my princess...were gone. "I don't know what it is about you...but for some strange reason...she loves you. You better fix better fix her broken heart...and spend the rest of your life making it up to her. I mean what I am saying to better make this better...because if you don't...well...lets just put it this way...I think that you would rather deal with a whole army of skins...then deal with a pissed off it" She continued...releasing the grips that she hads on my shirt.

" more thing" She said...placing her lips inches from my ear. "Your not fooling me one bit with this transformation of yours...Zan. Your better take care of better love her with all that you are...or you will have to deal with me...that is a promise that I will make to you...and you can best bet that it is one that I will keep"

How was I going to tell Kyle that Max wasn't the only reason that I felt my world was ending...that it was a combination of everything...Destiny...Future Max...the end of the world...and Zan. How could I explain that I fell in love with a man that I hardly knew...that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with this man...and that if we couldn't be together...there was no way that I could face what ever life would throw at me without him. How could I explain that without Zan...I didn't feel whole...that I felt as if a piece of myself was missing...that the most important piece of my self was missing...that my heart was missing. I wanted to tell him...wanted to tell him everything that had led up to his very moment...but I couldn't...all I could force out was one word... the one word that summed up my reason for wanting to leave this pain and heartache...."Gone"

"This doesn't just have to do with Evan's does it" he questions he pried my fingers from his shoulders and forced me to lay on the bed. "No" my voice broke as I tried to speak. "I love him...Kyle...I love him...and I told him that I didn' is my fault...I made him's my fault that he left me"

"Shhh...I can't say that I understand any of this...Liz...but I am here...and I am willing to listen for as long as it takes" he whispered....laying on the bed besides me...pulling me into his arms...allowing me the release that I so desperately needed...allowing me to cry...allowing me to rant...allowing me to scream...allowing me to do what ever it was that I needed to do to release the anguish that had tried to move into my heart permanently. I never knew that Kyle could be this understanding...could be this loving. This wasn't the same Kyle Valenti that I had gone out with for a short time last year...this was a new Kyle...he had told me when Future Max had visited me...that he had found Buddha. I remember thinking that Kyle had lost him mind...but now I found that couldn't help but praise Buddha...praise him for bringing this new Kyle to me...for changing Kyle into this new man...this new man that just might be my salvation after all.

I had to admit that I felt better after I told Kyle everything. He never said a word the whole time...he just listened...allowing me to soak his shirt with my possibly have burst his ear drums with my rants...and the promise of bruises on his I pounded my frustration out on him. Not once did he try to stop me...not once did he flinch...he just held me in his arms and listened. "Thank you...Thank you for this...I needed badly"

"Hey...Kyle Valenti at your service...madam" he chuckled into my ear...sensing that the mood was too heavy...sensing that I needed to laugh. "You know...I seem to be getting you into this bed more now...then I did when we were dating. I couldn't get you anywhere near a bed when we were together...and now...well...just what is the deal with that's like I can get you into bed...without all the added perks...what are you trying to do ruin my reputation...we can't have that now"

"KYLE..." I giggled...through my tears...pushing myself out of his embrace. " you don't he I tried to move as far away from him as possible...laughing as I did. Before I had a chance to move another inch...he was all over me...he was attacking me...attacking me with tickles. "TIME FOR THE TICKLE MONSTER" he yelled grabbing me and attacking my sides...with such fury...that I couldn't help the shrieks of giggles and laughter that erupted from my lips...laughter that I didn't think was possible after the hell that I had been going through these last few months...but more so these last few days. "KYLE...STOP...PLEASE....YOU HAVE TO STOP....OMG....KYLE PLEASE....STOP" I continued to he continued his attack on my extremely ticklish sides.

"Yes...Kyle...stop it" I heard a voice say...causing both Kyle and myself to stop our fun...causing us both to pull apart from each other with such force that Kyle lost his balance...and landed with a thud on the floor at the voices feet. "Man....why does this keep happening to me" I heard Kyle grunt as he lifted himself off the floor...coming face to face with the man that had caught us in this very same bed...just days before.


Authors Note: Is anyone else ready to smack the crap out of Max for all the shit that he is doing in these last few Eppy's of Roswell. I know that he is being mind warped and all...but damn!!! Anyway...I am pissed at Max...and it probaly shows in this chapter...but I need to vent...I hope you like it...Donna!!!

I felt my body her words hit me. I felt the blood in my veins run cold....felt my heart freeze in my chest. "You can't be serious" I choked out...pulling away from the warmth of her body...and looking directly into her eyes. I knew that once I looked into those eyes of hers I would find a hint of laughter...anything to prove to me that I hadn't heard her correctly...that she was in fact joking...that she didn't just tell me that I had to go an talk to Liz Parker...the one person that I hoped to never have to talk to again. But...her eyes told me no such thing...what they did tell me...was that she was serious about what she had said...that she had meant every word...that she wanted me to go and speak to Liz. "You needs to do needs to work things out withs her. You ain't never gonna be happy...untils you work things outs with knows this is true"

"Your crazy" I yelled...completely removing myself from her arms...and pulling my exhausted body off the bed. "There is no way in hell that I am going back to the CrashDown...ever. How can you say that I have to go and talk to her...after all that I have told you...after all that I have said and done to her...and you want me to try and talk to her and work things out" There was no way that I was going anywhere near Liz Parker. How could could I face the woman that I loved more then anything...the woman that I had lied to...the woman that I had hurt...the woman that I had said such horrible things to. The truth of the matter was...I was petrified...scared shitless...afraid to come face to face with her. what could I say to her that would make up for the mess that I had turned our love into...what could I ever do to make up for all the hurtful things that I had said to her. Nothing...there wasn't a damn thing that I could do or say to make up for all that I had done to her. I was a coward...a wimp...hell...I was a chicken...there was no way that I was going to even attempt to try and make things right between us. Plus...not only would I have to deal with Liz and what her reaction might be at seeing me so soon after my melt down...I would have the added pleasure of dealing with her new love...and since I knew what he was capable of...there was definitely no way that I was going to go over there now.

I knowed that I hads a reason to be pissed...hads a reason to wants to kills there man that were pulling himselfs off the floor...until he were standin in fronts of me. I should haves wanted to fors the ways that I had founds him alls over my princess...buts I couldn't...there were no ways that I coulds be mad ats him. coulds I wants to hurts this punk...whens he were the only ones that were able to makes my princess laughs...after alls the shit that me and my dupe had puts her through...he were still able to makes her laugh...and I thinks that I haves tolds you this a few times....buts I loves to hear her laughs. "Look man..." he saids to me...pullings me outs of my thoughts of her laughing. "This isn't what it looks like...but...your going to believe what ever you want to there really isn't anything that I can say to make you see that this was nothing but Liz and I having a little fun...I mean...we were just...hell...just go ahead and do what you need to do. But...I will tell you can kick my can kill my ass...I don't care...but if you so much as hurt one hair on her head...I will fuckin kill you hear me Evan's...kill you"

This punk were just to fuckin funny to be reals. I couldn't helps the small grins that cames to my mades me happy to knows that my princess hads such good friends watchin her backs. My disappeared quicks a twinge of guilt's passed overs me...knowing thats I were gonna be takin her aways from her friends and families...her home. But...I pushed it aways befores it mades me change my minds. I had comes here withs a plan...I hads to follow through withs were a matter of lives and death...more likes it were a matter of my deaths...cause withouts her by my sides...I knowed that I weren'ts gonna be able to lives. I would haves to deal with this later...cause all that mattered at that times...were getting that plans into motions.

Zan...I couldn't help myself from envying him. I didn't know that whole story...and I probably never would...but he now had the love of the one woman that I thought would be by my side as I became the king that I was destined to be...he had the love of the woman that I had risked exposing Michael, Isabel. and myself to the world for I used my powers to save her life...he had the love of a woman that had risked her own life time and time again to keep our secret safe...he had the love of the one woman that...although...I knew that she no longer returned that love to me...I knew I was going to love for the rest of my life. I needed to leave this room...needed to run...needed to climb a mountain...anything to get rid of this nervous energy...anything...but stay in this room. I felt as if every nerve in my body was taunt like a guitar string...and any little thing might cause me to crack. My exhaustion...gone. I began to nervously pace the length of my room....back and forth....back and forth...back and forth. I may have needed to leave...but as my panic did my fear of leaving this same room. What if she was out there...what if I ran into them on the streets...what would I say...what would she say...what would he do. I was afraid...afraid of what this man might do to me....twice that evening he had the opportunity to end my life...twice he was given the chance to get rid of the one person that had hurt the woman that he loved...twice he had been given the chance to kill the true king of an alien planet...and yet here I was pacing this room...alive. Alive or not...there was no way that I was going to give Zan another opportunity to end my life again. Liz Parker may have been the love of my life...but there was no way that I was going to die for was hopeless anyway...she would never forgive me...and why should I meet my possible death...if nothing good was going to come out of it.

I guess that I must have been so deep into my thoughts...that I didn't hear her speaking to me...all I felt was a sharp smack across the right side of my face...and my head jerking to the side because of it. "You listens to me ands you listens to me gets your ass over there's and works this shit outs with hers. I ain't is goin if I have to drags you there's myself kickin and got me" As she stood in front of me and chewed me out...the only thing that I could think of at that particular time...was not Liz Parker and her new only thing that I could think of was how much I wanted to kiss much I wanted to kiss...Shell. Call me me a pig...I've been called worse...but it was true...I had to actually take a step back from her to keep myself from grabbing her...pulling her to me...and kissing her senseless. "Nows...that I haves your attentions...lets goes over what it is you is gonna says"

You is...Max Evan' is...Max Evan's...I keeped repeating to myselfs. I ain't realized how hard it were gonna be to be my dupe. Yes...I knows that I tolds you that it were gonna be worths it as longs as she were by my sides...that were true...but it were gonna be hards as hells too. I were gonna haves to be this man...twenty four-seven...and that were gonna be enoughs to drives to insane. I were gonna haves to watch everything's that I saids...everything's that I dids..if this were gonna works. You is...Max Evan's...I saids to myselfs once more...takings a deep breathes...I begans to speak. "Thank you...Kyle...for taking care of Liz while I was...while I was...well...Thanks. You haves been there for her every step of the ways...and I just want to say thanks. But...I needs to talk to my princ...Liz alone. We have a lots to talk about...we have a lot of shit...I mean stuff to work through"

I just knowed that I hads fucked thats were my first times speaking as my dupe...ands I fucked its up. I ain't even looks at my princess...I were afraids that if I dids that I were gonna see thats she knowed it weren't Max...that she knowed that it were an imposter...pretending to be's the man thats she I refused to looks at her...I just keeped looking at the punk in fronts of me. He locked his eyes on mines...when's I trieds to look aways...his eyes followed mines. I were beginning to gets were likes he knowed too...were it that obvious to everyone's that I weren't who they thoughts I were...were it thats obvious that I were no Max Evan's...dids they knows that it were Zan...that were standin in fronts of their eyes...I ain't knows for sure...but the way that he were lookin at me...I were sure that I was abouts to finds out. "Just remember what I told you" he saids as he moved towards me...causing my hearts to stop beatings for a he whispered the one words that could ends my whole plans..."Zan...remember what I said to you...if you hurt her will live to regret it" He tooks another looks at my princess..." you want me to leave" he questioned her...nodding as he received a reply from her. "Remember what I said" and then he were gone...and I were lefts all alones with my princess.

My heart was pounding so fast in my chest...that I just knew that it was going to explode at any I watched Kyle pull himself from the ground...coming face to face with Max. He didn't say a word...didn't utter a sound...but something was wrong...something was different. I couldn't place it...but something was definitely different about him. I couldn't really explain was like I knew that this wasn't Max...because it didn't feel like Max. See...I told you that it was hard to explain. I guess the easiest way to explain it is to say that...those sensations that I had experienced before with Zan...they were back...and this time they were back with a vengeance. I had never in all the years that I had know Max Evan's...experienced sensations like the ones that I experienced from Zan. could it be that I was experiencing these could it be that I could feel him all around me...that I could feel him inside of me...and yet it was Max standing across the room from me. No...something wasn't right about this and I was determined to find out what it was.

I didn't have long to turned I listened to Kyle as he threatened to kill Max if he hurt me again...causing my heart to stop yet again...waiting for the blows that I was sure were going to come. I watched as a grin slowly appeared across his face as he heard those threatening words from Kyle...and then disappeared. My legs almost gave I heard the words flow out of his mouth...words that I never thought I would hear from him..."Thank you...Kyle...for taking care of Liz while I was...while I was...well...Thanks. You haves been there for her every step of the ways...and I just wants to say thanks. But...I needs to talk to my alone" was that one particular word that stood out from the particular word that caused my knees to go weak...caused my already frantiically beating heart to beat even faster. Sure there were other signs...other signs that should have told me from the start that this was not the Max Evan's that I had known for most of my life...but they weren't as obvious they last one. Your dying to know what those clues were...aren't goes. Clue number one...he entered my room through my bedroom door. Max...has only walked through that door once...and only least that I can recall. He always used to enter my room through my is something that he has always is just so Max. Not enough...Second clue...when he spoke to Kyle...he pluralized words that didn't need to be. Try as he might...when Zan spoke...he murdered the English language. Max is a strait A student...who speaks better then most of the adults around here. Still...not convinced that this man standing across the room is Zan...well here is the most important clue of them all....Clue number word...only one little word...and I knew that it was in fact Zan...not Max that was there in that room with is...when he was thanking Kyle...he called me princess. When Max and I were dating...we never had pet names for each other. From the first time that I had met Zan..he had called me his princess...and I had never thought to question him about it. It was something that was natural...a name that he chose specifically for was a name that when I heard him use caused chills to run up and down my spin. If your still not convinced that the man that is in this room with me and Kyle isn't Zan...then what more can I say to convince then I won't even try. The only thing that mattered...was that I was convinced...I didn't know why he came back...I didn't know why he had changed his features to look like Max...and I didn't care...he was back...and I was more then determined to make sure that he stayed with me forever. Whatever it took...anything...we were never going to be apart again...I was going to make sure of that...but first I was going to have a little fun with him. you want me to leave" I heard Kyle ask me. Did I want him to leave....after all that I told him about how much I loved Zan...about how much I needed Zan...he had the nerve to ask me if I wanted him to leave. I knew that Kyle was only looking out for me...that he was only trying to make sure that I didn't get hurt again...but at that time...all I wanted to do was scream at the top of my lungs for him to leave...get the hell out of my room and leave me alone with Zan...but I held those words in...swallowed them down...and gave him the simplest of nods...besides...I didn't think that he would want to stay if he knew all the things that I planned to do to Zan that night.


Ok...Liz knows that Max is now Zan...but...Zan doesn't know that Liz knows that he isn't Max...and just where is the real Max now that Shell has smacked him around....oh this is getting to be so much fun...hee hee!!! What more...want to know all the things that Liz is going to do to know what you have to do...I have the outline...all I need is the feedback...and it is all yours... Donna!!!

posted on 2-Sep-2001 9:58:45 PM

I knew that shell was right...of course she was right. I had to make things right with Liz...I needed to have her as part of my life...even if that meant that we were just friends. Liz and I...Friends...just friend...being just friends with Liz was something that I never thought I would have to worry about. Ever since I could remember when I thought about my always included Liz...and it was always more then as friends. My future...aside from the alien aspect of it...consisted of only one other aspect....Liz. I had it all planned...every last detail...that is just the type of person that I am...I never considered any other possibilities...never considered a future version of me screwing it all up...never considered that a carbon copy of myself would come into her life and take her love from me. No..I had our future all mapped out..and not once did either of them come up as part of the plan. Our was goin to be was goin to be was going to be both those long as we were together. Yes...Max Evan's had a plan....and that plan consisted of just a few basic element...pledging our undying love to each other...marriage...children....and growing old together. As you can see my plan was the same things that most people want...basically someone they love to share their life with.

Never once did I think that we would just be friends. I mean...I know that we had been throwing the friendship card around since I found her in bed with Kyle...but I still loved Liz...and even though I didn't think I would understand why she did what she did...and even tough she kept pushing me away...I always knew that was would eventually get back together and live out our future as I had planned. Surprise...I should have known that nothing in my life has ever been relationship with Liz has never been normal...but I just knew that Liz and I together...was going to be my future.

But...everything had changed...I knew in my heart that Liz no longer loved me...I knew that she loved Zan...and I knew that Zan loved her...and as hard as it was for me to swallow...I also knew that he made her happy...happier then I had ever been able to...happier then I would ever be able to. Yes...she loved Zan...she loved a man that was so similar to me...and yet so different...and it was those differences between us that made all the difference. She might not have loved me as she once did...but I still needed her presence in my life...I knew that it was going to be hard...that I was going to have to do everything in my power to prove to Liz that I was sorry...that I didn't mean any of those hurtful words that I said to her...that I never meant to hurt her the way that I did. I had to prove to her that I would do anything and everything to keep her in my life...that life wouldn't be worth living with out her in my life. I had to somehow convey to her exactly how much she meant to me...that I thought she was absolutely amazing...that she was the strongest woman that I had every known...that just knowing her had brought light into my life. I told her once that knowing her had made me human...and I meant every word of was her and her alone that brought out the human in me...she kept me grounded...kept me whole when I felt that my world was falling apart. I could never repay her for all that she had brought into my life...but was determined to that before my life ended...before I was dead and buried...I was going to compensate Liz for all that she had given up...her childhood...her innocence...her sanity.

I knew what I had to do...I just hoped that she would be willing to listen to all that I had to say...hoped that she would accept my apology...and realize that not once had I ever meant to hurt her. I knew that there was a possibility that she would never forgive me...that she would never understand why I did what I did...that I would have to face the future without her in my life...and if it came to that who could blame her. There was no way that I could take any of it back...but oh did I wish that I could take it had all been said and done and nothing...not wishing...praying...nothing was going to make it just disappear. Hope seemed to be the only thing that I had left...I hoped that one day Elizabeth Parker would be able to look at me...Max Evan's and not remember all that had transpired in the past...that she would be able to only look forward to our friends. With one last look at Shell...and a hug for good luck...I headed towards that CrashDown.

I couldn't believes that I were here...that I were alones with her...that I were alones with my princess. Alls I wanted to do were pulls her into my arms...and holds her....holds her and never lets her goes. But I weren't ables to move...alls I could do were stare ats her...stares ats her and thanks god for putting my princess here's on this earth with me...or the persons that I were now.

So...I just stared ats her...stared into her beautifuls chocolates eyes. As I were staring...I coulds have sworn thats I seen something's in those eyes...I weren't sures...I cant's really explain it other looked like a glint of some looked likes a glints of...mischief..and were thats a grin I seens on her face. Lookin into her eyes...I sawed that it were gone...and so I just chalked it ups to my paranoia. I didn't knows what to say...what coulds I say to make up for alls that went down these last few days. What coulds I say to her that weren't gonna give me aways...what were I gonna says that weren't gonna blows my cover. I wanted to says I were sorry...lets her know how much I loved much she meants to me...but I just stoods a fuckin cowards...I just stoods there...and ain't says a word.

"Hey" she whispered...placing hers hand ons my arm...making me realize that she were no longers across the rooms...but rights in fronts of me. She weres so close thats I coulds feels the heat coming offs her body. Her were likes fire...I felts it burns me...felts it running ups my arm...making me jumps back...making her jumps too..but she ain't takes her hand offs my arm...and so's the fires continued. "I'm sorry...I didn't mean to scare you...I just..just thought that I lost a minute there" My body it were on fire...and alls because of ones touch of her hand ons my arm...and those vibey things they were back...they was back stronger thens ever. I were finding it hards not to throws her on the bed and haves my ways with hers. Insteads I just keep staring into her eyes...and whats I seen caused my guilt's to pour all overs me...there weren't nothing in them eyes...but...loves...trusts...and understandings. I couldn't does this to her...there were no way thats I could stands in fronts of hers...pretending I were her real trues loves. She ain't deserved to be lied to likes that...she deserved so much mores...she deserved to be with the real Max Evan's...she ain't deserve to be with his dupe...the imposter.

My guilt's continued to pours over me...overs my heart that were breakin once agains...breakin cause I hads to tells her the truths...and I knowed that it were gonna hurts likes hell when she's tolds me to leave her lives. But...I hads to tell her...hads to be a real mans...hads to be Zan the man...hads to deal withs what ever reactions she threws at me. What ever I gots...I knowed thats I deserved it...and so I pulled her hand off my arm...and helds it in my hands...tooks a deeps breath...and begans to speak. "I needs to tell you somethin"

"Shhh" I whispered...pulling my hand from his warm I placed my finger against his beautiful soft lips. All it took was one touch...with just that one touch of those lips against my body was on fire. Now...the sensations were already wrecking havoc on my body...but just the touch to his was causing my knees to go heart to flutter in my chest...and with that one touch of his gorgeous started the fire that he had started once before in my lower region. might be asking would something as simple as touching his lips cause this burning inside me to begin. When I touched his brought me back to the first time that I felt his lips on my body...the first time that I felt his lips as he ripped my panties open with his teeth...and the first time that I felt his lips...and his tongue as it brought me to my first first of several that night with him.

Thought of that night flashed through my mind. I wanted Zan...wanted him more then I ever thought it was possible to want a man. I wanted to make him suffer a him crazy...before I let him know that I knew who he was...but in the process of trying to drive him crazy...I was driving myself crazy...and I didn't know how much longer I could last. "Liz...please" he I moved my fingers from his lips and ran my hand along the underside of his jaw line...slowly I continued...stopping just behind his ear. "I know that we have a lot to talk about...a lot to discuss...but I need you to kiss me right now...please...just kiss me" I breathed heavily...trying to control myself...because all I wanted to do was throw him on the bed and have my way with him.

I was in sweet agony as his lips descended towards mine. Slowly...ever so slowly...I could feel then getting closer and close in fact that I could feel his breath warm on my face...causing my fire to begin to burn out of control. As if on instinct...I licked my lips to wet them for the bonding our lips...causing a small grunt to cross his lips that we now a mere inches from their destination. I closed my eyes in anticipation...nudging his head forward...I could feel them as they hovered above my own...his breath more ragged...was now warming my own lips...this was it...this was the kiss that I had been waiting for...the sweet agony was going to be worth he was going to know that I knew is secret...and then I felt was nothing I was cold air.

I opened my eyes...only to find that Zan...had in fact pulled away from our impending kiss...but that he was now fixated on the window behind me. Where moments before his eyes had been filled with the love that I now knew he felt for me..they were now cold and filled with hate...his beautiful lips were now curled into a snarl...turning to see what it was that was causing such a reaction in him...I found a familiar face staring back at me...a face that I know I was going to see again...but not this way...I was staring at the face of.....Zan.


What the hell...what is going on with these two...and just what is going to happen when Maz/Zan and Zan/Max meet yet again in Liz's room...stay turned and find out. Donna!!!!


Anger began to churn within me at the sight that I found before me. A sight that made absolutely no sense to me...and to tell you the truth...still doesn't make such sense to me. Yes...there was Liz across the room from the man that she loved...the man that she now gave her love to...the man that wasn't me...and yet at the same was me...because as I looked through her window...I realized that the man that was standing across the room from her was not was I. Why the hell had Zan changed his appearance to look like me. He loved her...she loved him...I had seen the love that they shared for each was easy to see...I had seen it in both their eyes. Where they just too stupid to realize this love for each other...or was this some sort of sick game that the two of them played...the lets fuck with Max game. I know that I should have left...should have let them play whatever game it was that they were playing...but it was like one of those times when you watch a really gory part of a horror movie...and you cover your eyes because you don't want to see the carnage...but at the same time you peek through those same fingers that are shielding your eyes...because you have just have to see the gore. No...I couldn't leave...I had to stay...had to see what it was they were going to do next. Which turned out to be not much for the longest time...they both continued to stare at each other...neither one blinking...I knew why...I had felt like that before with Liz...they were afraid...afraid that if they were to close their eyes for the briefest of moments that the other would disappear before they opened their eyes.

A chuckle escaped I watched the two just standing there....maybe Zan and I weren't so different after all. Why...because like me...whenever Liz was in the room...I found myself speechless most times. We had been in this same type of situation time and time again...and I actually for a minute...felt sorry for Zan. I knew that he wouldn't make the first move...he was in fact like was Liz that broke the staring contest that they seemed to be having...Liz that placed her hand on arm...Liz that ran her hand along jaw line...Liz that pulled face towards hers for a kiss...a kiss with lips. I found that I wanted more then anything to be the one that was going to receive that kiss. I knew that my days of kissing Liz were up...but I wasn't willing or able to give them up just then. I didn't know what I thought I was going to accomplish...why I felt the need to do what I did...but I did it. in my mind I knew that it was over between the two of us...but my heart...that was a different story. So...I conjured up the image of Zan in my mind...and with a swipe of my hand...that was who I became.

Although I was Zan for such a short time...I had to admit that it was kind of freeing. Why...because as I became Zan...I felt like everything changed..not just my appearance...but my whole attitude. As Zan...I didn't have to be Mr. Perfect...didn't have to live up to anyone's expectations...didn't have to do anything that I didn't want to do. I had often heard the is all about the attitude...never understanding what that meant...but now posing as Zan...I now had somewhat of an idea what that meant. Appearance had a lot to do with your attitude...with his...long spiky hair...tattoos and piercings...he intimidated people with just the sight of him. Hell...who wouldn't be intimidated if they met this guy on the street. It was like his piercings and tattoos...made a statement...told the world that he wasn't afraid of being different...and that he was someone that you didn't want to mess with. I never understood why people felt it necessary to pierce places on their was just one of those things that just didn't make sense to me. Zan...I had to admit that I liked it...I liked it a lot. It made me feel made me feel made me feel un-max-like.

It were like my lips hads a minds of their they moved closers and closers to hers. I couldn't stops them anymores...I ain't wants to stop thems anymore. Closer and closers we gots...we were justs inches aways froms our close...and thens I caught something's out the corner of my eyes. At firsts I thoughts that I were seeing things...but as I pulled aways from our almosts kiss and puts my whole attentions towards what I saws...I knowed that I weren'ts seeing were true...he were outs on her balcony...but he were differents...he were me.

"Whats the fuck" I growled...movings past my princess towards the image of myself. To say I were pissed were an understatements...I knowed why he were here...he were heres for her. I should haves known that he woulds have changed his mind...should have known that we woulds come backs for her...but...he had tolds me that he ain't wants her...and I just tooks it for granted thats what he meants....I should haves known. "You gots a lot of nerves to be here" I vehemently whispered as he cames in through her windows...stoppings inches from where I where. It were strange to be takin to myselfs. "You should talk" he saids back to me...standing theres in fronts of me. I ain't know whats to do...shoulds I beat his fuckin ass downs...or shoulds I just gives up and were hims that she loved after alls. I hads decided that liked the ideas of beatin his ass down...I were tired of running...I were tired of everythings. I were gonna fights for her...try and makes her realize that I loved her...and if that meants that kickin my owns ass were how I hads to do it...then so be's it. "I is gonna kicks your fuckin ass..." I yelled...slamming my fists into his jaw...knocking hims backwards into the windows that he just climbed throughs. "you hads your fuckin blews better gets the fuck outs..or I swears to you will lives to regret it"

"I just don't think that is going to happen" he yelled... pullings himselfs aways from the walls...slamming his fists aboves my eye. That were all it were on...hell...I hads already beatin his ass twice tonight's...and I hads given hims to the chance to leaves...he mades his decision...and it were times to kick some ass. I lunged at hims..knocking hims to the floor. "STOP IT...MAX...ZAN....PLEASE STOP THIS" I heards her yells at us...but I ignored hers...I hads to teach this boy a lesson...a lessons that I were gonna enjoys. I felts strange hittings myself...I hads to keep telling myself that it were Max..that it were the mans that were trying to takes my princess aways from me. Yes...I hads beatin his ass earlier...but this times it were were likes he were different...stronger. I were gettin tireds...I could tells he were too...but neither ones were gonna backs down. There were two much as princess were at stakes...and I woulds fight as longs as I hads to. So...rounds and rounds we went...punch afters punch were delivered betweens the two of us...punches that had split lips...ripped open skin...there were blood everywhere. I hads a cuts above my eyes that were bleedings so bads that I couldn't really see where I were throwing them punches at. Somehows I had managed to gets off the floor...pulling myself...and my other selfs off the floor. I hads him by the collars of his shirt...this were its..this were gonna be's the last punch that ended this shit betweens puts all that were lefts of my energy intos it. Throwings my fists forwards...I felts it comes in contact with its destination...I heards his grunts as it cames in contact with his face...but somethings were different...his grunts were different. I couldn't have sworn thats I had heard him screams....likes a girl...and then my hearts stopped...cause I ain't heard my princes screamin in the backgrounds anymores.

I couldn't believe the sight that I was seeing before me. There was Zan...disguised as Max....and Max disguised as Zan...I didn't know what games there two were up to...but I sure as hell was going to find out. What ever little game that they were playing here was going to end...and it was going to end tonight. There was to much as stake...Zan was at stake. He had come back into my life...and even though it was as Max...I didn't care...all that mattered was that he was back...and nothing...not even the real Max was going to come in between us. "STOP IT...MAX...ZAN....PLEASE STOP THIS" I screamed...not really knowing how to stop the fighting that was getting continually worse as time went on. They were delivering punches with such force that I could actually hear skin ripping as their punches made contact with each other. was everywhere. I had to stop this...had to end this...this had gone on long enough. I was afraid that if this continued at the rate that it was going...that either one of them could be seriously hurt...or much worse. Yes...I had to stop this...I didn't know how I was going to do I made my way to where they were fighting I had to a punch coming from Max flew towards my face. I could feel the air as it whipped by my face...this just could not go on any longer. So..I did the stupidest thing that I have ever done in my life. I Grabbed Max by the shoulder and spun him around with all the strength that I had in me...pushing him away from Zan. I saw it...but there was no ducking from this punch...and before I knew what happened...I felt his fist come in contact with my face...saw the blood that landed on my shirt...and felt the floor as it came in contact with my backside.

"Princess...Liz" I heard them cry out in unison...both landing on each side of me as I tried to clear the fog that seemed to have formed around me. "Are you ok...let me heal that for you" I heard Max I faced slowly faced him...coming face to face with that of Zan. "Keeps you hands off her...princess...are yous ok. I is sorry...I ain't mean to hits you...I ain't mean it" I turned away from Max to look at the man that was the one to delivery the blow that knocked me to the ground...coming face to face with that of Max. I tried to speak...but was never given the chance to utter a word as the began to exchange words again

"What do you mean that you didn't mean almost killed her...are you fucking crazy"

"I saids get your fuckin hands offs her...befores I kill you"

"I'd like to see you try and kill me"

"My pleasures"

I didn't know who started it the time it really didn't matter as I felt..first one..then the other body brush past me...leaving me there on the floor alone as the I tried to clear my head...tried to stop the blood that was flowing from my broken nose. I could hear them behind me...I could hear their words of hate...I could once again hear their punches as they made contact with their fists. If I was angry was nothing to the anger that I felt welling up inside me. I was tired...fed up...and more then anything I was pissed. I had to end this...had to make sure that they didn't kill each other...and at the actually seems like a good idea. I could let them beat themselves senseless...let them beat each other till they were both dead. much as that idea appealed to me...I knew that I couldn't let this continue...I knew that I had to stop this once and for all. Pulling myself off the floor....I filled my lungs with as much air as I could...and then I let the words explode from my lips...accomplishing the task that it was intended for. "I WILL FUCKING KILL YOU BOTH...DO YOU HEAR ME...KNOCK THIS SHIT OFF......NOW. YOU DON'T THINK I KNOW...BUT I KNOW....CHANGE BACK NOW"

"YOU...OVER THERE" she said pointing towards the chair behind me. "YOU...OVER THERE" she continued pointing from Zan to the bed. Neither Zan...nor myself...moved a muscle...blinked an she continued her rant. It didn't matter that I was laying on top of him...and that anyone who would have seen us that way...would have walked away shocked and shaking their head. She had cursed...she had cursed several all the times that I had known Liz...I had ever only heard damn come out of her mouth...I knew that she was pissed...knew that she wasn't kidding as her rant continued. "I SAID CHANGE BACK....NOW" I looked at Zan and found that he was looking back at me...with the same look of confusion that I knew covered my face. "I WILL NOT FUCKING SAY THIS AGAIN...CHANGE BACK NOW" Pulling my self off of Zan...I changed back to myself...unable to look at her...I hung my head...and slowly I made my way to the chair that she had banished me to...developing a fascination with the carpet that covered her floor. "LIZ...OH MY GOD" his cries...snapped me out of my fascination with the carpet. I knew that Liz had received a direct blow...and I knew that it had to be bad...but it was worse then I had expected. "Princess...I didn't mean it...I am so sorry...please...let me heal it...please...princess"

"NO..." she screamed pushing his hand away from her face. "I TOLD YOU TO CHANGE BACK AND I MEAN NOW" I felt bad for the was the woman that he loved with two black eyes...and a broken nose...and all because of him...all because of him and me. Slowly...he waved his hand in front of him...changing back to the man that moments before I had been. He tried to speak again...only to be cut off as she pointed to the spot that she had told him to go and sit. Defeated...he walked over to the bed and sat down...not once taking his eyes off of her face. I could tell that it was killing him not to heal her...not to run to her and take the pain and hurt away...I knew because I wanted to run to her...wanted to heal her wounds...but the anger that covered her face stopped me. I had never seen Liz this angry...and I knew that she was far from done with us yet.


Man...poor Zan!! You know that he just has to feel so bad...what will happen now. Will Liz forgive Zan...will Max ever get the point and move on...Stay tuned.


Her were were swollen and she hads two black eyes...because of me. I were the ones that hits her...I know that it weren't meants for her...that it were meants for him...but it ain't makes me feel any better...cause the truths were I still hits my princess. I ain't takes my eyes off her face once...she were angry...and it were written alls over her face...but she were in pain too...I knowed that she were in pain...I could tells not only by the looks on her face...buts I also saws it by the looks in her eyes. I trieds to heals her...she weren't gonna lets me. It were killings me to knows that she were in that much pains...and it were me that hads caused that pains. After I changed backs to myselfs...I sats downs where she were pointing.


They both tried to out talk each other...tried to give their reasons for why they did what they did. I didn't want to hear any of it...all I wanted was for this to be over. I was not for the reasons you think...I already told you that I love Zan...that he is the only one that I want. No...I was confused...because I didn't know which one I wanted to kill first. Max...for interrupting my long awaited kiss with Zan...or...Zan for getting me all worked up and frustrated...and then allowing Max to interrupt us. I wanted Max gone...I wanted Zan...wanted Zan all to myself with no interruptions...nothing but him and ourselves to each wild animalistic sex. I didn't care that I was bloodied and bruised...he could fix that...I was tired of this game...tired of starting and stopping...tired of everything and anything getting in-between the thing that I wanted more then anything...losing my virginity with Zan.

Not the same Liz Parker that you have gotten to know since I started this story....hey...I am human...and I have needs. Besides...I am tired of being Perfect Lizzie Parker...I have been for so long...and besides I told you that I wanted to be different. I love Zan...I love him with all my heart and soul....he is the one that I want to give myself too...and have tried several time...only for something to come between us. I had to get this over with....I had to have him...I had to get rid of Max. Kneeling in front of Max...I looked into his eyes...taking his face into my hands...because I wanted him to understand what I had to say...that what I had to say I meant. "Get to hell out of my room....get the hell out of my told me that you wanted me to rot in hell...that you hated me more then you ever hated anyone in your life...that you wanted me to suffer like I have never suffered. Remember those words that you said to me on the balcony...I will never for get them...I will never forgive you for saying them. I know that you know the truth about wouldn't have come back if you didn't...I did what I had to do...and instead of trusting me...instead of remembering that I loved believed what your eyes told you...and not your heart. I want you out of here...just go...leave me alone"

I was stunned...I came over here to make ask for her forgiveness...and this is what I got in return for that. I couldn't blame could I...she was telling the truth. I had said those horrible things to her...had tried to hurt her physically. I deserved what I got...I deserved a hell of a lot more then what I received. I loved Liz...I always would...and I had hurt her enough. Slowly I got up from the chair and headed towards the window...turning one last time to look at the woman that I would love for the rest of my life. "I am sorry Liz....for everything. I know that it doesn't mean much right now...but I hope that one day you can forgive me"

I knowed that my times were next...knowed that it were me that she were gonna throws out into's the streets. I weren't gonna even tried to make this ups to her...there were nothin that I coulds do or says to her. So I justs waited my she cames and stoods in fronts of me with her hands ons her hips. "Get up...and heal this" she saids to me...pointing at her bruised and bloodied face. I dids as she asked of me...placing my hands on her faces...healings her wounds...her woulds thats were there cause of me. Once her face were healed...I tooks one more looks at her beautiful faces. I knowed whats was next...I were gonna lets her say whats she hads to say...and thens it were my turns to go. I wanted for those words...waited for her to tells me that she hated me...that she wanted me outs of her lives. Whats I gots instead were more thens I could handles...more then I would haves every excepted...causing my knees to gives out...making me falls back ons the bed. "I love you...Zan"

I should have gone home...should have ran home as fast as my legs could carry me...into the warmth of her embrace. I needed it more then anything right now. Liz had told me that she wanted me out of her life...that she wanted me to leave her alone. I should have went home...instead I walked into the CrashDown and sat in the same booth that I had been sitting in when this whole odyssey with Liz started. So many memories came flooding back to me as I looked around the restaurant...memories that I would keep locked in my heart for the rest of my life. I knew that I chance of her ever forgiving me was slim...but I still hoped that one day she would accept it...and allow us to move past this. I wanted to cry...cry for all the hurts that haunted me...hurts that mostly came from me...but...I didn't have a damn tear left to shed. I felt the fatigued fall over me again. I laid my head on the table just for a second...and then I heard it. I tried to get up and leave...but she was to quick...and then she was sitting in front of me. "Max...where the hell have you been...I have been looking for you all morning. We need to talk about our trip to New York and we still have to discuss our destiny"

Destiny...that was one word that I never wanted to hear again. Destiny was the reason that this all happened in the first place...Destiny and Tess. I hated Tess more then I ever had in the past...and thoughts of beating the shit out of her cluttered my mind. I wanted to hit her...beat her until I knocked this destiny shit out of her head...I wanted to make her suffer for all the pain and grief that she had brought...not only into my life...but into the lives of all of us. Looking across the table...I took a good hard look at the girl that was supposed to be my queen. I had no feelings for her...none except for contempt and anger. I didn't know what my past self had seen in I looked at her...I realized that she reminded me of something...causing me to laugh...because she reminded me of a Gerbil. Turning away from her...I pulled myself out of the booth and headed for the door. I didn't know why...but I couldn't stop thinking about Shell. All I wanted to do was get to her...and fast. However....Tess...had other ideas as she grabbed my arm and spun me towards her. "Oh...I don't think that you are leaving. We have several things to discuss...such as you will be are one and I mean no one will ever have are my destiny...and we belong together"

"Oh...I just don't thinks that is true" I heard someone says behinds that person grabbed my other arm and spun me until I was face to face with her...coming face to face with Shell. "Miss me" she said...placing her hands on both sides of my face..and crushing her lips to mine. It was unlike any kiss that I had every experienced in my life. I thought that kissing Liz...was earth shattering...but this was mind blowing. Her kiss made each and every hair on my body stand on end...and as rubbed her tongue along my bottom lip...I found that I was at her I opened my mouth to her and welcomed what ever she wanted to do to me. I could have kissed her right there in that very spot forever...but the Gerbil...she had other plans.

"WHAT THE HELL...GET YOUR HANDS OFF OF HIM...HE IS MINE...WE BELONG TOGETHER" she screamed...once again grabbing my arm and pulling me behind her as she headed outside. I was too stunned to put up much of a fight...I couldn't get over that mind blowing kiss...and so I allowed her to lead me out of the restaurant. As the night air hit my face...I came out of my daze...and what I saw before me brought me to tears. No...not tears of sadness...tears of laughter...because Shell had Tess...pinned to the ground and was smacking the shit out of her. Slap after slap could be heard...and I could have stopped it...could have pulled Shell off of her and ended this. But...she was only doing what I had wanted to do earlier...and so I watched...watched as smack after smack landed on her Gerbil face. I could have watched this go on all night...but sensible Max kicked in...and yanked her off Tess. I had to place my arms snuggly around her waist to keep her from going after Tess again...but I didn't mind...I didn't mind at all. "YOUR CRAZY...MAX...ARE YOU GOING TO LET HER JUST DO THIS TO ME. ARE YOU JUST GOING TO STAND THERE AND NOT DO ANYTHING" Shell continued to try and pull out of my arms...but I had other plans for her. "You know what...Tess....your right I shouldn't just stand here and not do anything" and with that I pulled her tighter against my body...turning her till her lips were inches from mine. "Thank you" I I assaulted her lips with my own...kissing her with such passion...passion that I never thought I would feel for anyone other then Liz. "Let's get out of here" I panted as I broke our kiss. Without even a second glance...we made our way hand in hand towards my house...towards my room...towards my bed.

TBC little Truck Stoppers...only one more chapter to go...and you all know what that one will consist of...stay turned...the next part will be up soon...Donna!!!

Authors Note: First I want to thank you all that have stuck by this fic through out my writing it. I dedicate that last chapter to you...and you know who you are. I hope that you enjoyed this...and that you will keep reading my fics as I write them. I have another Zan fic outlined and will start writing again sometime next week. Thanks again...don't forget to let me know what you think. Donna!!!

“I love you…Zan” her words keeped playing over and overs in my heads. “I love you…Zan” them were the words that I wanted to hears again…and when I dids…I weren’t ables to say a damn things. “I just wanted you to understand that I love you…and only you. I don’t care about what happened earlier. We both said things that we shouldn’t have said. Just know that I love you” She loved me…and only me…she ain’t loves my dupe…just me. So much had been said…so much hads happened…and she stills loved me. “I loves you too…Princess” I chocked outs…as I felts the tears fills my eyes agains…as I grabbed hers and pulled hers against me. “I is so sorry fors everythings…I ain’t means…” But…she ain’t lets me finish what I were tryings to says to her…and truth be knowns…I hads forgotten whats it were I were trying to says after that’s.

“Shhh” she saids…placing her fingers against my mouths. Slowly she rans her fingers downs my chins…runnings her hands down my chests until she reached the bottoms of my shirts…runnings her hands underneath. Just her touch were enoughs to makes me lose my breathes…and thens as she continued to runs her hands up my stomach…draggin my shirts as she wents…my breathes cames faster ands faster. “Lift up your arms” she asked me…and I sure weren’ts gonna says no to hers. This were what she wanted…this were whats I wanted….there were no ways that I were gonna stops this. So…I lifted my arms and lets her pulls my shirts off. Agains…I lost me breathes as she begans to run her hands over my chest…she were using justs her fingertips..ands it were drivin me crazy. It were the softest touch I hads ever felts…but it were enoughs…enoughs to cause a fire in me that were beginning to rage.

Pulling aways from me…she stoods in front of me…as she begans to unbuttons her shirts. Ones by ones she worked her ways down…untils it fells open…exposing her reds bra. I trieds to touch her…I wanted to removes that bra…to runs my tongue overs her breasts…but she hads other ideas…as she pulled her shirts off…tossing it overs her heads…where is landed on the floors behinds her. Next…she rans her hands down her stomach…untils she reached the zippers of her jeans…tugging it downs…and then she were pulling thems off…and they wents over her heads too. So…there were my princess standings in fronts of me…in onlys her bra and matching draws. Justs the sights in fronts of me were enoughs to cause my dicks to grows doubles in size.

I could tell what my touch was doing to him…it was hard not to…I could feel it through his jeans…as I began to press soft butterfly kisses along his chest. Just the sight of his beautiful chest was enough to get me wet…but my excite grew with each intake of breath he took…each time my lips came into contact with his skin. Because…I was the one that was making him feel that way…it was me and only me that was causing this reaction in him…and it made me feel that I had some power…some sort of control over this man…and that excited me even more. I was ready…hell…I was more then ready…but I wanted to tease him…have fun with him…wanted to torture him until her couldn’t take anymore…and then I would give up to him the one thing that I had been saving for that special someone…saving for the man that I loved…saving for Zan.

“Princess” he moaned…as he ran his hands up my back…locking his hand into my hair…pulling my mouth towards his…but I wasn’t done with him just then…and I continued my teasing. “Princess…please. I needs to kiss you”

“Not yet…baby” I whispered pulling away from his beautiful mouth…running my hand up the arm…I removed his hand from my hair…as I continued to work my torture…bringing each finger to my lips and placing a soft kiss on each tip. Slowly…I traced my tongue back up his arm…placing butterfly kisses first on his forearm…continuing to his bicep…and then his shoulder…now standing behind him…as I began to explore the curves and contours of his back. “Do you know how beautiful your body is…I love the way that your skin feels as I rub my hands across it…Do you like the way that it feels...Zan”

I coulds only nods…eyes closed…as she continued to tortures me withs her tongue. I felts her wrapping her arms arounds my waist…as she pressed her bodies against my ass. She were hots…I could feels it…she were justs as hots as me…and I were beginning to lose controls. I ain’t know that it were possible that my princess coulds be like this…she were teasing the shits outs of me…and I liked its…I liked it a whole lots. I couldn’t waits to find outs…just what else my princess were capables of. I ain’t haves to wait longs as she dugs her nails into my chests…and worked her ways up my chests and then backs down…reaching the buttons of my jeans…she undids them.

I ain’t knows how much longers I were gonna be ables to last…my dick it were so fuckin hard…and I just knowed that it hads to haves some major zipper tracks. My dicks were so hards…making it feels like my jeans had shrunks down to nothings…cutting offs my circulations. Slowly I felts the confines that helds my dick release…as she pulled the zippers down…allowings my rock hards dick to springs free. I tried to turns to face her…but she hads other ideas…and I figured that its were best to just lets her do to me whats she wanted to do…why fights it…I were gonna haves my way withs her soon enoughs.

He was so hard…as it was killing me not to have him inside of me…but I liked the way that I was making his react to me…liked the way that I was the one in control…liked that way that he let me do the things that I did to him…and that he trusted me enough to let me do the things that I wanted to do to him.

Lightly I grazed his erection…as I moved my hands to his sides…placing my hands inside the waist of his jeans…rolling them down his legs and too the floor. “Step over there” I instructed…lightly smacking the calf of his leg. Pulling his jeans the rest of the way off…as he did as he was told…groaning as I ran my hands up the back of his calf…working my way up his thigh…grabbing the cheeks of his rear end…as my hands passed over it. “Shit” he growled…as I again wrapped my arms around his waist…pulling him flush against my body…laying my head against the small of his back…as I began working my way towards his engorged member. “FUCK” he snarled…through clenched teeth…as I wrapped my hand around his enlarged penis…beginning to set the pace that I knew that he needed…the pace that would bring him the release that he desired…the release that he needed.

I loved the way the his manhood felt in my hand…I found it amazing that something so soft…could also be so hard. I continued to stroke him…up and down…slowly and then faster…and faster. I knew that he was close as a slew of profanities flew from his lips…causing the wetness between my legs to worsen. Something about his use of profanities when he is getting close to his release…drives me wild…makes me crazy…causes reactions in my body that nothing else ever could. I wanted him to feel the reaction that he was causing in me…wanted him to end this ache that I felt between my legs…and so as I continued to work my magic on him…I grabbed his hand and placed it against my heat…causing it to grow even more…with just his one touch…I felt myself begin to lose control.

I coulds feel her wetness through her draws…as she placed my hands against her burning pussy. I rans my fingers up and downs the outsides of her draws…but it weren’ts enoughs for her…as she grounds herselfs against my hands…letting outs a frustrated groans as she did. She ain’t wants to play games anymores…but I dids…it were my turns now…my turns to torture and tease hers likes she dids to me. I were gonna makes her suffer…likes she had mades me suffer…and I were gonna makes sure that she were gonna likes it.

Reluctantly I pulled her hands from my ready to explodes dick…pulled my hands that she were grindings ons aways from her wets pussy. I hads to laughs at the groans of frustration that I heards behinds me…after I dids that. “My turns” I growled…turnings to face hers…grabbing hers by the waists ands throwing hers over my shoulders. “You wants to play…princess…lets play”

“Oh…god…Zan” she shrieked…as I begans to smacks her ons her tight ass. Don’t worries I ain’t hurts her…but I ain’t thinks that it woulds have mattered how hards I did smacks her…cause she were wigglings her pussy against my shoulder…her moanings getting louders and louders as she moaned my names in my ears…withs each smacks that I landed on her gorgeous ass.

I were abouts to lose its…but I weren’t dones with her yet. Takings a deep breathes…I throwed hers on the beds…watching as she laids there…waiting for me to makes loves to her. I could haves stoods there watching her all nights…the looks in her were too fuckin beautiful…cause it were a looks of wants…cause she wanted me…it were a looks of love…cause she loves me. I knowed thens that I would never gets tireds of seeing that looks in her eyes…that I wanted to see that looks in her eyes each and every times that I mades love to her…each and every times that I looked into those eyes of hers.

“Zan…please…I need…I need you to touch me” she panted…as I straddled her hips. I coulds feel the heats coming offs were driving me crazy…as my dick laids on the tops of her draws. “Oh…please..Zan…please…don’t make me beg” I wanted to makes her suffer…wanted to hear her beg for me to makes her cums overs and overs again…as she screams my names…but as I feeled her heat on my dicks…I knew that I ain’t haves much times. With a swipes of my hands…her bras and draws was gone. “OMG” she crieds outs…arching her whole bodies up…pressing her pussy hards against my dick…making me almost lose it right theres.

I was on fire…I wanted…no…I needed him inside me. I knew that I was close…and he didn’t help matters as he threw me over his shoulder and began to spank me. I have to admit that I secretly loved it. Pain mixed with pleasure…I would have never expected to enjoy it as much as I did…and I wanted more of it…so much more. I knew that his little spanking had done a number on me…I just didn’t realize how much…until he straddled my hips…and I felt his erection against my panties. It was hard…and I wanted to feel that hardness inside me…wanted to now what it felt like as he moved in and out of my vagina…wanted to experience the earth shattering orgasm that would rip though my body…an orgasm that I knew only he could bring me to.

With a wave of his hand…the barriers that separated me from what I wanted were gone…with one wave of his hand…without the slightest touch…my orgasm ripped through my entire body…causing me to scream out…body arching…coming into closer contact with his erection. “PLEASE…ZAN…NOW I NEED YOU NOW” I screamed…as I felt him take one of my nipples into his mouth…causing the fire to build in side me again. But…I wanted more…wanted to feel the pleasure and the pain that I had felt before. “HARDER” I continued to scream…grabbing his head and forcing it into my breast. He knew what I wanted as he bite down with a such force that it caused me to yelp from the pain…sucking my nipple so far back into his mouth…that I could have sworn that I felt his tonsils…sucking so hard that I knew that there was going to be a mark…his mark…branding me as his. Back and forth he worked on my nipples…suckling like a starving child…suckling until my breast were aching and sore…but wanting more…screaming out for so much more.

He continued to bite and kiss his way up my body…capturing my mouth with his…shoving his tongue into my mouth with such force that it caused me to momentarily lose my bearings…making me dizzy. Back and forth our tongues battled for control…back and forth they battled for dominance…and I didn’t care who won this battle…as long as it was a battle that never stopped…because I didn’t ever want it to stop…never wanted these feelings that he was causing in me to stop.

I hads to feels her…hads to feels it as my dicks moved in and outs of her. “Are you readys…Princess” I breathed intos her ear. “I needs to feels you…NOW”

“Ready” she breathed into my ears…biting into my necks. I were so close…in such a hurrys to feels her pussy arounds me…that I grabbed my dicks and slammed intos her. But…I hads forgottens something…I had forgots that she hadn’t beens with anyones befores…forgots that she were a virgins…forgots that I hads to be careful…forgots that it were gonna be painfuls…and then it were all overs. I hads forgotten…tills I heards her screams out my names…but it weren’t likes the way I hads always dreamed abouts it. No…this screams was a screams of pains…mixed with tears…and its were all my faults…because alls I could thinks about were my release…and nots hers.

I couldn’t even looks at her…as I pulled myselfs out of her…I had hurts her…and I didn’t wants to see the looks of pain in her eyes…didn’t wants to see the tears in her eyes. I hads seen thems before…and I had vowed that I were never gonna hurts her agains…and I dids just the opposites. I moved aways from her…laying as fars from her as I coulds. I coulds hear her a sniffling behinds me…and it mades my hearts break into a thousand fuckin pieces…causing my own tears to comes. “I is so sorry…princess…I ain’t means to hurt you…I ain’t means it”

I knew that losing my virginity was going to be painful…knew that I was supposed to feel the tearing of my barrier as he entered me…but I had no earthly idea just how painful it was going to be. I thought I was ready for Zan…thought I was ready for the feeling of having him inside me…but when I felt the tearing and the pain…I cried out…but it was from the pain…not from the earth shattering orgasm that I was expecting.

The look on Zans face…brought tears to my eyes…and the pain that I heard in his voice…was enough to make my heart break. I knew what he was thinking…that he had hurt me…and he was hurting now because of that. “Zan” I whispered…placing my hand on his shoulder. I could feel the tension in his shoulder as he pulled away from my touch…it was as if with it I had burned him. “Zan…please…don’t pull away from me”

“I ain’t means to hurt you…I is so sorry” I could hear his pain…it was evident in his voice. “Zan…please…look at me” Slowly he turned to face me…tears in his eyes…causing me to love him even more. “Baby…I know that you think you hurt me…and yes it did hurt more then I thought that it would…but it was our first time…it is supposed to hurt…it is supposed to be painful…that is the idea about it being your first time” I whispered…caressing his cheek. “I love you…and you’re the only one that I wanted to be my first. Tell me that you understand…tell me that you believe me”

“I loves you…and I believes you…princess. Can I heals it” I asked. Nodding…I placed my hands over the place that I hads hurt hers…and healed hers. “I loves you so much…princess”

“I love you too…Zan…always”

I know you is wondering whats happened next…well…it ain’t what you thinks happened. That nights after I healed her…we talked…talked about everythings that had happened…and when we was done…we were boths more in loves with each others then before. Liz and I ain’t have sex for almost a weeks after that. But…when we did…we was slow and tooks our times…it were more wonderful then I ever thoughts it coulds be…and has only gots better each times that we makes love. I ain’t never been with another womans…She were the firsts for me…and the lasts. I have hads the best…hads perfection…and no ones else will evers compares to her. We’ves been togethers for ten years now…tens wonderful years withs my princess. I loves her more and mores everydays. Hey…I ain’t claimings to live a fairytales life…I woulds be lying if I tolds you that. We hads some hards times…times when we ain’t thinks we were gonna makes it…times whens we thoughts that it were all a mistakes that we was together.

I hads to makes her go and makes up with my dupes. I ain’t wants her to makes up withs him…but we hads to come ups with a story as to who I were…and why I looked so much like Max Evan’s. The only things that I coulds come up withs were that I were Max’s long lost twins brother…who had founds his missing brother. He were more then willings to do whats I asked…and trust me he weren’t doing its for me. I thinks that he thoughts this were gonna gets him backs into Liz’s good graces…it ain’t work though. I weren’t worried abouts my dupe…I were more worried abouts my princess…cause after she wents to talk to him…we hads one of our biggest fights and she ain’t speaks to me for almosts a week. Max’s parent’s was thrilled that’s I had founds my brother…and that’s they now hads a new sons. They wanted me to stays with thems…but there were no way that’s me and my dupes were gonna be ables to lives in the sames house withouts killing each other…so I ended ups stayin with Rath’s dupe for a whiles. Max’s parents was upsets…but they saids they understoods. I ain’t never hads parent’s befores…they is totally fuckin cornballs…but I haves grown to loves them in my owns way.

Liz’s parents…they wasn’t so easy to deals with. Froms the first times they mets me…they ain’t like me. I guess that it might’s have somethings to do withs the facts that they walked in on me and her…as I were going downs on her…in their bedrooms. Her dads….he lost his minds…and grabbed me offs his daughters…dragging my ass outs their place…through the restaurants…throwing my ass outs into the streets….butt fuckin naked. I just knowed that my days with my princess were overs…but she cames running outs after me…butt naked. It is stills a topic of conversations…quites often. They trieds to keep us aparts…but we keeped sneaking arounds…and each times we got caughts…they woulds threaten and scream… at us abouts the same shit. Once Liz graduated froms schools…we gots a place ofs our own…and they finally just gaves up on the fact that we was going to be togethers…and there weren’t nothin they coulds do to breaks us up. Her moms…eventually tooks the times to gets to know me…and though it ain’t perfect…we can deals with each others. Her dads…hates me with every all that he is…and will tells me every chance that he gets. I ain’t care what he says…I haves my princess and that is something that’s he just has to deals with…cause I ain’t going aways anytimes soon.

Max…has proven to be a pains in my ass times and times again. At first he cames around all the times…trying to gets her to leaves me…trying to gets her to realize that I were no goods for her…that were untils she wents and hads a little talks with his wifes. Yep…you heards me right…his wifes. Remember Shell…she and Max gots married rights before he graduated froms school. They rans off to Vegas…and gots married at the Elvis chapel. When Liz founds out…she started laughin so hards…that I thought she were gonna haves a fuckin heart attacks…and I hads to joins her after she tolds me why. Anways…we all wents to the wedding…and it were there that’s they announced…Shell were pregnant. Turns out thats Liz and I weren’t the only ones thats lost they virginity that nights. They is still togethers…and they now haves three kids…all girls. He still comes arounds from times to times…but it is mostly just to hangs out…gives him some times away from the kids. And…yes…he is stills the king of a planet that’s we still don’t knows much about. For now…he is the weather mans for our locals TV stations.

Michael…he married lungs…poor guy. They boughts the CrashDowns from Liz’s parents…and haves been running its ever since. It were rough at the beginnings betweens me and Lungs. She ain’t want me and Liz together…she were always telling me how worthless I were…and that she woulds be better offs with Max. I tolds her times and times again…that I loved Liz…and that I woulds do anythings in my powers to makes her happy…to keeps her in a life styles that she deserved. she ain’t believes me…that were untils I gots my GED…wents to night schools…and worked my ways up the ladder. It were tough times for us…I were going to nights school fulls times…and working full times for the Sheriffs Department as a Patrolman’s. Liz…she were going to nights school too…and working full times at the library. Our times together was limited…but it were worths it...Liz gots her degree and is now a science teachers at West Roswell High. As for me…I gots my degree too…in laws enforcements. I am now…the Sheriff of Roswell New Mexico. Lungs…she don’t tells me that I ain’t good enoughs for Liz anymores…in fact…I thinks that as longs as I keeps waiving her traffic tickets…she will loves me.

The punks…or Kyle as I now calls him…we is the best of friends. I know…strange…but we haves been partners in crimes for years now. We wents through trainings for the police force togethers…I gots in…he didn’t. He were to in loves with Max’s sisters…Isabel. Once they begans to date…it were all overs for him…and he dropped outs after only two weeks. They gots married…and Isabel refused to works…so poor Kyle hads to work two jobs just to makes ends meet. I knowed that it weren’t gonna work outs betweens them…but he were so in loves with her…he ain’t wants to listen to me. On the days of their first weddings anniversary…he cames home to a empty house and a notes...telling hims that she wanted a better lifes then he coulds give her…and she had founds it in the arms of another mans. He tooks it hard…it were likes he ain’t care abouts anythings anymore…he begans to drink…lost both jobs…and wouldn’t haves anything to do with any of us for abouts a year. I had trieds times and times again to makes him see that this weren’t the ends of the world…but it were actually my princess…who beats some sense into hims…when he trieds to kiss her one nights that he were drunks. When she brokes one of his ribs…he decided that it were safer to gets sober then to deals with her agains. He now owns the UFO Center…and is the richest and most eligibles bachelor in Roswell. No…I haves no idea whats happened to Isabel…last I heards she had married a trucks driver and were travelings the country.

The bitch…she gots her assed beats a few more times before she gots the hints that she weren’t wanted in Roswell. The first times…Shell beats the shit outs of her…the second times…Shell beats the shit outs of her…and the last times…Shell beats the shit outs of her. She keeped trying to takes Shell’s man from her. One things you gots to know about Shell…you don’t fucks with her man…or you deals with the consequences. But…she is outs of our hairs nows. Liz tolds us that she were needed to makes the Royal Fours completes…but Ava stayed her in Roswell withs us…so we ain’t gots to worry bout the ends of the world nows.

Lifes is good…who woulds have thoughts that I…Zan the Man…actually Zan Evan’s…I tooks on the Evan’s names…since I ain’t have ones of my owns…who would have thoughts that I woulds be in loves and happy…living in Roswell New Mexico. Liz and I ain’t officially tieds the knot yet…buts we have pledged our loves to each others…and we feels that we don’t needs a ceremony to proves that loves to each others. I thinks that we will gets married some days…maybe when we haves a child. My princess and I haves been trying to have a child for the last few years now. But…she ain’t beens able to gets pregnant yets. She says that she ain’t upsets abouts it…I knows that she is…I sees the ways she looks at Max and Shells kids…the longing looks that’s she give to Lungs…who is now six months pregnants with twins…I hears her cry at nights after spending times with either ones of them. I know that’s I would loves to be a fathers…would loves to haves a kid of my owns…and it hurts…that we ain’t been ables to have ones.

She should be homes any minutes now…she wents baby shopping withs Lungs today. I already knows that her tears will be falling tonights…so I mades her a special dinner…and plans on discussing adoptions with her. I thinks that it is times that we seriously thinks abouts it. If we can’t haves one of our own…then we cans adopts a child…and makes it our owns. We can deals with the aliens shit as it comes. I just heards her car pulls up…she is screaming and runnings towards me…knocking us boths to the grounds as reaches me and jumps into my arms. “I’ve got a surprise for you” she yells…a smile likes I haves never seens across her she kisses me. She looks differents too…likes she is glowing. “I didn’t go baby shopping with Maria today…I went to the Doctors…I wanted to make sure before I said anything…but I was right…DO YOU HEAR ME I WAS RIGHT”

I ain’t know what she were yelling about…and she tolds me befores I hads a chance to ask…causing me to bawls like…well likes a baby. “ZAN…YOU GOING TO BE A FATHER…WE'RE GOING TO BE PARENTS…ZAN…I AM PREGNANT!”

That...that...that's all folks.