I don't own Roswell, don't sue me, thanks. This is rated R.
Ok, Michael is acting weird. Not his usual moody, broody, I'm down to earth and have no emotions whatsoever weird. He's acting weirder than that.
Maybe it has something to do with Alex being dead. I mean, that was really hard on all of us. Except Michael and Alex didn't really have a strong friendship anyways. It could be because Tess is gone, along with Michael's best friend's baby. Except I know that Michael is happy Tess is gone.
So, I can only think of one other thing that could be making him act so bizarre. We slept together. Yup, the big S-E-X! Now, I know he's not acting weird because he thought it wasn't good. No way. It was great…hell, that's the understatement of the year…it was out of this world! And he loved it too. (You can tell a guy likes it if he screaming your name over and over again.)
So, he must be acting weird because of some emotional thing attached to the sex. That's got to be it. Michael and emotions DO NOT mix. I just hope he can get over whatever's bothering him.
Maria. I can't get her out of my head. She's all I can think about…literally. I've proclaimed my love for her, and I really do love her. But ever since that night we slept together, things have gotten way too intense emotionally. I love Maria to death, but every time I'm around her I'm uncomfortable.
And when I'm not around her, I feel like I'm dying. That's not good. We've both proclaimed our love for each other and gone all the way…shouldn't these emotions be simmering down a little?
And I'm scared. I'm not exactly boyfriend of the month material, I know that, but I definitely don't want to be a heartbreaker.
Heartbreaker. That probably will be my new nickname, because that's the only option I feel I have right now…I have to break up with Maria…even though I'll probably die from my own broken heart.
Michael is up to something…I just know it! Last night he called me and told me to meet him at the Crashdown today at 4:00. That's not the weird part. He sounded…sad.
Michael…sad? It just creeped me out. I mean, the only time I really saw him sad was right before he moved out of his foster home and he came to me in the night, crying.
So, anyways, it's after 3:45 now and I'm practically sprinting to the Crashdown, since the Jetta broke down again and is in the shop.
I get there and walk in, trying not to look like I just ran a mile. (Which I did.) I look around and don't see Michael. I look down at my watch…4:05.
Of course Michael's late. What else should I have expected? I find a booth and sit down to wait.
At about 4:30 Michael comes running in. I see him walking up to me with his hands behind his back.
"Hey," he says, looking uncomfortable and not even making eye contact with me. I stand up to kiss him and he turns his head so I end up just kissing his cheek.
Ok. That was weird. Should I be worried? Because I am SO beyond worried…past paranoid…past freaking out…about to have a nervous breakdown.
"So," I say, sitting back down. "Whatcha got behind your back?"
He pulls his arm forward and pushed a dozen roses at me.
Wow. Michael giving me roses. I thought I was going to die right there. He just doesn't give good stuff…one time he got me a new bumper for my car.
"Wow, Michael." I didn't know what else to say.
"Yeah, um, we need to talk. About us." He sits down across from me. "It's not working."
I think my jaw dropped down to the floor. Not working? What was he talking about? Our relationship was great! We'd both agreed on that only a week ago. And he just gave me a dozen roses. He must be joking.
"You must be joking," I said. "Well, ha ha, Michael. It's not very funny!"
He looked up and me and I had that nervous breakdown I mentioned earlier. There were tears in his eyes! TEARS! My big macho Spaceboy was crying!
"Maria…I think we should break up. I-I'm sorry."
I slowly stood up and said, "Oh my god…you're really serious!" There were tears welling up in my eyes, but I promised myself I wouldn't cry. I wouldn't give him the satisfaction.
I threw the roses at him…hell, I didn't want them anymore, and said, "Michael Guerin, you're a jackass! As far as I'm concerned, you can rot in alien hell for eternity!"
I turned to run out, but instead I turned back to him and said, "And what the fuck is up with you giving me roses?! God, Michael. You don't give a girl roses when you break up with her!"
I couldn't stand being near him any longer, so I ran outside, sat down on the curb, and cried.
That was the worst thing I've ever had to do. I don't even know what to do now.
I stood up and walked to the door. I was about to go out…but I couldn't. She was sitting there on the curb with her back to me. Her golden hair was shimmering in the sunlight. And she was crying.
I just couldn't stand to face her. So I went to the restroom, locked the door…and I, Michael Guerin, cried like a baby.
Girls. They're so damn complicated! I never know what to say or how to act around them. All the girls I've ever been with have dumped me.
Yup…that's me, the dumpee. Just once I'd like to be the dumper. Either that or get in a serious relationship.
I was walking down the street to go to the Crashdown. When I got there I saw Maria sitting on the curb, crying like the world was ending.
I've never known Maria that well…we just never had much in common. (Well, except for the whole thing with the aliens.) I didn't know if she'd appreciate me trying to comfort her or if she'd totally snap on me.
I decided to take my chances. I walked up to her and sat down. She didn't even look up. I sat there uncomfortably and waited. I felt like such a dope.
Finally, I cleared my throat. She looked up quickly in surprise.
"How long have you been here, Kyle?" she asked.
"A while. So…you wanna talk about whatever's making you cry? I mean…if you just need someone to listen to you…I'm here."
She tried to smile at me, but it didn't really work.
"Michael and I just broke up." She looked at me like I was supposed to say something ingenious that would totally cheer her up.
But I didn't really know what to say…I'm not Liz! If I had known why she was crying I wouldn't have tried to talk to her. I had just thought she'd broken a nail, or had cramps, or something.
"Um…I'm sorry," I said. "I mean…well…can I ask why?"
"I don't even know why! He just said it wasn't working and that we should breakup."
"Wow…um…that sucks." (See what a great conversationalist I am?) "I mean…I just never thought you two would… you know…be apart."
"Me too! Everything was going to good…" She sat in silence for a while, staring at a store across the street. "You wanna know what else he did, Kyle?"
Did I really want to know? Maybe not. Michael might have done something really bad…like slept with someone else or something. But I could tell that Maria wanted to tell me, so I said, "What'd he do?"
"He gave me a dozen roses." She laughed bitterly. "That's the best present he's ever given me…and it was a breakup present!"
I just stared at her in amazement. Michael gave her roses?! Geeze…I thought I was bad with the ladies! Even I know that that is a HUGE no-no!
"Listen," I said. "That was dumb of him. I can tell you really want to talk to someone right now. Why don't I help you find Liz?"
"She's out with Max."
"Oh…do you wanna go to my house and just…you know…talk? I can make you some cocoa…"
She looked up at me and nodded. "Sure. Thanks Kyle. That's really nice of you."
We stood up and headed for my house.
I finally got myself together and walked out of the restroom and out of the Crashdown. As I walked towards my apartment I saw two familiar figures about half a block ahead of me. It was Maria…and Kyle.
Why in hell was my girlfriend, correction…ex-girlfriend, walking with Kyle? They weren't even really friends.
I decided to follow them instead of going home. I'd just broken up with Maria, but I felt that I still had the right to know where she and Kyle were going together.
They kept walking and thankfully they never turned around, or they would have seen me for certain. After a while I realized where they were heading. Kyle's house.
I told myself not to get upset, after all, I was the one who had just dumped Maria. But I couldn't help feeling a bit betrayed. I had expected her to be very upset…too upset to hook up with another guy.
They reached the front door of Kyle's house and walked in. Hmmm…how was I going to spy on them?
I never realized before what a thoughtful and caring guy Kyle is…it's sort of a real shocker. I mean…I had just always kind of thought of him as…well, to tell the truth…an ass.
We walked to his house and went inside. He even really made me some cocoa! (Which was very good, I might add.) We sat down at the kitchen table.
He looked at me and said, "So…if you need to talk…I'm an ok listener. Vent. Yell. Hey…you can even use me as a punching bag and pretend I'm Michael."
I had to smile at that one…if Michael were really around then, I think I would have hit him. "No, Kyle, don't worry. I won't hit you. I don't think. Anyways, I want to save my punches for Michael. That…damn, uncaring, lying, son of a bitch, Spaceboy alien!" I totally lost it and started to cry all over again. I was probably scaring Kyle.
"I'm sorry, Kyle. I just…I loved him. I still love him. This is so hard." Kyle scooted over to me and hesitantly put his arms around me.
"It'll be ok," he said. "It'll be hard at first, but slowly you'll feel better. You two might even be friends someday."
I gave a little laugh. "Yeah right, Kyle. He broke my heart. There is no way I want to be his friend."
"So…" said Kyle. "Um…yeah…" I guess he didn't know what to say to me.
"I'm just so unhappy now. I need to do something totally crazy to get my mind off of this whole thing, you know?"
And then all of a sudden, Kyle Valenti was kissing me.
Oh my god! What the hell am I doing?! I'm kissing Maria Deluca! She just broke up with a guy in which she was involved in a very serious relationship…and I'm kissing her!
I didn't plan this! She said she needed to do something crazy to forget about the breakup…and she was crying…I just sort of kissed her without thinking.
Well, if this is such a bad idea, why am I still kissing her? Why aren't I pulling away and apologizing? Because Maria is kissing me back. Yes…there is definite kissing back coming from Maria.
But this still isn't right! She's hurt and confused now…she probably doesn't even realize what she's doing.
"Oh, Kyle," she whispered.
Ok…so maybe she realizes what she's doing.
I cautiously walked up to Kyle's house, being careful to look at all the windows…I didn't want to be seen. I walked up to the living room window, because there were no lights on in there. I put my head up to the glass and cupped my hands around my eyes to cut out the glare.
I looked in and saw some shadows coming from what I assumed was the kitchen. I calculated about where the kitchen was and stepped back from the window. I walked around the house and spotted the kitchen window…but there was a problem.
This window was higher up…too high for me to see into. I would need something to stand on. I looked around and saw a rock, but it had a sharp edge on top…that would definitely not be easy to stand on. I walked around to Kyle's backyard and found a metal garbage can. It was one of those really old heavy duty ones. And it smelled funny…kind of like a mix of bananas and Kyle…odd.
I picked it up, careful to be quiet, and carried it over to the window. I set it upside down under the window so that I could stand on the bottom. I stood up cautiously on the garbage can, ready to jump off of it if I thought it wouldn't support my weight.
It held. I put my hands on the window sill and slowly raised my head so that just the top of my head and my eyes were visible. I looked in the kitchen and was instantly pissed off. They were kissing.
Damn. This is sooooo wrong. I don't even like Kyle! But I just can't stop kissing him! I mean, I still love Michael…but holy heck…Kyle is an amazing kisser!
At first the kisses were light, not too serious. But they got pretty intense fast. He started to stand up, and without thinking about it, I stood up too, my mouth keeping contact with his.
He slowly brushed his hands down to my waist and slipped his hands beneath my shirt. In one swift movement, breaking lip contact for less than a second, he pulled my shirt off.
I shivered. Partly because I was a little cold without my shirt on, but mostly because of the effect Kyle was having on me. I had rarely felt this electrified…even with Michael. It was scary…but more than that it was amazing.
He rubbed his hands over my back and down to my butt. He pulled me closer to him and for a second my eyes flew open in surprise. I could feel his huge erection pushing against me.
As we were kissing, he kicked off his shoes and took his shirt off. Whoa…how far were we going to take this? I mean…I'd only had sex once…with Michael. Because I loved him.
But I don't love Kyle! This is probably really wrong…I'm probably doing this as a way of rebelling against Michael, to sort of prove to myself that I don't need him.
Whether it's wrong or right, I want to keep going! I reach down and slowly unzip Kyle's pants. I push them down a little and they slip to the floor. He steps out of them and reaches to do the same to me and I go to unhook my bra.
There is a huge crash from outside of the window and I hear Michael's voice yelling, "I'm gonna kick your ass, Valenti!"
They were making out! They were getting undressed! They were groping each other! I was getting more and more pissed off…and then I slipped off the garbage can, and me and it clattered to the ground.
I didn't know what else to do then except yell, "I'm gonna kick your ass, Valenti!" And I really wanted to! Because at that moment I realized the real reason why I had followed Maria here…I wanted her back.
I knew the whole time that breaking up with her was going to hurt us both…but I didn't think about the whole scenario closely enough. I realize now that I don't want to be broken up from Maria…I just needed to get myself together and maybe cool things down with her a little.
But I can't live without her…I was extremely depressed, and we'd only been broken up for about an hour and a half!
As I was lying on the ground under the kitchen window, I saw Maria and Kyle's faces up against the window. Kyle opened it and stuck his head out the window.
"What the hell are you doing, Guerin?! Spying on me?!"
"Let me talk to Maria! I need to talk to Maria!"
"You don't deserve to talk to Maria. You break up with her and then spy on us! You're completely mental!"
"Just let me see what he wants Kyle," said Maria. She pushed her head out the window and looked down at me. "What the hell do you want from me, Michael? We're over…you said it yourself! Why are you making this more difficult?"
"Because I made the biggest mistake of my life, Maria. I need you. I love you. Please take me back. Please?"
Ok. The guy I love is lying on the ground with a garbage can on top of him. He is lying outside the house of the guy I was about to have sex with. Kyle and I are standing in his kitchen, in our underwear, with our heads sticking out the window. Boy…if this isn't the weirdest situation I've ever been in…
And Michael just told me he still loves me. He wants me back. He made a mistake.
But can I except that? He hurt me so badly. I feel betrayed…like he doesn't love me as much as he says. I mean, if he really loved me so much, why would he break up with me in the first place?
I yelled down to him, "Michael…let me and Kyle get ourselves, um, decent. Come to the front door. We'll talk."
Kyle and I put our clothes back on. Both of us were pretty embarrassed, realizing what we had been about to do…and it probably would have happened on the kitchen table!
I ran to the living room and pulled open the front door. Michael ran in and grabbed me. He tried to kiss me…but I held up my hand in front of my mouth.
"Michael, don't even try to kiss me right now. And get off of me before I bitch slap you. I swear I'll do it!"
He let go of me and stepped away looking like a wounded puppy. Good…he deserved to be hurt after the way he hurt me.
"Maria, I'm so sorry. Please take me back. I need you…I don't want you to be hurt."
"It's too damn late for that now, Michael! God…don't you ever think before you do things? Did you think I wouldn't be hurt?" I started to cry yet again. "You're the only guy I've ever loved. And today you broke my heart into a million pieces. And then you apologize, say, 'Oops, I'm sorry, take me back,' and you expect me to just pretend you never said it was over? Michael, when you said we should break up that was saying that you don't love me anymore-"
"No, Maria, I-"
"SHUT UP, MICHAEL! Just listen to me, dammit! That was like saying you don't love me. And even if you say that only once…even a million I love you's can't make up for that! How could I ever trust you again when you say, 'I love you, Maria'. I couldn't. And I can't live like that…not being able to tell if you love me or not."
"Maria, I do love you. I wasn't thinking. I need you. Please tell me you love me and you need me as much as I need you. Maria…"
"No, Michael. Everything changed in that one instant. Everything. You were responsible. I'm not going to fix your mistake. And you can't fix it either. Michael, as much as this hurts the both of us…I'm not taking you back. I can't. I just can't."
I turned to look at Kyle and said, "Kyle, what we almost did was wrong…we both know that now. And I just want to say that I would love to be your friend, and someday…possibly more. Thank you for helping me see that, Kyle." I walked up to Kyle and hugged him.
He hugged me back and whispered, "I wasn't thinking before…but yeah…being your friend would be great. And some day…maybe more than that."
I turned around and saw Michael, still looking at me with that pleading look in his eyes. I quickly looked away from him and walked out the door. I didn't look back.
I learned something important that day. Everyone may think they know exactly how their lives are going to turn out. But then something totally unexpected happens…and in one millisecond, your whole world is torn apart. You're all alone again. And everyone moves on through their lives, traveling on different paths.